Afflictive Emotions (29 February 2008)

0:00 Okay, Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

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0:57 Okay, so... I use that? great. Report an error in the passage at 0:57 Highlight the passage at 0:57

0:30 I messed things up. It's like a TV table so it's not too fancy. You are sarcastic. Report an error in the passage at 0:30 Highlight the passage at 0:30

1:03 what? You want one too? Oh, please. I So I just put some books together that I looked at before I got ready for this talk. So I just thought I'd hand them out to you so you can actually go to some real good sources, you know. So I have to really thank all the teachers I've had. I was Report an error in the passage at 1:03 Highlight the passage at 1:03

1:55 thinking about this and I think I kind of, I was thinking, Report an error in the passage at 1:55 Highlight the passage at 1:55

2:15 It kind of goes back quite a ways for me. I went to Berkeley in the 60s and there was a lot of demonstrations and riots and a lot of turmoil. And I realized that I was really interested in change, in social change, but I didn't like the violence. So I had this question like, how do you get social change? How do you bring about change without violence? And that was kind of on my mind. Report an error in the passage at 2:15 Highlight the passage at 2:15

2:44 A big question for me. And so I went off after university. I graduated in psychology and I went off traveling and that was the question in my mind. I ended up in India and I ended up in Australia and that's where I met Lama Yeshe and Lama Zopa. And then the question became, well, in India it became more... Report an error in the passage at 2:44 Highlight the passage at 2:44

3:14 Meditation is the way. As His Holiness says, inner disarmament is the way to disarmament. So we have to start individually. So then I start to say, okay, well, what is meditation? And then that led me to Lama Zopa and Lama Yashin. They gave their first month-long lamrim course they gave in Australia. Report an error in the passage at 3:14 Highlight the passage at 3:14

3:37 They give them in Copan. Have you heard of these? In Copan, yeah, and Nepal. so. Report an error in the passage at 3:37 Highlight the passage at 3:37

3:45 And then I got involved in helping build Vajrapani Institute and living there and I was director there when His Holiness came in 89, just before the earthquake. And then I decided, he said at that time, he said we should learn from Christians, Buddhists should learn from Christians and do more community service and get out of their monastic setting. Report an error in the passage at 3:45 Highlight the passage at 3:45

4:15 and they're, you know, closing off. So I took that to heart and I went to grad school and I got a master's and I got my license as an MFT. So I've been working in a high school for eight years and I teach meditation there in certain classes like that. And I've been involved in conflict mediation, so that's another part where, you know, hostility or disagreement. Report an error in the passage at 4:15 Highlight the passage at 4:15

4:48 I've been involved in some. So we got a choice of which delusion we, a little bit of a choice, what delusion we wanted and I started, I thought about jealousy and then, I mean I've got them all so it wasn't like it was a problem picking but I kind of gravitated toward. Report an error in the passage at 4:48 Highlight the passage at 4:48

5:08 So I want to talk a bit about, a little bit about Eastern and Western approaches, Buddhist and Western approaches to anger. Report an error in the passage at 5:08 Highlight the passage at 5:08

5:20 And I hope I don't, I'll probably run out of time or something, you know. So I'll say, so if you, I'll ask for questions, okay, at certain points. Is that okay? So hold on to them, okay? Unless it's just so burning, you know, then go for it. The inner fire, I didn't know that was going to be in the title. Report an error in the passage at 5:20 Highlight the passage at 5:20

5:43 But that's kind of interesting because, you know, like I think of like a match. how it could start a forest fire and burn down so many acres and kill so many people and so many beings and so much suffering and i think anger can be like that you know just one one word one one anger a moment can cause much suffering so much so much problems Report an error in the passage at 5:43 Highlight the passage at 5:43

6:12 It's actually in Buddhism it's considered the worst. Because of that, you could have eons and eons of created negative, positive acts, generosity, all sorts of virtue, ethical behavior, saving lives, and in one moment of anger can destroy it all, like a forest fire. Report an error in the passage at 6:12 Highlight the passage at 6:12

6:41 And it makes sense because Buddhism is about loving kindness. And interdependence and, you know, we're in this together and compassion and love and caring for others. And so even taking refuge, even when you go take refuge in Buddhism, you know, like, okay, Buddha's the doctor and Dharma's the medicine and Saṅgha's the nurse and, you know, wisdom and compassion, they're going to be my guides and I'm going to, you know, that's really where happiness can be found. Report an error in the passage at 6:41 Highlight the passage at 6:41

7:12 When you take refuge, you take do not harm. I mean, that just comes with it. so it's big it's big it's it's one of the six perfections which in generosity ethics patience so Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Zopa Rinpoche. Okay. Can't see it, but it's on the back wall. And it's really like suffering, shows suffering, how suffering is, how we're trapped in this. Report an error in the passage at 7:12 Highlight the passage at 7:12

7:46 This suffering realms, the six realms are there of suffering and the twelve links and in the very center, what do you find? Ignorance, anger and attachment. And so again, you know, there it is. So like ignorance is the main thing and then ignorance and attachment or anger and attachment are these, like the ministers of the king, ignorance. Report an error in the passage at 7:46 Highlight the passage at 7:46

8:12 I want to say a couple experiences that I've had with anger, but I'm not going to tell you what happened. And then in the end, at the end, you have to guess, okay? So one was before I met the Dharma, and I was with the person I love, admire and live with. That's Bev, by the way. So we were in Pakistan in 1971, and we often had run-ins with people who would grab her. Report an error in the passage at 8:12 Highlight the passage at 8:12

8:41 on the street and you know grab her breasts or her you know and so uh but at this one time we were in a train station uh Report an error in the passage at 8:41 Highlight the passage at 8:41

8:51 was it was late the train was late and it was very crowded the the platform was just packed with men right okay and so she doesn't she doesn't she's we're a couple of hippies doesn't have a veil on you know and so we always had to be on the lookout what making sure you know but this she She was was getting getting on on the the train train with this hand, and she had a pack. Report an error in the passage at 8:51 Highlight the passage at 8:51

9:10 Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Zopa Rinpoche. came up and just grabbed her really hard, you know, right on her breasts. And I just, this ever happened to you? was like possessed by anger. Everything turned red. All around was red and blurry. And all I could see was him. Report an error in the passage at 9:10 Highlight the passage at 9:10

9:30 that's one. The other happened after I'd been in the Dharma just a couple of years ago at my job. And I did something that really upset. So I think anger isn't just about when I'm angry, but when people are angry at me, right? I mean, that's also difficult, right? So difficult emotions, right? So that's also difficult. So it was a barbecue for the staff and I came in late. Report an error in the passage at 9:30 Highlight the passage at 9:30

10:03 You know, I'm kind of hanging loose. I'm called a student advocate and the student wanted some water and this assistant principal said, no, it's just for staff. And I kind of gave him one behind my back and this AP got really mad. He got really, really mad at me. And somebody almost, another assistant principal almost had to hold him back. He said, you better just get out of here. I think he did that thing where it all gets blurry and red and he wanted to tear me apart. Report an error in the passage at 10:03 Highlight the passage at 10:03

10:28 apart. Report an error in the passage at 10:28 Highlight the passage at 10:28

10:34 So, anyway, I'll leave that one there too, okay? We'll get back to that, okay? And I'm sure you all have stories, okay? So, I think Eastern and Western approaches to anger are quite different in many ways and I think it has a lot to do with some basic assumptions about things, okay? I think Western psychology doesn't really think about the self in the same way. Report an error in the passage at 10:34 Highlight the passage at 10:34

11:04 I don't think, they certainly have different ideas about emotions. In the West, a negative emotion is one that feels bad. Report an error in the passage at 11:04 Highlight the passage at 11:04

11:16 Right? Does that make sense? Yeah. So like if, what's an example? Report an error in the passage at 11:16 Highlight the passage at 11:16

11:26 You know, like, let's say it feels good to be attached to your house. You know, you have a house and you're really proud of your possessions. example. Report an error in the passage at 11:26 Highlight the passage at 11:26

11:37 I have this nice car and this house and it makes you feel good. In Buddhism that could be a negative emotion, it could be attachment, which is based on wrong assumptions and not based on reality and so it could cause a lot of problems. Regret doesn't feel good, but if it's a regret for a negative action in Buddhism, that can be a really good thing. Now if it's a regret for a positive action, that's not a good thing, because you're regretting something good you did, right? Report an error in the passage at 11:37 Highlight the passage at 11:37

12:06 So really, in Buddhism, it's more about whether it leads to more suffering or it leads to liberation. That's how they define good or bad. And I think, in fact, emotions are just negative. But His Holiness has been differentiating more about negative and positive. He's been working a lot with scientists and neuroscientists who study the brain. Report an error in the passage at 12:06 Highlight the passage at 12:06

12:28 And so, you know, there's been more interplay between science and Buddhism. Also, I had a psychodynamic supervisor when I was interning. And I was talking to her about Buddhism and enlightenment and ideas of health. Now, I think in the West, sometimes health is just an absence of illness. And in Buddhism, your mind's at peace. You're blissed out and you know it. Report an error in the passage at 12:28 Highlight the passage at 12:28

13:01 You're very knowledgeable. You're very wise. So it's really different. of So anyway, this supervisor, I brought this up and she said, oh, in psychodynamic theory, the best you can hope for is to be slightly neurotic. Report an error in the passage at 13:01 Highlight the passage at 13:01

13:20 No more suffering. in just you know working on my mind to be slightly neurotic you know in buddhism they talk about being enlightened which is like unbelievable you know unbelievable like joy joyful blissful uh Report an error in the passage at 13:20 Highlight the passage at 13:20

13:38 No more suffering, totally finished. So we have those ideas and they're quite different. Report an error in the passage at 13:38 Highlight the passage at 13:38

13:52 Also we have to bring up that in the East, in Buddhism, the mind is not substantial. And I think there's a little bit, because of the dialogue between the Dalai Lama and Neuroscientists, they're starting to separate mind and brain, but I don't think they have for a long time. Report an error in the passage at 13:52 Highlight the passage at 13:52

14:15 general line of thought you know so there's that difference Report an error in the passage at 14:15 Highlight the passage at 14:15

14:22 there's also the thing about, oh, to go along with the slightly neurotic thing, I think it kind of ties in a little bit with, some people say it ties in with the idea of original sin, know, that we're really, we're screwed from the moment, you know, we get here because of what Adam and Eve did or whatever, you know. Report an error in the passage at 14:22 Highlight the passage at 14:22

14:43 And so... So we're rotten to the core. Buddhism, we're pure. The mind is pure and knowing. I mean, it's like these other things are just, you know, like covering it up and we just peel those away and let the true nature of the mind out and it's incredible. So that original sin idea, so we're always kind of like, you know, it eats away at us, you know. So that's different. Report an error in the passage at 14:43 Highlight the passage at 14:43

15:11 The other thing I think we have to keep in mind is that there's different theories about how things happen. Like there's some theories, science, like I'll ask the psychologist who was a supervisor of mine, why do people win the lottery? He said it's chance. And that's more the scientific approach, you know, probability, right? Probability theory, right? It's chance. Report an error in the passage at 15:11 Highlight the passage at 15:11

15:39 That's a theory, okay? What's another one? That's chance. God. I'm so blessed. We won the Super Bowl. I'm so blessed. I always think, what about the losers? Doesn't God love them too? Anyway, I get confused about that. It's God's will. That's why things happen. It's God's will. Buddhism is a little different. Report an error in the passage at 15:39 Highlight the passage at 15:39

16:09 I'm getting thirsty. That's chance. God. Right? Report an error in the passage at 16:09 Highlight the passage at 16:09

16:17 it's, not chance. not God's will. It's we create. So that's the good news and the bad news. I mean, it's sort of in our hands, you know. So that's really different. You know, we create whatever our actions really... way the way we are now is based on what we've done in the past and what we're going to be in the future is based on what we do now so it's very complicated it's not a linear you know one thing that uh i mean one thing can create many things and many things can make one thing and it's expandable and know but there's that thing about you create the cause so whatever experience you're having that's based on what you've created in the past Okay? Report an error in the passage at 16:17 Highlight the passage at 16:17

17:09 So that's really different, right? Those three things. So I think it's important to kind of, I mean, Buddhism too is really about investigating your own mind, investigating things and using your own logic and your own experience to figure things out, okay? So when I say this, I'm just giving you, you know, kind of statements about stuff, but it's not, they're not into dogma or you got to believe this to be, you know, to be a believer. Report an error in the passage at 17:09 Highlight the passage at 17:09

17:36 It's not about, to me it's a psychology, okay? Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama Report an error in the passage at 17:36 Highlight the passage at 17:36

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17:41 So then Buddhists all say we all want to be happy and we don't want to suffer. We all have that in common. We want to be happy, we don't want to suffer. So Buddha's main thing was to alleviate suffering. It wasn't to come up with a theory about the origin of the universe. It was really about alleviating suffering. Report an error in the passage at 17:41 Highlight the passage at 17:41

18:03 So that was the main goal. Report an error in the passage at 18:03 Highlight the passage at 18:03

18:09 So the Western view, there's some things. Sometimes Westerners say anger is necessary and very beneficial because it gives us information about what's going on. Report an error in the passage at 18:09 Highlight the passage at 18:09

18:22 You know, they say it's a necessary thing, you know. You know, that could be challenged. That could be challenged, you know. It's like, you know, it's usually like... It's because we didn't get something or we're overly sensitive or our ego is, you know, we didn't get what we want. So we can get information in other ways. Report an error in the passage at 18:22 Highlight the passage at 18:22

18:48 We don't have to get angry. Another is that this, I'm going to jump, not do all these, but another is it's natural. It's human nature, right? Human nature. Competition. Survival of the fittest, right? So, I mean, don't, you don't. Shantideva, Shantideva, Shantideva And he says that's more, if you want to get what's natural. So a lot of these things can be... Westerners say that compassion and tolerance is weak. Report an error in the passage at 18:48 Highlight the passage at 18:48

19:52 Like if you're patient and you're tolerant, that's a sign of weakness. You need to stand up for yourself. Take some assertiveness training. Learn to express your anger. you know. And so psychology Report an error in the passage at 19:52 Highlight the passage at 19:52

20:10 Psychology really got into this. Western psychology really got into this. And I think some of these Western psychological trends start taking over just the common way of thinking. One very popular one was for a while that anger, it was Freud, he said there's this hydraulic theory, the pressure. There's this pressure and these things competing and the pressure builds up and you have to discharge it. Right? Okay? Right? Report an error in the passage at 20:10 Highlight the passage at 20:10

20:43 So it was called the, what was the word? I like this word. Ventilizationist. You were a ventilizationist. You know, venting. I have kids at school come in and say they want to vent. And I go, well, I don't think venting is really all that, you know, valuable. Report an error in the passage at 20:43 Highlight the passage at 20:43

21:06 Something like that. It's not going to work now. Okay, so it came out of that. It came out of like the Industrial Revolution, right? Steam engines. They look at a steam engine. Oh, it has to vent. Maybe the mind is like that. So we better, you know, we need to vent. We need to let it off. We need to express it, you know. Report an error in the passage at 21:06 Highlight the passage at 21:06

21:26 So they hit into pillows and tell me how much you hate your mother, you know. Come on, let it out. Yell it out, you know. But they found out that the people didn't really, it came back, you know. And it leaves imprints when you do that on your mind and then it creates a habit and then you keep doing it. And so that didn't work out too well. Report an error in the passage at 21:26 Highlight the passage at 21:26

21:48 They've discovered that that's not so good. Okay, so that's kind of the Western. There are some Western approaches that are kind of a little different than that. We'll get into that. So I've talked about this different view of emotions. Negative emotions feel bad in the West. In the East it's not so much like that. Anger generally is something that exaggerates the negative qualities of a person, an object, a situation, an idea, or it projects negative qualities onto those things. Report an error in the passage at 21:48 Highlight the passage at 21:48

22:30 And then it creates a story about it. Like, I really hate that person. The way they eat their food and the way they comb their hair and the clothes they wear, I mean, it just drives me crazy. I just can't stand being around that person. I mean, I don't know where that person learned those things. You start talking to yourself and you create this whole story and then you start telling other people. And then pretty soon it becomes more and more solid. And it's just exaggerating certain qualities or you're projecting your own kind of junk onto them. Report an error in the passage at 22:30 Highlight the passage at 22:30

23:07 Patience is a... The reason this thing about they said patience or tolerance is weak, it's a sign of weakness, it takes a lot of effort. It's a conscious thing to be patient. It's not like, oh, this isn't about being a doormat or being dependent on somebody or just letting people run over you. It's not like that. So you actually decide not to be aggressive. I mean, it's a conscious decision. Report an error in the passage at 23:07 Highlight the passage at 23:07

23:38 It takes self-discipline and you're actively restraining the anger. So that's different. Report an error in the passage at 23:38 Highlight the passage at 23:38

23:49 So there's a process about anger, about how to deal with it. It'll just keep going on unless we really take a stand that it's not good, like anything. We have to decide that it's not a good thing. okay? If you can look at the Report an error in the passage at 23:49 Highlight the passage at 23:49

24:13 You know, if we keep thinking it's a good thing, then we'll keep doing it, right? So one way to come to that is to look at the disadvantages, okay? Okay, the next is to look at the causal mechanism, like what's underlying it, and then look at remedies, okay? And how to combat it. And then it's the hard work, you know, of practicing, you know, of really... Report an error in the passage at 24:13 Highlight the passage at 24:13

24:42 Committing yourself to getting rid of anger, okay? So I want to go through some of the disadvantages really quickly, talk a little bit about the causal mechanism and then throw out a bunch of remedies. Buddhism is really good about throwing out a lot of remedies. You know, there's like the whole lamrim, right? It's full of remedies, you know, things you can do to combat these destructive emotions, okay? Report an error in the passage at 24:42 Highlight the passage at 24:42

25:11 You can't just have one and it's going to work all the time, you know. And some go at the root, some go at the very root of anger, which is this misconception of self and self-cherishing mind, right? Because anger is kind of like so tied to attachment. You know, if I don't get what I want, like I couldn't find a parking place, you know, I'm starting to get a little agitated, you know. Report an error in the passage at 25:11 Highlight the passage at 25:11

25:36 I call the office here and, you know, what do I do about parking? Well, they say, well, you got to just find one. Okay, so I got to be patient, you mean. I got to be patient and look for one, you know. You're not just going to give me one because I'm the teacher, you know. So there's not one marked out front, you know. Report an error in the passage at 25:36 Highlight the passage at 25:36

25:52 So, you know, you just watch your mind, you know, and you see how it's attached to comfort and it's attached to special favors and it's, you know, this self-importance. And so you go to the root. That's the best way. If you could root out this misconception I, then all the other delusions don't have any... Report an error in the passage at 25:52 Highlight the passage at 25:52

26:12 difficult, all right? So you work away at that, and then you have antidotes that you apply in different situations. Lama Zopa's really good at those. Sometimes you just need to act like a stone. You know, like just, nothing's happening, I'm a rock. You know, it's not gonna affect me. Just gonna, you know, let it go, you know? I mean, there's tons of them, okay? There's tons of them. And so you, you, you You try to have them in your mind and you have them ready. I had a sugar problem. Report an error in the passage at 26:12 Highlight the passage at 26:12

26:50 I couldn't eat sugar. So you have to kind of think that sugar is a poison to me. That really helped me not to eat sugar. I'd look at a candy bar, which I used to love, and I'd go, eww. And it's not like it's not reality. Okay, a really beautiful person. but if you don't have, like, Report an error in the passage at 26:50 Highlight the passage at 26:50

27:08 You know, whether you're attracted to a man or a woman or whatever, a dog or a cat, you know, but then you can start thinking about the yards and yards of intestine that are inside, you know, and how they have to go to the bathroom, you know, and the food goes in and we laugh, but it's true about the person, right? Report an error in the passage at 27:08 Highlight the passage at 27:08

27:27 But we only look at the skin, we only look at the surface, and while we're attracted, you know, it's so pretty, you know, the lipstick and, you know, or the... I love that guy. He's got such nice skin and his voice is just melodious. But we don't think about the whole package. So it's not like you're making stuff up. Report an error in the passage at 27:27 Highlight the passage at 27:27

27:46 William James, a famous psychologist, said our experience is what we pay attention to. I think it's so much like that. So the idea is to broaden our attention. Get wise. Get bigger perspective. okay. Okay, so that's Report an error in the passage at 27:46 Highlight the passage at 27:46

28:04 And it's 7.30. Okay. 7.40. So, anger often appears as our protector. Right? Right? I'm there for you. You know? That person cut in front of you and I'm here for you. Let's go get them. Let's flip them off and tailgate them. Or whatever your thing is. Whatever pisses you off. Maybe nothing pisses you off. Report an error in the passage at 28:04 Highlight the passage at 28:04

28:35 That's another term for getting mad. So, you know, whatever it is, you know, and so you see your mind getting all, you know, because your expectations aren't fulfilled. That's another one. You know, your expectations aren't fulfilled. Your things you want in life aren't fulfilled. So anger is there to help you out, you know. Report an error in the passage at 28:35 Highlight the passage at 28:35

28:59 I'm going to stand up for you, you know. Who else is going to stand up for you? I don't see anybody else coming around standing up for you, so I'm there for you. I'll kick some butt for you. I'll do whatever it takes for you. I'm always there for you. So it's very convincing. But I think the idea is to look a little deeper and see if it's really there in our best interest over the long haul, even the short haul sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 28:59 Highlight the passage at 28:59

29:26 There are people who at one burst of anger and now they're in a fight. and and shot you know or they're in jail you know there's that forest fire again that that spark that match and it's gone you know so it's something you know it appears is this friend this this protector you know it needs to be it needs to be examined okay and looked at so Report an error in the passage at 29:26 Highlight the passage at 29:26

29:52 Let's get down to some of the disadvantages. Some of them are Buddhist and some are hard to relate to. even, I mean, you know. I mean, they take like, you know, believing in future lives and things like that, okay? But anyway, they make us look ugly. Anger makes us look ugly. I mean, all you got to do is, I mean, you know, you get all red and your face gets all wrinkly and, you know, I mean, people like, I mean, we don't notice it because anger is there for us, you know, and convincing us that this is what we need to do. Report an error in the passage at 29:52 Highlight the passage at 29:52

30:23 But other people go, people shun people who are angry all the time. They don't want to be around them, you know? So it's a good way to lose friends if you feel you have too many friends. They're learning now that it affects the health, right? Blood pressure goes up, right? Blood pressure goes up. Heart disease shortens your life, you know, has these problems, okay? Clouds your judgment, causes havoc in relationships, right? Report an error in the passage at 30:23 Highlight the passage at 30:23

30:56 I mean, just get angry, get in a fight with somebody, you know, over something. And then what happens? Sometimes people don't talk to each other for days. Sometimes stories get built up. We start exaggerating again, right? You're always doing that. Anger is really good about exaggerating. You never help me out. I'm always doing all the work. Report an error in the passage at 30:56 Highlight the passage at 30:56

31:22 So anger isn't just like this big outburst where you get all red in the face. It's also what we're going to get into in the causal. Report an error in the passage at 31:22 Highlight the passage at 31:22

31:34 we'll get to that so uh cod your judgment uh people seem like really insane sometimes you know Report an error in the passage at 31:34 Highlight the passage at 31:34

31:44 mean, they just go, like this guy I work with in private practice, he got out of his car, chased the other car, pounded on the car. You know, he gets out of his car and gets in fights with people. Report an error in the passage at 31:44 Highlight the passage at 31:44

31:56 It's like, know what I mean? I mean, anger is just amazing. Report an error in the passage at 31:56 Highlight the passage at 31:56

32:02 What kind of, how crazy people get. Gets you to think in really strange ways. This guy at school today, I got called in the principal's office, not the principal, AP, two APs called me over and this boy didn't like what went on in the class the day before and had sent off an email to the teacher about wanting to hurt himself or hurt somebody. Report an error in the passage at 32:02 Highlight the passage at 32:02

32:22 somebody you and he was really mad at the teacher for giving this assignment and boy he was you know with with these shootings and stuff he was like they were really looking at him you know it could have really gone in a bad way you know um he regrets it you know that's a good thing too People lose their appetite, they lose their sleep, they get tense, they get uptight, right? Report an error in the passage at 32:22 Highlight the passage at 32:22

32:49 People can't sleep, they're so mad, they're so upset, injustice, you know. Oh, it's not right. Righteous indignation, right? It's just not right what's going on, you know? The thing is, we don't have to get angry to do something about it. You know, we can do it calmly, right? Anger convinces us he has to be there to give us energy, you know, and to really make it important to show that we're really passionate. Report an error in the passage at 32:49 Highlight the passage at 32:49

33:17 But we can be passionate with compassion. You know, that's part of compassion, is passion. It's not like just, oh, okay, I'll just let everything happen. I'm really cool. I'm patient. Nothing bothers me anymore. It's not like that. It's not disengaging. You're really engaged. You're totally engaged. You're actively being patient. You actively know that that's a good thing to do. Report an error in the passage at 33:17 Highlight the passage at 33:17

33:44 It's none of this disengaging. You don't get out of it. You don't get out of it. You get more into it. It's difficult to, you make inaccurate assessments of reality. You have regrets later. And if you don't have regrets later, you're holding resentment, grudges, forever. Some people hold them forever. They think, okay, that shows that that was a wrong thing. And I'm showing that guy. Boy, am I showing them how bad that was. Report an error in the passage at 33:44 Highlight the passage at 33:44

34:11 Guy doesn't even know how you feel. You're the ones carrying around this baggage, you know. Anger's amazing, so convincing. Okay. Causes problems for others. Destroys virtue. We already talked about that. One thousand eons, it says. If you get mad at a bodhisattva, which is like a high level, almost on their way to Buddha, they're really close. And we don't know who's a bodhisattva, okay? Report an error in the passage at 34:11 Highlight the passage at 34:11

34:40 We don't know who that is, so you don't want to take any chances, okay? You don't want to take any chances. Also causes future painful rebirths. If you want to think about, you know, if that's on your mind, that the, you know, in Buddhism the mind doesn't get destroyed. It's insubstantial and it's beginningless and it's endless. Report an error in the passage at 34:40 Highlight the passage at 34:40

35:01 So it goes on forever. So you don't get out of it. We don't get out. No one dies. No one dies. None of us are going to die. I mean, bodies die, okay, but the mind goes on and takes another rebirth, okay? So anger creates negative rebirths. Especially at the death time you don't want to be angry because that's really powerful. Report an error in the passage at 35:01 Highlight the passage at 35:01

35:21 Okay, so... the dead time. Okay? Report an error in the passage at 35:21 Highlight the passage at 35:21

35:50 You make a deliberate conscious decision not to follow anger. So to start with, we've got to spy on it. The enemy is not outside. Report an error in the passage at 35:50 Highlight the passage at 35:50

36:01 The person out there, that thing, that didn't make us angry. Anger did it. That person didn't make us feel the way we do. There is some psychology, western psychology, that actually is onto this. Report an error in the passage at 36:01 Highlight the passage at 36:01

36:20 It's called the, it's cognitive, cognitive, right? Cognitive therapy, okay? ABC. There's an activating event, there's a concluding emotion, and in the middle is B, your belief system, okay? A doesn't cause C. Activating event, you know, you stick your tongue out at me, you know? Yeah, like that. And I go, I was going to say fuck you, but I shouldn't say that because it's being taped. Report an error in the passage at 36:20 Highlight the passage at 36:20

36:50 I shouldn't say it. Did I say it? So, you know, I get really mad and I say that back. But what's in between is that no one's going to say that. I'm a nice guy. I'm a teacher. You shouldn't do that to me. You have no right to do that. That's the belief system that's making me get angry. Not you doing that. Right? So they're on to something there. Okay? They're on to something there. Okay? Report an error in the passage at 36:50 Highlight the passage at 36:50

37:18 So that's really helpful because then you start, because what does Buddhism mean? Buddhist means inner being. The enemy's not outside. The problem isn't outside. The problem, you know, happiness isn't found outside. Suffering doesn't come from outside. It's in you. It's inside. Okay? That's the good news. You know, because we can do something about it, right? Okay? Report an error in the passage at 37:18 Highlight the passage at 37:18

37:44 Unbelievable. So there's this thing in conjunction with that, the Forgive for Good, the book Forgive for Good. He did a whole thing on this. Because forget, you know, there's a lot of anger and grievances, okay? You know, subtle holding of grievance or, you know, you're not forgiving somebody. So he says this is how it works. You... How does it work? You... Report an error in the passage at 37:44 Highlight the passage at 37:44

38:11 I have to remember how it works. You take it personally. You take it personally when somebody does something, okay? I mean... Why wouldn't you? They called you a name, you know. But anyway, you take it personally and then you blame the way you feel on the other person. Report an error in the passage at 38:11 Highlight the passage at 38:11

38:34 And then you create a story about it. So he says you can undo that by realizing that you're not the only one who gets called names. I mean, take it personally. And he's not the cause of the way you feel. You know, that's up to you. That's your... Because check that out. I mean, I'm not saying it's hard fact. Check it out. You wake up in the morning, you're in a good mood. Somebody does something, oh well, you know. Report an error in the passage at 38:34 Highlight the passage at 38:34

39:07 You wake up in a bad mood and somebody does something and you're all over them, you know. So it's not rocket science. It's just paying more attention to our inner being, you know, and how it works. He also comes up with a really interesting thing. Remember I said it's that belief system? It's unenforceable rules. I love that phrase. We live by unenforceable rules. There shoulds. Like, I expect people to treat me nicely. Report an error in the passage at 39:07 Highlight the passage at 39:07

39:36 My wife should never have an affair. What else? Anybody got any? Everybody's got them. Come on. I should, yeah. I mean, I came up to this, I came up to this, I taught about happiness at a private school. And he stood out on the corner and he ushered me into their private underground parking lot, locked. I didn't have to worry about my car. It's like unbelievable, you know. Report an error in the passage at 39:36 Highlight the passage at 39:36

40:05 Wow. And here it's like, good luck. Yeah, it's hard. So, you know, you got to be kind of equanimous. You got to equanimity there, you know. Okay, so unenforceable rules. You know, we have them. Check them out. Check out what yours are, you know. Usually they're... Report an error in the passage at 40:05 Highlight the passage at 40:05

40:26 should be... Shoulds, expectations, you know, it's okay to wish. You know, I wish I had a parking lot. It would be nice. You know, but when you make it, I should have one, I deserve one, I expect to have one. Now you've moved into unenforceable rules. It's out of my control. See, when it's not in your control and you're making rules about how people should treat you, you're setting yourself up for suffering, for getting pissed off, for being disappointed. Report an error in the passage at 40:26 Highlight the passage at 40:26

40:56 Okay? So he deals a lot with that and forgive for good. Okay. I think we're doing all right. I think we're going to make it. And there'll be time for questions. Any questions? Okay, I remember to stop. Yes. Hi. Oh, Report an error in the passage at 40:56 Highlight the passage at 40:56

41:16 you have to use the microphone. Somebody want to be in charge of that? Or should I just throw it to you? Report an error in the passage at 41:16 Highlight the passage at 41:16

41:27 Thanks for all this info. I'm curious about the Freudian concept of discharging. Mm-hmm. Has there been research on brain development as a consequence of discharging emotions? Report an error in the passage at 41:27 Highlight the passage at 41:27

41:46 We're assuming that expressing or following through on the negative anger. Like expressing it as harmful? Yeah. Yeah, there's been a lot of, I think, research on that. And what does it do to the brain, do you know? What does it do to the brain? I guess I'm... I mean, do you know about the Mind Life conferences that have gone on? Daniel Goleman, Destructive Emotions, Social Emotional Intelligence. Kind of, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 41:46 Highlight the passage at 41:46

42:20 I've not been to one of those conferences. Okay. I think there's some there. There's also... His Holiness was at Stanford a couple summers ago. Dalai Lama was there. I mean, who did I say? His Holiness. Yeah, His Holiness Dalai Lama was there, yeah. So, and they're looking at brain imaging and they're trying to pinpoint where emotions come from. And who is it, Matthew Ricard? Report an error in the passage at 42:20 Highlight the passage at 42:20

42:44 He's the happiest person in the world. Huh? Yeah, Ricard. Because his left front lobe lights up like a Christmas tree. You know, so they know where happy, they have some idea about happiness places. The reason I ask is because a long time ago, This is pre-Buddhism. Let it out. Yeah, beat the pillows. How long ago was this? This was in 88, maybe. Report an error in the passage at 42:44 Highlight the passage at 42:44

43:46 And he claimed, and it was evident to all of us, that it was beneficial for him because he could go back into work and be a lot more calm. and he could actually himself in a more professional more calm way yeah and and another another case many of the cases um once they got in touch and allowed to express that emotion right Yeah, pain, hurt or grief. Report an error in the passage at 43:46 Highlight the passage at 43:46

44:26 And also Kubler-Ross, who's done research, has concluded that anger is one of the phases in grief. So what would you say to that? Well, I mean, I was just going to, when I got into remedies, there's no one way for everybody. I mean, I'm presenting a certain, you know. Shantideva, Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama You know, the assumptions or the unenforced rules or to get underneath it. And yeah, a lot of cultures people aren't allowed to express their emotions, you know, and so to have that opportunity. Report an error in the passage at 44:26 Highlight the passage at 44:26

45:34 So the other part of this is like, you know, it's also said like what's best to do when somebody gets angry, to try to listen, you know, not get angry yourself or defensive, but try to listen, set a good example, you know. Well, the place that I'm shiatsu-ing is the place where in therapy where it has been beneficial for some people. My concern and I guess my question to you is how do you delineate or how do you clarify the qualitative differences between expressing anger as a beneficially healing approach versus... Report an error in the passage at 45:34 Highlight the passage at 45:34

46:15 And where does it end to where it goes into this other place where it becomes kind of karmic and damaging? I know that some of the research I read about when they were doing the venting, that it just didn't resolve it. I mean, they did feel good afterwards. It did relieve that, but then they'd come back the next time and it would be there again. Report an error in the passage at 46:15 Highlight the passage at 46:15

46:39 So it wouldn't resolve it. It would relieve it for a while. But if there's an avenue to get deeper, to go deeper and to get at hurt and things that have happened to them and ideas they're holding on to that kind of trigger it, and you're giving them a situation where they can go there, like a container for that then. Report an error in the passage at 46:39 Highlight the passage at 46:39

47:08 And it's okay. As long as it's monitored. Yeah, I think it just depends. I mean, for kids to come in to me and say, I just want to vent. I just want to tell you how bad my parents are, how much I hate my parents. I mean, I'm not going to stop them, but I'm going to be trying to work on a way that that can be alleviated. Report an error in the passage at 47:08 Highlight the passage at 47:08

47:30 Because they're not happy doing that. So I'm not trying to just say, oh, don't be angry. Well, I also imagine in that case it has to be supported by the context. So if you're working with youth and they have anger and they want to take your example, if they want to vent and you as a psychologist would then say, what I'm hearing you say is resolve versus relief. Report an error in the passage at 47:30 Highlight the passage at 47:30

47:57 So relief is temporary and it just kind of reinforces it. But resolution, I love that. is that as as a psychologist or as a teacher or someone who's helping to help resolve it which would also include maybe getting the parents in to negotiate the car yeah whatever sometimes yeah Yeah, sometimes. You Report an error in the passage at 47:57 Highlight the passage at 47:57

48:20 said before that the Buddhists believe that mind is pure. So when we are born, are we born with a pure mind? the... Yeah. No, that doesn't mean we're not... I mean, there's imprints also. There's things already. That's its fundamental nature, is pure light and knowing. Those are its characteristics. It knows things and it's like a mirror. It's reflective. So that's its basic nature. Report an error in the passage at 48:20 Highlight the passage at 48:20

49:07 It doesn't mean you don't come into this life with imprints from past lives. of these of being angry and they say it's like somebody who's committed suicide then for like 17 lifetimes they're going to have that tendency so it doesn't mean you don't come into this life with tenants with problems but the but the the it's not like the core is rotten core is pure light and blissful Report an error in the passage at 49:07 Highlight the passage at 49:07

49:34 Okay, but if we are born with all of that, we are born with anger too, right? We bring anger with us. It's innate somehow. You see the little kids there, they get angry when they're babies. It looks innate. It looks that way. It looks like it's one with the mind. But it can be gotten rid of. It's not part of that fundamental nature of the mind. It's like dust on a mirror. Report an error in the passage at 49:34 Highlight the passage at 49:34

50:12 So I think that also changes the way we relate to people. I mean, you know, another thing about Buddhism is, I mean, for me, and I'm interested in narrative therapy and postmodern therapy, reality is a construction, right? And so the Buddha also taught the existence of a soul to some people because that's what they needed in order to move them along, the next step, you know, because they were so, say, unvirtuous. Report an error in the passage at 50:12 Highlight the passage at 50:12

50:42 That they needed to know that there was something really big at stake, you know, for them to practice virtue. So it wasn't helpful to present like the highest sort of ideas about Hindu Buddhism. So it really depends on what's, you know, the next, what people need. He also said that Christianity would have been really helpful for some Tibetans. Report an error in the passage at 50:42 Highlight the passage at 50:42

51:04 So, you know, it's not about, I mean, I think, and there's these antidotes. It's sort of like, you know, you've got this problem, well you need this. It's not saying that this is better. I mean, like tolerance and patience is an antidote for anger, but it's not going to get you free of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 51:04 Highlight the passage at 51:04

51:25 You have to get rid of this self, this misconception of self, this wrong idea we have about reality. So, you know, there's a lot of tools and it's not always, you know, it's about relieving suffering, right? Yeah, I don't know if that helps. Well, no, it's, you know, the soul is pure. So I think, you know, like if I'm thinking the little boy is, their little child is angry and that's innate. Report an error in the passage at 51:25 Highlight the passage at 51:25

51:54 Like, oh, that's how little boys, that's how little boys are. You know, I hear that too sometimes. Oh, that's how teenagers are, you know. Their minds aren't developed. You know, there's studies done and those studies are always changing. Excuse me. You know, they came out with one that the antidepressant medication is causing suicide. Report an error in the passage at 51:54 Highlight the passage at 51:54

52:14 Right? You heard that one? Okay, so people went off it and there were more suicides. Okay? So they go, okay, well, okay. You know, there's another one that this thing about teenagers' brains is like they're impulsive and they can't think straight because their brain isn't developed. Okay, so I saw another study that said... Report an error in the passage at 52:14 Highlight the passage at 52:14

52:36 It wasn't teenagers, it was that group of people they had studied because now they're in their middle age and suicide in middle age now is higher than in teenagers. And so they're saying it was that group of people they studied, not teenagers in general. So it's just what effect do these ideas have on how we treat people? Report an error in the passage at 52:36 Highlight the passage at 52:36

52:57 I think that's more important than is it true or not. You know what I mean? Because truth is like, I don't know. know, it's Shifty, relative, and it's their labels, yeah, you know. Yeah, like I think, okay, I think, oh, that's a teenager. They don't know what they're doing, you know. They're kind of impulsive, you know. What, adults? Like they're okay now? Report an error in the passage at 52:57 Highlight the passage at 52:57

53:25 You know, like all adults aren't impulsive, you know. They don't get addicted to drugs. They don't fly into rages. They don't, yeah, anyway, you know what I mean? So we have to be careful about those. I'm going to go on because I'm going to run out of time. So now the causal mechanism a little bit. So the root cause is ignorance. Ignorance doesn't mean like I don't know how this clock works. Report an error in the passage at 53:25 Highlight the passage at 53:25

54:01 That's not what the ignorance we're talking about. We're talking about that I don't understand. How reality exists. I don't understand how I exist. And I think the West sort of supports this view that I'm sort of an independently existing person. Report an error in the passage at 54:01 Highlight the passage at 54:01

54:25 There's me. I'm substantial. I'm pretty solid. I'm like it's me. And it's like this doesn't depend on the body. Because I say my mind and I say my body. So there's me. you know, like I have Report an error in the passage at 54:25 Highlight the passage at 54:25

54:39 That's like in there, you know, solid, right, all the way along, you know. And so that's the problem, is that we not only do that to ourself, we do that to phenomena. Well, first we do it to our aggregates, you know, to the phenomena of our aggregates, which is like aggregates meaning our body and our emotions and our thinking and, you know, all the other stuff. Report an error in the passage at 54:39 Highlight the passage at 54:39

55:12 And then we say, okay, now I exist, you know, solidly. Okay, that's the problem. And so we don't exist that way. We don't inherently exist. We don't exist, I don't exist from my own side independently. Okay? So that's the core. See, that's a big, big issue. So that's why it's so hard to just go at the root. Okay, I'm not going to do anything but work on the root. Report an error in the passage at 55:12 Highlight the passage at 55:12

55:40 I'm not going to develop any of these antidotes. I'm just going to work on the root because that's the main thing. That's going to take a while. So it's better to develop some of the antidotes. Like be loving, be tolerant, be patient. Develop other antidotes to cut it because we need that stable mind, that peaceful mind to really penetrate that reality of how things exist. Report an error in the passage at 55:40 Highlight the passage at 55:40

56:06 Our perception, our senses, Dupas. They're dupy. They're dupas. This table, you know, looks solid, you know. Not so solid. It's a little shaky, but you know. You know, it sounds solid, feels solid, you know. But it's mostly space and it's in constant motion. I mean, physics tells us that. You know, I mean, we know that. It's going to disintegrate. It's impermanent, right? Report an error in the passage at 56:06 Highlight the passage at 56:06

56:38 But we don't live in that wisdom. We live in our perception of things. Our sense world is so dominant. So that's why meditation is so important. And we've got to meditate because I'm not spending any time here meditating. Because meditation is really the key of reflecting. And it's not just watching the breath. In Buddhism, analytical meditations, like challenging those assumptions. Report an error in the passage at 56:38 Highlight the passage at 56:38

57:05 Those shoulds, those unenforceable rules, those really looking at how we view ourself, you know, really looking at the disadvantages of anger and the advantages of patience, you know, really important, you know, because that changes, that transforms the mind, that changes the way we interact with people. Report an error in the passage at 57:05 Highlight the passage at 57:05

57:21 So, okay, so ignorance is the main cause, but then what happens is we come in contact with things, we have a feeling, I like it, I don't like it, I'm kind of neutral, you know. And then we want it, or we don't want it anywhere around. So there's that sort of mechanism. Then we grasp, we cling. This is my favorite cup. My favorite cup of all time. This is it right here. Report an error in the passage at 57:21 Highlight the passage at 57:21

57:54 In the morning I have to have my coffee in this cup. If I don't, I can't really make it through the day. It's really important to me, this cup. Report an error in the passage at 57:54 Highlight the passage at 57:54

58:03 I love this cup. My wife gave me this cup, you know. The person I love, admire and live with, she gave me this cup and it's really special to me. And other people don't use it when they come over. It's my cup, you know. And so the cup breaks, you know, and then I'm like unhappy, you know. And where'd that come from? I created that whole scenario, you know. I had this contact, I had this feeling, I really like it, I crave, I'm grasping after this sort of relationship. Report an error in the passage at 58:03 Highlight the passage at 58:03

58:34 Now it's part of my identity. So we've got to watch that stuff because it's going to break. Hopefully not tonight. But it's going to break. It's going to break at some point or it's going to fall apart. It could last a long time. But eventually it'll break. I'm pretty sure. So inside, the root of this is that we have this anger is there's this discomfort. There's this dissatisfaction. Report an error in the passage at 58:34 Highlight the passage at 58:34

59:05 Dissatisfied mind. So in Buddhism you hear a lot about developing a peaceful mind, like being happy inside. When I ask kids at school, where does happiness come from? They always say inside. Everybody says inside. But we don't live that way. We don't live that way. We don't practice to develop our inside. Report an error in the passage at 59:05 Highlight the passage at 59:05

59:27 We try to, look, I've got to have security. I've got to have money and I've got to have relationships and I've got to have this and that. We sit down. to look at the inside and it just we just freak out you know a lot of times it's like scary you know stuff what's going on in there you know do anyway i have So really, Report an error in the passage at 59:27 Highlight the passage at 59:27

59:54 anger comes from attachment. Attachment comes from ignorance. this unhappiness inside, there's frustration that things aren't going right. know? then... Report an error in the passage at 59:54 Highlight the passage at 59:54

1:00:06 It sets off these chains of contact, feeling, craving, grasping, becoming, mind, existence. So then we do that all the time. We're kicking those off all the time. So if you get in the way of my attachment, then I'm going to get angry. That's special to me. So I think that's where loss comes in. Something that we hold, that we feel we need in our life. Like I've thought sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:06 Highlight the passage at 1:00:06

1:00:35 You know, I go home every night and I expect Bev to be there and, you know, she could one night come home and she's not there. So I think it's good to think for me that I may come home one night and she's not there. What am I going to do? And have those feelings. And I think that's where anger comes up sometimes in that model. And not everybody feels that, but I mean, that something we're attached to has gone away and it's like my mom goes, like, how could God do that? Report an error in the passage at 1:00:35 Highlight the passage at 1:00:35

1:01:04 So she's in that one about God. It's not like, how could luck do that? It's God. So how could karma do that? No, she goes to God. Why would God do that? Why does God make my Aunt Mary, who's 99, lie there like that? Why does God do that? That's a really good question. I don't think it's God, but that's a view. That's something to think about. People have that worked out. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:04 Highlight the passage at 1:01:04

1:01:34 Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:34 Highlight the passage at 1:01:34

1:02:02 So, think people have that worked out, and they can explain how that works. Like a priest came in the hospital when she was in the hospital and said, it's not God took your husband away. Because she prayed that she would die before my dad, so she wouldn't have to be alone. But he died first, so she said, how could God do that? Because I prayed to God, you know, come on. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:02 Highlight the passage at 1:02:02

1:01:52 And the priest came in and said to her, it wasn't God who took your husband away, it was death. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:52 Highlight the passage at 1:01:52

1:01:59 Pretty tricky. I thought it was pretty tricky. Clever. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:59 Highlight the passage at 1:01:59

1:02:08 We're going to run out of time. I'm going to go to nine. Is that okay? Okay. So, maybe. So then, I mean, I could die first. I could die first. You could die first. So anger has no other function or responsibility but to mess things up. It's not like an external enemy. External enemies go home to their family. They have loved ones, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:02:08 Highlight the passage at 1:02:08

1:02:37 They eat food, you know. Anger is a full-time job. It's got nothing else to do but screw things up. That's all it does. That's its job. So develop a relationship with it, you know, like have conversations with anger. I was going to read. Do any of you get the mandala? How many people? Raise your hand if you get the mandala. Okay. Don't forget to read this. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:37 Highlight the passage at 1:02:37

1:03:03 You want to? Geshe loves John Pagatso, right? Unbelievable. Let me read it first. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:03 Highlight the passage at 1:03:03

1:03:15 Destroyer of happiness and contentment of all migrating beings, anger. You infiltrate the minds of beings, dividing the harmonious and distracting the disharmonious. If you do not behave yourself, I, love, will throw you to the mouth of patience. And it goes on. okay? I'll just look at it. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:15 Highlight the passage at 1:03:15

1:03:33 You take that home, okay? So develop this kind of relationship with anger. Don't just let it... I mean, what right? It just comes and takes over and tells you what to do and you do what it says? I mean, who gives it the right to do that? That's oppressive. That's like a dictator. Oh, get really mad at that driver, you know? Get really mad at your loved ones, you know? Report an error in the passage at 1:03:33 Highlight the passage at 1:03:33

1:03:55 Fly into a rage, you know? Okay, all right. Yeah, you're there for me, you know? You're my protector. Yeah, I'll do whatever you say. We've got to examine. The government, you know, that government, you know, the ignorance, who's the king and then it's minister's attachment and anger. We have to examine whether we really want to be ruled by them. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:55 Highlight the passage at 1:03:55

1:04:14 We can't serve two masters, okay? We can't serve them and go, okay, I'm really interested in wisdom and compassion also, you know. You can't do both. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:14 Highlight the passage at 1:04:14

1:04:24 They're different. They're really different. So, okay. So we looked at the disadvantages. We've looked at some of the cause. So what that does, hopefully, is develop some kind of energy, some kind of enthusiasm to mount a campaign against anger, to start doing something about it. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:24 Highlight the passage at 1:04:24

1:04:48 One technique, I think, is to start on little things. You have to figure out what works for you. Buddhism, they say, start on your worst illusion first. If you're really a jealous person, then work on that. Try to cut down your jealousy. If you're really angry, if you're lustful, work on that. This isn't in disagreement with that. I think the way to do that in one way is to do little things at a time. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:48 Highlight the passage at 1:04:48

1:05:20 I have a thing about loss. okay? know, like Report an error in the passage at 1:05:20 Highlight the passage at 1:05:20

1:05:28 Like losing a, you know, my father died, I just tried, you know, I couldn't believe it. You know, I think I'm attached, you know, it's attachment, you know. I also, we don't want to get into that. Difference between love and attachment. In the West, let's get into it. In the West, in the West, attachment, okay, attachment theory, when you're young, okay, it's bonding, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:28 Highlight the passage at 1:05:28

1:05:50 It's a good thing, okay. It's a good thing. In the West, it's considered a good thing. Because otherwise you have attachment disorders. You don't want those. You don't want attachment disorders when you grow up. So the best they say is the mother's here, the child's playing there, and you're not like, okay, do it this way, do it that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:50 Highlight the passage at 1:05:50

1:06:08 You're not interfering and you're not ignoring. You're like there and you're attentive and they play and they know you're there and they feel secure. So it's building some sort of loving security. You feel part of and it's safe like that. And that's good. Discounting that. We need that. That's good stuff. But I hear it all the time, teenagers, I love them. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:08 Highlight the passage at 1:06:08

1:06:36 It's my soulmate. And so I start talking sometimes to them about attachment. Attachment is selfish. You need them, you want them because they make you happy, because they relieve your suffering when they're around. Love is you want them to be happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:36 Highlight the passage at 1:06:36

1:06:58 Really different, huh? One's self-cherishing and one is concerned for other. Really different, okay? I don't know how I got off on that. How did I get off on that? Report an error in the passage at 1:06:58 Highlight the passage at 1:06:58

1:07:09 Yeah. Right. Right, so start on little things. That's where I was at. So, okay, so I'm like that. So when I'm at home and I drop this cup that I love so much, okay, that's a chance to practice loss. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:09 Highlight the passage at 1:07:09

1:07:26 You know, because I get that feeling. It's not as big as when my dad died. You know, or if I lose something really, like somebody loses a job or loses a mortgage, and a mortgage is a big thing now. You know, like you lose some security somehow or something. So it's not as big, but I get that little bit of a, oh, okay, there it is, you know, that worry, that concern, that attachment. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:26 Highlight the passage at 1:07:26

1:07:51 So then I can deal with, I can practice on that, you know, let go, you know, let go. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:51 Highlight the passage at 1:07:51

1:08:08 So you're saying that you recognize this feeling within, but then what you're saying to yourself is to let go because you recognize that feeling has arisen because of your attachment. Yeah. The first part is to really start to spy on and study these feelings. And if anger comes from attachment, then we're going to have to work on that one too. But any kind of frustration or dissatisfaction or kind of discontentment? Report an error in the passage at 1:08:08 Highlight the passage at 1:08:08

1:08:39 Okay, then we can start, oh, that's what that, there it is, you know, and pay attention, you know, pay attention to the feeling and not let it, because if it builds, you know, then it gets, yeah, then it starts getting frustration, upset, frustration, you know, irritated, pissed off, you know, angry, you know, World War III. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:39 Highlight the passage at 1:08:39

1:09:05 Okay, so, you know, it's not suppressing. I'm not saying those don't work. It might be the best thing to do is suppress it at some point. It might be okay to express it. I'm just saying in the long run, those aren't going to do it. You might need to do that. You might need to say, okay, I just need to walk away. But you need to work on it. You need to work on it. This is about finding a... Report an error in the passage at 1:09:05 Highlight the passage at 1:09:05

1:09:40 resolving. It's like working on it, like applying an antidote. Okay, I'm really feeling this way. I'm feeling this loss. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:40 Highlight the passage at 1:09:40

1:10:09 When a friend of mine, their father died, I said, oh, I'm sorry about your father dying, okay? And then two years later my father died and I said the same thing to her. It meant something completely different, right? So you use that experience to generate compassion and understanding, right? So you transform it. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:09 Highlight the passage at 1:10:09

1:10:33 That's another way. You let that energy, like you get really angry and you start, this is Lama Yeshe talks about this too, you analyze it, you try to understand why did I get angry, what caused it, how did it arise. And the more you do this, you start, in narrative therapy they talk about deconstructing. So you start to take it apart and it starts to kind of digest, break up. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:33 Highlight the passage at 1:10:33

1:10:59 And it's like, who feels angry? I think that's a good question too. Like who's feeling angry? Which I is feeling angry? The self-righteous I? The self-cherishing I? Which one is it? Why did it arise now? Where did it come from? Where does it reside? You get into the inner being, not out there. Oh, I know why I'm angry, because you pissed me off. It's like, wait, wait, he didn't piss me off. It's some kind of thought I have about him. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:59 Highlight the passage at 1:10:59

1:11:30 I'm projecting something on him. He reminds me of something. So bring it back. Bring it back to something you can actually do something about. You've heard the story about covering the world with leather? Yeah, you've heard that one already? Okay. Well, there's a long story, but we don't have time for the long story. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:30 Highlight the passage at 1:11:30

1:11:52 Okay, what's better, to cover the world with leather or wear shoes? Huh? I mean, wear shoes, you know. It's like, don't try to make everybody the way you want them to be. Like, everybody's got to be nice to me. You know, forget it, you know. Wear shoes. Create a loving kindness for everybody and then you just are kind to everybody, no matter how they treat you. And it takes work. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:52 Highlight the passage at 1:11:52

1:12:19 I mean, you've really got to work at it. You know, you've got to develop that kind of, there's all these meditations to do that are just step by step how to do that, you know. And we've really got to do one. We're going to do one. Or two. Okay, so I'm just going to go through some remedies real quick, okay? Okay, would you rather have an itch and scratch it or don't have an itch at all? Report an error in the passage at 1:12:19 Highlight the passage at 1:12:19

1:12:43 That was Lama Zopa, one of his... Huh? No itch. It's a no-brainer, right? Oh, but it feels so good to scratch it. Oh my gosh, now it's bleeding. Now it's infected, you know? Better not to have the itch, so root it out, you know? Better not to get angry. One thing you get rid of, you don't have any enemies anymore. The Dalai Lama doesn't hate the Chinese. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:43 Highlight the passage at 1:12:43

1:13:12 They destroyed his country. They kicked him out. They killed. Yeah, it's unbelievable. He doesn't hate them. Unbelievable. He meditates five hours a day and he's the 14th reincarnation. It's like, okay, he's been working at it a while. He's Chenrezig. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:12 Highlight the passage at 1:13:12

1:13:31 But in Buddhism, anybody. It's possible for anybody to be that way. Isn't that optimistic? You be real and optimistic, okay? It sucks, it's suffering, it's, you know, my gosh, you know, but optimistic and keep trying. You can work toward it. You can actually do it. And then you keep track of little victories you make, okay? Okay, so we want to root out this, the greatest possession is contentment, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:13:31 Highlight the passage at 1:13:31

1:14:02 I don't really need that. You know, some desire comes up, oh, I got to go do this, I got to do that. Let it go. Sit with it. Sit with that feeling. You meditate Report an error in the passage at 1:14:02 Highlight the passage at 1:14:02

1:14:15 on the physical and mental sensations that are underlying the story. Don't get caught up in the story. What does that feel like when you get so agitated and dissatisfied? Not, oh, it's because of them or I got to go do that. So that's one. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:15 Highlight the passage at 1:14:15

1:14:37 Okay, so you think of the advantages. They're just kind of like the opposite of all the disadvantages. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:37 Highlight the passage at 1:14:37

1:14:47 Distrust your perception. If somebody's making you angry, distrust that perception. I can't be sure. Table looks solid, feels solid. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:47 Highlight the passage at 1:14:47

1:14:58 Don't trust your perception. I had a teacher in grad school who told me never to believe my client. He didn't mean I don't listen to them. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:58 Highlight the passage at 1:14:58

1:15:12 Empathize with them and understand that that's their point of view and that's how they feel and that's their experience. But it's not the truth. If I talk to their spouse, their spouse would have another perception. So how do we go along trusting our perception all the time? This is where we can break it up. We don't have to believe it, how we perceive things. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:12 Highlight the passage at 1:15:12

1:15:32 We don't have to believe it. It's going to appear that way. That's hard to stop that because our senses are kind of... I think Buddhism and Tibetan Buddhism and meditation is a lot about analyzing and questioning. So wait a minute, why am I feeling that way? Where is that coming from? Why don't I look at their intestine for a while? Why don't I do that? Report an error in the passage at 1:15:32 Highlight the passage at 1:15:32

1:16:06 I think they're so beautiful. Pay attention to that for a little while. Oh, that seemed to change things. That's funny. I don't want to do that. In our culture we don't want to do that. We don't want to feel uncomfortable. But being disillusioned, I get this in the teenagers, they become disillusioned and they feel depressed. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:06 Highlight the passage at 1:16:06

1:16:28 Because all along things have been going pretty well. They've had their meals and their house. you know Report an error in the passage at 1:16:28 Highlight the passage at 1:16:28

1:16:36 Parents taking care of them and now they're a teenager and now they got an F on a test and they have all this work to do and their best friend just left them and hey, I thought the world was a safe place and it was nice and I got what I wanted. So that disillusionment is actually a good thing. You know, they're getting real, right? So it doesn't have to be seen as, oh, we got to fix it. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:36 Highlight the passage at 1:16:36

1:17:01 You know, that's what I think happens sometimes is try to protect. That's what they tried to do to Buddha, right? They tried to keep him in the castle. Or wasn't it? They didn't call it a castle. Palace, yeah. Keep him in the palace, you know. Don't let him go out and see any suffering for Buddha's sake, right? Don't let him see any suffering because then he'll start thinking, you know, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:17:01 Highlight the passage at 1:17:01

1:17:26 That's what happened. So it's, you know, it's okay to be unhappy. If it comes from, you know, it's not selfish, you know, poor me, I didn't get what I wanted. Okay, now that's probably not so good, you know, that needs to be worked on. But thinking about suffering of others, thinking about impermanence, thinking about those things will bring up that kind of feeling, but it's like regret, you know, it's a good, or disillusionment or something. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:26 Highlight the passage at 1:17:26

1:17:56 There's a lot more, there's a lot more things, but I want to do a little meditation, okay. One thing is, Have you heard this one? This is a good one. About the guy who gets hit by somebody comes up and hits you with a stick. You heard this one? And you get so mad at this person. It's like you get angry at them. Like they hit you with a stick. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:56 Highlight the passage at 1:17:56

1:18:23 You want to fight back, right? You have to analyze it. You have to analyze it. Why not get angry at the stick? It's the stick that hit you. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:23 Highlight the passage at 1:18:23

1:18:36 Right? Yeah, it's a stick that hit you. Why not get angry at this? Yeah, but he was wielding. He was wielding, so conscious of saying the right word and not swearing. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:36 Highlight the passage at 1:18:36

1:18:48 Except that one time. Okay, so he's wielding the stick, okay? So that's why I'm mad at him. Right? I mean, what about your own body? If you didn't have a body, the stick wouldn't hurt. Why not get mad at your body? Why not get mad at anger? Anger is really what made him hit you. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:48 Highlight the passage at 1:18:48

1:19:10 we get mad at the person. Like somehow they're in control, right? Somehow they know what to do. And we take away that maybe it's, you know, in Buddhism they would say, remember I said in the beginning? So the reason that he's hitting you might have something to do with something you did in the past, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:10 Highlight the passage at 1:19:10

1:19:31 You may have hit him in the past, yeah. So we kind of forgot about that, you know. And like childbirth, we kind of forget about that, you know. So break it down, you know. Break it down. And look, the effect of that is like anger gets derailed. Anger can't function. You're just like, what are you doing thinking about stuff? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:31 Highlight the passage at 1:19:31

1:19:55 You're supposed to just do what I tell you and get mad at this guy and hit him over the head. And anger's getting pissed off here, you know. I did this once with fear. It's really helpful. I have asthma. I really encourage this kind of dialogue, okay. And Buddhism does too. They have these great debates. You read this thing with love and anger, but they have these texts on ignorance and wisdom debating each other, yeah? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:55 Highlight the passage at 1:19:55

1:20:19 Really amazing, you know? Oh, you know, I'm always there. You know, like I did with anger earlier. I'm always there for them. I'm a protector, you know? Like I had one with fear, with my asthma. I'd come up the hill and I'd get an asthma attack and I'd think, okay, if I just get to my house I'll be okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:19 Highlight the passage at 1:20:19

1:20:35 Fear was telling me to hurry up and get to my house, which just brought on the asthma because it was exercise-induced. Then the next time up, fear would say, oh, just take more puffs, more puffs with your inhaler. The more I took, the more I got kind of wired. I had one for a while that had steroids and it made me like psychotic or something. So one day I'm coming up the trail and I go, okay, that's it, we've got to talk. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:35 Highlight the passage at 1:20:35

1:20:58 And I sat down right out in front of my house and I said, okay, fear, we've got to talk. I did most of the talking, okay? Because fear had really been doing a lot of it. And I said, look, I'm not really sure what you're doing. I got a feeling that you're trying to help me, but some of your suggestions really haven't been that helpful. And I mentioned the ones that I just mentioned. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:58 Highlight the passage at 1:20:58

1:21:23 I said, you know, it's not, it's really, and is it that you're trying to tell me I could die? Well, I don't think I want to die. die like all agitated like this you know so Report an error in the passage at 1:21:23 Highlight the passage at 1:21:23

1:21:36 Thank you for your advice. You don't have to be patient with anger, by the way. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:36 Highlight the passage at 1:21:36

1:21:47 Thanks for what you've done. I appreciate it. I know you tried your best. You gave it your best shot, but it's really not that helpful anymore. Okay. But I, but I, you know, it was like, was a tech kind of a Report an error in the passage at 1:21:47 Highlight the passage at 1:21:47

1:22:02 From now on, I think we need to kind of rethink our relationship. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:02 Highlight the passage at 1:22:02

1:22:10 Okay, so I really encourage that. I encourage that kind of dialogue. And what is the effect of that? It brings it back to your wisdom, you develop your own wisdom to deal with these destructive emotions. There's so many of them, all these delusions, these misconceptions. Okay, let's do a... Relationship, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:10 Highlight the passage at 1:22:10

1:22:34 let me see just a moment So anyway, there's not one strategy. The root cause is this wrong conception of I. The real patience is in your Dharma practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:34 Highlight the passage at 1:22:34

1:22:49 One day I was at Vajrapani, I spent all day hauling rock. For the road, we rented a dump truck. I would go to town, get gravel, bring it back, put it on the road. Man, I had made like four trips that day. And Geshe Gelson was there from L.A. I went over to say hi to him and say, Oh, yeah, I've been, you know, working at the Dharma Center, you know, helping out, you know, and doing, you know, I made four trips already. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:49 Highlight the passage at 1:22:49

1:23:14 I mean, I didn't say it like that, but in my mind, you know, there was, and he said, you know, better to be patient in your Dharma practice. And that really stuck, you know. so So, you know, that means meditating and working on these delusions and sitting and, you know, looking at your mind and checking things out, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:23:14 Highlight the passage at 1:23:14

1:23:37 And the other part is there's this disparity between the way we perceive things and the way things and events actually exist, so we need to work on that. I didn't really get into self-hate. I didn't get into that. That's a whole other ballgame, right? Dalai Lama didn't even know what that meant. He said we don't even have that in Tibet, you know. So anyway, we could get into that maybe some other time or something. And I had all these prayers, you know, all these incredible prayers I was going to, all these citations where I go to the Lama Tsongkhapa, reviewing the stages of the path. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:37 Highlight the passage at 1:23:37

1:24:17 Should even the myriad being, myriad or myriad? Myriad. Myriad. Like, okay, myriad. Beings of the three realms, without exception, become angry at us, humiliate, criticize, threaten or even kill us. We seek your blessings to complete the perfection of patience, not to be distraught, but to work for their benefit in response to their harm. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:17 Highlight the passage at 1:24:17

1:24:38 Unbelievable. Unbelievable. The mind that cherishes all beings and would secure them in bliss is a gateway leading to infinite virtue. Seeing this, we seek your blessings to cherish these beings more than our lives, even should they rise up as our enemies. So that takes a lot. Let me just tell you about one meditation. I don't know. And then we'll do one, I guess. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:38 Highlight the passage at 1:24:38

1:25:02 I mean, there's two of them I want to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:02 Highlight the passage at 1:25:02

1:25:07 They're not long. Yeah, we could do that. Let's do that. And then there's like mandala offerings. Okay, bye. Then there's mandala offerings. How wonderful... No, four immeasurables. How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were able to abide in equanimity. Free of bias, attachment and anger. May they abide this way. I shall cause them to abide this way. Please inspire me to be able to do so. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:07 Highlight the passage at 1:25:07

1:25:36 Unbelievable. I mean, you just say that over and over to yourself and study it and learn it. And then, mandala offering. Objects of attachment, aversion and ignorance, friends, enemies and strangers, my body, wealth and enjoyments. I offer these without any sense of a loss. Please accept them with pleasure and inspire. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:36 Highlight the passage at 1:25:36

1:25:55 Myself and others to be free from the three poisonous attitudes. Unbelievable. And then, just real quick, eight verses. Take a look at the eight verses sometime. Just some of the verses in that. Whenever I see a being who is wicked in nature and overwhelmed by violent negative actions and suffering, you could say somebody's just pissed off at me. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:55 Highlight the passage at 1:25:55

1:26:21 That's one example. I shall hold such rare ones dear as if I had found a precious treasure. Okay, unbelievable. So in this, enemies are a precious treasure. When else can you practice patience? Patience is so important. It leads to tolerance. Patience and tolerance, you get compassion and love. I mean, that's where that stuff starts, you know. So when you, I mean, imagine that, just the effect of that. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:21 Highlight the passage at 1:26:21

1:26:46 Instead of when somebody's pissing you off, you get all mad. You go, oh, it's unbelievable. I'm so lucky. So kind, you know. So kind. Unbelievable. So, you know, that's something to work toward, okay? I think it happened to me once with Bev. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:46 Highlight the passage at 1:26:46

1:27:06 She was yelling at me and it was like, I thought, so kind, you know? No, really. It was unbelievable. It happened once, you know? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:06 Highlight the passage at 1:27:06

1:27:16 So it's a good example. It's a good example. So it can be done, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:16 Highlight the passage at 1:27:16

1:27:24 Okay. And then there's dedications. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:24 Highlight the passage at 1:27:24

1:27:29 By the force of our request to all the gurus, Buddhas, may all disease, poverty, fighting and quarrels be calmed. May the Dharma and all auspiciousness increase throughout the worlds and directions where I and others dwell. Unbelievable. And then His Holiness's favorite, as long as space remains, as long as sentient beings remain, may I too remain to dispel the miseries of the world. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:29 Highlight the passage at 1:27:29

1:27:56 So that kind of patience. It really goes against our Western ways of like, give me the quickest, the fastest, you know, and the best. This is like the long haul, in for the long haul. Be patient with your own practice. Be patient with your, starts here, love yourself, care for yourself, be patient with yourself, you know, not the negative self, not the anger, you know, but I mean with your progress and with your practice, you know, like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:56 Highlight the passage at 1:27:56

1:28:26 So we're going to do a couple of meditations, but did you... Okay, okay. And then I know you're dying to, you're just dying to find out about those two stories, right? You forgot already. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:26 Highlight the passage at 1:28:26

1:28:41 Okay. So we'll do two that I think are really tied together. And one of them I do at the school, the second one I do at the school with teenagers also. And it's kind of a variation on, you know, I don't want to really make any, I mean, There's really set meditations that go right through, like we're going to do an equilibrium meditation first. But you do that one and then you go on from there. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:41 Highlight the passage at 1:28:41

1:29:16 We can't really be patient with people and tolerant of them if we don't care about them, if we don't love them, if we don't appreciate them, if we don't hold them dear and near. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:16 Highlight the passage at 1:29:16

1:29:32 See, that's another way to go. That's a remedy. Develop this love for people. And then when they're mad at you, it's just like you just know that it's anger. It's not them. So you have compassion. They're suffering. So you don't get angry back. You have compassion. But it has to be trained, I think. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:32 Highlight the passage at 1:29:32

1:30:01 So the Just take a couple breaths, a couple deep breaths, and just let go of concerns about the past or plans about the future. Just Report an error in the passage at 1:30:01 Highlight the passage at 1:30:01

1:30:20 be aware of your breathing. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:20 Highlight the passage at 1:30:20

1:30:24 So visualize in front of you somebody, maybe you wouldn't, if you have an enemy, maybe somebody that's caused you some problem in the past. Sometimes people say, oh, I don't have anybody. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:24 Highlight the passage at 1:30:24

1:30:42 Somebody who did something that caused you discomfort or something you're holding on to, some resentment, some grudge. Sometimes people have it for policemen, for President Bush, whatever. Some personification of an enemy, somebody who's done you harm, you have aversion for. And behind you, a friend, somebody who's been really kind. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:42 Highlight the passage at 1:30:42

1:31:14 May they make you happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:14 Highlight the passage at 1:31:14

1:31:18 Let's try to visualize somebody. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:18 Highlight the passage at 1:31:18

1:31:23 And to the side are strangers, people you don't really know. You might pass them on the street, but you don't know them. You have neutral feelings for them. Maybe you remember somebody today you saw in a store. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:23 Highlight the passage at 1:31:23

1:31:37 It's nothing, no feelings there. And all around are all the other sentient beings, all in the form of humans. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:37 Highlight the passage at 1:31:37

1:31:49 So let's analyze, let's look at this. Usually the friend behind us, there's somebody, comes from attachment, somebody who's helped us. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:49 Highlight the passage at 1:31:49

1:31:58 Anger is somebody in front, the enemy comes from anger, somebody who interferes with our happiness, and the strangers we really don't know. So it really depends on how they treat us, whether we see them as friend, enemy or stranger. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:58 Highlight the passage at 1:31:58

1:32:23 Now think that this is really impermanent, how it changes. Somebody can be a stranger and then they become a friend and then they become an enemy. So these three people that we have around us, they haven't always been. a enemy, or stranger. In fact, one person could be all three, times. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:23 Highlight the passage at 1:32:23

1:32:51 it's not a permanent enemy. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:51 Highlight the passage at 1:32:51

1:32:58 Think how others see it totally differently. Like they'll see the friend as an enemy, they'll see your enemy as a friend, they'll see your friend as an enemy. Their strangers are really dear to them. Your strangers are really dear to them. So it's so different for other people, your perception of these friend-enemy-stranger. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:58 Highlight the passage at 1:32:58

1:33:26 Other people would disagree with you. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:26 Highlight the passage at 1:33:26

1:33:33 I also think it's merely labeled from your side that you put that label on them. I don't like that person. I like that person. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:33 Highlight the passage at 1:33:33

1:33:49 So now, impermanent. Labels are impermanent. Labels come from your side. They don't always hold fast. Other people see them differently. So see them as all as just human beings, just like you. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:49 Highlight the passage at 1:33:49

1:34:12 They want to be happy. They don't want to suffer. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:12 Highlight the passage at 1:34:12

1:34:20 No different than yourself. Totally the same. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:20 Highlight the passage at 1:34:20

1:34:27 We just don't often relate to their experience. We're relating to our own of like and dislike and don't know. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:27 Highlight the passage at 1:34:27

1:34:39 They're no different than us. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:39 Highlight the passage at 1:34:39

1:34:56 So always good to do. Challenge your conceptions. You know, how things appear. Okay, we'll just move right into the next one. Now, the principal cause of the mind, the principal cause of happiness is the mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:56 Highlight the passage at 1:34:56

1:35:14 But the causes and conditions, think about what our happiness depends upon. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:14 Highlight the passage at 1:35:14

1:35:27 We wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for our parents. We don't even have any opportunity to experience happiness or to listen to teachings that could improve our life or to enjoy things. If we hadn't been born. So just our existence depends upon others. Totally. Not only coming into being, having this body, but we would have died if they hadn't taken care of us. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:27 Highlight the passage at 1:35:27

1:35:57 They had to take care of us. Somebody had to take care of us. It doesn't matter if they're kind. They're doing it with the intention of kindness. We benefit from it. We survive because they looked after us. When we cried, they came to us. They brought us food, changed our diapers, made sure we were comfortable, bathed us. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:57 Highlight the passage at 1:35:57

1:36:20 Unbelievable. We wouldn't even be here. Then we grow up and it's other people. It's these parents who look after us. Our relatives or somebody had to take care of us or we wouldn't be here at all. Regardless of what harm they might have caused and what their intention was, we still benefited. And then we sit down for a meal. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. The food we eat has to be grown by somebody. Planted, cultivated, harvested, transported. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:20 Highlight the passage at 1:36:20

1:36:58 People driving trucks, people making the trucks, people making the roads, people distributing the food, packaging the food, distributing the food in stores, people selling it in stores. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:58 Highlight the passage at 1:36:58

1:37:12 All these people involved in just the food we eat. And not only people, but insects die and stuff in the soil. All these beings that have to do with us eating food that we need to survive, that we enjoy. We go to a restaurant and we enjoy it. Not only the food, but all the utensils, the forks, the knives, the plates, the napkins, all the clothes we wear, unreal, come from all over the world. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:12 Highlight the passage at 1:37:12

1:37:44 People making clothes for us. Not just for us, but we benefit. We don't think about people when we go buy things in the store. We're just like, oh, I have money, I pay the money, they give me clothes, I wear the clothes. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:44 Highlight the passage at 1:37:44

1:38:01 Our house is unreal. People had to make the wood, make the wire, make the furniture. Somebody had to put it together. All the underground pipes that bring water and take away sewage and bring electricity. More and more and more people involved. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:01 Highlight the passage at 1:38:01

1:38:26 So you do meditations like this. You lead yourself into contemplating, to analyzing the situation and then you come to a point, you know, you start feeling maybe something, appreciation or, you know, you sit with it. You let it sink in. Experience it. Another way of relating. Feeling connected to all these people. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:26 Highlight the passage at 1:38:26

1:38:52 Feeling a little bit maybe indebted. It's up to you what you feel. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:52 Highlight the passage at 1:38:52

1:39:00 So you find yourself, you go into a store and you're just thanking this person. They don't even know. Where did you come from? What's going on with you? So thankful. Just in your mind be thankful. Just this room we're sitting in, the carpet, the chairs, the clock, the cup, the paper. So many people involved. I Report an error in the passage at 1:39:00 Highlight the passage at 1:39:00

1:39:41 used to say how kind, but we don't know their intention, but we benefit. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:41 Highlight the passage at 1:39:41

1:40:05 Okay, so we'll stop there. So there's one point in meditations, there's visualization, and then there's analytical meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:05 Highlight the passage at 1:40:05

1:40:17 So those are analytical meditations. Okay, so you want to know about Pakistan? Okay. So that was before I met the Dharma at all. So, yeah, where did I leave it? Everything, anger. One time I ever really felt that way, you know. Everything just blacked out, okay. So what do you think anger wanted me to do or got me to do? Try to go at him, right. So I started to go at him. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:17 Highlight the passage at 1:40:17

1:40:49 And he disappeared into the crowd and the spell broke. As soon as the object left my sight, the spell broke. And I was so relieved. I was so relieved. It's like being, I was held captive for a while and it could have just been disastrous if I'd caught him. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:49 Highlight the passage at 1:40:49

1:41:10 It would have just been awful. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:10 Highlight the passage at 1:41:10

1:41:15 So anyway, that was that one. And the other one? The other one? Okay, the other one was with the assistant principal. Right? Got really mad at me. So there were several people who witnessed this, okay? There were a couple of assistant principals who witnessed this. So I went up to one and I said, what should I do, you know? Report an error in the passage at 1:41:15 Highlight the passage at 1:41:15

1:41:33 I don't want to leave this, you know? This is more recent, right? So I've had some, you know, time to kind of, yeah, work on this stuff, you know, kind of work on the anger and things. So, you know, in the past I think, Report an error in the passage at 1:41:33 Highlight the passage at 1:41:33

1:42:06 long? He said, I don't know. Let him come to you. Don't go to him. Let him come to you. When he's ready, he'll come. Well, I said, how long will that take? He said, I don't know. I said, a couple of weeks. He says, I don't know. It's up to him. You know, just stay away. I went, I don't want to do that. It doesn't feel right. So I went to the Another AP, and he said, look, he really blew it. He's really way out there. He was really wrong. I don't know what you did, but it's really out of proportion. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:06 Highlight the passage at 1:42:06

1:42:34 It's really inappropriate what he did. I went to the principal. The principal also kind of backed me. I said, well, this is what I want to do. I want to send him an email. I'm going to send him an email and say, and what I said was, I'm really sorry. Whatever I did, Because I did something and I wasn't really conscious of what it was. You kind of got an idea what it was, right? I kind of did something, kind of undermined his authority kind of thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:34 Highlight the passage at 1:42:34

1:43:04 But I didn't know what I had said. So I wrote this email and they actually talked about it in a staff meeting and he was supposed to come to me, but he didn't come. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:04 Highlight the passage at 1:43:04

1:43:18 I think it was a Friday and he didn't come on Monday. It was Thursday, he didn't come on Friday and he didn't come on Monday and finally Tuesday he came by. I had said something like it was bad PR to not give him... And that's what everybody, that's what the principal and the other AP said, just give him the water. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:18 Highlight the passage at 1:43:18

1:43:40 What's he doing? Anyway, so he said... It was a one and he reacted like a ten. But you have to, you know, it doesn't happen in a void. I can't just totally blame him for what happened. I'm accountable for what I, I was part of it, you know. So you try, I try to figure out what I did and try to, you know, correct that, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:40 Highlight the passage at 1:43:40

1:44:05 Because you also don't want to incite anger. You can't, oh, that's your karma. You got angry. You know, you better work on yourself. It's not like that, you know. That's not the way to do it, you know. You don't want to cause people to get angry, you know. It may happen, but you don't want to cause it, okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:05 Highlight the passage at 1:44:05

1:44:25 So when he told me what it was, it made perfect sense, you know, that that would upset him, you know. So we were friends before and we remained friends, you know. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:25 Highlight the passage at 1:44:25

1:44:43 Yeah, that I had said, oh, it's not good PR and, you know, sort of like slapping him in the face that he's, you know, not doing the right thing. Which the other principal in AP said he wasn't, but that's not the point. It's not about right and wrong. It's about getting along and resolving a conflict and taking ownership for some part in it and seeing what you can do to work on yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:43 Highlight the passage at 1:44:43

1:45:09 I think. That's my view. That's my view. I'm not trying to... It sounds like preaching, but I'm trying not to. that's not... Report an error in the passage at 1:45:09 Highlight the passage at 1:45:09

1:45:22 I just wondered why you didn't want to take the advice of just giving him the space and waiting for him to come to you. Oh. Because was that for your own comfort? I had some experience with that AP about giving me advice that wasn't good before. And it didn't feel right. I felt the longer it went on, then the storylines get developed. The stories, you know, remember that part of that? Report an error in the passage at 1:45:22 Highlight the passage at 1:45:22

1:45:50 More entrenched and more, you know, it gets more convoluted. We forget more and it gets more solid. For some people, they don't want to be approached again. And I often wonder then sometimes whether that need to, the feeling of the need to make it better is just to increase one's own sense of comfort and may not necessarily be the right thing to do in this situation. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:50 Highlight the passage at 1:45:50

1:46:10 Could be. So I sent an email that sort of said how I felt and that any part I had in it. I apologize. So it wasn't saying I want to get together. No, no, I understand. You know what I mean? I kind of didn't feel like I wanted to wait. I mean, I was there. I had an experience. He was in my face and I felt I did something. I mean, I also have a choice of what to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:10 Highlight the passage at 1:46:10

1:46:37 I don't have to just do what the other person wants. You know, I don't know. I don't know if that makes sense. It could have, but it didn't. It could have, but it didn't. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:37 Highlight the passage at 1:46:37

1:46:52 Right. Right. Right. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:52 Highlight the passage at 1:46:52

1:47:04 Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 1:47:04 Highlight the passage at 1:47:04

1:47:08 I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying it's right, but it felt right. It was what I did. Yeah, I was just curious, because I mean, having been in sort of... And the only other thing I want to say, I saw on the side of a car one time, don't believe everything you think. Exactly, yeah. I have a colleague who, all her emails say that. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:08 Highlight the passage at 1:47:08

1:47:27 I have a question and I've not really heard it addressed before, but it comes up a lot when you're reading in the Buddhist texts about anger. Anger and hatred are often just like interchangeable and they don't feel that way to me. And so I'm always wondering, because this comes up in a lot of classes that I teach too, because sometimes, I mean, clearly I... Report an error in the passage at 1:47:27 Highlight the passage at 1:47:27

1:47:50 The way I'm starting to think about it is it's sort of like with desire attachment, that it's somewhat of a translational thing and that anger leads to hatred, like it's a matter of degree kind of thing. Have you heard? Yeah, I think if you go on the book list and look at Healing Anger, the first one, His Holiness deals with that, that he says that they're very different. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:50 Highlight the passage at 1:47:50

1:48:19 and that there's no place for hatred. Yeah, I was surprised by that actually. you remember that yeah it can give you some energy toward injustice and things like that so yeah it's just he really said you have to be careful with it but yeah So you read that one? I have read that one. It's still not entirely clear because I think a lot of times people just use them completely interchangeably. Yeah. I don't think that they're the same. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:19 Highlight the passage at 1:48:19

1:48:48 I don't think so. Hatred is really something deeper and you're holding on to it and you're really not, like anger sometimes just will flare up. Right. And then sometimes dissipate. Right. And then hatred just feels really heavy. Very solid sort of view of something. Yeah, and long lasting kind of. Yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:48 Highlight the passage at 1:48:48

1:49:10 It's venomous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It feels like two different kinds of energy, although I can see how the anger would lead to the hatred. That I can see. Yeah. But anyway, just something that I've just been kicking around in my head. Yeah, I have just been reading Healing Anger, which I think is a great book. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:10 Highlight the passage at 1:49:10

1:49:26 But yeah, it's still not entirely clear. No, no. Anyway. I think, see this is the... Isn't that a great thing to be thinking about rather than, okay, which car should I buy? I really like the blue, you know, but I don't know, maybe I should get the red. It's really too, I don't know where I'm going to get the money. I mean, you know, it's okay, but I mean, you think about these things and they really impact your life. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:26 Highlight the passage at 1:49:26

1:49:54 Yeah, impact your life, you know. Trying to figure out, like, you know. Yeah, I have some of those. It's like, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:54 Highlight the passage at 1:49:54

1:50:08 Okay. So, anybody, how's anger for you guys? Is it around? Is it lurking around? Report an error in the passage at 1:50:08 Highlight the passage at 1:50:08

1:50:26 Oh, wait, here, let's say that again. I think it helped me when I realized that it is all right not to be, it's okay for me not to be right. Oh, okay. Yeah, see, that's the unenforceable rule that you challenged. That was really great because then it's easier to let go and let other people to be... It's okay. Have their view. Yeah. Have their view, yeah. That was very difficult. It took me a while, but it works. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:26 Highlight the passage at 1:50:26

1:50:56 Yeah. You know, I have this thing that we should... Instead of birthdays and anniversaries, we should be celebrating moments like that in our life, like when we have that kind of realization. Like mark that on the calendar and every year remember that because that inspires us and it also shows that we're progressing and that we need to do that, we need to rejoice like in this evening and that we get together and this is what we're thinking about and this is what we're working on and really dedicate the merit so that if we get angry we don't lose this merit. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:56 Highlight the passage at 1:50:56

1:51:38 Okay, so that's the way you put it in the bank, okay? You put it in the bank, you stop from losing it by dedicating it. And I got to read this one, okay? This is from Lama Zopa, okay? So we'll end with this dedication. Due to the merits accumulated over the three times by myself and all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, which are empty from their own side. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:38 Highlight the passage at 1:51:38

1:52:04 Okay, remember we talked about empty. I haven't used the word empty yet, but it means they don't exist from their own side, they don't have this inherent existence, right? So there's not an inherently existent I or an inherently existent Buddha or Bodhisattva or chair, merely labeled, made of parts, dependent on somebody making it, that kind of thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:04 Highlight the passage at 1:52:04

1:52:29 May I, who is empty from its own side, achieve the state of enlightenment, which is empty. And lead all sentient beings who are empty from their own side to that state as quickly as possible by myself alone. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:29 Highlight the passage at 1:52:29

1:52:48 That kind of perseverance and patience, okay? Unbelievable. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:48 Highlight the passage at 1:52:48

1:52:56 Thank you guys, really inspired me. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:56 Highlight the passage at 1:52:56

1:53:03 What's that? Oh, good, yeah. Do you Report an error in the passage at 1:53:03 Highlight the passage at 1:53:03

1:53:25 want to copy those? I don't know. Chickie, do you want to copy them for me? No, it's not all that. That's the book list. Can I have an extra copy of the book list? Oh yeah, I can have a few. Do Report an error in the passage at 1:53:25 Highlight the passage at 1:53:25

1:53:48 you have a Xerox machine? Wow. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:48 Highlight the passage at 1:53:48

1:53:55 That's because you have electricity. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:55 Highlight the passage at 1:53:55

1:54:02 Should we turn this off? Yeah. Wow Report an error in the passage at 1:54:02 Highlight the passage at 1:54:02

1:53:56 Electricity. Who wants a copy of these? Report an error in the passage at 1:53:56 Highlight the passage at 1:53:56

1:54:19 The end. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:19 Highlight the passage at 1:54:19