Saying no without self – Q and A

0:00 Now I give you the opportunity to ask questions or anything you want to discuss feel free to do so. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:15 Yes? I ask never been a woman so how do you know that a woman's consciousness is the same as a man's consciousness? I'm just going to say that. Report an error in the passage at 0:15 Highlight the passage at 0:15

0:35 Well, it has to be the same because it's not, you know, consciousness is, what goes in consciousness, you know, would be different. You know, this is just a way of exploring experience. You know, I can't say, you know, how a woman should feel if you have a woman's body, you know, the kind of feelings that you have from it and the kind of, Report an error in the passage at 0:35 Highlight the passage at 0:35

1:07 I can't relate to that. I can relate to it on a human level. We share a common humanity, male and female, and the bodies have their own energies that are different. So I can't speak from that, from having a woman's body. But if we recognize consciousness as unitive, Then the female-male thing is recognized, but it's not consciousness. Femininity isn't consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 1:07 Highlight the passage at 1:07

1:47 Femininity, the sense of being, like physical feelings that women have or men have, they come and go and change. The identity of being male or female comes and goes. But the consciousness has no quality to it other than knowing. And so that I can only know this for myself. Now, I just assume that women, someone who has a female body can do it too. And they do, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:47 Highlight the passage at 1:47

2:29 But, you know, being male or female is a very strong identity. And notice what, it's not. Report an error in the passage at 2:29 Highlight the passage at 2:29

2:36 What strong identities are, you know, like obsessions around sexuality, like homosexuality, things like that, a very strong identity with that perception, or with being Jewish, or, you know, being some, that's a very strong identity, identity with some kind of past history. And identity in terms of race or religion. And then one fights for these things, will die for these things, will see everything that doesn't quite, that is its opposite as an enemy, as a threat. Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

3:24 And that's the dukkha that's created through that attachment. So the conditions are not to be You know, they're not the problem, really. It's that blind attachment to them that creates the suffering. Like race prejudice, things like racial prejudice. That's condition. That's not natural in terms of we're not born. I wasn't born. Report an error in the passage at 3:24 Highlight the passage at 3:24

3:51 I'm a white man. That's an identity, you know, that I picked up. And then the way that one looks at other people Ethnic groups or races is cultural, you know, and class identities are very strong. Here in Britain, very strong. But in the Americans, we don't, they're not, they're more kind of amorphous. You know, when I first came to live here, talking about the middle class, I was speaking from an American perspective and I was getting it all wrong because American middle class includes almost everybody. Report an error in the passage at 3:51 Highlight the passage at 3:51

4:39 Generic. Where here you have upper middle, lower middle, working life. Much more refined sense of social identity. Report an error in the passage at 4:39 Highlight the passage at 4:39

4:59 But that's conditioned too. It's not ultimately true. And yet these identities can really, you know, how we see ourselves. You know, you see yourself as inferior. You know, you're a second-class citizen. How that must feel. You know, from my background, where in the States, I'm from what they call the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Report an error in the passage at 4:59 Highlight the passage at 4:59

5:31 Now, that's the class, that's the kind of racial identity that is the kind of... Report an error in the passage at 5:31 Highlight the passage at 5:31

5:43 that's That gives you complete confidence on that level. And even though, you know, as I grew older and became aware of the racial prejudices and the snobbery and the arrogance of that, still because of having that conditioning, there's a certain kind of confidence. I don't understand racial prejudice from experience. Report an error in the passage at 5:43 Highlight the passage at 5:43

6:11 Because even if I go to another country where they hate white people, it isn't, you know, I can understand that, but it isn't forming, it doesn't ruin the sense of myself, you know, so it's a kind of arrogance, an assumption that, you know, that you're, you know, it's not even conscious, it's assumed oftentimes that you're, you know, you don't have that sense of being racially inferior. Report an error in the passage at 6:11 Highlight the passage at 6:11

6:40 But you talk to, like in the States, American blacks. Now they're brought up with the assumption that they're inferior to the whites. Even though they might say they're just as good or better, but it's more like defensiveness. Now that's because of the culture there that they are actually regarded in that way. Even ideally, that's not supposed to be the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 6:40 Highlight the passage at 6:40

7:06 Well, you know, I can't relate to that on that level, but I can... On a personal level, I can relate to feeling inferior and not as good as. So I've had to explore my sense of inferiority, not being as good as, from personal identities. You know, comparing myself to people who I thought are better or more intelligent or more gifted or more superior. Report an error in the passage at 7:06 Highlight the passage at 7:06

7:33 superior Which has nothing to do with race, but with more like personal identity. Report an error in the passage at 7:33 Highlight the passage at 7:33

7:43 And like being Jewish, I don't understand that because I don't have any strong identity in that way. Like I was brought up as a Christian, but it doesn't mean much to me. It's nothing I'd die for. In fact, I'm a Buddhist now. And... Report an error in the passage at 7:43 Highlight the passage at 7:43

8:05 Or being American or anything. There aren't strong, you know, identities with me. But then living with people that have very strong, fixed identities, you know, I find it sometimes difficult to understand the problem from my own experience of life. Report an error in the passage at 8:05 Highlight the passage at 8:05

8:34 I was never, like, abused as a child. You know, like sexually abused or mistreated. So I can, you know, I can sympathize with people, but I don't know what it's really like to be raped when you're four years old or something, what that does. I can understand that would be traumatic, but in terms of my own experience, I don't, you know, I don't have, that didn't happen, so I don't have that, you know, what that really, how that affects. Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

9:09 Self-identity, I can understand what somebody else is saying, but in terms of experience myself, I don't have that. Report an error in the passage at 9:09 Highlight the passage at 9:09

9:22 But this is where the common bond of suffering, suffering is not defined as being sexual abuse when you're three or four years old, and it's not pointed at any particular... Report an error in the passage at 9:22 Highlight the passage at 9:22

9:42 Not kind of suffering, but just the reality of when there's this ignorance of dharma, even with the advantages, you know, having, you know, having an advantage life, still is suffering. You know, you still feel something, meaning, life is meaningless. I find materialism, the way, you know, when I was in, you know, In university I just felt how meaningless the life was then, the American materialism, you know, and it was certainly comfortable and certainly had its pleasures, but in terms of just thinking, just getting more and more material things, I could see that it just seemed empty and meaningless, because I could observe whenever I got what I wanted, you know. Report an error in the passage at 9:42 Highlight the passage at 9:42

10:45 Then I'd want something else. You can't sustain the satisfaction you get, the satisfaction you have from getting what you want. Report an error in the passage at 10:45 Highlight the passage at 10:45

10:55 It's just momentary. You're kind of gratified and then you want something else. And it goes on and on and on like that. The awareness of just how, what's the point of just getting more and more because you're always left with this. wanting something else and it never resolves itself. Report an error in the passage at 10:55 Highlight the passage at 10:55

11:25 that one of the important things it's the actual social context that you're born into the social context One of the things you require is language. One of the things that you said is that there's thought before language. But I wonder if you're requiring language, how do you know that there's thought without language? Report an error in the passage at 11:25 Highlight the passage at 11:25

11:49 if it's something you're born into isn't that then preconditioning and then if you're born as a man or a woman and the terms and the language that you then acquire Report an error in the passage at 11:49 Highlight the passage at 11:49

12:04 Well, Report an error in the passage at 12:04 Highlight the passage at 12:04

12:08 it's like that you have to just let go of your doubts and your questions. does one ever know what's an unconditioned state? Report an error in the passage at 12:08 Highlight the passage at 12:08

12:20 Like language is like, you know, we acquire language after we're born. We're not born with any identity. You know, I don't think I'm a little boy and I'm an American. Report an error in the passage at 12:20 Highlight the passage at 12:20

12:33 These concepts were given to me after I was born. And then they told little boys are like this and little girls are like that and how a good boy should be like this, obey his mummy. Report an error in the passage at 12:33 Highlight the passage at 12:33

12:49 And so you, Report an error in the passage at 12:49 Highlight the passage at 12:49

12:59 you know, your identity of being a good boy or bad boy and then your way you relate to your parents and how they see you and their, you know, so it all has its effect and the sense of your self-worth is, you know, developed from that. you get the, you know, the reward punishment of conditioning. And so you... Report an error in the passage at 12:59 Highlight the passage at 12:59

13:21 So, you know, when you... And then you know whether you're tall or short. These are, you know, when you're a teenager, these are very important. Either fat or thin. If you're dark or light. These things all, you know, have values on them in different social situations. And so, you know, if you're short and fat... Report an error in the passage at 13:21 Highlight the passage at 13:21

13:55 Then you tend to be, you know, you experience a sense of, you know, and people make fun of you or insult you and things like this. Then you, you know, that affects. Then your sense of your self-worth is created from that, you know. So people, that's why people have so many neuroses, you know. Report an error in the passage at 13:55 Highlight the passage at 13:55

14:21 Because of these basic identity, you acquire, you don't intentionally do it, it just happens in the society, in the family, in the society that you find yourself in. Now in the Buddhist concept of karma, I find that sometimes that's the only way to explain it. And because, you know, like, you know, I used to, when you're self-critical, Then you think, why do I have to be like this? Why couldn't I be different? And think of some ideal of what I'd like to be. Report an error in the passage at 14:21 Highlight the passage at 14:21

15:00 And it's not fair. When I was a child, growing up in the Christian religion, this idea that God created everyone. And then I kept thinking, but it's not fair. Why create some short and fat? Report an error in the passage at 15:00 Highlight the passage at 15:00

15:31 privileged and all the best and others you know beggars on the street you know you know to idealism it's unfair then... So you try to, why did, if we only have this one lifetime, and we're, you know, why didn't we, why didn't we all get, have the same, why don't we all look the same, have the same beauty and the same talent? Report an error in the passage at 15:31 Highlight the passage at 15:31

16:02 You know, that's how, that's a reasonable mind idea of how it should be. And if God were a loving God, he would have, he wouldn't have created poor people that were ugly and, And stupid and that. He wouldn't have done that. Report an error in the passage at 16:02 Highlight the passage at 16:02

16:22 Or rich people who are ugly and stupid. Do Report an error in the passage at 16:22 Highlight the passage at 16:22

16:33 that. I wouldn't do that. Report an error in the passage at 16:33 Highlight the passage at 16:33

16:38 So, you know, then, well, then how do you explain it? And then, because of, like, Buddhism doesn't give you a, you know, way of working with that problem. You know, like, it's karma. So in some way I find that oftentimes karma is seen as kind of fate or you know it can be seen in just kind of like fatalistic and just a way of kind of resigning yourself to misery. Report an error in the passage at 16:38 Highlight the passage at 16:38

17:13 That's my karma. And that's not reflective. But also maybe it's easier, it makes life easier to It's my karma. It's not fair and I hate God and everybody because I didn't get a good deal in this life. But, you know, like in meditation, encouraging people, you know, the way that one is, this is what we learn from. Report an error in the passage at 17:13 Highlight the passage at 17:13

17:43 You're not going to learn from the way somebody else is. You have to learn like whatever your karma is, you know. You learn from this, from the way your personality is, from your... experience, your memories, your physical realities and so forth are like this. then that's quite, that seems like I can do that. Report an error in the passage at 17:43 Highlight the passage at 17:43

18:07 You know, I'm not saying, you don't have to have the best equipment. Whatever it is, that's what you learn. So then this gives a chance for all of us, you know, it's equal chance to awaken to it. And sometimes, you know, I've known people who have, you know, physically disabled and really, you know, in terms of having all the advantages, don't have many at all. Report an error in the passage at 18:07 Highlight the passage at 18:07

18:35 But because of their disabilities and the pain and things like this, they really awaken. You know, so sometimes, you know, you can almost see it as a blessing. You know, sometimes... Tragedy and illness and disability can be seen, you know, makes us pay attention. You know, if you've got a life too easy, you're wealthy and healthy and good looking and you can just, you know, the world is my oyster, you can just float along and not bother. Report an error in the passage at 18:35 Highlight the passage at 18:35

19:14 So even though you might say it's good karma, it might not. It might not make you any the wiser. So, I mean, it's like the, like it's dukkha, the actual, you know, the noble truth that awakens us. And people ask me, why did you become a Buddhist monk? It's because of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 19:14 Highlight the passage at 19:14

19:41 And my suffering wasn't because I felt mistreated or, you know, that I've had a particularly is it? Report an error in the passage at 19:41 Highlight the passage at 19:41

19:50 You know, difficult life. But, you know, it just seemed, you know, by the time I was 30 I was fed up with life. And it was due to my own conditioning. I could see it just the way I saw it. I didn't, you know, I had an habitual way of projecting onto experience all kinds of delusions. Report an error in the passage at 19:50 Highlight the passage at 19:50

20:20 And it was habitual. It wasn't, you know, I didn't intend to do it. It was just the way the conditioning worked. And so by the time I was 30, I was really weary and bored with life. Report an error in the passage at 20:20 Highlight the passage at 20:20

20:34 And, you know, I didn't think of... I didn't have an ambition. I didn't want to become president of the United States or anything. Report an error in the passage at 20:34 Highlight the passage at 20:34

20:48 But then it was kind of... Buddhism was the only thing I found interesting at that time. Report an error in the passage at 20:48 Highlight the passage at 20:48

21:03 It was like the light at the end of the tunnel, the only hope I had. And it wasn't because I had been treated badly. It's the way my conditioning operated that created this sense of weariness. And now I see it as a blessing because it really, you know... When I became a monk, then all kinds of things opened up for me that I never expected, you know, never would have expected to happen. Report an error in the passage at 21:03 Highlight the passage at 21:03

21:47 Yes? Thank you. find I feel attachment to things like soul and heritage and things, and matter what belief system I try to practice, there are certain obstacles that come up which bring up anger and conflict within those areas of being a feminist. Senses of injustice. And I can see the sense of injustice in me, the anger in me rather, coming from it. But it doesn't seem to stop. Report an error in the passage at 21:47 Highlight the passage at 21:47

22:16 It doesn't seem to stop that closing down of spirit, or that resolution about those issues. And I hope that makes some sense. Through meditation and inaction. Report an error in the passage at 22:16 Highlight the passage at 22:16

22:34 still find these conflicts quite strong. I feel it's a hindrance, but yet it's a strong belief in some way. Yeah, well, like the righteous indignation is a very strong emotion. Report an error in the passage at 22:34 Highlight the passage at 22:34

22:50 Well, Report an error in the passage at 22:50 Highlight the passage at 22:50

22:56 it is. It's a powerful emotion. And you're right. emotion yeah I recognize that you are still still I recognise it as a hindrance, but it still goes from. Report an error in the passage at 22:56 Highlight the passage at 22:56

23:06 And that's where... But then, like I was saying about the Middle East, both sides feel their rights. And both come from righteous indignation and then the, you know, who's right. And both believe God is on their side. And the Americans think, you know, George Bush said God is... is on his side and so and Osama bin Laden I sure feels God is on his side so who's who's right and then you know then you might be thinking well because I'm a westerner I'm an American I should you know support the West and that's another conditioning you know of identification but this can't be resolved because You know, it just gets into wrangling and arguments and power struggling. Report an error in the passage at 23:06 Highlight the passage at 23:06

24:08 So, but then there can be, you know, righteous indignation can be skillfully used when you see unfairness or something that you can actually, you know, do or when there's opportunities, then one acts accordingly, you know, to what is... You know, seems what is good, what is appropriate. But it doesn't become a kind of blindness to reality. Report an error in the passage at 24:08 Highlight the passage at 24:08

24:43 It's learning to, like our emotions aren't, you know, they're not anything to judge or suppress, but to recognize. And so righteous indignation can be, you know, comes from, you know, You can be a very good, you know, sense of justice and fairness and the feeling of being right. And maybe you are right. But then in terms of dhamma, in dhamma, you know, then you're seen right as a condition changing rather than some kind of absolute right. Report an error in the passage at 24:43 Highlight the passage at 24:43

25:27 And then more and more as you let go, it's just a blind attachment to righteousness that's the problem, not righteousness itself. Then you're informing yourself with wisdom rather than just reacting to injustice through being averse to it and getting angry and wanting to destroy the people who you feel are wrong. Report an error in the passage at 25:27 Highlight the passage at 25:27

25:56 That's an important one because... At a lot of that, I can be very righteous and it's a very energizing emotion. You know, you feel, it gets you out of depression. Report an error in the passage at 25:56 Highlight the passage at 25:56

26:16 You know, so you get depressed and then you hear something, you know, about some terrible thing that the government's doing. Impression. Report an error in the passage at 26:16 Highlight the passage at 26:16

26:31 It's something, you know, Tony Blair said, there's something... You feel, you feel, you know, you feel alive again. Report an error in the passage at 26:31 Highlight the passage at 26:31

26:51 But where does it end, you know? It's, you know, but that's what I mean. It's not to despise or criticize righteous indignation. I think it's, you know, you shouldn't feel that way. It's blindness to it that is the problem, blind attachment. So that's where this waking up, this sense of attention, mindfulness is the only way that we can begin to understand it. Report an error in the passage at 26:51 Highlight the passage at 26:51

27:23 If we don't, then we tend to react. Either we suppress it or follow it. Maybe we depend on it. Some people just wind themselves up endlessly with righteous causes because Report an error in the passage at 27:23 Highlight the passage at 27:23

27:40 That's the only way they feel alive and that they have any purpose. Report an error in the passage at 27:40 Highlight the passage at 27:40

27:52 Sometimes, you know, sometimes the way I talk or the way it sounds, it might sound like I'm being too passive. You just sit there and watching the Righteous Dignation. Report an error in the passage at 27:52 Highlight the passage at 27:52

28:06 That's not it. It's to, you know, and then you just kind of sit there all day and don't do anything. But it's not like that. Life always gives us, our karma gives us opportunity to help the society, to function in the world as a benevolent member of society, useful member of society. Report an error in the passage at 28:06 Highlight the passage at 28:06

28:37 And yet, it's not just a passive kind of watching, witnessing. And just kind of indifference to it all, but it's a real attentiveness to see the cause of suffering that once we know that, then we can let go. Then our responses to conditioned world is like spontaneous. It's not coming from just reactivity, conditioned reactions, but there's a spontaneity coming out of awareness. Report an error in the passage at 28:37 Highlight the passage at 28:37

29:14 What we do, how we act, what we say in the society, in the family, that comes from that rather than from just habitual emotional habits and reactivity. Report an error in the passage at 29:14 Highlight the passage at 29:14

29:38 And I remember just watching my thinking mind, really examining, just trying to solve doubts. Doubts Report an error in the passage at 29:38 Highlight the passage at 29:38

29:54 problems through analysis and I just became aware of there's no end to it it just goes in cycles you know you're stuck in that realm of conditioned thinking and you just go around in a circle you come back to the same place and there doesn't seem to be any way If you just try to think about solving the problems of the world, then you come up with good ideas and bright ideas of what to do and what the world should be like. Report an error in the passage at 29:54 Highlight the passage at 29:54

30:41 But still, no matter how much we can rearrange the world so it becomes better, It's still, you know, the basic ignorance is still there. So it's not going to just, you can't sustain a better world. You know, things go up and then they go down. So you can't, you know, peak moment, you can't sustain it. So, you know, you reach the peak, then there's not the only one. You can't go higher, so you go down. Report an error in the passage at 30:41 Highlight the passage at 30:41

31:12 You can't stay there. But the ideal... Idealism always holds things on the peak, you know, because that's the best. And so we idealize the best and then compare the realities of this moment with the ideal of the best. And then what happens when we feel despair, anguish, depression, righteous indignation, because it's not, because we can't, Keep it at that level. So just recognizing that the conditioned phenomena, you know, it's changing all the time and it's not, things just don't get better and better and better and better. Report an error in the passage at 31:12 Highlight the passage at 31:12

32:02 And that's what we have the illusion that we have oftentimes in the West is progress. We're just progressing, you know, democracy, freedom. Report an error in the passage at 32:02 Highlight the passage at 32:02

32:17 Technology, everything is just going to get better and better and better and better progress and that's what we want Iraq to do and we want the Muslim world to join in the democratic process so that the whole world will become better and better, better and better, better and better. Report an error in the passage at 32:17 Highlight the passage at 32:17

32:41 It's not like that. that. Report an error in the passage at 32:41 Highlight the passage at 32:41

32:46 So, and you can see here in Britain, you know, over the years, you know, it has its peaks and then it goes down and goes up and down and that's just normal. But then we, when it goes down, then we start hating the government and, you know, blaming them and then we want a government that promises that it'll go up, you know, progress the way it should be. Report an error in the passage at 32:46 Highlight the passage at 32:46

33:13 So we're kind of continuing this You know, the political philosophy tend to try to convince us that if you vote for me, I can improve everything for you. And if I just stood on ticket of, you know, that's the karma of England, I'd never get elected anyway. Report an error in the passage at 33:13 Highlight the passage at 33:13

33:47 Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 33:47 Highlight the passage at 33:47

33:51 yeah, that's... non-hated but by non-hated. Report an error in the passage at 33:51 Highlight the passage at 33:51

33:53 You know, that's the cause and effect. You know, like karma is cause and effect. And so you, you know, if you, like in the West we seem to think that the end justifies the means. Like, you know, having a war in order to give democracy to a country. The means is war and the result will be democracy. In terms of karma, you can't get democracy from a war. Report an error in the passage at 33:53 Highlight the passage at 33:53

34:41 The result is more war, more hatred, more strife. Democracy, know, so. Report an error in the passage at 34:41 Highlight the passage at 34:41

34:53 You know, on an ideal level, you can think, well, we'll just get rid of Saddam Hussein because he's the problem. And nobody would have minded that. Nobody liked him anywhere. So it wasn't like, you know, one couldn't feel sorry for Saddam Hussein. So in one way, you know, you could kind of think, well, we'll just get rid of him and then... Report an error in the passage at 34:53 Highlight the passage at 34:53

35:22 We'll institute a democratic system. That's an ideal. You know, that's what one would like. But even killing Saddam Hussein is an evil act. Report an error in the passage at 35:22 Highlight the passage at 35:22

35:35 You know, so, you know, it's an assassination. So, you know, in terms of karma. Now, experimenting with, even though you think he deserves it, you know, on one level, you know, The act of killing is a heavy karmic action. And so they've killed almost everyone else but him. He's still alive. Report an error in the passage at 35:35 Highlight the passage at 35:35

36:09 Now in, you know, just seeing how in my own, just in the thinking process, if I think negative thoughts, if I start thinking I don't like this, this shouldn't be, this person shouldn't act like this, The problem with Britain is this and the weather is too hot or it's too cold. Then I get depressed. Report an error in the passage at 36:09 Highlight the passage at 36:09

36:37 You know, because what am I doing? I'm creating all kinds of negative perceptions in consciousness. Now the result of negative perceptions is you feel depressed or despair. It all looks hopeless. Report an error in the passage at 36:37 Highlight the passage at 36:37

36:55 And that's just the way it is. That's the karma of thinking negatively. Then go to the other extreme, power of positive thinking. And then you think life is wonderful, life is, all is love, and everybody is wonderful, and everything is, you know, no matter how evil in the world, basically everybody's good. Report an error in the passage at 36:55 Highlight the passage at 36:55

37:22 And you're thinking high-minded, inspiring, beautiful thoughts, and you'll feel quite happy. You know, you can get quite high on positive, like positive concepts. Now that's the way it is. The karma of thinking positively is happiness. The karma of thinking negatively is unhappiness. So then... Report an error in the passage at 37:22 Highlight the passage at 37:22

37:53 Then we think, well, I'll just think positively. Try to do that. Especially when you've got a skeptical, cynical nature like I have. Report an error in the passage at 37:53 Highlight the passage at 37:53

38:04 So when I meet people who are just too good to be true, I feel really irritated with them. Report an error in the passage at 38:04 Highlight the passage at 38:04

38:20 It's like treacle or something. You feel too much sugar. It's hard to... ha. Report an error in the passage at 38:20 Highlight the passage at 38:20

38:29 to digest. So... It's certainly advisable to be optimistic and think good thoughts, to recognize your own goodness, to appreciate the goodness in the society and the goodness of others. It certainly makes one's life happier and more pleasant. Report an error in the passage at 38:29 Highlight the passage at 38:29

39:00 so in... In, say, monastic life, like in, you know, like Ajahn Chah, when I first met him and he told me to, he advised me to reflect on my own goodness. And I never thought of that before. I was very much aware of my faults, but my own goodness, I never considered that for some reason. You know, I thought that was being... Report an error in the passage at 39:00 Highlight the passage at 39:00

39:31 That honesty meant admitting what's wrong with you. And that conceit was, I'm a very good, wonderful person. And so that's how, you know, culturally that's the way I was conditioned. But then in terms of not to convince yourself that there's nothing wrong and you're a wonderful person, but you know, you recognize, like I kept thinking, why did I become a Buddhist monk? Report an error in the passage at 39:31 Highlight the passage at 39:31

40:00 Because, you know, basically I love the good. I want truth, goodness, beauty. You know, I appreciate this. I don't want to live in a world of ugliness and dishonesty and evil. You know, I couldn't stand living like that. So there's this aspiration, longing for the beautiful, the good, the true. So this is good. Report an error in the passage at 40:00 Highlight the passage at 40:00

40:27 Basically, I'm a good person then because even though I don't always feel that way, basically, you know, this is what I'm aiming for. I wouldn't be a Buddhist monk if I was looking, you know, longing for evil things. You know, that's not place, you don't join Buddhist monasteries to do that. Report an error in the passage at 40:27 Highlight the passage at 40:27

40:49 So, I mean, I reflect, you know, appreciate. my own goodness, my patting myself on the back or exaggerating. Well, this gives you a sense of self-respect and appreciation for who you are. And then you're living a life of Report an error in the passage at 40:49 Highlight the passage at 40:49

41:12 know, where you're an almsmanican, so you're dependent on generosity from others for basic, like food and shelter. Report an error in the passage at 41:12 Highlight the passage at 41:12

41:25 So then, in monastic meditations, we contemplate, you know, the goodness that people, you know, the generosity of the lay community, of what the offerings made. Like today, at mealtime, the saṅgha, the dharma, the offerings of food, this place is like a, you know, incredible display of most delicious foods brought to, You know, for the Saṅgha. And you feel, you know, you reflect on the goodness of people, their generosity. Report an error in the passage at 41:25 Highlight the passage at 41:25

42:05 And that rather than just taking it for granted or just being critical of people. Well, that brings a kind of joy into one's life. So, you know, monasticism can be a very joyful life because you are, you know, in all these years I've been a monk, I've experienced So much goodness from other people. You know, people offering, you know, willing to provide what I need joyfully. Report an error in the passage at 42:05 Highlight the passage at 42:05

42:35 You know, I don't have to kind of twist their arm or force anything. Report an error in the passage at 42:35 Highlight the passage at 42:35

42:42 And so then you reflect on the goodness. You know, you feel gratitude. And then the point is to be content. So you're not just thinking about... even? Report an error in the passage at 42:42 Highlight the passage at 42:42

42:54 What I want next, how to get something better. But your idea of monastic life is to be content with very little. So you aren't spending your life thinking of trying to always increase your standard and have better things. So you begin to notice that because I'm conditioned, culturally conditioned to be discontented. Like in the capitalist system, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 42:54 Highlight the passage at 42:54

43:19 It doesn't. Nothing in the American system advised me to be content with anything. It was all about, you know, the newest thing is better. Report an error in the passage at 43:19 Highlight the passage at 43:19

43:31 What you have now is not good enough. You know, the whole capitalist system is based on making the population discontented. And so, like Buddhist monasticism is going against the whole capitalist system. It's a subversive force in this society. Report an error in the passage at 43:31 Highlight the passage at 43:31

43:56 But contentment comes through, you know, you can't make yourself content just because you like the idea, but you begin to observe discontentment, the suffering of always wanting something better or not liking what you have, envying what some other, he has a better bowl than I do. Report an error in the passage at 43:56 Highlight the passage at 43:56

44:16 You go through, it becomes, you know, you go through some of the most silly kind of... things in monastic life, but the whole point is to be aware of it. It's like envy, jealousy in monastic life. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

44:34 It's not a matter of one monk's driving a Mercedes and I only have a BMW, but it's around the size of your alms bowl or something. know, so, you know, Report an error in the passage at 44:34 Highlight the passage at 44:34

44:31 I'm around you know Report an error in the passage at 44:31 Highlight the passage at 44:31

44:51 ha. Report an error in the passage at 44:51 Highlight the passage at 44:51

44:55 It gets down to the most ridiculous level, but it gives you a perspective on how the mind works, you know, because envy, you know, capitalism is a way of conditioning you to envy, you know, keep up with the Joneses. If the neighbor has something better, you want something better than they have, and you're encouraged to do that, you know, it's part of the cultural conditioning. Report an error in the passage at 44:55 Highlight the passage at 44:55

45:23 And then observing how that process works, then you have the insight of letting go of it. So you begin to feel content rather than feeling guilty about being discontented. Because then one can feel guilty. You know, I should be content with my alms bowl. But it's not fair. I've been here longer. This new monk has given a better alms bowl. Report an error in the passage at 45:23 Highlight the passage at 45:23

45:54 It shouldn't feel like that. You know, I'm glad for him, happy for him. Report an error in the passage at 45:54 Highlight the passage at 45:54

46:02 So you have a kind of internal conflict over this ridiculous, ridiculous thing. And so then with awareness, you're aware of the feeling. Report an error in the passage at 46:02 Highlight the passage at 46:02

46:18 And, you know, you're not getting neurotic about it, feeling you shouldn't feel it, but you're recognizing. Envy is like this. And not saying that I shouldn't feel envy, but learning from envy feels like this. Wanting a better alms bowl than what I have is like this. So then from that way, it's actually when you're doing that, you're letting go. And they find contentment then rather than as a result. Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18