Sense of Self

0:00 The last time I was here was before COVID, and I gave a short meditation instruction. And at that time, I had the feedback from people who were in the live audience that they couldn't hear anything. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:21 It was recorded okay, but then I think people in the audience, they were too polite to say anything. So I hope... Today at least people can hear, so that would be a very good goal. Some years ago we had someone called Pauline, Pauline Shield, probably no one here knows her. And she was quite old already and she couldn't hear properly. So I gave some short talks in Dhammasara during mealtime. Report an error in the passage at 0:21 Highlight the passage at 0:21

1:03 So one time she came up to me and she said, thank you for your talk. I couldn't hear anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:03 Highlight the passage at 1:03

1:16 But I think, she has a British accent, I can't imitate her, but I think it's something about robbing a bank. Report an error in the passage at 1:16 Highlight the passage at 1:16

1:27 And she was right, I was saying something about robbing a bank. No, I did not teach people how to rob a bank. I don't know how to rob a bank properly. But I did tell a story about robbing a bank. So if we have time, do you want to hear a story about robbing a bank? Report an error in the passage at 1:27 Highlight the passage at 1:27

1:51 Well, if you still remember by the end of the talk, then maybe I'll tell you a story about robbing a bank. Report an error in the passage at 1:51 Highlight the passage at 1:51

2:02 So I knew that I was supposed to come here. Like I said, I give some short talks in Dhammasara, the monastery I stay at. So I thought, well, it's easy. Then I just pick one of those topics. Usually they're about five, ten minutes. They're very short, at least the one that I do. I thought, I'll just extend it. Report an error in the passage at 2:02 Highlight the passage at 2:02

2:28 If I ever have to give a longer talk, then I'll just extend it longer. It'll be easy. And as it turns out, It's not as easy as I thought. It's true. I actually am genuinely surprised that it's not as easy as I thought. Sometimes you hear Ajahn Brahm, he doesn't plan his talk at all. And sometimes you see in the audience, surely you have some control about what you want to tell us. Report an error in the passage at 2:28 Highlight the passage at 2:28

3:04 us, like, you know? But he really just, he has this incredible ability to just really sense what is needed in the audience. And then he talks from there. He talks what's appropriate for them. And it's incredible. And I remember one time, I think it was in Jhāna Grove, and someone asked him in the Q &A, and someone asked him, Can you give, you know, can you give a talk just like the ones that you give in Bodhinyana, very deep and, you know, very, very, just, you know, not the too bad breaks, but like something really like good stuff, you know. Report an error in the passage at 3:04 Highlight the passage at 3:04

3:57 And Ajahn Brahm was like, it's not up to me. It's up to the audience. The talk that he gave at that time, it's kind of spring. It tends to just kind of springs out of that environment. I just thought, oh, that's really amazing. But to be honest, I think at that time, I just kind of like, really? I mean, surely you can just say whatever you want, you know. But as I was, you know, just kind of like, oh, I really have to give a talk here. Report an error in the passage at 3:57 Highlight the passage at 3:57

4:26 But no, I really was genuinely surprised that it felt really artificial. The talks that I gave previously, It borns out of the conditions at that time. And what's happening at that time, maybe someone asked me a question, maybe I have a conversation with somebody, or just something happened, maybe something, the topic I've been thinking about, and just, oh, that's very interesting. Report an error in the passage at 4:26 Highlight the passage at 4:26

4:57 And sometimes it depends on the audience, but it's just kind of like, it feels natural for me. To give what I say, whatever I say. Sometimes the themes repeat just because it's another ordination. That kind of thing. And it just made me just wonder. It's like, oh, right. Yeah, that's what Ajahn Brahm means when he talks about this conditioned nature of the self. Report an error in the passage at 4:57 Highlight the passage at 4:57

5:25 You know, it's just... You can control it. I mean, yeah, of course. But it would be just so artificial. Because I don't feel like... I don't feel like I'm the same me at that time. I don't know if you know what I mean. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't feel absolutely natural to say what I said at that time. Report an error in the passage at 5:25 Highlight the passage at 5:25

5:51 So, yeah, so I was pondering about this. Oh, yeah, conditionality. It's interesting. You know, it's true. it's... Report an error in the passage at 5:51 Highlight the passage at 5:51

6:02 Not under my control. That's one day I woke up. This is the truth, okay? I'm not making this up. I woke up one day and I thought, like literally, it's just emotional home. Emotional home. I know it's a bit random, right? And I just thought, what? Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

6:32 I asked myself, what? And then, Report an error in the passage at 6:32 Highlight the passage at 6:32

6:39 And I just felt this notion of emotional home as a really nice metaphor for the notion of a self. And I'm not sure whether I can give an entire hour talk on it, but I think I waste enough time, right? Report an error in the passage at 6:39 Highlight the passage at 6:39

7:01 Like I said, I usually just give a 10-minute talk. Sorry, I shouldn't tell you my strategy. But yeah, I was thinking, well, you know, it's just a really nice metaphor. Because when you think about the notion of a self, a lot of the time it's very abstract. If you come to Buddhism and you're practicing, if someone tells you to practice the precepts or goodness, kindness, make peace, be kind, be gentle, it's very tangible. Report an error in the passage at 7:01 Highlight the passage at 7:01

7:37 But if someone says, Yeah, practice Buddhism. Yeah, you have to practice not-self. It seems really abstract. What do you mean? I just don't exist? Yeah? Does anyone have that feeling? Sometimes, how do you use this notion of not-self? Of course, if you understand the Eightfold Path, then the entire gradual training is gradually letting go that sense of self. Report an error in the passage at 7:37 Highlight the passage at 7:37

8:07 But it just seems so abstract. And then I just thought, yeah, but in reality, the sense of self feels like home. I think that's why it's so seductive. It's not that, it's not, how do you say it? Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:32 It's like when you have a home, think of a literal house. If you have a house, or if you're like me, I just have a room. Report an error in the passage at 8:32 Highlight the passage at 8:32

8:43 Right? And it's a place that, you know, you want to make it your way. You want to make it comfortable. Yeah? And if someone comes to your house and starts messing things up, it just feels not right. Yeah? And if someone is intruding on your house, what do you want to do? You want to close the door. Report an error in the passage at 8:43 Highlight the passage at 8:43

9:14 Close the windows. Close the shutters. If you have shutters, we have shutters in our monastery. This sense of you want to protect yourself. You want to protect what is meaningful for you, what you feel safe. And that's how it is. The sense of self is not always a really dry thing that you just kind of... Report an error in the passage at 9:14 Highlight the passage at 9:14

9:43 It's actually something that we integrate so much into our life and how it drives us and how it causes us to make decisions in a very subtle way that it just feels at home. It just feels like me. Greed, hate, delusion, they feel like me. And that's why it's so hard to see. And, um, I, I, I... Report an error in the passage at 9:43 Highlight the passage at 9:43

10:16 The example I can think of, and I'm sorry I have to think of this example, is about a really good friend of mine, and the last thing I want is, I hope she's not watching. Report an error in the passage at 10:16 Highlight the passage at 10:16

10:31 She's a really good friend of mine. She's not Buddhist, so maybe she's not going to watch this. But it's years and years ago, this story, when we were studying together. and Report an error in the passage at 10:31 Highlight the passage at 10:31

10:45 But the last thing I want is for her to think I'm saying anything to put her down, which is not true. But this is the only example that's stuck in my mind for years. And I can't think of another example. So I just have to give this example. So it's not my fault. So if you're watching, it's not about you. It's about human conditions, okay? Report an error in the passage at 10:45 Highlight the passage at 10:45

11:04 I hope you're not watching. Anyway, it's just short. Something that actually happened, a very good friend of mine, she had a boyfriend, and she didn't actually end up marrying him, so she's married to someone else and have two kids right now. Report an error in the passage at 11:04 Highlight the passage at 11:04

11:26 At that time, I think, for whatever reason, I don't want to go into too much details, but anyway, what happened was the boyfriend was a bit older than her, He wanted to get married. She was like, we just graduated. She had a whole life ahead of her. She was nowhere near thinking about marriage. This is all you think about. And so, sorry, I have no idea what time it is. Report an error in the passage at 11:26 Highlight the passage at 11:26

12:03 And so she was just kind of like, no, I'm not ready. And it's not because she didn't love him. Well, I don't know how much she loved him, but she definitely liked him a lot, as far as I knew. It just wasn't her time. It just wasn't her time. And so that causes some kind of conflict, basically. And they start to have an argument. And in that kind of situation, he said to her, you're always dependent on me. Report an error in the passage at 12:03 Highlight the passage at 12:03

12:38 That was it. She exploded and broke up with him. And then when she told me about it, and then the way she talked about it, she was like, I just cannot see, I just cannot have, I cannot have someone see me that way. I just cannot have someone see me that way. And it just kind of, I didn't understand it at the time, to be honest, because I was like, you like this guy. Report an error in the passage at 12:38 Highlight the passage at 12:38

13:11 He just said it in the heat of the moment. I'm sure if he really thought that you were completely dependent on him, he wouldn't fancy you. I just, you know, of course he didn't really mean it. At the same time, this is what she said. She said, well, I know that there's some truth to it. She acknowledges what she acknowledged. Report an error in the passage at 13:11 Highlight the passage at 13:11

13:41 At that time, there's some truth to it, but of course it's not total truth. She's quite an independent, strong person. And so, yeah, I think since then, I just have that story in mind for ages, for years. And just, you know, from time to time, I just thought, yeah, that's what, you know, that's... That's what the sense of self does. That's what the sense of self does. It makes us push us away. Report an error in the passage at 13:41 Highlight the passage at 13:41

14:23 It pushes away things that we love sometimes. It's just that identity of... What is that identity? The identity of, like, I'm an independent person. Is it true? She knows it's partially true, but it's not as true as she wants it to be. From the way that I heard it. It changed a lot now. It's a different story now. Okay, this is years ago. This is not who she is now. Report an error in the passage at 14:23 Highlight the passage at 14:23

14:55 Just to be clear. But it's a sense of identity that we want to be seen a certain way. And it's so precious to us. We want to be seen a certain way. And if someone really violates it, what happens? Report an error in the passage at 14:55 Highlight the passage at 14:55

15:24 It really hurts. Is it because of what he said? What he said was a trigger. But what he triggered was that sense of self now is broken. I'm not as independent as I want to be seen. It's not about the reality of it. It's how I want to be seen. Report an error in the passage at 15:24 Highlight the passage at 15:24

15:49 And someone so close to me is not buying my story. How terrible! How dare you? And to stop feeling so terrible, so broken, that self-image so broken, I will push away the trigger so I don't feel this way. Report an error in the passage at 15:49 Highlight the passage at 15:49

16:13 That's how powerful and how subtle the sense of self is. And we will push away people we love. And we know they love us. Well, luckily she finds a better husband. Report an error in the passage at 16:13 Highlight the passage at 16:13

16:35 That wasn't a problem. But like I said, it's not about her. I see it in myself, honestly. And I see it in people, sometimes. And a lot of the time, sometimes it seems a small thing for other people. But then for some people, it really, when we really react, really react. A lot of the times it's that self being threatened. And we want to slam the door. That's not how you slam the door, is it? Report an error in the passage at 16:35 Highlight the passage at 16:35

17:13 That's how you slam the door. We want to close the windows. But the problem is when you do that, then your home is supposed to be your home. Report an error in the passage at 17:13 Highlight the passage at 17:13

17:25 It's supposed to be a place that you want to relax. But now you're scared to go outside because when you want your home to be so controlled, it feels like a prison, doesn't it, sometimes? Report an error in the passage at 17:25 Highlight the passage at 17:25

17:43 When you want to block out things that you love, people that you love, because you want to protect yourself. And after a while, that protection, you call it protection. You think it's doing something good for myself. It's actually more and more feel like a prison. And that's the problem. And we do it over and over again. Report an error in the passage at 17:43 Highlight the passage at 17:43

18:10 And we maintain it. We maintain it. How do we maintain it? Well, we maintain it in many ways. The sense of self is being fed in many ways. Of course. One of the ways... One of the ways is how we use this notion of memory. What we choose to focus on. Just in our life, what do we choose to focus on? What do we choose to remember? You know the famous story of Ajahn Brahm? You know which one I'm thinking about? Report an error in the passage at 18:10 Highlight the passage at 18:10

18:54 Usually people don't answer my questions. That's okay. I don't feel depressed or something. No, the two chicken farmers. Report an error in the passage at 18:54 Highlight the passage at 18:54

19:09 I don't want to repeat these stories because it's a bit embarrassing. Sitting in Dhammaloka repeating Ajahn Brahm's story, it's a bit embarrassing. But I assume most people heard it before. So if you're the chicken farmer, are you the kind of chicken farmer that choose the eggs or the chicken pool? Report an error in the passage at 19:09 Highlight the passage at 19:09

19:32 Are you the kind of chicken farmers that actually choose wisely? So that what you choose actually enhances your life, rather than you choose something that's going to stain your house. Report an error in the passage at 19:32 Highlight the passage at 19:32

19:51 Especially if you close all the doors and the shutters. Report an error in the passage at 19:51 Highlight the passage at 19:51

20:04 There's another story that happened. Yeah? So... Report an error in the passage at 20:04 Highlight the passage at 20:04

20:14 Some time ago, I was in a retreat. Report an error in the passage at 20:14 Highlight the passage at 20:14

20:25 So at the beginning of the retreat, the teacher told everyone, there's a garden in this retreat center, and if you don't look for it, and just take a casual walk around the area, you'll find it. Report an error in the passage at 20:25 Highlight the passage at 20:25

20:47 But if you try to look for it, you won't find it. So see if you can, just take a casual walk, and have no aim, no intention, and see if you will find this garden. Report an error in the passage at 20:47 Highlight the passage at 20:47

21:09 So I was sitting there in the audience, and guess what I did? I thought, I'll find it. Report an error in the passage at 21:09 Highlight the passage at 21:09

21:19 And I've been there before, okay? So if I systematically, because I mean each day you would have at least some time between food and meditation and dharma talks, there's always some time, and you go for a walk anyway, okay? So it's like you're doing something different, and if I systematically go through the area, you have many days, because he told us at the beginning, right? Report an error in the passage at 21:19 Highlight the passage at 21:19

21:46 So surely what happened, I'll find it. So I determined that I'll be one of those who, by the end of this retreat, I'll find this garden. What do you think? Do you think I find it? Report an error in the passage at 21:46 Highlight the passage at 21:46

22:04 I didn't find it. I couldn't find it. At the end, I was thinking, I've been everywhere. And I've been there before. It's not the first time I was there. I had walks before. And I already knew that place pretty well. And now I'm actually... You know, going, kind of systematically trying to find it, and I couldn't find it. And I thought, did Report an error in the passage at 22:04 Highlight the passage at 22:04

22:34 other people find it? Anyways, I left, and then eventually I talked to a friend, and was like, you know, when I was in that retreat, and I tried to find this place, and I couldn't find it. And she said, oh, I know where it is. It's very close to the main area. I said, you do? Can you show me? Report an error in the passage at 22:34 Highlight the passage at 22:34

22:57 So, For sure, next time we went there, she kind of took me there. And it's true, it's only five minutes from the main area. Report an error in the passage at 22:57 Highlight the passage at 22:57

23:07 And so, you know, we walk and we got there. And when I got there, I've been here before. Not at that retreat. Like I said, I've been to that retreat center before. I've been there like maybe three, four years ago. Report an error in the passage at 23:07 Highlight the passage at 23:07

23:37 But it wasn't a garden yet. It wasn't a garden yet, because they were still building it. So at that time, it was just like, well, yeah, garden junkyard. So you have some hay here and some tools there. All I could remember was it was a place that wasn't a natural bush. Report an error in the passage at 23:37 Highlight the passage at 23:37

24:10 But it was definitely touched by human, but it hasn't been made into anything in particular. That's how I remembered it. And that's why I couldn't find it. Report an error in the passage at 24:10 Highlight the passage at 24:10

24:21 You understand why now? Because if I followed the instruction, if I didn't try to look for it, I would have just kind of randomly, oh, this place again. I've been here before. Oh, they did something. Oh, that's really nice. Put a Buddhist statue here, that's very nice. But because I was trying to look for it, in my mind, it wasn't actually conscious. In the back of my mind, I just, I labeled it as Ajahn Yat. Report an error in the passage at 24:21 Highlight the passage at 24:21

24:56 So I didn't go back there. Because I'm looking for a garden. It doesn't match my perception of a garden. So it's specifically... Not specifically in an intentional way. I actually didn't do it intentionally. But it was just a very kind of slight flicker in my mind. It's like, oh, no, no, don't go there. I'm looking for a garden, okay? I'm looking for a garden. So that was very interesting to me. Report an error in the passage at 24:56 Highlight the passage at 24:56

25:30 That was a very interesting experience for me. I just never forgot it. Forget it. Because I was thinking, you know, that's what happens sometimes, you know? Have you ever, like, you know, when you're a teenage girl, a teenage boy, or something like that, let's say teenage girls, because I don't have experience as a teenage boy, so I can't speak for you, but say a teenage girl, and there's always some really annoying boys in the class, That try to catch your attention. And then what do they do? Because they're young and stupid, right? They don't know any social skill to talk to people. All they know, they just want some kind of connection. Report an error in the passage at 25:30 Highlight the passage at 25:30

26:18 It wasn't because they like you in a special way, even. But they want some kind of attention. But they don't know what to do. So they kind of steal your pencil, pull your hair, hide your notebook, or just keep talking non-stop about... Nothing you care about. And you're just like, you know, some kind of idiot or something, right? Report an error in the passage at 26:18 Highlight the passage at 26:18

26:46 And so years later, years later, and you would be thinking, someone say, oh, we're having a reunion. So and so will be there. And you'd be thinking, no, I don't want to meet that guy. But by chance, you do meet him again, right? a reunion. Report an error in the passage at 26:46 Highlight the passage at 26:46

27:04 And then he's completely not the person that you were thinking of because he changed. But I'm still holding to an image from years ago that actually blocked me from actually knowing that person ever. And we do it to what? We lose the opportunities to meet our potential teachers, our potential partners, our potential... Report an error in the passage at 27:04 Highlight the passage at 27:04

27:35 Boss, employer, potential best friend, soulmates. Just because somehow we label people. And what we do outside, we do the same to ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 27:35 Highlight the passage at 27:35

27:55 We change so much. If you live long enough, I'm sure you will notice it. And then you still think of yourself as, what do people call themselves? I'm a shy person. person. I'm a Report an error in the passage at 27:55 Highlight the passage at 27:55

28:11 I'm not good at art, or something like that. And it's just locked in place. That's who you are, when it's not true. There's many... Well, it may be true for some people, but a lot of the time it's actually not true. Because there are so many... Report an error in the passage at 28:11 Highlight the passage at 28:11

28:37 Twenty years later, so many times, someone who thinks they're shy, they speak in public. And they filter all those, because they have this self-image that this is who I am. Report an error in the passage at 28:37 Highlight the passage at 28:37

28:53 And then they don't allow themselves to feel a different version of themselves. And that's quite a shame, right? You're missing out the opportunities outside for your potential best friend. No, that's one thing. But to not recognize who you are now and how you have grown, how you have changed, and the potential that we have, well, that's a real shame. Report an error in the passage at 28:53 Highlight the passage at 28:53

29:23 So sometimes the practice can seem very difficult sometimes because you have to read all the suttas and you have to learn all these things and then you have to give up what you want to do to keep the precepts. But one way to make it very fun and simple, it just arouses a sense of curiosity. I start again, you know, the sense of beginner's mind. Report an error in the passage at 29:23 Highlight the passage at 29:23

29:49 You know, sometimes probably, I don't know, probably other tradition talks a little bit more than us, but it's a very simple idea. Just start again, be curious. What's happening? Like ask questions instead of have definite... Answers in their minds. What's happening? Who am I really? That's a very deep question. But they just ask, could it be? Report an error in the passage at 29:49 Highlight the passage at 29:49

30:19 Could it be that this person has changed? Could it be that this place has changed? Could it be that I was wrong? And that sense of curiosity can expand in so many levels. You miss someone. And, you know, sometimes you go to a restaurant. I don't go to a restaurant. But if you go to a restaurant, and, you know, have you ever had some really kind of grumpy waiter or waitress? Report an error in the passage at 30:19 Highlight the passage at 30:19

30:53 Yeah? And you wonder, how do you get this job? You know, how do they, why do they employ you? And instead of thinking, what's wrong with them? Report an error in the passage at 30:53 Highlight the passage at 30:53

31:07 What's wrong with you? What's wrong with them? Or at work, you're thinking, what's wrong with me? But instead of thinking that, if you just stretch that question a little bit, what's happened to them? I'd be curious. What's happened to them? And it changes everything. Your friend is suddenly really rude to you. Report an error in the passage at 31:07 Highlight the passage at 31:07

31:31 It's like, what happened to them? And you're suddenly sitting there feeling so agitated. You ask me to watch my breath. It's like, I wish I'm not breathing. Report an error in the passage at 31:31 Highlight the passage at 31:31

31:42 It's like, what's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be meditating. I'm supposed to be like, it's so much light. It's like Christmas lights outside, it looks like. It's like I'm supposed to be happy. What's wrong with me? But instead you ask yourself, what's happened? What's the condition today that made me feel that way? Report an error in the passage at 31:42 Highlight the passage at 31:42

32:00 It turns your mind to a direction of investigation, of curiosity. And sometimes we tend to We tend to... Report an error in the passage at 32:00 Highlight the passage at 32:00

32:17 I don't know how to say this. Sometimes we tend to block communication. And, you know, have you had that? Sometimes you have one person who feels we have to talk about it. We have to talk about everything. Then everything will be okay. And then the other person is like, just leave it and it will be okay. Report an error in the passage at 32:17 Highlight the passage at 32:17

32:47 Let's just talk about it. And we always just come from our own perspective. I do that. We always come from how I see things. Report an error in the passage at 32:47 Highlight the passage at 32:47

32:59 And then when you try to communicate, you have to communicate. And we always communicate the way we want to communicate. And I mean, honestly, communication isn't just... And just... Just multiplying words. Or put it very skillfully. Ask AI if you want to put it skillfully. The real communication, if you really want to connect, is to at least one side, assuming just two sides, at least one side, they drop their version of reality, their version of what's right and what's wrong. Report an error in the passage at 32:59 Highlight the passage at 32:59

33:50 At least just one side, it usually would, the other side will respond. If it's two sides, that's great. But if you're able to just drop back to the kind of curiosity I was talking about, go back to the beginner's mind, and instead of trying to... Report an error in the passage at 33:50 Highlight the passage at 33:50

34:12 Impose your ideas of someone on what's right and what's wrong. And just somehow try to get them to do what you want them to do. Don't you see this is the best? Instead of that, if you just drop what you actually, where you come from, your sense of this is definitely right, this is definitely wrong, and be interested in why do they think this way? Report an error in the passage at 34:12 Highlight the passage at 34:12

34:43 Like, what is the thinking behind them that drives what they do, how they behave? And is there a way that I can understand it? Report an error in the passage at 34:43 Highlight the passage at 34:43

34:54 And is there a way that, you know, is there a way that they will actually tell me? Sometimes there's not enough trust. They won't tell you. Sometimes it's not the right time. They're not going to tell you. You're not going to force people to open up to you. Report an error in the passage at 34:54 Highlight the passage at 34:54

35:15 Yeah, when would that be the right time? That would create an opening. That would touch somebody, because you're doing something different. Suddenly you're not driven by the sense of self of, this is right, I think this is what you should do. Well, do it. Yeah? And... And usually if you don't get the response that you want, if they don't do it, why? It's because they don't think the way that you do. Report an error in the passage at 35:15 Highlight the passage at 35:15

35:52 They're not driven by the same belief, same perceptions as you. It doesn't feel right to them. It doesn't feel true to them. And you don't give them a space to tell you. Report an error in the passage at 35:52 Highlight the passage at 35:52

36:12 And in fact, the way that you impose your idea on someone, then it just feels like, well, you know. But sometimes it's like, even if you invite, it's like, well, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. You know, people don't want conflict sometimes. Sometimes they don't. And if we actually cultivate this sense of matter, make peace, be kind, be gentle, this sense of matter is very, very close to Report an error in the passage at 36:12 Highlight the passage at 36:12

36:41 This sense of like a simple curiosity, a simple mind. Because you're open. The sense of like openness. Because one of the things, I just go back to the simile of the emotional home. Report an error in the passage at 36:41 Highlight the passage at 36:41

37:04 And, you know, mettā, loving kindness, is like, It's not that you're perfect and loving yet, but it's just the sense of willingness to just give it a chance. Just open the window. Just open the door. Open the shutters if you're in Dhammasara. Just open a little bit. Let the light come in. Let the sunlight come in. Let the air come in. Report an error in the passage at 37:04 Highlight the passage at 37:04

37:44 Just that simile of Ajahn Brahm talks about mettā, loving-kindness, it's like opening the door of your heart. And there's no judgment. You'll be thinking, well, I can't do it. I can't love everyone. No, no, no, no. No one's perfect. It's just that very beginning of like, you're willing to do it. You're willing to just open the door a little bit. Just let that home have... Report an error in the passage at 37:44 Highlight the passage at 37:44

38:11 Have air, have light. Report an error in the passage at 38:11 Highlight the passage at 38:11

38:18 That's kind of a, you know, I think, it's Mother's Day in two days. Is it true? It's true, yeah? So, you know, this, oh, I have no idea what time it is. I can't see the, I can't actually see the time. you know, have light. Yeah? Report an error in the passage at 38:18 Highlight the passage at 38:18

38:42 For some strange reason. Report an error in the passage at 38:42 Highlight the passage at 38:42

38:50 Yeah, this, you know, in Mother's Day, I always have this idea of like, think of Mother's Day instead of, not instead of, like in addition to. You know, in Mother's Day, you have a lot of gratitude for your mother, yeah? And remember their kindness, yeah? And you thank your mom, of course. But I just felt that maybe that's a bit more. Report an error in the passage at 38:50 Highlight the passage at 38:50

39:22 Maybe Mother's Day should be kind of like an opportunity to remind us to practice mettā. And the sense of mettā is... Mettā isn't just when... Someone nice to you, then you have matter towards them. Matter happens when things are difficult as well. Because I acknowledge that not everyone has a positive relationship with their parents. Report an error in the passage at 39:22 Highlight the passage at 39:22

40:05 Not everyone. And sometimes even we have people who are abused. And so it doesn't mean they can't celebrate Mother's Day. Report an error in the passage at 40:05 Highlight the passage at 40:05

40:15 And I would suggest that, no, they can. Because I think Mother's Day should be an opportunity to just remind us to practice that sense of matter. And it's very simple. It's just opening the door. Just open that sense of curiosity. Open that sense of willingness to just try something different. You know, someone just really bugs you. Just give a tiny window. It's like, well, Maybe it's not what I thought. And when lights come in, your home feels completely different. Even just tiny, you know, just the power of light. Report an error in the passage at 40:15 Highlight the passage at 40:15

40:56 A tiny bit of light, it dispels the darkness. And sometimes our hearts feel so cold and so dark sometimes. But actually, all it takes is just a tiny bit of light. And it opens it up. And suddenly, you know, when I describe, you know, sometimes this... This home becomes, this self becomes more like a prison. You open a little bit, then the prison opens up. Hey, there's doors in prison. They're not locked. Report an error in the passage at 40:56 Highlight the passage at 40:56

41:26 They're not locked. So, at the beginning of the talk, I mentioned Pauline. She's amazing. I mean, I really... She passed away now. Honestly, I never knew her that well. I'm not pretending that I know her that well. She used to come to monastery like every week for like 20 years or something like that. She passed away maybe a few years ago or something like that. Report an error in the passage at 41:26 Highlight the passage at 41:26

41:55 A good age, you know, she was like over 80. But she's this like really chubby woman, always kind of happy. She'll come in, it's really hard to imitate Pauline because she speaks really loud. She'll come in and go, and you know, she's like this massive teddy bear that you just want to like... Like, go for it, that kind of thing. And she always reminded me, I mean, I always really liked her. Report an error in the passage at 41:55 Highlight the passage at 41:55

42:27 I never tried to, you know, try to, we didn't really have the opportunity to really get to know each other when she was alive. But I kind of admired from a distance kind of thing. Because I can feel her energy. She has a really strong sense of mettā, and she has very, very good meditation, by the way. Report an error in the passage at 42:27 Highlight the passage at 42:27

42:47 And one of the things I... I suppose tell you about robbing the bank. But I tell you this story, it's better than robbing the bank. If you have time, then I'll tell you how to rob a bank. But this is an even better story. And she, of course, she's a very strong woman. And she had a son who committed suicide. Report an error in the passage at 42:47 Highlight the passage at 42:47

43:18 suicide. Report an error in the passage at 43:18 Highlight the passage at 43:18

43:21 And afterwards, she had some time to herself, and afterwards she sent us an email. And it was the most, it was a very touching email. And I think she said something like, her son John, her son John has He has two sides. And one side is a very gentle, loving, generous, soft person. Report an error in the passage at 43:21 Highlight the passage at 43:21

44:06 He's always happy to help her with all the chores at home. And, you know, she remembered, like, a simple thing. He was trying to save a bee from a spider web or something. Just didn't want to. You didn't want it to be killed. Report an error in the passage at 44:06 Highlight the passage at 44:06

44:30 And he became, he was ill, mentally ill for a long time. So that's become the second side of him, that he just had this 25 years of incredible torturing illness that he turned into a different person. Well, she wouldn't put it this way. Basically, it's... It's not easy to be around with. She didn't say this in the letter. This is my commentary so that you understand what's happening. Report an error in the passage at 44:30 Highlight the passage at 44:30

45:14 And it was just so much suffering for him. And he tried everything. He tried taking medication, tried to stop drinking. I can't remember the details. But one thing she said. One thing she said, she said, but the illness is not John. The illness is not John. That's the emphasis. The illness is not John. Report an error in the passage at 45:14 Highlight the passage at 45:14

45:38 And that was really important, that space that she and her family held for John, for her son, that however difficult he was, they never forget that space, that it was the illness. This is not him. And it was just so beautiful. And then how he passed was he jumped off a building of nine floors or something like that. Report an error in the passage at 45:38 Highlight the passage at 45:38

46:18 So it was instant death. And the way she described it was, you know, she can just imagine in those last maybe two seconds, of his life that he finally finds freedom. Now, she's a very deep Buddhist. She knows that committing suicide is not real freedom. This is not what she means. But what it means, it seems to me, that that's the best freedom that, with his mind, that he was trying to deal with, that's the best freedom that he could find. Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18

47:03 And she totally wasn't judging it. She totally respected it and just stood in his shoes. And I think she even said something like, that's his final gift to us, the freedom for himself and the freedom for the people who love him. So they don't have to suffer with this, for him, suffering with his... And for people who deal with him, live with him, have to deal with all that drama. Report an error in the passage at 47:03 Highlight the passage at 47:03

47:45 But you can see, you know, I mean, what I remember from it, it was just kind of, it was just unwavering love, unwavering, you know, understanding and presence and willingness. All that drama. Report an error in the passage at 47:45 Highlight the passage at 47:45

48:05 To reframe the situation so that she never put him wrong, she never put him in a position that, you know, how can you leave us, or that kind of position. But it was just so amazingly loving. loving that Report an error in the passage at 48:05 Highlight the passage at 48:05

48:30 Yeah, it's, you know... And sometimes, I think that's what I mean. Sometimes we think of practice of mettā. It's like, but I'm angry all the time. How do you practice mettā? Report an error in the passage at 48:30 Highlight the passage at 48:30

48:42 Or we judge other people. Hey, didn't you just teach mettā meditation? Didn't you just get angry? But exactly, it's that imperfection. I mean, John wasn't perfect. It's that imperfection that actually challenges us. ...of the depth of matter that you can practice. And our own imperfection also challenges ourselves, that eventually when we can embrace all the imperfections, it becomes the most beautiful kind of matter. Report an error in the passage at 48:42 Highlight the passage at 48:42

49:24 It becomes deeper. It becomes stronger. And it's from within. It's not about how my mom treats me, though. She treats me that way though. It becomes from within that you start to see, maybe for the first time, you start to see her angle, her struggling. Report an error in the passage at 49:24 Highlight the passage at 49:24

49:47 And after all that, she still gives us life. That's undeniable about that. So it's not about judging how much we can do it and how well we can do it. It's just about... You know, coming back to that appreciation of the possibility of how beautiful we could be, we can be. And just start with just simple, just opening the door, just being curious. Just this moment, just like, what's here? Report an error in the passage at 49:47 Highlight the passage at 49:47

50:29 Why am I feeling this way? Like, what's here? You know? So, I guess, Well, since it's Mother's Day, so I hope that, yeah, maybe this talk and this occasion, that we can share our good, good, good goodness with our moms, yeah? To my mom and to my parents, but to Pauline, I mean, I think about it. I still remember her birthday. And to all of our mothers, and for those of you who are mothers as well. Report an error in the passage at 50:29 Highlight the passage at 50:29

51:12 And so maybe that's a nice way to think about Mother's Day. And that's what I wish for all of us. So, do you still want to hear about Wapping the Bank? I'm not sure how... Actually, I have enough time. Report an error in the passage at 51:12 Highlight the passage at 51:12

51:33 Sorry? Sorry? Go-to. Is that an Aussie thing? Go-to. Aussie thing. Okay, yeah, no, I'm happy to. You know, try to pretend I'm 100 % Aussie. Is my accent very Australian? Report an error in the passage at 51:33 Highlight the passage at 51:33

51:59 So I remember when I was an Anglican, one of the Anglicans was trying to teach me to speak like Australians. She said, never pronounce the A. Australian. Report an error in the passage at 51:59 Highlight the passage at 51:59

52:12 Is it true? Do I sound very Aussie now? Yeah? Sadhu. Okay, well. it. Report an error in the passage at 52:12 Highlight the passage at 52:12

52:21 Yeah, okay, okay. Don't tell Ajahn Brahm that I teach people how to rob a bank, okay? But since I think it's not 9 o 'clock yet, I can tell you. So that's a film by Woody Allen, I think. Anyone know Woody Allen? Really? He's famous? Oh, really? I didn't know he's famous. But anyway, years ago, this film. And have you watched the one that, you know, there was a couple, and they were trying to rob a bank. Report an error in the passage at 52:21 Highlight the passage at 52:21

52:53 And anyone watch that film? Oh, okay, you know the story already. So there was a couple and we tried to rob a bank. And the husband was like, you know, it's so easy. I don't know why no one does it. Like, why? But he thought, well, that's okay. We can have all the money. So, you know, if people don't do it, we do it. That's okay, you know. So the idea is like, okay, this is, you know, don't imitate because you're Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 52:53 Highlight the passage at 52:53

53:25 Don't do it. But it's a fantastic idea, he thought, or they thought. The way to rob a bank is, well, there's a bank. You rent the bakery next to it and dig a tunnel from the bakery to the bank. And at night when there's no one, you go there and get all the money. And then, easy. Report an error in the passage at 53:25 Highlight the passage at 53:25

53:52 I mean, this is... Kind of a film maybe 20 years ago, 20, 30 years ago, something like 30 years ago. So I thought they still have like security camera at that time. Or at least they don't just put money on top of a desk. You know, they would have a safe or something. You need some kind of key or code, right? So even if you go there at night, you would have something. Report an error in the passage at 53:52 Highlight the passage at 53:52

54:18 But somehow, you know, I don't know what kind of banks they have in, this must be America. They just put their money at night on the desk so that you can just dig a tunnel and just pick it up. So easy. So anyway, so they rented this bakery, which is fantastic. And so in order, it takes time to dig, okay? So then, okay, well, then we have to pretend we are normal. So then they have a bakery, actually sell bakery. Report an error in the passage at 54:18 Highlight the passage at 54:18

54:51 And then the husband, I think they take turns, I don't know how it works now, will dig a hole at the back room to their goal, to rob the bank. Report an error in the passage at 54:51 Highlight the passage at 54:51

55:04 But then the problem happens. The problem happens that she was such a good baker. And there's so many customers. We're trying to rob the bank for crying out loud. And we're so busy that the husband have to come here and help sometimes to sell bakery. It's like $2 for a loaf of bread. I mean, come on, I'm trying to make big money here. It's like I'm busy, you know. So he got so pissed off, both of them. It's like I'm busy. Report an error in the passage at 55:04 Highlight the passage at 55:04

55:36 We have big vision. We have goals. We're not here to sell croissant, you know. So... So then you have a scene of them just kind of like, oh, have it, don't bother me, have it, you know. Report an error in the passage at 55:36 Highlight the passage at 55:36

55:55 You know, I can't remember the rest of the film. That's the only part I remember. I don't know what the film is about, actually. I can't remember a thing. I can't remember actually what happened to that story. I just thought that was so funny. It stuck in my mind forever. And I thought, isn't it what we do? You know, isn't it what we do? Report an error in the passage at 55:55 Highlight the passage at 55:55

56:15 Sometimes we are so caught up with our wanting, life always gives us what we need. If you notice, we may not like it. It will give us, it will show us our weakness and at some point challenges us and forces us to grow each time. Whether it's sickness, I don't know what the problem is. And I'm not saying it's destined, I'm not saying, you know, whatever. Report an error in the passage at 56:15 Highlight the passage at 56:15

56:42 That it's good that bad things happen to people. But as a result, people really, the bigger the challenge, usually the bigger the gain, what we learn from it. Sorry? You become a blessing in disguise, yeah. But instead, we're just like this couple sometimes, you know. You focus so much on what you think things should be, like our own craving. Report an error in the passage at 56:42 Highlight the passage at 56:42

57:16 And a lot of our craving is like robbing a bank. They don't help us. Like, I want a million dollars. Is it really that great? Well, maybe it is to some of you. But a lot of the time, some of what we want, they don't help us. And what life shows us, right in front of us, you have a skill to make an honest living and make good money with this bakery. Report an error in the passage at 57:16 Highlight the passage at 57:16

57:41 We don't see it. But we want something else, yeah? So coming back to the theme of like, if we just see it and open to it, what is life telling us? What is life telling us? It will be the same sense of that opening that allow us to grow, allow us to appreciate whatever experience we had with our parents, our mothers, our childhood, and our life in a positive and useful way. Report an error in the passage at 57:41 Highlight the passage at 57:41

58:15 So I'll leave this talk for your reflection, and I hope that will have some benefit for you. Report an error in the passage at 58:15 Highlight the passage at 58:15

58:31 And don't tell anyone that I teach you how to rob a bank. Okay? So if there's some bakery with a tunnel in it, we're going to monitor one of you. Report an error in the passage at 58:31 Highlight the passage at 58:31

58:43 And I guess it's a Q &A. Is there any more questions from the audience here? Any? Is there any question? Am I on time? I think I'm okay with time. Is there a question from online people? Report an error in the passage at 58:43 Highlight the passage at 58:43

59:07 My question... Hello. Hi, who is it? Oh, hey. I can't see properly, so you have to make yourself known. Yes, please. My question is more around appreciation and showing appreciation. Specifically, When we do start to feel those sorts of emotions, whether it be greed, delusion or hatred, but those things of conflicted emotions, but still trying to show appreciation, where Mother's Day is coming up and people might have conflicted emotions when it comes to their parents, but we might forget how to have that appreciation for what they've done in our lives. Report an error in the passage at 59:07 Highlight the passage at 59:07

1:00:00 And I was just curious from the perspective of the Buddha and you as a monk, how you process those emotions when it comes to appreciating and getting past that conditioning, if that makes sense. Okay, so how do you come back to the sense of appreciation? Yes. When our emotions sometimes make us forget. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:00 Highlight the passage at 1:00:00

1:00:23 Yes. I used to always say, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:23 Highlight the passage at 1:00:23

1:00:29 How to remember? I mean, yeah, remember that, you know, sometimes just come back to the simple practice of the Eightfold Path. I mean, that's always our grounding. And, you know, one of the main points is just like, you know, positive, wholesome, useful emotions. That's something that we... When it's negative, it doesn't do anything good. And if we remind ourselves of that, and when it's positive, then you don't have to try to generate some kind of result. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:29 Highlight the passage at 1:00:29

1:01:14 But if you stay at that appreciative, curious kind of mind, answers come. And I think the more that you have experience of that, the more that, you know, Just come back to this wholesome state of mind helps you to solve problems, or at least make you feel more stable. The more you encourage yourself to be able to arouse that sense of appreciation. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:14 Highlight the passage at 1:01:14

1:01:48 So just start with a little step, but something that really helps is you reflect on what works and what doesn't work. Just like in our meditation, we didn't actually do a reflection at the end today, but if you're able to, for example, in your meditation, just always look back, even just for 30 seconds, what actually, what happened to the mind, and what works and what doesn't work. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:48 Highlight the passage at 1:01:48

1:02:20 And the more that you notice, the more that... The more that you return a wholesome state of mind, that actually helps everything. You feel better, for sure. But then that allows you to come back to a sense of clarity. That would encourage you. That would encourage you just to do more. And just a little step at a time. There's no magic formula. It's not like monastic. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:20 Highlight the passage at 1:02:20

1:02:45 It's always appreciative. But it's that gradual sense of just coming back to the basic. Coming back to the teaching of, you know, just coming back, what is wholesome? Yeah, what is wholesome now? Then gradually it would, it builds until the point that it becomes more automatic. All right, thank you very much. Thank you. Anyone else? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:45 Highlight the passage at 1:02:45

1:03:26 I want to seek revenge from people who did me bad. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:26 Highlight the passage at 1:03:26

1:03:32 How to handle such situation? Do Buddhists seek revenge from others? Report an error in the passage at 1:03:32 Highlight the passage at 1:03:32

1:03:42 Well, it's not encouraged. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:42 Highlight the passage at 1:03:42

1:03:50 But I'm sure many of us have that urge sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:50 Highlight the passage at 1:03:50

1:04:00 But you know, if you follow that urge and revenge, you just never... it. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:00 Highlight the passage at 1:04:00

1:03:56 Sometimes. Yeah? Report an error in the passage at 1:03:56 Highlight the passage at 1:03:56

1:04:09 You never get anywhere. And just like the example that I gave when two people tried to communicate, you always need one side to be able to just stop and look for a different direction for the conflicts to end. If everyone just comes from their own point of view, and I'm going to convince you, you're going to convince me, and you're not nice to me, and I'm not nice to you too, it just never ends. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:09 Highlight the passage at 1:04:09

1:04:36 That's what the Buddha says in the Dhammapada. It's just not going to end. And so, I mean, I'm sure people have tried before, and it leads to more suffering. So it's not recommended, but I understand that that would be your urge. But just maybe try something different. You have the urge. You don't have to follow every single urge. Right? Have you ever come to Dhammaloka and wanted to steal Ajahn Brahm's kick? Report an error in the passage at 1:04:36 Highlight the passage at 1:04:36

1:05:11 You didn't follow it, did you? So just try something different and see how it goes. I had a relative who got married to a guy in Perth. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:11 Highlight the passage at 1:05:11

1:05:31 I never heard from her since her wedding. She became rich suddenly and then stopped talking to me. How to handle such change in people? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:31 Highlight the passage at 1:05:31

1:05:50 Marriage usually doesn't last that long nowadays. It should come back to you. But I mean, seriously, things change though. You have to understand things change. And she obviously has her own reason. And it may not be what, you know, it's very easy to take many things personally. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:50 Highlight the passage at 1:05:50

1:06:18 And it may have nothing to do with you. Maybe she's having a real hard time. So I know silence, something is difficult. Because what happens with silence, our mind tries to fill up all the gaps in that silence. And we usually fill it with the worst things. And usually it's about me. She didn't reply to me, then it's about me. She doesn't like me anymore. Now she's rich. I'm not her level anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:18 Highlight the passage at 1:06:18

1:06:47 Something like that. But again, those are what we call prapancha, mental proliferation. So first of all, it's about her life and what she sees in her life, what she needs at the moment. It's more about her life than about you. That's for sure. That's true for most people. And yeah, well, we talked about mettā today. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:47 Highlight the passage at 1:06:47

1:07:15 So maybe just give her the benefit of the doubt. In the sense that, you know, maybe I'm just not what she needs right now. Maybe she needs something else. And I hope she's doing well. And when that's finished, she may come back. And you just keep that door open for her when she's ready to come back to you. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:15 Highlight the passage at 1:07:15

1:07:39 And try that. I mean, yeah, there's many ways to approach it. But I think one of the main things is just don't take it too seriously. Personally, I would say. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:39 Highlight the passage at 1:07:39

1:07:56 In the suttas, in order to overcome resentment, one should apply kindness, gentleness, equanimity. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:56 Highlight the passage at 1:07:56

1:08:08 Disregard the person with fact. The person with fact. Oh, disregard the person with fact, the law of karma. Okay, okay, okay. Could you explain this? Report an error in the passage at 1:08:08 Highlight the passage at 1:08:08

1:08:34 So, to overcome resentment. So the resentment, the antidotes usually, you start with kindness. There's a sequence here. I mean, these few things here, the first thing to notice is that there's a sequence here. I mean, the suttas always present things in a way that's actually, there's a very... Report an error in the passage at 1:08:34 Highlight the passage at 1:08:34

1:09:03 Intentional sequences. It's not random, basically. So then, I mean, just like the person who wants to revenge. I mean, I know you talk about resentment, but it's some negative emotion, yeah? And so the first thing is, if you can, you know, if you can easily just switch that resentment to think about kindness towards that person, then problem solved. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:03 Highlight the passage at 1:09:03

1:09:29 Right? So the part here, you start with mettā, you start with mettā, you start with karuṇā, you start with upeka, right? So then when it's difficult, when it's not easy to just, you know, you go from resenting and you suddenly turn into this loving kind of mind, then the second step would be, basically you're adjusting the tool so that it actually works. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:29 Highlight the passage at 1:09:29

1:09:58 At the point that when, you know, maybe someone at a level that, you know, nothing bothers them, then they can switch, they can go to kindness right away. But when it's at a level that it's not that easy to do that, then you reflect on that, you think of compassion, you think of their suffering, you know, their suffering, then maybe you can, you know, switch back to the wholesome that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:58 Highlight the passage at 1:09:58

1:10:25 If it's still not working, then you turn into equanimity. That's upekka. Then it's like, okay, well, you know, just let go, let it be, you know, okay. And you basically have a much more kind of laid-back approach, because now you can't, you know, it doesn't feel right to you to feel the other ways. And after all that, if it's kind of failed, Report an error in the passage at 1:10:25 Highlight the passage at 1:10:25

1:10:56 At the end, the very last one is to reflect the law of karma. So if they really did something that hurt you, then, well, at the end, they're the owner of their karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:56 Highlight the passage at 1:10:56

1:11:11 And so that's a reflection that, you know, sometimes it's, it just maybe, maybe you're not in the space, but maybe the other person really did something really bad and, like, you can't, You can't use all the other tools earlier. And so the last thing will be, you reflect on the karma then, you know, well, I can still let it go because at the end, we are all the owners of our karma anyway. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:11 Highlight the passage at 1:11:11

1:11:41 So that's the suggestion of how to use different level of tools to remove resentment. Yeah? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:41 Highlight the passage at 1:11:41

1:12:00 I'm highly sensitive and very compassionate, which also causes extreme sadness. I'm also severely ill. How do I handle extreme sadness when it overwhelms me? Well, Report an error in the passage at 1:12:00 Highlight the passage at 1:12:00

1:12:29 compassion doesn't lead to sadness. Real compassion. So if you're being compassionate, And it leads to sadness. Something's not right. And I'm not trying to pretend I know what's for your case. But whatever it is, something's not quite right. So I come back to see, you know, is this... Why is it causing sadness? Usually sadness is because we want something for ourselves. And if it's causing sadness, then some expectation is not matching. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:29 Highlight the passage at 1:12:29

1:13:28 And of course, it's very common that, you know, if you, like you said, you're severely ill, your illness sometimes affects emotions negatively. So you have to just watch out for that when you look after your physical health, because the body and the mind They affect each other. So definitely do the necessary thing to look after your health. And the sadness itself, when it overwhelms you, yeah, I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:28 Highlight the passage at 1:13:28

1:14:03 I think try to find a different way to approach whatever you've been doing. Just try something different. Try something different. Maybe you're having the same friends. Maybe you have the same job or same medication, same doctor. I'm not trying to tell you to change your medication. Try something different. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:03 Highlight the passage at 1:14:03

1:14:37 Find a different opening. And change, even though you're sick, change how you use your body. Change something. It is Report an error in the passage at 1:14:37 Highlight the passage at 1:14:37

1:14:48 Try different tools. There are so many tools from the suttas. Try different contemplation. Look at how you choose your memory, like I said in the talk today. How do you choose your perceptions? Do something different. And that kind of sensitivity and that kind of connection with others, if there's any kind of personal wanting, anything back, That will lead to a lot of sadness and disappointment. And I'm not saying that's your case, but it may be there. And maybe the physical health really affects you emotionally and mentally. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:48 Highlight the passage at 1:14:48

1:15:30 Look into that. I don't have enough information to give any kind of concrete advice, but all I can say with the information that I got is, Report an error in the passage at 1:15:30 Highlight the passage at 1:15:30

1:15:45 You know, do something to really try your best to do something with your health. Maybe find a new specialist or something, because that's going to affect your feelings. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:45 Highlight the passage at 1:15:45

1:15:58 But real compassion shouldn't lead to sadness. It shouldn't feel like sacrificing. It shouldn't feel like people are using you. So look into that. I don't know what happened for you, but look into it. What's happening? Just, what do I want? Is there something I want? Report an error in the passage at 1:15:58 Highlight the passage at 1:15:58

1:16:18 From my helping others? From my compassion? And maybe there's some insight from that. Maybe not. I'm not sure. I don't know. But just try something different. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:18 Highlight the passage at 1:16:18

1:16:35 That's my suggestion. And when you get to that sense of overwhelm, then change your situation a little bit. Don't dwell in it so much. Don't just dwell in the overwhelm. Change your posture. Yeah, I, you Report an error in the passage at 1:16:35 Highlight the passage at 1:16:35

1:16:51 Change your breathing. Breathe backwards. Do something weird. Make yourself laugh. Doing this Ajahn Brahm backward breathing thing, right? It's like, okay, now I breathe out first. No, no, I just breathe in. Okay, try again. And it makes yourself so silly that you just laugh. You can't be sad anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:51 Highlight the passage at 1:16:51

1:17:11 It's so easy. If you want to let go of that sense of overwhelm, the best way that I know of And I don't know whether it works for you, but the best way that I can suggest is just bring up the reflection of gratitude. Just think of what I am grateful for. What do I actually have? Don't focus on what you're missing. Focus on what you actually have and arouse a sense of gratitude. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:11 Highlight the passage at 1:17:11

1:17:42 I'm in a very wonderful country. Fresh air, no war, you know, no... Report an error in the passage at 1:17:42 Highlight the passage at 1:17:42

1:17:52 I shouldn't say that. And I'm alive. Okay, maybe I'm sick, but I'm still able to do, I don't know what, there may be ten things that I can't do with a sick body. And I know I haven't been that well physically. But maybe there's one or two things that I can still do. I can still brush my teeth. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:52 Highlight the passage at 1:17:52

1:18:20 And just every day, five minutes. If every morning, five minutes, you train the mind to come back, have five minutes of gratitude every day, that will help a lot for a sense of sadness or overwhelm. And it's not that hard. We all have a lot to be grateful for. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:20 Highlight the passage at 1:18:20

1:18:47 So, try it. Oh, Eddie! Can I say something? Wow, what an honour. I hear your voice all the time in Ajahn Brahm's talk. Pasadna, is it, or Pasada? Pasada, yeah. You know, no doubt that you're telling your talk tonight, it's a Buddhist talk, okay? You started with no self, you know, no self, and then you brought situations, Buddhist situations. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:47 Highlight the passage at 1:18:47

1:19:21 I want to ask you, was just asking nonsense. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:21 Highlight the passage at 1:19:21

1:19:23 Two situations. The first situation is you're saying that during your earlier times, there was this guy, young guy, was trying to disturb you with a pencil and all this. You remember? And then later on, years later on, there was a party. And then you were not sure whether to go or that you went, and then he's a changed person. Remember that you're saying that? Sure, sure. Yeah? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:23 Highlight the passage at 1:19:23

1:19:58 Yeah, yeah. I want to ask you, you know, like for us all here, you know, how do we, if you're in that situation, at that time you're not a nun yet, isn't it? Definitely? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do we deal with that situation which we shouldn't judge the person, isn't it? You know, there's no self, things change, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:58 Highlight the passage at 1:19:58

1:20:20 So we should, like we have an earlier part, we shouldn't say, oh, that guy is not a good guy, I don't want to be, you know. So in the situation whereby, say there's a group together, we should go and, as a Buddhist, you know, we should not harbor that anger or what, towards a thing, you know. We should, you know, if there's a poison, okay, like we should go and talk to the person, you see what I mean? Report an error in the passage at 1:20:20 Highlight the passage at 1:20:20

1:20:47 Sure. So how to deal with it as a Buddhist? Yeah, which is, oh, I'm not going to the party, I'm not going to meet him, you know. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:47 Highlight the passage at 1:20:47

1:21:02 That particular part wasn't a literal personal experience. Oh. Not exactly as such. It's similar, similar. But the first, how to deal with it, I think the first step is to see. Um, I, I, I... Report an error in the passage at 1:21:02 Highlight the passage at 1:21:02

1:21:06 experience. Oh! Report an error in the passage at 1:21:06 Highlight the passage at 1:21:06

1:21:18 To see your own judgment, to see your own pattern. Yeah, not to keep any grudge or any, you know. Yeah, but you just have to see it first. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:18 Highlight the passage at 1:21:18

1:21:31 We should be giving like loving, kind, you know, like try to be friends with everybody. Yeah. Not to judge, you know, someone, you know, since he's like that, you know, give the person, you know, like to show loving kindness to all, you know. Instead of picking up, oh, that one, I don't see that one. What do you think? Sure. That would be good. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:31 Highlight the passage at 1:21:31

1:22:00 I was just saying, how would we fit in the situation? Yeah, yeah. Well, it's easy to tell people what to do. In practice, it's not that meaningful to just tell people not to feel that way. So the first step, like I said, Sure. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:00 Highlight the passage at 1:22:00

1:22:20 You have to help them to see it first. You see that the reason I say that it's not because of the trigger outside, it's not because of that person is bad. It's not that that person is the same person I know 30 years ago, 40 years ago. It's because I hold on to a memory. I hold on to a distorted version about him or her. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:20 Highlight the passage at 1:22:20

1:22:43 so if if If it's for myself or if it's for others, but if you can open that sense of awareness and if you really see that it's not about him or her, then you will change the way that you feel. Naturally, you don't have to make it happen. But if you try to just tell people, don't feel any kind of aversion or resentment toward this person when you have a bad experience with them. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:43 Highlight the passage at 1:22:43

1:23:12 It's nice to say it, but it's just not really going to work. But it's just about seeing. It's like Māra, you know. I see you, Māra. I see you, Māra. Then think that seeing transforms your action eventually. Also there's impermanence too. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:12 Highlight the passage at 1:23:12

1:23:34 The no-self to people's character changes. People's character changes over time. It's like no self. A river is always changing. It's just serious flowing waters. So there's no self there. The other thing I want to ask you is, you're saying Pauline Shields' son committed suicide. There's a good part in him and the part where he committed suicide. Don't you think the people who commit suicide, if he's really into Buddhism, really, really into... Report an error in the passage at 1:23:34 Highlight the passage at 1:23:34

1:24:09 There is a way out for him, isn't it? Maybe he's not really, he's not, Pauline is no doubt a Buddhist, but him himself, he's got to help himself. He's not like a... He may not be a Buddhist. See the Buddhist teaching to help him through. He may not be a Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:09 Highlight the passage at 1:24:09

1:24:31 Pauline is a Buddhist, but he might not be. He might not. If he is a Buddhist... He would be able to use the Buddhist teaching to help him through. Sure, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:31 Highlight the passage at 1:24:31

1:24:43 But at the same time, sometimes when the mind is very stressed and difficult, to be able to use the Buddhist teaching, to use the dharma is not easy. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:43 Highlight the passage at 1:24:43

1:25:05 So even Buddhists, you know, you can't expect them just because they're Buddhists, they can instantly solve all their problem. But gradually, but gradually, if you really follow the teaching, you should be able to. Yeah, you should be able to gradually. Gradually, given time, you know. Maybe he's not got the time yet for this life, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:05 Highlight the passage at 1:25:05

1:25:24 Maybe from previous karma, something happened, this thing, okay. So maybe he's going to wait for his Pauline, the thing, next life to be able to Report an error in the passage at 1:25:24 Highlight the passage at 1:25:24

1:25:37 Yeah, and we hope, yeah. Thank you anyway. I can't understand what you mean. I understand I was just thinking on how to relate. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:37 Highlight the passage at 1:25:37

1:25:53 Okay, so we finish here? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:53 Highlight the passage at 1:25:53