Working with Difficult People

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0:51 So today's topic is dealing with difficult people. So I'm hoping to give some insight from a Buddhist perspective on different approaches we might take in Report an error in the passage at 0:51 Highlight the passage at 0:51

1:11 terms of difficult relationships, difficulties in work situations, family situations, things like that. Before we get started, why don't we do a few minutes of just breathing meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:11 Highlight the passage at 1:11

1:27 Do you want another cushion? Sure. Report an error in the passage at 1:27 Highlight the passage at 1:27

1:38 Take your back straight, neck and shoulders relaxed, chin tucked in slightly, Report an error in the passage at 1:38 Highlight the passage at 1:38

1:49 eyes directed to the ground about three feet in front of you, Report an error in the passage at 1:49 Highlight the passage at 1:49

2:00 tongue is on the upper palate behind the front teeth, lips slightly pursed together, not too tight, not too loose, just very relaxed at the mouth. Report an error in the passage at 2:00 Highlight the passage at 2:00

2:12 The right hand placed in the palm of the left with the thumbs touching, just resting gently in your lap. Report an error in the passage at 2:12 Highlight the passage at 2:12

2:43 And then just focus on the breath, the rising and falling of your abdomen as you breathe in and out. Alternatively, the air passing through your nostrils as you inhale and exhale. That's a little bit more subtle. Report an error in the passage at 2:43 Highlight the passage at 2:43

2:59 And just let go of all the mental activity and just follow the breath. Report an error in the passage at 2:59 Highlight the passage at 2:59

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6:11 Keep the attention focused on the breath. Report an error in the passage at 6:11 Highlight the passage at 6:11

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9:55 Okay, let's relax. Report an error in the passage at 9:55 Highlight the passage at 9:55

10:01 Okay, when we think about difficult people, there's just several different approaches we can take. One is to look at Report an error in the passage at 10:01 Highlight the passage at 10:01

10:14 Our relationship with them, how we see them, look at the expectations we have built into that relationship and whether the situation is something we can control or not control. Report an error in the passage at 10:14 Highlight the passage at 10:14

10:38 And then also the approach of everyone wishing to be happy. Everyone has the same desire, just like us, to be happy, not suffer. Report an error in the passage at 10:38 Highlight the passage at 10:38

10:51 So these difficult people. May have a different set of ideologies, different set of habits, ways of seeing things, perspectives. But equally, just like us, they have every right to be happy and maybe in their own way, that's what they're seeking. Report an error in the passage at 10:51 Highlight the passage at 10:51

11:13 So let's look a little bit at these different ways from a Buddhist perspective. Report an error in the passage at 11:13 Highlight the passage at 11:13

11:23 So there's a whole basis of teachings on emptiness, which... Independent origination, karma, that which appears to us and how we define that and how we label it and how we see it is different than the way it actually exists and that includes other people. Report an error in the passage at 11:23 Highlight the passage at 11:23

11:52 And so what we try to do on the basis of this is try to understand that the relationship we have with people Is not so fixed out there, separate from us, but actually has everything to do with us ourselves. It's how we see them, our habits that we have over time developed in the way in which we see them. Because if people existed out there separately, in this way, so concretely, then everyone would have to see them in the same way. Report an error in the passage at 11:52 Highlight the passage at 11:52

12:32 And we know that's not logically, that's not true. Not everyone has the same kind of way of seeing these other beings. So we have to look at what it is in our own relationship with these people that determine how we see them. Report an error in the passage at 12:32 Highlight the passage at 12:32

12:56 And we have to own that. Report an error in the passage at 12:56 Highlight the passage at 12:56

13:01 And that has come from a lot of our own history. Buddhists would say not just this life but other lives as well. But just even within this own life, we have a lot of cultural conditioning. The newspapers we read, the families we come from, the schools we went to, things like this, that just culturally condition us to have a certain perspective. Report an error in the passage at 13:01 Highlight the passage at 13:01

13:28 So when we come in contact with a certain type of person, we immediately either we like them, dislike them, or we don't care. So these are basically very simple ways in which... These things arise, yet they appear to be much more complex than that, but in some ways it really comes down to that. On the basis of our cultural conditioning, we see people on the street, and either we like, or we make some sort of judgment very quickly. Report an error in the passage at 13:28 Highlight the passage at 13:28

14:00 And we have to learn to recognize that that's what we're doing, because that has to do with how we shape the basis of our relationships. relationships these people. Report an error in the passage at 14:00 Highlight the passage at 14:00

14:14 So when we see someone fat, skinny, black, white, tall, short, young, old, we immediately form some kind of judgment within our own minds. And that we have to recognize where that's coming from, that it's us. It doesn't mean that that person doesn't have anything from their side, it's just that we have to recognize our role in that determination. Report an error in the passage at 14:14 Highlight the passage at 14:14

14:42 So sometimes with these difficult people, it's really a lot has to do with how we're seeing them and the expectations we place on these kind of people. Report an error in the passage at 14:42 Highlight the passage at 14:42

14:55 It doesn't mean from their side they're not doing anything. We will address that. But it does mean that we have to acknowledge our role in that. Report an error in the passage at 14:55 Highlight the passage at 14:55

15:10 Is this clear? Following this? Questions? Report an error in the passage at 15:10 Highlight the passage at 15:10

15:30 Oh yeah, yeah, there are difficult people. We'll address that as well. There are difficult people, but we have to at least acknowledge how our mind is working. When it comes into contact with an individual, another individual, it could be an animal as well, that it merely forms some kind of judgment. It's either aversion or attachment coming into place or it's very neutral. Report an error in the passage at 15:30 Highlight the passage at 15:30

16:00 If we recognize that part, then we begin the process really. of dealing with difficult people. Report an error in the passage at 16:00 Highlight the passage at 16:00

16:15 The other aspect that we touched upon is this, when Report an error in the passage at 16:15 Highlight the passage at 16:15

16:25 we recognize that we're also seeing people in a certain way, we also recognize that that way we're seeing them also is subject to change. Report an error in the passage at 16:25 Highlight the passage at 16:25

16:38 It's momentary, it doesn't last, it's not permanent. So somebody we didn't even know in the past is now our best friend. And someone who was our friend has hurt us and is now our enemy. So that the basis of these relationships we have with people are not permanent either. Report an error in the passage at 16:38 Highlight the passage at 16:38

17:00 And so they do change. If they were so fixed, difficult people out there, if it was fixed and that's the only way they are, then it would be impossible to change. But they do change. Report an error in the passage at 17:00 Highlight the passage at 17:00

17:17 Everyone has a possibility of change. Not only do we change in our relationship with them, but they also change in their relationship to us. And so there's great potential in that. Report an error in the passage at 17:17 Highlight the passage at 17:17

17:30 It's not always easy, and it's not overnight. But there is a possibility of change. So first acknowledging our own part of it, and then acknowledging the fact that it can change. Report an error in the passage at 17:30 Highlight the passage at 17:30

17:44 The third part is acknowledging what we can control and what we can't control in terms of out. Knowing that we have this perspective on these people, knowing how we relate to them, knowing our relationship, working relationship, what other family relationship, then you look at the aspects of them and you also look at which parts of it can you control and which parts of it you can't. Report an error in the passage at 17:44 Highlight the passage at 17:44

18:11 It's kind of like why beat yourself up if it is their issue? And you have nothing to do, it's not in your power to change it. Report an error in the passage at 18:11 Highlight the passage at 18:11

18:28 If they have, and you know one of the things is to really recognize that they also are coming from this place of wishing to be happy, not wanting to suffer just like we are. And everything we do, from the foods we eat, from the friends we make, from the activities we engage in, is this constant desire to be happy and free of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 18:28 Highlight the passage at 18:28

18:52 That's the motivating factor behind all of our actions, all of our thoughts actually, moment by moment, is this desire to be happy. They're no different. And the one thing to recognize is that in some ways they are just a creature of habit as well in the way in which they relate to what makes them happy and what doesn't. Report an error in the passage at 18:52 Highlight the passage at 18:52

19:16 And not me saying that they're necessarily correct. In what they engage in, in terms of wishing to be happy. But what we are saying is that sometimes it's not about you, it's about them. Report an error in the passage at 19:16 Highlight the passage at 19:16

19:34 And there's nothing you can do about it in terms of changing them. They may not like you for whatever reason, but it's not necessarily about you at all. Report an error in the passage at 19:34 Highlight the passage at 19:34

19:49 And you may not be able to change that. What can you do? What can you change? What you can change is your expectation. Your expectation that they need to like you. Your expectation that they will like you. The expectation. That's what you have control over. You don't have control over how they see you. It's important to reflect on that. Report an error in the passage at 19:49 Highlight the passage at 19:49

20:20 In my own experience, I mean, I remember working with someone for years and I couldn't, I understand there's always this frequency of remarks being made in our working relationship, putting me down, wanting to be in control, Report an error in the passage at 20:20 Highlight the passage at 20:20

20:56 and in times when I wasn't really, you know what I mean, not that I haven't ever tried to be in control or anything like that, but in these different situations, and it took me for years, I'd be hurt by these actions. It took me a long time to come to the realization it had nothing to do with me. It had more to do with this person's background, growing up with brothers and probably having some kind of similar kind of relationship with me where she was feeling like I was the older brother trying to tell her what to do. Report an error in the passage at 20:56 Highlight the passage at 20:56

21:35 All these kind of situations where it just would reflect back and it had nothing to do. It wasn't about me. It was about her own history, her own habits, her own way of seeing things, her own perspectives. Report an error in the passage at 21:35 Highlight the passage at 21:35

21:49 And as soon as I acknowledged that, it was fine. As soon as I acknowledged that, it was fine. It doesn't mean it just stopped happening. But I also, you know, it definitely got less because I wasn't buying into it so much. Making it mine. And I wasn't having an expectation that it would be different. Report an error in the passage at 21:49 Highlight the passage at 21:49

22:19 But, you know, they have their story. They're working, you know, they have to work on themselves and maybe they will and maybe they won't. You have to really clearly know what they can and cannot do from their side. And if you can skillfully, if you have the wisdom sometimes, yes, you can shift things. Report an error in the passage at 22:19 Highlight the passage at 22:19

22:38 I mean, there are great stories of Lama's, you know, talking about there's one story, I guess, that Rubini gives in Australia, these two neighbors, they hated each other. Report an error in the passage at 22:38 Highlight the passage at 22:38

22:50 I mean, the one neighbor used to just, you know, never got along with them. Kind of would scratch the keys into the car and things like this, you know, like really rude. And so finally, he asked the Lama, and the Lama says, well, you know. Report an error in the passage at 22:50 Highlight the passage at 22:50

23:11 See him as your best friend. See him as your best friend. And so he ended up, the story was, is he ended up giving him golf balls, coming over there, buying a present of golf balls, and taking it over and making this offering. And the person completely, you know, I mean, completely transformed just from that simple act of kindness. Report an error in the passage at 23:11 Highlight the passage at 23:11

23:43 I've also found in my own relationship, certainly in this day and age of communications with emails, where we have all these kind of conversations that are very one-sided, where you're giving information. Emails are very, very good and effective sharing information in some ways, but they also have their downside in the fact that it's always a one-sided conversation. Report an error in the passage at 23:43 Highlight the passage at 23:43

24:12 So there's one side where you're interpreting what the other person is, how they're going to receive this, and then they receive it and they're interpreting it the way they think you're meaning it. And sometimes those two don't match. And I found that sometimes going back and forth, especially with emails that start to go back and forth, that it's much more beneficial for me to pick up a phone and talk to them in person and relate to them. Report an error in the passage at 24:12 Highlight the passage at 24:12

24:44 In that way, because there's not so much projection being made on these words, which we're not always so careful about the way we say things or, you know, we're just in a hurry or we're not thinking, reflecting, and then they're coming from a completely different reality from their perspective. So sometimes, you know, and I found even now where there are difficult situations sometimes with people. Report an error in the passage at 24:44 Highlight the passage at 24:44

25:15 At a distance, human contact is so important. Sitting down with someone face to face, it brings that back down to that very human level, where you understand that the person who is there with you also wants to be happy, so your own projections about them, you see them as a human being, not as some kind of built up image. Report an error in the passage at 25:15 Highlight the passage at 25:15

25:46 In your mind of who this person is. And we come from a culture where we tend to do that a lot. I mean if you just look at the campaigns. We've never met McCain or Obama. I mean at least I haven't in person. But I have all these kind of views built up. But I know that if I'm in the same room with them, I'm going to see them as human beings. Report an error in the passage at 25:46 Highlight the passage at 25:46

26:12 That's human beings wishing to be happy and as human beings. And I'm not necessarily going to elevate one over the other in terms of that. It's kind of interesting because historically I've been fairly lucky about this. I've been around some very interesting, you know, well, shall we say there have been experiences of mine where I've been around some very influential or well-recognized famous figures where... Report an error in the passage at 26:12 Highlight the passage at 26:12

26:42 I've really related to them as human beings first, more than as these kind of public or famous figures. And it has really made it much more comfortable for me as well as I think for them in some ways. Report an error in the passage at 26:42 Highlight the passage at 26:42

26:58 Because in some ways that is what it's about, as being human. So looking at things in which... You can and cannot change them and looking how your own mind has to do with how you're seeing it and from their side too, how they're looking at things. And then working with those expectations we have, especially when it's not in your control. I mean, historically, most of my suffering comes from my attachment to certain... Report an error in the passage at 26:58 Highlight the passage at 26:58

27:37 Expecting people to be in a certain way. Expect them to do things in a certain way. Expect them to understand what they're supposed to understand without necessarily having the capacity to understand. Report an error in the passage at 27:37 Highlight the passage at 27:37

27:53 Always it's my expectations. A lot of them I'm very attached to. It's very clear to me. Oh, it's as simple as ABC. You just do it this way. But they are coming from their side. It is my view again and it is my expectation. I'm not taking into account their feelings, their ways of seeing things, their own habits and histories and cultural identity and things like that. Report an error in the passage at 27:53 Highlight the passage at 27:53

28:29 I'm just assuming everyone sees the world in the same way I do. So I have these expectations and it's learning to understand that this is... This is what I have power over. And there are some situations where I have my way of doing things and I'm not saying that I'm wrong. In fact, I'm very, very clear that this is not how I would approach this. But I'm not in a situation where I'm given the authority or power to change those things. Report an error in the passage at 28:29 Highlight the passage at 28:29

29:06 I'm just in a situation where I am, in fact, part of a group. Where I don't have the authority. So rather than getting frustrated and irritated, what can I do? Report an error in the passage at 29:06 Highlight the passage at 29:06

29:28 I can change my expectations. Report an error in the passage at 29:28 Highlight the passage at 29:28

29:34 And I can also, I mean, this has been very, very, my teacher Geshe-la here, I mean, he's been amazing because no matter, he's so solid and stable and no matter what comes along, he has compassion, kindness, and he just sees it. Report an error in the passage at 29:34 Highlight the passage at 29:34

29:56 When people suffer, he sees how we do things, we create our own suffering. But he's also very, he knows that within himself he's very content. And so no matter what comes along, his mind is undisturbed. And this is his example, and I'm so fortunate because I have such contact with him on a daily basis to see this and how it's in place. Report an error in the passage at 29:56 Highlight the passage at 29:56

30:20 But how it's been, when I apply these same kind of Principles, my own life really changes. Because I'm not creating these expectations in situations where I don't have control, then I have to let go and let the situation. And I may see things, I still have wisdom, but I'm not the one that's in control here. And I need to then look at, you know, this situation may have certain results that if I had done it my way, it wouldn't have those results. Report an error in the passage at 30:20 Highlight the passage at 30:20

31:02 But, hey, I'm not in control, so those aren't my results. Report an error in the passage at 31:02 Highlight the passage at 31:02

31:11 Yes. Report an error in the passage at 31:11 Highlight the passage at 31:11

31:37 Slowly. Report an error in the passage at 31:37 Highlight the passage at 31:37

31:46 Slowly. One is which, of course, to realize, I Report an error in the passage at 31:46 Highlight the passage at 31:46

31:56 mean, that so much is in the nature of suffering, and that people are causing so much of their own suffering, suffering for others, suffering for themselves. Report an error in the passage at 31:56 Highlight the passage at 31:56

32:10 As Buddhists, we believe in karma, so we do believe that no matter which actions, whatever experience you are experiencing, you have created the cause to experience. And so also that person who is creating suffering for others will have the results of those actions. That's a little bit difficult to kind of comprehend in some level because it does take more than one lifetime. Report an error in the passage at 32:10 Highlight the passage at 32:10

32:41 It takes a bit of understanding of emptiness to really understand this dependent origination. So it takes a little bit of faith here to know that they will have the results. The one thing you can do is to look and see what you can do, use some wisdom in that situation to see if there's any way in which you can have influence in changing the power that person has to make others suffer. Report an error in the passage at 32:41 Highlight the passage at 32:41

33:14 If you have some ability to change, to be skillful in shifting something so less people suffer, then by all means do so. And this is one of the things, because there are what you might call evil people or bad people or difficult people out there. And we do still want to acknowledge that there are sometimes methods we can use that are skillful. Report an error in the passage at 33:14 Highlight the passage at 33:14

33:44 In shifting things. Sometimes it is giving the victory to the other person, allowing them to have their self-importance for the moment. Report an error in the passage at 33:44 Highlight the passage at 33:44

34:03 But if that's just enabling in the long run, then that's not necessarily the wise approach to take. But if in the moment it's gotten... It goes back and forth and there's no solution there in some kind of competition or combative relationship. If you can just, okay, let yourself be, offer the victory in that situation, then it allows it to kind of give some space there and brings it back down to a level where something could move forward. Report an error in the passage at 34:03 Highlight the passage at 34:03

34:41 As opposed to just the going back and forth competitive thing. So you have to apply skill in different ways and this just comes with your own experience and putting the teachings into practice and trying to apply wisdom. But also accepting what is your expectations, accepting understanding that is also changing. Report an error in the passage at 34:41 Highlight the passage at 34:41

35:07 None of this is permanent. None of this is permanent. So it is changing. It's very interesting for me, I mean, because in some ways, you know, obviously in the next six weeks we're going to have, you know, an election. Report an error in the passage at 35:07 Highlight the passage at 35:07

35:24 And to me, it's very, very clear that the direction of those two candidates is very different in how it will impact not only us, but people in this country, but also people in the world. I mean, seriously, it does have very, very different impacts. And so... Report an error in the passage at 35:24 Highlight the passage at 35:24

35:51 It's very interesting to see how culturally, through culturalization, through the media, things like this, it does formulate our thoughts and opinions and things like this. Report an error in the passage at 35:51 Highlight the passage at 35:51

36:10 And it is painting the picture of how we see things. And yet... If you step back, many of us can see what's happening and we can know what the issues are. That's again where we know what control we have and what we don't have. What we can do and what we can't do. It's very interesting because I feel this sense of anxiousness because there's a lot of uncertainty in the air. Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

36:44 Until this gets resolved, it's hard to move forward. we wish, you know, but and Report an error in the passage at 36:44 Highlight the passage at 36:44

36:50 And it's going to resolve itself one way or the other. And then we have to live with those results. Report an error in the passage at 36:50 Highlight the passage at 36:50

36:59 And we have to try to be happy no matter what those results are. It's a big order. And it doesn't happen. We don't change these things overnight. Report an error in the passage at 36:59 Highlight the passage at 36:59

37:15 And it takes work. I mean, even for me. You know, I've been practicing for a long time. And I just think, you know, you don't want to get disillusioned. You don't want to get... Report an error in the passage at 37:15 Highlight the passage at 37:15

37:25 So you look at it. You look at what you can and then you look at it as this... From an emptiness standpoint, you just see it kind of as a dream. Everything is moving and changing and it's not as fixed as you might believe it to be. That takes a while to really apply that into our personal lives. It takes a long, long time. Report an error in the passage at 37:25 Highlight the passage at 37:25

37:50 But looking and recognizing our own part of creating ourselves as the center of our universe It's really, really important. Report an error in the passage at 37:50 Highlight the passage at 37:50

38:06 Some of you want any more comments about particular situations that people have? Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 38:06 Highlight the passage at 38:06

38:15 go ahead. Report an error in the passage at 38:15 Highlight the passage at 38:15

38:41 after the project, the day after I started that The, um, I think it's email, geez. three levels up, saying how I the project, and not followed up with him. I had just started on that Everything was not true. But basically... What it came down to is he was unhappy with my manager and he had split his gate so he was covering himself. So I did recognize that, I did kind of recognize that he didn't have anything to do. Report an error in the passage at 38:41 Highlight the passage at 38:41

39:23 There's some ego involved, there's some competition involved and some dinner playing involved. Report an error in the passage at 39:23 Highlight the passage at 39:23

39:31 Now in this situation I have no expectation of him being a person. Report an error in the passage at 39:31 Highlight the passage at 39:31

39:42 do recognize that it's unrelated to non-action. on the other hand, it's quite damaging it. It's building a lot of work for me to really, you know, communicate out that not like this. Report an error in the passage at 39:42 Highlight the passage at 39:42

39:58 the meanwhile, he's quite established dream. So, my question really is... Report an error in the passage at 39:58 Highlight the passage at 39:58

40:09 He's skillful, skillful. You're kind of doing very much, very clearly already, understanding that more has to do with more with him and his thing, understanding he wants to be happy. I think one of the things you can try to do is to reach out to certainly make him feel that he's included because that sounds like part of what he wants is some feeling of being valued because he's been there for a long time and he probably is feeling... Report an error in the passage at 40:09 Highlight the passage at 40:09

40:44 Not valued because here's somebody else coming who's less established and he's probably feeling like that he's not as valued from his perspective. So that's probably troubling him. Now on the other hand is to be very clear, not to be a doormat and to be walked over, but to be clear about not pointing fingers as much as to be clear. Report an error in the passage at 40:44 Highlight the passage at 40:44

41:14 When accusations are being made and things like that, to be very skillful that this is yours. You have to own this. And give it back to him to own if you can do that. But also try to value him so that he becomes more of a part of a team as opposed to competitive one-on-one. Report an error in the passage at 41:14 Highlight the passage at 41:14

41:51 He's a team player. Report an error in the passage at 41:51 Highlight the passage at 41:51

· · · silence, 1 minute

42:31 Yeah, I mean, because there's certain aspects of which you're not going to be able to change in terms of him, obviously, and his habits and ways of dealing with things. But in competitions, they want to feel like they're winning and Report an error in the passage at 42:31 Highlight the passage at 42:31

42:54 they've won something, right? So you have to give them some feeling of winning and that may be just being valued or having some input or recognition. Report an error in the passage at 42:54 Highlight the passage at 42:54

43:11 And that's not so difficult. It doesn't mean they have authority, decision-making authority, but they have input. And that's where skillfulness can come in. It's not like you necessarily give them, but you listen to them and you acknowledge them. Report an error in the passage at 43:11 Highlight the passage at 43:11

43:31 And maybe if they have something valuable to say, you act on it. Report an error in the passage at 43:31 Highlight the passage at 43:31

43:38 Do you understand my point here? Report an error in the passage at 43:38 Highlight the passage at 43:38

43:43 It's understanding where they're coming from. You know, it's trying to... It's always helpful to try to really reflect on where they're coming from. I remember years ago, and this was back when I was in the business world, a long time ago, and I was actually recruited by a recruiter to go into this new company. Report an error in the passage at 43:43 Highlight the passage at 43:43

44:09 So obviously I had some skill levels to be recruited. I was a qualified candidate. But I got into this new position. And I was supposed to be part of this one team. And Report an error in the passage at 44:09 Highlight the passage at 44:09

44:27 for whatever reason, the team leader, she did not like me. Report an error in the passage at 44:27 Highlight the passage at 44:27

44:36 And although I was fairly naive at the time because I didn't really see it coming, so she chose really to kind of exclude me from it as much as possible. And that in turn reflected within this company because then my value to the company was undermined. So what I could have been offering... Just because of that one experience, because it came right at the beginning, it was the first project I was put on. And I was excluded from it, so I was excluded from participating in any manner. Report an error in the passage at 44:36 Highlight the passage at 44:36

45:09 And over time then, of course, the company was like looking at, well, why do we have this person on and that they're not of value to this company? So basically, she also was responsible for me exiting because, I mean, luckily it came... You know, I mean, because of the recruiter recognizing, you know, he was able to find me in another situation to get into. It had nothing to do, it had absolutely nothing to do with my talents. Report an error in the passage at 45:09 Highlight the passage at 45:09

45:37 It had to do with her. And I really, now reflecting back, it just was like it was a personality thing. She just didn't like me. It had nothing to do with me. I mean, it's so clear to me, in retrospect, at the time, of course, you're insecure, whatever, you're trying to want people to want you, you want people to like you, things like that. Report an error in the passage at 45:37 Highlight the passage at 45:37

45:56 But recognizing it, it's like, for whatever reason, from her own story, and this was a game she was playing. And so you step back and you're like, okay. I mean, then I could probably, I mean, I was a lot more emotional about it, I'm sure. But, you know, I mean... Report an error in the passage at 45:56 Highlight the passage at 45:56

46:27 Seeing things Report an error in the passage at 46:27 Highlight the passage at 46:27

46:34 as changing and seeing things as Report an error in the passage at 46:34 Highlight the passage at 46:34

46:42 causes and conditions and labels, it's how we're seeing them, our perspective on them, that's coloring whether something is difficult or not. Report an error in the passage at 46:42 Highlight the passage at 46:42

46:55 Like in these situations, maybe it's not so difficult. What's difficult, what makes it difficult is because we see it as being difficult. Report an error in the passage at 46:55 Highlight the passage at 46:55

47:07 We don't see it as something changing. We don't recognize our own role in it. Now that takes practice here. None of these things I'm telling you are something you're just going to take overnight. Report an error in the passage at 47:07 Highlight the passage at 47:07

47:24 Now this person that's creating a lot of suffering for others, for many others, is it something that you have control over? Report an error in the passage at 47:24 Highlight the passage at 47:24

· · · silence, 1 minute

48:07 I was hired and they put me there to make a change. been difficult because at the end of the day it's still her school what makes the situation more complicated is she's retiring soon I believe I retired because they want me to take over so in a year or two years it'll be mine. But for now I'm trying to figure out how to work with her set tone that we both want to set which is a calm, poorly environment but one that's... Report an error in the passage at 48:07 Highlight the passage at 48:07

48:38 I'm really working on positive, positive. And she's just maybe, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 48:38 Highlight the passage at 48:38

49:00 our kids are in New Orleans to get And we had last two weeks, you know, the weather over in Brooklyn, you know, the sun moving down and, you know, the assemblies that were creating that are supposed to be positive motivating assemblies, she wanted help outdoors under the hot sun. Report an error in the passage at 49:00 Highlight the passage at 49:00

49:17 And I had to just print out the heat advisory with a memo saying, the heat advisory out, like the National Weather Station is telling us not to be outside. Report an error in the passage at 49:17 Highlight the passage at 49:17

49:27 I think think we're we're going going to get to out. get sunburned. Is she open to dialogue or is she very authoritarian? Very authoritarian. Do other people have, is there any kind of role for her to get feedback in other? I'm trying to work for those outlets. I'm trying to figure out a way to work for those outlets that's not undermining her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 49:27 Highlight the passage at 49:27

49:55 Because we both agree to be very upfront and honest with each other. It's just gotten to a point where suggestion I make to try to ease up the situation and, kind of release a little bit of tight choking hold we seem to have on our kids. It just gets shut down. Can you explain it to her in a way where she would see the benefit? Report an error in the passage at 49:55 Highlight the passage at 49:55

50:24 In a particular kind of, I mean, just start with one thing, for example. You know, something small and then just, you know, in a very kind of... Giving her the respect that she's obviously wanting, but just take her and sit her and have a discussion, say, you know, let's say if we approach it this way, don't, you know, Report an error in the passage at 50:24 Highlight the passage at 50:24

50:47 make it seem as if it's coming from her, that she might recognize that it's valuable, but then it then gives coming from her rather than it's coming from you. Report an error in the passage at 50:47 Highlight the passage at 50:47

51:03 The other thing is, in some ways, is to learn to practice patience, because in fact maybe you don't have a lot of control, but be true to who you are, and that will be reflected, because people will see that, people will notice your way of being, and that will have an effect. Report an error in the passage at 51:03 Highlight the passage at 51:03

51:26 You know, you don't have to necessarily adopt the very authoritarian thing. It's a situation where you might not have the control over it. It doesn't mean you have to kind of act in that way. You can be very open, friendly and kind day by day. And that will get noticed. And that will permeate the way in terms of the environment and things like that. It will permeate to other areas. Report an error in the passage at 51:26 Highlight the passage at 51:26

51:54 And so you don't necessarily have to hang on to this idea that authoritarian kind of regime kind of... The scenario isn't going to change, because it will change, and you will have an effect on the change. You may not have as fast of an effect or as powerful of an effect immediately, but if you hold to your values in terms of that, you will have an effect. Report an error in the passage at 51:54 Highlight the passage at 51:54

52:23 It's just being patient with that, because it sounds like it's changing, it will change. Obviously it's going to change if she's retiring. And I think develop compassion. I mean there are practices we do where we take on the suffering of others like that in our meditation. We take on their suffering. We bring it on to ourselves and we give them our happiness. We usually do it in terms of smoke. We take on their suffering in terms of smoke. Report an error in the passage at 52:23 Highlight the passage at 52:23

52:58 We breathe in their... We give out our own happiness, our own joyfulness in terms of light, bright, clearer light. And that's a meditation technique that we use as Buddhists. It's called Tonglen. And it actually is very, very powerful. Report an error in the passage at 52:58 Highlight the passage at 52:58

53:25 My own experience, because things are not so concrete. We're in this changing environment where even our own... Our own thoughts and ideas and ways in which we see things and things like that are not so fixed and solid. They appear to be, everything appears to be somewhat concrete, but it's really, if we analyze it, even our bodies are changing from moment to moment. Report an error in the passage at 53:25 Highlight the passage at 53:25

53:56 And so all of our energy, you know, in terms of our thoughts and the way we see things and things like that, that's shifting and changing from moment to moment. So it does influence out, you know, it's not so just have this sphere of influence here. It also gets reflected out there. So I think those kind of techniques for somebody who's truly suffering like that and to really in your mind really understand Report an error in the passage at 53:56 Highlight the passage at 53:56

54:30 that, you know, Those kind of methods are for somebody who has fear, coming from fear-based approach. And someone who's afraid is someone who's suffering. Report an error in the passage at 54:30 Highlight the passage at 54:30

54:47 And so you develop a level of compassion for their suffering. Fear is always coming from a level of suffering. And so you try to approach it that way. One thing I try to do is to start my day with a good motivation. Report an error in the passage at 54:47 Highlight the passage at 54:47

55:08 Where your work you do is to benefit others, to be kind and things like that. And when you do that, when you first get up in the morning, because your mind is much more clear, then throughout the day when you're engaged in different activities, it comes to mind more quickly. And eventually that's will how, if you can maintain that within yourself, you know, working on your own stuff, your own... Report an error in the passage at 55:08 Highlight the passage at 55:08

55:35 Loving, kindness, compassion, wisdom. That's what's going to be reflected back at you because that's how others are going to start to see you. Report an error in the passage at 55:35 Highlight the passage at 55:35

55:44 And you will have less in your relationships. But if you come more, and this is what dealing with difficult people, like if you come with this more competition, this more, you know, kind of tightness and fear and pride and anger and things like this, that's, of course, that's... That's difficult for other people. So they're going to see you as difficult and that's going to be what's reflected back. Report an error in the passage at 55:44 Highlight the passage at 55:44

56:19 If you come from a place of kindness, people aren't going to see you as difficult. It doesn't mean that you set yourself up to be walked over, but sometimes you will have difficulties for sure in decision making and things like that when it comes to that because you want to be kind and yet you still have to be skillful. Report an error in the passage at 56:19 Highlight the passage at 56:19

56:39 And sometimes you want to be kind and sometimes people are not. Just because you're kind doesn't mean everyone else is going to be kind. Report an error in the passage at 56:39 Highlight the passage at 56:39

56:53 Keith, any situations for you? Report an error in the passage at 56:53 Highlight the passage at 56:53

57:13 Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 57:13 Highlight the passage at 57:13

57:26 Yeah. they do is figure out what they need. Report an error in the passage at 57:26 Highlight the passage at 57:26

57:29 so it's a challenge and a wonderful opportunity to learn from a difficult person. Report an error in the passage at 57:29 Highlight the passage at 57:29

57:50 to see it as an opportunity... Report an error in the passage at 57:50 Highlight the passage at 57:50

57:59 Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 57:59 Highlight the passage at 57:59

58:10 Sometimes it is. I mean, I have to admit, I've gone through difficult periods and sometimes it has given me some strength where, you Report an error in the passage at 58:10 Highlight the passage at 58:10

58:24 know, with situations that I didn't necessarily have to control, but then where I was kind of accustomed to trying to have to defend myself, you know, when I had a role of authority. say that this is a good opportunity. Report an error in the passage at 58:24 Highlight the passage at 58:24

· · · silence, 1 minute

58:42 Then it's kind of like, well, I'm obviously not going to keep everyone happy all the time. There's no way. You know, not everyone's going to agree with what I have, my way of doing things and my way of seeing things and things like that. My intention is to be kind and fair and honest and reflect these values. But obviously people are coming from different places, so they will not always agree with me. Report an error in the passage at 58:42 Highlight the passage at 58:42

59:06 And thinking that they have to, you know. So it was kind of people by disagreeing with me and being difficult has challenged me to learn how to be more skillful and not necessarily to cow into all of that because I'm not going to make everyone happy. That's not my power. Their happiness has to come from them. I can try to be kind and reflect these certain values. Report an error in the passage at 59:06 Highlight the passage at 59:06

59:43 But in the end, not everyone's going to see it my way. And if I'm given certain authority to do certain things, I do it from the place that I'm coming from, using my wisdom from my perspective, how I think it should be. And maybe I'm not always right, and I have to acknowledge I will make mistakes, for sure. But, you know, when I'm criticized, I can listen and look at that, but I don't have to take it personally. Report an error in the passage at 59:43 Highlight the passage at 59:43

1:00:14 And I don't have to expect that everyone's going to agree. And that has made it easier. Transforming stuff, you know, sometimes. And understanding where people are coming from. Because everyone wants to be happy and maybe that's what you said when you say unlock their heart or they have keys to their heart. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:14 Highlight the passage at 1:00:14

1:00:36 You work in a prison so it's the staff, it's the prisoners, it's everyone and they all have their ways of showing things and they can all be difficult. it's just... Report an error in the passage at 1:00:36 Highlight the passage at 1:00:36

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:01:33 talking to people or looking at people in my life it wasn't worth trying to get something. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:33 Highlight the passage at 1:01:33

1:01:45 trying to look at the situation in Report an error in the passage at 1:01:45 Highlight the passage at 1:01:45

1:01:52 And he told me to clean. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:52 Highlight the passage at 1:01:52

1:02:09 obvious that it's wrong. Anybody would say is it happening? Report an error in the passage at 1:02:09 Highlight the passage at 1:02:09

1:02:17 Habits. There's so much habits. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:17 Highlight the passage at 1:02:17

1:02:30 so by knowing about that, we have to come to a very new story here. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:30 Highlight the passage at 1:02:30

1:02:43 Patience is key also. Meditation practice also gives us, if we have a daily practice, it's really quite helpful because it usually creates some space so that all these situations, it's almost as if we have some space to see it from the outside rather than just being kind of... Wrapped up in it. And that helps because then you try to understand what are people's motivations, where are they coming from, it's not all about me, things like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:43 Highlight the passage at 1:02:43

1:03:20 Although you're still in it, but still. So developing qualities of compassion, kindness, wisdom, without necessarily being enabling. I mean, enabling is a very critical one here too because There is a tendency for us to enable a lot of situations and we have to look at that because that's not necessarily the wisest thing to do either from their perspective even though it may be easier for us just to let it be. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:20 Highlight the passage at 1:03:20

1:04:00 But it could be an enabling behavior which could have harm for that person and for others. And so when you have to take action and you can take it strongly, Report an error in the passage at 1:04:00 Highlight the passage at 1:04:00

1:04:14 But you're also very clear about it, and then it's okay. And then the results will be the results, and then you're not even grasping it at... You can let go as well. It's like, well, you did what you could, and you tried what you could based on the wisdom you have, and then you let go. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:14 Highlight the passage at 1:04:14

1:04:36 Did you have anything? Report an error in the passage at 1:04:36 Highlight the passage at 1:04:36

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:05:23 for the telephone and I can pop when it heads up. Yeah, I did too, but it's really a habit of using it yet. It's never charged. Don't forget, it's not in your convenient or... Report an error in the passage at 1:05:23 Highlight the passage at 1:05:23

1:05:42 him and my desk after it last she added her these days is kind of like I still really want to be responsible for my own actions Report an error in the passage at 1:05:42 Highlight the passage at 1:05:42

1:05:57 know, so it wasn't going a lot of bullies behind it, but not all right. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:57 Highlight the passage at 1:05:57

1:06:27 for one of those papers. very well known to be found Report an error in the passage at 1:06:27 Highlight the passage at 1:06:27

1:06:32 a lady of color. I liked her. I thought she was very flashy when she dressed. I love art. Yeah. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:32 Highlight the passage at 1:06:32

1:06:50 I love fashion when you are in years, not just in the real. when I see someone who knows what you're doing, working with the landscape at the right place in heaven. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:50 Highlight the passage at 1:06:50

1:07:12 would always thank the part of that you know how much I appreciate I want to be on a transplant, too. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:12 Highlight the passage at 1:07:12

1:07:21 And I got the, she knew it didn't like it, Report an error in the passage at 1:07:21 Highlight the passage at 1:07:21

1:07:32 Yeah. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:32 Highlight the passage at 1:07:32

1:07:45 Yeah, yeah. Good. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:45 Highlight the passage at 1:07:45

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:08:19 Yeah. Yeah, you don't really always know what is it that's triggering where people are coming from. And that's why I do not personalize it always. I've learned not to personalize it where I used to do so much. of people in the cell is coming back. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:19 Highlight the passage at 1:08:19

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:08:37 I mean, sometimes it's difficult because, you know, you have to work with certain people and you have to get certain things accomplished and they're coming from their place, from their fears. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:37 Highlight the passage at 1:08:37

1:08:48 You know, I have this situation now that I'm a little bit baffled on how I'm going to approach it because I have someone who's coming from a lot of fear and mistrust and I'm not, I think the only thing that's going to help is for them to learn to trust me. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:48 Highlight the passage at 1:08:48

1:09:12 But that's going to take time. And I just have to be patient with that. But I also have to be skillful because if I'm going to accomplish anything here, it needs to come from a place where there's this building trust over the long term. But I have to, you know, it's interesting. Not to throw rocks back. It's a good one. I mean, I know, you know, it's funny when they ask me to teach this class. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:12 Highlight the passage at 1:09:12

1:09:45 I kind of wrote back this description of dealing with difficult people because I've had a reputation for being difficult. I used to be, you know, I have a very clear way, an organizational way, so I think a lot of it is very control issues or expectations and attachment to my expectations. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:45 Highlight the passage at 1:09:45

1:10:07 And I have learned to a certain extent to really let go of some of that. Because it's not about the other person, it's just about my way of seeing it, that expecting them to have more qualifications or to understand exactly how they're supposed to act in a certain situation and not getting up for me to learn to let go or relax about some of that stuff has helped considerably. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:07 Highlight the passage at 1:10:07

1:10:33 And just to be kind, I mean this is what Geshe-la is, just be kind, just to be kind. And he has taught me so much in that respect, I remember him. You know, a difficult, where I've, originally when I was started to take, be responsible for his care. And of course, the initial reaction is to try to protect him. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:33 Highlight the passage at 1:10:33

1:10:59 Protect him from, you know, because he's always, there's students, sometimes they don't have boundaries. Okay. And being his attendant, of course, is you want to try to protect him. And have... His students respect the boundaries and stuff and give him the rest and stuff. Because from his side, especially the more realized beings, they're very, very patient and of course they're bodhisattvas. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:59 Highlight the passage at 1:10:59

1:11:29 So if there's an ability to benefit or if something's needed or a request is made, they honor it. And that's not about them and what their needs are. So here I am trying to deal with this one, I'm trying to protect him and also someone, because from his side, it's also a willingness to just take on anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:29 Highlight the passage at 1:11:29

1:11:50 So you're finding that balance sometimes. And it's, you know, he's taught me, I mean, I've been scolded sometimes when, you know, not verbally, but just in looks or actually, you know, it's just like, you know, hey. Where, you know. You're just kind. I have to be kind no matter what. And if I'm tired, it doesn't matter. I still have to be kind. It's not about me. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:50 Highlight the passage at 1:11:50

1:12:16 And it's been a very valuable lesson because then it does start to reflect back. And I think that's what you're saying. When you were more difficult, you had more difficulties. And as time goes on and you learn to work with your mind and transform your own mind, then you find... Less difficult situations. Doesn't mean you won't still have challenges. But you do approach them differently. You do approach them differently. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:16 Highlight the passage at 1:12:16

1:12:48 Any other kind of scenarios people want to just, you know? Report an error in the passage at 1:12:48 Highlight the passage at 1:12:48

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:13:25 is too bad, but I have couple of little buttons that I trust. There is a fantastic world between me and my world. course, I gave her enough work to gain herself, and that was just fun. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:25 Highlight the passage at 1:13:25

1:13:46 you are working with these undeveloped, criminal Report an error in the passage at 1:13:46 Highlight the passage at 1:13:46

1:13:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I kind of see that kind of, it's funny because about a year, when was the last spring, I was asked to go in to talk about Buddhism to 8th graders, and I would have Yeah, yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:59 Highlight the passage at 1:13:59

1:14:19 I was like, you know, you're in there and it's like, whoa, I couldn't deal with this day by day. I think one of the things is certainly is to, which you're already aware of all the different elements that are at play. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:19 Highlight the passage at 1:14:19

1:14:40 And then from that perspective, not necessarily taking on what you can and cannot do. In terms of controlling the situation. I think especially children these days are so much influenced by peers and all of the other information that's coming at them from all kinds of ways. I actually think parents and teachers have a very insignificant effect compared to when it was when I grew up. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:40 Highlight the passage at 1:14:40

1:15:16 And I think to recognize that that's just the reality. They're being more influenced by the advertising, by TV, by their peers and things like this than they are, you know. And so you do the best you can, given that reality. And I think example is really, really important. And it may not seem to have an effect in the moment, but it's not lost. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:16 Highlight the passage at 1:15:16

1:15:50 So your ability to be kind and wise and compassionate and wise will have an effect even on small children to understand where they're coming from. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:50 Highlight the passage at 1:15:50

1:16:06 Just think of everything that they're bombarded with. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:06 Highlight the passage at 1:16:06

1:16:12 Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:12 Highlight the passage at 1:16:12

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:16:57 especially in inner city, that they're no good, they're Report an error in the passage at 1:16:57 Highlight the passage at 1:16:57

1:17:04 be at it, they're not smart, but they're, you know, they get these messages everywhere, the media, What I really try to get my teachers to do is that you have to find that one thing, you know, that strength that that kid has to speak to that. So it gives me a particularly hard time, you know, how to play out how smart they are and how they're about your actions. You know, like a smart young man like you who's so outspoken, you know, who is very assertive. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:04 Highlight the passage at 1:17:04

1:17:39 You shouldn't be behaving like this. You could use your big personality for good. Right now you're making a poor choice and you're using it to negatively affect the class. You're better than that. You can rise above it. It's really that messaging, not like you're bad, you're awful, I'm in charge, you need to leave. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:39 Highlight the passage at 1:17:39

1:18:00 You're better than that. I'm here to help to educate you and I know you want a good education. You can rise above this. and I believe in you and I'm going to give up on you. You know, at least they need that. And I say messaging again and again, even when they're on your last nerve, you know, that tomorrow's a new day, you're going to have a great day tomorrow. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:00 Highlight the passage at 1:18:00

1:18:21 Make sure you get rest. Yeah, no, I just, you know, I find actually this is really actually something to bring up because in my own experience when I don't get rest, I'm a lot Take care of yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:21 Highlight the passage at 1:18:21

1:18:43 More on the edge in terms of emotions. And that affects speech, which then it does have an effect on other people. And when I'm rested, there's much more space. Much more space. So really, really give yourself that. I know it was funny yesterday. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:43 Highlight the passage at 1:18:43

1:19:08 We flew from Indiana. We had to get up at 4.30 Indiana time. Get the flight coming back here to San Francisco. So 4.30 Indiana time was basically 1.30 California time. And although I did catch a little bit of sleep on the flights, I certainly dozed in and out a little bit, but it wasn't like... And then of course we arrive here and it's lunchtime and I have to take care of feeding and then of course catching up with being gone unexpectedly. And so by, you know, and someone I had left something to do, they did not follow. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:08 Highlight the passage at 1:19:08

1:19:45 But it was also my communication that was an issue. It was kind of like, you know, so I could catch myself, but it was also because I hadn't really rested, kind of getting irritated and stuff. But I was also aware of watching it happen and then also being aware and making sure that it was understood that just let's leave it here for now. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:45 Highlight the passage at 1:19:45

1:20:07 I mean, I'm tired and I don't want to really kind of harp on this or whatever, but let's... Just pick it up later when I get more rest. But being tired and run down does make us see things less clearly, more susceptible to emotions, things like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:07 Highlight the passage at 1:20:07

1:20:49 I Report an error in the passage at 1:20:49 Highlight the passage at 1:20:49

1:21:07 know. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:07 Highlight the passage at 1:21:07

1:21:31 It is Report an error in the passage at 1:21:31 Highlight the passage at 1:21:31

1:21:42 funny when people project on you and it has nothing to do with... And it's been especially, I mean, being a white male here, you know, I mean, supposedly in this culture where the all one are all in, but, you know, I mean, we don't necessarily, you know, it's kind of interesting, all the projections made. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:42 Highlight the passage at 1:21:42

1:22:34 So I don't know if it's Buddhism or is it just wisdom with aging that we're getting this stuff, but anyway, both. Now Buddhism has some very good tools. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:34 Highlight the passage at 1:22:34

1:22:47 There is a meditation on equanimity, which we look at friend, enemy, stranger and we look very carefully at the way we project onto people these labels. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:47 Highlight the passage at 1:22:47

1:23:00 There's a whole meditation that's just directed on that and how we recognize our way of seeing it, our role in that labeling. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:00 Highlight the passage at 1:23:00

1:23:14 Starts by having the awareness, then of course you begin to change it. You can't change it unless you first have the awareness. There's meditation techniques on impermanence. Just dealing with the changing nature and recognizing the changing nature of... Phenomena as well as relationships as well as just our experiences moment by moment is quite valuable in terms of not seeing things so concretely every time we get involved in a situation with a particular person and allowing that space for change, allowing that impermanence to things. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:14 Highlight the passage at 1:23:14

1:23:50 It's quite a valuable tool. Developing loving kindness and compassion, you know, I mean, there's very, very many, many techniques in Buddhism that actually do quite a bit of, have quite an effect on transforming our minds. There's understanding everyone wants to be happy and understanding that, you know, this is our role in life, is to help others be happy and developing those qualities. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:50 Highlight the passage at 1:23:50

1:24:17 And then the wisdom of emptiness, seeing things not so concretely. There's also what we call lojong, mind transformation techniques. My favorite teachings are these eight verses of transforming the mind and just applying them. And they're not easy. They're very pithy instructions, just eight verses. I used to have them memorized, but I don't right now. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:17 Highlight the passage at 1:24:17

1:24:47 That's it. But seeing myself as lower than others is one of them, which is not so much of being that I'm not of value, but one of which I can be humble. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:47 Highlight the passage at 1:24:47

1:24:59 Then there's another one of allowing, giving the victory to others. Let them have the victory. It's not a big deal. If that's going to make them happy in that particular situation, just let it go. You know, I mean, and this is really important when we see, you know, even what world war is being waged. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:59 Highlight the passage at 1:24:59

1:25:18 These tribal things have gone on for centuries and you're just like, can't they get over it? If somebody would just say, okay, yes, you win. Now let's sit down and have a meal together instead of hanging on to this history. It would make such a big difference. There's another one that's just, even when people we've befriended betray us, think of them as our teachers. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:18 Highlight the passage at 1:25:18

1:25:48 Giving us some tools with which to develop our qualities. So these eight verses are called mind transformation techniques or lojong is the Tibetan word. So these are all, the Buddhism is filled with different techniques and by applying the Buddhist teachings over and over and over again through analysis and meditation and contemplation we do see a transformation come about. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:48 Highlight the passage at 1:25:48

1:26:13 It's not overnight but you will see then as... He pointed out that when we stop being less difficult ourselves, we will have less difficulties out there. It doesn't mean they're all going to disappear. We might have created some karma from a long, long time ago of ways in which we treat it. And we also have some habits of seeing things. I mean, I get on the bus and I know, I watch my mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:13 Highlight the passage at 1:26:13

1:26:38 It's quite amazing because, you know, it's still true. I paint, you know, I have ways in which I judge people. And I tend to be fairly, I mean, I still now it's a little bit more easily to know that everyone wants to be happy and I kind of, it comes a little bit more spontaneous, this kind of like, but, you know, it's just from reading newspapers and TV, I don't know, it's just through culturization that you just kind of, some of these things that you just, you just see people and you make judgments, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:38 Highlight the passage at 1:26:38

1:27:19 And it has sometimes a reflection of you and your own, the way you're seeing yourself and not self-loathing and things like that. I don't know. But anyway, we try. Okay, I hope this has been valuable. I have to go and prepare Geshe-la's lunch, so we'll have to call this to a close. Thank you for taking the time. I think it is valuable to sit back and reflect on these things, and I hope we can rejoice in that. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:19 Highlight the passage at 1:27:19

1:27:48 And that it does have an effect. Because even, you know, when we think about the world and world peace, it's a big task that it does begin with us. The world is not more than a bunch of individuals. So if we can have peace in our own heart, then we can develop peace with the people we surround ourselves with. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:48 Highlight the passage at 1:27:48

1:28:14 And then that just reflects back up and up and up. That's the only way we'll ever accomplish anything. So if we really wish for world peace, we need to start with ourselves. So we can rejoice in that because today's efforts are really, really very, very powerful to developing those qualities. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:14 Highlight the passage at 1:28:14

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1:29:28 it's bad. There's also the racial thing too because, you know, you know, school after America and so, you know, bring up certain things and it's like, Report an error in the passage at 1:29:28 Highlight the passage at 1:29:28

1:29:42 This is a top name, this is a top name, that's interesting, I really have to be super happy about this. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:42 Highlight the passage at 1:29:42

1:30:11 You know, at the very least you can check in your but that's why I feel it's ready. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:11 Highlight the passage at 1:30:11

1:30:25 I wanted to respond to that. I was in charge of the assembly. I put it together. It's supposed to be our one positive, fun thing for that month. After a month, I'd be on the screen. It's just like the one chance to like pull an apple. I got like an apple tickets for the food here. I had student poetry to do like tears. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:25 Highlight the passage at 1:30:25

1:30:44 And I was like, as a white person with white skin, do not want to sign up. Please flip me indoors. We have very, like, say Latinos who are in our schools who are going to get burned. Well, you know, everyone, yeah. Is there anything that's in the school that you work with, and you have to do something you have to do something that you work with, and with you, and that can be It was interesting to see the way the school reacted when I found out about the memo because I left it on the computer screen I was using and they were cracking up because no one has been able to think what she says goes. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:44 Highlight the passage at 1:30:44

1:31:20 I was just curious, kind of story, because if you don't question it, someday we're really intrigued that I figured out a way to get her to change her mind. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:20 Highlight the passage at 1:31:20

1:31:36 Thank you. Thank you. decisions and delegates and everything. So like this whole regime that we have now with kids getting to have at least 16 referrals a day, it all follows the need process and I'm trying to deal with because it was her choice to do it this way and that she hired me to carry it out. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:36 Highlight the passage at 1:31:36

1:32:03 How she envisioned my role and I'm trying to transform it right now into what our kids need. Well, how long did you care to her? Um, I think she was very, I was told every year. I was told every year. was told every year. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:03 Highlight the passage at 1:32:03

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1:33:06 it 30 years. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:06 Highlight the passage at 1:33:06

1:33:37 thing that they do in three ways is a certain way you have to them that they will respond to that's different from that. And they will pass away the words that they're acting like. So I'm going to show you about a picture. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:37 Highlight the passage at 1:33:37

1:34:00 Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:00 Highlight the passage at 1:34:00

1:34:14 send them out, want them to know it's called basic hearing, they write much to accept this way. You know, it's going to be a consequence. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to be the functions of work. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:14 Highlight the passage at 1:34:14

1:34:41 hard to do more work than you do, because you know someone who's a friend of one of these, you could think, put together, you could do it really well, do some kind of work. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:41 Highlight the passage at 1:34:41

1:35:07 our roots, just the word of justice, which is, into a way. some point, I just have to tell you about getting back into Report an error in the passage at 1:35:07 Highlight the passage at 1:35:07

1:35:36 don't even think it's worthy of consequence, it's like basic. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:36 Highlight the passage at 1:35:36

1:35:43 You know, I can almost see what she means, though. I do remember when I was in grade school and I was going to the bathroom and I was just kind of lingering out there and, you know, meeting people out of the bathroom. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:43 Highlight the passage at 1:35:43

1:36:00 There's all rationality. It is very logical. It's just too extreme. yeah. Why don't we? Report an error in the passage at 1:36:00 Highlight the passage at 1:36:00

1:36:06 It has to be solidly, right? Yeah. I didn't like to go to the bathroom when I was teaching either. I'm not saying that they should be a model. I Report an error in the passage at 1:36:06 Highlight the passage at 1:36:06

1:36:25 can Report an error in the passage at 1:36:25 Highlight the passage at 1:36:25

1:36:52 live with things as long as you're also experiencing yourself. You know, like, I don't wear big earrings anymore. My school feels like girls wear big earrings, so I stop wearing big earrings. I'm like, well, that's just, you know, I mean, even the staff, I mean, the teachers are hot in the room. She's got a feeling going on in her life. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:52 Highlight the passage at 1:36:52

1:37:19 I think she said something in the type of, like, it's just, Report an error in the passage at 1:37:19 Highlight the passage at 1:37:19

1:37:29 you know, I guess we have hours gone out. But then, like, if that were the case, just the empathy, I would not understand because that we're all suffering. It's just, you know, sticking together, but not, like... there wouldn't be an all loud one in my office. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:29 Highlight the passage at 1:37:29

1:37:58 Want to enter some of these referrals? Report an error in the passage at 1:37:58 Highlight the passage at 1:37:58