The Power of Retreat: Practicing Retreat, Practical Advice

0:02 on the Report an error in the passage at 0:02 Highlight the passage at 0:02

0:06 We don't have to start with that. Report an error in the passage at 0:06 Highlight the passage at 0:06

0:16 Oh, hi. Nice to see you. How are you? Just Report an error in the passage at 0:16 Highlight the passage at 0:16

0:25 a few faces I recognize. Okay, well, good evening. My name's Paula Chai Chester or Venerable Lhundrup Nyingje, whichever one you choose. Report an error in the passage at 0:25 Highlight the passage at 0:25

0:39 I'm an old friend of Chucky's and I was in the area so I just said if you would like I'd come by and do something here on Wednesday night. And so she said, okay. And she asked me to talk about retreat because I've done some retreats in my time. And you can't hear? Report an error in the passage at 0:39 Highlight the passage at 0:39

1:09 You can get a little bit higher too. Paula's fine, I don't care. Report an error in the passage at 1:09 Highlight the passage at 1:09

1:17 The word her name is Nyingje, means brave heart. So you can call me brave heart if you want. Report an error in the passage at 1:17 Highlight the passage at 1:17

1:34 Anyway, I just sort of wanted to make it, that's better isn't it, sort of informal thing. I thought we could just start with a little meditation, if you like, just to get in the room and be here. So let's just do that. Report an error in the passage at 1:34 Highlight the passage at 1:34

1:53 So I just thought I'd kind of just guide us through just a kind of calming the mind meditation because probably most of us have had kind of a busy day and it's sort of nice to relax. So seeing as this is a Mahāyāna practice, we always begin with our motivation. And taking refuge, I think you're all aware of that. Report an error in the passage at 1:53 Highlight the passage at 1:53

2:23 So we don't necessarily have to recite the prayer, but just, I don't know, does everyone here know what it means to take refuge? You're all not that much beginners, right? So we just think about the Buddha, Dharma and Saṅgha and what that means to us. And the ultimate refuge is, of course, the ultimate Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 2:23 Highlight the passage at 2:23

2:46 And Guy Newland was just here, so maybe he was talking about the two truths, but... You know, the ultimate refuge is in the ultimate reality, emptiness. But we need a guru and the Buddha, you know, we need the teachers and all the teachings and the community to help us get to that realization of, actually it's the union of bliss and emptiness or the union of compassion and wisdom. Report an error in the passage at 2:46 Highlight the passage at 2:46

3:14 So that's our ultimate goal is to realize that in our mind streams. So we take refuge in that. Report an error in the passage at 3:14 Highlight the passage at 3:14

3:25 Which means that that becomes the core of our lives, that as much as possible we are kind of turning away from finding solace and enjoyment and problem solving, away from taking refuge in ice cream and movies and sports and internet and friends and taking refuge in our own inner wisdom. Report an error in the passage at 3:25 Highlight the passage at 3:25

4:02 these things can give us ultimate satisfaction where everything else is just temporary. Report an error in the passage at 4:02 Highlight the passage at 4:02

4:20 enlightenment, the mind that wishes to enlightenment for all sentient beings and that's based on the mind that sees the shortcomings of being Report an error in the passage at 4:20 Highlight the passage at 4:20

4:33 And enchanted with the affairs of this life and looking to higher rebirth, liberation and enlightenment. And when we become aware of the reality of this life and wake up to the fact that all these enjoyments are short-lived and that death can come any time and that we're not sure where we're going at the time of death, then any smart person would like to create the cause to have... Report an error in the passage at 4:33 Highlight the passage at 4:33

5:08 A secure sense of satisfaction and security from the ups and downs and the terrors of this body and mind controlled by the five contaminated aggregates, which are controlled by delusion and karma. Report an error in the passage at 5:08 Highlight the passage at 5:08

5:27 And here we are in San Francisco, probably one of the wealthiest places in the world, the top of the human realm and still all around us people are going up and down. Report an error in the passage at 5:27 Highlight the passage at 5:27

5:40 Getting sick and being hungry and being upset and mad and angry and all the things we see and so we want to get out of that. We met with these incredible Lamas who show us a different sort of example and inspired by their presence we want to become like that, we want to become enlightened. We want to create the cause for us to have total happiness, not just happiness that's constantly... Report an error in the passage at 5:40 Highlight the passage at 5:40

6:11 changes into dissatisfaction or even pain. Report an error in the passage at 6:11 Highlight the passage at 6:11

6:19 not enough that we want this just for ourselves, because all of us feel compassion for others, so then we develop the mind that to attain enlightenment for It's helpful when Report an error in the passage at 6:19 Highlight the passage at 6:19

6:37 we think about bodhicitta that it's not just words, but you actually stop and feel in your heart, think about about someone or some Report an error in the passage at 6:37 Highlight the passage at 6:37

7:07 that the bodhicitta actually is a feeling, it's not just words, it's a feeling, a wish. know, think about someone you love and wish them to be happy. Report an error in the passage at 7:07 Highlight the passage at 7:07

7:22 then extend that to all beings. And not just short-lived happiness but complete cessation of these minds that are controlled by delusion and karma. So Report an error in the passage at 7:22 Highlight the passage at 7:22

7:54 sometimes it actually helps to focus the mind in the center of the chest and just allow yourself to feel that love and allow that to expand out in all directions. And Report an error in the passage at 7:54 Highlight the passage at 7:54

· · · silence, 1 minute

9:13 as you're sitting there breathing you can think that as you breathe in, you're breathing in the experience of love and acceptance. From the Guru in the Triple Gem and it goes right into the center of your heart where all of your not so happy feelings about yourself and others is completely kind of like explodes into a sense of love that then as you breathe out goes out to all sentient beings. Report an error in the passage at 9:13 Highlight the passage at 9:13

9:54 So as you breathe in you feel love for yourself and as you breathe out you feel love for others. You Report an error in the passage at 9:54 Highlight the passage at 9:54

· · · silence, 1 minute

10:47 can imagine that your body is hollow. Report an error in the passage at 10:47 Highlight the passage at 10:47

10:55 It's almost like your skin is like the outside of a balloon and the inside is just all hollow like a balloon. Report an error in the passage at 10:55 Highlight the passage at 10:55

11:05 But the edge of the balloon is porous, you know, like the pores of our skin. Report an error in the passage at 11:05 Highlight the passage at 11:05

11:12 So as you breathe in, you feel a light lighting up in the center of your heart, a warm loving kindness light. And as you breathe out, there's little holes in the membrane that separates you from the rest of the world. Report an error in the passage at 11:12 Highlight the passage at 11:12

11:34 And that membrane is porous and so as you breathe out all that light then goes out extending out as far as you can imagine touching all sentient beings and making them also feel happy and loved and accepted just for who they are. And Report an error in the passage at 11:34 Highlight the passage at 11:34

· · · silence, 1 minute

12:28 as you do this you can begin also at the same time you're breathing in and breathing out this experience of self-acceptance and love. Just begin to feel your body, feel your feet on the ground. Report an error in the passage at 12:28 Highlight the passage at 12:28

12:50 Still a hollow body, but just bringing awareness to your toes and the bottoms of your feet and your ankles. Just allowing it all to be full of loving light in Report an error in the passage at 12:50 Highlight the passage at 12:50

13:07 your calves, in your knees, your thighs, in Report an error in the passage at 13:07 Highlight the passage at 13:07

13:15 your genitals, in your hips, in your buttocks. And Report an error in the passage at 13:15 Highlight the passage at 13:15

13:23 when you get to your hips, feel your sitting bones and kind of adjust your posture a little bit. Feel where your pelvis is and maybe move it. Report an error in the passage at 13:23 Highlight the passage at 13:23

13:54 you breathing in your belly? Are you breathing up in your chest? Is your breathing tight? be aware. Report an error in the passage at 13:54 Highlight the passage at 13:54

14:08 your belly to relax. Make sure your pants are loose enough. Report an error in the passage at 14:08 Highlight the passage at 14:08

14:14 into the belly. yourself to let go Into this breathing in of love and breathing out love. Report an error in the passage at 14:14 Highlight the passage at 14:14

14:39 Continue the awareness up through the trunk of your body, up into your ribs and allow the breathing to go right up into your armpits and up into your collarbones and imagine the light, the hollow light going right up through your neck, the head, feel how your head is sitting on your spine. Report an error in the passage at 14:39 Highlight the passage at 14:39

15:02 Is your chin slightly tucked in to allow the... Back of the neck to open up, feel Report an error in the passage at 15:02 Highlight the passage at 15:02

15:14 your arms, again letting the space in the armpits and shoulders, feel your shoulders just kind of, those shoulder blades just relaxing and hanging, not holding them at all. Report an error in the passage at 15:14 Highlight the passage at 15:14

15:32 Notice if you're pulling your shoulders back or up or maybe just take them up and down, move them around a little bit, let your shoulders relax. Write down your arms and your fingertips, just Report an error in the passage at 15:32 Highlight the passage at 15:32

15:48 one big hollow breathing body. Report an error in the passage at 15:48 Highlight the passage at 15:48

16:02 You notice your face, is your face relaxed? Eyes feel like they're kind of relaxing and opening in the sockets and the ears open up and nose and the tongue touches the roof of the mouth. Sometimes people like to put a tiny smile on their face like a Mona Lisa smile. Helps to get that experience of love. Report an error in the passage at 16:02 Highlight the passage at 16:02

16:35 Bring your awareness right to the tip of the top of your head so Report an error in the passage at 16:35 Highlight the passage at 16:35

16:46 that as you're breathing, you're breathing with your whole body. Report an error in the passage at 16:46 Highlight the passage at 16:46

16:53 part of the body a very light way. Report an error in the passage at 16:53 Highlight the passage at 16:53

17:18 breathing out, giving that to all sentient beings. Report an error in the passage at 17:18 Highlight the passage at 17:18

· · · silence, 5 minutes

22:05 if your mind is feeling, you know, gets kind of agitated in the middle of it, you just another part of your mind you just kind of touch that agitation and you just kind of melt it with that feeling of the love coming in, the love coming out. Report an error in the passage at 22:05 Highlight the passage at 22:05

22:21 don't really push it away. You don't try to change it. Report an error in the passage at 22:21 Highlight the passage at 22:21

22:39 a cloud dissolving in the sky. Report an error in the passage at 22:39 Highlight the passage at 22:39

22:50 to relax into the breathing. Report an error in the passage at 22:50 Highlight the passage at 22:50

22:54 more the agitation kind of lets go. Report an error in the passage at 22:54 Highlight the passage at 22:54

23:02 you find that even simple act Lama Tsongkhapa quite a refuge and a safe haven. Report an error in the passage at 23:02 Highlight the passage at 23:02

23:12 this crazy world we live in. Report an error in the passage at 23:12 Highlight the passage at 23:12

23:23 if that breathing is infused with love. Report an error in the passage at 23:23 Highlight the passage at 23:23

· · · silence, 1 minute

24:24 the meditation or else we'll just meditate all the time away. Report an error in the passage at 24:24 Highlight the passage at 24:24

24:32 actually, think sitting and meditating like this is quite beneficial. Report an error in the passage at 24:32 Highlight the passage at 24:32

24:39 we spend so much time being intellectual about everything and doesn't really help us. Report an error in the passage at 24:39 Highlight the passage at 24:39

24:48 You know, we can learn a lot of stuff, but it doesn't help you be necessarily more happy. Whereas simple meditations like this do. Report an error in the passage at 24:48 Highlight the passage at 24:48

25:01 And really that's what we want, isn't it? We want to be happy. Report an error in the passage at 25:01 Highlight the passage at 25:01

25:08 Did you find, was that beneficial? I think since I'm talking about retreat, I think the key to successful retreat is doing simple meditations like this. Report an error in the passage at 25:08 Highlight the passage at 25:08

25:23 Because unless you have this ground, You know, this foundation of just breathing, relaxing, being in this loving space, your retreats will never be successful because they're just based on tension and striving and I've got to get this done, I have to count this many mantras and I have to meditate on this and I have to do this and you just end up stressed out, just as stressed out in your retreat as you were when you lived in the city, so what's the point, you know? Report an error in the passage at 25:23 Highlight the passage at 25:23

25:54 So I highly recommend doing this kind of meditation. meditation. And I think what makes, you know, when you do a retreat, if you can start every session with 15 minutes of something like this, and then build your retreat on top of that, then you have a chance of success. Report an error in the passage at 25:54 Highlight the passage at 25:54

26:17 Because, you know, we have to understand that Tibet was a really different culture. I mean, really different culture. And they were very slow. Slow, moving, relaxed people. didn't even have watches. So when you go to visit somebody, it's not like plus or minus five minutes, then you're late. It's plus or minus two or three days, you know. So it was a very relaxed culture. So then when you're going to sit down to meditate, I mean, we can't even get to the place where they are when they're doing something, you know. Report an error in the passage at 26:17 Highlight the passage at 26:17

27:05 So to try to take these really complicated Tibetan Buddhist practices and put them inside a mind that's already totally agitated and uptight, Report an error in the passage at 27:05 Highlight the passage at 27:05

27:17 there's no chance. You're just going to get more agitated and uptight. So if you want to have success in these practices, the first thing we have to do is learn how to sit and breathe and be happy doing nothing. Because they could. So we really... You know, have to understand the cultural context that this all comes out of. And know that we have to get to that kind of ground beginner state before we can attempt these kind of things. Report an error in the passage at 27:17 Highlight the passage at 27:17

27:58 Even just analytical meditation, you know, if we don't begin here. And you know, the Tibetan Lamas can't tell us this because they don't know. You know, they don't have our minds, you know. I mean, they can see how uptight we are, but they can't tell us, you know. Like Ruba Rinpoche, you know, we were just talking about, Gelton Palmo and I were just talking about Ruba Rinpoche, you know, he came here some, and he said, after being here for, what, five years, he said, think about you people. Report an error in the passage at 27:58 Highlight the passage at 27:58

28:32 He said, the only thing I can tell you people is you have to learn how to relax. You know? He said, hey, it's Ali and Jimmy. Yay? Report an error in the passage at 28:32 Highlight the passage at 28:32

28:46 I know, I was hoping you'd be here. I was disappointed when I didn't see you. Report an error in the passage at 28:46 Highlight the passage at 28:46

28:53 Well, come sit up here. Hey, Jimmy. Report an error in the passage at 28:53 Highlight the passage at 28:53

29:01 Yeah, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 29:01 Highlight the passage at 29:01

29:06 So you just missed the meditation part. Report an error in the passage at 29:06 Highlight the passage at 29:06

29:15 Anyway, so, yeah, and that's what he told us. And the other thing he said was, he said, I've been around you people a long time, and I can see you can't meditate. Report an error in the passage at 29:15 Highlight the passage at 29:15

29:29 The last thing he did before he left and went back to Washington D.C. where he had cancer for a year but then got better and then went back to India and passed away and now Lama was just there and saw his reincarnation. I couldn't believe it had been that many years. I can't believe how time flies when you get old. Report an error in the passage at 29:29 Highlight the passage at 29:29

29:50 But he said, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you all Vajrayogini empowerment. Because with Vajrayogini you can go to the Pure Land without having to be a good meditator. You just have to say your mantra all the time. So I want you all to say the mantra as much as possible because the mantra itself is empowering and will help you get to the Pure Land. Report an error in the passage at 29:50 Highlight the passage at 29:50

30:15 He was basically saying you guys are hopeless. Report an error in the passage at 30:15 Highlight the passage at 30:15

30:22 But I don't think it's hopeless. He didn't really say that. But he did, you know, live with people who just lived in the city and had jobs and, you know, these people lived in Santa Cruz. Report an error in the passage at 30:22 Highlight the passage at 30:22

30:40 So I guess what I'm kind of trying to do is, or right now I'm trying to create a retreat center where people can come and learn to do retreat in a way that, you know, we'll have kind of tips, you know, on how to do retreat if you're an uptight Western person, you know. Report an error in the passage at 30:40 Highlight the passage at 30:40

31:06 And so, Report an error in the passage at 31:06 Highlight the passage at 31:06

31:16 you know, when we sit down and begin to be quiet. Thank you. I think what we just did is actually the best thing I can offer to you guys about how to be able to have a successful retreat is learning how to... Report an error in the passage at 31:16 Highlight the passage at 31:16

31:42 We're left with how uncomfortable it is to be us. And that's why Madison Avenue and advertising and all those people have so much success is because we're constantly being brought outside of ourselves to kind of occupy our minds and be happy. So we never get a chance to be still and find out. What's inside? And usually when we do, we find a lot of uncomfortable stuff. And so the second part about doing retreat is not only knowing how to relax and be with yourself, but then how to heal yourself. Report an error in the passage at 31:42 Highlight the passage at 31:42

32:29 And so what happens is when you start spending time by yourself in retreat, all the memories start coming up. And mostly how much we don't like ourselves. You know, that's why it's so difficult to sit still, is because all of our feelings of, I'm not good enough, I should have done this, I should have been that, and all the things that our parents told us and our partners told us and all the, you know, all the stuff that we believe about ourselves, about how we're inadequate and how we're not good enough and how we're this and how we're that, all that stuff is right there. Report an error in the passage at 32:29 Highlight the passage at 32:29

33:05 You can't cover it up anymore because there's nothing to distract you. You can't just go out and you can't turn on the YouTube and you can't turn on the TV and you can't go call up your friend and you can't go buy some flowers and you can't go to the Haagen-Dazs store and you can't go over here. We're constantly done. We're always doing stuff to cover up how we really feel about ourselves. So when you go into retreat you have to be prepared. Report an error in the passage at 33:05 Highlight the passage at 33:05

33:32 To uncover all the, you know, messages that you have believed in about, you know, how you're not good enough or this and that and the other. And the good news about Buddhism is that Buddha says, you know, we have Buddha nature at our core. And so Lama Yeshe, that's my main teacher was Lama Thubten Yeshe. Report an error in the passage at 33:32 Highlight the passage at 33:32

33:56 And he used to talk about taking off the blankets or taking off like the layers of the onion, you know. So it's like we have all these layers. I always like to think too of Pink Floyd and the wall. You know, we have this wall that we built around who we are. Because we have to have this wall because inside is this super vulnerable person that we can't, you know, really let out because it'll... Report an error in the passage at 33:56 Highlight the passage at 33:56

34:35 the vulnerable person, protected. So when you go into retreat, you have to make friends with that little vulnerable person listen to, you know, I didn't get the yellow dolly when or whatever it is, you know, that's going to come out, you know, or, you know, he said I didn't do this, or, You have to become your own best friend. Report an error in the passage at 34:35 Highlight the passage at 34:35

35:18 know. And you have to believe that you do have Buddha nature and you have to believe in the potential for enlightenment and you have to believe in the bodhicitta that you can do it. So on the one hand there's got to be this faith and conviction and where does that come from? If your inner core is one of insecurity and fear, then where does that conviction come from? And I think for me at least it comes from... Report an error in the passage at 35:18 Highlight the passage at 35:18

35:50 Having met qualified Lamas and having met incredible beings that let me know that it is, you know, I can see these guys, it is possible, you know, there is, and I think one of the reasons that Western people are so attracted to the Lamas is not even so much what they have to say, but the fact that they are authentic beings, you know, that they don't have this wall and this, you know, it's like they're the same on the inside as the outside. Report an error in the passage at 35:50 Highlight the passage at 35:50

36:18 And even His Holiness said that. I was in Auckland, New Zealand not too long ago. He said, you know, we want to strive to be the same on the inside as we are on the outside. But you want the inside to be one of total love and acceptance because that's really what renunciation is. You know, we think renunciation is giving up, but really what renunciation is is learning to love yourself enough that you can give up because when you feel comfortable inside yourself, you don't need anything. Report an error in the passage at 36:18 Highlight the passage at 36:18

36:49 And you can't develop bodhicitta until you have that. So the holiness says bodhicitta is just renunciation turned outwards. So you could also say that bodhicitta is renunciation turned outwards. But you could also say renunciation is bodhicitta turned inwards. So it's like if you want all sentient beings to become enlightened, well that means because I want myself to become enlightened. And you have to want yourself to become enlightened first, which means... Report an error in the passage at 36:49 Highlight the passage at 36:49

37:19 You have to genuinely care and love about yourself. And I think that's the hardest thing in Western cultures. And you see the Tibetans are just born that way. When the Dalai Lama started hearing about low self-esteem and self-hatred, he couldn't believe it. But now he understands it's ubiquitous. We all have it. Report an error in the passage at 37:19 Highlight the passage at 37:19

37:37 And maybe you were even born in an Asian family, but you come in this country, you get it. Anyway, everybody has it. And now even the Tibetans have it because they're... They're no longer living in Tibet. And besides, it's just a different world. I mean, our culture is everywhere now. So, yeah, that's what you need to have a successful retreat. Report an error in the passage at 37:37 Highlight the passage at 37:37

38:04 That's what the question was, you know, how do you have a successful retreat. That's kind of the inner stuff that you need. Of course, the outer conditions are not nearly as necessary, you know. The thing is, if you really love yourself, discipline comes very easy. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 38:04 Highlight the passage at 38:04

38:28 Yeah, because when you really, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 38:28 Highlight the passage at 38:28

38:34 Oh, well, Allison asked where do you get discipline from? Where do you get discipline from? She's going to answer. Next time. I remember that law. I forgot. Report an error in the passage at 38:34 Highlight the passage at 38:34

38:49 Yeah. So the idea is that discipline comes quite naturally when you're happy about what you're doing. You know, how much discipline does it take to go get some ice cream? None at all, right? Yeah. We want it bad enough. Yeah. So the thing is, you know, when you really are enthusiastic about what you're doing, it's not hard, you know. Report an error in the passage at 38:49 Highlight the passage at 38:49

39:16 So really that very simple meditation about, you know, getting your body, you missed it, but I just got our bodies sort of in place and thinking about someone you love, allowing yourself to feel love, you know. I mean, so often we, I mean, you could come to these centers for 10 years and it's still all up in your head, you know. Report an error in the passage at 39:16 Highlight the passage at 39:16

39:37 But what you need to do is bring it right into your heart. And then you can start with working on realizing death and impermanence and what is a perfect human rebirth and these important things. Because for me, we don't even have a perfect human rebirth until we have this. Starting from a base of self-love is when you get your perfect human rebirth. Report an error in the passage at 39:37 Highlight the passage at 39:37

40:04 Because then... You're inspired to want to give up the meaningless affairs of this life and work on enlightenment. But until then, until you can feel good about yourself inside, you can't give up the meaningless affairs of this life because those are the only ways you feel good about yourself. Report an error in the passage at 40:04 Highlight the passage at 40:04

40:26 You got it? Yeah, let me say it again. What did I say? I said that until you really love yourself... You can't give up on the meaningless affairs of this life because that's how you get happy. Because you can't get happy from the inside if the inside doesn't feed you. Report an error in the passage at 40:26 Highlight the passage at 40:26

40:49 Oh my gosh, wow. No, I've never had it broke down to me like that in over 10 years and that makes so much sense. These meaningless things give me some sense of well-being and then you never truly live the lamrim like you would like to. You broke it down the best way. As long as your sense of well-being comes from outside of yourself instead of from inside of yourself, you'll never be able to do these practices. Report an error in the passage at 40:49 Highlight the passage at 40:49

41:18 Does that make sense? I feel like I've been grasping to outward things and that really clears things up that I've got to do things oppositional. So you have to, and the thing is, the reason why if you're strong enough, a retreat is a good thing because you don't have anything anymore. All there is is you. So you either learn to love yourself or you go crazy. And a lot of people try to do retreats and they do go a bit nuts because they don't know that key. Report an error in the passage at 41:18 Highlight the passage at 41:18

41:51 And I know that the Tibetans say the key to opening the door of Dharma is getting up on the meaningless affairs of this life. But what they don't understand or what they don't appear to understand is that we can't do that because we can't give up. Report an error in the passage at 41:51 Highlight the passage at 41:51

42:08 meaningless affairs of this life, because when we do, we just feel so horrible inside. So we have to go inside and heal what it is that makes us feel horrible inside. Report an error in the passage at 42:08 Highlight the passage at 42:08

42:20 And we can, we have Buddha nature, really, as human beings, we can love ourselves. And And then what we have to do is you have to go through go through all. all the perpetrator garbage of your life you know because everything in our life is about you know victims and perpetrator you're either a victim or you're a perpetrator you know and you're both you know you hurt others other people hurt you The Meaningless Affairs of This Life Report an error in the passage at 42:20 Highlight the passage at 42:20

42:49 So then you have to use the lamrim to develop, then you can use the lamrim and go through the whole thing about equanimity that we're all the same. Everybody's a victim, everybody's a perpetrator. Nobody's bad, nobody, you know. It's just saṃsāra. So then it becomes like a 12-step program. You have to go through and start forgiving everybody and going through all the parts of your life where you've been either the victim or the perpetrator and let go. Report an error in the passage at 42:49 Highlight the passage at 42:49

43:20 Love yourself enough to let go of that. And then you have the inner environment, the inner leisure to make a retreat work for you. Question in the back? Wait, she needs the thing. Oh, yeah, microphone. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 43:20 Highlight the passage at 43:20

43:39 I don't know. Do I need to click it on? Probably could have heard me without it and recorded without it too. And what's your name? You know, Paula, you know me as Lucere. I've met you before, but I can't remember your name. Oh, 12 years I've been studying. But apparently I had to go away from here for a while to learn this lesson that you're telling the students around right now, which is I had to do the healing from within. Report an error in the passage at 43:39 Highlight the passage at 43:39

44:06 My mind was, what do I want to put it? I was having brain cramps studying here for a while. I ran away to the Nyingmas and sang my heart out and did some Dzogchen and then went north and I've been all around. But I tried something a little bit different and my friend up here and I are going to go to it tomorrow. It's Journey Beyond Words. It's another approach to just what you're bringing forth and we're all one. Report an error in the passage at 44:06 Highlight the passage at 44:06

44:37 Everywhere we look, there we are. We really are. And that's what I'm hearing you say. And that once we realize that, that everything we're seeing outside of ourselves is actually what's really going on inside of us too, we realize we are really, we really are all equal. Report an error in the passage at 44:37 Highlight the passage at 44:37

44:57 That's right. So thanks. I'm glad we were hauled here by fate to be here tonight for this. And I'm so glad it's you up there. I remember when you went in retreat and I remember... Yeah. Well, I'm not bashing our teachings in the Galukpa system. I want you to know it's really, really, really valuable. There's nothing more valuable than the lamrim. Report an error in the passage at 44:57 Highlight the passage at 44:57

45:26 And I have been... To others, to the enigmas and these things, and what they do is really beautiful, but I tell you, without the lamrim, you don't have the ability to put this into practice. So, Kshidagpa and everything that we learn here is very, very important. However, we need, it's sort of like, you know, trying to go to, it's like, I think I said in one thing I wrote, it's like, Report an error in the passage at 45:26 Highlight the passage at 45:26

45:55 to learn to ice skate before you even know how to stand up. We just need really basic stuff in our minds, basic awarenesses before we can actually have success with these practices. This other avenue, this other more remedial basic work is really important. And another thing that I think is very important is to work with our bodies. You know, the yoga, qigong, you know, there's a reason why yoga has become so popular, you know, is that we're so out of our bodies. Report an error in the passage at 45:55 Highlight the passage at 45:55

46:37 And that's another thing Tibetans didn't have any problem with that. They were, you know, it's a very different society, you know, totally. I mean, they didn't have cars, they didn't have machines, they didn't have any, you know. Report an error in the passage at 46:37 Highlight the passage at 46:37

46:48 And so... Most of us are disembodied, you know, we're just up here all the time, somewhere around here, we're not even aware what's going on. That's why when I start meditating, feel your feet, feel your, you know, because so many people can sit down and think they're meditating, they're not even aware of their bodies. Report an error in the passage at 46:48 Highlight the passage at 46:48

47:05 So that's another thing I think is really helpful before doing a retreat is taking yoga classes or at least Qigong classes and learning how to relax that way. Because, you know, at the end of a yoga session you just naturally go into that place I was telling you about where you feel love and your heart open. Because, you know, if we study tantra, tantra tells us that the mind rides on the winds. Report an error in the passage at 47:05 Highlight the passage at 47:05

47:34 And when our winds are agitated, it's when our minds are really agitated and it takes a lot more work to try to calm the winds down with your mind than it does to calm the winds down with... With Qigong or yoga. So you calm those winds down with those activities and then you can go into the meditation. So I always recommend in retreat to do, well I do, you know, say you have four meditation sessions, I'll have three exercise sessions a day too. Report an error in the passage at 47:34 Highlight the passage at 47:34

48:01 Like I'll do Qigong in the morning, in the afternoon I go for a walk, in the evening I do yoga. Because I have to do that to keep everything balanced. balanced because particularly when you're doing I once Report an error in the passage at 48:01 Highlight the passage at 48:01

48:32 met a great yogi, Genlarempa. We have a book on him about emptiness. Alan Wallace invited him over here in the, I don't know if it was the 80s or the 90s, I think, to do a year-long shamatha retreat. Report an error in the passage at 48:32 Highlight the passage at 48:32

48:55 And I think I met him before that. I was with Thubten Pemo, some of you know dear Pemo. And we were in India and we went to his little hut where he meditated and it was tiny. It was like, you know. He explained to us that caffeine doesn't work for yogis Report an error in the passage at 48:55 Highlight the passage at 48:55

49:34 So... What I've found is that caffeine and sugar are things you just don't take into retreat with you. Because you need to work with the energy that you have. And if you rely on those kind of false energies, you end up making yourself more exhausted. And what Ginlam Rinpoche told us, and he was a great, great yogi. Report an error in the passage at 49:34 Highlight the passage at 49:34

50:00 I mean, he was a person who, you know, had two moms. He attained enlightenment in that lifetime. And the few yogis I think I met... Three real yogis, if I don't include the Rinpoches. And they said that you rest as much as you need to in retreat. So it's not the same as going on a group retreat with Lama Zopa Rinpoche. That's a whole different thing. That's a merit-making marathon. But when you go to do your own retreat, if it's a longer retreat, it's not a merit-making marathon. Report an error in the passage at 50:00 Highlight the passage at 50:00

50:35 It's a place to go to explore your mind. and heal your mind. So healing takes a lot of energy so rest is really important and rest is sort of like a almost like a dirty word in our culture you know if you rest there's something wrong with you you know just drink some more coffee and keep going you know I heard I heard some thing about how so many people now are taking these caffeine drinks and energy drinks and young people and everybody's like wired on caffeine all the time So, you know, if you have a month to do a retreat, which is a really nice thing, Lami, as she said, we should all do a month-long retreat every year. And if you like coming off a city with a job, I mean, you should just rest the first week. Report an error in the passage at 50:35 Highlight the passage at 50:35

51:21 Can I ask something? So, you know, typically they assign... Oh, is it not on? I have the mic. Is it? Oh, okay. Just talk into it. Okay, so you know how you're instructed, like Lama Lhundrup had instructed me to do four sessions a day? What if you need to rest and four is too many? Then can you spread that out and make it last longer? Okay, okay. Report an error in the passage at 51:21 Highlight the passage at 51:21

51:45 So you just listen to your body and it's not so concrete as far as the instructions. I remember having aversion during the fourth meditation. meditation um you know and loving tara but having aversion on the situation because it was too much yeah well yeah you can't do too much it's better to back off and do what your body can do and then slowly your body will be able to do more but if you keep stretching I've never done a long one really since actually, except for the short three-week one with you. Report an error in the passage at 51:45 Highlight the passage at 51:45

52:20 you, so yeah, I guess, yeah, okay. Or the other thing, instead of not doing four sessions and just doing three, the thing to do is to do four shorter sessions. Report an error in the passage at 52:20 Highlight the passage at 52:20

52:34 Don't do such long sessions. Just make them short. No more than an hour. And don't recite the mantra for more than half an hour at the most. Just start with really short sessions and then if you feel like you can do longer ones, you do longer ones. But if you can't, you can't. Report an error in the passage at 52:34 Highlight the passage at 52:34

52:52 What's that Zen book, Don't Push the River? You know, you can't force anything in this. Because, you know, we're working with flesh and blood and it's an organic thing. You can't, like, push it. You know, I mean, that's part of what we're missing. We think it's just, retreat is just like, you know, learning something in school where you can cram and spit it out for the exam, you know. Report an error in the passage at 52:52 Highlight the passage at 52:52

53:16 It's the way we learn in this society does not help us. Lama Tsongkhapa So you can't compare yourself to anybody either. That's the big problem. You know, he's saying 20,000 mantras a day. Well, I can only say two. Well, that's okay. You know, if you can only say two, say two. So I remember when I, just a minute, when I first, when I came out of my first long retreat, like one of my big realizations was like, start where you are. Report an error in the passage at 53:16 Highlight the passage at 53:16

54:07 And I came out here and came with children and written a book called Start Where You Are. And I thought, oh, that's very good. She and I are on the same page, you know. Report an error in the passage at 54:07 Highlight the passage at 54:07

54:15 Well, last thing on that I was going to say is maybe the Lama gave me so many mantras that were impossible for one person to do in a day. So I would just do half of them because Westerners are lazy. I mean, could that be? You're not lazy. You're just stressed. Uh-huh. And maybe they're just hoping you'll do a third because it's not humanly possible to do what some of these Lamas, the amount of practice they say. Report an error in the passage at 54:15 Highlight the passage at 54:15

54:39 So maybe they think. Well, maybe she'll do a fraction. Or do they think we're that highly advanced because they're from this other realm that they don't understand how human we are? I'm not sure. But you see, these guys have grown up saying mantras all their lives. They've grown up doing this. It's their life. Just like we've grown up with sex, drugs and rock and roll. I mean, we can do that really easy. Report an error in the passage at 54:39 Highlight the passage at 54:39

55:04 You know, well, they couldn't do that. I mean, they would want to do that, but they couldn't, you know, but we, you know, like we're having to undo everything we learn and start, you know. Report an error in the passage at 55:04 Highlight the passage at 55:04

55:14 So, you know, the best we can do is at least make imprints for the next life, you know. We may not make so much this life, but maybe next life, you know. That's why I just keep saying that Vajrayogini mantra and you might make it to the pure land, you know. Report an error in the passage at 55:14 Highlight the passage at 55:14

55:27 But we can't, you know, I'm not saying we shouldn't expect a lot out of ourselves, but we shouldn't over expect, you know. We have to really, Report an error in the passage at 55:27 Highlight the passage at 55:27

55:35 Analyze where we're at, what we can do. Don't be lazy, but don't push it. Now Report an error in the passage at 55:35 Highlight the passage at 55:35

55:59 it's Report an error in the passage at 55:59 Highlight the passage at 55:59

56:11 on. So now that my mind derailed with this interruption, I think that's what got to me, honestly. When I took a particular tantric initiation, I felt overwhelmed by the requirements for it. At the time that I took it. And so, you know, my mind like goes all or nothing sort of thinking. That's pretty normal. Yeah, I think it is pretty normal. And, you know, now there's a Yaman Takas coming up. With His Holiness. Pardon? With His Holiness, that one. Report an error in the passage at 56:11 Highlight the passage at 56:11

56:50 With His Holiness. And, you know, which has drawn me in here for this class is to, because the retreat is involved in this very... It very clearly states requirements and things and what he's expecting very clearly to me. So based on some of this other experience that I went through, I really want this to be a good experience for my mind. Report an error in the passage at 56:50 Highlight the passage at 56:50

57:19 You mean to do a Yamantaka retreat? Correct, and to take the initiation and to do what it is he's asking. And he's asking for two to three weeks normally, whereas it might not be two or three weeks for me. It might be four or five months to three years. I don't know. I think that three weeks for Yamantaka retreat is pretty fast for your first retreat because it's a very long sadhana. Report an error in the passage at 57:19 Highlight the passage at 57:19

57:48 And if you did want to do it and you could afford to do it, I would take, you know, five weeks, you know. It just seemed too fast. They'll probably do a group retreat next year at Vajrapani, I would think, with it. I'm sure it's already scheduled. I don't know who's going to lead it. They did one just this last year. But you might want to ask them to make it longer than three weeks because it's such a push. Report an error in the passage at 57:48 Highlight the passage at 57:48

58:17 But the other thing is, there's another side of it, which is that the really great thing about doing the retreat is that... When you do it with a group, it's easier because there's this group energy and you can kind of push and it's okay. And a short three-week pushing retreat isn't really going to harm you. Report an error in the passage at 58:17 Highlight the passage at 58:17

58:41 And the thing is, with a group it's much easier, you get to finish, you get to do the fire puja, and the best part is that then you get to do self-initiation. And you can request Geshe-la or you can request somebody to teach you how you do a short self-initiation. I mean, the FPMT Lama Zopa has one you can just get so that you can add, you know, five minutes to your daily practice and do a Yama Taka self-initiation. Report an error in the passage at 58:41 Highlight the passage at 58:41

59:09 And the beauty of that is that you purify your vows every single day. Report an error in the passage at 59:09 Highlight the passage at 59:09

59:17 So, you see, that's the problem is that we take these tantric initiations. And then we have all these tantric vows which we break constantly. I mean, even Atisha said he broke his tantric vows all the time. So if Atisha did, yeah. So if Atisha did, what can we say about us, you know? We can't even keep our pranimoksha vows, you know, or our bodhisattva vows. So the really, actually His Holiness is doing us all a favor. Report an error in the passage at 59:17 Highlight the passage at 59:17

59:43 Because if you take that and you do the retreat and you do the fire puja and you learn how to do self-initiation, really, it only takes about five minutes a day. And then you can, you know, go to sleep every night with a happy mind knowing you're dying with pure vows. So that's the best thing about doing a retreat, you know, is that you can do that. Report an error in the passage at 59:43 Highlight the passage at 59:43

1:00:03 So, because it really, I don't know if you know, you have your daily practice, but it's very easy to add into Lama Tsongkhapa or the Gandhan Lagama or even if you just, if you do the Yama Takasadana, you know, five minute self-initiation is a real blessing. so And last time at Vajrapani they did the retreat, the fire puja and self-initiation. But they did the long self-initiation. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:03 Highlight the passage at 1:00:03

1:00:32 But there's also a very short one you can do. But you have to do the retreat and the fire puja before you qualify to do that. For those of you who have already taken tantric impairments, that's a really good thing to know about. We don't have all that much time. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:32 Highlight the passage at 1:00:32

1:00:49 Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. So I ended up down at Land of Calm Abiding a couple years ago and I'm in the process, Rinpoche asked me to, Lama Zopa Rinpoche asked me to find a director and I found one, it didn't work out and there was no director and so now I'm the director. Just as an interim way, you know, just to try to get it on track because that place, Report an error in the passage at 1:00:49 Highlight the passage at 1:00:49

1:01:23 wilderness area in Big Sur 15 years ago. And basically, Rinpoche was going to sell it because no one was, it just wasn't happening. So I couldn't imagine selling a resource like that because I've been all, believe me, I've been all over the world, know. I've been to almost every FPMT. I think I've been to every FMT retreat center in the world and there's no place like this place. So as much as I hate email and telephones and all this kind of stuff, I took on this job. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:23 Highlight the passage at 1:01:23

1:01:58 If anyone wants to help me, I'd really appreciate it. But it's a big job because it's never really been established as a retreat center so much. It's just kind of this land where people go. So I have this idea. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:58 Highlight the passage at 1:01:58

1:02:14 try to make it a place where people can have successful retreats. So the new is that I want to have, we call it the Nundro Factory. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:14 Highlight the passage at 1:02:14

1:02:27 it's a situation, you know, there's not that much there yet, and Rinpoche wants us to, you know, do the three million dollar beautiful retreat center thing, I don't know, it's a long way down the road, since we don't have enough money. Lama Tsongkhapa Or permits and all that stuff. So anyway, it's a nice dream and maybe we'll make it. But I've decided that we're going to develop in a Dharma way instead of a traditional way, which is we're creating the cause first. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:27 Highlight the passage at 1:02:27

1:02:57 So we just finished a five-week white Mahakala retreat, which is a wealth retreat, to try to create the cause to find the wealth to build the retreat center, you know. And we'll probably be doing that every year. Yeah, it was a group retreat. We had ten people. Which is pretty, it's the first time it's ever happened at Shiniland to have a group retreat there. And we went through a lot to establish that and I'm getting, there's a lot of stuff still to go through with that. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:57 Highlight the passage at 1:02:57

1:03:26 But I'll go into that. There's a lot of obstacles. Shiniland has a lot of obstacles. So another thing I'm going to do is try to do the Chod retreat this year. So I'm trying to like do the retreat and run the center at the same time. So it's pretty challenging. But, But the idea is that, you know, we'll have these solitary retreat places for people to do solitary retreats for, you know, a month to three years. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:26 Highlight the passage at 1:03:26

1:03:55 But what has happened with Shinalen in the past is that people come with instructions to do a long retreat. And they don't know what the stuff I was just telling you about. And they, you know, getting like Allison, they have this commitment to do all these millions of mantras and they go down there and they do that and they bail and they either go crazy or all the men have disrobed and, you know, they go off and join the corporate world or become yoga teachers or do something else because it's just too hard. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:55 Highlight the passage at 1:03:55

1:04:28 And people just, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it until they explode, you know. And they've all lasted exactly 18 months. And then when you go to their homes, their huts, they're full of sugar and tea. Because they've been, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, and it just doesn't work. And they don't know about the self-love business, they don't know, they're just normal old people with all their garbage mind and then solitary confinement with your garbage mind and a billion mantras to say. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:28 Highlight the passage at 1:04:28

1:05:03 It's just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, just a second, let me finish. So what I'd like to see happen is that we have like a preliminary phase. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:03 Highlight the passage at 1:05:03

1:05:16 Line of Calm Abiding is an old ranch. It's got a ranch house in the valley. And with a little money, we can fix up the old barn. There's already enough room for like five people to live. And so what I want to do is have it in two stages so that... The people in the valley are creating the cause to do long retreat. And so they come. I don't charge, I'm not charging anything, but they have to buy their own food and be there. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:16 Highlight the passage at 1:05:16

1:05:42 And I'm asking them to work 15 hours a week. So that... Instead of having one caretaker that's always burned out, I have this group of people, because taking care of retreaters is the best way to create the cause. So I'm coming from this thing of, okay, let's create the cause. Let's use what we've learned from the Tibetans. Let's use karma. Let's just not use our... Report an error in the passage at 1:05:42 Highlight the passage at 1:05:42

1:06:04 Because the problem with most Dharma centers is they have Dharma teachers, but their business models are Western business models. So I'm trying something a little bit different. I want a Dharma business model. Which is that everything's going to be done by generosity. We don't charge any money. We're going to create the cause by being generous to others. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:04 Highlight the passage at 1:06:04

1:06:24 Hopefully they'll be generous with us. And they're going to create the cause by serving the retreaters, by doing the work and also doing their nundros at the same time. So they can come down and do their prostrations, they can come do their Vajrasattva, they can come do whatever. And it's much better for them because they're not isolated, they're in a group, they have people to talk to because you can't just go cold turkey, you know, it's too hard. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:24 Highlight the passage at 1:06:24

1:06:46 Particularly now, you know, like in my generation there wasn't that much to give up, but now everyone's addicted to their internet and their cell phones and just giving up that is a big deal. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:46 Highlight the passage at 1:06:46

1:06:59 You know, but to do that and then try not to be around anybody is really difficult. So they can come and do that for so many months and then after they are familiar with that and have learned how to do retreat and have worked with all this kind of self-love stuff and been in hopefully a trusting, safe community, then they can try the solitary confinement, maybe for a month, maybe for three months. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:59 Highlight the passage at 1:06:59

1:07:25 Because it is solitary confinement and there's a reason why it's the worst. It's punishment besides death, you know. I mean, I did it for four years. It's really hard, you know. So they try it and then they come back and then they can try a little bit longer and then they come out and they do a little bit longer and then maybe they're ready for the three-year retreat. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:25 Highlight the passage at 1:07:25

1:07:45 But it's not this thing of like, I'm going to go to the retreat because I want to get enlightened, you know, because it just doesn't work unless you're an extraordinary person. I won't say across the board, you know, but you had something to say? Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:45 Highlight the passage at 1:07:45

1:08:00 Yeah, I'm just really touched by everything you've said because these are things that I've, you know, thought about myself in pretty much everything you've said. But anyways, in particular, this business about loving the self, maybe, I mean, I know there's no time for this, but maybe if you could come back and talk more about this, because these are only things that Western teachers who have had experience in meditation and retreat, this is only people that kind of have talked. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:00 Highlight the passage at 1:08:00

1:08:27 Lama Tsongkhapa So, or even if I can come and talk to you, I don't know, come, Lama come by sometime or something, but this is really, really, really important. Yeah. And for, for Westerners, so. Yeah, it is. I mean, I think a lot of people are kind of beginning to come to that, you know, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:27 Highlight the passage at 1:08:27

1:09:13 But I, I think, you know, it's really not that hard. You just have to be willing to sit with yourself and, um, Report an error in the passage at 1:09:13 Highlight the passage at 1:09:13

1:09:25 Think about what love means. What does it mean to wish someone to be happy? Most people have experienced love in their lives from some person, or even if it was just their dog. Some people, they love their dog, and they know what that feels like. Because I think what I'm trying to get at is that it's not a thought, it's a feeling. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:25 Highlight the passage at 1:09:25

1:09:50 It's something that you feel in your heart that makes you warm inside. And so it's important to sit and cultivate that feeling. And then when you have that feeling, then you can open up to your hurts and you kind of like put it in that feeling and allow the feeling of love to kind of like wash that. And even to the point where I know in my first long retreat, I mean it just sort of happened, I just had to start getting into this stuff because... Report an error in the passage at 1:09:50 Highlight the passage at 1:09:50

1:10:26 And I've just, I had to let little voices come out, you know, I had to like go back to the parts of my life where, you see when you're in a long retreat you have a lot of time to let this stuff unfold and it just slowly comes out and I would have to, you know, you get skilled enough in your meditation where you can sit and be feeling this love with one part of your mind and then another part of your mind, you know, you can allow the... Report an error in the passage at 1:10:26 Highlight the passage at 1:10:26

1:10:53 The disgruntled little voice to come out. I would actually be having this dialogue between two parts of my... sort of like Gollum. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:53 Highlight the passage at 1:10:53

1:11:02 But a little bit better than Gollum, more like Frodo and Gollum. There's this loving voice that can infuse the hurt part. So that slowly that starts to be reconciled. And then... And then it's a lot easier to practice Dharma because what happens? I mean, this is Western psychology. There's a book called Shadow Dance that's pretty good by a guy named David Rico. And the Jungians, they talk about the shadow. Do you know about that? Report an error in the passage at 1:11:02 Highlight the passage at 1:11:02

1:11:41 And the idea is that parts of ourselves that we haven't been able to accept, the pain part, we... As a small child, I can remember doing this, actually. I can remember being about nine years old and lying in bed and feeling really bad about myself. I don't know why. But I can remember just wishing it away. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:41 Highlight the passage at 1:11:41

1:12:05 And you don't really wish it away, you just stuff it in your liver or someplace. So that then when the causes and conditions ripen, without your knowing it... Report an error in the passage at 1:12:05 Highlight the passage at 1:12:05

1:12:21 it's like why did i do that know it's because that little part of yourself that you suppressed went into your unconscious but yet it's still there you're like you know pay attention to me pay attention to me so when the right person comes along that comes out that's why relationships are always so nasty because Because you're constantly triggering those shadow parts of yourselves and you don't even want to, but somebody says something to you and suddenly your shadow comes out and their shadow comes out and suddenly you have this big mess, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:21 Highlight the passage at 1:12:21

1:12:51 So, you know, one thing I find really great about retreat is that there's a chance for that to come out. But, you know, the other thing about a long retreat though is that you have to be willing to kind of be in like a bardo for a little while because there's this phase where Report an error in the passage at 1:12:51 Highlight the passage at 1:12:51

1:13:11 You know, right now we get happiness from all this ego stimulation. And when you go into a retreat, there is no ego stimulation, so you're sort of depressed. So you need to find something that can kind of pull you out of that depression while you go through the healing process of what's making you depressed, which is, you know, these are your real feelings, this is who you think you are. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:11 Highlight the passage at 1:13:11

1:13:35 Until you get to the point where you're no longer depressed. dependent on outside stimulus to feel good about yourself. when you become independently feeling good about yourself, it's like you're just liberated. know, you're not addicted to anything anymore because just sitting and going, just like we started out, just sitting and breathing satisfying. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:35 Highlight the passage at 1:13:35

1:14:01 So then the only really thing you need to do to be happy is breathe, right? And we're always breathing. So then life becomes so simple. You know, because you can actually train yourself so that breathing in and breathing out is a very pleasurable experience. And so then, you know, you don't need to discipline yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:01 Highlight the passage at 1:14:01

1:14:22 I mean, you might have to sit down and, you know, you feel a bit agitated, but if you keep breathing, eventually it'll settle down and you'll find that place, which is what I call refuge now. For me, that is refuge. It's this inner sense of calm and quiet, you know, my Buddha nature, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:22 Highlight the passage at 1:14:22

1:14:40 And it's not enlightenment, I'm not enlightened, but at least it's a place where I can work towards enlightenment that seems that's calm and clear, you know. Because there's definitely a place of clarity and peace in the mind that you can find that's even before enlightenment, you know. And then, you know, that same skill that you learn about, you know, feeling this love and having this dialogue with yourself is the same skill that you need to meditate on emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:40 Highlight the passage at 1:14:40

1:15:10 Because you have to be able to have meditated enough so that with one part of your mind you can hold the object to be refuted, you know, the I. And another part of your mind you have to analyze it. But until you have enough experience, as soon as you start analyzing, you lose the thing that you're holding. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:10 Highlight the passage at 1:15:10

1:15:29 Because all you have is just one mind that analyzes. But when you've done enough of this practice, it's like one part of your mind can be... Report an error in the passage at 1:15:29 Highlight the passage at 1:15:29

1:15:40 And maybe the Report an error in the passage at 1:15:40 Highlight the passage at 1:15:40

1:16:06 new ones growing up will need help from us, you know. Because they're not growing up in old Tibet. So I think that's all I have to say and it's almost 9 o 'clock. Do you guys want to see pictures of Sine Land? Well just put it on the DVD. You don't have to do it that way. Just put the computer up here. And I just want to tell you we're having a work party on Memorial Day weekend if anybody wants to come down. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:06 Highlight the passage at 1:16:06

1:16:38 Yeah, and if you do, you should email me because I'd like to arrange a carpool or I was thinking maybe we'd get a bus from Land of Medicine, but or something because we don't have millions of cars. It's a long way. think it's the 26th, 27th, 28th of May. It's the Memorial Day weekend we're going to build a stupa down there. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:38 Highlight the passage at 1:16:38

1:16:57 so if anybody wants to come help us build a stupa, we're going to be building a stupa. What? But Report an error in the passage at 1:16:57 Highlight the passage at 1:16:57

1:17:09 it does have a DVD player function, right? It's just some photo, it's not like a super great slideshow, but it's just like 12 minutes, but at least you get to see what it looks like. I know Jimmy would like to. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:09 Highlight the passage at 1:17:09

1:17:23 Colby says hi, by the way. I know, Colby's doing really good. Yeah, he said you're doing really well. Yeah, Colby did the retreat. I think it changed Colby's life, actually. I think Colby, yeah. I know, he misses you too. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:23 Highlight the passage at 1:17:23

1:17:50 I think he's going to stay down there and do retreat. I think Colby's going to turn into a yogi. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:50 Highlight the passage at 1:17:50

1:17:58 Roger had to kick him in the butt a little bit, but he needs, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's really talented. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:58 Highlight the passage at 1:17:58

1:18:13 What is Nundro? Report an error in the passage at 1:18:13 Highlight the passage at 1:18:13

1:18:18 Oh, well, that's just a place where, like I said, where people can come and do their Nundros, you know. And I want it so it's free, you know, people can just come and, I mean, they have to feed themselves and it'd be nice they could make an offering, but I just want it, I want a place that's based on generosity, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:18 Highlight the passage at 1:18:18

1:18:36 I mean, Geshe Yeshe Topten, did you guys ever hear of Geshe Yeshe Topten? He probably, he died in, I mean, in the, I don't know, 1998 or something like that. But when I finished my first retreat, and I was a layperson when I did my first long retreat with a husband. We didn't do them together, but we were in the same place. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:36 Highlight the passage at 1:18:36

1:18:55 We ended up driving Geshe Yeshe Topten from Vajrapani up to here because he was teaching here. And we were fresh out of retreat and we'd seen him the night before at Pinde's house and he didn't really want to know who we were because in his experience, the people he'd known who'd done three-year retreats, the Westerners were all, he said they were, not him but another person, another Lama said they're either crazy or they're really proud. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:55 Highlight the passage at 1:18:55

1:19:19 You know, they didn't see Western people having much success in retreat. But anyway, then he was stuck with us because we were driving him up here. So he started asking us some questions and we passed the questions and then he was like really happy. But the main thing he wanted to know, which I find very interesting, you might be interested, is he said, how did you get your food? You know, how did you get your money in retreat? Report an error in the passage at 1:19:19 Highlight the passage at 1:19:19

1:19:43 And I told him, well, I asked everybody I knew to send us $10 a month. or $20 a month, and that's when his attitude changed. That's the other thing about retreat. It's really good if you get sponsors for your retreat. This idea of saving up your money until you're 60 and then going in on your retirement isn't a good idea. Because what Geshe Yeshe Tupton said is that, then Roger and I were at the time. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:43 Highlight the passage at 1:19:43

1:20:12 We used up all the money we had doing our nundros and then when we got to do the retreat we... I asked everybody I knew to send us $10 or $20 a month and it wasn't much, but it was enough and some people did. And he turned around to us in all sincerity and said, please, will you please live like this for the rest of your lives because you are the only Westerners I have ever met who are living according to Buddha's lifestyle. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:12 Highlight the passage at 1:20:12

1:20:42 He said, in the West, we have, you have the Gompas, the teachers, The books, the thangkas, the music, but there is no one living according to generosity. And he said, until you do that, he said, everybody else, the refugees, in their health insurance, in their jobs, in their families, and he said, he explained it like this, he said, Buddhism, I'm paraphrasing it, because I'm putting in my words, but he said, Buddhism is like, it's a linear thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:42 Highlight the passage at 1:20:42

1:21:16 You know, saṃsāra might be cyclic. But, you know, people come into the Dharma, they tread the path, they get enlightened and they're out of saṃsāra. He said, the only way for people to enter the Dharma is through supporting other Dharma practitioners. So if Western people aren't asking for support, if we are too proud to ask someone to support us in retreat, which is usually what the problem is, Then there's no way to get the people on the treadmill. And so the real Dharma is going to disappear. You're still going to have the teachings and the houses and the pictures and the people, but there's going to be nobody with realizations. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:16 Highlight the passage at 1:21:16

1:22:02 And if you have nobody with realizations, you're not going to have Dharma. It's going to be like the Christian church, just places where people talk and have nothing. So his thing was, you have to be beggars. And even you have to somehow educate people to support people in retreat. So I feel like we've been living that way for 20 years and now it's like we've been given the job to create a place where more people can do that. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:02 Highlight the passage at 1:22:02

1:22:33 And it's a big experiment and I haven't had anxiety in years but I have a lot of anxiety now because I wake up in the morning wondering where are we going to get the money to make this happen. happen you know so But I just want to share that with you because it's something to think about. If you want to come down to Shiniland and do a retreat, ask all your friends to give you $10 a month. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:33 Highlight the passage at 1:22:33

1:22:55 And then they create the cause to enter the Dharma and it's all based on generosity because in the past, in Asian countries, you don't charge. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:55 Highlight the passage at 1:22:55

1:23:10 Your mic, you need your mic. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:10 Highlight the passage at 1:23:10

1:23:16 I think I've never heard anyone but you talk about doing this with a regular Dharma center and working those years at the project. One thing I... picked up on was the more prisoners we had writing and the more we had to give the more money came in and the more generosity there was and we had no way to charge anyone so yeah we were forced to practice generosity yeah and you know how well they did for many years I've never heard anyone else and I believe that. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:16 Highlight the passage at 1:23:16

1:23:47 I believe the success will manifest because of that. Well, Goenka does it that way. I was thinking when you said that they run the Vipassanā courses where you serve one week and then the next week you retreat. It's a similar concept. Yeah, that's the same kind of concept. But that's the Buddha's way. It's not Goenka's way. It's the way Buddhism is supposed to be. We just are too cowardly to do that. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:47 Highlight the passage at 1:23:47

1:24:11 Well, thank you for making that. It's like, oh, we're not going to have enough money. We need to charge money. you know know So you have to take the risk, you know, and there's a lot more anxiety involved. But maybe not. I mean, once the model gets going, you know, I'll just... But so far, you know, we've got five people already in our Nundro factory, you know, and I just took the job on in December. So, you know, it's, you know, we'll see. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:11 Highlight the passage at 1:24:11

1:24:38 Anyway, let's look at the pictures and then everyone needs to go home so they can go to work tomorrow. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:38 Highlight the passage at 1:24:38

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:25:23 better for a bit. Tell me if Report an error in the passage at 1:25:23 Highlight the passage at 1:25:23

1:25:48 this last year he was there so is where you that's where it's not on the ocean but that's where it starts Report an error in the passage at 1:25:48 Highlight the passage at 1:25:48

1:26:06 miles by the road, but it's really only a couple miles. That says hermitage and wildlife. It's the angle. Can you see it? Can everyone see it? So that's on Shinning Land. That's the views of Shinning Land. That's called my fair rock. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:06 Highlight the passage at 1:26:06

1:26:23 It's a valley. That's on one side of the valley. This is all part of what I was taking at Shinning Land. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:23 Highlight the passage at 1:26:23

1:26:58 See the way it works? He lives inside the fence. That's his house. And the way it works with the sheeting then is they just kind of put something in the mailbox and put it on the side of the house. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:58 Highlight the passage at 1:26:58

1:27:26 It's right at Ragged Point. exactly where it is. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:26 Highlight the passage at 1:27:26

1:27:34 Oh, okay. That's great. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:34 Highlight the passage at 1:27:34

1:27:55 like very aesthetically oh it is yeah that's why it's like they're gonna get rid of this because no one wants to manage it Report an error in the passage at 1:27:55 Highlight the passage at 1:27:55

1:28:49 so funny. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:49 Highlight the passage at 1:28:49

1:29:08 a crow, and that was frozen. that's the meadow. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:08 Highlight the passage at 1:29:08

1:29:19 That's the house where we just did the retreat. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:19 Highlight the passage at 1:29:19

1:29:27 future goal would be to just keep Report an error in the passage at 1:29:27 Highlight the passage at 1:29:27

1:29:36 Yeah, we have a lot of work to do with the county and all that stuff. Right now the houses are the old. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:36 Highlight the passage at 1:29:36

1:29:57 doesn't look anything like what you want. No, nothing's like that. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:57 Highlight the passage at 1:29:57

1:30:37 haven't gotten, right now I'm just trying to get the center going. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:37 Highlight the passage at 1:30:37

1:30:43 lot of stuff. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:43 Highlight the passage at 1:30:43

1:30:47 the valley of Cheyenne. That's the mountainside. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:47 Highlight the passage at 1:30:47

1:31:25 May we create the cause for all of us to do retreats and all of us attain enlightenment and all sentient beings attain enlightenment quicker than quick in this very life and for the long lives of our gurus, for all their wishes to be fulfilled, for Geshe Dakpa to live long, for Lama Zopa to get over his stroke and live long and for Oselhita to manifest in a way that benefits himself and all sentient beings and to stop all the wars and all the aggression and greed in the minds of... Report an error in the passage at 1:31:25 Highlight the passage at 1:31:25

1:31:54 May the precious Bodhi mind not arisen, rise and grow, and what has arisen not decline. but increase forevermore. So then rejoicing how wonderful it is, thinking about how amazing it is we have this place here to practice. Let's say some prayers for Choki as she gets well soon. And Report an error in the passage at 1:31:54 Highlight the passage at 1:31:54

1:32:47 understanding that myself, the dedication and the act of dedicating all arise in dependence upon themselves, that nothing is existing from its own side. We can seal the dedication with emptiness. We Report an error in the passage at 1:32:47 Highlight the passage at 1:32:47

1:33:06 all realize emptiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:06 Highlight the passage at 1:33:06

1:33:26 So, it's 9.17, I'm sure you're on, you know, you can go home, so I don't want to keep you all. So, thanks for coming. I wasn't sure if anybody would be here, but there are some people, so that's nice. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:26 Highlight the passage at 1:33:26