Transforming Problems into the Path - How Problems Help (17 February 2011)

0:03 So I couldn't get there when we get back in time. What was it like? Just cool. Report an error in the passage at 0:03 Highlight the passage at 0:03

0:17 I remember you were eyeing the same thing. I'm sorry. You were eyeing the same thing. I'll be back then. Do you want to? Report an error in the passage at 0:17 Highlight the passage at 0:17

0:28 Oh, that's good. Oh, okay. It's nothing to do for trouble. didn't know when I looked. There's no way to put registration on that page. Yeah. You can't put a link on that page. We're year to year away. Well, fortunately for most people, most people wouldn't go to that. I thought they would spare the tour or something. Report an error in the passage at 0:28 Highlight the passage at 0:28

0:54 Thank you. That was actually, it's like a different, all three different. Our website needs to be tweaked a little bit. Yeah. Three different ways to see the same information, but it displays differently. It happens all the time. Yeah. Thank you. See you. Report an error in the passage at 0:54 Highlight the passage at 0:54

1:28 Hey, how are you? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:28 Highlight the passage at 1:28

1:49 That's right. That's okay. good, thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:49 Highlight the passage at 1:49

1:47 you do? Because I don't really count. Report an error in the passage at 1:47 Highlight the passage at 1:47

1:52 if you are just proud of her, I'm trying to go, yay, yay, I love you. Enjoy it. I will let you know what you think about it. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:52 Highlight the passage at 1:52

2:07 a sale. Really? Do you need Report an error in the passage at 2:07 Highlight the passage at 2:07

2:37 any help? Are you good? Can you just look around and see if I missed anything? That would be helpful. Do you have the recording soon? Yeah. It should be a recording. Oh Report an error in the passage at 2:37 Highlight the passage at 2:37

2:56 my god! Report an error in the passage at 2:56 Highlight the passage at 2:56

· · · silence, 1 minute

4:04 my step, let's move my step. Oh, no, no, it's tricky. Hey, how are you? No? She doesn't call her. Oh, hi. That's it. He's in the house. Oh, thanks. It feels a great thing. How are you doing? All of it. All right. I'm trying it. Jack, case when he's sick. She would have called him like a message. don't know. Report an error in the passage at 4:04 Highlight the passage at 4:04

4:58 will be the first thing you understood me. Report an error in the passage at 4:58 Highlight the passage at 4:58

5:27 hey, sir, it's David. I just signed my son in Detroit. I don't know much today. I do. So I've been hearing some. Report an error in the passage at 5:27 Highlight the passage at 5:27

· · · silence, 1 minute

6:11 you been listening to that? Oh Report an error in the passage at 6:11 Highlight the passage at 6:11

6:18 hey Sophie, that's how you tried to call her earlier today, but I didn't have my trigger for that. Report an error in the passage at 6:18 Highlight the passage at 6:18

6:29 Well, I liked it, it was great at home. Report an error in the passage at 6:29 Highlight the passage at 6:29

· · · silence, 2 minutes

8:14 Before you sit down, could you even get me a box of Kleenex? Yeah, actually. There you go. Well done. Report an error in the passage at 8:14 Highlight the passage at 8:14

8:25 I'm going to blow my nose in front of everyone, sorry. Report an error in the passage at 8:25 Highlight the passage at 8:25

8:30 Yeah, I do for now, on the break probably, yeah. No, I'm good. Report an error in the passage at 8:30 Highlight the passage at 8:30

8:41 I get a text from John that he's been sitting on the runway for an hour and a half in Pittsburgh and they just turned around and went back to the airport. I told him to transform it, so he's working on it. Report an error in the passage at 8:41 Highlight the passage at 8:41

8:55 I know, and I said, wait till you get here. We've got some weather for you. He's probably going to be in at like 2 this morning, or tomorrow morning. Report an error in the passage at 8:55 Highlight the passage at 8:55

9:05 Oh, after all that. I know, after all that. He went home for his grandpa's death and funeral, so not the happiest trip. So what I thought I would do to start, since we sort of went a little quickly through emptiness last week, I thought I would actually include some instruction in the meditation. But it's going to make it a little bit longer meditation. So take some deep breaths and wiggle your heads and whatever you need to do to sort of wake up. So what I'm going to do is go through verses 4 and 5 and I'm going to sort of put in a little bit more about karma and emptiness while you're contemplating those verses. Report an error in the passage at 9:05 Highlight the passage at 9:05

9:57 So that's kind of the way I decided to do it. Report an error in the passage at 9:57 Highlight the passage at 9:57

10:04 Then we'll do the opening prayers and we'll have a little time for check-in and you can talk about what didn't work for you in that. Report an error in the passage at 10:04 Highlight the passage at 10:04

10:11 And I'll happily receive that criticism because it's part of my transforming the mind. So do what you need to do to wake up or to come into the room. Report an error in the passage at 10:11 Highlight the passage at 10:11

10:25 Take some nice deep belly breaths. If it helps to breathe out black light or black smoke and breathe in white light, you can try that. Report an error in the passage at 10:25 Highlight the passage at 10:25

10:37 Or you can just imagine that your breath is literally cleansing your mind and your body. Giving it all new oxygen. Report an error in the passage at 10:37 Highlight the passage at 10:37

11:02 You can imagine also that each breath washes away any distractions that you have. This class is like this little precious vessel with all this information and experience and Dharma friendship in it. So we don't want to taint it with all the stuff from our day, good and bad. We can pick it back up on our way out the door. Report an error in the passage at 11:02 Highlight the passage at 11:02

11:31 So just imagine like all that great rain that we had today, just imagine it washing away all your distractions and your sluggishness and your agitated mind or active mind, worries, whatever else is going on in your life. Just try to breathe yourself into the room, into your cushion. And Report an error in the passage at 11:31 Highlight the passage at 11:31

12:19 then we're going to start with verse 4, which goes like this. Whenever I meet a person of bad nature, I was overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering. I will hold such a rare one dear as if I had found a precious treasure. Report an error in the passage at 12:19 Highlight the passage at 12:19

12:47 So think about your own life. Maybe you have a person of bad nature in your own life. Maybe it's somebody that you work with and gets angry all the time. Maybe Report an error in the passage at 12:47 Highlight the passage at 12:47

13:05 a housemate or somebody you're related to, a partner. Report an error in the passage at 13:05 Highlight the passage at 13:05

13:12 Sort of seemingly random crazy person on the street, Report an error in the passage at 13:12 Highlight the passage at 13:12

13:19 drunk guy on the bus. Report an error in the passage at 13:19 Highlight the passage at 13:19

13:27 Do you think you can actually change the way that you see them? Not just fake it, but really genuinely change the way that you perceive them? Report an error in the passage at 13:27 Highlight the passage at 13:27

13:43 Instead of seeing them as a problem, seeing them as your responsibility, your sentient being, your suffering sentient being. Report an error in the passage at 13:43 Highlight the passage at 13:43

14:01 So this verse talks a lot about karma and emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 14:01 Highlight the passage at 14:01

14:07 That annoying person doesn't really exist that way out there, the way it seems. Apart from me, absolutely. Report an error in the passage at 14:07 Highlight the passage at 14:07

14:21 And one of the ways we know that is because not everybody coming in here would think that person was an inherently annoying person. Report an error in the passage at 14:21 Highlight the passage at 14:21

14:35 He's not inherently wonderful or annoying from his own side. My karma is forcing me to see him as annoying. Report an error in the passage at 14:35 Highlight the passage at 14:35

14:49 But somebody else in this class might think he was wonderful or that he was neutral. Report an error in the passage at 14:49 Highlight the passage at 14:49

14:58 That's his emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 14:58 Highlight the passage at 14:58

15:06 He's empty of existing in the inherent ways that we see him as existing, which doesn't mean he's just a figment of my imagination, but Report an error in the passage at 15:06 Highlight the passage at 15:06

15:21 it does mean that my perception of him is based on my karma, which is based on my actions, Report an error in the passage at 15:21 Highlight the passage at 15:21

15:32 which are based on my mind. Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

15:39 And when my karma changes, my perception of him changes. Report an error in the passage at 15:39 Highlight the passage at 15:39

15:48 This is what's meant by karma ripening and then exhausting. It's like we have this limited, actually an infinite number of karmic seeds and imprints. When conditions come together, they ripen into some experience, good or bad. But when the seeds run out, that karma's done, finished, sometimes in a second. Report an error in the passage at 15:48 Highlight the passage at 15:48

16:24 And of course that person might be changing moment to moment, but if he suddenly turns into somebody wonderful for us, which can happen, it doesn't mean that at one point he was inherently horrible and at the next moment he was inherently wonderful. Report an error in the passage at 16:24 Highlight the passage at 16:24

16:48 Our karma to see him as horrible simply ended and our karma to see him as wonderful began. From Report an error in the passage at 16:48 Highlight the passage at 16:48

17:12 our side, he's the creation of our own karma. He's a karmic agent. From his side, he's a complex creation of his own karma. Report an error in the passage at 17:12 Highlight the passage at 17:12

17:26 And he probably doesn't see himself the way you're seeing him now. Report an error in the passage at 17:26 Highlight the passage at 17:26

17:41 And once we learn the secret to Buddhism, which is to stop reacting to difficult people in angry, violent ways, which is the way we normally do, then we stop creating the karma to meet them again. Report an error in the passage at 17:41 Highlight the passage at 17:41

18:02 And the best way to get rid of the people we don't like Is to realize that we've created them karmically and to be kind to them. Report an error in the passage at 18:02 Highlight the passage at 18:02

18:19 This is what makes these teachings incredibly radical and difficult to practice. Report an error in the passage at 18:19 Highlight the passage at 18:19

18:34 But this is really what practice is. Report an error in the passage at 18:34 Highlight the passage at 18:34

18:48 By not rejecting these difficult people and continually treating them with kindness and love and compassion as much as we can, we can actually get enlightened. Report an error in the passage at 18:48 Highlight the passage at 18:48

19:08 And this is why he's a precious treasure. Report an error in the passage at 19:08 Highlight the passage at 19:08

19:14 He's precious to me because he shows me my own mind. He shows me where I need to work. He helps me practice patience and compassion. And he takes me all the way to enlightenment. Report an error in the passage at 19:14 Highlight the passage at 19:14

19:45 When others, out of jealousy, mistreat me with abuse, slander and so on, I will practice accepting defeat and offer the victory to them. Report an error in the passage at 19:45 Highlight the passage at 19:45

20:05 So think about your own life. Report an error in the passage at 20:05 Highlight the passage at 20:05

20:11 Think about where this might arise. Report an error in the passage at 20:11 Highlight the passage at 20:11

20:17 Somebody criticizing you, maybe saying things about you to somebody else. Report an error in the passage at 20:17 Highlight the passage at 20:17

20:30 Remember here that this verse is just telling us to keep our eye on the bigger goal, not this petty little situation that we're caught up in. Report an error in the passage at 20:30 Highlight the passage at 20:30

20:44 So basically we're giving up some unimportant little battle for total enlightenment. We get distracted by these little... Incidents that happen in our lives that could actually teach us things, could teach us the way out. Report an error in the passage at 20:44 Highlight the passage at 20:44

21:12 Most of us normally respond to anger with anger or violence with violence, which only escalates the problem and Report an error in the passage at 21:12 Highlight the passage at 21:12

21:28 has no bearing on, has no relationship to karma. Report an error in the passage at 21:28 Highlight the passage at 21:28

21:38 It's much better to suffer the defeat and allow that other person the victory. That finishes the karma, plants the positive seed for future happiness and Report an error in the passage at 21:38 Highlight the passage at 21:38

21:57 creates that habit to respond in a positive way. This is going for the longer view. Report an error in the passage at 21:57 Highlight the passage at 21:57

22:11 So we create this mantra, remember karma, change how you react. Remember karma, change how you react. We have to get to the point where it's second nature for us to remember that my karma caused this situation. Report an error in the passage at 22:11 Highlight the passage at 22:11

22:40 Karma isn't just the big stuff that happens to us, it's everything. It's the boss criticizing you now in front of you. It's a roommate complaining about how you never pick up after yourself. Report an error in the passage at 22:40 Highlight the passage at 22:40

22:56 It's all karmic appearance, which again doesn't mean that it's not happening, Report an error in the passage at 22:56 Highlight the passage at 22:56

23:05 but it's not happening the way we think it is. Report an error in the passage at 23:05 Highlight the passage at 23:05

23:12 The Buddha taught that our minds are distorting the facts and confusing us, and that confusion or that ignorance is what keeps us in suffering. Report an error in the passage at 23:12 Highlight the passage at 23:12

23:28 Our blaming mind, our criticizing mind, our negative mind is what created the situation. This is resulting in these people around us right now. Report an error in the passage at 23:28 Highlight the passage at 23:28

23:45 When we change our response, it changes the people in our lives, ultimately. Report an error in the passage at 23:45 Highlight the passage at 23:45

24:01 So when defensiveness arises, try to remember karma. Stop. Remember karma. Change your reaction. Report an error in the passage at 24:01 Highlight the passage at 24:01

24:17 Maybe some of the criticism is accurate. And you can use it on a conventional level. Report an error in the passage at 24:17 Highlight the passage at 24:17

24:28 But usually we give it too much weight. We want to win. We want to be right. We want to be seen as right. Report an error in the passage at 24:28 Highlight the passage at 24:28

24:39 What if we kept our eyes on the prize, the bigger goal? Report an error in the passage at 24:39 Highlight the passage at 24:39

24:53 Usually what keeps us from doing this is our ego mind, our self-cherishing mind. Report an error in the passage at 24:53 Highlight the passage at 24:53

25:02 And Rinpoche always talks about how problems that come to us, especially criticism, helps us chop up our ego mind. Report an error in the passage at 25:02 Highlight the passage at 25:02

25:16 So maybe the next time this happens, remember karma but also use whatever's happening to chop up, destroy that ego mind. Report an error in the passage at 25:16 Highlight the passage at 25:16

25:29 That's the mind that gets defensive and fights back. That's the mind that wants to win. Report an error in the passage at 25:29 Highlight the passage at 25:29

25:41 Sometimes we get scared that someone's going to take advantage of us. But if people take advantage of us, it means that we've created the karma in the past with our actions. Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

25:55 By taking advantage of others. Once we change that karma, people won't take advantage of us. We have to stop working on a conventional level. Report an error in the passage at 25:55 Highlight the passage at 25:55

26:12 We don't win by fighting against people. Report an error in the passage at 26:12 Highlight the passage at 26:12

26:20 And in fact as baby bodhisattvas, we're swearing our lives to serve others, to help others, to work for others, to give them everything. Report an error in the passage at 26:20 Highlight the passage at 26:20

26:37 And this is actually what gives us total happiness. Report an error in the passage at 26:37 Highlight the passage at 26:37

26:47 So let's motivate tonight's class to being able to apply some of these teachings in our lives right now. The next time that difficult person arises in front of us or somebody criticizes us or slanders us, that we're able to offer the victory, that we can remember karma, that we can use it as a teaching as Rinpoche always says. Report an error in the passage at 26:47 Highlight the passage at 26:47

27:25 That we can learn about our own minds and where we need work. May Report an error in the passage at 27:25 Highlight the passage at 27:25

27:35 we be able to take these problems as the fuel that shoots us all the way to enlightenment for the benefit of every living being. Report an error in the passage at 27:35 Highlight the passage at 27:35

27:56 As you're ready, you can end your meditation and we'll start with the opening prayer. Report an error in the passage at 27:56 Highlight the passage at 27:56

28:18 We'll also do the eight verses. Report an error in the passage at 28:18 Highlight the passage at 28:18

28:25 Page eight is the opening prayer and then a few more pages are the eight verses. Report an error in the passage at 28:25 Highlight the passage at 28:25

28:36 With the wish to free all beings, I shall always go for refuge to Buddha, Dharma and Saṅgha until I reach full enlightenment. Inspired by wisdom and compassion, today in the Buddha's presence, I generate the mind of full awakening, the benefit of all sentient beings. As long as space remains, as long as sentient beings remain, Until then, may I too remain and dispel the miseries of the world. Report an error in the passage at 28:36 Highlight the passage at 28:36

29:17 With the thought of attaining enlightenment for the welfare of all beings, who are more precious than a wish-fulfilling jewel, I will constantly practice holding them dear. Whenever I am with others, I will practice seeing myself as the lowest of all, and from the very depths of my heart, I will respectfully hold others as supreme. In all actions, I will examine my mind, and the moment a disturbing attitude arises, endangering myself and others, I will firmly confront and avert it. Report an error in the passage at 29:17 Highlight the passage at 29:17

29:52 Whenever I meet a person of bad nature who is overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering, I will hold such a rare one dear, as if I had found a precious treasure. When others, out of jealousy, mistreat me with abuse, slander and so on, I will practice accepting defeat and offer the victory to them. Report an error in the passage at 29:52 Highlight the passage at 29:52

30:17 When someone I have benefited and in whom I have placed great trust hurts me very badly, I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher. In short, I will offer directly and indirectly every benefit and happiness to all beings, my mothers. I will practice in secret, taking upon myself all their harmful actions and sufferings. Report an error in the passage at 30:17 Highlight the passage at 30:17

30:44 Without these practices being defiled by the stains of the eight worldly concerns, by perceiving all phenomenon as illusory, I will practice without grasping to release all beings. From the bondage of the disturbing, unsubdued mind and karma. Report an error in the passage at 30:44 Highlight the passage at 30:44

31:06 Seems like every time I read them now, they just seem even more dense. That would be an interesting project to teach this over eight months and have a whole month on each verse. Amazing. So check in. Do people have anything that's been coming up for them about the verses that you've been working on or Lojong? Report an error in the passage at 31:06 Highlight the passage at 31:06

31:09 time. Report an error in the passage at 31:09 Highlight the passage at 31:09

31:34 Period. Report an error in the passage at 31:34 Highlight the passage at 31:34

31:38 Or maybe not, Lord John. Patience. We had a very interesting discussion last night in the Shantideva study group. It was just Anne and Fred and I talking about patience. It was really good, actually. I enjoyed it anyway, and it was good. Report an error in the passage at 31:38 Highlight the passage at 31:38

31:56 But yeah, anything? Yeah, well, Christine, could you pass that back? I'll take advantage and drink my tea really quick. Report an error in the passage at 31:56 Highlight the passage at 31:56

32:09 It might be in one of the low-down books that we're reading, but there's other teachings that remind you to not have bad companions or companions with negative qualities because they don't pull you down. Yeah, refuge and refuge. So where's the balance? Because this other one we're sort of... You still have them. Yeah, no, you're not looking for them, remember? Report an error in the passage at 32:09 Highlight the passage at 32:09

32:31 So that one comes up all the time too. We're not looking for additional problems or additional bad people. But unfortunately we haven't purified all their negative karma so they still come anyway. But if they're coming, we're supposed to... Where do you draw the line, like, I'm not accepting them as my companion, but I'm still... They might not even be a companion. It might be somebody on the bus. It might be somebody you have to work with on a team at work. Report an error in the passage at 32:31 Highlight the passage at 32:31

32:55 It could be your boss. I mean, you know what I mean? So it doesn't have to necessarily be somebody that you're choosing to spend a lot of time with, except if you want the job and this is what the boss's qualities are like. But it may not be somebody that you're inviting into your life in that way. It may not be somebody you're inviting into your life as a best friend or a partner. Report an error in the passage at 32:55 Highlight the passage at 32:55

33:13 But they may still come because we have the negative karma at this point to have people like that come. So this is just giving you a different way to look at them. So you're not going out of your way to collect bad people. But they still will come just because we have the negative karma still in our mind streams that create them. Report an error in the passage at 33:13 Highlight the passage at 33:13

33:32 Maybe I'm looking at the next verse where they're saying, here's this person who really does something bad. See them as your teacher. Yeah, let's wait until we get to that one. Yeah, let's not get ahead on that one. Report an error in the passage at 33:32 Highlight the passage at 33:32

33:43 Anybody else? Did you have one? Are you just doing the mic? Yeah. You were just picking it up with such a assertive, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 33:43 Highlight the passage at 33:43

33:59 What I understood is regarding Christine's question. I was looking for somebody that is close to me that I was seeing a different way. means I was thinking it's the person who is Making my life more difficult. But now I'm trying to see him as a person that is in my life because he wants to help me instead of making more difficult. Report an error in the passage at 33:59 Highlight the passage at 33:59

34:36 And it's my son's dad. It's a person that I didn't choose right now, but it's my karma because we have a son together. We're not together anymore, but we are together because we have to raise Daniel. And that's why it's start looking in a different way. Report an error in the passage at 34:36 Highlight the passage at 34:36

35:01 And of course, it's much easier to change my mind than change him because it's difficult to... It's impossible to think that we can change somebody's mind because it's not always the way that we were looking before. The reality is not that. It's always something good coming behind that. It's like the silver lining kind of. Report an error in the passage at 35:01 Highlight the passage at 35:01

35:37 Silver lining in a dark cloud. I don't know if you know that expression. I heard that before, but I didn't get all the information. Report an error in the passage at 35:37 Highlight the passage at 35:37

35:50 I heard that. No, I didn't. I didn't realize it was a Lojong talk. But yeah, I'm realizing now that it's easier to do and take responsibility. You know, do the work. Myself instead of waiting for him to do the work. It's because I'm in charge to handle things means it's easier that way. Yeah, it is ultimately. Although it doesn't seem like that at first, does it? No, it wasn't. In that way, it's working a little bit better now. Report an error in the passage at 35:50 Highlight the passage at 35:50

36:29 Of course, I'm still working to change this mind or transform this mind. That is, you know, with a lot of wrong information, wrong view for a long time. But it's much easier. I got the, means I feel more. Report an error in the passage at 36:29 Highlight the passage at 36:29

36:52 Like it's working better life, you know, instead of have the feelings like, oh, he made me lose my patience and all that kind of things. It's still working because there are certain points that I'm getting there again. It's actually comforting sometimes when you say that, Marcella, because otherwise I wonder who you are sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 36:52 Highlight the passage at 36:52

37:12 But yeah, it's not all at once. It's just a little step at a time. It's a little by little. But it's helping me a lot, the verses, because giving me the information, what is next to practice or what I have to do. It's so precious, the Dharma and all the teachings, because giving us the information that we need is up to us if we want to do it or not. Report an error in the passage at 37:12 Highlight the passage at 37:12

37:42 That's a quote from the Buddha, by the way. That's what the Buddha actually said, I give you all of this and what you do with it is up to you, which I love that quote. Yeah, and it's very precious, you know, and of course I feel happy because at least I'm trying. To do the changes that I need to do and transform things that I need to do. It's a long way to go. I know that. Report an error in the passage at 37:42 Highlight the passage at 37:42

38:10 But at least today I am having the opportunity and I really appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Thank you. That's a great example of somebody. So you see that, well, I guess she is choosing to work with him in a way because Daniel's there and I guess she could kidnap Daniel and take him to another state. Report an error in the passage at 38:10 Highlight the passage at 38:10

38:28 Sorry. She isn't really going to do that. But otherwise, her karma has sort of created this relationship, so she's deciding to apply these teachings in this particular, just because this is the situation and the relationship is not harmonious at this point. It may be becoming again, but it's not... A harmonious relationship at this point. So she's trying to apply these teachings to try to look at him in a different way. This is a good example because sometimes we find ourselves in situations where, I mean, obviously in a relationship. Report an error in the passage at 38:28 Highlight the passage at 38:28

39:06 Things change, karma shifts, probably at the beginning of your relationship you got along fine and you may again further down the line. He's a good example of a friend-enemy-stranger in one person. And we all have those friend-enemy-strangers with people that we interrelate with, whatever that relationship is. But that's a really good example. Report an error in the passage at 39:06 Highlight the passage at 39:06

39:29 Great example of that. Christine, yeah. We have to have you sit closer to Marcella next time. I think I was thinking of examples where there's a choice, because if you have a boss and you can't switch your job, it's not a choice. If you're co-parenting, it's not really an option. There's so many people in our lives that we can walk away from before we can choose to work with. And for that, it's different. Report an error in the passage at 39:29 Highlight the passage at 39:29

39:53 I think that's when we get to that, where we have discussed in some of the other classes, I check my skill level. Maybe my skill level isn't to this point where I can continue to work with this person or live with this person or relate if I actually am involved with this person or something. Then it's not that any person, ultimately these teachings can be practiced with all kinds of people, but my level may not be to the point where I can work with this person. Report an error in the passage at 39:53 Highlight the passage at 39:53

40:21 And for me the wisest thing might be to leave the relationship. So there is a difference there. Ultimately, Ultimately, I would like to become a high-level bodhisattva and be able to work with anybody, bar none, but I'm not at that point yet. So that's what free will is. But knowing that it's not that this person is inherently evil, it's my mind hasn't developed to the point where I can be with this person, if there's a choice. Report an error in the passage at 40:21 Highlight the passage at 40:21

40:53 These teachings are more... That can be a wisdom kind of a teaching, or even a compassion kind of a teaching. But these teachings apply more when we're kind of stuck with somebody. And it's like, okay, how can I still work with this in a dharmic way to help me expand my heart and mind? because I Got to come to work anyway, and the boss is kind of messed up and whatever. I keep saying this about him, I have a great boss. But a lot of, I remember when I was originally learning these, one of my teachers had a boss and he always used him as an example. Report an error in the passage at 40:53 Highlight the passage at 40:53

41:31 So a lot of those boss examples, but I've always been pretty fortunate with bosses. But yeah, I think that's a good example. Sometimes you can't just leave a job, so you have to make that one work. Sometimes you can't leave a brother or a sister, you know, a sibling, a parent. And sometimes you can't make that work either, but sometimes you can by using some of these teachings too. Report an error in the passage at 41:31 Highlight the passage at 41:31

41:52 Especially if you only see them once a year or something like that. Yeah. Anybody else? Oh, Jessica. Report an error in the passage at 41:52 Highlight the passage at 41:52

42:03 I just want to ask a clarifying question. Because I'm making an assumption about the verse about Offer the Victory to other people. That is applying to sort of, well, let me phrase this differently. So in a situation where you feel like there's an ethical or moral decision or something that you feel like is you need to do a certain way, right, and someone is sort of opposing you on that, you don't want to offer the victory to them necessarily because that would be against, you know, going in a direction that is not consistent with your... Report an error in the passage at 42:03 Highlight the passage at 42:03

42:44 Beliefs, right? About ethical or moral behavior or something like that. I think so. Could you give me an example? Well, so, or like, I guess my question is really, is it about having a sort of... It's more about petty stuff. The mind, like having a mind, a subdued mind when you don't offer the victory, right? If you have a reason to not, to kind of... Report an error in the passage at 42:44 Highlight the passage at 42:44

43:03 Stand your ground about something. Your boss wants to pollute the river and you're like, yeah. And you're saying, I disagree with this. So is it really the catch there about having the subdued mind and not having like a mind of anger and irritation in dealing with that? I think it's having a motivation out of compassion. So if your motivation for not wanting the boss to pollute the river, say in that situation, then if your motivation is to try to... Report an error in the passage at 43:03 Highlight the passage at 43:03

43:29 saves any beings lives and him too I think you need to do whatever you can to keep that from happening because it's lives that will be lost, right? And then his karma will be... Whether he understands karma or not, you are doing it from that standpoint. Rather than screaming and crying and having an incredibly agitated mind and doing it out of anger and hoping he goes to hell forever. Report an error in the passage at 43:29 Highlight the passage at 43:29

44:00 Right, so having a good motivation and using skillful means to try to achieve your outcome. So that's the way I've been interpreting it for those situations. Knowing, of course, that saṃsāra is as it is and that he still may end up. up polluting the river right after all that just like when we do political work now we cannot we do it with this mind as much of compassion as we can but with this understanding that saṃsāra is pretty messed up and that we we not as a whole group we may not have enough karma to make this thing happen but we have to do everything in our power to make it happen you know So it's kind of like that. You're trying to do it with as little... Report an error in the passage at 44:00 Highlight the passage at 44:00

44:42 With as least attachment to the outcome as you can and with a mind of motivation and of compassion. For goodness and for the benefit of... I mean, it makes it so much more complicated to do political work now, doesn't it? But yes, that's a good point. So I think in that situation, you just have to keep checking your mind all the time. Report an error in the passage at 44:42 Highlight the passage at 44:42

45:04 Yeah, I mean, I guess in a sense you offer the victory in the sense that you don't fight them back. If they're coming at you with anger, you don't give them that... Response back, but that doesn't mean that you necessarily cave into their side or their opinion or their viewpoint, right? So it's kind of, is that? And I think this is more talking about, you know, when others out of jealousy, and jealousy isn't always brought in in all the translations, so I'm not entirely sure if that's right. Report an error in the passage at 45:04 Highlight the passage at 45:04

45:33 But anyway, when others mistreat me with abuse, slander and so on. So think. It doesn't always have to be physical. That's why I always think of criticism and all that stuff. So that's less than when others decide to destroy a river. I think that's a bigger issue. And this one is more like, almost all of these are talking about stuff that literally could happen to us. Every one of these verses, something in it could happen to us every single day. Report an error in the passage at 45:33 Highlight the passage at 45:33

46:01 And it wouldn't necessarily be an enormous moral dilemma. It would just be. You know, somebody going, Jessica, you always leave your shoes in the middle of the doorway or something like that. It's like work situations where I feel like this, you know, with good motivation, I feel like this is the right path. Report an error in the passage at 46:01 Highlight the passage at 46:01

46:18 And somebody, you know, comes along and is like, no, I'm going to put these 10 obstacles there. And instead of sort of just giving in to that, I'm trying to find. Skillful means to continue on the path that I believe to be right. I mean, obviously I still have a polluted mind and maybe my beliefs are wrong, but I sort of am trying to act with the best motivation possible. Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18

46:40 And that's all you can do. So it's just that's what I was kind of struggling with. I was like, there's an interesting thing about victory and stuff. So I was trying to figure out how to, I wanted to make sure that I was... Yeah, yeah. You know, that's developing your wisdom. And at our level, wisdom, a lot of it has to do with beginning to understand karma and emptiness for sure, but it's also developing skillful means. Report an error in the passage at 46:40 Highlight the passage at 46:40

47:05 And at our level, and I'm saying all of us all the way up to the eighth level of bodhisattva, when we have a direct perception of emptiness as well, then we mess up a lot. I mean, there's stories of, there's actually this one story of... Ananda, who was one of the Buddha's disciples, a monk came to them and wanted to become, actually he wasn't a monk yet, so a man, a very old man came and wanted to become a monk and Ananda kind of did a clairvoyant check. Report an error in the passage at 47:05 Highlight the passage at 47:05

47:40 It was like, there's no benefit, you're going to be dead in a few years. And this poor old guy went off and he was actually going to commit suicide. He was so distraught, he was really upset. And the Buddha came up and did this bigger check because he was enlightened. So he was able to tell like his whole karmic. Report an error in the passage at 47:40 Highlight the passage at 47:40

47:54 What would work for him? And so he said, no, no, you know, Ananda doesn't know. He's not perfect. I'm paraphrasing. I'm sure he said, barely unto you or something like that. But he made him a monk and he was able to, I think he lived like 10 more years and he became an arhat or something like that. That was a story to just sort of show that even with the best motivation and intentions, we still screw up until we get really high up. But we still have to do it. Report an error in the passage at 47:54 Highlight the passage at 47:54

48:25 We still have to try. Yeah, we still have to try. So, yeah. Yeah, good point. Anybody? Anybody else? Oh, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 48:25 Highlight the passage at 48:25

48:41 So I had a lot of opportunity this last week and continue to practice. Report an error in the passage at 48:41 Highlight the passage at 48:41

48:53 And, uh... Totally feel grateful for all the Dharma and all the tools because I would have made such a hot mess out of the situation without these things to reflect upon. And in the midst of these emotions of, you know, like when something happens and it doesn't feel right, someone's angry or disrespectful or Says something that seems wacko and, you know, inside of me I can have this reaction to just want to look at them with like laser eyes and this big voice and obliterate everything about them, you know. Report an error in the passage at 48:53 Highlight the passage at 48:53

49:48 But then to kind of step back and see that it may have nothing to do with me. Like when a person acts that way, where is it coming from? Report an error in the passage at 49:48 Highlight the passage at 49:48

50:03 You know, how hurt are they? How hurt have they been? You know, how scared are they? For years from years ago, where did that come from? And when someone's really angry and it hurts me, that's hard, you know, for me to just say, I'm going to look at them. You know, I want to see them and love them. Not just be like, who the heck, you know, that is like where I am, first step, you know, but just, well, and see reality, see this person for who they are. Report an error in the passage at 50:03 Highlight the passage at 50:03

50:51 It's not maybe about me right then, you know. So yeah, I think with a work situation it can be harder because we're trying to contribute to something greater than ourselves. And we want to have a shared vision, but we find out it's not shared. And we want to assert the best of ourselves. And we want the best of them. And we're like, what are you saying? And that's hard. And at work, we're under a pressure cooker right now. Report an error in the passage at 50:51 Highlight the passage at 50:51

51:35 And it's funny because it's a big project about democracy and the culture of... Civic discourse and it's so loaded, you know, the civic discourse out there in the world today and then trying to get our project done, we're like, there's like tears at time and arguments and it's for a really noble cause and to just step back at times and say, you know what, it's not, it doesn't have to be perfect. Report an error in the passage at 51:35 Highlight the passage at 51:35

52:09 You know, this... It doesn't like I'm going to give my best and other people are giving their best and it may not be what I want right now, but it is their best. Like I don't have to take them out. But we go there. Yeah. You know, so I don't know. That's it. Report an error in the passage at 52:09 Highlight the passage at 52:09

52:39 Boy, is it ever. Yeah, yeah. Life is big sometimes. As Judson Chokyi always says, life is big. Yeah. And, you know, and it doesn't always have to be at the times that we think life is big, because usually she'll use that, you know. Report an error in the passage at 52:39 Highlight the passage at 52:39

53:01 Somebody has a diagnosis or somebody, you know, is dying or something like that. Sometimes it's just interrelationships with human beings are big, you know. And sometimes it is that ability to step back one time in your life and to see that person and to think, okay, wow, this has brought up something really big for him. Report an error in the passage at 53:01 Highlight the passage at 53:01

53:26 It's not about me. Okay, how can I love this person right now? You know, that's huge. I think that's huge. Yeah. So these are not easy little lessons in these verses. They're really asking us to be bigger than we are. And maybe we're not there yet, but that's why they're training. I mean, that's why it's called, you know, the eight verses of mine, training. Report an error in the passage at 53:26 Highlight the passage at 53:26

53:51 Like, we're getting there, you know. This is like our ladder. This is our training ground to get there, to become bigger and bigger and bigger. Report an error in the passage at 53:51 Highlight the passage at 53:51

54:02 Yeah, so this is great. Thanks, you guys. Anybody else? Anything else? Wait, talking stick coming back. Report an error in the passage at 54:02 Highlight the passage at 54:02

54:15 Just kind of adding on to what she was talking about. If I'm understanding the reading correctly, that first part is being able to step back and saying, it's not me, there's something else going on with this person and his karma. But does the reading also say that? This is coming up for me because of my karma. Yes, yeah. So it's his karma, but it's my karma. Report an error in the passage at 54:15 Highlight the passage at 54:15

54:44 Karma is way complex, yeah. And David could be watching the two of you and have a completely different, he'll just be like, you know, well, whatever, you know, just go back to work. Report an error in the passage at 54:44 Highlight the passage at 54:44

54:55 I mean, yeah, karma is really, really complex. You know, I'm just mentioning karma and emptiness because it's a big part of this particular verse and it's a big part of all of our interactions. But I think what Ann was saying was, you know, to step back and try to hold some compassion for the person at the very moment that they're pissing you off the most or that they're the biggest challenge for you, which is huge. Report an error in the passage at 54:55 Highlight the passage at 54:55

55:19 But moms do it, so it is possible, right? Because most of us have been a pain in the butt or parents, period, you know. Most of us have been throwing a tantrum in a store or something. Report an error in the passage at 55:19 Highlight the passage at 55:19

55:31 Some moms don't react very well, but then some other parents or carers or whatever are able to see, oh, she didn't get her nap. Okay, I'll make sure she gets home, you know. So it's kind of like asking us to be moms in that situation. It's like we're being a mom to this person who's acting out, who's having a tantrum. Report an error in the passage at 55:31 Highlight the passage at 55:31

55:53 And when you're able to sort of do that, it gives you a little bit more space around it, you know. If it helps, imagine that person in diapers, you know, and just kind of have some love for that person, you know, because you've been in diapers too for somebody else. I can almost guarantee, unless you guys are like way more advanced than me, I've definitely been in diapers for somebody else, you know. And I was appreciative of the times that that person was able to... Report an error in the passage at 55:53 Highlight the passage at 55:53

56:20 To step back, be kind, hear me out and love me the next day. When you're feeling like, oh God, I can't believe I did that. Report an error in the passage at 56:20 Highlight the passage at 56:20

56:31 That feels better because I started reading Rinpoche's book and I had to put it down. I was so totally overwhelmed because it seemed like it was saying, whether it's good, whether it's bad, whether it's this, whether it's that, it's all your karma. Report an error in the passage at 56:31 Highlight the passage at 56:31

56:48 I mean, I understand taking responsibility, but oh my gosh, I was totally overwhelmed. And I'm really new at this. Yeah, and that's the hard thing, because these are a little bit more advanced teachings. I felt real frustrated, actually, with the book. And I've been taking it to work every day. I take BART back and forth to work. Report an error in the passage at 56:48 Highlight the passage at 56:48

57:15 I can just lose myself in the book, but there was one page that I read over, I must have read it over eight times, ten times, still trying to understand it and get it. A little bit seeps in, but boy, he's been tough. Report an error in the passage at 57:15 Highlight the passage at 57:15

57:33 Well, did you want to? Okay, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait till you get the talking stick. Report an error in the passage at 57:33 Highlight the passage at 57:33

57:43 With the karma thing. With the karma. Mentioning, this is my first class, so I'm probably going to have to wait seven years before I take the karma class. It was your first DB class, but you grew up Buddhist, right? Right. So you don't get off the hook that is. Report an error in the passage at 57:43 Highlight the passage at 57:43

58:09 So I'm struggling with the concept of karma, too. And actually, I pulled out books from... I was like, I'm watching you. Report an error in the passage at 58:09 Highlight the passage at 58:09

58:17 The sect of Buddhism I was raised in and reading about karma as action and good karma as things that bring you to spiritual enlightenment. So bad things could bring you, oftentimes do bring you to a greater awareness and then would be described as good karma. But I'm not quite sure with, when I'm reading karma, I'm like, it can feel fatalistic. And I'm wondering if that's how... Report an error in the passage at 58:17 Highlight the passage at 58:17

58:46 Karma is constantly shifting because karma is a working of the mind. So if we're constantly creating more and more and more karma, like every moment we're creating, like just imagine like they say like 65 finger snaps per moment. That's how much karma we're creating. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. We're constantly creating more and more karma. So karma, just like fuel in the tank, it wears out. Report an error in the passage at 58:46 Highlight the passage at 58:46

59:11 So we create karma. But karma is constantly shifting depending on what went into the tank to begin with. But then sometimes it's just completely exhaust. For example, think of all the places you've ever lived and left. The karma for that place ended. The karma for certain relationships ended. Most of us got to just leave the relationship and not continue to work with a person for 25 years. Report an error in the passage at 59:11 Highlight the passage at 59:11

59:37 The karma for liking certain tastes ended and other karma. You know, replaced it and those might end. Those will end at some point. The karma for this body and this life will end. You know, it's just karma that exhausts. The tank runs out. We call it death. But from a Buddhist point of view, it's just the karma for this body, this life, this identity ends. The karma for the next life begins. Report an error in the passage at 59:37 Highlight the passage at 59:37

1:00:03 So it's just constantly, it's like energy shifting. It's like a physics in a way. It's like energy shifting all the time and things creating and things falling apart and it's just constantly movement and shifting and stuff. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:03 Highlight the passage at 1:00:03

1:00:17 Yes, it's true. I created all the karma to have the experiences that I'm having right now, which is, you know, I'm facing this way, a room full of people facing this way, and I'm like surrounded by all these colors and lights and I like them. This happens to be something that I think of as a positive experience, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:17 Highlight the passage at 1:00:17

1:00:35 But I'm also having a negative experience in that I'm very, very tired today and blah, blah, blah. And so I'm having a mixed karmic experience right now. And each one of you is having one too. So karma is everything that we're experiencing, but it's not like blame and it's not destiny. So it's neither of those things. It's just that we are and we have and we will continue to create all these different things. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:35 Highlight the passage at 1:00:35

1:01:05 Karmas, like almost imagine seeds just being planted in our mindstream all the time. And then they're firing off as conditions come together and that firing off creates experience. That's all it is. So it's not like blame. It's not like you're at fault, you know, for anything. We've added that in the West. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:05 Highlight the passage at 1:01:05

1:01:24 It becomes a little bit more like that in the West. It's not like that in the East. Yeah, and it's not like that at all. It's actually very empowering. I think the teachings on karma are hugely empowering because now I can create the life I want, what I want to have happen. Of course, I've got to clear up some crap, you know, from many lifetimes, like limitless. But, you know, ultimately I can shift the way things are going. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:24 Highlight the passage at 1:01:24

1:01:52 So I find it very empowering. But it's also a nice surprise every time the, how do we say it, The being of bad nature pops up because I created him too or her too. Yeah, but I do see, you know, that those teachings that are like, you know, if you don't like the people that are surrounding you. In the karma classes we do these quizzes and we find out, you know, sort of what our biggest problems are and the karma that creates them and then we decide to start tackling those. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:52 Highlight the passage at 1:01:52

1:02:25 those causes and It's so practical and I really love those kinds of teachings because we don't have to accept. I may be in a situation now that I'm surrounded by whatever, people that criticize me all the time or people that complain in period all the time or maybe I have really bad money karma or whatever is my current. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:25 Highlight the passage at 1:02:25

1:02:51 problem or many problems usually pick out a few just to You can see what the karmic causes are and then you just start actively really working on that in your life and see if there's shifts. And every time you do those quizzes... I like to do them like a couple of times a year and just see if I've seen a change. And I always see a change. Like at first, everyone's picking like there's like nine things to work on. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:51 Highlight the passage at 1:02:51

1:03:14 You're kind of overwhelmed by the end of the class. But after a while, you just come down to like one or two and they just are coming up and they're still coming up. But all the other ones have kind of gotten better. And so then I'm kind of like, oh, well, this is kind of cool. Yeah, this is much better than last spring, you know. So, yeah, so I got to get that karma class on there. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:14 Highlight the passage at 1:03:14

1:03:34 On the program for you. Yeah, yeah. But karma is actually, it's just explanatory for why things are existing in a certain way. It's just another way of explaining creation of reality. It's just, we don't have a creator God. You know, we are it. So in that sense, it's very empowering too. Even the crap. Because then we can own it and then we can work on fixing it. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:34 Highlight the passage at 1:03:34

1:04:00 Then I'm not always just thinking that somebody else made this and poor me and, you know, woe is me and all that stuff. So it gives me that kind of more empowered feeling. But, yeah, good point. Some good points. Sure. We should just always have, like, one class. It's just all Q &A and discussion, I think. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:00 Highlight the passage at 1:04:00

1:04:23 All right. Let's talk about the sixth verse. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:23 Highlight the passage at 1:04:23

1:04:31 And then we'll take a break. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:31 Highlight the passage at 1:04:31

1:04:35 Because this one's going to get into two parts. One of them is how we deal with a particular type of person in our life. Somebody who we've maybe done something a lot for or somebody that we've placed a lot of trust in and then they suddenly turn on us. It's like these situations are getting more and more difficult. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:35 Highlight the passage at 1:04:35

1:05:00 But then we're also going to talk about the teacher, the role of the teacher, and what a teacher is, because this one's actually saying that we see that person as a teacher. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:00 Highlight the passage at 1:05:00

1:05:12 When someone I have benefited and in whom I have placed great trust hurts me very badly, I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:12 Highlight the passage at 1:05:12

1:05:25 So normally when we do something for somebody, we do some kindness or do something for somebody, we might expect... Kindness in return. Often we will get it in return. But this one's saying that if harm is returned instead, then we see that person like a guru because they're helping us to practice patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:25 Highlight the passage at 1:05:25

1:05:54 But actually, in reality, one of the first lessons of this verse is we shouldn't really be doing something really nice expecting something nice in return. So that's the first one. We should just be nice. We should just be kind. That's the first one. We shouldn't be doing things with expectation of anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:54 Highlight the passage at 1:05:54

1:06:17 One of the other things this verse is saying is that if somebody is ungrateful or worse, we should show them even greater kindness. We should be even nicer than if they were fawning all over us and telling us how wonderful we were. you know Report an error in the passage at 1:06:17 Highlight the passage at 1:06:17

1:06:37 And again, this one is going to bring up the practice of patience. So we'll have even more things to discuss on the Wednesday. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:37 Highlight the passage at 1:06:37

1:06:49 With patience, with everything else in the Dharma, we definitely need a teacher. But with patience, we need an enemy. We need an annoying person. We need somebody who is hard to be around. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:49 Highlight the passage at 1:06:49

1:07:06 That's actually what we need to practice patience. If everybody is really nice to us all the time and really kind, we don't get a chance to practice patience. We don't get a chance to even prove it to ourselves that we can be patient with anybody. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:06 Highlight the passage at 1:07:06

1:07:23 And often we think, gosh, if this person was just nicer. You know, Report an error in the passage at 1:07:23 Highlight the passage at 1:07:23

1:07:27 Then I could get on to my work of helping others or, you know, right? We see that person as an obstacle to our practice or to our day or to our minute or to our moment at least. But actually, that enemy or that, you know, I'm calling that person an enemy. It doesn't have to be an enemy with a huge E. It can be a lowercase enemy. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:27 Highlight the passage at 1:07:27

1:07:48 That person who's being negative or ungrateful or whatever. Isn't an obstacle. In fact, none of these problems are obstacles. Every one of them can be transformed into something else. And this is saying, in this case, this one is teaching us patience and kindness in the face of this lack of gratitude. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:48 Highlight the passage at 1:07:48

1:08:12 Patience, they say that, so we're going to talk a little bit about patience and why, because this keeps coming up. Why do we have to practice patience? They say that if our minds... Shantideva has all these, this is the most amazing chapter on patience, chapter 6 in Shantideva's Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:12 Highlight the passage at 1:08:12

1:08:32 He said that without patience our mind gets stiff and brittle like leather, but if we practice patience it becomes more and more workable and usable. So they actually have these big... Report an error in the passage at 1:08:32 Highlight the passage at 1:08:32

1:08:50 Bags that they carry, like saddlebags, and it's made out of leather, and if they aren't worked, then they become almost like a heart, you know, almost like a vessel, becomes more like a vessel. But if the butter is worked, they use butter, butter is worked into the leather, then it becomes more like the leather that we're used to seeing, which is more flexible. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:50 Highlight the passage at 1:08:50

1:09:12 And that's when our minds become more flexible and more usable if we practice patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:12 Highlight the passage at 1:09:12

1:09:19 Yeah, I know it's freezing in here. I keep forgetting. Does anybody know how to turn on the heat? All right. Well, it's all right. I'll be fine. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:19 Highlight the passage at 1:09:19

1:09:34 Thank you. No, it's okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:34 Highlight the passage at 1:09:34

1:09:39 I was out today and I got, you know, the 22 died in all the rain. So two of the 22s went down and I was waiting for a bus for like literally 40 minutes in that really bad rain at like 11 this morning. It was just, I came out, my robes were just so dark with water. It was just like, I haven't been able to get quite warm ever since. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:39 Highlight the passage at 1:09:39

1:10:04 Anyway, patience can be defined, and I think it's really important for us to know what they mean by patience. Patience isn't stiff upper lip, you know, because I think a lot of times we think patience means, I don't know, maybe Mother Teresa, maybe stiff upper lip, you know, the bombs falling and we're all like stoic in some way, I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:04 Highlight the passage at 1:10:04

1:10:24 Patience can be defined as a calm, virtuous mind that can bear hardship or harm without getting upset, right? Patience can be defined as a calm, virtuous mind that can bear hardship or harm without getting upset. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:24 Highlight the passage at 1:10:24

1:10:46 So it's got those two, it's got three, so that's three qualities. It's calm, it's virtuous, and it's bearing hardship or harm without getting upset. One of my teachers used to call patience the art of not getting angry when you have a right to. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:46 Highlight the passage at 1:10:46

1:11:07 The art of not getting angry when you have a right to, or when there's good cause. And we were talking about this last night too. It's kind of like you have to have this really, I think where the virtue comes in is you have to have this really strong resolve that I am going to be patient. Because, and we get to these next two points, I know the benefits of being patient and I know the detriments or the disadvantages of getting angry. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:07 Highlight the passage at 1:11:07

1:11:36 And we have to spend some time studying those and we have to actually believe it. I think otherwise it's just we're just going through the motions. I'm going to be patient today, right. And then the first person that comes up against me, I'm like, you know, and I go at him. Because I forget that. It has to be something that I feel deep in my heart I want to eradicate from my mind stream. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:36 Highlight the passage at 1:11:36

1:11:58 I want to get rid of this anger and I want to develop this mind that's patient. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:58 Highlight the passage at 1:11:58

1:12:05 So the benefits of patience. They say that one of the benefits is that it's taught to be the karmic cause of beauty, an attractive personality in our next life. Peace of mind. That one can be in this life. I guess you could get more beautiful in this life. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:05 Highlight the passage at 1:12:05

1:12:28 Being close to holy beings. That's kind of an interesting one. And, of course, getting enlightened. Oh, yeah, that. Peace extends to everyone around us. Safety surrounds us. I love those. Lama Zopa's name means patience. Zopa is patience. It's actually super, but, you know, I got messed up when it came over. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:28 Highlight the passage at 1:12:28

1:12:54 That sense of safety surrounding him, you guys ought to see if you had the same reaction. I know for me that was really important to me. When I first met him, I really felt like there was a sense of safety sort of around him. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:54 Highlight the passage at 1:12:54

1:13:06 Those of you who know some of my background will know probably why that came from. I've mentioned a few times that I had a very angry father and stuff. And I think that safety in his presence really, really mattered to me. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:06 Highlight the passage at 1:13:06

1:13:20 But as I also have mentioned, you know that kind of, if an unsubdued mind, that kind of craziness that surrounds you with a really unsubdued mind, this is the opposite. So imagine the difference with a subdued patient mind versus this mind that constantly gets angry at every single thing that happens. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:20 Highlight the passage at 1:13:20

1:13:39 And even if it's not somebody violent, I think we've all seen or been a person like that, that the slightest thing upsets that person. And if you're traveling with somebody like that, it's just so exhausting, you know, like, or just spending a day with somebody like that. Every single thing that goes wrong is the worst thing. And there's just no peace. There's no peace on the whole trip, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:39 Highlight the passage at 1:13:39

1:14:05 So just imagine that. that sense of calm and safety that can surround you. The disadvantages of anger are many, many, and they go into quite a bit of detail in these teachings, and I won't spend so much time on it, but anger is said to be the worst of all the mental afflictions because it's like fire, they say, that it just ignites, you know, and it feels that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:05 Highlight the passage at 1:14:05

1:14:37 I think the times... Now I try to notice if I do get angry what that feels like and try to apply the teachings like, wow, it does feel like it's lighting me at my feet and going straight up through the top of my head, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:37 Highlight the passage at 1:14:37

1:14:52 But they say it's incredibly destructive and that it can destroy eons of positive karma in a moment. Especially if that object of that anger is a holy being. And how do we know who's a holy being? That's the problem. We aren't clairvoyant. We don't know really who's a holy being. So if we believe any of this, even a tiny bit, it becomes really important to us to not want this in our mind anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:52 Highlight the passage at 1:14:52

1:15:24 Because every time we give in to anger, we create the causes to give in to anger again. That's one of the problems with karma is that it creates that habit of thought. Every time that we're able to be patient, even for a moment, to hold back, oh, this is my karma, I don't want to hit him. Okay, I want to anyway. Usually one moment too far. But every moment we kind of are able to analyze it for a moment and be patient, we create the seeds of patience too. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:24 Highlight the passage at 1:15:24

1:15:51 So it works the positive too. So we sort of have to do a little bit of convincing ourselves on your chart, which I still highly advise. I had a great, I told my Kleisha attack story last night and I probably won't tonight, but I did have a Kleisha attack and I was able to remember, oh, this is a Kleisha attack. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:51 Highlight the passage at 1:15:51

1:16:12 And I pulled up my chart and I was able to diffuse it within, I went down, I think I got to the fourth thing and I was able to diffuse it. It wasn't anger actually, it was something else, but still. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:12 Highlight the passage at 1:16:12

1:16:23 The more that we're able to, the very first step on that chart, which I don't have a copy of it here, is convince yourself first of the disadvantages of the klesha, or the afflictive state of mind. So we have to spend some time doing that, and we don't have time to do all that in class, but there are teachings on all of the afflicted states of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:23 Highlight the passage at 1:16:23

1:16:51 And anger, there's tons of them. So if your big one is anger, if that's the one you're working on, then there are tons of reasons why it behooves us to get rid of it. And that's the very first step in there. Otherwise, you don't want to apply. It's like regret in the purification practices. If we don't want to get rid of it, then there's no reason to practice any of the rest of it to diffuse it and get rid of it, you know? Report an error in the passage at 1:16:51 Highlight the passage at 1:16:51

1:17:13 So we have to convince ourselves somehow that... Patience is holding us back. I mean, sorry, anger is holding us back. Not patience, not patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:13 Highlight the passage at 1:17:13

1:17:29 Anyway. And so patience has to be stronger than anger. And anger is really strong. Right? It's the strongest of all of them. It's hugely strong. And when we're angry, it pervades all of our minds. It becomes like this enormous... It's like imagine a wildfire if anybody was around when the Oakland fire was happening and how it just like spreads so quickly. It just like does that to our whole mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:29 Highlight the passage at 1:17:29

1:17:58 And in moments, our whole mind is just filled with anger. And all these other afflicted states of mind begin sort of marching in to help. Right? So all those other minds like jealousy and self-cherishing and, you know, pride. Yeah, pride's a big one. Pride comes up. All those, they just become marching out like this little army and under the control of anger, you know. And we have to try to catch it before it gets to that point. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:58 Highlight the passage at 1:17:58

1:18:29 So our patience and our resolve to practice patience has to be even stronger than that. When you think of it in those terms, it's like, oh wow. So this mind of patience has to be really actually very strong and courageous. It's not just like, oh wow. It's not like that. It can't just be like this little sweet, go ahead, march over me. It's got to be just as strong as anger. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:29 Highlight the passage at 1:18:29

1:18:52 It's like, no, I don't want to. I'm not going to go down this. Like I was saying, the only time she swore was at the mental afflictions. It's like, no, anger, I'm done with you. So there are three kinds of patience. Let's see how I get you going with the lists. Wake you up again at the end. The patience of learning not to get angry when we could. And this is actually talking about... Report an error in the passage at 1:18:52 Highlight the passage at 1:18:52

1:19:23 Usually it's with another person, refraining from acting in a negative way. And we do this by understanding karma and how karma works. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:23 Highlight the passage at 1:19:23

1:19:35 So the patience of learning not to get angry when we could. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:35 Highlight the passage at 1:19:35

1:19:42 The second one is the patience of accepting difficulties or hardship. That could be difficulties on a journey when you're traveling, sickness. You know, sometimes people just completely lose it over sickness. Like you don't have to practice Dharma when you're sick. And it's like, well, actually, it's a really good time to practice, you know, especially when you got one of those annoying kind of sicknesses, not like a big one where everyone's coming to visit, but just like a really kind of a gross cold. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:42 Highlight the passage at 1:19:42

1:20:10 Nobody wants to be near you. And so you just have to kind of just deal with it and, you know, accept it. That's that's a kind of patience. Patience of accepting difficulties or hardship. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:10 Highlight the passage at 1:20:10

1:20:21 But it can be all the way up. To the big illnesses, it could be losing your job. Everything that happens to us is an opportunity to practice patience. Having rain on a day when you'd rather it be sunny. And the patience of understanding and practicing the Dharma, which is sometimes referring to the difficulties on the path, like the ones that we're talking about in here. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:21 Highlight the passage at 1:20:21

1:20:49 Things happen to us because of our karma. And so how do we deal with it? Sometimes it's talking about actually the difficulty. Difficulties of practicing the Dharma, like the actual physical difficulties, like being freezing or, you know, meditating in a cave or something like that, having to eat sampah or something like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:49 Highlight the passage at 1:20:49

1:21:10 So remember that it's not just, it's not like repressing our anger, we were talking about that last week, but actually trying to analyze it, like really trying to analyze, where especially my favorite one is on the chart is when it's talking about... Searching for the faulty logic that my afflicted state of mind is using to get angry and to stay angry. Because it's always there. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:10 Highlight the passage at 1:21:10

1:21:38 It's always there. The highest form of patience is humility. And the reason for that is what's getting angry is that I, right? It's the ego that gets angry. It's that sense of me. How dare you, you know? How dare you, blah, blah, you know. So humility is what reduces the I, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:21:38 Highlight the passage at 1:21:38

1:22:08 So it's very connected to our ego, our identity, our sense of ourself. There's a story about Lama Atisha, who is, she lives here, it's okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:08 Highlight the passage at 1:22:08

1:22:26 That was great. That was great. Jumped up to welcome you, hand you a calendar. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:26 Highlight the passage at 1:22:26

1:22:35 Sarah, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Sarah. She just moved in upstairs. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:35 Highlight the passage at 1:22:35

1:22:44 That's okay. If you want to come in, you can. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:44 Highlight the passage at 1:22:44

1:22:51 There's stories of Lama Atisha, who is the Indian pendant who brought Buddhism to Tibet. The second time. And he kept, he had this one attendant who was very rude and complained all the time and difficult to be around. And all the other disciples were like, why don't you ditch this guy? This guy is so annoying. We don't need him. We've got enough of us. We'll take care of you. You don't need him. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:51 Highlight the passage at 1:22:51

1:23:17 And he always said, no, if I just had you guys, I couldn't practice patience. But with Tashi over here, I get to practice patience all the time. So I'm going to keep Tashi on, you know. I actually like that story because it shows that, and he also did these interesting things, and they talk about some of these great masters will go to marketplaces and stuff just to get jostled around, which normally makes you kind of pissed off, but they do it on purpose to kind of... Report an error in the passage at 1:23:17 Highlight the passage at 1:23:17

1:23:43 See how subdued they can keep their mind and like really busy, you know, if you go down to, for example, go down to the farmer's market like right at opening time and everybody's kind of pushing to try to get the best deals, they would purposefully put themselves in this situation to try to test their patience. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:43 Highlight the passage at 1:23:43

1:24:01 And that's why places like offices are such great places to practice and to practice our patients, because it's not so much the big stuff that happens, but it's lots of little stuff. And they say that all those little stuff that are surrounding group houses are really good for that too. If a person still exists who can upset us, it's the perfect barometer of the state of our own mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:01 Highlight the passage at 1:24:01

1:24:27 So if people are still upsetting us, then we haven't really reached our Dharma goals yet. So it kind of shows us where our minds are and where we need to work. So in this situation, again, the mantra, remember karma. My karma created this ungrateful, difficult person that I've just benefited in some amazing way. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:27 Highlight the passage at 1:24:27

1:24:53 They don't care and they're responding to all my kindness with nastiness. And when we talk about this second part of this teaching, when we talk about the role of the teacher, it's using this, remember the way that it's phrased, it's saying, I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher. Talking about making that person your teacher, it's talking about being able to see that person as if they are a teacher. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:53 Highlight the passage at 1:24:53

1:25:34 Just like when we use the expression seeing all things as if they were an illusion, it doesn't mean all things are an illusion. They're using it like a metaphor in that situation. So this person is acting as if they are a teacher. They don't have to become our teacher. So let's make that really clear. No, I think we need to make that really clear. And I promised you a break, actually. So I'm going to let you guys have a break really quick, and then we'll come back and we're going to end with just talking a little bit about the teacher, the role of the teacher. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:34 Highlight the passage at 1:25:34

1:26:05 Because it's really big, and we actually have an entire class on the role of the spiritual teacher. But it comes up in this verse, and I think it's worthwhile talking about a little bit before we end. So why don't we take a break? Ten minutes. You want to do the bell? Report an error in the passage at 1:26:05 Highlight the passage at 1:26:05

1:26:21 then Report an error in the passage at 1:26:21 Highlight the passage at 1:26:21

1:26:27 And you like to, I know you do. You're so good at it. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:27 Highlight the passage at 1:26:27

1:26:39 You came in just a little bit before the break. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:39 Highlight the passage at 1:26:39

1:26:44 But you can stay for the end if you want. We end at 9, so a half hour. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:44 Highlight the passage at 1:26:44

1:26:55 Okay, great. Yeah, that's okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:55 Highlight the passage at 1:26:55

1:26:52 getting it everywhere! I'm gonna go through this upstairs and I'll be back. Okay, great. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:52 Highlight the passage at 1:26:52

1:27:06 I would love more hot water. You can take the bag out and just do hot water. Thank you. Can Report an error in the passage at 1:27:06 Highlight the passage at 1:27:06

1:27:17 I use your pen? like, I appreciate it. Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 1:27:17 Highlight the passage at 1:27:17

1:27:30 Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, it gets to kind of the heart of it. Maybe you just pick them up, like, kind Report an error in the passage at 1:27:30 Highlight the passage at 1:27:30

1:27:46 or I mean, I'm not sure if public covers it all in essence. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:46 Highlight the passage at 1:27:46

1:28:04 there's no class next to that. No, there is class for this one. There's no study group. Not Wednesday. Yeah. Right. Okay. Because... Because otherwise we lose momentum in this class. So we just decide, I just decide, power through. I think I've got some time this weekend. Is there going to be a cleanup here? There is, yes, yes. I'm going to announce that, yeah. Okay, you'll announce the hours of it? Yeah, 10.30 to 4ish, something like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:04 Highlight the passage at 1:28:04

1:28:35 Yeah, that would be great. And actually we may have... What are your hours like next week? That's Report an error in the passage at 1:28:35 Highlight the passage at 1:28:35

1:28:56 both Saturday and Sunday. No, at this point it's just Saturday. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:56 Highlight the passage at 1:28:56

1:29:03 Next week the schedule is Wednesday. I'm thinking more like Wednesday or Thursday. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:03 Highlight the passage at 1:29:03

1:29:33 What hours would work for you? Just Saturday. I mean Report an error in the passage at 1:29:33 Highlight the passage at 1:29:33

1:29:11 I'm pretty sure Wednesday. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:11 Highlight the passage at 1:29:11

1:29:38 Wednesday? Yeah. That's the 23rd. Yeah. Um. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:38 Highlight the passage at 1:29:38

1:29:45 can either block out like two hours in the morning or in the afternoon. Okay, let me I'm gonna put it out and see if we could get like a couple other people people yeah cuz what it's for is at the door you know everyone will get a little prayer book and then they're gonna get like an envelope and inside the envelope it's like this size They're going to have a photograph of Lama Tsongkhapa, a deity card, meaning actually just a picture of Lama Tsongkhapa, who's the one who wrote the text that he's talking about, and the text itself will be folded and stuck in. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:45 Highlight the passage at 1:29:45

1:30:22 So that's what you guys will be doing. Just assemble those, yeah. So then at the door, when people get it, they don't have to drop the pictures on the floor and stuff. I'll tell you what, I have flexibility that day, so as long as it's not like a four or five hour thing. just check other people's schedule then I'll Okay, so either morning or afternoon or work. Okay, so I'll just call it out right after and we'll see if we can, even one more person would help and then we'll try to pull somebody from somewhere else. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:22 Highlight the passage at 1:30:22

1:30:50 How many packets are you that have? 200. How many pieces per packet? Text, text, it'll be an envelope, so it'll be text folded, it goes in, photograph and picture. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:50 Highlight the passage at 1:30:50

1:31:06 Yeah, I think it's probably... Yeah, three of you could definitely do it. I think probably two of you could probably do it if necessary. Thank you, that would be great. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:06 Highlight the passage at 1:31:06

1:31:31 Actually, maybe I'll go turn the heater on. Shh, don't tell anyone. it until you mentioned it was cold I didn't know I was feeling cold Report an error in the passage at 1:31:31 Highlight the passage at 1:31:31

1:31:43 We have two kitchens, actually. Yeah, there's 10 of us that live here currently. We've had as many as 11. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:43 Highlight the passage at 1:31:43

1:32:11 I think I was more like, you know, like if somebody does something, once I calm down, I can, I can kind of, I should see, but then there's sometimes, you know, you just have to get a choice and it's sort of like, how do you want to stay in a relationship? Thank you. good, how about yours? Report an error in the passage at 1:32:11 Highlight the passage at 1:32:11

1:33:06 Thank you. I mean, I don't, I don't have a, I don't have a, I don't have a, I guess I can. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:06 Highlight the passage at 1:33:06

1:33:47 Thank you. Thank you. It was a good one, you know. It's a lot harder. But it's a corp. Yeah. Yeah, it's really hard. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:47 Highlight the passage at 1:33:47

1:34:02 It's great. Oops. Oops. And I was like, good. See? I mean, but, you know, it's like each day, and it's just a little bit of a statement, right? So, I mean, he was like, you know, you can't see each other, and so you're a partner. Oh, you know, this is like a question. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:02 Highlight the passage at 1:34:02

1:34:33 That I hear you. So, you're coming. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:33 Highlight the passage at 1:34:33

1:34:41 you have hot water you have hot water okay good yeah Letting it cool down. Please do me a favor and put this on David's desk. Why I never bring a pen down. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:41 Highlight the passage at 1:34:41

1:34:55 Strange. Oh, by the way, I brought back your folder, but I still have your blue wire. Could you do me a favor, too, before you sit down and move that chair in the back away from the vent? I just turned the heat on. Do you know how to do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how to do it. You know how to do it. I live here. I live here, yeah. It's the big, the little one. Can I scoot this over a little? Report an error in the passage at 1:34:55 Highlight the passage at 1:34:55

1:35:21 Is anyone sitting in that one? I don't think they are, so I think you're all right. Yeah, exactly. That just allows it to release. Thank you for doing that. Oh my God, it's so cold. I know, today sounds like an awful day. I was like just standing there. And it was so, it was, the weirdest thing too is like there must have, one of the buses that broke down must have been like visible to me because I know when I ran to that stop, I saw the bus right there. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:21 Highlight the passage at 1:35:21

1:35:52 So I thought it was coming and coming and coming and coming and then after like 20 minutes I'm like... Maybe some other bus, but I don't think there's any other bus that goes on this line. You know, and I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. I mean, honestly, I didn't check the time entirely, but it was definitely more than a half hour. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:52 Highlight the passage at 1:35:52

1:36:08 So you just, how did you find out? Once we got on, then people were all talking about it. Because it was just like, we're all smashed in there, you know, and everyone's all wet, and you know, it's just, yeah. And there's nothing you could do. At least I could go home. I wasn't like having to go back to work or something, you know, that would be horrible. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:08 Highlight the passage at 1:36:08

1:36:26 I literally came in and like took a hot bath because I was just like so chill and I was like going to turn into Byron or something, one of those romantic poets who like caught a chill and then died or something. That's what I was afraid of. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:26 Highlight the passage at 1:36:26

1:36:42 Is it time? It's time. Start your dinging. Probably not quite yet. Oh come on, do it anyway. Four seconds. this. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:42 Highlight the passage at 1:36:42

1:36:52 time for you. It's time for you. Yeah. Do it anyway. I'm impatient. I'm going to wait for one second hour. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:52 Highlight the passage at 1:36:52

1:37:03 I Report an error in the passage at 1:37:03 Highlight the passage at 1:37:03

1:37:14 came up with all these ideas for other announcements. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:14 Highlight the passage at 1:37:14

1:37:25 I don't know that I will make an announcement about that. The only people that are really coming are the people that are already signed up. And you have stuff going on. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:25 Highlight the passage at 1:37:25

1:37:33 I think it could be even more chaotic if we have suddenly people showing up and don't have jobs. That's a good question. 6.30 to 8.30, I think. Isn't it 6.30 to 8.30? Monday. Monday, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:33 Highlight the passage at 1:37:33

1:37:51 These guys, are you guys both able to come? Yeah, I'm coming. And guess who your fourth is? Gina. Do you guys remember Gina? Yeah. She can't train. She can't do anything. She's just like showing up. And I was like, perfect. She used to be our, sort of, she was like the second in command of the volunteer coordination, or volunteer. She trained almost everybody. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:51 Highlight the passage at 1:37:51

1:38:17 Yeah, so she'll, so the way I'm sort of thinking of it is you guys will do, we'll call together, you and Gina, and then you guys will do all the new people because that's much more kind of overwhelming. But you can handle it. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:17 Highlight the passage at 1:38:17

1:38:33 We have to allow like at least seven minutes just for all these announcements. We will practice fiction. . . . Report an error in the passage at 1:38:33 Highlight the passage at 1:38:33

1:38:38 Okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:38 Highlight the passage at 1:38:38

1:38:42 Yeah, but I'm not going to announce that, I think. It's a secret. I know. It's a secret meeting. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:42 Highlight the passage at 1:38:42

1:38:53 What? I was going to announce Sunday and Wednesday and, oh, Saturday, the cleaning day. Okay, but we're not doing that right now. Shh, shh. So, okay, so. Talking about a little bit about the role of teachers. Teachers are really, it's a somewhat loaded thing in Tibetan Buddhism. You hear people talking about these terms Lama and Guru and things like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:53 Highlight the passage at 1:38:53

1:39:27 And I think in the West we've had really... scary relationships with certain teachers and I still hear stories of people deciding people are their teacher. Obviously we all do, right? In the news you hear these really kind of wacky cults and all these people sort of sign their life away to people and stuff. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:27 Highlight the passage at 1:39:27

1:39:51 So I don't think it's such a bad thing that we're cautious. I think it's actually a good thing that we're cautious. We should be cautious. We should check up. And in Buddhism, in Tibetan Buddhism anyway, they talk about taking as long as 12 years to find your guru, to find your main teacher, your root guru, root Lama. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:51 Highlight the passage at 1:39:51

1:40:14 Not that all of us do. But I think we should at least take a couple years. I think it's a useful thing to take a couple years to really check up, see what they're like as a teacher, receive teachings from them, get to know their students and so forth as much as you can. See if you can see if their students have become better people because they are this person's students. That's what I'm pointing out. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:14 Highlight the passage at 1:40:14

1:40:40 So obviously, but we can have teachers of all levels along the path. And in the class on the spiritual teacher, Alex Berzin's book was just republished. I can't remember what the new title is. It used to be relating to the spiritual teacher. I think it might even be out there. Now it's something else. But it's still a great book. Alex Berzin? You can also download, I think, the entire thing from his website. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:40 Highlight the passage at 1:40:40

1:41:07 He's so great that way. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:07 Highlight the passage at 1:41:07

1:41:11 He goes into this whole list of all the different kinds of teachers that we can have along the path. Everyone from university professor to who might introduce us to Buddhism and more and more people actually come to the center who that's how they first found out is taking class either high school or university now at this level, at this point. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:11 Highlight the passage at 1:41:11

1:41:31 Instructors, which is what I consider myself to be. I'm sort of instructing you on things, but I'm not like a great master. Instruct. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:31 Highlight the passage at 1:41:31

1:41:39 And then there are people who might be specifically teaching you how to meditate or how to do like certain ritual things, all the way up to people who would give you vows, starting with refuge, or even one day vows could also be, taking precepts, all the way up to when you take empowerment, so tantric. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:39 Highlight the passage at 1:41:39

1:42:06 Nam Gurus and then all the way up to the one who becomes your root guru. So they talk about the spiritual teacher, finding our spiritual teacher as being in the lamrim. We talk about it as being the root of the path. It doesn't mean that we have to wait to practice a path until we find a teacher, which some people think. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:06 Highlight the passage at 1:42:06

1:42:30 And actually I've known people for years to be off in search of their teacher. But they say that karmically we create the causes for teacher too. So if we're creating the causes for, you know, if we're working on our karma and cleaning up our minds and learning how to meditate and starting to study and practice, our teacher will come. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:30 Highlight the passage at 1:42:30

1:42:49 Like we'll karmically create the causes for our teacher to come. So we don't need to run out and find a teacher first. The teacher will actually come. What they mean by that is... The root of all of our best qualities is this teacher. So once we find any of our teachers, actually, once we enter into that relationship with a teacher where we consider them a guru or a main teacher, especially a root guru. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:49 Highlight the passage at 1:42:49

1:43:20 And in my case, my root guru is Lama Zopa Rinpoche. Especially a root guru where that person, you have this relationship with that. Teacher that you basically feel like they have helped your mind more than any other teacher. So that's how they kind of move up. You know, they're a little bit more special than all the other ones. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:20 Highlight the passage at 1:43:20

1:43:45 So one of the things, some of the stuff I know I repeat, and so those of you who take my classes, please forgive me, but I feel like we often have this erroneous idea that you could sort of just... Report an error in the passage at 1:43:45 Highlight the passage at 1:43:45

1:44:02 Well, I think it's a little too easy sometimes in the West. You see a poster, you find out that somebody's coming, and we do this with Lama Zopa, right? There's a lot of excitement at the Center right now. People are all excited about Lama Zopa. Some of you, many of you, will go to this teaching and kind of go, wow, what the... Report an error in the passage at 1:44:02 Highlight the passage at 1:44:02

1:44:18 You know, he doesn't have a very normal style of teaching. This is my ad for the class on Sunday morning, actually. I'm going to do a preparing for Lama Zopa class on Sunday morning to prepare people for his style of teaching. But people get excited by a guru. They find out about a guru. Everybody's excited. They go to the teaching and they're kind of like, huh, you know, because you don't have any particular karma with that teacher or maybe not yet. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:18 Highlight the passage at 1:44:18

1:44:48 The first time I heard Lama Zopa teach, I was like, oh, why are these people going? Oh, why did they all leave? He's nice enough. Let's go eat. You know, it wasn't like nothing happened. I didn't have one of those things where all the hairs went up in the back. You know, they talk about goose pimples forming and all this. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:48 Highlight the passage at 1:44:48

1:45:06 I knew him from across the crowd. It wasn't like that at all. It was like years before I ever went through another teaching again. And, you know, and then years after that, that I decided that he was my root guru. So it was it wasn't like anything big like that. Sometimes it is. Sometimes people are just like, wow. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:06 Highlight the passage at 1:45:06

1:45:23 Who is this person? I want to follow them to the ends of the earth. You know, but that didn't happen to me. Sorry. So I want to warn people that your particular karma with an individual sometimes takes time. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:23 Highlight the passage at 1:45:23

1:45:42 To allow that to happen on your own time. So don't get too swayed by all the people around you. Sometimes they're just swayed by all the people around them, too. And it's just like a bunch of people who are swayed by three of us that happen to know Rinpoche. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:42 Highlight the passage at 1:45:42

1:45:57 A hundred people like marching towards this thing and really there's only half a dozen of us that have karma. I think to some degree we all have some karma with him because he is, you know, one of the founders of the center and it's his center and things like that. But it may not be strong karma. So I'm just, you know, warning people. But yeah, so when we... Report an error in the passage at 1:45:57 Highlight the passage at 1:45:57

1:46:21 It is important in our spiritual life, just like it would be important if we wanted to master something like piano, this is where I repeat myself, or if we wanted to become a gold medalist swimmer, or we wanted to become the best chef on the planet, we would have to put time into it and we'd have to find good teachers, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:46:21 Highlight the passage at 1:46:21

1:46:44 I mean, you can't just, you can do a certain amount of this stuff on your own. We can't do it all on our own. We definitely can't become enlightened on our own. Not in this tradition anyway. Maybe in some traditions you can't. And maybe if you have really incredible karma from a past life and you sit down and you meditate instantly, perfectly, and you get enlightened under the bodhi tree, that would be great. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:44 Highlight the passage at 1:46:44

1:47:08 And please come back to all of us and help us out. But for most of us, we need to find really good teachers who have worked on their minds. Really good teachers who have ways of helping us. In other words, they have certain skillful means, like they can help us with our minds. They know how to teach. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:08 Highlight the passage at 1:47:08

1:47:28 They live in a way that we want to live. So you watch them the way they are with people. You watch them how they are in the street. You watch them how they are when somebody... Attacks them or criticizes them. Are they practicing the eight verses? They should be acting ethically in some way that you can kind of see. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:28 Highlight the passage at 1:47:28

1:47:53 They should be living according to the rules of karma. They should believe in karma if they're teaching it. So once we find that person or people, and most of us have many teachers if we've been on the path for very long, Report an error in the passage at 1:47:53 Highlight the passage at 1:47:53

1:48:14 And, and, um... And different relationships with those different teachers. But once we find, especially that special, that root guru, then we can devote ourselves to that person or those people, whatever they are. You can have more than one root guru too. Geshe-Dakpa always says, if you know how to serve a teacher, Meaning to follow their advice, then you can have as many teachers as you want. If you don't, better stop with one. Because he sees Westerners and we're running out getting all these teachers. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:14 Highlight the passage at 1:48:14

1:48:56 I did that, getting all these, entering into all these relationships with these teachers. If we don't really know how to follow one of their advice, much less nine of their, ten of their advice, in my case, I think, then... Best to stick with one. So don't get too many so that they might have conflicting advice, for example, which can happen. And as Westerners, we tend to keep going until we get the answer we want to. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:56 Highlight the passage at 1:48:56

1:49:24 So if you have a bunch of teachers, you could keep asking the same question. This is really not good. Don't do this. Do not do this. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:24 Highlight the passage at 1:49:24

1:49:33 We go, we get the advice, we do it. I mean, that's kind of it. Once we get to that point and we trust this being and we've decided this person is my teacher, then we start trying to follow their advice and follow them on this path. Because it's kind of like I want to become a concert pianist and I run out and get a teacher and that teacher starts telling me to practice every day and to do this drill and to, you know, da-da-da. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:33 Highlight the passage at 1:49:33

1:49:59 And I go... I don't want to do that, you know. I want to just play Carnegie Hall, you know. And it's like, no. I took the time to check up and to find this teacher, so why wouldn't I follow their advice? So it's kind of like that. It's very much like that with our spiritual path as well. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:59 Highlight the passage at 1:49:59

1:50:16 So what does it mean in this verse, when we go back to, let's not forget, verse 6, when someone I have benefited in whom I have placed great trust hurts me very badly. I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher. The biggest thing that our teacher does for us is show us our mind. Biggest, biggest thing. This is the main thing that a teacher will do for us. And I'm talking a Lama. I'm talking a Guru. Heavy with qualities is what that means. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:16 Highlight the passage at 1:50:16

1:50:49 Lama. So this person shows you your mind and your practice more than anyone else, and we're allowing that because we want this person to help us, to guide us. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:49 Highlight the passage at 1:50:49

1:51:02 So in that same way, this person, this suffering being, this ungrateful wretch in front of us, can also show us where we need to work. And if we remember that we karmically created this situation, And that it's a barometer of our own mind and where we need to work. It can also lighten the situation a little bit. So if the situation is, I'll mention one story that's a little bit funny and one that was actually really difficult and hard, but both of them come to mind with this verse. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:02 Highlight the passage at 1:51:02

1:51:41 I was doing a solitary retreat at Copan for six weeks. It was my first solitary retreat. And it was way beyond what I should have been doing. Rinpoche and his kindness was helping me work on my mind and agreed that I should do it because I could die before I had another chance. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:41 Highlight the passage at 1:51:41

1:51:59 So I was doing this day to retreat and of course was all stressed out about it like a good little Buddhist before I got ordained. And so one of the things I wanted to do, I think I was, for people who know Kopan, I was kind of down near, I think the Vajrasapha retreatants use the space now, but at that point they were doing the Vajrasapha retreat at the same time, but I wasn't part of that. So I had like this one little tiny room that I was doing stuff, my practice in, and once a day I would go up and do prostrations in the gompa, one of the gompas. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:59 Highlight the passage at 1:51:59

1:52:34 I think it was a small gompa, which I think is still there. Chinreza gompa I think it's called. So I would go up every day and there was this gompa keeper. Who I decided afterwards was my difficult person who I decided to make as my teacher. First I got pissed at him a lot because what he would do is almost like he would see me coming and he'd lock the gamba. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:34 Highlight the passage at 1:52:34

1:52:58 And I would have such a limited time because I was trying to do Rinpoche and all his kindness made me do six sessions a day. So I was getting up at 3.30 in the morning. I was doing like six hour and a half sessions. Everything was regimented, you know, which of course I got completely lunged out, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:58 Highlight the passage at 1:52:58

1:53:16 So I was like trying to get up there and do my prostrations and come back down again and do this. And I had X amount of time. And of course he would always like... Report an error in the passage at 1:53:16 Highlight the passage at 1:53:16

1:53:25 And he would kind of do these little like looks too, you know, and I would be like, I have to, I can only come at this point. Is there any way that we, and he would just kind of look at me like he didn't understand what I was talking about. And at first I was getting all pissed and then I remembered this verse. I was like, oh, he's a teacher. He's trying to show me my mind. He's showing my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:25 Highlight the passage at 1:53:25

1:53:45 And it became funnier and funnier then because I would go up there and then he'd just do that little lock thing and I'd just be like, oh, I know who you are. You know, I know who you are, you know, and then it stopped bothering me so much. It just started being funnier, like, I don't know, it just, it cracked it. And something about that, I'm sure then I also became easier to deal with. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:45 Highlight the passage at 1:53:45

1:54:06 I'm sure it had something to do with me. Then he began to think it was kind of funny too, and then I'd laugh, and then he'd laugh. I don't know how much English he understood at all. But, you know, it just cracked the situation. It stopped being like this enormous problem for me. I was just kind of like, and I didn't fully believe 100 % that he was a teacher, but I knew he was showing me my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:06 Highlight the passage at 1:54:06

1:54:27 My mind was a big mess and it was kind of worthwhile for me to do this practice. The other situation is somebody who was a really dear, dear friend of mine. And we were like really close friends for about six years. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:27 Highlight the passage at 1:54:27

1:54:44 The situation happened and it was one of those karmic shifts. This is somebody who I probably would have considered a soulmate, somebody who had really, we had each benefited each other in this situation. I think we had been really good for each other, really good, good, deep friends are so I thought. Friendships are just like any other human relationship. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:44 Highlight the passage at 1:54:44

1:55:05 They're hugely fragile. But based on a misunderstanding on both of our parts, It was like a breakup. It was like the end of this relationship in moments, something that had been so strong and solid that I was going to bake her wedding cake. I did bake her wedding cake and that was so painful. Not to bake the wedding cake, but to actually have to go to the wedding when she wouldn't speak to me. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:05 Highlight the passage at 1:55:05

1:55:37 It just went from the warmest, most loving relationship to just complete silence. She moved out of the house. She and her boyfriend were living in the house with me. It was just the most painful, painful thing. And this is before I was a Buddhist. But there was something in me because so many of my friends were like, ah, forget her. She was always like this. They always try to make you feel better at that time. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:37 Highlight the passage at 1:55:37

1:56:03 And I was just kind of like, no, there's something going on. It was that same thing that you were stepping back. And I was like, I don't think this has anything to do with me. I feel like it's a coping mechanism gone wrong. And as it turned out, I think it was. It was due to abuse, a lot of abuse as a kid. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:03 Highlight the passage at 1:56:03

1:56:21 So she just shut down and she shut me out. Because for whatever reason, something about that relationship was scary to her. But what was so powerful to me was not hating her, just not giving in to that possibility of having huge anger or having huge hatred towards this person who basically turned on me. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:21 Highlight the passage at 1:56:21

1:56:47 And it was years after that I... I discovered these verses and I was like, oh yeah, this is that situation. And I felt like she showed me my mind and she showed me what I was capable of, that I was capable of, and I still really care for this person quite a bit. And we've since had times that we have gotten together and we've talked and so forth, although the karma's gone. I think the karma just shifted and it's gone. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:47 Highlight the passage at 1:56:47

1:57:10 But I've never had any hatred for her, and I never have given in to feeling huge anger at her either. It just felt like the most logical response was compassion, like she was just a hurting being. Yeah, Susan, pass the mic back. I'm just going to ask, what happened? What did she say? Oh, I don't think it even matters, really. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:10 Highlight the passage at 1:57:10

1:57:34 But I think, yeah, I don't know that it does matter so much in this situation. We could talk. We could talk, yeah. We could talk, yeah. But I don't think it matters so much, and I don't want to give so many over-the-air, you know, in so many details. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:34 Highlight the passage at 1:57:34

1:57:56 But basically, yeah, I think that's enough. I think that's okay. I mean, the main issue for me was my reaction to it, which came from a place of compassion and love, not from a place of... Of licking my wounds, basically, or from retaliating, which could have been quite possible. Yeah. So that's, yeah. Is that okay for now? And then maybe we could talk? Yeah. I think offline I don't mind, but not online. Yeah. Why don't we, actually, if people do have questions or comments right now, what are people thinking about? Report an error in the passage at 1:57:56 Highlight the passage at 1:57:56

1:58:36 And since you had brought it up, do you have any comments, Christine? Yeah? You're like, what? Me? Other than I'm really tired and I wish I had that much shut up so I can get out of here. Wait, do you want to pass that to her? Report an error in the passage at 1:58:36 Highlight the passage at 1:58:36

1:58:56 I'm just trying to think of difference because it can play out in so many different scenarios when someone betrays you. I mean, it could be violent or it could be apathy. You know, I mean, it could be extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:56 Highlight the passage at 1:58:56

1:59:06 extreme. So, um, I, I mean, Out of curiosity, because my mind keeps thinking of apathy, what about the person who betrays you by just doing nothing? Because sometimes you can see someone's hurting, and you can kind of feel compassion, like, oh, they were abused in their past, this happened. But what if it's just laziness? I mean, I guess I created the causes, but... But how do we really know what's in another person's mind? Report an error in the passage at 1:59:06 Highlight the passage at 1:59:06

1:59:33 That's the thing. I don't know. I mean, I don't... You know, in retrospect, I don't know that this is what was happening with her either. But it was a safer, more compassionate position for my mind to take than saying she's just mean and, you know, hurtful and, you know, there's no reason for it. You know, actually, once I met her father, I kind of got a little bit of a clue. But yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:33 Highlight the passage at 1:59:33

2:00:02 I mean, I think the reality is we don't know each other's minds, and I think it might be better to err on the side of compassion rather than assuming that we know their mind and that it is just laziness. There actually might be, I think, and the way you phrased it at the beginning of the class, I think was good that something may have happened to this person. And we may be wrong, right? Report an error in the passage at 2:00:02 Highlight the passage at 2:00:02

2:00:29 It seems like we've gotten ourselves into trouble so many times by guessing what somebody else is thinking and reacting against that, which is what we often do in relationships. I have to do in relationships most of the time because none of us are clairvoyant, at least I'm certainly not. I think we have to sort of guess, but I think... Report an error in the passage at 2:00:29 Highlight the passage at 2:00:29

2:00:48 If we at least acknowledge that most of the time our relationship is with our idea of that person and not with the person themselves, I think that's what's getting us into trouble. And so what the Buddha is saying is basically we've been doing this for lifetime after lifetime, maybe try something else. And maybe if we're going to guess, let's guess that this person is wounded or hurt in some way or guess that... Report an error in the passage at 2:00:48 Highlight the passage at 2:00:48

2:01:14 Like you were saying, maybe fearful in some way or they've been abused in some way or something else is going on even. Maybe they've just had a bad night. You know, maybe something as little as that. It may look like laziness. It may look like judgment on their, and they may have, I mean, how many times has that happened? Report an error in the passage at 2:01:14 Highlight the passage at 2:01:14

2:01:35 I know it's happened to me where I just assume, stop judging me, you know, and then they'll be like. I totally wasn't judging you. I was thinking about my father called me and told me my grandpa was dying or something. You know, it's just we're guessing a lot of times. So maybe let's assume that they have some reason for their behavior that may not make any sense to us. Or maybe has nothing to do with us. It could be that, too. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:35 Highlight the passage at 2:01:35

2:02:01 Yeah. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:01 Highlight the passage at 2:02:01

2:02:07 Yeah, Susan. So there's Susan. Susan number two. So there's someone I'm in relationship with that constantly abuses me and I don't really say anything because it's just the way our relationship has always been. And so I wrote an email because I remember because I fight in my head all the time like, ah, how do I be peaceful with this person? Report an error in the passage at 2:02:07 Highlight the passage at 2:02:07

2:02:33 And so I wrote an email like, when you do these things, it makes me feel this way. That's not OK. So don't treat me this way. Let's talk about it, you know. And then because it's like, you know, be compassionate, but also don't be a doormat. OK, yeah, I get that. So we talked on the phone and it was like yelling and then I started yelling and then and then there was like hanging up partly due to drop calls from AT &T. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:33 Highlight the passage at 2:02:33

2:03:01 And then and then and then and then I was like, OK, give them the victory. OK, I can do this. And then so it was like more yelling. And then I was like, OK, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:01 Highlight the passage at 2:03:01

2:03:13 I get that. And then it was like silence for a little bit and then it was like calm and then there's like apologies and stuff. But then, I mean, part of me is just like, I'm not sure if me giving them the victory means that they're like, okay, everything's cool. Like I can keep treating them this way. You know what I mean? Like I was very forceful in communicating, do not treat me in this way. And then they were like, but you always play victim. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:13 Highlight the passage at 2:03:13

2:03:37 And then I was like, well, if I... Tape record you and play it in front of other people. Would you be okay with that? And you'd hear your tone. And then they're like, well, you are always acting like the victim. And then so it went into the circle until I said, okay, I get what you're saying. Victory is yours. But then I'm just like, okay, well, we just kind of cleared the air and released some tension. But by me giving them the victory, do they think that it's okay? Report an error in the passage at 2:03:37 Highlight the passage at 2:03:37

2:04:03 So think about this in a couple different ways. One is the conventional reality. And you were dealing with conventional reality by stating what you needed and what wasn't okay with you. But then karmic reality is that you have created the situation and this person is talking to you in this certain way based on your karma. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:03 Highlight the passage at 2:04:03

2:04:24 And you also have a certain skill level which might be, I can't continue to be in relationship with this person. And you might make that decision as well. So there's like a lot of different things that are playing out here. One is, this is my karma. But that doesn't mean I lay down and take it, right? I still can react and we have to act on a conventional level and I can still say, this is okay, this is not okay. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:24 Highlight the passage at 2:04:24

2:04:47 And on a conventional level, right, if you were talking to a therapist in the West, that person might say, you might have to end this friendship if they can't play by the rules. Right? I mean, you might have to. That might be a conventional reality. This one is saying you offer, you know, you offer the victory. It's not saying it all the time. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:47 Highlight the passage at 2:04:47

2:05:06 It's probably, you know, this situation, if you don't have a certain skill level, and I'm saying most of us don't until we're eighth level bodhisattvas, I may not want to put myself through that, you know? So you tried offering the victory, but maybe your skill level isn't to the point where you want to continue to... Report an error in the passage at 2:05:06 Highlight the passage at 2:05:06

2:05:27 We're indestructibly tied to each other. Oh, it's like a sibling or something like that. Something like that. So, you know, like, okay, well, this might happen next month or the month after. So it's not like you can maybe just give yourself space from the relationship a little bit. Can you do that? They're tied in work as well. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:27 Highlight the passage at 2:05:27

2:05:46 Oh, yeah. So, I mean, but the point is, is like, okay, you go to all these like communication workshops, you know, your tools. Yeah. And then there's just like. I know I'm supposed to be in this person's life for some reason and vice versa. You could just try, be really outrageous, and don't think that you have to necessarily change this person's mind, change how you react to this person. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:46 Highlight the passage at 2:05:46

2:06:07 So you could just, to be thoroughly outrageous and check this out, you could just try to offer them the victory all the time for a week and see what happens. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:07 Highlight the passage at 2:06:07

2:06:18 So, okay, what I do... I mean... This other way of working with it hasn't worked. So you could just try this way and see what happens. Because karmically what happens is it can shift the situation. It can actually shift. I know we're used to thinking that somehow we have to think if I act this way, he's going to act this way. But karmically we don't. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:18 Highlight the passage at 2:06:18

2:06:41 Karmically if we're not feeding the situation, we're not responding to anger with anger, we're not fighting back, we're not... We're not necessarily creating more and more negative karma. Probably would be useful if you're purifying as well. But you could actually shift the situation. The person might get transferred to another building. Honestly, the situation can actually karmically shift that way if you're up for it. Report an error in the passage at 2:06:41 Highlight the passage at 2:06:41

2:07:09 Right. And you may not be. It was transformative with me and my dad this week and the first conversation we ever had where there wasn't any judgment and criticism. That was beautiful and great. But then this other person, I mean, offering the victory is usually meaning that they tell me that I have to do something. And then that means I have to do everything. So it's like, how do you deal with victory and delegation? Report an error in the passage at 2:07:09 Highlight the passage at 2:07:09

2:07:32 Like, how do you, where it's supposed to be like, well, that's your responsibility. Does this person have a power over? Huh? Does this person have a power over kind of position? Oh, no, we're equal business partners. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's kind of like, well, why don't you just do that? And it's like, oh. Report an error in the passage at 2:07:32 Highlight the passage at 2:07:32

2:07:50 Okay, I'll give you the victory. Sure, I'll do it. I mean, where is the, oh, that's still your responsibility. No, it's your responsibility. And then how do you get out of the? Report an error in the passage at 2:07:50 Highlight the passage at 2:07:50

2:08:00 I think you're still really caught on the conventional level. So I don't know. Does anybody else have another idea? I mean, I don't know what else to offer. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:00 Highlight the passage at 2:08:00

2:08:13 Oh, I thought I saw a hand up. Maybe I prayed to see a hand up. David, do you have an idea? He has a perplexed look. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:13 Highlight the passage at 2:08:13

2:08:24 Sometimes when that stuff is going on and it really hits an impasse, I just think that this process of just staying very clear about sort of what the rules are where you're at is that that level of consistency is very important because whether there's baiting or a lack of communication or something like that, that so much of this, as we change things, revolves around... Report an error in the passage at 2:08:24 Highlight the passage at 2:08:24

2:08:51 Our response and sometimes just if we respond differently doesn't mean that they're going to necessarily get it right away. But it's just it's maintaining you never give up your ethics. You know, you hold on to your principles. You stay consistent. And then sometimes we have to continually either define why we're saying something. Report an error in the passage at 2:08:51 Highlight the passage at 2:08:51

2:09:12 I've had that with, you know, in my jobs where I had a very principle that. A place I could not deviate from because it was, you know, affect people's lives or whatever. And so I'd be very firm about it. And I wouldn't tell him, you know, you're an idiot, you know. Well, I did a few times, but, you know. But you just became very clear, be very firm. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:12 Highlight the passage at 2:09:12

2:09:38 And keep your motivation clear, too. Yeah, you're coming from a really clean, you know, clear space. And a lot of it just has to do, revolves around continually defining the rules. So maybe it's kind of like you're training a puppy. Yeah, it is. So, you know, the puppy keeps peeing and you're like, no, no, I need this. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:38 Highlight the passage at 2:09:38

2:09:58 I need the puppy on the paper or whatever. And the puppy strays. So without anger, you just keep placing the puppy back on the paper. So without anger, you just keep restating your guidelines. There's sort of like the positive. Like training dogs, there's positive reinforcement, you know, and things. Report an error in the passage at 2:09:58 Highlight the passage at 2:09:58

2:10:17 If you're off and it's like, you idiot, you know, or, and it's always going into a negative place, but sometimes it's, it's trying to bring it, you know. So when the person, when she or he does like say, do something that actually works, that's it. That's so great. Thank you so much. You know, like, so it was a little positive reinforcement, you know, for the one tiny bit of change that you see. Jessica's dying over here. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:17 Highlight the passage at 2:10:17

2:10:41 She's got a hand up. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:41 Highlight the passage at 2:10:41

2:10:44 No, no, no, I was just going to, I think that's really But I was also just going to add real quick that I think if you can keep restating that, but also stay calm and not get flared up, it really over time works. So like it's hard. It's really, really hard because it's like if especially if that person is really close to you and really pushes your buttons, it's hard not to get in that screaming match. Report an error in the passage at 2:10:44 Highlight the passage at 2:10:44

2:11:12 but if you just practice like engaging in that emotion Emotion and just being like, remember we had this conversation and this is, you know, kind of David's like delineating and saying, but being really calm and just not engaging in that. That's what has, because I had to do that kind of with my mother. Because, you know, it's like this sort of response. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:12 Highlight the passage at 2:11:12

2:11:36 And I feel like the only way it worked is if I didn't engage in the reciprocity and over time. So it's also about where your mind is or something. I don't know. Does that help at all, Susan? Yeah, I think the puppy on the paper peeing thing, that's very helpful for me. Yeah, yeah. Because then it's like your moment. Report an error in the passage at 2:11:36 Highlight the passage at 2:11:36