← B. Alan Wallace

Transform Your Mind & Change Your Life Retreat - 7-Point Mind Training from Atisha (part 35)

B. Alan Wallace · 58 min · Vajrayana Institute via Internet Archive

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  • 0:45

    Again the Tong, the Tibetan term Tong means to send. Len is to take in. So we're sending out the light of loving kindness and taking in and dissolving suffering and the causes of suffering. So that's the short practice. It's root of course in loving kindness and compassion. And I mentioned earlier when it comes to shamatha that there's kind of a developmental approach, remember? Where you fasten your attention to some object, a Buddha image or whatever, or the sensations of the breath, and then you cultivate qualities you feel you don't have much of.

  • 5:19

    And so there are then ways of actively cultivating love and kindness, compassion. The Donglen practice is one. There are classic practices of the four immeasurables. Loving kindness, compassion, epithetic joy, and equanimity, marvelous, very wise, very well-designed practices to cultivate these. And so that's development again, cultivating. But what are we really cultivating? It's not really cultivating from the level of your coarse mind, your psyche, and trying to cultivate from that level.

  • 17:10

    Then you extend this outwards, outwards, outwards. But then it's very important to bring the wisdom to the cultivation of loving kindness, the wisdom to the cultivation of compassion, to be able to demarcate it, to distinguish between what is a loving kindness and what's the context, what might look like loving kindness and is not, but it certainly looks like it, false facsimile. So from the 5th century. From the 5th century, this is taken from a text called The Path of Purification. From the Theravāda tradition, there's what's called the near enemy or the false facsimile of loving kindness that looks a lot like loving kindness.

  • 38:26

    Then you better adjust because the practice is not really working well. Then we turn to compassion. And compassion in terms of the short analysis, and we'll take our break. The compassion, we go back to this, it's on now page 24 under L. The false facsimile, so compassion again. In compassion, English often refers to a sentiment, a feeling, an emotion. It's often equated with sympathy, sometimes equated with feeling sorry for, and perhaps tears running and real grief and sadness comes.

  • 55:18

    Dong Len, where in one practice, you're moving back and forth, almost like swimming, like that, back and forth, outwards with loving kindness, and then inwards drawing and suffering with compassion, like the ebb and flow. How is this not overwhelming? Especially when you go large. You tend to some of these things I've just been addressing, which are so easily accessible. We can find out so much about this, so easily. How is this not overwhelming?

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0:40 So that's a brief introduction to Tonglen. Report an error

0:45 Again the Tong, the Tibetan term Tong means to send. Len is to take in. So we're sending out the light of loving kindness and taking in and dissolving suffering and the causes of suffering. So that's the short practice. It's root of course in loving kindness and compassion. And I mentioned earlier when it comes to shamatha that there's kind of a developmental approach, remember? Report an error

1:15 Where you fasten your attention to some object, a Buddha image or whatever, or the sensations of the breath, and then you cultivate qualities you feel you don't have much of. You cultivate a sense of ease, cultivate stability, cultivate, develop clarity, and so proceed along the path of shamatha, right? With respect to the object, which gradually becomes more stable, more clear, vivid, and so on. Report an error

1:37 So there's one approach, time-tested, has definitely worked for many, many people. And always relative to an object that you're focusing on, right? That's called shamatha with a sign, which means with an object. But then we have that awareness of awareness, shamatha without a sign, without an object, without a target. Report an error

1:55 And there, I've never heard this, but it's certainly been my experience, that it's not a matter of so much cultivating the sense of ease, stability and clarity, but just releasing all the grasping to that which obscures. These three qualities. And in that release of grasping, that utter letting go, then the sense of ease emerges right out of that. Naturally, you don't have to cultivate it, you're discovering it. Report an error

2:20 The stillness of your awareness is something that's what is there when you release all the grasping. And the clarity, of course, well, awareness is clear, by nature luminous. So then it's a matter more of discovering rather than developing. And not relative to some object, but simply discovering the sense of ease. Report an error

2:38 The looseness, the stability, stillness and clarity that is right in the very nature of awareness itself. So you then discover Shant rather than developing and achieving it. It's one of your inner resources. And then it has the perks, bliss, luminosity, non-conceptuality. Well, this is not this, how do you say, this complementarity. Report an error

3:01 Of the more yam approach of developing, developing, strive, develop, cultivate. And the yin is release, release and discover what emerges through that release. This is true not only for the practice of shamatha. It's also true for the cultivation or the revelation, the unveiling of love and kindness, compassion, bodhicitta. Report an error

3:22 And that last quote that I read, where it says, if you're tapping into ultimate bodhicitta, don't even think about developing relative bodhicitta. You've tapped into the wellspring. The wellspring of relative bodhicitta is ultimate bodhicitta. So if you're tapping into that, you're going to discover relative bodhicitta just flowing right out of the nature of your awareness. Report an error

3:43 Don't cultivate it with respect to this person and that person, all that dualistic stuff going on and all embedded in concepts. Just tap into it and discover relative bodhicitta flowing out of your own awareness. Well, so likewise with love and kindness and compassion. Report an error

4:01 I remember leading a retreat years ago in Phuket and there was one woman, very capable, very strong, kind of real leader, kind of alpha female. That's how she guarded herself and she was. Very, very capable, very tough, strong, not unkind, but just really got her act together. And she, unsurprisingly, was in charge of a corporation. Report an error

4:22 She was really in charge of a business. But she told me in one of the weekly minis we had, she said, you know, I've never regarded myself as a very loving or compassionate person. I mean, I'm capable. I get the job done. I'm all business. There's the mudrā that comes out. Get the job done. But this last week, I was just practicing mindfulness of breathing and releasing, releasing, releasing. And out of the blue, a sense of unconditional loving kindness just flowed out of the blue. Report an error

4:52 And I wasn't thinking about sentient beings or cultivating this. It just, it was breathtaking. Like, whoa. I never knew I had it in me. It was discovery, just by releasing, releasing, releasing. And so this has shifted my sense of my own identity. Because now I no longer think that I'm not an affectionate person, not warm, not kind. It's there. I just have to let it flow a bit more easily. Report an error

5:19 And so there are then ways of actively cultivating love and kindness, compassion. The Donglen practice is one. There are classic practices of the four immeasurables. Loving kindness, compassion, epithetic joy, and equanimity, marvelous, very wise, very well-designed practices to cultivate these. And so that's development again, cultivating. But what are we really cultivating? It's not really cultivating from the level of your coarse mind, your psyche, and trying to cultivate from that level. Report an error

5:50 You're cultivating on the level of your psyche. That's where you're thinking, you're imagining, maybe visualizing and so forth. You're cultivating on that level, but where is the loving kindness coming from? When the practice starts to really work, it's not coming from the topsoil. The activity isn't. That's where you're mulching and fertilizing and aerating the soil and watering and so forth. Report an error

6:11 That's where you're doing the work. Where's the loving kindness coming from? Not from the thoughts or the visualization. Not from the practice. You're opening up, you're aerating the soil up here so that the wellspring of loving kindness, which of course is written in your Buddha nature, in Rigpa. That can flow forth. And so it's created in circumstances such that that which is already there can flow forth unimpededly. So we're back to discovery versus development. Report an error

6:43 So I'd like to linger here just a little bit. Yeah, there's some nice quotes here. But I'd just like to spend a little bit of time. The question had been asked earlier, what is compassion, remember? So I'd like to just linger there just to bring conceptual clarity. Because we are translating from Sanskrit or Tibetan into English, and the words, sometimes we have to make up terms, or we'll use a term we're very familiar with, like compassion, but it may very well turn out that what we're cultivating in Buddhist practice here, as in this practice, cultivating, that it doesn't really coincide very closely, or at least not exactly, to what we English users think of when we think compassion. Report an error

7:27 There may be some differences there. Because words are often not one-on-one translations. So, in terms of this first one, loving-kindness, this is now the standard translation. It's a good one. The Sanskrit is Maitri. Some of you may know the Pāli Mettā. But Maitri, good translation, loving-kindness, but what does it mean? Report an error

7:47 And again, as I mentioned before, it is not just a feeling. This is why we translators don't use the word love. It's a lovely word, obviously. But it's too big. It covers too much territory. Because I know some motorcyclists who love their Harleys. I mean, I heard of one, he kept his Harley in the living room. Report an error

8:09 It was always polished. It was kind of like my Harley. And so I think he really loved his Harley. But the Harley's not a Senji Beans. We didn't love him back. So that is simply attachment. I really dig my Harley. Senji Beans really love their golf swing. They love scenery. They love all kinds of things. They love their mothers. So the word there's romantic love and love for your mother and children and your Harley Davidson and your love tennis. Report an error

8:33 So it's just too large. And a lot of that has nothing to do with loving kindness at all. Loving a Harley Davidson, not loving kindness at all. And so then we don't use that. We say that one's just covering so much territory that we'll just kind of leave that one in English and we use loving kindness. Report an error

8:52 It's the aspiration. It is an aspiration for our own and others' well-being and that we may find the causes of happiness. It's just that. But I thought, even though this may seem a little bit technical, I thought it might be useful. There's a lot of good material here, but obviously we don't have time for something in detail. But let's start with loving kindness. Report an error

9:14 It's a good one. And I think I have the notes here. Yeah, here it is. So on page 23. This I find very useful. It's kind of an analysis, but I think you'll find it's not just kind of... I don't know, an intellectual trip. But before going there, I'd like to find again a bridge between what we have been doing, which has been the four thoughts that reverse the attitude, the shamatha and then ultimate bodhicitta. Report an error

9:40 A common denominator there, especially in the shamatha and vipassanā, or shamatha and ultimate bodhicitta, is attending to. So we are attending to in those four thoughts that turn in the mind, very clearly. Attending to life, attending to. Report an error

9:54 The shamat is all about developing attention skills. So attention, attention. Then we're directing the attention inwards upon awareness and so forth. So we see in the shamat of vipassanā matrix very much a refining and utilizing of attention, that term attention. And so it can sound very cognitive. In psychology it's in the realm of executive control. It sounds very cerebral. Report an error

10:18 And then we have over here, then we have the loving kindness, the compassion, the donna and the bodhicitta, the relative bodhicitta. But as it turns out, this English term, which is now one of my favorite terms, attention, it turns out to be just delicious. Report an error

10:32 As we go to the etymology, I like to go to the roots of words, because that's where the words spring from. Attention can be defined in various ways in the modern context. But when you go back to where did the word come from? It comes from the Latin root, which means to tend to, attendere, to tend to attention. To tend to, like you're tending to the breath, but tend to as a shepherd tends to a sheep, right? Report an error

11:00 Or a mother tends to her children, so tend to, but in the connotation of look after, watch over, care for. So now when we see the richness of it, the sweetness of the term, Yes, I'm paying attention to my breath. Okay, very cognitive. But then a mother tending to a children, a shepherd tending to his sheep, or watching over, looking after, caring for. Report an error

11:23 Then we say, oh, wait a minute, this is not a separation of heart and mind, which is a Western bifurcation. No, it's heart-mind. And so this term comes up a lot, attention, attention. And we find it in professions. I fly a lot, so I've had a lot of engagement with flight attendants. Flight attendants, right? What do they do? I know what they do, because I'm the beneficiary on many occasions, because my rental is up there at 35,000 feet. Report an error

11:50 The flight attendants are tending to, watching over and caring for, looking after all the passengers. And not just delivering food, a robot could do that. But if there's a problem, if a child is crying, if a person starts to have any kind of problem, of any kind, it's not the pilot or co-pilot, they're busy. Report an error

12:10 You don't want them leaving. So it's their job. This is kind of like, this is your family for your 14-hour flight from Sydney to Los Angeles. This is your family. And they're watching over and caring for you, looking after you. And it's very nice to be looked after and cared for. Friends look after each other. Spouses, partners look after each other. That's the whole point. If you're not, then stop. Looking after, caring for. Report an error

12:37 So there's one verb in the one noun, attention, attend. Then is very much the perfect word for developing shamatha and so forth. But it's exactly the same word, attend, for then developing loving kindness and compassion. I've very often quoted my friend, Benedictine monk Lawrence Freeman, when we've led a number of workshops together over the years. And in one of them he said, the greatest gift we can give to another person is our attention. Report an error

13:04 Our attention. Our full attention. Because when we give our full attention to someone, Then this person is in the center of the world. I mean, like right now I'm focusing on Angela's face, so nobody else is in focus. And there it is. I mean, that's just the nature of attention. It's very selective. It's very selective. You can select large if you wish, but generally when we're focusing, we're selecting. And so then one face, one person is in focus and everything else goes kind of out of focus. Report an error

13:33 And then we direct the attention here. It can be self-directed. It can be directed to one's family and so on. Report an error

13:41 And William James makes this monumental statement, which I'd love to elaborate on, but no time right now. For the moment, what we attend to is reality. It's sheer matter of focusing and attention. But that which we do not attend to fades out as far as we're concerned. It doesn't become any less real. It's still there. But not for us. Report an error

14:03 Not for us. So what we attend to is what for us is deemed real, important, significant. And what we don't attend to, As William James said, it fades out to the land where footless fancies dwell. It just fades out into epiphenomenal status or into sheer non-existence. If we simply don't attend at all to something, then it just fades out. Report an error

14:24 We just don't see it at all. It just doesn't count. So a very self-absorbed person. We'll be then attending again and again, so fixing, with such intense interest and continuity and relaxation, stability, clarity, maybe, but focusing in on my concerns and my hopes and my activities and my goals and my... Report an error

14:44 And that's just the dominating reality as one navigates through life. It's kind of like running down a football field and look out, I'm coming through, coming through, coming through, out of the way, you can help me, come on, help me. And it's just like all about, I mean, mine, it's a very small world. Report an error

15:00 It's a very small world. For the simple reason that one is attending to. And so this practice of Donglin is attending to, bringing our full attention to one or more people and then moving from one to another and gradually expanding and expanding. So we're attending to everyone around us. In which case then, the people we're attending to, people, human beings, animals, whoever they may, sentient beings. Report an error

15:30 Whoever we're attending to then looms large, rises over the horizon, and we cannot help but take into account, regard them as real. Report an error

15:40 So a question can be asked, how can you cultivate compassion? Some people feel they're not very compassionate. They say, well, I see other people really compassionate, but not me. And so how can one cultivate compassion? Of course there's not just one technique, but one real simple response is, attend closely to those who are suffering. Report an error

16:00 Just really pay attention, really focus. And as you do, I think you cannot help but care, because it becomes real for you as you attempt. Report an error

16:14 This is why visuals, like in newspapers, the internet, the news and so forth, can be so powerful. Some of you may have seen that image, oh, so striking, of that little boy, did anybody see it? That little boy, very grubby and his face with blood and so forth. Report an error

16:32 you, so... It's just really touching. It's just one boy, and you know this represents five million refugees from Syria, but one little boy sitting by himself. Report an error

16:46 And you can't help but attend. And if you attend, you cannot help, I think. You cannot help but care. So, attention is a very choice word here. So we come to loving kindness. The meaning of it is very straightforward. It's always towards the sentient being, oneself, others, one can certainly have loving kindness for oneself, a very good place to start. Report an error

17:10 Then you extend this outwards, outwards, outwards. But then it's very important to bring the wisdom to the cultivation of loving kindness, the wisdom to the cultivation of compassion, to be able to demarcate it, to distinguish between what is a loving kindness and what's the context, what might look like loving kindness and is not, but it certainly looks like it, false facsimile. Report an error

17:35 So from the 5th century. From the 5th century, this is taken from a text called The Path of Purification. From the Theravāda tradition, there's what's called the near enemy or the false facsimile of loving kindness that looks a lot like loving kindness. And it's not. That's not even similar, but it really looks like it. It's a spitting image, it seems. And this is called self-centered attachment. Self-centered attachment. Report an error

17:59 You can see it in H, right kind of the middle of H23, page 23. And this looks like it. So, for example, the person who just loves his Harley. Well, this means he's polishing it, he's lubing it, he's just making it spick and span, he's checking it, really taking good care of it. And then when he's out on the road and he just hears that lion's roar of the engine of the Harley ripping along and he's feeling, just loves it. It gives him a lot of pleasure, a lot of satisfaction. Report an error

18:31 It really improves his self-image that I'm riding a Harley and hear me growl, hear me growl. That's my testosterone, by the way. Report an error

18:42 There's a real thrill, kind of a rush from that. And you cruise around and then you take your Harley home and you polish, polish, polish. It looks like you really love your Harley. But of course it's just a thing. It's like loving a pair of eyeglasses. But if it were a sentient being, it would really enjoy the attention you're giving. Because you're polishing it and loving it and all of this kind of stuff. Report an error

19:05 But it's all for you. I mean, that's the point. It's all for you. You're not doing that for the sake of the Harley. It's all for you. And so as one can love a Harley as an it, and it is an it, you can take that same type of love and find a person who improves your self-image and gives you a lot of joy and so forth, like riding a Harley. Report an error

19:29 But it's going on a date or what have you. It can be a romantic, it can be other kinds of relationships where we develop a self-centered attachment to another person because we really get a lot of joy, satisfaction, maybe... Report an error

19:43 Self-esteem and so forth, what we want, we're getting what we want. And if we're getting what we want from a relationship, now of course it can be romantic, but it also could be, what do you say, I can't remember the term, but sucking up, sucking up to the boss. And showing, you know, just, oh, I admire you so much. Because you want the raise, right? Report an error

20:04 Or we do this in different situations. We're doing something, we're putting on a show, a smile, maybe a gift, maybe really nice warm expressions of appreciation and admiration and so forth. And basically it's all a ploy. It's all a technique. I want something from you. I think this will work. You're looking very well today, Rhonda. Report an error

20:26 You're really very smart. Really, what have you done? You look like you're just getting younger every day. Because I want her money. I want her money. Money, money, money. But we do this kind of thing. I'm teasing Randa, of course. But this happens. It's called the Martin Boba, the Jewish existential philosopher called an I-It relationship. We're attending to a person like we do a Harley or a person like your boss or somebody you're trying to sell something to. Report an error

20:59 You want something from somebody. And you figure, what do I need to do to get what I want? And then you do it, it may look a lot like, wow, this person really loves me, so affectionate and warm and respectful and courteous and kind. Boy, they just want something from you. And all that was skillful means to squeeze the fruit, get what they wanted. That's a shame. Report an error

21:22 It's a shame. Because it's all, it's not even necessarily self-conscious. That is, we may not even know who's doing it. Because most English speakers don't have a distinction between love and loving kindness. We just use love for everything. You know, just love, you know, like that. And so, especially as we're growing up, like for puberty and so forth, I love you, I love you, I love you. Report an error

21:47 Can't live without you. Don't leave. Report an error

21:52 One may really feel, but this is love, this love. And there may be, it could be an alloy. It's not black or white. It's not like a kind of teenage love, romantic love or infatuation. It's not like, let's see, a boy doesn't care about the girl at all. He may not, in which case he's just, you know. Self-absorbed. There may be actual some caring, some affection to the other person. But then in the middle of that, I want, I want, I want what I need to get. Report an error

22:15 I know what I want. Would you like some flowers? No? Want a ride in my car? No? I'm going to figure out something here. I know what I want. I want you to give it to me. And so that is self-centered attachment. And the 15-year-old girl may not be able to tell which is which. Because it looks the same. This boy really likes me, Mom. Report an error

22:36 He really likes me a lot. He really respects me. All the woodwinds start clapping. Yeah, yeah, right. And so to distinguish it between the two, because they can really look a lot alike. That's really important. So a telltale sign of that is self-centered attachment. Self-centered attachment easily flicks right over into irritation or exasperation, disappointment, frustration, anger. Report an error

23:10 Hatred. So when we become fixated on somebody, thinking, you will make me happy. You will make me happy. I love you so much. Never leave. Never leave. And then you're not getting the happiness you wish. Then, big disappointment. I thought you'd make me really happy, and you didn't do it. And you're getting to be very annoying. And then what started until death do us part becomes, the quicker you're dead, the better. Report an error

23:41 That's not love or loving kindness turning to hatred. It's self-centered attachment turning to self-centered aversion. And that's a very easy transition. So this is a very important distinction. And most important to distinguish in our own mind streams. As we find ourselves drawn to certain people, especially certain people. Report an error

24:02 That's fine to be drawn to. But what is it? Is it self-centered? Or when we direct our attention, our love? Or focus, or caring. Is it really for the sake of the other person? If so, that's love and kindness. That's love and kindness. If it's really all about the other person, it's genuine, it's clear, it's not an alloy, it's not mixed with something else. Report an error

24:24 But really simply wishing, may you find the happiness that you seek. And if I can help, I'm really happy to. Then it's relaxed, actually. Because you're simply offering your best. And it is simply love and kindness. Whereas if it's, I'd really like to do this for you. Oh, by the way, here's what I want in return. Report an error

24:44 Then, okay, then you've got alloy. That can be quite confusing. So a distinction between the two can be very helpful. That's the near enemy, the false facsimile, that which looks like loving-kindness, but in fact is not at all. It's an I-it relationship rather than I-you relationship, where you genuinely care for the other person. That which is diametrically opposed to loving-kindness is enmity, malice, ill-will. Report an error

25:10 And you can define it just by knowing it's the opposite, and that is, if loving-kind is the aspiration, may you find happiness in the causes of happiness. Enmity or ill-will is, may you not find happiness in the causes of happiness. And that happens sometimes, doesn't it? Where, you know, the relationship goes sour, and you see this person who you really now feel very strong distaste for, and it looks like they might get a raise or really get something they want. Report an error

25:39 You're not happy. If they seem like they're really doing very, very well, they're flourishing, you're not happy with that at all. They don't deserve it. They don't deserve that. They shouldn't get that. I think I'm going to try to make this right and let it destroy their happiness. Because they don't deserve it. Report an error

25:55 I know that person. That person doesn't deserve happiness. I'm going to see if I can make sure that person doesn't get the raise. I'm going to send the message to the boss. By the way, do you know what you're getting into? I'll give you the background on this person. You won't like what you hear. That's enmity. That's malice. Just the opposite. There's no mistaking that for loving-kindness. No pretense of loving-kindness. Diametrically opposed. Report an error

26:18 That's good to know what is directly opposite from loving-kindness, and that's enmity or malice. The next one's very interesting. Proximate cause. What's the trigger? What is it that immediately catalyzes or triggers, arouses? Loving-kindness. I recently talked... Oh, there was something in Singapore just a couple of weeks ago when this came out. Report an error

26:40 Asking, what is the answer? It's seeing the lovableness. What is the direct catalyst? It's seeing the lovableness in the other person. Report an error

26:51 Now, if we're talking about self-centered attachment, then you say, well, what triggered this self-centered attachment? Well, you're really rich and I really like you a lot. Because you're rich and I'm hoping to get something from you. Or you're famous and I like to be kind of in your light. Or you're very attractive, and I really like attractive people. Or it could be also virtues. You're such a generous person, I like you a lot. Or you're so wise, I like you a lot. Report an error

27:21 And so forth. So it's not just kind of the more superficial things like money, fame, beauty, prestige, power, and so forth, which then many people then say, oh, I love, because they're drawn to that. Very common. But also virtues. None of those are virtues. Simply being beautiful, wealthy, powerful. That's not a virtue. Report an error

27:41 It's what a lot of people strive for, no guarantee gives any happiness at all. But there are virtues like wisdom, compassion, kindness, generosity and so forth. And these we can also see in other people. And we can be very attracted to such people, quite understandably. But then some people have more and some have less. And that is some people are very, very kind, others not so much. Report an error

28:04 Others are some very generous, some not so much. But this loving kindness, the whole ideal, is that it's unconditional. So if it's loving more the virtuous people, but not really caring about the not-so-virtuous people, let alone loving the attractive ones and not the unattractive ones, then it's just the same old, same old. Report an error

28:23 It's still the ideal relationship. So, we probably don't have time right now, but just lingering here, when it speaks of the lovable quality that you can see in any such being, because this is the idea. That we're cultivating loving kindness for all sentient beings, but this means the real stinkers, the mean ones, the hostile ones, the destructive ones, as well as the loving ones, as well as the unintelligent ones and the brilliant ones. Report an error

28:48 If it's not that, then it's not loving kindness, because then it's just all filtered with self-centered attachment. I like these people more than those people. And so the loving kindness is cutting through the veneer, it's seeing through the veneer of just the superficial things. But also seeing through the veneer of here's a very kind person, here's a very wise, generous person and so forth. It's seeing deeper. So this came up in this retreat a couple of years ago and it brought my own awareness more deeply into it. Report an error

29:17 It's asking, what is the lovable quality? Because it's very easy to find qualities that we find admirable and attractive. And so I really like this person, admire this person, respect this person, want to be with this person. That's easy to find. Really easy. We can identify those. But if that's all it is, then it's still about me, that I get so much pleasure by being with such people, engaging with them, having them as friends, lovers and so forth, bosses, employees, whatever. Report an error

29:46 What is the lovable quality? That really is something at a deeper level than the outermost veneer or even the inner veneer of virtue. Some people are more virtuous than others. And I don't speak with any authority, but if we take two examples, I think it shows us the right direction to go to. Report an error

30:14 And we're familiar with the books, nothing mysterious. But one image that comes up very vividly to my mind is a mother of her baby lying asleep, like a one-year-old, lying asleep, peacefully asleep. And the mother comes into the baby's room, very soft light, and the mother just comes in and gazes at her baby, the baby just sleeping. Report an error

30:38 And babies, you know, a baby looks like a baby as far as I'm concerned. They're pretty much all cute, right? I can't imagine doing a baby contest. You're a 10 out of 10. I wouldn't know how to go about it. But when she's gazing at the baby, her child, she's not doing a beauty contest. She's not thinking, what will I get from you? Will you be really sweet to me and hug me when you wake up? It's just right there, and simply attends to her infant, her child. Report an error

31:15 She's seeing someone who's lovable. And I don't think it's how cute the baby is, or anything else, or how many babies are generous. I don't think there were really... And she doesn't have to cultivate loving kindness. She simply attends to her child. She sees the child as lovable. And that quality of endearment, of affection, of deep caring, of love comes forth. Report an error

31:50 And she simply gazes and gazes. And that's loving kindness. It's not that the baby is attractive. Right? Not that. Maybe the child, maybe there are really beautiful babies, but that's not it. That's not what she's attempting to. As if she had two babies, she'd be feeling more love for the cuter baby than the less cute baby. So there's something that I think a lot of women resonate with that. I can resonate with it. Report an error

32:15 But the other one that I know well is gazing. If you've had, and hopefully you have, I'm fortunate. I've had a very loving relationship with my mother. She's passed away now, but we had a very loving relationship for a very long time. Kind of flawless as far as I could tell. And this term comes about in Tibetan Buddhism, your aged mother. So your mother is getting on in years. Report an error

32:38 My mother lived at 88. And you see your mother and you just see her as lovable. You just see her as lovable. And it's not, you know, does she still have a slim waist or is she gone? You simply see her as lovable. Report an error

32:58 And it's not something you're seeing with the eyes. It's not a visual reception. That's what really kind of came to me. But the mother looking at her baby, it's not a visual perception. She's not visually seeing the lovable quality of the baby. I don't think so. Or a son, a child, attending to one's mother, one's aged mother, for example. Report an error

33:17 It's not something you're seeing. You're not visually seeing in the contours of her face or her body, posture and so forth. You're not seeing it. You're not seeing it with your eyes. But you are seeing it. And for want of a better word, I'm sometimes not very good at words, you're seeing with your heart. Report an error

33:34 But it's certainly genuine. I know what I'm talking about. I think a lot of you resonate. And it could be for your mother. That's pretty easy. It's not true for everybody. Some people have had really tough relationships with parents. I understand. But then it could be for a friend or some other loved one. And again, that affection, that loving kindness arises. Report an error

33:54 And it's not something you see with the eyes. The lovable quality is not something you see with the eyes. Attractive qualities, of course. And all of those, yes, you see. But this, I think, is deeper. And that's what capitalizes loving-kindness, triggers it. Now let's go deeper. Very clear in the Buddha's teachings that loving-kindness needs to start at home, and that is the Buddha himself encouraged loving-kindness that is self-directed. Report an error

34:18 Self-directed. It's not self-infatuation, it's not narcissism, it's not, oh, what a jolly good person am I. It's none of that. It's actually loving-kindness and not narcissism or attachment to oneself. Report an error

34:32 And so then the question, I think this is a really interesting one. And that is, when you attend to yourself, whether you're looking at a reflection of yourself in the mirror, or you're simply reflecting upon yourself, regarding yourself, attending to yourself, do you see any lovable quality? Do you see yourself as lovable? And if not, work on it. Because if you can't see this in yourself, it will be harder to see anybody else. Report an error

35:03 And then you know for sure, if you can see a lovable quality in yourself, it's not something of your eyesight. And it's not, oh, I'm a kind person, I'm intelligent, I have a good sense of humor, I'm good looking. Nope, none of that. None of that. The whole point is you can be lovable even without that. Report an error

35:20 You may not be attractive without that. You may not be the object of the people's desires without certain qualities. You probably won't be. But can you be lovable at all times? Report an error

35:33 Is there a lovable quality at all times? Does a mother love her children when they're being really obnoxious? Can. Can. Don't love their behavior, but do you love your child right now? Would you make a major sacrifice of your child right while he or she is being obnoxious? Do you still care about your child? Report an error

35:51 Is that loving affection still there, even when the child is being really obnoxious? Or one of my teachers, Gishad Alton, said, when it comes to parent-child relationship, and he had never had a child. He became a monk when he was 19. He was a monk for the rest of his life. He had no experience raising family whatsoever. But he said he made a very interesting comment with respect to parent and child. Report an error

36:10 He said that, If you have children, it's very easy to love them when they're young, when they're so lovable. And then something happens, it's called adolescence. Report an error

36:21 And it's that if you have children, when they get into adolescence, maybe they're running around with the wrong group. They come under influence, it gets bad influence, bad influence. Maybe they get into drugs, maybe they get into some things that are kind of illegal. So really bad habits, bad crowd. Report an error

36:38 And they wanted to be cool, they wanted to be accepted, and they go along with this. And they start having a real attitude, and obnoxious, and doing stuff, and you think, oh my God, am I going to end? And he said, if your adolescence is going through a phase like that, if the parent, whoever it may be, if the parent then, seeing that the child is not turning out as you hoped, if then you feel more distance, less love, removal, less care. Report an error

37:08 Then that showed what he had before was primarily self-centered attachment. Because this is a Harley that's getting rusted. It's not a satisfactory Harley. Report an error

37:20 Whereas if you see your adolescent child going astray, running with the wrong group, maybe getting into drugs, maybe getting into some misdemeanors and other stuff, bad stuff, if your compassion you're carrying for the child increases, that was loving kindness. Because the child is just as lovable as before, but now you see even more need of your love, your care, your compassion. So, I think that's very interesting. Report an error

37:49 The proximate cause of seeing the lovableness in beings. I think it's very deep, that. So you cultivate loving kindness, you cultivate Dong Lin, for example. And your cultivation of loving kindness, you know it's working when any tendency towards animosity, malevolence, malice, ill will, it subsides. Report an error

38:08 It's coming up less and less. And more or more weakly, weak, weak, weak, less and less strong. So you know you're going in the right direction. But if you're cultivating loving kindness and you find that you're, in fact, you're self-centered attachment or self-affection, if that's increasing, then you're on the wrong track. Report an error

38:26 Then you better adjust because the practice is not really working well. Then we turn to compassion. And compassion in terms of the short analysis, and we'll take our break. The compassion, we go back to this, it's on now page 24 under L. The false facsimile, so compassion again. In compassion, English often refers to a sentiment, a feeling, an emotion. It's often equated with sympathy, sometimes equated with feeling sorry for, and perhaps tears running and real grief and sadness comes. Report an error

39:00 And if that's all that is, is you see the child with the blood on the face and so forth, and you simply feel sadness. That's all. You just feel, oh. Just that, grief, sadness. Well, that's empathy. Certainly better than aloof indifference. But it's not compassion. It's empathy. It's feeling with. But it's not compassion. The compassion is rooted in empathy. It's rooted in empathy, but it's moving beyond empathy, beyond the emotion of empathy, to an aspiration. Report an error

39:35 To an aspiration. If there's no vision, no aspiration there, no yearning, it's not compassion. It may be just empathy. Which again, at least is better than indifference. And so for compassion to arise then, number one, we must attend to the person who's suffering. If we don't attend to that person, that group of people, then no compassion will arise. Because we're not tending to, which means empathy won't arise. Report an error

40:00 You don't empathize with someone you're not being any attention to. And if there's no empathy, then no compassion will arise. But will compassion arise if you empathize with someone, but you see no hope of their... Suffering being alleviated. If you see no hope, it's totally hopeless. Then can compassion arise if the aspiration comes up? Report an error

40:20 And as the aspiration comes up, it comes up with the sense, but of course this will never happen. In my own experience, whenever I experience such an aspiration, it's always short-lived. Because life is very short and I don't really have that much time to cultivate aspirations that I think will never be possible. Report an error

40:42 And so for compassion to arise, this generally true, not just me, for compassion to arise there must be some vision that at least the suffering could be alleviated, it could be diminished, it could be less. Report an error

40:56 If one sees no possibility of that, then it's pretty much a sadness. Sorrow, grief. And so compassion must have some vision, as loving kindness must have vision. And that is, could this person, this group of people, whoever they may be, could they find happiness? What would that happiness be? How might they flourish? And then a vision comes to mind, and then the aspiration comes. Report an error

41:20 May it be so. And likewise with compassion, there must be a vision. Might this person be free of such suffering? So I'll give you a brief example. A friend of mine years ago now, maybe ten years ago, knew quite well, good friends, about my age, I think, he was diagnosed with bone cancer. Report an error

41:44 That's a very steep slope. And so he broke one leg. He's in hospital. And then he got out of a car and he broke another leg. And his bones are just getting like matchsticks. They just break so easily. And so to aspire, may you be free of bone cancer. May the cancer completely vanish. Your bones become strong and robust and you wind up in vibrant health. Report an error

42:13 It's not really. It's not realistic. It's pretty much a one-way track. Bone cancer, when it's very... He's really getting in there. Not much chance of that. So that's not what I was praying for. I was there with him right towards the end, right through. Report an error

42:28 But I wasn't really praying or wishing, may you be free of this cancer? Because it's just not going to happen. Apart from divine intervention, and I don't know how to trick that one. I don't know how to click that one going. Not going to happen. But then that's just the body. But my friend is not a body. He is a friend who had bone cancer. Report an error

42:49 And he was Buddhist. He had faith. He was practicing. So might I help you experience less mental suffering? Might you have less mental suffering, even though the body is going to be deteriorating and you'll be dead in that process? Might your mind be at peace? Might your mind not be troubled, caught up and, how do you say, fused with your disease? Report an error

43:12 Might you be free of mental suffering as your body is fading out? Might you find well-being? Might you have a sense of serenity, of calm, of fearlessness? And might you die well? And what follows, may that turn out well for you. So what follows, may that be free of suffering. That's realistic. And in fact he did. He had the morphine pump, so he could give himself just the amount of morphine that he needed to make the pain bearable, but not to make him completely groggy. Report an error

43:47 So he would control that. Because a body would be otherwise just wracked with pain. But he was controlling his morphine. He was practicing Dharma. We kept on coming back to Tara, Tara, Tara. And he slipped out. He had a good death. And that we can pray for. So it's finding what kind of suffering is possible to be freed from and then aspiring for that. Report an error

44:12 So the near enemy is an interesting one. The near enemy, the false facsimile, that which looks like compassion but is not. It's simply grief or despair is even a better word. Despair, hopelessness. So if I had come to my friend and every time I saw him with eventually two legs up in casts and his body just ruined and it didn't look nice, it did not look nice. Report an error

44:40 And he couldn't do of any of the things. He used to be a very gifted musician and so forth and so on. He couldn't do any of those things now. And so if I would come into him, if I came into his room and I just took one look at him and I just start crying, I think he'd ask me to leave. Really, I mean, really. What are you doing here? I'd rather be alone than just have you crying over me. And that would be grief. Report an error

45:07 Oh, I wish I could help, I wish I could help, but there's no cure. What's the point? So yes, sadness, grief, yeah, but that's not compassion. That's not helping anybody. And so that maybe looks like compassion, and it's not. It's just grief. And so compassion has to do more than that. It has to have a vision. It has to be an aspiration. That there's a possibility of leaving suffering of some kind here, and perhaps the most important kind. Report an error

45:35 How about mental suffering? It's actually more important than physical. And the morphine was very helpful. I'm very glad for that. It didn't overwhelm him. And so that's the near enemy. And then cruelty is that which is diametrically posed. Cruelty is what professional torturers know about. Because their profession is to administer pain and the causes of pain in the most precise and effective manner. Report an error

46:03 And I've met people who were tortured at length, including Pandangyatsu, the one who was in prison for 35 years. We had a long conversation together. I translated for him on two occasions. Report an error

46:15 And when he told me what he'd gone through in these concentration camps, I'd never heard anything like it. Report an error

46:24 Never even heard of it. It'd been 35 years. And he said at one point in the prison, because he was tortured regularly and starved, and there was a point, he was not a Rinpoche, not a great yogi, he was just a simple monk. Just a simple monk. I don't know, I got in prison maybe saying long live the Dalai Lama, something like that. At one point he told me that I couldn't take it. Report an error

46:50 He said other monks in the prison, some of them which commit suicide. They just couldn't take it anymore. But I have a precept against killing. I have a precept against killing, so if I kill myself, I'm breaking the precept, and that's the last thing I do in this life, and I don't want to leave that way. Report an error

47:04 But he, too, just got to the point he couldn't bear it anymore. The suffering, I will not tell you about the suffering, the kind of torture he went through, because I don't want to burden you with that. But I was glad he told me, because it expanded my horizon. But he got to the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. Just the notion of having to continue in this vein. Report an error

47:24 It was unbearable. So one day his torture came through him to administer the daily precise dosage. And Palangyatsu told me, I spat in his face, not out of disgust or anger. It was a technique. He spat in his face, hoping the torture would then retaliate and kill him. Report an error

47:49 So that's what he did. And thinking then, okay, then it'll come down. And then I'm out of this body. I'm finished. And hopefully with cumbers would be better. And then he told me what the torturer did. As he wiped the spit off his face, he stepped back and he smiled. I know what you want, and you're not getting it. Report an error

48:13 And then he carefully administered the next torture. That's cruelty. That's the quintessence. That was like perfectly distilled. That's cruelty. Eventually he got out, popping out, so of course otherwise I would never have spoken with him. And he really impressed me. Report an error

48:34 Because as I translated for him and had long conversations with him, On a number of occasions, translated for him in San Francisco and then again in Washington, D.C. I never saw him express a moment of hatred or anger. Never saw that, not once. In any experiential expression, anything. But he was very strong, very passionate, simply calling for an end to such torture. Report an error

49:00 But I never saw him show any hatred to those who tortured him. It was very moving for me. So that's, of all the vices, that may be the most troubling. Report an error

49:14 That's cruelty being the aspiration. May you suffer and find the cause of the suffering. And of course, if I can facilitate that, I'll do that. That's cruelty. Report an error

49:24 The proximate cause of compassion is to see the helplessness in those overwhelmed by suffering. But one would have to add that they're not able to believe or alleviate their own suffering. They need help, so we have compassion. But there must also be the vision that it's possible, at least to alleviate the suffering, at least to diminish it. Report an error

49:45 And then the compassion arises. Report an error

49:52 So as you're cultivating compassion, engaging in this practice of don't learn, for example, then your practice, it's succeeding, it's working, it's bringing about the desire of transformation in your flow of awareness. If it makes cruelty subside, any tendency, none of us are torturers, not likely that it will happen in this lifetime. But are there occasions here and there when somebody really rubs us the wrong way or they behave in vile ways? Report an error

50:16 And even for a spike, even for a moment, there's a surge of wanting that person to suffer, to be humiliated at least, or to suffer in some way, to fail, to be disgraced to suffer. Does that ever come up? That's cruelty. It's not the cruelty of a torturer like Balengasa's torture, but it's the same family. And so if any impulse of that sort occurs less and less frequently and it's muted, it's softer and softer and softer, then the practice is working. Report an error

50:47 That's worked well. But if, as you're cultivating compassion, it simply produces sorrow, simply produces sorrow, or grief or despair is a big word. Despair is a really good word for that. If that's all that comes out of it is just sadness and despair, then your practice isn't working. So, ending on this note, we'll take our break. Report an error

51:10 But I think we are, well, it's just clear we are an unprecedented phase of human history in this regard. Because I read the news every day. I mean, just pretty much every day, and every kind of mainstream, the New York Times, etc., etc. But I would like to know what's going on, or I'd like to know what the media is telling us is going on, because the two are not the same. Report an error

51:29 But then I'll have an idea of what other people think is going on. So I do. And of course, almost all of it is bad. Almost all of the news is bad. It's evil, it's hatred, it's malice, it's greed, and it's just suffering, physical suffering, mental suffering, and fear, and so forth. So most of it's that. Report an error

51:49 And we're learning about it, you know, as soon as there's an earthquake in Italy, we know within a matter of minutes, even if we live 8,000 miles away. And if there's a tragedy here, we know it, you know, within an hour. And there's an evil here, some genocide or another bombing, another wedding where they've blown up and so forth. Or one I heard, what was it? Report an error

52:08 It was a barrel, a barrel bomb, and after, with all these nails and so forth, and killed a whole bunch of people. Then afterwards, after they cleaned up all the wounded and they were burying, they were holding, this was in Syria, the people holding the funeral, they dropped a barrel bomb on the funeral. Report an error

52:27 You read that, yeah? Report an error

52:32 It can really get to the point of being overwhelming. The way you just say, I'm not going to read this anymore. Or you do read it and you just throw down the barrier, like, I can't handle this. I've got my own problems. And I have my friends, loved ones and so forth, my students and so forth, whatever. I've got this and I have to take care of this. And the notion of a barrel bomb on a... Report an error

52:54 I Report an error

53:02 mean, that's like over time Report an error

53:07 merely to sadness. But then, you know, what use is that? So we've never been so exposed. We've never in human history been so exposed to the amount of sheer evil there is in the world and suffering there is so much. Report an error

53:23 Not many centuries ago, people would not travel more than 10 kilometers from their home. They live and die within that field. And so whatever misery there was, that's what they knew about. No newspapers, internet, radio, nothing. So the suffering they knew of was pretty manageable. Report an error

53:38 And now whatever happens on the planet, we know it within minutes. We'll know it from multimedia. We'll probably get visuals and videos if you want to see those as well. So how can we, human beings, how can we bear that amount of information, the awareness of that amount of suffering and the causes of suffering? Report an error

53:55 How can we bear that? His Holiness the Dalai Lama was asked once, because here he is, six million people looking upon him, more than anybody on the planet, help us, help us, help us. You're Chen Rezi, you're our Lama, you're our principal Lama, help us. And then what can he do, you know, in exile? What can he do for those six million people in Tibet? Report an error

54:15 And so much sorrow, so much ongoing oppression and genocide, and just so much. I've lived with these people for years, so much suffering. It went on in the past, and so much continuing in the present. And here's a Dalai Lama, and he was asked, how are you able to remain so cheerful? Report an error

54:35 Because wherever he goes, there is this radiant smile, this joy, the ease of laughter, the lightness, the buoyancy. And so somebody asked him, how can you maintain that level of good cheer, of lightness, of joy, when your own people are suffering so much? Report an error

54:56 And he said, wisdom. He said, wisdom. Wisdom holds. So you're not overwhelmed. He said wisdom. Report an error

55:10 So, these are deep waters. But to bring this together into the Dong Len, and then we'll end, take our break. Dong Len, where in one practice, you're moving back and forth, almost like swimming, like that, back and forth, outwards with loving kindness, and then inwards drawing and suffering with compassion, like the ebb and flow. Report an error

55:34 How is this not overwhelming? Especially when you go large. You tend to some of these things I've just been addressing, which are so easily accessible. We can find out so much about this, so easily. How is this not overwhelming? Report an error

55:53 If you're resting in your Buddha nature, then you're set. Because this is infinite, and it can hold all the suffering of the world. Report an error

56:04 So that's how. But on a practical level, until you have such profound realization of Rigpa, to hold that vision, there is a possibility of less suffering. And may it be so. And there's a possibility of greater happiness and well-being. And may it be so. And knowing that your very practice of donlan itself is not just some little thoughts roaming around in your own little private space of your mind, but you actually are doing something. Report an error

56:36 This is not nothing. This is something. That you're contributing to the alleviation of suffering and the heightening of well-being simply by engaging in the practice. You're doing something. You're not helpless. And I think that's the big deal. Seven million people, massive problems, but we're not insignificant, we're not helpless. And we can have this confidence that the deeper we go in such practice, the deeper we tap into the roots of love and kindness and compassion, the more effective we can be. Report an error

57:08 So here's one monk, one monk who made his way out of Tibet with hardly anything. He's a monk of a little tiny country who's supposed to be the king, except he's not a king of anything anymore. He doesn't have money, he's not incredibly handsome, he doesn't have great power, he has no prestige really, he's a monk from some little Himalayan kingdom. And here he is on the world stage. Report an error

57:32 Who doesn't know about the Dalai Lama? And almost everybody who knows of him is inspired by him. Christian, atheist, I met so many people. And they just see this man with his humility. Report an error

58:04 Let's take a break. Come back in ten minutes past the hour. Report an error

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Talk by B. Alan Wallace. Original at Vajrayana Institute via Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/retreatmindtraining. Licensed CC BY-NC-ND 3.0. Transcript generated automatically and may contain errors; the audio is the authoritative version.

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