Conquering Stress And Anxiety Public Talk With Ven Amy Miller (part 2)

0:00 So what did you, any interesting insights from lunch, from your lunch? I heard other things you were talking about that you weren't supposed to be talking about. You know, it's an open air place, so I heard all, okay? So you could not hide. Yes, please. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:19 Yes, please. Here it comes. Report an error in the passage at 0:19 Highlight the passage at 0:19

0:25 You become much more sensitive, sensitive, at least I do. Sensitive to noises, sensitive to people's energy, to smells. And it can be very overwhelming. Last year I went on a six-day silent retreat and when I came back I felt very depressed. So I was wondering what sort of practices or how can you titrate the experience so this doesn't overcome you? Report an error in the passage at 0:25 Highlight the passage at 0:25

0:50 Yes, it's very common to have those experiences. And when people used to come to our retreat centers, I would tell them at the end to please be gentle when you leave and even today. You know, it's like when you leave, you don't have to get right sucked in. You know, people immediately go back to the phone. Why don't you give your mind a little space to just notice around you and walk and think about kindness towards others. Report an error in the passage at 0:50 Highlight the passage at 0:50

1:15 So I would say part of it is you're in a protective, safe environment when you do a retreat like that. And just knowing that sometimes when you come out, other people are not cultivating the attitude that you were cultivating on retreat. And it's just the nature of saṃsāra. It's going to be like that. So I often did, when I would leave retreat centers and go before I was living at them, I would feel really depressed. So maybe do something nice for yourself, take a bath and just observe the mind doing its things and have a nice meal, whatever makes you feel. Report an error in the passage at 1:15 Highlight the passage at 1:15

1:46 But I also find I wouldn't escape right away and put the TV on and start, because you get into a nice subtle place and something gets opened up. And spiritual practice is when that place gets opened up, It can be uncomfortable and then we immediately want to kind of tamp that down. So sometimes I just stay and notice what's uncomfortable about it and it sometimes opens up some insights for myself. Report an error in the passage at 1:46 Highlight the passage at 1:46

2:13 So I would just kind of hang with it sometimes and kind of notice, well, I feel a bit depressed right now or life seems so overwhelming, but I do have some more tools right now to fold it into my practice. It's a lot like exercising. When you're exercising, you don't know until the next day. That your muscles are sore. So when I was there, it was wonderful. It was like paradise. I loved the silence. So I didn't feel bad at all. Report an error in the passage at 2:13 Highlight the passage at 2:13

2:38 I felt great. It was only when I returned that I felt... Yes. So when you come out of retreat and suddenly... I mean, I've had some... Sometimes retreats, you know, if I'm able to do like three or four months in the mountains, which is probably a little longer than some of you might do, it's... The post-retreat time is more powerful. Report an error in the passage at 2:38 Highlight the passage at 2:38

3:01 I think it's a good thing that you're getting somewhere, meaning you're scratching beneath the surface now to see what's there rather than just going along like everyone else. So mostly I just kind of hang with it and observe it. And there are retreat centers are there because they are these protected little bubbles and people love them. So the other thing you could do, I don't know, do you live alone? Report an error in the passage at 3:01 Highlight the passage at 3:01

3:37 Do you live with your family? Live alone? So some people create a little weekend time for retreat in your home. And then it starts to be where you are. So if you don't have a whole day of the weekend, maybe you take like a Sunday afternoon, Sunday morning. And you've got two hours you set aside and that's going to be like, and you get back into that space. So what happens is the yogi, yogini mind that we cultivate on retreat or at a retreat center, it doesn't have to leave you and it actually can end up being with you all the time, when you go to work, when you're having a difficult scene with your family, whatever it is. Report an error in the passage at 3:37 Highlight the passage at 3:37

4:20 And so you start to cultivate it where you bring it into your... Into your home and then I have a little bit of that. That's right. I remember it's not going to be like at the retreat center. Don't expect that. But at least I've got this here because this is still here. And this is here when you went to the retreat center and then now it's back in your home and it's here sitting here right now. So for me, I just came back from this trip and I was all over India and all over the place moving constantly after the retreat. Report an error in the passage at 4:20 Highlight the passage at 4:20

4:48 But because my practice happens every day. So now my home is here. It's wherever I am. I'm at home. And what happens is when you go back into your meditation posture, whether you're in a chair, but when you go back into the mind state with a motivation, and I would start there and then some breathing, and maybe I'd read some inspirational prayers if I like. Report an error in the passage at 4:48 Highlight the passage at 4:48

5:12 But then I'm going home. I always have that quality now. I can always go home and I have that ability. So wherever I am, Report an error in the passage at 5:12 Highlight the passage at 5:12

5:22 I'm home, basically. It's a very nice centering thing, and it tends to lend some balance and foundation. It doesn't mean I don't have problems, but I always have that resource like that. Report an error in the passage at 5:22 Highlight the passage at 5:22

5:38 So underneath, Report an error in the passage at 5:38 Highlight the passage at 5:38

5:44 what comes up, we started to talk about death, and what death brings up is a loss of control, and we talked about this a little bit last night. That the only thing you can control is your mind, your attitude. So I would say one thing that really has alleviated a lot of stress for me in my life and anxiety is to let go trying to control anything else. Report an error in the passage at 5:44 Highlight the passage at 5:44

6:10 Let it go. You will be bloodying your head against a wall, right? You're trying to control your kids. You're trying to control your partner. You're trying to control your living space and your co-workers and traffic. Report an error in the passage at 6:10 Highlight the passage at 6:10

6:25 You know, it's futile. You can't control any of that. Any of that. So I know people that they have their apartment to a certain degree. It's you pay your rent. You've got your things. And then everything's set and everything's great. And then there's a leak. And your bathroom's flooded. Right? I mean, this happens. This isn't unusual. Or, you know, you found the perfect apartment and you didn't realize that the neighbors upstairs were really noisy. Report an error in the passage at 6:25 Highlight the passage at 6:25

6:55 So this is saṃsāra. Once again, don't expect perfection in a broken situation. And we're constantly trying that. As soon as I get the new job, everything will be okay. As soon as that guy that I hate at work quits and leaves, everything will be okay. As soon as I get into a new relationship, everything will be okay. It's not realistic. Report an error in the passage at 6:55 Highlight the passage at 6:55

7:16 You're not being realistic. You're setting yourself up for more stress and anxiety. Okay, can you really put that into your life? Try that on. What kinds of expectations do you have? You have to be realistic about it. I used to have very high expectations about things and I was just continually disappointed, continually raging. Report an error in the passage at 7:16 Highlight the passage at 7:16

7:38 Like, why isn't it like that? It's ridiculous, just not like that. You know, sometimes something really good comes and I'm rejoicing. Then I'm like, oh, I have a thing. Somebody gave me a car some years ago when I moved to Vermont. And it's great because it was very helpful to have a car there. And now, apparently, it's an old Toyota. I'm in this denial that it's old because it's still such a great car. Report an error in the passage at 7:38 Highlight the passage at 7:38

8:03 The Toyota is the Mahāyāna, correct? It is the greater vehicle, right? Isn't it? It's my second Toyota. Now, I know New Yorkers don't have cars. You don't drive, which is great. You use public transportation. But some people have cars. And I got into a thing with the car because it is an old car. I just had to get it, you know, all re-registered in Pennsylvania. And the mechanic who did the inspection, you know, in Vermont, inspections are, what, $30, right, for your car? Report an error in the passage at 8:03 Highlight the passage at 8:03

8:34 $30. In Pennsylvania, $95. I was like in shock. I was like, how much? You know, that's three inspections in Vermont. Okay, so I went to the mechanic. He's great. Found this great guy. And he was saying to me some recommendations. The cart, it doesn't need, it's great, it doesn't cost much. And he said, well, you could do this, this and this and it's not urgent. Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

9:00 And he said, you know, because it is an old car. And then I noticed, I went like, who are you talking about? All of a sudden I was like, excuse me? Report an error in the passage at 9:00 Highlight the passage at 9:00

9:11 So let's be realistic. So for me, when the car starts, I'm excited. you know Report an error in the passage at 9:11 Highlight the passage at 9:11

9:17 Because its nature is to brake. Like I have more of a thing. Because then when your car doesn't start one morning, my dad just had this, it battery didn't work. It's like that's more likely sometimes, especially in the cold and when you have an older vehicle. So sometimes it's not like I'm a pessimist that I expect things to fail. But if they do and if something messes up, I'm not that surprised. I'm like, okay. Report an error in the passage at 9:17 Highlight the passage at 9:17

9:40 So I came out of this retreat this past year. And each retreat has its own theme. Every retreat I've done, there's an old theme that's going on. And this theme was, as it is. As it is. Meaning, and I found this really counter-stress and anxiety. Things are bubbling up and somebody mentioned you're feeling overwhelmed. So sometimes I'm just observing like, oh, now I'm going to label this and I'm going to say I'm feeling overwhelmed. Report an error in the passage at 9:40 Highlight the passage at 9:40

10:13 Okay, that just becomes another label. So if I want to label something I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm going to feel overwhelmed. If I observe the overwhelm going through my mental space, it's different. I'm more detached from it. So again, I'm observing overwhelm come through my space, and I'll be like, oh, there goes overwhelm, right? Report an error in the passage at 10:13 Highlight the passage at 10:13

10:37 Hmm, do I want to call that that's how I'm feeling? You know, we have a thing at Dharma centers. I'm burnt out. I'm burnt out. And now there's a new word for it, but we used to say we're burnt out and the director and you'd hear staff and it's contagious. This happens in offices, right? So somebody would say, I'm burnt out. Yeah, he's burnt out. I'm burnt out. And then you become burnt out. And that's your persona. So sometimes I just observe this negative mental space that comes through, but I don't need to grab onto it and say, okay, yeah, I'm going to put this one on. Report an error in the passage at 10:37 Highlight the passage at 10:37

11:12 Overwhelm. So I just watch it and I'll go, wow, there's so little space in my mind right now. So what do I do? I have coping mechanisms, healthy coping mechanisms, that when that happens and I'm observing that thing go through my mind, I reach out for those healthy coping mechanisms. You have to be creative and design your own, because what speaks to you? We're all different. It could be, for me, one of mine is taking a bath. Report an error in the passage at 11:12 Highlight the passage at 11:12

11:41 I like that. It makes me feel good. It's a little sign of pampering. It's easy to do. It's not any big deal. But you might have a thing where you go out and get the salted whatever I had yesterday ice cream. That thing. I don't know what it was. Anyway, I'm not saying this because I want salted whatever I ate. I have to be careful when I say this in teachings because people show up with a gallon of it the next day. Report an error in the passage at 11:41 Highlight the passage at 11:41

12:04 I'm like, no. All I wanted was a little cup and that's all and I'm done now for another month. That was it, right? So again, whatever speaks to you. If you want to go have a pizza, if you want to go call a friend and go for a long walk or get some physical exercise or go to the movies, whatever your thing, a coping mechanism. Report an error in the passage at 12:04 Highlight the passage at 12:04

12:24 It's okay to have those coping mechanisms sometimes and you're not escaping. And sometimes I find that it's helpful if you find that you're riding a long wave of anxiety. And stress for a long time, like it's going on for a few months and you're trying these other antidotes. Take yourself to an uplifting movie. Sometimes it just lifts you out of your, you know, or read some kind of funny book that people, you know, Bill Bryson or some kind of something like that that just takes you a little bit out of your experience that you can, okay? Report an error in the passage at 12:24 Highlight the passage at 12:24

12:58 So develop your own mechanisms, but things you are going to do. And have them readily available, meaning you might need a list because when the anxiety comes and then it causes the overwhelm and then you glom onto the overwhelm and then you have that hat on now, you're not as likely to remember those resources that are always there. Report an error in the passage at 12:58 Highlight the passage at 12:58

13:18 So you might have a little thing on the mirror in your bathroom. Oh, that's right, I said I was going to stretch the next time I felt kind of tight. So let me go through some general antidotes. How we can combat anxiety and things. A lot of you are familiar with some of these. Report an error in the passage at 13:18 Highlight the passage at 13:18

13:42 Mindfulness or self-awareness, something we've been talking about. First general antidote, mindfulness or self-awareness. Through regular practice of meditation, your mind becomes calmer and less likely to react by tripping into anxiety. So you're just aware of what's arising in the mind. You're noticing, and you start noticing, a trigger happens, you're with that difficult person in your life, and suddenly you feel, this constricts, and you notice shallow breathing starts, I'm feeling a little flushed in the face, and I start having these mindset of, oh, I'm in the anxiety now, here, oh, you know, and suddenly a panic attack. Report an error in the passage at 13:42 Highlight the passage at 13:42

14:27 So, can you start to notice the initial triggers? That comes from mindfulness and self-awareness. And again, you have to regularly practice. So based on my regular practice, and I'm not any great practitioner, don't have any realizations like that, but through some regular practice, what I notice is the one thing I'm really happy about is I'm more observant of my mind as it goes through all its leaps and bounds. Report an error in the passage at 14:27 Highlight the passage at 14:27

14:54 I can observe more, and by observing more, I'm less able to be hooked by the negative patterns. I don't get so caught up in them anymore. Like I'll just notice and I'll be like, Wow, I'm feeling really, really irritated at that person right now. And then right there, as I'm looking at them, I'll start analyzing. So what's the problem here? Report an error in the passage at 14:54 Highlight the passage at 14:54

15:17 And then I'll start going into my analyzing underneath. If you're not able to do it in front of the person, which is very hard in the beginning, then that's why you take it back to your practice when you're quiet, alone. Report an error in the passage at 15:17 Highlight the passage at 15:17

15:32 Mindfulness, self-awareness. Another one is remembering the nature of the mind. We didn't talk a lot about the mind, which I often do in this course, but the mind is not the brain in Tibetan Buddhism. The brain is physical. The mind is non-material, not physical, has no shape, no odor, no taste. You cannot cut open the body and say, here's your mind. It has no color. Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

16:04 No form. It's consciousness. Okay? And it has two qualities. It's clear and it's aware. Clear and knowing, they say. That's your mind. Clear and knowing. Isn't that a shock? Is that your mind? Clear and knowing? Is that... So does anyone here seriously have that experience of their mind being clear and knowing at times? Don't you sometimes, right? Okay, that's the nature of your mind. Report an error in the passage at 16:04 Highlight the passage at 16:04

16:32 That's actually the nature of your mind. What happens is when stress and anxiety comes then, whether you're having a panic attack from chronic anxiety from when you were a kid where you have a pattern, the loop of it, or whether you're just having a meltdown over some particularly stressful time of life, whether you're having a particularly difficult time with somebody in your life at that time, and we go through fluctuations, right? Report an error in the passage at 16:32 Highlight the passage at 16:32

17:00 So if you can again come back through your mindfulness and self-awareness, Oh, wait a minute. My mind is actually clear in knowing, not anxiety. So I don't really need to give in to this right now. I'm just watching this pattern come through my consciousness. Why? Because there's other previous imprints of it. That's why it's there. Report an error in the passage at 17:00 Highlight the passage at 17:00

17:22 That's all. I don't have to make a bigger deal of it. So I don't know how many of you are familiar with a neuroscientist, Jill Bolt Taylor. I mentioned this last night. Jill Bolt Taylor. She's a neuroscientist, American, and at the age of 37, a few years ago, some years ago, she had a major stroke on the left side of her brain and it took her seven to eight years to fully recover. Report an error in the passage at 17:22 Highlight the passage at 17:22

17:50 She wrote a book about it called My Stroke of Insight. I highly recommend it. My Stroke of Insight. And what she says in here, I mentioned this last night, I find this so helpful. Report an error in the passage at 17:50 Highlight the passage at 17:50

18:05 Physiologically, and because she's a neuro... A neuroanatomist is technically what she is, but a neuroscientist. She knows all about the anatomy of the brain. She said physiologically what happens is from a neurological activity to get happening until it passes through the whole nerve network and your body, that process is 90 seconds. Report an error in the passage at 18:05 Highlight the passage at 18:05

18:30 So if anxiety arises and suddenly there's a pop and you feel anxious and suddenly here comes the thing or you see the person walking toward you, Or you get this bill in the mail and you're like, what is this? I never had to pay this before. The insurance went up. I can't afford this. You get fired. And then the anxious thought comes into being, it's 90 seconds. That's it. So why are we allowing it to go on and on and on when it's only 90 seconds? Report an error in the passage at 18:30 Highlight the passage at 18:30

19:01 Okay, that's a habit. So what she's saying is, And Pema Chodron wrote about this in a book as well and then I read this and was like, yeah, you know, it's perfect. So give yourself the 90 seconds. Just let yourself have 90 seconds of total anxiety. Go for it, okay? As long as you're able to let it go after the 90 seconds and move on. Report an error in the passage at 19:01 Highlight the passage at 19:01

19:26 Let it play itself out because it does play itself out. Out of habit though, we perpetuate it. And you think about it again. And you get to think about it again and you think about it again and that becomes a habit. So then I'm used to having an anxious mind and thinking about anxious things. Things that make me anxious. But that's not really how you're wired. And also because the mind's clear in knowing, that's not how you're wired at all. Report an error in the passage at 19:26 Highlight the passage at 19:26

19:55 But we're habituated. We're also habituated based on social programming. Environmental programming. Meaning... People around you worry. I grew up with two people that continually worried. It was kind of driving, sometimes with my mother. God bless, she passed away, but she was wonderful. But driving with her, she was a worrier and kind of neurotic at times. Okay, we'd be driving and all of a sudden she'd say, do you have people like this in your life? Report an error in the passage at 19:55 Highlight the passage at 19:55

20:30 And I was like, what? I'm like, what? Like, it didn't look like anybody was going to hit us. I was like, what? I forgot to get the milk. She would have me so like, so you have an influence like that. So I would start, I noticed a pattern where I'd be like, until I learned how to undo it, I'm like, what am I alarmed about? Report an error in the passage at 20:30 Highlight the passage at 20:30

20:53 For me, an emergency. So don't also be careful not to get caught up in someone else's emergency. Don't we do that? We're in community. Hello, in Manhattan, in New York, we're in community with everyone. The more we realize our interconnectedness, I think the less anxiety, really. Meaning there's a person there I can connect with. Somebody there that, like my cab ride last night, because we had connection, I felt like I had a new friend, this Vietnamese taxi driver. Report an error in the passage at 20:53 Highlight the passage at 20:53

21:25 Like I don't know him, I didn't exchange phone numbers, but I suddenly felt like the world was smaller and he was in it and we had this thing going, even for like 10 minutes, whatever. So why not do that with everybody? There's a connection, because then I wasn't thinking about anxiety or pain or, you know, I wasn't thinking about whatever, the thing in the subway and the pain and the, you know, you're late and you're going to get fired. Report an error in the passage at 21:25 Highlight the passage at 21:25

21:50 So when you connect with people, Now, I know sometimes people are lobbing onto you some negative mind states. Okay, fair enough. So what do we do? We'll talk about what we do about that. But initially, it's this connection. And so, you know, give yourself that 90 seconds. I allow the 90 seconds now. Something happens. Whatever it is. It could be attachment. It could be, I watched my 90 seconds. And honestly, you observe everything. And it's fun. Report an error in the passage at 21:50 Highlight the passage at 21:50

22:18 It makes it fun. And you're never bored again watching your mind. Seriously, I'm not. So I had the little ice cream thing, right? Ice cream doesn't do that well in my system, but I love it. Absolutely love it, right? It's, I think, my favorite food, right? So I went to this place anyway. I was blown into this place, literally. I went out to have a walk, and I was like, ah! Report an error in the passage at 22:18 Highlight the passage at 22:18

22:40 And I went into this place. It was like a little market. And I went in, and I just was wandering around, and then I thought, I'm a little hungry. Maybe I'll have something to eat. So then I went past this ice cream counter and they had very unusual ice cream flavors. For instance, one of them had Guinness in it. Report an error in the passage at 22:40 Highlight the passage at 22:40

22:58 It was just unusual. But anyway, I went through and it said salted caramel. I don't like salted caramels. They never appealed to me. But I went in and I just looked and I thought, how creative. And then I saw my little mind of desire. Well, it wasn't that little. Report an error in the passage at 22:58 Highlight the passage at 22:58

23:13 Right? Came out. But this is how you observe. And then I went, oh, so let me have the 90 second desire mind. You know, which says I need and I want and let me have that mind. So I just let it play out and then it played out and I let it go. And I didn't need to have the ice cream or want any more or, you know, of course then the guy said, do you want a sample? Report an error in the passage at 23:13 Highlight the passage at 23:13

23:35 But in any event, I was really done at that point. But then I made a decision, a conscious decision, that I would have some ice cream because I haven't had any in ages. And this looked like really good ice cream. So it was a conscious decision. So let your thing, whether it's anger, anxiety, depression, roll the thing out. Report an error in the passage at 23:35 Highlight the passage at 23:35

23:52 Unless you've had chronic periods of that, then you need a little bit more support to do that. But that's why the practice is so essential. And this practice, remembering the nature of your mind. Clear and knowing. It's not anxiety. So it is a... Ever streaming continuum of mental thoughts, experiences. That's your mind. One causing the next, causing the next, causing the next, causing the next. Report an error in the passage at 23:52 Highlight the passage at 23:52

24:19 No beginning, no end. That's your mind. Clear, spacious awareness. Report an error in the passage at 24:19 Highlight the passage at 24:19

24:27 Negative mental trips will come in, but that's not the nature of your mind. Anxiety comes in. Thanks very much. I see you dancing through there. Well, I feel really anxious right now. I need to remember to breathe. I need to figure out why I'm really feeling anxious right now. Is there something I can do about it? Then please do it. If not, I have to practice letting go. So give it the 90 seconds and march off. Report an error in the passage at 24:27 Highlight the passage at 24:27

24:52 And again, you're going to introduce healthy thoughts into the mind, healthy patterns into the mind as much as you can. The mental events, the anxiety, what's another quality of the anxiety? Report an error in the passage at 24:52 Highlight the passage at 24:52

25:06 Can you recall, those of you that have your anxious moments and worry and stress, Can you recall a moment before that's not anxious? Aren't there moments like that in your mind? Are any of you always anxious? Seriously? You're always anxious? No, not always. Not always. Okay, not always. Anybody here always feel like you're... Report an error in the passage at 25:06 Highlight the passage at 25:06

25:29 Okay, so it sounds like there's periods in your mind when you're not anxious, not feeling stressed out. Would you agree? Everybody agree? So it's impermanent anxiety, isn't it? It's temporary. Report an error in the passage at 25:29 Highlight the passage at 25:29

25:44 It's temporary if you would like to make it temporary. Some people choose suffering every day. Again, this is your choice, right? Report an error in the passage at 25:44 Highlight the passage at 25:44

25:53 What do you choose down there? You chuckled. Report an error in the passage at 25:53 Highlight the passage at 25:53

26:04 Yes. Yeah, it's true. Okay. So another thing is we use this saying, this experience in Tibetan Buddhism, like clouds in the sky are the delusions that come through the mind. The mind is like the clear blue sky. And occasionally a weather front comes through. So now we have snow and that changes. I don't see the clear blue sky because it's snowing. Sometimes it's a heavy bank of dark clouds. Report an error in the passage at 26:04 Highlight the passage at 26:04

26:34 That's like anxiety. Okay, so I can't see the blue sky. I know behind it there's clear blue sky, but I'm not seeing that. When anxiety is in the mind, it's like that. So just remembering, it's just like clouds. Sometimes I have a puffy cloud, easier to move on. And sometimes the rain bank, the heavy bank of clouds takes a little bit more time. So then I work on applying my antidotes, remembering the nature of my mind. Report an error in the passage at 26:34 Highlight the passage at 26:34

27:01 That's not the nature of my mind. I'm aware it's in my mind right now, but that's not really me. Letting it go on like dreams, like rainbows, like waves in the sea. They rise and they fall. Not a fixed entity, your anxiety. And then I mentioned de-identifying. Report an error in the passage at 27:01 Highlight the passage at 27:01

27:22 With the anxiety. So instead of I am a stressed out person, I'm an anxious person, I'm always anxious, is I just have anxiety in my mind sometimes. Sometimes I have a lot of anxiety in my mind or sometimes I have anxiety in my mind a lot. But that's not me. That's not really truly who you are. We're just prone to different situations in saṃsāra. That's normal. Report an error in the passage at 27:22 Highlight the passage at 27:22

27:53 Okay? Here's another general antidote. Being non-judgmental. What do you think of that? Some people are more judgmental than others. Some are not that judgmental. But if you're negatively judgmental, it's very hard not to prejudge. It's just you're designed to, you know. So you'll notice that you tend to like certain thoughts and emotions that come through your mind and you dislike others. Report an error in the passage at 27:53 Highlight the passage at 27:53

28:28 And so then in your own mind, you start attaching to, now I feel more peaceful. This is good. Capital G-O-O-D. Good. And now I feel stressed out and this is bad. And I'm bad. And I'm really bad. And I'm anxious again and I'm not good enough. And I'm, you know, so this starts to go on and on. Okay. So once again, this is the first judgment is about ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 28:28 Highlight the passage at 28:28

28:55 So when your mind gets caught up in that loop, it's not peaceful. Instead, when I notice anxiety, I don't label it good or bad. Report an error in the passage at 28:55 Highlight the passage at 28:55

29:05 It's just, yet again, another delusion passing through. Oh, there goes irritation. Oh, there's anger. That's a bigger thing of irritation. Report an error in the passage at 29:05 Highlight the passage at 29:05

29:16 And sometimes it's just a little bit of stress, and then sometimes it's full-on anxiety coming through. I've seen people... Like you get a little bit of attachment to something, you want this certain type of clothing, or you want, I saw this somebody, was it a watch somebody had that a friend of mine was, her boyfriend was going to buy her a watch. Report an error in the passage at 29:16 Highlight the passage at 29:16

29:36 And first of all, that was a new concept. Has this happened to you, a new concept? He decided to gift her with a good watch. So the day before that happened, she had no concept of a new watch in her mind. Report an error in the passage at 29:36 Highlight the passage at 29:36

29:49 Did you ever notice it's so interesting that no concept, but once he presented that, first she's like, no, no, no, I have a watch, I don't need it, and they went through that, and then the decision was made to purchase the watch. Then the anxiety she went through about the watch, to get this kind of watch, to get this kind of watch. Why? Like, she didn't have it there three days ago, and now she was calling me three times a day, if I got the gold band with the thing, but he wanted to get that kind, if I get the Swiss one. Report an error in the passage at 29:49 Highlight the passage at 29:49

30:19 The Pulsar had the, you know, and I'm like, shut up. Stop. I mean, I didn't say that, but it's like, stop. But sometimes people need to shut up because it's silly. Report an error in the passage at 30:19 Highlight the passage at 30:19

30:33 It's just a little object. And then they had a fight over it. Why? So this happened. This is a mundane example, but miscommunications and big fights in families start this way. One little miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a huge thing, and I don't talk to my brother for five years, I hear people say. Why? Report an error in the passage at 30:33 Highlight the passage at 30:33

30:55 And then later they go, I don't really remember. So let's be skillful again, how we're interrelating. We're all connected. Somebody wants to get you a watch. Thank you. And then be happy with what you get. It's just a watch. Can you be satisfied with what you have, though? And simplify. Then it gets easier. Report an error in the passage at 30:55 Highlight the passage at 30:55

31:19 Less stress. So the first is accepting whatever arises in your mind. I don't need to have a big bad and good of what comes up in my mind because that makes me feel bad and good. I just observe it. Oh, okay. Wow. And so what I do is, one of the things I wanted to mention, some of you are, we're all at different levels here and some have been practicing a long time and some are new. Report an error in the passage at 31:19 Highlight the passage at 31:19

31:47 So please, I ask you, here's a practice to do when you wake up in the morning to start. Some of you are already doing this. I have mentioned this in other classes I've taught here. I start my practice as soon as I come into consciousness in the morning, whether it's by alarm or naturally waking up. Excuse me. Report an error in the passage at 31:47 Highlight the passage at 31:47

32:08 So what I mean is I come into consciousness and you know that first moment whether the alarm goes off and you realize you're here in your bed and it's you, right? Everybody with me? Okay. How's that going for you? I'm picking on you. Okay, so what I do is all of a sudden I have this consciousness that it's me and my body. I have a very blessed life. I'm very grateful for my life. You know, it's not without its problems, but I'm very grateful. Report an error in the passage at 32:08 Highlight the passage at 32:08

32:39 And I have this moment of like, yay! Like, thank you, I'm in my body and my life again. Like, thank you, thank you, thank you. Even when I've had really hard times. I've had some hard times in my life, okay, but I'm like, I'm here and I'm not looking down and seeing a dog's paw. Seriously, okay, it's not, I'm like, okay, so first I've got that grounding, just a minute of like, I am so grateful, thank you. Report an error in the passage at 32:39 Highlight the passage at 32:39

33:05 Whomever did all the work for me in past lives that got me here, thank you so much. And I have this little moment of gratitude. So this is the beginning of the lamrim in our tradition, appreciating your human existence. Your precious human rebirth. Please try to do that. That's fundamental. That's all you take away from this class. Report an error in the passage at 33:05 Highlight the passage at 33:05

33:26 Appreciating your precious or perfect human rebirth. And what I mean by that is you're a human that has a balance of leisure and suffering. The leisure affords you to come to something like this where you can get some information and learn and practice with it. And the suffering motivates you to want to practice and help others. Report an error in the passage at 33:26 Highlight the passage at 33:26

33:50 So, through not appreciating your human rebirth, we suffer from low self-esteem and feeling bad about ourselves. This is the antidote to low self-esteem. And Westerners do not do it very often, to rejoice at what's good. How many times have you gotten a compliment? How many of you do this? You get a compliment, I love your hair, nice shoes, you look great, and we go, yeah, okay. Report an error in the passage at 33:50 Highlight the passage at 33:50

34:18 Why are we embarrassed by that? It's negative ego, negative parts of your ego. Because the unhealthy parts of your ego want to perpetuate, I'm not good enough, and so don't compliment me because I really don't feel like I'm good enough. So you can't possibly like my hair or my shoes because I'm not good enough. So fight back. You're warrior-ness. Report an error in the passage at 34:18 Highlight the passage at 34:18

34:42 Somebody gives you a compliment. Thank you. You don't have to be an egomaniac about it. But this is about balance in the mind. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I think I did a good job. That's great. Just acknowledging. And then on your own little practice, rejoice. And you could do little things every day. I would rejoice once a day at some good thing you do for someone else. Report an error in the passage at 34:42 Highlight the passage at 34:42

35:07 So not only does it get you to practice a little more ardently to do something for someone else, it's a great antidote to stress and anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 35:07 Highlight the passage at 35:07

35:17 But then I really focused and rejoiced that it could be a tiny little thing. I let the guy get in front of me at the ATM or I stepped back to let the person get on the train, on the subway. It doesn't have to be a major thing. He bought somebody flowers. For me, my little rejoice yesterday was my conversation with the taxi driver. I remember sitting in the back and he was silent and I was silent and I thought I could speak to him or I could not speak to him. Report an error in the passage at 35:17 Highlight the passage at 35:17

35:44 I could find out who he is or not, my choice. And then, and I thought that was nice. And he was really happy. You know, he's driving around all night freezing in the free, he's warm in his car, but, you know, it's sometimes not fun being a taxi driver and you meet some creeps. And so I thought he had a little, nice little 10 minute, nice little thing. And he was excited that I knew the Lama on his phone. And he, you know, I was excited he wasn't like looking at his phone the whole time he was driving. Report an error in the passage at 35:44 Highlight the passage at 35:44

36:10 So, but it's a nice, nice connection. So actually rejoice, meaning all you do is you sit there, it's the easiest way to practice, and you think, that was a good thing I did, in a balanced way. I'm really happy I did that. And tomorrow maybe I'll do two things. And why? Because you start to notice it feels good. It feels good in your bones, not just in your mind. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:35 It feels good. You have a lighter step, generally. So you wake up in the morning, some gratitude. And then I have some practices I do right there while I'm lying in bed before I get out of bed. But could you have a moment as I have this great life right now, even though you have problems, but we have a warm bed to sleep in. Report an error in the passage at 36:35 Highlight the passage at 36:35

36:56 You have the ability, the intelligence to come to a class like this, the interest. You have food to eat. You probably have some way to pay the bills, relatively speaking. You, I think for most people here, you can walk. Unbelievable. Unbelievable treasure we have to move our bodies in a certain way, not that we're not without health issues sometimes. You're a thinking, conscious person. Report an error in the passage at 36:56 Highlight the passage at 36:56

37:21 So many things to rejoice about, right? But from here, this situation is ending quickly and soon I'm going to die. So my actual next thought is this is my last day. Report an error in the passage at 37:21 Highlight the passage at 37:21

37:32 Some of you might not feel ready for that, but this is my last day. It's the easiest death meditation to do. This is my last day. I have a little... At that point, a scanning meditation of the Lamrim I do, but this is my last day. So it's not a matter of if it's my last day, I'm not going to go to work. Report an error in the passage at 37:32 Highlight the passage at 37:32

37:50 You have to still practically participate. So what I'm going to do is, because it's my last day, and I really try to live that way, today is my last day. How do I want to spend my last day? What kind of attitude do I want to have on my last day? I would like to have a spacious, happy, peaceful attitude on my last day. So you bring that to work with you. You put that in the taxi with you. Report an error in the passage at 37:50 Highlight the passage at 37:50

38:16 You take that on the subway with you. You walk down the street with that. You go into Starbucks and you get your coffee with that attitude. Because that means I'm going to be friendly to the people at the counter and I'll be patient waiting in line with other people. And maybe at the market I'll let somebody get in front of me and maybe at the subway I won't push so much and I won't be so aggressive to... Report an error in the passage at 38:16 Highlight the passage at 38:16

38:37 Do you see what I'm saying? It informs everything that you're doing and thinking and saying. But it takes practice to do. Report an error in the passage at 38:37 Highlight the passage at 38:37

38:47 And then I think from this moment, you're still in bed. I had some gratitude. This could be my last day. So basically what I'd like to do today is have it go well. And I would like to direct all the activities I do with my body, speech and mind in a way that will help me reach a fully awakened state as quickly as I can because so many are suffering. Report an error in the passage at 38:47 Highlight the passage at 38:47

39:09 And I really want to fully benefit all of them. And so for the purpose of benefiting others, I am going to get out of bed today and do my day. Report an error in the passage at 39:09 Highlight the passage at 39:09

39:19 So there's your motivation. Possible? Possible? Yes. Report an error in the passage at 39:19 Highlight the passage at 39:19

39:41 Yes. Report an error in the passage at 39:41 Highlight the passage at 39:41

40:02 Yes. So, okay, let me answer this. Yes. So the question is, sorry, I'm just going to make a little cup of tea here. Report an error in the passage at 40:02 Highlight the passage at 40:02

40:19 I think this is hot. I think I can just do it with this. So what I was going to say, The reason I like to start in bed in the morning, if you have time, who hits a snooze and goes back for ten minutes? Get rid of that. It's a time waster. It's a total time waster. You hit the snooze and you're not really sleeping, and sometimes your mind's kind of active and you're going, oh, I should get up, I should, I should. Get rid of that. Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

40:47 Just stop the snooze and start right there meditating. Either sit up if you have to, if you're afraid to fall back asleep, sit up in bed. You don't have to get out of bed yet, it's warm, it's winter, but then start right there. And what happens is from that moment for me, when I come into my body and I'm like, okay, thank you so much, I'm still Amy Miller, great, is you notice days, I'll notice days I'm tighter and days I'm more spacious. Report an error in the passage at 40:47 Highlight the passage at 40:47

41:13 Some days right in the morning I notice, I'll be like, okay, grumpy is back. You can feel it early on. And maybe you get out of bed and you stub your toe and you drop your toothbrush in the toilet. You know, you have days like that, right? But you know early on and what happens is when I know it early and I catch it early and things are not working that day, then I'm very, very careful that day with my body, speech and mind. Report an error in the passage at 41:13 Highlight the passage at 41:13

41:39 Why? I might fall down on the street. I might say, snap at somebody. So I notice and then I protect myself that day. And okay, today I have to be a little careful at that meeting. Because I'm really a little bit on edge and it's not going that well. And then some days everything's working. Then have the difficult conversation with somebody that you need to have that day. Report an error in the passage at 41:39 Highlight the passage at 41:39

42:03 Does that make sense? So I would do like that where there are going to be days that are not great because it's saṃsāra. But again, I can adjust my attitude. A lot of it is if I'm considering other beings. All the other beings on the planet now that are having a bad day and a lot of them. I think the majority of them are having a much worse day than I will ever have, right? That shifts everything. That shifts everything. Report an error in the passage at 42:03 Highlight the passage at 42:03

42:30 Every time I'm in India and I see, I go by some work site and I see these older women all day carrying bricks on their head. Report an error in the passage at 42:30 Highlight the passage at 42:30

42:41 Poor women, you know, and they get paid very little every day and I just think like, oh please, like I don't want to come back to that kind of rebirth, you know, that like I have so much freedom and Report an error in the passage at 42:41 Highlight the passage at 42:41

42:52 Wow. They really do it all for you here at Shantideva Center. Goodness gracious. So I did want to mention that that's important to know that you're not going to wake up joyous every day. And that's a normal thing. And other questions. Is it Jennifer? What's your name again? Dayzan. Report an error in the passage at 42:52 Highlight the passage at 42:52

43:19 Dayzan, sorry. Did you have a question before? Sorry. Report an error in the passage at 43:19 Highlight the passage at 43:19

43:28 No, no, you're Jennifer. Did you have a question before you had your hand on? No, it's fine. Okay. Yeah, usually I'll tell people to wait because we usually get it answered somehow. Did you have a pressing question that you want to? I just have a quick question. When you said something about how we're wired, we're not wired. Report an error in the passage at 43:28 Highlight the passage at 43:28

43:52 I think you said we're not wired for anxiety. Our minds are not anxiety. Our mind is clear and knowing. Some people feel like, no, my mind is anxiety. That's who I am. That's just who I am. And I'm like, no, it's not unless you choose that, unless you want to be that. But our minds are not that anyway. I was thinking the opposite. Report an error in the passage at 43:52 Highlight the passage at 43:52

44:14 I was thinking that the reason it seems to be universal that we do... ...hook on to anxiety is that there's an evolutionary component to it, that if there's something that raises danger signals, that the brain, you know, is going to pattern itself to recognize that so as to avoid danger. And then the thing about anxiety is so much of it is fantasy. It's not there. We're conjuring things that... Report an error in the passage at 44:14 Highlight the passage at 44:14

44:46 are not real dangers, but they're felt as dangers. So my question is just that, one, I thought that it's not all that easy to let go of it, just to go, oh, make a decision to let go, because often we're letting go of something that we're experiencing as protecting ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 44:46 Highlight the passage at 44:46

45:03 Yes, so you weren't here this morning, right? No, I'm sorry. Okay, that's why you were sitting there this morning, correct? Okay, that's What we did this morning was going down underneath. Report an error in the passage at 45:03 Highlight the passage at 45:03

45:17 To get to the root of the anxiety, where you could see that it's unfounded. Okay, so when you mentioned, who was it that said, I'm anxious when I'm standing in line that I'm going to faint, I'm going to pass out. And then when you went underneath, you realize, well, I have never passed out in line and that's not really likely to happen, but I realize, oh, it may have been triggered by something else. Report an error in the passage at 45:17 Highlight the passage at 45:17

45:40 So the other thing that Lama Yeshe used to talk about touching reality. You have to ask yourself, Buddhist practice requires you to touch reality in your practice. This is not a pie-in-the-sky practice that we do. It's all about being practical and very, very realistic. So I don't think anxiety is universal. Report an error in the passage at 45:40 Highlight the passage at 45:40

46:02 Because I don't often suffer from anxiety. I've had anxious times in my life and stressed out times. But it's not a continual thing that goes through my mind. And I know some people that don't suffer from it at all. Rarely do I see them really worried about stuff. I see somebody else worried, two people. And you see partners. Report an error in the passage at 46:02 Highlight the passage at 46:02

46:21 And one partner worries and the other one's like, no, I'm not really worried about it. Or I don't need to worry because she worries. There's that. You know, there used to be my mom. We didn't have to worry because she worried. But now she's gone. So what's going to happen with the worry? It's okay. It's still okay. So I don't think it's necessarily a universal thing. Report an error in the passage at 46:21 Highlight the passage at 46:21

46:40 I think some people are prone to it, like some people are prone to anger and some to jealousy, some to pride and arrogance, some to attachment and desire. Report an error in the passage at 46:40 Highlight the passage at 46:40

46:51 So the mind is in a clear and knowing state, so these are all antidotes, trying to get down under it to really see what's causing it like that. Report an error in the passage at 46:51 Highlight the passage at 46:51

47:03 Okay, so let me go, and we are going to take a break. We have to finish at quarter to five, I was told, because I know they need to pack up the room, and the Mongolians are coming in to celebrate New Year after, so they're always a very lively bunch. I have some Mongolian ancestry, so I'm always feeling kind of aligned to them. Let me go into some stress, de-stressor things. Report an error in the passage at 47:03 Highlight the passage at 47:03

47:29 Okay, so when you get out of bed, then you have that motivation. If you can do that little practice in the morning, and when you go to bed at night, I also have a thing after I finish my other practice. When I lie down in bed at night, then I think, okay, I have to sleep for my health of my body and mind. And I'd really like to have a good sleep so I feel rested in the morning. Report an error in the passage at 47:29 Highlight the passage at 47:29

47:50 I hope I wake up in the morning and feel energized and healthy. And because I'd really like to continue my path to enlightenment. So I can benefit all others. And so for the purpose of benefiting all others, I'm going to practice the yoga of sleeping. And then I go to sleep. So then your sleep can become virtuous. I feel like that's all I can do. It's the best I can do. So I'm just trying to use as much time as I have all through the day as much as I can to maximize the kind of credit I get, the merit. Report an error in the passage at 47:50 Highlight the passage at 47:50

48:25 Like that. It makes me feel good. Counters the anxiety or stress. But occasionally stuff comes up, right? So here are some practical... Let me just figure out when we're going to take a break. Report an error in the passage at 48:25 Highlight the passage at 48:25

48:41 Okay, so we have some time. Okay, here are some practical things. Fear and worry, in addition to what I just mentioned, what I've been mentioning. So in the mindfulness and awareness, to take this a little bit further, be aware of and acknowledge your fears. Report an error in the passage at 48:41 Highlight the passage at 48:41

49:01 Be aware of and acknowledge your fears. Think about the cycle of existence, saṃsāra. Its nature is suffering and therefore as long as you're in saṃsāra you're going to experience problems. That's normal. Accepting this can help to decrease fear but remember it's definitely possible to become free of saṃsāra by practicing the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 49:01 Highlight the passage at 49:01

49:25 So you can reach a state of nirvāṇa or liberation. Where you have brought about a permanent cessation of all your mental suffering. Permanent. That's possible for everybody in this room to do that. It takes practice, it takes effort, but it's possible. So that's exciting for me. So if you're an anxious, and if you're someone chronically anxious, where you've had something from childhood, I mentioned my nephew, who's 25 now. Report an error in the passage at 49:25 Highlight the passage at 49:25

49:56 He was a worrier from age one. Obviously, for me, it was an imprint. I thought it was an imprint from past lives for him. It must have been. He didn't have any particular stressors at age one. But he's always been a worrier. And so over the years, I kind of try to poke little things in. And what happens is when one worry gets taken care of, he immediately replaces it. Report an error in the passage at 49:56 Highlight the passage at 49:56

50:22 There's a new concern. I find concern different than worry. Concerns were a little bit we need to kind of... and, you know. Report an error in the passage at 50:22 Highlight the passage at 50:22

50:30 Engage ourselves, take care of something and do it. Then do it. Get on with it and just do it. And if not, then we have to practice letting go. So with him, what I noticed is his habit is to immediately, because he's so used to worrying, he needs to replace it with something else. So if you're this kind of person, what I've done with him is he had this thing worried about a trip. He was going to take a trip with his boyfriends and they were going somewhere and on and on. Report an error in the passage at 50:30 Highlight the passage at 50:30

50:57 And then he didn't like the place that they booked to stay. He thought was really very dirty and filthy or whatever. He was worried that it was going to be really bad and dangerous. So that was his new worry. And this I would call, and we joke in my family, my niece and nephews are all in their 20s, 23 to 26. So we joke about first world problems. Report an error in the passage at 50:57 Highlight the passage at 50:57

51:21 How many of your anxieties are related to first world problems? Right, can you put it in perspective? You know what I mean? Like sometimes you're, and I see my niece and she's got a thing with her phone and she's like, well the phone went in it. This whole conversation. And then she'll all of a sudden look up at me and then she'll say, first world problem. Report an error in the passage at 51:21 Highlight the passage at 51:21

51:41 Because I used to remind her and I would say, you know, in India the kids are just trying to find a bed to sleep in or just, you know. And then she'd say first world problems. So when she would say that then she'd realize she didn't really have to worry about it. So sometimes you can gain some perspective by Just saying, in the whole grand scheme of things, how important is this? Can I fix this easily or am I going to obsess about it when it's really not that important? Report an error in the passage at 51:41 Highlight the passage at 51:41

52:12 So with my nephew, when he called me and he said, they booked this room and it's terrible. And so I said, oh, so I joke with him now. And I said, this is your new worry? Is this your worry? And sometimes I'll say to him, what are you worried about now? And he laughs. Now he laughs. I go, what are you worried about now? So he had this worry. Report an error in the passage at 52:12 Highlight the passage at 52:12

52:31 And then I said, well, you know, here's some options. What you can do, you can call, you can cancel the trip. You can ask your friends to book something. You can look for something else and suggest to them another booking. Or, you know, we gave him like three, he talked to me about three options. I think I said to him, what do you think you should do? Report an error in the passage at 52:31 Highlight the passage at 52:31

52:49 And then he came up with these options and I said, that sounds really good. And then he did it and he resolved it. But before he resolved it, I said to him, so this is your current worry. So I'm just pointing out to you now, when you resolve it, will there be space in your mind or will there be a new worry? So it's something to think about. Report an error in the passage at 52:49 Highlight the passage at 52:49

53:11 If you chronically have that habit, can you just allow yourself a little bit to notice, number one, because this is the mindfulness and awareness, I notice that actually it does leave a space when the worry is done. Report an error in the passage at 53:11 Highlight the passage at 53:11

53:27 It leaves a space in my mind where there actually isn't worry because that's the nature of your mind. Worry free before the next worry jumps into the space. So the more you can lengthen that period where you realize that actually the space is the nature of your mind and that's what really exists, then it starts decreasing when the fear and the worry comes up. Report an error in the passage at 53:27 Highlight the passage at 53:27

53:53 I can more easily say, excuse me, you know, I see that you're there, but again, Thursday at four o 'clock, I'm going to have attention with you. That's my time with you. But right now, I'm going to leave the space open right now for some positive thinking. Does it make sense? Possible? Yes. Report an error in the passage at 53:53 Highlight the passage at 53:53

54:17 I'm going to put some milk in my... Sorry. Indulging myself here. Yes, please. Report an error in the passage at 54:17 Highlight the passage at 54:17

54:49 So you're saying the emptiness is not... Yes. it up, I'm going junk. Report an error in the passage at 54:49 Highlight the passage at 54:49

55:00 the right person's experience. Yes. Oh, there was an anxiety. Okay, so what I would recommend to people with that is, this is a little bit more advanced, okay? Meditating on the nature of mind. Meditating on the nature of mind. Some of you are already at that level, and it's a great meditation. I like to do it a lot. Meaning, for those of you that have been practicing for a while, and sometimes not, sometimes somebody new gets this, but if you're focused on one object, If you're doing shine, and you can do shine meaning calm abiding meditation, and you can use the mind as your object of meditation. Report an error in the passage at 55:00 Highlight the passage at 55:00

55:44 So what you're actually doing is, let's say you're focused on this little drop of light. We did this last night on the outside of the nostrils to keep you focused. Report an error in the passage at 55:44 Highlight the passage at 55:44

55:56 Initially just to settle the mind down on one object. And then what you'll notice is thoughts are coming and thoughts are coming, but there's space in between the thoughts from where the... Thoughts arise and then they go back into the space. And another thought comes, it goes back into the space. Another thought comes. And eventually you can go and start to focus on the space itself. Report an error in the passage at 55:56 Highlight the passage at 55:56

56:19 There's a space there. You can also do it while you're breathing. Breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out. But you stop to focus on the, you're not focusing on the breath anymore itself. You're focusing on, something's watching the breath. Something's watching the drop. And you focus your awareness on that. And when you focus on that, and as I said to the other guy, he left because he was afraid to drive back to New Jersey in the snow, James. Report an error in the passage at 56:19 Highlight the passage at 56:19

56:50 So we were talking about, instead of just the mind is empty, meaning it's devoid of something. I'm not talking about the nature of reality emptiness. I'm talking about devoid of something where people get alarmed. Is you focus on the spacious nature of your mind. And that's very blissful. It can be very blissful. So sometimes when you get to the space, you get to the space and you actually can really focus on the space. Report an error in the passage at 56:50 Highlight the passage at 56:50

57:20 Then I said you fill it up with bubbles of light and the lights in the nature of bliss and you stay focused there. But it's really your mind. Your mind is like that. It has that quality. So these are little techniques we do to try to remind us of the blissful quality of the space, spacious luminosity of your mind. Report an error in the passage at 57:20 Highlight the passage at 57:20

57:46 So it's something you can try. And the other thing is, I love, I guess from doing a bit of retreat, I love the stillness. So it's very interesting that people are so busy in their minds that when they can't sit still and they're very afraid to be alone and afraid of that stillness in the mind. And I think that's really a shame. I think we're missing out a bit. So I would encourage you to try to cultivate a meditation practice. Report an error in the passage at 57:46 Highlight the passage at 57:46

58:13 And then make some time to do retreat a little bit longer, whether it's a day, but actually taking yourself maybe at some point away to a retreat center where you can be guided through some practices to really deepen, you know, with some meditation and things. It's really worthwhile for your mind because you start to see your mind. So what happens is the first time you choose, if you do this in this life, the first time you choose to do a solo retreat. Report an error in the passage at 58:13 Highlight the passage at 58:13

58:43 And let's say I would start small with a weekend or something. But the first time you choose that, it can be alarming for people to be alone with your mind. And you see what comes up. You can't hide. It's just you and your mind. There's no point hiding anyway. This is about undoing the unhealthy mechanisms and enhancing the positive qualities. Report an error in the passage at 58:43 Highlight the passage at 58:43

59:04 But sometimes we do run and hide in our mind, even in retreat. But initially you're just looking at it and it can be very startling for people. And a little frightening, but just stay with that. And then it shifts. And some of those old startling patterns or things, you see, they move out after time. Report an error in the passage at 59:04 Highlight the passage at 59:04

59:22 They move off. And then you can really start to work with the mind. I don't know if that's helpful. Report an error in the passage at 59:22 Highlight the passage at 59:22

59:33 Solo is alone. Yes. No, I'm teasing you. Yes. Yeah, basically what you would do is you could do it in your home. You could set it up in your home. It's certainly a cheaper option. I find with the home initially, you're going to be distracted. You've got other habits and there's the phone and the TV. You don't have a pattern. Report an error in the passage at 59:33 Highlight the passage at 59:33

59:53 First, try to do it with a group where you do some more meditative sitting with people. And then it's nice to, if you can go to a retreat center, it's quieter generally, so a little bit more conducive. And then if you feel you've done a few of those group retreats, maybe it could be 10 days, it could be a week, it could be a weekend. Report an error in the passage at 59:53 Highlight the passage at 59:53

1:00:12 Then you might rent a cabin somewhere, you know, at a retreat center and they'll make food for you and then you can try to have a program. You go and get instruction on how would I structure my day, what would I do and there's different lineages to teach different things and many different kinds of retreats to do and then you could go through that kind of program like that and do sessions, you know, shorter sessions, something like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:12 Highlight the passage at 1:00:12

1:00:36 Really worthwhile, really worthwhile, slowly. It takes time. Okay, this is a path that takes a lot of effort. So I will mention that this does take effort to change the mind, but you can totally transform your mind into something blissful and peaceful and wonderful like that. Yes, Report an error in the passage at 1:00:36 Highlight the passage at 1:00:36

1:00:59 negative. Okay, so you're talking about how do you deal with negative influences around you from people? Okay, good question. So this is, and then we're going to do a little meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:59 Highlight the passage at 1:00:59

1:01:12 What happens when we show up, and I mentioned protecting yourself, and you can't protect everything around yourself, especially living in a busy city. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:12 Highlight the passage at 1:01:12

1:01:21 So that's why I recommend if you do go to some retreat centers at times, or take a walk in Central Park, get into nature, because it just tends, I find I really do stress in nature. It's hard to kind of hang out when you're looking at the trees. Even in the winter, it's beautiful to go out in a winter wonderland, and it takes you out of the sitting in your mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:21 Highlight the passage at 1:01:21

1:01:41 Okay, the turning in the mind over and over, especially if you're in an anxious loop. Then you have people around you that are toxic. There is toxicity, okay, around us. And some of them are, we're related to them. I know that's shocking. But we are related to toxic people, okay. Now you're not going to cut them out of your life. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:41 Highlight the passage at 1:01:41

1:02:00 That's one thing I would never do as a Buddhist. You know, I know people, especially new people, they get into Buddhism and they heard about karma. And they heard about whatever and now they come back to their family and you're not Buddhist so I can't really talk to you. It's not beneficial to live that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:00 Highlight the passage at 1:02:00

1:02:18 These are people that you have relationships with them. Some of them are insightful relationships. So there's ways we can protect by if you have somebody physically abusive to you and severely emotionally abusive to you, I would do some sort of intervention and not be around them very much. Frankly. And I would just directly speak to them and say, you know, I love you, I care about you, I really want to be in relationship with you, but I'm not here for the abuse. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:18 Highlight the passage at 1:02:18

1:02:51 I'm not going to stick around for that. Sorry. So that's a tricky one, especially if it's been going on your whole life and you haven't said no yet. And maybe get some help to support you in that process. Don't stick around for that. Otherwise, if you've just got people that are negative, Is this the kind of thing, trashing people, negative speech or drinking? Report an error in the passage at 1:02:51 Highlight the passage at 1:02:51

1:03:17 Whatever is negative and judgmental. I think there are people who have a really hard time appreciating, you know, whatever they have or whatever is around them. I know these people. Yes. And it's hard because you can see that, you know, that these people are suffering. But at the same time, it's like, well, it's not my problem, but it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:17 Highlight the passage at 1:03:17

1:03:37 That's right. So one of the things I mentioned last night, humor. Humor cuts a lot of things. So my father, he's great, but he can be very critical and very negative. And it's amazing how in the morning I'll come up with good morning and he'll come out with some take that I'm just like, what was that that just went through his mind? Report an error in the passage at 1:03:37 Highlight the passage at 1:03:37

1:04:00 And it's just because of a pattern. And I unfortunately didn't meet his parents. My grandparents died before I was born, so I don't know what they were like, but I heard his mother was lovely, but I don't know what influences or what he went through in school. And so he'll say something really negative, and then I just turn and I'll say, well, thank you so much for that enlightening thought. I'm so happy to have that in the morning. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:00 Highlight the passage at 1:04:00

1:04:22 And he immediately catches himself. He's aware enough to, and then he won't say I'm sorry. He doesn't need to say he's sorry. I don't need that. We laugh and then we'll laugh and then he stops because he would go on, but he stops it. So humor is a great one to get in there with people because it's light. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:22 Highlight the passage at 1:04:22

1:04:40 If not, I mean, there have been people in my life that I skillfully with compassion, not out of anger, but when it's going on and I'm talking with them, I would try to find a positive thing about what they're talking about. If they're just going negative, negative, negative, it's always a positive thing you can interject. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:40 Highlight the passage at 1:04:40

1:04:59 Another thing I've done is excuse myself and taken me out of the room. I've got to go to the bathroom. So it interrupts the negative trajectory. A third thing I've done is, it depends on the relationship, but I've actually directly spoken to people and said, I'm not really comfortable right now with what you're talking about. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:59 Highlight the passage at 1:04:59

1:05:16 Can we talk about something else? Or I have a really hard time when you get into this negative mode and I don't really know what you want me to say or do. I can't really listen to any more. What I can do is I can give you ten minutes and then let's do something else. So those are some things I've used. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:16 Highlight the passage at 1:05:16

1:05:40 And sometimes I've set boundaries and had to limit time with people that are severely toxic. That when they ask advice or they want help, but they never listen, they never take your advice, and then I just started to limit the time because it wasn't really that helpful like that. But I would still see them. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:40 Highlight the passage at 1:05:40

1:05:37 that, know. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:37 Highlight the passage at 1:05:37

1:05:58 Is that helpful? Yes. We'll take one more question, then we're going to do a meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:58 Highlight the passage at 1:05:58

1:06:08 With the limiting of having a barrier with a particular relationship, I have a very difficult relationship with my mother. And he's alone, right? Right. I'm so special with this one. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:08 Highlight the passage at 1:06:08

1:06:30 But I found that, you know, for me, what the most conducive thing to do is, is to actually allow literally a month of time to go by where I talk to her because I realize that when I do talk to her, it's not intentional on her behalf, but it's very, very chaotic. And unfortunately, it's been very difficult because, and this is where my question is. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:30 Highlight the passage at 1:06:30

1:07:00 You don't want to cause someone that you love very much any pain. And I know that having that distance, you know, is painful for her. But for me, it dramatically increases my functionality in day-to-day life to have that distance. So it's something that's required. And I want to try to find a way to close that gap where I have... And I do see that... Report an error in the passage at 1:07:00 Highlight the passage at 1:07:00

1:07:30 The stronger my practice is, the more that I can engage her on a regular basis and not allow the onslaught to come of emotions and so forth. But how do you deal with a very delicate situation like that with a relative where you know that the distance is causing them pain, but it is something that you require for your own well-being? Report an error in the passage at 1:07:30 Highlight the passage at 1:07:30

1:07:57 Can you have that conversation with her? Can you find a very gentle... It has to be at a good time. Yeah. You have to very much choose the time. I've actually already told her this, you know, and I was like, listen, don't take it personal. It's just... Well, it is personal. It's personal. But the thing is, rather than that, because it is personal, it's about her personality. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:57 Highlight the passage at 1:07:57

1:08:23 It's about her behavior. Well, I try to phrase it as that it's my reaction to her personality. Right. Not her personality. Right, but that probably she'd interpret it as something she's doing. So it's almost like, you know, my dad is a blamer, I mentioned. And so now I'm living with him. And we haven't really lived together since I was 17 years old. Okay, so this is, you know. And there's other traits about him with his short temper. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:23 Highlight the passage at 1:08:23

1:08:48 And there were things I was like, I'm going right into the heart of the beast. Okay, this is where I'll do the practice. I mean, he's a good guy. But there are, you know, these issues. He's not a Dharma person and I've been living in Dharma communities for years now. So he's my dad and I love him. And so when his behavior that worried me came up, after it came up several times, then I just found a good time and I said to him, you know, you want me to live here, you know, and I'm happy to live here and I'm enjoying this. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:48 Highlight the passage at 1:08:48

1:09:20 I think it's going to be a really good time for us. But, you know, let's not play the blame game. I said, like, you blame me for this, and this went on, and who left the door open and who left the light on? And I said, it's one of us, because he often does it, because he's almost 88 and he forgets. But sometimes it might have been me. I own that. And I said, but who cares? I said, let's just shut the door, turn the light off. It happens, and maybe we'll remind each other gently, but it doesn't matter whose fault it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:20 Highlight the passage at 1:09:20

1:09:46 And I said, if we're going to live together well, we really need to, like, let the blame game go now. Let's just make a deal. And are you okay with that? I said, I'd really like to move on from that. I said, we grew up with it and I'm tired of it. And I said, I think you're kind of tired of it. And I made a joke and I said, when I'm not here, who do you blame? Because he lives alone. And then he laughed. He realized it's kind of silly. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:46 Highlight the passage at 1:09:46

1:10:14 But it's a pattern for him. He did it with my mom. But she's gone now over four years. So I kind of made it a deal with us. It wasn't about him. But I'm like, let's make a deal. And I said, I'm tired of also, I said to him once, you left the light on it. I said, I don't want to do that anymore. Let's just let it go. It's our deal together. So we're in this together. So maybe make it like that. Like, you know, you're my mom. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:14 Highlight the passage at 1:10:14

1:10:39 This is the most precious relationship to me in the world. And I'd really like to kind of make it work better. How can we do that? You see the difference? Yeah. And maybe then sit down with her and explain, when this happens, this is how it makes me feel, and then I respond like this. So can we have a catchphrase? Can we do something differently? And are there things that I do that bother you, that make you react that way, or make you say that, or do that? Report an error in the passage at 1:10:39 Highlight the passage at 1:10:39

1:11:12 And again, you're just going to initiate this. This isn't something that goes away the next conversation you have. It's going to take time. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:12 Highlight the passage at 1:11:12

1:11:21 So... So, like with my dad, he'll blame me again for something, I know. But then I'm going to go back and say, hey, I thought we had a deal. Like in a light way I'm going to say it. Hey, what happened to our deal? Or I'll make a joke about, I'll make a little song about the blame game. I'll come up with something, and he'll laugh, and then he'll realize it's silly. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:21 Highlight the passage at 1:11:21

1:11:43 So slowly start to initiate that. I did that with my mom. She used to drive me crazy. I loved her. She was my strongest rope on the boat, was my mom. I was most attached to her. But she used to drive me crazy. And slowly over the years, my practicing, I would kind of, sometimes not consciously saying to her, but sometimes I would get in and we would joke around with stuff and I'm like, okay, you know, if you say that, I'm going to be a spiteful 14-year-old. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:43 Highlight the passage at 1:11:43

1:12:12 I'm just warning you, if you want to do that, and then she'd laugh. But it took time until we got there. It took a lot of conscious effort on my part, not expecting her to change. You can't expect her to change. You're the only one who's going to change. And when you change, she'll change. But you can't change her. So it's just a matter of, but you can have that conversation in a nice way. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:12 Highlight the passage at 1:12:12

1:12:36 But I would let go any expectation and just proceed day by day. And then sometimes if you need a little space. Take some space and get some perspective and then can you call her from the space or you're saying the calling is you don't call her either, let alone seeing her? No, I don't call her. I've initiated some of these conversations. In fact, the space is the result of having initiated those conversations with little headway. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:36 Highlight the passage at 1:12:36

1:13:11 Some people, and sometimes you can just do the best you can do and the situation doesn't change that much. Yeah. You know, so it's not, you know, there's no miracles basically. But you are doing a dance with her. You made a contract last time to come back to somebody like that. I believe that. So you just want to try on your end to do the dance as best as you can. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:11 Highlight the passage at 1:13:11

1:13:33 Don't, and from a, you know, from a Vajrayana perspective with relationships like this, don't you... Definitely feel that there is some profound, there is a profound teaching there, especially with our relatives, that is designed to crack and unravel this deep aspect of ourselves which we've been clinging to. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:33 Highlight the passage at 1:13:33

1:13:54 It can, absolutely. It can, but I wouldn't put so much expectation on it either. It's me in my mind. Yeah. It's me in my mind, but also the observation of looking at all. The people around me and what situations and the family situations often are the closest to us. So there's something I've got to work out here. I came back to this to work it out. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:54 Highlight the passage at 1:13:54

1:14:17 And if I don't work it out this time, I'm just going to continue to come back. I'm going to do it again and again and again. I mean, the universe is, I really think, is perfect the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:17 Highlight the passage at 1:14:17

1:14:29 And then we've got these dances we need to do that, you know, when it doesn't appear to be perfect, that we need to... MR. Uh-huh. MS. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:29 Highlight the passage at 1:14:29

1:14:37 Work it out till we see it as perfect. It's just that limited view that prevents us from seeing it as perfect. Thank you. One more question and what we're going to do is we're going to take a break then we're going to come back and do a meditation because I think some people are a little restless or need to go to the bathroom. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:37 Highlight the passage at 1:14:37

1:14:55 You didn't ask. Let me take somebody who hadn't asked yet. And I will have more time for questions at the end but I want to get through some more things. Thank you. I'm in international politics. I have a career there so I like it very much in general but it also has this very particular aspect of having a lot of very high competitive people there including me probably. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:55 Highlight the passage at 1:14:55

1:15:22 You're kidding me. So in general the mood between colleagues can be a little bit as I mentioned competitive and some of them can be really harsh at some others and I don't like that part of the job. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:22 Highlight the passage at 1:15:22

1:15:38 Through the teachings I've been learning about emptiness and self-cherishing mind and all that, I try to cope with that to say, okay, if someone is probably talking about me because probably he or she thinks that I'm a competition, so it's better. It's the way it kind of works in politics, that people talk about others. I try to say, okay, it's not about me. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:38 Highlight the passage at 1:15:38

1:16:06 is a, a, I can cope with it and I try not to take it personal. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Perfect. At some point in this very highly competitive atmosphere, sometimes we have to be like that. What I'm trying to say is that the environment sometimes pushes me to be like that. And I don't like it and I don't want to be, I want to avoid it. But it seems like if I don't do it, people will step over because they think either I'm weak or I'm not playing the same game. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:06 Highlight the passage at 1:16:06

1:16:40 So how to deal with that? So who's your role model? Who's the biggest international Tibetan diplomat that you know? The Dalai Lama, I mean. His Holiness the Dalai Lama. His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He's in that realm constantly. Yeah. Constantly in that realm. Now, okay, he's an enlightened being, I think. Okay. But he could be a great role model for us. I used to work in politics, so I know a bit the ego, it's just huge, right, what you're dealing with. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:40 Highlight the passage at 1:16:40

1:17:07 So as an unenlightened being, and as long as we're dealing with unenlightened politics, it's going to be very different and you're going to get aggression and jealousy and power, people on huge power trips. And so again, as much wisdom and compassion I develop here. That will inform the work I do. So you can assert yourself at times when you need to for your work, but can we do it with awareness, gentleness, considering the other? Report an error in the passage at 1:17:07 Highlight the passage at 1:17:07

1:17:34 And sometimes you need to push. I pushed at Dharma centers to get these centers developed in a way, but not pushing out of greed and ignorance and jealousy and spite to get back at you. No, because my motivation every morning was to benefit others. So as much as you can, you just try to bring that. That in whatever wisdom and compassion you yourself have, which you have some, acknowledging you definitely have some. It's not like I have to wait till I'm an enlightened being. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:34 Highlight the passage at 1:17:34

1:18:03 No. And you use it from there. And it's challenging in politics. It's very challenging. So you just do the best you can do like that. But I think of His Holiness a lot of diplomatic things and how he deals. And he definitely has asserted himself at times. And then other times where... And the Tibetan tradition is usually just to let it go and not to make conflict. They have a quality where Westerners are slightly different. You sound like you're from more of a Spanish culture or South American. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:03 Highlight the passage at 1:18:03

1:18:33 Mexico. Mexico, yeah. So you have a slightly different way to deal with it than even North American. I mean, you are North American, but an American, like U.S. person in the States, Caucasian, let's say. Tibetans deal very differently, which often doesn't work for me. So if there's some right that needs to be, a wrong that needs to be righted, they often will be like, well, don't say anything to him. And like, are you kidding me? Report an error in the passage at 1:18:33 Highlight the passage at 1:18:33

1:19:00 You know, I'm from the northeast of the United States. We, you know, we're going to show. So what I found is to strike a balance now is I would kind of say something in a very gentle way at the right time, making sure it came from a good place in me, and I would let go any expectation. And that was it sometimes, you know. So rather than some people just angry, angry, angry. And there are people that do assert their thing in a very angry manner and they get a lot what they want, but I wouldn't necessarily give in to that. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:00 Highlight the passage at 1:19:00

1:19:32 I don't think it's the best way in the long term, in the grand scheme of things. So let's take a 10 minute break. And if you need to go to the bathroom, whatever, have a drink, and then we'll come back and do some meditation right now that puts fear in. Anxiety in perspective, but it's a little bit heavy, so I was kind of thinking about this, and then we're going to do a meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:32 Highlight the passage at 1:19:32

1:20:02 So I went to Dharamsala this past November after my retreat because the Dalai Lama was teaching, and I hadn't been there in six years, and I used to be based there, and I teach at our center Tushita above Dharamsala. It's a Tibetan community in exile, and the government, the Tibetan government in exile is located there. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:02 Highlight the passage at 1:20:02

1:20:24 So. So I saw my friends. It was very nice. It was Holiness' teachings. And after the teachings every day, I usually do a korwa. I walk around the hill where His Holiness' palace is, the temple. I mean, when I say palace, it's like a home. It's very simple. But I like to walk around the korwa. And a lot of Tibetans do this. And over the years, they've built up where they made a path. And there's prayer wheels along it and big stupas and shrines. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:24 Highlight the passage at 1:20:24

1:20:53 And it's quite... Wonderful. Has anybody been there and done this? Have you done that walk? Tushita you've been? Yes. Have you done this Korwa around the hill recently? Report an error in the passage at 1:20:53 Highlight the passage at 1:20:53

1:21:06 When did you go? This summer. This summer? Okay. So I walk and what they do is they add different shrines over the years. They've fixed up different things. So I was kind of walking and I was like, oh, new prayer wheels. And they used to have in the back a white bust. A stone sculpture of the man who must have been around 60. I forget his name, but he self-immolated in Delhi in like 1995. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:06 Highlight the passage at 1:21:06

1:21:36 Set himself on fire for the Tibetan cause. We used to just have him back there, a picture of him smiling. He had a beautiful smile from a photo and they would have to commemorate him. It had his name and the dates. So I'm walking around the back and I'm thinking I'm going to come to the bus soon. And then I see this new pavilion they've covered and made this thing, but I'm in a distance and I see what looks like photos, big photos up, you know, a little smaller than those photos. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:36 Highlight the passage at 1:21:36

1:22:11 And I'm looking and all of a sudden I had this wave of these must be the people that set themselves on fire in Tibet, 120 of them. And what they did is they documented it and it's actually very well done, but it's very, very hard to look at. So I went over and what they did is they have, if they have a picture of the person, they have a photo of just a normal photo of them. Some of the photos appeared to me, some were just some photo of she's in front of a, you know, a statue. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:11 Highlight the passage at 1:22:11

1:22:41 She's like, you know, some girl, okay? But some of the photos looked disturbed in their eyes, like they had either been tortured or were obviously living under some horrible regime that they just looked troubled. Now, it could have just been a photo, but... They have pictures of them. And then they have their name and their age and where they self-immolated. And a few of them, they showed them burning. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:41 Highlight the passage at 1:22:41

1:23:06 They had photos of them that had been smuggled out of them burning. And it's very, very heavy. But it's well done, especially the ways they even show them burning. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:06 Highlight the passage at 1:23:06

1:23:20 There's one guy, the most dramatic is the second guy in Delhi, who's a young 28-year-old. Jampo Pao Yeshi, I think his name was, who was in the Tibetan youth kind of organization and then decided at a rally to set himself on fire and he died. Some of these people lived through the self-immolation. Some of them have been disappeared by the Chinese now. And there's no other further word about their treatment or anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:20 Highlight the passage at 1:23:20

1:23:51 And to survive burns is a horrible... One of the most painful things, I think, to go through and to survive. And so I'm bringing this up because when we, I think to put things in perspective, when we suffer from anxiety and stress, not to make you more anxious because we know that there's horrible things happening around the world, but these are people, most of them were young that did this. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:51 Highlight the passage at 1:23:51

1:24:20 Some of the most startling for me, there were young monks and nuns. There was a young girl, 16 years old, and the photo of her was taken in front of a, like it looked like she had gone to Beijing for a holiday or something. And it's kind of why at 16 she's not thinking about hair and nails and shoes, instead she's lighting herself on fire for, you know, horrible. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:20 Highlight the passage at 1:24:20

1:24:44 So I think for me it puts it in perspective for me when I'm... stressed or anxious about something is I just think about people that have it a lot worse than me have a lot worse things to worry about and stress about. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:44 Highlight the passage at 1:24:44

1:24:59 I don't know if that's helpful, but it's really helped me when I always can think about others and bring that into my perspective. And one of the things His Holiness always says is... When you are analyzing your mind and whatever is consuming it at the time, whatever delusion has arisen, is to ask yourself, is there something I can do? Report an error in the passage at 1:24:59 Highlight the passage at 1:24:59

1:25:27 Then proceed and do it. And if not, then practice letting it go. But I do find every time I bring in the other person, it just expands my whole consciousness to think, okay, this is a serious situation I need to take care of, and I'll take care of it, but... I have a very good basis from which to take care of it. So I want to do a Tonglin meditation. And one of the things that I find is other things people get overwhelmed about. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:27 Highlight the passage at 1:25:27

1:26:00 This woman who is sitting here, she's not here right now, but last night she said she gets overwhelmed by also the macro, the outer world that is suffering tremendously right now. Some of the things that are going on with that. So when you read the news, Or if it's too painful for you to tune into, but you want to be aware. And when your general community is suffering, somebody gets a... Report an error in the passage at 1:26:00 Highlight the passage at 1:26:00

1:26:24 I mean, for me, it's just like if I hear about one more breast cancer diagnosis. I lost two friends last year to breast cancer. One was a nun. And it's just, you know, this is saṃsāra. This is what happens. So you say, what can I do? And one of the things you can do is Tonglin meditation. So it doesn't fix everything. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:24 Highlight the passage at 1:26:24

1:26:46 It doesn't heal the world, it doesn't make war go away, it doesn't cure cancer, even though Lama Zopa Rinpoche had a student that did it for his HIV and it apparently, he was HIV free after intently doing this practice for some years. It depends on your faith in the practice, depends on how well you can do it and there are variations on this practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:46 Highlight the passage at 1:26:46

1:27:12 So one thing, when you are finding that you are stressed and anxious, this is something I find very, very helpful. Okay, so just sit comfortably. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:12 Highlight the passage at 1:27:12

1:27:24 Was that, it's not too heavy for you to tell you the story about the self-immolations? I hope not. It's important to know that they went on. They did nothing. It had no dent for China. These 120 people lost their lives, most of them. But it's important. I'm glad, I mean, some people criticize why they were. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:24 Highlight the passage at 1:27:24

1:27:42 Why to have them on this board? Because they said if a young person was a little imbalanced mentally and saw the pictures, they might feel like they could be a hero by setting themselves on fire. But I think it's more important to remember these people that died. So just sit comfortably and make sure your spine is as extended as possible. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:42 Highlight the passage at 1:27:42

1:28:12 You may lightly close your eyes. Bring Report an error in the passage at 1:28:12 Highlight the passage at 1:28:12

1:28:44 your awareness to your breath right now. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:44 Highlight the passage at 1:28:44

1:29:12 And take a moment to... Really rejoice and pat yourself on the back at just your coming here today and spending this time to work with your mind and Report an error in the passage at 1:29:12 Highlight the passage at 1:29:12

1:29:31 breathe in gratitude towards yourself and just breathe it into your whole being, body and mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:31 Highlight the passage at 1:29:31

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:30:37 Visualize a replica of yourself now in the space in front of you, seated across from you, facing you. Just do your best. If it's difficult to visualize, you just imagine that there is a replica of yourself in front of you. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:37 Highlight the passage at 1:30:37

1:31:06 Look across at yourself and get in touch with the different experiences you have of fear, stress and anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:06 Highlight the passage at 1:31:06

1:31:36 Think about how fantastic it would be if you were free of all of that. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:36 Highlight the passage at 1:31:36

1:31:54 And looking over at yourself and really caring for yourself to be free of these mental events that come and go. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:54 Highlight the passage at 1:31:54

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:32:49 And so now imagine you seated here in the room, imagine at your heart center, not only do you have Buddha nature, but right now we're going to imagine a seed, a constricted knot that represents our anxiety, our fear, our worry. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:49 Highlight the passage at 1:32:49

1:33:12 So of course the Buddha nature is there, but occasionally we get this knot, this constriction. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:12 Highlight the passage at 1:33:12

1:33:20 And it's located kind of in the center of your core. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:20 Highlight the passage at 1:33:20

1:33:26 Just imagine that place, tight and constricted and Report an error in the passage at 1:33:26 Highlight the passage at 1:33:26

1:33:42 generating this deep wish to free ourselves from this. Imagine as you inhale through your right nostril, you're seated here in the room, you're going to take all the pain and suffering and worry and fear from your front visualization of yourself and it leaves them through the left nostril. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:42 Highlight the passage at 1:33:42

1:34:05 And so imagine whatever images represent that to you. It could be different colored light rays. It could be words like war, poverty, hatred, anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:05 Highlight the passage at 1:34:05

1:34:24 It could be animals that bite you and sting you and are poisonous. Whatever it is, it could be environmental toxins. Imagine leaving them through their left nostril, entering you through your right nostril. It doesn't harm you at all. All it harms is the constricted knot. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:24 Highlight the passage at 1:34:24

1:34:48 Of your self-cherishing which creates fear, worry and anxiety. And imagine it chips away and chips away purifying it over and over again. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:48 Highlight the passage at 1:34:48

1:35:01 It continues to form and through this practice we continue to eliminate and purify it. And from a place of your own deeper freedom you offer out your left nostril to your front visualization. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:01 Highlight the passage at 1:35:01

1:35:18 It enters them through their right nostril. All the images of freedom from anxiety, fear and worry in whatever images that represents for you. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:18 Highlight the passage at 1:35:18

1:35:34 So we take and then we offer. Tong Lin, giving and taking. Just try as best as you can. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:34 Highlight the passage at 1:35:34

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:37:27 Now visualize to your sides, seated, to your right, your father and any male members of your family, even if they passed away. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:27 Highlight the passage at 1:37:27

1:37:40 To your left, your mother and any female members of your family, even if they passed away. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:40 Highlight the passage at 1:37:40

1:37:55 Imagine their fear, their anxiety, and generate a thought how wonderful it would be if they could be free of those situations. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:55 Highlight the passage at 1:37:55

1:38:19 And imagine as you inhale, out their left nostril comes all their pain, confusion, anxiety. It enters us through our right nostril, going directly to the constricted knot, eliminating it. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:19 Highlight the passage at 1:38:19

1:38:35 And we offer to them at our left nostril, entering them through their right nostril, happiness, joy, freedom from all fears. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:35 Highlight the passage at 1:38:35

· · · silence, 3 minutes

1:41:19 Imagine now in the space in front of you, seated to the right of the front visualization of yourself is someone you would consider an enemy. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:19 Highlight the passage at 1:41:19

1:41:35 Just take one person, put them there facing you. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:35 Highlight the passage at 1:41:35

1:41:44 To the left of your front visualization, Put someone there that you would consider a stranger. Someone you may know their first name, but you don't have an opinion about them one way or another. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:44 Highlight the passage at 1:41:44

1:42:04 And the space behind you, seated in a semi-circle, supporting you. Imagine your friends and people you like. Just take a moment to set up these individuals. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:04 Highlight the passage at 1:42:04

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:42:48 Again, imagining how great it would be if they were free of any anxiety or fear. And do this Tonglin practice with just focused on the friends, the enemy and the stranger. Your Report an error in the passage at 1:42:48 Highlight the passage at 1:42:48

· · · silence, 3 minutes

1:45:58 family again and the front visualization of yourself and continue the practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:58 Highlight the passage at 1:45:58

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:46:43 And let's add all of the beings in this room right now to the visualization. Just imagine as best as you can and do this practice with everyone here in the room. And Report an error in the passage at 1:46:43 Highlight the passage at 1:46:43

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:47:53 let's continue to expand. To all the beings in the New York area, add them to the visualization with all the other people as well. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:53 Highlight the passage at 1:47:53

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:49:38 And if you'd like, you can expand and just imagine all the beings around the planet, all the beings you can include that are in torturous places, all these beings who self-immolated for the Tibetan cause. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:38 Highlight the passage at 1:49:38

1:50:00 May they all be free of anxiety. So do this Tonglin practice. With all these beings, filling the whole rest of the space, spreading out. Imagine the whole planet. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:00 Highlight the passage at 1:50:00

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:51:28 And imagine all these other beings now and all the beings in this room and our friends, family, the enemy and the stranger. Imagine that there is some decreased level of anxiety and fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:28 Highlight the passage at 1:51:28

1:51:50 Imagine them a little bit more peaceful. If we create a little bit of peace here. In this pocket of the world, it does send ripples out that create that in our part of the universe and Report an error in the passage at 1:51:50 Highlight the passage at 1:51:50

1:52:10 slowly allow them to dissolve back into the space from which they came, leaving you and the front visualization of yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:10 Highlight the passage at 1:52:10

1:52:46 And look over at yourself and just observe anything you may notice and Report an error in the passage at 1:52:46 Highlight the passage at 1:52:46

1:53:12 let's send these wishes to yourself right now. And just sail them across to the front visualization. May you be happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:12 Highlight the passage at 1:53:12

1:53:26 May you be healthy. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:26 Highlight the passage at 1:53:26

1:53:32 May you be free from suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:32 Highlight the passage at 1:53:32

1:53:38 May loving kindness manifest throughout your life. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:38 Highlight the passage at 1:53:38

1:53:48 And imagine your front visualization filled with those blessings. And Report an error in the passage at 1:53:48 Highlight the passage at 1:53:48

1:53:59 slowly imagine the front visualization dissolving into a radiant golden drop. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:59 Highlight the passage at 1:53:59

1:54:09 And imagine this drop comes to the crown of your head. You're seated here in the room. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:09 Highlight the passage at 1:54:09

1:54:18 Slowly melt into you. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:18 Highlight the passage at 1:54:18

1:54:30 Imagine it merges with that seed of your Buddha nature at your heart center and allow that radiance once again to permeate your body and mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:30 Highlight the passage at 1:54:30

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:55:55 Slowly when you're ready, slowly open your eyes. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:55 Highlight the passage at 1:55:55

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:56:57 Any comments or questions about the meditation? Yes? Report an error in the passage at 1:56:57 Highlight the passage at 1:56:57

1:57:04 Okay, wait, he's going to bring you the microphone. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:04 Highlight the passage at 1:57:04

1:57:08 Excuse me. Yes, no, I was just curious when you were talking about all those bad things coming out into you. The what? I'm sorry, I'm not hearing that word. All of the negative energy and everything coming out and then into you. How is that supposed to, and it hits that core part if I understood correctly that you're, I'm not sure I was fully. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:08 Highlight the passage at 1:57:08

1:57:28 I can't hear you, I'm sorry. Can you hear me now? Yes, now I can hear you. Okay, sorry I wasn't close enough. That's okay. When you were talking about the negative energy coming out and then it went inside of you, and I'm not sure I understood this properly, so maybe I just misunderstood. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:28 Highlight the passage at 1:57:28

1:57:43 It hit the core inside of you and it was cleansing. How are you supposed to visualize that working? Yeah, you have a knot, a constricted knot at your heart center. And so you're taking all your anxiety and all your worry and your fear and you're putting it there. So when people get free-floating anxiety, it can permeate your whole body. And I'm asking, with Tong Lin, you take your delusion and you place it there. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:43 Highlight the passage at 1:57:43

1:58:06 So when you're taking on somebody else's suffering, what people get nervous about with Tong Lin is, I don't want somebody's cancer. At our level, we don't get their cancer. It's really an attitude. And this is a very high-level practice. It's not normally taught to beginners. So you're basically saying, I'm willing to accept as a bodhisattva, I'm asking to take on your suffering, but it's not going to harm me, all it's going to harm is my fear, anxiety and worry that's located in this constricted knot. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:06 Highlight the passage at 1:58:06

1:58:39 And it cleans it and cleans it, but it keeps surfacing again, right? And we just continue to chip away and purify. Okay, thank you. Sure. And then from that space of where you're left with a little bit deeper space of joy and wholeness, then you offer from there. But it's a process. But it's a very, very powerful practice. Because the radical thing about it, it's usually taught in one step of how to develop bodhicitta, equalizing and exchanging oneself with others. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:39 Highlight the passage at 1:58:39

1:59:13 That teaching. And it's a profound teaching that was a secret teaching because Tonglen meditation, it's radical. Who would want to take somebody suffering on? You don't go out there after this retreat and go out and tell everybody in the street, guess what? Because it freaks people out. It's not our culture. It's very, very profoundness. But this is the key to your happiness. This is the key to combating stress and anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:13 Highlight the passage at 1:59:13

1:59:38 And it's all focused about helping others and the real wish to want to take on others' suffering. It doesn't mean you take on their suffering. If you just have that attitude and if you pattern yourself to do Tonglin meditation, and you have to breathe anyway. You're breathing anyway, so why not use it for something useful? You can sit on the subway. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:38 Highlight the passage at 1:59:38

2:00:04 You can take on all the suffering on the subway car, let it chip away whatever delusion you want to place here. You could just say fundamental ignorance, not having a direct perception of emptiness. And I give everybody in the subway car happiness and clarity. What's wrong with that? Nobody needs to know you're doing anything. But you get your mind on automatic pilot with it, and when you're dying, if that's what comes up, No problem. Report an error in the passage at 2:00:04 Highlight the passage at 2:00:04

2:00:35 Just to clarify, you're taking an idea of negative energy to chip away at your negative energy. And then you're breathing out whatever's left over or you're breathing out... You're breathing out goodness and wholeness and all the good things. Because when you eliminate and reduce your negative energy and that delusion, you're just left with who you really are, all your goodness. Report an error in the passage at 2:00:35 Highlight the passage at 2:00:35

2:01:02 Buddha nature fully manifests. And then you offer that. Why wouldn't we want to offer that to people? Right? Does it make you happy? How did you feel at the end? Confused, happy? I know the first time you do it, it's a little confusing. But those of you who do for a while, any observations? Report an error in the passage at 2:01:02 Highlight the passage at 2:01:02

2:01:28 Sometimes in the better moments I've found in very stressful meetings are when tempers are really flaring up. If I can in that moment imagine that I'm going to really focus on that person, take their anxiety and suffering over the strategy or the meeting that we're doing and think about that in a constructive way that it can transform people's feelings kind of in the moment. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:28 Highlight the passage at 2:01:28

2:01:49 And if you're able to stay calm and think about their suffering and try to take it away, I start thinking about ways to calm them down. And that has helped me a lot. Definitely. I had a very big personnel thing with one person at one Dharma center I was running. And this was a really, I mean, I would say, a very fractured person in her late 40s who had not, I thought, done enough work on herself and some really very deep issues. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:49 Highlight the passage at 2:01:49

2:02:20 Not that I don't have my own issues, but this person really... And I got to be the evil mother because she had a terrible relationship with her mother she had not worked through at the age of 47. She'd think you'd done a little work on it, you know, but she hadn't. So she really just, the stuff she threw at me, I'd never, it was the second most stressful personnel issue I've ever had in my life. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:20 Highlight the passage at 2:02:20

2:02:40 And so what would happen is we'd come to this kind of, we would talk and things would get a little better and then it would be just another vicious attack on me and I kind of reflected on what I was doing, but then I couldn't do anymore. I couldn't try to figure it out and so I just did Tong Lin and every time I did Tong Lin with her there. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:40 Highlight the passage at 2:02:40

2:02:58 I'd come out and she'd be really nice to me. So it obviously has some effect. I don't know anybody getting anybody's cancer or brain tumors or I don't know anything like that. I've never heard of anybody doing that. You'd have to be at a very high level of realization to really take on somebody's thing if you have the karma, but at our level, but it does seem to have some positive benefit. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:58 Highlight the passage at 2:02:58

2:03:20 I've done it around my great aunt when she was dying by her bed in the hospital. Nobody knew I was doing it, but I'd notice her breathing would... Tend to stabilize when I would do it. When I wouldn't, she'd be more like... Now, granted, you could say, well, that happens to people when they're actively dying. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:20 Highlight the passage at 2:03:20

2:03:37 Yeah. But it seemed to happen consistently. You can experiment. And inside yourself now, was it helpful, not helpful? Some people I know sound a little confused about it. That's okay. How's your anxiety? How are your worries and fears? Report an error in the passage at 2:03:37 Highlight the passage at 2:03:37

2:03:58 You're smiling. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:58 Highlight the passage at 2:03:58

2:04:08 I was saying I feel just much calmer and that my heart feels more expanded and there's more of a stillness. There's more space inside. And again, this is a higher level practice, so if you're new to it, it takes a while. And there's variations on this meditation. I happen to do it in a certain way. You build up the meditation. Don't start with all living beings. Sometimes they start with that. It's too much. Start with yourself. Because we don't care enough about ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:08 Highlight the passage at 2:04:08

2:04:38 So we need some consideration. I will say I've done this before, but not with the presentation of myself, visualizing myself. That freaked the hell out of me. That was kind of scary. Surprising, anyway. What's scary about it? Report an error in the passage at 2:04:38 Highlight the passage at 2:04:38

2:04:59 I guess I never really looked at myself or never thought of it, never paid attention or gave myself that attention. It was just... I was, um... Report an error in the passage at 2:04:59 Highlight the passage at 2:04:59

2:05:07 Scary is maybe the wrong word, but it was surprising. It was more uncomfortable than you would think it would be. Since we look at ourselves in the mirror every day practically, but it was more uncomfortable to sit there with myself and be with this reflection of myself. So I would recommend, because we are with ourself all the time, as far as I'm aware, most people. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:07 Highlight the passage at 2:05:07

2:05:34 And the thing is, we relate to ourselves in the mirror. Most people look in the mirror at least once a day, would you say? So you look in the mirror and you've got that relationship going on, but the mirror is like just one coating. But if you could do a little tong lin every day, if you don't have time, just do it with yourself. Five minutes, put yourself there and you start to have a relationship with yourself and it can really help to promote a healthy relationship with yourself. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:34 Highlight the passage at 2:05:34

2:06:00 That basically I care about you. That's an important basis from... Which to do your spiritual work. If you don't care about yourself, your spiritual work is always a little bit off kilter. Because we have this idea, I would love, and I'm sure you all agree with me, I would love all beings to be free of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:00 Highlight the passage at 2:06:00

2:06:19 Is there anyone here that doesn't want that? Right? Everybody wants that. Well, how possibly can you really connect with their suffering if you haven't thought about your own suffering? Sorry. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:19 Highlight the passage at 2:06:19

2:06:32 So let's think about, let's do the work now before you're actively dying and then you're just totally freaked out. I never did this stuff. I never thought about this. And it's just you and your mind. And that's it. There's nothing else. Everything else is going to be so confusing. So let's do it now while we have some control over that space. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:32 Highlight the passage at 2:06:32

2:06:54 Anybody else? Other? Yes. Quite frankly, I've been doing that practice for years and never once have I considered doing it for myself. So that was very interesting. And maybe I'll start doing it for myself. And I guess it goes back to a question that I had earlier that I was hoping you would reiterate. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:54 Highlight the passage at 2:06:54

2:07:16 And perhaps I could use some variation of this practice or something else. So earlier you had been talking about dealing with controlling manipulative people. And I'd throw liar into that. And I would also, just through self-examination, say for myself that that's definitely something I have to deal with in this life because I come up against it constantly and I can't stand a bully. Report an error in the passage at 2:07:16 Highlight the passage at 2:07:16

2:07:41 And luckily, sometimes I can get into the witness state with them. But perhaps you could... So you have a bully in your life, you're saying. And I run across it very much. Yes, I do. And I can't avoid this person. But I also run across it in work. And it pushes every button because it's exact and a liar. And I find that I very much operate in a defensive mode, feeling like I'm going to be attacked. Report an error in the passage at 2:07:41 Highlight the passage at 2:07:41

2:08:08 Cool enough to step back. I can actually get into the witness state sometimes, but boy, I definitely... So does everyone in the office have this experience of this person? Pardon me? Does everyone in the office have this experience of this person? Well, certain people do. How about the management term kiss up, kick down? Report an error in the passage at 2:08:08 Highlight the passage at 2:08:08

2:08:29 Okay. I've run into that. So this is a difficult, it's one person? Well, this is in one situation. I work as a consultant. I see this over and over again, and I also have it in my family. So there's a couple ways to practice. In the higher level bodhicitta teachings of equalizing, exchanging oneself with others, this is a more radical approach, right? It's hard. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:29 Highlight the passage at 2:08:29

2:08:55 One thing is exchanging yourself with the person. So what's their experience? Do you ever consider what is their experience? Absolutely. I have meditated on this. Okay. So another thing is, is we need the enemy to practice. These are higher level teachings. This is not easy for beginners. Oh, and they are my greatest teachers. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:55 Highlight the passage at 2:08:55

2:09:14 Yeah, they're your greatest teachers, the most cherished. We need this enemy. Why? Because they show you your mind. If you like everybody, it's kind of easy. My mind gets a little lazy. You're nice to me, yeah, okay. So the person who pushes my button suddenly, yow, what's going on? And now my mind is more activated. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:14 Highlight the passage at 2:09:14

2:09:34 I don't like you. Why are you harming me, interfering with my agenda? So one aspect of that then is to almost literally cherish them. So here's, you know, this is something I did with a guy I worked with in a 30-person office. Everybody hated him. I had to do a project with him. I was the newest person there. I was very intimidated by him. I had heard all the horrible stories about him. And I was a new Buddhist, so I decided, I think I told this story before here, I heard there's different types of bodhisattvas. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:34 Highlight the passage at 2:09:34

2:10:08 And I had paid attention with one of my teachers that their attendant was the kind that when you walked into the room, they would follow your eyes and they'd see that your eyes went over to the chocolate and then he'd immediately go, oh, do you want some chocolate? Like there's bodhisattvas like that, they're watching, and there's a bodhisattva that learns in a 30-person office what everybody drinks and how they take their tea and coffee. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:08 Highlight the passage at 2:10:08

2:10:32 Like it's just an exercise. So I was kind of playing with this, you know, and I was just kind of, and I found out that he, I learned how he took his coffee, he took coffee and he drank it with milk only, no sugar. And I decided one day I was going to get him a cup of coffee. But it took me like three weeks to build up the nerve to genuinely offer him a cup of coffee. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:32 Highlight the passage at 2:10:32

2:10:55 And I tried to make it very casual. I went by his office one day and I was like little clammy and like nervous. And was he going to yell at me? And I just happened to go by and I said somehow I caught his attention or there was something I had to bring to his room to give it. And then I just at that moment I was going to take the time and I said, oh. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:55 Highlight the passage at 2:10:55

2:11:16 Listen, I'm going to the coffee machine. Would you like a cup of coffee? I said, cream, cream, no sugar, right? So immediately he was disarmed. Because first of all, an act of kindness. And I was genuine, but you have to be genuine. Act of kindness. And then he was disarmed because how did somebody know how he took his coffee? Like that's a little, like somebody cared enough to notice that knows how I drink my coffee. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:16 Highlight the passage at 2:11:16

2:11:40 So he was right then like, uh, uh. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:40 Highlight the passage at 2:11:40

2:11:47 You know, okay. Like he was stunned. Nobody had ever in the office done that for him. So it was a whole new experience for him. And then I went and got him a cup of coffee and very nicely made a nice cup of coffee for him. You know, you can't kind of like, here, jerk. Right? You have to, made a nice cup of coffee. And I made no big deal. I just didn't expect it. I just said, here you go. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:47 Highlight the passage at 2:11:47

2:12:08 Enjoy. And I walked out of the, and that was it. We were friends after that. He always had time, he was always smiling, always happy to me. And then the other people in the office came and they said, you know, what did you do? Like how did, how is it like, you know, and I said I got him a cup of coffee. Report an error in the passage at 2:12:08 Highlight the passage at 2:12:08

2:12:27 So find some insignificant little way to, you know, nice shoes. Oh, where'd you get those? Those are cool. Or I love your hair. Is that a new top? But you have to be genuine because they pick up. You know if somebody's being insincere. And see if, can you make friends with them? This is the goal. We need to make friends with our enemies. That's how harmony is created on the planet. Report an error in the passage at 2:12:27 Highlight the passage at 2:12:27

2:12:53 Is that possible? Is that possible? I do aspects of this with these various people, but I know it's my karmic thing. Absolutely. I mean, it's also, I have karma too, that I've got this person in my life. So I don't want to continue to do dances with too many people that are like that. So I need to practice with this person. Report an error in the passage at 2:12:53 Highlight the passage at 2:12:53

2:13:10 See if I can get better. And it's you changing your mind. It's not about that person. They're just showing you an aspect of your mind. And when you pacify that part of your mind, they will go away. They will not appear anymore. And how about that part of my mind, all of them, that feels like I'm waiting to be attacked and I know that I go into defensive mode? Report an error in the passage at 2:13:10 Highlight the passage at 2:13:10

2:13:34 So I would, partly because you've been practicing, you do bodhicitta practice? Yes. I would do that every night. And dedicate it specifically that you're doing that practice for that kind of thing. Those of you that do Vajrasapha practice, it's a profound purification practice. You can do it with a specific thing in mind that you want to purify that day. Like, oh, you know, today I'm so anxious, so I'm going to do it for my anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 2:13:34 Highlight the passage at 2:13:34

2:14:01 Today I'm really depressed, so maybe one week is on anxiety. You know, do it like that. Thank you. Try that. Worth it. Report an error in the passage at 2:14:01 Highlight the passage at 2:14:01

2:14:13 So we are out of time. Report an error in the passage at 2:14:13 Highlight the passage at 2:14:13

2:14:20 I think I mentioned most of these. I think most of this we've gone, yeah, we've done all this. I hope this has been helpful. I didn't get time to do the eight verses. We were going to go a little bit into thought transformation, but it's not, you know, it's another aspect of stress and anxiety, but I think we've kind of covered enough today. Report an error in the passage at 2:14:20 Highlight the passage at 2:14:20

2:14:44 We'll just have to do that another time. So I really want to thank you for coming. And one of the things we do in closing is to dedicate the merit. I think it's very important. And what we do is we basically take any positive energy we've created and we kind of invest it in our future enlightenment so we can benefit others. Report an error in the passage at 2:14:44 Highlight the passage at 2:14:44

2:15:05 It's like taking a little drop of water and instead of letting it evaporate on its own we put it into the ocean so it's full of this... Report an error in the passage at 2:15:05 Highlight the passage at 2:15:05

2:15:14 mass mass pool of water And we're on page 11 in the prayer book. So I really want to thank you for your attention and your very good meditators. And please be good to yourselves every day. Okay, it's not just a once a week kind of thing. Okay, please be good to yourselves. And I hope you can put into practice some of the things. If it's useful for you, great. Report an error in the passage at 2:15:14 Highlight the passage at 2:15:14

2:15:40 If not, just leave it. So we're going to dedicate the merit and also to send it out to all the beings on the planet that are suffering much more than we are right now. Let's read this once in English and then we'll chant it in the Tibetan. Due to the merits of these virtuous actions, may I quickly attain the state of a Guru Buddha and lead all living beings without exception into that enlightened state. Report an error in the passage at 2:15:40 Highlight the passage at 2:15:40

2:16:05 May the supreme jewel bodhicitta that has not arisen arise and grow and may that which has arisen not diminish but increase more and more. Report an error in the passage at 2:16:05 Highlight the passage at 2:16:05

2:16:21 do you Report an error in the passage at 2:16:21 Highlight the passage at 2:16:21

· · · silence, 1 minute

2:17:08 Janjusenjodrimboje magepanyamgegyurjik Report an error in the passage at 2:17:08 Highlight the passage at 2:17:08

2:17:14 kewanyambhamepahyong Report an error in the passage at 2:17:14 Highlight the passage at 2:17:14

2:17:19 konnegondupelwarjo Due to the merits of the three times collected by me, Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and all their sentient beings, which are totally non-existent from their own side, May the I, which is also totally non-existent from its own side, achieve Guru Shakyamuni Buddha's enlightenment, which is also totally non-existent from its own side, and lead all sentient beings who are totally non-existent from their own side to that enlightenment which is totally non-existent from its own side by myself alone, which is also totally non-existent from its own side. Report an error in the passage at 2:17:19 Highlight the passage at 2:17:19

2:17:57 Next page, the Long Life Prayers. For His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Zopa Rinpoche. O gan ri ram wei kor wei shing kam der bendang de wa ma lu jong wei ne chen re zik wang ten zing gya tso yi sha pe si te bardu ten gyur jing Report an error in the passage at 2:17:57 Highlight the passage at 2:17:57

2:18:24 Savior of the Snowland teachings and transmigratory beings, who extensively clarifies the path that unifies emptiness and compassion. To the lotus in the hand, Lord Tenzin Gyatso, I beseech, may all your holy wishes be fulfilled. For Lama Tsongkhapa Rinpoche, we'll read in English. You who uphold the subduer's moral way, who serve as the bountiful bearer of all, sustaining, preserving, and spreading Manjunas' victorious doctrine. Report an error in the passage at 2:18:24 Highlight the passage at 2:18:24

2:18:53 On page 14 we'll read this beautiful prayer from Master Shantideva. Let's send this out to the universe. May all beings everywhere, plagued by sufferings of body and mind, obtain an ocean of happiness and joy by virtue of my merits. May no living creature suffer, commit evil or ever fall ill. May no one be afraid or belittled with a mind weighed down by depression. May the blind see forms and the deaf hear sounds. May those whose bodies are worn with toil be restored on finding repose. Report an error in the passage at 2:18:53 Highlight the passage at 2:18:53

2:19:36 May the naked find clothing, the hungry find food. May the thirsty find water and delicious drinks. May the poor find wealth, those weak with sorrow find joy. May the forlorn find hope, constant happiness and prosperity. Timely rains and bountiful harvests. May all medicines be effective and wholesome prayers bear fruit. May all who are sick and ill quickly be freed from their ailments. Whatever diseases there are in the world, may they never occur again. Report an error in the passage at 2:19:36 Highlight the passage at 2:19:36

2:20:05 May the frightened cease to be afraid and those bound be freed. May the powerless find power and may people think of benefiting each other. For as long as space remains, for as long as sentient beings remain, until then may I too remain. To dispel the miseries of the world. Report an error in the passage at 2:20:05 Highlight the passage at 2:20:05

2:20:29 Thank you very much and I hope to see you all again. Report an error in the passage at 2:20:29 Highlight the passage at 2:20:29