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- 0:58
But what I'm pointing to isn't a negative response, it's just a noting. Like right now, this is the way it is. I'm not saying it's good, bad, right, wrong, pleasant, painful, indifferent. It's like this. And then, now when I reflect like this, then I feel this sense of embracing the moment.
- 7:38
We patient, you know, patient endurance. And pretty soon these things, things that one has been frightened of or... resistant to, refusal to acknowledge, they'll pass through consciousness. And it is like a purification process. it's letting go, and way it is, like...
- 9:53
tukopie, wipi, yoko, tuko. And then on an intellectual level it can sound like just pessimism, you know, it's all suffering. It's just all just, you know, life sucks and you're all going to die anyway. But it's a kind of passive.
- 18:23
suffering or pain or stress or unhappiness whatever degree you might be experiencing it to use it as this sense of it's happening to me why should it happen to me that's the suffering we create The suffering that we put onto life. The other is just part of the karma of being human individual in this realm. And that we can bear. And even like loss of loved ones, like losing your family or something in some disaster, or just your old mother at 99 dying.
- 31:40
And this is like this, but even in the scripture, you know, in the Tripitaka, the Buddha in his lifetime, after he was enlightened, he had to get old and he still suffered from old age, sickness, death, just like any other creature. He still had, you know, you read the stories about the life of the Buddha after enlightenment and it was, you know, he was praised and blamed and plotted against, trying to kill him, trying to spread scandals about him. He had difficult disciples that did terrible things. He didn't, you know, he had anything that happened to me in this life.
Transcript
0:00 Can I have your attention? And we can have a serious discussion on reality. Report an error in the passage at 0:00
0:15 One of the people here, you know, this is a question, a good question, because sometimes when I talk about the way things are using this term, it can sound like a kind of passive resignation. Report an error in the passage at 0:15
0:36 You know, because we can kind of pass, well, that's the way it is, you know, tough luck, just stiff upper lip, and bear with life. But that's what I would call a kind of passive resignation from despair, or it's a very negative response, reaction. Report an error in the passage at 0:36
0:58 But what I'm pointing to isn't a negative response, it's just a noting. Like right now, this is the way it is. I'm not saying it's good, bad, right, wrong, pleasant, painful, indifferent. It's like this. And then, now when I reflect like this, then I feel this sense of embracing the moment. I'm not trying to do anything with it or change it or exaggerate it or make it into anything more, but just recognizing. Report an error in the passage at 0:58
1:35 And then I kind of tune in into the stillness, what I call sound of silence, in the stillness of the present. Beyond the noise, beyond the sounds of the world, there's this stillness. And you begin to recognize it behind everything. So it's always present here and now. And then the various conditions arise and cease. Report an error in the passage at 1:35
2:06 Come and go in the stillness. And then through training and developing, then you're learning to trust and abide in the stillness rather than just be caught up in the endless stimulation of the changing conditions. Report an error in the passage at 2:06
2:23 And I noticed like living a monastic life where you spend a lot of time alone and you... You know, I talk about the first year when I was a samanera in Nong Khai in Thailand and spending a year alone by myself in a little kuti. Report an error in the passage at 2:23
2:48 And, you know, it was just being, having nothing to do. Just try to contemplate having nothing to do. Nobody to talk to, nowhere to go. I only had this little book, Word of the Buddha. You know, you can read it. Hootie. Report an error in the passage at 2:48
3:07 In half an hour. And me. And then somebody would deliver a tiffin carrier, you know, these layered carriers with food in once a day. Report an error in the passage at 3:07
3:21 And the mind goes absolutely crazy. At first you think, oh, this is a wonderful piece at last. But after a couple of days of that, you know, you're conditioned to always be trying to fill up something, find something to do, anything. Report an error in the passage at 3:21
3:39 And so then, you know, so then that's why I say peace is boring. People, you know, say, we want peace. Peace, pachi. But when there is peace, it's very boring. Where war is exciting. Report an error in the passage at 3:39
4:01 Sex is exciting. Violence is exciting. Sports are exciting. Report an error in the passage at 4:01
4:09 Melodramas, you know, like soap operas and that. If they just had about peaceful, happily married couple living happily ever after, it'd Report an error in the passage at 4:09
4:22 be boring, wouldn't it? I Report an error in the passage at 4:22
4:29 wonder what, you know, if the archers were just good-natured English people that only were happy and fit and did meditation practice every day and obeyed all the laws, never complained. Report an error in the passage at 4:29
4:48 Nobody'd lose them. Report an error in the passage at 4:48
4:53 Reflecting on peace as an ideal and then the reality of peace. Now in the training, you learn to, like in my own practice, I had this insight into peace, but then the conditioning, my conditioning was anything but peaceful. And so it reacted in all kinds of strange ways. So it had hallucinations, all kinds of emotional memories of the past from way back, the early childhood. Report an error in the passage at 4:53
5:35 And I started, you know, began to hallucinate sometimes and start imagining things. I get paranoia. and Report an error in the passage at 5:35
5:48 Just this feeling of despair and all these very negative emotions were dominant the first couple of months. But through the kind of just accepting them, they are the way they are, then eventually it's like a cleansing process. Report an error in the passage at 5:48
6:12 And all these repressed feelings and fears. That I'd accumulated for, I was 32 at the time, for 32 years, you know, and suddenly they all had an opportunity to go out. So one time I had this hallucination, and I was sitting there in my kuti in the daytime, and I saw my mother walk out of my brain. I really did. Now, can you imagine anything? My mother walking out of here, and my sister. Report an error in the passage at 6:12
6:48 And everybody seemed to be walking out of my head, and I could see it. And then, of course, this was hallucination, visual. And then I thought, this is madness. I've gone bonkers. I'm crazy. But then something in me knew that it wasn't that, because I didn't feel crazy. It was just like things that accumulate in one's... Report an error in the passage at 6:48
7:18 ...caught us in one's mind over years that we tend to dismiss or not notice or resist. Through meditation we began to no longer try to control the mind, you know, and just distract ourselves every time we feel a bit of discomfort or fear or anxiety about life. We patient, you know, patient endurance. And pretty soon these things, things that one has been frightened of or... Report an error in the passage at 7:18
7:46 resistant to, refusal to acknowledge, they'll pass through consciousness. And it is like a purification process. Report an error in the passage at 7:46
7:59 it's letting go, and way it is, like... I'm going crazy. This is madness. I've lost my mind. There was an emotional reaction. Report an error in the passage at 7:59
8:19 But behind that was the discerning ability to this, it is the way it is, and it's going away, it's not coming in. Report an error in the passage at 8:19
8:32 So the way it is, it's not just, like in monastic life here, it's being a monk or a nun, the way it is, it's not a kind of resignation. Report an error in the passage at 8:32
8:50 But that's not helpful to just resign yourself to conventions and traditions in a passive way out of just feeling intimidated or pressured into doing it. But what it's for is to observe the emotional reactions we have to limitation. imitation or conditions that Report an error in the passage at 8:50
9:46 Be with the unloved or having to separate from the loved is suffering. Report an error in the passage at 9:46
9:57 We chant that every day. Having to be with the unloved is dukkha. Having to be separated from the loved is dukkha. Not getting what you want is dukkha, is suffering. tukopie, wipi, yoko, tuko. Report an error in the passage at 9:57
10:15 And then on an intellectual level it can sound like just pessimism, you know, it's all suffering. It's just all just, you know, life sucks and you're all going to die anyway. But it's a kind of passive. Report an error in the passage at 10:15
10:34 It's not embracing life, it's merely kind of giving up to it. And letting go is not just kind of giving up because there's nothing you can do. As an act of just resignation. But it's a kind of embracing life. Like you're really willing to really feel this the way it is. In whatever way you're feeling it. It's like this. And so it's like a rising up. Report an error in the passage at 10:34
11:07 Something in me rises up when I reflect in this way. Or if I get into my passive mode. Oh God, there's a wave of problems all the time. The world's nothing but suffering. It's the way it is. It's life. Report an error in the passage at 11:07
11:28 And that does not, you know, I don't, I'm not rising up. I'm merely kind of resigning myself or excusing life. So also I found out, you know, like this emphasis on dukkha is that the Buddha made is the first noble truth of suffering. When you really contemplate this realm, you know, it is a suffering realm. Because it's just, and it's not a, it shouldn't be any other way. Report an error in the passage at 11:28
12:00 It's just the way it is. You know, we're all born and we're all going to die. We all know that. And then we all have to experience the growing pains as children with childhood diseases. And then we become self-conscious when we go to school. Report an error in the passage at 12:00
12:21 Compete and get jealous and envious and all kinds. These are basic human experiences that happen to everyone. And then growing up and then getting old and being considered a success or a failure, being approved of or resented by the society. Report an error in the passage at 12:21
12:47 We all have to experience various permutations on these themes throughout a lifetime. And this is all bearable when we have this perspective. I like some of these Christian saints that feel a joy at being able to bear the cross as an opportunity rather than a kind of Self-flagellation and feeling life is terrible and treating me badly. So just to encourage this sense of embracing life. Report an error in the passage at 12:47
13:32 This word embracing, it's like it's taking everything. When you embrace somebody, you're embracing the whole being, not just the bits you like. Report an error in the passage at 13:32
13:44 So. Report an error in the passage at 13:44
13:50 And apply that to life, you know. Embracing life isn't approving or pretending that it's something it's not. But it's a willingness to rise up to it and learn from it. See everything as opportunity to learn. Report an error in the passage at 13:50
14:10 And then to develop a more conscious sense of trusting yourself to observe. You know, because when you think about yourself from the ego level, you'll always get caught in doubt. I'm not ready. I'm not good enough. I don't have enough samādhi. I don't have enough practice. I still have so many emotional hang-ups and I'm not... And you go on like that. I guarantee if you never see through that, it'll go on and carry you through the rest of your life. Report an error in the passage at 14:10
14:43 It just doesn't shut up until you begin... They begin to observe it and then you're no longer feeding it or resisting it. But you're learning all these conditions. The sense of yourself as this person, this personality, this physical form is then seen from a wisdom level rather than from the personal, judgmental level that we tend to operate from. Report an error in the passage at 14:43
15:15 That we're kind of victims I've caught into that conditioned realm. Are there any questions? Yes? Report an error in the passage at 15:15
15:46 semantic thing I feel even one stays with what it at it and is this happening to me? Why am I going through this? my whole family killed in this tsunami. Report an error in the passage at 15:46
16:00 being anguished, the pain in the body what it is it more about embracing that, like being a human being, rather adding to it, oh my god, my life is like this and this is all happening to me, and feeding energy. Report an error in the passage at 16:00
16:22 of what is, find it difficult to think that one can free from pain. that's part of it's a little bit more about the relationship. Report an error in the passage at 16:22
16:39 he's as it is. This is how much it hurts. Report an error in the passage at 16:39
16:47 or an accident or see what's down the hill but that is a natural human response i can't see how Report an error in the passage at 16:47
16:58 Because part of the human condition, so there's this whole semantic thing about not feeding it with taking it so personally, feeding energy, and feeding ourselves with going to produce the art. This is what it's like to be a human being. Right, you're right. That's very important. The difference, that's why I go through this realm, this sense realm is like this. Report an error in the passage at 16:58
17:30 So it's a sense realm and sensitivity means pleasure and pain through everything, through the body, through the mind, through the senses. And that's just natural phenomena. That's not... This realm we live in is a sense realm and sensitivity and these are sense forms so they feel all the time. You feel hot or cold or hungry or thirsty or whatever. And that's just part of the karma, the karma being human and living on planet Earth. Report an error in the passage at 17:30
18:08 It's like this. But then the suffering of the First Noble Truth isn't about that. It's about ignorance, wanting it to be otherwise and taking suffering or pain or stress or unhappiness whatever degree you might be experiencing it to use it as this sense of it's happening to me why should it happen to me that's the suffering we create The suffering that we put onto life. The other is just part of the karma of being human individual in this realm. Report an error in the passage at 18:08
18:58 And that we can bear. And even like loss of loved ones, like losing your family or something in some disaster, or just your old mother at 99 dying. You still feel grief, no matter how mindful you are, but you're not making a problem about it. You're not creating it into more than what it is. But when someone you love dies, it's like this. Report an error in the passage at 18:58
19:35 And so you're aware, you're embracing the feeling, and you're not rather than just trying to suppress it, or deny it, or get... involved endlessly in not wanting it or why does this have to happen to me kind of reaction. Report an error in the passage at 19:35
19:55 it's like physical pain. I've had this past week, I had surgery on my back. And so I had this big cyst that... It was, you know, all through my trip through North America, I had to deal with this. It kept getting bigger and bigger, and it wasn't painful, really, unless you kind of suddenly lean too hard back on a hard chair. Report an error in the passage at 19:55
20:35 And then I had it cut open and sutured. And, you know, it's not been painful, but... The past few days, it's been very itchy. And itchy is a sensation that's also a good sensation because it's a healing sign. Report an error in the passage at 20:35
20:57 But also, seeing one's reaction to that sensation, I can't blame the sensation on anybody. It's just the way it is. And the more I kind of relax with it and just let it be, then I don't suffer from it. Report an error in the passage at 20:57
21:18 But my reaction to itching usually is to scratch it, you see, so try and get rid of it. But sometimes you can use these, and this isn't a very, you know, nothing great, no great traumatic experience, but it's one of the irritations of life, isn't it, itching and things. Or like in this weather, you know, you get flies come into my kuti, and I'm busy. Report an error in the passage at 21:18
21:48 Doing something and then they keep flying around my head and I feel this irritation wanting to get rid of them. Are you aware of that? That's suffering. The actual reality of what's happening is bearable. But what I add to it is I don't want those flies in my cootie. I want to get rid of them. Report an error in the passage at 21:48
22:19 And so you begin to discern the difference between Report an error in the passage at 22:19
22:32 we can't kill any creatures, so if we have a way of escorting the flies out of the goody, we're allowed to do that. Report an error in the passage at 22:32
22:43 sometimes I do take time to scratch my sutures just for the sure pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 22:43
22:52 not like being tough on yourself, but also... You know, learning, just in little way, sometimes, before they get too big. This is what I recommend, you know. Don't wait until the great tragedies and catastrophes of life get at you. You know, so much of our life is neither one thing or the other. It's just irritating or disappointing or annoying or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 22:52
23:17 And these are all opportunities to develop mindfulness before it gets to, you know, something really, Strong, something powerful happens. Because then it was just these little things that, you know, one develops increasing sense of confidence in mindfulness and learning, you know, from just the human condition that you're experiencing. Report an error in the passage at 23:17
23:59 I never Report an error in the passage at 23:59
24:04 thought of that. I Report an error in the passage at 24:04
24:08 have to get rid of my gun. ha, Report an error in the passage at 24:08
24:15 Well, that's, you know, like we, this is where we begin to have more confidence in being aware when we find ourselves getting wound up by something or caught into a reaction. And not to, but it's not judgmental. It's not saying I shouldn't or that, because then it gets into, you know, judging and ideas and guilt and maybe blame somebody else. Report an error in the passage at 24:15
24:50 But it's like willing to learn where you feel most threatened. What happens when you feel, you know, being threatened by something or by somebody's comment or insult or whatever it might be. Report an error in the passage at 24:50
25:10 So I, you know, it's, because life is about praise and blame and success and failure. So this observing. And I found it, you know, then it really helps you to get perspective on and develop more confidence in your awareness of situations, not be so sensitive and threatened by life. Because some people, you know, they're so afraid you're going to upset them. And, you know, some people are so sensitive that you... Report an error in the passage at 25:10
25:55 You look cross-eyed and they get terribly upset. And this is a time for political correctness where you're supposed to say everything, never say anything that offends anyone. Report an error in the passage at 25:55
26:12 It's kind of a desperate attempt to not offend anybody and not be able to say anything very genuine. Report an error in the passage at 26:12
26:25 you know, when, like... Like in Thailand, for example, when I came to live here in England, I gained a lot of weight. I used to be very thin, skinny in Thailand. And then gaining a lot of weight here, I'd go back to Thailand and they'd say, my God, you're fat. Report an error in the passage at 26:25
26:58 And to them, that didn't mean anything. There wasn't an insult. They just commented on the realities of it. Just stating a fact. Report an error in the passage at 26:58
27:11 But emotionally, I felt very upset by that. I didn't want people to at least say that, don't mention it. Report an error in the passage at 27:11
27:27 So it was just using something like that, you know, feeling, because I knew that they weren't, you know, I trust Thai people enough, they weren't insulting me, you know, they weren't being malicious or... ...mean, but just stating the fact, which I didn't like to hear, because I, you know, didn't like to think of myself as fat. Report an error in the passage at 27:27
27:55 Well, it's like the teachings, like in the suttas, especially of what I've used in the Tripitika, their teachings always, I've found very skillful to use for reflect, because they give you... They give you clear kind of guidance on what to do and how to do it and ways of looking at something. Report an error in the passage at 27:55
28:29 Or they have lists of things. Sometimes Theravāda Buddha comes across and it's pretty just like an inventory of human condition, you know, ten of this, seven of that. And it can look pretty dreary, if you want, looking for more kind of mystical terminologies, inspiring teachings. But they do have their point. Report an error in the passage at 28:29
28:53 It's more practical. And I found just these basic teachings, Four Noble Truths, Four Foundations of Mindfulness, Dependent Origination, these are kind of the essential teachings that you find in the scriptures. Report an error in the passage at 28:53
29:13 It's what I've used for observing, you know, check it out, just applying it so that, you know, I see it in myself rather than just theorize about it from a commentary or a book. And the thing, you know, like in the first sermon of the Buddha, the Dhamma Jakkha Pavadana Sutta, the, you know, it's arranged, you know, like when the Buddha gave his first sermon, Report an error in the passage at 29:13
29:43 You know, he gives it in this reflective style. So the first, there's three aspects to each noble truth. So first noble truth, there's three aspects. Three aspects to the second, three to the third, three to the fourth. So there's 12 insights. And then these aspects, they're called aspects, is a paradigm for reflective awareness. Report an error in the passage at 29:43
30:08 So there's a statement, there is suffering. Suffering should be understood. Suffering has been understood. So it's a way of looking like we can all say life is suffering, just as we all agree that life is suffering. Report an error in the passage at 30:08
30:24 But we haven't really understood it. We just agree that life is suffering. And then somebody might disagree. But when we're not... Trying to convert people to believe that life is suffering but taking just this very ordinary human experience of dukkha and investigating it as you experience it. You know, the suffering you feel in the present. And by changing your direction from trying to get rid of it or react to it or blame it on somebody, you're actually understanding it. Report an error in the passage at 30:24
31:05 And then you have the insight. It has been understood. I see it now, this first truth. And then all the Four Noble Truths have that pattern to you. And it gives you, you know, the first one is to understand. The second one is to let go of the causes. The third one is to realize the end when suffering ceases. Report an error in the passage at 31:05
31:29 And the fourth is the way of living. To not create suffering, no longer create suffering out of ignorance. And this is like this, but even in the scripture, you know, in the Tripitaka, the Buddha in his lifetime, after he was enlightened, he had to get old and he still suffered from old age, sickness, death, just like any other creature. Report an error in the passage at 31:29
32:05 He still had, you know, you read the stories about the life of the Buddha after enlightenment and it was, you know, he was praised and blamed and plotted against, trying to kill him, trying to spread scandals about him. He had difficult disciples that did terrible things. He didn't, you know, he had anything that happened to me in this life. Report an error in the passage at 32:05
32:34 ...falls into being almost mild or nothing compared to what you read the Buddha had to put up with in the scriptures. But this is a good sign, you see, for us to contemplate. You know, he didn't really get out of the realm of suffering as a creature, but he did through discernment, through wisdom. And then he still had to... Report an error in the passage at 32:34
33:03 Bear with the aging of a body and its pains and its problems and the society lived in. But he didn't create suffering around it. So you never hear the Buddha blaming anybody or complaining. Sometimes, you know, there's an interesting story about these monks making a big problem around the Vinaya and he gets fed up and leaves. Report an error in the passage at 33:03
33:35 And goes on, retires. Report an error in the passage at 33:35
33:44 I'm not claiming to be a Buddha, though. Report an error in the passage at 33:44
33:51 Yeah? Report an error in the passage at 33:51
34:05 Marmatasacca is, of course, defined as ultimate reality, ultimate truth. And then, so this is where, like, mindfulness is the gate to that. You know, it's through mindfulness that we actually recognize ultimate. And then it's recognized. And then the samādhi that comes from that recognition or the concentration is a balance, kind of. Report an error in the passage at 34:05
34:42 It's not focused on, you know, it's not a samādhi that absorbs into something to exclude, but it's more like a balance of factors. Like in the Eightfold Path, you have the sama, wayamo, sama, sati, sama, samādhi. Where the energetic concentration, mindfulness is balanced, it's complete, it's stable, rather than dependent on conditions to support it. Report an error in the passage at 34:42
35:18 But you see, like there's samuti satya, baramata satya, and Lungpho Chah used to talk a lot about that, using the... Samut is such a, in Thai they just say Samut, and it's conventional reality. No, this is, we have to live in the world of conventional reality. You know, with physical bodies, a convention. And the society we live in is based on conventions, you know, agreements, moral agreements, legal systems, cultural, Report an error in the passage at 35:18
36:00 and ideas that come out of culture and religion. so even like the Vinaya is... Baramatha Satcha is where you... use, but mainly to develop mindfulness around. It's not an end in itself. then paramatthasaccha is where you You know, the result of letting go of the conventions, but does not mean like destroying anything or getting rid of, but no longer this blind attachment. Report an error in the passage at 36:00
36:41 Like I could see how in religion, any religion, the problems that we have in religion, religion is attachment to the samut, to the structure, to the conventional form. Report an error in the passage at 36:41
36:58 In which we, you know, we're attached to it, but we don't see the attachment. And then, so then we form strong opinions about if something doesn't fit into our convention, it's wrong. Report an error in the passage at 36:58
37:14 You know, so if you, you know, if you don't, like the Christian conventions are different than the Buddhist ones. So if one is attached to the Buddhist conventions, conventions, of ignorance, then you can only see Christianity as wrong. not Buddhist, so it's wrong. There's logic there. Report an error in the passage at 37:14
37:38 the same Christians do that. They're very good at that. know, condemning all other religions. But the itself is... Report an error in the passage at 37:38
37:54 or conventional reality. Not to be rejected, but to be recognized for its limitation. And then, if it's a religion, you say, what is a religion? Is Buddhism a religion? You know, people ask this question. Because you don't have belief in God as its basis. And, you know, religion... In terms of the word itself, it's from a Latin word, religio, which means it's the bond that you make to the ultimate, the conventional form that points to the ultimate. Report an error in the passage at 37:54
38:34 So like in my case, becoming a Buddhist monk was like forming a bond, taking on the rules, the life of the Buddhist monk is a conventional form. But it's not an end in itself. It's merely for expedient means, pointing at paramatthasaccha, you know, to keep reminding you, to encourage and keep pointing at ultimate reality rather than at conventional reality. Report an error in the passage at 38:34
39:15 So this is, you know, trying to put into perspective the use of convention. Report an error in the passage at 39:15
39:26 Because, you know, it can be dismissed or rejected. Like, you know, people don't like the conventional forms of religion sometimes. Or think they're outdated or whatever. And then they have reason to believe it because a lot of people are attached to their conventional forms, which they can't see beyond. Report an error in the passage at 39:26
39:52 You know, it's like the... Finger pointing at the moon, you know, pointing at the moon, and you only look at the finger, you'll never see the moon. So this is, you know, just see, like I think if it's a proper, if it's a real religion, meaning it's a conventional bond you make to use these conventions for looking in that direction of Bharamata Satya. Report an error in the passage at 39:52
40:25 And recognizing it. Realizing it. And then the conventions can vary. It doesn't mean you have to have the same. You all have to use the same convention. Because each one of us has to learn from the way we are. You can't learn from the way I am. In a Tibetan monastery there's a sign saying 88,000 monks, 8,000 paths. Report an error in the passage at 40:25
40:57 And here there are 22 bhikkhus, 22 paths. Report an error in the passage at 40:57
41:07 Each one of us has to learn from our own, you know, the way what one is. But we all agree, and we've all using this convention. So we're into, we support each other through the convention. And then they, so we're not, you know, what that does is bond us as a saṅgha. So we're not just my opinion, your opinion. Report an error in the passage at 41:07
41:34 What I think, what you think. We kind of surrender using this convention and then in a practical way it's based on morality and good manners and good qualities. So then we can learn to live with each other in our different kind of karmic extremities. Report an error in the passage at 41:34
42:06 So, otherwise we couldn't live. You know, I don't think 22 men could live together for very long if we didn't agree to this one convention. Report an error in the passage at 42:06
42:23 Yes? Report an error in the passage at 42:23
· · · silence, 1 minute
43:37 Have you suggested that? Do Report an error in the passage at 43:37
43:49 you have any wounds to show us? Well, Report an error in the passage at 43:49
44:13 I mean, if they're not open to other suggestions, there's nothing much you can do. But, you know, it's because... This is a problem we all have of, you know, we get upset at the workplace and bring it home and rant. I mean, and so this is where mindfulness helps to begin to, you know, as we, like meditation helps us to stop just because it becomes habitual, you know, we can't stop it really. Report an error in the passage at 44:13
44:51 We get so addicted to the pattern we've developed. Mindfulness meditation helps us to stop just the momentum of these habits. And like talking about pushing buttons and things like this, looking at just encouraging people to just Report an error in the passage at 44:51
45:19 stop for a moment and listen, listen to themselves, listen. I found with... You know, in my own experience, when I get into this kind of ranting, internal ranting, I stop and listen to it and just begin to let it just rant inside me rather than subjecting somebody else to it. Report an error in the passage at 45:19
45:53 And that way I begin to get a perspective on it, you know. Rather than just using it, because I found just like this confrontational style where whatever you think you say and you just let all your emotions out on whoever's around makes life incredibly painful for anyone around you. Report an error in the passage at 45:53
46:20 And, you know, it's not very nice to live with somebody who Who's carrying all this anger and dumping it out on you, even though it's not directed at you, you know, it becomes habitual. So it's where, you know, many of us have, you know, one reason for practicing meditation was to get outside this habit rather than just, because even like cathartic telling off, you know. Report an error in the passage at 46:20
46:52 Or saying what you think, it's still, you're making a karmic connection to it all the time. You know, you're just, it might make you feel better for a while, kind of get it out of your system, but you haven't really resolved the problem. Report an error in the passage at 46:52
47:32 I'd say I wouldn't support it. I've Report an error in the passage at 47:32
47:42 tried doing that with people. Report an error in the passage at 47:42
47:51 I found it didn't really, you know, it made me miserable too. And so, you know, you're... You're making people around you miserable. And you might love the person doing it, but what they really need is a shut up, stop. One of these friends, kind of, what do you call it, tough love kind of friend. Report an error in the passage at 47:51
48:34 It's a good Report an error in the passage at 48:34
48:40 question. Report an error in the passage at 48:40
48:44 But also, it's not just one way or the other. You know, sometimes people need to express anger and somebody to listen to it. But, you know, so that can be, like cathartic methods can be beneficial in the beginning, but when they become habitual, that's where it goes, you know, it becomes a habit again. Report an error in the passage at 48:44
49:08 I have one interesting experience. Years ago, this was many, many years ago in Switzerland, I used to give a retreat, before we had a vihara in Switzerland, I used to give a retreat there in Bern, and There is a woman there that was a middle-aged nurse. She'd go on my retreats. And she was a really nice person, someone that always seemed to be very positive about life. Report an error in the passage at 49:08
49:44 And I quite enjoyed talking to her. But anyway, after... I didn't see her for a year and the next retreat I gave in Switzerland, she told me that she felt that she was holding, repressing anger. Somebody told her that she was repressing her anger. So she did this anger therapy where she would go and hit pillows. Report an error in the passage at 49:44
50:18 And shout, you know, I hate you or whatever, but aiming always at a pillow. And so then I asked her, how did that affect her meditation? And she said, whenever I see a pillow, I want to hit it. Report an error in the passage at 50:18
50:52 She became habituated, addicted to hitting pillows. So Report an error in the passage at 50:52
51:15 next week I'll be, I'm giving a retreat in Ireland. I invite the Venerable Ajahn Amro to give a talk next Sunday. Report an error in the passage at 51:15
Related talks
Talk by Ajahn Sumedho. Original at Amaravati Buddhist Monastery via Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/ajahn-sumedho-dhamma-talks. Licensed CC BY-NC-ND 4.0. Transcript generated automatically and may contain errors; the audio is the authoritative version.
Talks of Ajahn Sumedho, archived on Internet Archive. More from Amaravati