How to Meditate - Weekend Course with Jonathan Landaw (part 6)

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:43 So this session is going to last slightly more than one hour, and there may be a break in the middle. We'll have to see. And the idea was to continue the exploration that we started before about the different attitudes towards the three classifications of people. But it may have happened that you didn't really find anybody to fit all three of those categories. Report an error in the passage at 1:43 Highlight the passage at 1:43

2:13 I wouldn't imagine there's any problem in finding the stranger because there's so many people that we run through in our ordinary life that we don't really know anything about. Report an error in the passage at 2:13 Highlight the passage at 2:13

2:25 And I wouldn't imagine that there's too much difficulty in finding someone who's near and dear to us. And if we can't think of anyone in our life now, then we might be able to think back when we were a lot younger and there were people who cared for us that we may have felt that way about. Report an error in the passage at 2:25 Highlight the passage at 2:25

2:46 But I'm not so sure whether we found anyone that we're comfortable with in the category of the distant, the so-called enemy. Report an error in the passage at 2:46 Highlight the passage at 2:46

3:00 So it may have been difficult during the last session to come up with people to fill those categories. But in the time in between, you may have noticed your mind... Report an error in the passage at 3:00 Highlight the passage at 3:00

3:12 Reacting differently and maybe some ideas came up. So you don't have to choose the same people this session as you did last unless you're satisfied with them. Report an error in the passage at 3:12 Highlight the passage at 3:12

3:38 So once again, invite these three people into your meditation space, the space of your mental awareness. Report an error in the passage at 3:38 Highlight the passage at 3:38

3:51 For myself, I find it easier to do this with my eyes closed and then imagine the empty space. But you don't necessarily have to do it that way. Report an error in the passage at 3:51 Highlight the passage at 3:51

4:07 But what's important is to get the sense that you're really in the presence of these three people. So invite them in and Report an error in the passage at 4:07 Highlight the passage at 4:07

4:48 try to notice that the attractive quality of the so-called friend appears to be something coming from his or her own side, something that we are simply recognizing, Report an error in the passage at 4:48 Highlight the passage at 4:48

5:06 but that exists within that person as an aspect of that person. As an inherently attractive quality of that person. Report an error in the passage at 5:06 Highlight the passage at 5:06

5:17 And in a similar fashion, whatever negative feeling we have towards the person on the right is because he or she possesses certain qualities that we are reacting to, that we are acknowledging, that we are responding to. Report an error in the passage at 5:17 Highlight the passage at 5:17

5:42 And as for the person in the middle, he or she has no specific qualities one way or the other that we've come to recognize yet. Report an error in the passage at 5:42 Highlight the passage at 5:42

6:02 So we're going to check back to this fundamental response that we have to these three people. We're going to check back to this a number of times during this session. Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

6:18 We start out simply by noting the sense of nearness or affection or closeness with the person on the left, the sense of distance, animosity, resentment to the person on the right. Report an error in the passage at 6:18 Highlight the passage at 6:18

6:38 In the sense of unknowing or indifference or neutrality towards the person in the middle. Report an error in the passage at 6:38 Highlight the passage at 6:38

6:58 Then we ask ourselves, why do I feel particularly close to one, distant from the other, and not particularly one way or the other to the person in the middle? Report an error in the passage at 6:58 Highlight the passage at 6:58

7:15 There must be some reason, there must be some cause for that. Where can we find that cause? Report an error in the passage at 7:15 Highlight the passage at 7:15

7:30 Most likely, we find it in our experience. Report an error in the passage at 7:30 Highlight the passage at 7:30

7:38 For the person in the middle, we had no significant experience with that person, and that accounts for the neutrality or the pretty much indifference that we feel towards him or her, especially in comparison with the other two. Report an error in the passage at 7:38 Highlight the passage at 7:38

7:56 But what about the person on our left and the person on our right? Why might we feel strongly attracted to one? And somewhat repelled by the other. Why do we find one who appears to us in light and the other who appears to us somehow in darkness? Report an error in the passage at 7:56 Highlight the passage at 7:56

8:24 What in our experience caused that? For Report an error in the passage at 8:24 Highlight the passage at 8:24

8:35 the person that we like, that we feel close to, Report an error in the passage at 8:35 Highlight the passage at 8:35

8:41 check to see if it's some experience of help or benefit that we had received from this person sometime in the past. Report an error in the passage at 8:41 Highlight the passage at 8:41

8:54 And this help or this benefit could be something major in our life, major support, major benefit, something very significant. Report an error in the passage at 8:54 Highlight the passage at 8:54

9:08 And sometimes it could be something rather slight, that the person has complimented us in some way, had something nice to say about us. And immediately upon hearing those words, he or she seems more attractive, more pleasant, more worth knowing. Report an error in the passage at 9:08 Highlight the passage at 9:08

9:34 So check out what it might be in our experience with the person on the left that's responsible for this sense of closeness. Report an error in the passage at 9:34 Highlight the passage at 9:34

9:54 And if this person has done something particularly nice that makes us feel so close, imagine that person is doing the same thing now, acting, behaving in that kind, attractive, supportive manner that made him or her our friend in the first place. Report an error in the passage at 9:54 Highlight the passage at 9:54

10:23 He's in the habit of complimenting us for something. Imagine that we're hearing those compliments now and how it makes us feel. Report an error in the passage at 10:23 Highlight the passage at 10:23

10:39 If we receive something of value from this person, imagine that he or she is giving something similar to us now and how grateful we feel. Report an error in the passage at 10:39 Highlight the passage at 10:39

10:55 Try to make it a living experience. Report an error in the passage at 10:55 Highlight the passage at 10:55

11:15 Now the person in the middle has evidently not done anything to Report an error in the passage at 11:15 Highlight the passage at 11:15

11:26 make us... Feel particularly close or distant from him or her. Report an error in the passage at 11:26 Highlight the passage at 11:26

11:34 And so that person occupies a kind of a middle ground where we don't pay that much attention. Report an error in the passage at 11:34 Highlight the passage at 11:34

11:45 But we can do an experiment, an experiment in our own mind. Imagine that one day we encounter this so-called stranger. Let's say the person who waits on us in a bakery or takes our letters from us in the post office. Report an error in the passage at 11:45 Highlight the passage at 11:45

12:08 Engages in any of those similar anonymous tasks. And imagine on this particular occasion, we meet that very same person somewhere else, in Report an error in the passage at 12:08 Highlight the passage at 12:08

12:24 the street or in the park or Report an error in the passage at 12:24 Highlight the passage at 12:24

12:32 while shopping. Report an error in the passage at 12:32 Highlight the passage at 12:32

12:38 And this time, Report an error in the passage at 12:38 Highlight the passage at 12:38

12:42 instead of just having some kind of neutral, anonymous connection, Report an error in the passage at 12:42 Highlight the passage at 12:42

12:53 we actually get into a conversation with this person. Report an error in the passage at 12:53 Highlight the passage at 12:53

13:07 The person asks us about our life, our family. Report an error in the passage at 13:07 Highlight the passage at 13:07

13:15 And we do the same. And Report an error in the passage at 13:15 Highlight the passage at 13:15

13:24 the more we find out about this person, the more a real person he seems, she appears to be. We discover qualities that we couldn't have guessed at when they were just engaging in their relatively anonymous tasks in the bakery, the post office or wherever we used to run into them. Report an error in the passage at 13:24 Highlight the passage at 13:24

13:56 But now, in this other environment, We're encountering a three-dimensional being, not a cardboard cutout. Report an error in the passage at 13:56 Highlight the passage at 13:56

14:22 Now what we discover in that conversation could go in two completely different directions. Report an error in the passage at 14:22 Highlight the passage at 14:22

14:34 Imagine if in this conversation this person starts complimenting us, Report an error in the passage at 14:34 Highlight the passage at 14:34

14:46 showing interest in us, Report an error in the passage at 14:46 Highlight the passage at 14:46

14:52 expresses qualities that we find very pleasing, very attractive. Report an error in the passage at 14:52 Highlight the passage at 14:52

15:03 Maybe there's something about this person's history that we respond to. Report an error in the passage at 15:03 Highlight the passage at 15:03

15:11 Maybe he or she roots for the same basketball team that we do. It could be anything. But suddenly we find something out about this person that allows us to resonate, resonate with him, with her. Report an error in the passage at 15:11 Highlight the passage at 15:11

15:32 It's no longer anonymous. It's no longer indifferent. This person has begun becoming a friend. And we start noticing things about him or about her that we hadn't noticed before, attractive things. They have a nice sense of humor. Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

15:57 They have a nice smile. They like the same things that I do. Report an error in the passage at 15:57 Highlight the passage at 15:57

16:07 The stories they tell are filled with concern. Report an error in the passage at 16:07 Highlight the passage at 16:07

16:22 We also might find out certain things that make us sympathetic. When that person describes his or her home life, we may discover That there's some difficulty there. Some difficulty that he or she is trying to deal with. It could be some problem with the children, a health problem, a recently deceased partner or parent. Report an error in the passage at 16:22 Highlight the passage at 16:22

16:58 And now, that person who had been an object of pretty much indifference on our side is now starting to elicit sympathy. Our heart... Begins to open to this real person, this three-dimensional being, whose feelings and experiences are every bit as textured as our own. Report an error in the passage at 16:58 Highlight the passage at 16:58

17:31 There's no longer anything cardboard or cut out about this person. Nothing abstract or anonymous. Here's a real person we can respond to. Report an error in the passage at 17:31 Highlight the passage at 17:31

17:57 And when we think of it, isn't it likely true? Report an error in the passage at 17:57 Highlight the passage at 17:57

18:06 That most of the people that we're either very close with in this life or that we're feeling distant from in this life initially occupied this middle zone of anonymity. Report an error in the passage at 18:06 Highlight the passage at 18:06

18:22 Before we got to know them, before we got to know them, we didn't feel particularly close to them or particularly distant to them. They're just like this person, the person in the bakery or the post office. Report an error in the passage at 18:22 Highlight the passage at 18:22

18:44 But then, in the course of our life, we got to know them. Report an error in the passage at 18:44 Highlight the passage at 18:44

18:52 A connection was made. It could have started out as a rather casual connection, just a conversation. It Report an error in the passage at 18:52 Highlight the passage at 18:52

19:08 could have become something rather significant, that we needed some help, and that was the person. That stranger was the person who came and gave us that help. And we feel tremendous gratitude, which became a closeness. Report an error in the passage at 19:08 Highlight the passage at 19:08

19:31 So we can see that the person who is appearing to us as a stranger now Report an error in the passage at 19:31 Highlight the passage at 19:31

19:40 won't remain a stranger if and when we get to know more about his or her three-dimensional existence, exhibiting qualities that we find attractive, that Report an error in the passage at 19:40 Highlight the passage at 19:40

19:58 turn the person into a friend, or qualities that we find repugnant, that turn the person... Into the so-called enemy, someone who's distant from our attentions. Report an error in the passage at 19:58 Highlight the passage at 19:58

20:26 So let's play with this for a while. I'll give some examples, but you come up with your own examples, going back and forth as you see fit between the person on the left, the person in the middle, and the person on the right, and playing with their appearances. Report an error in the passage at 20:26 Highlight the passage at 20:26

20:50 For example, and you can use it if you like, how about the person on the right? We feel some kind of distance with, some kind of dislike towards. Report an error in the passage at 20:50 Highlight the passage at 20:50

21:07 Wasn't it very likely that at some point he or she was a stranger? Report an error in the passage at 21:07 Highlight the passage at 21:07

21:17 Isn't it also quite likely that at some point he or she was a very close friend, someone we opened our heart toward, someone we exposed our inner being towards, only to feel some kind of betrayal, let down? Report an error in the passage at 21:17 Highlight the passage at 21:17

21:43 And that's why we feel so distant from him or her. Having opened our heart and having gotten hurt, we close down. We don't want to be hurt like that again. So we push that person back, away from us. Report an error in the passage at 21:43 Highlight the passage at 21:43

22:16 So is there anyone in our experience, including these three people that we've chosen specifically, and anyone else who fits in similar categories? Is there anyone else who is inherently a friend, inherently a stranger, and inherently an enemy? Report an error in the passage at 22:16 Highlight the passage at 22:16

22:53 Are these concrete, separate categories, pigeonholes in which these three beings dwell? Or is the situation much more fluid than that? Not just in an abstract manner, but in the way we actually experience our life. Report an error in the passage at 22:53 Highlight the passage at 22:53

23:23 People come into our life and they play different roles at different times. Report an error in the passage at 23:23 Highlight the passage at 23:23

23:32 Strangers become friends, strangers become enemies, friends become enemies, and sometimes enemies become friends. Report an error in the passage at 23:32 Highlight the passage at 23:32

23:50 How many times have we heard or experienced that the person who eventually became our closest friend in his life was someone who when we first met we didn't like at all? There was something about him or something about her that rubbed us completely the wrong way. Report an error in the passage at 23:50 Highlight the passage at 23:50

24:14 This person was definitely on our radar because we felt strong dislike or aversion. But Report an error in the passage at 24:14 Highlight the passage at 24:14

24:25 somehow or other, that itself was a form of closeness. Somehow we were reacting to this person in a way that we don't react to someone who's just neutral. Report an error in the passage at 24:25 Highlight the passage at 24:25

24:44 There was a kind of a magnetic connection of one sort or another. Report an error in the passage at 24:44 Highlight the passage at 24:44

24:51 And all that needs to happen is for certain circumstances to just change a little bit. And that person that we initially felt so negative about can be transformed into our closest support in this life. Report an error in the passage at 24:51 Highlight the passage at 24:51

25:11 Has this ever happened to you? Report an error in the passage at 25:11 Highlight the passage at 25:11

25:16 Do you know of it ever happening to anyone else? Report an error in the passage at 25:16 Highlight the passage at 25:16

25:40 So, if they have faded in any way from your recollection, Bring those three people back and seat them in front of you again, left, middle and right. Report an error in the passage at 25:40 Highlight the passage at 25:40

25:59 And there was a time at the beginning when one felt particularly close to you, the other occupied a middle distance and the other was quite far away in our affections. Report an error in the passage at 25:59 Highlight the passage at 25:59

26:16 They didn't seem at all the same. Report an error in the passage at 26:16 Highlight the passage at 26:16

26:22 Do they still feel the same way? Report an error in the passage at 26:22 Highlight the passage at 26:22

26:31 Are we as indifferent to the person in the middle as when we started? Report an error in the passage at 26:31 Highlight the passage at 26:31

26:40 Or as dismissive of the person on the right as when we started? Do Report an error in the passage at 26:40 Highlight the passage at 26:40

26:53 we have as much favoritism towards the person on the left as when we started? Report an error in the passage at 26:53 Highlight the passage at 26:53

27:03 Are they somehow or other starting to even out? Not completely, of course. But the positions that they occupied when we started our contemplation, are they the same positions that they occupy now? Report an error in the passage at 27:03 Highlight the passage at 27:03

27:22 Do we view them in the same way? Report an error in the passage at 27:22 Highlight the passage at 27:22

27:45 And then we can explore the situation from another related angle. Report an error in the passage at 27:45 Highlight the passage at 27:45

27:52 Is there anyone among these three people, the ones we originally identified as friend, stranger and enemy, is there anyone among those three who Report an error in the passage at 27:52 Highlight the passage at 27:52

28:11 actively wants to be unhappy? Report an error in the passage at 28:11 Highlight the passage at 28:11

28:20 Someone who you could say their goal in life is to be miserable. Is there anyone like that among those three or indeed among any? Of the 7 billion people you might have run across. Report an error in the passage at 28:20 Highlight the passage at 28:20

28:50 And yet there are many people, people we know, people we've heard about, who engage in the kind of action which only brings about misery to themselves and to others. Report an error in the passage at 28:50 Highlight the passage at 28:50

29:06 If they don't want to be unhappy, why do they act that way? Report an error in the passage at 29:06 Highlight the passage at 29:06

29:16 Do they act that way because they are inherently bad? Report an error in the passage at 29:16 Highlight the passage at 29:16

29:26 If they were inherently bad, There's no way for enemies and strangers to become friends, and yet that happens all the time. Report an error in the passage at 29:26 Highlight the passage at 29:26

29:47 And you might rejoin to that, well, that may be true, but this particular person is something so egregious to me, something so horrible, so mean, that all I can see him or her is as a real enemy, a real bad guy. Report an error in the passage at 29:47 Highlight the passage at 29:47

30:14 Evil from his own side. Report an error in the passage at 30:14 Highlight the passage at 30:14

30:24 Hold that attitude for a moment. Does it stand up to analysis? Report an error in the passage at 30:24 Highlight the passage at 30:24

30:36 For example, if that person were as bad, as evil, as disgusting as he or she appears to me to be, Report an error in the passage at 30:36 Highlight the passage at 30:36

30:51 why doesn't that person appear in a similar negative light to everyone else? If they have those qualities and we see them, Why doesn't anyone else see them? Or more to the point, why doesn't everyone else see them? And yet, if we check up, there are some people who are very friendly with that person sitting to our right. Report an error in the passage at 30:51 Highlight the passage at 30:51

31:28 There are some people who rely on him or her. Report an error in the passage at 31:28 Highlight the passage at 31:28

31:37 There is someone who cares for that person. Report an error in the passage at 31:37 Highlight the passage at 31:37

31:44 Are they all deluded? Or have they just simply had other experiences? Report an error in the passage at 31:44 Highlight the passage at 31:44

32:04 So does it stand up? to our reasoned analysis. the qualities that these three people appeared to have from their own side actually qualities on experiences Experience... we are projecting onto them. Report an error in the passage at 32:04 Highlight the passage at 32:04

32:27 other words they are mere appearances to our mind on our experience Report an error in the passage at 32:27 Highlight the passage at 32:27

32:37 Which can and has, in fact, changed the Report an error in the passage at 32:37 Highlight the passage at 32:37

32:54 person whom we find to be indifferent, can become someone that we feel very close to, or someone very distant from. Report an error in the passage at 32:54 Highlight the passage at 32:54

33:09 Not because of any fundamental change in their being, but because we find out more about his or her life experience. Report an error in the passage at 33:09 Highlight the passage at 33:09

33:37 So this is a kind of meditation practice. Which can be done in a more formal manner, like here, sitting in a kind of a meditation posture in a quiet environment. Report an error in the passage at 33:37 Highlight the passage at 33:37

33:51 But it's also the kind of meditation practice that can be done very fruitfully when we're out and about, when we're interacting with other people. Report an error in the passage at 33:51 Highlight the passage at 33:51

34:07 Because in those interactions, we can see the way that we gravitate towards some people. Gravitate away from others and stay neutral about still others. We can see that happening. Report an error in the passage at 34:07 Highlight the passage at 34:07

34:26 We can see those experiences changing from moment to moment. The person we gravitate towards one moment on a Monday, when we see on Tuesday something happens and now we're gravitating away from that person. All Report an error in the passage at 34:26 Highlight the passage at 34:26

34:55 of the many differences that exist between ourselves and others. Between the three categories of people in front of us, for all those many differences, there is something that unites us. Report an error in the passage at 34:55 Highlight the passage at 34:55

35:15 Some of us are more skillful in our actions than others. Some of us make more mistakes than others. Report an error in the passage at 35:15 Highlight the passage at 35:15

35:29 But in terms of what we want from this life, all of us simply wish to have happiness, peace of mind. For our life to have some meaning to it, some purpose. None of us wants to get sick. None of us wants to experience loss. One Report an error in the passage at 35:29 Highlight the passage at 35:29

36:01 wants to be miserable. So in terms of our deepest aspirations, there is a basis for equanimity in our relation to all people. Report an error in the passage at 36:01 Highlight the passage at 36:01

36:18 We can recognize that there is nothing that ultimately divides us from anyone else. It's just a matter of getting to know them. Report an error in the passage at 36:18 Highlight the passage at 36:18

36:31 And a reflection of whatever specific experience we may have had with it. Experiences which can change and often do change. Report an error in the passage at 36:31 Highlight the passage at 36:31

36:50 Does that mean that if there's someone that we feel repulsed by, he or she will suddenly become our best friend without Report an error in the passage at 36:50 Highlight the passage at 36:50

37:07 a significant experience to back it up? That's extremely unlikely. Report an error in the passage at 37:07 Highlight the passage at 37:07

37:16 Will it necessarily happen that someone we feel particularly close to? Who's a very significant part of her life will suddenly become a stranger to us. It's also highly unlikely and it's of no benefit. Report an error in the passage at 37:16 Highlight the passage at 37:16

37:34 But by engaging in this kind of equanimity meditation, seeing that the qualities a person appears to have is just the way they're appearing to us because of certain causes and conditions of certain interactions we've had, all of which are changeable. Report an error in the passage at 37:34 Highlight the passage at 37:34

38:01 Are nothing other than mere appearances to our own mind. Report an error in the passage at 38:01 Highlight the passage at 38:01

38:12 And thus we don't feel that neurotic grasping attachment to those that we find attractive, supportive, caring and dear. And we don't feel the neurotic or even psychotic hatred towards people to whom we feel distant. But instead we recognize their shared humanity. The humanity they share with the vast majority of beings on the planet who at the moment are just strangers to us. Report an error in the passage at 38:12 Highlight the passage at 38:12

38:56 Strangers until they become real three-dimensional beings can relate. Report an error in the passage at 38:56 Highlight the passage at 38:56

· · · silence, 1 minute

39:44 Now let's give ourselves a short break. No, not much more than two or three minutes to stand or stretch or to refresh our seated posture. And then when we come back, Report an error in the passage at 39:44 Highlight the passage at 39:44

40:00 Then I would like to offer the variety of the breath meditation that I alluded to previously, what is often referred to as the nine round breathing exercise, Report an error in the passage at 40:00 Highlight the passage at 40:00

40:17 which is also written up in the packet that you received. But we'll practice that now. So, when the gong rings in about three minutes, let's reassemble and then we'll do the... The final part of this session. Report an error in the passage at 40:17 Highlight the passage at 40:17