Day 5 Morning Sit with Instructions (Retreat at Spirit Rock)

0:00 [silence] This morning we'd like to continue with the instructions on thoughts following Ruth's explanation yesterday of taking thought as an object of meditation when they arise. Suggest a fix for the passage at 0:00

1:01 You probably have begun to notice the difference in how quickly you become aware that you're thinking. Sometimes it's after the thought is already over, sometimes it's in the middle. Occasionally if the mind is quite clear we can... Be aware of a thought as it arises. Suggest a fix for the passage at 1:01

1:27 And as Mark was speaking about last night, particularly with repetitive patterns, it's helpful to discern, is this thought skillful? Is it unskillful? Is it helpful? Is it unhelpful? Just so we begin to cultivate the stream of wholesome thoughts in the mind and weaken and abandon the ones that are not very helpful to us or to others. Suggest a fix for the passage at 1:27

1:58 So all of this has to do with mindfulness both of the fact that we're thinking and also to some extent of the content of the thoughts. Suggest a fix for the passage at 1:58

2:14 There's another level of becoming aware or mindful of thoughts that is really extremely interesting and an arena for quite liberating insights given that thought is such a predominant object in our experience. Suggest a fix for the passage at 2:14

2:37 I found it really helpful in my own practice to begin to take a more active interest in that phenomena. What is it that's actually going on in this proliferation of the thinking mind? So this morning I'd like to suggest just a few approaches to being mindful of thought on this level, you know, and to begin to explore. Ways of understanding the process that actually frees us. Suggest a fix for the passage at 2:37

3:19 So the first is to notice that process which happens many, many times in a sitting, you know, of being lost in a thought for some time and then at a certain moment we remember that we're thinking and it's as if we wake up from being lost in it. So is there anybody who hasn't had that experience? It's pretty... natural and frequent. I found it more helpful in that moment of waking up from being lost in the thought to take a few moments. We could call it a kind of reflection, but it's not a... Reflection through words. It's just kind of an observation or inquiry. Right in that moment of waking up, in that transition, lost, lost, lost, oh, aware again. Right in that moment, just settle back and really taste fully what it was like to have been lost. And since you were just coming out of that space, it'll be very vivid for you. Oh, that... That's what being lost feels like. And then contrast that with that moment of waking up. Right there, in that transition, we can get a very clear experiential sense of the difference between delusion and wisdom, between being asleep, being awake, between being in delusion or awareness. Right there, right in that moment. Wake up from being lost. Aware. Hang out there for a few moments. So you really understand, again, experientially, what the difference of those mind states are. Suggest a fix for the passage at 3:19

5:39 Does that seem clear? And then, it's quite interesting, it also changes the attitude we have towards the thinking process. Because again, the common response is when we wake up from being lost, very often some kind of Frustration or self -judgment or lost again for the 10 ,000th time. But a whole different frame if you really take these few moments of reflection. Suggest a fix for the passage at 5:39

6:15 Oh, awake again for the 10 ,000th time. So instead of focusing and just looking back on having been lost, you can take delight in the fact that you have awoken from being lost. And really connecting with that feeling, that state of being awake. So then it brings the light. Oh, awake again. Awake again. Awake again. Rather than lost again, lost again, lost again. So we can really turn our whole attitude with regard to the thinking process. We can turn it around so that it serves us if we bring this level of attention. Okay, so catching or being with that moment, that transition moment from being lost to being awake. Another line of inquiry, which I also have found amazingly powerful and freeing, is when you're on a particularly extended thinking jag, you're lost in the stories, and lots of thoughts happening, or lots of short ones, whenever you're in the experience of having a lot of thoughts. It can be very helpful to ask a very simple question, and one that very few people ever ask, and that is, what is a thought? Which is different than asking, what is the thought saying? So this is not about the content of the thought. This is about what is a thought in its nature phenomenologically, as a phenomenon. What is this? And the point of the question is not to come up with an answer. The point of the question is simply to direct the mind, the mindfulness, to look directly at the thought. Because just in the looking directly at it, we will understand its nature. So we don't have to think about it. But we have to remember to look on that level. Well, what is a thought? And it's just so interesting. Because when we're really looking in that way, we see so clearly that the thought is completely ephemeral. It's just a little more than nothing. There's just this little kind of mental energy blip. It's so ephemeral and so empty of substance. But what's amazing and... We all know this from our practice. Suggest a fix for the passage at 6:15

9:20 The amount of power that thoughts have in our lives when we're not mindful of our thinking, it's enormous. I mean, the thoughts are running our lives. It's like we're just like the slaves of our thoughts. You know, go here, go there, do this, do that. Suggest a fix for the passage at 9:20

9:43 So it's just amazing to see the power that they have in our lives when we're unaware, when we're not mindful of our thinking. Contrasted with the understanding of how totally empty and insubstantial the thought is when we are mindful of it. So that difference is incredible. And so whenever we find ourselves suffering because of lost in some big story or drama or whatever, it could be interesting to drop down a level. Well, what is a thought? Stepping out of the content. And really seeing the very nature of thought itself. So I would invite you just to, you know, investigate a little bit if it's of interest to you. Suggest a fix for the passage at 9:43

10:38 And so the last little exercise in terms of, you know, understanding thoughts from these different perspectives, something I found also really interesting, is to simply see the connection between thought and emotion. And to see the cause and effect relationship. Suggest a fix for the passage at 10:38

11:01 There. I'm sure you've had this experience many, many times, but whenever I think of it, it just amuses me. I can be sitting on retreat, quite happy, calm, nobody's bothering me, everything is rolling along. And then I may have a thought, maybe of some past difficulty or difficult exchange. Suggest a fix for the passage at 11:01

11:26 It is just amazing how this little blip of a thought Can trigger a whole emotional response. You know, we think of this person and it could either be a loving response or an irritated response. But what just happened? It was just this thought. That person wasn't even around. I was just sitting meditating. So they were only around in my thought. But when we're not quickly mindful, these thoughts, they have this enormous conditioning power. With respect to all the emotions that may be arising. So to see that. For some time, I just got so interested in playing with it, I would purposely think of thoughts that I knew would trigger something. I just wanted to see it happen again. Suggest a fix for the passage at 11:26

12:25 It's very different seeing it happen and being subject to it happening, which is mostly how we're living our lives. You know, all these thoughts are triggering different emotional responses and we're just right in the whole drama of it. But on this kind of environment, we can sit back and what? The thought just triggered the emotion, completely impersonal. You know, not self, not I. So to see that, you know, is just really deepening your insight into how our minds are working, the nature of thought, the nature of emotion. Okay, settle into the body. Suggest a fix for the passage at 12:25

13:18 There is a body, really simple. Suggest a fix for the passage at 13:18

13:25 Soften the eyes, Suggest a fix for the passage at 13:25

13:30 which you can do repeatedly through the sitting, Suggest a fix for the passage at 13:30

13:44 opening to the feeling of the body breathing, of different sensations. Suggest a fix for the passage at 13:44

14:03 And today, pay particular attention to the arising of thought or image in the mind in the various ways I discussed. Suggest a fix for the passage at 14:03

14:32 And if at any time you feel some struggle in your practice, feeling that it's difficult in some way, Check to see if any of the five hindrances that Mark spoke of are operative at that time. Is it difficult because of expectation and wanting? Or difficult because you're pushing something away? Sleepiness or restlessness or doubt? [silence] Do you have any questions about your practice? Suggest a fix for the passage at 14:32

42:52 What Suggest a fix for the passage at 42:52

43:09 generates the thought when you describe the thinking as the puff? The image that came to my mind is soap bubbles. And so I started thinking as a kid how I generate the soap bubbles. So during the meditation, I was looking for where the thoughts come from and then realized that I was thinking. Suggest a fix for the passage at 43:09

43:47 So the question is, where do they come from? Suggest a fix for the passage at 43:47

43:56 That's the mystery. So, you know, one could probably answer that question on a lot of different levels. So if you were speaking to a neuroscientist, they might be able to explain how, whatever it is that's going on in the brain, the electrical impulses and neural pathways. So that would be one whole level of description, which I'm not at all familiar with. Kind of a general... uh Suggest a fix for the passage at 43:56

44:30 Generalized Buddhist response, which will not, I don't know how helpful it will be, but I like the feeling, sense of this description, even if it's not some kind of big metaphysical truth, and that is that these thoughts just come out of the emptiness, conditioned by all of our past experience and all of the input, and somehow, In the nature of the mind, that all gets mixed together in some way and then out of that empty, aware nature. I think it's probably helpful or could be helpful at times to use the image that you expressed as soap bubbles just as a way of reminding yourself what their nature really is. So I think that could be also skillful. So just behind you. Suggest a fix for the passage at 44:30

45:33 I'm struggling with the concept of Using a thought as an object of mindfulness. Using a what? Using a thought as an object of mindfulness. So when I become aware that I'm thinking, in some cases it just vaporizes and disappears. In other cases it leads to another train of thought, just thinking about thought. It doesn't feel mindful in the same way as using a physical sense object as an object of mindfulness. Suggest a fix for the passage at 45:33

46:06 So I'm not sure what my question is. Well, I think your observation is very accurate. And so in that sense, you are doing exactly, you are being mindful of thoughts in the sense that you observed everything you just expressed. That's because in some way or other, you took them as a field of awareness and mindfulness just to learn how they behave. Like the fact that very often, in the moment of becoming aware of a thought, they just dissolve. So it's helpful to see that. That itself is an insightful perception. Or at other times, just as you said, sometimes one thought, you're aware of it, but then it'll trigger another one. So to be able to see that that is happening, that's what being mindful of thought means. Occasionally, if the mind is really steady, there can be the experience of being mindful as a thought unfolds in the mind. It's almost like one of those CNN scrolls or something. Suggest a fix for the passage at 46:06

47:20 So that's just another way they can be experienced. But you don't have to do anything different than what you're doing because what you expressed is exactly what happens when you become aware or just are including thought as an area of interest. you know, and you just... [silence] So with continuity of practice, I feel like there are moments throughout the day, especially the walking and sitting in a hall, the instructions are quite clear, you know, and I can watch sensations and see the thought appear and disappear and all that. But then, let's say I'm going on a hike, and I'm really kind of focused on the path and trying not to step on a snake. Get attacked by a mountain lion. I'm quite immersed in the task. You know, you could say it approaches a state of flow or being in the zone. Some people would say that in hiking or running or other forms of sports, that is their meditation, right? And I find these moments difficult to approach from a standpoint of mindfulness. Because I feel like that sense of meta -awareness, meta -cognition isn't there. So I was just wondering where you would place these states on the spectrum of mindfulness and how you suggest we approach them. So one field of awareness that is very, it's not spoken of that much, but can be very helpful. To apply in, particularly in this situation, is mindfulness of seeing. Because most likely, in the hike, you were lost in what was being seen. It's like you were in that world and then responding however you did. But without that, as you say, the metacognition of being aware that you were seeing. And so as soon as you... Bring that in, I think you'll find that you can settle back into a more continuous kind of awareness, as in the more formal practice, even when you're, you know, like taking a walk. The awareness of seeing can also be very helpful. I'll just give one really short story. So at one point I was on retreat and I just noticed that whenever I was in the dining room for meals, And I realized... why I mean these sorts were totally ridiculous you know they're just coming so well why why are they arising and I realized That they were all arising through contact at the eye door. That I was seeing something, but not mindfully. And the seeing then conditioned all of these thought reactions. So I started doing it. I would just go into the dining room from the moment I entered. Seeing, seeing, seeing, seeing, seeing, seeing. And it was amazing. It's like, did I mention this earlier? It was really quite amazing. It was 95 % of those thoughts. here? Suggest a fix for the passage at 47:20

51:18 It disappeared because I was catching the point of contact out of which they arose. So even though it's not talked about a lot for some reason, I have found applying mindfulness to the visual field in however it's perceived to be a really helpful application of the practice with real -life benefits. as in that example. Suggest a fix for the passage at 51:18

51:53 Going Suggest a fix for the passage at 51:53

52:04 to Mark's talk last night, I wondered if you could offer some guidance on is there a time when you might realize either in retreat or in real life that you have a certain personality type or a certain tendency and know that there are certain things that you can do to To kind of honor that or indulge that, I don't know what the right word is, that help you maybe have more equanimity or just don't make you so agitated? And when do you push? When do you kind of find your edge and realize that's a mind state, that's maybe a hindrance, and just kind of work with it? And what was the first, I missed the first alternative. When, you know, when you might say, for example, I'm a controlling type and there's certain things that I just, my life feels better when certain things are in control. And when you say this is, yeah. Right, right, right. Suggest a fix for the passage at 52:04

53:19 I don't think it's an either or. You know, and at different times you will learn from both of those alternatives. In the first, I mean, the second is obvious. You know, you reach the edges, you see this tendency, not so helpful, and there's some degree of practice of, okay, I can just let that go. With the first, you know, where you're really feeling some actual benefit from a particular pattern. Suggest a fix for the passage at 53:19

53:53 So in that situation, it's really helpful to see how you, whether in addition to trying to control the situation, you're also trying to control the outcome. Because you can have some influence on the situation. You know, how you arrange things or order things in some way. But the outcome is really outside of your control. So if you see that tendency, yeah, this would make me feel more at ease and you do what you do to create that. But then really with the surrendered mind. Okay, we'll see what happens. It may work, it may not work. So you're not adding more suffering. You know, to the activation of that particular pattern. So that's how I play with both sides of it. Could I also ask you at some point to share again your parachute analogy? I just thought that was such an amazing analogy. Okay, quickly. So just as an analogy for the progression of the spiritual path, as the momentum of practice spills and the mindfulness starts coming and flowing into more, A easeful way, an effortless way. So then the example is given of somebody jumping out of an airplane and the first few moments of free fall, you know, and just the excitement of that. You know, and so the practice itself, when we get into the free flow of phenomena, you know, where the momentum is just building up, so it's just, we're carried along in the stream of experience mindfully. So it's kind of like the excitement, the first, this is great, this is, This is why people like to meditate. You know, so it's the first taste of a possibility. But then, you know, this person is free -falling out of the plane and then they realize they have no parachute. So terrified, you know, and it's really scary. You know, falling, falling, falling, no parachute. So that's at times in the practice where we go from the excitement of the free flow of experience, you could say to the... To the terror of realizing that everything is just disappearing. There's nothing to hold on to. So there's no security anyplace. And at first, when people first drop into that perception, just everything's falling away, falling away, falling away. So that's a difficult time in practice, very challenging, because it's very uncomfortable. So that's like realizing we don't have a parachute. But then after free -falling without a parachute for a while, Uncomfortable feelings, there's another realization that dawns, and that is that there's no ground. So if there's no ground, there's no problem that there's no parachute. You know, and so that's, in the practice, that's really equivalent to the maturing of equanimity. You know, where we go through the terror of everything disappearing and falling away, but then at a certain point, this is not referring to anybody. You know, there's no ground. And then we just settle into a profound equanimity in the process. So that's a bit quick. Suggest a fix for the passage at 53:53

57:29 So just, we need to go. But just as you leave the hall and go into the walking and throughout the day, try to keep in mind or be practicing the awareness of thoughts as they come in all postures and all activities. So it's not just for the sitting. And it can be extremely interesting in the walking to really pay attention to this and to just notice the difference between when you're awake to the feeling of a step, you know, really present, and then you go two or three steps lost in some thought story, completely oblivious to the experience of walking for that short period of time. So just to watch that back and forth. It is really interesting and illuminating about the power of unmindful thinking and about the freedom when we can bring awareness to it. So, have fun! Suggest a fix for the passage at 57:29