Reflecting on Consciousness

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0:52 Working on consciousness, this is a kind of subject that seems to have become quite important these days because even though we're experiencing consciousness, we want Report an error in the passage at 0:52 Highlight the passage at 0:52

1:18 to kind of understand it or define it. So Report an error in the passage at 1:18 Highlight the passage at 1:18

1:27 you hear some people saying that they equate consciousness with thinking or memory. Report an error in the passage at 1:27 Highlight the passage at 1:27

1:35 I've heard scientists or psychologists say that animals don't have consciousness. It's ridiculous because they assume animals don't think and they don't remember. But Report an error in the passage at 1:35 Highlight the passage at 1:35

2:02 in terms of this moment right now, this is consciousness. We're just listening in this pure consciousness before you start thinking. Report an error in the passage at 2:02 Highlight the passage at 2:02

2:21 just, Make a note of this. Consciousness is like this. And what I do is I'm listening, I'm kind of just with this present moment, being present, being here now, and taking the word consciousness and noting, making a mental note, consciousness is like this. Report an error in the passage at 2:21 Highlight the passage at 2:21

2:53 So it's where thought arises and feeling and emotion. And if we're unconscious, we don't feel. And we don't think, but consciousness then is like the field that allows thought, memory, emotion, feeling to appear and disappear. So Report an error in the passage at 2:53 Highlight the passage at 2:53

3:31 consciousness isn't personal. To become personal, you have to make a claim to it, my consciousness or I am. Conscious person, and that's kind of making a claim, but there's just the awareness, this entrance into this noting the present, and at this moment consciousness is like this. Report an error in the passage at 3:31 Highlight the passage at 3:31

4:07 Then I again just notice this sound of silence, and just sustaining, being able to rest in just the natural state of consciousness that is non-personal. Report an error in the passage at 4:07 Highlight the passage at 4:07

4:24 Not attached. Report an error in the passage at 4:24 Highlight the passage at 4:24

4:52 Now, noting this is like informing or educating oneself the way it is. And because, you know, we're born, when we're born, and consciousness within this separate form starts operating like a newborn baby is conscious. But yet it has... It doesn't have a concept of itself as being English or male or female or anything like that. Report an error in the passage at 4:52 Highlight the passage at 4:52

5:33 Those are conditions that one acquires after birth. So Report an error in the passage at 5:33 Highlight the passage at 5:33

5:42 consciousness in this realm is a conscious realm. So Report an error in the passage at 5:42 Highlight the passage at 5:42

5:51 then we think of the universal consciousness. Consciousness as it's used in the five khandhas, vijnana. Report an error in the passage at 5:51 Highlight the passage at 5:51

6:03 Vedanā, Sannyasankara Vijnana and then consciousness is like sense consciousness Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:17 then there's also this unattached. or the or Report an error in the passage at 6:17 Highlight the passage at 6:17

6:36 Two places in the Tripitaka, they refer to a mouthful of words that point to this state of consciousness, this natural conscious, this reality. So Report an error in the passage at 6:36 Highlight the passage at 6:36

7:14 I find it very useful to really note this. Make this a very strong noting. Consciousness is like this. So that if I start thinking about it, then I want to define it. Is there an immortal consciousness? Or we want to make it into some kind of metaphysical doctrine? Or we want to deny it, saying that consciousness is anicca dukanata. Report an error in the passage at 7:14 Highlight the passage at 7:14

7:52 It says so. Report an error in the passage at 7:52 Highlight the passage at 7:52

8:14 thing that hold to as a kind of metaphysical positioning. Report an error in the passage at 8:14 Highlight the passage at 8:14

8:23 We're not interested in proclaiming the metaphysical doctrines or in just limiting ourselves to maybe an interpretation that we've acquired through this tradition, but trying to explore it in terms of experience. Report an error in the passage at 8:23 Highlight the passage at 8:23

8:46 This is where Lungphacha's Ben Bajetang is. This is something you... Realize for yourself. So what I'm saying now is an exploration. I'm not trying to convince you or convert you to my, quote, my viewpoint, unquote. Report an error in the passage at 8:46 Highlight the passage at 8:46

9:19 So when you kind of say consciousness is like this, it is. Right now the consciousness is definitely conscious. There's Report an error in the passage at 9:19 Highlight the passage at 9:19

9:33 alertness, awareness, and Report an error in the passage at 9:33 Highlight the passage at 9:33

9:44 then... Conditions arise and cease. If you just sustain yourself, sustain and rest in consciousness, you know, unattached, not trying to do anything or find anything or become anything, but just relax and trust, then things arise. Suddenly you'll be aware of a feeling, a physical feeling or a memory or an emotion or something will... Report an error in the passage at 9:44 Highlight the passage at 9:44

10:19 Arise, and so that memory becomes conscious, or that sensation, and Report an error in the passage at 10:19 Highlight the passage at 10:19

10:35 then it ceases. So the consciousness is like a vehicle, a natural way things are. Report an error in the passage at 10:35 Highlight the passage at 10:35

10:47 Is consciousness something to do with the brain? Because we tend to think of it as maybe some kind of mental state. That depends on the brain. So Report an error in the passage at 10:47 Highlight the passage at 10:47

11:09 we tend to think of consciousness as in the brain. That's generally the attitude of the Western scientists. But more and more as you explore it with sati sampacanya, satipanya, then you see the brain and all the nervous systems, the whole psychophysical formation here arises in this consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 11:09 Highlight the passage at 11:09

11:40 It's imbued with this consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 11:40 Highlight the passage at 11:40

11:49 That's why we can be aware of the body, just reflecting on the posture, just the four postures, sitting, standing, walking, lying down, being aware of sitting as experienced now. Report an error in the passage at 11:49 Highlight the passage at 11:49

12:05 You're not limited to something in the brain, is it? But the body is in the consciousness. Be aware. of the whole body of the experience of sitting and Report an error in the passage at 12:05 Highlight the passage at 12:05

12:28 then that consciousness isn't personal so it's not like in my head and then consciousness is in your head and each head here in the sala in the temple has consciousness operating in it so there's you know we have our own special conscious experience going on or is it is this consciousness The thing that unites us is our oneness. I'm just questioning. There are different ways of looking at it. Report an error in the passage at 12:28 Highlight the passage at 12:28

13:04 When we let go of the differences, you know, the I am Ajahn Sumedho and you are this person, that person, when we let go of those identities and attachments, then consciousness is still functioning and it's pure. It has no quality of being. Ajahn has no condition to it, like it's not male or female. Report an error in the passage at 13:04 Highlight the passage at 13:04

14:00 is common ground, this consciousness, then we begin to recognize this is kind of universal. Here in this temple. So maybe our mettā practices, when we spread mettā to a billion Chinese over in China, maybe Report an error in the passage at 14:00 Highlight the passage at 14:00

14:29 it's not just kind of sentimentality and nice thoughts. Maybe there is power there. Report an error in the passage at 14:29 Highlight the passage at 14:29

14:47 No, I don't know myself. I'm questioning. Report an error in the passage at 14:47 Highlight the passage at 14:47

14:55 I'm not going to limit myself to... To a particular viewpoint that I've been conditioned by from my cultural background, because most of that isn't very, you know, it's pretty flawed anyway. I don't find my cultural conditioning all that dependable. Report an error in the passage at 14:55 Highlight the passage at 14:55

15:33 Yesterday morning having breakfast with Kittisara and Tanisara, and they brought over some croissants, and then they brought me a tray of gifts, and it was some... Report an error in the passage at 15:33 Highlight the passage at 15:33

15:51 Chocolates from Marks and Spencer. So we were, you know, I took a croissant and then I gave the plate to them and then we were talking and having Report an error in the passage at 15:51 Highlight the passage at 15:51

16:06 a good dharma discussion and then suddenly I became aware, you know, just the thought of I'd like another croissant passed through my mind and immediately Tanitha gave me the plate. Report an error in the passage at 16:06 Highlight the passage at 16:06

16:27 So I was almost embarrassed. I thought, you know, God, she must think, you know, I must have been kind of, was I giving some kind of hint, you know? Was I kind of looking at the plate and then Report an error in the passage at 16:27 Highlight the passage at 16:27

16:43 time went by and then I thought I'd like another one of those chocolates and she hands me the chocolate. Report an error in the passage at 16:43 Highlight the passage at 16:43

16:55 So I asked her about it. I said, are you reading my mind? What's going on here? As soon as I think something, you seem to, I don't even have to make a hint or, you know. Ask. She did it. She just did it. She didn't have any, she wasn't like, you know, she wasn't seeing herself tuning in to me on a personal level. Report an error in the passage at 16:55 Highlight the passage at 16:55

17:22 But when you begin to reflect on, as we break out of these limitations that we have on a personal level, then there is a sensitivity and a kind of... The way of communicating that we don't always recognize or realize when we see ourselves through the very limited perceptions of personality view. And Report an error in the passage at 17:22 Highlight the passage at 17:22

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18:43 then like the Vedanā, like Rūpa, Vedanā, Sanya, Sankara, these are like the body and mental formations like Sankara, Sanya and Vedanā. Report an error in the passage at 18:43 Highlight the passage at 18:43

19:03 They're arising, ceasing. So Report an error in the passage at 19:03 Highlight the passage at 19:03

19:13 when we're mindful, then this mindfulness, it's like the gate to this deathless vijnana. Report an error in the passage at 19:13 Highlight the passage at 19:13

19:29 Or Lungta Bua's immortal jitta. This is, in Sri Lanka they don't like this. They won't publish his books because they feel it's a heresy. I'm talking about immortal jitta. But in terms of... If you want to quarrel about orthodoxy, sometimes Theravāda comes across as annihilationism. You get into this no soul, no God, no self kind of fixation, which is an attachment to a view. Report an error in the passage at 19:29 Highlight the passage at 19:29

20:08 Or is the Buddhist teaching there to be investigated and explored? We're not trying to confirm. Somebody's view about the Pāli heat, Pāli canon, but using the Pāli canon to explore our own experience. It's a different way of looking at it. Report an error in the passage at 20:08 Highlight the passage at 20:08

20:34 At this moment, Report an error in the passage at 20:34 Highlight the passage at 20:34

20:39 if you investigate this a lot, you begin to really see the difference between pure consciousness and when self arises. Report an error in the passage at 20:39 Highlight the passage at 20:39

20:55 It's very clear. It's not like fuzzy, kind of hazy. Is there self now or not? You know, that kind of thing. It's a real clear knowing. Report an error in the passage at 20:55 Highlight the passage at 20:55

21:17 So then the self arises. Suddenly I start thinking about myself and my feelings and my memories, my past, my fears and desires. And the whole world arises around the world of Ajahn Sumedho that kind of takes off into orbit, you know. Report an error in the passage at 21:17 Highlight the passage at 21:17

21:45 My feelings, my views, my opinions. But Report an error in the passage at 21:45 Highlight the passage at 21:45

21:55 then I can get caught into that world, that view of me, the Ajahn Sumedho world that arises in the consciousness. But if I know that, then I no longer give it, it's no longer my refuge being a person, not taking refuge in my personality. Report an error in the passage at 21:55 Highlight the passage at 21:55

22:20 Or my views or opinions. Report an error in the passage at 22:20 Highlight the passage at 22:20

22:28 So then I can... So Ajahn Sumedho, the world of Ajahn Sumedho ends. And what remains when the world ends is consciousness still operating. Report an error in the passage at 22:28 Highlight the passage at 22:28

22:42 Doesn't mean that Ajahn Sumedho dies and the world ends. I'm unconscious. Report an error in the passage at 22:42 Highlight the passage at 22:42

22:54 I remember, you know, talking about the end of the world and I remember... Somebody getting very frightened by this. The Buddhists are just practicing meditation to see the end of the world. They really want to destroy the world. Report an error in the passage at 22:54 Highlight the passage at 22:54

23:14 They hate the world. They want to see it end. So there's kind of a panic reaction because to us the world is seen in kind of a physical place. Report an error in the passage at 23:14 Highlight the passage at 23:14

23:31 It's not a planet. It's the world of... and North Pole and South Pole But in Buddhadharma, the world is the world we create in consciousness. That's why, you know, we can be living in different worlds. You know, the world of Ajahn Sumedho is not going to be the same world as the world you create. But that world arises and ceases, and that which is aware of... Report an error in the passage at 23:31 Highlight the passage at 23:31

24:12 world arising and ceasing the world. Report an error in the passage at 24:12 Highlight the passage at 24:12

24:22 Kutara rather than Lokia Report an error in the passage at 24:22 Highlight the passage at 24:22

· · · silence, 2 minutes

26:01 born, then, in, say, physical birth, we're consciousness within this form. a separate form, so this point of consciousness starts operating. And then, of course, we acquire the sense of ourselves Report an error in the passage at 26:01 Highlight the passage at 26:01

26:27 background. we, you know, we acquire different values or sense of ourself as a person. Report an error in the passage at 26:27 Highlight the passage at 26:27

26:37 that's based on not dhamma, but on views and opinions or preferences that cultures have. Report an error in the passage at 26:37 Highlight the passage at 26:37

26:50 that's why there can be endless problems around different cultural attitudes. Report an error in the passage at 26:50 Highlight the passage at 26:50

27:02 We're living in a multicultural community like this, isn't it? It's easy to misunderstand each other because we're conditioned differently in ways of looking at ourselves or at the world around us. Report an error in the passage at 27:02 Highlight the passage at 27:02

27:21 And so remember that cultural conditioning comes out of abhija or ignorance of dhamma. Report an error in the passage at 27:21 Highlight the passage at 27:21

27:30 So then what we're doing now, say, is informing consciousness with panya, which is a... Universal wisdom rather than some kind of cultural philosophy. Like Buddha Dhamma, when you look at it, it's not a cultural teaching. It's not about Indian culture or civilization. It's about the natural laws that we live with, the arising and ceasing of phenomena. Report an error in the passage at 27:30 Highlight the passage at 27:30

28:07 Not Report an error in the passage at 28:07 Highlight the passage at 28:07

28:11 the way things are, isn't it? The Dhamma teachings are just pointing to The way things are that isn't bound into cultural limitation. So when you're talking about a Nietzsche dukanata, or that's not Indian philosophy or culture, these are things to be realized, you know, that you're not operating from some kind of basic belief system that is cultural. Report an error in the passage at 28:11 Highlight the passage at 28:11

28:46 The Buddhist... Emphasis is on waking up, you know, paying attention rather than grasping some kind of doctrinal position that you start with. Report an error in the passage at 28:46 Highlight the passage at 28:46

28:59 So this is where Buddha Dhamma then has, why many of us can relate to it, because we're not trying to become kind of Indians or Report an error in the passage at 28:59 Highlight the passage at 28:59

29:17 convert to some kind of religious doctrine. Report an error in the passage at 29:17 Highlight the passage at 29:17

29:26 They came out of India, but the Buddha awakened to the way it is, to the natural law. Report an error in the passage at 29:26 Highlight the passage at 29:26

29:44 So when we're exploring consciousness and in the teachings like five khandhas, our skillful means, our expedient means, in order to explore and examine our experience, they aren't like, you've got to believe in the five khandhas. Report an error in the passage at 29:44 Highlight the passage at 29:44

30:05 Believe that there's no self, and you can't believe in God anymore. To be a Buddhist, you've got to believe there's no God. There are Buddhists that do have this kind of mentality, you know, want to make doctrinal positions about being Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 30:05 Highlight the passage at 30:05

30:36 But to me, the teaching isn't based on a doctrine, but on... This encouraging to awaken. Report an error in the passage at 30:36 Highlight the passage at 30:36

30:52 So you're starting from here and now, awakened attention, rather than trying to prove that Buddha actually lived. Now we can become interested, maybe somebody will say, maybe Buddha never really, there was never really a Buddha, maybe it was just a myth. Report an error in the passage at 30:52 Highlight the passage at 30:52

31:22 But it doesn't matter, because we don't need to prove that Gautama Buddha actually lived. It's not the issue. We're not trying to prove historical facts, but to recognize that what we're actually experiencing now is like this. Report an error in the passage at 31:22 Highlight the passage at 31:22

32:04 So then, when we allow ourselves to just rest in the conscious, Awareness is like, this is a natural state, it's not a created one. Report an error in the passage at 32:04 Highlight the passage at 32:04

32:20 It's not like a refined conditioning that we're after, where you, you know, through moving from, say, coarser conditions to increasingly more refined ones, then you experience a kind of bliss and tranquility that comes through refining conscious experience. Report an error in the passage at 32:20 Highlight the passage at 32:20

32:47 But that's very dependent because the world, this conscious realm that we're a part of, includes the coarse and the refined. This is not a refined realm that we're experiencing in terms of human bodies, human beings, planetary life. This is not a Devaloka or a Brahmaloka, which is more refined. find more. This is This is a coarse realm, but we have, we run the gamut from coarse to that which is coarse to that which is refined. Report an error in the passage at 32:47 Highlight the passage at 32:47

33:28 So we can experience brahma states or deva-loka type mental experiences, but to take refuge in them, we've got to deal with the realities of A physical body, which is, you know, which is quite a coarse condition. In deva realms, they don't have physical bodies. They're ethereal ones. Report an error in the passage at 33:28 Highlight the passage at 33:28

34:08 We'd all like ethereal bodies, wouldn't we? You know, made out of ether, rather than all these slimy things that go on inside our bodies and the bones and pus and blood. Always kind of yucky. We have to live with having to defecate every day, things like this. Report an error in the passage at 34:08 Highlight the passage at 34:08

34:39 Davidas don't have to do things like that. Report an error in the passage at 34:39 Highlight the passage at 34:39

34:50 Sometimes we'd like to create this illusion we're Davidas. We don't like to do these functions. We like privacy. We don't want people to notice because of the coarseness of the physical. physical conditions that we're living with. But consciousness includes the course, you know, from gradations from the most coarse to the most refined. Report an error in the passage at 34:50 Highlight the passage at 34:50

35:26 So then our refuge then is in this awareness rather than in trying to hold to refine, just to try to sustain refined consciousness. ...experiences through consciousness as our refuge, because you can't do it. You can maybe sustain, learn through developing a skillful use of your mind. You can increase your experience of refinement, but Report an error in the passage at 35:26 Highlight the passage at 35:26

36:14 inevitably you have to allow the course to manifest to be a part of our conscious experience. Report an error in the passage at 36:14 Highlight the passage at 36:14

36:27 So by resting in this awareness, conscious awareness, then it's Report an error in the passage at 36:27 Highlight the passage at 36:27

36:40 a natural state. It's your true nature then. It's what's normal. It's Report an error in the passage at 36:40 Highlight the passage at 36:40

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37:29 often referred to as like coming home or our real home. It's where, you know, it's a place to rest. It's like a home. The idea of a home is a place where you belong, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 37:29 Highlight the passage at 37:29

37:49 You're no longer a foreigner or an alien. Report an error in the passage at 37:49 Highlight the passage at 37:49

37:57 So as you begin to recognize, it's like you feel a sense of relief, of just being home at last, of not being this strange stranger, this wanderer out in the wilderness. Then Report an error in the passage at 37:57 Highlight the passage at 37:57

38:46 the world of Ajahn Sumedho can arise, and then it's like you're not home anymore because Ajahn Sumedho is an alien. He never Report an error in the passage at 38:46 Highlight the passage at 38:46

39:03 feels quite at home anywhere. Self-consciousness. Am I American now, or am I British, or am I Thai? Where do I feel at home as Ajahn Sumedho? I don't even know what nationality I have anymore. Report an error in the passage at 39:03 Highlight the passage at 39:03

39:27 Or where I feel most at home. I don't feel more at home in England now than in America. I've lived here so long. In Thailand I feel at home because it's the paradise for Buddhist monks and they treat you so well. Report an error in the passage at 39:27 Highlight the passage at 39:27

39:48 But that's not me, but even that can be, you know, still I have to get visas and you're always pot-frung and there's always this kind of separate going on. And here in England, no matter how many years I'm here, I'm still, to most people, an American. Report an error in the passage at 39:48 Highlight the passage at 39:48

40:10 When I go back to America, I don't know what I am. You don't look like an American anymore. Report an error in the passage at 40:10 Highlight the passage at 40:10

40:24 You've got kind of a funny accent. We don't know where you're from. Report an error in the passage at 40:24 Highlight the passage at 40:24

40:37 But that's the world that is created, isn't it? When it drops away, what's left is reflecting our real home. Another Report an error in the passage at 40:37 Highlight the passage at 40:37

· · · silence, 3 minutes

43:40 thing to notice is... Like compulsive feelings, like this sense of having to do something, or this, I call it, compulsive habit of having to do, having to get something you don't have, or attain something, or get rid of, you know, you've got to get rid of your defilements. Report an error in the passage at 43:40 Highlight the passage at 43:40

44:16 When you're trusting in our real home, Then you can have perspective on this kind of conditioning of the emotions. We're very kind of competitive, goal-oriented societies that we come from. We're very programmed, very much programmed to always feel that there's something we've got to do. We've got to get something. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

44:45 We're lacking something. And we've got to find out what it is. We've got to get it. Or we've got to get rid of. Report an error in the passage at 44:45 Highlight the passage at 44:45

44:59 weaknesses and faults, bad habits. Report an error in the passage at 44:59 Highlight the passage at 44:59

45:09 notice, this is not, this is just an attitude that arises and ceases, the world, it's the world, the competitive world, Report an error in the passage at 45:09 Highlight the passage at 45:09

45:23 of a self, you know, on a self level, personal there's always, know, we can always ourselves in terms of You know, what's wrong with us as a person? As a person, there's something, you know, there's so many flaws and inadequacies on a personal level. Report an error in the passage at 45:23 Highlight the passage at 45:23

45:48 There's no perfect personality that I've ever noticed. Personality is very, you know, it's all over the place. Some of it's kind of all right and, you know, adequate. Some of it's really wacky. Report an error in the passage at 45:48 Highlight the passage at 45:48

46:12 But there's no kind of personality that is to take refuge in. You're never going to make yourself into a perfect personality. And so when you're judging yourself on a personal level, then there seems to be so many problems, Report an error in the passage at 46:12 Highlight the passage at 46:12

46:33 inadequacies and flaws Report an error in the passage at 46:33 Highlight the passage at 46:33

46:40 and weaknesses. Because you're comparing yourself maybe to some sense of an ideal person. A noble, unselfish, superlative type personality. So Report an error in the passage at 46:40 Highlight the passage at 46:40

47:03 being aware of personality, that which is aware is not personal. So you can be aware of the personal as a mental object. Report an error in the passage at 47:03 Highlight the passage at 47:03

47:19 And so these personality conditions arise and cease, so you find yourself suddenly feeling very insecure. Or acting very childish, because the conditions for that personality have arisen. Like going home to your parents. Report an error in the passage at 47:19 Highlight the passage at 47:19

47:44 I remember when my parents were alive, at age 55, I went home to stay with them for about three weeks, because they were very ill, very sick. Report an error in the passage at 47:44 Highlight the passage at 47:44

48:00 And living three weeks. don't know what I'm saying. Report an error in the passage at 48:00 Highlight the passage at 48:00

48:02 My parents, Abbot of Amaravati, 55-year-old Ajahn Sumedho, and then going home and living in the same little house with my mother and father, brought up all kinds of childish emotions, you know, because the conditions were there for that. Report an error in the passage at 48:02 Highlight the passage at 48:02

48:32 Mothers and fathers bring up, you know, because you're born into... through them and then your child your memories your connections are from infancy onwards a lot of the conditions that arise in families are just it's just the conditions for feeling like a child again even when you're 55 year old buddhist monk a bit of a monster and you can see My mother and father would easily go back into seeing me as their child. Report an error in the passage at 48:32 Highlight the passage at 48:32

49:13 Rationally, they could say, yes, he's a, you know, middle-aged man. Then I was middle-aged. And rationally, they'd say, yes, but, you know, they still felt I, you know, act sometimes like I was their child. Then you feel this rebelliousness, kind of adolescent, kind of... Is that about Report an error in the passage at 49:13 Highlight the passage at 49:13

49:43 being treated like a child? So Report an error in the passage at 49:43 Highlight the passage at 49:43

49:50 don't be surprised at some of the emotional states that arise throughout your life. Even as you get old, when the karma ripens, then these conditions appear in consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 49:50 Highlight the passage at 49:50

50:13 So don't despair. despair if you, you know, if you... Find yourself at 50 years old feeling very childish or adolescent or whatever, but be aware of that for what it is. It is what it is. The conditions for that particular emotion are present, so then it becomes conscious. Report an error in the passage at 50:13 Highlight the passage at 50:13

50:39 So your refuge is in this awareness rather than trying to make yourself into an ideal, mature man or woman. You know, responsible, mature, capable, and successful. Normal. And all the rest. These are the ideals. And when you're 55 years old, here I'm seen in terms of, I'm not looked at as a child. Report an error in the passage at 50:39 Highlight the passage at 50:39

51:21 I'm the oldest person here. Not quite. Report an error in the passage at 51:21 Highlight the passage at 51:21

51:33 You see me in terms of maybe a father figure, because Report an error in the passage at 51:33 Highlight the passage at 51:33

51:41 an old man like me brings out the sense of authority. I'm an authority figure, a patriarch, a father figure, a male figure, a grandfatherly figure to some of you, to be your grandfather. Report an error in the passage at 51:41 Highlight the passage at 51:41

52:08 It's interesting just to see how... know the These things, when the conditions are there, you know, it may be, you know, rationally saying, well, he's not my father. But then emotionally, you might feel like that, that, you know, you're acting to me like a father, because it's an emotional habit. And when the conditions for kind of male authority figures are present, then this is what you're feeling. It's like this. Report an error in the passage at 52:08 Highlight the passage at 52:08

52:48 You know, so there's nothing wrong about it. It's just noticing the way it is and trusting your refuges in the awareness, not in some idea that you shouldn't project fatherly images onto me or you shouldn't feel this disempowered by a male authority figure and things like this and judging it on that level. Report an error in the passage at 52:48 Highlight the passage at 52:48

53:19 But trust in whatever you feel. If you feel disempowered by me, then that's the way, just recognize that's the condition that has arisen, rather Report an error in the passage at 53:19 Highlight the passage at 53:19

53:39 than make it into either blaming me or blaming yourself. Because then you're back into the world you created, your personal world, and believing in that as your reality. Report an error in the passage at 53:39 Highlight the passage at 53:39

54:09 I noticed, you know, how strong, you know, I used to get really angry when women would get bossy. Report an error in the passage at 54:09 Highlight the passage at 54:09

54:21 So when any woman would show any kind of bossiness, I just feel this rage. And Report an error in the passage at 54:21 Highlight the passage at 54:21

54:34 I wondered, you know, why I'd get so upset when women, you know, even a tone of voice or a kind of bossy attitude, why I could get so... I was enraged over that. And I can see it was a, you know, kind of like at the point of my, when I was a boy, trying to get away from my mother. Report an error in the passage at 54:34 Highlight the passage at 54:34

55:03 Mother knows best. Mother knows what's good for her little boy. So Report an error in the passage at 55:03 Highlight the passage at 55:03

55:23 I never resolved that. Report an error in the passage at 55:23 Highlight the passage at 55:23

55:31 So it was, you know, once I could see it, I could let it go. But it was, you know, Quite surprising now, the rage one could feel, like a little boy trying to break out of that relationship with his mother, you know, that kind of fighting against mother. Report an error in the passage at 55:31 Highlight the passage at 55:31

55:59 So when the conditions arise, you know, if that's never been fully resolved yet, then one feels these kind of conditions for that. That's what I encourage Report an error in the passage at 55:59 Highlight the passage at 55:59

· · · silence, 1 minute

57:23 during this retreat, not to Report an error in the passage at 57:23 Highlight the passage at 57:23

57:33 resist. What arises in your consciousness. Not trying to control and manipulate our mental states all the time. Allow, allow whatever, you know, welcome whatever does arise during this retreat. Whether it's boredom or aversion or greed or lust or doubt, Report an error in the passage at 57:33 Highlight the passage at 57:33

58:12 resentment. Fear, whatever, this is a sense of welcoming, allowing that which is arisen, the world that has arisen, to allow it to be what it is. Report an error in the passage at 58:12 Highlight the passage at 58:12

58:28 And then all worlds cease, you know, their nature is to cease, so that you're allowing them to be what they are. If they arise, they cease. So that kind of patience and acceptance, if the world is a miserable, miserable, world, it still it to be what it is, you Don't try to make it cease. Be patient. Allow it to be what it is. Report an error in the passage at 58:28 Highlight the passage at 58:28

59:02 A willingness to allow misery to be miserable. And Report an error in the passage at 59:02 Highlight the passage at 59:02

59:11 in that attitude, then you can see the end of misery. Report an error in the passage at 59:11 Highlight the passage at 59:11

59:22 Misery is not ultimate reality. Sometimes Report an error in the passage at 59:22 Highlight the passage at 59:22

59:30 it seems like it. There's no way out of it. But that's just another feeling, isn't it? When you think, oh, there's no way out. I'll be miserable forever. That's another condition you're creating within Report an error in the passage at 59:30 Highlight the passage at 59:30

59:54 a separate form. So this point of consciousness starts operating. And then, of course, we acquire the sense of ourselves through our mothers and fathers. Report an error in the passage at 59:54 Highlight the passage at 59:54

1:00:10 cultural background so we you know we acquire different values or sense of ourself as a person and that's based on abhija not dhamma but on views and opinions or preferences that cultures have so Report an error in the passage at 1:00:10 Highlight the passage at 1:00:10

1:00:34 that's why there can be endless problems around different cultural attitudes you know we can living in a multicultural multicultural community like this, isn't it? easy to misunderstand each other because Report an error in the passage at 1:00:34 Highlight the passage at 1:00:34

1:01:06 so remember that cultural conditioning comes out... Report an error in the passage at 1:01:06 Highlight the passage at 1:01:06

1:01:26 Some kind of cultural philosophy, like Buddha Dhamma, when you look at it, it's not a cultural teaching, not about Indian culture or civilization. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:26 Highlight the passage at 1:01:26

1:01:43 It's about the natural laws that we live with, the arising and ceasing of phenomena, not Report an error in the passage at 1:01:43 Highlight the passage at 1:01:43

1:01:55 the way things are, isn't it? The Dhamma teachings are just pointing to the... Way things are that isn't bound into cultural limitation. So we're talking about a nicca dukkha natta, or that's not Indian philosophy or culture. These are things to be realized, you know, that you're not operating from some kind of basic belief system that is cultural. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:55 Highlight the passage at 1:01:55

1:02:30 The Buddhist emphasis is on waking up. You know, paying attention rather than grasping some kind of doctrinal position that you start with. So this is where Buddhadharma then has, why many of us can relate to it, because we're not trying to become kind of Indians or Report an error in the passage at 1:02:30 Highlight the passage at 1:02:30

1:03:01 convert to some kind of religious doctrine that came out of India. The Buddha awakened to the way it is, to the natural law. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:01 Highlight the passage at 1:03:01

1:03:27 So when we're exploring consciousness and in these teachings like five khandhas, our skillful means, our expedient means, in order to explore and examine our experience, they aren't like, you've got to believe in the five khandhas and believe that there's no self. And you can't believe in God anymore. To be a Buddhist, you've got to believe there's no God. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:27 Highlight the passage at 1:03:27

1:04:00 I mean, there are Buddhists that do have this kind of mentality, you know, want to make doctrinal positions about being Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:00 Highlight the passage at 1:04:00

1:04:20 But to me, the teaching isn't based on a doctrine, but on this encouraging. To awaken. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:20 Highlight the passage at 1:04:20

1:04:36 So you're starting from here and now, awakened attention, rather than trying to prove that Buddha actually lived. We can become interested, maybe somebody will say, maybe Buddha never really, there was never really a Buddha, maybe it was just a myth. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:36 Highlight the passage at 1:04:36

1:05:06 But it doesn't matter, because we don't need to prove that. Go to my Buddha actually lived. It's not the issue. We're not trying to prove historical facts, but to recognize that what we're actually experiencing now is like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:06 Highlight the passage at 1:05:06

1:05:48 So then, when we allow ourselves to just rest in conscious awareness, it's like this is a natural state. It's not a created one. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:48 Highlight the passage at 1:05:48

1:06:05 It's not like a refined conditioning that we're after, where you, you know, through moving from, say, coarser conditions to increasingly more refined ones, then you experience a kind of bliss and tranquility that comes through refining conscious experience. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:05 Highlight the passage at 1:06:05

1:06:31 But that's very dependent, because the world, this conscious realm that we're a part of, includes. The course and the refined. This is not a refined realm that we're experiencing in terms of human bodies, human beings, planetary life. This is not a deva loka or a brahma loka, which is more refined. This is a coarse realm. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:31 Highlight the passage at 1:06:31

1:07:05 We have, we run the gamut from coarse to refined. That which is coarse to that which is refined. So we can experience brahma states or deva-loka type mental experiences. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:05 Highlight the passage at 1:07:05

1:07:26 But to take refuge in them, we've got to deal with the realities of a physical body, which is quite a coarse condition. In deva realms, they don't have physical bodies. They have ethereal ones. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:26 Highlight the passage at 1:07:26

1:07:52 We'd all like ethereal bodies, wouldn't we? You know, made out of ether, rather than all these slimy things that go on inside our bodies, and the bones and pus and blood, all these kind of yucky conditions we have to live with, having to defecate every day, things like this. It's that devadas don't have to do things like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:52 Highlight the passage at 1:07:52

1:08:34 Sometimes we'd like to, you know, we'd like to create this illusion where devadas, you know, because we don't like to do these functions or we like privacy and don't want people to notice because of the coarseness of this, of the physical conditions that we're living with. But consciousness includes the coarse. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:34 Highlight the passage at 1:08:34

1:09:02 You know, gradations from the most coarse to the most refined. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:02 Highlight the passage at 1:09:02

1:09:12 So then our refuge then is in this awareness rather than in trying to hold to refine, just to try to sustain refined experiences through consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:12 Highlight the passage at 1:09:12

1:09:35 As our refuge, because you can't do it. You can maybe sustain, learn through developing a skillful use of your mind. You can increase your experience of refinement, but Report an error in the passage at 1:09:35 Highlight the passage at 1:09:35

1:09:58 inevitably you have to allow the course to manifest to be a part of our conscious experience. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:58 Highlight the passage at 1:09:58

1:10:13 By resting in this awareness, conscious awareness, then it's Report an error in the passage at 1:10:13 Highlight the passage at 1:10:13

1:10:24 a natural state. It's your true nature then. It's what's normal. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:24 Highlight the passage at 1:10:24

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:11:13 It's often referred to as like coming home or our real home. It's where, you know, it's a place to rest. It's like a home. The idea of a home is a place where you belong, isn't it? You're no longer a foreigner. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:13 Highlight the passage at 1:11:13

1:11:42 So, as you begin to recognize, it's like you feel a sense of relief, of just being home at last, of not being this strange stranger, this wanderer out in the wilderness. Then Report an error in the passage at 1:11:42 Highlight the passage at 1:11:42

1:12:30 the world of Ajahn Sumedho can arise, and then it's like you're not home anymore, because Ajahn Sumedho is an alien, a stranger. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:30 Highlight the passage at 1:12:30

1:12:47 He never feels quite at home anywhere. Self-consciousness. Am I American now, or am I British, or am I Thai? Where do I feel at home as Ajahn Sumedho? I don't even know what nationality I am anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:47 Highlight the passage at 1:12:47

1:13:11 Or where I feel most at home. I don't feel more at home in England now than in America, because I've lived here so long. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:11 Highlight the passage at 1:13:11

1:13:21 In Thailand I feel at home because it's the paradise for Buddhist monks and they treat you so well. But that's not me, but even that can be, you know, still I have to get visas and you're always pot-frung and there's always this kind of separation going on. And here in England, no matter how many years I'm here, I'm still, to most people, an American. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:21 Highlight the passage at 1:13:21

1:13:54 When I go back to America, I don't know what I am. You don't look like an American anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:54 Highlight the passage at 1:13:54

1:14:09 You develop kind of a funny accent. We don't know where you're from. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:09 Highlight the passage at 1:14:09

1:14:21 But that's the world that's created, isn't it? When it drops away, what's left is reflecting our real home. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:21 Highlight the passage at 1:14:21