Conquering Stress And Anxiety Public Talk With Ven Amy Miller (part 3)

0:00 It's somewhat of a Dharma family here because there are lots of familiar faces and so many people who've made this retreat happen. So thank you to all the volunteers who made that happen. So my name is Jennifer Kim. I'm serving as the director of Shantideva Meditation Center. And we're part of the FPMT, which stands for the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahāyāna Tradition, with our founder Lama Tuptenyeshe, who passed away many years ago, and our current spiritual director is still with us, Lama Zopa Rinpoche. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:37 How many people are completely new to FPMT and Shantideva? Never heard of us before? Okay, great. Feel free to ask any questions. My experience and those of many are that it's just full of wonderful people who have a dedication to scholarship and practice of the Dharma to have it be very pure and yet still completely relevant to our lives today because we're not in Tibet and it's the 21st century. Report an error in the passage at 0:37 Highlight the passage at 0:37

1:09 And we're very fortunate here to have Venerable Amy Miller. You know, she's been part of FPMT for a very long time. She first came across Buddhism in 1987, I believe, in Nepal after attending a Kopan course. She was taking a break from her work in D.C. And she went down that path and she became ordained in the year 2000 under a very special being, Chodron Rinpoche. Report an error in the passage at 1:09 Highlight the passage at 1:09

1:36 And she's been teaching and she really has a passion and a strength for helping to use the Dharma on a very practical level. So we're really fortunate to have her teach us how to deal with something very common in New York, you know, stress and anxiety. It's very accessible. Report an error in the passage at 1:36 Highlight the passage at 1:36

1:56 And are we going to do a little question and answer tonight as well? Yes, we'll have time for that if people like. So don't be afraid with any questions. We can do. Yeah, and without further ado, we'll get started. So thank you. Thank you everyone. Thank you. Thank you so much Jennifer and Arnaud and Shantideva Center and all the beings involved with Shantideva Center that make this place. Report an error in the passage at 1:56 Highlight the passage at 1:56

2:25 Make this teaching possible and Tibet House. Thank you so much. And to all of you for braving the elements for coming tonight. Report an error in the passage at 2:25 Highlight the passage at 2:25

2:36 It's really, it's a little cold out there. My hat blew off today and I don't have a lot of hair so I was a little bit like, huh, my hat has never blown off. A ski hat on my head so it's a little chilly. I used to live in Vermont, so this is kind of nothing, actually. But it is something for New Yorkers. I'm from Philadelphia originally, so we get similar temperature to New York, and this is cold. Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

3:09 So I thank you so much for coming out, and I'll try to warm you up with some techniques and ideas about dealing with stress and anxiety. Okay, so thank you so much. Report an error in the passage at 3:09 Highlight the passage at 3:09

3:21 Is anybody particularly stressed right now? Yes, okay, okay, right. Okay, well, so if you're available to come for the weekend, I know not everyone can, I mean for tomorrow, and we'll go a little bit deeper in. So tonight's a little bit more of an overview like that because I knew we were going to have people that would just come for tonight. So, and I'll take some questions a little later. Report an error in the passage at 3:21 Highlight the passage at 3:21

3:49 So let's just start. The beginning of dealing with stress and anxiety, and some of you I think are already quite good at this and know this perhaps but don't practice it, is to meditate. And we hear this now and we hear about mindfulness is the latest catch word. You know, I'm from Philadelphia but I have not lived there in, I don't know, close to 40 years. Report an error in the passage at 3:49 Highlight the passage at 3:49

4:17 So I'm living in Philadelphia again in my childhood house. And it's a very conservative area, this part of Philadelphia that I'm living in. And I had been teaching around there for the last six years. When I was based in Vermont, I would come down and teach at all the East Coast centers. And there's a lot of closet Buddhists in Philadelphia. Report an error in the passage at 4:17 Highlight the passage at 4:17

4:43 Really, they're afraid to tell people they're Buddhists because why? What will people do to you? What do they think is going to happen? And the thing is, if they like you and they work with you and then they find out you're Buddhist, it's a little bit like Harvey Milk in San Francisco when he said to gays and lesbians, seriously, you need to come out of the closet because people will realize that their accountant and the guy at the bank that they really like and the grocery store clerk and this person and that they're all gay and lesbian and that they're really great. Report an error in the passage at 4:43 Highlight the passage at 4:43

5:15 So I said to these people as Buddhists, It's okay. So this was the Philadelphia of like five, six years ago. Anyway, now they're all really into mindfulness and meditation. It's exploded there. And I just went out of the country for about eight months. So I came back and all the yoga centers want me to come and teach mindfulness and meditation. Report an error in the passage at 5:15 Highlight the passage at 5:15

5:38 And they're all really into it. And it's very interesting what's going on. So I know in New York it's taken off some time ago. Philadelphia always needs a little time to catch up, right? So it's very interesting. So the beginning is, can you just stop for a moment and pause and just sit with yourself to figure out why you're so stressed and anxious. Report an error in the passage at 5:38 Highlight the passage at 5:38

6:03 And what stress and anxiety says is you're not allowed to do that. So on this path, on the particular path that I am on, we talk a lot about bodhisattvas. Bodhisattvas are like Buddhist saints. Buddhist saints. And to be, sometimes I talk about to be a bodhisattva warrior, you are going to war with the stress and anxiety that tells you you're not allowed to sit and you're not allowed to be still or be quiet. Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:36 And this is hard in Manhattan and this is hard in New York. Because it's, you know, I just was observing, and this is something you can do. I just came from 42nd Street and then I took the R here, okay? So to get to the R, now everybody's underground because it's cold. So I went underground and then I walked with everybody else, the long passageway, quite entertaining actually, very nice and new and new tiles and it was quite nice. Report an error in the passage at 6:36 Highlight the passage at 6:36

7:06 So they put decorations for you now on the subway and they also had these words. Are you familiar with the words that are written? What's that about? I'm serious. Okay, one of them said, I was very interested in what they said. One of them said, Report an error in the passage at 7:06 Highlight the passage at 7:06

7:22 Something about pain. What does it say about the pain? Report an error in the passage at 7:22 Highlight the passage at 7:22

7:32 Yeah, one says just go home. One says just go home. And one says something about, like, I'm sorry I wasn't as mindful to remember, it's all pain or something. I'm like, why doesn't it say be happy or fill your heart with joy? Anyway, but I'm just observing and I'm watching everybody walking and they're all bundled up, you know. Report an error in the passage at 7:32 Highlight the passage at 7:32

7:54 But this is part of what we do to counter stress and anxiety. You have to start observing your mind. You have to. I'm not just saying like, oh, this is a nice little night talk tonight and you go home and you go back into your old habits. If you seriously want to battle your stress and anxiety, you have to start doing this. And you can. Everybody in this room, you can do it. Report an error in the passage at 7:54 Highlight the passage at 7:54

8:17 You can't say, no, I'm too busy today. So I'm amused. I liked it. I watch people, watch what they're doing. We were in the two lanes, the four lanes were coming this way. You know how they have the traffic, the cars, and somehow this was more getting out of town. So we were here, and all of a sudden I wondered if the R would ever come. I was not as familiar with that part of the subway, so I was like, is it there? Report an error in the passage at 8:17 Highlight the passage at 8:17

8:43 But I was just watching people. And you see people kind of... So people are moving quickly in New York. I'm aware of that. I've been coming to New York my whole life as a kid. It doesn't mean that you can't, in your moving to the subway, and I like to walk quickly because you get exercise. I like to get the blood flowing. But it doesn't mean your mind has to be racing in the space. So this is all about how you want to be any moment. Report an error in the passage at 8:43 Highlight the passage at 8:43

9:15 And can you be more present? With everything shifting and turning around you and it slows everything down. Right? So I know we have problems. I know we all are faced with various problems and things like that. But this is the beginning. So let's just sit for a moment. When we sit, some of you are new to sitting. Some of you have done this before. But the main part, there's no magic and mystery about it. Report an error in the passage at 9:15 Highlight the passage at 9:15

9:39 If you want to learn how to meditate, they can teach you here. You make sure your spine is as extended as possible. Report an error in the passage at 9:39 Highlight the passage at 9:39

9:49 If you're seated in a chair, it's perfectly fine. Just have your feet straight down so the body's balanced. And if it's possible not to lean so heavily against the back of the chair, because your back will become straight if you do sit up. Report an error in the passage at 9:49 Highlight the passage at 9:49

10:06 Again, health permitting. And lightly close your eyes and Report an error in the passage at 10:06 Highlight the passage at 10:06

10:16 allow yourself a turn inward and Report an error in the passage at 10:16 Highlight the passage at 10:16

10:24 slowly allow your body to relax into this position. Report an error in the passage at 10:24 Highlight the passage at 10:24

10:46 And start at the very top of your head. Report an error in the passage at 10:46 Highlight the passage at 10:46

10:51 We're going to try as much as we can to release some tension. Just moving down through your ears, releasing any tension you're holding in your brow. Report an error in the passage at 10:51 Highlight the passage at 10:51

11:10 Relax your face, Report an error in the passage at 11:10 Highlight the passage at 11:10

11:15 the back of your head and Report an error in the passage at 11:15 Highlight the passage at 11:15

11:22 release any tension you're holding in your jaw. The lips can be lightly together. Report an error in the passage at 11:22 Highlight the passage at 11:22

11:39 Release any tension you're holding in your neck and shoulders and Report an error in the passage at 11:39 Highlight the passage at 11:39

11:49 moving down through your arms. Let go of the tension there in Report an error in the passage at 11:49 Highlight the passage at 11:49

12:00 your elbows, forearms, Report an error in the passage at 12:00 Highlight the passage at 12:00

12:07 your hands and let it release out your fingers. Report an error in the passage at 12:07 Highlight the passage at 12:07

12:18 Keep a natural breath moving through your system and Report an error in the passage at 12:18 Highlight the passage at 12:18

12:29 breathe out any tension you're holding in your torso, your chest and your back. Report an error in the passage at 12:29 Highlight the passage at 12:29

12:56 Relax your waist and your hips. Report an error in the passage at 12:56 Highlight the passage at 12:56

13:11 Release any tension you're holding in your buttocks, in your thighs. Report an error in the passage at 13:11 Highlight the passage at 13:11

13:27 Release the tension in your knees and your legs. Report an error in the passage at 13:27 Highlight the passage at 13:27

13:43 Relax your ankles and your feet. Report an error in the passage at 13:43 Highlight the passage at 13:43

13:49 Let the tension move out your toes. Report an error in the passage at 13:49 Highlight the passage at 13:49

14:04 And as you bring your awareness to a normal, natural breath, air coming in the nostrils and out the nostrils, just notice if there's any other tension you're holding and just let it go. Report an error in the passage at 14:04 Highlight the passage at 14:04

14:48 Keep your awareness on the breath. Report an error in the passage at 14:48 Highlight the passage at 14:48

14:53 Focus on a radiant light just outside the tip of the nostrils where the air enters in and leaves the body. Tiny little drop of light. Report an error in the passage at 14:53 Highlight the passage at 14:53

15:11 Stay present there. Report an error in the passage at 15:11 Highlight the passage at 15:11

· · · silence, 1 minute

15:43 And if the mind wanders and you start planning, making lists, the weekend, I'm miserable, I'm the only one in the room who can't meditate, whatever story is going, just observe the mind is off the breath. Report an error in the passage at 15:43 Highlight the passage at 15:43

16:08 Without any further story and with gentleness directed toward yourself, bring the mind back to the tiny drop outside the nostrils. Take Report an error in the passage at 16:08 Highlight the passage at 16:08

· · · silence, 1 minute

17:41 a moment now to just notice physiologically how you're feeling right now. From doing the relaxation and from quietly focusing on one thing and just breathing. Report an error in the passage at 17:41 Highlight the passage at 17:41

18:04 How do you feel? Mind, body. Just observe. Report an error in the passage at 18:04 Highlight the passage at 18:04

· · · silence, 1 minute

19:22 Take a moment now to reflect on your reason for being here. And one of the things we love to do in our tradition is to set a good intention at the beginning of any activity. Report an error in the passage at 19:22 Highlight the passage at 19:22

19:41 Just reflect on your reason, your purpose for being here. Report an error in the passage at 19:41 Highlight the passage at 19:41

19:51 And if you can possibly expand that to consider others in your intention, fantastic. Report an error in the passage at 19:51 Highlight the passage at 19:51

20:01 Take a moment to set a positive motivation for... Report an error in the passage at 20:01 Highlight the passage at 20:01

· · · silence, 1 minute

20:45 please slowly open your eyes. Report an error in the passage at 20:45 Highlight the passage at 20:45

· · · silence, 1 minute

21:20 may this time be useful for us. Report an error in the passage at 21:20 Highlight the passage at 21:20

21:27 And I am speaking mainly from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. Report an error in the passage at 21:27 Highlight the passage at 21:27

21:36 There's some seats up here. Do you want to sit in a chair? Report an error in the passage at 21:36 Highlight the passage at 21:36

21:45 Maybe you need a cushion, though. Maybe take a cushion, because it's... There's some seats Report an error in the passage at 21:45 Highlight the passage at 21:45

22:00 here, please. Come on in. Report an error in the passage at 22:00 Highlight the passage at 22:00

22:07 I'm speaking mostly from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and if there's something useful for you, fantastic. If not, I would just put it to the side. I also speak on a very practical level based on my own experience and I would also say that please investigate thoroughly everything I'm saying. So don't just accept what I'm saying. The thing I liked about this tradition... Report an error in the passage at 22:07 Highlight the passage at 22:07

22:38 Is you need to try it on yourself and make it work for you. Are these teachings speaking to me and are they useful in my life? The only one who can tell you that is you. Okay, so please do investigate. Check out what I'm saying. Try it out. So I'm just picking on you right now. How is your stress right now compared to when you first walked in? Report an error in the passage at 22:38 Highlight the passage at 22:38

23:06 No, we're going to work with you. You had stress. How's your stress level now? It's A little better. Okay. So we just had four techniques and it's just been, it hasn't been very long. We've had four techniques already. For those of you that are not coming back tomorrow, we've already got four things to do. So one thing is, why is it not possible for us to take a moment to relax our body? Report an error in the passage at 23:06 Highlight the passage at 23:06

23:36 Stress doesn't want you to do that. It's essential. Maybe you can't do it in the middle of the really intense meeting with someone. Report an error in the passage at 23:36 Highlight the passage at 23:36

23:43 Right? I understand that. But at some point in the day, can you go back? You go back home and stop and just scan your body for two minutes. It's only two minutes. Relax your body. It relaxes your being. Really. That's number one. It doesn't take long. Because what happens is you start to notice your body. You go, oh my goodness, my neck is really... People walk around like this all day. Report an error in the passage at 23:43 Highlight the passage at 23:43

24:10 No wonder you're stressed. You're all caught up in here. You're not getting blood going where it's supposed to be going. The oxygen is all... But you don't realize you're like this until you focus on your neck and you go, oh, okay. Report an error in the passage at 24:10 Highlight the passage at 24:10

24:24 So it's so helpful. So helpful. So the next thing we did was breathing. Breathing. So when you get anxious, as most of you know, you start shallow breathing. Stress and anxiety causes that. So then again, the oxygen is not happening. Report an error in the passage at 24:24 Highlight the passage at 24:24

24:43 Okay. And you can breathe, you're breathing anyway, why not take a deep breath? You can take a deep breath in a very difficult meeting or your boss is in front of you driving you nuts, right? Report an error in the passage at 24:43 Highlight the passage at 24:43

24:57 Nobody needs to really, you know, you're just, but we're not, we're shallow breathing. So all of a sudden I'm just, or you finish the meeting, you go back to your work area, three breaths right there. Report an error in the passage at 24:57 Highlight the passage at 24:57

25:12 And all of a sudden perspective comes, this opens up. Tibetan system, this is where the mind's located. The mind is not a physical thing. It's not the brain in Tibetan Buddhism. It's a non-physical, non-material, has no shape, form, sound, smell. It's consciousness. It's connected to the heart, located at the heart center, not at the organ, the heart, in a subtle energy system. So you feel when you're stressed and anxious, how does it feel? Report an error in the passage at 25:12 Highlight the passage at 25:12

25:41 What's going on in your body? It's tight. I get tight here. You feel it right away. Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

25:51 Okay, so we're trying to open this up. Okay, so the second thing is breathing, breathing properly, breathing properly. How often do we take a deep breath? You know, by the end of the third deep breath, you have perspective. You have a little bit like, it's going to be, it's all right, it's okay. I'm stressed right now, it's going to be okay. And suddenly the mind can open up. Report an error in the passage at 25:51 Highlight the passage at 25:51

26:19 And then, so then I said, third thing, I said, how does it feel? How did you feel in your body as you started? First relaxing, right? And then you start breathing. How are people feeling? Anybody notice anything different or not different? Different? How did it feel? Loosening up, tension you don't even realize, especially in your shoulders and neck. Report an error in the passage at 26:19 Highlight the passage at 26:19

26:44 Yeah. And some people, it's stomach. You store stuff here. Sometimes, who gets lower backache, right? That can be stress and tension. That can be stress and tension. Report an error in the passage at 26:44 Highlight the passage at 26:44

26:57 Constriction, you know, in the body. Okay, so the third thing, why I said then notice, okay, the reason it's helpful to notice that this actually helps me. You know, we want stuff that's going to benefit us. That's what turns us on. That's what gets us, I'm going to do this again because I liked it. I liked the lollipop because it tasted good. Okay, so we want things to taste good. Report an error in the passage at 26:57 Highlight the passage at 26:57

27:19 So in order to do that, I need to again observe and notice, oh, you know, actually, I feel a little bit better right now. I do like that. It does feel good. It does benefit me. Intellectually, we know that. But you really need to feel, you need to experience it and capital K, know that for yourself. That this is my experience now. Report an error in the passage at 27:19 Highlight the passage at 27:19

27:45 So number four, I said then you set an intention. Set a positive intention. And then all day long when you get stressed and anxious, okay, you're going to come back to your intention. Report an error in the passage at 27:45 Highlight the passage at 27:45

27:59 So I'm going to talk a little bit more about intention. What I want to say is those are four things. You already have tools right now. So no more excuses. You've got your tools. These are some tools. And we will go a little bit deeper, obviously, tomorrow. But you have these tools. The next thing is, number five is, you need to practice them. Report an error in the passage at 27:59 Highlight the passage at 27:59

28:20 I can't do it for you. I'm sorry. I wish I could. We have a saying in our culture, practice makes perfect. Practice makes you a Buddha. Report an error in the passage at 28:20 Highlight the passage at 28:20

28:30 Buddha means, Sanskrit word, fully awakened being. Buddha is a perfect being, free of all fears. Fear causes stress and anxiety. So imagine being in a place where you're free of all that. All of us in this room can be that. We can be that. But in order to be that, it takes time and effort and we have to practice. So that means I have to remind myself about relaxing my body. Report an error in the passage at 28:30 Highlight the passage at 28:30

28:59 And not just remind myself, I have to do it. I have to remind myself about breathing. I have to remind myself about noticing how it benefits me and how it feels. And I have to remind myself about my intention. So an example I give, and some of you can relate this to your own life, of we get off kilter during the day, all day long. Report an error in the passage at 28:59 Highlight the passage at 28:59

29:23 And what will happen is when you start this practice, some of you are already doing this for years, When you start the practice, if you start with a motivation in the morning and then you notice that it's 5 o 'clock in the evening and I never thought about my motivation again. I'm not mindful. That's okay. Slowly it'll come and maybe you leave reminders, post-its around your desk and your workplace and your refrigerator and your home and the bathroom to remind you at first and then things start to become a little bit automatic. Report an error in the passage at 29:23 Highlight the passage at 29:23

29:54 And so what happened for me many years ago, I was helping another urban center. That was in San Francisco. We have a center there as well. So I was living there for three years and I had a deal with the nun who, it was her home. I lived with her, she's a good friend of mine. Two of us shared this home and we made the center in her home. In the center of San Francisco. And I had just come back from a couple years in India and I made the decision to let go of my career and I was going to temp for two weeks a month in law firms in downtown San Francisco to make enough money. Report an error in the passage at 29:54 Highlight the passage at 29:54

30:29 So I could be at the center two weeks a month, and I would be there when the visiting teachers came. And she was a mechanical engineer, so she couldn't do that. She had to work full time, and it was her money that supported the center. So we had this arrangement. She gave me a room to stay in for free. We lived like that for three years. Report an error in the passage at 30:29 Highlight the passage at 30:29

30:47 So I didn't really want to temp. I didn't really like temping. And I had this idea that I had a career, and that that career gave me kind of esteem. Report an error in the passage at 30:47 Highlight the passage at 30:47

30:59 So another thing that gets caught up in our stress and anxiety is our relationship to our identity, but our relationship to who we think we're supposed to be as opposed to who we really are. Who you really are is actually very cool. Who you think you are sometimes is kind of a mess. And it sets off base who I really am, which is totally good enough and great. Report an error in the passage at 30:59 Highlight the passage at 30:59

31:26 But all the ideas I have in the agendas for who I think I'm supposed to be and what I think I'm supposed to be doing makes kind of a mess out of what's really happening right here and now. So I had these ideas. And then I would go down to this law firm. And I had a great deal. I had a great scene. They paid me heaps of money. Report an error in the passage at 31:26 Highlight the passage at 31:26

31:46 I could work whenever I wanted. And I rotated. I had contracts with all these different law firms in downtown San Francisco. And they were very nice people. They treated me with lots of respect and very nice, easy workspace, easy work, great environment, easy to get to. What was the problem? Why was there a problem? And I made a decision. It was my decision. I really wanted the center to work and they needed more people time and they needed somebody and this was a chance that I took to devote more time to the center like some of the people here are doing that give up so much of their time. Report an error in the passage at 31:46 Highlight the passage at 31:46

32:25 George and Jennifer and Arnaud and Trish and all the other people. I'm sorry, I'm leaving some names out. Sorry. Who's the man I just met? It begins with a D. No. Desmond. There. Somebody else. Okay. Desmond. Thank you. Volunteering their time, right? So I wanted the center to go. Why? Because you create a center and people have stress and anxiety and then an evening like this happens and here's people. But it doesn't just happen like that. Report an error in the passage at 32:25 Highlight the passage at 32:25

32:53 But I made this decision. So I go downtown and one time they pair me with this lawyer named Ted. And he's a little bit old school. A little bit older guy and corporate lawyer and I was with him, supposed to be with him for a week or two. And somehow on Monday morning he'd come marching out from the weekend with his coffee cup over the weekend that he had left stuff in. It was all skanky now and full of mold and can I wash his cup? Report an error in the passage at 32:53 Highlight the passage at 32:53

33:19 That was not my idea of what I was supposed to be doing. And it's also something about women. I think that rose up through the ranks. Women tended to work in secretarial pools in the summer. That's what I did as a kid, as a teenager. We learned how to type and we got jobs. We were always there. We were the ones to fall back on that she can type, so put her in that secretarial thing. I think women are a bit more sensitive to that, having to have crawled out of that kind of space if you wanted to build and develop a different career. Report an error in the passage at 33:19 Highlight the passage at 33:19

33:51 So anyway, he'd come out with his coffee cup and it would just, every hair on my body would raise. I'd be like, is that on my job description? You know, I'd have this thing and so he'd give me, and he'd be very nice. Oh Amy, good morning, how you doing, how was your weekend? Would you mind washing my cup out? Well I did mind, okay? Report an error in the passage at 33:51 Highlight the passage at 33:51

34:11 Something in me said I minded. Okay, now that's not the Bodhisattva warrior that minded. That was the idea of who I thought I was supposed to be. And that wasn't somebody who washed out his moldy coffee mug. And I'd wash it out and I'd be like, you know, and I'd bring it back to him. So this went on for a couple of weeks. I was with him, I don't know, like a month or something. Report an error in the passage at 34:11 Highlight the passage at 34:11

34:31 I floated around. Anyway, this went on and I started to get really agitated at him. And I'd Report an error in the passage at 34:31 Highlight the passage at 34:31

34:42 find this stress level. I'd start telling myself stories about myself. You're doing this and why are you doing this? And so sometimes by 11 o 'clock in the morning I was all so stressed out and what am I doing, questioning myself. You know, is this the right thing to do? And just because he wanted me to wash his coffee mug? You know, I was totally blitzed out, like, ah! And then I'd stop. Report an error in the passage at 34:42 Highlight the passage at 34:42

35:06 You know, I was a Buddhist practitioner. You know, I was a newer Buddhist practitioner, but I'd say, you know, get a hold of yourself. So I would go to the bathroom. You're allowed to do that, right? I'd go to the bathroom. Compose yourself. Take yourself away or sit at your desk quietly for a moment. Report an error in the passage at 35:06 Highlight the passage at 35:06

35:23 Get your phone away from you. And I would go in the bathroom and I went into a stall. Nobody bothers you there. I went into a stall. I'd sit down. Sometimes I didn't even need to go to the bathroom. But I'd sit down and I would start breathing. I noticed I wasn't really breathing. I was, you know, why am I doing this job? Report an error in the passage at 35:23 Highlight the passage at 35:23

35:40 Why am I, you know, and then I, so by the end of the third breath, this starts to, some space. And as soon as the space comes, I said, you know, then I went back to my motivation. Report an error in the passage at 35:40 Highlight the passage at 35:40

35:57 Oh right, my motivation. I had a motivation this morning because I did a practice every day. And as a Buddhist, my motivation was, and you can put it in your own words, but as a Buddhist we are here in this tradition to be a benefit to all living beings. To be a benefit to all living beings. So I would, in a sense, I still do this every morning when I'm lying in bed. I think, may I direct the activities that I do with my body, speech and mind. Report an error in the passage at 35:57 Highlight the passage at 35:57

36:26 As much as I can throughout the entire day to doing something that will get me to a fully awakened state to be a Buddha because then I'm unlimited in benefiting all others. Report an error in the passage at 36:26 Highlight the passage at 36:26

36:41 So that's my motivation and with that motivation I'm now going to get up. So now it's 11 o 'clock in the morning and where's my motivation? It's in the toilet. Totally forgot. So all of a sudden I went, oh right, right, right. I had a motivation. To benefit all living beings. I'm a Tibetan Buddhist and I really want to do that. And then I reconnected with that motivation and said, that's right, that's what I'm doing. Report an error in the passage at 36:41 Highlight the passage at 36:41

37:07 And it makes me feel good. But I committed to benefiting, to trying to reach a place where I could benefit as Lama Zopa Rinpoche would say. How many of you have ever been to a teaching by Lama Zopa Rinpoche? Okay, not so many. You can also find him on YouTube. So Rinpoche has a very different style he teaches in. Report an error in the passage at 37:07 Highlight the passage at 37:07

37:28 You are here, if you're on this path, to benefit, as Rinpoche says, all sentient beings. All sentient beings. That's how he speaks, all sentient beings. The emphasis on all sentient beings, capital A-L-L, all sentient beings. So I signed up that morning, and by 11 o 'clock in the morning, I was there to serve all sentient beings except Ted. Report an error in the passage at 37:28 Highlight the passage at 37:28

37:51 Okay? I was really not interested in helping him, but he's part of it. And then I was like, wow, and Ted. And Ted too. Seriously, it's important that Ted's included. In fact, in particular, Ted. Because he's showing me my mind right now. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here trying to remember my motivation. Report an error in the passage at 37:51 Highlight the passage at 37:51

38:19 Like, wow. Well, that's cool, I thought. And then I went, you know. And I thought about Ted for a moment and I thought, he's actually a nice guy. He's very nice to me. And he's very reasonable with his work and his deadlines. And he's actually one of the nicer attorneys I'd ever worked for. What's the problem? A coffee mug? What if he was one of my friends? Report an error in the passage at 38:19 Highlight the passage at 38:19

38:45 And they said, hey, do you mind, can you wash my mug out? I'd happily do it. So what's the problem? So suddenly I went back to my motivation. them, right? Report an error in the passage at 38:45 Highlight the passage at 38:45

38:57 Thought about him and I came out in a whole new burst of energy. Happy. Not stressed. A little bit considering the things I thought about. I had a lot of questions when I was serving the center in that capacity. Because when you get into the Dharma, when you get into Buddhist practice and those of you that start to come to a center regularly and then some people start volunteering and then some people realize it really benefits their lives and they suddenly start Changing their life a little bit. It starts to go in a certain direction. And I made this decision that I wanted to live and serve a Dharma center full time. Report an error in the passage at 38:57 Highlight the passage at 38:57

39:37 And my friend, out of the goodness of her heart, offered me the space. It was ideal, but it was hard to turn that corner because I had less money than people. I wasn't making as much money and I had different, you know. So that's a very difficult time, but I've never looked back actually. I've never regretted it. And I've always basically had everything I really needed like that. Report an error in the passage at 39:37 Highlight the passage at 39:37

39:56 But that was a hard time, so I had questions. So I came out ready to serve him. And I had to work with this over time. There were times I'd get pissed off at him just because of the idea that I had about the situation. And then when I would rebalance the perspective, reset the motivation, be more mindful, I could include him in that and want to help him. Report an error in the passage at 39:56 Highlight the passage at 39:56

40:19 And it ends up that we became quite good friends. And so this is what happened at the end to change this situation. To change a difficult situation for you that stresses you out. So we became friends. And I really liked him. I really had a lot of respect for him. And so one Monday morning, he came out with his coffee mug, the moldy, skanky thing. And I really wanted to wash it. Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

40:43 I was really happy. Seriously, I really was like, oh, I'm going to do it. Like with joy. I had joy about it. And believe it or not, what happened? He came out and he said, oh, Amy, can you? Oh. This is disgusting. Oh, I'll wash it. And I said, no, no, no, let me wash it. He said, no, I can't give this to you. And I said, no, no, let me. Report an error in the passage at 40:43 Highlight the passage at 40:43

41:05 And we had a little tussle over the cup. Can you believe it? Right? But that's what happens. So suddenly there's also connection. And when stress and anxiety divides you, it divides you fundamentally from who you really are. And because you're divided from who you really are, Which is perfectly good and wonderful and pure and fantastic. So that divides you from other beings. Because you're feeling less of yourself and then you're going to project that on other beings. Report an error in the passage at 41:05 Highlight the passage at 41:05

41:37 Get irritated with them and anxious with them and then your anxiety creates a pocket of anxiety around you. So it makes people anxious. How many of you have kids? Report an error in the passage at 41:37 Highlight the passage at 41:37

41:49 Okay. So do you ever know, you know, your kids know you. You think they don't, but boy do they know you, right? I'm very close with my niece and nephews, my sister and brother's kids. And, you know, sometimes a parent, do you get stressed as a parent sometimes? Report an error in the passage at 41:49 Highlight the passage at 41:49

42:06 Yeah. Your daughter's here. Okay, good, good. Does she get stressed? Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 42:06 Highlight the passage at 42:06

42:17 And so what happens is, I don't know if you knew this growing up, I'm sure you noticed this, or your kids, you're saying. When the parent gets stressed, and I've noticed the kids, like did you kind of, do you have siblings? And did you sometimes be like, oh, you know, okay, dad's in that mood, don't ask him about the, or mom's doing, okay, let's just get out of the room right now, right? Report an error in the passage at 42:17 Highlight the passage at 42:17

42:41 So people go away from you in that space, and that's not really what you want or need at that time. So we just notice these certain things that another counteraction for stress and anxiety is connection. And it's often the last thing we want to do when we're stressed and anxious. And sometimes you can just name it, just say to somebody, I'm really stressed right now. Report an error in the passage at 42:41 Highlight the passage at 42:41

43:04 Like I know that this is just a delusion going through my mind, but I'm just feeling really anxious right now. Sometimes it's easier to just say that to somebody, rather than just like, shut up! You know, just say, I just, you know, I had this bad day today, have a little stress. And then what Buddhists do, what practicing Buddhists do, Is then, let's say you get home from work, you had a hard day, is if you live with somebody, maybe there's a little discussion or a little conversation or something, you might have a snack, and then Buddhists might take it to your cushion, go to your meditation space, wherever it is, however, set something up, and you go and you sit there and you go, what happened today? Report an error in the passage at 43:04 Highlight the passage at 43:04

43:47 It wasn't the day I wanted to have when I got up this morning. I wanted it to be a good day as we want every day to go, but it was different today. So what happened? And sometimes I just observe and I look at it. I just watch it and go, yeah, I shouldn't have. I was a little short with that person. And because of that, she stormed out of my room. Report an error in the passage at 43:47 Highlight the passage at 43:47

44:06 And then I started stories going about her. And then I got upset about what she thought about me. And this is what goes on. And all that is just garbage you don't need in your mind. Report an error in the passage at 44:06 Highlight the passage at 44:06

44:18 So watch, observe it, and let it go. And go, okay, so tomorrow when I see that person, I'll make sure I have... Extra patience when I'm with them. In fact, maybe I'll apologize for something that I said and just explain that I was really stressed because of this, this and this and I'm really sorry. And then there's connection again. Possible? Possible? What prevents you from sitting, from meditating? Report an error in the passage at 44:18 Highlight the passage at 44:18

44:56 Seriously. Report an error in the passage at 44:56 Highlight the passage at 44:56

45:02 You find it difficult. What do you find difficult about it? Okay. Can you sit in a chair? Yeah. Is that hard as well? Not so much. So you can sit in a chair and what I would do is start with very short periods of time. So mainly it's our minds are, it's like a wild horse you're trying to harness. So we're not going to sit down for an hour and suddenly be in great deep samādhi. Report an error in the passage at 45:02 Highlight the passage at 45:02

45:29 You know, it just doesn't happen. So how about five minutes, open your eyes, pause for a moment, look around the room, 30 seconds. And then five more minutes of just following the breath. Just start with that. Set a motivation. I'm doing this to try to calm my mind and body so I can really be of more service to others. Report an error in the passage at 45:29 Highlight the passage at 45:29

45:49 And then try to follow the breath. One inhalation in, one inhalation out. You can count the breaths. One. Another inhalation in. Exhalation. Two. See how far you count. The mind wanders. And you know what? It just wanders. That's all. You don't need a story about it. You don't need to say, I can't meditate. And then back to the breath. So I said, when your mind wandered off, I said, just observe and let it go without any further story. Report an error in the passage at 45:49 Highlight the passage at 45:49

46:22 Very important, without any further story. That's hard for us. We want to make dramas about the whole thing. And then I said, with gentleness directed toward yourself. Report an error in the passage at 46:22 Highlight the passage at 46:22

46:34 So it's a gentle process. Organically, the meditation comes because I'm relaxed. One Lama said to us in a retreat we were doing some years ago, to really meditate you have to thoroughly disengage your nervous system. So you need to be somewhat relaxed. We're not going to thoroughly disengage it all the time in New York, but you can definitely chill, right? And then from there, so it's a gentle process. Report an error in the passage at 46:34 Highlight the passage at 46:34

47:08 It's not like I'm off the breath, I'm so stupid. Back to the breath. You know, this is what we do. We ram it and we force it. Just, okay. And I notice every day I show up from my practice. So the thing is consistency. Report an error in the passage at 47:08 Highlight the passage at 47:08

47:21 Consistency. That's hard for people. If you miss a day, just start the next day. You miss two days, start the next day. It's okay. It's okay. We're going to miss some days in the beginning. Maybe you get it going three times a week. Feel good about that. Rejoice at yourself. It's hard to do that. It's very hard to meditate. Report an error in the passage at 47:21 Highlight the passage at 47:21

47:42 It takes a lot of effort. And then you see three times a week, maybe the next week I did four times. So what happens for me is I've been sitting for many years and I have the consistency, but it doesn't mean my mind's always cooperating. So I have days I sit and the mind is just trash. Just stop. I can't have no concentration. But I show up and I sit. Report an error in the passage at 47:42 Highlight the passage at 47:42

48:06 I'll just sit there sometimes. And I'll watch my mind go through all its garbage stuff. And just kind of be there with it, you know. And the next day, very still, very quiet, very focused. Maybe two days like that. And then the next day, not very focused. That's how it is. That's how it is with us. Is it possible to do, you think? Maybe try? Report an error in the passage at 48:06 Highlight the passage at 48:06

48:30 Yeah? You can get a little more instruction, too, of more specific things. Other people, you, why don't you say what you were saying? Did you have your hand up? No, but I was just, the thing that I find difficult is that... Report an error in the passage at 48:30 Highlight the passage at 48:30

48:46 The paradox of relaxation and discipline. I'll tend her to discipline. Relaxation and discipline? Report an error in the passage at 48:46 Highlight the passage at 48:46

48:59 Yes, but it can be done in a relaxed manner. It's not kind of a rigid, you know. You know, I see people sometimes on retreat, we start a retreat and I see people all very, especially Westerners, you know, we really, Tibetans, you know, I was just in, Because if you're having to focus on your breath, you don't have to discipline your mind. Report an error in the passage at 48:59 Highlight the passage at 48:59

49:16 Northwest India. I was all over India, but I was in Northwest India. And there's a whole area of meditators living in these little hovels, literally. Nohi, there's little brick kind of stone plaster places, little clay huts. And there's a lot of them up there, and I love to walk through there. And there's a big stupa for His Holiness Trijan Rinpoche in this area. And it's a very special area. I love to go over there from one of our centers in Dharamsala to Shita. Report an error in the passage at 49:16 Highlight the passage at 49:16

49:44 So I took a walk over to the meditators area and I purposely went at lunchtime and I brought a bag of fruit that I was going to make offerings to them. And a lot of them are monks. And the thing is we have this idea, now certain retreats people might do, you want to be in silence for part of the time. But you don't necessarily need to be in silence to do a lot of retreats. Report an error in the passage at 49:44 Highlight the passage at 49:44

50:06 And Tibetans know this kind of relaxed state of mind. So I went after lunch and that's when they tend to be more active. And I saw some of them outside their huts and I would look over and then I'd hold up an apple because I didn't want to approach them if they were not having people approach them. And then I'd see him nod and smile and I'd go over and give him a couple apples and some of them even said thank you or in Tibetan. Report an error in the passage at 50:06 Highlight the passage at 50:06

50:32 So I think there's a relaxed place that the discipline can come from. I've had that experience myself on retreat. So you can come to every session and you can... the mind in a certain space, but it comes from more of a relaxed place. Report an error in the passage at 50:32 Highlight the passage at 50:32

50:51 So do you have a sofa? Do you have a sofa? Do you live alone? Okay. Sit on your sofa. Start on your sofa. think you be a really clean Report an error in the passage at 50:51 Highlight the passage at 50:51

51:13 So do you have Report an error in the passage at 51:13 Highlight the passage at 51:13

51:22 You know, if you can't make New Yorkers live in very small spaces and I really commend you. I'm amazed how you guys live and how you also really, I don't know if you have storage units, okay, I don't know about that, but you really do well in little spaces. I commend you. So it's hard to find a space if you don't have a little space to the floor. Sit on the sofa. So we make excuses. Report an error in the passage at 51:22 Highlight the passage at 51:22

51:47 There's always going to be, just sit on your sofa. Find a comfortable place. Try not to be on the sofa like, you know, that's not going to work. But sit like this is almost like a sofa and you just sit for a minute and get the remote control out of the way. And I know people that actually cover their TVs with a little light scarf, just in general. They just don't want the screen kind of blaring at them all the time and they just have it. Report an error in the passage at 51:47 Highlight the passage at 51:47

52:11 And then when they want to watch TV, they take the scarf off or they roll the scarf up and then they have TV. But otherwise it doesn't kind of... And if you feel like maybe it's time to clean up the piles at some point. But the sofa works fine. Just sit on the sofa. Because mainly it's about you getting together with your mind and showing up with your mind regardless of what's happening in your mind. And then what happens is through the process we start to undo the stories we tell ourselves that we're not good enough. Report an error in the passage at 52:11 Highlight the passage at 52:11

52:41 Which creates stress and anxiety. Which is again living in the who I think I'm supposed to be. As opposed to who I really am. Okay, so me getting together with my mind is being present right here and now. Report an error in the passage at 52:41 Highlight the passage at 52:41

52:55 You know, here I am with my mind in the present. Usually we're living over here. You know, I'm going to meditate, but as soon as I'm done I'm going to make the dinner and I'm going to call my friend and then I'm going to go out and I can't wait to do that. I'm really hungry and I saw the macaroni and cheese and that's what I want. Thank you very much for that. I'm back here right now. So that's all going to come up. Report an error in the passage at 52:55 Highlight the passage at 52:55

53:17 We're busy people. We're busy people. If you want to know busier people, I had the good fortune, I say good fortune, it was. Report an error in the passage at 53:17 Highlight the passage at 53:17

53:28 Every time I go to India, I went there to go to these teachings with the Dalai Lama, but I try to explore a place in India I haven't been yet. And I had one time some years ago been to Calcutta for one day, passing through, and I liked it so much I wanted to go back, so I went there for about a week. Report an error in the passage at 53:28 Highlight the passage at 53:28

53:49 And it makes New York look like a rural haven. It was staggering. Has anyone been to Calcutta? Has anybody? Anyway, you've been to Calcutta? Did you like it? Yeah, people like it. You know, people are surprised by that. They're like, it's supposed to be really poor. It is. I mean, there's people all over the streets, but it's amazing. Report an error in the passage at 53:49 Highlight the passage at 53:49

54:09 And the Bengalis are some of the nicest Indians I've ever met. But really, I would go out two hours. If you go to Calcutta, you need... more time. Don't try to do everything in one day. And so I noticed I would go It was so stimulating, so overly stimulating as a city. It just totally buzzed. Fascinating place, right? So in the space, when you're buzzing and you're at the subway, can you just sometimes focus on, I'm walking right now to the subway thing. Report an error in the passage at 54:09 Highlight the passage at 54:09

54:47 I'm not over in my head at this turn, I'm just walking right now. And I'm observing, I'm watching people, I'm looking at that guy, and I'm just there, I'm being there, present with what I'm doing right now. It counters stress. Because stress starts, you know, I got this thing I'm worried about. Okay, I'm going to pick on you again. Report an error in the passage at 54:47 Highlight the passage at 54:47

55:10 So you said, don't pick on me. Okay, so why? Can you discuss a little bit the stressor that's happening? Unless it's too personal. What are you most stressed about right now? Report an error in the passage at 55:10 Highlight the passage at 55:10

55:28 I've just totally stressed her out. Can Report an error in the passage at 55:28 Highlight the passage at 55:28

55:37 you speak about it? If not, it's okay. Report an error in the passage at 55:37 Highlight the passage at 55:37

55:42 You're having a bad day? I have an uncooperative body. I have chronic health issues. That's a huge stress. don't. No, I'm. Report an error in the passage at 55:42 Highlight the passage at 55:42

55:52 Because it feels like the vehicle I'm in belongs in a junkyard. So that's a huge stress. And then family issues. Report an error in the passage at 55:52 Highlight the passage at 55:52

56:14 So macro issues. Very aware of the world we're living in. I'm very well informed about world matters and events. And then on a micro level, so just feeling overwhelmed. Yep, okay. So she didn't mention probably the two other things that stress people, because these are two of the things, money and job, okay? Report an error in the passage at 56:14 Highlight the passage at 56:14

56:40 So we've got health, family, money and job. And then we've got the macro, the world. There's usually five, those are the five main things that get people, okay? So a lot of people, thank you, because a lot of people can relate to these things, okay? The first thing is our health. So one thing as a Buddhist in our tradition, I think really health is the most important thing. And I know a number of people very, very challenged with poor health right now, serious health issues. Report an error in the passage at 56:40 Highlight the passage at 56:40

57:10 And some of you here, obviously, as well. So one of the things we learn about is saṃsāra. Sanskrit word means to cycle or to turn. Saṃsāra. And what we're cycling through is a broken situation. Birth, old age, sickness and death. All of that is suffering. I'm not going to say there isn't a miracle of birth, but we also know it's tremendous suffering. Report an error in the passage at 57:10 Highlight the passage at 57:10

57:37 Birth, old age, sickness and death. And this cycle is perpetuated until we reach a highly realized state. We're going to continue through it in various ways. Some people's birth, old age, sickness and death might seem a little gentler than some other people, but all of it is suffering. I always joke here about when, because you appreciate this, when some years ago we had a big joke in the 90s when I was at a center in California. Report an error in the passage at 57:37 Highlight the passage at 57:37

58:06 One of the cosmetic agencies came up with a new perfume, new scent, and it was called Saṃsāra. And we Buddhists thought it was the funniest thing. They named it, you know, we're like, who needs more of that? You know, people paying a lot of money for it. And I remember the ads on TV, you know, it's a sexy word. They thought, you know, so the ads on TV, saṃsāra. You know, it was like, just, we got quite a kick out of that, saṃsāra. Report an error in the passage at 58:06 Highlight the passage at 58:06

58:35 So saṃsāra's nature is suffering. So one of the things is waking up that there's suffering in life. It's the first thing the Buddha taught. There is suffering. There is suffering. And sometimes it's going to be in your body. Okay? And sometimes it's going to be because you got fired. And sometimes it's going to be because you have no money and you're struggling. And you can't pay your mortgage and you can't pay your bills and your car just broke down. Report an error in the passage at 58:35 Highlight the passage at 58:35

59:01 You can't afford to fix it. And sometimes it's going to be that your kids hate you and one of your kids is addicted and you haven't spoken to your sister in five years and you hate your mother and on and on. And then the world is mirroring stuff like that back to us. Conflict and hostility. So one thing is waking up to that. Report an error in the passage at 59:01 Highlight the passage at 59:01

59:22 It's like that sometimes. It's like that. And for some people it's all the time like that. So what's my attitude going to be in the face of that? Report an error in the passage at 59:22 Highlight the passage at 59:22

59:31 I know people that go around all day long miserable. Miserable. Miserable because they have a degenerative spine disease and they're in pain all the time. I have a close friend like that. A close friend who also is alcoholic, became a diabetic, and in the middle of this had cervical cancer. Report an error in the passage at 59:31 Highlight the passage at 59:31

59:54 And fibromyalgia and something else. Okay? One person. One person. So her choice was to be miserable and alcoholic and abusive to her husband. That's how she's living. It's really painful to watch. She's alienated everybody from them, basically. You know? So we do have choices, and they're not easy to get up every morning when you're in pain. It's not easy. But I do know people in pain, and I just... Report an error in the passage at 59:54 Highlight the passage at 59:54

1:00:25 I met one of the neighbors where I'm living now. My dad lives in a wonderful neighborhood. The people are great. And the neighbor across the street, I grew up in this neighborhood, but now the people that live on the street are all my age. So they're wonderful people, and I've gotten to know a lot of them over the last few years. And the woman across the street, two weeks before her 50th birthday, diagnosed with breast cancer, an aggressive form of breast cancer. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:25 Highlight the passage at 1:00:25

1:00:49 She's got six kids. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:49 Highlight the passage at 1:00:49

1:00:53 So I just saw her last week and I didn't know she had breast cancer and I saw her and I talked to her and she said, she's a devout Catholic and she said to me, and first I said, I'm so sorry and she's going through the treatment, she's doing very well and she said, this is a blessing. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:53 Highlight the passage at 1:00:53

1:01:09 She said, this is a blessing. Can you imagine? But she's really there with it. Like she went through her sorrow and her grief and her pain and her hair fell out and she was freaked out for a while and now she's at the space just a few months later. And she said, this is a blessing that I got this. That's how she feels now. So you have a choice. You have a choice. And then you have to practically participate in the choice in what you're doing. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:09 Highlight the passage at 1:01:09

1:01:37 So for instance, health issues, you've got to try to figure out what to do about them. Is there treatment? Can you get treated? Sometimes you run to a point where they're like, we can't do anything about the pain anymore. So then you have to figure out, what do I want to do? There are meditations that can shift pain. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:37 Highlight the passage at 1:01:37

1:01:53 That seem to help to shift it and minimize it and it changes. There are medications sometimes people take and they balance it with meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:53 Highlight the passage at 1:01:53

1:02:04 It's not an ideal world. It's not a perfect world by far. And I do know people living in chronic pain and they try every day to try to focus on some beautiful thing that day. Something that makes them happy. There's always something they can find that makes them happy. Some days they say it's more challenging. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:04 Highlight the passage at 1:02:04

1:02:24 Fair enough. It is more challenging some days, right? I mean, we have some challenges. I just couldn't understand, I don't know, the last two weeks, I just couldn't understand the burning of the Jordanian pilot. I just didn't get that at all. That one, I don't know, the suffering that other people cause to other people. I just didn't understand killing somebody like that, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:24 Highlight the passage at 1:02:24

1:02:52 Sometimes it's really hard like that to wake up to that, to have another day like that with this kind of energy on the planet. However, there's also really good energy on the planet, really positive energy on the planet. I think the more we find it in here, the more it surrounds you, cushions you. Doesn't mean the rest of the stuff goes away, but we definitely can have these peaceful pockets of things. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:52 Highlight the passage at 1:02:52

1:03:17 Eventually, they say, when you're on an accelerated path, spiritual path, and you practice Tantra, Your external reality can change to something blissful and peaceful like that. So His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Zopa Rinpoche and highly realized beings like that, they experience the world with what we live in it with all the tragedy of it and the suffering, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:03:17 Highlight the passage at 1:03:17

1:03:42 But not as kind of diverted from their path as we are. Not as subjected to it, not as brought down by it as we are. Because I think in their minds they live in this blissful... So that's the space they encounter it with. And they see it based on beings with delusion that they have signed up to help. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:42 Highlight the passage at 1:03:42

1:04:07 It's not like they hate people from the Islamic State or that they hate this particular person. They don't hate them. It doesn't create any good to hate out there. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:07 Highlight the passage at 1:04:07

1:04:18 They realize people suffer from delusions. We make mistakes. We're not going to kill somebody, but we make mistakes too. Some people make mistakes on a grander level and they kill somebody intentionally, sadistically, right? Okay, yes? No, the thing that I... Report an error in the passage at 1:04:18 Highlight the passage at 1:04:18

1:04:43 is fear. And personally with... I knew she was going to say that. You knew? And I just... She's going to talk about fear. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:43 Highlight the passage at 1:04:43

1:04:56 So what are you afraid of? What are you really afraid of? Report an error in the passage at 1:04:56 Highlight the passage at 1:04:56

1:05:02 If you really bring it down to... It's like a real visceral fear of existing or not existing, like being able to survive, you know, and it's most visceral. Right. It's sort of a reptilian brain fear. Okay. What are you afraid of? What else are you afraid of? I mean, if you're afraid, if you have fear at times, because that creates anxiety, that's what anxiety is, comes from there, what really is going on for you? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:02 Highlight the passage at 1:05:02

1:05:32 This is where you analyze, where you meditate. Like I'll go home and I'll go, I'm really stressed. What am I stressed about? Yes. Anything you can't control. Okay. So then it's obvious. Okay. Anything you can't. What can you control? Okay. What can you control? Anybody? Your attitude. Your attitude. Up to a point. Because fear is very powerful. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:32 Highlight the passage at 1:05:32

1:06:04 Okay. And it diverts you from your intention to be. Okay. So she said fear can divert you from your intention to be in a good place. Okay. So it's not about that you can only control your mind or attitude to a degree. You can totally control your mind and attitude. Because as soon as I notice I'm diverted in the fear and all this, I have to go back to my cushion and say, what the hell is going on here? Report an error in the passage at 1:06:04 Highlight the passage at 1:06:04

1:06:33 Wow, was I toppled today? And this freaked me out and that freaked me out and this woman, I couldn't work with her. She's a nightmare and this happened and I can't stand my uncle and my brother is driving me crazy. And then you have to go into what am I really afraid of with these people. And you have to analyze yourself. You have to analyze it yourself. What's really going on? Report an error in the passage at 1:06:33 Highlight the passage at 1:06:33

1:06:57 But then you can't. So you can sit there and it, but you like so afraid that if this Report an error in the passage at 1:06:57 Highlight the passage at 1:06:57

1:07:10 mother could get sicker, or I could get sick. Okay. Okay, so let's go down to it then. I'm going to lose a client. Okay, I'm going to lose a client. Some other people in this situation. I'm going to lose business. I'm going to get fired. So then what? You lose a client. Then what? You have to go down underneath it. So I go, oh, I lose a client. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:10 Highlight the passage at 1:07:10

1:07:31 Well, I have a little less money that week. Maybe I need to do more marketing, get more business. Okay, my mother's going to get sicker. You know what? Your mother is going to get sicker. So I'm sorry to say my dad's 88 next month. He's well, touch wood, right? But we know where it's headed. He's 88. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:31 Highlight the passage at 1:07:31

1:07:52 So once it's reality and I kind of go, oh, I'm afraid he's going to have a heart attack. And then I go, well, that is going to happen one day. Let it go. Because if you start the obsessive loop, okay, your mind gets habituated with doing the loop. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:52 Highlight the passage at 1:07:52

1:08:09 And you're not functioning with, she is going to get sicker one day. What can I do about it right now? Then act and do something about it. Well, I should make sure that the apartment's really clear for her falling. Maybe it needs to be carpeted. Maybe she needs to move. Maybe I need to get her more care. Act and do something to prevent that, but people fall anyway. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:09 Highlight the passage at 1:08:09

1:08:30 It happens all the time. One of the greatest things of old people is falling, and that's the end. That's how my mother basically went. It started with a fall. And then it was one thing after another. So again, saṃsāra waking up. This is the situation. So I must act, do whatever I can possibly do. That's all I can do. And then we have to practice letting it go. How do we let it go? Report an error in the passage at 1:08:30 Highlight the passage at 1:08:30

1:08:57 Quiet in meditation. Some breathing. I've analyzed it fully and I know there's nothing more I can do for the situation. And I'm okay. That's the best I can do. And just practice like I see the anxiety coming up in my cells. Breathe through it, let it go, exhale it out. Focus on some positive things too. I wouldn't over obsess about it except I would always if there's a conflict with somebody I always analyze what was my role in that. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:57 Highlight the passage at 1:08:57

1:09:35 Did I screw up? Like it's not always their fault. And there's no point in playing the blame game. There's no point in it. It's like okay we had a problem. We miscommunicated. I misunderstood. You misunderstood. We have different views. We disagreed. And then it got heated. Okay. I'm going to go back to my cushion. I'm going to kind of ask myself. I'm sitting on my couch. I'm setting up your practice now. I'm sitting on my couch. Okay. What was my role? Report an error in the passage at 1:09:35 Highlight the passage at 1:09:35

1:10:05 You know, I shouldn't have really lost my temper when he said that. I know that's the thing that pushes my buttons. But, you know, I know that's where he's coming from. And this is saṃsāra, so we're all a bit limited, and I have limitations, he has limitations, and I should have had a little bit more patience in that space. Maybe I can apologize tomorrow, but I'm not going to obsess about it anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:05 Highlight the passage at 1:10:05

1:10:27 Maybe they'll come in and apologize, and hopefully we can move on. Let me learn so the next time we get into this thing, I don't go into that space. Is that realistic? So we also have to be touching reality, right? When we're... in this space about saṃsāra that this is what we're living in this is how it goes sometimes so I'm just going underneath the fears other fears, other concerns yes Report an error in the passage at 1:10:27 Highlight the passage at 1:10:27

1:11:02 It's like a virgin. You don't want to really sit there and think about like... the bad thought comes to your head or what you're anxious about. You don't want to feel it. You don't want to feel the tightness in your head. You'd rather just go out and escape. I do know some chronic anxious people, the chronically anxious, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:11:02 Highlight the passage at 1:11:02

1:11:30 We all know some people. My nephew, who's a wonderful guy, he's 25 now, he was a worrier. He was just born, karmically born a worrier from a young age. I don't know why. I think karma. So you also have to understand karma, meaning you've got seeds planted in your mental continuum, in your consciousness, and some of them, for some people, they're very positive people, some people very negative. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:30 Highlight the passage at 1:11:30

1:11:56 He just had seeds, past activities he did with his body, speech and mind in a past life, because Buddhism believes in reincarnation, created him in this life to be a worrier, a worrier. So I work with him on certain things, how the worry comes in. So here's another thing. Are any of you familiar with this neuroscientist that had the stroke, Jill Bolt Taylor? Okay, you must read this book. It's a very short book, My Stroke of Insight. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:56 Highlight the passage at 1:11:56

1:12:24 Please read this book, especially if you know anybody that's been through traumatic brain injury or stroke. It will really help them recover and help you relate to them as they're recovering. My Stroke of Insight. She's on a TED Talk as well. At 37 years old, this neuroscientist had a stroke. On the left side of her brain and it took her seven to eight years to fully recover and the book is very interesting about the left and right sides of the brain but one of the things she says is physiologically the mental process that brings a delusion into play. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:24 Highlight the passage at 1:12:24

1:13:00 It's very Buddhist, the book, but she doesn't talk about Buddhism per se. But we talk about delusions and what delusion means is an afflicted state of mind. Your mind exists. In a clear light, spacious luminosity. That's actually your mind. However, delusion comes over and obscures that nature from us. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:00 Highlight the passage at 1:13:00

1:13:23 And delusion could be anger, hatred, jealousy, fear, anxiety, attachment, pride, things like that. And they set us out of balance. And it covers over the clear, spacious experience you have of your awareness. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:23 Highlight the passage at 1:13:23

1:13:44 So she said that when one of these experiences comes up, the uncomfortability, uncomfortableness of the, or the discomfort we'd say, of the anxiety, she said it's actually a 90 second process for it to run through your whole system. The thought to arise, my system to get engaged with it, until it actually finishes, the thought process finishes. What happens is we are habituated in letting it continue, in letting it loop. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:44 Highlight the passage at 1:13:44

1:14:13 Based on delusion. And that creates more delusion. And that's how delusions, the only reason it's in there is because of pre-existing delusion. It can thoroughly be eradicated from your mind, delusion, permanently. So that you're free and clear and happy and non-fearful. So what I do now, and I love this, and I read this also, I think Peva Chudron had this in one of her books recently, is I'll watch some irritation come up. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:13 Highlight the passage at 1:14:13

1:14:42 Something happened and I'll be like, just because I'm a Buddhist nun doesn't mean I'm beyond that, right? I'm not perfect by far. And I'll watch and then I just let myself have the 90 seconds. Just let it run through. I'm so furious. And I'll just, I don't say anything, but I let it run through of this whole like gripping 90 seconds, 90 seconds finishes, done. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:42 Highlight the passage at 1:14:42

1:15:07 I let it go. I let it go. So that discomfort, and again, you have to practice it. That discomfort comes up. Give yourself the 90 seconds of the discomfort and know that it will end and let it go. So I'm working with my nephew with this, with some of this, because he's got loops that he worries and then he obsesses and he worries again. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:07 Highlight the passage at 1:15:07

1:15:30 How many times do you need to think about it? If I say, I'll go in your case, I might lose a client. So why do you have to think about it all weekend? So here's another trick. Designate a time. To worry. Seriously. No, seriously, it works. Designate Thursday afternoon, 4 to 4.30 is when I worry. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:30 Highlight the passage at 1:15:30

1:15:55 Okay? And really, and all my worries, because I've got time for it, so when a worry comes up, instead of escaping, just say, okay, thanks very much, I'm very aware of that concern, that worry. And is it a constructive worry? Yeah, actually it is. If I lose a client, I need to focus on that. I need to... Report an error in the passage at 1:15:55 Highlight the passage at 1:15:55

1:16:12 But so Thursday, 4 o 'clock, that's my time. I don't need to deal with that. I don't need that in my mind right now. But I realize it's something I need to think about, and I have a lot of time to think about it. But it's not now. Can you try that? I don't know. Can you try that? See how it goes? Just try that. And see, because the thing is, underneath, you do want to have some time to look at. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:12 Highlight the passage at 1:16:12

1:16:35 It's uncomfortable to look at. What I'm trying to escape, because it's always going to keep coming up until you look at it, until you go in there. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:35 Highlight the passage at 1:16:35

1:16:47 Exactly. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:47 Highlight the passage at 1:16:47

1:16:51 That's what it really shows you, that if you summon it at 4 o 'clock Thursday, all of a sudden I go, I'm not worried about it anymore. Great. How come I'm not worried about it at that time? Why do I need to be worried about it? Why do I need to have it interfere with my Friday night? This thing, or my... Report an error in the passage at 1:16:51 Highlight the passage at 1:16:51

1:16:44 I'm worried, though, is it usually comes up uninvited. So if I try to summon it at a certain time, I don't know if feel it. Exactly. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:44 Highlight the passage at 1:16:44

1:17:08 Sunday outing with all the people. Because sometimes it really affects you and you go out and you're like... So it's something worth... So what tends to underlie... You said this. You indirectly kind of mentioned this. What's really underneath all of it is our fear of death. And you said existing or non-existing. Death is the big one out there underneath it all. Now it might not seem that way in losing a client. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:08 Highlight the passage at 1:17:08

1:17:38 But it's certainly there in your mother getting sicker and health issues and I don't know so much. But often it's underneath. And what happens, it's related to the control word. When you say, I don't have control of anything. The only thing you can control is your mind. That's it. So for all the control freaks out there right now, let it go. You can't control anything but your mind. And often we can't even control our mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:38 Highlight the passage at 1:17:38

1:18:06 Seriously. So I'm just happy sometimes, some mornings when I get up and I go out and there I was today on the subway and I actually was very present with my walking and observing. That was a little bit of control of my mind. Instead of me out and some other not present. And so when you're not present, that's when you can't find your keys and your eyeglasses and where you put your book and where the subway pass is because your mind was not there when you did it, when you put it away. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:06 Highlight the passage at 1:18:06

1:18:37 My dad is so funny. He was the blamer. He loved the blame game when we were growing up. It was always somebody, whose fault? You know, he had to find out whose fault it was. Then you find out whose fault it is and then what? You know, I never got that. I was like, that was. So we were always like cowering. He's a big guy and he's a short temper. So it's just wonderful that someone has come to live with him in the house now because there's someone to blame. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:37 Highlight the passage at 1:18:37

1:19:02 Right? So he amazes me. He comes up with these things. He's a good guy, but he comes up with these things. You left the door open downstairs. And I said, I haven't been down there today, I said to him. So then this third time he got into this thing, you left the light on and you left the thing out. And so I said to him finally, I said, well, I said, who do you blame when I'm not here? He had to think about that. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:02 Highlight the passage at 1:19:02

1:19:29 And he said, well, nothing, there's no reason to blame anybody when I'm here by myself. Oh, really? Well, you just notice that the door's open and you know that it's you that left it open. So, you know, what's the point in blaming anybody? So I said to him, I said, look, you leave doors open and lights on and I do. And I said, so let's just, it's actually him leaving most of the stuff open and on, but that's fine, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:29 Highlight the passage at 1:19:29

1:19:52 And I said, so let's just let it go. We don't have to blame each other. I said, let's just let it go and just shut the door. Okay, glad you found it open, now you can shut it. So it's just something to think about, it's just your mind. If you do start to bring some control over your mind, and you can in small ways, as Americans, don't expect the huge things, small ways we're doing, small little things, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:52 Highlight the passage at 1:19:52

1:20:18 Feel joyful that you're noticing these small things, that you're doing some small things. We don't rejoice enough at the good stuff we do. So feel joyful at some of those things. And then what happens is when you start to control your mind, you start controlling your attitude, for one, and you start controlling your responses and negative reactivity to others, which is what we want to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:18 Highlight the passage at 1:20:18

1:20:47 And when that starts happening, those ripples go out there into the planet. And that's how other people change. So for those of you that want to change your partner, how many people would love to change their partner or their mother or their son or their boss? So I noticed is by changing myself, they're used to pushing a certain button and getting you to respond in a certain way. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:47 Highlight the passage at 1:20:47

1:21:20 So when you disengage the negative reactive button, They have no more to push that, and then they have to adapt their behavior. So if you're representing positive, respectful behavior to people, they almost can't help but mirror it back, other than whom I would call the chronically miserable. We all know some of these people. Regardless of what happens, they're going to be miserable. And there's people like that, and it's saṃsāra. There's some people that choose that. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:20 Highlight the passage at 1:21:20

1:21:50 They choose suffering every day. It's their choice. So sometimes I show up for, I know some people like this and, you know, I have my time with them and I set boundaries on the time because they want to drain, you know, all the energy from you and, okay, but we're here to serve. So sometimes somebody like that and sometimes somebody that has breast cancer that says, it's a blessing. This is a blessing for me. And we all have different experiences. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:50 Highlight the passage at 1:21:50

1:22:18 Is this possible? Can you do this? You need to do this, okay? And when I say need, I mean, you owe it to yourself. This is good for yourself. This is a gift you give yourself to try. It is hard meditation. It is hard. But you just start small and slowly maybe through here and through the courses you can get more instruction of how to make it easier and some books I could recommend because it's really worthwhile to do and to study a little bit more and to find techniques for changing, for shifting the mind and shifting the anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:18 Highlight the passage at 1:22:18

1:22:52 Any questions? Some questions? Yes. What is tantra? Like the actual... Tantra literally is thread, continuity. It's a continuity and it's an esoteric side of Tibetan Buddhism, sometimes called Vajrayana Buddhism. Vajra is a representative of a diamond hard way, indestructible kind of method and you need to be properly initiated in tantric practices. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:52 Highlight the passage at 1:22:52

1:23:24 And some people see deities in union and they say, oh, I want to practice. It's about sex. It's not about sex at all. It's about transforming certain energy on a subtle level like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:24 Highlight the passage at 1:23:24

1:23:37 Yes. You got your sofa going now, right? Okay, we got the sofa going. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:37 Highlight the passage at 1:23:37

1:23:52 So my question is, clearly I saw them living it and being it. And to my opinion, they were praying to the Buddha. But do they do? Report an error in the passage at 1:23:52 Highlight the passage at 1:23:52

1:24:10 What you're asking us to do as a practice or is it more of a religion? Yes, and just as a commercial advertisement here is I do lead pilgrimages and I lead them as benefits for different projects and centers and the Liberation Prison Project which brings Buddhism into prisons around the world. They've asked me to lead another pilgrimage and one is to Burma, Myanmar in September. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:10 Highlight the passage at 1:24:10

1:24:39 I think there's cards here on the table. Are the cards here? Yeah. If you're interested and it's a benefit for them. So we're going to go in September for about three weeks and it'll be amazing. It's an amazing country. Totally magical. I was there in 1987. I know it's a little different now. It's a Buddhist country and it has recently loosened up on its kind of totalitarian regime, which is why we're able to go. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:39 Highlight the passage at 1:24:39

1:25:05 And a fascinating country, lovely people. It's a different type of Buddhism. It is Theravadan Buddhism, like Thailand as well. So I would say it depends who you speak to. Some people feel that it's a way of life, Buddhism. Some people feel that it's a religion. They call it a religion. The Tibetan Buddhists I know, a number of them are not practicing Buddhists. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:05 Highlight the passage at 1:25:05

1:25:30 It's often the converts that are more ardent to practice, like that you notice. However, there are a lot of practitioners, Tibetans, Sherpas. The Thai, Burmese that are practicing and they have different styles and some of them do it more traditionally versus really sitting in meditation for long periods but there are centers over there that I had visited once before and I may try to stay longer and do a retreat over there. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:30 Highlight the passage at 1:25:30

1:25:56 I'd like to do that in Burma. But it was also a religion. They were offering flowers and money for help and things to the Buddha. Yes, so there are people, I've met a lot of people all over the world that they're not really practicing and meditating. They're lay people, business people, very busy and they don't really choose to do that. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:56 Highlight the passage at 1:25:56

1:26:19 But what they'll do is they'll show up when a Lama comes or a teacher and they're like, they offer a lot of money and say, can you do a practice for my sick wife? So there's people that will do that or they want to participate in all the high initiations, but they're not really doing the retreats and things. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:19 Highlight the passage at 1:26:19

1:26:35 And I don't... Myself, I think that's okay. I don't have a good or bad about it, but I just find you don't really, you're not necessarily countering delusion in your mind just from that. It's very nice traditionally, but it doesn't necessarily pacify in here until you're really establishing some kind of meditation practice or just at least doing some techniques, however big or small, to get you to look at your mind a little bit like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:35 Highlight the passage at 1:26:35

1:27:03 But it's beautiful, some of the traditions they have. Very pure, offering the flowers. They have very pure Vinaya. They're very supportive of monks and nuns and their cultures, unlike we don't have that yet in the States. So it's kind of hard for us. We don't have any place to live. We don't have a little bit like that. Yes? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:03 Highlight the passage at 1:27:03

1:27:25 piggybacking on what he was saying i have an obstacle to actually feeling the emotions that come up when i sit and like that that's really hard for me is because i find like i or I get stuck on my phone or on my computer. To avoid actually really looking at what's going on in my mind because it's kind of scary. Right. Okay. So, I don't know if either one of you, and it might be too personal to talk about what is so scary about going in there. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:25 Highlight the passage at 1:27:25

1:27:54 What comes up for you? I don't know if you can... I mean, a lot of sadness and regret. There's a lot of emotion. Okay. Because I... Yes, I do find a lot of spiritual practice, and the better you get at it, it works much better, is getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:54 Highlight the passage at 1:27:54

1:28:19 So the thing is, what will happen is, and I'm sorry to say this, it'll be there when you're dying. So if you haven't looked at it now, when you have more control over your body and mind... Report an error in the passage at 1:28:19 Highlight the passage at 1:28:19

1:28:31 It's going to be there. And if it's not going to be there then, it'll be there in the in-between state, it'll be there in the next life, the stuff you haven't finished. I'm not trying to freak you out, but it's like we have some time to kind of look at it. And we're not going to finish everything in this life most probably, but can I just get a little bit better? Can I get a little bit more sense of why I get anxious and why I feel so antsy? Report an error in the passage at 1:28:31 Highlight the passage at 1:28:31

1:28:56 And one of the things that you have to also habituate yourself with, When you're sitting, the phone has to be away from you. Don't sit with your phone here. I see people and I'm just like, what are you doing? Report an error in the passage at 1:28:56 Highlight the passage at 1:28:56

1:29:13 Get that away from you. I was laughing with Jennifer when she brought me to the apartment yesterday. What happens is I've got a lot of hours of practice I have to do, like these commitments I have to do every day with prayers. Some of it is not formal meditation, but I've got to go through these practices. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:13 Highlight the passage at 1:29:13

1:29:28 And some days I go through in a much more meditative state, which is even better. And some days I'm not and I'm just like, I've just got to read these things. And so what happened is she was trying to see if the internet was working on my computer. And I had the computer on my lap open, but then she went off to make this phone call to check. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:28 Highlight the passage at 1:29:28

1:29:47 And so I left it because in case the guy got on the phone, but then I got my practice out and I was kind of like... Doing this practice with the computer, and I normally don't do that because it creates a habit of I'll just watch TV and do my mantras. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that doesn't count. I know people, I've seen people, and they've got the movie going, you know, and it's just, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:47 Highlight the passage at 1:29:47

1:30:16 And it's one thing if you're not doing it for your daily thing. -bye. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:16 Highlight the passage at 1:30:16

1:30:21 That it's okay if you're watching a movie you want to count, but that's not your commitments. That doesn't count for your commitments. I know some llamas that really got down on people about that. Like, where's your mind? You're in this movie. You're not doing your practice. So the phone, the computer, the TV needs to be off. The remote control needs to be away from you. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:21 Highlight the passage at 1:30:21

1:30:38 The phone needs to be in another room. Turn it on to mute. Turn it off. Because as soon as you hear and as soon as it's like, you know, you're going to be like, oh, I'm just going to look. I'm just going to look two seconds and you look and you go, oh, there's people, even if you're able to do retreat, and tomorrow we've kind of mapped this out as a little retreat, but if you ever go away to a place to do retreat, see if you can get all your business finished first to really retreat. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:38 Highlight the passage at 1:30:38

1:31:12 Take yourself away and it's okay, you will not die because you're not on your phone for one day. I know it's hard to believe that now. And I do enjoy my phone. I mean, enjoy is kind of a funny word, but today I was just laughing. I was just coming across Union Square to come here. And you know what I really enjoy in the city watching? Report an error in the passage at 1:31:12 Highlight the passage at 1:31:12

1:31:31 Are all the other people on their Google Maps. I almost ran into a guy. I didn't know if he was, but it looked like I was following my thing and then I saw this person walking across like this looking as well. And I just think it's so funny when you see. It's so easy with things like that anymore. But take it away. And what happens is a woman came to our center, the center I was running in Vermont on retreat. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:31 Highlight the passage at 1:31:31

1:31:57 And it was a several day retreat. And then she was checking her messages. And then one came from her husband that her dog was a little bit sick. So she went home. You see, so had you not known, like the dog would have been sick. It wasn't going to die. But she would have gotten there Sunday night and the dog would have been sick or her husband would have said, well, he was sick this weekend. And so many things try to encroach on your retreat time and many things are much more delectable than trying to meditate. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:57 Highlight the passage at 1:31:57

1:32:29 So again, you have to be strong. Bodhisattva warriors, warriors are very strong beings. So you have to get very skillful and very strong and it's hard. It's hard. But again, from a relaxed place. With good intention because it's good for you. This is medicine for you. So probably also people with very ill health, but people with decent health, people are into preventative things now for your health. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:29 Highlight the passage at 1:32:29

1:32:57 And there's some people that exercise. I like to exercise. And I find it makes me feel good. And when I feel good, my mind is happy and spacious. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:57 Highlight the passage at 1:32:57

1:33:11 So meditation is like that. It's like what we do is we get into the body and we do these things and then you eat because you know you need to eat to live and then we try to do our work well because we know that's what pays our bills but we kind of forget about the mind sometimes. Who's taking care of the mind? And this is the essential thing because when you die that's what's going to be there with you. The body's done when you're dying. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:11 Highlight the passage at 1:33:11

1:33:35 That's finished. Okay? This is what the mind's going to be there with you. That's the thing that sails through the doors with you. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:35 Highlight the passage at 1:33:35

1:33:44 So, have a look and maybe, maybe he's all, I've got him all tense now, he's got no, but maybe have a look, I'm just picking on you. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:44 Highlight the passage at 1:33:44

1:33:54 See if you can spend some time in a little bit of what is so uncomfortable, what is really so uncomfortable with sitting, as I start to know, just notice, then do a meditation where you're aware of how blocked and tight my chest feels right now. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:54 Highlight the passage at 1:33:54

1:34:12 And I'm actually noticing that it's kind of spreading out and it's kind of going down my back now and it's really uncomfortable and now my right leg hurts and now I'm kind of shallow breathing. Do a little experiment with what it's like when you're stressed. And then can I breathe and just release a little bit of it, release a little bit of it and then slowly go into your mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:12 Highlight the passage at 1:34:12

1:34:34 Okay, so what's really going on here? What's underneath what I'm telling myself I'm anxious about? There's stuff underneath that. How am I prepared for death? How prepared are you for dying right now? That's a big stressor for people. Regret, you mentioned. That's a heavy one for people. So what's it going to take for me to kind of get motivated to do this thing I really want to do? Report an error in the passage at 1:34:34 Highlight the passage at 1:34:34

1:35:04 And if I'm not going to do it and I realize I'm just not going to do it, can I just relax with that? And say, you know, that's just not going to happen this life. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:04 Highlight the passage at 1:35:04

1:35:14 I mean, these are the areas we play with, and that's okay. And can I be satisfied that I am good enough with who I am right now, and if I don't feel like I am, what do I want to do that's going to take me down a little bit further down the street? Can I explore that? The other thing about that is discipline. Maybe it's just like trying to eat well or exercise very early and you get to a point where you do it, you feel better, and then because you feel better, you run out for it. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:14 Highlight the passage at 1:35:14

1:35:42 And it's a constant. It's hard to have a discipline to do it. Sometimes you're feeling okay because it's kind of bitter. It's like you'd rather eat pizza than oatmeal, right? But then you eat the oatmeal and you feel better. Right. So pizza's great. Today I had something that was so delicious I nearly jumped right out of my skin. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:42 Highlight the passage at 1:35:42

1:36:05 So the thing is, we need happy stuff. We need some happy stuff. Okay? And there's a guy I know with prostate cancer right now. A good friend of mine used to come to our center. And he went on this super strict diet. He went online and he found the whole super juicer, whatever it was, like not eating anything that was fun, basically. He was not eating any of that. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:05 Highlight the passage at 1:36:05

1:36:30 But then sometimes we went out for pizza. And he said, I need some happy food. I need something for the mind to be happy. So once in a while, have pizza. And then the thing is, how do you eat pizza? How do you eat pizza? You definitely don't eat it. You just wolf it down as opposed to... Yeah. And don't we eat it with guilt? Yeah. Oh, I shouldn't, you know. So if you're going to eat it, pizza's delicious, I think. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:30 Highlight the passage at 1:36:30

1:36:59 It makes me feel sick, frankly, but it's delicious. I do. I don't eat it anymore because I feel sick afterwards. Okay, but I see it and I go, ooh, right? So then enjoy it. Then enjoy it. And if you're the kind of person, I was the kind of person that the pizza would come out and all the people are eating the pizza, but there'd be enough for people to have basically as much as you want. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:59 Highlight the passage at 1:36:59

1:37:20 And at two pieces, I'm okay, but I don't stop at two. And it's the third piece that sails me right over the edge and then I'm like, oh my God, you know. Okay, so see if there's a way that you have a little ticker with somebody. It's like, I'm just having one, make sure I only have one piece or make sure. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:20 Highlight the passage at 1:37:20

1:37:38 But the thing is, eat. The pizza to your fill if you want to do it. And the next day then go back and get a little more skillful. What about a balance? It doesn't mean you can't ever have pizza because you're taking care of yourself. But don't eat the whole large pizza pie yourself. I mean, be skillful. You know it'll make you sick. So I think this is about being reasonable with yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:38 Highlight the passage at 1:37:38

1:38:01 Does that make sense? Like I know people like, and you know, I just was... Talking to some guy that was working out with my dad at a gym. My dad, he goes to the gym three times a week. God bless, right? He says it's why he's the reason he's still alive. But there was a guy at his gym I was talking with and the guy said to people, he advises people to take a day off of exercise. There's some real enthusiasm. Take a day off, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:38:01 Highlight the passage at 1:38:01

1:38:24 I know people that take the whole weekend off or they only go three times a week or they're, take the day off and then they go back the next day. But some, you know, it's hard for us. The hard part is that getting started. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:24 Highlight the passage at 1:38:24

1:38:36 But then just start the next day. Okay, I had pizza last night. So what? It's not that it's bad. When you think about it, tomatoes, okay, cheese and wheat, okay, maybe not the greatest things, but there's nothing like inherently really awful about it. So I think it's just that balance that you try to strike that, you know, do stuff. We're so extreme sometimes, aren't we? You know, it's all or nothing, but that's not how saṃsāra works. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:36 Highlight the passage at 1:38:36

1:39:03 There has to be some flexibility. Somebody here had a... Report an error in the passage at 1:39:03 Highlight the passage at 1:39:03

1:39:20 Right here. You can put a little light right there. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:20 Highlight the passage at 1:39:20

1:39:27 No, it seems to help you keep focused. And another thing you do, this is, I use this sometimes with Shinne, calm abiding meditation, where you're trying to keep the mind single pointedly focused on one object, is if you're losing your focus, this is the frustrating thing for people, I can't stay focused on one thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:27 Highlight the passage at 1:39:27

1:39:45 And also there's many meditations to do, so that's only one kind of meditation that tends to just get us to settle down. Brighten the light, make it a little bit more radiant, and it'll keep your mind back on the light. So it's just a technique like that. Just one kind of meditation like that. So tomorrow we're going to do more. We're going to do some other meditations that help to relieve more stress and anxiety. But I just want to come back to you for a sec. Do you think that's workable for your particular situation? Report an error in the passage at 1:39:45 Highlight the passage at 1:39:45

1:40:16 That balance thing I was saying? Yeah, that's going back to my great-grandmother saying everything's not right. She lived to 99. Okay. I know somebody that said everything in moderation including moderation, right? But do you think that's workable for you to really incorporate that into that you think might release the tightness sometimes you get when you're doing something that you're saying is wrong? Report an error in the passage at 1:40:16 Highlight the passage at 1:40:16

1:40:43 Maybe it's... Yeah, I mean, I guess it's just not doing it. Right. Not criticizing yourself or not doing something. Yes, yes. Not criticizing yourself, he said. That's an important one. Not criticizing yourself. How many people do that? Isn't it amazing? So it's one thing to kind of, you know, you realize you messed up sometimes. It happens, right? But what about all the good stuff that you do and all the good stuff you are? Report an error in the passage at 1:40:43 Highlight the passage at 1:40:43

1:41:16 So I love Sharon Salzberg, your familiar teacher, amazing. She wrote a book called Loving Kindness. Very powerful book. To combat stress and anxiety. It's not specifically about stress and anxiety, but it's about loving kindness. This is a huge combat for stress and anxiety, bringing loving kindness into your everyday experience. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:16 Highlight the passage at 1:41:16

1:41:42 So she talks about she's on a retreat, she gets a call that somebody died or she has to leave, a friend is really ill or near death, so she's in her room packing really quickly. And she knocks over a bottle and it breaks on the floor. And she says, and she's leading a loving kindness retreat. And she says, oh, you're so stupid. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:42 Highlight the passage at 1:41:42

1:42:01 And I love you. And she realized that and I love you came out from the retreat. So, you know, we get these things going, but can we have amusement with it? Like, boy, did I blow that. Like, what was I thinking? But with humor. And that's when I said with gentleness directed towards yourself. You bring the mind back to the breath. So that I'm kind of going, and there are days, and I just did this retreat for four months in the summer and autumn in Nepal. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:01 Highlight the passage at 1:42:01

1:42:32 And there were days, like every day is same, every day different. I felt like every day the sessions, you know, same setting, same place, same, here I am, it's me. And the mind was different every session. So I kind of, in the morning, I'd be like, what's it going to be today? You know? And some sessions just... Report an error in the passage at 1:42:32 Highlight the passage at 1:42:32

1:42:51 I couldn't really meditate. I didn't feel like I could go into any deeper level. So I would just kind of stay on the motorcycle, you know, just ride along and I'd do whatever practice is and sometimes I'd read something out loud. But I just stayed there in my seat, like this was my session and I was going to be there. And then another session, great, you know, very focused, concentrated, different level. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:51 Highlight the passage at 1:42:51

1:43:16 And then the next session kind of continued and then the next session. Kind of got some garbage anxiety running around and I just kind of fold that back into the practice and go, thanks very much, yep, that's my mind. A little bit like that, that kind of balance with, so gentle, gentle with ourselves and I think that's so important too because you can really have much more fun when you mess up. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:16 Highlight the passage at 1:43:16

1:43:43 You know, because you're just like, I'm a human being and sometimes I blow it. I'm a nun, I'm not perfect like that. But that gentleness really lends. And the other thing is conflict with beings. So you mentioned some stressors are family problems, right? Some of you have family problems as stressors. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:43 Highlight the passage at 1:43:43

1:44:01 And it creates a lot of stress. So I noticed with my dad, we get on pretty well actually. So with the whole thing of he kept coming to me with you left the door open and you left the light on and how come the thing is out. And I personally, unless I've got dementia, I did not... I don't recall doing those things and two of the times I know I had not been downstairs at all from the time that he said. So I was a little bit like, and I noticed him, seriously, I noticed things that he left on. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:01 Highlight the passage at 1:44:01

1:44:30 I mean, he is 88, he's allowed to do that. So what happens is I could be pissed off at him and yell at him. I didn't leave the door open, but because I was kind of like, you know, maybe I left it open. I don't think I did, but then I kind of... And I just said, well, now that you found out that I left the door open, now what are you going to do? And I'd make a joke and I'd say, what are you going to do, spank me like he did when I was little? Report an error in the passage at 1:44:30 Highlight the passage at 1:44:30

1:44:55 And then he'd start laughing. So again, it creates connection and humor and there's no possibility to keep the conflict going because he's laughing now. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:55 Highlight the passage at 1:44:55

1:45:08 So we always have a choice in how we want to proceed and it could be more stressful and anxious. I want to keep it in that place and go, when's the next time is he going to blame me? What's going to be the next thing? And he's so stupid. And then it creates this, you know, that I'm ready. I'm ready to hear the blame. And then it goes into, I'm not good enough. And that's just not true. So I left the door open. I think it's too personal. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:08 Highlight the passage at 1:45:08

1:45:37 How did your father react to your becoming a policeman? See, he sounds like a kind of a... Regular American guy. He's a regular American guy. It was my mother who said to me when I told her on the phone that I had gotten ordained, I thought you were going to wait until I was dead. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:37 Highlight the passage at 1:45:37

1:46:02 So my mother's passed away since, but no, my parents, I'm very blessed. My parents are great. My mom was great and they were always quite somewhat spacious, but it wasn't their choice. They wanted me to marry and have kids and it wasn't their tradition. But fortunately they've been very, I think a lot of parents just want their kids to be happy and that's really what they want. So they were very open about slowly, you know, it happened slowly. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:02 Highlight the passage at 1:46:02

1:46:31 I was into Buddhism 13 years when I got ordained. So they came out and they visited the centers I ran. They met several of my teachers. They went to a talk by the Dalai Lama. They were open enough to do all that. And so slowly, slowly, they... That's very open. And they were great about the whole thing. And they've... You know, there was a Lama that came through New York. He passed away in 2005, I think. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:31 Highlight the passage at 1:46:31

1:46:55 I was very close with him. Some funny stories with my parents. But they... He was very close with Richard Gere. And he was staying... Richard Gere's house in upstate New York at one point and I had just gotten ordained and I flew back from California to see my parents. So I called, I wanted to see this Lama and I called him and the attendants know me well and they said, why don't you come up? It was summer. Would you like to come up? And you'll spend the day with us and have lunch and Rinpoche would love to see you. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:55 Highlight the passage at 1:46:55

1:47:26 And so I said, can I bring my parents? And they said, oh, of course. They said, sure. Please, you know, he had met my parents once, but it was a long time ago. So I said, they'll bring my parents. My mother was always a bit afraid of, you know, so I said, would you like to take a drive and we'll go and we'll spend the day, we'll have lunch and then we'll come back in the evening. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:26 Highlight the passage at 1:47:26

1:47:46 So my father was ready to go, no problem. And my mother said, well, what are they, what are they going to do with us? She was always a little... Like some indoctrination. I mean, she had met these teachers before. It wasn't anything. And so I always know how to get her. And I said, well, he's staying at Richard Gere's house. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:46 Highlight the passage at 1:47:46

1:48:07 She looked at my father and she said, we're going. So we went and had a very nice time. And so he's, yeah, he now gets a kick out of some of the different interactions or, yeah, like that. So I've been very fortunate that way. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:07 Highlight the passage at 1:48:07

1:48:33 Any additional? Report an error in the passage at 1:48:33 Highlight the passage at 1:48:33

1:48:37 I'm trying to save the best for tomorrow. Yes, please. I have an additional anxiety or stress. I have a teenager, an older teen, who's traveling her own path, whatever it is. We get asked all the time, she or I, both of us, so what college do you go to? Where are you studying? Oh, you're taking a gap year, and then why? Report an error in the passage at 1:48:37 Highlight the passage at 1:48:37

1:48:42 but I do have someone, yeah, please Report an error in the passage at 1:48:42 Highlight the passage at 1:48:42

1:49:08 It's endless, actually. And she took a hard course, I don't mean of study, I mean in life, and is in a really wonderful place within herself. Still, annoyingly messy, leaves the door unlocked in Brooklyn. In fact, came home to popcorn all over the floor, you know, blah, blah, blah. I worry about future. You know, I that thing of, it's her path. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:08 Highlight the passage at 1:49:08

1:49:48 If it is, it's her path. But like most parents, I want her to be happy. And I don't want to make her unhappy in my desire for her to be happy. It doesn't have to go a long, particular route. I let that go a long time ago. But I do think about it when I see the the distraction. distractions and the uncertainties. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:48 Highlight the passage at 1:49:48

1:50:06 So what can you do about it? How old is she? She's turning 19. Right. Well, so, so far I've, this year just kind of given her this year and just recently said that, you know, this year is for you to just have a break. Great. Like it really is a gap for you, a real one. And, you know, so she works part time and stuff. But, um, I'm just... Report an error in the passage at 1:50:06 Highlight the passage at 1:50:06

1:50:36 Starting as a parent, it's time to kind of guide her, have her be aware that maybe after the summer would be a next step. So what I do for myself is I meditate, I take a look at when I'm stressed out and she's always happy to tell me, Mom, you should meditate. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:36 Highlight the passage at 1:50:36

1:51:00 But I'm knowing that there's a next step and I'm not like... I don't have it protected because I have no clue as to what it would be, but I feel like I should be guiding her in some way. But I mean, I think that's your answer, right? So, I mean, a lot of kids by 19, they're formed already, but you still have a role if she's living with you especially. So I think for most parents, there's a guidance with boundaries. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:00 Highlight the passage at 1:51:00

1:51:28 Maybe. I have a friend who has a son. He's now 23. That a little bit like this, I mean he's a very bright guy, but it's a good thing he has a neck because his head would have rolled right off long ago. And he's just this kind of guy. And so his mother, his father died some years ago. So his mother sets very clear boundaries about, you know, when he finished this and what she was able to afford with university that she was going to get him to this point. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:28 Highlight the passage at 1:51:28

1:51:58 And then after that it was about getting a job even though he didn't want to. And he floundered around for a while and he didn't have money and he's always broke and he can't manage money. And she just set some boundaries and was like, here's the deal. And then you have to think about moving, when you're going to move out and when she got to certain things. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:58 Highlight the passage at 1:51:58

1:52:15 And he resists a lot of it, but he's got doing a job now and then he's slowly. So I think that's the best you can do. You can't change her. You can't make her be someone else. People come in with their own karma as well. So some people, they just come in with a set of like some really challenging things and some people come in where they just sail off. But I think you just set, you know, you be a guide and you explain and I think set some things about we need to have a plan about what is next and especially if you think that would benefit her so that she'll have a path where she can take care of herself. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:15 Highlight the passage at 1:52:15

1:52:48 I mean, again, that's a practical reality check of how to participate in your karma. And what it does is when you're doing that, you can't do any more. So why worry about it, right? Now, of course, there's concern that comes up. And I have concern about this, my friend's son, because I love him very much. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:48 Highlight the passage at 1:52:48

1:53:07 He's a great guy. And sometimes I wonder, what will be with this? And he has this unfortunate thing right now. He lives overseas, but they get blind drunk where they don't remember. This is like a trend, binge drinking. So he's had two incidences now of accidents that have happened to him. And some people are prone to that, and he is. His friends get blind drunk, but they don't fall down the stone steps and break their elbow. So I just had a talk with him recently. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:07 Highlight the passage at 1:53:07

1:53:36 I saw him, and I just said, but, you know, if you know you're prone to this, then you, unfortunately, you have to take more care. You know, you're not this friend of yours. I know he can sail through, like, whatever happens to this friend, nothing ever happens to him. But that's not this guy. So I think you can have that kind of talk, but then I realized there's not much I can do about it. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:36 Highlight the passage at 1:53:36

1:53:55 He's going to go out there and do his own thing. So I don't know if that's helpful to look a bit like that. Yes? He was bound on what you just said. It was really cool. He can do, you're not that guy. He can do, so some people can just sail. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:55 Highlight the passage at 1:53:55

1:54:22 But some people don't have that energy around them. Right. So some people, things always happen to or could happen to. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:22 Highlight the passage at 1:54:22

1:54:33 So you can't control that. You can't control that, but haven't you noticed that? And haven't you had times in your life when everything's going south, it's not going well? I've had periods in my life where it's just a very challenging time and I need to take a little bit more care of myself and even pamper myself to make sure that I've got enough support around me to get through this period. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:33 Highlight the passage at 1:54:33

1:54:55 And then there's other times when... The roller coaster is just going up and it's like, oh great, I have a better view from here. And so there's some people that I find, with this particular guy, I notice he makes poor choices as well. Some people I find, and I'll say to him sometimes, and there's something we're going out and then he's going to leave me and I'll say, make wise choices. Remember, make wise choices. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:55 Highlight the passage at 1:54:55

1:55:22 Because sometimes he doesn't. And he's bright enough to make wise choices. He knows that. He's a very smart guy. But he tends... Okay, I don't know, some of you survived. I'm looking around the room. 23-year-old men. Tell me about them. They think they're invincible. I mean, he thinks he will not die right now. And he's had two reminders that have gotten him somewhat close to death. Not so close, but they don't think they're going to die. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:22 Highlight the passage at 1:55:22

1:55:51 And it's just, he has this idea that living a little bit on this edge is kind of cool. And his friends, you know, So he may kill himself before he outgrows that phase. And I don't want him to. So I've seen some people like that where they either choose suffering, they make poor choices, and they need actually some education in how to make, like, was that a wise choice? Report an error in the passage at 1:55:51 Highlight the passage at 1:55:51

1:56:16 What else could you have done? What were your alternatives? How come your friends stopped drinking before they lost their memory, but you didn't? How come they never fall down stairs? Report an error in the passage at 1:56:16 Highlight the passage at 1:56:16

1:56:28 Like, what position were you in? Where were you at the party that caused you to go out to the staircase in the situation that you were in, in the condition you were in? And how come he didn't do that? And then he thinks about it. He thinks about it a little bit. But he hasn't gotten the message yet. I could tell he didn't get the message yet. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:28 Highlight the passage at 1:56:28

1:56:46 Everybody said, maybe he learned the sign where I went. I don't think so. Not yet. So rather than thinking other people are just lucky and have good luck, you can think, how can I be like that too? Report an error in the passage at 1:56:46 Highlight the passage at 1:56:46

1:56:59 Well, I don't still compare myself to other people. It's more just realizing karma is at work. We have a set of seeds, propensities that are in our mind stream that you're born with. And I believe they come from past lives activities. Could be a recent past life or far in the past. But you have these propensities. Karma is a whole other course. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:59 Highlight the passage at 1:56:59

1:57:20 We don't have a lot of time to talk about it here. But based on that, it creates certain situations for us. And it doesn't mean that when you have very bad luck for a while that it won't change. That's another exciting thing about karma. You're not stuck constantly with poor health. It could change. It is possible that it can change. It's why anything is possible like that. If the cause is created, the result will be there. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:20 Highlight the passage at 1:57:20

1:57:46 The result will come like that. So things can change and manifest in different ways. But again, we have to have our eyes open to participate in whatever. Decision is facing us at any time and try to make the wise choices. And, you know, I noticed what some people asked me about my Dharma career. And there were always choices, the choice to live at the center versus to pursue my career. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:46 Highlight the passage at 1:57:46

1:58:11 One choice. But there were also choices of on a Saturday night with my boyfriend, what do we want to do? And I was always choosing when I lived in California, there were teachings constantly. Every night there was someone. And I was always saying, I want to go to that teaching. Instead of just out to dinner or for a walk on the beach. Let's go have dinner and then let's go to the teaching. So that created a certain thing for me where that was what was influencing my mind was I was going to all these Buddhist teachings. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:11 Highlight the passage at 1:58:11

1:58:39 And I knew people that weren't, that didn't, they're like, oh we're going to the movies tonight. No, we're not going to go to that retreat. That's fine. It's no problem. It's just a matter of, I was choosing, I wanted my life to be influenced by that or go in a certain direction. So we have choices all the time like that. And then sometimes stuff does happen. An accident happens, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:58:39 Highlight the passage at 1:58:39

1:59:01 And I would realize, oh, there's a condition I created that caused this accident to happen. So again, it's what's my attitude about it. Like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:01 Highlight the passage at 1:59:01

1:59:12 Yes? I'm just wondering, and I'm listening to you, where the role of psychology comes in. Like even just listening about this young man, I remember a term selective stupidity. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:12 Highlight the passage at 1:59:12

1:59:27 And that there are other things that are operating in the humans that he could be, quote, I heard another great expression a psychiatrist once said, mental illness, you don't open up a brief menu and say I think I'll take anorexia. Like, so these are not choices. And I'm wondering where this comes in. People suffer from things, you know, I don't know this young man, but he might be a very self-destructive person. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:27 Highlight the passage at 1:59:27

1:59:56 To some degree, yeah. He's manifesting like that right now. But it would be karma is where it comes from. That's what Buddhism would say. And then what happens is I'm trying to short circuit and throw a wrench in and interrupt his self-destruction because he could very well have a third accident. And my brother was really yelling at him and saying that you could have broken your neck and been paralyzed. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:56 Highlight the passage at 1:59:56

2:00:26 So he hears, you know, he hears things like that and he, you know, because we know this family and so I think, I mean, it basically comes down to karma, but what I'm trying to do is just pose as a condition. I would call myself a condition to give him an alternative way of thinking, you know, by saying this could happen or this could happen or make wise choices or, you know, did you think about what would have happened had you not had that last drink? Report an error in the passage at 2:00:26 Highlight the passage at 2:00:26

2:00:50 Like, why was it, why did you feel like you needed to have yet another drink when you already were totally blotto? I guess this is where my question is going, is that when you spoke with Richard Gere, this is a very naive thing to say that I don't believe, but at the same time you believe, is he's got one of the deeply ethnic modules, is he talks about his, you know, initiation, his first introduction to Buddhism and to meditation, and talks about how he got in touch with deep wells of sadness. Report an error in the passage at 2:00:50 Highlight the passage at 2:00:50

2:01:23 You know, and you're listening and it's like, oh, you're Richard Gere, you're a movie star and you're adored by millions and stuff. And he came, this was something that was very meaningful to him. And I imagine you can, I mean, that's kind of like this continued path. So I'm wondering, as opposed to saying to your nephew, oh, you could have broken your neck, you could have this, you could have that. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:23 Highlight the passage at 2:01:23

2:01:46 If this is somebody who's deeply self-destructive. his meditation is sort of joining like it is maybe his sitting still and getting in touch with painful things that might be pushing him Yeah, there are painful things pushing him, but he has to be interested and he doesn't want to meditate now. He did a little bit when he was a kid, but he's not that interested. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:46 Highlight the passage at 2:01:46

2:02:10 But I do know there's painful things that he might be looking at in a different way soon and get some help like that, because there are painful things that are causing. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:10 Highlight the passage at 2:02:10

2:02:21 So my question is, let's say that he did have that, you were able to guide him to do that. Would that be for him an unwind of, do you understand what I'm saying? Would the meditation bring him to him, would he be able to, by sitting and watching his breath, still in his mind, meet up with the things that maybe he's avoiding? Report an error in the passage at 2:02:21 Highlight the passage at 2:02:21

2:02:45 I'm wondering, is that a way out? Report an error in the passage at 2:02:45 Highlight the passage at 2:02:45

2:02:51 A way out of this behavior. Oh, absolutely. As opposed to, this is always what I'm wondering, controlling his mind. But that is controlling your mind. So meditation is a method to control your mind. But is controlling your, like I'm sensing that sometimes controlling your mind is not going to these places that Richard Gere talks about. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:51 Highlight the passage at 2:02:51

2:03:20 Do you understand my question? I'm not getting it then, no. Controlling your mind would keep you from negative behavior, perpetuating negative behavior patterns. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:20 Highlight the passage at 2:03:20

2:03:31 That's what we're trying to do in meditation, is get control of our mind in a very positive way and to realize the nature of your mind, which is a clear, spacious luminosity, clear, light nature in its most subtle form. And it's from that place you can gain very high levels of realization. And then be of the most benefit to all others. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:31 Highlight the passage at 2:03:31

2:03:57 Using this Richard Gere example, that by control is when he was able to open up and let his deep sorrow come out. So, yeah, I get what you're saying. That the loosening of control... Yeah, and letting those things come down is when, as you do, you can sit through that in meditation. And there are a number of us... Report an error in the passage at 2:03:57 Highlight the passage at 2:03:57

2:04:24 That through hitting rock bottom, let's say, or something, you gain profound insights into changing your life. But all that I would call that practice. To be aware of it. There's a lot of people not aware. And they block. And as soon as the painful place comes up again, let me get some alcohol. Let me run out and go to the movies. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:24 Highlight the passage at 2:04:24

2:04:44 Let me get on my motorcycle. So any way that can access it for you, you don't have to be Buddhist. But any way that will get you to not turn from the pain and go in there and look at it, I think is fantastic. Any way you can do that would be great. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:44 Highlight the passage at 2:04:44

2:05:00 There was one other thing I wanted to say, but we're a bit out of time. I just wanted to, something you just reminded me of. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:00 Highlight the passage at 2:05:00

2:05:11 Anyway, we'll talk about it tomorrow. But yeah, I think it's very helpful to just stay with it. Stay with the discomfort sometimes. Not as a masochist. But it's telling you something and you can transcend it and then be happy and free and healthy. Another question, we're going to look at this a little bit tomorrow, is your relationship to freedom. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:11 Highlight the passage at 2:05:11

2:05:33 What's your relationship to freedom? Something to think about tonight that you can be free. You can be completely free. Mind, body, free of fear. But how many people really want that? Because it takes effort to get there. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:33 Highlight the passage at 2:05:33

2:05:49 And most of our practice and our spiritual practice is you hear it and you go, well, that sounds really good. And then, you know, when different spiritualities come to your door, and when I say come to your door, it means like some people chose to come here tonight to listen to a certain talk about a certain path. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:49 Highlight the passage at 2:05:49

2:06:05 There's other paths, though. You don't have to do this path. But if it's something that really helps you, you know, get in touch with who you really are and manifest loving kindness in your heart and helps you help others, go for it. It doesn't have to be Buddhist. But what happens is when you are given, you know, somebody's been to the treasure and they're like, here's the map and here's the shortcut. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:05 Highlight the passage at 2:06:05

2:06:28 And then we look at it and we go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but I kind of want to go over by the tree by the lake over here. You know, we're constantly diverting and distracting ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:28 Highlight the passage at 2:06:28

2:06:40 You know, and Lama will come and say, you know, here's your freedom, here's how you do it. And then I say, well, I know, I want that, but I'm kind of busy today. Isn't that what we do? So we just have to kind of see how far am I willing to go today. I am busy today. However, I can probably take 15 minutes a day or maybe the next month you take 15 minutes from your surfing the internet, mindless, distracted activities, computer games, whatever you're doing, TV, and put that into some practice. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:40 Highlight the passage at 2:06:40

2:07:14 We could certainly do that for a month. Just take 15 minutes of an activity weekly or something. And then you might find the next month I'm taking another 15 minutes. And you start feeling good about yourself. And then one day I didn't do any practice, okay. One day I had the pizza, so what? Next day I'm trying again. Next day, for me every day is like begin again. But I show up, I show up for my mind. Report an error in the passage at 2:07:14 Highlight the passage at 2:07:14

2:07:40 See whatever's going on and see how observant you can be on the way home. And just watching, you know, there's... It's a whole adventure out there. But see how present you can also stay. That's another thing that really counters, I find, the stress and anxiety. Just staying present sometimes. I'm just going to ride along with this. I have this anxiety. I'll get to it later. I'm just going to be here. And similar, and we'll talk a little bit more about the family stuff we mentioned. Report an error in the passage at 2:07:40 Highlight the passage at 2:07:40

2:08:09 There's also an acceptance thing. You can't change other people. There's deep family patterns that are so unhealthy sometimes. It's saṃsāra again. It's not going to be a perfect situation. So if somebody's super toxic to you and they are your family, you're not going to cut them out of your life. But you can limit time you're around them. My dad with his temper, if he gets into the space, I just walk out of the room now. I don't need to be present for that. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:09 Highlight the passage at 2:08:09

2:08:38 He doesn't do it anymore though. Because he didn't like that people would leave the room. He learned. So I just changed myself, but it changed him. He doesn't do it much anymore. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:38 Highlight the passage at 2:08:38

2:08:51 Or the blame thing, and I just walk away now. I'm like, I'm not interested in whose fault it is. There's two of us in the house. Who cares? So there's things that I just accept that this is, at 88, you're not going to really change somebody, but he's changed over, he adapts. He's amazing that way. So some things we just have to accept, but it doesn't mean that I have to subject myself to abuse all the time with a difficult family thing, or I can limit the time. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:51 Highlight the passage at 2:08:51

2:09:18 That I have this much time to put into this and help as much as I can, but I don't really, don't have big expectations that things will change. So we're out of time. So we have more tomorrow, 10 o 'clock. And if you're interested in the pilgrimage, do pick up a card out here. They also have some copies of a book I co-authored, Buddhism in a Nutshell. It has a nice CD in the back of 11 hours of me teaching. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:18 Highlight the passage at 2:09:18

2:09:26 that. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:26 Highlight the passage at 2:09:26

2:09:45 A lot of practical things like this that go on with some meditations and I hope you can maybe make some or all of it tomorrow. I'd like to dedicate another thing we do in motivating in the beginning is we dedicate so at the end of your practice time please you dedicate the merit so basically meaning any positive energy we've created may it really help us begin to counter Report an error in the passage at 2:09:45 Highlight the passage at 2:09:45

2:10:12 Stress and anxiety as it manifests in our minds and in our lives so we can be happier and more peaceful. May we share those qualities with all others as much as possible. And Report an error in the passage at 2:10:12 Highlight the passage at 2:10:12

2:10:34 may we also send this pocket of positivity out to the universe to help to ease and pacify as many conflicts out there and hostility as possible. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:34 Highlight the passage at 2:10:34

2:10:51 Thank you very much. I was just thinking just from the talk of... You know, your brother New Yorker, Richard Gere. He was in South India with us. He's always there. I know him and met him several times. So I never had a photo with him. And I had a couple Sherpa friends, a nun with me and another guy that were wanted. And we went actually to see a Lama at this one. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:51 Highlight the passage at 2:10:51

2:11:15 And there are two cottages side by side. So he was in one and the Lama we wanted to see was in the left. And we were waiting outside to see the teacher. And he came out and they were all excited. So I was talking with him because he knew the center where I used to be and we were talking a little bit and I was talking to him about his unfortunate divorce and all that. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:15 Highlight the passage at 2:11:15

2:11:35 So we were just talking briefly and then they wanted their photos with him. And they said, can we take a photo? And he's very amenable, especially around the Buddhist groups and he's quite nice. So they were taking photos and then I never thought to take a photo with him and they said, don't you want a photo? So I said, oh, I'll take a photo. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:35 Highlight the passage at 2:11:35

2:11:51 And he said, yeah, why don't I take it? And I said, I'll take a photo. So we have this photo, the two of us. I sent it to a couple friends, one of my friends. She just said, nice photo. It's too bad you're none. So Report an error in the passage at 2:11:51 Highlight the passage at 2:11:51

2:12:07 cute. So on that note, I hope to see you tomorrow. Have a good evening. Don't worry. Okay? We've got more little tips. I hope it's been useful, though. Helpful? Helpful? Thank you. Thank you for coming. Report an error in the passage at 2:12:07 Highlight the passage at 2:12:07