Skillful Ways to Manage Stress

0:00 So now is a festive season and everybody busy and stressed out, isn't it? And try to finish your job before the holiday come and everybody stressed out. So today I would like to talk about a skillful way to deal with stress. Because when you're not skillful to deal with stress, because most of the people that tend to just treat the symptom but not going to the source. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:26 For the Buddha's teaching, the Buddha's always said, you know, whatever problem, whatever suffering, you know, we always go back to the source because when we treat the symptom, the symptom gone, but then, but your illness is still there, isn't it? For example, you know, you have a knee pain. There's many reason why you have knee pain. There might be, you know, might be the joint, you know, might be this arthritis or there's a tender or the cartilage, you know, but... Report an error in the passage at 0:26 Highlight the passage at 0:26

0:54 The pain is just an indicator, the symptom is pain. So when we take painkiller, the pain is gone. But then your illness is still there, isn't it? The same thing. So they say sometimes if you're not skillful, you think that you're going to reduce your stress, then actually you're increasing, you make it worse. Report an error in the passage at 0:54 Highlight the passage at 0:54

1:17 Most of our stress does not come from what? We have to deal with what we are doing, what the things that we have to do. Mostly it's come from how we react to the things that we have to do, or the situation. It's more come from that, you know, because I remember my mom used to say to me, it's not what you said, it's how you said. She said, it's not what you do and how you do it, and it's not what you see and how you look at it, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 1:17 Highlight the passage at 1:17

1:47 It's not what life is, how we... Leave it. You know, that's why it's important. Because mostly people tend to, oh, when I'm stressed, they're thinking, oh, maybe I'm going, you know, holiday, or maybe I'm going for a drink. Sometimes people get, when people stress, sometimes people get into... Drugs and alcohol, isn't it? And you get addicted to that. It's not a skillful way to deal with it, isn't it? You have to always go back to the source. Report an error in the passage at 1:47 Highlight the passage at 1:47

2:17 What causes that problem? It's more how we relate, react to the situation. That really stresses it out. I know sometimes people, when they think of the job that they need to do, especially the job that they don't like to do. And then they will keep thinking, oh my gosh, I'm going to do this, I will do this. Actually, they already stress up before they started. This is how, you know, I remember many years ago, before I came to the monastery, I spent time, a bit of time in Thailand in one of the monasteries. Report an error in the passage at 2:17 Highlight the passage at 2:17

2:55 And then after dharma, we have the cleanup. And then that's the time most people, they just simply sweep the floor and then they all, all already. And I'm always the one left behind. Then there's a time I was really, it's really upsetting me. I said, why these people, don't they know how to behave? In my mind, that's, you know, keep complaining about these people, you know, not doing their job, you know, and on and on and on. Report an error in the passage at 2:55 Highlight the passage at 2:55

3:25 And then I realized that then after that, then I told myself, shut up. Shut up. There are two things you can do. You either follow them, not to do anything, just goes off like this, or you stay back. So after all the suffering, thinking about it, complaining, you still have to do it, you know. Then I realized that, you know, and then that's okay. Report an error in the passage at 3:25 Highlight the passage at 3:25

3:59 This is how, where I change. My way of looking at things. So I said, okay, you know, I look at it, okay, this is my opportunity, my service. I do this. And also it's good, you know, it's good exercise. I can work out, you know, use it as a workout, you know. Then I mop the floor and doing all this work, you know. Report an error in the passage at 3:59 Highlight the passage at 3:59

4:22 And because it's quite hard job, it's not, the way, you know, the mop is, we're using those, you know, those mop head, like, It's like, it's so big and very long, and then you have to use a big tower, you know, to wrap around and you mop, and then you have to, the tower, you have to, you have to, you have to, you have to wring it, you know, it's so difficult, it's big, and it's hard job. Report an error in the passage at 4:22 Highlight the passage at 4:22

4:49 They said no one want to do mopping the floor. But then I was thinking, never mind. So, then after that, I find it. You know, it's okay. Everybody goes away. It's fine. If they're not hard up for all the merits, I hard up for it. So I feel that I'm so good. I got all the merits. I got all the merits. And then actually, I changed. After that, I was so happy. You know, I just happy to just do it because I changed my way of looking at things because I can't do it the way I can't just, I don't feel good if I just leave. Report an error in the passage at 4:49 Highlight the passage at 4:49

5:25 Leave it, you know, because other people not doing it. And I realized it's also partly because of the Buddha talk about the three conceits, you know, because we are the same. Why they don't do it? Why I have to do it? You know, why other people not doing it? Why I have to do all the job, you know? This, you know, I'm better, I'm the same, you know, I'm worse, you know, that is a conceit. Report an error in the passage at 5:25 Highlight the passage at 5:25

5:49 This is also partly because I got upset, the anger is also come from. The sense of self, the ego, you know, because why I have to do it, other people, they're not doing it, why should I do it, you know, and then go on and on and on. And then I find that it's more stressful to keep thinking about it, especially sometimes the job that we don't, we don't always get the job that we like, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 5:49 Highlight the passage at 5:49

6:11 Of course, sometimes the job that we don't like, that's why we have that reaction, we don't like it, you know. And then, most of the time, when things that we don't like, we always, we always anger, isn't it? Always we get angry. Anger, so, you know, we always react, you know, with anger. So when we react with anger, actually we are the first one who suffer. Report an error in the passage at 6:11 Highlight the passage at 6:11

6:40 And we harm ourselves much more. Because we, actually anger itself is not, the primary emotion because it's come from You know, it's always go back to the source. It's not the root. It's not the unwholesome root. It's the secondary emotion. So the root is that the unwholesome root is greed, hatred, and delusion. Report an error in the passage at 6:40 Highlight the passage at 6:40

7:05 So there is a difference with hatred and delusion. Hatred and anger. Hatred is like you have an intense dislike because you don't like it. Something that you don't like it, you know, you have that intense dislike. That is hatred, you know. Report an error in the passage at 7:05 Highlight the passage at 7:05

7:21 And then followed by the anger itself is a strong feelings of unpleasantness, this pleasure, you know, that you don't feel pleasant. And that's why we have to be careful when we used to react to things, when things that don't go our way or the job that we don't like it, the things that we don't like it. Report an error in the passage at 7:21 Highlight the passage at 7:21

7:41 It's always, you know... You become a habit, you develop the habit, you keep doing it again and again. This is how you condition your mind. And then you become like a default setting. And then when you become a habit, you get addicted to that because it makes you feel good when you get upset, get angry, you complain, you flare up. Report an error in the passage at 7:41 Highlight the passage at 7:41

8:03 But then you will suffer later. Yeah, it makes you feel better, but this is not a skillful way to deal with our... Emotion, you know, when we get upset, when things are not in our way. Because sometimes this anger itself is just like the iceberg, you know, but underneath is, you know... Come from all other emotions, like for example, like the things that, or the people that we don't like to meet, or we're in the situation that, you know, that make us feel uncomfortable, you know, that's like, then we have this panicking attack, we feel, we have anxieties, and all these emotions comes out, you know, and worries. Report an error in the passage at 8:03 Highlight the passage at 8:03

8:45 And one of the things that stress also come from, sometimes overthinking. When we're overthinking, You started to worry, isn't it? The worries, you know. And then when you start to develop the habit of worrying, and then it's difficult for you not, even when you develop that habit, even sometimes you know that it's not really good for you, you can't help it. Report an error in the passage at 8:45 Highlight the passage at 8:45

9:09 It's just like, because mind is a conditioned thing. So you develop that habit. So it's become, you get addicted to that. Because you can't help it. Because this is the only way. If you don't get angry, you feel that it's not yourself anymore. And this is how we normally think in the situation. Even sometimes people say things to us that we don't like. Report an error in the passage at 9:09 Highlight the passage at 9:09

9:38 We also very easily trigger that. The underlying tendency that is a cause, you know, that's a cause, like the hatred is a cause. And then because the condition is there, the condition is someone says something. For example, someone being rude to you, you know, they've been rude to us. So then very easily, we flare up, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 9:38 Highlight the passage at 9:38

10:00 We get upset, we get angry because the person is rude to us. But sometimes if you're someone, if you're able to see how you react, but most of the time, When they develop a habit, you can't see yourself unless your mind is peaceful enough, calm enough, someone being rude to you, you'll be able to see that. Report an error in the passage at 10:00 Highlight the passage at 10:00

10:22 Because when people being rude to us, it's only reveal who they are, isn't it? It's not who we are. But then we got angry and got upset. Actually, we are the ones who suffer more. We're harming ourselves much more. The reason why we react that way is because we don't see that. We don't see that how we react actually causes more suffering. And then we don't see that. Report an error in the passage at 10:22 Highlight the passage at 10:22

10:53 And also we develop a habit. When we develop a habit, it's very difficult to change. It's not going to change overnight. So that's why this is... They said it's important that we know how to deal with our stress in a skillful way. They said the Buddha said, you know, he, he, the Buddha talked about how to overcome, especially the abandon, you know, this is, this is, it's an unwholesome qualities, you know, like anger, greed, you know, greed itself is unwholesome qualities. Report an error in the passage at 10:53 Highlight the passage at 10:53

11:29 Hatred. Of course, and it's also come from delusion because we don't see that, you know. And the Buddha said that there's three levels of, you know, to overcome our unwholesome qualities, you know, to deal with. Because this is the cause. This is the unwholesome qualities that have triggered that. Report an error in the passage at 11:29 Highlight the passage at 11:29

11:54 That unwholesome, that like anger and other emotions, that negative emotions comes out because they are the cause. So when the, for Buddhist teaching like dependence origination, because the cause is there, When the condition is there, it's tricker. For example, if the underlying tendency is still there, like, you know, the hatred is there. So when that is something that, you know, someone come along and been rude to us, that is the condition. Report an error in the passage at 11:54 Highlight the passage at 11:54

12:24 The condition arises, isn't it? When the condition arises, and it's how it's tricker, the causes of condition, and then things happen. Give rise to anger, you get upset, you get angry. This is how we react to that. So we react to that with anger. Actually, each time we do that, then we're not aware of that. Report an error in the passage at 12:24 Highlight the passage at 12:24

12:47 And actually, it will go, we keep reinforcing without knowing. And then it becomes a habit, the way how we react to things. Because when we become a habit, sometimes we don't see it. Because it's like automatic pilot, it's like a default setting. We just very naturally, when these things, you know, when the causes and conditions is there, you know, we just naturally, we just flare up without seeing that. Report an error in the passage at 12:47 Highlight the passage at 12:47

13:16 That's why it's important to develop the clarity, to develop the, that's why it's important that we train ourselves in daily life to apply that present moment awareness in our daily life. Because we're aware of how we react to things. But if we're not aware, we don't know. We don't even know that we cause ourselves so much suffering. Report an error in the passage at 13:16 Highlight the passage at 13:16

13:39 We don't see that. Because it becomes like just you're part of your nature. You know, you naturally, you just react. And then sometimes people, when they deal with stress, most of the time, most people, the easy way to deal with stress, deal with that... Report an error in the passage at 13:39 Highlight the passage at 13:39

13:57 A negative emotion is that you either run away to avoid, pretend that it's not there, or to suppress, to push it. Sometimes people tend to push it aside. When you push it, you run away. Actually, you are reinforcing. People tend to suppress that emotion. When you get angry, you try to suppress it. Actually, you are reinforcing your anger. Next one. Report an error in the passage at 13:57 Highlight the passage at 13:57

14:26 In the same situation, the similar situation, your anger becomes even stronger than before. They say sometimes, oh, they say it's important that we develop a mind that be able to really just observe and knowing this is what's happening, and to be able to restrain ourselves, not suppressing ourselves, but with awareness, aware. Report an error in the passage at 14:26 Highlight the passage at 14:26

14:50 That what happening, we are not reacting. We are not feeding it. Because when you feed it, it will grow. Whatever you feed it, you grow. And your defilement grow. You know, your negativities, your unwholesome qualities grow when you feed it because you reinforce it. So there's these three level that how to abandon, to overcome that negativities, that unwholesome qualities. Report an error in the passage at 14:50 Highlight the passage at 14:50

15:16 The Buddha said that it's the bodily. Speech and mind, you know, that is a three level. So the bodily, for example, sometimes when you flare up, you got very upset. Of course, that is a more causal level and then ended up you hitting someone because of you so angry, so upset. That is bodily action. So that is, then the Buddha said to overcome that, you know, to abandon that. Report an error in the passage at 15:16 Highlight the passage at 15:16

15:46 This is by body. Then you have to restrain your body. Like the Buddha said, if you feel like really want to strangle someone, then no matter how, even you have to clench your teeth, make sure I'm not going to do it. You have to restrain yourself, not bodily, not to do it. And then speech. Sometimes we don't add upon our body, we don't hit someone, but then, Report an error in the passage at 15:46 Highlight the passage at 15:46

16:17 Then sometimes come up with speech, isn't it? We will get very upset. Maybe you have this abusive, verbally abusing someone. We said horrible things. I remember when I was young, when we were young, I used to fight with my sister. When I fight with my sister, I used to say the most horrible things. Report an error in the passage at 16:17 Highlight the passage at 16:17

16:41 This is how you want to upset the person. you would think, you know, we said the most horrible thing. That is where the Buddha said that is how to abandon that. It also comes from great hatred and delusion. You know, hatred. Report an error in the passage at 16:41 Highlight the passage at 16:41

16:57 Even with greed, even anger, it also comes from greed. We don't get to do the things that we like or we have to do the things that we don't like. That is also craving. Report an error in the passage at 16:57 Highlight the passage at 16:57

17:12 Craving not to be, craving to be. And the craving, we can't get what we want, also we got upset, isn't it? We got angry. And this is, there's a anger itself. It's not the primary emotion, it's a secondary emotion. But that is, most of the time, people, you know... Using anger as a way, you know, to deal with that emotion, to deal with that stress, you know, that emotion, because they feel good. Report an error in the passage at 17:12 Highlight the passage at 17:12

17:41 Once you get flared up, you get upset, you know, and when we scold someone, they feel much better, isn't it? But that is not a skillful way, and actually leads us to more suffering. They said, yes, we restrain ourselves, we buy back our talents, we don't set, you know, make sure that we don't set anything that's been abusive. Report an error in the passage at 17:41 Highlight the passage at 17:41

18:02 I mean, by restraining ourselves not to act upon our greed or our hatred or something that you will. And yes, that moment is a bit unpleasant. You know, it's difficult not to react, isn't it? But then, if we be able, yes, maybe we suffer now. But if we be able to bite back our tongue not to say it, actually... Report an error in the passage at 18:02 Highlight the passage at 18:02

18:32 We will free ourselves later, you know, we will be happy later. You know how many times, you know, when I look back, when I be able to bite back my tongues, not to say anything, I always feel so good about it that I don't react towards that. Because each time when I say something that is not very nice, you really feel bad immediately. You feel that it's not a good thing. Report an error in the passage at 18:32 Highlight the passage at 18:32

18:54 And then we are the ones who suffer, isn't it? So they said, the Buddha said that this is important that... When we want a birth to say something, it's the best way that we walk away from the situation so that we stop ourselves from further action, to stop ourselves from bodily actions. You know that you're so angry, so upset, so it's good to walk away so that you don't end up strangling someone or hitting someone or you say something. Report an error in the passage at 18:54 Highlight the passage at 18:54

19:29 Then actually... The Buddha also talked about right speech. Right speech, you have to consider. Whenever we say, we have to consider whether this is true or it has come out of anger. Anger, know, is out of a... Report an error in the passage at 19:29 Highlight the passage at 19:29

19:54 Is it for the benefit? And whether it's the right time, right place? Even though someone has done something wrong, they've been rude to us, you know, even though it is true. But if we speak out of anger, then it's also not a right speech. So also, the way we said it is also important, the tone that we use, and that is also, and the Buddha said, whenever you don't, if you don't comply, Report an error in the passage at 19:54 Highlight the passage at 19:54

20:21 These five conditions, so it's better that we just keep quiet, silent, because when we speak out of anger, we speak that it's not the right time, right place, and if it's not true, sometimes some of the things that when we see, some of the things when we see may not be actually what we think, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 20:21 Highlight the passage at 20:21

20:46 So they said it's always good to give the benefit of doubt, you know. And it's okay that, you know, we just restrain ourselves not to say anything. And that is the five ways the Buddha said, the five conditions. So if you do not meet these five conditions, so it's better. If not that we cannot say anything, but it's not a right stage. Because harming others ultimately... Report an error in the passage at 20:46 Highlight the passage at 20:46

21:14 So then, of course, come to the level that is on the mind level, you know, because immediately someone says something, you know, someone being rude to us or being very unkind to us, immediately how we react, isn't it? That is always come when... Because it's not pleasing to the ears because we don't like it or see something that we don't like it. It's always followed by thoughts, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 21:14 Highlight the passage at 21:14

21:44 You think about it, the thoughts will come. That is where you'll be able to catch yourself, the thinking. Because the thinking itself, that is where... Report an error in the passage at 21:44 Highlight the passage at 21:44

21:59 That is where the stress come from. We keep thinking about it, thinking about how terrible this person, how bad. Actually, the more you think about it, the thinking itself is also reinforce your underlying tendency. Because then you're all your best. Speculation is coming, you know. Then they go on and on and on. I remember when I keep thinking about that, the more you think about it, you feel like really unfair. Report an error in the passage at 21:59 Highlight the passage at 21:59

22:27 Why I have to do all the job, other people have run away, you know. But then when I stop that thinking, they said this is unwise attention. We pay attention to that. That is unwholesome thoughts because follow by unwholesome thoughts. That is very little. Then we get more and more angry, you know. And then we go on and on and on. And then, of course, the thinking itself, actually, it will drain all your mental energy. Report an error in the passage at 22:27 Highlight the passage at 22:27

22:56 The more energy, the more you think about it, the more upset. Actually, anger itself also drains lots of mental energy. But of course, the moment when someone gets very angry, actually, you feel like you have lots of energy, isn't it? You see, when someone very angry, they're very strong. But then afterwards, it drains and you feel tired. Your mind, when you don't have, when your mental energy is low, your mind is very down. Report an error in the passage at 22:56 Highlight the passage at 22:56

23:27 You're not bright. They say sometimes it's important. But we have to be able to catch that, to be able to see how we react to the situation. But the problem is, if you know that... This causes us suffering. We won't do it, isn't it? They said, first of all, we have to be able to really recognize that, to see that. Report an error in the passage at 23:27 Highlight the passage at 23:27

23:50 If we are unable to see that, we can't change. We can't change the way we react to the situation, how we respond to the situation. Because we don't see how we respond to the situation that causes us more suffering. We can't see that. That's why we, first of all, we have to, the Buddha said, you know, to overcome that, you know, to abandon those, like, envy, jealousy, you know, that unwholesome, that unnegative emotion, because this is, this is, this is, you cannot, you cannot restrain, this is not through the body and speech. Report an error in the passage at 23:50 Highlight the passage at 23:50

24:27 This is on the mental state. And that, the Buddha said, you require, you need. To be able to repeatedly seeing it by wisdom. Wisdom means clarity. So you have to have enough clarity to see that. It doesn't mean that now you see your negative emotion or these unwholesome qualities won't come out. It's still there. Next time your anger still come out. But because you're not feeding it, then you're not feeding it, so you're not add-on. Report an error in the passage at 24:27 Highlight the passage at 24:27

25:04 So it's just like the fuel you keep adding on, you know, then next time you will keep doing the same thing and you keep reinforcing. Then of course you get back the same results. But even though we don't react, we don't feed it, the tendency is still that you're not going to go away immediately. It's like we continue to add on fuel, then it keeps going, isn't it? But when we reduce... Report an error in the passage at 25:04 Highlight the passage at 25:04

25:33 When we are not acting on, each time it comes up, we are not repeating the same thing, and each time our field gets less and less, isn't it? Eventually, when all the fields use up, and this is how it stops, this is how it deforms. So it comes from the clarity. So when we develop our clarity, the more we can, each time, you know, each time it comes up, we're not reacting, then actually, Our defilements reduce. As our defilements reduce, unwholesome qualities reduce, our clarity increase. Report an error in the passage at 25:33 Highlight the passage at 25:33

26:13 You have more clarity, more strength, become more peaceful. Then each time, you know, when this go down, this go up, the Buddha said you have to be repeatedly seeing it. And they said sometimes when people start to practice, and then they start to see. They have certain habitual patterns. In certain situations, they react in a certain way. They start to see the way they react to certain things and how it's triggered. Report an error in the passage at 26:13 Highlight the passage at 26:13

26:46 They start to be able to see that. And then they try to find out why I react that way. They want to know. Then they come and tell me, That, oh, is it because of, I react this way, is it because of this, because of that, because of this? I said, stop. I said, all you need to do, each time, you just know, whatever, because it's just like, you give a little some clarity, you start to see a little bit. Report an error in the passage at 26:46 Highlight the passage at 26:46

27:17 It's just like a whole picture. You have a few passes, you start to see a little bit. But then, you don't have enough clarity. You are not seeing the full picture. But then you try to speculate. If because of this, because of that, then actually you try to fill up the rest of the picture. That is your own imagination. Then I said, no, all you need to do is you have to keep, each time it comes back. Report an error in the passage at 27:17 Highlight the passage at 27:17

27:48 I said, naturally, when your mind getting more and more, you have more and more clarity, eventually you will see it. But don't try. To use a thinking mind, you know, or maybe it's this, maybe of that. Actually, you're reinforcing your underlying tendency of proliferation. And then the underlying tendency to proliferate actually is also give rise to, you're also feeding your thinking. Report an error in the passage at 27:48 Highlight the passage at 27:48

28:19 Then you be, if people have very strong, like the Buddha said, if people have very strong. Underline tendency to proliferation. You are a great thinker. You really can think. And then the thinking itself also gives rise to desire. The desire is one thing. Because when we start thinking about it, the craving comes. Craving to be, craving not to be. Report an error in the passage at 28:19 Highlight the passage at 28:19

28:43 Craving for things that we don't like not to happen. And craving for things that we like going to happen. And that is where give rise to. Anger, jealousy, envy, that is all one leading to another. Sometimes you have to go back to the cause. When the cause is not there, and then the cause is not there, even the condition is there. Report an error in the passage at 28:43 Highlight the passage at 28:43

29:06 For example, sometimes you're someone very peaceful, very calm, and you don't have the underlying tendency, you don't have strong underlying tendency of ill will, you don't have that. And even people... You can say whatever you like, it doesn't bother me, isn't it? And you wouldn't get affected because of, because the causes is not that, even the condition, you know. Report an error in the passage at 29:06 Highlight the passage at 29:06

29:38 The condition arises there because the causes and condition is not there. You don't give rise to that if that results, you know. And that's why sometimes you have to always go back to the cause. The causes is not there. Even the condition is there. Someone can, you know, scold us that we are stupid, you're terrible, you know. That's why sometimes even people have been rude to me. Report an error in the passage at 29:38 Highlight the passage at 29:38

30:00 So I always, you know, to me it's, you know, to me it's okay, thank you. For giving me the opportunity to practice forgiveness, kindness and compassion. So for me, it's important to develop that quality. I'm even grateful because sometimes we always find something to be thankful. Sometimes even things... Report an error in the passage at 30:00 Highlight the passage at 30:00

30:22 That's not very nice, you know, happen to us. That is also an opportunity to help us to open our eyes to see the good things we have because we tend to sometimes focus on the things that, you know, that is not nice, you know, that we tend to focus. When we develop the habit of focusing all the negative things, even something that is nice, that is good in front of us, we don't see, we can't see. Report an error in the passage at 30:22 Highlight the passage at 30:22

30:47 Because mind is conditioned, we tend to go look at that, you know. And that is where, like, we repeatedly doing the same thing, and then we expect to have different result. It's not going to have different result. So because the whole same way that we react to the situation, we always got back the same result. Report an error in the passage at 30:47 Highlight the passage at 30:47

31:11 This is how the dependence originations, you just go on and on and on. Because you keep feeding it, you know, that it wouldn't end, you know. They say sometimes that you always go back to the cause and not treat the symptom. To see, to understand that it's a cause that causes us suffering. That's why we have to develop that clarity. So they say sometimes, even though, you know, if you started to see some of our habitual patterns that always causes us suffering, and then... Report an error in the passage at 31:11 Highlight the passage at 31:11

31:48 If we are able to see that, then it's okay. It's just okay, sadhu, sadhu. We really appreciate, thankful that it's rather that we know than we don't know. It's okay. Sometimes we feel some people tend to identify themselves when they're sadhu to see they have certain behavioral pattern that causes them suffering. Report an error in the passage at 31:48 Highlight the passage at 31:48

32:16 But sometimes we tend to judge ourselves. We judge ourselves that it's good or it's bad, it's terrible, I shouldn't feel that way. And actually you're reinforcing it. It's okay. All you need to do, they say it's important that we develop, that we put into practice present moment awareness. So it's just being present. Just know that how you feel in this moment. We just live it. Report an error in the passage at 32:16 Highlight the passage at 32:16

32:42 They said it's important to accept ourselves as we are. Because very easily we get affected by how other people see us, how other people think of us, isn't it? We keep thinking about it. Or some people ended up that, you know, because they have so much fear of people disliking them. Then they'll try to please everybody. And then you stress out again, isn't it? Because it's tiring because you try to please someone and you can't please everybody. Report an error in the passage at 32:42 Highlight the passage at 32:42

33:18 And then you stress out again. So they say it's important that we learn to love ourselves, we learn to like ourselves. It's okay. If other people like us, fine. It's a bonus. But make sure we like ourselves. Liking ourselves, It's a real price. So learn to love us. It's okay. This is how I feel. Because of the sense of self, we identify this is me. Report an error in the passage at 33:18 Highlight the passage at 33:18

33:46 It's bad. This is how I feel. If I'm jealous, I'm bad. If I'm angry, I'm bad. So it's just okay. This is how I feel. This anger is there. But we just forgive ourselves. Always forgive. Always forgive ourselves. And that said, we stop. Report an error in the passage at 33:46 Highlight the passage at 33:46

34:08 reacting because... Because there are many people, many people, they spend their whole life stressed over things that are beyond our control. Lots of things are beyond our control. We can't control lots of the situation, isn't it? Things happen, it's beyond our control. And how people see us, we cannot control. And we cannot control whether other people like us or not, also we cannot control. There's always someone that don't like us, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 34:08 Highlight the passage at 34:08

34:37 They don't like the way we look, the way we dress, the way even our hairstyle, you know. They just don't like us. It's fine. It's okay. There's always someone. If it's not good... Enough for them, they're always good enough for someone else. Make sure that you love yourself. It's important how we relate to that. Report an error in the passage at 34:37 Highlight the passage at 34:37

35:04 Because anyway, we can't control. We cannot control. Life itself, it cannot control our life, what's going to happen. Anything can happen that's beyond our control. Report an error in the passage at 35:04 Highlight the passage at 35:04

35:22 that Actually, we do have a choice. Life is either you go better or you go better. So whether we allow things that happen that tear us down, or we allow whatever happens to us, to use that to help us to be a better person. Report an error in the passage at 35:22 Highlight the passage at 35:22

35:47 People, you know, this is how, you know, like, I know sometimes I remember some of my family members, you know, they said to me that sometimes they got more angry than I do, you know, when I was a layperson. Then she said, don't you know that people take advantage of you? Why don't you just let, why do you let people take advantage of you? Why you don't get angry and get upset? Report an error in the passage at 35:47 Highlight the passage at 35:47

36:10 Then I look at her and I said, because This is how you relate to it, how you look at things, you know. For me, I said, well, if I'm being taken advantage of, that means I'm still useful to the extent. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:25 Because imagine if someone that, you know, if people don't even want to take advantage of you, that's really pretty useless. I said, I'm still useful to the extent. Because it actually depends on you, how you look at it, isn't it? Anything can happen to you, but because anyway, I cannot control. But if I go on and on blaming or complaining, it's only harming myself much more. So then I look at it, okay, well, because if the person taking advantage of me is that person's business, but at least I come from the kind heart, I want to help, then I'm having the good karma. Report an error in the passage at 36:25 Highlight the passage at 36:25

37:07 I'm not responsible for someone unwholesome. If the person has unwholesome thoughts, thinking of to take advantage of me, I'm not responsible for that. I will not bear the consequences of that person taking advantage of me. But then I come from the kind heart, come from just being helpful, then actually I benefit because I become more and more Report an error in the passage at 37:07 Highlight the passage at 37:07

37:38 things in a positive way then that's why sometimes I don't mind you know because actually Actually, you started to free yourself. You're not so easily, you know, really bothered, you know, what other people said. Because if not, we can't live up to everybody's expectation. We are not, you know, we live our own life. We don't live for others, you know. Report an error in the passage at 37:38 Highlight the passage at 37:38

38:03 How they look at this, it doesn't matter. But the problem is, we're always allowed. Others to control our own happiness, then we really concern how they look at us. They say, where we change, when we're able to see that, you know, yes, this is something that, you're able to see your reaction, your unpleasant feelings, you say, oh, you know that I don't like it, okay, and it's unpleasant, it's not pleasing to the ears, then be just aware, just know that. Report an error in the passage at 38:03 Highlight the passage at 38:03

38:40 And then we just let it be. But we always get involved. We always become part of it. And then this is where, like the Buddha said, when the thoughts arise, it manifests into thinking. Thinking about it, all the storylines will start, isn't it? You will make up your own story. And then it manifests into bodily action. Report an error in the passage at 38:40 Highlight the passage at 38:40

39:06 It manifests into speech. And then when you repeatedly doing it again and again, it's become a habit. This is how we start our habit. And this is how we have to not to follow the old habit. So when we follow the old habit, then we get back the same thing again and again. We get back the same results because we repeatedly be feeding it and then we got the same results again and again. Report an error in the passage at 39:06 Highlight the passage at 39:06

39:36 They say it's always go back to the cause, but to be able to see the cause and to see our underlying tendency is a more refined level. So you have to have enough clarity. And one of the reasons that because of the, when the defilements is strong, the five entrances is there, it's like a blind spot. We can't see, even right in front, you know, things we eat, we can't see that. That is really, that stumping block, they really stop us from seeing. And that is where the Buddha said to overcome that, to abandon, you know, that unwholesome state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 39:36 Highlight the passage at 39:36

40:16 That quality, that is more on the mind level. Of course, it comes from the mind, you know, the thoughts, the thinking, and go into our bodily action, our speech. That is a more causal level. But we have to go back to the cause that is more on our mental state, our mind level, that is more refined. They say it's more refined. Report an error in the passage at 40:16 Highlight the passage at 40:16

40:42 That's why we have to practice, you know, develop present moment awareness throughout. So then if you keep doing that, you know, actually it's not difficult. You can apply in your daily life, whatever you do, you know. Because very easily we got, you know, suck in when the thoughts come up, you know. Report an error in the passage at 40:42 Highlight the passage at 40:42

41:01 Then we will go in and then we go on and on and on and we go to Siberia without knowing how we get there. And then when we keep practicing, Always bring our mind back to present moment awareness. Over period of time, actually our mind naturally, automatically wouldn't go too far. You'll come back naturally. Then actually become, slowly you become more at ease and at peace with yourself and with the situation. Report an error in the passage at 41:01 Highlight the passage at 41:01

41:33 Whatever happening, it doesn't bother you as much. So it's not what we do is really matter. How we do it, how we deal with the situation, how we relate to the situation. Do we relate to the situation with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness? Always forgive, it's okay. Even someone did that again and again. Sometimes people, you know, harming you again and again. So just always remind yourself. Report an error in the passage at 41:33 Highlight the passage at 41:33

42:01 For me, it's like, I keep telling myself none of my business is nothing to do with me. It's that person, you know. That person doing it because I don't have to be responsible for the other person's unwholesome action, harming me, because I don't have to be responsible for that. But of course, it's very difficult to stop and not to react if you don't have a peaceful mind. They say it's important that you develop present moment awareness throughout your daily life. Report an error in the passage at 42:01 Highlight the passage at 42:01

42:32 Try to bring your mind back to present moment awareness. Then when your present moment awareness is... When you establish, then it's easier for you to, it's also very easy to meditate because imagine you can't even, you can't even be, you don't even aware, if we don't even aware of our bodily actions, you know, we don't even aware of that, our speech. Report an error in the passage at 42:32 Highlight the passage at 42:32

42:57 How can we deal with a more subtle, on the subtle level, especially breath itself, like meditation on breath is more subtle. You can't focus. Very difficult to focus, isn't it? You can't even focus, you know. The chore that you need to do, you can't even focus. How come you focus when you meditate? The meditation object that we focus on is more refined. That's why you train yourself on a causal level. So it's easy. Report an error in the passage at 42:57 Highlight the passage at 42:57

43:26 Then slowly you can see that, you know, that you're getting like... Little by little, some of the things that used to bother you, and then now you find that you don't bother you. Maybe it still bothers you, but it's not that the intensity is getting less and less. You don't feel, you know, your reaction, you don't have the strong reaction, or you don't have that anger, you don't feel so angry. Report an error in the passage at 43:26 Highlight the passage at 43:26

43:54 Maybe you have a bit of agitation and irritation, but it's still okay. It's manageable. And little by little... And this is how you free yourself. So not to really bound by what other people said and allow other people to control our happiness. So next time when you get the chance to do the things that you don't like, you remind yourself, oh, this is a great opportunity that I'll be able to do things that I don't like. Report an error in the passage at 43:54 Highlight the passage at 43:54

44:24 Then actually you... After a while, you realize that actually it's okay. Doing it is okay. But the thinking about it, you know, that is more stressful, you know. Because the thing that you don't like, you've always give rise to anger, isn't it? Especially things that you don't like, or the people that you don't like to meet. Report an error in the passage at 44:24 Highlight the passage at 44:24

44:46 Oh, what am I going to do? Oh, I'm going to deal with this situation. And then panic, you know, anxiety. You know, all this come out. And then always, we always react with, Anger. The anger itself is only the secondary emotion. It's not the primary emotion. It's not the cause. So of course we have to develop the clarity to be able to see that. So if you're able to see, you know, start to see your certain habitual pattern that causes you suffering, then you say sadhu, sadhu to yourself. Report an error in the passage at 44:46 Highlight the passage at 44:46

45:21 It's okay. I always love the Buddha's saying that A fool knows that he is a fool, he is still wise to that extent. A fool thinks that he is wise, he is indeed a fool. So I was thinking, I was telling myself, you are wise to that extent. Okay, good. Sometimes this is how you feel much better, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 45:21 Highlight the passage at 45:21

45:46 When you have more joy and happiness, actually, when you are happy, you don't feel angry easily, isn't it? When you are happy, isn't it? And then when you're not happy, if someone said even small little things, you know, even sometimes when you're not happy and not in a good mood, people, anyone cannot open their mouth. Report an error in the passage at 45:46 Highlight the passage at 45:46

46:08 They open their mouth, you snap. Isn't that? And that's why sometimes when you're happy, you don't get angry easily. I remember when I was still Anangarika, some years when I was still Anangarika, that's 20 over years ago, because I've been in the monastery over 20 years. Report an error in the passage at 46:08 Highlight the passage at 46:08

46:32 and I... Because I'm so happy because I just, you know, whatever I do, I'm so glad that I don't have to think so much. I used to tell Ajahn Maya, just tell me what to do, I just do what you ask me to do, so I don't have to think. I said, I'm so glad I don't have to think. So I don't, I said, if things that you don't want me to know, fine, I don't try to find out. Report an error in the passage at 46:32 Highlight the passage at 46:32

46:54 I know less is the less the better. That was very happy. And then even when I sit, when I meditate, I got so much joy. I'm laughing and sometimes I giggle, you know, sitting there and giggling, you know, when I meditate. I was thinking, oh my God. My goodness, am I getting crazy? Is there something wrong with my meditation? Then I went to ask Ajahn Brahm. Ajahn Brahm, I don't know whether I've really gone crazy with my meditation. Report an error in the passage at 46:54 Highlight the passage at 46:54

47:23 Because I'm sitting there, I cannot control myself. I'm giggling. I laugh. Then he said, no, no, no. It's because you have lots of energy. Because I don't waste my energy. Report an error in the passage at 47:23 Highlight the passage at 47:23

47:38 worrying about things, you know, because I know that it's not going to help me, it's not going to solve my problem, you know, and because even before I come to the monastery also, I, you know, I just, there's some people think that, oh, don't you feel stressed, you know, you, you, you know, sometimes you travel between two monasteries, we have a branch monastery in, in New South Wales, I, I have to go there often, so I, I, I travel quite often, I said no, because I, I, To me, I I don't don't see. Report an error in the passage at 47:38 Highlight the passage at 47:38

48:05 see as... I don't see that as I'm, you know, I feel that this is, for me, it's an opportunity to be of service, to give. That's how I always remind the nuns. I said, you being of service, what you do in the monastery, what you give, you know, what you do in the monastery, you're not doing me a favor. You're not helping me, you know. Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is, it's, it's. Report an error in the passage at 48:05 Highlight the passage at 48:05

48:34 Ultimately, you are the one who benefit. You give, you be of service. The giver is the one who benefit the most. It's not that I'm the one who benefit. For me, I take it as an opportunity to give. They say it's always good that you begin your day and end of your day always thinking of something that you be thankful of. Report an error in the passage at 48:34 Highlight the passage at 48:34

48:59 To be thankful of. Even someone being... Even someone being rude to you and being nasty to you, you still think something good of that person. Oh, at least the person is honest to that extent. At least the person is not pretentious. Then you feel better. Oh, thank you for giving me the opportunity to practice forgiveness, kindness, compassion. Report an error in the passage at 48:59 Highlight the passage at 48:59

49:24 Then you always feel much better. And then the more you develop that, you always train your mind to... Always look at something good in others, then actually you always see something good. Then your mind becomes naturally more positive. Because when you're very negative, you're very unhappy because you think of all the terrible things that other people have done that only tear you down. Report an error in the passage at 49:24 Highlight the passage at 49:24

49:53 So why don't you make use of that to make you a better person? Any way we cannot control. What other people, you know, what things are going to happen to us, but at least, you know, we have a choice, you know. So that's why I choose to be better rather than to be bitter. So if not, you know, sometimes it goes on and on and on. We are the ones who suffer. I learned that. I think this is also something maybe from my previous life, I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 49:53 Highlight the passage at 49:53

50:25 Even when I was young, I always like... I don't, I don't, because I understand that. Why I want to focus on things that make me unhappy? Why don't I focus on things that make me happy? Because anyway I can't change the situation. I can't change people. But at least, you know, I can change myself how I relate to this situation. So even though with all the fast seasons, your busyness and things like that, you just feel like, oh, this is a great opportunity that I be able to, you know, to see my family, you know, to have the opportunity to meet them, you know, and then you look at it in the, or at least I can do something for my family. Report an error in the passage at 50:25 Highlight the passage at 50:25

51:10 And then you feel like this is a giving, you know, your kindness. You look at it as a kindness, oh, I have so much to do, oh, I have to clean, I do the cleaning. Oh, isn't it, people come in, you know, people feel happy to see that you decorate the house, it's so nice, everything's so clean. And then, you know, people feel, you look at it as a pleasant feeling because I enjoy cleaning when I'm after cleaning. Report an error in the passage at 51:10 Highlight the passage at 51:10

51:36 I feel good, I sit there, I look around, I feel very satisfying because it's clean. And for me, that's why you don't think, oh, I'm so stressed, I have to do this. You say, wow, this is my opportunity that I can give to my loved one, to my family. This is something I can give. You look at it that way. That is something you can give to others. And then you will change. Report an error in the passage at 51:36 Highlight the passage at 51:36

52:04 Then you will not feel stressed anymore. And that's why it's important to develop. That's why the Buddha said you have to develop the clarity. It's only you have to repeatedly seeing it again and again. Then you have to do it again and again. So your defilements don't go away immediately. And if you see a habitual pattern, so not to worry about that. Report an error in the passage at 52:04 Highlight the passage at 52:04

52:27 Don't try to find out. Don't try to figure out why you feel that way. Because you haven't had enough clarity. So you have to keep... Practicing, you keep, you know, each time come out, then until as your defilements reduce, naturally, you have more clarity. So at this go down, this will go up. Eventually, when you have full clarity, you see the whole picture. Don't try to figure out. Report an error in the passage at 52:27 Highlight the passage at 52:27

52:55 If you try to figure out, you are just filling the gap. It's just your own speculation. You try to fill up the gap, you know, that is your own imagination. So I hope everybody in these festive seasons and then you enjoy all the holidays and Christmas coming and enjoy together reunion with your family and just, you know, just happy. Report an error in the passage at 52:55 Highlight the passage at 52:55

53:25 Do not to stress out. So I offer this for your dharma reflection. Report an error in the passage at 53:25 Highlight the passage at 53:25

53:34 Any questions or comments? Report an error in the passage at 53:34 Highlight the passage at 53:34

53:46 Eddie is always our customer. This is very interesting, Ajahn Hasapanna. Thanks Report an error in the passage at 53:46 Highlight the passage at 53:46

54:04 for the wonderful deep talk on stress. I do fully understand what you mean. I do fully understand. And all of us here, we have stress. You know, stress, it's a feeling, it's a disturbing, when it comes, it's very draining. You're right to say that we should be looking into the cause, not the symptoms. Report an error in the passage at 54:04 Highlight the passage at 54:04

54:37 So don't you think, Ajahn Ramri, sometimes the cause, it doesn't just go off like that. you know, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 54:37 Highlight the passage at 54:37

54:48 Yeah, it takes time, you know. You know, there's a cause. That's why, you know. So, but knowing that there's a cause, you know. Oh, why am I having this feeling, you know, this stress? Oh, it's because something happens, you know, not in accord with what I wish, you know. I have this stress, you know. Knowing this, half the battle is won. Half the battle won, you know. Report an error in the passage at 54:48 Highlight the passage at 54:48

55:13 So we work on that with Buddha's tools, a lot of tools. I know how to do it. But then the cause will take time to disappear. And also the thing is, if you master, you can get, understand the cause. The teaching is a gradual path. We have in the workshop towards enlightenment, a gradual path. So each time you become better, better, better, better, better, better. Report an error in the passage at 55:13 Highlight the passage at 55:13

55:43 You see what I mean? It takes time. If we can do it once, then we all got enlightened. Yes, that's right. Yeah, we can. I remember last time there was a guy from Dubai. And then we talked about all this, you know, explain how you have to work on, you know, the departments and things like that. After all that, then he come to ask me again. So he want me to give him a method. Report an error in the passage at 55:43 Highlight the passage at 55:43

56:13 You know, I follow my method, then he said, done with, no more anger, no more defilements. So I was thinking, if I have that, I will have used it myself. Report an error in the passage at 56:13 Highlight the passage at 56:13

56:24 I said, there's no shortcut. I don't have secret recipe. She want to ask for secret recipe. I don't have any secret recipe. If I have secret recipe, I will use it myself. I've got enlightened long ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah You know And Be People want instant, you know. You can't. No, you can't. Because the Buddha also already mentioned in the Angkutaran Nikaya, he said you have to repeatedly seeing it by wisdom, the Buddha said. Report an error in the passage at 56:24 Highlight the passage at 56:24

56:55 It's just like because of the defilements that hinder, you know, that is a hindrance, like a blind spot that stop us from seeing. We can't see. So they said as we reduce, as our defilements reduce, then we see more and more, more clear. They said you have to, until, you know, like the mist and the fog don't go away immediately. Report an error in the passage at 56:55 Highlight the passage at 56:55

57:20 It takes some time, isn't it? And then slowly, you know, you can see a little bit more, a little bit more, isn't it? Eventually we see the full picture. The same thing with the practice. You have to keep practicing until you see the full picture. Yeah. full enlightenment then you feel more you feel free and full and that's you were saying the twelve links these conditions these ceases these conditions the stress ceases the stress ceases but this it's the real thing but the the cause to to cease the cause it takes time too yeah Thank you very much for the very wonderful deep talk today. Report an error in the passage at 57:20 Highlight the passage at 57:20

58:02 So this is the first question. I keep seeing two numbers 606 and 909 occurring every day many times and it's been happening over many years. It's so strange. Does Buddhism share any explanation in the such occurrence? Thanks. Keep seeing two numbers 606 and 909. Occurring every day many times and it's been happening over many years. It's so strange. Does Buddhism share any explanation into such occurrences? Report an error in the passage at 58:02 Highlight the passage at 58:02

58:37 Thank you. So 606 and 909 is just a number. sometimes... Because you keep thinking about it, of course you will see it tomorrow again and again. If you see 606-9909, oh, it's just number, then you stop. Report an error in the passage at 58:37 Highlight the passage at 58:37

58:59 Isn't it? But sometimes we tend to make, you know, sometimes we think that, oh, something so special, we think about it, you know, with the numbers, you know. Then we, this is our makeup story, you think that's special, it becomes special, you know. You make it special, but you think that, you know. I know some, I remember there was a... Report an error in the passage at 58:59 Highlight the passage at 58:59

59:17 One time, there was one person asked this monk. He's a famous monk. He said, he talked about his dream. So he's expecting that his dream is so special. Then the monk should tell him that, you know, oh, you're so special. Then the monk answered, it's just a dream. So it's okay, don't take it seriously. Report an error in the passage at 59:17 Highlight the passage at 59:17

59:39 So each time when the 606 and 909 comes out, you tell yourself it's just a number. That it will stop. Because if you're thinking that it's something special, and then you keep thinking about it, thinking about why this number occurs again and again, I can guarantee you, because you think about it all the time, so it will come up all the time. Report an error in the passage at 59:39 Highlight the passage at 59:39

1:00:03 So you have to pay attention to it. Each time it comes up, it's just a number. Tell yourself it's just a number. I feel as though people will not allow me to move past my past. No matter how I react or respond, they see how I used to react. Yes, because sometimes people have developed a certain perception that who you are. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:03 Highlight the passage at 1:00:03

1:00:30 So even when they develop perception who you are, they have a fixed views of how you are. Even though you have changed, They can't see. You know, it's okay. As long as you know that you're more at ease and at peace, you're happier now, it's okay. Because I remember there was someone complaining to me that so and so, that a few years I haven't seen this person and this person has no change. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:30 Highlight the passage at 1:00:30

1:00:57 Then I asked this person, I said, have your perception of that person changed? I said, if your perception... If your perception, how you perceive that person, your perception of that person hasn't changed, even though that person has changed, you can't see. Because you lock into your, you have to fix it, you lock into, you want to see what you want to see, you lock into that. Whatever thing you see, you always, you know, you always filter out, you always, you know, you always fit into what you want to see. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:57 Highlight the passage at 1:00:57

1:01:28 They say sometimes, it's okay, don't care how other people see how you used to react. And then this is just a perception. Sometimes they develop the perception that hasn't changed. So they say if someone hasn't changed, so it's their business, it's not your business. If they can't change their perception, what can we do, isn't it? It's just like this person complaining, the other person hasn't changed. That's why I told her, I said, you know, if your perception of the other person hasn't changed, you know, then even the person has changed, you can't see. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:28 Highlight the passage at 1:01:28

1:02:09 When someone yell at me and I yell back, I find it's bad. Because I yell... I yell because I don't want to cry. Would like advice for how not to want to cry and also not yell, how to be even clear. I think it's okay to cry, but you can just, you know, if someone yell at you, you just walk away. You don't have to respond. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:09 Highlight the passage at 1:02:09

1:02:40 Then if you feel like crying, you cry, you hide and cry. If you don't want to see... You don't want people to see you crying. You just walk aside and then to a corner. Actually, there's nothing wrong with crying. Actually, crying is a good way to release emotion. According to the research, the suicide rate, the men's suicide rate is higher than women's. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:40 Highlight the passage at 1:02:40

1:03:07 Because women cry. We don't mind that we cry, isn't it? They don't care. But because sometimes also men have men's suffering, they have to show that I'm strong. I'm not going to cry because I'm a man. I shouldn't cry. Men is also human being. So it's okay. So it's okay. As a man, you can cry. You're a human being. It's okay to cry. I think because of them. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:07 Highlight the passage at 1:03:07

1:03:34 Because of sometimes the culture, sometimes the upbringing, you know, that you shouldn't cry, you know. I know there was a, someone told me that her niece, that she was told by the parents, especially the father said, you shouldn't cry, you know. So it's bad if you cry, you know. Then she said, but then she's very sad, she cannot cry, she laugh. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:34 Highlight the passage at 1:03:34

1:04:02 But it's actually like, actually she's very sad because she's not allowed to cry. Then she used laugh to replace, but then her laughing is not the true laughing, you know what I mean? And actually it's not healthy for this little girl because she's grown up, you know, mentally will not be mentally healthy. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:02 Highlight the passage at 1:04:02

1:04:23 It's okay. Sometimes, of course, we don't put out on others, but then we find a place, you know. To just sit with that, to allow that emotion come up. If we feel like crying, we just cry. It's okay. We just have to train ourselves. It's okay. I remember my grandson when he was four years old, the eldest one, when he got very angry. And then the mother used to tell him, calm down, calm down. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:23 Highlight the passage at 1:04:23

1:04:51 I don't want to calm down. Each time he got angry, the mother said, calm down, calm down. I don't want to calm down. Then because of being brainwashed, the mother kept telling him calm down. And one day when he got very upset, he told the mother, now I'm very angry. I need to calm down now. Then he went and sit there. And for a while, I see him sitting there because he come and visit me in the monastery. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:51 Highlight the passage at 1:04:51

1:05:19 And he sit there at a corner, you know. He needs to calm down. He knows that he's angry. He needs to calm down. Then sometimes I go and look at him. I say, are you not okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:19 Highlight the passage at 1:05:19

1:05:32 Grandma, I'm not over yet. I'm not over yet. Okay, sorry, sorry. I say, okay, I leave you alone. Sometimes you just find a place to just sit and just feel. And actually, this way, you're not reinforcing. You're not reinforcing your underlying tenders. This is how little by little, slowly you find it very easy to deal with your negative and unwholesome emotion. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:32 Highlight the passage at 1:05:32

1:06:03 So how to skillfully react to someone who takes every opportunity to criticize you unfairly most of the times in mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law relationship. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:03 Highlight the passage at 1:06:03

1:06:23 Okay, if they criticize you, then, you know, sometimes you cannot control. So you say, you know, thank you for giving me the opportunity to practice forgiveness. Always forgive. Even though they do it again and again, then again and again you forgive. And someone said to me, oh, that person, they did it all the time, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:23 Highlight the passage at 1:06:23

1:06:48 But I said, always one more time. You can't help it since you can't change that person. They keep doing that again to you again and again. You can't change that person. So the only way you change yourself, you know, then just to accept the way she is, just to accept the way that this person just like to criticize. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:48 Highlight the passage at 1:06:48

1:07:09 You know, some people, they just like to criticize no matter how good you are, you know. And then it's okay. And just remind yourself, you know, if... If it's not good enough for her, you're always good enough for someone else. If she doesn't like you, doesn't matter. Make sure you like yourself. They say sometimes it's important. I find that people don't love themselves enough, don't appreciate themselves enough. If you love yourself enough, you appreciate yourself enough. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:09 Highlight the passage at 1:07:09

1:07:43 Actually, whether other people, what other people said, whether people will appreciate you or not, whether they like you or not, or the krisis or not, you're okay because you do not need that, isn't it? Because when you have so much love for yourself, you have so much appreciation towards yourself, you are so full. You're not lacking of whether people praise you or not, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 1:07:43 Highlight the passage at 1:07:43

1:08:07 You don't need that. You know, you feel good, you know. This is something that's important. It's okay. If other people doesn't like you, it's their problem. Make sure you like yourself. Love yourself as you are. So the more you appreciate yourself, the more you love yourself. So how other people criticize you, it doesn't matter. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:07 Highlight the passage at 1:08:07

1:08:31 So make sure you develop more matter. More mettā to yourself. If you have lots of loving kindness to yourself, you will have more mettā to yourself. When someone has lots of mettā, you're really full. And then actually, you do not need. Sometimes people ask me, oh, don't you feel lonely? I say, I don't feel lonely. I don't feel like I need friends. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:31 Highlight the passage at 1:08:31

1:08:54 I'm okay. I say, I don't feel lonely. I have my breath with me. My breath is my best friend. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:54 Highlight the passage at 1:08:54

1:09:05 Dear Ajahn, how to deal with fear? So deal with fear, sometimes one of the way to deal with fear that, of course, the deal with fear, the best thing to deal with fear is to be able to just sit with it, to look at the fear, because then you can see the fear will go away by itself. When it hits the maximum, then it won't keep going up. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:05 Highlight the passage at 1:09:05

1:09:39 So when you have fear, I think it's good that you take three deep breaths so that you don't pay attention to the fear you bring back. Because breath, you bring your mind back. Back to present moment awareness. When someone is present, because the fear also comes from worrying, what's happening, or sometimes it also comes from anger, you know, that emotion that leads to that fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:39 Highlight the passage at 1:09:39

1:10:17 And when we start worrying, it also leads to fear. But then when you bring your mind back to present moment awareness, you just bring your mind back to present moment awareness with three deep breaths, fully aware of your breath, so that you're not... Report an error in the passage at 1:10:17 Highlight the passage at 1:10:17

1:10:34 really help that's you know then after that you just do the breathing exercise breathing in fear breathing out peace then give this the psychological imprint in your mind that it's okay to have fear and learn to make peace with fear when you when you when you're breathing in fear then you and then you're breathing out peace When you're breathing out peace, then you make peace with the fear. You embrace fear. It's okay. Because we think that it's not okay, we shouldn't feel fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:34 Highlight the passage at 1:10:34

1:11:08 The more we feel of the fear, you have more fear. Actually, it's okay. Fear is there. And then also, the reflection on your own virtue is also very good. Because you feel good about yourself. You know, when the fear come, I remember when I was in Thailand, then I start to reflect. I said, yes, you know, I've been, you know, I'm keeping precepts, you know, I reflect on my own virtue. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:08 Highlight the passage at 1:11:08

1:11:39 So I said, okay, I have no intention to harm others, but why would other people will harm me? And the moment I think like that, the fear gone. So you can do the three deep breaths and then do the breathing exercise, breathing in fear. Learn to make peace with fear. That is also a help. Of course, the best way that you'll be able to sit with fear is that you also have to overcome. But that is quite difficult because sometimes it's so intense and especially when your mindfulness is not strong enough, it's very difficult to observe fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:39 Highlight the passage at 1:11:39

1:12:14 But of course, that is not easy. But then, if you can't do that, if you can't sit with the fear, then you can do the breathing exercise, at least it helps. And also one of the ways, a breathing exercise will help, and do body contemplation also will help. When you have fear, you bring your attention, your awareness into your body, and just aware how your body reacts to the fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:14 Highlight the passage at 1:12:14

1:12:44 Because sometimes you can feel when you have fear, you feel your body tense up. So then you feel your body tense up, Then you just, so you just focus on your body, relax your body. Then how your fear is go. Because any emotions, you know, that actually manifest in the body, our body will react to that emotion. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:44 Highlight the passage at 1:12:44

1:13:06 So you do, this is one of the Buddhist, the Buddha taught body contemplation. That is also another way to overcome fear. You can do body contemplation. And you can do the breathing exercise, breathing, and that is to have the psychological imprint in your mind that it's okay, make peace with fear, and allow, it's okay, you know, embrace fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:06 Highlight the passage at 1:13:06

1:13:32 Because the more you try to get rid of fear, you become more fearful. It's really enforcing. But it's okay, you're accepting fear, you know. Letting go is not getting rid of things. Accepting itself is letting go. It's okay, you embrace fear. And then reflecting on your sīla, your virtue is help, and body contemplation is help. And also you can do mettā, send loving kindness towards yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:32 Highlight the passage at 1:13:32

1:13:58 May I have no fear. May I have no experience fear. And that also help to subside. Of course that one is more direct, one sit with the fear, that one is a difficult one. I know it's quite difficult, not everybody be able to just sit with fear, but you can use others. Skillful means, you know, like reflecting on your virtue, the breathing exercise and body contemplations and do mettā. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:58 Highlight the passage at 1:13:58

1:14:26 And these are the few ways that you can overcome fears. Anything else? I finished all the questions, okay. Any more questions or comments? Just one more question. Ajahn, thank you very much for your talk tonight about stress. it's very Report an error in the passage at 1:14:26 Highlight the passage at 1:14:26

1:14:46 My question is that life is very complex and on a daily basis we encounter multiple sources of stress, not just from one direction, but it can hit you from multiple directions, from your work, your family, everything else that's going on in your life. And it can become overwhelming. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:46 Highlight the passage at 1:14:46

1:15:14 For someone to be able to sit down then and find the source of the stress when there are so many. And sometimes they change too from day to day. So your source of stress is not consistent. So it can be challenging to find that source when there's lots of sources. I just wonder if you can make a comment about how... Report an error in the passage at 1:15:14 Highlight the passage at 1:15:14

1:15:41 We can deal with the overwhelmingness of multiple sources of stress. Okay. Sometimes when it is overwhelming, and one of the things that is important, that sometimes it's important we have to have some space. And because of when we're in the same situation, we keep reinforcing. It's always trigger. They say sometimes it's useful that we have to remove ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:41 Highlight the passage at 1:15:41

1:16:06 From the usual situation, it's actually helpful. That's why it's so important that sometimes we find time for ourselves. We need to remove ourselves from the usual situation because you can't deal with it. Because it keeps reinforcing again and again. It keeps triggering again and again. And you have to get out. Sometimes it's nice that you get out. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:06 Highlight the passage at 1:16:06

1:16:31 Sometimes go for a walk, have a cup of tea. Just read something, your favorite book, and just relax. Just find some space. Sometimes we need space. It's important to have space. So to find time out, to have some quiet time by yourself, to just relax. Because we need to process. We need to digest. Because we have no space at all. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:31 Highlight the passage at 1:16:31

1:17:05 They say you always have to find space and time, you know. Just, you know, have a cup of tea, enjoy, you know, go for a walk and just relax, enjoy the nature and this helps you. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:05 Highlight the passage at 1:17:05

1:17:20 And then slowly you find peaceful. That's right. Then to make yourself as peaceful as you can and just relax and calm and relax. And not to try too hard to relax. I find someone, someone come to me last year, this year when I was teaching in Malaysia, someone come to me, this lady. She said, I did Ajahn Brahm retreat. And then Ajahn Brahm said, you relax to the max. Then she relaxed. She tried very hard to relax. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:20 Highlight the passage at 1:17:20

1:17:52 Very hard relax, unless you're really fuming, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:52 Highlight the passage at 1:17:52

1:17:58 I said, people die hard, work hard. She relax hard. So I said, don't try to relax. I said, okay, you know, because she's a very tense person. That's like, when she, everything she's... I said, okay, just go for a spa. That you relax. Sometimes it's okay. You don't have to. I mean, sometimes people think that, oh, I need to meditate so that I become peaceful. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:58 Highlight the passage at 1:17:58

1:18:42 And then they try to make themselves peaceful. You cannot make yourself peaceful. And then they try to focus on the breath so that I become peaceful. Actually, it's worse. It's getting worse. Sometimes it's okay. You know, just go, just relax, you know, then only, you know, that you feel peaceful and calm. Then, actually, you can only really meditate, focus on your breath when you're peaceful and calm. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:42 Highlight the passage at 1:18:42

1:19:10 If you're not peaceful and calm enough, it's very difficult. And most people tend to... Make themselves peaceful. Try very hard to be peaceful. So don't try hard to be peaceful. Meditation is a natural thing. You have to put in the causes. So all you need to do, you have to find space, time for yourself. You need to remove yourself from the usual situation because you need to have time to process it, to digest. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:10 Highlight the passage at 1:19:10

1:19:43 Because if you're still staying in the... Same place, they say it's important sometimes you, you know, find a place to have a personal retreat or some quiet time by yourself, then you feel much better. So we have people, when they started to feel stressed, they come and stay in the monastery. And then after they stay in the monastery, after they go back, and then the husband says, I used to steal the same meal, you now look still so different, happier, and very nice, very sweet. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:43 Highlight the passage at 1:19:43

1:20:11 And then the children also know, when mom stress out, they say, mom, go on retreat. Even they don't know what is retreat, because each time mom come back from retreat, mom's very sweet, very nice. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:11 Highlight the passage at 1:20:11

1:20:24 Sometimes we do because the mind cannot handle. Because the mind needs to rest. Because you can't, you know, even machine also, you can't run the machine 24, all the time, isn't it? 24 hours, you know, you non-stop, 24-7, you can't. Human being also the same thing. So when you feel overwhelming, you need to take time off to have more space. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:24 Highlight the passage at 1:20:24

1:20:52 There's some quiet time for yourself. And to process that. Does that answer your question? Ajahn, can I just ask one more thing? Okay, last one. Last one, okay, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:52 Highlight the passage at 1:20:52

1:21:04 Ajahn Hasapanna, don't you think the stress, you know, sometimes we take things too seriously, you know, it's not that bad, you know. Don't you think we should learn to let go too, you know, certain things? Yeah, let go saying it is easy, but doing it is difficult. I know, but we sometimes, certain things we take it, don't you think, too seriously we take it, you know? But this is also need training. You need to train. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:04 Highlight the passage at 1:21:04

1:21:31 It cannot happen overnight. I know. You just have to put into practice, you have to train. But don't you think, if you have stress, okay, the situation, like, if you can relax, no, it's not that bad, you know? But our mind keeps ticking, you know, it's bad the thing. You see what I mean? That's why you have to practice, you know, put into practice present moment awareness, take yourself, you know, remove yourself from the usual situations and then you have to process it. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:31 Highlight the passage at 1:21:31

1:22:07 Because when you're in the same situations, the same people, the same environment, it's always the trigger is always there. Then you don't have the space and time to process it. We need to have space and time. You know, to process it. So that's why sometimes it's always good to take time off. So if you're interested in any retreat, so you go to our website, Jhāna Group website, to check all the, what are the retreats, you know, we have VN retreats, we have five days retreat, we have 90s retreats, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:22:07 Highlight the passage at 1:22:07

1:22:39 Please go on to our website, Jhāna Group. I'm marketing, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:22:39 Highlight the passage at 1:22:39

1:22:48 Then you come back. You're stressed gone, okay? You'll be stressed. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:48 Highlight the passage at 1:22:48