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- 1:25
Well, that's a very good question. This is where it's learning to know what it really is. know and Because it's like the word itself isn't a word that is given much importance in our society.
- 2:35
And it's like not knowing, it's not like having opinions or views, but when we let go of things, when we release our hold on the condition, then there is a natural wisdom that's part of our inheritance, and this is something that we have to trust in.
- 11:37
I love the good. I want to be a good person. I long for enlightenment. I want to be responsible for myself. Now I started thinking about the good reasons, about basically, my character is a good one. I want to be a good person, even as a child.
- 31:07
It wasn't like a real problem. But if I'm just reacting to it, then... Then, of course, one keeps running around or trying to distract or get away from it. And then loneliness, you know, as you explore it more, you begin to recognize that it's more like, rather than, say, being alone, it's more like being at one.
- 44:39
To where now it's more like a flowing, sense of flowing. You know, you're facing the Buddha Shrine and then you're facing the people and one is not preferred over the other because you're abiding in the stillness of the present rather than just, you know, if I feel that you're disrupting my practice, I'm creating that in my mind. I'm creating this idea that you are a cause of my suffering. That's a condition I'm creating in the present.
Transcript
0:05 So if this is a chance to have a discussion, questions, are Report an error in the passage at 0:05
0:35 you going to the summer school? Oh, Report an error in the passage at 0:35
0:48 she Report an error in the passage at 0:48
1:00 always does. Report an error in the passage at 1:00
1:14 Yes? Report an error in the passage at 1:14
1:25 Well, that's a very good question. This is where it's learning to know what it really is. know and Because it's like the word itself isn't a word that is given much importance in our society. And we tend to, because it isn't a kind of a fact or something you can see, it's easy to doubt its value. But this is the whole point of awakened awareness. More and more you... Report an error in the passage at 1:25
2:08 You're learning to trust a natural state of being awake, where you are in a receptive state, you know, and you're not just coming from some personal agenda or some bias or reaction. Report an error in the passage at 2:08
2:24 And so it takes, you know, like with meditation, for one thing, you're beginning to, more and more, if you're meditating in the right way, you recognize that. And it's like not knowing, it's not like having opinions or views, but when we let go of things, Report an error in the passage at 2:24
2:50 when we release our hold on the condition, then there is a natural wisdom that's part of our inheritance, and this is something that we have to trust in. If you try to find it as an object, you can't, but as you trust more in just like listening, paying attention, a sense of open attention, and including everything without judging, without criticizing, then more and more you begin to, Report an error in the passage at 2:50
3:32 then you're in a state of receptivity where the conditioned things that you're experiencing are, You're not caught in habitual reactions to things. So then you can trust intuitive awareness in order to respond to whatever is happening. Right. Report an error in the passage at 3:32
· · · silence, 1 minute
4:27 Well, I mean, it wasn't... I mean, we have, in our discipline, we have, you know, we try to keep within the boundaries of that. Report an error in the passage at 4:27
4:37 Smoking is not forbidden. I don't think they smoke. I mean, but this is, these are, I mean, this is like, we have, we aren't like, like kind of become a kind of indifferent goody-goody. But, you know, our characters do come forth into, spring to life. But they're not hell. They're not... The limitations that we hold to. So, I mean, like if you know, like various people who have this awakened state, you know, they're still very much individuals and personalities on the way they express themselves. Report an error in the passage at 4:37
5:33 But it's the difference lies in that they're not identified with it. It's more or less just the, you know, the... the it is on the conditioned plane. sometimes, you know, like there's an idea of an arhat where you just, have no emotion. So some monks try to live in this state where they just, express no feeling whatsoever. Report an error in the passage at 5:33
6:01 that's what they, you know, is considered behavior in the society. Report an error in the passage at 6:01
6:14 You know, he had a tremendous kind of personal magnetism that was quite joyful and compassionate. And so he was very attractive. He wanted to be around him. And so it gave the whole idea of being awake and aware something. That seemed a lovely thing to be rather than just suppressing everything down and being kind of a blank check, you know, and not having any, you know, anything other than a totally neutral expression. Report an error in the passage at 6:14
7:01 And so I asked him one time about, you know, I said, you have so much charm. You're a very charming person. He says, that's my magnet. Report an error in the passage at 7:01
7:16 And I said, what do you mean by that? And he said, well, you know, that magnet, it attracts, and I draw people in with it, and then I can actually teach them the dharma sometimes. So, I mean, you know, I knew he was never, he didn't need it, you know, he wasn't the kind of man that needed that kind, you know, it wasn't a personal need. Report an error in the passage at 7:16
7:44 But because it was a natural condition that he had, you know, I heard he was very charming when he was young. I mean, just a very kind of ebullient type character. But he could use that personal charm as a way to draw people where they would listen to him. So I've seen him draw people in, you know, like... Report an error in the passage at 7:44
8:12 Merchants and the most boring kind of people you can ever think of. And they'd come and then they'd be asking, they'd want to get lottery numbers or magic from him. And he'd never, he'd always, this was forbidden, you know. So finally he would, but they'd develop so much faith in him that eventually he would, I've seen him, you know, seen businessmen become monks. Report an error in the passage at 8:12
8:40 You know, just out of that, out of the faith they had in Lungpa Chah. Yes? Report an error in the passage at 8:40
8:47 Yeah, yeah. Kalyanamitas, noble friends. Report an error in the passage at 8:47
· · · silence, 1 minute
9:28 Well, it's like the deluded self is... Report an error in the passage at 9:28
9:42 The sense of yourself is bound to a limitation. So like self-critical people or people that don't have self-esteem usually see themselves through critical perceptions. And then this is why people get so depressed or despairing because after a while you cannot see yourself through any positive ones. So one of the practices that we were encouraged to do in Thailand was to develop positive perceptions of yourself. Report an error in the passage at 9:42
10:21 And this is, for Thai, I don't think it's so difficult, you know, because they tend to like themselves as a culture. But, well, say, from my background, we criticize ourselves endlessly. So I remember trying to bring up, I had positive perceptions of myself, and it was difficult. I could write lists of what's wrong with me, but then I had to... Because, you know, like, you think you're afraid of admitting your own goodness, or you think it's boasting, or it'll inflate you, or that it's not really true, the real truth about you is that you're some negative thing. Report an error in the passage at 10:21
11:04 And that's a whole way of thinking. thinking that we begin to see through and so you know just like I take Why did I become a monk? Why did I become a monk? Report an error in the passage at 11:04
11:37 I love the good. I want to be a good person. I long for enlightenment. I want to be responsible for myself. Now I started thinking about the good reasons, about basically, my character is a good one. I want to be a good person, even as a child. I didn't want to become a bad person, but sometimes evil and badness are attractive. Report an error in the passage at 11:37
12:17 I used to get quite fascinated and excited and attracted to evil things, but that wasn't the main thrust of my life. That isn't the direction I wanted to go in. And so then I started thinking of beginning to appreciate this. Report an error in the passage at 12:17
12:36 This character that I do have, that I can begin to make more conscious in a positive way. And then, as you begin to get beyond even your need to do that, you see the true nature, your true nature is deathless, universal, you're not limited to this body and this particular condition, experience you're having right now. Report an error in the passage at 12:36
13:06 And you begin to awaken outside, you know, so that it's not like trying to get, you're not trying to destroy yourself as a person, but put your, see your personality is limited and put it in a perspective that you're not limited and bound to it. Report an error in the passage at 13:06
13:29 And then like with people with low self-esteem, the ego is, you know, it's a critical. Sometimes seeing yourself compared to others, but that which is aware of that low self-esteem, you begin to recognize that your strength lies in awareness, not in trying to just esteem yourself. Report an error in the passage at 13:29
14:04 But then now I would describe myself on a personal level, I'd say I'm a good person. That's what I long to be and want to benefit the society. My ideals are quite good. And yet, say before, I didn't dare admit that. The tendency was obsession with what's wrong. The bits that weren't very good. Weaknesses and flaws. Report an error in the passage at 14:04
14:41 And why? I mean, it's part of the conditioned process, I think, of just the society I grew up in. And here in England, of course, it's very much similar. The tendency towards self-disparagement is very strong. And talking to the Dalai Lama about our obsessions around guilt and all that, the Dalai Lama says, well, Tibetans basically like themselves. Report an error in the passage at 14:41
15:10 And you can tell, you know, when you're... When you meet the Dalai Lama, he likes himself, basically. He's very much at ease. In a hall with thousands of strangers around him, he's still the same, kind of easygoing, relaxed and open being. Report an error in the passage at 15:10
15:34 One feels that he's comfortable in being who he is. Report an error in the passage at 15:34
15:43 Where I found more and more I feel at ease in being who I am. But that's taken quite a lot of determination because the self-consciousness, all the kind of, the conditioning process was so strong to feel self-conscious, to worry, to fear what others think, to Report an error in the passage at 15:43
16:10 fear being looked down on, being... of fear of doing something wrong or making a mistake or making a fool of myself all these things you know the personality that brings this up in a group like this it's through awareness I've been able to see through those habits and let them go I Report an error in the passage at 16:10
16:52 like being able to try to explain like Like I am this messed up person needs to practice in order to become. You know, like we begin to see that this is a kind of, this is a self-creation. Report an error in the passage at 16:52
17:14 And then you're aware, not like I deliberately think that, but that which is aware of that. You're beginning to not buy into or grasp. Get caught into the things you're creating. Get absorbed into your own creations. You can create but you're not getting lost in your own creations. And you find that that which is aware of that is what you begin to trust rather than in the mental object you're creating. Report an error in the passage at 17:14
17:55 And then as that became very clear then to trust in the awareness Report an error in the passage at 17:55
18:05 It's an ongoing challenge, you know, because it's so easy to fall back into the old habit patterns. But if you keep being patient and working with it, they tend to fall away because you're actually returning to what you really are naturally before you created yourself as anything. So you're learning to return what they call your real home. Report an error in the passage at 18:05
18:38 So you're not trying to create yourself into something else, into some kind of enlightened being or some ideal. You're not trying to even refine yourself and become some superlative kind of refined creature, but it's beyond all that that you're beginning to recognize as your real home. Report an error in the passage at 18:38
19:06 Yes? Report an error in the passage at 19:06
19:28 Well, that's... Because in this society, old people are... Well, Report an error in the passage at 19:28
19:43 it's starting from where you are, really. It's like an awakening experience. It's being aware of loneliness and longing for friendship or feeling resentful because nobody loves me. It's just being more... You know, aware of these kind of feelings. And I mean, I think if you have, like people that have some kind of religious sense of, you know, connected to something higher than themselves, this helps. Report an error in the passage at 19:43
20:18 But if you're just caught in just your own self-view, then it, you know, I found like this sense of being an individual was quite thrilling when I was young. You know, like being independent and individual and free from, you know, not under anybody's guidance and I can do it myself. These were quite thrilling perceptions when I was young. But then, as I grew older, they made me feel incredibly lonely. Report an error in the passage at 20:18
20:54 It was like, you know, I put so much investment into being independent and individual that In that way I perceive myself, there wasn't much room to include anyone else. And so, you know, when I was young, it gave me this feeling, I don't need anybody, I can, you know, I don't need anybody, I'm free and I do what I want. Report an error in the passage at 20:54
21:19 But then, once that illusion falls away, then you recognize how lonely you've made yourself. You don't know how to include, how to embrace. Report an error in the passage at 21:19
21:32 How to, you know, open to life. And if you're just celebrating yourself as an individual, then it gets rather dreary and boring and depressing. Report an error in the passage at 21:32
21:46 So, you know, like in, that's one thing about family life, isn't it? When the value of family life is that you have to include people. Report an error in the passage at 21:46
21:57 Like when a woman has a baby, she has to include, she has to put the baby first. Before herself, you know, which is, you know, has to give up her own personal privacy and convenience for the welfare of the baby. That's a, you know, that's good because that some of you, something opens more toward including rather than just living your life for your own. Report an error in the passage at 21:57
22:25 And then say a family, say the father has to include the family before himself. Report an error in the passage at 22:25
22:40 needs and that means you have to let go of this selfish obsession to include others Report an error in the passage at 22:40
22:50 monastic life know like being an abbot in a monastery I've got to include rather than just think of myself you know what am I what can I get out of this you know it's a position where you have to put Put the community first before your own personal wishes. And these are values maybe that are no longer respected because it's so highly my rights and what can I get for myself. Report an error in the passage at 22:50
23:29 Now there's not much momentum towards towards This way of thinking, it's very much a time for expressing yourself and demanding your rights. And that tends to create more isolation, you know, a psychological isolation. Report an error in the passage at 23:29
23:51 So then, you know, people think one thing that's attractive about a monastic community is that you kind of, you feel an opportunity to share your life with others. Report an error in the passage at 23:51
24:07 Which also has its problems, you know, because you have to live with people that, you know, you can find irritating. Or like parents must feel with their children. They don't always get exactly the children you want. You know, because you get what you get. Report an error in the passage at 24:07
24:30 No. Report an error in the passage at 24:30
24:42 that's certainly my experience, but I can't find myself to be here alone, so I've got to move me. I've got such a sense of manner, I don't feel comfortable. and I find myself not wanting to be where I'm from and you can find that incredible sense of isolation and you think always looking at myself which I always look at myself I think that's not necessarily fair because there is a certain element to that but if you're a natural seeker that wants to be in the world as well you have to be in a place of like I'm going to laugh at everything. I hate to think of it. And I don't know if people culturally don't want that. Report an error in the passage at 24:42
25:28 You can have a family and have nothing in common with them. And I think that's very common as well. Because if you're a seeker and you're looking for God, you're not here with just making do. You want to get out and seek. And then you find that loneliness. Report an error in the passage at 25:28
25:49 I mean, Report an error in the passage at 25:49
26:16 I am here. I'm just thinking that people, when you talk about opening, people are scared. If they're conditioned to be scared of people who share a tent, people who grow up in... Report an error in the passage at 26:16
26:31 I mean, I thought I was frightened when you'd run out. People are frightened when you say that you're trying to do something. You're not trying to do something. But I think that, you know, people believe in God. Ajahn Sumedho says that you cannot accept that you do not believe in Ava. And they can't accept that you do not believe in Ava. Report an error in the passage at 26:31
27:10 Because they have the Bible not only in their hands, but on their heart, in their head, everywhere. And their life is dominated by the Bible. can't understand that I'm a human being. they're the people who need to stop that. They are lonely, but they will come to find me later. Can I just say that my point, sorry. Report an error in the passage at 27:10
27:33 What I'm talking about is the speech of the simulation up here. I'm not talking about running away anywhere, running to anyone, running away to get away from the feeling of loneliness. What I'm talking about is what the Buddha would say about being in the loneliness, being with that feeling of loneliness, that you're in a family when you're on your own. Report an error in the passage at 27:33
27:50 It's the emotional feeling, it's the pain that is there, as long as you're comfortable. can't come to an organisation or run into a monastery or run into that in order to it up to people or to be loved. You have to find that community yourself. what I'm interested in is doing a good distraction. Rather than coming here to Christmas, how do we find out how can people deal with that loneliness? Not everybody is going to run away from an organisation. Report an error in the passage at 27:50
28:16 I think it's a progression and I need to sort of Report an error in the passage at 28:16
28:26 And then it just, it just helps you, I think, I personally support, so I don't want to go away. Report an error in the passage at 28:26
28:35 My question is about what you're doing behind the scenes. Report an error in the passage at 28:35
28:44 Well, there's nothing, you know, what can you do really if people aren't Report an error in the passage at 28:44
28:55 You know, so many people just spend their time in front of the television and, you know, spend their lives distracting their minds. But, I mean, there's more, you know, there will be something, you know, on the individual level. Somebody will suddenly, maybe even a program on the television or the radio or something, or somebody will accidentally... Report an error in the passage at 28:55
29:24 Come to the door and meet somebody. These are like coincidences or chances that people have. But it's an interesting time now because of the amount of old people and how loneliness is a very, you know, it's really... it's really Report an error in the passage at 29:24
29:50 A very common feeling and what most people are always trying to run away from is this fear of being alone, left alone. And so you can, you know, you have the endless distractions of high tech in our society. Report an error in the passage at 29:50
30:08 So you can, just as soon as you start feeling lonely, you can switch on the telly and you forget, you distract yourself. But if you really... Examine that feeling, you know, then you realize existentially that's the way it is. All of us are alone. You know, I'm here and I'm, you know, you come and go, but I'm stuck here all the time. Report an error in the passage at 30:08
30:35 And that, you know, when I'm with you, then I, you know, I can talk and we can discuss and so forth. But then in terms of when I go... When I'm left alone with myself, what happens? When I'm alone, then I begin to recognize loneliness. And then I found out once I could admit it and recognize it, I didn't resist it anymore. Report an error in the passage at 30:35
31:07 It wasn't like a real problem. But if I'm just reacting to it, then... Then, of course, one keeps running around or trying to distract or get away from it. And then loneliness, you know, as you explore it more, you begin to recognize that it's more like, rather than, say, being alone, it's more like being at one. Report an error in the passage at 31:07
31:43 It's more like a sense of... At-one-ment, they say. At-one-ment rather than being just this isolated creature in this little body, this person that is lonely and just feels threatened by that feeling. Does that make sense? The joy of a spiritual life is this realization of at-one-ment. Report an error in the passage at 31:43
32:34 Yeah, don't resist. Because we... Exactly. I remember when I was young, I went to live in New York City. I'm from Seattle, from the West Coast, which is a friendlier place. I never felt so lonely. Surrounded by millions of people. Resist. Report an error in the passage at 32:34
· · · silence, 1 minute
33:21 should have a good packing. Report an error in the passage at 33:21
33:45 think it's really important that accept what they're doing. Report an error in the passage at 33:45
34:21 seems very wrong to me that I hear that you've got to talk to people. It's nice to be alone. I've been away and stayed with people and I'd be so happy to get back home for peace. Report an error in the passage at 34:21
34:37 It's lovely to have somebody to talk to. you. Thank Any Report an error in the passage at 34:37
34:49 other questions? I'm tired of this one. Report an error in the passage at 34:49
35:10 said something that made him a tremendous impression on me. said, we're with people or there are people we don't love, we accept them as they are, we give them the chance to change. Oh, Report an error in the passage at 35:10
35:31 that's, that's the, that's being aware. Because, like I find living here where Report an error in the passage at 35:31
35:46 You live with people. I keep expanding because you don't have that much choice who you're going to live with. And if I just choose people I like, I've never been in a position where that was possible. Report an error in the passage at 35:46
36:06 My longing used to be to be alone, to be a hermit, because then I wasn't faced with this, having to deal with... with difficulties of other people, then... Report an error in the passage at 36:06
36:24 Ajahn Chah was a kind of role model, you know, that I followed. So he was a very inclusive kind of monk. So he would take almost everyone in, whoever wanted to come. And so that was where I got my kind of idea that I should do that. So I've been very willing to accept Report an error in the passage at 36:24
37:21 practice. Just keep opening to that. And so, like, I found every time, when I get into the kind of, I know what's wrong with you and you've got to change. Otherwise, you know, you can't stay here if you don't change and you have to, you know, I want you to be someone that, you know, change yourself into the kind of person that I approve of. Report an error in the passage at 37:21
37:44 I found that is, you know, the worst thing you can do to somebody. So I... You know, that that also was a tendency to try to not accept somebody for what they are and then try to, you know, tell them what they should be. But the result of that was always terrible, you know, it doesn't work. So then as I began to accept people and... Report an error in the passage at 37:44
38:18 And I found out then you just keep, like, it's a sense of expanding. I found I can include now. I'm not this narrow Ajahn Sumedho I used to be. You know, only this much and that's all I can take. And it's like, it's wide. And that, of course, is through learning, just that. That if I can accept... And love people in this way, this unconditioned way. And that doesn't mean I like them or approve of them in any way, but it's a relationship in which then we begin to understand each other. Report an error in the passage at 38:18
39:01 There's room to understand each other. And I've seen so many of my people I've disliked or formed biases or... You know, reactions against them. It's because I misunderstand them. I don't get it. And I interpret them in the wrong way. And they oftentimes do that to me. So now, like here, we're much more skillful now in learning to... trying to open and accept each other. Report an error in the passage at 39:01
39:35 It is. It's maturing. It's growing up. When I was a child, you know, you wanted... Best friend. One special friend. Your best friend. Report an error in the passage at 39:35
· · · silence, 1 minute
40:21 So Report an error in the passage at 40:21
40:28 I guess it's... Everybody's questions have been answered. Report an error in the passage at 40:28
40:45 Yeah, very much so. Report an error in the passage at 40:45
40:52 I think a second of oneself is more difficult. I found the real critic in a... soon Report an error in the passage at 40:52
40:54 difficult laughter laughter Report an error in the passage at 40:54
41:05 When I think of people that have harmed me in some way or been rude or nasty to me, I think none of them can compare what I've done to myself. You know, the kind of relentless critic and nag that was inside. And nobody that I know of has ever been as relentless or as... As critical as that. And then, because that's such a strong habit, then to not do that, to accept even, you know, to learn to just accept one's own weaknesses and faults without criticism, I found that quite difficult. Report an error in the passage at 41:05
41:56 Because the tendency is always to want to, you know, make some critical comment about it. it put it put myself down in some way If I allow these weaknesses and this fear of going down the drain is strong. So it's like learning to, just like feeling jealous or or... Report an error in the passage at 41:56
42:35 Feeling threatened and self-conscious and these kind of emotions, the only way I could let them go is by totally accepting them rather than trying to, you know, get rid of them. Report an error in the passage at 42:35
42:51 And accepting them in an energetic way rather than not through accepting through words or ideas but through being more aware of the actual feeling, you know, the kind of energy. That you're feeling in the present that creates these kind of thoughts and these reactions. And as you kind of relax into these kind of unpleasant sensations or tensions, as you allow them to be, then they tend to disappear. Report an error in the passage at 42:51
43:23 Their nature is to cease. Report an error in the passage at 43:23
43:29 And then, like I found, like meditation facing the Buddha Rūpa. is one thing, where I'm not looking at anybody, you know, I'm looking at this icon, and then when I turn around and look at somebody, you know, the contact with somebody else, and I found, you know, so much of our meditation is looking at the Buddha Rūpa with your eyes shut, but also being able to be in full contact with somebody else and be still inside. Report an error in the passage at 43:29
44:09 To abide in the stillness and be fully with the presence of others, either one other or a group of people. And you realize that that's the real strength. Then you're not dividing, you know, like too many meditators get into this selfish mode of you're just disrupting my meditation so I'm going to turn around and look at the kind of... Report an error in the passage at 44:09
44:38 Leave me alone, I'm meditating. To where now it's more like a flowing, sense of flowing. You know, you're facing the Buddha Shrine and then you're facing the people and one is not preferred over the other because you're abiding in the stillness of the present rather than just, you know, if I feel that you're disrupting my practice, I'm creating that in my mind. Report an error in the passage at 44:38
45:08 I'm creating this idea that you are a cause of my suffering. That's a condition I'm creating in the present. If I stop doing that, then one feels more, say, that mindfulness, meditation kind of integrates into the flow of life. You're not just dependent on ideal conditions that support a high level of tranquility. Report an error in the passage at 45:08
45:46 This is a big subject in Thailand these days where in the what that I'm connected with the samādhi freaks as we call them. Report an error in the passage at 45:46
45:59 The samādhi freaks are I need to get the jhānas and I can't the kind of inner scream you know leave me alone you're disturbing my practice. Report an error in the passage at 45:59
46:16 And then the others that I feel that that's being selfish and narrow-minded. The important thing is it's not that it's a matter of choosing size, but of seeing what you're doing. You know, being able to use your own, you know, this condition that you're with right now. I mean, if you're attached to to Report an error in the passage at 46:16
46:53 realize it's like this, or Not to go around saying, you shouldn't be, you're attached to tranquility. That's your problem. You've got to let go of that. It's more to see, recognizing it and accepting that. And then in that acceptance, then you find you're letting go of that particular obsession. Report an error in the passage at 46:53
47:29 Yes. Report an error in the passage at 47:29
47:50 Well, it's maybe, you know, humility can be idealized too much. You know, you can, You can define it and make it so perfect that then you're not going to be able to live up to what you think is humility. But this is the fact, just your interest in it is one thing to respect, that you don't want to be arrogant and that's very important to recognize, appreciate that in yourself. Report an error in the passage at 47:50
48:29 That even when you are or get caught in arrogant behavior, that part of you knows that this isn't particularly like this or respects it. But not to make it into a problem. As you understand yourself better, then humility is very much through that understanding. through that understanding. A real, you know, real, not just the ideal of humility, but the practicality of it. Like I found this very interesting how being in the position of being a, having a, in positions of where you're given titles. Report an error in the passage at 48:29
49:16 You know, it says, oh, I'm a head monk, abbot, teacher. And you, and I was kind of, you know, because I was the first Western disciple, With Ajahn Chah, I got kind of thrown into it before I wanted to. So after eight years, eight years as a monk, I had to take a leadership position which I didn't want. Report an error in the passage at 49:16
49:42 We started this international monastery in Thailand. I really didn't want to do it. Because I didn't feel that I had, I didn't feel ready for that. Because there was no one else at the time, it was more or less, you know, at that time I was the only one that could possibly do it. So I went ahead. And then this brings out this strong sense of yourself as being, you know, I'm senior monk or I'm in charge and I'm the teacher and I'm the... Report an error in the passage at 49:42
50:22 And then you get more. Excuse me, more years, then you get a lot of, you know, you get more respect and even got a title from the king, king of Thailand. I've got kind of titles and all kinds of things that place me on quite a high level in that way, on the conventional level. But it's surprising how that none of that It seems very important. Because I've never really wanted these positions. It's not like I've actually sought them out and tried to get them. Report an error in the passage at 50:22
51:07 But they more or less came in their own way. But then, a few years ago, I was in Assam in India, and these different Buddhist groups kept giving me titles. I'd go to one group and they'd give me a certificate calling me Ocean of Wisdom and the next group would be the Great Yogi. Report an error in the passage at 51:07
51:35 I'm the very best. I've got certificates with all these grand titles. And it became funny, you know, laughing at how silly it all is, you know, titles of any sort. And then... Report an error in the passage at 51:35
51:54 Then, because of the power of the practice and mindfulness, then the sense of yourself as identified with anything falls away. So I find, like now, I don't like to see myself as a teacher. You know, I'm a teacher and you're here to learn from me. This might be a conventional form. Report an error in the passage at 51:54
52:23 Ajahn Sumedho is a teacher, you're the students, that kind of relationship. But then if I come from that position, I don't like it. It doesn't ring true. It's a kind of conventional role only. But in the terms of the reality of this moment, I don't see it in that way. At least I find... More like a sense of we're learning from each other. This is a mutual thing rather than a one-way thing. Report an error in the passage at 52:23
53:05 And that's the way it is, because you do. Even with a group like this, a large group of people, still there's this, for me it's an opportunity to relax and to and to open and to allow this to what it is. And then is what I encourage you to do. Report an error in the passage at 53:05
53:36 it's not like I'm teaching you anything. It's more like you to trust in it more, to trust yourself more, because I find probably one of the things I can can do. do. Report an error in the passage at 53:36
53:52 I find that a more joyful way of looking at it than thinking of myself as a meditation master or the ocean of wisdom or the great yogi. Report an error in the passage at 53:52
54:26 That's one of Dung Po Chau's great gifts. He could get you to laugh at yourself. He had great humor. Because you can't take yourself so seriously when you think of being a Buddhist monk and keeping all the rules strictly. And you can really be so serious you become absolutely paralyzed by becoming too serious. Report an error in the passage at 54:26
55:00 And you've got to practice and you've got to keep the rules. You've got to develop compassion and all the kind of imperatives that you can create in your mind about all the good things you should be doing. You can just freeze. And the life gets really ugly then. Being a monk is really totally unpleasant when you do that. Report an error in the passage at 55:00
55:26 But one thing, always you realize that our humanity is always, there's an assertivity to it. You know that we... That we are rather humorous beings because we're always trying to pretend we're something we're not really. Report an error in the passage at 55:26
55:45 And this modern civilization is such a pretense at making ourselves look, trying to appear and the kind of more vulgar and unpleasant aspects are, don't talk about not politically correct or not. and you know Report an error in the passage at 55:45
56:03 Appropriate in the way we can try to present ourselves. Always has a kind of absurdity to it and it's quite funny. That's what humor is about, isn't it? There's so much humor around sex or things like this that is always kind of absurd in a way, in the pretentious way that we see ourselves and the bodily functions and so forth. Report an error in the passage at 56:03
56:30 the humor around things like that or because we you know we want to present ourselves almost like Report an error in the passage at 56:30
57:00 A blessing in this life. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they take themselves. They take themselves too. The present one certainly does. I Report an error in the passage at 57:00
57:23 heard Claire Short on an interview about something that she was being questioned about. And she kept, and they kept kind of, the interviewers trying to Report an error in the passage at 57:23
58:06 humor, it would have relieved that, but because She was so insistent and so serious about it that she became offensive in a way. He felt put off by it. Report an error in the passage at 58:06
58:29 Luang Por Chah was, he had this very, I mean, it wasn't derisive humor and it wasn't cruel, but it was, but... And so it was easy to learn. I found once he could, because he could get me to laugh at myself, then I was quite willing to change. Once I could see, you know, I'm taking myself too seriously or I'm too attached to trying to be the best or things like this, then, you know, he could kind of, in a way, get you to see it. Report an error in the passage at 58:29
59:10 And in public, too, where you could, you know, you could laugh at it with others. I found then it was very helpful, eager to change. Once I had that kind of view of it, understood it better, and didn't see it in the way of making another serious critical statement about myself to add on to the rest. Report an error in the passage at 59:10
59:44 So, I'll let you go. Report an error in the passage at 59:44
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Talk by Ajahn Sumedho. Original at Amaravati Buddhist Monastery via Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/ajahn-sumedho-dhamma-talks. Licensed CC BY-NC-ND 4.0. Transcript generated automatically and may contain errors; the audio is the authoritative version.
Talks of Ajahn Sumedho, archived on Internet Archive. More from Amaravati