Patience: The Buddhist Practice of Showing Up for the World

0:00 This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good to have you here, and welcome to 2026, a new year. It just seems strange to say that year, 2026. I don't know if you've written that yet and thought, wow, how many years have gone by whenever you saw that. Report an error in the passage at 0:00

0:34 Welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. Is anyone here for the first time? We always have someone. Welcome. Thank you very much for coming. Please come back. This is a place for you to unpack the mystery of this one person. And you don't have to be a Buddhist. We just want you to be here with us in our Buddhist community. Report an error in the passage at 0:34

1:01 community. Report an error in the passage at 1:01

1:05 Have you ever had something that you had coming up and it took your focus away? When I was a kid, I had something that would come up and it was called the dentist. And this would take my focus away because I did not like the dentist. And I'd had a bad experience with a dentist who was mean to me. And then when I knew that I was going to have to go back to the dentist, and I apologize if there's anybody here who's in the dental profession. I'm sure that you're very kind and gentle to your patients. Report an error in the passage at 1:05

1:41 But I didn't have that same opportunity. And so I had this dentist who had been kind of mean. And any time that I had dental work coming up, it was hard for me to focus. And you know it's going to happen like in three weeks. You're going to go and you're going to have this event. And so between now and then, there is this constant thing that comes back into the mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:41

2:08 And I don't know if you relate to this, but something that's on the horizon that's going to happen, and now it takes your focus away. And essentially what's happening is I'm not there with what's going on. I am living in some sort of fear that's going to happen in the future. Report an error in the passage at 2:08

2:28 But you can do this. I can do this with anybody who's right in front of me at any moment. I can be in a boring conversation. I can be in an annoying conversation. I can be in a hurry to get somewhere and someone needs to interrupt. Or you can be impatient with other people. The Perfection Report an error in the passage at 2:28

3:16 of Patience It's a very interesting perfection. They're one of the paramitas, as we call them. And the paramitas are six different qualities that usually are emblematic that someone is practicing. Now, they can be worked on directly, and they're also fruits of having lived and worked with the precepts, as we call them, which are ways of living life. Report an error in the passage at 3:16

3:41 Because with patience, it's really hard to summon patience. I don't know if you ever remember when you were a kid. When I was a kid, my parents would use this term all the time. Be patient. I would say, be patient. And I would be there in the grocery store line, wanting to get out to the car where I was going to be able to maybe have something to eat or what have you, and standing in the grocery store line. Report an error in the passage at 3:41

4:08 And I don't feel patient. Now, waiting. Could be a synonym at times for patience, but it's an overlap. It's not the same thing. Because as a kid, I was waiting. But I wasn't feeling patient. I wasn't actually inside inheriting patience. And that's what we inherit when we are actually living the precepts, is we inherit a certain way of feeling. Report an error in the passage at 4:08

4:38 Because there's only one place that we live. Same place you live, same place I live. Mental formations and body sensations. That's where we live. Regardless of how much money we have, regardless of what our job is, regardless of our assumed security or insecurity, our mental formations and our body sensations, that's where we live. Report an error in the passage at 4:38

5:02 And if I'm waiting in the grocery store line with my mom and I don't want now to be happening, then I'm essentially wishing away... The moment that has been given to me. And I might look on the outside like I am being patient, but I'm not being patient. I'm just holding my breath. And you can live your entire life, I can live my entire life like I'm holding my breath. Like I'm waiting for some day to happen in the future where I'll be living my life. Report an error in the passage at 5:02

5:35 Right now I'm not living my life, but one day, one day, after I sit more, Sozan, After I cultivate a whole bunch of other paramitas, then I will be living my life. But I'm not living my life right now. I don't know if you've ever had that feeling. But right now isn't my life. But one day I'll be living my life. I'm standing in the grocery store line with my mom, and this isn't my life. Report an error in the passage at 5:35

6:02 The grocery store line isn't my life. When I get to the car and I get to eat something, that is my life. And until then, I'm holding my breath. I am impatient. But in a sense, what I'm doing is I'm living in a duality because I am not accepting the moment that has been given to me. I am wishing it away and wanting something else to be manifesting. Now, here's the thing. When we sit Zazen, we're practicing this constantly. Report an error in the passage at 6:02

6:41 Because, as you know, when you sit meditation, things will come up that are disturbing. Maybe my nose itches. Maybe I remember that thing that person said last week. Maybe I future trip about going to the dentist. All these things come up. And what do we do in Zazen with these things that come up? Report an error in the passage at 6:41

7:02 We learn to hold them with acceptance, and we let them come forward without judgment. We're practicing letting the world come forward through us. Report an error in the passage at 7:02

7:15 And we're letting ourselves be in the host's stance with open arms saying, I accept you, moment. Moment, I accept you. My nose itches. I accept you. I'm future tripping about the dentist. Okay, I'm not holding on to that. I accept the fact that, you know. And of course, in my mind, I'm not using a language. It's just a stance of whatever comes forward, I am accepting. Now, it's very different than approval. Report an error in the passage at 7:15

7:47 Approval is very different. I mean, something might come forward in my mind that makes me look incredibly petty and small and insecure and like I'm four years old. Some thought that I have about something someone did and a little blip of like wishing them ill will and then I feel bad about it. Now, I don't know if you've ever, you know, had thoughts that popped up that made you feel younger than what your age was, but I think most of us know that feeling. Report an error in the passage at 7:47

8:12 And when these things happen, we aren't approving. Saying, I approve of that, but can we accept that? So we're learning it in Zazen every single day. We're learning the stance that we're living with, which is the stance of accepting the moment that's happening and being right there with it and not wishing it away. Report an error in the passage at 8:12

8:36 I forget who said that life is what happens while you're standing around waiting for your life to happen. You know, like eventually we'll get to the exciting stuff. But right now, it's just the mundane things. It's just the boring things. The waiting in line, the washing my cup, the having that conversation that I have to have that I don't want to have. The mundane. But you see, in the Zen practice, the mundane provides all sorts of opportunities to realign and to accept the moment. Report an error in the passage at 8:36

9:16 Because... It's very simple when it's small. And if I can be with something that's really small and totally put myself into it, then I am right there with that moment. And that's what Zazen is teaching us. Whenever the thing comes forward, we're just right there with it. We're giving ourselves one thing to do, sit and breathe. Report an error in the passage at 9:16

9:44 I'm going to give myself totally to this mundane action where not much is happening. And I'm going to do it like it's the most important thing on the planet. I'm going to sit and breathe. Have you ever had, like, a really good cup of coffee, but you didn't enjoy it? Report an error in the passage at 9:44

10:03 You know, you're at a nice maybe coffee house, and someone texts you and says something that's alarming or disturbing or annoying or distracting, and you've got to go take care of something in the future. Report an error in the passage at 10:03

10:21 So you rush right through your coffee. Report an error in the passage at 10:21

10:27 The mundane, the little things, even the things we enjoy we can skip through. What is it to give ourselves an extra two minutes and realize right now I want to skip through this moment. Report an error in the passage at 10:27

10:41 And I really want to get to that thing that person texted me out of sheer impatience. But you know, it actually can last, it can wait five minutes. It actually probably could wait five days. I just feel upset about it. And here I am with my cup of coffee. And I haven't noticed whether or not it was really the dark roast or the light roast, or whether it was the kind that had the hints of berries or the hints of chocolate. Report an error in the passage at 10:41

11:08 Someone went to a lot of care to put this thing together. Someone picked the beans and harvested them, tried to get them stored at a certain temperature. Someone ground them fresh for me just whenever I had the thing, and then they poured it into that cup that somebody made compostable. They wrote my name on it, and I sat down, and I totally skipped through that moment just because I was annoyed by my text. Report an error in the passage at 11:08

11:35 And what is it to actually be there like it's the most important thing on the planet, just like Sozan, and just close my eyes and notice whether or not this is dark roast or light roast, or whether this is hints of berries or whatever it is, and to really be with the thing that's in front of me. Report an error in the passage at 11:35

11:56 Because this is the practice of celebrating the mundane. Life is full of the mundane. You could even argue that 90 % plus of life is the mundane. The functional conversation. The thing that I had to do. And yet we can skip through life. Report an error in the passage at 11:56

12:21 The paramitas like the perfection of patience point us back to whether or not what we're doing has to do with embracing the moment or creating a duality. Report an error in the passage at 12:21

12:53 Because there are things in life that we're practicing for that are much more difficult than my cup of coffee. Report an error in the passage at 12:53

13:03 There are things that happen in life that are very difficult to take, that are much more disturbing than waiting for your dentist appointment in three weeks. Report an error in the passage at 13:03

13:13 The illness of a loved one, the loss of a job, the insecurity about the future, all the different things that might happen in a life where you can't hold your breath and not be alive in this moment, because that's not been the practice up until now. And so then something happens. And it knocks us sideways. And it doesn't feel like we're living our life anymore. And we can't wait until this court trial is over or until this ailment is finished or until this burden is removed from our life. Report an error in the passage at 13:13

13:49 And we can't be alive in those moments because we haven't practiced embracing the mundane, the things that are happening that are small that we've been wishing away all this time. All the coffee cups that we have skipped through and all of the boring conversations that we had 25% focus while we were thinking about something else and just waiting for the person to come to a socially acceptable pause where we could move on to the next thing. Report an error in the passage at 13:49

14:21 Rather than realize that maybe I need to be in this conversation for 45 seconds and while I'm here, maybe I will put my entire effort into it the way that I do Zazen as though it's the most important thing I could be doing on the planet. Report an error in the passage at 14:21

14:36 And sometimes with this host stance, there's this modality. called Leadership Embodiment. It's called how we sit, stand, and breathe impacts how we go through the world. It kind of takes the somatic practice and lays it on top of relationships. Report an error in the passage at 14:36

14:53 And one of them is the host stance. You know, noticing the physiology when you're like this. You know, the host is always accepting. If you host a dinner party, you're accepting. The people that come into your house, if you're a good host, people feel like you want them there. And they feel like you want them to stay. And it feels like they kind of have this stance, this open-armed, open-hearted stance of I accept you, I want you to be here, the host. Report an error in the passage at 14:53

15:26 And then when we're in that maybe conversation or in the place where we want to skip through, sometimes I'll just remind myself and I'll turn my arms a little bit outward. I won't freak the person out, start going like this. Report an error in the passage at 15:26

15:44 You know, what way can I embody this host where I bring myself into 100 %? Report an error in the passage at 15:44

15:56 And I don't know if we ever get to 100 % because that would just be pure samādhi. But we get pretty good down that path in comparison to when we're trying to skip through the conversation. Report an error in the passage at 15:56

16:10 And have you ever noticed what it's like when you really put yourself into something that you can even start to enjoy something that you thought you weren't going to enjoy? Just because you're actually totally in it. I had one person that I really respected who told me one time, and they said, it's important at times to choose a career that aligns with your morals and values. Report an error in the passage at 16:10

16:33 And it might even be good to choose a career that aligns with your talents and abilities. But the most important thing is to do something that you're willing to put yourself wholeheartedly into. Report an error in the passage at 16:33

16:47 That you're willing to actually totally be with that day in and day out. Because that's how relationships are formed with other people, with processes, and with ourselves. Because, you see, inside, if I haven't learned to live that way, the things that come up about myself that I don't think are beautiful, strong, and brave, I will start to reject and push away. Report an error in the passage at 16:47

17:15 And either try to live in some other reality and not admit it to myself or to self-implode and to be self-critical because I haven't arrived at the place that I need to be to be an acceptable human being. I don't really not approve of my actions. I don't accept who I am as a person. And from that standpoint, it's very difficult to learn to accept other people. Report an error in the passage at 17:15

17:38 And to let them unfold and manifest in front of us and to give them the spaciousness to be who they are, because all I'm doing is expressing the impatience that the gift that they're giving isn't the gift that we want them to give. Report an error in the passage at 17:38

18:03 Years ago, I lived in the Middle East. I'm not sure how many years it takes before it's years ago. The older I get, the more I think I have to stretch that out. When I was six years ago was like when I was five. Report an error in the passage at 18:03

18:19 Years ago, I was in the Middle East, and I had to ride every day to work with Nazi Hijazi. And Nazi had had a fairly difficult life. This was in Amman, Jordan. We worked at the Sahab Sheltered Workshop out in the desert, and it was for young individuals that had challenges like Down syndrome and cerebral palsy. Report an error in the passage at 18:19

18:43 And Nazi was really frustrated with his life. And day one, he got in. He was my ride. He was the director of the center. He picked me up, and we drove out into the desert. And usually he would complain about his wife, his friends, politics, his children, the people at the center. He would swear a lot. And this is back in the days when people smoked with the windows up. So he was smoking the whole time with the windows up and going on about everything. Report an error in the passage at 18:43

19:14 And I thought, this is going to be a really long year. Report an error in the passage at 19:14

19:20 One thing I noticed then that I didn't realize really what was going on was that about a week into it, I decided that I was just going to really try to engage Nazi in conversation. We would just try to have a conversation and really engage each other, as opposed to me sitting there making the minimal amount of responses because I really despise the way that this person was manifesting in front of me. Report an error in the passage at 19:20

19:49 I started just trying to engage Nazi and asking Nazi questions and thinking about whatever he was saying like it was really interesting. And I noticed that after a few minutes of doing that every morning, I actually kind of started to enjoy our conversations. And I even had enough confidence as a 21-year-old to ask him to roll down the window a little bit. And we would talk about all sorts of things. Report an error in the passage at 19:49

20:15 Sometimes it was difficult with his swearing, but... By and large, we had okay conversations, and I actually kind of enjoyed the trips. And I realized that just throwing myself fully into something really changed my experience, my mental formations, my body sensations. Essentially, my life during those 30 minutes every single day, I got to be alive, as opposed to wishing it away because I didn't want this moment to be happening. Report an error in the passage at 20:15

20:44 And I was really surprised at the end of the year when Nazi and I said goodbye. He said, Michael, I think you might be my best friend. And I was shocked because I've been doing this out of pure selfishness. And I was just trying to survive. And yet we had forged a connection. And it spilled out into the universe in some sort of way that made his life a little bit better, I suppose. Report an error in the passage at 20:44

21:08 The mundane is something that's celebrated because we're practicing for the things that we have aversion to. That we're going to want to wish away when we're standing in that long line at the DMV, when the person that we're working with has an attitude that we just really wish was different, and we want them to have a realization that they're just not having, and they might not ever have. Report an error in the passage at 21:08

21:32 And I need to be with them. So how am I going to be with them? Am I going to wish away every single moment? Am I going to have the most minimal conversation I can have with them every single time, which on some subconscious level they will digest as the fact that I really don't want to be around them, and then there will be some sort of fraught tension between us? Report an error in the passage at 21:32

21:50 Or can I learn to actually be with them in this moment? As it's unfolding, like it's the most important thing on the planet for me to be doing, because that's what I'm going to be doing anyway. So since I'm going to be here for the next 45 seconds in this conversation, how about I do it like it's the most important thing on the planet, like I did with my coffee cup, like I learned to do with the mundane things around my house, like how I learned to wash the dishes, and like how I learned to wait in line at the DMV. Report an error in the passage at 21:50

22:25 Or... Like I learn every single morning when I'm sitting Zazen, and the stuff that I'm manifesting that's coming forward is stuff that I do not want to be coming forward because I'm just in a bad mood today, and everything that comes forward is how everyone around me is just not living up to what they should be living up to, and then I feel bad about myself because I'm being critical of other people, and now I'm being self-critical, and then I'm imploding, and I'm like, oh, wait a second, this is Zazen, how come, this is just terrible, and you realize, okay. Report an error in the passage at 22:25

22:57 Can I hold all of that with acceptance? Can I be a host to all of that that just came forward in Sozan and be right there with it? Because there are times in life when we're going to want to be able to have that focused habit of being with the uncomfortable. Report an error in the passage at 22:57

23:26 Someone says something to us that is very hurtful and we feel it inside. And we don't want this moment to be happening. Report an error in the passage at 23:26

23:43 But if we have practiced being with ourselves in Zazen and being with ourselves in the mundane, we have a little better shot during that moment that is incredibly triggering to sink back down into the somatic, into the body sensation of, ouch, yeah, noticing where I hold that. Report an error in the passage at 23:43

24:09 And able to, at that place, not turn it inward like a laser that's hurting myself because I'm mad that I'm having this reaction. I wish that I was some different version of me. Because this version of Michael is the version that can be hurt by this thing. And I don't think I should be as hurt as I am. You ever have that feeling? Like, I should be hurt, but I shouldn't be this hurt. Report an error in the passage at 24:09

24:36 I don't know if you ever had that feeling. I shouldn't be this hurt. It's like, that was a little wrong, but how come I'm this hurt? How come I'm this upset? And then learning, because of the way that we've been working with our body and our mind, to hold that and to be accepting of the fact that I'm not manifesting the way I want myself to. Report an error in the passage at 24:36

25:05 To be able to hold myself with that host stance as I'm not manifesting the way that I wish that I was. Because from that place we can start to integrate our fears. We can start to integrate our responses. We can start to understand what it is that we don't accept about ourselves. It's not a proving of Oh, I'm jealous, petty, rageful, whatever. It's not approving of that. But those things are not planned like a project manager. Report an error in the passage at 25:05

25:42 I'm planning that I'm going to be a very rageful, petty person. No one ever plans that. You inherit that from who knows where. Report an error in the passage at 25:42

25:52 Past actions, neurobiology of your great-grandmother, something that happened when you were four years old. Who knows? Millions and billions of causes and conditions. You inherit what's going on right now. The mental formation, the body sensation of right now. And the perfection of patience is learning to actually be with each moment as it's happening, to be able to touch it, and to let the beating heart of now be enough. Report an error in the passage at 25:52

26:23 To be respected, to be able to be with it, including the acceptance of me and the fact that maybe I'm hurt more than I wish that I was. And that is okay. Report an error in the passage at 26:23

26:45 If you've ever heard of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the front cover of the Guide to the Galaxy, and this is like, you know, millions of worlds, you know, this is the guide. How to actually navigate this thing. And on the front cover, what does it say? Does anyone know what it says on the front cover of the Guide to the Galaxy? Report an error in the passage at 26:45

27:18 It's one red button. And it says, don't panic. That's what it says. Don't panic. Now if you're already panicking, that doesn't help. But as a precursor to panicking, it can be a really interesting thought that Report an error in the passage at 27:18

27:43 I'm going to be with the thing that's happening and I'm learning to be in this stance rather than this stance with phenomenon that comes in here, with phenomenon that comes out here. I'm learning to be in this stance rather than this stance, which is getting ready to panic. I'm actually getting ready to accept. Report an error in the passage at 27:43

28:11 I'm in an open-hearted, open-handed stance to myself. And from that stance, I'm able to be with, over time, with practice, that difficult emotion that arises a little bit better. Report an error in the passage at 28:11

28:35 And not being idealistic. If we were to say, okay, now there might be someone in this room who runs marathons right now. Report an error in the passage at 28:35

28:45 But if there's not, let's just assume that right now we all leave the building, we go out on Page Street, and with whatever we've got on, we run a marathon. So we're not going to have great success at that. We might have great desire to complete the marathon for some reason, but we haven't practiced. Report an error in the passage at 28:45

29:07 It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of being with getting up in the morning and preparing and training. Report an error in the passage at 29:07

29:19 Just because I can't run a marathon yet and I get up in the morning and put on my shoes and I'm going to go out and run two miles and come home and I'm going to do it really slowly, I'm not going to be lamenting the fact that how come I'm not a marathon runner yet. No, I can take enjoyment in the fact that I'm doing what I can with what I have. And this is what we do. Report an error in the passage at 29:19

29:40 And the next time that you're finding yourself in a situation and you notice that something is unfolding and you try to drop down into just being with what's going on, not try to spin a narrative about this person and how their mother was probably like this and how they're probably going to start sucking. Report an error in the passage at 29:40

29:56 And it's like, no, you just like be with what's unfolding. No second narrative going on, just the pure experience. And then I noticed that I am still getting a little bit overwhelmed. I know I can't run a marathon yet. Report an error in the passage at 29:56

30:14 But I can take some joy in the fact that I'm at least aware of what's going on. And I can be with this moment a little bit better over time if I can accept the way that I manifest. And I don't worry about the fact that I have to necessarily always manifest inside and outside the way that I think that I should. Report an error in the passage at 30:14

30:37 And from that place, we get to where we can start to be with other people more naturally. Now, we've all been around other people and been forced nice. I mean, that's what adults do, right? You know, you're forced nice or you force yourself to be nice. You know, it's like the, you know, we get a certain level of growing up and becoming an adult. Report an error in the passage at 30:37

31:01 But inside, you know, we feel some sort of other way. And wouldn't it be nice not to be suffering inside while we're in whatever sort of interaction? And this is where the practice of Zen and the celebrating of the mundane, the washing your bowl just to wash your bowl, comes in. The getting up out of bed in the morning when the cortisol is moving and you're thinking about email and coffee and other things, and you just let yourself make your bed like an old-world artisan at 75 % speed. Report an error in the passage at 31:01

31:38 And any thoughts that pop up, you just let them pass on, and you make making the bed into a meditation. Just to take something off the cushion once a day and to just let the pillows and the comforter and the sheets be everything, the most important thing on the planet, making that bed and doing it at 75 % speed and not rushing through it, being right there with it and practicing celebrating the mundane, the small spaces in life so that we practice not skipping through people. Report an error in the passage at 31:38

32:14 We get used to not skipping through our own internal emotions and learning how to perfect patience. Because it's something that, with practice over time, we inherit. But if I'm just sitting here waiting, feeling very impatient, I have not inherited patience, and I'm not actually being patient. I'm just waiting. Report an error in the passage at 32:14

32:43 And what we want to do is to live a life where we're able to deal with the disruptions that come forward without so much disturbance. Report an error in the passage at 32:43

32:54 Because in that place, when we're less disturbed, what happens? It's much easier to think. It's much easier to be aware. It's much easier to respond. Because this practice isn't about passivity and just sitting around and accepting the whole world as it is and then doing nothing. Report an error in the passage at 32:54

33:14 It's the fact that if I'm disturbed, I'm not going to have clarity about how to take action, when to take action. Should I wait? Should I go? Should I do something big? Should I do something small? Should I do something now? That clarity is much harder when I'm disturbed. Report an error in the passage at 33:14

33:34 That clarity is much harder when it's coming from a place of fear or from a place of unapproval of myself. Report an error in the passage at 33:34

33:44 And so this is a gradual way in which people learn how to act in the world. Because patience is just the setup for being able to have clarity about how to respond. And to be able to respond without being so wound. And if I'm just sitting there waiting to go to the car with my mom, in line, in the grocery store, and I'm wishing this moment away, I'm getting more and more wound. Report an error in the passage at 33:44

34:07 And I'm probably going to be more reactive if somebody does something in the car on the way home. Because my emotional reservoir has been a little bit more taken up, a little bit more filled. And I'm not quite as spacious inside because I have been wishing away the moments that have been coming and have been handed to me. Report an error in the passage at 34:07

34:35 There's a koan where a monk goes to the monastery. He's always wanted to study in the monastery. And he goes and says to the master, I'm so glad I finally get to talk to you. I've been here for half a day. I want you to teach me all there is to know about Zen. And the master says, have you washed your bowl? Or he says, no, he says, have you had lunch? Report an error in the passage at 34:35

35:03 And he says, yes, I've had lunch. And he said, then wash your bowl. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. Report an error in the passage at 35:03

35:33 May we all fully enjoy the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 35:33