On Making A Mistake

0:01 On making a mistake, Ajahn Brahm of Amso. Ajahn Brahm is the abbot of Bodhinyana Monastery in Western Australia. These dharma reflections are extracted from a talk he gave at Dharma Lotus Centre in Perth, 1990. Enlightenment means there is no anger left in your heart. There are no personal desires or delusion left in your heart. In this life we have... Report an error in the passage at 0:01 Highlight the passage at 0:01

0:29 We often forget that it's no great thing to make a mistake. In Buddhism, it's alright to make a mistake. It is alright to be imperfect. Isn't that wonderful? This means that we have the freedom to be a human being, rather than thinking of ourselves as someone wonderful and great who never makes mistakes. Report an error in the passage at 0:29 Highlight the passage at 0:29

0:52 It is horrible, isn't it, if we think we are not allowed to make mistakes? Because we do make mistakes. Then we have to hide and try to cover them up. So the home then is not a place of peace and quiet and comfort. Of course, most people are skeptical and say, well, if you allow people to make mistakes, how will they ever learn? They would just keep on making even more mistakes. Report an error in the passage at 0:52 Highlight the passage at 0:52

1:22 That is not the way it actually works. To illustrate this point, When I was a teenager my father said to me that he would never throw me out or bar the door of his house to me no matter what I did. I would always be allowed in there even if I had made the worst mistakes. When I heard that I understood it as an expression of love, of acceptance. Report an error in the passage at 1:22 Highlight the passage at 1:22

1:48 It inspired me and I respected him so much that I did not want to hurt him. I did not want to give him trouble. And so I tried even harder to be worthy of his house. Now, if we could try that with the people we live with, we would see that it gives them the freedom and the space to relax and be peaceful. Report an error in the passage at 1:48 Highlight the passage at 1:48

2:09 And it takes away all the tension. In that ease, there comes respect and care for the other person. So I challenge you to try the experiment of allowing people to make mistakes, to say to your mate, your parents or your children, the door of my house will always be open to you. The door of my heart will always be open to you no matter what you do. Say it to yourself too. The door of my heart is always open to me. Report an error in the passage at 2:09 Highlight the passage at 2:09

2:37 Allow yourself to make mistakes too. Can you think of all the mistakes you have made in the last week? Can you let them be? Can you still be a friend to yourself? It is only when we allow ourselves to make those mistakes that we can finally be at ease. Report an error in the passage at 2:37 Highlight the passage at 2:37

2:56 That is what we mean by compassion, by mettā, by love. It has to be unconditional. If you only love someone because they do what you like, because they always live up to your expectations, then of course that love is not worth very much. It's like a business deal love. I will love you if you give me something back in return. When I first became a monk, I thought monks had to be perfect. Report an error in the passage at 2:56 Highlight the passage at 2:56

3:24 I thought They should never make mistakes. That when they sit in meditation they must always sit straight. That those of you who have been at the morning sit at 4.30am, especially after working hard the day before, you will know that you can be quite tired. You can slump. You can even nod. But that is alright. It is alright to make mistakes. Can you feel how easy it feels? Report an error in the passage at 3:24 Highlight the passage at 3:24

3:51 How all that tension and stress disappears when you allow yourself to make mistakes. The trouble is that we tend to amplify the mistakes and forget their successes which creates so much of a burden of guilt and heaviness. So instead we can turn to our successes the good things we have done in our life. We could call it our Buddha nature within us. Report an error in the passage at 3:51 Highlight the passage at 3:51

4:16 If you turn to that it grows whereas if you turn to the mistakes they grow if you dwell on any thought in the mind any train of thought it grows and grows doesn't it so we turn our hearts around and dwell upon the positive in ourselves the purity the goodness the source of that unconditional love that which wants to help to sacrifice even our own comfort for the sake of another This is a way we can regard our inner being, our heart. Report an error in the passage at 4:16 Highlight the passage at 4:16

4:50 Forgiving its faults. We dwell upon its nobility, its purity, its kindness. We can do the same with other people. We can dwell upon their goodness and watch it grow. This is what we call karma actions. The way we think about life, the way we speak about life, what we do with life. And really it is up to us what we do. Report an error in the passage at 4:50 Highlight the passage at 4:50

5:19 It is not up to some supernatural being up there who says whether you will be happy or not. Your happiness is completely in your hands, in your power. This is what we mean by karma. It's like baking a cake. Karma defines what ingredients you have, what you have got to work with. So a person with unfortunate karma, maybe as a result of their past actions, has not got many ingredients. Report an error in the passage at 5:19 Highlight the passage at 5:19

5:49 Maybe they have just got some old stale flour, one or two raisins if that, and some rancid butter, and what else goes in cakes? Some sugar? And that is all they have to work with. And another person might have very good karma. All the ingredients you could ever wish for. Whole wheat flour, brown sugar, all types of dried fruit and nuts. But as for the cake that is produced in the end, even with meagre ingredients, Some people can bake a beautiful cake. They mix it all up, put it into the oven, delicious. How do they do it? Report an error in the passage at 5:49 Highlight the passage at 5:49

6:29 And then other people might have everything, but the cake they make tastes awful. So karma defines the ingredients, what we have got to work with. But that does not define what we make with it. So if a person is wise, it does not matter what they have got to work with. You can still make a beautiful cake as long as you know how. Of course the first thing to know is that the last way to make a good cake is to complain all the time about the ingredients you have. Report an error in the passage at 6:29 Highlight the passage at 6:29

7:06 Sometimes in the monastery if there is an ingredient missing the people who are cooking look in the pantry and just use whatever is there. They have to be quite versatile and you get some very strange cakes but they are all delicious. Because people have learned the art of using what they have and making something of it. So where is karma heading? Report an error in the passage at 7:06 Highlight the passage at 7:06

7:30 What are we actually making of it? Is it to be wealthy or to be powerful? No. This meditation, this Buddhism, the direction we are going in is towards enlightenment. We are using the ingredients we have to become enlightened. But what does enlightenment actually mean? Enlightenment means there is no anger left in your heart. There is no personal desire or delusion left in your heart. At one time there was a Russian teacher called Gordigif who had a community in France. Report an error in the passage at 7:30 Highlight the passage at 7:30

8:07 In his community there was one fellow who was just absolutely obnoxious. He was always annoying people and giving them a really hard time. So the community would meet together and they would ask Gordagef to send him away to get rid of the fallow because he was always creating arguments and making people unhappy. But Gordagef never would. Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:32 However, later on, after he died, they found out that he had actually been paying the fallow to stay there. Everyone else would have to pay for board and lodging. But Gordagef was actually paying the fallow to be there to teach the people a lesson. If you can only be happy when you live with the people you like, your happiness is not worth anything because you are not being stirred up. Report an error in the passage at 8:32 Highlight the passage at 8:32

9:00 It is like a glass of muddy water. When it is not stirred up, it looks clear, doesn't it? But as soon as it is agitated, the mud comes from the bottom and is stirred up. It is good to stir up your glass just to see what is in there really. So go to Jeff. You used to pay this fellow to stir up everybody to see what was there. A very good indicator of where one is in the spiritual life is to see how well you get on with other people, especially the difficult ones. Report an error in the passage at 9:00 Highlight the passage at 9:00

9:32 Can you be peaceful when someone else is giving you a hard time? Can you let go of anger and irritation towards a person, a place or towards yourself? Eventually we have to. Otherwise we are never going to get to enlightenment. We are never going to get peaceful. Imagine what it is like to say, no more will I get irritated. Report an error in the passage at 9:32 Highlight the passage at 9:32

9:56 No more will I fight or reject a person on their habits. If I cannot do anything about it, I will learn to peacefully coexist with that which I do not like. I will learn to peacefully accept the pain instead of always turning my head away from the pain and seeking the pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 9:56 Highlight the passage at 9:56

10:16 Imagine that. Sometimes people think that if you do not get angry, then you just tend to be a vegetable. You just allow others to walk all over you. You would just be someone who sits here and does nothing. But ask yourself, what do you feel like when you have been angry? Do you feel full of beans, very energetic? We get worn out when we are angry. Report an error in the passage at 10:16 Highlight the passage at 10:16

10:43 it just eats up so much of our heart energy even when we're irritated or negative towards a person or a place that eats up energy so if we do not want to feel so tired and depressed See how much more wide awake and zest feel we feel. Then we can send that energy out into caring for others and to caring for ourselves as well. Report an error in the passage at 10:43 Highlight the passage at 10:43

11:13 It is in our power to do that. If you really want to get on the fast track to enlightenment, try giving up irritation and anger. So how do you give it up? Well first of all by wanting to give it up. But a lot of us do not want to give up our anger and irritation. For some obscure reason we like it. There is a wonderful little story about two monks who lived together in a monastery for many years. Report an error in the passage at 11:13 Highlight the passage at 11:13

11:42 They were great friends. Then they died within a few months of one another. One of them got reborn in the heaven realms. The other monk got reborn as a worm in a dung pile. The one up in the heaven realms was having a wonderful time, enjoying all the heavenly pleasures. Then he started thinking about his friend. Report an error in the passage at 11:42 Highlight the passage at 11:42

12:05 I wonder where my old mate has gone? So he scanned all the heaven realms but could not find a trace of his friend. Then he scanned the realm of human beings but he could not see any trace of his friend there. So he looked in the realm of animals and then of insects. Report an error in the passage at 12:05 Highlight the passage at 12:05

12:23 Finally he found him. Reborn as a worm in a dung pile. Wow, he thought. I'm going to help my friend. I'm going to go down there to that dung pile and take him up to the heavenly realm so he too can enjoy the heavenly pleasures and bliss. of living in these wonderful realms. So he went down to the dung pile and called his mate and the little worm wriggled out and said, Who are you? Report an error in the passage at 12:23 Highlight the passage at 12:23

12:52 I'm your friend. We used to be monks together in a past life and I have come to take you to the heaven realms where life is wonderful and blissful. But the worm said, Go away, get lost. But I'm your friend and I live in the heaven realms. And he described the heaven realms to him. But the worm said, No, thank you. Report an error in the passage at 12:52 Highlight the passage at 12:52

13:13 I'm quite happy here in my dung pile. Please go away. Then the heavenly being thought, well, if I could just grab hold of him and take him up to the heaven realms, he could see for himself. So he grabbed hold of the worm and started tugging at him. And the harder he tugged, the harder that worm clung to his pile of dung. Do you get the moral of the story? Report an error in the passage at 13:13 Highlight the passage at 13:13

13:37 How many of us are attached to our pile of dung? When someone tries to pull us out, We just wiggle back in again because that is what we are used to. We like it in there. Sometimes we're actually attached to our old habits, our anger and our desires. Sometimes we want to be angry. So next time you get angry, stop and watch. Just take a moment of mindfulness just to see what it feels like. Report an error in the passage at 13:37 Highlight the passage at 13:37

14:08 Decide, remind yourself, next time I'm angry, I'm going to feel it. Instead of trying to be clever, to get my own way or to hurt the other person, just notice how it feels. As soon as you notice how anger feels with your heart, not with your head, then you will want to give it up. Because it hurts. It is painful. It is suffering. If only people could be more awake, more aware, know what it feels like, instead of thinking about it, there would be no problem anymore. Report an error in the passage at 14:08 Highlight the passage at 14:08

14:44 They would let the anger go very quickly because it is hot, it is burning. But we tend to see this world with our heads rather than with our hearts. We think about it, but very rarely do we feel it, experience it. Meditation starts to get you in contact with your heart again and out of thinking and complaining, where all anger and desire starts from. Report an error in the passage at 14:44 Highlight the passage at 14:44

15:10 When you come from the heart, you feel for yourself. You can be at peace with yourself. You can be caring to yourself. When I come from the heart, I can appreciate other people's hearts as well. That is how we can love our enemies, when we appreciate their hearts, seeing something there to love, to respect. Report an error in the passage at 15:10 Highlight the passage at 15:10

15:33 People get angry because they are hurting. They are not at ease. But if we are happy, we can never get angry at someone else. It is only when we are depressed, tired, frustrated, having a hard time, when we have got some sickness in our hearts, that is when we can get angry at other people. When someone is angry at me, I feel compassion and kindness towards that person because I realize that they are hurting. Report an error in the passage at 15:33 Highlight the passage at 15:33

16:07 The first time I went to see someone who was supposed to be enlightened, I thought, Crikey, I had better make sure I meditate before I get within 10 miles of him because he's bound to be able to read my mind and that would be so embarrassing. But an enlightened person is not going to be cruel and hurt you. An enlightened person is going to accept you and put you at ease. Report an error in the passage at 16:07 Highlight the passage at 16:07

16:33 That's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? Just to accept yourself. You can just relax. No anger and irritation. There is that great understanding, great enlightenment, that you are alright. What a lot of pain that would take away from human beings' lives. What great freedom it would give the people to participate in the world, to serve in this world, to love in this world, when at last they realise that they are alright. Report an error in the passage at 16:33 Highlight the passage at 16:33

17:07 They do not have to spend so much time getting themselves right. Changing themselves. Always afraid of making mistakes. So when you are at ease with yourself, you will be at ease with other people, no matter who they are. Ajahn Brahmavamsa. Source for Saṅgha Newsletter, January 1997, 2540, number 39, UK. Report an error in the passage at 17:07 Highlight the passage at 17:07