The Gates to Practice Multiply

0:00 This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It's lovely to see new faces. It's lovely to see familiar faces. And I appreciate those folks who have joined online whose faces I cannot see. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:29 Let's take a moment to settle together in this space. I know you've been sitting for a minute or two. However, please, I invite you into this space. Report an error in the passage at 0:29 Highlight the passage at 0:29

1:11 I'd like to thank Christina, Practice Period Leader, for the invitation to speak, and for Tim, the Tonto, for supporting me to do so. Report an error in the passage at 1:11 Highlight the passage at 1:11

1:22 And I'd like to also thank my present, current situation, my body, my partner, my practice, all these things I bring with me today. And Report an error in the passage at 1:22 Highlight the passage at 1:22

1:41 it feels... Lovely and appropriate to acknowledge those things given the topic of the practice period. So Report an error in the passage at 1:41 Highlight the passage at 1:41

1:57 as I understand it, this practice period at City Center is an opportunity to tune into one's body, probably our most precious of gifts. Report an error in the passage at 1:57 Highlight the passage at 1:57

2:13 And Christina has offered practices to support that tuning in. And I thought I would... Report an error in the passage at 2:13 Highlight the passage at 2:13

2:27 See, do an experiment to see if this offering today is in that same vein. Report an error in the passage at 2:27 Highlight the passage at 2:27

2:36 Several weeks ago, I was listening to some music. And one of the components of the music was the reading of a poem. And it's a poem by Mark Strand. It was a piece of that poem. And it really caught me. It was like... And I didn't really understand what was going on. Poetry usually doesn't capture me. However, these few lines from this particular poem, they got into me quickly. Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

3:17 So I did what we all do now these days, and I googled those lines. And Google did not fail me. So the poem is by a poet named Mark Strand. Report an error in the passage at 3:17 Highlight the passage at 3:17

3:35 And today I'm going to read it to you probably a few times to Report an error in the passage at 3:35 Highlight the passage at 3:35

3:44 see how it lands for you. So I'm going to read it this first time. The poem is entitled Burry Your Face in Your Hands. Report an error in the passage at 3:44 Highlight the passage at 3:44

4:00 Because we have crossed the river and the wind offers only a numb uncoiling of cold and we have meekly adapted, no longer expecting more than we have been given. Report an error in the passage at 4:00 Highlight the passage at 4:00

4:17 Nor wondering how it happened that we came to this place We don't mind that nothing turned out as we thought it might There is no way to clear the haze in which we live No way to know that we have undergone another day The Report an error in the passage at 4:17 Highlight the passage at 4:17

4:43 silent snow of thought melts Before it has a chance to stick Where we are is anyone's guess The gates to nowhere multiply Report an error in the passage at 4:43 Highlight the passage at 4:43

5:03 And the present is so far away, so deeply far away. Report an error in the passage at 5:03 Highlight the passage at 5:03

5:22 You don't even know who I am because I didn't introduce myself. So my name is Mary. I have been associated with Zen Center for what feels like a luxurious amount of time. Report an error in the passage at 5:22 Highlight the passage at 5:22

5:43 I was at Tassajara in the summer of 2000 and have been associated in one way or another since then. I think Tassajara... Tassahara has a way of doing that to people. Report an error in the passage at 5:43 Highlight the passage at 5:43

6:01 Currently, I work as an employee for San Francisco Zen Center, and my main focus is at Enso Village, which is a senior community in Healdsburg. Report an error in the passage at 6:01 Highlight the passage at 6:01

6:20 And I am fascinated by the project of working with people as they age, as Report an error in the passage at 6:20 Highlight the passage at 6:20

6:34 they live in community. So it's an interesting project. So back to the poem. For Report an error in the passage at 6:34 Highlight the passage at 6:34

6:46 the second reading, I'd like you to actually change your posture. I'd like you to put your face, to bury your face in your hands. I'd like you to crumple, not have good Zen posture. Report an error in the passage at 6:46 Highlight the passage at 6:46

7:12 Feel the words, not... As a stiff recipient, but as someone who is lost. I know this could be tricky for some of you, but give it a go. Report an error in the passage at 7:12 Highlight the passage at 7:12

7:39 Bury your face in your hands. Report an error in the passage at 7:39 Highlight the passage at 7:39

7:45 Because we have crossed the river and the wind offers only a numb uncoiling of cold. And we have meekly adapted, no longer expecting more than we have been given. Report an error in the passage at 7:45 Highlight the passage at 7:45

8:07 nor wondering how it happened that we came to this place. We don't mind that nothing turned out as we thought it might. There Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:25 is no way to clear the haze in which we live. No way to know that we have undergone another day. The silent snow of thought melts before it has a chance to stick. Report an error in the passage at 8:25 Highlight the passage at 8:25

8:45 Where we are is anyone's guess. Report an error in the passage at 8:45 Highlight the passage at 8:45

8:51 The gates Gates to nowhere multiply. And the present is so far away. Report an error in the passage at 8:51 Highlight the passage at 8:51

9:01 Would Report an error in the passage at 9:01 Highlight the passage at 9:01

9:14 anybody like to share if that changed your feeling around this poem? Thank Report an error in the passage at 9:14 Highlight the passage at 9:14

9:34 you for your bravery. Hi, I'm Laurie Sheher. I felt surrendered and actually comforted the second time. Even though the present is so far, far away, and there's so many gates that go to nowhere, I Report an error in the passage at 9:34 Highlight the passage at 9:34

9:55 had surrendered. Putting my body in that position, I just surrendered and let it just be what it was, and I felt a little comforted by it. Report an error in the passage at 9:55 Highlight the passage at 9:55

10:09 Thank you very much. Is there anyone, another brave soul? Good Report an error in the passage at 10:09 Highlight the passage at 10:09

10:27 morning, thank you. Report an error in the passage at 10:27 Highlight the passage at 10:27

10:30 I felt that it was easier at first to absorb the words emotionally when I had my hands over my eyes and that I was in kind of a more less alert, upright stance where we usually sit for dharma talks. So when you first said it, it was much easier for me to be alert and pay attention. But then after you started reading after a bit, because of the place that I was in, I started to fall asleep. Report an error in the passage at 10:30 Highlight the passage at 10:30

10:58 And I felt physically it was harder to stay alert, but that emotionally it was easier to absorb the words. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 10:58 Highlight the passage at 10:58

11:11 Please, somebody at the back. Report an error in the passage at 11:11 Highlight the passage at 11:11

11:26 I'm noticing a theme between what I've heard and my experience. When I buried my face in my hands, I immediately felt more comfortable. I found it very... And when you notice some may not find it easy, I was like, wow, I find it really easy. Report an error in the passage at 11:26 Highlight the passage at 11:26

11:44 And I'm also a person that poetry often doesn't grab me, and I wasn't actually even able to listen to it, hear, take in the words the first time you read it. And I was completely able to take in the words and felt resonance and comfort, and I was touched the second time hearing the poem. Thank you. The Report an error in the passage at 11:44 Highlight the passage at 11:44

12:21 first time I heard it, it was separate from me. Report an error in the passage at 12:21 Highlight the passage at 12:21

12:28 The second time with my head in my hands, I felt it very personally, and I wasn't happy about that. It felt like this was a place that I did not want to be, but maybe I was, or certainly I was. Report an error in the passage at 12:28 Highlight the passage at 12:28

12:57 Thank you. Keep Report an error in the passage at 12:57 Highlight the passage at 12:57

13:08 going. Is there anyone else? Yes, please. Thank you. I felt first drawn to a mental model when we heard it the first time and the second time I felt it was courageous to allow the place of not knowing and not being in the present and I was grateful to not be in my room by myself hearing the poem but to be with a group of people who were also courageously acknowledging that place that we all can be. Report an error in the passage at 13:08 Highlight the passage at 13:08

13:45 And so I felt held in community. Thank you. Unless Report an error in the passage at 13:45 Highlight the passage at 13:45

13:54 someone else has an interest in sharing, we'll move. So Report an error in the passage at 13:54 Highlight the passage at 13:54

14:10 for me, when I listened to this poem and read it through, I started to get quite angry because Report an error in the passage at 14:10 Highlight the passage at 14:10

14:24 it does describe this place of despair, Report an error in the passage at 14:24 Highlight the passage at 14:24

14:37 hopelessness, giving up. Resigning, a Report an error in the passage at 14:37 Highlight the passage at 14:37

14:47 kind of a lost Report an error in the passage at 14:47 Highlight the passage at 14:47

14:56 in the first noble truth, lost in suffering, dukkha. Report an error in the passage at 14:56 Highlight the passage at 14:56

15:08 And part of my feeling, that sharp feeling was that the practice, my practice, allows me to penetrate the feelings that arise from this poetry for me. Report an error in the passage at 15:08 Highlight the passage at 15:08

15:29 This description, For me, as a person who feels completely resigned, comfortable even, as was described by one person, comfortable in this place of not understanding, of no curiosity or Report an error in the passage at 15:29 Highlight the passage at 15:29

15:57 little curiosity, defeated curiosity. So Report an error in the passage at 15:57 Highlight the passage at 15:57

16:09 there's these, for me, the... The overlay of this poetry speaks to practice. It was almost like I read it, I heard the pieces of it, and then I read this poem in its entirety. And for me, it took me into the possibility of practice instead of the settling with resignation, the feeling of defeated. It kind of marshaled a call to... Report an error in the passage at 16:09 Highlight the passage at 16:09

16:48 Impermanence, a call to understanding that in every moment we can actually be here rather than far away. Report an error in the passage at 16:48 Highlight the passage at 16:48

17:10 And for me, this poem was remarkable in that this was something that I felt in my body before I actually started exploring the poem more. Report an error in the passage at 17:10 Highlight the passage at 17:10

17:24 I had a felt sense of what the poet was doing and where I think he was trying to lead us. And I, as a result of this practice, I didn't want to go to that place. Report an error in the passage at 17:24 Highlight the passage at 17:24

17:44 I had the ability to understand, or I feel like I had the ability to understand what he's articulating. and then be able or willing Report an error in the passage at 17:44 Highlight the passage at 17:44

18:01 to point myself in another direction. Report an error in the passage at 18:01 Highlight the passage at 18:01

18:09 So I'd like to read it to you again, and this time I'd like you to have a different posture, which is one of... Report an error in the passage at 18:09 Highlight the passage at 18:09

18:26 One of intention. Report an error in the passage at 18:26 Highlight the passage at 18:26

18:30 One of connecting with your body. Report an error in the passage at 18:30 Highlight the passage at 18:30

18:37 however that feels for you. And of It's a little hard because we're all in this Buddha hall jammed together. So if the way that you would do this at home is you would dance while listening to this, that's more difficult to duplicate in this setting. Report an error in the passage at 18:37 Highlight the passage at 18:37

18:57 However, it's a posture, I think, of clarity. Report an error in the passage at 18:57 Highlight the passage at 18:57

19:25 Burry your face in your hands. Report an error in the passage at 19:25 Highlight the passage at 19:25

19:31 Because we have crossed the river and the wind offers... Only a numb uncoiling of cold and we have meekly adapted no longer expecting more than we have been given nor wondering how it happened that we came to this place we Report an error in the passage at 19:31 Highlight the passage at 19:31

19:59 don't mind that nothing turned out as we thought it might there Report an error in the passage at 19:59 Highlight the passage at 19:59

20:07 is no way to clear the haze in which we live no way to know that we have undergone another day Report an error in the passage at 20:07 Highlight the passage at 20:07

20:18 The silent snow of thought melts before it has a chance to stick. Report an error in the passage at 20:18 Highlight the passage at 20:18

20:25 Where we are is anyone's guess. The gates to nowhere multiply, and the present is so far away, so deeply far away. Does Report an error in the passage at 20:25 Highlight the passage at 20:25

20:55 anyone want to comment on their experience through that third reading? Report an error in the passage at 20:55 Highlight the passage at 20:55

21:08 Griffin, this time I felt the the, um, wonder of the possibility of the unknown. Thank Report an error in the passage at 21:08 Highlight the passage at 21:08

21:24 you. Report an error in the passage at 21:24 Highlight the passage at 21:24

21:34 This time it felt like an experience of what dementia might be like. Report an error in the passage at 21:34 Highlight the passage at 21:34

21:53 So the first time I didn't hear how the adaptation happened. The second time I heard it as weakly adapting. And then the third time I heard meekly, like... Report an error in the passage at 21:53 Highlight the passage at 21:53

22:11 Still wanting to and with caution. And then a whole bunch of other things really kind of hit that third time too with the curiosity with my practice. And so, yeah, thank you for that. I'm Report an error in the passage at 22:11 Highlight the passage at 22:11

22:38 making the Eno work. I like to work. Report an error in the passage at 22:38 Highlight the passage at 22:38

22:49 The third time I was more aware of the room before it was more internal. And I was feeling a sense of a combination of resistance and resilience, which kind of toward the end was feeling this kind of like tingling in my spine. Report an error in the passage at 22:49 Highlight the passage at 22:49

23:22 I may be part of the minority or the exception that felt pretty much the same in all three. And I guess for me, I'd just share quickly the whole lines. Sort of remind me of the small verse from Lao Tzu, which I don't have memorized, but it's something like the whole world seems busy and I'm like an idiot or like a cloud that's roaming around. Report an error in the passage at 23:22 Highlight the passage at 23:22

23:54 But the only place in the poem, perhaps the last line, where sort of the dissonance happens is the present seems far away. It sort of seems like a koan because I have no... What is called the intuitive sense of what that is. But if I was to make a guess, maybe the port is coming from a place of thoughts and expectations, memories, condition, and the reality is having a sort of a face-to-face with that. Report an error in the passage at 23:54 Highlight the passage at 23:54

24:30 I don't know. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 24:30 Highlight the passage at 24:30

24:40 Somebody? Report an error in the passage at 24:40 Highlight the passage at 24:40

24:49 I'm brought back to the river. The river is a sort of threshold. I think it's one part of the journey to leave what's behind you on the river. It's another part to cross it. And sometimes I think when we're pushed past thresholds, we might not be ready for what's ahead of us. And we might be forced beyond our control. And it's one thing to let go of what's behind you, to accept that it's gone. But it's a whole other thing to embrace what's ahead. Report an error in the passage at 24:49 Highlight the passage at 24:49

25:16 And so I think there's an acceptance, a resignation, yes. it is and unknown but you know the story is not done yet Report an error in the passage at 25:16 Highlight the passage at 25:16

25:33 The thing I appreciate, one of the many things I appreciate about this poem is that this situation that he's describing happens to us all. We do get numb. We do shut down. We do feel comfort in kind of the hazy... Or we can feel comfortable in the hazy resignation. Report an error in the passage at 25:33 Highlight the passage at 25:33

26:09 And then the opposite of that is there can be this feeling of, okay, so enough of that, enough of sitting in front of the TV, eating Doritos, watching the Super Bowl, listening to Bad Bunny. Report an error in the passage at 26:09 Highlight the passage at 26:09

26:29 What's next, you know? What can I do that's next? Resignation. Report an error in the passage at 26:29 Highlight the passage at 26:29

26:34 What is important? How do I avoid the seduction of the numbness? Is it possible? So Report an error in the passage at 26:34 Highlight the passage at 26:34

26:49 there's this description of two kind of extreme realities in this poem, or a description of a reality and then a possible movement towards something, an alternative that's more alive. That brings you into the moment rather than taking you out of the moment. That brings you into your body rather than taking you to a place where you don't even notice that you have this lovely body. Report an error in the passage at 26:49 Highlight the passage at 26:49

27:30 So the invitation, Report an error in the passage at 27:30 Highlight the passage at 27:30

27:37 there was a teacher once that said something like, be careful because if you start sitting once, The invitation. Report an error in the passage at 27:37 Highlight the passage at 27:37

27:47 You will never be able to turn your back on that. Report an error in the passage at 27:47 Highlight the passage at 27:47

27:53 And what I think that means is that getting a glimpse of reality is potent and we can never really turn our back on it and feel completely settled around the fact that we've turned our back on it. Report an error in the passage at 27:53 Highlight the passage at 27:53

28:17 And I think the language of this poem, although I have no idea if Mark Strand was a Buddhist, I don't know. And he has since, he is deceased. The language for me is very clearly a looking, exploring invitation to one's life. Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:45 Being really interested. And that it is indeed effort. That it doesn't come without cost. That crossing the river is an act and we don't actually know. Report an error in the passage at 28:45 Highlight the passage at 28:45

29:02 If in crossing the river, we're ready for the thing that we've moved into and moved away from. Report an error in the passage at 29:02 Highlight the passage at 29:02

29:21 I particularly liked the line, the gates to nowhere multiply. And I think of a lecture, Christina, you gave years ago where you were talking about enough. Report an error in the passage at 29:21 Highlight the passage at 29:21

29:38 Because I think generally in our culture, we're not rewarded for having enough. We're rewarded. For having more. So Report an error in the passage at 29:38 Highlight the passage at 29:38

29:56 this line, for me, it opens up this idea that I have this image anyway, which I don't want to offend anybody. However, like scrolling on one's phone, there are like lots of gates in that. Sensory gates, possible entry points. There's unlimited... Report an error in the passage at 29:56 Highlight the passage at 29:56

30:25 It is unlimited gates. And the idea that those unlimited gates lead to nowhere is something that each of us has to think about, maybe. Report an error in the passage at 30:25 Highlight the passage at 30:25

30:41 Is that true? So this speaks a little bit to, are we distracting ourselves by the multitude of gates that are possible in our lives now? Report an error in the passage at 30:41 Highlight the passage at 30:41

30:57 And then the very last, the present is so far away. So it describes this alienation from the present moment, that Report an error in the passage at 30:57 Highlight the passage at 30:57

31:14 the we in this poem has nothing that is bringing them into their body, into this moment, into what's happening now. And Report an error in the passage at 31:14 Highlight the passage at 31:14

31:36 what a wonderful thing when you have the tools to actually look into this present moment, understand how you feel, understand how your response is. Report an error in the passage at 31:36 Highlight the passage at 31:36

31:52 Understand the moment and what a gift that is. Report an error in the passage at 31:52 Highlight the passage at 31:52

32:04 So as I continued to think about this poem, it was actually for me a call to practice. How can I be curious? How can I be open? Report an error in the passage at 32:04 Highlight the passage at 32:04

32:21 How can I be persistent? And Report an error in the passage at 32:21 Highlight the passage at 32:21

32:30 can I allow for change instead of getting kind of locked in? Report an error in the passage at 32:30 Highlight the passage at 32:30

32:56 It is an invitation, maybe Report an error in the passage at 32:56 Highlight the passage at 32:56

33:06 not directly, Maybe it kind of sneaks up. And I think that's, for me, one of the powers of practice is that it is an invitation to practice. Life is an invitation to practice. Report an error in the passage at 33:06 Highlight the passage at 33:06

33:31 It's an invitation to look at things in different ways, to Report an error in the passage at 33:31 Highlight the passage at 33:31

33:42 question our responses, our reactions, our feelings, our thoughts. Report an error in the passage at 33:42 Highlight the passage at 33:42

33:53 And for me, this poem gave me access to that. Report an error in the passage at 33:53 Highlight the passage at 33:53

34:02 I'm going to read it one more time. Report an error in the passage at 34:02 Highlight the passage at 34:02

34:14 Bury your face in your hands. Report an error in the passage at 34:14 Highlight the passage at 34:14

34:19 Because we have crossed the river and the wind offers only a numb uncoiling of cold and we have meekly adapted, no longer expecting more than we have been given, nor wondering how it happened that we came to this place. Report an error in the passage at 34:19 Highlight the passage at 34:19

34:47 We don't mind. that nothing turned out as we thought it might there Report an error in the passage at 34:47 Highlight the passage at 34:47

34:56 is no way to clear the haze in which we live no way to know that we have undergone another day the Report an error in the passage at 34:56 Highlight the passage at 34:56

35:11 silent snow of thought melts before it has a chance to stick where Report an error in the passage at 35:11 Highlight the passage at 35:11

35:20 we are is anyone's guess the gates to nowhere multiply and the present is so far away so deeply far away Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. Report an error in the passage at 35:20 Highlight the passage at 35:20

36:00 May we all fully enjoy the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 36:00 Highlight the passage at 36:00