Guided Meditation

0:02 Hello and welcome to the Saturday afternoon meditation. Report an error in the passage at 0:02 Highlight the passage at 0:02

0:11 So I have a bad knee. I might join you later on on a chair because I'm not willing to sit here with pain. No, it's all right right now. But usually I know that 45 minutes wouldn't be a problem sitting down. But yeah, a throne, yes. Report an error in the passage at 0:11 Highlight the passage at 0:11

0:35 No, I'm just going to join. If I have pain, I'm going to sit on a chair. And that's what I encourage people to do. I have experimented when I was younger with the pain meditation stuff. And there's this forcing yourself, going through something that you can avoid. There's always a lot of ill will involved in that. Report an error in the passage at 0:35 Highlight the passage at 0:35

1:08 Attention and a forcefulness that is rather unhelpful for the meditation. So I always encourage people that they watch especially the attitude towards the meditation. If you have the feeling you want to achieve something already, right now, or there is negativity there, Report an error in the passage at 1:08 Highlight the passage at 1:08

1:36 Oh, um... If there's always a plan in your mind what is supposed to happen already in your meditation. And then during the meditation you just see how that shifts. Report an error in the passage at 1:36 Highlight the passage at 1:36

1:54 Sometimes it's not just the thoughts, but the thoughts that are like packages. There are whole concepts behind them. Something is coming up. And it can be a bit of pain, and then it's, oh, and pain again. Now I'm in rope for such a long time. And I went through all that stuff, and I was really good enough sitting on the ground, and now I'm back to square one with my knee, and it's so frustrating. Report an error in the passage at 1:54 Highlight the passage at 1:54

2:28 It's just like, and then if the mind... As a little bit of distance, you can just smile about that, you know. It's just this blah, blah, blah, creating a reality in the mind. I'm aware having a body is suffering. I know that for many, many years now. And it's not going to get better as well. Chambram hardly gets off the ground now. Report an error in the passage at 2:28 Highlight the passage at 2:28

2:54 And I will be the same sooner or later. So the most important aspect of the... Of the meditation will always be that attitude, that awareness that from moment to moment it is possible to change that reality, not to buy into these processes that are going on. And one of the beautiful aspects for me in Buddhism is the non-self aspect. Report an error in the passage at 2:54 Highlight the passage at 2:54

3:26 Because that is something that we can investigate in the meditation, even if it's not so super peaceful and super blissful. Report an error in the passage at 3:26 Highlight the passage at 3:26

3:37 This aspect of not-self, when the Buddha was asked, what do you mean with that not-self? It's the body, it's not-self. If the body was mine, I could tell the body, body be like this, body be more beautiful, be without pain. Report an error in the passage at 3:37 Highlight the passage at 3:37

3:56 If my feelings were my feelings, I could tell my feelings, feelings, be like this, be happy, be blissful, be completely content. Report an error in the passage at 3:56 Highlight the passage at 3:56

4:13 And you tell the feelings and the feelings are not going to listen. And you tell your thoughts, actually, mind, why don't you just shut the hell up for 45 minutes now? Report an error in the passage at 4:13 Highlight the passage at 4:13

4:25 And then after a few seconds, the first thoughts creeps in again. Sort of, who is doing the thinking? Report an error in the passage at 4:25 Highlight the passage at 4:25

4:35 And then with perception, just the pain, the pain of perception is never, never ending. I'm full of tick bites right now. So I had very little sleep as well. And this unpleasantness of the tick bites is something... Report an error in the passage at 4:35 Highlight the passage at 4:35

4:55 I have some appreciation for that as well, because I avoid this pain meditation stuff, where you know you just have to move and you would be all right, but maybe you keep sitting and say, oh yeah, but how far can I stay away from the pain, or how much can I get into that, and just watch it. When does it become, wow, this is too much, this is me again. Report an error in the passage at 4:55 Highlight the passage at 4:55

5:25 But with these tick bites, it's not, first of all, it's something I can't avoid right now. It's just there. So it's not that I'm, oh yeah, I need to suffer. I need to learn from my tick bites or whatnot. No, it's this, they're there, they're unpleasant. They cost me my sleep. But you can either sit there and scratch or you can watch. Report an error in the passage at 5:25 Highlight the passage at 5:25

5:54 And it's not intense enough that you lose that, that being able to watch it. And then there's this moment where this, because we always tell ourselves in the meditation, oh yeah, be content, let go, be happy, be kind, be peaceful, you know, but we never mean it. And with the tick bites, the moment I have honestly, A hundred percent interest of that feeling of itchiness. I'm not trying to deceive. Report an error in the passage at 5:54 Highlight the passage at 5:54

6:34 The moment I stop trying to deceive myself when I am a meditator and I'm gonna watch the tick bite and it's just gonna stay with a tick bite. The moment the mind has real interest, how does it really feel that itchiness? Without that aversion that comes directly with... knows. Report an error in the passage at 6:34 Highlight the passage at 6:34

6:53 All the sensations that we have in our perception, something is immediately tasted when it comes from the outside. It may be a sound, a sight, or a smell. It's hardly ever a neutral thing. There's always something to it where the mind decides in a millisecond already, no, I don't want that, or oh yeah, more of that. Report an error in the passage at 6:53 Highlight the passage at 6:53

7:20 And the tick bites, they don't fool me. As long as I don't really have this open interest, and Ajahn Brahm calls that kindness, for me there's a big similarity between this having an interest in something and being kind. When somebody is interested. Report an error in the passage at 7:20 Highlight the passage at 7:20

7:46 In what you say, what you do, it always feels kind as well. That is the same in the meditation. If there is this interest, if whatever is happening in the moment in your meditation, there also needs to be a lot of kindness there as well at the same time. And then it's not that the mind goes to somewhere where it's more beautiful. It's the mind. Report an error in the passage at 7:46 Highlight the passage at 7:46

8:16 ...sees the beauty in that space that is already there, because the interest shifts. From an itchiness, from an unpleasant experience, it can really shift into this, well this is interesting, and it's not even unpleasant. It loses its unpleasantness when it's watched with interest. interest, so that Report an error in the passage at 8:16 Highlight the passage at 8:16

8:45 The tick bites are my little helper right now to see the shift in the mind and how quick that is. The quickness of the mind of being interested, losing interest, going into aversion. And these shifts, they happen in the meditation the whole time. We're fiddling around when we're sitting here. We're never at ease. There's always... Report an error in the passage at 8:45 Highlight the passage at 8:45

9:15 Something going on. Something is not good enough. Something is... Where is my mind supposed to be? Am I supposed to be with my breath? And then there's another sensation in the body. Oh, to take the mind back to her breath. There's always an operator there the whole time. Report an error in the passage at 9:15 Highlight the passage at 9:15

9:34 And when Ajahn Brahm also talks about kindness, it's especially this operator, the one who believes. That he or she is in control the whole time, but isn't. It's a part of the big illusion, the delusion of our non-self business. We believe we can control everything. It's my thoughts, my feelings, my body, my perception. Report an error in the passage at 9:34 Highlight the passage at 9:34

10:05 No, it isn't. It's also not somebody else's, but they react through causes and conditions that are not immediately under control of anybody's. And realizing that can give you such an amount of freedom. All this, I can't do it. I'm not good enough. Every sort of Report an error in the passage at 10:05 Highlight the passage at 10:05

10:39 Overestimating yourself or underestimating yourself just comes from that delusion of that we're in control the whole time. Report an error in the passage at 10:39 Highlight the passage at 10:39

10:49 We're not. We're not in control and that is what we can watch in the meditation. And that can either scare the shit out of you or you think, wow! Report an error in the passage at 10:49 Highlight the passage at 10:49

11:04 I never was in control. That's true. It's not just blah blah and it's not just a teaching of somebody who died 2,500 years ago. You can watch that in your own mind. Report an error in the passage at 11:04 Highlight the passage at 11:04

11:16 Watch where is supposed to be that entity there that is the guy in control in the background. And the deeper the meditation goes, the more ridiculous that thought becomes. The amount of input. You have, when the mind gets a little bit stiller, the amount, the perception, how far that spreads, how far that, the speed as well of the perception coming in, that anybody is supposed to be in control of that is a ludicrous, ludicrous thought. Report an error in the passage at 11:16 Highlight the passage at 11:16

11:57 And for me, it's always, always was a very liberating thing. So the... Whenever a nice meditation happens, it's never up to me, it's never up to you. It's the conditions in that moment are right. The mind has enough happiness in itself that the eyes don't want to see something more beautiful. The ears don't want to hear sounds that are more pleasant. Report an error in the passage at 11:57 Highlight the passage at 11:57

12:26 The body doesn't want to touch things that are more pleasant. The perception is there. Where it wants to be with interest. Interested in exactly that what is going on. And if you see that sometimes, most of the time in the body, we're not in that position. It's always, we pay attention to the body and we see it's unpleasant in that thing. It's never comfortable. You sit for a few minutes and you want to move. Report an error in the passage at 12:26 Highlight the passage at 12:26

13:02 And sitting still for an hour is torture for most people. And then if you sit, it's too hot, too cold and the ticks bite you and the mosquitoes bite you and somebody passes wind next to you and it's just a horrible experience being in the body. So to have this kindness is something that you add to your meditation. Report an error in the passage at 13:02 Highlight the passage at 13:02

13:28 You don't wait for it. You take that. That observer and give that observer a smile already in your meditation. You watch with this kind interest what is happening. And if it doesn't work, you don't have to blame yourself because you remember it's not self. We did our best in that moment and whatever comes out is completely fine. Report an error in the passage at 13:28 Highlight the passage at 13:28

14:04 It was never up to us in the first place. Nobody to win anything, nobody to lose anything. And that blaming business and that patting on the shoulder business can just stop. And there's just this freedom of watching really what is happening and being astounded what incredible input we are under the whole time. Report an error in the passage at 14:04 Highlight the passage at 14:04

14:37 There are sensations from one millisecond to the next. If we do something or not, if we have our eyes closed or not, there's just so much input the whole time. And when that calms down a little bit, the relief, like something is falling off your shoulders, the more that falls away. It's all suffering that falls away always. Report an error in the passage at 14:37 Highlight the passage at 14:37

15:09 This going deeper in the meditation is always this experience of lightness, the beauty that pulls you because it's just unburdened in that direction. There's no control, no wanting, as if being paid for something that you didn't work for. It always feels like a gift. Report an error in the passage at 15:09 Highlight the passage at 15:09

15:40 When there's something happening in your meditation, it will always feel like a gift. And then maybe later on you tell yourself what a great meditator you are and you deserve it or whatnot. But in that moment, there's always a sense of humbleness and sort of, wow, where is that coming from? Report an error in the passage at 15:40 Highlight the passage at 15:40

16:00 And that is that not self aspect that hopefully you can use in your meditation. Always something goes wrong or something goes unpleasant. Report an error in the passage at 16:00 Highlight the passage at 16:00

16:11 That's okay. It's not my fault. I didn't choose it. There's nobody to blame. And the mind gets negative. That's also okay. That's just what happens because it feels quite unpleasant right now. So you can train your mind to have your inner monologue treating you in a way you want to be treated. Report an error in the passage at 16:11 Highlight the passage at 16:11

16:42 If we don't learn to treat ourselves nicely in our monologue then we're going to live in a very dark world because our perception is just going to get more and more unpleasant. If we don't mean well with ourselves Report an error in the passage at 16:42 Highlight the passage at 16:42

17:02 Don't wait for anybody else to mean well with you, actually. This is something we can aspire to. But it's not something we can change like that because it's not self as well. But to get an idea what encourages the mind, what makes the mind calm, or how to deal with these different perceptions that we have is the way of the meditation, if it goes deep or not. Report an error in the passage at 17:02 Highlight the passage at 17:02

17:29 The more we realize we are the owner of this perception that we have here from day to day to day. There is no absolutely neutral world out there. Sitting here with, I don't know, 60 people or what. And we're all in our different little worlds. We have to understand that. We share a little bit. We agree that the carpet is light blue. Report an error in the passage at 17:29 Highlight the passage at 17:29

17:59 And that the temperature is not too bad for most of us, but even there we're going to differ already. And then some of you are in a good mood, some of you are in a bad mood, and some of you are in a neutral mood. Some are grumpy, some are happy, some are inspired, some are depressed. Some just want to get the hell out of you. Report an error in the passage at 17:59 Highlight the passage at 17:59

18:26 It's very... It's important to always realize this perception. This is what we're working with as meditators. That is what we're trying to get a hang of and not to manipulate it that we're always going to be happy. That is impossible. That would mean that would be myself, that I could just manipulate it like that. But we see what agitates the mind. Report an error in the passage at 18:26 Highlight the passage at 18:26

18:51 How can I deal with that agitation with something like the tick bites where I don't have any control over but I don't get negative about it. Report an error in the passage at 18:51 Highlight the passage at 18:51

19:01 There's still bloody itch even. So far it hasn't brought me down because it's a way I can deal with it. I sometimes can have this interest even. How does it feel? What is the way that itchiness is exactly? Report an error in the passage at 19:01 Highlight the passage at 19:01

19:21 You try to find it, and the closer you get, and then it just, poof, it's gone. And then another itchiness appears from somewhere else. But sometimes the interest penetrates it, and then you're sure this was a real interest, that was a real kindness, that was not trying to tell ourselves we're kind. Report an error in the passage at 19:21 Highlight the passage at 19:21

19:49 And we can fool a lot of people, but... We can also fool ourselves a lot, but if you want to learn something in your meditation, we have to get a sense what honesty is. Honesty in our own mind. Not just trying to be somewhere where we are not. See exactly where we are and just having... Report an error in the passage at 19:49 Highlight the passage at 19:49

20:20 Experiencing exactly that, experiencing the frustration, the anger, the pain, whatever it is. But the learning comes from developing Report an error in the passage at 20:20 Highlight the passage at 20:20

20:37 this little bit of power to staying with something and learning to look with enough kindness that we really see what it is. And then when we see what it is, it's often not that what we thought it was. Report an error in the passage at 20:37 Highlight the passage at 20:37

20:54 It's really interesting when an itchiness can disappear, and something unpleasant just vanishes in a few seconds. And it's sort of, is that unpleasantness real now? Or is it just, I'm making that in my mind. Report an error in the passage at 20:54 Highlight the passage at 20:54

21:18 And then you've, latest, when we sit on a whole bed of coal, actually, we cannot ask that question anymore. We're just going to get the hell off that. That hotbed of coal, actually, but the body has its own rules, obviously, and the amount of pain we experience in the body. But with this lighter things, we can learn to watch things. Report an error in the passage at 21:18 Highlight the passage at 21:18

21:41 And yeah, I just wanted to share my tick story with you because it's not this sort of sitting through something. I always see the danger that people are trying to push. push themselves through something and I don't like that you know so the attitude is far softer and kinder this is that I would do something for your body if I put my cream on and whatnot this is the best I can do that is the itchiness I can prevent the rest we have to live with now and that is the as kind as I can be with that situation and it's not a lie my mind knows it's not a lie Report an error in the passage at 21:41 Highlight the passage at 21:41

22:23 And we don't have to blame the tics and don't have to get too negative about it. And that is a progress for me in my practice, even though it's not the great breakthroughs or whatnot. Report an error in the passage at 22:23 Highlight the passage at 22:23

22:37 So Ajahn Brahm mentions that often to watch your attitude. I give you the advice. If you see the mind going somewhere where it feels unpleasant, always it's not up to me. If it was up to me, I would be 100 % comfortable. I would have stopped thinking long ago. If it was up to me, I would turn my perception off for 45 minutes. Report an error in the passage at 22:37 Highlight the passage at 22:37

23:07 How does that feel? Report an error in the passage at 23:07 Highlight the passage at 23:07

23:15 Okay, so I hope you sit without itchiness and as comfortable as you can. Report an error in the passage at 23:15 Highlight the passage at 23:15

23:26 I don't know if people, I went a little bit over, it is 24 already. You have an appointment or it's important for you that it's punctual and you maybe have to set your own time. I'm gonna still go for 45 minutes. So if you need to leave at four o 'clock, then please take care of that yourself. Report an error in the passage at 23:26 Highlight the passage at 23:26

24:03 Oh dear, silence. No, Report an error in the passage at 24:03 Highlight the passage at 24:03

24:31 thank you. Report an error in the passage at 24:31 Highlight the passage at 24:31

24:46 So we can try to bring ourselves a little bit into a mood where the mind gets a little bit of happiness. Just thank you for being here. Thank you for having that community. People having interest in that direction. How Report an error in the passage at 24:46 Highlight the passage at 24:46

25:10 beautifully supportive that is. People interested in working with the mind. Not trying to change everything. Only externally make it better. The real perception, the changing of how we experience is in the mind. And we have the people here interested in working in a direction like that. We have the monks in the monastery who live a different life, not trying to gain more and more. Report an error in the passage at 25:10 Highlight the passage at 25:10

25:53 accumulate the Report an error in the passage at 25:53 Highlight the passage at 25:53

25:59 encouraging you to that is well worse when the mind is happy the happier the mind is the less it needs so we're developing a mind that is less dependent on outside things and Report an error in the passage at 25:59 Highlight the passage at 25:59

26:25 just the possibility that there is something beautiful already in that mind and Report an error in the passage at 26:25 Highlight the passage at 26:25

26:36 that beauty is also not self It's just a possibility that exists already in each and every one of us. It's just when certain factors come together, that is just the experience. So Report an error in the passage at 26:36 Highlight the passage at 26:36

27:03 we don't try to manipulate in our meditation. Just appreciate that we don't have to do anything. Having that encouragement of people around us. Report an error in the passage at 27:03 Highlight the passage at 27:03

27:30 that it's a worthwhile direction just to go exactly in the opposite going the opposite way and not accumulating just this not needing the Report an error in the passage at 27:30 Highlight the passage at 27:30

27:50 freedom of just being there's Report an error in the passage at 27:50 Highlight the passage at 27:50

27:56 some beauty there already just waiting exactly in the opposite direction not so striving training manipulating so being exactly Report an error in the passage at 27:56 Highlight the passage at 27:56

28:17 In the moment with what is happening right now. And that is the most interesting thing in the whole world. Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:40 The very relaxing thing is just having the breath. Breath going in and out is just this feeling of security. And on the out breath we can feel the body relaxing. The shoulders relaxing. Becoming aware of the body. Report an error in the passage at 28:40 Highlight the passage at 28:40

29:10 Because if we don't relax the body, the mind cannot relax. The shoulders are still tense. If the back is too cramped and uncomfortable. If the breath cannot flow easily in and out. There is such a necessity for having a chance to relax. Like being in a spa. Report an error in the passage at 29:10 Highlight the passage at 29:10

29:42 Everything is just right. Maybe not 100 % comfortable, but nice enough, not in pain. And the breath goes easy in and out. And Report an error in the passage at 29:42 Highlight the passage at 29:42

30:05 there's kindness in that already. Report an error in the passage at 30:05 Highlight the passage at 30:05

30:11 Wanting the best, not wanting to damage the body. We know when we sit in that position, the body is going to be alright. And if there's too much pain, we're going to move. Report an error in the passage at 30:11 Highlight the passage at 30:11

30:36 And if we manipulate the breath a little bit in the beginning, it's not a problem. Just being aware of it and just staying with it, but not Report an error in the passage at 30:36 Highlight the passage at 30:36

30:55 holding it too tight. Just this interest, but the interest is still going to manipulate a little bit and that is completely fine. And Report an error in the passage at 30:55 Highlight the passage at 30:55

31:09 then often the breath can show us how tight we're holding on to still. Because the body does it all by itself. It's our reptilian brain that controls the breath. A part of it can do it consciously and we do it unconsciously. So how does the breath go when we completely stop manipulating it? How relaxed can it be? Report an error in the passage at 31:09 Highlight the passage at 31:09

31:44 Easing, easing into that. And Report an error in the passage at 31:44 Highlight the passage at 31:44

32:03 the souls that try to explain something, they're too slow and they change the reality constantly. So we don't need them right now. For the meditation they're completely uninteresting thoughts. You can come back in 40 minutes. Then we can figure stuff out again. Right now it's just we lose the moment. We change the moment if we start the sinking process again. Report an error in the passage at 32:03 Highlight the passage at 32:03

32:39 How can we ever see what's really happening when we're fiddling around with it the whole time? Making waves and bubbles. Report an error in the passage at 32:39 Highlight the passage at 32:39

32:52 So we can just encourage the swords. If you're more quiet, it's gonna be clearer. It's gonna be more interesting. It's gonna be more in the moment, more direct, what we see. If Report an error in the passage at 32:52 Highlight the passage at 32:52

33:12 you don't manage, fine. Just give that encouragement. Report an error in the passage at 33:12 Highlight the passage at 33:12

· · · silence, 1 minute

33:54 So I'll leave you alone now and hope you manage to have this... Friendly, interested attitude, just watching what is going on. Doesn't have to be anything special and just without commentary. Commentary is not necessary. And just seeing the perception coming in, changing. Report an error in the passage at 33:54 Highlight the passage at 33:54

34:26 Ring Report an error in the passage at 34:26 Highlight the passage at 34:26

· · · silence, 51 minutes

1:25:51 the bell and then we can finish the meditation for today. So Report an error in the passage at 1:25:51 Highlight the passage at 1:25:51

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:27:06 any comments, questions from the group here? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:06 Highlight the passage at 1:27:06

1:27:25 Okay. Hi. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:25 Highlight the passage at 1:27:25

1:27:32 I feel a bit embarrassed, but that whole time my mind was very restless. So I'm finding it enjoyable to sit and my body feels relaxed and I'm enjoying just thinking, thinking, thinking. And sometimes I find it hard to breathe if I focus on my breath, like it's a challenge. So do you have any advice on what I could do? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:32 Highlight the passage at 1:27:32

1:27:57 Well, that's a funny thing, isn't it? Every time we pay attention to something, we start controlling it. If we try to become aware of the breath, we're also immediately like somebody's taking charge of what is going on. And that feels a little bit... I mean, it's just important to remember, there's nothing to be afraid of. Even if you go unconscious, your body is going to continue breathing. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:57 Highlight the passage at 1:27:57

1:28:27 There's no danger there, actually. this is, I, I, If it gets tense, I usually push some extra care into it. It's alright. I'm trying to control right now. That's alright. You cannot do anything more. Anything more is just more pressure on your shoulder. Just being aware. You try your best right now to relax. And that is as much as you relax today. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:27 Highlight the passage at 1:28:27

1:29:01 And then having this sense of Report an error in the passage at 1:29:01 Highlight the passage at 1:29:01

1:29:08 We also learn that the mind in that moment is not happy where it is. If you want your breath to be different, more relaxed, more natural, not so tense, the breath is not the problem. It's always this wanting. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:08 Highlight the passage at 1:29:08

1:29:33 Your body is going to continue breathing. Where is the problem? The problem is in the mind. I want that different. I want it more relaxed. I want my thoughts to stop a little bit more on this and that. I was completely dull the whole meditation because I hadn't slept hardly a few, only a few hours in the last two days. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:33 Highlight the passage at 1:29:33

1:29:56 So my mind was everywhere as well. But it's this Report an error in the passage at 1:29:56 Highlight the passage at 1:29:56

1:30:03 I still find it very pleasant if I can make peace with that. If it is sort of like I try to start the whole episode with the non-self aspect. That we are not in charge of that. That is a big illusion. So we blame ourselves and we get frustrated. But as long as it's not too painful, not too uncomfortable, it's great. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:03 Highlight the passage at 1:30:03

1:30:28 We just get a little bit more aware we're not in charge. It's just what's happening. But the mind learning to be at ease when somebody is not absolutely pleasant is something great to learn. We all learn that a little bit when we're children. We think, oh, the grown-ups, they're so patient, you know. They can wait for something. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:28 Highlight the passage at 1:30:28

1:30:57 But in reality, when you become a grown-up, you see basically most of the people who are still children, still completely always wanting something different, wanting to change the circumstances, never at ease. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:57 Highlight the passage at 1:30:57

1:31:13 And that is the human condition, this being never at ease, and that is this five aspect of the non-self, these tendencies, these drives. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:13 Highlight the passage at 1:31:13

1:31:27 Constantly, this force is constantly wanting something inside of ourselves, wanting something different, wanting something more pleasant. And that wanting is through the five senses. That's how it is established. And our thought process is basically just the interpreter of all these wants. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:27 Highlight the passage at 1:31:27

1:31:52 We know, I mean, when a baby basically is just lying there and then, and it doesn't realize what happened. It was nice and warm before, but it shed in its, in its pampers or whatnot. And now it's getting cold and, and, and clammy and unpleasant. So we learn basically, we, we, we don't. If possible, we don't shit in our pants because it gets uncomfortable afterwards. So we will learn the consequences of something that even feels pleasant, maybe as a direct reaction, baby reaction. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:52 Highlight the passage at 1:31:52

1:32:32 When they shit themselves, they smile first. They like that. It's a nice feeling, nice and warm, I think. But the consequences of it are basically cold and sore butt and whatnot. And so we just learn to interpret and to see where is the pleasure, where is the pain. And most of our thought process is all around that, trying to avoid something or trying to get something. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:32 Highlight the passage at 1:32:32

1:33:03 And that is happening in the meditation then as well. My breath could just be a little bit more pleasant. Why? What is the problem? In that moment you can ask yourself, How bad is it? I'm not suffocating. Where's the discontent coming from in that moment? And then sometimes you look a little bit closer and it can just vanish. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:03 Highlight the passage at 1:33:03

1:33:32 And sometimes you just get fed up and you might have to do something else or whatnot. It's not about forcing yourself into something, but realizing more and more the possibilities the mind has. In that moment to deal with the circumstances, becoming more and more of a grown-up, that's what I can say to that. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:32 Highlight the passage at 1:33:32

1:33:58 It's always moment to moment to moment, the whole meditation. It's not one meditation. There was a chance in each and every second where the mind realizes, there's no problem, I'm still breathing. Good enough, good enough, good enough. And that is the kindness that Ajahn Brahm tries to talk about. I can call that kindness or interest. How does it feel to not, having the feeling not to breathe relaxed enough? Report an error in the passage at 1:33:58 Highlight the passage at 1:33:58

1:34:30 If you put your interest into that, how does it feel? Report an error in the passage at 1:34:30 Highlight the passage at 1:34:30

1:34:38 Control, it's control, but it's no problem. And then sometimes you're so kind in that moment, it's like really like, oh, thank you. Thank you. And the mind understands you're really allowing your mind to experience that, not out of cruelty, but out of interest. Because there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing dangerous, nothing painful. It's just the body doing its business. And the whole tension comes from the mind thinks, oh, I don't want it. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:38 Highlight the passage at 1:34:38

1:35:13 That is not right. And that is what changes, not the feeling itself. The perspective to that feeling changes. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:13 Highlight the passage at 1:35:13

1:35:33 Thank Report an error in the passage at 1:35:33 Highlight the passage at 1:35:33

1:35:39 you. I've read that meditation can sometimes worsen mental health and causes disassociation. And that teachers may not always be prepared for this. Definitely not. How do beginner meditators understand and manage these risks? I mean, the whole problem of mental illness is that Report an error in the passage at 1:35:39 Highlight the passage at 1:35:39

1:36:04 There is, if you are aware of your mental illness, then you're not that mentally ill. The danger in the mental illness is always the lack of awareness. So I don't see, the safe road is keeping always five precepts, take your refuge there, being a good person, being a guileless person. That is always a great safety net for your mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:04 Highlight the passage at 1:36:04

1:36:32 and Always in your meditation, ask yourself, why do you want to meditate? Do you just want to achieve something? Or you use it from the very beginning as something to learn to be very kind to yourself, to be aware of your inner monologue that we create our perception in our own heads and in our own feelings the whole time, each and every day. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:32 Highlight the passage at 1:36:32

1:37:04 So the nicer we learn to treat ourselves with our thoughts and in our monologue, the safer we are. Only when the mind is very nasty and is pushing itself around, then the meditation goes wrong as well, and it's just full of ill will and trying to achieve something. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:04 Highlight the passage at 1:37:04

1:37:36 So if you start from the very beginning with a lot of love and a lot of goodwill, then I don't see the danger. The danger is only not being aware enough of what you're doing there and maybe treating yourself in a cruel way already again and not realizing it. And that's sometimes often real. If there are mental health issues, then we need obviously the feedback of other people. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:36 Highlight the passage at 1:37:36

1:38:06 Being too much by yourself is never a good idea. That's why the monastery is never a place for people with mental health issues. I think that in the monastery everybody is going to be so nice and it's going to be so peaceful and great. But if you have trouble already with your own mind and then you come to a place where you have to spend a lot of time by yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:06 Highlight the passage at 1:38:06

1:38:34 It's not a good idea. When something is unpleasant already and you're just based in that unpleasantness, it's mental health, the mind has to be brought out of that. And usually some people, some professionals, if it's bad, then that is the best way, the monastery. And yeah, meditation always in a limited amount as well. Lots of loving kindness meditation, reflection on trying to develop your virtue, but never overdoing it. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:34 Highlight the passage at 1:38:34

1:39:20 Wolfram in Germany, Dear Archon, I'm severely disabled and ill and despite all the teachings and meditation, I'm scared of death because I don't want to leave and lose my loved ones. Isn't that shit? Report an error in the passage at 1:39:20 Highlight the passage at 1:39:20

1:39:37 I mean, that's the whole problem, isn't it? I Report an error in the passage at 1:39:37 Highlight the passage at 1:39:37

1:39:45 mean, Report an error in the passage at 1:39:45 Highlight the passage at 1:39:45

1:39:52 the funny thing is, a lot of that can happen to you as well. You're a monk for 30, 40 years, and then maybe you lie on your deathbed and you panic or whatnot. You still haven't got a clue how to deal with that situation. Wouldn't that be total crap? Report an error in the passage at 1:39:52 Highlight the passage at 1:39:52

1:40:18 I have no idea how I'm going to react when that happens. It's the same in the meditation. It's moment to moment to moment to moment. The fear of death is the mind going into the future. Oh, I don't want to lose my loved ones. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:18 Highlight the passage at 1:40:18

1:40:43 You don't even know what it's like to lose your loved ones. We don't know what death is. Is everything just shut off? Are we going to roam around on the body as death? We don't know. We only have the Buddhist teaching, Christian teaching, other teachings. They all say something different. Do we have the experience? Do we have the experience to really know what happens when we die? Who can say for sure here? Report an error in the passage at 1:40:43 Highlight the passage at 1:40:43

1:41:13 What happens? It's all belief. It's still all belief. And so the belief that you lose your loved ones and then you die is just a belief. And then if that thought causes us pain, why do we entertain it? What have we learned in our meditation? Report an error in the passage at 1:41:13 Highlight the passage at 1:41:13

1:41:35 If we haven't learned that repeated thought patterns that don't lead to any happiness, I mean, that's part of the meditation when the mind realizes, oh, I know that way already. There's just suffering in that direction. That is what we learn in the meditation, with aggression, with negativity, with just realizing how many times the mind goes into these destructive states. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:35 Highlight the passage at 1:41:35

1:42:08 And that's where only the meditation and the mindfulness, our practice takes us there over the years to see faster and faster and faster. Oh, that direction, I know that direction already. It's only leading to more suffering. And that is, I don't know what you did, Wolfram, in your meditation. A lot of people, they can meditate for I don't know how many years. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:08 Highlight the passage at 1:42:08

1:42:38 And nothing is going to happen. They're just going to try to fiddle around and push and pull. And I think they're meditating. They're not meditating. They still haven't started meditating. They're monks in robes who were in robes for 30 years. They were after 30 years, they were still assholes. Please realize that. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:38 Highlight the passage at 1:42:38

1:43:06 Terrible, terrible. I know a lot of lay people that are nicer actually than some of the monks that are in robes for so long. It doesn't necessarily help you if we don't learn to work with the mind to see what perception is, how perception is created in the mind through our thoughts. Then we are at the end of so many years being the good Buddhists and doing all the chanting and lighting the candles and the incense and we still cannot die properly. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:06 Highlight the passage at 1:43:06

1:43:42 And I mean, if that is not for me, that was one of the major inspirations. I want to die properly. I don't want to shit myself when I die. And if I shit myself, I want to be okay with that because there's no problem of shitting yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:42 Highlight the passage at 1:43:42

1:44:02 To see that this fear is losing your mindfulness. The fear is always in the future. Oh, I'm going to lose my loved ones. I don't want to lose my loved ones. You haven't lost your loved ones. If you think that, Wolfram, in that moment, you are... Not with your loved ones anymore. You are in some fear fantasy in your own mind and you waste the time that you have with your loved ones. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:02 Highlight the passage at 1:44:02

1:44:35 If we are aware enough of that what is really going on and what our mind is telling us and what our thoughts are telling us, they can mean completely different things. So if we are afraid of death, we are not afraid of death. We have an inner monologue about something that we believe in that moment. And that is what we realize as meditators the moment we become mindful again. When my breath is unpleasant, it's not that there's a problem there, it's basically that the mind thinks that the breath has to be more pleasant in that moment. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:35 Highlight the passage at 1:44:35

1:45:12 The moment the pressure eases and they realize they don't have to do that, the breath can be absolutely beautiful from one second to the other. That is how perception can change. And for Wolfram, it's the same thing. The moment the mind realizes that is a fantasy. I'm afraid of a fantasy. Nothing more. In that moment, the fear is gone. And then maybe the mind tells you something again and the fear reappears. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:12 Highlight the passage at 1:45:12

1:45:46 But that is how we learn to not... To believe these thoughts, we can ask, is that true, what the mind is telling me there? It's just another story that it's telling. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:46 Highlight the passage at 1:45:46

1:45:59 So that awareness, if we call something an achievement, it's being more and more aware of what is going on. It's not something, oh, we have achieved that and now we're in safety ever after. It's becoming... Report an error in the passage at 1:45:59 Highlight the passage at 1:45:59

1:46:17 Aware of the causes and effects in the mind and with the mind has still enough tendencies to go in a negative direction, we just faster see, oh no, I've been there so many times. I don't need to go there again. There's no beauty in that direction. Wolfgang, Wolfram could know and see that in that moment, it's just like, oh, that is just a thought that I'm... Report an error in the passage at 1:46:17 Highlight the passage at 1:46:17

1:46:43 I don't want to leave and I don't want to lose my loved ones. This is just a sword in that moment, nothing more. And seeing that in that moment, seeing a sword for a sword can ease all the fear. It's astounding. And then the meditation happens. Meditation for 20 years, 30 years is never going to be an achievement there. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:43 Highlight the passage at 1:46:43

1:47:12 It's basically going to be the awareness there that you have understood the processes in your own mind. You know how perception is formed in your own mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:12 Highlight the passage at 1:47:12

1:47:25 And you get a little bit of an idea of where you still... I don't want to call it we have more control. It's just an automatic thing. It's like almost a... Something that the body has learned. If you have seen certain sword patterns often enough and you paid attention, I don't have to tell myself anymore, oh, cheetah, you shouldn't think like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:25 Highlight the passage at 1:47:25

1:47:58 You are a monk, you know, you should have only nice swords or whatnot. No, I still have shitty swords coming up, actually. And then they come up and the mind sees, oh, I know that direction already. And then I just don't proliferate in that direction anymore, and that has changed. I don't say, oh yeah, that guy is really an asshole, and all my problems in the monastery is because of that guy, actually. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:58 Highlight the passage at 1:47:58

1:48:29 If he wasn't here, actually, I would be really happy. And if Ajahn Brahm would be a bit more strict, and we all got our act together, and then everything would be beautiful. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:29 Highlight the passage at 1:48:29

1:48:43 I don't believe that shit anymore. That is the difference. That has changed. I can see the beauty and sorts of just being incredibly grateful that I have that opportunity to sit in a hut and get fed by people basically that don't even know me. Don't have to do shit. I just can live a life that you cannot even dream of. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:43 Highlight the passage at 1:48:43

1:49:16 No responsibilities. I don't even have to sit here if I don't want to. Ajahn Brahm would not make me. It's just I want to do that because I want to give something back as well if I can. but that ... Report an error in the passage at 1:49:16 Highlight the passage at 1:49:16

1:49:34 There's, uh, I... I just find more joy in beauty, in sorts of gratitude with people. I find that more inspiring and that they can take me easier with them, no sorts like that. And there are good sorts and bad sorts in a sense that there are some sorts that lead to more agitation and some sorts that lead to more... Report an error in the passage at 1:49:34 Highlight the passage at 1:49:34

1:50:01 Relaxness to the maxness, actually, like Ajahn Brahm said. Where you just bliss out, there's nothing more to do. This is exactly where you want to be in that moment. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:01 Highlight the passage at 1:50:01

1:50:14 And that is a progress you can make in your mind if you just see the mechanisms in the mind and be really honest with yourself. If you just want to achieve something. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:14 Highlight the passage at 1:50:14

1:50:30 If you want to be somewhere in your mind or if you love that journey of learning what is really going on in this body, mind and feelings, how perception comes together. And it's frustrating because sometimes you see there's a lot of stuff that is negative in the mind that we have picked up and learned and it takes some time to change that. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:30 Highlight the passage at 1:50:30

1:50:56 But the progress should be there in your practice that it becomes lighter and you become happier. I don't believe in these teachings where it's just like, oh yeah, it's so tough, but then in the end you get the big reward or whatnot. No, that is a teaching. If you practice correctly, you should become happier, happier, happier, happier, happier. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:56 Highlight the passage at 1:50:56

1:51:22 It's a development of the mind, it's a lifting up of the mind until the mind is at a point where at its peak it is so happy in itself that we don't look outside anymore. And that is when good meditation happens. At the peak moments there's just so much inner happiness that we don't look outside. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:22 Highlight the passage at 1:51:22

1:51:50 We're exactly where we want to be in that moment. The breath is exactly right in that moment. It's as shitty as it ever was. But the mind is so bright that whatever breath you have there is going to be beautiful. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:50 Highlight the passage at 1:51:50

1:52:06 And I wish you that you have the meditation where the mind realizes in that moment it's just the thought of death. It's the thought of losing your loved ones. It bears no reality. It's just a concept. You're suffering from a concept in your own head like a crazy person. It's nothing to do with reality. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:06 Highlight the passage at 1:52:06

1:52:33 You're still alive. Enjoy every moment that at the end you don't have to regret that you wasted a lot of time with stupid thoughts that you cannot control in the first place. place so yeah all the Report an error in the passage at 1:52:33 Highlight the passage at 1:52:33

1:52:51 All the best, Wolfram, in Germany. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:51 Highlight the passage at 1:52:51

1:52:58 I hope that wasn't too tough for you. I like to keep it real. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:58 Highlight the passage at 1:52:58

1:53:21 Well, I believe it. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:21 Highlight the passage at 1:53:21

1:53:33 I Report an error in the passage at 1:53:33 Highlight the passage at 1:53:33

1:53:41 think Report an error in the passage at 1:53:41 Highlight the passage at 1:53:41

1:53:48 he is going to be your friend today. That was the idea that the junior monk is doing. All the best to Wolfram in Germany. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:48 Highlight the passage at 1:53:48

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:53:56 Okay, very good. Okay, I hope you take the, sorry if I shocked you or what not, I hope you only take the best with you actually, and I hope you see that as an encouragement because a possibility there is really in each and every second that we can change that perception. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:56 Highlight the passage at 1:53:56

1:54:17 So it's nothing is written, you know, it's always very fresh and in each and every moment so ever. Beautiful day. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:17 Highlight the passage at 1:54:17