A Journey Toward Boundless Connection

0:00 This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:15 Thank you for being here today. And thank you for people who are joining online. Report an error in the passage at 0:15 Highlight the passage at 0:15

0:30 First, I'd like to ask how many of you here today are practicing Zen maybe this new year? Report an error in the passage at 0:30 Highlight the passage at 0:30

0:45 Please raise your hands. How about more than five years? More Report an error in the passage at 0:45 Highlight the passage at 0:45

0:56 than 20 years? Impressive. The fresh mind of new practitioners and the wisdom of the long practitioners makes the saṅgha very vibrant and thriving. Can you feel that energy in this room? Report an error in the passage at 0:56 Highlight the passage at 0:56

1:31 And let me ask one more question. Do you have any family members think you are a little bit unusual? Report an error in the passage at 1:31 Highlight the passage at 1:31

1:44 Yes, yes. Or your whole member practices Zen so everyone is equally weird? Report an error in the passage at 1:44 Highlight the passage at 1:44

1:57 So far, can you understand my English? it weird? Report an error in the passage at 1:57 Highlight the passage at 1:57

2:03 If it's hard to follow, please let me know. And what about my jokes? If they don't make any sense, please pretend they are funny. Report an error in the passage at 2:03 Highlight the passage at 2:03

2:21 My name is Tenmyo, and you can remember me as Ten Cats. Tenmyo. Yes, this is where you laugh. Report an error in the passage at 2:21 Highlight the passage at 2:21

2:36 And my actual dharma name is Tenmyo. This character, Ten, means scriptures or canon, C-A-N-O-N, canon, can also mean model or classic. And Myo, Tenmyo means illuminate, light or make something clear with the light. So my name Tenmyo means illuminating Dharma teaching, illuminating Dharma canon. I Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

3:37 now work for Soto Zen Buddhism International Office and we make connections. and bridging temples and practitioners across the world. I am also a resident practitioner here and Report an error in the passage at 3:37 Highlight the passage at 3:37

4:13 I feel nothing is more joyful than practicing together with Dharma friends that we share the Aspiration to know the truth and also this deep desire to benefit all beings. There Report an error in the passage at 4:13 Highlight the passage at 4:13

4:47 is a story from old Buddhist scripture that Ananda, do you know Ananda? Ananda is Buddha's cousin and also a very devoted attendee to Buddha. One day, Ananda said to Buddha that having good friends and good community, I think, is half of the holy life. Report an error in the passage at 4:47 Highlight the passage at 4:47

5:26 Hearing that, Buddha answered back to Ananda that having good friends and having good community is not half the holy life. It is the whole of the holy life. Report an error in the passage at 5:26 Highlight the passage at 5:26

5:48 Being part of the Saṅgha here and being here today with all of you, that reminded me of this story very deeply. Report an error in the passage at 5:48 Highlight the passage at 5:48

6:07 Today, I like to share my personal story that how I become a Buddhist nun. and also things I learned from practicing in different countries. My Report an error in the passage at 6:07 Highlight the passage at 6:07

6:38 personal journey, I describe it as a journey from zero to infinity. Zero means I started from depression and self-loss and now to the life guided by Buddhist principles in connection to all beings. I Report an error in the passage at 6:38 Highlight the passage at 6:38

7:11 grew up in Osaka. Have any of you been to Osaka before? Yes? Yes? It's a big city and many concrete buildings, not so many green. Report an error in the passage at 7:11 Highlight the passage at 7:11

7:35 My family lived in Second floor over seven story apartment and between below us my family run a liquor store selling alcohol and Report an error in the passage at 7:35 Highlight the passage at 7:35

7:55 in front of our apartment there's a very big big road so there were cars very noisy all through the day so it was There were seven members of my family, my grandparents and my parents, and two older sisters. It is less common today living with grandparents, but traditionally married woman is supposed to Take care of the husband's parents and my mother take care of everyone in the family and also helped running the family business of running a liquor store. Report an error in the passage at 7:55 Highlight the passage at 7:55

9:05 So her days were incredibly busy, but I really appreciate now what she offered to us. Report an error in the passage at 9:05 Highlight the passage at 9:05

9:21 My grandparents survived World War II and the trauma and the scars from the hardship I think shaped the family atmosphere. My Report an error in the passage at 9:21 Highlight the passage at 9:21

9:44 grandma used to repeat the story that there was a big air raid in Osaka and She lost everything during that time. And she told again and again, she come back to where the house used to be. And there was only one iron pot was left. Report an error in the passage at 9:44 Highlight the passage at 9:44

10:26 Because of that experience, my grandparents, especially my grandma, I was so attached to money, so the atmosphere of my family is more about survival and how to protect oneself and one's family from harsh environment. It is not about living in connection, living, serving to all beings, but more survival. Report an error in the passage at 10:26 Highlight the passage at 10:26

11:14 My family is Buddhist. They follow funeral and memorial services for Buddhist traditions, but not particularly religious. Report an error in the passage at 11:14 Highlight the passage at 11:14

11:33 They also belong to a Pure Land sect of Buddhism and not Soto Zen. So I think my family think me also a little bit weird. Maybe very unusual. I think many people start their spiritual path because of their hardship or dissatisfaction with life. Report an error in the passage at 11:33 Highlight the passage at 11:33

12:08 Maybe you resonate with that. And I am not an exception. Report an error in the passage at 12:08 Highlight the passage at 12:08

12:22 I was a very, very shy girl when I was little. And at kindergarten, I didn't have any friends. So I often played by myself. And my classmates often teased on me and very hard on me. I hoped it's going to change entering elementary school. From kindergarten to elementary school. But I felt I was in the bottom of social hierarchy at school. Report an error in the passage at 12:22 Highlight the passage at 12:22

13:09 And at that time, I didn't know how strong the self-talk could be. So I kept talking to myself that... Something is wrong with me and I am not lovable and all those negativity I put on myself. Report an error in the passage at 13:09 Highlight the passage at 13:09

13:45 Entering junior high school and high school, I made some friends, but this feeling of negativity followed me and I escaped into studying. Report an error in the passage at 13:45 Highlight the passage at 13:45

14:04 Because if my grades were good, I didn't have to look into myself. And people around me think I'm doing okay. So my grades were good, and I got into Tokyo University, which is one of the best universities in Tokyo in Japan. Report an error in the passage at 14:04 Highlight the passage at 14:04

14:33 But depression followed me. I really couldn't focus on my studying at all and couldn't find any purpose in life and I don't know what to do with life and Report an error in the passage at 14:33 Highlight the passage at 14:33

14:53 hoping that having family would help to feel some meaning in life. I got married to my ex-partner and he was I was working in New York at that time, so I then moved to New York. Report an error in the passage at 14:53 Highlight the passage at 14:53

15:19 He moved around many places, so I went together Scotland, and he back to Boston, so I back to Boston. And that time I decided to go to graduate school, because it's going to help to find a job. Report an error in the passage at 15:19 Highlight the passage at 15:19

15:41 and When I applied for graduate school, I never imagined I met Zen practice there. Sometimes life brings you what you need with the means that you never imagined. Report an error in the passage at 15:41 Highlight the passage at 15:41

16:06 I was accepted University of Massachusetts Amherst. I was studying biology. Report an error in the passage at 16:06 Highlight the passage at 16:06

16:22 Western Massachusetts area, I was so surprised. So many people practice meditation, martial arts, and many healing, Asian healing modalities as well. And gradually, I also joined. I practiced Aikido. Before in Japan, so I studied Aikido again and my Aikido friends go Sesshin sitting. So I joined them go Sesshin. Actually, I didn't know the word Sesshin before in Japan. Report an error in the passage at 16:22 Highlight the passage at 16:22

17:13 And my friend told me, I am really Japanese, not knowing the word Sesshin. And yeah. Report an error in the passage at 17:13 Highlight the passage at 17:13

17:23 And at first, At first, I wasn't good at sitting, and it's not something you become good at it, but you probably know what I mean. So I was not good at it, or I was not so fond of it either, but somehow I kept doing it. Report an error in the passage at 17:23 Highlight the passage at 17:23

17:54 Also, there was a spiritual community nearby my graduate school. The name of the community is Sirius Community. S-I-R-U-S, the star of Sirius. And if I talk about this community, it's going to be another talk. So just briefly, it's an eco-village. It's a spiritual village. Not especially Zen, but like general spirituality community. Report an error in the passage at 17:54 Highlight the passage at 17:54

18:28 But the founder was... One was a very inspiring best teacher for me. And he passed away, but I'd like to quote from what he wrote. Report an error in the passage at 18:28 Highlight the passage at 18:28

18:50 My most important lesson from living in community all these years is this. Change with us that is truly sustainable comes from changing. A Report an error in the passage at 18:50 Highlight the passage at 18:50

19:13 new paradigm for a sustainable future grows naturally from connection with our deep nature. Call Report an error in the passage at 19:13 Highlight the passage at 19:13

19:30 it what you like. The force, Buddha nature, Christ, Jehovah, Allah. It makes no difference. Once someone has experienced the sacred in themselves and in all life. A Report an error in the passage at 19:30 Highlight the passage at 19:30

20:02 commitment to harmony and sustainability follows, and the entire earth and all beings become the community we choose to serve wherever we are. Report an error in the passage at 20:02 Highlight the passage at 20:02

20:34 This is a word really touched my heart. So Report an error in the passage at 20:34 Highlight the passage at 20:34

20:44 living in Western Massachusetts, practicing Zazen, also living in spiritual community and exposed to spiritual teachings, I realized that my Report an error in the passage at 20:44 Highlight the passage at 20:44

21:05 suffering came from the fundamental misunderstanding of the self. I was searching the self into what I accomplished or what I did, my relationship or what I have or possessions. But Buddhism teaches that self is not a fixed entity and it's ever-changing. changing with all beings. Report an error in the passage at 21:05 Highlight the passage at 21:05

21:52 So if you try to find self, if we try to find self, and if one just to try to live for oneself, It's destined to self-loss and depression. Do Report an error in the passage at 21:52 Highlight the passage at 21:52

22:15 you know the mathematical sign for infinity? Report an error in the passage at 22:15 Highlight the passage at 22:15

22:25 So if you try to find the self, just the self, it's like nothing, empty. But in reality, we are connected with all beings. And through that connection, what seems like zero expands into infinity. And that's what we truly are. Report an error in the passage at 22:25 Highlight the passage at 22:25

23:06 When I open my eyes to this inner corner, Interconnected being, I got an unexpected invitation from my friend that is to train as a Buddhist nun in Japan. Report an error in the passage at 23:06 Highlight the passage at 23:06

23:28 And let me explain a little bit more. So I had a friend at the graduate school, but when I joined the laboratory, see immediately or... She go back Japan very soon so I don't know her very well but Report an error in the passage at 23:28 Highlight the passage at 23:28

23:49 when my professor is retiring she comes back and I find out she is a daughter of our temple family and family is a like very dedicated to Zazen and if you know the name of Gien Inoue. Report an error in the passage at 23:49 Highlight the passage at 23:49

24:13 That's one of the famous monks, but they are Inoue family. So she's a daughter of the temple family. And because I was living in a spiritual community at that time, I asked her, could you do the sitting practice at the community I live? And so she and her sister had a zazen. Session at the community I lived and so through that our connection deepened and after half year she asked me oh I'm going to train at the monastery and would you like to come with me and I immediately say yes because I was interested in becoming a monk but I had I had no idea how to become a priest. So if I don't jump in this invitation, I may not have another chance. Report an error in the passage at 24:13 Highlight the passage at 24:13

25:23 So I immediately say yes. So I go back to Japan, and her father ordained me, and I joined the monastery training. And it was... Report an error in the passage at 25:23 Highlight the passage at 25:23

25:41 Probably not very common, but I met my teacher just two days before my ordination. And I had a little bit, five days or one week training, and then go to the monastery. So I don't know how to wear the kesa properly, how to enter the zendo, and how to bow. So my first monastery training was... Very, very challenging. But it was so beautiful too. I remember the first day I joined the morning chanting. Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

26:22 I was somehow so moved. And I remember tears welled up in my eyes and I was in awe. Report an error in the passage at 26:22 Highlight the passage at 26:22

26:36 And today I have a friend that we practiced together in the Koshoujo Monastery. He's visiting me now. Thank you for visiting me. And I practiced the Koshoji Monastery in Kyoto about a year and then went to another monastery in Okayama, Toshoji, which is a very international monastery. And I met many practitioners there from all over the world, from Europe. Report an error in the passage at 26:36 Highlight the passage at 26:36

27:15 From US, from South America, and also some Asian countries too. Report an error in the passage at 27:15 Highlight the passage at 27:15

27:28 And now I work for Soto Zen International Office, where I meet also many practitioners from many countries. And Report an error in the passage at 27:28 Highlight the passage at 27:28

27:48 I also... I'm a resident practitioner here at the San Francisco Zen Center and I'm really grateful that being on this path together with many bodhisattvas. In the Lotus Sūtra, there is a chapter that bodhisattva emerging from earth and Report an error in the passage at 27:48 Highlight the passage at 27:48

28:34 In this chapter, Dota Sūtra, the bodhisattvas emerging from the earth, and they all hold the dharma together. And that's Report an error in the passage at 28:34 Highlight the passage at 28:34

28:58 the image I have in this room. Report an error in the passage at 28:58 Highlight the passage at 28:58

29:18 Next, I'd like to share the things I learned. practicing in different countries. Report an error in the passage at 29:18 Highlight the passage at 29:18

29:30 Sometimes we understand ourselves or our own culture by experiencing another culture and another environment. As I explained before, I studied zazen in the United States. Living in the United States really helped me To back to my beginner's mind, I was grown up in Japan. It's a Buddhist country. I actually went to Buddhist junior high school and high school. It's like a Catholic school here. Report an error in the passage at 29:30 Highlight the passage at 29:30

30:19 But while I was in Japan, Buddhism teaching felt like my old grandma's teaching that you should be honest, you should be kind. And it should be good. And that's really fundamentally true. When you grow up, you really appreciate that. I really appreciate that. But at that time, it feels like, oh, yeah, it may be true, but it doesn't feel relevant to what I'm facing each day, every day to go through this life. Report an error in the passage at 30:19 Highlight the passage at 30:19

31:02 But when I live, in western massachusetts that many people uh study buddhists so i kind of oh maybe there's something i might misunderstand or i might missing so i start studying again and oh this is not just not Report an error in the passage at 31:02 Highlight the passage at 31:02

31:35 just uh rules but it's more Report an error in the passage at 31:35 Highlight the passage at 31:35

31:44 You can really observe yourself to it and you Report an error in the passage at 31:44 Highlight the passage at 31:44

31:55 can really find the truth. So it feels, oh, this is really what we are living day by day. So it's very directly connected to my daily life. And also reading in English really helped me. Report an error in the passage at 31:55 Highlight the passage at 31:55

32:21 In Japan, there are a lot of books about Buddhism. Report an error in the passage at 32:21 Highlight the passage at 32:21

32:30 Many of the books are very scholarly, and it's like Latin and Greek to me. Report an error in the passage at 32:30 Highlight the passage at 32:30

32:41 But reading in English, it's written in everyday language, so I really could feel the connection, and it's very accessible. And that sparked my curiosity, wanting to study more. Report an error in the passage at 32:41 Highlight the passage at 32:41

33:07 And I go back to Japan and practice in Japan. And for Japanese culture, I still have mixed feelings. Some parts I really appreciate a lot, and some parts difficult to swallow. And I try to see the Japanese Buddhism Report an error in the passage at 33:07 Highlight the passage at 33:07

33:35 Like a big, big old tree. The history is so long. It's so magnificent and beautiful. And Buddhism teaching, it's a part of our cultural background. So there are many daily expressions that come from Buddhism teaching. Report an error in the passage at 33:35 Highlight the passage at 33:35

34:07 Magnificent old history. But because of the long history, you may find some dead parts, some sick parts, some leaves totally dead. Report an error in the passage at 34:07 Highlight the passage at 34:07

34:29 And compared to that, United States, Europe, the Buddhism is still very, like a young tree, very... Vibrant and fresh and everyone is excited. You cannot say which is better or good. I think there's a good part in both sides. And I learned so much living in the United States. And I think there's how we can down each other. Report an error in the passage at 34:29 Highlight the passage at 34:29

35:21 a chance during my monastery training I was able to practice three months in Europe in different several temples in Netherlands in Germany and Switzerland and France and Report an error in the passage at 35:21 Highlight the passage at 35:21

35:47 I find that in all country I visited they say oh my country is terrible in this aspect and Japan is great or other countries are great in this aspect. I find it, oh, it's kind of similar or same that I was saying that, oh, Japan is terrible in this way or whatever. So, oh, it's kind of a universal thing. But what I find practicing at each Tenpo was that, the practicing together, like sitting together in the morning, eating together, cleaning together, cooking together. Report an error in the passage at 35:47 Highlight the passage at 35:47

36:44 That joy of practicing together, it was, that's always there. And I thought, I... I don't know what the ideal practice is, but I can trust the practice itself. Report an error in the passage at 36:44 Highlight the passage at 36:44

37:15 Practicing is dedicating our mind and heart and body in the present moment. And when you dedicate yourself to the present moment, there's no east or west. Report an error in the passage at 37:15 Highlight the passage at 37:15

37:38 No lay people were ordained, or no male or female. There's just this wholehearted practice, and Report an error in the passage at 37:38 Highlight the passage at 37:38

37:55 that's what I learned. So through my traveling, I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about what practice is. We don't have to, it's not a requirement to go anywhere because practice is about returning home, returning to your own deep nature, our own being. And Report an error in the passage at 37:55 Highlight the passage at 37:55

38:38 I find that practice itself is a way. I Report an error in the passage at 38:38 Highlight the passage at 38:38

38:50 like to back to the Ananda's quote that having Good friends, good community that supporting each other to grow, to be on this path. It's the whole of the holy life. Report an error in the passage at 38:50 Highlight the passage at 38:50

39:16 And Report an error in the passage at 39:16 Highlight the passage at 39:16

39:21 really thank you for being here. Report an error in the passage at 39:21 Highlight the passage at 39:21

39:30 And may we continue to walk on this path together. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 39:30 Highlight the passage at 39:30