Sunday Service (15 November 2009)

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3:24 How's that? I think that's okay. Can you hear me? Yeah, you can hear me. I can hear me. Okay. So. Report an error in the passage at 3:24 Highlight the passage at 3:24

3:39 All right. Report an error in the passage at 3:39 Highlight the passage at 3:39

3:48 1990. Yeah. Yeah. So. Report an error in the passage at 3:48 Highlight the passage at 3:48

3:55 Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 3:55 Highlight the passage at 3:55

4:00 So what we're going to do, I guess you've been, well, some of you have been coming to this series, but what we're doing these six weeks is we're talking about the six perfections. And today we're talking about the perfection of patience. don't know. Report an error in the passage at 4:00 Highlight the passage at 4:00

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4:16 Which is a perfection near and dear to my heart. It is my challenge in life. So why don't we just start with a little meditation. Report an error in the passage at 4:16 Highlight the passage at 4:16

4:30 As we're waiting, as I mentioned, I think Gina is hopefully going to return with a computer that speaks to the projector. And then we'll be able to enjoy some slides. Report an error in the passage at 4:30 Highlight the passage at 4:30

4:42 So just begin with a comfortable position. If you're in a chair, that's perfectly fine. Report an error in the passage at 4:42 Highlight the passage at 4:42

4:53 And traditionally we place the right palm on the top of the left palm with the thumbs touching. But if you're more comfortable, you can rest your palms on your knees, whatever. You can have your eyes looking down at the floor in front of you or closed. Again, this is a short meditation, so hopefully no one's going to fall asleep. Report an error in the passage at 4:53 Highlight the passage at 4:53

5:14 So whatever works. What we want to do is just give ourselves a chance to quiet down, leave behind all of the things that We dealt with in getting here. Just take a moment to focus. We're going to do this by focusing on the breath. Report an error in the passage at 5:14 Highlight the passage at 5:14

5:36 Just as you breathe, just breathe at a normal, comfortable pace. And as you exhale, just feel the tension and the stress leaving your body. Report an error in the passage at 5:36 Highlight the passage at 5:36

5:50 And as you inhale, just focus on that sensation of breathing, the sensation at your nostrils as you breathe, or the rise and fall of your chest. Report an error in the passage at 5:50 Highlight the passage at 5:50

6:04 And just keep your attention there. Not distracted by anything else. Let go of the noise outside. Maybe the pain in your knees. Report an error in the passage at 6:04 Highlight the passage at 6:04

6:16 Just let go of everything else. Report an error in the passage at 6:16 Highlight the passage at 6:16

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8:35 And now just take a moment to think about your motivation for being here. Report an error in the passage at 8:35 Highlight the passage at 8:35

8:43 Why you choose to learn more about patience, to examine this perfection of patience, this concept of Buddhism. Report an error in the passage at 8:43 Highlight the passage at 8:43

8:56 Whether it's to remedy your own mind. Report an error in the passage at 8:56 Highlight the passage at 8:56

9:05 To find some peace in your heart. Report an error in the passage at 9:05 Highlight the passage at 9:05

9:13 And just remember that we all really want the same thing. We all want to be happy and we'd like to be free of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 9:13 Highlight the passage at 9:13

9:30 And the best way we can do that is by taming our own minds. Report an error in the passage at 9:30 Highlight the passage at 9:30

9:38 Trying to reach this higher state of being, Report an error in the passage at 9:38 Highlight the passage at 9:38

9:46 this enlightened state. Report an error in the passage at 9:46 Highlight the passage at 9:46

9:52 And recognizing that the best way we can help ourselves and help others is by doing this. Report an error in the passage at 9:52 Highlight the passage at 9:52

10:07 So just generating the wish now. Report an error in the passage at 10:07 Highlight the passage at 10:07

10:14 To attain that state of enlightenment with a wish to benefit others. Report an error in the passage at 10:14 Highlight the passage at 10:14

10:31 This is called the bodhicitta motivation, the altruistic mind. Report an error in the passage at 10:31 Highlight the passage at 10:31

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11:33 Okay, thank you. You can relax now. Actually, you're probably fairly relaxed, but also attentive. And it looks like Gina's here, so we'll give the projector a try. Report an error in the passage at 11:33 Highlight the passage at 11:33

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12:30 Just out of curiosity, how many people would consider themselves Buddhists or just kind of interested? Well, let me see, how many feel, consider yourselves Buddhists? Okay, kind of checking things out. Report an error in the passage at 12:30 Highlight the passage at 12:30

13:12 Yes? What do you consider to be a Buddhist? What it is? That's a good question. Well, you know, I think, I know that traditionally from a Tibetan viewpoint, being a Buddhist was considered being an inner being, just kind of looking inward. And there's also, I think formally, it's the idea of taking refuge. Report an error in the passage at 13:12 Highlight the passage at 13:12

13:36 And when you take refuge, you accept the Buddha, the Dharma and the Saṅgha as your refuge, as your main practice, your main source of information, not information, but your source of being in a sense. But the thing that draws me to Buddhism is the idea that the Buddha always said, Don't just accept this. Check it out. And the Dalai Lama says, if you find it helpful, great. If you don't, then leave it. Report an error in the passage at 13:36 Highlight the passage at 13:36

14:16 And he doesn't say, hey, you've got to take the whole package. It's about use what you can. And so it's very logical and very, I guess, very open in the sense of what really constitutes being Buddhist and not being Buddhist. Report an error in the passage at 14:16 Highlight the passage at 14:16

14:36 In terms of what we do, if our actions create virtue, they're good. They're positive actions. And if not, if they create harm, and I think it's been said that you can sum up the 84,000 teachings of Buddhism in that statement. The Buddha said, do no harm. And if you can, help others. So it can be kind of as... Report an error in the passage at 14:36 Highlight the passage at 14:36

15:04 As complicated or as simple as you need based on your need at the time, your views. By the way, I was going to say, if we have any questions, just raise your hand or speak up as we go along. Report an error in the passage at 15:04 Highlight the passage at 15:04

15:31 Oh, it started a lot. It started in my living room. Report an error in the passage at 15:31 Highlight the passage at 15:31

15:38 That was back in 1990, and it was over in North Beach in a little... Studio apartment at the time. And we just started out with meditation. And there were a lot of students in the area who had been students. Well, let me ask you this. How many have met or know of Lama Zopa Rinpoche? He is our spiritual director. And we, Seichen Leng, is part of an organization called the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahāyāna Tradition, which is really a mouthful. Report an error in the passage at 15:38 Highlight the passage at 15:38

16:11 But it's an organization of Buddhist centers around the world. And there are probably, between centers and study groups, maybe 150 different centers and groups. Report an error in the passage at 16:11 Highlight the passage at 16:11

16:25 It began back in the 70s, I would say, or early 80s, with Lama Yeshi. And Lama Yeshi was Lama Zopa Rinpoche's teacher. And they started meeting students who came. Through Nepal, back in the kind of the hippie era. And they found, you know, they connected with Westerners. And that's basically how the center or the FPMT got started. Report an error in the passage at 16:25 Highlight the passage at 16:25

16:56 And this center, let's see, I had made a connection with the FPMT through some teachings in India. And when I came back, there really wasn't a center here in the... San Francisco area. There's Vajrapani, which is down in Boulder Creek. It's been around for a long time, but I found it was really living in the city. Report an error in the passage at 16:56 Highlight the passage at 16:56

17:21 That was pretty far to go except maybe for a weekend program or a retreat. And so the idea for the center got started when I was in India. We had a meeting because there were a lot of people from the Bay Area there. And Report an error in the passage at 17:21 Highlight the passage at 17:21

17:42 Sort of the blessings were given to go ahead and start a center. And so we started small. Now we're about medium. Report an error in the passage at 17:42 Highlight the passage at 17:42

17:53 Yes? Report an error in the passage at 17:53 Highlight the passage at 17:53

18:05 Yeah, well, you know, I think it's, especially in the West, it's becoming more formalized. I mean, traditionally in Tibet, there were, you know, monks began as young children in the monasteries. And nuns probably did... There really weren't many nunneries. So there were a few, but women were traditionally kind of funneled into more homemaker roles. Report an error in the passage at 18:05 Highlight the passage at 18:05

18:35 But these days, if you're a Western student, usually you're involved with a center. I mean, this is within the FPMT, but the Dalai Lama ordains groups of students every year. and if you Want to take ordination, generally what you have to do is you have to have a letter from a teacher, from a Buddhist teacher. And there is a class that they recommend that you take. Report an error in the passage at 18:35 Highlight the passage at 18:35

19:05 It's several weeks of study. It's not years of study. And I know the Dalai Lama usually expects students to have been practicing Buddhism for maybe five years before, so the tendency is not to just... sort of jump in the deep end of the pool. And then once you, there's just a ceremony and you can take ordination with, usually you start with lower, fewer vows. Report an error in the passage at 19:05 Highlight the passage at 19:05

19:40 So there's an ordination called Rabjung, which is about eight vows. And then the novice vows, which... They involve 36 vows and then full ordination, which is like 258, I believe, for monks and 352 or something for nuns. There are slightly different traditions. In the Tibetan tradition, the tradition of full ordination was lost. Report an error in the passage at 19:40 Highlight the passage at 19:40

20:11 Actually, I shouldn't say that. I think it never actually came to Tibet. It was in China. It was in Vietnam. Vietnam. So there's a project underway right now within Tibet, not Tibet but within the Tibetan community of monks and nuns to look at the possibility of restoring or bringing in that tradition because to take ordination you need to have, to take full ordination I think you need at least four fully ordained Report an error in the passage at 20:11 Highlight the passage at 20:11

20:48 Monks or nuns holding the vows you're going to take. So if you're a nun, you have to have fully ordained nuns to receive all of those vows. If you're a monk, then you have the fully ordained monks. How are we doing, Gina? Oh, yeah. Okay. See, this is all about patience. Yes. Report an error in the passage at 20:48 Highlight the passage at 20:48

21:17 So which perfections have you studied so far? Report an error in the passage at 21:17 Highlight the passage at 21:17

21:29 Oh, that's, oh, okay. Oh, okay. I feel like we didn't really start yet, but that's okay. Report an error in the passage at 21:29 Highlight the passage at 21:29

21:42 Generosity in ethics. And ethics. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 21:42 Highlight the passage at 21:42

21:54 This is exciting. Report an error in the passage at 21:54 Highlight the passage at 21:54

22:00 That's encouraging. Report an error in the passage at 22:00 Highlight the passage at 22:00

22:06 Okay. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 22:06 Highlight the passage at 22:06

22:23 So should Report an error in the passage at 22:23 Highlight the passage at 22:23

22:37 I advance it yet? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 22:37 Highlight the passage at 22:37

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23:14 Does it help to turn it? Should I turn it on and off maybe? Oh, thank you. Report an error in the passage at 23:14 Highlight the passage at 23:14

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23:18 Before this? Okay. That's okay. It looks like it's doing something, so it might be a little slow. Report an error in the passage at 23:18 Highlight the passage at 23:18

23:36 So how many people drove here this morning? Okay. Did you have any situations that might call for patience? Report an error in the passage at 23:36 Highlight the passage at 23:36

23:52 Well, that's good. That's good. Morning is actually a good time. I came from the East Bay, so. Report an error in the passage at 23:52 Highlight the passage at 23:52

24:00 The only patience that I was challenged with was finding a parking place. So that took a little driving around and circling, but even that wasn't too bad. Report an error in the passage at 24:00 Highlight the passage at 24:00

24:17 So perhaps we'll hope for the slides after. So as I said, this is the perfection of patience. Or my subtitle is Advice for Living a Happier Life. Report an error in the passage at 24:17 Highlight the passage at 24:17

24:34 And most of my slides are taken from The Wish Fulfilling Golden Sun, which is a book by Kabji Zopa Rinpoche or Lama Zopa Rinpoche. Report an error in the passage at 24:34 Highlight the passage at 24:34

24:50 So the definition of patience from Merriam-Webster is, you know, bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint. So calmly, without complaint, manifesting forbearance under provocation, not being hasty. Or impetuous, being steadfast despite opposition, any kind of difficulty or adversity. And essentially you get this idea of being able or willing to bear, bear something, something unpleasant, something we don't want. And Report an error in the passage at 24:50 Highlight the passage at 24:50

25:31 Shantideva was a great Buddhist teacher back in the 8th century. And he said, bothersome beings are like the infinite sky. But once the angry mind is destroyed, all enemies are destroyed. So part of this, of dealing with patience, is to realize that the problem is not out there. I mean, in effect, it is out there, but if I take that view, bother is a fact of life. I'm going to hit it everywhere. I'm going to see it. Report an error in the passage at 25:31 Highlight the passage at 25:31

26:03 I'm going to bump into it all the time. And the things out there, I can't control. Report an error in the passage at 26:03 Highlight the passage at 26:03

26:12 What I can control... my mind Report an error in the passage at 26:12 Highlight the passage at 26:12

26:19 This idea of controlling the environment is really an illusion. I can tell you from experience, you can start out with the best of intentions and invariably something will go wrong. Report an error in the passage at 26:19 Highlight the passage at 26:19

26:41 Shantideva also said wisely that there can never be enough leather to cover the earth, but with the amount required to make the sole of a shoe, It's as if the whole earth were covered. So simple, simple solution, you know, blaming everyone else puts the problem outside and the situation outside, which, as I said, means we have no control. Report an error in the passage at 26:41 Highlight the passage at 26:41

27:05 But when we change it to our issue, to, okay, how do I respond to what's outside, okay, then we change our whole position. We change the fact of... The problem being outside to one being inside and one that we can do something about. We change our minds and we change our experience of the world. Report an error in the passage at 27:05 Highlight the passage at 27:05

27:38 Any luck? I'm missing a couple of slides. Shantideva also tells us that instead of trying to dispel everything that's outside, all these bothersome beings and things, all we really have to focus on is expelling the one disturbing mind. Which is what we have control over. And it sounds very simple, but it's challenging. We can start, as I mentioned, even if we have this view of recognizing that, okay, all I need to do is not get flustered. Report an error in the passage at 27:38 Highlight the passage at 27:38

28:15 I don't have to respond to all these things. But we have just such a history of responding. We have endless lifetimes of responding. So it has to go. It's got to go deeper than this decision, this rational view of understanding what's happening. It has to go to a deeper level of experiencing, of really sort of the reaction level. Report an error in the passage at 28:15 Highlight the passage at 28:15

28:49 Lama Zopa Rinpoche also says no anger inside means no enemy outside. I thought that was kind of an interesting statement because we don't really think of it. That way usually we think, you know, we think of bother, we think of frustration, but we don't think that, you know, that eliminating anger arising in ourselves just completely changes our interaction with the world around us. Report an error in the passage at 28:49 Highlight the passage at 28:49

29:18 So when we talk about the bothersome situations outside, they can be persons and they can be things, you know, they can be things going wrong, they can be people who say things. Or, you know, people we're relying on who don't show up, who for some reason aren't doing what we wish. And if we change our reaction to those things and to those people, we're able to cut off this seed of anger, this anger, this sprouting anger, that basically if allowed to sprout, It's much, much harder to stop. Once the anger has arisen, it becomes much more difficult to go back and bring it down. Report an error in the passage at 29:18 Highlight the passage at 29:18

30:19 So in the teachings on the six perfections, there's a formal outline, and it starts with the method of following patients. And our first step is to understand... The benefits of patience, of practicing patience, and the shortcomings of impatience. Report an error in the passage at 30:19 Highlight the passage at 30:19

30:48 I'm sorry? Sure. It's understanding the benefits of patience and the shortcomings of impatience. Report an error in the passage at 30:48 Highlight the passage at 30:48

31:02 So, you know, the first thing is, you know, if we practice patience, it's said that we have the good karma to have fewer enemies in this and in future lifetimes. So this whole idea of enemies and anger. Okay, you're cutting off anger. Now you don't have, I think enemies is kind of a strong word for us. Report an error in the passage at 31:02 Highlight the passage at 31:02

31:23 We don't usually think about, that's good. We don't usually think about enemies. But you can even consider it as just difficulties and problems, you know. Report an error in the passage at 31:23 Highlight the passage at 31:23

31:39 Another benefit is that we're able to die without worry. We take rebirth in the upper realms. People familiar, there are upper realms and lower realms. It's always advantageous to take a rebirth in the upper realms. Report an error in the passage at 31:39 Highlight the passage at 31:39

31:56 Practicing patience guides us away from anger. Report an error in the passage at 31:56 Highlight the passage at 31:56

32:03 When we're away from anger, or I should say what anger does is it puts us up against adversaries and enemies. um, Report an error in the passage at 32:03 Highlight the passage at 32:03

32:16 Anger is considered the destroyer of merits. Let me just go through those quickly. Report an error in the passage at 32:16 Highlight the passage at 32:16

32:39 I didn't get this before because this is a definition of patience given by Lama Zopa Rinpoche which says, practicing patience means having a tranquil mind with the antagonist. Yeah. Just so. Report an error in the passage at 32:39 Highlight the passage at 32:39

32:29 patience. Report an error in the passage at 32:29 Highlight the passage at 32:29

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33:03 Having a tranquil mind with the antagonist and compassion for him. So this brings in also more activity on our part. It's not only having tolerance, but it's going a step further and bringing in that level of compassion. Report an error in the passage at 33:03 Highlight the passage at 33:03

33:38 This one we talked about before. We talked about just the general feeling of patience and how we experience it and just the conventional sense. Report an error in the passage at 33:38 Highlight the passage at 33:38

33:53 And this is the first quote from Shantideva. So again, we're talking about these bothersome things in this world and how they are everywhere. And things like this happen. You can't plan it. And you think, okay, I can live with that. But that leads to that. And then you think, okay, so we have traffic problems. Report an error in the passage at 33:53 Highlight the passage at 33:53

34:17 We have issues. It's a new day. I can manage again. And then that happens. And that results in that. And I can tell you I was in that. So it was not a pleasant situation. And it was a real challenge to practice patience. When you're sitting the first half an hour, you're thinking, oh, this is okay, I can manage. And then the second half an hour, you're wondering why you ever headed on this bridge. Report an error in the passage at 34:17 Highlight the passage at 34:17

34:46 You feel like you're never going to cross that bridge again. Report an error in the passage at 34:46 Highlight the passage at 34:46

34:52 Again, Shantideva gives us this wisdom about how to handle these issues, looking at essentially protecting ourselves from this irritant, if you will, of everything that's bothersome outside of us. Report an error in the passage at 34:52 Highlight the passage at 34:52

35:10 So this is where Shantideva is saying, you can't dispel all these external phenomena that are going to cause problems. But by dispelling that disturbing mind, we take care of the whole. We change the situation completely. So no anger inside means no enemy outside. And here we are back to the method of following patience. Report an error in the passage at 35:10 Highlight the passage at 35:10

35:37 So these are the points we're going through. So good karma, dying without worry, taking rebirth in upper realms, staying away from anger and enemy, or anger. Anger is our real enemy, okay? You know, we were talking about... Enemies outside and whatever, but anger is the real enemy. And anger is also a destroyer of merits. When we talk about merits, we're really talking about the benefit of the good things we do. Report an error in the passage at 35:37 Highlight the passage at 35:37

36:10 You know, it goes back to do no harm and if you can help. Well, when you're practicing that kind of lifestyle and you're helping others, a moment of anger just kind of wipes out all of the beneficial things you've done. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:26 It takes me back to zero, to a starting point. And so that's why I have to be really careful about not getting angry. And you can understand when anger arises, the control is gone oftentimes. And you've seen people who become angry, and it's a volatile situation. We can do a great deal of harm when we're angry. And that's why anger... Report an error in the passage at 36:26 Highlight the passage at 36:26

36:56 It is this destroyer of merits because it's not just a little thing. It can be huge and it can do sometimes very irreparable damage to those we love most. So that's a big benefit of practicing patience to eliminate this potential for anger. It keeps us from losing our happiness of mind. We don't think about it that way. Report an error in the passage at 36:56 Highlight the passage at 36:56

37:25 A lot of times I think about patience and then happiness is something else. But in fact, when we lose patience, when anger arises, there's no happiness. So we change our day-to-day, our experience of life drastically when we are able to practice patience and eliminate this kind of anger arising. Report an error in the passage at 37:25 Highlight the passage at 37:25

37:50 And practicing patience also keeps us from doing harm. And away, therefore, from rebirth in the lower realms. Report an error in the passage at 37:50 Highlight the passage at 37:50

38:07 So this is, as Shantideva says in the, this is from the Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life. One second of anger can destroy an entire accumulation of virtue, such as generosity and offerings, collected over a thousand eons. Report an error in the passage at 38:07 Highlight the passage at 38:07

38:30 And I mean, an eon here, it's like an immeasurably, long period of time. In geologic units, it's like a billion years. Report an error in the passage at 38:30 Highlight the passage at 38:30

38:44 I always kind of have a hard time with it. I mean, is that That it could destroy everything? Well, it's just, sorry, I just, I've heard this before. And it's just. I'm open, but, I mean, I just was hoping. The mechanics of that? Yeah, well... Part of it, I think, is that it's, as I was mentioning before, the danger of anger. And if we don't eliminate anger, it arises. Report an error in the passage at 38:44 Highlight the passage at 38:44

39:21 I mean, even, you know, it starts as impatience, but impatience leads to an angry response. And what's from probably where this is coming from is that from a Buddhist perspective, when we repeat actions, okay, when they get to the point that Everything that we do begins with a thought. Then it becomes, whether it's speech or an action, it's coming from the mind. Therefore, there's this strong focus on controlling the mind. Report an error in the passage at 39:21 Highlight the passage at 39:21

39:56 The more we give in to anger, essentially we're being out of control. We're letting ourselves, we're just kind of like a ping pong ball, bouncing around with... Emotions, you know, because they, the mind will, given full reign and a focus on worldly things, we will definitely just be everywhere, okay? Report an error in the passage at 39:56 Highlight the passage at 39:56

40:22 And if you think about anger, it like, it destroys what we've done up until that time because, okay, I mean, in a sense, it's not an addiction per se, but if you think about Report an error in the passage at 40:22 Highlight the passage at 40:22

40:38 Just kind of, how can I put it? I'm thinking in terms of the more we practice self-discipline and control the anger, then the less likely we are to have a major meltdown. And the more we continue to practice, then the less likely we are to have even small outbursts. Okay, and... Report an error in the passage at 40:38 Highlight the passage at 40:38

41:08 in terms of just. I think what we're trying to show here is just the power of anger. And, you know, is it one second that destroys? I mean, I don't know. Shantideva knows a lot more than I ever hoped to. But does it really matter? You know, I mean, you don't have to take that literally. What it's there to tell us is, hey, anger is serious. And I know from my experience in seeing, you know, people having angry encounters. Report an error in the passage at 41:08 Highlight the passage at 41:08

41:43 It makes you feel awful. I mean, it's a terrible thing. It's probably, and you can see it in children. When children face anger, it's, you know, they just shut down. It's total fear response. And the angry mind is a mind that you can't reason with. It's like all reasoning is gone. It's just dead set on one particular, on harming, okay? So in that way, I think it... Report an error in the passage at 41:43 Highlight the passage at 41:43

42:11 What we're trying to look at here is just the power of anger and have a respect for it. Because sometimes from a Western viewpoint, there was a view of, hey, you should let your anger out. You want to vent it. Don't hold it in. Well, the Tibetan viewpoint and the Buddhist viewpoint is much different because what the Buddhist viewpoint tells us is... Report an error in the passage at 42:11 Highlight the passage at 42:11

42:37 Don't diffuse it. Don't let it arise. Once you start letting it vent, once you let it explode, you're just creating the causes to have it happen again. From a karmic viewpoint, if you think about this, when we do harm, when we're acting in anger, we've created a cause to experience it again. So this is where that danger of anger comes in because it becomes repetitive. It not only hurts at the moment, it leaves an imprint. Report an error in the passage at 42:37 Highlight the passage at 42:37

43:14 So I think that's my attempt to explain that. So I Report an error in the passage at 43:14 Highlight the passage at 43:14

43:30 think we've kind of done that enough. So here, this idea of... so, okay. Report an error in the passage at 43:30 Highlight the passage at 43:30

43:36 More enemies equal more chances to practice, okay? And enemies could be adversaries. It could be, you know, just bothersome things, bothersome people. Atisha was a great master who came, he brought teachings to Tibet. He lived from like the late 900s to about, I think he died in 1054. Report an error in the passage at 43:36 Highlight the passage at 43:36

44:04 He always had a bad-tempered assistant. And, you know, people around him said, you know, Geshe-la, please don't do that, you know. And Atisha said, you know, this is how I've completed my practice of patience. And if we think about this in this way, you can be in a situation where things, you know, you're surrounded by people who are very kind and very understanding, and it's wonderful. Report an error in the passage at 44:04 Highlight the passage at 44:04

44:30 And you can, I've... Had experience of being in a retreat where you're only with yourself and you've got everything pretty much controlled and you think everything is just working so well. And then you leave that retreat situation and you get back into the bothersome world and suddenly that impatience arises. Report an error in the passage at 44:30 Highlight the passage at 44:30

44:58 So one of the things that... What we often think about is, oh, it would be great if there wasn't any bother, if none of this was around, if I didn't have to deal with this. But if we didn't, then we simply wouldn't have that capability. We would not have the patience. So patience doesn't come magically. It doesn't just appear. It doesn't come from, you know, sitting in the corner and meditating. Report an error in the passage at 44:58 Highlight the passage at 44:58

45:24 Patience comes from hard work. It comes from accepting. And to really, you know, from self-discipline. And so, you know, there's a, I think our, I know my typical reaction when faced with a bothersome situation is, you know, if I can run away, I will. It's like we don't really want to be confronted all the time with unpleasantness, with difficulties. But that is really the blessings, the opportunity to practice. Report an error in the passage at 45:24 Highlight the passage at 45:24

46:03 Shantideva said those who hold the painful, jealous mind lose what peace there is and do not experience more. Happiness and gladness will not be theirs. Report an error in the passage at 46:03 Highlight the passage at 46:03

46:18 Again, an angry mind means no happiness. Shantideva said they cannot sleep and their minds are agitated and unsteady. Due to jealousy, the servant will kill even the kind master on whom he depends for material and other help. And even if generosity is made to the angry person, he does not remain free of hatred. Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18

46:38 These are just examples of the effects of an angry mind. There's agitation, there's upset, and there's just a narrowing, a closing down. Report an error in the passage at 46:38 Highlight the passage at 46:38

46:49 An angry mind can't even sleep. There's just no relaxation, no rest. Jealousy is a poisonous kind of mind. It's a mind that, again, is just filled with this anger. just, you know, Report an error in the passage at 46:49 Highlight the passage at 46:49

47:05 and a kind of It results in this self-destruction, really. And then even if generosity is made to an angry person, oftentimes there's a view of suspicion or guardedness. Report an error in the passage at 47:05 Highlight the passage at 47:05

47:22 That kind of mind just doesn't have the ability to relax and to accept. Report an error in the passage at 47:22 Highlight the passage at 47:22

47:32 Shakyamuni Buddha said, when the fire of anger colors the face, even the well-decorated person cannot be attractive. Even if one lies on a comfortable bed, the pain of hatred makes the mind suffer. Anger makes us forget to do the work which benefits ourselves, brings us suffering and forces us to take the evil path. Report an error in the passage at 47:32 Highlight the passage at 47:32

47:54 The angry person either loses fame or cannot achieve it. And having understood anger as this inner enemy, who will tolerate being under its control and getting angry? Report an error in the passage at 47:54 Highlight the passage at 47:54

48:08 we think about that, realize that... Unless we do something to disarm this anger, then we are under its control. It will just arise because there are all these provoking situations. We live in a world that just brings a lot of strife, a lot of challenge in this department. So we need to recognize the shortcomings of impatience, of this anger. Report an error in the passage at 48:08 Highlight the passage at 48:08

48:40 And really focus on patience. So the divisions of patience are three. One is compassion for the enemy. Two is the patience of voluntarily bearing suffering. And three, the patience of definitely thinking about the Dharma. So we're going to go through each of these. Anybody have any questions right now? Report an error in the passage at 48:40 Highlight the passage at 48:40

49:11 So when living and non-living things become harmful antagonists, we should remember the shortcomings of anger and try to be patient. I think we probably all agree that anger is really toxic. It's kind of like this, there's really nothing good about anger. There's a story about a teacher and the student, and the student encounters a thief and starts beating the thief. Report an error in the passage at 49:11 Highlight the passage at 49:11

49:39 And the teacher turns to the student and says, you know, patience, remember patience. And then the student, you know, remembers patience, but then says, What are the benefits of pretending to be patient once the whole angry episode has erupted? What's the point of that? Report an error in the passage at 49:39 Highlight the passage at 49:39

49:59 And the lesson here is that oftentimes when we first encounter patients, when we're beginning our practice of patients, things like this are going to happen. The situation will get out of control. We're probably not going to be beating a thief. But we're going to be angry on some level. We're going to feel like, oh, you know, I said harsh words to this person. I didn't really want to do that, but I did, you know? What do I do now? Report an error in the passage at 49:59 Highlight the passage at 49:59

50:29 Well, thinking about it now, rethinking what we said, thinking about how we could change that situation. These are steps to preventing this from happening again, okay? It's about getting accustomed to, you know, recognizing our... Our impatience, recognizing the situations that this volatility arises and trying to think about them, meditate on them. Report an error in the passage at 50:29 Highlight the passage at 50:29

50:58 And that's how we begin to make this change in our reactions. Report an error in the passage at 50:58 Highlight the passage at 50:58

51:07 The logic of anger. Someone beats you with a stick. Their reaction, of course, is to get angry with that person. And logic tells us there's no point in getting angry with a stick, right? Report an error in the passage at 51:07 Highlight the passage at 51:07

51:21 If we think about that, the stick is just powerless, it's wielded by the person. Well, from a Buddhist perspective, the person's in the same boat as the stick. The person is powerless because that person is being controlled at the moment by this deluded mind. For whatever reason, that person's angry, coming at you, whatever. Report an error in the passage at 51:21 Highlight the passage at 51:21

51:40 And if we give in to anger, then we're just perpetuating this. So a compassionate view is to look at... Why is this happening to me? We go back to the true cause of suffering. The fact that the principal cause of this happening to me is my past karma. And why should I get angry with the result of karma created by myself when it ripens upon me? Report an error in the passage at 51:40 Highlight the passage at 51:40

52:12 I've created the causes for this to happen. So compassionate action would have us try to dispel the other person's delusion without getting angry at him. Report an error in the passage at 52:12 Highlight the passage at 52:12

52:26 Recognizing that he has no control, that he's become crazy with delusion. Report an error in the passage at 52:26 Highlight the passage at 52:26

52:37 I know it's hard to think about achieving this kind of result in the moment, certainly. But part of how we make this work is our practice, and we're going to get into that more. But you realize that... All of this makes sense. It's all very reasonable. It's all very logical. But taking that understanding, taking that to a level of realization. Report an error in the passage at 52:37 Highlight the passage at 52:37

53:13 One example I always like to think about, we think that, oh yeah, I understand something. It makes sense to me. And so now, of course, I'm going to follow this. But tend to go through our lives. We know we're going to die. We know we don't know when we're going to die, but we live every day like we're never going to die. We're sure we're not going to die today. And yet, logically, I can go through the same explanation, and we can definitely say that, yes, everybody dies. Report an error in the passage at 53:13 Highlight the passage at 53:13

53:48 And so in the same way, thinking about anger as coming from... Just out of a delusion of being something that's out of control and recognizing that nothing happens to me without my having created the causes for it to happen. It isn't just randomness. It isn't accidental. It is all a result of my own actions. Report an error in the passage at 53:48 Highlight the passage at 53:48

54:22 And by accepting that, by looking at that, view and accepting responsibility, it's a very powerful position. This is where it becomes important for me to think about practicing patience. Maybe I better think about taking these teachings to heart. How do I put them in my life? Because the teachings are not just there for You know, for logic and for discussion. They're there because it's a valid way, a way to bring peace into our lives. Report an error in the passage at 54:22 Highlight the passage at 54:22

55:06 Yeah. I'm here for a specific reason. And I am wondering if, this may be a little early, I'm not sure what other slides you have, but are you going to talk about specific methods to deal with or to cultivate patience with unpleasant situations? We certainly can, yeah. I mean, all these things that we're working up to that now. So there's going to be more? Report an error in the passage at 55:06 Highlight the passage at 55:06

55:37 There's more. Specific methods, I mean. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, then I'll just hold this. Okay. I mean, do you have a question about a specific method right now? Report an error in the passage at 55:37 Highlight the passage at 55:37

55:47 Maybe as we go along. Okay, okay, good. Report an error in the passage at 55:47 Highlight the passage at 55:47

55:52 So Rinpoche, Lama Zopa Rinpoche, in continuing on this. View of compassion for the enemy says, you know, we should think like this. When fire burns my hand, it's my fault for touching it. I can't get angry with the fire, just as I cannot get angry with the person, the external enemy, because it's my own fault that he is obliged to harm me. Report an error in the passage at 55:52 Highlight the passage at 55:52

56:14 And I know that sounds really strong, but that's basically what it comes down to. Just as the nature of fire is burning heat, And so I do not get angry with the fire when it burns me. If the nature of the person who is my enemy is to give me harm, I cannot get angry with him, the living being. Report an error in the passage at 56:14 Highlight the passage at 56:14

56:37 So in effect, I mean, if we think about adversaries, we think about enemy versus friend, we think about karma. You know, when Lama Zopa Rinpoche says no anger inside means no enemy outside. Okay. So there's this very... Direct connection, which conventionally we don't see. We think, you know, things just happen as a result of my actions today or, you know, or not even about my actions today. Report an error in the passage at 56:37 Highlight the passage at 56:37

57:06 Things seem just kind of randomly happening. But from a karmic viewpoint, this view of cause and effect, I've created enemies by virtue of my past actions and I have created the causes for these these things, these, Report an error in the passage at 57:06 Highlight the passage at 57:06

57:28 These experiences to ripen upon me. This karma is ripening with, you know, the enemy shows up in my life. Shantideva says, if I cannot tolerate even this present level of suffering with the cause, why don't I get angry with the cause of the hell suffering and destroy it? In other words, if I can't take what's happening right now. Report an error in the passage at 57:28 Highlight the passage at 57:28

57:53 Why don't I get angry with this whole negative karma, the bad karma I'm creating? Why don't I stop that? And I destroy that by eliminating anger. Report an error in the passage at 57:53 Highlight the passage at 57:53

58:06 By taking these steps to control my mind, which means I can control my speech and my action, I can make huge changes for what is to come. Report an error in the passage at 58:06 Highlight the passage at 58:06

58:25 I have a little story. I don't know if I should tell you this. My dad, I've taken care of my dad now. He's 89. My mom passed away last year. My dad is kind of a logical guy. He was never very spiritually inclined. He's just an ordinary guy. He was a mechanic during his working days. My dad is... Probably one of those people who looks at the world as being, you know, sort of a you're on your own, dog eat dog, you know, get what you can, you know, a little bit of people are out to get you kind of thing. Report an error in the passage at 58:25 Highlight the passage at 58:25

59:08 And some of that comes with age. But bless his heart, years ago, he even tells the story himself. He had this time, this period where one of the things that He destroyed his patients. He had a handicap sticker, a disabled parking sticker in his car. So when he would go to a parking place and there was a car parked there in a handicap space without a sticker, he would get very upset. Report an error in the passage at 59:08 Highlight the passage at 59:08

59:40 And he would deflate the air from the tires. I can't believe he did this, but he did. And he did this. He felt like he was out there enforcing the law. They shouldn't be there. So what happened very interestingly as a result, I mean, that was a period of his life. And I remember visiting my parents at this time, and I was picking my mom up from someplace, and I'm driving along, and she said, oh, no, don't go here. Report an error in the passage at 59:40 Highlight the passage at 59:40

1:00:15 Dad's getting a lot of flats. Everywhere he goes, he gets a flat tire. And I thought, oh, isn't that interesting? Well, sometime later I had a little discussion with my dad because, you know, this idea of karma was not sitting well with him. And I said, you know, don't you think that there was some connection? Because then he stopped letting, he stopped this little action of policing the parking spaces and he stopped getting flat tires. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:15 Highlight the passage at 1:00:15

1:00:42 So it was an interesting experience because for him, he finally believed. I mean, he is now certain that there are karmic repercussions in whatever you do. And I fully believe that that kind of an action, for whatever reason, he reaped the results immediately. And I mean, since then, it was honestly, he's seldom gotten a flat tire. It's a cause and effect. And so what I'm trying to say is, I mean, besides that little experience. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:42 Highlight the passage at 1:00:42

1:01:15 I think if you look in your own lives, you know, there are many times we can see, we can look back on how we lived our lives 10 years ago, 15 years ago, or, you know, even last week. If I'm really making an effort to change my mind, okay? Because the conventional thing is we feel like let's just stop doing that action, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:01:15 Highlight the passage at 1:01:15

1:01:41 And when you first get involved in Buddhism, You think, okay, great, I've got all these rules, I've got all these things I should do. That's all I need to do. But then comes the reality of behaving that way. And the difficulty we face is that we have these countless lifetimes of behaving without those guidelines. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:41 Highlight the passage at 1:01:41

1:02:05 And so the mind is very, very habitual. There are things, you know, we talk about even in a conventional sense, habit is a very hard thing to change. You really have to work on that. And you work on it with the mind. You work on it in little steps. And you have to keep working at it. And it's about this practice of self-discipline, of really making a change. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:05 Highlight the passage at 1:02:05

1:02:33 So here it's like, okay, we can see what the result, you know, what's causing all this. We see what the end result is, which is just anger and suffering. We lose our happiness. We lose our peace of mind. We can't even sleep. So we want to eliminate that. We need to eliminate the anger. So we do that. Let's change what's happening at the source. And by eliminating this anger, we are creating the causes. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:33 Highlight the passage at 1:02:33

1:03:08 To not experience this kind of karma again. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:08 Highlight the passage at 1:03:08

1:03:18 So difficulties in Dharma practice should be born and we should transform problems into treatment by not being attached to temporal comfort. So we were talking before about the divisions of patients. So there was compassion for the enemy and now we're on to patients of voluntarily bearing suffering. So this treatment, it's... Report an error in the passage at 1:03:18 Highlight the passage at 1:03:18

1:03:40 If you go back to the analogy, sometimes it's in Buddhist view, the Shakyamuni Buddha is considered like the doctor. And the saṃsāra is our sickness, you know, the cyclic existence. And the teachings are the treatment. And so in this way, it's like we can turn these problems into treatment. And it's like medicine for our diluted minds. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:40 Highlight the passage at 1:03:40

1:04:10 Yes. Sure. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:10 Highlight the passage at 1:04:10

1:04:16 Okay. Oh, is that, did you have a question or that was it? Okay, just, thanks. You're welcome. So while experiencing trouble with enemies or non-living things, we should think that the main cause of such situations is our own past lives, karma and delusion, and it's our own fault that we suffer them. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:16 Highlight the passage at 1:04:16

1:04:39 Okay, so I think we talked about this probably at length now because we said that if we don't accept this, then basically we become victims. We become victims of our own karma, essentially, because we're just doomed to accept everything that happens and not change anything. So it's like, okay, the world just throws everything at us and we continue to create more negative karma and that's what we reap. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:39 Highlight the passage at 1:04:39

1:05:08 And it's funny because the deluded mind that looks outside for blame, it's blinded by... By our own ignorance. And when these bad things happen to us, okay, we're usually surprised, you know. We kind of think, oh, I don't deserve this, or why is this bad thing happening? And our view is like, you know, gosh, why should this happen to me, you know, instead? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:08 Highlight the passage at 1:05:08

1:05:42 And in fact, part of this practice of patience, We can turn that around and we can say, ah, I'm so glad this is happening to me. First of all, it's not happening to someone else. That's great. I'll bear this suffering. Secondly, I'm sure I've created the causes for this. Maybe it wasn't this lifetime. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:42 Highlight the passage at 1:05:42

1:06:09 It's probably another lifetime. Who knows? But whatever, it's like this is an opportunity to exhaust this karma. This is finished. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:09 Highlight the passage at 1:06:09

1:06:19 That portion of bad karma is gone. We can move on now. And by reinforcing my practice, it's not going to happen again. I'm watching my actions. I'm watching my mind. So I'm not creating the multitude of negative karma that I did when I wasn't watching my mind. Because we know that just left to its own devices, we just do whatever. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:19 Highlight the passage at 1:06:19

1:06:47 So it's not surprising that we have a lot of leftover negative karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:47 Highlight the passage at 1:06:47

1:06:57 So part of voluntarily bearing suffering is also feeling compassion for the enemy as he is creating negative karma while he thinks he's causing peace. So you can think about situations where people are doing harm in service to a higher purpose. Extremists, people who fight holy wars. People just, I mean, terrorists, a lot of times people fighting for their cause. If you think about like anti-abortion where we're trying to, you know, there's this view to save lives and yet oftentimes, you know, they're blowing up people or buildings. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:57 Highlight the passage at 1:06:57

1:07:38 I mean, they're doing great harm in, you know, this view that it's actually a mistaken view that they're causing good. Instead of looking at people in this situation as just enemies, what we need to do is remember that they're being controlled by their deluded minds and to generate compassion for them. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:38 Highlight the passage at 1:07:38

1:08:08 As long as we look at the quote enemy as someone out there, someone different from us, it's very hard to feel anything. But it's sort of the right conditions to let anger arise. But when we look at them and we realize, ah, this is just another person who wants happiness, just like me, who wants to be free of suffering, but they're mistaken. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:08 Highlight the passage at 1:08:08

1:08:32 It's the deluded mind there. It really turns, it can diffuse that anger that would otherwise arise. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:32 Highlight the passage at 1:08:32

1:08:42 And then feeling joy, that through this practice, We can free ourselves from future suffering, accepting difficulty and trouble, knowing that the end result is finishing this suffering in the lower realms. We're really taking a strong action to make changes. And then recalling the causes of suffering, remembering the creation of negative karma and seeing the suffering of others. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:42 Highlight the passage at 1:08:42

1:09:15 So just being conscious and aware. Part of our practice, you're talking about how we implement this, is developing mindfulness so that we see what's happening. So that things just, we aren't ourselves governed by that same deluded mind that would have us think that this is a surprise, it's something unexpected, it's something that I haven't created the causes for. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:15 Highlight the passage at 1:09:15

1:09:52 And then working to satisfy. That samsaric desire is a terrible, terrible waste and it's endless, you know, the whole no satisfaction. I mean, that's the story of saṃsāra because when we give in to that self-cherishing mind, if you would, there's, you know, it's like the mind hops from one thing to another. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:52 Highlight the passage at 1:09:52

1:10:19 You know, first it's... This thing and then it's that person and then it's that thing, you know. And all the while we have situations when we're following this deluded mind, it becomes stronger, okay. That's one of the things that does happen, you know. The benefit of self-discipline is that we're able to really gain more control over our minds. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:19 Highlight the passage at 1:10:19

1:10:48 And I think everyone's experienced, you know. A situation where you just feel out of control, like emotions arise and you don't really know what's happening, but the best thing you can do at that point is sort of retreat and go to a quiet place. So that you don't, it's like your mind tells you, oh I should do this, I should run over and talk to that person, I should call this person, I should, you know. And you realize you're going to run in circles and if you take some quiet time, An hour later, you think back and you're thinking, gosh, I'm glad I didn't do that. You think when situations like this happen at work, you feel like you want to run off and tell this person, show that person. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:48 Highlight the passage at 1:10:48

1:11:35 And it's amazing how just a little time to reflect and to let those emotions quiet and to regain that are real, true. Nature, clarity of mind changes things drastically. So, you know, very huge benefit of patience and huge benefit here in terms of being able to bear suffering. This, when we talk about this life, you know, working for worldly concerns is just, it's a terrible waste of this life. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:35 Highlight the passage at 1:11:35

1:12:18 We have this opportunity to do so much and if we focus only on gaining conventional benefits, we essentially lose it and we lose everything. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:18 Highlight the passage at 1:12:18

1:12:35 So examples of great practitioners voluntarily experiencing deprivation to promote their practice. So Shakyamuni Buddha went off and meditated. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:35 Highlight the passage at 1:12:35

1:12:47 Milarepa spent many years meditating in a very, very... Simple existence. And Lama Tsongkhapa, all of these great teachers, they practiced. And the idea, it sounds like, okay, you know, Dharma, yeah, this is good stuff. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:47 Highlight the passage at 1:12:47

1:13:14 But, you know, I also have a life, okay? But what we forget is that if we don't generate, we need to experience a little renunciation. That's where some of this self-control of the mind or this mind control comes in. And without that renunciation, we're lost in a fog. It's like, you know, it's just we've got these conflicting emotions, this ignorance, and we can easily find ourselves just, you know, like I said, out of control. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:14 Highlight the passage at 1:13:14

1:13:47 And practices, the Dharma practice, okay, when we're talking here, Sorry, I got a little ahead of myself. But when we make offerings, we're practicing generosity. The idea here is that we're doing these spiritual practices, which... From a conventional viewpoint, people would say, why are you doing that? It's like you're suffering onto yourself. But devoting ourselves to spiritual practices. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:47 Highlight the passage at 1:13:47

1:14:18 We give up sleep. We take on hardship. On a Sunday morning, instead of sleeping in, we come to the center. Instead of just going out to breakfast with friends and having maybe a nice time, but kind of a mindless time, we're here. Because we're trying, we're interested in... Learning and really changing our minds and doing something to generate this patience to be able to not be subject to a deluded mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:18 Highlight the passage at 1:14:18

1:14:50 So doing all of these practices, all of our spiritual practice is a practice of patience as well. And then doing them with a Mahāyāna attitude, remembering this compassion for others is even a greater practice of patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:50 Highlight the passage at 1:14:50

1:15:09 The Dalai Lama says, I think that true tolerance or patience has a component or element of self-discipline and restraint. The realization that you could have acted otherwise, you could have adopted a more aggressive approach, but decided not to do so. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:09 Highlight the passage at 1:15:09

1:15:26 So effectively, one of the things that comes up in these situations is that in the practice of patience, it's like not getting angry when you have cause to. You know, from a conventional viewpoint, you have cause to get angry, but we choose not to. And that's where this humility comes in. The Dalai Lama is saying, you know, we aren't acting in a conventional way. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:26 Highlight the passage at 1:15:26

1:15:52 And this true patience involves this sense of humility. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:52 Highlight the passage at 1:15:52

1:16:02 And then the third practice of patience here, the third method of practicing patience, is the patience of definitely thinking about the Dharma. So learning, memorizing and understanding the lamrim. The lamrim is the graduated path to enlightenment. It's a collection of the teachings put together in a way that we can practice them step by step. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:02 Highlight the passage at 1:16:02

1:16:26 Learning about the three jewels, the triple gem, the Buddha, Dharma and Saṅgha, the path to enlightenment and emptiness, the true view of our existence. And then trying to discover realizations through meditation. So really learning about these things and then putting them into practice. So, you know, again, we might think, why, quote, devote ourselves to Dharma? But this idea of practice is what's necessary to go beyond. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:26 Highlight the passage at 1:16:26

1:17:05 This rational level we were talking about before, just this conscious level, and go into a deeper level. I'm thinking about it as like the autopilot level. Because that's the level that we really need to change. That's the level that the anger comes from when we're provoked. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:05 Highlight the passage at 1:17:05

1:17:27 And then there's a, in terms of practicing Dharma, there's a little story here. This is... A story about the Kadampa Geshe's in Geshe Drom. He was a student of Atisha, a great disciple. And it says, one day an old gentleman was circumnabulating the Redrang Monastery. Geshe Drom said to him, sir, I'm happy to see you circumnabulating, but wouldn't you rather be practicing Dharma? Thinking this over, the old guy said, okay, well maybe it's better to read the sutras. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:27 Highlight the passage at 1:17:27

1:18:03 So the next time he was reading in the temple courtyard, Geshe Drom came along and he said, I'm happy to see you reciting the sutras, but wouldn't you rather be practicing Dharma? Report an error in the passage at 1:18:03 Highlight the passage at 1:18:03

1:18:14 At this the old gentleman thought perhaps he should meditate. So he sat cross-legged on a cushion with his eyes half closed and the teacher Drom came along again and he said, I'm so happy to see you meditating, but wouldn't it be better to practice Dharma? Report an error in the passage at 1:18:14 Highlight the passage at 1:18:14

1:18:30 Okay, now the guy is totally confused and he said, Geshe-la, please tell me what I should do to practice Dharma. And the teacher, Jerome, replied, renounce attraction to this life. Renounce it now. For if you do not renounce attraction to this life, whatever you do will not be the practice of Dharma as you have not passed beyond the eight worldly concerns. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:30 Highlight the passage at 1:18:30

1:18:55 Once you have renounced this life's habitual thoughts and are no longer distracted by the eight worldly concerns, whatever you do will advance you on the path of liberation. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:55 Highlight the passage at 1:18:55

1:19:10 So it sounds very simple in some ways, but it's really a changing of our view, a changing at a very heart level. Pabanka Rinpoche said much the same thing when asked how to practice, you know, Dharma. He said, Give up this life in your mind. So these eight worldly concerns deal with being happy when we receive something and unhappy when we don't, and happy when we're comfortable or unhappy when we're uncomfortable. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:10 Highlight the passage at 1:19:10

1:19:45 Happy with fame, unhappy with notoriety, happy with praise, and unhappy with criticism. They're all the things that are part of... Everyday life. And what Geshe Drom and Pabank Rinpoche are saying is, you know, it's not that we're going to live without these things, but it's our view, our approach to them. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:45 Highlight the passage at 1:19:45

1:20:09 You know, the conventional view, the worldly view is to embrace those things, to work for them. So having this, giving those up, knowing that the first concern is the Dharma. The first concern is, what am I doing with my mind? How can I control this mind? So that's our purpose, our goal essentially, our motivation for doing all of these actions. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:09 Highlight the passage at 1:20:09

1:20:38 So then what should be done in the practice of patience? All the six perfections. So we should practice with generosity, which means we lead others in the practice by sharing teachings of the Dharma. Ethics, we avoid non-virtues. In the practice of patience, so we pay attention to our actions. We don't go off and practice patience and then forget about ethics. The patience of patience, having no anger. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:38 Highlight the passage at 1:20:38

1:21:06 Enthusiastic perseverance, practicing with energy, with joy and without laziness. Concentration, thinking one pointedly about the benefits of patience and the shortcomings of not practicing patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:06 Highlight the passage at 1:21:06

1:21:26 Wisdom, using discriminating wisdom to check what should be practiced and what should be abandoned. So that discriminating wisdom tells us what we should and should not do. And sometimes that's also brought to, it's called the circle of three, the subject, object and the action and remembering the view of emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:26 Highlight the passage at 1:21:26

1:21:53 Emptiness doesn't mean that things don't exist. It just means they don't exist in the way we think they do. We kind of have a view of things existing very solidly and independently and permanently. And the view of emptiness is about recognizing the interdependence of everything and the impermanence and the fact that everything is totally interdependent. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:53 Highlight the passage at 1:21:53

1:22:19 so that you know this Deluded mind chases after things because we have this view of attachment that if, you know, little is good, then more is always better. And that's not the way things work, you know, but that's the way we tend to project and live, you know, live our connection with the world that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:19 Highlight the passage at 1:22:19

1:22:43 And then also it said that we should practice with the six holy objects. The holy subject is this bodhicitta motivation we talked about in our opening meditation this morning. It's the wish to attain enlightenment for the sake of other sentient beings, of all sentient beings, and to bring them, to kind of work tirelessly for our own enlightenment on behalf of these other beings. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:43 Highlight the passage at 1:22:43

1:23:08 The holy possession is holding this motivation, keeping it in our minds often, not forgetting that. And that's one of the pitfalls in our practice, you know, losing our concentration. That's why we talk about mindfulness. And that's where the importance of meditation comes in because it gives us this opportunity to revisit on an analytical level why we're doing these things, why we, you know, what validity they have. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:08 Highlight the passage at 1:23:08

1:23:40 But it also brings them into a deeper level of creates this. The seed of mindfulness gives us a stronger base to kind of hold on to that mindfulness. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:40 Highlight the passage at 1:23:40

1:23:58 The holy purpose is the wish to give temporary happiness to sentient beings in order to lead them to ultimate happiness. And the holy skill is wisdom realizing emptiness. So we talked about this true view of existence, of how things exist. The holy dedication is always dedicating the merits of patience of this practice for the attainment of enlightenment. So all of these things, you know, having that mindfulness, having that motivation of why we're doing it and then dedicating kind of closes the circle. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:58 Highlight the passage at 1:23:58

1:24:37 And it keeps us, again, very mindful and clear on why we're doing this practice of patience. And finally, something called the holy purity, which is the purification of delusions and mental defilements when practicing patience. And in patience, it's particularly relevant here because that's what we're trying to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:37 Highlight the passage at 1:24:37

1:24:59 We're really trying to eliminate those defilements, the delusions that would lead us to the anger, to responding in a way with anger. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:59 Highlight the passage at 1:24:59

1:25:17 As His Holiness said, responding when we, through patience, would choose not to respond. And so finally, following the Bodhisattva's actions. If we are following the Bodhisattva's actions, remembering and meditating on bodhicitta, those are the main factors bringing the desire to lead all sentient beings in the perfection of patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:17 Highlight the passage at 1:25:17

1:25:41 So, as I mentioned before, practicing on the... With this view of bodhicitta makes this a higher, a Mahāyāna practice. It involves everyone. It involves all sentient beings because we have this motivation to benefit others. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:41 Highlight the passage at 1:25:41

1:26:00 So that's about it. Does anybody have any questions? Do you want to go back to your question? Report an error in the passage at 1:26:00 Highlight the passage at 1:26:00

1:26:15 Okay. So I've been trying to kind of formulate some methods to, I mean there's a... You know, my mind is not completely tamed, so I feel irritated. Join the club. I feel irritated probably on a daily basis from time to time. And it seems like right now there's a number of things that are causing me some discomfort. So I was just trying to think of as you're going along, and I saw some methods in there that are helpful. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:15 Highlight the passage at 1:26:15

1:26:45 And I think, tell me what you think about this and if there's anything you add to my method. you know so I'm thinking to myself when I find myself in a difficult Difficult situation. The first thing is to become, I mean, it helps me to realize, well, I'm suffering right now. I'm struggling in my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:45 Highlight the passage at 1:26:45

1:27:06 Because if I don't realize, if I don't say that to myself, I'm more sort of programmed to react thoughtlessly. So if I realize that and just kind of stop, relax into this situation, just feel the suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:06 Highlight the passage at 1:27:06

1:27:25 Let's see. What's the second thing I was thinking? Oh, it does help me too because I believe that karma, I've seen that karma is, you know, it's true. You know, I've created the causes for this and just kind of I don't want to create more causes for this kind of thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:25 Highlight the passage at 1:27:25

1:27:50 And other beings are feeling this so I can kind of... Breathe this in and, you know, experience this for those beings and kind of breathe out whatever I would prefer to feel, you know, just give it away. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:50 Highlight the passage at 1:27:50

1:28:09 It's hard to do these things, though, in the actual situation. Usually the most I can do is like, wow, I'm suffering, you know, I'm just kind of, I'm just so clouded by, you know, delusions. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:09 Highlight the passage at 1:28:09

1:28:24 I mean, sometimes I can't. I think these things do help. I don't know if there's some people say to, you know, see the emptiness of the situation. That's kind of that's hard to do unless it's kind of like after the fact and there's some space and my mind is not so turbulent. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:24 Highlight the passage at 1:28:24

1:28:46 Yeah, it is hard. And I think some I mean, in some situations, one of the things we can do besides all the things you were talking about, which are certainly good things to do. And also, you know. To have your practice on the side, to maintain a practice of meditation and of learning that support everything that you're doing, essentially. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:46 Highlight the passage at 1:28:46

1:29:10 But if there's physically a way to take yourself out of that situation, that's a skillful thing to do. It's okay to do that. We're never going to eliminate all of the... You know, potentials and the opportunities we have for transforming problems. But sometimes if we're in a situation where there's just, you know, it's very hard to kind of tame that situation. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:10 Highlight the passage at 1:29:10

1:29:38 You know, you try with one thing, you try remembering your mind or, you know, that you're suffering at the moment. You try going from there, remembering compassion. But then something, you know, it's just like, boom, goes further and it's just uncontrollable. If you can, just move yourself out of that situation. That's an okay thing to do. That helps, too. Something else that I just remembered that it's kind of a flip-flopping way of thinking because Lama Zopa says, be grateful, you know, and sort of, you know, generate, this is hard to do sometimes, but, you know, joy that, wow, I have something to help me change my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:38 Highlight the passage at 1:29:38

1:30:16 If I didn't have these things, then I would never be able to. Tame my mind so I can be grateful for this person or my partner or whatever it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:16 Highlight the passage at 1:30:16

1:30:29 And maybe I'm even purifying some negative karma that would ripen a thousand times more painful in a future life or something like that. I mean, the teachings basically tell us that. And that's one of the things to remember, too. I think it was in one of the slides that, yes, as we're experiencing these difficult situations, these problems, that, in effect, that's another thing to be joyful about, that the karma is finished for those. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:29 Highlight the passage at 1:30:29

1:31:02 We're eliminating the karma that we would, or the result of taking rebirth in lower realms with our practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:02 Highlight the passage at 1:31:02

1:31:19 Bourgeois suffering is nothing, I mean, compared to I think the vast majority of the world, it's nothing. But still, you know, we all, I mean, we're all suffering. And we do, and I know when you were mentioning about Lama Zopa, one thing that came to my mind was Rinpoche, I think in Transforming Problems, he wrote something like, you know, see problems as ice cream. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:19 Highlight the passage at 1:31:19

1:31:45 you know and it's like It's not what you usually think about, but it's very true in the sense of trying to transform the mind. And sometimes it helps, I know in my experience, if I also reflect on things after. It's like at the time it might be difficult to really do that, the whole idea of trying to see what's going on and taking things slowly. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:45 Highlight the passage at 1:31:45

1:32:10 And then after, in analyzing the situation, oftentimes I'll feel like that really was a blessing. I mean, just being able to do that, and I can rejoice in that. And that's something we can all do, too, you know, just kind of complete that. I have to talk to myself, just kind of like, just in my mind, just kind of find the space to, it helps to remove yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:10 Highlight the passage at 1:32:10

1:32:36 I can't always do that. No, that's true. You can't. But I have to kind of talk myself through it. And it does help in the morning, because one of my situations is at work. And if I... Report an error in the passage at 1:32:36 Highlight the passage at 1:32:36

1:32:51 Think about the probability that I may be experiencing some challenging situations. It helps to set my motivation ahead of time and try to lay the ground for that. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:51 Highlight the passage at 1:32:51

1:33:05 Yeah, I think the whole idea, too, of what helps me sometimes is seeing the antagonist, if you will, as a person who's suffering or as a person who's under... Report an error in the passage at 1:33:05 Highlight the passage at 1:33:05

1:33:20 Control of a deluded mind, like, you know, viewing that person as being ill right now. And it changes my view instead of looking at the person as coming from a, you know, sort of an angry viewpoint or a sense of willingly or knowledgeably intending harm. It's like, oh, this person is deluded and ignorant and I'm really feeling, it brings up. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:20 Highlight the passage at 1:33:20

1:33:48 Compassion also helps to change how I react to that. And I'm ill, too. Oh, absolutely. Not you. We all are. I am, right? I'm just like, wow, look what you're doing to yourself. You poor thing. Yeah, exactly. All those things are, you know, it's... The collection of the teachings. It's really about methods and means to work on our minds. It's practical. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:48 Highlight the passage at 1:33:48

1:34:23 They do work, but it just has to be repetitive. I'm getting better. I'm definitely getting better. Yes. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:23 Highlight the passage at 1:34:23

1:34:37 Hello. I heard there was an interview to a Tibetan nun that was tortured, and someone asked her, Did you feel fears or anger or frustration, something like that? And then she said, well, I was in fear. I think it was something like that when I started to hate the person who was torturing me. So I thought, okay, how grandiose, right, how enlightened person she was or she is. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:37 Highlight the passage at 1:34:37

1:35:12 But now bringing and trying to integrate these practices into an everyday life, I have a friend who is in a marriage where she is abused and she said, no, I have to practice unconditional love and this is an opportunity. So there is part of me who understands that. I say, what a great opportunity to clear karma and what a wonderful opportunity to do all this work and practicing. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:12 Highlight the passage at 1:35:12

1:35:45 But then there is a delicate membrane of becoming a codependent or when we put healthy boundaries. So I see that we can... Report an error in the passage at 1:35:45 Highlight the passage at 1:35:45

1:36:00 I was on the bridge when you showed the picture. I was there seven hours and I started doing mantras and singing and breathing and sending energy and then I had a great time because someone paid for my bridge and said, wow, that's great, I'm going to keep doing mantras. And then I didn't have gas and someone brought gas and said, I have gas for you, I have a crew. And I said, okay, in those situations it's great. But then in more difficult situations like... Report an error in the passage at 1:36:00 Highlight the passage at 1:36:00

1:36:28 Like being in a marriage or a relationship that is abusive or being with an alcoholic or whatever. How is like, okay, being a Buddhist, someone says we don't have to be a dort mat. Exactly. So it's like where we draw the line of patience and... Well, I don't know if it's a matter of drawing a line, but it's a matter of learning skillful means, okay? Report an error in the passage at 1:36:28 Highlight the passage at 1:36:28

1:36:55 And kind of knowing... I think as long as we're doing our practice, you know, we're working with the mind and I think it's difficult to say this person is doing, you know, that looks destructive. We don't really know because the person who's in that situation, for them, that abuse might not be abuse, you know. If you've got a bodhisattva attitude, that person is advanced enough, then, you know, that's great, that's fantastic. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:55 Highlight the passage at 1:36:55

1:37:23 But there's a big difference when we... kind of push ourselves into situations that we're not ready for. We're told bodhisattvas are beings who give their bodies to be burned. You want an arm? Take a leg. Take both. It's okay. Well, we're told, if you're not a bodhisattva, don't do that. This is not something we just, because it's going to create negative repercussions in our minds. We're not ready for that. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:23 Highlight the passage at 1:37:23

1:37:55 So the skillful means is kind of knowing where your mind is at. And I think it's probably, like you were mentioning, codependence. Codependence is never healthy. And bodhisattvas aren't codependent. I mean, bodhisattva action is the ultimate of kindness and compassion, but it balanced, as you said, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:55 Highlight the passage at 1:37:55

1:38:21 Not being a doormat. It doesn't mean always saying yes. It means kindly and skillfully saying no. Definitely being able to say no. We definitely don't say yes to everything. No. That's not practice. That's not Dharma practice. That's not even compassion. Because we're creating the results of our actions. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:21 Highlight the passage at 1:38:21

1:38:45 We have to be aware of those. And yes is not always the right answer. So it is It's difficult to discern that, but there's definitely, as you say, a difference between being compassionate and taking, say, a view of not maybe removing yourself from a situation versus not being able to remove yourself from a situation in the sense of being codependent, being involved in it. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:45 Highlight the passage at 1:38:45

1:39:22 I guess for me the real telling difference is the wisdom and the ignorance. So if you're doing something with a view of wisdom, you truly understand the situation and you've mastered the situation, if you will, in the sense of viewing it discriminatingly. Then that to me is skillful means. But if you're in a situation and there's a shroud of ignorance, there's the deluded mind in there, then that's not a healthy or desirable situation. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:22 Highlight the passage at 1:39:22

1:40:13 That wouldn't be practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:13 Highlight the passage at 1:40:13

1:40:21 One thing that I have... I kind of like an issue with is there'll be times when I will go and just try and get everything done at once and other times when I procrastinate horribly. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:21 Highlight the passage at 1:40:21

1:40:38 So I don't know. Do you have any suggestions on, I guess, like having patience with oneself? That's a good point. Yeah. And I mean, just as, you know, when we practice love and compassion. We have to practice the same love and compassion for ourselves. If we're not kind to ourselves, ultimately we're not really going to be kind to others. And oftentimes this shows up more in your family than it does in people further from us. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:38 Highlight the passage at 1:40:38

1:41:07 The way we treat ourselves, sometimes we treat our family members, and it can be very hurtful. And I think it's the same when you see what's happening in terms of the procrastination. You know, it's a question of maybe finding out, okay, why am I procrastinating now? And just don't, you know, turn off the usual beating scenario. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:07 Highlight the passage at 1:41:07

1:41:28 You know, remember that this is a deluded mind, now turning the stick on oneself. So, you know, that's not, there's no place for that, just like there's no place for guilt. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:28 Highlight the passage at 1:41:28

1:41:40 You know, just try to practice patience, definitely practice patience with yourself and kindness. I don't know if that helps at all, but yeah. Okay, anybody? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:40 Highlight the passage at 1:41:40

1:42:00 In one of your slides, I think it was after the example of the angry person with the stick. I thought it said something about dispelling the other person's delusions. And so much of what we talk about is like working on your own mind and not focusing on changing the other person. So I was wondering if you could explain that or talk about that a little more. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:00 Highlight the passage at 1:42:00

1:42:19 Okay. Thank you. Let me see if I can find that. I should have left this. Will I be in trouble if I try to open this up again? Report an error in the passage at 1:42:19 Highlight the passage at 1:42:19

1:42:34 While that is working. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:34 Highlight the passage at 1:42:34

1:42:49 Oh, I'm sorry. I was just trying to see where. Okay, here's the stick thing. Because I'm trying to remember that slide right now. I'm trying to do this upside down. Okay. Yeah, it says compassionate action. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:49 Highlight the passage at 1:42:49

1:43:25 Was it? Report an error in the passage at 1:43:25 Highlight the passage at 1:43:25

1:43:29 Oh, no, the beginning. Okay, sorry. Anyway, yeah. Okay, so it says I should try to dispel the other person's delusions without getting angry at him. And I think that says, you know, as much as we can try to help someone dispel their delusions, I mean, ultimately we have to tame our own minds. But what we do sometimes can certainly help someone along that way. So if there's something we can say to them to calm them, to help bring them back to... Report an error in the passage at 1:43:29 Highlight the passage at 1:43:29

1:44:01 If there's a level of peace and normalcy, then we should do it, you know, if it's not a volatile situation. Just sometimes in an angry situation, it's interesting. I think sometimes if we go in with a view or with a response that someone's not expecting, you know, they're ready to have someone come at, you know, they're yelling at you and you just say, it's okay, you're right. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:01 Highlight the passage at 1:44:01

1:44:28 Suddenly it's disarming. Whether they are or not, it's a way to kind of bring them back down to a level where maybe you can talk about things. Or you just say something nice to them, which they certainly don't expect at the time. And it can really transform, help their minds at least. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:28 Highlight the passage at 1:44:28

1:44:58 I'm confused on the situation. There is my husband, my teenager and myself. And I hear them. His point of view is use a larger chest protector, because she's in Taekwondo, to protect yourself. And she's saying, I hear what you're saying, but my kicks are not better, and I don't feel comfortable with a bigger chest protector. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:58 Highlight the passage at 1:44:58

1:45:31 And none of them are listening to each other's reasons as to why. So I go in, and I said, I see what you're saying. But can you see what she's saying as well? And she has a coach. Can we see the coach's view? And at the end, she will pay the consequences. If she gets hit because there's not enough protection, she pays the consequences. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:31 Highlight the passage at 1:45:31

1:45:59 Can we accept that? So he became very angry because I didn't side with him. So then his sarcasm, And I could see my daughter just feeling really down and frustrated. And I'm trying not to do the triangle, but I'm trying to be the peacekeeper, and I end up fighting with him. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:59 Highlight the passage at 1:45:59

1:46:29 And I thought, in what situation? I acknowledge his point of view without knocking him down. I acknowledge her point. And I said, you know, let's try and see what happens. But he became so agitated. And so he was verbally condescending. And then I thought, you know, I'm not going to take part of it. And I said, you know, we're not listening to each other. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:29 Highlight the passage at 1:46:29

1:47:01 So see you later. But then he said something not very nice. So I looked at him and I go, so I labeled him. I said, you know. What you did was this. And I said, see you later. But it's like repetitive behavior. So my thought is, I need to talk to my daughter. And I said, you know, what he said was very hurtful. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:01 Highlight the passage at 1:47:01

1:47:29 I said, but at the bottom of all this, I think it's the fear that you might get hurt. And I said, but we didn't get that at all. And I said, but... So you have to dig, dig inside as to what is the true message. And I said, but as parents, sometimes we don't say what we mean. And I said, so we make mistakes and I'm sorry. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:29 Highlight the passage at 1:47:29

1:47:54 And she goes, but he never listens. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:54 Highlight the passage at 1:47:54

1:48:00 I said, as parents, we think we're always right. But how do I help him? How do I help her? And how do I help myself? Because my stomach was like trying to be patient. But at the same time, it's like, let it go. Don't attack her. Because to me, it's attacking her. Self-esteem is disrespecting her. So how do we expect teenagers to respect us when we don't respect them? Report an error in the passage at 1:48:00 Highlight the passage at 1:48:00

1:48:37 Well, yeah, it's a very difficult situation. and mean the The first thing you can do for yourself in your own practice of patience is to, I mean these are obviously two people you love very much and especially when you're the mom protecting the child, that's going to come up and it's going to be hard not to get that upset stomach. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:37 Highlight the passage at 1:48:37

1:49:00 But part of it is I think it was good that you spoke with her and as a teenager, you know, teenagers don't have much patience. So that's a tough one. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:00 Highlight the passage at 1:49:00

1:49:11 I think You said the right things to her. And as far as yourself, you know, if you can see when you're dealing with your husband, you know, you do see where he's coming from. You can try to see that as this wish to protect his daughter. I don't know if you can, you know, if you can talk to him at another time when he's not, you know, when she's not there and maybe when it's a more neutral time and you can explain that I see that you're upset. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:11 Highlight the passage at 1:49:11

1:49:40 You know, about her possibility of being hurt. But, you know, either, you know, does the coach think that, the coach doesn't think that's that much of a possibility or he wouldn't say that. Why, you know, why don't we see what happens or, you know, here's my, you know, this is what I'm trying to do. This is what she's trying to do. It's a very hard thing, you know, and you can't, quote, you know, make another person patient. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:40 Highlight the passage at 1:49:40

1:50:05 He's going to be, and if he's. Coming from a negative viewpoint, what you can try to do is just, as you're working on it, kind of mitigate that and try to keep the situation less volatile, keep it calmer. I don't know if talking helps with that offline or not. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:05 Highlight the passage at 1:50:05

1:50:29 For yourself mainly, I think you need to just try to get it in perspective. And if there's a way to. Take him out of the picture, at least for that particular, you know, when it comes to that class or, you know, or find some sort of a compromise that maybe you've got protection that's smaller than what he wants, but larger than what she has. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:29 Highlight the passage at 1:50:29

1:50:52 Not in between. Some sort of in between. It's a tough one. It's, you know, and the best thing you can do is, you know, when you meditate on it, you think about it. You look at, think about, okay, is there a different way I can handle the situation? You know, remember that. He has a good thought in mind, or he's coming from a protective motivation, but he's obviously got some deluded mind going on where it's like, no, you've got to, you know, this is my view, I'm the father, this is what you must do. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:52 Highlight the passage at 1:50:52

1:51:27 And, you know, maybe part of it is telling him that, you know, this isn't disrespect toward you. She's just trying to be a good athlete. She wants to please you. She wants to honor you. You know, and kind of turning it around that way. Because I said, you know, we've gone through round four. And I said, and we're not getting anywhere. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:27 Highlight the passage at 1:51:27

1:51:45 As I said, we need to let it go. Yeah. And that's another thing, too. Yeah. And maybe sometimes just reminding him of that. Like, we've discussed this enough. We're finished with this now. You know. Or please, let's not talk about that. You just said something about there's no place for guilt. I'm the queen of guilt. I'm the queen. Okay, no place for guilt. Well, I don't want you to be guilty about being guilty. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:45 Highlight the passage at 1:51:45

1:52:19 Just the sense of there's no place in that it has no validity. We try the best we can, and when we've done something, we can have remorse for that, but guilt doesn't help anybody. It just hurts our self-esteem. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:19 Highlight the passage at 1:52:19

1:52:35 Kind of keeps bringing up the same old things that we need to finish and move on. If we can't forgive ourselves, we can't move on and learn from things and we can't forgive others either. Right. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:35 Highlight the passage at 1:52:35

1:52:53 I actually have a comment to make regarding that. I think a lot of times when the father is seeing their teenage daughter growing up, they feel like they're losing control. And I wonder if it's really the situation of not agreeing on the guard, or is it because he's feeling that she's not listening to me anymore? Report an error in the passage at 1:52:53 Highlight the passage at 1:52:53

1:53:13 I wonder if that could be part of it. That's a good point. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:13 Highlight the passage at 1:53:13

1:53:25 Sure, that's difficult. Right. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:25 Highlight the passage at 1:53:25

1:53:33 Her coach is an absolutely wonderful person and focuses on helping her grow in encouragement and she's very devoted. So she's leading towards listening to him than listening to dad. Sure. No, those are all very valid points too. I'm sure that's part of it. Well, we should probably finish up here and let's do a little bit of dedication to complete the circle. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:33 Highlight the passage at 1:53:33

1:54:03 And thank you again for coming and for this time. So just again, remembering our bodhicitta motivation and putting our efforts with that motivation into generating patience, this perfection of patience, having spent this time analyzing why we should do that, seeing the benefits of patience, the disadvantages of not practicing patience, the importance of compassion. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:03 Highlight the passage at 1:54:03

1:54:40 And now just dedicating all these merits from having spent this time and this effort to our attaining enlightenment for the sake of all beings. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:40 Highlight the passage at 1:54:40

1:54:52 May we all gain patience and ultimately the happiness of enlightenment. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:52 Highlight the passage at 1:54:52

1:55:02 Thank you so much. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:02 Highlight the passage at 1:55:02

1:55:08 And I think next week is Enthusiastic Perseverance. Okay, next Sunday. Oh, and Chucky, did you want to say anything? Yeah, I just wanted to say Report an error in the passage at 1:55:08 Highlight the passage at 1:55:08

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:55:57 for your patience. Thank you so much Gina, I really appreciate your efforts there, that was great. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:57 Highlight the passage at 1:55:57

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:56:48 not going to be happy at all. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:48 Highlight the passage at 1:56:48