Enlightened Courage - Becoming a Bodhisattva Warrior Thru the Method of Exchanging Self and Others (12 June 2010, part 1)

0:01 I do see it. Was that the first time you were seeing her? Yeah. she's getting paid. She's six years old now. It was really great because she just had all this energy and it was so nice to be around kids. Just don't get to do it. No inhibition. I was really the opposite kind of kid. it's dry, yeah, reserved, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 0:01 Highlight the passage at 0:01

0:31 So it's just so nice in someone, just so free, I mean, you know? Well, she's had a very, well, you know, both her parents never lived together. And she's literally gone back and forth between both houses since the day she was born. Seems pretty, I mean, that's happened so often. Yeah, these days it happens, I don't know what the frequency is, but it does happen often. Report an error in the passage at 0:31 Highlight the passage at 0:31

0:57 And so she's used to going place to place to place and being in a whole new, you know, environment. And she even goes once a year down to Panama, which is where her other grandparents live. Report an error in the passage at 0:57 Highlight the passage at 0:57

1:09 My father, she's a mother and father live in Panama. That's where they retire when they work from. So I think Report an error in the passage at 1:09 Highlight the passage at 1:09

· · · silence, 1 minute

2:05 there's still a couple of people coming. Any questions while we're waiting for... the other to arrive, anything that emerged during the lunch break. Report an error in the passage at 2:05 Highlight the passage at 2:05

2:19 Just asking while we're waiting for the other people to come if there's any questions that during the lunch break. Is it possible Report an error in the passage at 2:19 Highlight the passage at 2:19

2:35 to get a copy of the meditation that you did before the lunch? Yeah, yeah, I've got a couple of extra copies and I can even make more if more. Who would like that meditation? Okay, I've got a couple and I think we can just photocopy right here. Thanks. Yeah, that's a nice one, isn't it? Yeah, it was really nice. I'd like to read it over again. Yeah, it's from a book, one of my favorite meditation books called Spiritual Friends. Report an error in the passage at 2:35 Highlight the passage at 2:35

3:06 And it's a collection of meditations by different monks and nuns of Lama Zopa's organization, and the different monks and nuns that are teachers. They were all asked to submit their favorite meditations on the stages of the path, so that was one of the ones from that collection. And it's one of my favorite collections of guided meditations, and that's one. I think that was by this French... Report an error in the passage at 3:06 Highlight the passage at 3:06

3:32 Non-Venerable Chantal. That's really nice. Yeah, it was great. Thank you. Yeah, good. I'm glad you liked it. That's a sort of favorite of the students in Santa Cruz, too. Yeah. Yeah, Katia. I don't exactly remember verbatim what was said, but I think near the end it was something like, think of the advantages, like if you do this then people will like you, something like that. Report an error in the passage at 3:32 Highlight the passage at 3:32

3:57 And do you know what I mean? Or think of the advantages and people will be attracted to you or something like that. People will be drawn to you. So is that kind of counterproductive? I mean, is that like having a selfish motive at the end? Right, right, right. I think it's more, you know, we have in the Lamrim teachings, the stages of the path, we have ways of attracting disciples. Report an error in the passage at 3:57 Highlight the passage at 3:57

4:27 Right? And, you know, in order to be able to benefit beings, there's this whole thing as teachers to kind of speak kindly in the beginning. Then you can get wrathful, right, after you have a relationship with a student. But I think it's from that perspective, sort of of, yeah, if people are sort of drawn to you in a way, it's not about from a motivation of what we call the eight worldly dharmas, like, oh, then I'll feel great about myself because I'll be popular and everybody will like me. Report an error in the passage at 4:27 Highlight the passage at 4:27

4:57 But there's actually Dharma reasons to want to seem attractive to people and to have people drawn to you because then you can communicate with them and help them in terms of Dharma. So yeah, I think that would be more from that kind of a perspective rather than just about wanting to win a popularity contest for cherishing others. Report an error in the passage at 4:57 Highlight the passage at 4:57

5:20 Or doing it from that motivation because then that gets back into that codependent thing that we're talking about. And then your only reason for being nice to somebody or helping them is so that they'll be sort of indebted to you and never leave you because that's often the way it is in those kind of relationships. Report an error in the passage at 5:20 Highlight the passage at 5:20

5:37 Like, oh, if I'm indispensable to this person who can't take care of themselves, then guaranteed they'll never leave me. Of course, that never works either. I tried that. I'm a recovering codependent too and it never worked. But I think in that meditation when it's like people will be drawn to me then so that you can be of some benefit. Report an error in the passage at 5:37 Highlight the passage at 5:37

5:58 Yeah, good question. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 5:58 Highlight the passage at 5:58

6:03 If you're making everybody the enemy as practice, your own practice as a kind of gift to you or whatever. Why do you want people to be drawn to you and like you? I recently, like yesterday, had a really intense interaction with a pretty abusive uncle that I've had for years. Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:32 Is there any time ever that it's okay to just cut off and leave? and, and, um, Report an error in the passage at 6:32 Highlight the passage at 6:32

6:37 The situation, or should you really just be sitting through everything? Yeah, right, right. I mean, I know that I've heard this question asked a lot, but it's, I thought I'd ask it. Right, you know, it's said, and it's true, it's a really good point, especially when we talk about thought transformation, because we're going to be talking about, oh, the more difficult it is, terrific, use it as the path. Report an error in the passage at 6:37 Highlight the passage at 6:37

7:00 Is that always possible? And usually the way the training is given is, If a situation is so challenging that you can't transform it, right, you're not mature enough in your practice to transform it, and you know pretty guaranteed that you're going to pop off with some, you know, you're going to have a mental affliction attack and maybe do something physically or verbally that's going to be a negative action, get the heck out of the situation. Report an error in the passage at 7:00 Highlight the passage at 7:00

7:28 We're taught in our thought transformation practices to be realistic about where we are and what level we are. And this is one of the things that comes up later on in the text. Don't just jump in there and think, oh, I'm a great thought transformation yogi. Let me be in the fray if we're not strong enough yet and we could get really thrown off by some... Report an error in the passage at 7:28 Highlight the passage at 7:28

7:53 Sometimes in those difficult situations, the best thing to do is just exit the situation until we can develop more capacity to transform it. And that's the first line of defense and perfectly... Acceptable. I have this famous story that Carlos heard about five times at least, and I think maybe Katia's heard it, of this student of mine who during Thanksgiving dinner, and we all know what those are like, right? Report an error in the passage at 7:53 Highlight the passage at 7:53

8:20 So he had this sister who always pushed his last button. And so there they are at Thanksgiving dinner. You know, with his parents and the sister and the Holickson family and he just always knows that she's going to say that thing that's going to set him off. So we'd been working with this a bit, you know, in classes. Report an error in the passage at 8:20 Highlight the passage at 8:20

8:38 So he proudly reported to me after Thanksgiving that she said that thing and he just was like this far from snapping. And he couldn't transform it. He was just about to get really angry and say something unfortunate that would make his mother cry and ruin the whole thing. And it wasn't even time for pumpkin pie yet. Report an error in the passage at 8:38 Highlight the passage at 8:38

8:58 And he said, I just got up and got in my car and drove away. And I was like, yes, right? Like he got it. How he reached his threshold of thought transformation and he couldn't transform it. So he split. And of course, it was totally confusing. They're all calling him on his cell phone. Are you OK? What's going on? But he didn't blow up at his sister in front of everybody and freak out mom and like ruin the event. Report an error in the passage at 8:58 Highlight the passage at 8:58

9:26 Like they all thought it was weird. But I thought that was awesome. Right. Like and he got it and he was like proudly reporting. And I said, that's great. Like, you know that you've just reached your threshold because we're not, you know, I remember very early on when I was working with this in this. Report an error in the passage at 9:26 Highlight the passage at 9:26

9:43 A friend of mine, this friend who is an Australian monk, had been ordained for a long time, and I was trying to deal with this really difficult situation, and he was just like, look, you're not a bodhisattva yet. You know, just practice within your capacity. And I think that's something that we, that's a hard thing, but getting that sort of pacing of, yeah, we should challenge ourselves for sure, but not go so far beyond our capacity that we blow it. Report an error in the passage at 9:43 Highlight the passage at 9:43

10:14 So there's always this dance of challenging and pushing your comfort zone and trying to stretch with your practice and your capacity, yet don't go so far that you lose it. And the analogy that I always give is like a young sapling. You protect it, right? You plant a tree, a little sapling, and if you live where I do, there's deer and rabbits and you put a fence around it to protect the trunk. Report an error in the passage at 10:14 Highlight the passage at 10:14

10:41 And then finally when it's... And the oak tree, the trunk is really, you know, you can take away the wimpy little chicken wire, but in the beginning you need it to protect it and our minds are like that too. So it's important to be careful and that's why a lot of times, especially at the beginning of practice, you're careful about what situations that you put yourselves in. Report an error in the passage at 10:41 Highlight the passage at 10:41

11:01 You try and get very, very aware of triggering stimuli that will trigger your afflictive emotions. And when we talk, we do, we do, I do. A course called Dealing with Emotions. It's always sold out. I mean, you advertise something as dealing with emotions and it's like, you know, you got to open up the doors and like put people on the porch. Report an error in the passage at 11:01 Highlight the passage at 11:01

11:21 And there's this one meditation that we do because the texts talk about six factors that tend to give rise to disturbing emotions. And one of them is the object. There are certain objects that are called related objects that relate to our afflictive emotions and tend to... Be triggering. And one of the things that's useful to do is what are those related objects? And then especially the early stages of practice, keep a respectful distance from those objects that you know are going to trigger a strong, you know, almost guaranteed. Report an error in the passage at 11:21 Highlight the passage at 11:21

11:54 Until your capacity increases a bit and you're able to transform it. So that's a really useful skill and hard to get the balance right. So that could include people. Keeping away certain people. That's right. That's right. You know, in a loving way, like not out of aversion, but out of self, you know, karmic self-protection is one way of looking at it. Report an error in the passage at 11:54 Highlight the passage at 11:54

12:17 So the really triggering uncle, you know, in a loving way without being rejecting and judgmental and all of that stuff, take responsibility. I'm not really strong enough to transform this situation. Maybe to be around that person only in certain... Maybe you realize in a one-on-one he starts judging your life and then that sets you off. So maybe only just be around him in certain situations that are not so triggering. Report an error in the passage at 12:17 Highlight the passage at 12:17

12:45 But again, in a loving way and taking responsibility for our own emotions around it and not putting blame on the other person. But he can include people. One of my friends who's a Buddhist teacher says, go home to visit your parents, don't reject your parents. The weekend is enough. Like don't stay for three weeks. It's going to just be awful. So it's kind of like judging how much exposure to certain people. Report an error in the passage at 12:45 Highlight the passage at 12:45

13:15 Sometimes certain situations. Somebody had an example that every time they would go on a road trip with their parents, it was just a nightmare. But they could go visit. It was all right as long as they didn't get in the car because then dad manifested controlling, backseat driver, mom manifested something else. Report an error in the passage at 13:15 Highlight the passage at 13:15

13:34 The whole thing was just a disaster, whereas if they just stayed at home. So he set a limit of no road trips with the parents. I'll meet them in Cancun. We won't drive together. I'll meet them wherever it is. Because they realized that that was... So that's some of the things that we should get conscious of, I think. Report an error in the passage at 13:34 Highlight the passage at 13:34

13:55 Yeah, good question. Anything else? Yeah, Tricia. My dilemma is that... I think I mentioned that once before, that I'm feeling already overwhelmed and with the people that I have to look after. Ah, right, right, right. At work, not so much family-wise, but at work, you know, commitments that I have at work. Report an error in the passage at 13:55 Highlight the passage at 13:55

14:30 And I'm already feeling overwhelmed by that, by the deadlines, the things that have to be done. And the idea of looking after all sentient beings is just crushing. I don't have the stamina to do that when I can't even find the stamina to take care of people who are in my environment. And that's a really important point, and I'm really glad that you brought it up, because when we think about our willingness to take care of all beings, it's not... Report an error in the passage at 14:30 Highlight the passage at 14:30

15:06 It's more of an attitude rather than we actually are going to be able to provide for the needs of everyone because that really is overwhelming. But it's more of opening up to this willingness to be of benefit. However, it's really, really important to understand our limitations, to understand other beings' karma. Report an error in the passage at 15:06 Highlight the passage at 15:06

15:28 We say that in a bodhisattva, a being who has this bodhicitta, One of the things that they do is do whatever they can to be of benefit without attachment to the outcome. And this is a really, really important thing. I think often we get this overwhelm, this sense of overwhelm, and even people who are involved in social and political action, there's this famous thing called compassion burnout that happens, right? Report an error in the passage at 15:28 Highlight the passage at 15:28

15:57 And you're marching and you're trying to change the system and you're circulating the petitions and you're doing all this stuff, right? The change doesn't happen the way that you want it to and you burn out and you give up. So there's this thing also that we learn of understanding that every situation is such a complex result of so many causes and conditions giving rise to it, right? Report an error in the passage at 15:57 Highlight the passage at 15:57

16:27 So when we're trying to help beings, we do what we can. Just out of our sense of personal integrity of trying to do the right thing, but we aren't attached to an outcome and we don't really think that all beings can be helped because it's dependent on their karma too. It depends where they are if we're able to help them. So I think the overwhelm comes more from that attachment. Report an error in the passage at 16:27 Highlight the passage at 16:27

16:55 To seeing results, attachment to seeing an outcome. And what we're trying to do in these practices is develop that mind that has that spaciousness and that openness and sees the interdependence. And just out of a sense of abundance, and those qualities having been developed, tries to do whatever is possible and whatever is skillful to benefit. Report an error in the passage at 16:55 Highlight the passage at 16:55

17:23 But then there's this way that there's a flow that happens without that attachment to the outcome. And again, this is balancing the wisdom and the compassion. So the wisdom that sees the karma, sees the interdependence of things, sees their emptiness. So you can become a perfect bodhisattva. Without necessarily really doing anything to help anyone out there, it's about your mind and your attitude changing and opening to that. Report an error in the passage at 17:23 Highlight the passage at 17:23

17:52 And slowly, slowly, right, as the wisdom develops, I've noticed for myself having been in places in the past with that overwhelm and really looking at my attachment to outcome and then kind of letting go of that enables me to just... Try to be responsive in the moment to what's going on, realizing my limitations, realizing the limitations of others, and then just to feel like my capacity grows. Report an error in the passage at 17:52 Highlight the passage at 17:52

18:19 So slowly, slowly, we always say it develops, that capacity develops. Does that help at all? It helps in an intellectual way. It doesn't help in the everyday application. It would be similar to if I'm a hairdresser. I have to be attached to the goal of a customer who comes to me and says, I want to become a blonde, and then I give them red hair. Right, right, right. If I'm an attorney and the person has a problem, I have to be able to help them because they're not there. Report an error in the passage at 18:19 Highlight the passage at 18:19

18:53 If I'm a doctor, the person comes to be healed, I have to be attached to the goal of healing the person. So intellectually what you're saying makes sense, but on the everyday application. But even a doctor, you do your best and the person may not get better. Do you quit being a doctor because out of the first five years of your practice, maybe only 80 % of the people you treated got better? Report an error in the passage at 18:53 Highlight the passage at 18:53

19:22 Do you just give up? It's like that. You do your best and the outcome is really complex. But there's a tendency to think that if the outcome is not what the person came... to you for, then you really didn't Well, I think that's the problem. See, that's the problem. You can know you did your best even if the person isn't helped, right? Report an error in the passage at 19:22 Highlight the passage at 19:22

19:46 Because we can't fix another person's karma, ultimately. Whether or not that person is helped or not is really complicated, right? So that's the key right there is you do your best and it may not ever be enough. To make the person better, it might be easy if you're a hairdresser, you can make them a blonde probably more easily than you can fix all the other problems, but that doesn't always work either, right? Report an error in the passage at 19:46 Highlight the passage at 19:46

20:12 It's a bad batch and it turns green, you know, and then what do you do? You did your best. But I'm saying you can still feel that you did your best even if the person isn't benefited necessarily. And that's the answer. It's that attachment to, it's up to me. By myself, personally, to change this person and make them happy. Wow, that's trouble. Right? That gets problematic. Report an error in the passage at 20:12 Highlight the passage at 20:12

20:39 Because it's not. Because it's complicated. And they've got their karma and they've got their stuff and they've got a ton of other influences in their life apart from you. And if you really think, it is up to me and I'm a failure if I don't make that person happy because it's up to me to do it, forget it. Report an error in the passage at 20:39 Highlight the passage at 20:39

20:57 You know, don't try being a bodhisattva until you've corrected that kind of attitude because, yeah, you are going to max out like that. You know, and again, it's seen that everything is so complex, right? Every, I mean, I look at my life and I look at my holy teachers that have all of the qualities necessary to benefit beings and I'm still a total mess, right? Report an error in the passage at 20:57 Highlight the passage at 20:57

21:24 And they've... They've done their utmost in giving me exactly the teachings that I need. And if I'd really done what they said, I'd be enlightened by now. So from their side, they did it perfectly. And I'm still totally deluded. You know, that's an example of being on the receiving end of somebody who's the perfect help to you. Report an error in the passage at 21:24 Highlight the passage at 21:24

21:45 Thank goodness Lama Zopa hasn't given up. On me or any of the rest of us. And he still teaches us till four o 'clock in the morning, year in and year out. Thank goodness. Because if we're up to the result, he would have been like, forget y 'all. I'm tired. And nobody's being helped. I'm out of here. You know, and maybe someday I'll get it. Right? I keep sitting there till 4 a.m. Report an error in the passage at 21:45 Highlight the passage at 21:45

22:09 hoping that something... So it's like that. When you're on the receiving end of somebody doing their best, and you know it's their best, no question it's their best, and still, because of how complicated you are, it's not like they can fix you. So it's the same for us when we're trying to help other people, and we don't even have a hair's breadth of the capacity of somebody like Lama Zopa Rinpoche, and he can't fix it. Report an error in the passage at 22:09 Highlight the passage at 22:09

22:35 Sometimes I wonder if he goes home at night, or in wee hours in the morning and goes, God, like they still don't get it. You know, I wonder. I don't think he does. Probably not. Infinite patience. But, you know, that's one way of thinking of it too. Perfect capacity, completely, a flowing stream never gets tired, never stops. Just because it's the right thing to do. Report an error in the passage at 22:35 Highlight the passage at 22:35

23:03 Whether he can see an effect in us or not. And that's the goal. And that's that perfect balance of wisdom and compassion that allows for that flow, you know, without that attachment, without getting burned out, without feeling overwhelmed. I don't think, you know, I've been around, I mean, I used to work for him really closely and was around him, had the great privilege to be around him for years really closely. Report an error in the passage at 23:03 Highlight the passage at 23:03

23:29 Never once did I even get a whiff of ego, overwhelm, you know. I'm giving up, not even with all the problems, because I was kind of the person that was the intermediary for all the problems from all the Dharma centers to Lama Zopa. I was the conduit, which, you know, and there I am with my list of like the 30 centers that have these huge problems. And never once was it like, oh, I'm fed up with this organization. Report an error in the passage at 23:29 Highlight the passage at 23:29

23:59 They can find somebody else to lead it, you know, which is, I would have been like that. So it's like that. I think it's like that. You know, it's just coming from that abundance and that shift mentally without really needing to see a lot of outcome from it. And then the one thing you see, you know, I'm sure when he teaches until 4 o 'clock in the morning, one person in that room is being benefited. Report an error in the passage at 23:59 Highlight the passage at 23:59

24:27 And that's good enough, right? That's good enough. And it's true for our work to benefit beings. You shift someone's mind a tiny little bit. That's enough. That's good enough. Sometimes we set the bar too high for how much we feel that we can help others. And sometimes just the tiniest little benefit and the tiniest little shift, we should be happy with that. That's good enough. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 24:27 Highlight the passage at 24:27

24:56 All right. Anything else? Mike. Yeah, Teresa. Report an error in the passage at 24:56 Highlight the passage at 24:56

25:07 I used to do more social work than I do now and I remember feeling that burnout and discovering through Lama Zopa that it was all self-cherishing. I thought I was doing it. I'm doing this. I'm going to give you. I'm going to be the savior. I'm going to be the savior. Exactly. And it's still confusing in the language because we talk about ourselves as me, myself alone will bring all sentient beings to. So it's confusing with the language. Report an error in the passage at 25:07 Highlight the passage at 25:07

25:37 But there's a level at which after you learn, it's like there's some prerequisites here that we can't go into because you don't have another two weeks. Report an error in the passage at 25:37 Highlight the passage at 25:37

25:49 And I think one of them is that whole dealing with the self. Who is doing the work? Who is giving? And even if I didn't know the answer at the beginning, it was at least asking the question. And who's reaping the results? Who's getting overwhelmed? Who is that in me that thinks she's overwhelmed now? And that would just take away the overwhelm. Report an error in the passage at 25:49 Highlight the passage at 25:49

26:16 It's like my own delusion. It's like, I, because I've been doing so much. Report an error in the passage at 26:16 Highlight the passage at 26:16

26:25 And I'm not getting anything in return. I'm not getting paid enough. And it was like, I, I, I, I, I. That's true. you know Report an error in the passage at 26:25 Highlight the passage at 26:25

26:33 And they say in the teachings that self-cherishing and self-grasping, which are two different things, but very related and very intertwined. You know, self-cherishing is this me first, it's all about me, what about me, what about my needs kind of mind. And self-grasping is there is some me that's being the Savior that needs the recognition, blah, blah, blah, that whole. Report an error in the passage at 26:33 Highlight the passage at 26:33

26:59 And the more we study the wisdom side, which again we would need at least two weeks if not more, the more we study the Buddhist view of what the self is and what the self ain't, what the view of the self that we're refuting in Buddhism. Buddhism doesn't say there's no self, but Buddhism says there isn't this self in that way that we think there is. Report an error in the passage at 26:59 Highlight the passage at 26:59

27:23 is so twinned to that self-cherishing and you're right I think that is the recipe for overwhelm and we break that down slowly so I think somebody had a question this morning and I was thinking during the break something about what is the antidote well we can talk about it now what is the antidote to that sense of overwhelm and I think it's Often for me, and getting my perspective back, is meditating on selflessness, you know, meditating on emptiness in Buddhism. Report an error in the passage at 27:23 Highlight the passage at 27:23

27:54 It's not bludgeoning myself with Tonglen over and over and over again. When I feel like it's shutting down a bit, I'm getting overwhelmed, I'm having less space in my mind for others. I balance it with the wisdom teachings a bit and do some of those meditations on emptiness and then that's what really opens up the space in my mind, you know, often. Report an error in the passage at 27:54 Highlight the passage at 27:54

28:17 So I think we do need to balance both things. Yeah, without the teaching I would have somebody very, very depressed and they'd say, nobody loves me and, you know, it'd go on forever and the week before it was the same story. I'd be feeling compassion, but it was I. I'm going to find the solution. I'm going to find this way. So it was the self-cherishing I and me confronting this self-cherishing I and that other person, and there were no results. Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why it's very interesting to look at a lot of our behavior. Caring for others, and how much is it about our own self-worth? Which is the classic codependent thing, right? In order to feel better about yourself, you make somebody really dependent on you so that you have a job. Report an error in the passage at 28:47 Highlight the passage at 28:47

29:09 And that's kind of what that's about. So I think for us it can be mixed. And actually they say until a very high level of realization. It's said that until you're actually an aria, being with a direct realization of emptiness, Even all of your compassionate acts are mixed with self-cherishing. So we can cut ourselves some slack. It's going to be a while before any of our, even our compassionate acts are unmixed with self-cherishing. Report an error in the passage at 29:09 Highlight the passage at 29:09

29:40 And the reason for that is because we do have this wrong view of how the self exists. And until that's completely purged. Our motivation isn't going to be pure, but we do our best, you know, and the more we study the emptiness teachings, the more we study. Both wings of the bird, the compassion and the emptiness, it purifies slowly, slowly. And I found for myself my capacity has really increased over the years with my practice and it's mostly loosening that grasp onto, just as Teresa says, I am the savior. Report an error in the passage at 29:40 Highlight the passage at 29:40

30:16 And it's I'm going to do it myself and make a difference in this person's life. And that starts to loosen as I see how complex it is. It was also the element of letting go of the future when I would be in front of someone where I realized through the Dharma that, my, every time I meet someone, I have an expectation for them, for the future. Report an error in the passage at 30:16 Highlight the passage at 30:16

30:40 I'm not loving and receiving and accepting them here, now, as they are at this very moment with all their defects or without their defects or with all their beauty and money. Whatever it is, I was... I would enter the relationship with an agenda. And letting go of the agenda required kind of just stopping and checking in. Report an error in the passage at 30:40 Highlight the passage at 30:40

31:02 What's my agenda right now? And then noticing the body, you know, the body like, where am I right this very second in relationship to this person? And slowly loosen it. The grasp was very strong. Very, very strong. It's a little looser now, but just a tad. Yeah, it's a lot of practice. And I just want to say that I see you because I met you about 19 years ago. Report an error in the passage at 31:02 Highlight the passage at 31:02

31:27 Right, right. That you are a living example of how there is change. That if you, if you persevere. I was much more of a mess when Teresa came into 19 years ago. I wouldn't say that, but it's beautiful to see that there are results when you dedicate yourself. Thank you. So well. Thank you. And then we're benefiting from you. So that encourages me that if I keep doing my own work, I will benefit others without an agenda. Report an error in the passage at 31:27 Highlight the passage at 31:27

31:57 Yeah, thank you. Yeah, it's true. It's useful to ask that question. You know, what do I need from this interaction? Am I in it because of some need that's being fulfilled? And then, of course, to be gentle and compassionate, because we don't want just another excuse to beat ourselves up. And like I said, until you're an aria, your agenda is going to be mixed, and that's just the way that it is. Report an error in the passage at 31:57 Highlight the passage at 31:57

32:24 But the more mindfulness we bring to it, so not to beat ourselves up that, oh, I have a little need right now that is also... Being fulfilled, but just to bring awareness to it, I think is important. Yeah, good. All right, so let's look at the root text. We are actually going to get to the text before the end of today. I know it seems hard to believe. So the seven-point mind training, and again, it says at the top of this version by Pabanka Rinpoche, but Geshe Chekawa. Report an error in the passage at 32:24 Highlight the passage at 32:24

32:57 This is a massive truck coming down the street. Geshe Chekawa, who's our big hero, the story about the Geshe who went from Kham to Lhasa to learn this thought transformation, is the original author. And then it says here, Pabankarimshe, because he took different versions of the text and sort of merged them into this version that we have here. Report an error in the passage at 32:57 Highlight the passage at 32:57

33:19 So we're not going to go through the entire text point by point. But basically the introduction, homage to great compassion, the essence of this nectar of secret instruction. So here we are, secret instruction again, is transmitted from the master from Sumatra. And who that refers to is Lama Atisha's teacher named Sir Lingpa. Okay, so Lama Atisha, as many of you know this story, was a great... Report an error in the passage at 33:19 Highlight the passage at 33:19

33:48 A scholar from India who was invited to Tibet after the time of this anti-Buddhist king called Lang Dharma who basically destroyed Dharma in Tibet. This is right around the turn of the first millennium, Y1K. Report an error in the passage at 33:48 Highlight the passage at 33:48

34:04 So right around that time, the Dharma was virtually destroyed in Tibet because of this anti-Buddhist king called Long Dharma. And then the next king, who is a pro-Buddhist king, invited this great scholar, Lama Atisha, from India, from Vikramashila, one of the great monastic universities. Now, Lama Atisha was a holder of both lineages of bodhicitta instruction. Report an error in the passage at 34:04 Highlight the passage at 34:04

34:33 Both the seven point cause and effect and equalizing and exchanging self and others, which he learned from his teacher, this master of Sumatra, who's being referred to here. His name was Sir Lingpa, Atisha's master. And there's this great story that I won't tell in a lot of detail. To get this instruction, Lama Atisha took this perilous 13-month sea voyage to Indonesia, landed in Sumatra. Report an error in the passage at 34:33 Highlight the passage at 34:33

35:03 Found this teacher, again, studied with him for 12 years before he got the secret instruction, even though, just like Gashicheke, he was already a great master and one of the greatest scholars of this Indian university. And then he brought both of these lineages to Tibet. So that's the lineage. We're always into lineage in Buddhism, and where did the teachings come from? Report an error in the passage at 35:03 Highlight the passage at 35:03

35:27 So that's why we're paying homage to this master from Sumatra. You should understand the significance of this instruction as like a diamond, the sun and a medicinal tree. These are all analogies that refer to something. I'm not going to get into that. We don't have time. This time of the five degenerations will then be transformed into the path to the fully awakened state. So we're getting a little preview of thought transformation. Report an error in the passage at 35:27 Highlight the passage at 35:27

35:52 It's hinting to us. Life is difficult. It's the degenerate age, we call it. We'll be able, through these instructions, to transform all of those problems that we have in life as we know it into the path to the fully awakened state. Report an error in the passage at 35:52 Highlight the passage at 35:52

36:09 Now, the first of the seven points is one line. First, train in the preliminaries. That's all it says. This just happens to be the lower and middle scope of the lamrim is what they're referring to. So remember I said before, actually Lynn had a question, how do I teach this to people? First train in the preliminaries is how you teach it to people, right? You need to have an understanding of the precious human rebirth, death and impermanence, karma, the 12 links. Report an error in the passage at 36:09 Highlight the passage at 36:09

36:46 The faults of saṃsāra, all of those preliminary teachings first before this. Really important. And that's what this one line is referring to, which when we talk about the graduated stages of the path is the lowest and middle scope of the lamrim, for those of you that are familiar with those. All right. Report an error in the passage at 36:46 Highlight the passage at 36:46

37:07 The actual practice training in the awakening mind. So we explain the conventional awakening mind first. We've got ultimate awakening mind and conventional awakening mind. And this is where our five points of equalizing and exchanging self and others comes in. Banish the one to blame for everything. This one line refers to meditating on the disadvantages of self-cherishing. Report an error in the passage at 37:07 Highlight the passage at 37:07

37:35 That's what banished the one to blame for everything. The one to blame for everything just happens to be self-cherishing. So what are some of the disadvantages of self-cherishing? And we talked about it a little bit in the meditation that we did right before our lunch break. But what are some of the disadvantages? And I want to ask you guys, and we'll pass the microphone around. What are... Report an error in the passage at 37:35 Highlight the passage at 37:35

38:00 Some of the disadvantages. And you can remember some things from the meditation or just whatever you think. Betty, what do you think? Self-cherishing? I haven't picked on Betty yet. Well, Report an error in the passage at 38:00 Highlight the passage at 38:00

38:20 you won't make it very far along the path if all you think about is yourself. That I do know. Why is that? Why is that? Because I think you have to get out of yourself before you realize what it's all about. I mean, because I think we've got a false delusion of who we really are and we're not who we think we are. And to get out of ourselves is the only way we can realize who we really are because otherwise we're stuck in our own shit. Report an error in the passage at 38:20 Highlight the passage at 38:20

38:48 I certainly know I am. So, yeah, self-cherishing doesn't... It doesn't get me anywhere. And the thing is, I just, one of the things, Tonglen was a practice that I think I was doing as a nurse before I even learned it because as a problem of being a single mother, raising three kids of my own and with a destructive, self-destructive child going through all kinds of things. Report an error in the passage at 38:48 Highlight the passage at 38:48

39:13 Me going to work and putting attention and helping others helped me to forget about my own problems. You know, I totally, they went, you know, and then they subsided because the problems that I'm dealing with with people and the bedside is that they're in this bed. They're trapped in this place. I can leave at the end of the day. I mean, I was comparing my life to their life and I had so many pluses to where they didn't. Report an error in the passage at 39:13 Highlight the passage at 39:13

39:36 And here I'm not sick and dying and this kind of thing. All I have is a troubled teenage son, this kind of stuff. Okay, good. So perspective. It definitely gives you perspective. If you're not just so focused on your own narrow self-concerns. And the process of letting go. Okay, great. And remind me your name again. Report an error in the passage at 39:36 Highlight the passage at 39:36

39:56 Brian. Brian, that's right. How about all of our negative karma is created because of that? Yeah. Yeah, exactly, right? So in the short term, as Betty has pointed out, we lose our perspective with self-cherishing. It's all about me and my problems, and that makes you more miserable than you were in the first place, right? Report an error in the passage at 39:56 Highlight the passage at 39:56

40:19 It exaggerates the problems. And then as Brian's just pointed out, then in the long term... All our negative actions that we do are ultimately driven by self-cherishing. So in the long term, all those negative karmic actions that will lead to suffering in the future. So we've got a short-term misery, long-term suffering. That's pretty bad news. Anything else? Yeah, Alan. Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

40:54 Yeah, it seems that if you were, if you're just like adoring yourself, Then you're going to wish that other people aren't so great because you want to be great. And then if you're wishing other people to not be great, and hopefully you at least have mixed feelings that you want the world to be a better place, but if you're secretly kind of jealous and envious, I want to be the great one. Report an error in the passage at 40:54 Highlight the passage at 40:54

41:26 And if he's great or she's great, then I guess maybe I'm not great, but then you'll be... Wanting to push other greatness down and you'll be really slowing the world. Getting the healing of the world down. Yeah, that's absolutely right, isn't it? Because it's all sort of in comparison. And how great can you feel that you are about yourself if everybody else is great? Report an error in the passage at 41:26 Highlight the passage at 41:26

41:48 And I think in the meditation we had that a little bit. And we talked about undermining other people. You can't rejoice in the positive things that happen to them. You're envious of it and then you try and somehow undermine. So it's like we're all pulling each other down. If there's an analogy, somebody was telling me a story about this analogy that if different cultures, and there was one culture that if everybody's in a pit together and if one person looks like they're climbing out of the pit, everybody else tries to pull them down. Report an error in the passage at 41:48 Highlight the passage at 41:48

42:23 It's sort of lowering each other to the lowest common denominator so you won't feel so bad about yourself or something. Yeah, and like you say, that doesn't really do a whole lot of... Good, if we really want the world to be a better place. And it's a total antithesis to the bodhisattva idea, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 42:23 Highlight the passage at 42:23

42:43 Oh, right, you're going to work for the benefit and happiness of all beings, but you don't want them to be better than you, you know, first of all. Yeah, good, good, great. Betty, did you have something? it's just, I think it. When I think of self-cherishing, I think of a black hole where I just suck in the energy of everybody else and I don't give back to the planet, this kind of thing. Report an error in the passage at 42:43 Highlight the passage at 42:43

43:05 Where does it leave you? That's right. So nobody's benefiting from that at all. Yeah, that total shutdown, self-absorbed. And again, I think it's important to see what we're talking about when we use the phrase self-cherishing. It's that exaggerated self-absorption, right? And that exaggerated me first, it's all about me. It's not taking care of yourself. Report an error in the passage at 43:05 Highlight the passage at 43:05

43:28 We're not advocating, oh, you don't get proper nutrition because you're a bodhisattva and you don't worry about whether you're warm enough and you don't take care of yourself. Of course you do. Of course you do. We're just talking about that exaggeration and like Betty says, like that black hole of all the energy going into you and it's all about you. Report an error in the passage at 43:28 Highlight the passage at 43:28

43:48 But we're not talking about normal self-care. And I think it's important to mention that because some people do get the balance skewed and think, oh, there was this one young woman who was a student at Land of Medicine Buddha a long time ago. And she took this teaching and completely warped it. She wasn't eating. She stopped eating. Report an error in the passage at 43:48 Highlight the passage at 43:48

44:10 Because all other beings deserve the food and if I'm eating the food it means some other being that's hungry isn't getting it. She went into a real downward spiral and had to be hospitalized. So she again took this beautiful holy teaching, misunderstood it and used it to kind of reinforce pathology in her case. Report an error in the passage at 44:10 Highlight the passage at 44:10

44:32 I mean she had to be... So I think it's important to get the balance. We don't want it exaggerated in either direction, right? We don't want it to be exaggerated in terms of arrogance and me first and it's all about me and it's a black hole. Neither do we want it to be out of balance in the other way too, like I don't even deserve to eat, all beings deserve it more than I do. Report an error in the passage at 44:32 Highlight the passage at 44:32

44:55 We're equalizing, remember? Equalizing, and this is an important thing to... Keep in mind, because we're a suffering-sentent being too, you know, and we're equal to others, so not tilting out of balance in either direction. One of the things when I'm trying to advise family members of patients that I'm dealing with is that think of yourself like that, the... Report an error in the passage at 44:55 Highlight the passage at 44:55

45:16 The stewardess in the airplane, she says, make sure you put the oxygen on yourself first before you take care of the person next to you because if you're dead, what's the point? That's right. That's right. How can we help all sentient beings if we're not being taken care of either? Good. Okay, good. So we mentioned a couple of good points for this Disadvantages. Report an error in the passage at 45:16 Highlight the passage at 45:16

45:38 The first place, it feels miserable in the moment, and we know how that feels, that it's got to be my way, state of mind, and it's all about me, and you just feel that sort of shut down, closed off feeling. The second level, your relationships with others. Oh, they just flourish, don't they? Right? When you're being self-cherishing. Because you have your own little narrow, tiny view of how things should be and what happens when somebody else's view and what happens if it's your partner doesn't even overlap, right? Report an error in the passage at 45:38 Highlight the passage at 45:38

46:15 Things get so kind of, what is it? It's just so constricted, you know? It's this tiny little constricted view of what will make you happy. You know, and it's got to be like that or else you're going to just be miserable. Well, you know, like you've got to have Thai food and if you can't have Thai food, you're just going to be miserable for the rest of the evening and your partner wants Japanese. Report an error in the passage at 46:15 Highlight the passage at 46:15

46:40 And then what do you do? You know, just give it up because it leads for disharmony in relationships. And then as Brian pointed out, then in the long term, our Actions that we do that create negative karma and suffering for us in the future, all motivated by that self-cherishing. So that's what we meditate on is those disadvantages and we went over some of those in that meditation that we did before lunch. Report an error in the passage at 46:40 Highlight the passage at 46:40

47:05 Okay, good. And then the advantages of cherishing others, similar. But opposite. And in the text we have the next line, meditate on the great kindness of all beings. And that's referring to this next one, the advantages of cherishing others. It feels good. It feels great. Even in the moment when you're thinking of making others happy in a sincere way, it feels really nice. Report an error in the passage at 47:05 Highlight the passage at 47:05

47:36 And I always say when I'm teaching this class over time and people have six weeks or so to think about it, I always give them the homework and I say, think about the times in your life that you're happiest. Even keep a notebook and write down during the week, if you feel a subjective feeling of happiness, notice what just happened to make you feel happy. Report an error in the passage at 47:36 Highlight the passage at 47:36

48:00 And write it down. As Lord Buddha said, Don't believe anything that I said just because I'm the Buddha and I have an aura ten feet wide around my body. But hey, you check for yourself. So I posit, check and see when are you the happiest and what's going on. And often you'll find that it really is about having made someone else happy. Report an error in the passage at 48:00 Highlight the passage at 48:00

48:25 I have a story that I tell because it was so funny. I was called in. This would only happen in Santa Cruz, right? I'm called into this Waldorf school to talk to the seventh graders because the 13-year-old boys are being mean to the girls. So they need a Buddhist nun to talk to them about compassion. And I was going in there like it's a 13-year-old boy's job description to be mean to the girls. Report an error in the passage at 48:25 Highlight the passage at 48:25

48:48 Like I don't really think there's much I can do. But I go in there, you know. And I do my spiel. And I had them do a meditation. Of course, with 13-year-olds, it can only be like seven and a half minutes, you know. But we did this meditation. And I had them think of the times in their life that they were the happiest. Report an error in the passage at 48:48 Highlight the passage at 48:48

49:06 And they thought about it. And then we went around. And it even amazed me. And I even knew what the answer was supposed to be. 25 kids, boys and girls, all of them. It was something to do with harmonious relationship that made them happiest. Not one of these kids said, oh, it was when I got the expensive toy that I wanted for my birthday. Report an error in the passage at 49:06 Highlight the passage at 49:06

49:30 It was all like, oh, when my older brother comes home from college and we're all together again. Or when I help my little sister with her homework and, you know, it was like that. And I didn't prompt them, I promise you. They wouldn't have done it to please me anyway, believe me. It was really genuine. And I think it's true. When we think about the happiest moments in our life, is it really about getting what we want in terms of material stuff? Report an error in the passage at 49:30 Highlight the passage at 49:30

49:59 No. And I think we've been completely brainwashed by the capitalist, materialist, consumer culture. They're wrong. If they were right and it worked, great. But it's not and people are confused because they keep buying more stuff and keep being more self-cherishing and keep becoming more and more miserable. Report an error in the passage at 49:59 Highlight the passage at 49:59

50:21 And Lord Buddha offered a completely different solution to where happiness comes from that just so happens to work. So I'm here to be the complete counter to that whole popular culture. It doesn't work, folks. Try this. This works, you know. And I think all we need to do is think about our own experience to really see that. Report an error in the passage at 50:21 Highlight the passage at 50:21

50:44 So think, you know, I don't have time to give you, but maybe I'll give you homework tonight. Go home and think. What are the happiest times that you can recall in your life? Just do a little contemplation for like ten minutes and see, you know, and be honest. It may not be about, like, helping others. Report an error in the passage at 50:44 Highlight the passage at 50:44

51:02 But often it is. Alan has a great story. Can you tell your story about what you and your family did and how happy that made you? Because I think that's a great example. This is my friend Alan, who I just met two, three weeks ago in Mount Shasta. And then he told me a story about what he and his family did that I thought was so inspiring. Report an error in the passage at 51:02 Highlight the passage at 51:02

51:23 Well, thank you. We have eight children, and there were ten of us. And maybe there's a... Two of our best friends over a few years, just before we went over to Kosovo, two of our best friends had passed away, one in a boating accident and one of cancer, and they were in their 40s. And so, not to be over-melodramatic, but my wife and I thought, I think we'll... Report an error in the passage at 51:23 Highlight the passage at 51:23

51:56 Take a little bit of a breather away from our normal life, you know, even though it's a beautiful life in Mount Shasta and we had a nice health practice there and it's beautiful mountains, but we've still felt let's go away somewhere with the eight children and impart on them our values. Because our two best friends, these had been our best friends, had just passed away within a few years. And they were young and we thought, well, you can't just assume you're going to live forever. Report an error in the passage at 51:56 Highlight the passage at 51:56

52:23 And someday I'll retire and I'll make... So we just felt... And so as we were getting ready to take a two-year hiatus in America, take a, like, go away on a big bus motorhome conversion that we bought... There was this horrible ethnic cleansing in Kosovo, former Yugoslavia. This was 1999 and my oldest son first went and then the two older daughters went and then the rest of us went and we first thought we were going for a month but we stayed almost five years. Report an error in the passage at 52:23 Highlight the passage at 52:23

52:58 Sold our home in Mount Shast at the time and supported our own humanitarian vision over there and just as you said this question, you know, homework and so you... That's what I was sitting, I was thinking, oh, it's totally true. I was so, and here we went to a place where almost everyone we met said, oh, yeah, my husband was killed in one of these, you know, murdered. Report an error in the passage at 52:58 Highlight the passage at 52:58

53:23 And we worked in a village where every man had been rounded up one day and murdered, so we just worked with all the widows. And there was this one mother whose five grown sons were all killed on this one day. And again, not collateral damage or a bomb, but murdered, bang, bang, bang, bang. She was like a saint. These people taught me so much about life. Report an error in the passage at 53:23 Highlight the passage at 53:23

53:48 And I was. I just felt like, I mean, up to that point in my life, I had had, I don't know if I had ever used the word miracle. And then the first month I was over there, I was always like, oh my God, it's a miracle. It's a miracle. It was so happy. And this was around people who... It's like you say, and Mother Teresa, by the way, was an Albanian Kassavar, actually. People thought she was Italian because she had that name, but she was from that region. Report an error in the passage at 53:48 Highlight the passage at 53:48

54:21 These people were so good and having been through so much. Report an error in the passage at 54:21 Highlight the passage at 54:21

54:30 Thank you. Thank you for telling that story. And my eight kids, including at the time, my littlest one was, was he five? When we first went, yeah, he just came up and said, I just met the best friends I've ever met. And he couldn't understand their language. They took him out to play soccer with, I just met the best friends I've ever met. These people were so beautiful. Report an error in the passage at 54:30 Highlight the passage at 54:30

54:59 I guess, you know. And now all of Alan's kids, there's some of them I met and they're doing, you know, one's working for like what, Habitat for Humanity. Yeah, that kind of stuff. All this kind of stuff. Now all eight of these kids, it's sort of like the ripple effect, right? He took them to Kosovo for five years and now. I know. It was sort of definitely like that. Report an error in the passage at 54:59 Highlight the passage at 54:59

55:18 Thank you. Thank you. I thought that was really special. Again, benefiting others, you go from paradise, a beautiful home in Mount Shasta, to this very, very intense situation, but because you feel like your life is meaningful and you're benefiting others, it's the happiest time of your life. Yeah, Betty. Report an error in the passage at 55:18 Highlight the passage at 55:18

55:41 That's one of the things that our society doesn't have is to encourage people to be of benefit to others. I had a young nurse that she's probably in her 20s that she went down to Haiti and she went down there to work with the amputees and stuff like that and I was really totally blown away that her experience was she went down there thinking that she was going to give to them and it was the total opposite they gave to her and all that and oh she just had one story after another all these people and their attitude and everything she just was totally Totally shocked. And everybody should have an experience like that. I mean, they really should because it just puts a whole different perspective on life. Report an error in the passage at 55:41 Highlight the passage at 55:41

56:19 That's right. That's right. I went and did a volunteer work in Africa in my early... And then I came back with this idea that instead of drafting people into the military, everybody at the age of 21 should be sent off to someplace like Africa or South America to do one of these volunteer things for three months. Report an error in the passage at 56:19 Highlight the passage at 56:19

56:41 I think that would change the world quicker than just about anything, especially for Americans to just see how... Three Cups of Tea. Yeah, that book, Three Cups of Tea. Yeah, just amazing. I have to share this. This is a thing I had on my refrigerator forever in a day. It was an anonymous thing. It says, if you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. Report an error in the passage at 56:41 Highlight the passage at 56:41

57:04 If you want to be happy for a month, get married. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. But if you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone else. Oh, that's great. I like that. You have to email that to me, Betty. I can use that in my teachings. That's great. I like that. All right, all right, so I think we got it, right? Disadvantages of self-cherishing, advantages of cherishing others. And then the actual exchange, and this means in those moments when you could be me first, it's all about me, you make the actual exchange and think, what could benefit others in this situation, right? Report an error in the passage at 57:04 Highlight the passage at 57:04

57:48 So this is about changing our habitual... Self-cherishing patterns. In those moments when you think about yourself or when you think about others, widen that perspective. Make that actual exchange. And again, not to the detriment of your own health and well-being because you can't help anybody if you're not. Report an error in the passage at 57:48 Highlight the passage at 57:48

58:11 You know, don't have your basic needs met. We're not talking about basic needs here. We're talking about self-cherishing, which is that exaggerated self-concern. So you start practicing making that exchange. Okay, so the actual exchange and then giving and taking, Tonglen. So we're going to get to that now. And this is mentioned in the next lines of the text where it says, practice a combination of giving and taking. Report an error in the passage at 58:11 Highlight the passage at 58:11

58:39 Giving and taking should be practiced alternately and you should begin by taking from yourself. These two should be made to ride on the breath. So these are the instructions in a nutshell of Tonglen right here. So I'll give, I'll explain it to you first, then we'll just take a brief break and then we'll actually do that meditation. Report an error in the passage at 58:39 Highlight the passage at 58:39

59:01 This is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful A lot of people ask about a daily meditation practice. You can't do better than Tonglen. You know, there are a lot of daily practices, but if you get familiar with Tonglen practice, this is a beautiful meditation to sort of integrate into your daily practice. Report an error in the passage at 59:01 Highlight the passage at 59:01

59:23 So practice a combination of giving and taking. They should be practiced alternately, begin by taking from yourself, and these two should be made to ride on the breath. So what we're doing in this practice, and by the way, how many people have done Tonglen? I know quite a lot of people have. Okay, so many of you have. There are different... Report an error in the passage at 59:23 Highlight the passage at 59:23

59:44 What I'm going to explain may not be exactly the way that you've been taught it by other teachers. I've heard different ways of explaining it and you can experiment with different techniques and just kind of see what works best for you. So what we do is we begin by visualizing an object of our compassion. Now in this instruction it says begin by taking from yourself. Report an error in the passage at 59:44 Highlight the passage at 59:44

1:00:10 Geshe Chekawa is presuming that we have more love and compassion for ourselves than we do for anybody else. That's maybe a leap of faith on Geshe Chekawa's part for 21st century Americans. So sometimes it's difficult. To begin with ourselves. And that's an interesting thing to look at. Like why is it? You know sometimes we try by visualizing ourselves first and then we find it quite challenging. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:10 Highlight the passage at 1:00:10

1:00:39 So that's an interesting thing to look at if we feel that we are somehow blocked in our love and compassion that we feel towards ourselves. So you visualize an object of compassion sitting in front of you. You can either think of yourself. Often say, in a future suffering moment, when you know that you're going to be going through a hard time. I used to facilitate a support group for women with chronic illness, many of whom were either in cancer treatment or in remission. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:39 Highlight the passage at 1:00:39

1:01:13 The next doctor's appointment was really scary for them. So they'd visualize themselves sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office. That was a typical scenario, knowing in the future they were going to be in that situation, they were going to be scared. So something like that if you visualize yourself. Or you visualize somebody very dear to you. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:13 Highlight the passage at 1:01:13

1:01:34 For whom you already feel strong feelings of love and compassion. We're cautioned again to build up our capacity slowly. Start with somebody easy, a really easy object. Later on you can build up and we'll talk about that and start working with more challenging people. But in the beginning it's important to keep it somebody who's easy to visualize. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:34 Highlight the passage at 1:01:34

1:01:58 You can visualize a beloved pet. That's okay too. It doesn't need to be a human being. It can be a pet. Don't visualize your spiritual teacher because part of the meditation is taking away their suffering. And we have a tradition of visualizing our teachers as these beings who are just sort of manifesting to help us that don't have suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:58 Highlight the passage at 1:01:58

1:02:22 So don't visualize a spiritual teacher. So visualize someone else in your life. Someone you're close to. And then you visualize... Whatever suffering they're going through, whether it's mental or physical, manifests in the form of this black smoke that fills their body. You're not giving them more suffering, right? You're not giving them black smoke. It's just that whatever they're going through, and it's often helpful to think of a friend that's going through a hard time right now, and then imagine whatever they're going through manifests as this black smoke. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:22 Highlight the passage at 1:02:22

1:02:57 Then you tune into your feeling of compassion, your willingness. To free them from suffering. And you imagine that that gives you the power that as you inhale, you start to inhale and it draws this black smoke out of their body. Now one of the ways that you can do it, which often works for beginners well, is to have a cycle of about eight to ten inhalations where you draw out the black smoke and it collects in a little cloud in front of your face, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:02:57 Highlight the passage at 1:02:57

1:03:26 So spend some time drawing out the suffering. Sort of collects in front of your face. And then imagine this, that you're self-cherishing, that me first, it's all about me feeling, manifests in the form of this hard rock in the center of your chest. We even have a word for it, hard-hearted, don't we? So it's that feeling. With one inhalation, draw in the black smoke. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:26 Highlight the passage at 1:03:26

1:03:55 Imagine the minute it enters your body, it transforms. And one of the ways I like to visualize it is transforming into something like a lightning bolt that goes down and just explodes that black rock. So with one inhalation, the minute the black smoke enters you, you don't imagine yourself being filled with the black smoke. You're not filled with the cancer. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:55 Highlight the passage at 1:03:55

1:04:18 You're not filled with the depression. But the minute, just your willingness to take it on, the minute it enters you, it transforms into this. Lightning bolt, this strong bolt of energy that goes down and explodes that black rock to smithereens, not even a trace left. And in its place is this warm light, this golden light, and that symbolizes your loving kindness, your wish for that being to have happiness, and it grows. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:18 Highlight the passage at 1:04:18

1:04:47 And you can visualize almost like a warm feeling, like hot water being poured into a cold bath. At this point and it sort of expands and you spend some time visualizing that golden light filling your body and feeling that it encompasses this feeling of loving kindness, peace of mind, dissolving all of your negativities, your negative karma so you become filled completely with this golden light and then you start to exhale. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:47 Highlight the passage at 1:04:47

1:05:19 And as you exhale, you imagine the golden light going out and transforming into whatever it is that would give that being happiness. So now is the giving part. Even though we call it giving and taking, we actually do the taking first and the giving second. Because you have to take the suffering away from beings before you can give them happiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:19 Highlight the passage at 1:05:19

1:05:39 You know, first you have to do something about their suffering. Then you can do something to make them happy. So we do the taking first and then the giving. So if it's mental happiness that that being needs, you imagine the golden light filling them and then giving them peace of mind, freedom from fear, whatever it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:39 Highlight the passage at 1:05:39

1:05:58 If it's something physical that they need, you can imagine the golden light transforming into food, drink, shelter, clothing, whatever it is. And you can get creative about this one. I first did this meditation a lot when I was living in India. And I used as my object of meditation people with leprosy, because this is really intense if you come from America and you see these people sitting by the side of the road, you know, beggars, parts of their faces are missing, you know, no fingers, toes. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:58 Highlight the passage at 1:05:58

1:06:30 Easy object of compassion for me. So I would visualize them. Back in those days, I would go to this hot spring resort in Northern California. Really nice. So I'd visualize giving that to the lepers and they're kind of floating in the tubs, getting nice and clean, and then they're lying out in the garden in the lawn chairs, getting like cold drinks with little pink paper umbrellas and, you know, delicious food. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:30 Highlight the passage at 1:06:30

1:06:54 I mean, you're sitting by the side of the road as a beggar in India. You don't have your liter of filtered water. It's like you're hungry, you're thirsty, you're just sitting there. So I'd sort of... Clean them up, give them food and drink, you know, all with this golden light. So you can be creative with it and it's kind of cool to do that, right? So for whoever your object is. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:54 Highlight the passage at 1:06:54

1:07:15 So that's the practice. That's the practice. So... The essence of it is your compassion and your willingness even to take on the suffering of others is the antidote to your self-cherishing because that's the way that it works. So we're building up both compassion and love. And remember I said compassion in Buddhism is described as the wish for beings to be free from suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:15 Highlight the passage at 1:07:15

1:07:41 Love is the wish for beings to have happiness. So we're working with both. The taking is building up our compassion. The giving is building up our love. Okay? So any questions? Yeah, Katya. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:41 Highlight the passage at 1:07:41

1:07:56 Is there an antidote to this kind of feeling that comes up that's an obstacle, like you'll lose yourself, you know? I mean, in the meditation of, like, again, self-cherishing and this primarily. Lose yourself or if you take what you're doing to its logical end will have to radically change your life or something like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:56 Highlight the passage at 1:07:56

1:08:23 You know what I mean? In a way that... Right, right, right. Yeah, that's pretty realistic, actually. Yeah, and that's an interesting thing to look at. You know, I often tell students, if you never want to change, if you want your life to stay exactly the way it is, God forbid, don't go anywhere near a meditation cushion, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:08:23 Highlight the passage at 1:08:23

1:08:42 Because that's a recipe for, yeah, your life might change. And that is a fear. You know, we feel that we are going to lose our familiar self. And I think the antidote to that really is probably meditating on the Four Noble Truths. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:42 Highlight the passage at 1:08:42

1:08:59 What do you have to lose? And is it really that terrific? Do you want to change? And maybe you need to meditate at the beginning on the problems of saṃsāra to generate a little bit more renunciation to be willing to do these kind of meditations. Because I think a prerequisite really is some sense of Yeah, my life just isn't really working. I am looking for change. I think if we weren't looking for change, we probably wouldn't really engage so much in meditation practice because it is definitely what we're doing is kind of jumping into the deep end and things really can change with that. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:59 Highlight the passage at 1:08:59

1:09:45 So I think just looking at the Four Noble Truths is a good prerequisite to kind of as an antidote to that fear of things changing. You kind of think, Well, okay, I'm pretty interested in that because things aren't working out so great. So, you know, I believe that there's a solution that is actually going to make me happier than I am now. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:45 Highlight the passage at 1:09:45

1:10:05 So even if it involves change and even it involves letting go of some of the identity that I have now. And then teachings on selflessness really help with that too. Who is this me, you know, that I'm hanging on to? It's just a concept I have. It's no more real. It's just an idea that I have that I'm labeling on this ever-changing continuum of body and mind. But I'm solidifying it and I'm hanging on to it for dear life. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:05 Highlight the passage at 1:10:05

1:10:34 And the fact is it's changing moment by moment anyway. So if you embark on a course of change that's just going to make you happier, it doesn't mean that you're going to go away. It just means that the basis of your label is going to be happier Katya rather than miserable Katya. That's pretty cool. So that, I think, you know, thinking of emptiness and also thinking of the Four Noble Truths and the actual, you know, the dissatisfying nature of saṃsāra. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:34 Highlight the passage at 1:10:34

1:11:01 Yeah. Good, good. All right. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:01 Highlight the passage at 1:11:01

1:11:12 Can you just go back into a little bit into the black smoke? Going in and just like the visualization of that again. Yeah, so what you do after about eight to ten inhalations, right, it's in this little cloud, and then with one big inhalation you draw it in. So you tune back into your feeling of compassion, thinking even if I had to be experiencing it, I would. And that's the compassion of a mother that risks getting hit by a truck to save her child. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:12 Highlight the passage at 1:11:12

1:11:44 That's kind of what we're looking at. But the amazing thing is, in the magic of Tonglen, it doesn't work that way. When you inhale, it instantly transforms into the antidote to that self-cherishing. So the minute the black smoke enters, it transforms into that lightning bolt that goes down and blasts that rock to smithereens. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:44 Highlight the passage at 1:11:44

1:12:09 So the instant it enters your body, it's not like you're Filled with black smoke and then you've got the sickness that the other person has. It's the antidote to your self-charging. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:09 Highlight the passage at 1:12:09

1:12:24 All right, let's take 10 minutes. Just quickly refresh yourselves and get ready and then we'll practice the Tonglen meditation. So just a quick break and then another meditation and then we'll discuss a little bit more. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:24 Highlight the passage at 1:12:24

· · · silence, 4 minutes

1:16:49 it was I was holding on to, the self Report an error in the passage at 1:16:49 Highlight the passage at 1:16:49

1:17:14 Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:14 Highlight the passage at 1:17:14

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:18:09 I'm very intuitive. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:09 Highlight the passage at 1:18:09

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:18:44 And I've seen it in that way, are trying to hire a Report an error in the passage at 1:18:44 Highlight the passage at 1:18:44

1:19:01 ask that center of awareness. It's good to start with this moment. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:01 Highlight the passage at 1:19:01

1:19:19 give you the opportunity to familiarize yourself with your own awareness action. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:19 Highlight the passage at 1:19:19

1:19:30 more things start being pulled away, stripped away... Report an error in the passage at 1:19:30 Highlight the passage at 1:19:30

1:19:59 need that, we need that. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:59 Highlight the passage at 1:19:59

1:20:20 Okay, Report an error in the passage at 1:20:20 Highlight the passage at 1:20:20

· · · silence, 3 minutes

1:23:36 so we're going to try our Tonglen and what we'll do for this session is... Two or three rounds. The first round I'll guide you through it really specifically with how to visualize and then the second round I'll just prompt you a little bit and then we'll see what time it is. Maybe we'll do a third round that you just do silently on your own to make sure that you've got the visualization down. Okay, so one round guided through very specifically. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:36 Highlight the passage at 1:23:36

1:24:12 In the way that we've explained and then we'll talk a little bit more about some more points of Tonglen. So let's get in our meditation posture with our back straight and take just a minute or two to settle your mind by focusing on the breath. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:12 Highlight the passage at 1:24:12

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:25:28 Now visualize in front of you an object of your compassion and again the beginning it's important that it be someone easy for you to feel love and compassion for. Either yourself in some future suffering moment or a good friend, a partner, a child perhaps, someone for whom you have strong feelings of unconditional love and compassion and Report an error in the passage at 1:25:28 Highlight the passage at 1:25:28

1:26:05 visualize that person. If you have a good friend that's going through some difficulties specifically, sometimes that makes it easy and you visualize the... Whatever mental or physical suffering or hardship that person is going through takes the form of black smoke filling their body. And Report an error in the passage at 1:26:05 Highlight the passage at 1:26:05

1:26:42 then tune in to your feeling of compassion for that person, your wish for them to be free from suffering. Try to experience this heartfelt feeling. If only they could be free from their suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:42 Highlight the passage at 1:26:42

1:27:15 Imagine that that gives you the power. And now as you inhale, imagine that your inhalation has the power to draw that suffering out of them in the form of that black smoke. So for about eight to ten cycles of inhalation, draw out that black smoke and it collects in a little cloud in front of your face. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:15 Highlight the passage at 1:27:15

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:29:07 Now imagine that your self-cherishing is in the form of this black, hard rock. Right in the center of your chest, that me first feeling, it's got to be my way, just manifests as this black rock, the center of your chest. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:07 Highlight the passage at 1:29:07

1:29:30 And now with one big inhalation, draw in that cloud of black smoke. Imagine the minute it enters your body, it transforms into the antidote to your self-cherishing, goes down and... It breaks that rock to smithereens, explodes it. Not even a trace is left. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:30 Highlight the passage at 1:29:30

1:29:54 The power of your compassion transforms your willingness to take on the suffering into the antidote. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:54 Highlight the passage at 1:29:54

1:30:12 So not even a trace of that black rock of self-cherishing left. And in its place, imagine this golden light, Report an error in the passage at 1:30:12 Highlight the passage at 1:30:12

1:30:27 light that represents your loving kindness, your wish. For that being to have happiness, it starts to grow. As it grows, it fills your chest with this feeling of warmth, your whole body and mind infused with loving kindness, peace of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:27 Highlight the passage at 1:30:27

1:31:15 And it slowly fills your body, first filling your chest, then your torso, then your whole body. So for a few minutes, just imagine this. Light of loving kindness growing, filling your whole body, infusing you with this feeling of peace, of love. Then Report an error in the passage at 1:31:15 Highlight the passage at 1:31:15

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:33:00 after your body is completely filled, you start to exhale this golden light and as you exhale it transforms into whatever it is that would give that being happiness. If it's mental happiness they need, you imagine it filling their body. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:00 Highlight the passage at 1:33:00

1:33:20 If it's something physical they need, you imagine it transforming food, clothing, shelter, whatever it is. Spend a few minutes, again about eight to ten exhalations, visualizing the giving. Now Report an error in the passage at 1:33:20 Highlight the passage at 1:33:20

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:35:36 we'll do another round, so you can either use the same object of your compassion or pick someone else, but again someone easy to... Feel strong feelings of love and compassion and so visualize them sitting in front of you, facing you and Report an error in the passage at 1:35:36 Highlight the passage at 1:35:36

1:35:58 whatever they're experiencing takes the form of this black smoke. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:58 Highlight the passage at 1:35:58

1:36:28 Feeling your compassion, drawing that black smoke out and Report an error in the passage at 1:36:28 Highlight the passage at 1:36:28

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:37:39 then visualizing the self-cherishing in the form of the black rock in the center of your chest. One big inhalation, drawing in the black smoke that destroys that self-cherishing. And Report an error in the passage at 1:37:39 Highlight the passage at 1:37:39

1:38:20 it's placed that golden light of loving kindness that slowly spreads, filling your whole body, loving kindness, peace of mind. And Report an error in the passage at 1:38:20 Highlight the passage at 1:38:20

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:40:08 when you're completely filled with the loving kindness, as you start to exhale, it transforms into whatever it is that would give that being happiness. Okay, Report an error in the passage at 1:40:08 Highlight the passage at 1:40:08

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:42:47 so is that. Clear, any questions about the technique, about the practice? Report an error in the passage at 1:42:47 Highlight the passage at 1:42:47

1:42:58 Can you visualize giving things to make the person happy? Do you do what they think they want? Report an error in the passage at 1:42:58 Highlight the passage at 1:42:58

1:43:08 We had a student in Santa Cruz that asked this Tibetan Lama that question when the Lama was giving him the instruction and he said, or what you you know like if they're Report an error in the passage at 1:43:08 Highlight the passage at 1:43:08

1:43:19 If we know that only liberation is going to give them ultimate lasting happiness, do I visualize giving them a girlfriend and a house and all this stuff? And the Lama goes, give them a girlfriend, give them a house, go right in. I think everything up to liberation and enlightenment. So I think we do give them what will give them temporal happiness and don't stop there. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:19 Highlight the passage at 1:43:19

1:43:42 You can definitely visualize giving them teachings. That's a nice thing to do. Sometimes I'll... Set up like my perfect Dharma teaching scenario and visualize all my Tsong Len beings like sitting there getting a great teaching in some like blissful place, you know, that's sort of like this pure realm. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:42 Highlight the passage at 1:43:42

1:44:01 So that's nice to do too. So not just sort of the temporal things, but also the more ultimate kinds of happiness too. Yeah, good question. Anything else? Report an error in the passage at 1:44:01 Highlight the passage at 1:44:01

1:44:13 Janet? You look worried. Is it okay? I was just thinking about it because I was reading during the retreat since I was doing bodhicitta every day and that was one of the things that they said was you give anything that would make people happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:13 Highlight the passage at 1:44:13

1:44:36 Clothes, money, girlfriends, whatever. And then the teaching. So I was just kind of thinking about it. We all have a cause for rejoicing. She's going to get embarrassed. But Janet just finished a one-month lamrim meditation retreat in solitude at Vajrapani Institute. So a little round of applause for our lamrim yogi. And she was able to tell Lama Zopa Rinpoche a little bit about it, and he was really happy about it. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:36 Highlight the passage at 1:44:36

1:45:08 Actually, somebody else told him. Fabienne said. And so he was really happy that she was meditating on the lamrim for an entire month. So that's a great thing. He gave me a quick teaching, probably a one-sentence teaching on dedication. It was quite amazing. Yeah, share what he told you. That's embarrassing. Well, he basically told her to do it for all sentient beings, to be meditating for all the beings that couldn't. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:08 Highlight the passage at 1:45:08

1:45:39 Do what she was doing to think of them while she was doing her practice, which is a great thing. Sorry. Telling secrets. Well, no. And that's my ego, obviously. That hasn't been abolished yet. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:39 Highlight the passage at 1:45:39

1:46:00 So, Tonglen. So very, very easy in terms of, you know, not a complicated technique. Very powerful. Also sometimes very challenging. And as I said before, use the beings that are easy for you. Work your way up, right, in terms of capacity. You know, don't go too far because if you choose, you know, your... Report an error in the passage at 1:46:00 Highlight the passage at 1:46:00