Practical Buddhism - An introduction to linking theory and practice

0:00 It's not that you're unhappy, but it doesn't make you happy. Now it's even a moment of happiness. It's working. Then how long? Until the next problem comes. So the purpose is to get rid of our emotions. Actually, yes. Because even our positive emotions are kind of flawed. But you're not becoming a vegetable. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:05 woo! Report an error in the passage at 0:05 Highlight the passage at 0:05

0:18 all of the emotions. Actually, yes. Report an error in the passage at 0:18 Highlight the passage at 0:18

0:32 The purpose of your Dharma practice is to have ethical conduct naturally, without being forced, without fear of, not even, you know, without fear of the lower states. Of course the fear helps us first to go into the habit of being ethical, the fear of breaking your vows and those things. But pretty much down the line when you start to feel, oh, being ethical, forget about future lives. Report an error in the passage at 0:32 Highlight the passage at 0:32

1:07 Actually, you know, we talked about self-esteem. If you choose to be ethical, you choose, not because somebody forces you, it really brings up your self-esteem. It really does. You can go to bed in the evening and say, wow, great, I didn't harm anybody. But you've got to be mindful of it. Don't just take it for granted, you know. Say, okay, liberating all sentient beings, fantastic goal, but how about not harming them? Report an error in the passage at 1:07 Highlight the passage at 1:07

1:40 Liberating them, helping them is a big thing. It's very far away. But how about right now, as much as possible? I don't want to harm others. That can be something that is achievable. And in the evening when you think, okay, what happened today? I wanted to tell this person that he's a jerk. Nobody likes to hear that she's a jerk, even if it's true. Report an error in the passage at 1:40 Highlight the passage at 1:40

2:07 But the problem with the jerks is like only you think that it's true that this person is a jerk. Not many people. Do you know jerks? You think you're one of them? Report an error in the passage at 2:07 Highlight the passage at 2:07

2:20 Yeah, exactly. I'm pretty sure that people have been thinking... You use jerk also for females? For women? Okay. I am pretty sure that somebody thought about me at one point that I'm a jerk. I don't see myself as a jerk. And it's the same for everybody else. You know, people would know that they're jerks, it would be easy because then they would want to change. The problem is that it's only you who see them as jerks and not them. Report an error in the passage at 2:20 Highlight the passage at 2:20

2:47 So then you think, okay, I didn't tell that person that he is a jerks because nobody likes to hear, well done. You see, in our society also, something is kind of not quite right because there's always this thing that you have to fight for your rights, you have to be somebody and somebody is attacking you, you have to defend yourself and all that. Report an error in the passage at 2:47 Highlight the passage at 2:47

3:08 It's not the Buddhist view. The Buddhist view is if you are attacked, you run away and you're happy that nobody got hurt. The other person didn't create more negative karma, you didn't get hurt, and then you don't have to feel bad about running away. For us, running away is being a wimp, being a coward. In Buddhist terms, if you can run away, run away and then you're happy about it. Report an error in the passage at 3:08 Highlight the passage at 3:08

3:35 Because why? Because you see how difficult this is, running away and not feeling like a jerk. Or like a coward. To say, good thing I was able to run away. This with other people is very difficult. With a dog that is much stronger than you, it's quite easy. If a dog is about to attack you, and you're faster than a dog, or you can go into a house close to the door, you would be very happy that you escaped. Report an error in the passage at 3:35 Highlight the passage at 3:35

4:02 You wouldn't go like, I'm a wimp and I'm a coward. Would you? Would you feel like this? No, but if some other human being kind of forces you into stepping down on your opinion, we feel bad about it. Or like even if somebody, a human being in the street is threatening you and then you run away and you can still say, still we feel bad about it. Report an error in the passage at 4:02 Highlight the passage at 4:02

4:31 I don't know why. It's a good question. Why do you think we feel bad about it? We don't feel bad with the dog because we see the dog is out of control. Report an error in the passage at 4:31 Highlight the passage at 4:31

4:41 But with somebody who is aggressive in the street when we have to run away from them, we should feel happy when we are able to run away and we're not harming them. Because we think we have control over other people because of the power of speech, which we don't. Report an error in the passage at 4:41 Highlight the passage at 4:41

4:59 So that's the Buddhist point of view. So I don't know if you still want to be a Buddhist. You have to run really fast. Then you'll be very healthy, see, if you know how to run very fast. But it's not really with the body that we're running away. Report an error in the passage at 4:59 Highlight the passage at 4:59

5:15 You kind of learn to be the happy number two. That's not easy because that's not what we learn. Our mind labels happiness when we win, when we are number one. It's constant competition on this planet. We have this need and this urge to be better than others and to be number one, isn't it? To be able to feel good about ourselves. Now, Buddhism is so radical. Report an error in the passage at 5:15 Highlight the passage at 5:15

5:46 That you learn to be the happy number two. And maybe now you see that as a Buddhist your life will become much easier. Why? Your daily life. Why? Report an error in the passage at 5:46 Highlight the passage at 5:46

6:00 With this number one and number two. Why? No competition? It's very easy to be number two. It's very difficult to be number one. But it's very easy to be number two because out of 50 people, 49 can be number two because nobody cares about 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Okay? Now that doesn't mean, you know, again, no competition. It's like, it depends what you want to attain. From Buddhist perspective, whether you are famous, whether you are liked, whether you are rich, whether you are, what else do we think is good in, whether you are beautiful, it doesn't matter at all. Report an error in the passage at 6:00 Highlight the passage at 6:00

6:39 The first step is to be a non-harming person. That is important. The second step is help as much as you can. And if you can't help them, don't find. The third step, and this is where it differs from other religions, to see reality as it is. Because this is our problem. We don't see reality as it is. Because the way we see the world is projected by our own mind. Report an error in the passage at 6:39 Highlight the passage at 6:39

7:07 The same thing can be good or bad. So there is no goodness and no badness inherently in situations and things. There's nothing that is just white or just black. There's nothing that is just good or just bad. You see what I mean? The beauty in things, it has nothing to do with the object. Report an error in the passage at 7:07 Highlight the passage at 7:07

7:31 It's projected by your mind. A person being a friend or an enemy has nothing to do with your mind, as you said before. Sorry, has nothing to do with the person or the object. It has to do with your mind. Sometimes when we talk about the Bodhisattva principle, Report an error in the passage at 7:31 Highlight the passage at 7:31

7:49 Then people ask me, what is a bodhisattva? A bodhisattva is somebody who has no enemy. And then people say, oh, that means that person doesn't get harmed by anybody. No, not at all. You can get harmed by others, but you don't hate them for harming you. You only wish their benefit. You only wish their good. Report an error in the passage at 7:49 Highlight the passage at 7:49

8:09 That's why. Enemy is not somebody that harms me. Because I can deal with that harm in different ways. I can think, this is really bad, and then feel very unhappy about it, or think, oh yeah, negative chima ripening. Therefore, I better be careful that I don't create more negative chima. But that doesn't mean then that you just let everybody beat you up, who wants to beat you up. Report an error in the passage at 8:09 Highlight the passage at 8:09

8:38 This is why you learn how to run. Because it's not good for them. You see, when you try to protect yourself from other people harming you, it's not just because of you, but it's also because of the other person. Because it doesn't create happiness. Report an error in the passage at 8:38 Highlight the passage at 8:38

8:54 Why do we practice? We practice because unhappiness is such a silly word. I really don't like the word. I think there's no word for sukha. There's dukkha, which is suffering, and there's sukha, bliss, serenity. Report an error in the passage at 8:54 Highlight the passage at 8:54

9:13 Felicity, Felicity, you have the word Felicity? Does that exist in English? Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 9:13 Highlight the passage at 9:13

9:21 So, well-being, you know, a well-being, a mental, it's especially about mental stuff, okay? You train the mind to be equanimous, filled with love, compassion and wisdom, 24 hours a day. That's what you do. That has nothing to do with becoming a wimp or a coward or whatever. That means you see the situation as it is, created by causes and conditions, not just, you know, coming out of the blue like this. Report an error in the passage at 9:21 Highlight the passage at 9:21

9:54 Then being able to see, oh, the way it appears is my mind projecting. It doesn't mean that nothing exists out there. It exists something but very subtle. But it's really good to see. The way I see this person now, that's my mind seeing it, because somebody else is in love with that person. Somebody else can't be separated from this person. Report an error in the passage at 9:54 Highlight the passage at 9:54

10:20 Me, I just would rather just not see it. Report an error in the passage at 10:20 Highlight the passage at 10:20

10:28 And then, kind of, to see that your only job as a Buddhist is to discover that treasure that we have in our mind, which is love, compassion and wisdom. That's the only job. Being rich and not rich, famous, not famous. It doesn't matter. There's nothing bad about being rich inherently. There's nothing good about being poor inherently. Report an error in the passage at 10:28 Highlight the passage at 10:28

10:56 There's nothing bad about being poor inherently also. If you're poor, you don't know, like for example, you know, we said how we feel bad sometimes with the homeless people and then we don't give. We feel bad not giving anything. Because we kind of see how selfish we are. You know, we go and spend how many coffees you drink a day that you buy. Report an error in the passage at 10:56 Highlight the passage at 10:56

11:17 No? How many? Four. Okay, how much does the coffee cost? Three dollars or something? Three, four dollars? Three dollars? Okay, twelve dollars. Then we give like two dollars to our homeless person. And that's just the coffee. Forget about the food and all the rest. Then we give two dollars to our homeless. If we could give like ten dollars, we feel like a king, you know? Report an error in the passage at 11:17 Highlight the passage at 11:17

11:40 I'm so generous. You know, if we look at how much we spend for ourselves and we don't really need anything because we already have everything. And how much you give for somebody? Yes. I know that I didn't really want to hurt the person, but she felt quite a little bit insulted. She was somebody who stayed in a hotel that cost like, she was in LA, cost like, I don't know, $300 a night. Report an error in the passage at 11:40 Highlight the passage at 11:40

12:03 And she felt incredible for having given $20 to a homeless person. Like, wow, you know. She said, it was the happiest moment of my life because that person was... So thankful. And he really, he hugged me. I thought, well, you know, what if he wouldn't have hugged you? She thought she felt good because she gave the money, but it was because of all the acknowledgement. Report an error in the passage at 12:03 Highlight the passage at 12:03

12:28 So I said, what if the person wouldn't have hugged you? What if he would have said, hey, I want more? Then what about you? Good feeling about giving these 20 or 30 words. Report an error in the passage at 12:28 Highlight the passage at 12:28

12:42 So your job is just to watch your mind. Your job is to see how you can meet the situation. So if somebody is hiring you... You do have a duty to protect yourself, but sometimes you can't, because there's karma. So then, and especially when it has already happened, how are you going to protect yourself if the harm has already happened? Report an error in the passage at 12:42 Highlight the passage at 12:42

13:05 But then we kind of schlep it around with us, you know? Day after day after day after day. They just did to me, then this, that, this, this, this. And what does it help? It doesn't make the thing undone. It just spoils your life. Report an error in the passage at 13:05 Highlight the passage at 13:05

13:22 And sometimes we have this, you know, I'm talking about forgiving, because forgiving is another thing we do. We don't really know how to do. We would like to forget. Report an error in the passage at 13:22 Highlight the passage at 13:22

13:34 But how can you forget a big thing? We think, if we forget, I will feel okay again. Well, you don't need to forget. You just have to forgive. It's not the same thing. Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving is you should be able to think about a situation without your heart closing up. Report an error in the passage at 13:34 Highlight the passage at 13:34

13:56 That's forgiving. Report an error in the passage at 13:56 Highlight the passage at 13:56

14:00 And that's very easy to do if you just think, hey man, it's finished. I Report an error in the passage at 14:00 Highlight the passage at 14:00

14:14 have changed, the other person has changed. Like waking up from a nightmare. You know nightmares? Have you had nightmares? How many of them do you remember? Report an error in the passage at 14:14 Highlight the passage at 14:14

14:30 One or two. One or two maybe. Okay, maybe. How many situations do you remember people being unkind to you? Many, isn't it? Take it along. We take it along, carry it along, carry it along, makes me special. So this is what, basically this is the message of the Buddha. What you think is real is just like a dream. It happens. A dream exists, right? But it's not real. And in order to see that the dream is not real, you need to wake up. Report an error in the passage at 14:30 Highlight the passage at 14:30

15:10 Or you need to be able to have lucid dreaming. Either one functions. Report an error in the passage at 15:10 Highlight the passage at 15:10

15:17 As opposed to an enlightened being, our mind is like this. We are dreaming. We think what we see is really the way it is, true. Nothing is true, it just exists. But it's not truly existing. This is another thing you can bring into your daily life, a daily practice, very easy. Whenever you feel your emotions kind of going completely crazy about something that you want or you don't want, it's just my mind projecting it. Report an error in the passage at 15:17 Highlight the passage at 15:17

15:47 The goodness, the badness just coming from my mind. And then again, why am I a spiritual practitioner? Why am I here? Because I want to grow. Report an error in the passage at 15:47 Highlight the passage at 15:47

15:58 Because there's all things, a nice life, it's pretty boring, you know. It's a bit the animal mind, you know, it's a little bit like a pet, a poodle. A poodle would like to have, you know, a nice life. A poodle is happy, it's true, I'm not saying it, this is what I'm saying. It's not that it cannot give you some kind of happiness, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 15:58 Highlight the passage at 15:58

16:20 A food is how you give it food, a little bit of affection, a little bit of attention. You're Report an error in the passage at 16:20 Highlight the passage at 16:20

16:32 the only Report an error in the passage at 16:32 Highlight the passage at 16:32

16:37 one who can answer this question to yourself. You don't have to answer me. You like challenge? Yeah, this is why we have all these video games. But you don't have to buy a video game. Life is bloody challenging. If you see life as a game, you don't need those video games anymore. Go and meet the difficult people if you want challenge. Report an error in the passage at 16:37 Highlight the passage at 16:37

17:02 Because then you really have to work with your mind. The video game you can switch off, then it's finished. The real person, you can't switch them off when you're tired. They continue. You know Tenzin Palma when she was in Switzerland? I don't know. Were you there? She had this really good example. So we all know in order to have a healthy and strong body, what do we need? Report an error in the passage at 17:02 Highlight the passage at 17:02

17:25 Does it get like this by itself? What do we need? Exercise. Okay? So this is why they created all these machines. And these machines in the gyms, they create resistance. That's why you grow. If they wouldn't create any resistance, then you wouldn't build up your muscles. You know, if you could just go like this. Report an error in the passage at 17:25 Highlight the passage at 17:25

17:54 And we understand this and we know this. When it comes down to developing the mind into patience, strength, courage, the moment we have a machine coming, Meaning a jerk. Somebody who pushes our buttons. We run away. It's like going to the gym, paying money, and then going, oh, this machine is too difficult. Report an error in the passage at 17:54 Highlight the passage at 17:54

18:20 It could be too difficult. That's true. And this is also the same in daily life. You're not going on a machine that is too difficult, but there's also no point to going on a machine that is just pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 18:20 Highlight the passage at 18:20

18:32 You're not going to the gym for pleasure, are you? You know, when we say... Anna is not here anymore, but it's hard to hear because I want to be happy, I want to be healthy. Yes, you go to the gym because you want to be healthy, but not while you are on the machine. Report an error in the passage at 18:32 Highlight the passage at 18:32

18:52 You don't want to have pleasure on the machine. You understand that the pleasure and the healthy body will come after you've been on the machine. Isn't it? Or not? Or you're very quiet. Report an error in the passage at 18:52 Highlight the passage at 18:52

19:07 Is it not like this or is it like that? If you want pleasure, who would go to the gym? Definitely not at the beginning. And you also understand, because sometimes with the spiritual practice, you see, because you start to become mindful of what's going on in the mind. This is what mindfulness means, like you know what's going on in the mind. Or not so much you don't know what is going on in the mind. You know what has just been. Report an error in the passage at 19:07 Highlight the passage at 19:07

19:36 Because the moment you notice it, it's finished. But it's like pretty much after. Do you see what I mean? We can't really know the present. We can only know the second after the present. That is what mindfulness is. You know what has just been. But it's so rapid what's going on in the mind that it looks almost as if we know what is going on in the mind. Report an error in the passage at 19:36 Highlight the passage at 19:36

20:05 So once you start to watch and to see your mind, you could almost think that you're getting worse. You can see John nodding. You think, oh my gosh, I'm... I didn't know I was such an angry person. And sometimes people say, I wasn't so angry before I started practicing. Yes, you were. It's just that you didn't see it. Report an error in the passage at 20:05 Highlight the passage at 20:05

20:26 Yes. When you say no competition, you don't need competition. It's not good for us. It depends what you mean by competition. Report an error in the passage at 20:26 Highlight the passage at 20:26

20:37 I don't like it. No, you have to because it gets recorded. I'm sorry. And then you have to hold it like an ice cream almost. Report an error in the passage at 20:37 Highlight the passage at 20:37

20:47 If it's too uncomfortable to stroke. I said no competition. It depends. You say challenging makes us grow. That's not what I said. I think so. No, I didn't say that. I said, do you want challenge? Okay. But I think when you say you, sorry, I'm processing very English, but you say you run away. Report an error in the passage at 20:47 Highlight the passage at 20:47

21:18 It's better if you run away if you're in that kind of situation. But I think if you stay and challenge, it makes you grow. Report an error in the passage at 21:18 Highlight the passage at 21:18

21:29 When you do that, you can find your abilities. Maybe you can challenge yourself. Maybe you can realize what is your abilities. Maybe you can realize what is your weakness. in that challenging At this point of our life, I think we could learn more about ourselves. Oh, I think when you run away you learn a lot about yourself because you see how much you need to not having to run away. Report an error in the passage at 21:29 Highlight the passage at 21:29

21:59 It's very difficult. This is what I'm saying. The biggest challenge is to run away and be happy about having run away. Because when I talk about challenge, we're not challenging others. You're challenging your own ego. You see, it's all about transforming your own mind. It's not about changing other people. This is the point of spiritual practice, not to have a happy life now. Report an error in the passage at 21:59 Highlight the passage at 21:59

22:22 It's about being able to see your own anger, your own attachment, your own fears, your own this and your own that, and then to be able to transform that. Report an error in the passage at 22:22 Highlight the passage at 22:22

22:33 That's the point of spiritual practice. I'm not saying it's wrong or right. I know there's many other different ways to lead your life. I know there's people who really want to become somebody, you know, so that they can feel good about themselves. It's not what Buddhism is saying. And I'm not saying it's wrong or right. It's just a way of doing things. It's just a way of doing things. That's all. So, and, you know, as we said this morning, if you think that's what you want to do, then Buddhism is for you. Report an error in the passage at 22:33 Highlight the passage at 22:33

23:06 If you think that's not what you want to do, then Buddhism is not for you. It doesn't have to fit everybody. Even the Buddha himself, you know, like, Because the Buddha himself, he attained a state which is called full awakening, meaning having woken up from this dream of things are really real outside there, you know, the person that is challenging me now, I have to be like this and this and this and this. Report an error in the passage at 23:06 Highlight the passage at 23:06

23:34 And he overcame suffering. But it's not like the pain that we talk about, it's really big, okay? And I can't explain this just in half an hour or in one afternoon. Because the Buddhist view is really different from what the world tells us. It's really different. So you have to hear this a few times. So the first thing maybe that you need to hear is somebody claims, claims that he has overcome all suffering. Report an error in the passage at 23:34 Highlight the passage at 23:34

24:09 If you are interested in that, then you need to come back to the classes quite a bit. To understand what suffering this person has overcome and then to see whether you also want that and whether you think this is possible. And so at the time of the Buddha, the Buddha just said, look, this is what I found. Like, there is unsatisfactoriness in your life. Report an error in the passage at 24:09 Highlight the passage at 24:09

24:32 That's what the Buddha said. Do you think that's true? Yes or no? Yes. Yes or no? Just very simple. Yes or no? Yes. He also said, hey, look, there is suffering. Do we see that or not? Report an error in the passage at 24:32 Highlight the passage at 24:32

24:47 He took the very, very gross sufferings of birth, sickness, old age and death. Do you think that's dissatisfactory, those four things? Definitely. Then he also said, having what you don't want is suffering. Not having what you want is suffering. Desiring things and not being able to get them, that is suffering. Report an error in the passage at 24:47 Highlight the passage at 24:47

25:08 Do you think he's right? I think so. It's unsatisfactory. So the first things he said we can say, yeah, that's true. I can see that from all personal experience. Then he didn't stop there. He said, okay, then there is the causes for this, karma and our afflictive emotions. So he said, whatever action we do, body, speech or mind, it creates a potential that at one point the same thing will come back, positive or negative, that we are responsible for our actions. Report an error in the passage at 25:08 Highlight the passage at 25:08

25:45 We are responsible for our own well-being. This is the big thing here. You might get something that you want now through lying and cheating and maybe even killing something or somebody. You might get what you want, but you create a cause that in the future will bring you suffering. Now, that's what the Buddha says. Report an error in the passage at 25:45 Highlight the passage at 25:45

26:07 I'm not claiming that it's true. There's some people who think, well, everything is coincidence. That might be like this. I don't know. I don't have proof of this. And then he says, so that's one reason for our suffering or for our happiness. It's our own responsibility. You act with the positive mind, happiness will follow, like the shadow follows the body when there is sun. You act with the negative mind, then suffering will follow, like the wheel of the cart follows the hoof of the ox. Report an error in the passage at 26:07 Highlight the passage at 26:07

26:43 Of course, it was 2,500 years ago. So it's like this law of cause and effect. You act with the positive mind, meaning wanting happiness for the other person. Report an error in the passage at 26:43 Highlight the passage at 26:43

26:57 You act with the negative mind, meaning a mind that is filled with desire, attachment, anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, miserliness, deluded doubt and confusion. Report an error in the passage at 26:57 Highlight the passage at 26:57

27:10 Suffering will come. We don't know when it comes, but it will come at one point. So this is something that I think we can also see. Do you see that there's a lot of suffering in this world? Do you see that it comes from confused people who think that with aggression we can solve problems? Report an error in the passage at 27:10 Highlight the passage at 27:10

27:33 Do you see that there's a lot of injustice, injustice, injustice, injustice in this world? That people haven't understood the joy of generosity and of sharing? That people harm each other thinking that it will create happiness? Report an error in the passage at 27:33 Highlight the passage at 27:33

27:50 Can we recognize this? Can we recognize that the suffering in this world comes from desire and anger? Yes or no? That's the second thing that he says is true. Report an error in the passage at 27:50 Highlight the passage at 27:50

28:04 Then the third thing, it's even more difficult to understand. He says it's possible to stop the suffering. Do we believe that? Report an error in the passage at 28:04 Highlight the passage at 28:04

28:17 Because we don't have that confidence. You see, we don't have the confidence that even though the world outside doesn't change, we can stop our own suffering. This needs a lot of study and a lot of... Introspection, to see that we do have moments, even now, of absolute stillness and calmness in a very difficult situation. Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:41 We can have that. We can have an experience of that. Have you ever noticed that? That you can have very difficult situations and instead of the usual, how to say, you can put on your hat if you feel more comfortable. Report an error in the passage at 28:41 Highlight the passage at 28:41

28:56 You know, instead of, yeah, just feel as if you'd be at home in your own living room. Just the usual kind of, when problems come, we usually kind of react with, shouldn't be here and with aggression and all this. But there are moments when we react really well with love and compassion and with wisdom, with patience. Have you ever noticed that? Report an error in the passage at 28:56 Highlight the passage at 28:56

29:24 And then what? Then we're happy. Then there's absence of suffering. When the mind is calm, when the mind is still, when the mind is filled with love and compassion. This absence of suffering. Even though the situation outside is very difficult. Or humor also, you know. Humor is like you just made a huge mistake and you're able to laugh about it. Report an error in the passage at 29:24 Highlight the passage at 29:24

29:46 There's no suffering. You made a mistake but you're able to laugh about it. Or you just exploded like you just had a moment of anger but the other person doesn't really feel hurt and both of you laugh about it. There's no suffering because you're able to let go just like that. We have moments. When we can see the third noble truth, cessation of suffering. When the mind is still and calm and open. Report an error in the passage at 29:46 Highlight the passage at 29:46

30:15 And that comes through meditation. Report an error in the passage at 30:15 Highlight the passage at 30:15

30:20 And this is what we're trying to develop. This mind that can look unpleasant things into the face. That's a challenge. Without having to react with aggression and with anger. Being able to react with calmness and with wisdom. And with love and compassion. And that's difficult because that's not our habit. Report an error in the passage at 30:20 Highlight the passage at 30:20

30:39 Something comes that is not wanted is like, get out of my face. Isn't it? Now as a spiritual practitioner, because you want to develop that muscle of being able to accept difficult people the way they are. At the same time protecting yourself. But not to hate them. You want to develop the muscle of love and compassion. Report an error in the passage at 30:39 Highlight the passage at 30:39

31:02 So you need difficult people. Because you see, loving and liking easy people that are easy to like and easy to love. Anybody can do that. You don't need spiritual practice for that. Just to be very kind and very open to the people who are very kind to you, I mean, come on, what kind of accomplishment is that? Report an error in the passage at 31:02 Highlight the passage at 31:02

31:19 That's pretty easy. And sometimes we're not even able to do that, isn't it? Because we have so much self-cherity. Sometimes somebody who wants to be very kind to you gets on your nerves. Report an error in the passage at 31:19 Highlight the passage at 31:19

31:33 Have you ever noticed that? So we're yearning for this kindness and all this attention. But if it's the wrong person, we get angry at them. We want to be left in peace. That's how screwed up we are. We don't even know what we want. Because we're choosing, it has to be this person, not that one. You see, in that aspect, actually dogs are much wiser than we are. Report an error in the passage at 31:33 Highlight the passage at 31:33

32:02 Because they don't care to whom, you know, who pats them. As long as they do get some attention, they don't really care who it is. They get food, they're happy, you know. If it's this one or that one giving them the food, they don't care. But we have this yearning for all this, you know, the kindness and this and this and this. Report an error in the passage at 32:02 Highlight the passage at 32:02

32:22 But then we choose who we can be, who we allow to be kind to us, no matter that we are quite lonely sometimes. No wonder, no, no, no. No wonder that we are lonely sometimes. I just want to finish with this. Okay? So, but we do have moments of absence of suffering. So we start to get mindful of these moments and say, oh, wow, mind free of anger, mind free of fear, mind free of confusion, mind open, mind spacious. Report an error in the passage at 32:22 Highlight the passage at 32:22

32:51 We start to be mindful of this and start to identify with that as our nature. And then the first normal truth is like how, how to get to that state. But you need to want to get there because it's not so easy and there will be a long way and you will have to give things up. Report an error in the passage at 32:51 Highlight the passage at 32:51

33:12 They talk about renunciation. Have you heard the word renunciation that the Buddhists are renounced? What happens in your mind when you hear the word renunciation? Report an error in the passage at 33:12 Highlight the passage at 33:12

33:29 I have to give up. And we fear, we are fearing giving up suffering because we think we have to give up the pleasures. No, you are giving up your pleasures and your suffering for the sake of well-being and happiness, calmness, Peace is a good word. You're giving up, it's true, pleasures and suffering. You have to give up both. Report an error in the passage at 33:29 Highlight the passage at 33:29

33:56 You see, because we are so not aware of our dualistic mind. Why do you know pleasure as pleasant? Report an error in the passage at 33:56 Highlight the passage at 33:56

34:15 That's how poor we are. If we wouldn't have the suffering, we would have no happiness. This is how... How undeveloped our mind is because we don't know the bliss of a disciplined and concentrated and wise and compassionate and loving mind. So we need the suffering to be able to know pleasure. If you are not hungry, you cannot experience pleasure from tastes. Report an error in the passage at 34:15 Highlight the passage at 34:15

34:42 If you're completely full, the most delicious meal makes you vomit. There was a very good ad in Switzerland a few years ago. It was Fanta. I'm not getting money from it. I don't know if you've seen it. But it was really fantastic. There was this woman sticking out her tongue and putting salt on it. And then it was, enjoy your thirst. You see, all these sticky things. We wouldn't want one thing. Report an error in the passage at 34:42 Highlight the passage at 34:42

35:11 Now we're dependent on them. We're kind of addicted to them. But if you're really thirsty, all you need is water. You don't need anything else. But because we are not thirsty... We are creating all these artificial needs outside to have a little bit of pleasure. Because not having it irritates. And then we get used to it. Report an error in the passage at 35:11 Highlight the passage at 35:11

35:30 The mind gets used to all these chemicals and all these kinds of things. So this is it. So it is possible to become a completely non-needy person and to have a peaceful, calm, open mind, courageous mind, fearless mind, even staying in this world. When we understand its nature. And so the fourth noble truth is how to do that, how to get that. And then you have a few different things. It's called the path. Report an error in the passage at 35:30 Highlight the passage at 35:30

36:03 So it's like all the methods. And there's different packaging for how to get to that goal. There's different ways to get there. So you choose. You choose what it is. With some it's through study and then meditating. Others they meditate first and then maybe they study a bit. Many different ways. Others is rituals. Report an error in the passage at 36:03 Highlight the passage at 36:03

36:25 Now when you see all these things, you say, oh, I'm not religious, do we need all these things? No, you don't, but it could help. It could help if you are open to receive the help. If it just makes you upset, of course then it doesn't help. You see, there's not much. There's not much that comes from outside. Report an error in the passage at 36:25 Highlight the passage at 36:25

36:47 Everything depends on your own attitude. This is what I'm saying. You can do spiritual practice every minute of your life. And you can live in a Dharma center and create worldly activities the whole time through. It really depends on your own attitude. Report an error in the passage at 36:47 Highlight the passage at 36:47

37:05 So, what did you want to say? Or maybe you had something to say. Report an error in the passage at 37:05 Highlight the passage at 37:05

37:12 Oh, okay. Yeah, I know it's a bit unfair because, you know, I've been doing this since 20 years. Maybe this is your first time here. So, whatever you have to say, I've heard it so many times already. Not from you, of course. So I have all the answers that can come just like that. Yes, please go ahead. Report an error in the passage at 37:12 Highlight the passage at 37:12

37:37 Yes, this is my first time and the reason I came here because I'm studying psychology. I started just recently and I read in the research book that psychologists do the research on the Tibetan that practice Buddhism and they find that I'm going to put it straight in. Report an error in the passage at 37:37 Highlight the passage at 37:37

38:00 Their mind waves, things they have gone away, and Lama waves help mind and brain, so this part of scientific things make me really excited about it, and I'm young, I'm new, maybe my idea is wrong, maybe they're right, I'm not sure about that, I don't agree with whatever you say, but I don't know nothing about it, maybe it's really true. Report an error in the passage at 38:00 Highlight the passage at 38:00

38:30 But the reason that I came here was this, because it is scientifically proved that meditation really helps brain to work better and use its power. So I'm sure it has so many things that it's right, but it can be agreed fast. And you don't have to agree. Anyway, you know whether it's right or wrong, it's neither here nor there. Report an error in the passage at 38:30 Highlight the passage at 38:30

38:58 Because you're the only one who can find out whether it's right or not. So even if it works for millions of people and then you don't sit down and you don't look at your own mind, it doesn't help you that it's right or not. You see what I mean? You see, like, why do you want to know? But Report an error in the passage at 38:58 Highlight the passage at 38:58

39:17 then you need to do it. You see, it's not that knowing that the Tibetan monks have, like, abilities that we can only dream about that will help us. It won't help us. We have to do the same thing as they. Report an error in the passage at 39:17 Highlight the passage at 39:17

39:32 So, I have to say, you know, they practiced years and years and years. I have a feeling that maybe more than one lifetime, you know, and in solitude and study and sitting and watching the mind. But this is it. I mean, this is what attracted me to Buddhism, to Tibetan Buddhism, by the way, because I, when I was, I had a lot of anger, okay? I have. Report an error in the passage at 39:32 Highlight the passage at 39:32

39:55 Still have sometimes. And, um... 30 years. Report an error in the passage at 39:55 Highlight the passage at 39:55

39:59 The anger was always directed outside, like, you know, when I was young against the Vietnam War. I was in Switzerland, yeah, so I was in Switzerland, you know, demonstrating in the streets of Switzerland against the Vietnam War. I had no idea. Well, I had a clue where Vietnam is. I was never been in America. So it's like, you see, when you're young, you can feel that something is changing and something is not right, and then you get all righteous about how you would... Report an error in the passage at 39:59 Highlight the passage at 39:59

40:27 Rule the world in a much better way. At the same time, I was hating my mother, the person who gave me this body, the person who fed me, the person who made it possible for me to have an education. So I was kind of with violence, demonstrating against the war, while at the same time I being at war with my mom, because she wasn't the mother I wanted. Report an error in the passage at 40:27 Highlight the passage at 40:27

40:54 I didn't even see the kindness. It's completely ridiculous, this whole thing. But I didn't see it then like that. You see what he's saying? It's like the mind itself is neutral. So what it does is habit. So we're very, very conditioned. And so what you do in the meditation, first with the study, you listen. Report an error in the passage at 40:54 Highlight the passage at 40:54

41:21 This is how you do with Buddhism. First you listen. Then if it seems kind of feasible, you think about it. You reflect on it and then you meditate on it. These are the steps that you need to go through. So when I kind of heard, when I read a book of His Holiness also, the Dalai Lama, where he explains how Tibet was invaded by the Chinese, but that he has no anger against the Chinese. Report an error in the passage at 41:21 Highlight the passage at 41:21

41:52 I thought that was seriously weird. Because I liked my anger, and I liked to be angry against the bad guys and all that, you know. But it made me curious. It really made me curious. So I lived amongst the Tibetans for 17 years. And being there and listening to people who have been imprisoned and tortured, seemingly like, you know, they haven't done anything in this life. Report an error in the passage at 41:52 Highlight the passage at 41:52

42:21 But being completely okay about it, saying, yeah, I must have done something negative in my past life and really meaning it and not being upset and not being angry at the Chinese, that really started to impress me. Being out in the street and shouting, that's not very impressive because everybody is doing it. It's very easy to react with anger against something that we don't like. It's very difficult to react with compassion and with patience towards something that we don't like. Report an error in the passage at 42:21 Highlight the passage at 42:21

42:49 So the real challenge is there. The challenge is to react with the positive mind and not with the negative mind. We will react. It's not that, you know, when I say you run away. It doesn't mean that you don't react. Also, you see, when you start not to harm others, you will then not face difficult situations anymore so much because your mind will be positive. Report an error in the passage at 42:49 Highlight the passage at 42:49

43:18 See, as I said before, our mind can be, you know, somebody wants to be kind to us. And we can react in a negative way. We can get angry at them. And then this person who is actually a very kind person, we see them as an enemy. They're bothering you. In these situations, we can see that actually it has nothing to do with the other person. Report an error in the passage at 43:18 Highlight the passage at 43:18

43:41 And this might feel now perverse. So for the people who are here for the first time, you have to be really careful what I'm saying. Report an error in the passage at 43:41 Highlight the passage at 43:41

43:49 So their mind is so developed that whoever harms them, that we would see as enemy, becomes their friend. Why? Because their challenge is to transform their mind of anger into compassion. And they need an enemy to do that. Because otherwise you can't. So usually I used to, I don't know, California maybe, do you ski? Maybe surf is better, yeah? Report an error in the passage at 43:49 Highlight the passage at 43:49

44:18 Surfing. You want to learn how to surf. You need a ski. Actually skiing is better. Because skiing you can control where you go, right? So if you never ski, why do you want to ski? Because you see other people that can ski and you think, wow, that must be fun. Because it does look like fun, isn't it? Now if you look at the beginners, this doesn't look like fun. Report an error in the passage at 44:18 Highlight the passage at 44:18

44:46 So you get inspired by the ones who go on the black slope and they go zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. So this is what you want. You know that you have to start like them, but you don't want to stay at that level. So you need to know which level you want to go to. Now, you know, just to have pleasure skiing, if you just have a flat slope that goes down a little bit, it's very pleasant. Report an error in the passage at 44:46 Highlight the passage at 44:46

45:12 But that's it. You don't learn anything. And it's not the bliss of being able to go down like this. It's pleasant. So soon enough, you want to go further. And so you see, then you try to go and find some bumps. So the bumps are the difficult people, the people who harm us in our spiritual practice. You don't really face them at the beginning. You don't really go and look for them at the beginning of your practice. Report an error in the passage at 45:12 Highlight the passage at 45:12

45:46 Because first you need to know the tools. First you need to know how to behave on a flat slope. But then soon enough, hey, you want to go further. And then it's like you go and find these bumps and you're not looking at the bumps as a problem. You're happy to find one. So this is the same thing. All of a sudden, a little bit in your daily life, the problems, the bumps, they're not unwanted anymore. Report an error in the passage at 45:46 Highlight the passage at 45:46

46:11 But you're also not going to look for them. You're not making somebody upset until they harm you so that you have found somebody that harms you. And then soon enough you can go on the black slope if you don't know how much you train. And then you discover that, oh wow. So skiing is neither easy or not easy, it's a matter of training. And it's the same for the mind. Report an error in the passage at 46:11 Highlight the passage at 46:11

46:36 And this is what those Tibetan monks did. Hard work. Like learning to play the piano. If you want to have the pleasure of being able to play the piano, you have to do many, many, many, many hours of very boring practice, repetitions. And it's the same with training the mind. The Tibetans don't have it in their genes, by the way. It's training. Yes. Report an error in the passage at 46:36 Highlight the passage at 46:36

47:03 So you say get involved with difficult people and difficulties, but then run away. I just can't put them together. So you get involved, but once you're involved, you run away? It depends where you are. This is why when you listen to Buddhist teachings, because many of those things are completely contradicted. So you need to know where you are standing, okay? Report an error in the passage at 47:03 Highlight the passage at 47:03

47:24 You need to know at what point in your practice you are standing. With the running away, I meant the dog. Actually, I meant something completely different from what you are saying now, from what I'm talking about now. What did I mean with the running away? Because I talked about the negative feeling of having had to run away. Report an error in the passage at 47:24 Highlight the passage at 47:24

47:48 If somebody is attacking you, if somebody is physically attacking you, here I'm talking, I would still run away. If somebody is stronger than me, physically, and they want to attack me physically, I would not challenge them with my physical. I would run away. But what I'm talking about the difficult people, I'm talking about difficult people, not physically difficult. I am talking about... Report an error in the passage at 47:48 Highlight the passage at 47:48

48:16 Mentally difficult. People that we have problems accepting them the way they are. Not really people who want to hire me. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, so you're saying don't run away from mental difficulties. If you are able to handle it properly. If you feel yourself getting more and more angry at them, then you need to go away. Report an error in the passage at 48:16 Highlight the passage at 48:16

48:39 Okay? Like if you go and buy your skis and you immediately go on the black slope, what will happen? You'll break your neck. Report an error in the passage at 48:39 Highlight the passage at 48:39

48:48 So there's degrees, there's levels. This is why with the Buddhist practice, of course you have a guide, you have a teacher, but ultimately you are the only one knowing where you can go. Report an error in the passage at 48:48 Highlight the passage at 48:48

49:03 Is that a little bit more clear? Yeah. Because this morning we talked about in the spiritual practice you have to learn to be completely honest about yourself. People come, where's the fine line? The fine line, my dear, you're the only ones who can find it. Otherwise it's like you eat a meal and then you ask me, do you think I've eaten enough? Report an error in the passage at 49:03 Highlight the passage at 49:03

49:26 How do I know? Report an error in the passage at 49:26 Highlight the passage at 49:26

49:32 People sometimes come and ask me, do you think I'm lazy or do you think I need a rest? I don't know. You see, there is nothing that is either this or that. It really depends on your attitude. Because sometimes I do send people out of the class, out of the meditation to go to sleep in the middle of the day because they are constantly falling asleep. Report an error in the passage at 49:32 Highlight the passage at 49:32

49:58 It's not laziness. They're tired. And in order to be able to follow, they need to go to sleep. Sometimes by our lamas we get sent on a holiday. They say stop doing whatever you're doing and go on a holiday. Go relax. It's not just work, work, work, work, work. There's also time to stop. But sometimes I am lazy. Sometimes I could do more, but I'm lazy. Report an error in the passage at 49:58 Highlight the passage at 49:58

50:28 But I'm the only one who can answer that. Sometimes I could do better. Sometimes I cannot. So I think first, at the beginning of your practice, it's really good just to see that you are just making an effort to develop a good heart. Basically that is the Buddhist practice, to develop a good heart. To be kind to somebody who is... Report an error in the passage at 50:28 Highlight the passage at 50:28

50:21 you know, so... Report an error in the passage at 50:21 Highlight the passage at 50:21

50:50 Not who hates you because they don't want you to be kind to them. You get out of their face. That's the kindness that you're showing them. Would you see this as an act of kindness now? Turn the whole thing around. Let's say you are working somewhere and then there's this person that is working in the same place and you are a perfectionist but they're much better than you are. Report an error in the passage at 50:50 Highlight the passage at 50:50

51:14 And everybody loves them and everybody praises them but for you this person is just like a hypocrite. They're not as good as they, everybody thinks they're blah, blah, blah. Every time the person comes into the room, it makes you tense. And let's say this person notices that. And instead of rubbing it really into you that they are better than you are, they stop being present when you are present because they don't want to make you upset. Report an error in the passage at 51:14 Highlight the passage at 51:14

51:44 Would you see this as an act of kindness? That would be a Buddhist. When they feel that you are jealous of them, And you can't stand their presence, they would clean free, in order not to make it upset. Report an error in the passage at 51:44 Highlight the passage at 51:44

52:03 We are not like the dead, the tellers of me, and this and that, you know. So, now of course you can also say, but, you know, maybe they could teach them how not to be tellers, yes. Also true. But for that you have to get out of there first. Because you can't teach anything to somebody that doesn't like you. Report an error in the passage at 52:03 Highlight the passage at 52:03

52:32 And if you really, if you clear the field, you say like this in English, if you really clear the field out of kindness for the other person, it seems that after a while they can feel something. Because also they start to calm down when you're not present all the time. And once their mind is clear, they see you in a different way. See, because these negative emotions, they create... Report an error in the passage at 52:32 Highlight the passage at 52:32

52:58 A wrong picture of reality. I'm sure you've learned that in your psychology class. When you are full of anger, the world looks horrible. Report an error in the passage at 52:58 Highlight the passage at 52:58

53:09 When you're full of desire, the world looks very nice, actually. Because desire creates a picture of the things that are not true. If you desire an object, your desire draws an object that does not exist out there because it makes the object Really beautiful. But there's nothing that is really beautiful because nobody else hates that object, for example. And even you, the same person who saw all these beautiful things in that object, after a while, you throw it away. Report an error in the passage at 53:09 Highlight the passage at 53:09

53:46 Remember your toys when you were a kid? Jack, close your eyes. Think of your favorite toy when you were a kid. Close your eyes. Quick. Report an error in the passage at 53:46 Highlight the passage at 53:46

53:58 You found it? How would it have been losing it or breaking it? Report an error in the passage at 53:58 Highlight the passage at 53:58

54:06 How would it have been if you would have broken it then? Somebody would have taken it away from you. How would it have been? Report an error in the passage at 54:06 Highlight the passage at 54:06

54:17 Disaster! So why aren't you here with your toy now? What happened? Has the toy changed? No, it hasn't changed. It's just that we lost interest. Because the attachment is, the desire is not there anymore. The projected beauty and it being interesting and all this is not there anymore. It's not that we don't have desire, the objects change. You see what I mean? So this is what we're trying to recognize, that our mind draws a picture of the world that is not true. Report an error in the passage at 54:17 Highlight the passage at 54:17

54:55 And when your mind is attached, the picture is too beautiful. When your mind is averse, it's too ugly. You know, these emotions, they create the filter. And then we look through the filter and we think what we see is true. If you dislike somebody, this person is truly ugly, no matter how beautiful they are. Because they come close to you, you go like, oh. Sometimes when you dislike somebody, there's almost physical disgust. Report an error in the passage at 54:55 Highlight the passage at 54:55

55:25 That if they would touch you, you'd go, oh. Isn't it? Or if you would have to give them a hug, it would be terrible. It would be like a real effort. To go and give them a heart if you dislike them. Come on, they have two eyes, one mouth, two ears, two arms, two legs. It's okay, we're the same. Report an error in the passage at 55:25 Highlight the passage at 55:25

55:45 It's all protection. Nothing else but that. And this is what you're trying to see, you know, to go beyond that protection. So actually what we're trying to find also, you know, we're trying to create a mind that is equanimous. As you said today, it's very good what you said. Like instead of having friends and enemies and strangers. Report an error in the passage at 55:45 Highlight the passage at 55:45

56:06 Which is created again by our own mind to try to find something that we have in common. So then instead of going like me and them, which again creates division, my mind can create us. Not I'm you and you're me, not like this, but us. And we behave completely differently when in our mind is us. me and them become a different person it's us I'm not so important it's me and them definitely more important even though it's only one me and there is a hundred them I'm more important than those hundred them when it is us not so important Report an error in the passage at 56:06 Highlight the passage at 56:06

56:59 it's us more important. I can give up one thing. Report an error in the passage at 56:59 Highlight the passage at 56:59

57:07 So, coming back to the word renal. You know, so we want to have happiness. We don't want something. So this is how we create us. By seeing that on that level, we are all exactly. Report an error in the passage at 57:07 Highlight the passage at 57:07

57:25 If you would go out in the street now, and you would ask people, do you want to be happy? Anybody who is sober would say yes. Report an error in the passage at 57:25 Highlight the passage at 57:25

57:38 But you know, when I talk like this, I always talk about the sober mind. Sober, not just alcohol, like kind of normal. We're all not normal, we're all deluded, but there are certain qualifications, some people are more deluded than others, some are certified crazy and some others are not. We're all crazy, because we're all delusional, because we all create a picture of reality that is not true. So if you would ask people in the studio, do you want to be happy? Report an error in the passage at 57:38 Highlight the passage at 57:38

58:06 Everybody would say yes. If you would ask people, do you want to be harmed? Everybody would say no. If you would ask people, do you want to be helped when you need help, everybody would say yes. If you would ask people, do you want to be free from suffering, everybody would say yes. Even the people who, like the masochists, they suffer, why? Because they want happiness. They think that through this kind of whatever they're doing, they will find more happiness. Report an error in the passage at 58:06 Highlight the passage at 58:06

58:38 So this is what is creating us. And this really also in daily life, this really helps you. If somebody's a real jerk, And he or she really gets on your nerves. And you just look at the person and think, they just want to be happy. Just like me. That kind of breaks down the walls a little bit. This is another way you can really bring what you hear in the cushion into your daily life. Report an error in the passage at 58:38 Highlight the passage at 58:38

59:07 But again, you need awareness because we don't do this naturally. So, also, when we meditate a little bit on expectations and what we want. So we would like to have only the nice things and leave the bad things behind. But we only know nice because we know bad. So you can't get nice without bad. It's impossible. These two things are completely dependent on each other. Existence is dependent on non-existence. Report an error in the passage at 59:07 Highlight the passage at 59:07

59:40 I am dependent on others. If there would be no others, there would be no I. I would not know I if there would be no others. Report an error in the passage at 59:40 Highlight the passage at 59:40

59:55 If I don't know bad, I don't know good. But we want to go beyond. And so that's not an easy job. And it's definitely not what the world says. This is what I mean. So with the renunciation, it's kind of, when you hear the word renunciation, then we get a little like that. What about letting go? How do you feel when you say letting go? That's kind of okay, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 59:55 Highlight the passage at 59:55

1:00:24 So, you know, giving up is not so good. But it's the same thing. Giving up and letting go is exactly the same thing. It's like we're holding on too tight to these opinions that we have, thinking that is happiness and that is not happiness. Because we're wrong. I think they're not the same. When you say renunciation, yes, then you renounce something. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:24 Highlight the passage at 1:00:24

1:00:51 You push something. That's my understanding of renounce. That's why the translation is not good. Actually, you know, the word renunciation is called the heart of sadness. That's the literal translation from the Tibetan. A heart of sadness. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:51 Highlight the passage at 1:00:51

1:01:11 Being fed up. This is renunciation. Being fed up. Understanding that what we are running after is suffering and then giving up. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:11 Highlight the passage at 1:01:11

1:01:25 We label pleasures happiness. They are not happiness, they are only pleasure. That's all. Just understanding this, you know, that pleasures are not happiness, they're just pleasant. That will save you a lot of money. Because what we're trying to find is good feelings. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:25 Highlight the passage at 1:01:25

1:01:49 Actually what we're trying to find is peace and contentment. And we think that if we've had enough good feelings then we will be content and happy. It's not like this at all. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:49 Highlight the passage at 1:01:49

1:02:00 So we're trying to find contentment somewhere where you can never find it. Because your mind will always want more. So there's nothing wrong with pleasures. This is also what people sometimes think about Tibetan Buddhism. It's really sad and they talk a lot about suffering and about giving up and that desire is the problem and all that. But it's not like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:00 Highlight the passage at 1:02:00

1:02:26 So you're not giving up the pleasures. You give up the desire for the pleasures by understanding that yes, the pleasures are pleasant. That's it. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:26 Highlight the passage at 1:02:26

1:02:37 They don't do anything for you. They don't give you contentment. They just increase the wish for more. You see, the suffering that comes from a pleasure finishing is much bigger than not having that pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:37 Highlight the passage at 1:02:37

1:02:57 That's what we suffer from. Can you relate to that? Like, for example, when you see people in very, very difficult and bad situations, but they have been there their whole life, okay? And then we put ourselves into this difficult situation we think we could never even smile anymore. For that, it's normal. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:57 Highlight the passage at 1:02:57

1:03:21 Why? Because they never have what we have or what we have. So they're quite okay about doing that. So a lot of our suffering suffers because it's suffering when it ends. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:21 Highlight the passage at 1:03:21

1:03:38 If you are in love with somebody and you really want to be together with that person, it can be actually just a friend, you know? But you can only be together for the weekend. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:38 Highlight the passage at 1:03:38

1:03:51 It's Thursday. You are longing for this person to come. Then you spend a very nice weekend. Sunday evening, the person goes. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:51 Highlight the passage at 1:03:51

1:04:03 Where is more suffering? You've had the person for two and a half days, three days later. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:03 Highlight the passage at 1:04:03

1:04:13 You see what I mean? You see, when you desire something, it always leaves you where you were at the beginning. Even you consume the thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:13 Highlight the passage at 1:04:13

1:04:25 It doesn't give you contentment. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:25 Highlight the passage at 1:04:25

1:04:30 If you really, really are attached to that person, you suffer so much when the person is leaving. It would have been better for the person not to come, actually. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:30 Highlight the passage at 1:04:30

1:04:42 You have more pain when the person leaves than if the person would not have come. That's Report an error in the passage at 1:04:42 Highlight the passage at 1:04:42

1:04:52 what I'm talking about. I travel a lot and I'm not really attached to people anymore, but I used to be attached to people. And the way I really liked... To leave the house was when everybody was asleep in the morning. Then there was no pain, almost no pain. But when they were up and having to say goodbye to them, it's so much pain, so much pain that I actually cry. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:52 Highlight the passage at 1:04:52

1:05:17 I was always embarrassed about this, you know, a grown-up person crying when you have to say goodbye. It's not a sign of love, by the way, it's a sign of attachment. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:17 Highlight the passage at 1:05:17

1:05:30 So you see, all these things that we're running after, this is what the Buddha is saying, that is suffering. Because it always ends, because everything is impermanent. So with attachment to people, it always kind of... This is why our life is so unsatisfactory, because it never gives us what we want. If you have attachment for a person, a situation or an object, because your mind exaggerates the good qualities, so when you get the person or the situation or the object... Report an error in the passage at 1:05:30 Highlight the passage at 1:05:30

1:06:06 You're always left wanting and frustrated. Why? Because it's not what you imagined it to be. Because what your mind projects, your mind projects happiness into the thing. But the happiness is not there. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:06 Highlight the passage at 1:06:06

1:06:22 So, you know, you think having the object or the person, that is giving you happiness, but it's not there because otherwise it wouldn't end. Otherwise it wouldn't be enough for you just to have contact with that person. But it changes, doesn't it? Somebody that you can't be separated from at one point, another point you kill them. At least you want to get divorced. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:22 Highlight the passage at 1:06:22

1:06:46 I Report an error in the passage at 1:06:46 Highlight the passage at 1:06:46

1:06:49 think we have so many divorces because the expectations did not get fulfilled. You will make me happy. If we don't learn to be happy without that person, poor person. Imagine the responsibility you put on somebody else's shoulders to make you, difficult person, happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:49 Highlight the passage at 1:06:49

1:07:14 It's true, isn't it? We're so fickle, you know? One day he should do this, next day he should do this. One day he should switch on the TV, next day he should not switch on the TV. One day he should make love to me, next day he should not. It's like, you know, one evening he should take me out, next evening no, I want to stay home. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:14 Highlight the passage at 1:07:14

1:07:35 Poor thing, and then he wants to go to a football game, which I don't like, and then it's the whole scene, isn't it? Another day when we'd rather be alone, we're quite happy when he goes, why don't you go? Report an error in the passage at 1:07:35 Highlight the passage at 1:07:35

1:07:48 don't know. What's wrong with you? Don't you like football anymore? So we don't even know what we want ourselves. So then this poor partner has to be clairvoyant to know what we would want in five minutes or something tomorrow, I don't know what, isn't it? All these expectations that we put on other people to make us happy. We could do, yeah. Isn't that also a part of our growing? Report an error in the passage at 1:07:48 Highlight the passage at 1:07:48

1:08:19 I think life teaches me a lot with all the relationships I have and exactly I think it's like that. You know I was married for 10 years and it was a very difficult partnership we had. We were arguing all the time actually. Mm-hmm. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:19 Highlight the passage at 1:08:19

1:08:49 But it was really a part, an important part of my life to go through all this suffering. And I think now, I think I'm now a much more happier person. Yeah, because you're rid of him anyway. Yes, exactly. This is what I meant. We need the suffering so that we see that it's actually quite okay to be alone. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:49 Highlight the passage at 1:08:49

1:09:16 That's what, this is exactly what I meant. This is the very, very low level happiness that we know. When it was bad and then it gets better and then we're happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:16 Highlight the passage at 1:09:16

1:09:28 We want to go beyond that. Now, in case you heard that I said you should not be together with other people, I didn't say that. I'm just saying don't put all your expectations on these poor people. You know, this is saṃsāra, okay? So, even poor people. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:28 Highlight the passage at 1:09:28

1:09:52 If you're rich, you have the problems of rich people. They're not the same problems, but they're problems. If you're in a relationship, you have the problems of people who are in a relationship. If you are alone, you have the problems of people who are alone. Like if you're sick, nobody's looking after you, for example. If you have children, you have the problems of people having children. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:52 Highlight the passage at 1:09:52

1:10:13 If you don't have any children, you have the problems of people who have no children. So they're completely different problems, but they are problems. If you're very beautiful, you have the problem of being kind of, you know, you need to be, you know, and you have the problem of the fear of losing your beauty as you get older. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:13 Highlight the passage at 1:10:13

1:10:34 If you're not very beautiful, well, you're not very attractive and people don't notice you when you're young, but when you're old, at least you don't suffer from not being attractive because you're used to it. Okay? See what I mean? If you have a lot of skills... You have the problem that everybody wants something from you. If you don't have any skills, you have the problem that people ignore you. So there's nothing, you know, we can't create a situation in saṃsāra where it will be okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:34 Highlight the passage at 1:10:34

1:11:04 Wherever you are, there are problems. And the problem can serve for you to grow, or the problem can serve for you to get really angry and frustrated and hate everybody. Again, you know, if problems by themselves... Report an error in the passage at 1:11:04 Highlight the passage at 1:11:04

1:11:23 naturally would make us better people. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:23 Highlight the passage at 1:11:23

1:11:35 really create compassion, as some people say, people need to suffer so that we can learn compassion. If that would happen naturally, we would have a wonderful world. But we don't. Why? Because the more people suffer, the more they make others suffer. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:35 Highlight the passage at 1:11:35

1:11:55 you know, as you say, now. Of course, when you look back, you see, oh, now actually I'm quite grateful. But when you're in the middle of it, do you see this as helpful to have such a difficult relationship? This is the point of your spiritual practice, to see the difficult relationship as a chance to grow. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:55 Highlight the passage at 1:11:55

1:12:18 But in general, because now that you ask me this question, what do I do with those wrong feelings? That's your challenge. You just told me, but you can grow with that. Yes, you can. But be aware of it when you're in the middle of the situation, not when it finishes. When it's finished, then we don't really grow. Okay? But if you're able to see, you know, whoever kind of pushes your buttons and you think, but I'm really here to transform my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:18 Highlight the passage at 1:12:18

1:12:50 So this person can help me with that. I just said in the class yesterday, I just said in the class yesterday, but these difficult situations can make me grow. Do I believe in this? Report an error in the passage at 1:12:50 Highlight the passage at 1:12:50

1:13:08 To be able to notice it in your daily life that it is that. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:08 Highlight the passage at 1:13:08

1:13:17 I think difficulty is then also, I was just thinking also personally, the thing is, do I do this work only with myself? Or how much, I see, it's not only me that feels irritated the way this person. act or react with others sometimes, you know, it's one of these kind person, but you, one can feel this kindness is, it doesn't feel right, so, so, so, you think, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 1:13:17 Highlight the passage at 1:13:17

1:14:00 Yeah, but I can see also that other people sometimes. Oh, that Have you ever noticed when we have an opinion? That we tend to side up with the same people who have the same opinion, completely forgetting that maybe half of the world has a different opinion. Then it makes my opinion right because some other people agree. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:00 Highlight the passage at 1:14:00

1:14:25 Okay, so the person seems to be kind but is not really kind. Yes. Have you ever asked the person? Have you ever had the courage to say? That's the thing. Have you ever had the courage to say? That's the courage, the courage to challenge with the other person. would be to address issue. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:25 Highlight the passage at 1:14:25

1:14:51 What about if you would be the person, if you would be like this, you know? Do you really think that people just fake to be kind, consciously? Report an error in the passage at 1:14:51 Highlight the passage at 1:14:51

1:15:12 Sometimes, sometimes it's just... think maybe I have a problem with this hierarchy. Sometimes, you know, people... In the Christian church we have this a lot, but people want to help other people to be kind with someone else. But then it makes them superior. And I'm very sensitive to that, for example. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:12 Highlight the passage at 1:15:12

1:15:44 And someone just... The hypocrites. Yeah, we talked about those hypocrites. We're the same, okay? We like them. We go to the class on Sunday. And then we get angry on Monday. Yeah. Okay, so we like them. So there's already an us. Okay, then so you have a problem with those. Just keep them on purpose. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:44 Highlight the passage at 1:15:44

1:16:03 I don't know exactly what my point is now. It was, yeah, I don't want to get a, I don't want to hurt this person with what I'm saying. You know, there is a lot of... Games going on. Exactly, it may be games, yeah, but also, Report an error in the passage at 1:16:03 Highlight the passage at 1:16:03

1:16:29 it's also a bit confusing, even with the Buddhist teaching. This is why I said, you know, the Buddhist, even Buddhist teachings can reinforce our neuroses that we have. So, you're the only one who can find out. So, what would you like to do with this person? Okay, so this person, kind of, you think that they're being kind in order to be superior. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:29 Highlight the passage at 1:16:29

1:16:54 That's what you think. Yeah, for example, this person says me some things and then she, maybe she criticize me or gives me a feedback and then she tells me, you know what, I wanted to help only, tell me to help you. Yeah. And you don't believe her? And I don't believe this person, for example. Then you say, ah, I don't believe you. And then I smile back and I, you know, I'm not too, also, like, exactly. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:54 Highlight the passage at 1:16:54

1:17:21 But you see, you are trying now to ask me, you are trying to ask me something, how you could help this person. How I can get out of this situation. So which situation do you want to get out of? You want to get out of the situation of this person kind of lying to you and correcting you and saying I only want to help you or you want to get out of the situation of feeling upset about what this person is doing? Report an error in the passage at 1:17:21 Highlight the passage at 1:17:21

1:17:48 Yes. What? Getting out of it. not be, you know, not get upset. Get upset and also, you know, I don't want to suffer. Yeah, exactly. So how could you do that? If you allow, just give the person the permission to correct you. See, this is this whole thing, like praise and blame. This is one thing, you know, we love praise. It doesn't make us a better person if the praise is not justified. And we're great liars When when it it comes comes to praise the people that we like, you know, we praise them for all kinds, it starts with little children or whatever, you know, like, they may make poo-poo, well, you know, you know, good girl, good boy made a poo-poo, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:17:48 Highlight the passage at 1:17:48

1:18:31 Poo-poo comes out of your bones, right? Lama Tsongkhapa, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:31 Highlight the passage at 1:18:31

1:18:35 It's true, isn't it? Again, there's this whole thing about building them up with constructive encouragement and there's also this other thing that we get completely Dependent on other people praising us so that we feel good about it, which is not necessarily this thing. Then we completely have to rely on the opinion of others, what they think about it. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:35 Highlight the passage at 1:18:35

1:19:03 So, also what I think, what we have lost in our Western society, dishonesty with each other, distrust with each other, not just to say, look, okay, you say that you want to help me, but... I don't believe it. We don't even dare to say something like this anymore. But I don't think it's like this that we don't dare to say it because we don't want to hurt the other person. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:03 Highlight the passage at 1:19:03

1:19:34 I think we don't dare to say it because we're afraid of the fiat. And then maybe they don't like us anymore. The communication between human beings, I find, has become incredibly difficult. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:34 Highlight the passage at 1:19:34

1:19:51 We are lost in such gain. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:51 Highlight the passage at 1:19:51

1:19:57 Honesty is missing, definitely. But if it's honesty, it needs to be honesty without aversion, without anger. Because when you are angry at somebody, wow, your honesty is like an arrow. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:57 Highlight the passage at 1:19:57

1:20:12 And very often, you know, tainted with wrong views. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:12 Highlight the passage at 1:20:12

1:20:21 And then when a situation has gone too far, it's difficult. What helped me at one point is like somebody was really unpleasant to me at one point. A few years ago, I was here in California. And I started feeling hurt and angry. But I didn't want to be angry. You see why we don't like these people also? Report an error in the passage at 1:20:21 Highlight the passage at 1:20:21

1:20:44 Because we feel they have, like you say, hierarchy. They do have control over us because they can make us upset. And this is what we resent. That they are able to push our buttons. And now that becomes the bump on the slope. Because we need people who are able to push our buttons, to be able to see the buttons where they are. Because if you want to deactivate your buttons, you need to see them first. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:44 Highlight the passage at 1:20:44

1:21:10 Do you know Barbara? Yeah, you know the Swiss Barbara? Do you know that she's back in the apartment? Report an error in the passage at 1:21:10 Highlight the passage at 1:21:10

1:21:17 You know we had like last summer, we had the summer in Switzerland, a really difficult person. I mean, she is like, you know as you say, everybody taxes her as a difficult person. That doesn't really mean that she is a difficult person. It's just that we don't know how to deal with her. But because I was so, last time I reacted really badly because I was, she took me by surprise. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:17 Highlight the passage at 1:21:17

1:21:42 I didn't know that some people can be so shamelessly selfish and put all the blame on you all the time. And so invading also. You know somebody who says, I don't want to disturb, but takes up all the space. So now she's back and I thought, ooh. First, you know, the thought is, oh, I'm going back in two weeks, maybe she's gone by then. I thought, come on, you know, that's it. It's great. She's back because I'm not angry at her anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:42 Highlight the passage at 1:21:42

1:22:09 I know that I'm not angry at her anymore. And actually, I think this time I'm going to be just not going into these games, first wanting to be kind to somebody with such a pain in the neck, without anger to tell her, stop, Barbara, I'm sorry, you can't do this. If you want to stay here, then you have to do as I want to. Because this is my space. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:09 Highlight the passage at 1:22:09

1:22:32 And I think that would be the only thing. But not wait until I'm worked up again about her whole invasion. So I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. And I'm pretty sure that it will go very well because I am looking forward to the difficult situation. But she is somebody who has like this skill about finding all my buttons that I need. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:32 Highlight the passage at 1:22:32

1:22:59 And I don't want to give her that power over me. So this is where my pride comes in. So this can be helpful to say, I refuse to. allow her to pull my button. But I had to work with this first to make sure that I'm not angry at her anymore and I don't resent her being there. Because you know when we resent somebody, being in the apartment, I like somebody, I give them the whole space. You know, they can do whatever they If it's a friend of mine who goes, it's okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:59 Highlight the passage at 1:22:59

1:23:33 So I see how the mind completely blows everything out of proportion. When we dislike somebody and how we go into this story, oh yes she says that but she doesn't mean it, but how would you know? Maybe she would, she does mean it. Maybe she's more frightened of you than you are of her, you know? Very often. So maybe allow her to be the way she is. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:33 Highlight the passage at 1:23:33

1:23:58 And then what helped me in California, I didn't want to lose my temper, I didn't want to lose my patience, because I could also see the other person suffering. You know, we get upset with Barbara, why? Because we don't see her suffering. She gets rejected everywhere she goes because she is so difficult. And she throws herself out of the places where she is. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:58 Highlight the passage at 1:23:58

1:24:21 She gets angry at the people that host her so she can go without being thrown out. She throws herself out. It's difficult to have such a difficult moment. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:21 Highlight the passage at 1:24:21

1:24:33 And I'm not there to teach her anything. She has to see this herself. Not to put it on my shoulders to change her. I can give her the teachings if she wants, she doesn't want them for me, that's for sure. She doesn't like me either. So I can't. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:33 Highlight the passage at 1:24:33

1:24:53 Sometimes we're too considered about others instead of thinking about us. That is where Mahāyāna Buddhist teachings can bring you. Instead of being considered about what you need, you are too considered about others and then the whole thing goes completely off because you don't know how to handle it. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:53 Highlight the passage at 1:24:53

1:25:11 Because then we have started to play this game, this kindness game. And then of course we can't go back. So I thought, when I was here in California, I thought, okay, I am in a movie. This is a movie. The role that I have, I have it. The role that I have, I have it. But how I want to play that role. This I teach you. And then, you know, I can't really tell you what to do exactly. Because for that I would need to know the person and the situation and the whole thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:11 Highlight the passage at 1:25:11

1:25:42 So I don't know. But the more you... Really, from your side, what she wants to do, she wants to hurt you and she says that she wants to help you. She has a right to do that, by the way. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:42 Highlight the passage at 1:25:42

1:25:55 She has a right. Give people the right to be what they want to be. She wants to be a hypocrite, that's her right. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:55 Highlight the passage at 1:25:55

1:26:09 To see, ooh, this is so painful. This is really, really, really, really painful. And we, you know, we have no right to change people. This is a lack of respect. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:09 Highlight the passage at 1:26:09

1:26:23 It's lack of respect, thinking that they should be honest and they should be... No, no, they, I. And then sometimes I think we have dislike for people and we get frustrated because we don't know how to handle them because they're difficult. The world is full of difficult people, don't worry, you know. And when I see, when I look back in my life, I met so many difficult people then. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:23 Highlight the passage at 1:26:23

1:26:46 Through the practice, I was able to make them not difficult people anymore. They haven't changed at all, you know. But they don't make me upset anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:46 Highlight the passage at 1:26:46

1:26:55 But for sure there's always somebody. So it doesn't really matter, you know, as long as I, it doesn't really matter who it is. But I can see that the time that I need to transform my mind gets shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter. Sometimes it just takes a few seconds. I feel that coming up and then I use this thing and then, ah, come on, I just want to be happy. But you need to be able to catch it at the beginning if it has grown into a fully blown aversion tree already. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:55 Highlight the passage at 1:26:55

1:27:26 There's not much chance. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:26 Highlight the passage at 1:27:26

1:27:31 You know, you're in a movie, okay? The role that you play, you have. But how do you want to play that role? You know, I thought, do I want to be the cool nun who kind of doesn't get upset? And I was like, yeah, I want to be that one. And it went really, really well. And we always have this thing that we have to talk about things. Not necessarily. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:31 Highlight the passage at 1:27:31

1:27:51 You know, your ego wants to speak about things. But we want to speak about things because she has to see my point. Why? Why does she have to see in point? She doesn't see it the way you see it anyway. Why this need? This is anger. The need to be right. And the need that other people acknowledge that I am right. And people ask me sometimes, what about righteous anger? I tell you, every anger is righteous. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:51 Highlight the passage at 1:27:51

1:28:20 Every anger thinks that it's right to be angry. Just had a situation two days ago. Somebody was weeding the garden. She pulled out some plants that somebody planted because she thought it was weaving. You should have seen the person. It was like as if the other person would have destroyed her house or something. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:20 Highlight the passage at 1:28:20

1:28:38 She was so mad. Maybe if I would have been really compassionate, I would have grabbed the person by the shoulders and said, hey, come on, it's a few plants, okay? The whole world is falling apart. Then you see, it is not the situation that is making you angry. It is your mind. She pulled out a few plants. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:38 Highlight the passage at 1:28:38

1:29:01 That's it. And she made, you know, this other, made a whole story. I'm really angry. Why is she interfering? And we should stop her. You know, other people get raped and killed and kind of taking their existence away from them. And here we are going into a fit because of a few plants. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:01 Highlight the passage at 1:29:01

1:29:26 Because I didn't get what I. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:26 Highlight the passage at 1:29:26

1:29:35 This is mind training, okay? This is how they go. If somebody is unpleasant, pulls out your plants, then you think, well, At least they didn't hurt me with their words. Because I said, she might have done it with a very good intention, wanting to read your garden. That's the sad thing about it. She probably thought she was doing the other person's failure. So then you think, at least she did not harm me with words. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:35 Highlight the passage at 1:29:35

1:30:05 If they hurt you with words, you think, well, at least they didn't slap me. If they slap you... You go, well, at least they didn't injure me. If they injure you, then you think, at least they didn't kill me. And if they kill you, then you think, at least they cannot throw me into the lower states. The only thing that throws me into the lower states is my negative mind. This person is not your enemy. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:05 Highlight the passage at 1:30:05

1:30:34 It's your mind who makes that person an enemy. And she has every right to be a hypocrite. Why not? But maybe she's not. It's just we need to think like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:34 Highlight the passage at 1:30:34

1:30:47 It's difficult. You know, we can't make people the way we want them to be so that we can be happy. Because even if they would be the way we want them, they would still be. And Report an error in the passage at 1:30:47 Highlight the passage at 1:30:47

1:30:59 this is why living in communities, this is a very big challenge. Because you see, we have spiritual communities, because we have these expectations that everybody should put every word of the teachings into practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:59 Highlight the passage at 1:30:59

1:31:17 Immediately. Like I do. And then when we're honest and we see, hey, come on, I am just trying like everybody else. It's difficult to transform the mind. Then it becomes okay. What also helps is like, hey, this is my teacher. Like, not just, you know, when they say, see your enemy as your teacher. This is my teacher who is disguising himself as being that person coming to check where I am with my practice. Or sometimes I think, How would I react now if my teacher would be here? Would I be so unpleasant as I am now? No, probably not. Because I don't want my teacher to see all my anger and my unpleasantness and self-changing. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:17 Highlight the passage at 1:31:17

1:32:04 Many things, how we can do in people's situations. So what Buddhism does, basically, for those people who are new here, you do not change the other person, but you change your mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:04 Highlight the passage at 1:32:04

1:32:16 That's the challenge. Not to change the other person. But very often when you change your own mind, because the person then appears in another life, All of a sudden we start to see the suffering of the other person having to hide and being insecure. Very often the hierarchy, you know, very often people appear very bossy because they're very insecure, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:16 Highlight the passage at 1:32:16

1:32:38 Being really truly humble, that is somebody who's very strong, very courageous, very unneedy. Those bossy ones, you know, who kind of order you around, those are the weak ones because they need this armor of me, I. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:38 Highlight the passage at 1:32:38

1:32:59 it doesn't work, I know. The work is never finished. As long as we are not invited, as long as you're not awakened, there will be people like this coming into our lives. But it's our own mind who is creating them. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:59 Highlight the passage at 1:32:59

1:33:16 I was just thinking about the challenge and you said, you know, running away, could it be that first... For example, this. Okay, I want to make this really clear again. Just keep the microphone. When I said running away, I meant physical harm. That's all I meant. Okay? When it's mental, become flexible. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:16 Highlight the passage at 1:33:16

1:33:44 Meaning you can let others go first. But not because you're frightened of them, but you choose it for the sake of peace. You choose it. If you choose to be flexible and let others be right, You will feel good about it because it's difficult. If you're forced into being flexible, already that's not being flexible. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:44 Highlight the passage at 1:33:44

1:34:09 If you're forced of stepping down because the others have more power, then you will feel very unhappy about it. If you choose it, then it's no problem. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:09 Highlight the passage at 1:34:09

1:34:20 So running away. I don't need to leave the house. As I was just thinking, yes, the challenge, we have a physical challenge in front of us and then there is the possibility to fight or to run away. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:20 Highlight the passage at 1:34:20

1:34:40 When we run away, then we have the mental challenge. The mental challenge to feel good about it. feel, yeah. Yeah. Not to feel like a coward. So it's then it's about us to challenge our mind. It's always about us to challenge our mind. It's always about... You remember Lassie, I don't know if you were still there, this situation with Barbara, it got so difficult, it made me so angry that I said, okay, I'm going to move out of here. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:40 Highlight the passage at 1:34:40

1:35:10 And I went upstairs. I won't deal with it. I actually ran away. But because I ran away then, I didn't harm her. Because when you're angry, you're harming people. Okay? So I didn't harm her. I don't have to feel bad about having harmed her because I didn't harm her, so I can face her now with having worked about this and also not having to feel bad about anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:10 Highlight the passage at 1:35:10

1:35:33 From my side, I can start afresh. She was very unpleasant to me, so I don't know how she can start, but that's her problem, that's not mine. My thing is, my situation is, I said goodbye to her without any anger. For me, the story is finished. How it will develop this time, I have no idea, but I'm kind of curious. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:33 Highlight the passage at 1:35:33

1:35:52 is how it will be, okay? But I did run away, but for her own sake, because I did not want to harm her, because she gets harmed by so many people. And I didn't want to be the one who's harming her. But I knew that if I stay here, it's not going to be okay. And I went upstairs, and also this whole thing about admitting, you know, I cannot deal with her, finished. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:52 Highlight the passage at 1:35:52

1:36:17 And already that... It took out all the energy of the she's bad and she's this and she's invasive and all that. I said, yes, I'm angry, not to anybody, just to myself. I'm angry at her and I can't deal with her. She's too difficult. And I calm down and that was it. And as I ran away, so what? I ran away because what? Report an error in the passage at 1:36:17 Highlight the passage at 1:36:17

1:36:36 Because I can't deal with it. And it's very wise. It's very wise to run away from a situation that you can't deal with it. But that's not the end of the story. Then you continue to work with it. If you have your object of anger in your face, there's no way you can work with it. So this going away, this running away, that's the first step to make some distance between you and the object. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:36 Highlight the passage at 1:36:36

1:37:01 Because we have what's called inappropriate attention. When you are full of delusions, anger or desire, your mind is not in what's going on in your mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:01 Highlight the passage at 1:37:01

1:37:13 You pay attention to the object, not to your mind. That's why we have to put a distance between the object and you. That's just the first step. Otherwise you just put more petrol on the fire. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:13 Highlight the passage at 1:37:13

1:37:28 So that's it. The running away can be physically, that you put some distance between you and the object and then you work with it. The running away can also be that you become like a log, they say, like a piece of wood. You don't react. It can be amazing. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:28 Highlight the passage at 1:37:28

1:37:49 The running away can be that you're a coward and then you feel bad about running away and they had the victory, then that's not worthwhile running away. Still good, actually, because nobody gets blind. And we cannot solve all the problems. How many problems have you already had? You think if you would have to list them, like how many numbers, how many zeros? Many. How many of those problems did you really solve? Report an error in the passage at 1:37:49 Highlight the passage at 1:37:49

1:38:21 Few. What happened to the rest of the problem? They solved themselves because another one came along, isn't it? You know, things that were a real problem when we were smaller, they're not a problem anymore. I think Chris wants to... Chris, isn't it? Nick. Nick. I know it was something short. You know, just what you said reminded me of a quote that I saw that I really thought was interesting. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:21 Highlight the passage at 1:38:21

1:38:47 And it said that if everybody threw all of their problems into one big pile... You probably beg for your own back. Yeah, this is what, you know, this Jewish story that, you know, they ask God, oh, take away my problems and all this, and then God says, okay, but you need to have one, you know, but so, but you can choose. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:47 Highlight the passage at 1:38:47

1:39:13 So write your problem on a piece of paper, hang it on a tree, and then you just walk around the tree, and then you can pick up the problem that you want. So everybody does that at the end, everybody has the same problem. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:13 Highlight the passage at 1:39:13

1:39:27 At least we're familiar with that one. But a very nice meditation that you can do when you think you're overwhelmed by your problem. You think about the problem and you let the feelings come. How does it feel to have to live in a situation like this? And you generate some compassion for yourself instead of beating yourself up that you can't deal with. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:27 Highlight the passage at 1:39:27

1:39:58 We're not only potent, we're just human. So to have some compassion for yourself, that you don't know what to do. And so you put the problem here, but then you think you become, you know, you have the ability to fly. You can do that tonight before you go there. It's quite good. You have the ability to fly and you go up and then you think of that you're seeing into the houses. And maybe you know the problems of your neighbors, I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:58 Highlight the passage at 1:39:58

1:40:24 But you put them on, so here's yours. And you start to make a pile here, you know. The problems of the neighbors, then the problems of the, you know, like in the neighborhood, and then the problems of all the people in the city, and then the problems of all the people in the country, and then the problems of all the people in the continent, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then you see like viewers, and then you switch on the TV, and then you see the problems that are happening in the world. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:24 Highlight the passage at 1:40:24

1:40:52 And then our little ego, who was like huge, like a spoiled child, who says, yeah, yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:52 Highlight the passage at 1:40:52

1:41:03 We don't see the relativity anymore when we're angry. Like it seems like a huge thing. But when we put it into perspective, what is going on in the world, it's nothing. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:03 Highlight the passage at 1:41:03

1:41:17 So then the joy comes back saying, oh yeah, come on. And you can move away. You can. You're not stuck enough. You have to go. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:17 Highlight the passage at 1:41:17

1:41:32 You know, the pride comes, yeah, can't deal with it, so I have to go. But very often good things come out of that. I had to leave one centre also, I could have killed everybody who was there, because I was the only one working and everybody was there, that's what I said before, and everybody was so lazy. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:32 Highlight the passage at 1:41:32

1:41:52 So I moved out. I could say there's no point for me staying there and being so efficient and doing all the things. So I moved out. And I moved back in two months later. Because when I was out, I understood in what the situation I was that this was perfect, that situation, but only after having been awake for two months. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:52 Highlight the passage at 1:41:52

1:42:14 I saw how much I liked this place and how this place was good for my practice. And then it was okay. The situation hadn't changed at all. People hadn't changed. I was still working as hard as I wanted to. And this also, you know, this also, somebody pointed out to me at one point because I was doing a lot of work. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:14 Highlight the passage at 1:42:14

1:42:34 And that I have volunteered for. And I was complaining that it was too hard. And then somebody else said, you didn't have to volunteer for that. Why did you volunteer if you don't want to do the work? And I thought, oh yeah, that's true. That's true. So this made me very careful. I never ever volunteer anymore for anything that I don't really want to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:34 Highlight the passage at 1:42:34

1:42:55 I just want to appear like the one who does everything. But I don't really want to do the work. Hoping that would be easy. So never do that again. Either I want to do it and then I do it, or I don't want to do it. And then people stop liking me because I'm a hardworking person. Well, that's their problem. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:55 Highlight the passage at 1:42:55

1:43:13 Just like that. Okay. So, let's dedicate all the positive energy that we have generated by spending this day together here that everybody will do what I want them to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:13 Highlight the passage at 1:43:13

1:43:30 That everybody develops their minds and creates. Wisdom and compassion in their hearts, so I don't have to. No, not that. Let's be able just ourselves to really discover the secrets of our mind, because our mind at the basis, its nature is beautiful, has compassion, has wisdom, it's just covered. So may we be able to really see this, be able to drink the water of our essence, this beautiful mind that is pure and spacious, accommodating. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:30 Highlight the passage at 1:43:30

1:44:03 And it's free of confusion, seeing that whatever we perceive is just a projection of our own mind. There's nothing to be frightened of, there's nothing to be hoped for. Whatever will happen will happen and we just may be able to do our best to continue developing our mind towards love, compassion and wisdom so that we're able to maybe show it to others if they are interested. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:03 Highlight the passage at 1:44:03

1:44:32 Male beings have happiness and the causes of happiness. May all beings differ from suffering and the causes of suffering and may we all be able to live in harmony and peace. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:32 Highlight the passage at 1:44:32

1:44:47 And don't forget, harmony doesn't mean that everybody does what I want. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:47 Highlight the passage at 1:44:47

1:44:54 Harmony has different voices, otherwise it's very momentary. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:54 Highlight the passage at 1:44:54

1:45:15 So yeah, harmony is a very good thing. Harmony doesn't have democracy. you so much for joining us today, thank you so much for joining Report an error in the passage at 1:45:15 Highlight the passage at 1:45:15

1:45:19 Harmony can be one person says what everybody else has to do and they do it. That's harmony. Because I also, when that angry email came, you know, so then he said, he said like, thank you, Charles. Are you supposed to say something? You can, if you want. Well, first of all, we just thank Venerable Rita for coming. How many people enjoyed it? Everyone. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:19 Highlight the passage at 1:45:19

1:45:46 So, Venerable Rita will actually be here tonight as well. We have a conscious contact group. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:46 Highlight the passage at 1:45:46

1:45:53 What time? It starts at 7. And it's kind of like a meeting place for people that have or have had addiction problems in the past or presently. But as we just saw... I have great experience and I used to be an alcoholic. So that's why I think that's why I do it. If you guys want more, we'll read it. She'll also be here next Thursday. She's going to give a talk from 7 to 9 p.m. next Thursday. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:53 Highlight the passage at 1:45:53

1:46:24 And the topic of that, I seem to have forgotten it as well. No, I think it was more you said that, you know. Jumpstart. I have it. Yeah, something about. Oh, yeah, okay. So, writing your place in the Dharma? Yes. So, that's what the name we kind of came up with. It's basically. That's not what he said. He made it sound really easy. He said, you come here kind of when people, then they ask you about your life. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:24 Highlight the passage at 1:46:24

1:46:51 Basically, yeah. That's very easy. Jump start. No. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:51 Highlight the passage at 1:46:51

1:46:54 Well, because, like, apparently you found some sort of equilibrium in your practice. Yeah, I think so. It seems that way. It appears that way. And we need to hear more about that. But basically about how, like, some people have jobs, some Report an error in the passage at 1:46:54 Highlight the passage at 1:46:54

1:47:14 people are still addicted to, you know, drugs, you know, and how can we best make our time so that... Charles, you know, if I could tell you all this in one evening talk, I'd be a millionaire. That's what we want. This is the thing, you know, like because if the Dharma would work so fast that you could tell people once what they have to do and everybody goes over and is able to do it, like all the Dharma centers with big palaces, lots of money, we could sell the teaching. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:14 Highlight the passage at 1:47:14

1:47:45 But because it's such a pain in your neck and it's really difficult to transform your mind, this is why we can't ask for that much money. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:45 Highlight the passage at 1:47:45

1:47:54 It's not that they're not valuable. I mean, if you would have to pay for what those teachings are worth, you could not pay for it. Because it really creates a mind that is free from suffering. It really does, if you practice it. But because it's difficult to do, that's why. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:54 Highlight the passage at 1:47:54

1:48:16 Okay. Well, anyway, thank you, Charles. Oh, the harmony. Yeah, because, you know, like somebody complained about somebody else and said, oh, she was the course manager and her way of... Because we said at the beginning we would work harmoniously and then in her mind harmoniously means that she commands it and everybody does. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:16 Highlight the passage at 1:48:16

1:48:39 I said yes, that's it. That is harmony. It's not that everybody gives their opinion. That's not harmony. Because you need to make decisions how to do things. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:39 Highlight the passage at 1:48:39

1:48:49 We forget that. And also harmony is like different voices. It's not just one voice. Not everybody needs to have the same opinion. You need to be able to let go what you want when somebody else wants something different. With a happy mind. That's the most important thing. That's difficult. Because everybody knows how to do things better. My way is better than your way. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:49 Highlight the passage at 1:48:49

1:49:10 And that's creating a lot of wasted time. Anyway, thank you very much. Enjoy your Sunday evening. We can still go for a walk. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:10 Highlight the passage at 1:49:10

1:49:27 Children that are growing up. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:27 Highlight the passage at 1:49:27

1:49:36 all away. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:36 Highlight the passage at 1:49:36

1:49:40 Oh, okay, so he might want to sit in a circle. Yeah, yeah. We usually... Report an error in the passage at 1:49:40 Highlight the passage at 1:49:40