Cultivating Stillness in Turbulent Times

0:00 This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:17 Welcome. Thank you for coming in the rain, in the cool wetness. That anybody is here at all is very nice. Is anybody here for the first time? Welcome. Thank you for coming. Report an error in the passage at 0:17 Highlight the passage at 0:17

0:37 I hope you enjoy this afternoon and this day, this beautiful wet day. Oh, and you too. Thank you. I hope this is nice for you. We have some nice tea and cookies later, worse comes to worse. So, oh, here, I'm supposed to say something, I think. Report an error in the passage at 0:37 Highlight the passage at 0:37

1:03 My name is Dainin Marsha Angus. I've been practicing here for a long time. And Report an error in the passage at 1:03 Highlight the passage at 1:03

1:17 Let's start by just taking a moment to settle ourselves in this beautiful Buddha hall. And take a moment to just notice how it is for you today on the inside. Report an error in the passage at 1:17 Highlight the passage at 1:17

1:40 How is your heart rate, your breath? Can you feel what you're sitting on supporting you? Report an error in the passage at 1:40 Highlight the passage at 1:40

1:56 Make yourself comfortable. If you're not comfortable, please sit in a way that makes you more comfortable. Very Report an error in the passage at 1:56 Highlight the passage at 1:56

2:14 nice. I think you have some experience already with this. So right now, we are in a period of great turmoil, chaos, and uncertainty, and a lot of changes throughout the world, climate change. Report an error in the passage at 2:14 Highlight the passage at 2:14

2:41 Political instability. Financial markets are changing. And everything's shifting. And in this country, I've noticed, especially I was in Europe in the summer, and when we got off the plane, one of the things I noticed was there was just a hum of anxiety in this country. Just a level of tension that was a little bit different than where we came from. Report an error in the passage at 2:41 Highlight the passage at 2:41

3:14 And what I realized is how grateful I am for my Buddhist practice in times like these, in difficult times, in times where I feel scared or helpless or confused. My practice is what is my refuge. Learning to sit with the intention of maintaining a mental and physical posture of stillness is not Report an error in the passage at 3:14 Highlight the passage at 3:14

3:55 only is this a Buddhist practice but this is also the kind of practice that undermines trauma and helps develop resilience in your own nervous system so for the last 50 years I've I've been a therapist but the last 14 or so I've been focusing on dealing with all kinds of trauma and one of the ways we deal with it early childhood trauma repetitive trauma any kind of trauma is learning over and over and over when we get a little activated to pause and settle ourselves because when you're in in a triggered or activated or reactive state of mind, you tend not to make very good decisions. Report an error in the passage at 3:55 Highlight the passage at 3:55

5:00 When you're in a state like that, you move into what we call survival physiology. You've got some adrenaline, norepinephrine, cortisol, various neurotransmitters and hormones that are designed to prepare you to flight, fight, Or even appease as a way of surviving. And when these chemicals get going, it changes the way you think and the way you prioritize. Report an error in the passage at 5:00 Highlight the passage at 5:00

5:40 It's like all the resources in your body stop doing housekeeping, stop digesting food, stop filtering everything, and move into getting your muscles. Ready to protect you, which definitely affects your decision making and often puts you in a kind of myopic state. Report an error in the passage at 5:40 Highlight the passage at 5:40

6:08 Consequently, having a regular developing a habit of learning when you're on the on-ramp to that place and you're actually not in danger, but you're not in physical danger, your life is not in danger. But somehow your feelings got hurt or you feel challenged in some way that makes you brace or stiffen, that's a good signal, a good time to pause and settle yourself over Report an error in the passage at 6:08 Highlight the passage at 6:08

6:52 and over. So the other piece of this is that Report an error in the passage at 6:52 Highlight the passage at 6:52

7:03 fear is... Report an error in the passage at 7:03 Highlight the passage at 7:03

7:08 whatever our psychological problems, financial problems. There are even political problems, usually what is at the root is some kind of fear. Report an error in the passage at 7:08 Highlight the passage at 7:08

7:26 And how we deal with fear is also a big way I've been. I'm teaching people who have trauma, which is usually everybody has some kind of trauma somewhere in their history. So learning how to make yourself feel safe. Report an error in the passage at 7:26 Highlight the passage at 7:26

7:48 And the first step to feeling at least safer is to settle. Report an error in the passage at 7:48 Highlight the passage at 7:48

7:59 And that is what helps us when we get into a more peaceful, calm state. We're able to see what's actually going on more clearly. Report an error in the passage at 7:59 Highlight the passage at 7:59

8:12 Otherwise, we don't get a sense of we see things in that more myopic way. When we're settled and we're calm, then we sort of take in more. It's like when I walk into a room, I kind of want to look around, see who's here, people I recognize, old friends, new friends. Report an error in the passage at 8:12 Highlight the passage at 8:12

8:40 That in and of itself is already calming. Allowing myself to orient to where I am anytime I enter a new space. Report an error in the passage at 8:40 Highlight the passage at 8:40

8:53 So in this practice, we are told that we are perfect just the way we are. And Suzuki Roshi added, and you could all use a little improvement, but the basic statement is we're perfect just the way we are, and we just have to realize it. Report an error in the passage at 8:53 Highlight the passage at 8:53

9:16 The path of realizing that is the path of being able to tolerate sitting still for yourself no matter what arises from within. Whatever memories, whatever fears, whatever experiences, that there's a kind of willingness and commitment to go, I'm sticking with me regardless. Report an error in the passage at 9:16 Highlight the passage at 9:16

9:47 And that takes courage, and it takes curiosity. You would actually have to be interested in understanding yourself, which is, I'm kind of interested. I love that Buddhist phrase, to study the self. What is it? Report an error in the passage at 9:47 Highlight the passage at 9:47

10:10 To study the self is to forget the self, and to forget the self is to be realized by myriad things. Be realized by. It's in this stillness that you are realized by your own being. Report an error in the passage at 10:10 Highlight the passage at 10:10

10:34 And you begin to discover the wisdom that is below your neck, which tells you just about everything you need to know to take care of yourself at any given moment. Report an error in the passage at 10:34 Highlight the passage at 10:34

10:47 So I would like to try that out now, if you wouldn't mind. Because when I do... When I see clients or I do practice discussion, I always like to begin with settling ourselves. And I usually do a little two or three minute guided meditation. And that's what I'd like to try with you now. And the reason I like to do it, it's sort of a subliminal sales pitch, I guess, is that you can begin to see that if you do this little two or three minute thing anytime you start to feel threatened or activated or agitated and even if you did it for 10 breaths you would already begin to undermine those habituated reactive patterns that we all have where biases prejudices you know that kind of What do I call it? Anticipatory anxieties. Those kinds of things. So right now, let's just settle ourselves again. Report an error in the passage at 10:47 Highlight the passage at 10:47

12:05 Make yourself as comfortable as you can make yourself. Report an error in the passage at 12:05 Highlight the passage at 12:05

12:11 And bringing your attention to your breath, notice the air coming in your nostrils, cooling your nostrils, filling your lungs. Report an error in the passage at 12:11 Highlight the passage at 12:11

12:29 And as your lungs fill, Notice your ribs moving and your back and your sides and your belly moving, not trying to breathe in any special way, allowing your breath to breathe you. Your breath knows exactly how much air you need to sit there, and you can just enjoy that wisdom. And with each breath, as you follow, the exhale follow it all the way down to the end of the exhale you'll notice there's a momentary still point and then you naturally begin to inhale again so Report an error in the passage at 12:29 Highlight the passage at 12:29

13:30 as we get to the bottom of the exhale we allow our mind and body to just rest momentarily in the stillness and Report an error in the passage at 13:30 Highlight the passage at 13:30

13:47 then following the breath up again and each time We exhale down to the bottom. We gather more stillness into our bodies. Each Report an error in the passage at 13:47 Highlight the passage at 13:47

14:08 breath we feel more stillness spreading into our torso, to our legs. Report an error in the passage at 14:08 Highlight the passage at 14:08

14:21 Each breath more stillness till we begin to feel stillness in the room. And Report an error in the passage at 14:21 Highlight the passage at 14:21

14:36 we expand our sense of stillness throughout the room. Into the building, Report an error in the passage at 14:36 Highlight the passage at 14:36

14:48 exquisite peace. Report an error in the passage at 14:48 Highlight the passage at 14:48

14:55 Ding. So this, I want you to notice, do you feel any different than you did when we started that little meditation? Do you feel maybe a little more relaxed? Now, that was like two and a half minutes. So what I'm trying to say is just, if you got two minutes, But even if you only have 10 breaths, you can undermine those habituated patterns that may be... Report an error in the passage at 14:55 Highlight the passage at 14:55

15:32 Do you know what I mean by habituated patterns? That are kind of reflexive, that you might have, that you wish maybe you didn't sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

15:44 If I get hungry sometimes, I get a little snarky. I get a little... Report an error in the passage at 15:44 Highlight the passage at 15:44

15:54 So the other day I was talking to Christina and I was, you know, she very nicely said something like, and I heard myself and I went, ooh, that is not nice. So we have a little thing that we do with each other where we sit down and we just sit down and notice how are we feeling in our minds? What are we running in our heads? How are we feeling emotionally? Report an error in the passage at 15:54 Highlight the passage at 15:54

16:24 And how do we feel in our bodies? So it's like we take one minute to do that, and then I tell her. I'm hungry. Report an error in the passage at 16:24 Highlight the passage at 16:24

16:52 I need to do something about that. I'm hungry and my hip hurts. And 9 times out of 10, when we do that, The whole thing just kind of pixelates and I realize I'm not mad at her, I'm hungry. Report an error in the passage at 16:52 Highlight the passage at 16:52

16:55 So a lot of times that kind of reactive energy comes up when we have something else going on, but we're putting it out in a way that's kind of like doesn't fit exactly. And so this is another way to come back home, take our temperature, and see what's actually going on on the inside. Report an error in the passage at 16:55 Highlight the passage at 16:55

17:23 And a lot of times just the witnessing, Witnessing of yourself, especially if you can witness yourself with compassion, appreciation, some gentleness. Report an error in the passage at 17:23 Highlight the passage at 17:23

17:42 that's going to change, that's going to allow you to have a shift. And so for me, this is all about, you know, I want a way of maintaining a decent state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 17:42 Highlight the passage at 17:42

17:57 because I've noticed that if I don't Report an error in the passage at 17:57 Highlight the passage at 17:57

18:03 circumstances of the world these days, I get kind of cranky, irritated, scattered, all kinds of things. because it's you know every day there's something else Report an error in the passage at 18:03 Highlight the passage at 18:03

18:17 So I have to go, okay, is there anything I can do about this? And if there is, do it. Write the letter, make the call, make the donation. Report an error in the passage at 18:17 Highlight the passage at 18:17

18:35 And if there isn't anything to be done, then take a moment and just settle myself. Report an error in the passage at 18:35 Highlight the passage at 18:35

18:47 I'm going to see myself more clearly. I'm going to make better decisions. So this is pretty much the main thing I have to say. Report an error in the passage at 18:47 Highlight the passage at 18:47

19:03 So what was Report an error in the passage at 19:03 Highlight the passage at 19:03

19:10 I going to say? It's important to be gentle because the other thing about these habits is There tend to be the habits of a lifetime. Like if you have a tendency to think everything is your fault. Or if you have a tendency to think that you have to take care of everything. Or if, you know, these kinds of things. Do you know what I'm talking about? These kind of notions we have about ourselves. These tend to be things that we've been kind of imprinted with from early. Report an error in the passage at 19:10 Highlight the passage at 19:10

19:18 lifetime. Report an error in the passage at 19:18 Highlight the passage at 19:18

19:43 And then we repeat them and we do them to ourselves. And we don't exactly realize it. So the thing I like about pausing as soon as you feel some tension or bracing or discomfort is that it helps you undermine the pattern. Because just interrupting it undermines it. Seeing it for what it is. And regarding yourself with a little more compassion and appreciation maybe than you had in the beginning. Report an error in the passage at 19:43 Highlight the passage at 19:43

20:20 Because in a way, I would say settling ourselves is a way to reparent ourselves. It's what our parents did when we were babies. They would settle us. And settling ourselves, what? Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, not everybody got that. Report an error in the passage at 20:20 Highlight the passage at 20:20

20:43 That's for sure. Oh, yes. The other thing is, this is the other thing. This is where I really tell you this saved me. Yesterday, I was getting ready to do this lecture, right? I was going to make some notes and pull it together. And everything's gone. Something bad happened with the backup. There's no files. There's no Word files. Not only that, there's no Word. Report an error in the passage at 20:43 Highlight the passage at 20:43

21:13 I have a new computer and the old computer said you have to pay a million dollars to upgrade your word or you can't do anything. The old computer also didn't have, I don't know what happened, but everything was gone. And I went over to Christina's office and I said, I'm going to cry. My computer has a zip-a-loni in it. So I called my IT guy and I went back into my office and I just sat there. Report an error in the passage at 21:13 Highlight the passage at 21:13

21:43 I went, OK. It's like this now. And I didn't do anything. I just sat there for a while. But because I sat there, I realized, Marsha, you have a PC. On the PC, I also didn't have everything, but I had a lot of other files that I could use, things that were similar to what was in the Mac. Report an error in the passage at 21:43 Highlight the passage at 21:43

22:10 But what I noticed was, finally, when When the IT called back, because I sent him this thing, help, I can't do anything. I have to give a lecture. And I texted him this horrifying text. And he was in a meeting and couldn't respond. So by the time he did, it was like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Because I'm not going to die. Report an error in the passage at 22:10 Highlight the passage at 22:10

22:44 And I know what I'm going to talk about stillness, so I don't need an article to talk about stillness. I've been talking about stillness for 50 years. I think I can remember a little bit. Anyway, it wasn't until I settled myself, but it was very interesting because I could immediately get myself all flipped out. Report an error in the passage at 22:44 Highlight the passage at 22:44

23:10 The thing I've noticed from doing this practice lots and lots is that The turnaround, even though I do get activated like a human being, the turnaround from hitting the ceiling to dropping back down into a calmer state is much, much quicker. I don't spend a lot of time flipped out. And that's my sales point. That's my recommendation about this is that absolutely anybody can do it. Report an error in the passage at 23:10 Highlight the passage at 23:10

23:42 and if you're willing to do it on a regular basis, you'll be in grave danger of feeling more peaceful and understanding yourself. Report an error in the passage at 23:42 Highlight the passage at 23:42

24:12 Or when you have a difficult moment, because often we just want to leave ourselves or change the subject or distract ourselves and just go feel better. I don't want to think about that. And I think that's a really good decision sometimes, just not all the time. There are times where it's time to sit down and face the music. Report an error in the passage at 24:12 Highlight the passage at 24:12

24:38 And that's what I think about Zazen. For me, in these times, during COVID, during any difficult time, it's my refuge. It's my best friend. My still point's my best friend. Always saves me. It's always there. I can find it at the bottom of each breath anytime I want. Report an error in the passage at 24:38 Highlight the passage at 24:38

25:03 And I never run out of stillness. And it's free. So what did I want to... Oh, I think it's here. Yes, I want to read you a poem about this. I love this poem. This is a poem by Donna Falls from a book called Go In and In, Poems from the Heart. Not a famous poet, but I just love it. I hope you like it. Witness. When I can be the witness, all manner of miracles occur. Report an error in the passage at 25:03 Highlight the passage at 25:03

25:40 Old wounds heal. The past reveals itself to be released. Present dramas play themselves out without sinking emotional talons into my skin. The witness welcomes truth and dares to meet reality on its own terms. It is the ground in which the seeds of transformation take root and finally flower. When the witness is awake, the lake of mind is still. Report an error in the passage at 25:40 Highlight the passage at 25:40

26:21 I see, and in that mirrored surface, I see my own true face, my own... In that mirrored surface, I see my own true face as spirit smiling back at me. So I'm going to read it again, if that's okay. When I can be the witness, all manner of miracles occur. Old wounds heal. The past... Reveals itself to be released. Present dramas play themselves out without sinking emotional talons into my soft skin. Report an error in the passage at 26:21 Highlight the passage at 26:21

27:04 The witness welcomes truth, dares to meet reality on its own terms. Report an error in the passage at 27:04 Highlight the passage at 27:04

27:13 Dares to meet reality on its own terms. It is the ground in which the seeds of transformation take root and finally flower. Report an error in the passage at 27:13 Highlight the passage at 27:13

27:25 When the witness is awake, the lake of mind is still. And in that mirrored surface, I see my own true face as spirit smiling back at me. Report an error in the passage at 27:25 Highlight the passage at 27:25

27:39 That still point, I feel, is like a portal to this space, which to me is a, this is where freedom, this is where the door to freedom is. Report an error in the passage at 27:39 Highlight the passage at 27:39

27:58 And the more I visit that, the more familiar I become with it. the more ease I feel in my body and in my life. and things get simpler. Report an error in the passage at 27:58 Highlight the passage at 27:58

28:17 So, where am I now? Where are we? Wow. It's getting late. Okay, let's see. I didn't think, I mean, how long have I been here? Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:33 Okay, I just told you that. okay and When to use pausing, I told you that. And oh, there's, you can use this in a traffic jam. This is a great thing to do in a traffic jam. Stop, endless stop signs where the signal is like for four minutes or something. It's really helpful when I'm feeling particularly impatient about something. Report an error in the passage at 28:33 Highlight the passage at 28:33

29:02 Pause. It's so helpful. It's my favorite tool in troubled times, I tell you. So I'm going to close, and we get to go have tea and cookies. Report an error in the passage at 29:02 Highlight the passage at 29:02

29:17 What? I'm going to read the Neruda poem. It's okay. I have my supervisor here. The love of my life, Christina, is here. She's making sure I don't forget anything. So this is called... anything. Report an error in the passage at 29:17 Highlight the passage at 29:17

29:38 Keeping Quiet by Pablo Neruda. And it's a nice way to end. Now we will count to 12 and we will all keep still for once. Now we will count to 12 and we will all keep still for once on the face of the earth. Let's not speak in any language. Let's stop for a second and not move our arms so much. Report an error in the passage at 29:38 Highlight the passage at 29:38

30:07 It would be an exotic moment without rush, without engines. We would all be together in a sudden strangeness. Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales and the man gathering salt would not look at his hurt hands. Report an error in the passage at 30:07 Highlight the passage at 30:07

30:28 Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade, doing nothing. What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it's about. If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and and of of threatening threatening ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 30:28 Highlight the passage at 30:28

31:15 ourselves with death. Now. I'll count up to 12, and you keep quiet. Thank you for Report an error in the passage at 31:15 Highlight the passage at 31:15

31:31 listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 31:31 Highlight the passage at 31:31