Caught in Conventional Reality

0:00 So this morning, the occasion to reflect and observe the way it is, it's Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:13 important to recognize, bring into consciousness the way the conventional reality, so you're putting it in a context of an object that you can accept. and not create a lot of personal preferences or criticisms or attachments to and Report an error in the passage at 0:13 Highlight the passage at 0:13

0:50 be able to you know separate the conventional reality and and then your ability to pay attention to the nature of the conventional reality to the sensory experience that we're having at this time in order to See it for what it is. When we don't do this, then we're endlessly caught into the conditioned realm, kind of lost into it. Report an error in the passage at 0:50 Highlight the passage at 0:50

1:28 We have no reference outside it. So on a personal level, personality is all developed out of conventional realities, out of identity with the body, with the five khandhas. Report an error in the passage at 1:28 Highlight the passage at 1:28

1:46 With the habits, thoughts and memories and the thinking process. So the only way to get outside of that, one thing, is not to think about it. Because if you try to analyze and think and so forth, then you're caught into it endlessly. That's why it's this intuitive sense, intuitive intelligence that is our only way outside of that. Report an error in the passage at 1:46 Highlight the passage at 1:46

2:19 So as Report an error in the passage at 2:19 Highlight the passage at 2:19

2:31 mindfulness, and this is the sati sampacanya, intuitive awareness, apperception, is Report an error in the passage at 2:31 Highlight the passage at 2:31

2:46 an intellectual process and it doesn't depend on thought. Even though thinking can operate it, we're no longer thinking Report an error in the passage at 2:46 Highlight the passage at 2:46

3:00 in terms of attachment to thought, ideas, views and opinions. Report an error in the passage at 3:00 Highlight the passage at 3:00

3:08 Remember that even Buddhism itself is a thought. The word Buddha, Buddhism, Theravāda, and all the rest, Tibetan and Zen, these are conventional realities. Report an error in the passage at 3:08 Highlight the passage at 3:08

3:25 They're conventions, they're thoughts, they're Report an error in the passage at 3:25 Highlight the passage at 3:25

3:32 ideas, traditions. So if one is just caught into that process, You become that. When you become a Theravadan Buddhist or whatever you attach to, you become that. Report an error in the passage at 3:32 Highlight the passage at 3:32

3:57 Notice how we do form views and opinions. We get very attached to the tradition that we've invested our interest into, what we have faith in and trust. trust. that we We tend to form these sectarian views and opinions that come from that attachment. So the only way outside of that is through awareness. Report an error in the passage at 3:57 Highlight the passage at 3:57

4:32 Awareness isn't a conventional reality. Report an error in the passage at 4:32 Highlight the passage at 4:32

4:39 And the more you try to become aware, the further you get from it. You can't make yourself aware through some willful act because you think you understand what it means. Report an error in the passage at 4:39 Highlight the passage at 4:39

4:54 So it's this sense of awakening, listening, attentiveness, relaxed attention, and Report an error in the passage at 4:54 Highlight the passage at 4:54

5:09 a recognition. Awareness is this. It's not defining it or trying to become it, but recognizing, realizing it. It's empty. It's not self. It doesn't seem like anything in terms of the thinking process. Report an error in the passage at 5:09 Highlight the passage at 5:09

5:33 Because thinking is limited to the realm of conditionality. Report an error in the passage at 5:33 Highlight the passage at 5:33

5:48 So the word Buddha, then, instead of clicking to some definition or some view you have about the word itself or the terminologies or the tradition we're using, it's not a matter of Report an error in the passage at 5:48 Highlight the passage at 5:48

6:13 grasping this and trying to attain enlightenment through grasping the ideas you get from Buddhism. But to me, the whole essence of the Buddha's teaching is awakenness. And it's so simple and so immediate that, of course, the more you try to think about it, the further you are from that reality. Report an error in the passage at 6:13 Highlight the passage at 6:13

6:44 So when I say trusting, it's kind of an imminent, And observation, witnessing ability that we have. When I use the word reflection, that's what I mean. It's paying attention and noticing. And Report an error in the passage at 6:44 Highlight the passage at 6:44

7:11 when I first had this insight, it was through actually noticing the space between thoughts, where the consciousness was, pure consciousness without attachment to thought was recognized. For the first time. Now I could understand it, I could figure it out. I figured it out long before I had the insight. Report an error in the passage at 7:11 Highlight the passage at 7:11

7:42 Intellectually I could, you know, see that and recognize that on the theoretical level. But the reality of it, because I thought I understood, because I intellectually understood it, or the theory of it, the reality of it... Evaded me because of the endless attachment and lack of continuity and awareness. Report an error in the passage at 7:42 Highlight the passage at 7:42

8:15 The thinking process blinds us to that. If you observe what thinking really does, it's all about past, present, future. It's about self. It's about good and bad, right and wrong. Report an error in the passage at 8:15 Highlight the passage at 8:15

8:38 It's about what should and shouldn't be and preferences and ideals. So Report an error in the passage at 8:38 Highlight the passage at 8:38

8:57 if you have good, you know, the concept of good, goodness, and then it's opposite, evilness, the heaven and hell, right and wrong. Report an error in the passage at 8:57 Highlight the passage at 8:57

9:16 The sense of a self is based on the personality, what we call sakya ditti in Pāli. This personality view or the ego is all based on memory, memory of, you know, identities of conditioning. And Report an error in the passage at 9:16 Highlight the passage at 9:16

9:42 just notice what, you know, you can be aware of your own personality, what I think I am, my value, my worth, my self-worth, my past, my history, the Report an error in the passage at 9:42 Highlight the passage at 9:42

10:01 ideals of the... The memories of a lifetime, the sense of success or failure or being attractive or unattractive or whatever, all these are, you know, they depend on memory and thinking, liking, disliking, approving, disapproving. Report an error in the passage at 10:01 Highlight the passage at 10:01

10:42 Thinking is nothing, I'm not trying to condemn thinking, but pointing to its limitation. It's how to use thinking rather than just become someone who thinks, who's caught in the thinking process, blinded by one's own thoughts. We become obsessed with compulsive, obsessive tendencies in the human individual. Report an error in the passage at 10:42 Highlight the passage at 10:42

11:11 It's all around thinking, isn't it? Fears, desires, identities, obsessions. Around different condition experiences or memories. Report an error in the passage at 11:11 Highlight the passage at 11:11

11:54 And many of us, like in the Western world, we come from a society that is very intellectually dependent. It's idealistic. So it's based on ideals of how things should be. And the ideas of democracy and freedom, human rights, morality, what's good and bad. Report an error in the passage at 11:54 Highlight the passage at 11:54

12:34 The Report an error in the passage at 12:34 Highlight the passage at 12:34

12:42 sense of our self-worth is being successful and being good, being a useful member of society, contributing to the welfare. All these ideals are very much part of our... Report an error in the passage at 12:42 Highlight the passage at 12:42

13:03 So, Report an error in the passage at 13:03 Highlight the passage at 13:03

13:09 in noticing this awareness of the ideals, the sense of oneself as a person, one's self-worth, the identity one has as belonging to, say, what ethnic background, class, or the gender of the body. Report an error in the passage at 13:09 Highlight the passage at 13:09

13:48 Being attached to the sense of being male or female or European or Asian or whatever, these are concepts. These are conditioned factors. These aren't ultimately real. So they're conventional realities but not ultimate realities. And so on a conventional level, the identity with them is always a source of anguish and despair because... Report an error in the passage at 13:48 Highlight the passage at 13:48

14:21 We can be manipulated by demagoguery and so forth through our own attachments to our ideals, to our nationality, to our political views or religious identities. Report an error in the passage at 14:21 Highlight the passage at 14:21

14:41 You can see at the time now the suicide bombers and the strong sense of identity with... With different views around Islam and Judaism, Christianity, sectarianism. All these are conventional conventions that are attached to and therefore we can be manipulated accordingly. Report an error in the passage at 14:41 Highlight the passage at 14:41

· · · silence, 1 minute

15:44 So this retreat is an opportunity not to try to suppress or to criticize your own obsessive tendencies or identities but to recognize this is a sense of recognizing what attachment is what a condition is it's like this Report an error in the passage at 15:44 Highlight the passage at 15:44

16:12 identity, say, with gender, with the gender of your body. I am a man in this sense of masculinity. Report an error in the passage at 16:12 Highlight the passage at 16:12

16:27 It's a word, isn't it? And it creates this sense of... The certain kind of emotional reactions to that identity. Report an error in the passage at 16:27 Highlight the passage at 16:27

16:44 And the noticing of it, observing, not saying that there's anything particularly good or bad about it, but it is like this. Report an error in the passage at 16:44 Highlight the passage at 16:44

16:58 Being a monk or a nun, being a bhikkhu or a silatara, you know, the identity with that perception. Report an error in the passage at 16:58 Highlight the passage at 16:58

17:15 So the witnessing of it, you know, I am a bhikkhu. And this is... This is a conventional reality. Report an error in the passage at 17:15 Highlight the passage at 17:15

17:35 If I'm not aware of attachment to that identity, then I tend to, you know, become, that's how I relate to the world always is, I'm a bhikkhu and you're a silatara, you're a lay person, you're only an anagarika. Report an error in the passage at 17:35 Highlight the passage at 17:35

17:59 The kind of hierarchy takes over, doesn't it? The whole point of the Saṅgha life is to get out of the hierarchical structures of society. And yet we can make monasticism into a hierarchical identity. I'm senior monk, I'm the abbot, I'm the Ajahn Sumedho. Then I become, I have a special hierarchical position. Report an error in the passage at 17:59 Highlight the passage at 17:59

18:34 Well, hierarchy is the way that conventional thinking operates. You know, if you've got an alphabet A to Z, you can't, you know, you've got to think A first before you reach Z. Report an error in the passage at 18:34 Highlight the passage at 18:34

18:50 Or you can think Z, but you can't think A, B, C, D until you reach Z in the same moment. And this is pointing to an obvious... Reality of truism, actually. Report an error in the passage at 18:50 Highlight the passage at 18:50

19:08 Because just by examining that, just the alphabet, Latin alphabet, you know, one thing comes before the other. One, two, three, four. Report an error in the passage at 19:08 Highlight the passage at 19:08

19:23 So thinking is, you know, when you examine the thinking process, it's a structure. Something has to come first. There has to be one and then two. Or you can rearrange it in different ways. You can have five, two, three, you know, accordingly. But something, a thing has to be the first, then the second, then the third. It follows in tandem. Report an error in the passage at 19:23 Highlight the passage at 19:23

20:00 It's called linear, the linear ability of the mind. Thinking is like that. It's divisive. It divides, separates. It's a critical function. Report an error in the passage at 20:00 Highlight the passage at 20:00

20:18 So in the thinking process we have what's right and what's wrong. What is allowed and what is not. What is suitable or unsuitable. And the best, good, better, best, bad, worse, worse. These are all, this is all about thinking. Report an error in the passage at 20:18 Highlight the passage at 20:18

20:40 Comparing one thing with another. Report an error in the passage at 20:40 Highlight the passage at 20:40

20:47 So even though this seems obvious, it's oftentimes never really recognized. You don't explore thinking. And it's not thinking about thinking, but it's observing your self-thinking and how it actually is. Report an error in the passage at 20:47 Highlight the passage at 20:47

21:09 For me to become a man, I have to think. I am a male. I am a man. I am a bhikkhu. I am Ajahn Sumedho. These are conventions. Report an error in the passage at 21:09 Highlight the passage at 21:09

21:23 Their thoughts, Report an error in the passage at 21:23 Highlight the passage at 21:23

21:28 attachment to those thoughts, then I become that way. Report an error in the passage at 21:28 Highlight the passage at 21:28

21:53 Now like the idea of the mendicant, alms mendicant, the samana, so that's the bhikkhu, the silatara. Report an error in the passage at 21:53 Highlight the passage at 21:53

22:09 This is not, you know, to be an identity, to make it into some kind of attainment or position one takes, is somehow missing the point. Report an error in the passage at 22:09 Highlight the passage at 22:09

22:50 So contemplate, you know, how to use this convention for awareness rather than for position or identity. Report an error in the passage at 22:50 Highlight the passage at 22:50

23:07 It's like, say, the Report an error in the passage at 23:07 Highlight the passage at 23:07

23:14 World Abbots' Meeting. You know, there's a kind of comical term, isn't it? The World Abbots' Meeting sounds kind of pretentious. I think of oneself as a world abbot. Report an error in the passage at 23:14 Highlight the passage at 23:14

23:33 I can't help but... Smile of that. They're attending the World Abbots' Meeting at the Bung Wai, the Rattan Swamp Monastery. Report an error in the passage at 23:33 Highlight the passage at 23:33

23:56 Bung Wai means Rattan Swamp. I suppose Bung Wai used to be a place where they'd get rattan, and a lot of that grows in kind of swampy land. Report an error in the passage at 23:56 Highlight the passage at 23:56

24:07 So, you know, take it literally. It's kind of fun to... Think things out in more like comic, like the humor behind all the pretentiousness of civilization. Report an error in the passage at 24:07 Highlight the passage at 24:07

24:29 Religion can be, you know, when we take it too seriously, we become slightly ridiculous. We have to also see the absurdity of it, of our own convention, the pretentiousness. Report an error in the passage at 24:29 Highlight the passage at 24:29

24:48 ...of being righteous and saintly and moral and all the kind of high-minded ideals that are often at the time associated with religion. Report an error in the passage at 24:48 Highlight the passage at 24:48

· · · silence, 1 minute

25:31 So there are certain jokes in Christianity where they say saints are not very pleasant to live with because they can't wash the dishes anymore. Report an error in the passage at 25:31 Highlight the passage at 25:31

25:41 They're too pure above it all. You have... Bleeding from your hands and feet stops you from doing anything practical with your life. Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

25:58 Being too special, too saintly, too righteous is an absurdity, isn't it? Because it is going off to an extreme. Report an error in the passage at 25:58 Highlight the passage at 25:58

26:15 The extremity is the realm of thinking. It's the conditioned realm. The best and the worst. What's saintly and what's... You know, what is pure and impure. Report an error in the passage at 26:15 Highlight the passage at 26:15

26:39 So these cartoons that have caused so much trouble because they are, you know, they're kind of satirizing or point out the absurdity of a lot of things around that Muslims are attached to. Report an error in the passage at 26:39 Highlight the passage at 26:39

26:56 And what does it do? It creates even more division because one thing, you know, the kind of secular mind can point to the absurdity and the silliness behind religious conventions. Report an error in the passage at 26:56 Highlight the passage at 26:56

27:17 But if people are still attached to those conventions, they can't, you know, they wouldn't find that funny. They see it as an attempt to humiliate or put down or disparage something sacred and good. And in that very act of attaching to sacredness, sanctity and purity, We can end up doing very impure acts like killing somebody. Report an error in the passage at 27:17 Highlight the passage at 27:17

27:51 I remember one time a man told me, a Burmese man said that he in the days of the British Empire and he watched British colonial officers enter the Shwedagon with their shoes on, wouldn't take off their shoes which is, you know What you always do when you go into the Suedagon, you don't wear your shoes or sandals. But then maybe the British colonial officers were too arrogant to take off their shoes. Report an error in the passage at 27:51 Highlight the passage at 27:51

28:32 But the Burmese gentleman said when he saw that he wanted to kill the British colonial officers who were wearing their shoes. Report an error in the passage at 28:32 Highlight the passage at 28:32

28:45 Now this is the absurdity. see. Report an error in the passage at 28:45 Highlight the passage at 28:45

28:49 Something, you know, meant to show respect for the sanctity and purity of something beautiful and yet lost in one's own emotional reactions to attachment to views of what should be. We can do the very things that create the, you know, that are most impure, most despicable. Report an error in the passage at 28:49 Highlight the passage at 28:49

29:31 So this is what, like superstition, and what we put it into the context of silapatabaramasa, in the fetter of silapatabaramasa, attachment to conventional reality, social attitudes and religious conventions, morality itself, vinaya, and all the rest of it, the attachment to it. Report an error in the passage at 29:31 Highlight the passage at 29:31

30:01 of ignorance. So recognize that it's avicca, or ignorance of the Dhamma. attachment even to the very best of the conventional world. Report an error in the passage at 30:01 Highlight the passage at 30:01

30:18 the experience of suffering. So in getting Report an error in the passage at 30:18 Highlight the passage at 30:18

30:31 to that point of recognizing what ignorance is, Report an error in the passage at 30:31 Highlight the passage at 30:31

30:38 Not to conceive oneself as being ignorant, but what do we mean with this word avicca? Report an error in the passage at 30:38 Highlight the passage at 30:38

30:50 Avicca is the Pāli word for not understanding, not seeing the truth of the way it is. So even the conventional truths, you know, the conventions we're using in the Pāli The concepts, the Theravāda tradition, attachment to Theravāda and Pāli teachings out of ignorance still can blind us. We can still commit atrocious acts and be arrogant through Report an error in the passage at 30:50 Highlight the passage at 30:50

31:34 ignorance, not because of the convention itself, but because of the ignorance, the not understanding, not investigating, not seeing things as they really are. Report an error in the passage at 31:34 Highlight the passage at 31:34

31:45 That's where this retreat situation, to really investigate, not try to make yourself, not get rid of ignorance, but recognize it. Report an error in the passage at 31:45 Highlight the passage at 31:45

32:04 Attachment to sankharas, identity with them, the five khandhas, brings a sense of myself as a separate person. As a male, as a bhikkhu, as a Theravadin, as a whatever. Report an error in the passage at 32:04 Highlight the passage at 32:04

32:35 So then understanding comes through awakening, not through adopting another position or creating some other ideal about how I should be, about what enlightenment is or nibbāna, but in the simple imminence of awakened attentiveness. That's the putto, the... The knowing, the Buddha knowing the dhamma, the truth of the way it is. And that's not, those are words, admittedly, and those are the conventional words we use. Report an error in the passage at 32:35 Highlight the passage at 32:35

33:19 But what are they pointing to? The reality of this moment. And so then we start, we don't look outward anymore, but observe, just suffering the sense of trying to get something, get rid of something. Notice on this retreat, you know, the amount of suffering you create during this retreat, just through sitting or walking, Report an error in the passage at 33:19 Highlight the passage at 33:19

34:00 liking or disliking, and how, you know, we can create endless problems about the ideal of what we expect on this retreat, what we think a retreat should be, and then anything that kind of interferes or gets in our way. Report an error in the passage at 34:00 Highlight the passage at 34:00

34:22 It doesn't kind of fit into what we think a proper meditation retreat should be. Report an error in the passage at 34:22 Highlight the passage at 34:22

34:50 So this reflection on sape sankara ni ca, all conditions are impermanent, this is like to really carry that through, you know, to all its subtle permutations. Every sense, every little feeling and movement of the mind. Report an error in the passage at 34:50 Highlight the passage at 34:50

35:18 There's an awareness, isn't there? If you recognize awareness is like this, then you're aware of the feeling, of the subtleties of feeling. And Report an error in the passage at 35:18 Highlight the passage at 35:18

35:39 the awareness then is to recognize, realize this awareness as the path. Like it's all the fourth noble truth. Report an error in the passage at 35:39 Highlight the passage at 35:39

35:54 Samaditi, samathangapo, right? Understanding, right view, right intention. So Report an error in the passage at 35:54 Highlight the passage at 35:54

36:18 in this way we're, the path that we're cultivating, and talk about pawana or development or cultivation, these kind of words translate this, this word pawana, meditation. But what this really points to is trusting in this awareness. Report an error in the passage at 36:18 Highlight the passage at 36:18

36:49 It's like surrendering or those words like renunciation, surrender, part of, you know, I remember we used to talk about surrender to the form. It used to be a kind of hackneyed kind of statement we used to tell each other, you know, when we'd start complaining or being discontented or that would say, well, surrender to the form. Report an error in the passage at 36:49 Highlight the passage at 36:49

37:17 And then that was like an imperative. Or a put-down, or a tyrannical statement, you know, shut up, in other words, don't rock the boat. Report an error in the passage at 37:17 Highlight the passage at 37:17

37:32 So we, you know, no matter how clever the language we, you know, how we might use the words, they are, you know, it's not, we might understand, we have the idea of surrendering to the form as something we should be able to do, but still that is based on maybe a sense of an ideal of I, this, This monk here, I should surrender. I shouldn't criticize or cause any problem. Report an error in the passage at 37:32 Highlight the passage at 37:32

38:06 Just surrender to the form. Watch your mind. Get on with the practice. Be content with the requisites. And these are ideas and ideals that we might have. They can also be, you know, Report an error in the passage at 38:06 Highlight the passage at 38:06

38:28 gets attached to these kind of statements which become meaningless after a while or misused because we're grasping the idea of surrender but it's still based on some kind of personal view of oneself as somebody that should surrender to the form or maybe I think you should surrender if you're complaining and causing problems and So forth, then you should just shut up and surrender to the form. Report an error in the passage at 38:28 Highlight the passage at 38:28

39:11 But what does this really mean in terms of the present moment, this surrendering to the form? And then this is in a reflective place rather than some kind of idea or imperative that comes through the thinking process. It's a reflection. Report an error in the passage at 39:11 Highlight the passage at 39:11

39:38 Surrendering to the form then is accepting this moment as is. It's like this. The body is like this. The emotional feeling is this way. It isn't becoming this way, but it's allowing the way it is to be what it is. Report an error in the passage at 39:38 Highlight the passage at 39:38

40:09 So this is like when we develop nekama marami or this renunciation. Oftentimes, These baramis become, you know, become kind of another forms of ideals on a personal level. We should be, you know, generous. Report an error in the passage at 40:09 Highlight the passage at 40:09

40:29 We should renounce the world, luxuries, sensuality, worldly positions. Renunciation can be another ideal, an ascetic ideal. But in terms of the word nekama, Translated into English is renunciation. To me it's more the reality of nekama is letting go. Report an error in the passage at 40:29 Highlight the passage at 40:29

41:03 Not renouncing the world. Not trying to get rid of my ego or my desires. Not trying to get rid of sexual desire and lust or destroy my anger and fear. Renounce the world because it's a An evil place or it's tempting. We can see the sense world is something that is dangerous because it's temptation. Report an error in the passage at 41:03 Highlight the passage at 41:03

41:41 So then this sense of renunciation is more like relaxation. Don't make a problem. Report an error in the passage at 41:41 Highlight the passage at 41:41

41:55 Surrendering to the form means the form is like this. You have to know what the form is. You know, so it's consciously recognized, not some ideal form. Recognize that the monastic form, the conventions we're using, they're only conventions. Report an error in the passage at 41:55 Highlight the passage at 41:55

42:16 They're not perfect. They're not ideals of, you know, the perfect monastic convention, perfect form. Report an error in the passage at 42:16 Highlight the passage at 42:16

42:28 Because we're not expecting forms to ever be perfect. There's always something. The very nature is imperfection, limitation. Report an error in the passage at 42:28 Highlight the passage at 42:28

42:43 That's where the Supe Sankara Anicca is seeing the nature of all conditioned phenomena. Sankara is the Pāli word, all condition, all phenomena, anything that arises and ceases. Everything, in other words, everything is impermanent. Thing, the word thing. It implies something that stands out, that exists. The English word exists means to stand out, to Report an error in the passage at 42:43 Highlight the passage at 42:43

43:28 come forth into consciousness. So when the theologians talk about the existence of God, then it gets into a problem with semantics because they say God doesn't exist, then it's like a denial, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 43:28 Highlight the passage at 43:28

43:51 What do you mean by God? Does God stand out and say, I'm God and you believe in me? And of course then we get caught up into our views and opinions about theology and nature of God. And that's the thinking process again. Back into the analytical mind, views and opinions, reason and logic. Report an error in the passage at 43:51 Highlight the passage at 43:51

44:20 So then the Supayi Sankarani Cha Report an error in the passage at 44:20 Highlight the passage at 44:20

44:28 It's not saying that it's not a put-down. All conditions are impermanent. Therefore, don't attach to them as if impermanence, there's something wrong with it. Report an error in the passage at 44:28 Highlight the passage at 44:28

44:47 Or sankharas are dangerous. If we attach to them, we'll get pulled into rebirth process. These are... Still thoughts again, aren't they? They're still the ideas that we have, the reason, the logic that comes from attachment to the ideas of Buddhism. Report an error in the passage at 44:47 Highlight the passage at 44:47

45:11 So with awareness, it's awakening to this. Surrendering to the form then isn't some kind of idealistic personal ability or lack of ability to give myself up completely to the holy life. As some ideal, but to trust myself more in awareness, this simplicity, this natural state of being that I don't create from trying to become mindful, make myself into a mindful bhikkhu. Report an error in the passage at 45:11 Highlight the passage at 45:11

45:58 Doesn't work. You can delude yourself or kind of... Report an error in the passage at 45:58 Highlight the passage at 45:58

46:07 You know, create the illusion of being mindful, but you're not. Mindfulness isn't something you create. Report an error in the passage at 46:07 Highlight the passage at 46:07

46:18 It's through surrender, through putting it more in modern terms, psychological terms that are more acceptable to people. And they talk about surrender is not such a popular psychotherapeutic... Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18

46:38 ideal anymore it's like Relaxation. Relax and be yourself. Report an error in the passage at 46:38 Highlight the passage at 46:38

46:59 that's getting to the idea, this word relax then. is that? That's an English word that has a kind of calming effect because the complaint of most people in modern life is the stress. Report an error in the passage at 46:59 Highlight the passage at 46:59

47:16 sense of being stressed which is the sense of having to do something. Having to get something. Having to become something. Report an error in the passage at 47:16 Highlight the passage at 47:16

47:30 When we talk about relaxation, then it can go to the opposite extreme. Don't have to do anything. Just kind of lay about and, you know, don't put any effort in. All effort would be stressful. So don't even try. And then we go to the other extreme. Report an error in the passage at 47:30 Highlight the passage at 47:30

47:56 So why bother to meditate? Why go on a retreat like this? Because, you know, holding yourself up like this, sitting, you know, like this on the floor, is not, you know, it's not generally how one relaxes in this country, is it? Report an error in the passage at 47:56 Highlight the passage at 47:56

48:26 So, relax, relaxation isn't an imperative either. It's not a kind of command, relax and let go of everything, or surrender to the form, or any of these are very good ideas. Report an error in the passage at 48:26 Highlight the passage at 48:26

48:41 Very good suggestions. You know, we all know we should relax, surrender to the form, let go of the ego. I don't think any of us, you know, object to this in any way on the ideal level. Report an error in the passage at 48:41 Highlight the passage at 48:41

48:58 But in terms of the reality of this moment, what is it? The tension, the suffering, the separateness, the loneliness, the feeling of having to get something we don't have. Report an error in the passage at 48:58 Highlight the passage at 48:58

49:19 feeling of not being a very good meditator. Report an error in the passage at 49:19 Highlight the passage at 49:19

49:28 not very good at meditation. Report an error in the passage at 49:28 Highlight the passage at 49:28

49:47 Convince yourself that you are a good meditator. that just because you're... You're not following compulsive habits anymore. You're really developing meditation, not forming any views and opinions about it, Report an error in the passage at 49:47 Highlight the passage at 49:47

50:03 but a trusting of awareness, of seeing the way we create ourselves with the conventions that we're using, how we can use these conventions to create more and more suffering, or how to use the conventions for awareness. The conventional world then, the Dhamma Vinaya that we're using, is for enlightenment, awareness, seeing clearly, not for becoming or attaining or achieving. Report an error in the passage at 50:03 Highlight the passage at 50:03

50:53 So, say, not being a very good meditator is like this. You know, I'm not very skilled, my mind wanders, and I'm not Report an error in the passage at 50:53 Highlight the passage at 50:53

51:07 very good at meditation. It's like this. You don't believe it in the sense that I am is a thought and I am a good meditator or a not very good one is like this. Report an error in the passage at 51:07 Highlight the passage at 51:07

51:39 Being good or not very good is like this. It takes thought, doesn't it? We have to think. Not a very good meditator is like this. Report an error in the passage at 51:39 Highlight the passage at 51:39

51:56 So listening, isn't it? And listening to ourselves, to our sense of ourself, but listening not in a critical way. So how do you do that? How do you just listen, open and be aware? Report an error in the passage at 51:56 Highlight the passage at 51:56

52:20 You know, so this is the pointing to this. This is awareness. It's non-critical. It Report an error in the passage at 52:20 Highlight the passage at 52:20

52:36 doesn't favor good meditators over bad meditators or those with experience and skill and those that are unskilled. Report an error in the passage at 52:36 Highlight the passage at 52:36

53:20 So then who is it or what is it that knows this? I've spent years, early years, just observing my thinking process. Report an error in the passage at 53:20 Highlight the passage at 53:20

53:39 Just the, I am. Report an error in the passage at 53:39 Highlight the passage at 53:39

53:50 Just the ability to think, I am. And listening to myself thinking it. I am Ajahn Sumedho. I am Sumedho. Report an error in the passage at 53:50 Highlight the passage at 53:50

54:09 Now, I'm not trying to say I'm not Sumedho either. But listening, that which is aware of myself thinking. Intentional thinking too. It's not... Not just, you know, kind of an idea to convince myself I'm not really any of these conventions. I Report an error in the passage at 54:09 Highlight the passage at 54:09

54:34 convince myself that I don't have a self, that I'm really anattā, or I'm the life force, or I'm the ultimate reality, or anything like that. The whole thinking process, it seems inadequate, doesn't it? I think I am the ultimate reality. Report an error in the passage at 54:34 Highlight the passage at 54:34

54:57 There's still another thought. And the very pronoun I am is so aligned with the sense of my separateness, of being this person, this body, this being here. Report an error in the passage at 54:57 Highlight the passage at 54:57

55:15 When I listen to myself thinking I am, then in inquiring into that, that which is aware of the thought is not a thought, is it? Report an error in the passage at 55:15 Highlight the passage at 55:15

55:33 If I'm deliberately thinking I am Sumedho, then that which Report an error in the passage at 55:33 Highlight the passage at 55:33

55:44 is aware of thinking isn't thinking. So you're noticing, affirming this natural state. Awareness is like this, Report an error in the passage at 55:44 Highlight the passage at 55:44

56:02 recognizing it. That which is aware and Report an error in the passage at 56:02 Highlight the passage at 56:02

56:15 the object then, I am Sumedho, is an object in consciousness. It's so obvious, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 56:15 Highlight the passage at 56:15

56:28 But then, just I am before Report an error in the passage at 56:28 Highlight the passage at 56:28

56:38 I define myself, isn't it? A tomato separates me. It defines me, makes me separate from everything. I am is more a statement of being, isn't it? It's before I become I am a man, I am a bhikkhu, I am a tomato. Report an error in the passage at 56:38 Highlight the passage at 56:38

57:04 It's a statement of being, I am. But when you're listening to yourself thinking this, that which is aware of that, Report an error in the passage at 57:04 Highlight the passage at 57:04

57:24 exploring that, you might think you understand it, because it is simple enough to understand. But to really develop it, really investigate it, yoni somana sikara, getting to the very root of it, you're questioning, you're really noticing. Report an error in the passage at 57:24 Highlight the passage at 57:24

57:48 Awareness is like this, I am tomato. You know, I'm deliberately thinking it. That is what they call an aramana, an object in consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 57:48 Highlight the passage at 57:48

58:08 If you stop thinking I am, what's left? Report an error in the passage at 58:08 Highlight the passage at 58:08

58:19 And so, like this is inquiring, you know, investigating, something Report an error in the passage at 58:19 Highlight the passage at 58:19

58:31 quite, you know, that... It might seem, you know, you think you understand it because it's quite simple, but the realities of it, the profundity of it, takes Report an error in the passage at 58:31 Highlight the passage at 58:31

58:53 a while to really trust it. Or I am a good meditator. I'm not a very good meditator. I'm just a beginner. Or I don't, I'm, you know, my mind wanders and full of doubts and still get angry. All these are thoughts again. Identity with habits, with feelings of the body, with the memories, the sense of your self-worth. Report an error in the passage at 58:53 Highlight the passage at 58:53

59:41 So then, in this way, what I've discovered is, when I talk about sound of silence, this is what I am aware of when there's no thought. Report an error in the passage at 59:41 Highlight the passage at 59:41

59:59 kind of resonating Resonating, Report an error in the passage at 59:59 Highlight the passage at 59:59

1:00:06 is it a sound? Is it, you know, one wants to define it or make it into something or it's not a matter of defining it or trying to figure it out. It's a simple, practical using it because when Report an error in the passage at 1:00:06 Highlight the passage at 1:00:06

1:00:31 there's non-attachment to thought, then this is what seems to be present. It's not a thought. Sound of silence is definitely a thought. The words sound, of, that's a preposition, and silence. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:31 Highlight the passage at 1:00:31

1:00:58 But Report an error in the passage at 1:00:58 Highlight the passage at 1:00:58

1:01:04 this, Report an error in the passage at 1:01:04 Highlight the passage at 1:01:04

1:01:09 then the I am Sumedho, I deliberately put this I am Sumedho into this silence. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:09 Highlight the passage at 1:01:09

1:01:24 Intentionally, I determined to... Silence? Sorry again. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:24 Highlight the passage at 1:01:24

1:01:27 To sing I am Sumedho, put it, but observing. So the perspective then, this perspective on the thinking process and the sense of oneself as a separate identity is Report an error in the passage at 1:01:27 Highlight the passage at 1:01:27

1:01:48 seen, recognized. It's only that, isn't it? There isn't any real essential Sumedho or I am at all. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:48 Highlight the passage at 1:01:48

1:02:03 So that's a convention, isn't it? Ajahn Sumedho is a convention. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:03 Highlight the passage at 1:02:03

1:02:11 That's what I use, I say. Who are you? I am Sumedho. That's fair enough, a conventional reality. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:11 Highlight the passage at 1:02:11

1:02:30 If you apply this and say, I am a Theravadan Buddhist or any identity, you know, that one has, it's not a denial or a judgment, but a recognition of this. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:30 Highlight the passage at 1:02:30

1:02:47 The arising ceasing of saṅkhāra, of sakhyaditti, of silabatabaramasa, these fetters, the first three fetters that prevent stream entry or seeing the path clearly. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:47 Highlight the passage at 1:02:47

1:03:07 And stream entry, you know, that's another hot issue, isn't it? Who is a stream enterer? And who's a sotāpanna? This Buddhist monk, Buddhist love to, To speculate about who is and who isn't. But when you, you know, this is not a matter of trying to prove that one is or isn't, but in developing a whole different, you know, this sense of awareness, of satipanya, rather than of sakhyatiti. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:07 Highlight the passage at 1:03:07

1:03:50 And in order to have that clarity, you need to put them into context so you see them. The advantages, you know, what I find benefits of this particular style of meditation, the Satipaṭṭhāna or the Theravāda form, is that it does, it's a very skillful investigation, gives you terminologies in that, in order to investigate the realities of human consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:50 Highlight the passage at 1:03:50

1:04:23 So there's like the Sotāpanna, Sakata, Kamiyana, Kamiyana, these stages, 10 fetters, the four noble truths, these are skillful means. They're not identities or attainments or things to measure yourself with on a personal level, but merely expedient means for developing awareness, insight into the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:23 Highlight the passage at 1:04:23

1:04:56 So in ultimate simplicity, it's nothing more than this. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:56 Highlight the passage at 1:04:56

1:05:04 Awareness is like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:04 Highlight the passage at 1:05:04

1:05:12 Now when I do this, it's a natural state. I'm not creating. I'm not trying to become aware. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:12 Highlight the passage at 1:05:12

1:05:27 Because in order for me to try to become aware, I have to believe that I'm somebody who's not aware and has to become somebody who is. But if there's this, the recognition, reality of awareness is like this, Report an error in the passage at 1:05:27 Highlight the passage at 1:05:27

1:05:46 that critical I need to be more aware. I'm not aware enough. Or I'm not such a good meditator. Or I'm a really, you know, I'm an expert. I'm a meditation master. Some people consider me a meditation master. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:46 Highlight the passage at 1:05:46

1:06:11 All this is conventional, you know, this is language. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:11 Highlight the passage at 1:06:11

1:06:19 And any attachment to these conventions out of ignorance is the experience of dukkha or suffering. Now this is to be tested, you know, this is to prove to yourself, to know for yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:19 Highlight the passage at 1:06:19

1:06:39 I can't know it for you. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:39 Highlight the passage at 1:06:39

1:06:54 Now if I go around thinking I'm a meditation master, I could become a real arrogant kind of person. And I've lost the plot. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:54 Highlight the passage at 1:06:54

1:07:06 The word master is a pretty powerful word. But also, I'm not a very good meditator. It all amounts to the same thing, doesn't it? Whether you put yourself on a pedestal saying, I'm an expert or I'm a hopeless meditator, it's still the same thing. You're creating yourself in some ways, either being the best or the worst. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:06 Highlight the passage at 1:07:06

1:07:36 But the awareness is that which is aware of that, of I'm not very good, I'm not a meditation master. Or I am a meditation master, or whatever. It's all, you know, it resolves itself into, it all dissolves into this silence of awareness. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:36 Highlight the passage at 1:07:36

1:08:07 Now this way you can, you begin to recognize there's no self. There's no, you know, the self is merely a kind of convention that arises and changes according to particular conditions. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:07 Highlight the passage at 1:08:07

1:08:28 So if I go, you know, enter, you know, go to the states, you know, immigration, and say, I'm a meditation master, doesn't mean anything to them. They think I'm probably a crazy, kind of maybe a terrorist or something. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:28 Highlight the passage at 1:08:28

1:08:58 Or if I should go to Wat Na Na Cha and say, I'm a meditation master, well, that Report an error in the passage at 1:08:58 Highlight the passage at 1:08:58

1:09:09 guy's really gone off the track. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:09 Highlight the passage at 1:09:09

1:09:14 Or say, I'm a Sotāpanna. I'm an Arahant. And then it would be interesting to see the reactions that one and Ajahn. It Report an error in the passage at 1:09:14 Highlight the passage at 1:09:14

1:09:29 would be safer to say, I'm not. I'm nothing, you know. I'm not a Sotāpanna or an Arahant. I'm just an ordinary, you know, I try my best and, you know, I'm a good monk. I try to, you know. This makes myself an agreeable kind of harmless member of the Saṅgha. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:29 Highlight the passage at 1:09:29

1:09:52 You know, I'm not arrogant or anything. Yeah, poor guys, how many, 40 years? Report an error in the passage at 1:09:52 Highlight the passage at 1:09:52

1:10:04 And then, you know, all he says is, oh, you know, I managed to be celibate for 40 years. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:04 Highlight the passage at 1:10:04

1:10:39 This is just pointing to this. This is not a worldly convention. You know, it's not for pronouncing oneself or claiming or becoming anything. Remember that. It's more this attitude of relaxed attention, attentiveness to life, listening, and breaking down the illusions that one holds, the prejudices, the biases, the fears, and all that, that one tends to be bound into, identified with, not because we choose to, but because we are conditioned. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:39 Highlight the passage at 1:10:39

1:11:23 You know, through our culture, through our experience of life, we become limited and bound into these habits and the forms, the bodies and the fears and desires that we experience. So then this awakeness is what's encouraged now, the emphasis in this retreat. Encouragement is not an imperative, but an encouragement. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:23 Highlight the passage at 1:11:23

1:11:55 And it's a matter of recognizing and trusting in this simple reality of being aware. It's like this. And in recognizing it, then it is, it's nothing tense. I don't have to kind of hold on and desperately cling to something. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:55 Highlight the passage at 1:11:55

1:12:22 It's an act of surrender. I'm just letting go, letting myself be this, this awareness, surrendering to it. Renunciation, it's nakama, because it's not renouncing anything, but just letting go of this striving, the worldly tendencies, emotional Report an error in the passage at 1:12:22 Highlight the passage at 1:12:22

1:12:52 tendencies that arise in my consciousness in the present. It's not like renouncing them as a willful rejection. It's more like this thing, letting go, surrendering, relaxing, opening, trusting. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:52 Highlight the passage at 1:12:52