Working with Negative Emotions: Attachment (part 2)

0:17 So we've been discussing the criteria for how Report an error in the passage at 0:17 Highlight the passage at 0:17

0:26 we're going to make distinctions in terms of our emotions. In terms of our emotions are beginning Report an error in the passage at 0:26 Highlight the passage at 0:26

0:44 to conceive of some strategy to things not the way that we wish them to be in some manner, some shape or form. The mind is being moved and it is a motivating force to bring about. To restore or compensate or remedy something in terms of anger, I want and I can't have and how am I going to remedy that? Report an error in the passage at 0:44 Highlight the passage at 0:44

1:15 And identifying an object which is seen as the obstacle that you are, if it wasn't for you, I'd be happy. We all know that one. Report an error in the passage at 1:15 Highlight the passage at 1:15

1:30 It's not a matter of our interpretation. We see the object of our anger as the cause of our anger. Not the way that we're interpreting the situation, the way that we're taking it, but somehow the object is in and of itself causing me this distress. It's a source of suffering. You are a source of suffering. And we want to remove that suffering. That's natural. Report an error in the passage at 1:30 Highlight the passage at 1:30

2:03 So we're going to talk about how to actually work making that kind of distinction, defining what we mean by anger and how we're going to work with anger. Report an error in the passage at 2:03 Highlight the passage at 2:03

2:13 Some interventions that we can make use of. And the interventions practically take two forms, two approaches. First, this is really an important area and we can apply this to any kind of change we want, in fact. And a change is a conflictual process. Report an error in the passage at 2:13 Highlight the passage at 2:13

2:45 And there is the present and we want things to be different. But it's not as if we're working from a zero base. It's not as if we're working on a blank canvas and creating the kind of picture that we want. There's already something there. I don't know if you've noticed that, that we have to take into consideration. There are forces which are holding us. Report an error in the passage at 2:45 Highlight the passage at 2:45

3:09 There are beliefs. Consideration. Report an error in the passage at 3:09 Highlight the passage at 3:09

3:11 Which are going to holding our present states of mind, our views, how we're behaving in place. There's a reason why we become angry. It may be a dysfunctional reason. It may be totally unreasonable. But it's a learned behavior. And somehow it paid off for us. We believe it paid off. It seems to have paid off for us. It may have lived its use by day. Report an error in the passage at 3:11 Highlight the passage at 3:11

3:41 It may no longer be valid or useful to ourselves, but we kind of haven't noticed that all that much. We haven't really examined it. So in bringing about, I think, really quite useful, the basic, and then we can begin to use other countermeasures, but the basic platform that I think is necessary to develop and to work from is the advantages and disadvantages. Report an error in the passage at 3:41 Highlight the passage at 3:41

4:07 What are the advantages of anger, for example? What's the payoff? Why do I keep resorting to it? You have some beliefs. You may not be conscious of it. Why do you think anger is useful? And I think why do you think anger is useful? If you didn't think it was useful, it would have been discarded a long time ago. Report an error in the passage at 4:07 Highlight the passage at 4:07

4:35 You may have never really looked into it. It may be, in fact, very harmful to yourself. But it's gone unquestioned, unexamined. You assume it's beneficial. Maybe there is some short-term gain, but we can begin to look at that even in terms of a greater vision of what we want our life to be like. In those kinds of terms, is that useful? So anyway, the point I'm making is where we begin is first is getting in touch. Report an error in the passage at 4:35 Highlight the passage at 4:35

5:16 With the presumed advantages of our present behavior that we're trying to change. I'm not talking about if you want to quit smoking. Report an error in the passage at 5:16 Highlight the passage at 5:16

5:27 What advantages are there in continuing smoking? There's a reason why you're spending all this money and ruining your health. And you maybe really never examine them. Then we begin in a very dispassionate, honest, open... Report an error in the passage at 5:27 Highlight the passage at 5:27

5:46 What are the advantages of anger for me? I think you'd be surprised. And I think it's hard to be honest with yourself. You might not want to admit to yourself some of the things you might uncover in the course of this inquiry. What are the advantages of anger? What am I getting out of it? You might not look all that good to yourself. Report an error in the passage at 5:46 Highlight the passage at 5:46

6:14 And then these are the assumed advantages or presumed advantages. And then we dispute them, or we try to. I think this homework is really necessary because change isn't a matter of willpower. Willpower is useful. Willpower is the organizing ability of the mind to direct us along a particular path. Report an error in the passage at 6:14 Highlight the passage at 6:14

6:46 Willpower has its place, but we also need insight. We need understanding to go along with that. Willpower can be a way of simply manipulating our mind, putting our minds in a mental straitjacket. There's a big part of that that goes along with the spiritual path. Report an error in the passage at 6:46 Highlight the passage at 6:46

7:10 A lot of spiritual gymnastics in the mind. Twisting our minds in particular preconceived notion about how we should be. Report an error in the passage at 7:10 Highlight the passage at 7:10

7:21 There's a lot of repression. And if that's not... Report an error in the passage at 7:21 Highlight the passage at 7:21

7:25 We can actually, I think, maybe do a lot of harm to ourselves. We're not being fair to ourselves. We're not using our wisdom, our intelligence in bringing about the kinds of changes. And we also have to use compassion, gentleness, kindness toward ourselves as well. So the first step, and I don't know, I was thinking about, is first to honestly... Report an error in the passage at 7:25 Highlight the passage at 7:25

7:58 Search out what advantages, what are the benefits, no matter how preposterous, no matter how tenuous or abstract, there's benefits. We're not going to question them initially. We're doing what they call it when people get together, they just brainstorm. We're going to brainstorm. What are the advantages? Report an error in the passage at 7:58 Highlight the passage at 7:58

8:14 initially. Report an error in the passage at 8:14 Highlight the passage at 8:14

8:29 Just let it all hang out. Don't censor yourself. And then we begin to, once we get that down, we begin to rationally apply our emotional intelligence. Say, well, can I achieve that same end without anger? Does anger actually hinder my achieving those goals that it seems to help me to? Report an error in the passage at 8:29 Highlight the passage at 8:29

8:59 Yes? Can I achieve it another way? Does anger actually help or does it hinder? One of the notions that we tried to develop previously was that anger isn't really seeing the situation for what it is. Report an error in the passage at 8:59 Highlight the passage at 8:59

9:15 There's a distortion. And we're working with a misrepresentation. So at best, I don't know. I don't think very clearly when I get angry. I don't know if that's true for you. Report an error in the passage at 9:15 Highlight the passage at 9:15

9:32 I don't function at my best. I don't think clearly. So I don't think in achieving my goal, what I'm hoping that anger is going to help me to arrive at, I think I could arrive at it better in some ways if I wasn't angry. But I have to examine that. So then we use that. Then we look at the disadvantages. And this is... Report an error in the passage at 9:32 Highlight the passage at 9:32

10:04 as well is important because why would you why would you want to change if there weren't if it was working are the disadvantages of anger how is it affecting you in your relationships in your everyday life Report an error in the passage at 10:04 Highlight the passage at 10:04

10:26 smoking, know, that's why they put, supposedly, I People with grotesque, Report an error in the passage at 10:26 Highlight the passage at 10:26

10:44 disfigured... I don't know. I haven't looked much at cigarette packs lately. Anyway, it doesn't look very nice, does it? Some of the disadvantages. To remind you. I remember a couple of weeks ago, somebody said they were at, it was in Coles, I think, and they were getting some cigarettes. And the person looked at, could you give me a different pack? They really, they didn't want to keep looking at that. Something like that. Report an error in the passage at 10:44 Highlight the passage at 10:44

11:16 Something like that. Report an error in the passage at 11:16 Highlight the passage at 11:16

11:20 And then on that basis, that's like the platform. We look at the presumed advantages, then we see if we can dispute those advantages. Can that same goal be achieved in the absence of anger? And can it be achieved actually more effectively in the absence of anger? Is anger really helping me to achieve that goal? And then we look at the disadvantages of anger, and that's like the platform. Report an error in the passage at 11:20 Highlight the passage at 11:20

11:45 And then we have a listing. Some of these listings were on the handout sheet. Some of the corrective measures that we can take, cultivating various countermeasures, both in general to the distorted emotions, but also specific to anger. Report an error in the passage at 11:45 Highlight the passage at 11:45

12:10 I don't know. I was thinking, how are you finding this? Report an error in the passage at 12:10 Highlight the passage at 12:10

· · · silence, 1 minute

13:08 exactly. Report an error in the passage at 13:08 Highlight the passage at 13:08

13:14 I think one of those was, yeah. So I thought if you... I had the thought to break up into small groups and talk about the advantages of anger. I hope no fights break out or anything like that. Report an error in the passage at 13:14 Highlight the passage at 13:14

13:37 Would you like to stick in a large group? How do you feel about that? Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 13:37 Highlight the passage at 13:37

13:51 please. She Report an error in the passage at 13:51 Highlight the passage at 13:51

14:01 was getting better. Report an error in the passage at 14:01 Highlight the passage at 14:01

14:16 Yeah, apathetic. Actually, Report an error in the passage at 14:16 Highlight the passage at 14:16

14:22 we didn't... That's a good point. Great. Vantage of anger. Report an error in the passage at 14:22 Highlight the passage at 14:22

14:33 Let's for about ten minutes. Can we break up into groups of, say, five? Could you self-select? And just think about, well... great Report an error in the passage at 14:33 Highlight the passage at 14:33

14:30 very much. Report an error in the passage at 14:30 Highlight the passage at 14:30

14:42 It's best if you can talk from your own experience and not theoretically. What do you see as the advantages of anger? Report an error in the passage at 14:42 Highlight the passage at 14:42

· · · silence, 7 minutes

22:14 hate to but I think it would be a good idea to tell me where I could be. Report an error in the passage at 22:14 Highlight the passage at 22:14

22:37 need to harm I mean, that's beyond that, is it anger? It's not. It's not. It's not. not. It's not. Report an error in the passage at 22:37 Highlight the passage at 22:37

23:10 put ants outside, you know, and I should probably put like 800, 300 bees. Report an error in the passage at 23:10 Highlight the passage at 23:10

23:21 Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 23:21 Highlight the passage at 23:21

· · · silence, 1 minute

24:36 So take another minute to round out your conversation. Report an error in the passage at 24:36 Highlight the passage at 24:36

· · · silence, 1 minute

25:41 So if you want to stay where you are. Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

25:47 Don't move. Report an error in the passage at 25:47 Highlight the passage at 25:47

25:56 So from where you're at, I want to re-break up in the group. Continue in your broken up group. You know what I mean. Some of the advantages. Without censoring, without finding fault. Anybody? We'll start this group. Report an error in the passage at 25:56 Highlight the passage at 25:56

26:32 Okay. I might change my mind about all this. Start a new program. So, anger helps you to be honest. You can express things that you normally can't express. You've inhibited it. Yeah? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 26:32 Highlight the passage at 26:32

27:19 So that's an advantage of anger. Okay. Okay, good. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 27:19 Highlight the passage at 27:19

27:34 What kind Report an error in the passage at 27:34 Highlight the passage at 27:34

27:41 of action are you talking about particularly? What's your particular powerful Report an error in the passage at 27:41 Highlight the passage at 27:41

28:08 motivating force? Yeah. You get what you want. Damn right. Report an error in the passage at 28:08 Highlight the passage at 28:08

28:18 Good one, Report an error in the passage at 28:18 Highlight the passage at 28:18

28:39 good one. Intimidating. I'm scared of angry people. Report an error in the passage at 28:39 Highlight the passage at 28:39

28:51 saying, you know, you get what you want. But I was, know, having trouble with the definition that we are having here in the book, that anger is always produce harm or destroy. So wish to harm, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 28:51 Highlight the passage at 28:51

29:14 Okay, Report an error in the passage at 29:14 Highlight the passage at 29:14

29:18 yeah. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 29:18 Highlight the passage at 29:18

29:33 started to separate from it to harm or destroy so okay when you said oh you get what you want how can I be in advantage because I'm thinking at all the main it's not good as a motivator because it doesn't want to it's not anger Report an error in the passage at 29:33 Highlight the passage at 29:33

29:58 Run that by me again. Report an error in the passage at 29:58 Highlight the passage at 29:58

30:04 the points that were said before. Report an error in the passage at 30:04 Highlight the passage at 30:04

30:10 We don't want to refute them. First you get it all out and then you begin to look at it. I'm not saying that they are in fact advantages, but they're perceived advantages. We assume they're advantages. Report an error in the passage at 30:10 Highlight the passage at 30:10

30:26 So before we refute them, before we really analyze them, we have to get in touch with... Many of our beliefs are mistaken, but we still believe it. It holds these patterns of behavior in place. So first we have to get in touch with those misbeliefs in order to begin to refute them. If we jump... You understand? Report an error in the passage at 30:26 Highlight the passage at 30:26

30:58 Oh, I'm getting empowered here. Please, any... Report an error in the passage at 30:58 Highlight the passage at 30:58

31:15 What Report an error in the passage at 31:15 Highlight the passage at 31:15

31:23 would be a... What Report an error in the passage at 31:23 Highlight the passage at 31:23

31:51 do you want? Report an error in the passage at 31:51 Highlight the passage at 31:51

31:55 Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 31:55 Highlight the passage at 31:55

32:02 yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Don't mess with me. Best. some of the... Report an error in the passage at 32:02 Highlight the passage at 32:02

· · · silence, 1 minute

32:02 You think you're sticking for yourself and putting in a boundary? Report an error in the passage at 32:02 Highlight the passage at 32:02

32:11 Offense is, defense is a good offense. Yeah, so first, you know, I'm not here to disqualify what you're saying, but I am suggesting that you get in touch with why, what you see as the advantages. I think that's a really important step in the process of any kinds of changes. Why you believe it, why it's being held in place. Report an error in the passage at 32:11 Highlight the passage at 32:11

32:40 It is being held in place. Unless we begin to use insight into and begin to undermine those, or look into those, I won't even say undermine, look at those presumptions, then we're going to, any kind of change will be coercion. It will be more willpower rather than insight. We're not working with the forces which are holding that particular pattern of... Report an error in the passage at 32:40 Highlight the passage at 32:40

33:14 there is something there. Otherwise it would have dissipated a long time ago. this in your group? Report an error in the passage at 33:14 Highlight the passage at 33:14

33:26 attention. Report an error in the passage at 33:26 Highlight the passage at 33:26

33:31 Pay attention to me. Report an error in the passage at 33:31 Highlight the passage at 33:31

33:54 yeah. I wish I would have thought of that. Report an error in the passage at 33:54 Highlight the passage at 33:54

34:04 I've got a little bit of a list here. but I think, you know, beginning to, you know, this is something that we do within the laboratory of our own minds, carrying out these kinds of examinations and reflections. Report an error in the passage at 34:04 Highlight the passage at 34:04

34:27 And then in terms of, you know, without, I think you could actually write them down. And does resorting, beginning to question, okay. Report an error in the passage at 34:27 Highlight the passage at 34:27

34:39 I have this list. It helps me overcome my inhibition about somebody's doing something wrong and I'm afraid to say something. But if I get angry enough, I'll say it. Report an error in the passage at 34:39 Highlight the passage at 34:39

34:51 I'm afraid of conflict. It gets me over that hump. But you have to begin, does it serve the overall ends that I want to achieve in my life? Report an error in the passage at 34:51 Highlight the passage at 34:51

35:09 I think that was, for me, just looking at my childhood, I didn't get angry very much and I think the only reason, one of the contributing factors is I didn't think, somehow I recognized I didn't think very clearly when I was angry. I did things that I later regretted quite often. But anyway, so listing the various advantages, I think that's an important step. Report an error in the passage at 35:09 Highlight the passage at 35:09

36:10 then with and don't You don't have to be a good Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:24 We'll underscore that. Presume that makes you feel more comfortable. But you see, we might, the advantage might, we might be calling it anger, but the advantage, it might be a different emotion. Report an error in the passage at 36:24 Highlight the passage at 36:24

36:40 But we're calling it anger. It might be just setting boundaries or protesting injustice, which doesn't have anything to do with anger. It doesn't necessarily involve anger. Report an error in the passage at 36:40 Highlight the passage at 36:40

36:54 So what are the motivating forces? Most of what we're talking about is these motivating forces in some way. And can we have all of these ends that we're making? That we're seeing the advantages of anger. Can we achieve them without this wish to harm? Can we have strong dislikes? Say stop, don't do that. Can we be assertive? Can we create independence? Can we protest injustice? I think we can. Report an error in the passage at 36:54 Highlight the passage at 36:54

37:27 And I think you will achieve it much more effectively and in line with more of the type of person that you want to be. I think things will go better. I think it's more functional. Well, anyway, these are just my... My assumptions. Can you validate this for yourself? Then we look at the disadvantages. Report an error in the passage at 37:27 Highlight the passage at 37:27

37:51 We're calibrating our emotional repertoire. Why do I fall? There's a situation that arises. I'm interpreting it in a particular way. I want to somehow make adjustments. My mind is being moved to somehow change the situation. It's not satisfactory as it is. I'm not content. I want to restore or bring about some kind of change. So I'm falling back on my strategies, my emotional strategies. Report an error in the passage at 37:51 Highlight the passage at 37:51

38:22 So why do I fall back on this particular strategy of anger as opposed to another perhaps way of approaching it? I think... it. Report an error in the passage at 38:22 Highlight the passage at 38:22

38:39 First off, I see it as an advantage, or it simply becomes an ingrained habit. My mind goes there quite naturally. It's the easiest path of least resistance. I'm habituated to anger, but that doesn't mean it's the best, most effective way of relating or strategy, just because I go to it all the time. So can I begin to recalibrate? Well, that's habitual, but I'm going to offer a degree of resistance because I think there's other, there's some disadvantages. Report an error in the passage at 38:39 Highlight the passage at 38:39

39:15 What are the disadvantages of resorting to that particular emotion and dealing and bringing about, you know, I want, something's not right. I want things to be different. I want and I can't have. How am I going to have it? Or can I let go of wanting? Maybe some kind of adjustment needs to be made. What would be some of the disadvantages of anger? Report an error in the passage at 39:15 Highlight the passage at 39:15

39:42 So, okay, so you want to begin to kind of talk about that? The disadvantages. And it's really useful to just talk within your own experience, not become good Buddhists or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 39:42 Highlight the passage at 39:42

39:57 The Buddha wasn't a Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 39:57 Highlight the passage at 39:57

· · · silence, 8 minutes

48:07 So you want to take another minute to round out your discussion? Report an error in the passage at 48:07 Highlight the passage at 48:07

· · · silence, 1 minute

49:05 I thought Report an error in the passage at 49:05 Highlight the passage at 49:05

49:26 it Report an error in the passage at 49:26 Highlight the passage at 49:26

49:34 was mine. Report an error in the passage at 49:34 Highlight the passage at 49:34

49:46 Disadvantages of anger? Report an error in the passage at 49:46 Highlight the passage at 49:46

49:52 How's that? Report an error in the passage at 49:52 Highlight the passage at 49:52

50:10 Yeah, I think that's quite right. We can really make a mess of things, can't we? Report an error in the passage at 50:10 Highlight the passage at 50:10

50:31 That's a good one. Report an error in the passage at 50:31 Highlight the passage at 50:31

50:36 Creates hostility, so it has negative consequences. Yeah, it brings on... Good one. Report an error in the passage at 50:36 Highlight the passage at 50:36

51:01 Yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 51:01 Highlight the passage at 51:01

51:05 Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 51:05 Highlight the passage at 51:05

51:10 An angry person is an unhappy person. Yeah. Anything? Report an error in the passage at 51:10 Highlight the passage at 51:10

51:01 yeah. Report an error in the passage at 51:01 Highlight the passage at 51:01

51:12 a stressed person, any negative consequences. Report an error in the passage at 51:12 Highlight the passage at 51:12

51:26 yeah. Report an error in the passage at 51:26 Highlight the passage at 51:26

51:37 That's right, yeah, it's exhausting. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 51:37 Highlight the passage at 51:37

51:48 yeah. to have anger. It's exhausting to repress anger. That was a good one. I agree. Report an error in the passage at 51:48 Highlight the passage at 51:48

51:54 a group in the back. Report an error in the passage at 51:54 Highlight the passage at 51:54

· · · silence, 1 minute

52:27 yeah, Report an error in the passage at 52:27 Highlight the passage at 52:27

· · · silence, 1 minute

53:01 For sure, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 53:01 Highlight the passage at 53:01

53:21 Expense. How do you mean that? Oh, Report an error in the passage at 53:21 Highlight the passage at 53:21

53:31 yeah. Report an error in the passage at 53:31 Highlight the passage at 53:31

53:48 So lots of negative consequences. Yeah, people don't like to be around angry people, do they? Report an error in the passage at 53:48 Highlight the passage at 53:48

53:59 Threatening and so forth. Report an error in the passage at 53:59 Highlight the passage at 53:59

54:06 Back. Report an error in the passage at 54:06 Highlight the passage at 54:06

· · · silence, 1 minute

54:38 Okay. of your anger, harm unintentionally. Report an error in the passage at 54:38 Highlight the passage at 54:38

54:52 from anger, loss of opportunity. get a of violence. Yeah, okay. Report an error in the passage at 54:52 Highlight the passage at 54:52

55:19 One thing that stood out as you were going through that list was self-angry at oneself. Report an error in the passage at 55:19 Highlight the passage at 55:19

55:28 Anybody want to tease that out? You lost control. Oh, so you're angry at yourself. Report an error in the passage at 55:28 Highlight the passage at 55:28

55:41 Okay. Report an error in the passage at 55:41 Highlight the passage at 55:41

55:50 Yeah, it's very toxic. It's very destructive. Yeah. That's a nasty one. Report an error in the passage at 55:50 Highlight the passage at 55:50

56:00 Yeah? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 56:00 Highlight the passage at 56:00

56:14 Okay. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 56:14 Highlight the passage at 56:14

56:32 I'm curious. Could you exemplify what you just said? Yeah. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 56:32 Highlight the passage at 56:32

57:05 Okay. Report an error in the passage at 57:05 Highlight the passage at 57:05

57:12 Oh, catastrophizing. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 57:12 Highlight the passage at 57:12

· · · silence, 1 minute

57:25 could be, you know, I mean, you've got homicide at one side, but suicide. I mean, it's suicide, really. I mean, people who commit suicide are a lot, you know. Report an error in the passage at 57:25 Highlight the passage at 57:25

57:36 of the second person's experience of the ultimate act, but I mean, you know when you're talking about Wish to harm. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 57:36 Highlight the passage at 57:36

57:55 Yeah, I guess that's a subject of discussion. Report an error in the passage at 57:55 Highlight the passage at 57:55

58:03 I recall the Buddhist monks during the Vietnam War who self-emulated. Yeah, it's quite a different motivation. So, no, I Report an error in the passage at 58:03 Highlight the passage at 58:03

58:30 don't deserve to live. Yeah, that's pretty nasty, isn't it? That's pretty ugly. Did you have a comment? have a discussion. Report an error in the passage at 58:30 Highlight the passage at 58:30

· · · silence, 1 minute

58:45 Yeah, it's probably a very complicated motivation. Yeah, they Report an error in the passage at 58:45 Highlight the passage at 58:45

59:03 don't want to be there. Report an error in the passage at 59:03 Highlight the passage at 59:03

59:14 Terrible place to be in, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 59:14 Highlight the passage at 59:14

59:20 It's like, yeah, create your own hell, don't you? Report an error in the passage at 59:20 Highlight the passage at 59:20

59:28 Disadvantages of anger. Yeah. Doesn't that piss you off? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 59:28 Highlight the passage at 59:28

59:52 Yeah, it's true. Report an error in the passage at 59:52 Highlight the passage at 59:52

1:00:01 Ugly. Grotesque face. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:01 Highlight the passage at 1:00:01

1:00:10 Habituation. The more you do, the more you do. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:10 Highlight the passage at 1:00:10

1:00:17 Cultivating. That's right. That's right. We cultivate. We're very good at meditating on anger. It's Report an error in the passage at 1:00:17 Highlight the passage at 1:00:17

1:00:42 sad, isn't it? It's very sad. It becomes a very deeply ingrained pattern. Keep channeling back into that same, reinforcing it again and again and again. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:42 Highlight the passage at 1:00:42

1:00:55 I know, you know, your comment. I wonder, you know, sometimes... They're talking about you can do something in rage to harm people. Sometimes you read about, you know, it's really quite tragic when somebody, they have this newborn baby and it just won't stop crying, you know, and it just won't stop crying. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:55 Highlight the passage at 1:00:55

1:01:24 And it's really, and then you, you know, you have to have some degree of compassion even for the perpetrator in such situations. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:24 Highlight the passage at 1:01:24

1:01:36 Yeah, really we go into temporary insanity. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:36 Highlight the passage at 1:01:36

1:01:44 We're chronically insane, but to a certain degree perhaps. Yeah, thank you. I think that's really, I have a suspicion that I feel very confident talking and discussing in this way is really valuable. I don't think maybe you'll have quite, I'm not saying it's going to. You know, that's right. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:44 Highlight the passage at 1:01:44

1:02:12 it's a very useful direction to take your mind and think it will make a difference. Even what we've done today, I have a suspicion. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:12 Highlight the passage at 1:02:12

1:02:24 just becoming acquainted with that first of these two allied approaches. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:24 Highlight the passage at 1:02:24

1:02:33 this to any kind of change that you want to make. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:33 Highlight the passage at 1:02:33

1:02:40 I use the word presumed, presumed advantages. I noticed that there was a tendency to immediately censor them or disqualify them even before they were halfway out. That's pre-empting the process. Just let it all hang out. Even if it doesn't make sense, it's not rational. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:40 Highlight the passage at 1:02:40

1:03:08 then... Then, with the clarity of wisdom and reason and so forth, say, well, is that valid or not? And begin to see if you can dispute some of these presumed advantages on the one hand and then looking at the disadvantages on the other. But again, it's important, and this happens so often, to come to your own experience and not trying to be a good Buddhist or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:08 Highlight the passage at 1:03:08

1:03:37 you, you know, be. Be good boys and girls and trying to live up to some ethical standard that you have set for yourself. It comes down to our own experience, our feelings. We are more than not feeling beings. So we have to investigate ourselves as very close to that level as possible. So that is the platform. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:37 Highlight the passage at 1:03:37

1:04:07 Then we can apply... various countermeasures. I'm sorry we haven't gotten very far. I'm really pissed off actually. Maybe you're angry at me. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:07 Highlight the passage at 1:04:07

1:04:26 Remember the consequences. Anyway, because the general ones can apply to all the various distorted emotions, afflictive emotions. We'll talk more about them. I wanted to actually meditate on one of these. Then there are the corrective emotions which are more specific to anger, like a loving-kindness meditation, but some of the various meditations which are cultivated in the course of developing an awakened heart, the equality of self and others, the commonality of the human condition, the kindness of enemies, believe it or not. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:26 Highlight the passage at 1:04:26

1:05:08 And cultivating the patience, the skill of mind, which I didn't talk, I don't know if I reviewed it, but anger has one basic condition and two cooperative causes. We can say the main cause and two cooperative conditions. The main cause of anger is the distressed mind. Happy people do not become angry. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:08 Highlight the passage at 1:05:08

1:05:34 I don't know if you've ever noticed that. don't become angry. So the basic cause of anger is an unhappy mind, The mind is distressed. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:34 Highlight the passage at 1:05:34

1:05:51 something wrong. there's two cooperative conditions. Identifying it's a frustrated desire. something I want and I can't have. My desire is being thwarted in some way, some obstacle. That's one condition. And then identifying some person, situation or something which is the obstacle. So the basic cause is a distressed mind. Then the two conditions necessary are a frustrated desire, so the fewer desires that you have, the less anger you have, because the less frustrated desires you have. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:51 Highlight the passage at 1:05:51

1:06:33 And the second is identifying. identifying someone or something which is the obstacle and seeing them the source of suffering. are the source of my unhappiness. So the skill of patience is to be able to reframe in such a way that the mind is able to deal with problematic situations without becoming distressed. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:33 Highlight the passage at 1:06:33

1:06:58 Anyway, I wanted to talk more about that. So that's one particular corrective. The other is cultivating forgiveness and I was hoping to meditate on that today. I actually wrote out some phrases that maybe we can do that next month. But we'll go through all the general ones because they apply to whatever attachment and pride and jealousy. We'll go through those in detail. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:58 Highlight the passage at 1:06:58

1:07:30 Okay, so be happy. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:30 Highlight the passage at 1:07:30