Happiness Regardless of Circumstance

0:00 all right you can stay in your silent quiet mode just accepting the present moment but i have to switch my mind a little bit because i gotta be talking now that's why i said all right just to get my mind going but all right some people leaving some people coming let's wait for that because it's a bit distracting but as a monk you learn interesting skills like how to Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:32 Sound the bell. That's maybe the most intricate skill I've learned throughout these 10 years or 11 years now. Am I doing it okay, Nicholas? What do you think? Report an error in the passage at 0:32 Highlight the passage at 0:32

0:48 It's more difficult than you think. Anyway, I've also developed lots of skills that you cannot see. Skills in meditation. Maybe I'll talk about that today a little bit. I actually don't know what I'm going to talk about. I really followed Ajahn Brahm's advice to not prepare. But now the problem is I don't know what to say. He just tells all sorts of stories. Report an error in the passage at 0:48 Highlight the passage at 0:48

1:14 At the end everybody says sadhu. So apparently it's good. So maybe I should also just tell some random stories. Yeah, but where to start? Maybe I'll just get some topics in a moment from the audience. But I was just thinking earlier when I was... Talking to Venerable Kondanyo here. Actually, Venerable Kondanyo, he is from Newbury Monastery near Melbourne. Report an error in the passage at 1:14 Highlight the passage at 1:14

1:42 Some of you might know the place, but many of you might not have seen him before. He's just visiting Bodhinyana for a while. He's a very nice monk. Report an error in the passage at 1:42 Highlight the passage at 1:42

1:53 Very, very nice. Report an error in the passage at 1:53 Highlight the passage at 1:53

1:58 Yeah, then you can say sadhu as well at the end of the talk. I don't know. But no, I mean it. nice Report an error in the passage at 1:58 Highlight the passage at 1:58

2:04 But I don't know him very well. I know that he's very nice, but apart from that, that's the most important thing to know. But apart from that, I don't know him so well. So earlier we were just talking a little bit. Report an error in the passage at 2:04 Highlight the passage at 2:04

2:16 And I said, he asked about my life as a monk, a little bit of meditation and things. And I said, oh, I've never had a proper job before. And because I was a student and afterwards I became a monk. Do you think that's wise to not have a job? Report an error in the passage at 2:16 Highlight the passage at 2:16

2:36 A job must be suffering, I suppose. I can only imagine, you know. So you're all, whoever here has a job, so much suffering that you're going through. But yeah, I never had a job. But I have stories from my time as a student. For example, because I'm teaching now. Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

3:00 What is the most difficult class to teach for a professor in university? What do you think? It's the Monday morning class to the first year students because they have been partying all weekend and going crazy so they're all tired and even might still have a hangover and then you have to teach them as a professor and get them interested. Report an error in the passage at 3:00 Highlight the passage at 3:00

3:30 As students get a bit more wiser and party heads, they start to drop off. And in the later years of university, then the most difficult course to teach is the Friday afternoon or sometimes even the Friday night course, right? Because the student's been working in university all week and then at the last end of the week, you as a professor Report an error in the passage at 3:30 Highlight the passage at 3:30

4:19 because you've been working so hard you know and doing whatever jobs you have and maybe you also have kids and all sorts of worries and then five Finally, it's the end of the week and it's Friday and you come here and we start with meditation and what happens? You Report an error in the passage at 4:19 Highlight the passage at 4:19

4:43 are tired. And then, that's okay. That's only natural. It's to be expected. Because you've been working hard and it's natural that your mind is sleepy then. And if during this talk you fall asleep, I won't take it personally. I will just blame it not on my boring talk, but on your busy work week. Report an error in the passage at 4:43 Highlight the passage at 4:43

5:17 It's been a while since I told this joke. One time I was giving a talk and I thought it was a really good talk, but a man just stood up and just walked out in the middle of the talk. I was like, wow, that's really rude. Why don't you walk out in the middle of the talk? But afterwards, his wife came up to me and said, oh, don't worry about it. Report an error in the passage at 5:17 Highlight the passage at 5:17

5:42 He's been walking in his sleep for many, many years. Report an error in the passage at 5:42 Highlight the passage at 5:42

5:48 So when people walk out in the talk, I just said, oh, they must have been tired and fell asleep and walked out. I don't know. You have to have that little bit of an attitude as a monk to not care too much about the opinion of people. years Report an error in the passage at 5:48 Highlight the passage at 5:48

6:02 Because if you care too much about the opinion of people, you might try to teach dharma in such a way that it only teaches them what pleases them. But in the dharma, sometimes you also have to challenge people and say things that might be difficult to hear. Like when the Buddha taught, he taught about suffering a lot, and that's difficult to hear, right? Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

6:30 We only want to hear about Pleasure and happiness and those things are there as well in Buddhism and in meditation. But there's also suffering in life. And there's also suffering in meditation, right? Raise your hands if you have never had suffering in meditation. Some very shy hands. Raise your hands if you have suffered in meditation. Report an error in the passage at 6:30 Highlight the passage at 6:30

7:02 And whoever didn't raise the hand, they must have fallen asleep already. That's perfectly fine. No, no, it's fine. Wake up, wake up. Report an error in the passage at 7:02 Highlight the passage at 7:02

7:15 If people feel at ease here and nod off, then that's also good. Because sometimes people just come here for the atmosphere, for the peace. Maybe I've heard people say, Come to these talks, not so much for the content, but for the vibes, you know. And that's great, if people say that. That is, in a way, is a better compliment than if you like the contents of my talk. And also, then you don't have so many difficult questions afterwards. If I give difficult talks and you give difficult answers, or difficult questions, then I have to give more difficult answers. Report an error in the passage at 7:15 Highlight the passage at 7:15

7:59 If instead you just say, ha. afterwards Report an error in the passage at 7:59 Highlight the passage at 7:59

8:01 I haven't got a clue what you talked about, but those were some good vibes. Good vibes, man. Then I say sadhu to you. That's great. Isn't that what it's often like in life? When the people we get along with, it's not so much the things they say, but it's just the way they are, to me anyway. Report an error in the passage at 8:01 Highlight the passage at 8:01

8:32 It can be with people. They don't have anything that's very interesting to say, maybe. They don't have great stories. They have the worst jokes. I got some monks in Bodhinyana with really, really bad jokes. And they probably think the same of me. But they got good vibes together. And that's what matters. You just get along together. And in a way, that's very easy to get along with fellow monks. Report an error in the passage at 8:32 Highlight the passage at 8:32

8:57 Because fellow monks... This is so beautiful, and I reflect upon this often. It can be very, very different. People from all different cultural backgrounds, different ages that they became a monk, different jobs that they had, different political parties that they voted for. Politics, let me not get into politics. I don't know what politics is like in Australia, but it must be chaotic, right? Is it chaos, politics in Australia? Report an error in the passage at 8:57 Highlight the passage at 8:57

9:29 Yeah, sip the chaos everywhere. I don't follow the news, so I don't know. Anyway, all these different backgrounds of the different monks, but we are united, not just in the way we look, that's secondary, third, fourth, even much lower. We have similar intentions to find peace in life and bring peace to the world. Report an error in the passage at 9:29 Highlight the passage at 9:29

10:01 To know inside ourselves and also hopefully project the vibes onto other people that in life you can find a certain kind of happiness which is independent of getting things. A certain kind of happiness that I talked about before in a meditation that comes from accepting the way things are. And to be content. Report an error in the passage at 10:01 Highlight the passage at 10:01

10:34 With little. Now I see there's also some younger people here in the audience. And this is for you. Are your parents here as well? No? Outside. Okay, that's good. I can tell you this story then. Report an error in the passage at 10:34 Highlight the passage at 10:34

10:55 They should stay outside. Maybe they're listening outside. It's too hot in here. I just pretend like they are not listening. Because you know what I did a few weeks ago? I was teaching some kids of your age. And I wanted to teach them a little bit about Buddhism. And I wanted to make it relevant as well. Report an error in the passage at 10:55 Highlight the passage at 10:55

11:14 So you know what I told them? And their mother sat there as well. I said, ah, when I was in school, I always tried to get the best grades. I always tried to get A+. That's how you grade things here in Australia, right? In the Netherlands we go 1 to 10. So I always try to get a 10. And if I didn't have a 10, I was unhappy. But if you want to be happy in life, just aim for a C. Report an error in the passage at 11:14 Highlight the passage at 11:14

11:41 C is good enough. C is a passing grade, right? Is C passing grade? So I told those kids, just go for a C. Because then you'll be more easily happy and easily satisfied. And those kids were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. C. But the mother beside was looking at me like this. But I stuck to my horses. I just kept going like... Report an error in the passage at 11:41 Highlight the passage at 11:41

12:06 Like, she is good enough and you'll pass and you'll be happy in life. And that look on the mother's face. I know it's a bit of a stereotype, but there's also some truth to it. They were also from an Asian background, so it's often that they want their kids to be doctors or surgeons or these kind of things, or lawyers and so forth. Report an error in the passage at 12:06 Highlight the passage at 12:06

12:32 But why? Do you want your kids to be a lawyer? Or do you want your kids to be happy? Or do you want to be, when you grow up, just happy, right? That's good enough. It doesn't matter what you are, as long as you're happy. That's the thing with Buddhism. We can find happiness regardless of the circumstances by accepting things the way they are. You're a lawyer, you're happy. Report an error in the passage at 12:32 Highlight the passage at 12:32

13:00 You're a trash collector, you're happy. You're jobless, never had a job in your life, couldn't hold a single job. Then you're also happy. Report an error in the passage at 13:00 Highlight the passage at 13:00

13:16 And to be content with little is important. Report an error in the passage at 13:16 Highlight the passage at 13:16

13:23 I've learned that already from my own father. He is not a Buddhist. I think he can learn some things from meditation. He can learn some things from Buddhism. Maybe he can learn a few things from me. But I've also learned a lot from him as well. And one of the things was, and this was so wonderful, actually, I did always have good grades in school. Report an error in the passage at 13:23 Highlight the passage at 13:23

13:50 I did very, very well. I did not always get in. 10 or A plus or whatever but I did get very high grades and I went to university and even there I had high grades and passed with high grades as well and at some point like I don't know how we got onto this subject but my father said I don't know where you got that clever mind from but you didn't get it from me. Report an error in the passage at 13:50 Highlight the passage at 13:50

14:25 I don't know if he said it or that he implied it, but also you didn't get it from your mother. Report an error in the passage at 14:25 Highlight the passage at 14:25

14:33 But my mother wouldn't blame him because she always used to say, I studied the spinach academy. And that's a Dutch word for, you used to have a school where mostly girls went to learn how to cook and how to raise kids and stuff. I actually had a school for that. She called that the spinach academy because she was taught how to make spinach. Anyway, this is not to look down upon my parents, not in any way at all. Report an error in the passage at 14:33 Highlight the passage at 14:33

15:03 I say this because they said to me, my father at least said to me, and my mother was there as well, as far as I recall, and said, you have all these high grades, but you don't have to do it for us. Report an error in the passage at 15:03 Highlight the passage at 15:03

15:19 We just want you to be happy. Whatever you do in life, whether you're a bricklayer or a professor, it doesn't matter, as long as you find happiness. So I hope it's also okay to become a monk. Report an error in the passage at 15:19 Highlight the passage at 15:19

15:32 Actually, when I told them, they were like, we didn't have that in mind. But anyway, that's a whole different thing. I talked about that before. But it's inspiring, right? If your parents just let you be. Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

15:51 who you are and they just wish you to be happy that's all and that is also what i recognize in my fellow monastics fellow monks and nuns they are just looking for happiness in themselves and also wishing happiness and peace for the world because happiness and peace they always go together right how can you be happy if there is no peace inside of you or inside of People you're with. It becomes very difficult. And I also recognize that in all of you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't looking for happiness. Report an error in the passage at 15:51 Highlight the passage at 15:51

16:37 Maybe your idea of happiness is a bad joke or something. You're expecting Ajahn Brahm. Well, he has got some good jokes as well from time to time occasionally. But who came here for the jokes? Oh, you did. Report an error in the passage at 16:37 Highlight the passage at 16:37

16:55 Okay, for the jokes. Luckily, most of you didn't come for all the jokes. But maybe for Nicholas then. Okay, well, I found this one kind of funny. So, a man walks into a library, Nicholas, and asks, where can I find books about paranoia? And the librarian said, they're right behind you! Report an error in the passage at 16:55 Highlight the passage at 16:55

17:22 Forget about that. That has nothing to do with the topic. Maybe woke some people up. They're right behind you! Who remembers the joke about the pirate with the hook? Report an error in the passage at 17:22 Highlight the passage at 17:22

17:38 No, I can't do that. I can do the pirate with the hook joke. Why would I, actually? At some point I decided for myself, if I tell a joke, I have to work it into the dharma talk somehow. It can't just be an isolated joke for the sake of a joke. But I already did it, right? With the librarian. Anyway. See, that's what happens when you don't prepare for the talks. At least I proved my point. Report an error in the passage at 17:38 Highlight the passage at 17:38

18:08 Let's leave the pirate with the hook for later, maybe. And get back to peace. How can I work the pirate? Give me a moment. I'll find a way. Report an error in the passage at 18:08 Highlight the passage at 18:08

18:27 No, I don't. I might tell it later, but forget about it. Peace. That's much more important than jokes. Because actually I asked who came here for the jokes because I was hoping nobody came for the jokes actually. I just came to get some wisdom about how to become more peaceful. So raise your hand if you hope to just find some peace, good vibes and some good advice. Okay. Then I can forget about all the jokes and just be serious about dharma. Report an error in the passage at 18:27 Highlight the passage at 18:27

18:53 Okay. Report an error in the passage at 18:53 Highlight the passage at 18:53

19:03 And so I recognize in all of you as well this intention, this wish to create a more peaceful and happy world inside of yourself but also outside with other people in the rest of the world. And that unites us here tonight. And that unites people with similar intentions as well and there are plentiful across the world. Report an error in the passage at 19:03 Highlight the passage at 19:03

19:33 I think most people actually have these intentions to want the world to be peaceful and happy. It's just a small fraction of the world that messes it all up for the rest of us. Actually, right here, right now, we have lots of peace, but there's lots of bad things going on in the world. I hear from time to time. I said before I don't follow the news, but I do hear things from time to time from supporters or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 19:33 Highlight the passage at 19:33

20:07 And why is that? We wish that people were better. We only have so much power over other people. We try to do our best, but other people mess things up. And then it's usually the people who don't want peace in the world, they are the people who end up in power, you know? And now I do remember a joke that is relevant, actually. Report an error in the passage at 20:07 Highlight the passage at 20:07

20:34 Because a Dutch comedian once, when I was a layperson, he said, why do you always find bad people ending up in politics? And why do you never find good people ending up in politics? He said, it's probably for the same reason that you don't find any vegetarian butchers. Report an error in the passage at 20:34 Highlight the passage at 20:34

21:01 He told it in a much more funny way, but you get the point. Anyway, tonight we are here with people looking for peace. So forget about the bad things in the world. You need to put them aside from time to time to find your own peace within. Then if you find peace within yourself, you can go out into the world and spread it with others. Report an error in the passage at 21:01 Highlight the passage at 21:01

21:27 But it has to start from you, from you yourself. I talked about vibes before. I know a lot of people here already that do have good vibes as well. But you can make these vibes stronger, find more peace within. Then you'll be a treasure to the rest of the world. And I hope I can also do my own little part of making the world more beautiful and more at peace. Report an error in the passage at 21:27 Highlight the passage at 21:27

21:59 So how do we find more peace within ourselves? It has to start... As I taught about before, in meditation, for those who are here for the meditation, we're accepting ourselves as we are. Report an error in the passage at 21:59 Highlight the passage at 21:59

22:15 I've got my flaws and I won't start talking about my flaws. We'll be here for a long time and it won't be an enjoyable talk. Report an error in the passage at 22:15 Highlight the passage at 22:15

22:26 I'm sure you've got your flaws as well. But it's okay. It's part of being a human being. yeah Report an error in the passage at 22:26 Highlight the passage at 22:26

22:36 Have you ever gone into a forest and saw a perfectly straight tree with perfectly symmetrical branches with perfectly shaped leaves and no indents on the bark at all, all the roots perfectly spread? No. Trees grow like this and like this. They grow all sorts of ways. And then we say, oh, that's a beautiful tree. Look how it's all grown. Yeah, we don't go out looking for the perfect straight tree that's like that. Report an error in the passage at 22:36 Highlight the passage at 22:36

23:16 But when we look at ourselves, we are looking for the perfect person, aren't we? And looking for the perfect mind. We should be better. We should be. I should be. You know what they call that? It's called shooting on yourself. Report an error in the passage at 23:16 Highlight the passage at 23:16

23:36 I should be this, I should be that. And then you sit down in meditation, and Sunyo or Ajahn Brahm or whoever tells you, make peace, be kind, be gentle, as it says here at the front. You think, okay, but, I'm going to be peaceful, but first, this needs to change or that needs to change. It's difficult to accept ourselves as we are. Report an error in the passage at 23:36 Highlight the passage at 23:36

24:06 Or am I just talking about myself here? Who finds it difficult sometimes to just sit down and accept things as they are? I like to ask these things to just... Especially, I'm not wearing my glasses. I can't see if you've fallen asleep yet. No, that I can just make out. But I like to get a little bit of feedback. And also to show that you're not alone. Report an error in the passage at 24:06 Highlight the passage at 24:06

24:32 So maybe I should try again because I saw very few hands. Who finds it sometimes difficult to accept themselves as they are? You see, you're not alone. And that's great. We all have this. It's like an innate part almost of the human being, of the human mind to always try and improve. And I used to be such a perfectionist. I told you before that I always tried to get A pluses on school, right? And that is a stupid attitude because you'll never be happy. Report an error in the passage at 24:32 Highlight the passage at 24:32

25:00 How often do you get an A plus? Maybe, sometimes, but if you can be happy with a C, then you can be happy more often. And I say that because once, I was so stupid when I was younger. I'm still stupid, but not as stupid. Report an error in the passage at 25:00 Highlight the passage at 25:00

25:25 Because this was in high school, you call it here in Australia, I think. Mid school, high school. We call it mid-school. Anyway, I was about 14 years old. And my name was Simon, or Simon in Dutch. And there was this French class as well. And I used to be not the best at French, but there was an exam in French. Report an error in the passage at 25:25 Highlight the passage at 25:25

25:54 And this was a special exam. You know why? I've told it maybe before during retreats, so some people know why. But in case you don't know why, The teacher decided to put a bonus question at the end of the exam. I can't remember what it was about. Je ne sais pas what it was about. It was about French. But bonus question at the end for an extra point. Report an error in the passage at 25:54 Highlight the passage at 25:54

26:25 And he might have done that because the students were having maybe worse grades than usual. Or he thought it was an especially difficult exam, so get some extra points at the end. Now, when he started handing out the answers, or sorry, the results of the test, he started with the lowest grade. The students who didn't pass maybe get a 4 or a 5. In Dutch it goes from 1 to 10. You get a 1 just for showing up and writing down your name. Report an error in the passage at 26:25 Highlight the passage at 26:25

26:55 And you get a 10 when you have everything correct. But this time a bonus question for one extra point. Then he started handing out the results. In the end, they came to me. And he said, Simon, I've never done this before, but you had nine and a half points on the test. And then also the bonus question, completely correct. So instead of a 10, I'm giving you a 10 and a half. Report an error in the passage at 26:55 Highlight the passage at 26:55

27:28 And you know what my first reaction was? What did I get wrong? What half did I get wrong? Why didn't I get an 11? I can still remember because, ah, that's so stupid. Why not celebrate? I have a ten and a half. But I remember being so fault-finding. Report an error in the passage at 27:28 Highlight the passage at 27:28

28:06 We can be fault-finding like that in our minds as well. And I recognize that especially when I was first starting meditating, and it still comes up from time to time. Maybe I don't behave super properly as a monk. Occasionally we've got so many rules, you break some here and there. You try your best, but then, okay, you... Report an error in the passage at 28:06 Highlight the passage at 28:06

28:29 We confess the rules, but then I say, like, ah, I should be better. I should meditate. Ah, stupid Sunyo. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit. But you might recognize in your own little ways what I'm talking about. Report an error in the passage at 28:29 Highlight the passage at 28:29

28:43 Always having these extraordinary high standards of yourself. Even you find some peace in meditation. People coming up to me with questions, ah. Report an error in the passage at 28:43 Highlight the passage at 28:43

28:59 When I teach retreats, they come up to me and say, oh, I was so peaceful, couldn't feel my body, I saw this beautiful light, or I was so happy. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they say, but, but. Like, why but? Just be happy. Stay with that happiness. Don't try and improve things. Try and change things. It's just a fault-finding mind again. Report an error in the passage at 28:59 Highlight the passage at 28:59

29:28 So that's why when we were meditating before, I coined this word, the good-finding mind. But maybe we can find something better. What's the opposite of fault? Report an error in the passage at 29:28 Highlight the passage at 29:28

29:39 The appreciating mind. Yeah, the fault. But what is the opposite? The perfect-finding mind, maybe. Everything's already perfect when you sit here. This moment is perfect. Report an error in the passage at 29:39 Highlight the passage at 29:39

30:01 Why is this moment perfect? It's still suffering. It's still hot. It's still maybe uncomfortable. You might still be tired. It's maybe not the best talk in the world because I miss track of what I'm talking about. But why is it perfect? Because we're here with the intention to learn and improve. And that's why it's perfect because we get exactly what we need in a way. Report an error in the passage at 30:01 Highlight the passage at 30:01

30:36 If you're going to look for perfection in the future, then you will never find it. You can only find it right here and now. And just embrace whatever is here and now. Embrace yourself here and now. Report an error in the passage at 30:36 Highlight the passage at 30:36

30:59 And not only here, but also in the rest of your life. As long as your intentions are good, and which they are otherwise you wouldn't be here at least right now you have good intentions then you're always perfect and Report an error in the passage at 30:59 Highlight the passage at 30:59

31:18 you might be suffering in life you might have things going on you might be living in difficult situations and there's so many thousands of different difficult situations that can happen and suffering happens in life but what is the way to respond to suffering? Report an error in the passage at 31:18 Highlight the passage at 31:18

31:37 Is it with anger and ill will? This shouldn't happen. My life should be different. I should know better. No, that only creates the more suffering. Then you have trouble upon trouble. Instead, we realize, oh, this suffering is here. Maybe I can learn something from it. And there used to be this psychologist called Viktor Frankl. Who's heard of him? I found his book. Report an error in the passage at 31:37 Highlight the passage at 31:37

32:08 Very, very inspiring and one of the most meaningful books I've ever read in my life. He's written multiple, but the most famous one is called Men's Search for Meaning. Now they would call it maybe Human's Search for Meaning because women also look for meaning and non-binary people also look for meaning. So it should be called Men's, Women and Non-Binary Search for Meaning. Report an error in the passage at 32:08 Highlight the passage at 32:08

32:31 No, maybe that's not as catchy. Anyway. I don't know why I'm saying that. But the book is about Viktor Frankl's search for meaning, mainly, but he's also a psychologist. So for those who don't know, he was a Jew in the Second World War. And you know what happened to many of the Jews in the Second World War. Report an error in the passage at 32:31 Highlight the passage at 32:31

32:55 I think he lived in Germany or Austria, and he was put in one of these concentration camps, and multiple of them, including Auschwitz as well. And of course, that was suffering, lots and lots of suffering. And he didn't get enough to eat, and he didn't get enough to... not a place to sleep sometimes. I can't even... I'm trying to get across to you how much suffering it was, but I can't even imagine how much it was. Report an error in the passage at 32:55 Highlight the passage at 32:55

33:29 It's really, really bad. They treated them like... like animals. Animals really are worse even. Anyway, he told in that book about his experiences, but also how he dealt with it. If you get a chance to pick up this book, please do, it's very insightful. And he said, okay, occasionally people died because of starvation and these kind of things, but in his view, most of the people who died were the people who gave up. Report an error in the passage at 33:29 Highlight the passage at 33:29

34:07 We didn't see any meaning anymore in life. Sometimes they would even throw themselves on the electric fence that surrounded the camps. And he realized then that it's important to find meaning in suffering. I'm bad at remembering quotes, but he said something to the extent of sometimes you have to stop Suffering. Report an error in the passage at 34:07 Highlight the passage at 34:07

34:35 Asking what is the meaning of life and realize that it's you who's being asked by life what is your meaning. And by that he meant if you undergo suffering you can give it meaning. You can learn something from it. And his thing was this experience in this concentration camp I want to be able to live through it so I can talk about it with people afterwards. Report an error in the passage at 34:35 Highlight the passage at 34:35

35:05 And then I can tell how bad it was. So that gave him a meaning. And in our lives you also have to find meaning sometimes. Because there is no, in my view, no like cosmical meaning given by some god or some underlying meaning in the universe. That doesn't exist. In the end, life is suffering as the Buddha said. But we can give that suffering our personal And one of the things we can always do is to decide to learn and grow from our difficulties. Then, with that attitude, you don't get so much sucked into the suffering. Report an error in the passage at 35:05 Highlight the passage at 35:05

35:53 You always have a way to stand outside of it in a way. And that reduces so much of the suffering already. It's like, it gives a Certain kind of meaning and even a kind of contentment in a way with your problems if you're willing to learn from them. So to get back to meditation. You sit in your meditation and it's a lot of struggles, a lot of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 35:53 Highlight the passage at 35:53

36:26 How to deal with that is to realize I can learn from this. I can deal with this. I can be with it. Try to make peace, be kind, be gentle. Report an error in the passage at 36:26 Highlight the passage at 36:26

36:39 And then the suffering has its value because you give it that value. And in this way whatever you experience in life can be a learning opportunity but also whoever you meet in life can be an opportunity for learning. You might meet some really nice people but you might also meet some pretty annoying people. Don't know about you but sometimes I'm like... Report an error in the passage at 36:39 Highlight the passage at 36:39

37:08 This person, when will they stop asking questions? When will they shut up? Okay, no, no. Stupid. This is a learning opportunity for me as well. This person is here to teach me. They're asking questions, not for me to teach them, but for them to teach me. Does that make sense? Right? But you can have a similar attitude towards all the things you experience in life. Report an error in the passage at 37:08 Highlight the passage at 37:08

37:39 I don't know, even, maybe, can I tell this? Yeah, why not? I was younger, and I was younger one day, can you believe it or not? Report an error in the passage at 37:39 Highlight the passage at 37:39

37:52 But no, to get back to my parents, when I was younger, I had three brothers, but one of them passed away at some point. I still remember him, he had a disease from the moment he was born. yeah and Report an error in the passage at 37:52 Highlight the passage at 37:52

38:09 He was my friend. He was my older brother. When you are young, I think I was like five when he passed away, or maybe even late four or something. Report an error in the passage at 38:09 Highlight the passage at 38:09

38:22 So I still remember. But then you don't realize that your brother has a disease, that he's going to pass away at some point. He's just your bigger brother. You respect him, and I didn't realize there was anything wrong with him. Like a developmental disease he had. So he passed away when he was six and I was five or four or something. I still remember the funeral and everything. Report an error in the passage at 38:22 Highlight the passage at 38:22

38:48 But how do I reflect upon that? Do I say, oh, it's so bad that my brother had a disease and that he didn't live for so long. His name was Richard. That Richard didn't live for long and that we... I went to visit his grave for years afterwards, my parents being sad. Am I upset with life? No, I say thank you for teaching me very young about the reality of life, that it has to end in death one day. Report an error in the passage at 38:48 Highlight the passage at 38:48

39:23 It's difficult to face, but I was shown very directly, very young. So that's the question. That's a kind of suffering, right? When love wants to depart from you, it's very, very, very big suffering. We recently also had a funeral here for one of the very big supporters, and I even stayed at their house at some point as well. Report an error in the passage at 39:23 Highlight the passage at 39:23

39:47 And that reminds me again of the reality of death. But I'm grateful for my brother. It's weird to say, but I'm grateful that he passed away. I'm grateful that he had that disease. Of course, I would also be grateful if he didn't and I was still alive. But that's kind of the point of my talk. Whatever you experience in life, you can give it a meaning if you accept it first and see what can I learn from this. Report an error in the passage at 39:47 Highlight the passage at 39:47

40:20 And even my parents, they learn to accept it as well. You learn something from those kind of situations. Report an error in the passage at 40:20 Highlight the passage at 40:20

40:32 Now, what is there to learn? about the pirate and the hook i still want to work that joke in somehow but i am committed to making it about dharma so okay Report an error in the passage at 40:32 Highlight the passage at 40:32

40:48 yeah yeah yeah so learning things about life okay yeah so this pirate also learned something about life yeah what did he learn i will tell you the story yeah actually he wasn't even Report an error in the passage at 40:48 Highlight the passage at 40:48

41:07 Yeah, he was a real pirate. Okay, it's been a while since I told the joke. Okay, bear with me. This will be the end of the talk. Report an error in the passage at 41:07 Highlight the passage at 41:07

41:18 There was once, in Hollywood, a film producer who wanted to make the next Pirates of the Caribbean installment. I don't know how many there have been by now, but he wanted to make the next one. But, what's it called? The name of that head actor? What is his name? Johnny Depp, he was not available. He was at his trial or whatever at the time. So, had to find a replacement. Report an error in the passage at 41:18 Highlight the passage at 41:18

41:48 So, the film producer went into Hollywood and looked at some of the bars to see somebody who looked just like Johnny Depp. And, my gosh, he saw somebody sitting there drinking. Actually, he had a hook, so he had a hook. Around his mug of beer, drinking his beer like that. And the film producer was like, wow, he looks perfect. So he sat at the table and said, can I talk to you? Report an error in the passage at 41:48 Highlight the passage at 41:48

42:18 You look just like a pirate. And he said, argue me. That's because I am a pirate. And the film producer looked closer and he said, wow. And he saw he even got the wooden leg. And he even had the eye patch. Complete picture of a pirate. Yeah, I am a pirate. He said, wow, do you want to star in my movie? He said, yeah, I don't know. So that's not part of the joke. Report an error in the passage at 42:18 Highlight the passage at 42:18

42:46 So the film producer asked, let me get to know you a bit better. Tell me, how did you get that wooden leg? Is that real? He said, yeah, mate, that's real feel. You know how I got that? We were sailing in the Caribbean. And we were boarded by some other pirates. And you know what? They took their sword and cut my leg right off. Report an error in the passage at 42:46 Highlight the passage at 42:46

43:22 But I fought back and we won in the end. Wow, said the film director. That's an inspiring story. You would be really perfect as the next pirate in my movie. Report an error in the passage at 43:22 Highlight the passage at 43:22

43:37 Tell me now, how did you get that hook? ROAR! I gave him my 80! That's another story. We were sailing in the Strait of Gibraltar and I fell overboard. Or wherever it was, doesn't matter where it was. I fell overboard and a shark, he cut off my hand. And now I've got this hook. Wow, another real true pirate story. You've gone through a lot, said the film director. Report an error in the passage at 43:37 Highlight the passage at 43:37

44:11 Now tell me, how did you get that eye patch? We were sailing in the Mediterranean and I heard a seagull up at the mast. So I looked up and he pooped right in my eye. And then the film director said, he pooped right into your eye? But that's not a reason to get an eye patch, is it? Argumati! But that was just right after I got that hook! Report an error in the passage at 44:11 Highlight the passage at 44:11

44:49 So, Report an error in the passage at 44:49 Highlight the passage at 44:49

44:55 said the film director, you look pretty happy still as a pirate. So have you learned anything from these experiences? Arg, said the pirate. Now seriously, he put down his beer. He said, Argumati! You were once sailing in... East in the eastern countries near Thailand and Cambodia and where all the Buddhists live and they told me a lot and I learned that when you just got a hook you got to be careful and mindful so you don't stick yourself in the eye and then I was also still a stupid pirate and I was very sad that I lost my leg Am I hand? Am I eye? But the monks and the nuns, they told me to accept the life as it is. Report an error in the passage at 44:55 Highlight the passage at 44:55

45:57 If things don't go your way, if you have suffering in life, you can still give it meaning, said the pirate. That's what I learned. And that's why I'm still a very happy pirate today. And then the film director thought, Wow, sadhu, sadhu, sadhu. That is so wonderful. I'm not going to make films anymore. I'm going to go to Thailand and learn myself or go to the Buddhist Society of Western Australia and learn about how to find happiness even if you don't make movies and if you lose all your hands and legs. Report an error in the passage at 45:57 Highlight the passage at 45:57

46:39 So thank you all for listening. And let's say sadhu sadhu to these jokes. Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu. All right. Well, that was completely unprepared as you might have realized. But I enjoyed it anyway. All Report an error in the passage at 46:39 Highlight the passage at 46:39

47:13 right. So I hope everybody fell asleep so they don't have any questions now. But if you do have any questions, that is also very good. Then I'm happy to give it a shot. So, should we do questions from here first? Or online first? I think from here first is good. Report an error in the passage at 47:13 Highlight the passage at 47:13

47:39 I'll just read out the first comment from Marjolein van Veen. Hello, here the mother of Ajahn Sunyo. That's my mom. Hey mom, I talked about Richard today. I hope that's all okay. And I also talked about the Spinazi Academy. The Spinach Academy. I should have thought about it before, but they might be watching. I Report an error in the passage at 47:39 Highlight the passage at 47:39

48:10 like telling stories about my parents. They're really cool. No questions from here? Eddie. You can always rely on Eddie. That's good. Ajahn Sunyo. Who heart had made you? What a moya dharma talk. What a nice dharma talk. You know, in your talk tonight, meditation talk, I picked up three words which I find very interesting and I like, you know. Report an error in the passage at 48:10 Highlight the passage at 48:10

48:39 The first one is acceptance. The second one is good vibes. And the third one is peace, you know. Peace, yeah. You know, the acceptance, you know. Report an error in the passage at 48:39 Highlight the passage at 48:39

48:52 As a human being, we all have problems. If we don't have problems, we are not human. So we should learn to accept it, isn't it? And then we become more at ease, more peaceful. As you say, I think. What's the saying of the Alcoholics Anonymous again? Does anybody know that saying? Like, give me something about... Report an error in the passage at 48:52 Highlight the passage at 48:52

49:19 Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 49:19 Highlight the passage at 49:19

49:28 yeah. Give me the power to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference. So that's very good. Thank you for that. Because I've talked about acceptance, but sometimes there's things we need to change as well, of course. But acceptance also is a healing too, you know. Report an error in the passage at 49:28 Highlight the passage at 49:28

49:48 We fight it, this thing, you have stress, it makes the situation worse, you know. Isn't it? We come to be at peace with it, and that could help the healing too. And good vibes, good vibes, it's contagious. We should be having good vibes to send out to people, to make it a better place. That's true. You've always got good vibes, Adi. Report an error in the passage at 49:48 Highlight the passage at 49:48

50:17 So are you. You know, Eddie sometimes comes with his harmonica in the monastery on Ajahn Brahm's birthday. I used to play harmonica a little bit as well as a person. It wasn't as good as it is. But yeah, good vibes. I don't know why I used that word, but I know you liked it. Sorry, I am happy you liked it. Report an error in the passage at 50:17 Highlight the passage at 50:17

50:39 But that's the truth to it, right? Sometimes people can say really wise things. Have all the theory correct, and say exactly what's in the books, but it just doesn't feel correct. And sometimes they say stupid things, well maybe not stupid things, but they don't find the right words, but you just engage with them, because it feels nice to be with them. Report an error in the passage at 50:39 Highlight the passage at 50:39

51:08 Or sometimes you just sit together in silence as well. And all of you actually have good vibes. I feel good vibes anyway from all of you. And the peace, the third one, peace. Peace, don't you think, comes from our mind, you know. If you know the mind is a forerunner of all states, you know. If you think good, you feel good, you know. So knowing this, you know, whenever you feel like there's a disturbing emotion, you know, oh, it comes to the mind. Report an error in the passage at 51:08 Highlight the passage at 51:08

51:35 So knowing this, you already like solve half the problems, you know. Yeah, peace comes from the mind, but suffering sometimes also comes from the mind. It's a specific attitude of the mind that brings peace. And that's always letting go of attachments. Thanks for the wonderful dharma talk tonight. Okay, excellent. Thank you, Eddie, for being here as well. And so some questions from online from Germany. Report an error in the passage at 51:35 Highlight the passage at 51:35

52:08 Dear Ajahn Sunyo, The heart and the mind, are they one or two? How do they relate? When reincarnation happens, do they reincarnate together? Well, the heart and the mind, of course, to point out the obvious, there is like a physical heart, right, which is just pumping blood. That's not the mind. But there's a word in Nepali which is translated sometimes as heart and mind. The word is chitta. Report an error in the passage at 52:08 Highlight the passage at 52:08

52:37 When we talk about emotions and acceptance and kindness, we use the word mind, but especially in the English language you also use the word heart a lot. A loving heart, we don't say a loving mind. So these words are interchangeable to some extent. And when rebirth happens, you can say, it's not so much the heart and the mind, but it's just the energy beyond the two. Report an error in the passage at 52:37 Highlight the passage at 52:37

53:07 That goes on. That's the way to put it. Don't feel like getting into these technicalities right now. Sorry for that. But I hope that answers your question appropriately anyway. I got quite a few more, that's why. From Texas. My job is changing, not by choice, and I am sad. How do I let go and accept this without feeling bitter? Peace be with you. Okay, fine. Thank you. Peace be with you as well. Report an error in the passage at 53:07 Highlight the passage at 53:07

53:36 So your job is changing and you probably don't want it to and you're sad. Well, maybe you can at least be happy that you have a job in the first place. I don't have a job at all. No, but seriously, many people are looking for a job but can't find them. There's lots of unemployment. So sometimes it helps to just find... Report an error in the passage at 53:36 Highlight the passage at 53:36

54:04 The positive things, like the good finding mind or whatever, I have to find a better word for that, but have the good finding mind towards your new job as well. Maybe there are bad things about it, but there will be good things about it as well. I hope it's enough to keep you sustained and keep the roof over your head and enough food and maybe even some money to do some other things. Report an error in the passage at 54:04 Highlight the passage at 54:04

54:29 And then you can reflect upon it, that's good enough. Also, sometimes we have a job maybe that we don't want to do, but we can do it for others. I can quickly tell you this story. I never had a proper, proper job, but I did do a master's degree that wasn't very much like a job. It was so busy. I was in university day and night, basically, even working on the weekends. And actually, it took me one and a half years. Report an error in the passage at 54:29 Highlight the passage at 54:29

54:58 No, it actually took two years, but one and a half of those years. Report an error in the passage at 54:58 Highlight the passage at 54:58

55:05 Before that, I went to my parents and said, I want to become a monk. I'm going to stop studying now. And I said, I was convinced, because of reasons that I won't go into, but I really wanted to become a monk, stop my studies and leave. So I thought, they told me earlier, they just want me to be happy, right? So they'll say yes, but you know what they said? Report an error in the passage at 55:05 Highlight the passage at 55:05

55:30 They said, no, we want you to finish your studies first. And I realized, okay, these are my parents. I owe them something. They supported me in life very well. They even paid for parts of my studies. A large part of it, actually. So then I had one and a half years to still do my master's degree. So much work, so difficult, so much headaches. Report an error in the passage at 55:30 Highlight the passage at 55:30

55:56 And literal headaches as well, even. I'm getting very off topic now. even yeah uh chow chow Report an error in the passage at 55:56 Highlight the passage at 55:56

56:06 I used to have hair like this when I was a layperson. I used to go headbanging. That's the kind of person I was. Report an error in the passage at 56:06 Highlight the passage at 56:06

56:18 Just before my final presentation, I cut it all off. But before I did, I got one of my friends to take a picture of me with my hair in my hands like this. Report an error in the passage at 56:18 Highlight the passage at 56:18

56:33 And I put that picture in my final presentation. I said, I had to do all these calculations and stuff. I did engineering, it doesn't matter. And it gave me such a headache, I wanted to tear my hair out. See, I succeeded. And then I showed the picture. And I was a bit anxious about what my professor would find of that. Report an error in the passage at 56:33 Highlight the passage at 56:33

56:56 But he thought it was hilarious, he said. Afterwards he said, it was such a funny talk, he gave me a nine for that talk. Anyway, still not a ten. Report an error in the passage at 56:56 Highlight the passage at 56:56

57:08 Anyway, why was I saying that? Oh yeah, so I had to learn to do my studies even though I didn't know I wasn't going to use it even, right? I was just going to spend lots of energy, lots of time, and I was going to become a monk afterwards. What's the use? Ah, so difficult to motivate. Was it? No, because I realized I'm doing this for my parents now, no longer for myself. Report an error in the passage at 57:08 Highlight the passage at 57:08

57:31 And I'm doing this also for my professors. They like to see their students succeed. For my thesis supervisor. And from then on it was much more easy to motivate myself. I got it externally instead of internally. So same with your job. You might not like it so much, but maybe you have family to support. Maybe you have also supporting other people in that company who have families. Report an error in the passage at 57:31 Highlight the passage at 57:31

57:57 You do your job together. Reflect upon it like that. I'm not just doing it for myself. I'm doing it for others as well. That gives you extra motivation. So then you can hopefully feel less bitter and accept your new situation. That's one way to do it. Report an error in the passage at 57:57 Highlight the passage at 57:57

58:18 Hi Ajahn, how to make peace with myself when people around trying to tear me down and all I want is peace? Run away from those people. We brought up the quote from the Alcoholics Anonymous just now that sometimes there's things you need to change. And if you have a situation where people around you are always trying to tear you down, and you do have an opportunity to leave, then that's what you might have to do. Report an error in the passage at 58:18 Highlight the passage at 58:18

58:52 And otherwise, also stand up for yourself. Don't just let them tear you down. As Buddhists, we are not doormats. We let go, but we're also strong. So we also say, hey, stop doing that, or something like that, even as monks. There is actually, when monks keep breaking rules, I teach the monks rules, that's why I know, then it's the duty of other monks to tell them that they are breaking rules and that they are not behaving properly. Report an error in the passage at 58:52 Highlight the passage at 58:52

59:20 So it might be your duty to tell those people, hey, you're not doing properly. You have to find better words than that. Find the right time as well and just have a conversation with them maybe. Report an error in the passage at 59:20 Highlight the passage at 59:20

59:32 At least then you've said your thing and if they still don't listen, at least you have some peace that you tried. Report an error in the passage at 59:32 Highlight the passage at 59:32

59:41 Okay, some more technical question. Is it correct to say that the four jhānas are the four brahma-viharas cultivated to their highest level? In a way. Can you please elaborate on the relationship between the two? The four brahma-viharas are about loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. They all come from letting go of your sense of self. If you let go of your sense of self, you're kind. You have compassion. Report an error in the passage at 59:41 Highlight the passage at 59:41

59:48 level Report an error in the passage at 59:48 Highlight the passage at 59:48

1:00:10 And the kind of joy we cultivate is also the joy that other people are happy. You see other people smiling, happy, that's the kind of joy. So it's also selfless. Equanimity is also selfless. You don't want this or that. You're just happy with what is. And the jhānas are also without a self. When you completely drop the sense of self, that's when the jhānas happen. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:10 Highlight the passage at 1:00:10

1:00:31 So if you cultivate these brahmaviharas with the intention to also let go of the self, you might fall into these jhānas. That's how they... Report an error in the passage at 1:00:31 Highlight the passage at 1:00:31

1:00:41 Relate. Okay. Thank you all for listening. There's one last question. Dear Ajahn, when we bow three times in worship, what does it mean? Do we need to think something when we do it? You can think all sorts of things when we bow to the Buddha, Dhamma and Saṅgha. But what I do as a teacher is, especially after a talk like this, I respect that whatever insights I might have and I might have shared, they come from others they come from the Buddha from his followers and so forth so i always make it something humble for myself humbling but you might also just see the peace in the Buddha Report an error in the passage at 1:00:41 Highlight the passage at 1:00:41

1:01:29 the vibes of the Buddha and the acceptance of the Buddha yeah so maybe tonight we can bow to those three things that Eddie mentioned acceptance vibes Report an error in the passage at 1:01:29 Highlight the passage at 1:01:29

1:01:40 Thank you all for listening and let us now To finish, pay respects to the Buddha Dhamma Saṅgha, the acceptance vibes and peace. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:40 Highlight the passage at 1:01:40