Reflecting on Discernment

· · · silence, 3 minutes

3:10 Ekagata, this sense of if we just get lost in wandering thoughts, then we be scattered all over the universe. You think about Thailand or Australia, places far away in Report an error in the passage at 3:10 Highlight the passage at 3:10

3:31 your mind. The thinking process, just notice it's one thought then conditions the next one. It's an association. You start thinking. thinking think of Report an error in the passage at 3:31 Highlight the passage at 3:31

3:47 and then it that word associates that thought associated with something else and one can wander just because the nature of thought is like that Report an error in the passage at 3:47 Highlight the passage at 3:47

4:01 just noticing that thinking is a Report an error in the passage at 4:01 Highlight the passage at 4:01

4:09 can be used or one just can be lost in one's own thinking habits. That's where so much of the stress... Report an error in the passage at 4:09 Highlight the passage at 4:09

4:21 misery, human misery. Being a kind of victim of one's own thinking habits, Report an error in the passage at 4:21 Highlight the passage at 4:21

4:39 like poor people tend to imagine wealthy people are very happy because they don't have to think about the next meal or survival. They can afford luxuries. But yet the problem is the same, isn't it, whether you're poor or rich. If you're a victim of your thoughts, then, you know... You're stuck on that level, just obsessive worry, depression, anxiety tend to take over our conscious experience of life. Report an error in the passage at 4:39 Highlight the passage at 4:39

5:35 So in composing the mind in the present, we're not thinking about it anymore. We don't have to think the present, the present, and criticize and comment on the present moment. Report an error in the passage at 5:35 Highlight the passage at 5:35

6:19 then you're using the sati sampacanya rather than about analyzing the present moment, comparing it with memories of previous present moments, and it's ridiculous. Report an error in the passage at 6:19 Highlight the passage at 6:19

6:33 this present moment as good as the previous present moment? Get yourself into a real twist by trying to figure it all out. There's a trusting in indirect experience. Now it's like this. Report an error in the passage at 6:33 Highlight the passage at 6:33

7:00 So the suchness as Report an error in the passage at 7:00 Highlight the passage at 7:00

7:08 isness, the da-da-da, it's just this way, it's like this. And so we open and we just are witnessing, accepting. Accepting, welcoming, allowing this present moment to be. Report an error in the passage at 7:08 Highlight the passage at 7:08

7:27 this. if it's unpleasant, you're allowing even unpleasantness. Report an error in the passage at 7:27 Highlight the passage at 7:27

· · · silence, 1 minute

8:07 I the sound of silence. Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:34 resonating primal allowing it to be this way. There's awareness, consciousness. But also you're aware of non-thinking, because you don't have to think about it. You're not analyzing it or comparing it, but using it, resting in it, being it. Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

9:14 So appreciate, like non-thinking is like this. So this sense of paying attention to it, because it's so easily not noticed or appreciated. It's overlooked. Report an error in the passage at 9:14 Highlight the passage at 9:14

9:33 It's like space can never be consciously noticed even though it's present here and now because we're so utterly obsessed with the things in the space. Report an error in the passage at 9:33 Highlight the passage at 9:33

9:53 But then using thinking, like thinking, if you're going to think, then use it as a pointer to this present moment. Report an error in the passage at 9:53 Highlight the passage at 9:53

· · · silence, 1 minute

10:37 Like they use this self-inquiry or who am I kind of questions as... If you're going to think, then inquire into this present moment. What is it like? Report an error in the passage at 10:37 Highlight the passage at 10:37

11:05 What is it that knows this present moment? Not to get an answer, but just to sustain attention and Report an error in the passage at 11:05 Highlight the passage at 11:05

11:22 appreciation of just emptiness. This is like emptiness, non-self. You're not a person in this present moment if you're just... Fully present, as is. So Report an error in the passage at 11:22 Highlight the passage at 11:22

· · · silence, 1 minute

12:21 then you can just notice, note, note that anattā is like this, no self, non-self. So it's like you're really informing with wisdom now, you're using wisdom, just noticing the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 12:21 Highlight the passage at 12:21

· · · silence, 1 minute

13:36 And the self, the ego, the sakayaditi, For this to arise, it's a matter of thinking, isn't it? After I'm Ajahn Sumedho and so forth, then suddenly this Ajahn Sumedho arises in this present moment. Report an error in the passage at 13:36 Highlight the passage at 13:36

14:08 I start thinking about myself and remembering my past or planning for the future. That's something I'm creating in this creation of... Of somebody who has a past and who has a future. That's, we're going to notice that the self or the sakayaditi is like this. It's something that arises and ceases. But the awareness has a continuity. When Ajahn Sumedho ceases, there's still awareness. Report an error in the passage at 14:08 Highlight the passage at 14:08

14:47 There's consciousness, awareness, still present. Report an error in the passage at 14:47 Highlight the passage at 14:47

· · · silence, 1 minute

15:34 So if I get lost in the perception of I am Ajahn Sumedho, then that starts the whole world going on that level. You know, being somebody with a past, having responsibilities, duties, feelings, emotional habits, a Report an error in the passage at 15:34 Highlight the passage at 15:34

15:57 future that I have to plan for. The whole world of Ajahn Sumedho arises in that moment. If I'm not mindful, If I really believe in this world as my reality, then it has its own momentum. It goes in cycles that tend to perpetuate themselves. Report an error in the passage at 15:57 Highlight the passage at 15:57

16:30 So noticing when there is no Ajahn Sumedho is an escape from that very world of becoming. Report an error in the passage at 16:30 Highlight the passage at 16:30

· · · silence, 1 minute

17:31 So this is like discerning. What I'm doing now is trying to... Guide you into using discernment to know the difference between self and non-self or what the world is in terms of the reality of the world other than just clinging to a perception and forming assumptions about the world. The world and the ends of the world. Self Report an error in the passage at 17:31 Highlight the passage at 17:31

18:12 and non-self. Report an error in the passage at 18:12 Highlight the passage at 18:12

18:19 So you can kind of explore it and experiment with it. Don't be afraid to become a person again. We're not attacking personality or self. It's not a kind of annihilation of personality or self, but being able to develop an awareness about what self really is so that we're not... Report an error in the passage at 18:19 Highlight the passage at 18:19

18:48 Bound into that limitation, because personality and self-view and all these are very limited, you know, they're habits of the mind, and no matter how much you try to improve yourself, Report an error in the passage at 18:48 Highlight the passage at 18:48

19:04 it's still very limited, because that's its nature, its limitation, attachment to thoughts, memories, identity with the body, identity with your emotional habits. Report an error in the passage at 19:04 Highlight the passage at 19:04

19:25 So these are, you know, these are in themselves conditions that arise and cease. Their nature is limitation. Report an error in the passage at 19:25 Highlight the passage at 19:25

19:36 So as long as you don't know the difference, then there is a tremendous fear and anxiety around our life because we're in some way, the process of being born and dying is going on all the time. Report an error in the passage at 19:36 Highlight the passage at 19:36

19:55 Always having to recreate ourselves as a person, if that's all we know. And we need approval all the time. We need security. We need all kinds of things that reinforce our personalities as being I'm a good person or I'm a likable, lovable person or I'm worthwhile or the fear of not being, of being useless, failure, despised, humiliated. Report an error in the passage at 19:55 Highlight the passage at 19:55

20:40 So then the Buddha pointed to this, there is an escape from the condition. Report an error in the passage at 20:40 Highlight the passage at 20:40

20:52 This word escape, interesting one, because we, you know, saying somebody's an escapist is usually kind of a criticism, isn't it? Oh, he's just an escapist. Report an error in the passage at 20:52 Highlight the passage at 20:52

21:04 Oh, you're just trying to escape. Because we, our ideals, modern ways of thinking are that escape is kind of a cowardly thing to do. Report an error in the passage at 21:04 Highlight the passage at 21:04

21:25 But the Buddha encouraged escape. But in this sense of escape isn't running away out of fear. It's knowing things as they are. It's to awaken that we're liberated from these limitations. And Report an error in the passage at 21:25 Highlight the passage at 21:25

21:54 if you explore this, you know, it took me years to really talk about this because it's so easy to go back. Report an error in the passage at 21:54 Highlight the passage at 21:54

22:09 To being a personality, because that's what one is used to, operating in the world as a person, a personality. Report an error in the passage at 22:09 Highlight the passage at 22:09

22:23 So it does, it gives a kind of an alertness, an attentiveness to our lives. And then we see like the monastic form and the Vinaya and all this. This is to help alertness. It can be used for mindfulness rather than for... Report an error in the passage at 22:23 Highlight the passage at 22:23

22:53 we can use Buddhism and Vinaya and all this just to create another kind of person. know, I'm a Theravadan. Report an error in the passage at 22:53 Highlight the passage at 22:53

23:10 the Vinaya, and I this, and we can become identified with these conventions. Report an error in the passage at 23:10 Highlight the passage at 23:10

23:26 It's still dukkha, no matter how strict and good you are and saintly and that, it's still suffering until you awaken to the dhamma, the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 23:26 Highlight the passage at 23:26

23:48 So discerning is being able to know the difference, what is self and non-self. Report an error in the passage at 23:48 Highlight the passage at 23:48

24:04 Now I found this, why I... I'm so fond of the sound of silence because I found it a very useful place to rest in because the mind's empty. The thinking process stops. Mine does. It's Report an error in the passage at 24:04 Highlight the passage at 24:04

24:31 natural. I don't create it. It's not that I have to kind of make it happen through some kind of manipulation of my mind. I just open, relax and open, and then I notice. Report an error in the passage at 24:31 Highlight the passage at 24:31

25:01 With emotions, just dealing with thoughts is one thing, isn't it? The thinking process. Thinking is quite a rapid process. One word follows another. But then these perceptions can trigger off emotions. Report an error in the passage at 25:01 Highlight the passage at 25:01

25:29 So we can feel, if we think in a positive way, process. Report an error in the passage at 25:29 Highlight the passage at 25:29

25:34 About love and goodness, truth and beauty, and inspired thoughts. We have emotional responses to those kind of thoughts. One can get very high on positive thinking. Or negative thinking, you can get very depressed, Report an error in the passage at 25:34 Highlight the passage at 25:34

26:04 grumbling, complaining, criticizing. All these, you know, the more you get stuck in these habits of like complaining or grumbling or resenting, not to mention, you know, hating and stronger kinds of negativity. It's just boredom, doubt, blaming others, blaming yourself. Report an error in the passage at 26:04 Highlight the passage at 26:04

26:43 Sink into a realm of, a kind of miserable realm, gray realm of despair. Report an error in the passage at 26:43 Highlight the passage at 26:43

26:59 So the emotions, the emotions have a lingering quality, isn't it? So thought can set off some emotional reaction, and then that reaction kind of hangs around. It doesn't just, you know, it doesn't, like thinking, arise and ceases immediately, but a thought just arises and it's gone. Where did it go? Report an error in the passage at 26:59 Highlight the passage at 26:59

27:23 But then the lingering emotion is like this. So Report an error in the passage at 27:23 Highlight the passage at 27:23

27:38 in noticing that which remains, the kind of lingering feeling of like anxiety can be just a general feeling of doom, impending doom, or something bad is going to happen, or it's a kind of nebulous. Report an error in the passage at 27:38 Highlight the passage at 27:38

28:03 The negative state of anxiety can hang around, can linger, and then the more we try to get rid of it or resist it, the more we tend to reinforce it. It becomes a very strong habit. Report an error in the passage at 28:03 Highlight the passage at 28:03

28:26 With awakened attention, discerning, then we're noticing just the feeling of, say, anxiety, of feeling something's not right, something's wrong, something's going to go wrong. Report an error in the passage at 28:26 Highlight the passage at 28:26

28:49 And just by noticing this mood, this lingering emotional state, totally welcoming it, accepting it, then Report an error in the passage at 28:49 Highlight the passage at 28:49

29:15 I find by embracing it and welcoming it, then I can actually, by not trying to get rid of it, but just allowing it to be this way, then it... I'm aware of its presence and then when it ceases, aware of its cessation. As you feel a sense of relief when some emotional state has dropped away, when it's ceased, there's a sense of really a pleasant feeling of the Report an error in the passage at 29:15 Highlight the passage at 29:15

30:02 end of suffering. Not absolute end of suffering, like suffering is ended forever, that's a desire again, but That particular thing is gone, like this. No suffering is like this. Report an error in the passage at 30:02 Highlight the passage at 30:02

30:28 So this is like being patient, because with emotions, we really resist and fight our emotions. Report an error in the passage at 30:28 Highlight the passage at 30:28

30:45 And we're frightened of them, or we don't like them, don't want these kind of lingering feelings. We want to be happy. Make me happy. Report an error in the passage at 30:45 Highlight the passage at 30:45

31:19 Or like doubting, which is, you know, I don't know what to do. It's kind of ambivalence and insecurity that we create through thinking. What should I do? Should I do this or should I do that? Am I practicing rightly or am I not practicing properly? Report an error in the passage at 31:19 Highlight the passage at 31:19

31:48 Am I pure or impure or should I be a monk or not? Report an error in the passage at 31:48 Highlight the passage at 31:48

31:59 What to do? Report an error in the passage at 31:59 Highlight the passage at 31:59

32:07 Can I really, is there any hope for me? Report an error in the passage at 32:07 Highlight the passage at 32:07

32:14 Doubting with Chikita is one of the fetters. Report an error in the passage at 32:14 Highlight the passage at 32:14

32:24 But doubting also is a mental state. You can just observe this. I don't know what to do. What's Report an error in the passage at 32:24 Highlight the passage at 32:24

32:40 next? What should I do? you know. Report an error in the passage at 32:40 Highlight the passage at 32:40

32:42 What's the answer to the question? Who Report an error in the passage at 32:42 Highlight the passage at 32:42

32:50 am I? And Report an error in the passage at 32:50 Highlight the passage at 32:50

32:54 so as you pay attention to this lingering sense of insecurity, not knowing, welcoming Report an error in the passage at 32:54 Highlight the passage at 32:54

33:17 in the end, into welcoming, embracing, because it's a kind of lingering habit. It hangs around. One can spend the whole day in a kind of a state of anguish and doubt. I don't know what to do. Report an error in the passage at 33:17 Highlight the passage at 33:17

33:48 people that wanted this road, and there's some of them in the you see. there, anguishing over whether they should Report an error in the passage at 33:48 Highlight the passage at 33:48

34:04 how much you want to convince them. Blastic life, that's for you. That's the way to go. but maybe. You know, he gave them a pep talk. Report an error in the passage at 34:04 Highlight the passage at 34:04

34:20 oh, that's why I want to be a monk forever more, maybe. Report an error in the passage at 34:20 Highlight the passage at 34:20

34:31 Can you have a relationship and be enlightened? Report an error in the passage at 34:31 Highlight the passage at 34:31

34:43 Do you have to be a monk or a nun, or can you be enlightened as a layperson? Report an error in the passage at 34:43 Highlight the passage at 34:43

34:55 If you Report an error in the passage at 34:55 Highlight the passage at 34:55

35:02 keep trying to figure it out on that level, you go from one day you want to be a monk, and the next day you want to be a layperson. Because the thinking mind and the doubting nature is not really recognized, not accepted. Report an error in the passage at 35:02 Highlight the passage at 35:02

35:25 I Report an error in the passage at 35:25 Highlight the passage at 35:25

35:48 feel like certainty, isn't it? There's an enormous desire for certitude in our personalities. We Report an error in the passage at 35:48 Highlight the passage at 35:48

36:01 want security. You can see modern, like Western Europe, is the ultimate in trying to provide ultimate security in every way, from cradle to grave, trying to create this democratic, capitalistic... Secure systems, because insecurity is such an unpleasant emotion, not knowing what to do, not knowing the answer to the problem, not knowing who you are. Report an error in the passage at 36:01 Highlight the passage at 36:01

36:58 So in discerning this, not knowing is like this, don't Report an error in the passage at 36:58 Highlight the passage at 36:58

37:11 know. And then you can just notice that sense of... That kind of anxiety maybe, or that feeling of uncertainty, what is it like? Awareness of it, embracing it, allowing uncertainty to be. The Report an error in the passage at 37:11 Highlight the passage at 37:11

· · · silence, 3 minutes

40:14 more Report an error in the passage at 40:14 Highlight the passage at 40:14

40:19 you develop this way of attention, the Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

40:30 less you cling to views and opinions. I find this in my own experience. Report an error in the passage at 40:30 Highlight the passage at 40:30

40:47 Like this... Report an error in the passage at 40:47 Highlight the passage at 40:47

40:52 Paradoxical kind of koan of right but not true, true but not right. This is, you know, Lungpo Char once gave me this as a kind of koan to explore. Because like one can have views that are right, you know, and so we come up with our, this is, you know, this is the right thing to do and you should do this and... Report an error in the passage at 40:52 Highlight the passage at 40:52

41:27 Ajahn should be generous and give Donna, and you shouldn't be selfish. Report an error in the passage at 41:27 Highlight the passage at 41:27

42:02 authority and things. You should keep the moral precepts, and you shouldn't be selfish, and you should dedicate your life to the dharma. So Report an error in the passage at 42:02 Highlight the passage at 42:02

42:24 then it's coming from a place of me holding on to my views about what you should do. And then what do you feel if I should do that? You might have utter devotion to me and think, whatever Ajahn Sumedho says is right. It might even inspire you. Some people get inspired by being told what they should do. Other people just feel averse. Report an error in the passage at 42:24 Highlight the passage at 42:24

42:55 They just hear the arrogance and the insensitivity behind this attachment to the view. Report an error in the passage at 42:55 Highlight the passage at 42:55

43:14 So an awareness, isn't it? Sometimes why do we feel so resistant to advice that we know is very good? Report an error in the passage at 43:14 Highlight the passage at 43:14

43:26 Why do we resist? You know, teachers or parents or authority figures can give us very good advice, but we feel resistant to it or rebellious. And Report an error in the passage at 43:26 Highlight the passage at 43:26

43:47 we know it. We know they're right. But we're also picking up the fact that they're coming from an attachment to a view. So see this in yourself also, how when we do this to each other, you know, how... What it feels like. We might be right. The Report an error in the passage at 43:47 Highlight the passage at 43:47

44:16 way you're acting, the way you're behaving is not right. You shouldn't be saying those things. You should be more sensitive and more considerate and more giving to the community. You shouldn't be so selfish. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

44:42 And we can agree in terms of the advice. But why do we still feel resistant to it? Because, this is my reflection anyway, attachment to these views means that something in me is not really understanding you at all, not interested, not open, not receptive, but merely wanting you to fit in to my viewpoint. Report an error in the passage at 44:42 Highlight the passage at 44:42

45:21 Because that's right, and I can become very self-righteous. Report an error in the passage at 45:21 Highlight the passage at 45:21

45:28 This is one of the dangers in the holy life when you're living with moral precepts and all these kind of high-minded altruistic ideals. You can get full of yourself, full of self-righteousness because you're attaching to very beautiful ideas and very moral. Attitudes. Notice that this attachment is the problem, isn't it? This attachment out of ignorance, of not discerning, not opening, not really observing the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 45:28 Highlight the passage at 45:28

46:26 I used to have a lot of this. I mean, I'm an expert on righteous indignation. Report an error in the passage at 46:26 Highlight the passage at 46:26

46:38 But when I listen to it, it's something I don't, I don't, I can't respect it myself anymore. I can't. Ajahn don't like that kind of a Report an error in the passage at 46:38 Highlight the passage at 46:38

47:14 unpleasant or bad or evil, it's not. It's not coming at it with some kind of righteous command that it shouldn't be this way. It's allowing conditioned phenomena to be what it is. Report an error in the passage at 47:14 Highlight the passage at 47:14

47:33 And then our relationship to it is not attachment. When Report an error in the passage at 47:33 Highlight the passage at 47:33

47:41 you allow something to be what it is, then you're not attaching to it anymore. You're not resisting or getting rid of it either. Report an error in the passage at 47:41 Highlight the passage at 47:41

47:51 You're allowing things to flow according to their nature, to their karma. Report an error in the passage at 47:51 Highlight the passage at 47:51

· · · silence, 1 minute

48:35 So it all kind of resolves in this present moment, this sense of awareness, relaxed, attention, accepting, welcoming. So Report an error in the passage at 48:35 Highlight the passage at 48:35

· · · silence, 1 minute

50:02 like attachment and non-attachment, upādāna, dhanah, upādāna, desire, attachment, avicca, ignorance, conditions, desire, desire, conditions, attachments, attachment, conditions. Sukha, suffering, does Report an error in the passage at 50:02 Highlight the passage at 50:02

50:37 not desire. The problem is attachment to it. Report an error in the passage at 50:37 Highlight the passage at 50:37

50:46 Like with desire, let's know what desire is also. Desire and desirelessness. Attachment and non-attachment. So what these words point to is just a simple imminent act of attention where the awareness, as you rest in awareness and really appreciate. Report an error in the passage at 50:46 Highlight the passage at 50:46

51:13 Trust. Then you begin to see that your discerning abilities are at their best. You can see the attachment and non-attachment, Report an error in the passage at 51:13 Highlight the passage at 51:13

51:33 or desire and desirelessness, or self and non-self. So Report an error in the passage at 51:33 Highlight the passage at 51:33

51:44 the way of the unconditioned, the amatadhammas, non-self, is desireless. is non-attachment. Report an error in the passage at 51:44 Highlight the passage at 51:44

52:01 So then we can attach to, I've got to get rid of desires and I shouldn't be attached to anything and I've got to annihilate my personality. It's the logic, you know, when we reason it out, we get into annihilation. I shouldn't have any desires, shouldn't have an ego, and I shouldn't be attached to anything. Report an error in the passage at 52:01 Highlight the passage at 52:01

52:30 Then what is that? Holding to that view is what I call annihilation. So Report an error in the passage at 52:30 Highlight the passage at 52:30

52:52 it's not holding to a view about non-attachment, desirelessness and no-self, but knowing the difference between having this developing panya to know that discerning attachments like this, non-attachments like this, like Report an error in the passage at 52:52 Highlight the passage at 52:52

53:22 this, non-self is like this. Report an error in the passage at 53:22 Highlight the passage at 53:22

· · · silence, 1 minute

54:05 And then just through that discerning you see, you know, it's like, it's very simple. You know the path through, not through holding to any views, but by that realization, the peace, the bliss of non-attachment, of non-self. Report an error in the passage at 54:05 Highlight the passage at 54:05

54:41 Desirelessness. Not through trying to make yourself into somebody that doesn't have any desires and isn't attached to me. That's impossible. Report an error in the passage at 54:41 Highlight the passage at 54:41

54:50 But through discerning. That's why it's to be experienced. You have to know this in a direct way for yourself. Report an error in the passage at 54:50 Highlight the passage at 54:50

· · · silence, 2 minutes

57:37 And this position we're in is a conscious entity. An interesting one, because each one of us is like a conscious point in the universe. We're incarcerated in a physical body, which is conscious, experiencing consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 57:37 Highlight the passage at 57:37

58:02 The reality of this moment is that each one of us is a point of light, of consciousness in this universe. Report an error in the passage at 58:02 Highlight the passage at 58:02

58:22 So we're experiencing from this point here. Report an error in the passage at 58:22 Highlight the passage at 58:22

58:30 And from this point, then it's the T.S. Eliot poem, to apprehend the point of intersection between timeless and time. It's like the point where this resonates with the reality of our human position. It's a point where we... Report an error in the passage at 58:30 Highlight the passage at 58:30

58:59 At this intersection, this moment now, here and now, time is like this, timelessness is like this. The point of intersection is here and now, this conscious moment from this point here. I can't experience this moment from where you are, only from this point here. Report an error in the passage at 58:59 Highlight the passage at 58:59

59:28 And so our discerning abilities work there because you can discern time conditions. Self, desire, attachment, they're like this. You know, you know them, you're the butoh, the knowing of them, the condition is like this. Self is like this. Time is like this. Attachment is this way. Desire, condition. Report an error in the passage at 59:28 Highlight the passage at 59:28

1:00:05 And you, you know, you see, anicca dukanata, you know, it's all. There are three characteristics. All conditioned phenomena is impermanent, not self. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:05 Highlight the passage at 1:00:05

1:00:23 And the unconditioned, nibbāna, viraga, anattā, sunyata, these kind of words are like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:23 Highlight the passage at 1:00:23

1:00:52 Exploring that, to be able to trust in your own... Now, I mean, this a... Report an error in the passage at 1:00:52 Highlight the passage at 1:00:52

1:01:00 Insight into this. What I'm doing is just pointing to this, hoping that you aren't grasping anything I'm saying. And if you are, at least be aware of grasping Ajahn Sumedho's teachings like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:00 Highlight the passage at 1:01:00

1:01:20 But this is where you have to trust yourself to know the unconditioned, nibbāna, non-self. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:20 Highlight the passage at 1:01:20

1:01:34 Because I can talk about it endlessly in kind of... You know, you write poetry about it, but what, you know, it's... To me, Report an error in the passage at 1:01:34 Highlight the passage at 1:01:34

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:03:28 it's a... One time somebody described... I read it in a book. I forget exactly where or who said it, but about nibbāna being the experience of relief. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:28 Highlight the passage at 1:03:28

1:03:42 And they're putting it into a more ordinary context because oftentimes the word... me, it's... Report an error in the passage at 1:03:42 Highlight the passage at 1:03:42

1:03:49 It's a superlative in how people use it nowadays, isn't it? It's a kind of blissful heavenly paradise as it's generally popularly used. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:49 Highlight the passage at 1:03:49

1:04:01 But in terms of the reality of it, it's not like a high state of bliss, but relief, this sense of non-attachment, of, you know, you're carrying the world on your back and you're just worn out. Exhausted with carrying this heavy weight your whole life, you carry this burden on your back and suddenly you put it down and you suddenly, what Report an error in the passage at 1:04:01 Highlight the passage at 1:04:01

1:04:42 a relief, Nibbāna. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:42 Highlight the passage at 1:04:42

1:04:51 I find this relief of not being anybody, not having to be anybody. is, a... Report an error in the passage at 1:04:51 Highlight the passage at 1:04:51

1:05:06 To prove myself or justify my existence or, you know, the whole self-view, that's such a burden to carry around in life. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:06 Highlight the passage at 1:05:06

1:05:20 To be so obsessed and concerned and worried about oneself as a personality is hard work and it's tedious. And Report an error in the passage at 1:05:20 Highlight the passage at 1:05:20

1:05:38 then putting the burden, I'm not destroying my personality, it's not trying to annihilate. Or attack it, but understand it and realize how to let go of the burden, not carry it on my back all the time. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:38 Highlight the passage at 1:05:38

1:05:58 So non-self to me is a relief. Sometimes Report an error in the passage at 1:05:58 Highlight the passage at 1:05:58

1:06:14 anattā can be kind of a fear, you know, you're going to, if I don't have any personality, there's going to be nothing left. I'll just disappear into a void, a black hole of nothingness. Panic can take over, you know, what will happen if I just... If I'm not somebody, you know, I don't have any personality, then we fear annihilation, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 1:06:14 Highlight the passage at 1:06:14

1:06:40 We fear, that's a big fear when you think about anattā and trying to figure it out with rational thought. It sounds like annihilation, like nihilism. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:40 Highlight the passage at 1:06:40

1:07:01 But the reality of non-self is... This is how I experience it, it's relief, a sense of being at ease, relieved Report an error in the passage at 1:07:01 Highlight the passage at 1:07:01

1:07:15 of that burden. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:15 Highlight the passage at 1:07:15