Listening to the Guilt: Morning Talk Reflection

0:02 So, refuge in the Buddha, the Bhutto, being the knowing, being the knowing of the way it is, knowing the Dhamma. Report an error in the passage at 0:02 Highlight the passage at 0:02

0:20 So, sitting in the place of enlightenment. So in the Buddhist symbolism, of course, the Bodhi tree, the Buddha, or the ascetic Gautama sitting under the Bodhi tree. Report an error in the passage at 0:20 Highlight the passage at 0:20

0:37 Now that's a symbol of Report an error in the passage at 0:37 Highlight the passage at 0:37

0:43 What we're doing now, sitting under the Bodhi tree, orb awakening. Report an error in the passage at 0:43 Highlight the passage at 0:43

0:52 Not trying to do anything, the ascetic gotama tried to do all kinds of things. After he became an ascetic, he spent six years of doing all kinds of activities, of denial, of resistance to sensory pleasure, comfort, in the sense of... Ajahn having to purify, refine, get rid of, fight off forces of evil and temptation. Report an error in the passage at 0:52 Highlight the passage at 0:52

2:01 ascetic just He could be the best, you know, according to the scriptures, the best of the ascetics still. Even tanning the heights, the best results of ascetic practices, it was still not liberating. Report an error in the passage at 2:01 Highlight the passage at 2:01

2:24 So notice this, the early part of his life before being ascetic, it was like the privileged life, the comfort, social privilege. Report an error in the passage at 2:24 Highlight the passage at 2:24

2:37 All the best that a society could offer. And then the other extreme of, what do we say, the first extreme is sensory indulgence, gama sukhalikanu yoko, in the Dhammajakya Sutta. And then the other extreme is attakilamatanu yoko, asceticism. And then the enlightenment is, we call it, matjima batibhata, middle way. Report an error in the passage at 2:37 Highlight the passage at 2:37

3:14 Now, to most of us, that sounds like a compromise. Take the middle way. That's an intellectual thought, isn't it? A lot of Buddhists think that you don't deny yourself all that much and you just don't overdo on the sensory pleasures. So it makes a nice middle-class excuse to not get too extreme on either end. Report an error in the passage at 3:14 Highlight the passage at 3:14

3:48 That's not Majjhima Bhattipattah. Report an error in the passage at 3:48 Highlight the passage at 3:48

3:59 So this Bhutto Tamo, pointing to this, this is the paradigm. This is a refuge. Now this can be used quite skillfully if you want to. And so this very act of this sense of sitting here, aware, awake. Report an error in the passage at 3:59 Highlight the passage at 3:59

4:26 And you're aware of any tendencies you feel if you've got to do something or You've got to get your practice together, get rid of your kilesas, your defilements, attain levels of concentration, get rid of your wandering thoughts. Report an error in the passage at 4:26 Highlight the passage at 4:26

4:49 And so meditation, you know, oftentimes it's even taught in terms of stages and attainments and you go from this to that. And notice that's how, you know, that's easy for us to understand. Many people like that style of teaching because it fits in with our cultural conditioning. Report an error in the passage at 4:49 Highlight the passage at 4:49

5:12 That's how, you know, I was conditioned. You know, you don't start out with a Ph.D. You have to go, you know, to start out with kindergarten first and then work my way up. Never attained Ph.D. Report an error in the passage at 5:12 Highlight the passage at 5:12

5:33 I mean, that's the worldly, you know, attitude, conditioned phenomena is like that. It works in the world, you know, that kind of attitude. But in terms of liberation, it doesn't work because this sense of I've got to get something, you know, I'm here now to do something in order to attain something, the next stage. Report an error in the passage at 5:33 Highlight the passage at 5:33

6:03 You know, observe that. That is filled with sakya ditti, self-view, personality view. Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:15 You know, right now I'm at this stage and during this winter's retreat I'm going to really strive and to attain the next stage. Report an error in the passage at 6:15 Highlight the passage at 6:15

6:33 What is that? That's a sense of self, isn't it? We define ourselves, I'm at this stage and then the... But it's not good enough. This stage isn't good enough. It's not liberating, being at the stage I'm in. So I want to, you know, really practice hard so I can attain the next stage, which sounds better than the stage I'm in right now. Report an error in the passage at 6:33 Highlight the passage at 6:33

6:58 So this is, just pointing out, this is sakya ditti, fetters. I keep emphasizing these ten fetters. The first three fetters are, you know, are the real... The Real Obstructions to Path Knowledge You can't see the path. You can't see Majjhima Bhattibhatta. You can't recognize it. If these three fetters are never understood, if you're spending your monastic life operating with just reinforcing Sakya Ditti, Sīla Bhattabharamasa, Vichy Kecha, you've wasted the opportunity. Report an error in the passage at 6:58 Highlight the passage at 6:58

7:50 So, it's... Rather than trying to encourage any more sakya-ditti by telling you that you've got to do something and attain something. Report an error in the passage at 7:50 Highlight the passage at 7:50

8:03 Because if I do that, being a teacher and having authority, you'll easily believe it. You'll easily believe I know where you're at and that you should do or practice according to what I tell you. This is how we're conditioned. You take dependency on me in the beginning and all these things can reinforce this sense of I need to be told what to do. Report an error in the passage at 8:03 Highlight the passage at 8:03

8:39 I need the teacher. He knows what I need. That's so easy to believe. So Report an error in the passage at 8:39 Highlight the passage at 8:39

8:56 rather than trying to confirm that delusion, I'm pointing. point to... Report an error in the passage at 8:56 Highlight the passage at 8:56

9:12 conditions the attachment to conditions we we may not be aware that we're doing what we're doing doing. Report an error in the passage at 9:12 Highlight the passage at 9:12

9:24 cultural conditioning social conditions are so is so strong and oftentimes unquestioned know we believe it and this seems to be know common sense to most of us Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 9:24 Highlight the passage at 9:24

9:40 What they call a samutasaccha or conventional reality seems like common sense and just being practical, let's face the facts kind of attitudes. Report an error in the passage at 9:40 Highlight the passage at 9:40

9:52 Now what I'm doing right now is not to say it's wrong or that you shouldn't think like that. Because then I'm saying if you think like that, you shouldn't. That's still telling you there's something wrong with you. So what I'm trying to do now is just encourage you. To observe, to learn to recognize this natural position of Bhutto, knowing that even if you're feeling, like now, whatever you're feeling at this moment, whether you feel confused by what I'm saying, you agree, you disagree, or you like what I'm saying, or it's interesting, or you find it something you don't like, Whatever your feeling about it is, it's like this. Report an error in the passage at 9:52 Highlight the passage at 9:52

10:52 So it's like encouraging you to just observe rather than to believe. You know, I'm not asking you to believe what I'm saying, but it's a kind of like a prod or a thing. Wake up, you know, pay attention. Report an error in the passage at 10:52 Highlight the passage at 10:52

11:11 But not from the sense of sakya ditti, of trying to figure out whether I'm right or wrong or you're right or wrong or which way is the right way. Is it the Theravāda way? Is it the Ajahn Sumedho style? Or is it the Mahāsi Sayadaw style? Or whatever, you know. Then we get caught in doubt. Vichikicha, the third fetter. Report an error in the passage at 11:11 Highlight the passage at 11:11

11:41 So then we're caught in, which one is the right way? Is it like Ajahn Sumedho style? Or Brahma Wangso style? Or... Is it, you know, I'd incline to maybe Advaita style? Or maybe, but that's not, if you're Theravadan, you shouldn't do that. Report an error in the passage at 11:41 Highlight the passage at 11:41

12:04 You don't want any of that Hindu stuff. Pure Theravāda is all I want. Whatever you're feeling, you know, whatever you're threatened by, or the Tibetan style. Report an error in the passage at 12:04 Highlight the passage at 12:04

12:23 Cultivate Bodhichitta. Or, you know, it goes on and on thinking about which... Which do you want to be, an Arahant or a Bodhisattva? It's all Sakya Ditti, isn't it? Which are you going to choose? Report an error in the passage at 12:23 Highlight the passage at 12:23

12:46 Now this is, it's recognizing that this is thinking, isn't it? We're presented with so much information now, you know, spiritual paths from every angle, from every religion, from all kinds of New Age styles. Report an error in the passage at 12:46 Highlight the passage at 12:46

13:05 So that information we acquire, and then, you know, if we're still, If we still haven't penetrated or seen what Sakya Ditti is, then we just get confused by it or doubtful. Because each one kind of says that this is the straight path, this is the right way. Report an error in the passage at 13:05 Highlight the passage at 13:05

13:38 So to make it simple, Sakya Ditti is, you know, the self. In terms of the way in Theravāda Buddhism we use the word self, it is what we might call the ego. Report an error in the passage at 13:38 Highlight the passage at 13:38

13:55 It's the created, the things you create, you believe about yourself. It's as simple as I am, it's identification with the body, I am a man. Report an error in the passage at 13:55 Highlight the passage at 13:55

14:10 Now that seems like a fact, you know, in a conventional world, you know, conventional reality. The body's male, so I am a man is the logic that comes from that. Report an error in the passage at 14:10 Highlight the passage at 14:10

14:28 In reflective awareness, intuitive awareness, you're observing that the body is. In terms of our society, we call this kind of body a male body. Report an error in the passage at 14:28 Highlight the passage at 14:28

14:45 It is what it is. I'm not saying it's better or worse than a female body. It is what it is. It's like this. And then I claim I am a man. Then I'm adding something more, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 14:45 Highlight the passage at 14:45

15:03 It's creating an attachment, an identity with the body. Report an error in the passage at 15:03 Highlight the passage at 15:03

15:11 So it's kind of basic because we learn that from childhood, early childhood. Report an error in the passage at 15:11 Highlight the passage at 15:11

15:19 First you don't even notice the difference between boys and girls and then it becomes apparent later on. And the identity that one forms around the gender of the body. Now this is to be investigated, you know, this seems like a fact, just common sense in the worldly way of thinking. Now we're not saying it's wrong, but we're exploring it in a different way, not in terms of dualism or male-female, but of identity, attachment, of creating what we create around the body. Report an error in the passage at 15:19 Highlight the passage at 15:19

16:06 When I create around my body, I am 73 years old. Report an error in the passage at 16:06 Highlight the passage at 16:06

16:19 And many of you are wondering, he had his 72nd birthday. Report an error in the passage at 16:19 Highlight the passage at 16:19

16:27 But this is my 73rd year, you see. Completed 72. Report an error in the passage at 16:27 Highlight the passage at 16:27

16:35 So I think, if I'm in my 73rd year, why not say I'm 73? Now this is conventional reality. This is not absolute. It's my personal preference. It's not saying that anyone who refuses to be 73 until July 27th somehow is vain and refuses to admit their real age, even though one might think that sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 16:35 Highlight the passage at 16:35

17:02 That's what Western people do, isn't it? You never, at least after you get over 21, you Report an error in the passage at 17:02 Highlight the passage at 17:02

17:14 try to stay the younger age as long as possible. Suddenly your birthday is here, and suddenly everybody's saying, happy birthday. And how old are you? And it's not polite to ask in this country. Report an error in the passage at 17:14 Highlight the passage at 17:14

17:40 But just think of everything, all that you think you are. Then we have memories, Report an error in the passage at 17:40 Highlight the passage at 17:40

17:53 the human condition. We have this gift of retentive memory. And so I can remember incidences. As far back as about three years old or four years old, I have certain memories that I can recall if I want. Report an error in the passage at 17:53 Highlight the passage at 17:53

18:21 Now that can be used skillfully or it can be just a kind of affliction for us. Because if we remember all the bad things, the abuse, the unfairness, The traumas of the past, and we're just depressed. Report an error in the passage at 18:21 Highlight the passage at 18:21

18:50 Or I can remember the good things, too. My early memories are quite happy ones, not unpleasant ones. Report an error in the passage at 18:50 Highlight the passage at 18:50

19:03 The unpleasant memories started when I started going to school. School Report an error in the passage at 19:03 Highlight the passage at 19:03

19:15 was traumatic for me. But before that, I don't really have any. But I have a quite pleasant one. This is just reflecting. Memory, what is it? They arise and cease in the present, here and now. Relationship to memory, then, is bhutto, knowing them as dhamma, rather than me sitting here trying to remember my past. Report an error in the passage at 19:15 Highlight the passage at 19:15

19:42 Now, if I go back into the conventional reality, conventional reality is I'm Ajahn Sumedho, and on my birthday we passed out this photograph of me, When I was 19 years old in the Navy, and then by it was the photo of me when I received an honorary title. Report an error in the passage at 19:42 Highlight the passage at 19:42

20:12 So there's, these are memories, aren't they? When I was 19 years old in the Navy, still a teenager, and then this 70-ish old Tanjau Kun, fat Tanjau Kun, Report an error in the passage at 20:12 Highlight the passage at 20:12

20:43 Now, identifying with that, I see my reactions to both those pictures. The personality still has its likes and dislikes and preferences and so forth. Report an error in the passage at 20:43 Highlight the passage at 20:43

21:00 But the difference now is in awareness. Report an error in the passage at 21:00 Highlight the passage at 21:00

21:08 We're having investigated memory, Report an error in the passage at 21:08 Highlight the passage at 21:08

21:16 meaning not analyzing my memories. And making value judgments about any of them, but recognizing memory is like this. Report an error in the passage at 21:16 Highlight the passage at 21:16

21:29 Memory doesn't have any, you know, it's very fleeting. It's like soap bubbles. It kind of comes and it, you know, you can't get hold of it in any way. There's nothing you can manifest. Report an error in the passage at 21:29 Highlight the passage at 21:29

21:50 But memories do trigger off emotions. So we have a... Bad memory and we feel emotionally, we react to that memory when it reaches consciousness, then we can feel that was, they should never have done that to me, that was wrong. I could get quite angry, indignant by remembering things, unpleasant things that I remember from my past. Report an error in the passage at 21:50 Highlight the passage at 21:50

22:25 Or I can remember the good old days when I was young and... And adventurous. Report an error in the passage at 22:25 Highlight the passage at 22:25

22:56 Now what I do with memory in the five khanda sequence is sanya. So in Thai language I often use sanya for memory. Report an error in the passage at 22:56 Highlight the passage at 22:56

23:15 And then panya is wisdom. So they used to say, are you doing this from sanya or from panya? So personal reactions, you know, whether I like or dislike, feel elated or depressed or... Report an error in the passage at 23:15 Highlight the passage at 23:15

23:31 or is Sanya, is from Sanya. Panya, wisdom, is knowing the nature of sanya. Report an error in the passage at 23:31 Highlight the passage at 23:31

23:45 Sanyakana is impermanent, not self. Report an error in the passage at 23:45 Highlight the passage at 23:45

23:52 So no matter how much your sanya might proclaim itself to be you, it's Report an error in the passage at 23:52 Highlight the passage at 23:52

24:01 not. Now many of us in monasticism have had Enormous kind of battles with what we call the super ego in Freudian terminology. Report an error in the passage at 24:01 Highlight the passage at 24:01

24:19 So this is the kind of rational element, the judgmental element, you know, that we, it's a super ego or this sense of, you know, the conscience, the sense of right and wrong is kind of fixed. And, you know, it's always, It's always saying you shouldn't have, you shouldn't think like that. You shouldn't have emotions. You shouldn't be jealous or frightened. Report an error in the passage at 24:19 Highlight the passage at 24:19

24:49 You should be brave. You're a bad person because you still get angry. You still have bad thoughts. You still have anger. And that's bad. To be angry is bad. You're insensitive. And that's bad because being sensitive is good. Report an error in the passage at 24:49 Highlight the passage at 24:49

25:18 And so this is what they call the jackal, I think, in, what is it, in NVC. Report an error in the passage at 25:18 Highlight the passage at 25:18

25:30 It's this kind of nagging super ego. It's always right. It always knows what, you know, where to point out where you've gone wrong. Now, I've had plenty of this because that's how I was brought up. Very strong, absolute, absolute fixations around right and wrong, good and evil. And many of us are brought up in Christian or Jewish families, you know, where religion is very, you know, instilled in you from an early age. Report an error in the passage at 25:30 Highlight the passage at 25:30

26:02 We have tremendous problems of this very judgment. We're judging ourselves. Now this is sanya too. This comes from sanya. Right and wrong are sanya. Good and evil. All of that whole... That whole thing, what we call dualism, is a creation. Report an error in the passage at 26:02 Highlight the passage at 26:02

26:32 You know, it arises and ceases. It comes and goes. There's no absolute good or absolute evil. Report an error in the passage at 26:32 Highlight the passage at 26:32

26:43 And yet we can live our lives with that assumption, never questioning. Never questioning that, good and evil. And so in investigation, you're really... Looking into this, you know, I'm not asking you to believe. Ajahn Sumedho says there is no absolute good and evil. Then quote me. For heaven's sake, don't do that. They'll invite me to a conference and put me on the television to debate with somebody, a born-again Christian, which Report an error in the passage at 26:43 Highlight the passage at 26:43

27:28 I'd never do. Report an error in the passage at 27:28 Highlight the passage at 27:28

27:36 But... Just reflecting on, let's say, good and bad. These are relative, aren't they? Conditions for goodness. Now this is in terms of dharma reflection. You know, the way it is. All conditions are impermanent. When you're contemplating anicca, noticing that things are not permanently good or bad. Report an error in the passage at 27:36 Highlight the passage at 27:36

28:10 Things arise and we would say they're good. We project that word, that concept, because we like it or it's beautiful or it's kind and generous and loving and so forth. And then we call that good. And then it can change to being angry and mean-hearted and selfish and ugly and brutal, nasty. That's bad. Report an error in the passage at 28:10 Highlight the passage at 28:10

28:42 Now, reflecting on conditioned phenomena is just noticing, observing. When we want things to be permanently good, and think that we should be permanently good, or that yourself, you should be just good all the time, have good thoughts, kind thoughts, good emotions, all the time, then every time that you... Report an error in the passage at 28:42 Highlight the passage at 28:42

29:19 You don't have good emotions or good thoughts, then you feel guilty. Because guilt is a kind of obsession in the Western world. We feel guilty about having bad thoughts, about being selfish, about anger, jealousy, fear, sexual desire. We feel guilty about greed. Report an error in the passage at 29:19 Highlight the passage at 29:19

29:55 Guilty about being alive sometimes. I know people who are just so guilt-ridden, they feel guilty because they're breathing, because they eat food, because they happen to be here. I know some people who act like, excuse me for being here. I'm terribly sorry just to present myself in front of your vision. Report an error in the passage at 29:55 Highlight the passage at 29:55

30:24 One woman is always saying sorry for everything. I don't, you know, as soon as she sees me, she says, sorry, what are you sorry about? I mean, there's a, you know, so questioning this, you know, this sense of, why do I have to be sorry for everything? Report an error in the passage at 30:24 Highlight the passage at 30:24

30:54 Now, this is Sanya again, you know, saying that Sankaranicca, Sanya is Anicca. Now, this is not, we're not projecting the concept of Anicca on this. It's not a, It's not a suppression or a dismissal of memory or sannyakanda. We're not trying to just, you know, the system is permanent and not self and dismiss it because that's suppression. Report an error in the passage at 30:54 Highlight the passage at 30:54

31:21 You're just playing tricks with your mind. We have to live with the sannyak. The sannyak comes. You know, it's part of our karma. It's the way it is. Good memories, bad memories, good emotions, loving, kind. Report an error in the passage at 31:21 Highlight the passage at 31:21

31:42 Bad emotions, angry, jealous, full of hatred, these things, these conditions change. But our relationship to them then is one of knowing, of observing, the puto knowing the dhammo, knowing the dhamma, Buddha knowing the dhamma. Now Report an error in the passage at 31:42 Highlight the passage at 31:42

32:20 noticing what guilt is, you know, don't try to analyze it. And he's endlessly trying to figure out why you're guilt-ridden. And he said, there's always an attitude that you shouldn't be. That if you were a healthy, normal person, you wouldn't feel guilty. Or if you were good enough, maybe you feel there's some permanent lack in you, some screw missing, something, you know, maybe there's a fear, maybe going crazy. Report an error in the passage at 32:20 Highlight the passage at 32:20

32:52 Maybe you'll have a nervous breakdown. You could... You could lose control of everything, this possibility. So we hang on to the most painful conditions. Report an error in the passage at 32:52 Highlight the passage at 32:52

33:08 So in meditation now, we're examining. We're not saying should or shouldn't anymore, but observing. When guilt arises, I feel guilty, then it's like this. What I'm doing now, right now I don't feel guilty about anything, so I have to pretend I am. Report an error in the passage at 33:08 Highlight the passage at 33:08

33:34 But this is more or less an example. Report an error in the passage at 33:34 Highlight the passage at 33:34

33:41 So if suddenly this feeling of guilt arises, I Report an error in the passage at 33:41 Highlight the passage at 33:41

33:51 can start thinking, oh, guilt is in each heart, and just kind of dismiss it. That's one way. Or trying to figure out, why do I feel guilty? What is it in me that... example. Report an error in the passage at 33:51 Highlight the passage at 33:51

34:06 makes me feel guilty and then start then you're starting from the self view I'm somebody, my problem is that I have these guilty feelings and I don't want them. I don't want to spend my life feeling guilty. Report an error in the passage at 34:06 Highlight the passage at 34:06

34:24 That's self-view. Or from the puto position, recognizing this feeling, this sense of guilt. I'm not thinking about it anymore. I'm not trying to analyze or evaluate it in any way, but just use the situation. This sense of being guilty is like this. Report an error in the passage at 34:24 Highlight the passage at 34:24

35:05 And then I'm kind of staying with the feeling, with a kind of an emotional feeling. You can even maybe sometimes detect it in your body, in your abdomen, in your solar plexus, this sense of what Report an error in the passage at 35:05 Highlight the passage at 35:05

35:25 we call guilt. I said something I shouldn't have. It's like this. Report an error in the passage at 35:25 Highlight the passage at 35:25

35:34 Doubt or feeling... you know, if you have a doubt, or feeling... I'm bad or wrong or shouldn't have. This kind of very imperative, you shouldn't have said that. The nemesis or the superego or the jackal. The nagging, always right, always righteous jackal. Report an error in the passage at 35:34 Highlight the passage at 35:34

36:10 And then we do it to each other. You get into your righteous mode and... You shouldn't have, you, you, you did that and you shouldn't have and you, you should be punished, you should crawl on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:28 Or you want to punish somebody for doing something bad. Report an error in the passage at 36:28 Highlight the passage at 36:28

36:37 Now this is, it's hard to talk about this because, you know, to be aware of the feeling of something, because like a thought, It moves very quickly, you know, thinking moves very rapidly, but then emotion lingers. It is a slower movement. Report an error in the passage at 36:37 Highlight the passage at 36:37

36:58 So that's why, you know, one can get, somebody just says something that makes you angry. It just may be just a spark, just a trigger, and you kind of blow up in anger. Report an error in the passage at 36:58 Highlight the passage at 36:58

37:19 And then, you know, then the thought itself, you know, then you start thinking. But if you stop thinking, you still feel the anger, the feeling, the heat, the kind of lingering emotional feeling of anger hangs around for a while. And this is where awareness, recognizing it's like this, this Report an error in the passage at 37:19 Highlight the passage at 37:19

37:49 energetic feeling, this heat or whatever way you experience it is like this. Report an error in the passage at 37:49 Highlight the passage at 37:49

37:59 And if you, now this takes patience. Just to accept it, just a sense of receiving, allowing it to be, willing to let it be what it is, rather than trying to get rid of it or justify it. Report an error in the passage at 37:59 Highlight the passage at 37:59

38:34 Now this, if you trust this, you begin to notice that this energetic feeling that we might recognize from... Anger, if we totally accept it and let it be, it's changing. It's intensity. It starts losing itself, starts fading away. If I start thinking about it, then I can keep kind of reviving it energetically. Report an error in the passage at 38:34 Highlight the passage at 38:34

39:11 I can keep sustaining it for days if I want, just by thinking about it. Or I can feel guilty about it. Here I'm a monk, 40 years, still get angry. A good monk should never get angry, especially one, you know, who's been in the monastic system 40 years. Report an error in the passage at 39:11 Highlight the passage at 39:11

39:34 That's the superego again, isn't it? You are a senior monk, a Report an error in the passage at 39:34 Highlight the passage at 39:34

39:45 mahatera, and you still get angry. Report an error in the passage at 39:45 Highlight the passage at 39:45

39:53 That's what I call a nagging jackal, or the superego. Report an error in the passage at 39:53 Highlight the passage at 39:53

40:06 You shouldn't. that's that's uh Report an error in the passage at 40:06 Highlight the passage at 40:06

40:08 That's bad. That kind of thought arises. Now, letting go of that kind of thinking, but not to suppress, not trying to suppress anything, but recognize here in the present, the pachubana dharma, here and now, it's like this. Stop thinking, I've already thought the thought that's made me angry, then this resultant feeling, emotional feeling, is like this. Report an error in the passage at 40:08 Highlight the passage at 40:08

40:45 And then if you're patient with it and don't do anything, just stay with it. We call it embracing it or allowing it, receiving it. And it has nothing to it. It's energy, but it's moving. And if you don't feed it, if you don't keep pouring petrol onto it and making it hotter, You just allow it to be, it'll burn out, it'll cease. And this awareness then is aware, you know, there's awareness of its presence and of its cessation when Report an error in the passage at 40:45 Highlight the passage at 40:45

41:32 there isn't any anger. Not anger, it's like this. Report an error in the passage at 41:32 Highlight the passage at 41:32

41:46 Now when we try to understand ourselves on the analytical level, you know, then it's, you know, why do I get angry? Why do I feel threatened? Why do I feel guilty? We're still operating in terms of the... Because, you know, I'm somebody that has these problems and we assume that these are my problems and that it'd be best if I didn't have those problems. Report an error in the passage at 41:46 Highlight the passage at 41:46

42:13 That I'd be a normal, healthy person if I didn't have those problems, is the assumption. If Report an error in the passage at 42:13 Highlight the passage at 42:13

42:27 I could be the ideal monk, the ideal Mahatera, and just, you know, everything just be, you know, just be... Full of love and compassion all the time. Report an error in the passage at 42:27 Highlight the passage at 42:27

42:51 And many of you want me to be that way, don't you? You think, Ajahn Sumedho will never let me down. He'll always be, would you like me to be the kind of loving father figure, understanding, compassionate, that you can trust? Report an error in the passage at 42:51 Highlight the passage at 42:51

43:14 And my ego says, I'd like to be like that too. Report an error in the passage at 43:14 Highlight the passage at 43:14

43:23 But that's not the point, isn't it? That's ideal. You know, that's an ideal, you know, wanting something, wanting things to be perfect, everything to be right so you can feel safe. This is still Sakyaditi operating. Ajahn Sumedho will never let me down. And then somebody says, well, you know, I had an incident with the old man. Report an error in the passage at 43:23 Highlight the passage at 43:23

43:55 He certainly let me down. And then doubt arises. Report an error in the passage at 43:55 Highlight the passage at 43:55

44:03 And then you can say, oh, you probably deserved it. He was just being skillful. Report an error in the passage at 44:03 Highlight the passage at 44:03

44:16 I can always justify, you know, angry anger and hitting you by saying I'm a Zen master. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

44:29 It's for your own good. Report an error in the passage at 44:29 Highlight the passage at 44:29

44:37 My father, when he spanked me, I remember as a child, he'd say, this hurts me more than you. Report an error in the passage at 44:37 Highlight the passage at 44:37

45:01 No, we're not, you know, ideals, you know, are... Beautiful. That's why we attach to them. It's how things should be. So we're back into the should phases of how things should be. Report an error in the passage at 45:01 Highlight the passage at 45:01

45:19 Amaravati should be. We've got ideas of what we'd like Amaravati to be, a Buddhist monastery, and according to an ideal of what it should be. Report an error in the passage at 45:19 Highlight the passage at 45:19

45:32 And then when it doesn't live up to that, and we see things happen that shouldn't happen, then we become... Now, in awareness, we're using the situation with awareness to develop wisdom rather than wasting our lives always trying to find some place or somebody that will live up to your ideals. Because you'll never do that. That'll never happen. You'll just end up being cynical and embittered. Because the world... Report an error in the passage at 45:32 Highlight the passage at 45:32

46:12 It's not an ideal world. It's nature. It's dukkha. It's unsatisfactoriness. It's change. You can't sustain the best as a permanent state. Report an error in the passage at 46:12 Highlight the passage at 46:12

46:35 That's just not the way it is. It's not dharma. It's a desire wanting everything to be perfect. Because we can create images of perfection with our intellects. The perfect government, the perfect mother, perfect father, perfect monk, perfect monastery. I Report an error in the passage at 46:35 Highlight the passage at 46:35

47:01 can create superlative images, beautiful, wonderful, lovely, like paintings, like thangkas, like icons, things that are Buddha images of just perfection, of how things should be. But notice now, this isn't cynical, but the awakened state, the bhutto state, is aware of the way it is, not trying to make it into an ideal, not trying to force conditioned phenomena to become something it can never be. Report an error in the passage at 47:01 Highlight the passage at 47:01

47:50 So that's why in the Vipassanā meditation, this investigation, Report an error in the passage at 47:50 Highlight the passage at 47:50

47:57 Yoniso Manasikara, getting to the root, you know, getting right to the very source, to see for yourself the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 47:57 Highlight the passage at 47:57

48:20 So ideals are not to be despised, but put them in their proper place. They are sanya. They're impermanent. You can't sustain an ideal. You know, it's just not... You can create them, but whatever you create disappears. disappears, destroyed, dies. That's the law of karma. Whatever is born dies. Whatever begins ends. Report an error in the passage at 48:20 Highlight the passage at 48:20

48:54 are, I refer them to images like guiding stars. They give direction. When you're on a journey, Report an error in the passage at 48:54 Highlight the passage at 48:54

49:08 which way to go, you can't. Travel very far if you're always looking up at the stars. You'll fall off the cliff. So you need to know where you are in terms of practical terrain, the situation on the ground. Report an error in the passage at 49:08 Highlight the passage at 49:08

49:33 So living in a world of ideals is you're always falling off cliffs or falling into ditches, getting stuck in bogs. And idealists are always... Report an error in the passage at 49:33 Highlight the passage at 49:33

49:49 You know, they're set up for disappointment, for despair. Report an error in the passage at 49:49 Highlight the passage at 49:49

49:57 So, and then coming to terms with the way it is, the body, isn't it? We're using these bodies, they're not ideal bodies. Report an error in the passage at 49:57 Highlight the passage at 49:57

50:08 I can imagine an ideal body, you know, the kind of male body that I'd like to have, but Report an error in the passage at 50:08 Highlight the passage at 50:08

50:24 the one that I'm feeling right now is like this. It's the way it is. It's bringing attention, not hating the body because it's not living up to the high ideal body that you would like. But it is good enough, you know, it's what I have, what's present, what I'm experiencing now. Sitting is like this. Report an error in the passage at 50:24 Highlight the passage at 50:24

50:53 Sitting, standing, walking, lying down, four postures, breathing. Report an error in the passage at 50:53 Highlight the passage at 50:53

51:01 Our relationship to the five khandhas is no longer identifying. Judging, comparing, but reflecting, breaking Report an error in the passage at 51:01 Highlight the passage at 51:01

51:17 down all the assumptions, all the prejudices, all the conditioning that we've received, not destroying it, but recognizing its true nature. All conditions are impermanent. Report an error in the passage at 51:17 Highlight the passage at 51:17

51:43 So in this concept of Sakyadity, the personality view, Report an error in the passage at 51:43 Highlight the passage at 51:43

51:55 it's very simple, just, you know, Create yourself. Think deliberately, intentionally. Create yourself as a personality. But listen to it. Not to think about it, but just using thought to create the sense of me, me and mine. But listening. Your relationship to it is observing, not believing. Report an error in the passage at 51:55 Highlight the passage at 51:55

52:28 So you begin to see how you do create this fetter. Endlessly. Report an error in the passage at 52:28 Highlight the passage at 52:28

52:39 It's a habit. It's a habit pattern. It's what we create. When there is no self, Report an error in the passage at 52:39 Highlight the passage at 52:39

52:50 emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 52:50 Highlight the passage at 52:50

52:54 There's awareness. There's clarity. When there's a self, there's no clarity. You're just going to get confused. Life is confusing for people, for personalities. Report an error in the passage at 52:54 Highlight the passage at 52:54

53:10 But in terms of clarity, then, You know, say, well, if I don't have a personality but no self, there wouldn't be anything left. And that's logic, isn't it? That's the kind of assumptions we make, that I am this personality, and if I don't have any, then I'm nothing, and just annihilated. That's the thinking, that's the logic from thinking, but that's not the way it is. You know, improving this through awareness, when you're... Report an error in the passage at 53:10 Highlight the passage at 53:10

53:45 Let go of everything, all your attachments to the five khandhas, the self-view, liberation. Report an error in the passage at 53:45 Highlight the passage at 53:45

54:07 To be nobody, not to be anything at all, with no attachments is liberation. Report an error in the passage at 54:07 Highlight the passage at 54:07

54:17 To be somebody, then I have to keep recreating the conditions. You know, if I have to be, you know, getting old now, then... To be Ajahn Sumedho is a kind of, you know, some men my age are still trying to prove themselves. They go out and find, you know, have affairs with 20-year-old girls and wear tight trousers and do all kinds of foolish things. Report an error in the passage at 54:17 Highlight the passage at 54:17

54:54 Because identity, trying to prove they've still got it, can still cut the mustard at 73. Report an error in the passage at 54:54 Highlight the passage at 54:54

55:11 And that's pathetic, isn't it? That's all they've learned from life. It's a pathetic life they've lived. Human life wasted. Report an error in the passage at 55:11 Highlight the passage at 55:11

55:29 When there's no self, the problem dissolves. I don't have to sustain illusions about myself still being young and sexy and vigorous, virile. at, at, uh... Report an error in the passage at 55:29 Highlight the passage at 55:29

55:48 Still worse, still an object of desire. Women's hearts go all aflutter as soon as I enter the room. So Report an error in the passage at 55:48 Highlight the passage at 55:48

56:10 emptiness then is not annihilation, it's liberation. Because whatever you think you are and you have to defend and prove and justify, that's suffering. You suffer all the time when you think you've got to prove yourself, defend yourself. Justify your existence or Report an error in the passage at 56:10 Highlight the passage at 56:10

56:36 just feel endlessly guilty because you're not perfect. Report an error in the passage at 56:36 Highlight the passage at 56:36