Meditation (7 January 2012, afternoon)

0:02 Negative states of mind are bad for us. They make us unhappy and they're bad for our health. Report an error in the passage at 0:02 Highlight the passage at 0:02

0:10 what we're doing here is something that benefits ourselves, it also benefits So the more we can have positive attitudes, then The better it is for others as well as ourselves. So try to think that you're here, your reason or purpose for being here isn't only for yourself, for your own happiness, but also for others, to be more helpful to others, to as many other people, beings as possible, even the entire world. Report an error in the passage at 0:10 Highlight the passage at 0:10

1:00 So try to generate an altruistic attitude, meaning wanting to... Be of benefit to others, wanting to not harm others and instead to help them as much as you can. Report an error in the passage at 1:00 Highlight the passage at 1:00

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:44 So this morning we were looking at what types of attitude hinder our development of love or loving kindness. I spoke about anger as being probably the main obstacle. Anger, hatred, criticalness, judgmentalness, those kinds of attitudes. That's the biggest obstacle to love. But not only to love, also to the other immeasurable attitudes, the compassion, joy, equanimity. Report an error in the passage at 1:44 Highlight the passage at 1:44

2:18 So anger and hatred is also an obstacle to those. And so it's really helpful. I mean, I think most people, if not everybody, does have anger, at least sometimes. So it's really important to recognize it, be able to identify it when it's there. To see it as something harmful, like a toxin. One teacher uses the word toxin for negative states of mind like anger, which I think is a good term because when it comes to their bodies and health, people are real concerned about toxins, getting rid of the toxins in their body, cleansing their toxins and so on. Report an error in the passage at 2:18 Highlight the passage at 2:18

3:01 But it's also helpful to realize that we have mental toxins. That are bad for our mind, bad for our relationships, bad for our life. So anger is one of the worst of the mental toxins. So it's good to really feel that way. This is a toxin in my mind. I want to get rid of it and not put energy into keeping it and perpetuating it, feeding it. Report an error in the passage at 3:01 Highlight the passage at 3:01

3:29 And then we looked at some methods we can use to work on anger when it does arise. And before we go on to the next thing, I wanted to just share with you something. It was in my mind this morning, then it disappeared, so it came back again over lunchtime. Report an error in the passage at 3:29 Highlight the passage at 3:29

3:47 This is just to share something I heard from another teacher, Tenzin Palmo. She's another Western nun, one of the first Western people to become a nun. And she's kind of famous because she stayed in a cave for a long time. There's a book about her life called Cave in the Snow. Maybe you've heard of it. Report an error in the passage at 3:47 Highlight the passage at 3:47

4:12 She stayed for 12 years in this cave up in the Himalayas, the Indian Himalayas, and put up with unbelievable difficulties. And she's a really beautiful person and a really good teacher. So I heard her once say something. She was talking about loving kindness. Report an error in the passage at 4:12 Highlight the passage at 4:12

4:35 Developing loving kindness even for enemies, even for people we have difficulty with, so-called bad people. And she said it actually makes sense to feel loving kindness for the so-called enemies because the people we dislike are usually people who do bad things. They hurt other people. They may hurt us. Report an error in the passage at 4:35 Highlight the passage at 4:35

5:04 They do a lot of bad stuff. And when people do bad things, it's usually because they're hurting inside. They're not happy, right? We just look at our own experience. When we're happy, when we're feeling really happy, really good, those aren't the times when we do bad things or hurtful things. But it's when we're suffering, when we are... Report an error in the passage at 5:04 Highlight the passage at 5:04

5:30 Unhappy inside. There's pain inside. We're just hurting so bad. Those are the times when we do bad things. We hurt others. So people who do bad things are probably hurting inside. They're probably really unhappy, really confused, really messed up. They're not in a good state of mind. So she said, given that, it makes sense to generate loving kindness for them because the meaning of loving kindness is wishing others to have happiness. Report an error in the passage at 5:30 Highlight the passage at 5:30

6:03 And if we understand that our enemies, the bad people, are actually unhappy, and that's why they're doing all these bad things, if they could be happy, if they could, you know, their mind could change and they could experience real, genuine happiness inside of themselves, they'd probably stop doing those bad things. Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:23 They'd probably be a lot nicer people, and then we wouldn't have so much trouble with them. Right? Does that make sense? Report an error in the passage at 6:23 Highlight the passage at 6:23

6:32 Not convinced. Well, think about it. Think about it. Think about it. Just try to imagine somebody like Gaddafi. If his mind was really in a good state, like if he really had... And when I say happiness, I don't mean just sort of superficial, ha-ha kind of happiness you get when you're drunk. But... Deep down happiness that comes from generating positive states of mind, feeling love, feeling compassion, caring about others, doing things for others. Report an error in the passage at 6:32 Highlight the passage at 6:32

7:11 That's the real kind of happiness that we wish for ourselves and for others. So imagine somebody who's kind of a bad person doing bad things. I shouldn't say bad person. A good person who's doing bad things. Report an error in the passage at 7:11 Highlight the passage at 7:11

7:30 A person who's doing bad things, if they could really be in a good state of mind, having genuine happiness, which comes from genuine positive states of mind, imagine how they would be, what kind of things they would do, how they would behave, how they would treat other people. They'd probably be a nicer person. They wouldn't do the things they're doing. And then we might even be able to like them. So anyway, her point was, it makes sense. Report an error in the passage at 7:30 Highlight the passage at 7:30

7:58 It's like logical to wish happiness. For enemies, for the difficult people. Because then they probably wouldn't be so difficult. We wouldn't have such a hard time with them. And then that's good for us as well. It wouldn't be so painful having to deal with those people. So anyway, I thought that was a really interesting comment and really makes sense. Report an error in the passage at 7:58 Highlight the passage at 7:58

8:25 But think about it if you're not convinced. Report an error in the passage at 8:25 Highlight the passage at 8:25

8:34 Okay, so then I'd like to talk about another state of mind that Can interfere with loving-kindness as well as the other four measurables. And this is attachment. Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

8:52 This may be difficult for some people because some people can't see a difference between attachment and love. They appear like one and the same thing. So we need to distinguish attachment and love. And attachment can also be called Clinging or grasping or craving. And attachment is about me. It's about self, our ego and our wishes and our needs. Report an error in the passage at 8:52 Highlight the passage at 8:52

9:25 And when we're coming from a place of attachment in our relationships with other people, it's like we see the other person as a way to fulfill my wishes, needs and get what I want. It's like we kind of use the other person. To get what we want. So that's what happens with attachment. So attachment is more focused on me, not on the other person. Report an error in the passage at 9:25 Highlight the passage at 9:25

9:53 Whereas love, loving kindness, the kind of loving kindness we talk about here is pure and unconditional. And that means it's about the other person. We care about them, their happiness, what's good for them, and not so much about me. And my happiness and what's good for me. So we sometimes talk about love without strings attached. Report an error in the passage at 9:53 Highlight the passage at 9:53

10:21 Love without asking for something in return. So when we have the other kind of love, which is actually more like attachment, then it's like a business contract. We feel I will love you as long as you love me and as you do what I want and you don't do what I don't want. And we have all these conditions, these clauses to our love. So is that real love? Report an error in the passage at 10:21 Highlight the passage at 10:21

10:52 Is that genuine, pure, unconditional love? There may be some love involved. It may be a mixture. I think if we examine the way we feel towards friends, family and so on, we'll probably find a mixture of love where we really do care about the other person. Really genuine. Report an error in the passage at 10:52 Highlight the passage at 10:52

11:14 Sincere concern for the other person's happiness and well-being and really trying to make them happy. But we may also notice this other thing, this other element of, I want to get something for myself. You know, what about me? And this may not always be obvious until something happens, like the other person doesn't do what you want, doesn't give as much love back as you want or expect, you know? Report an error in the passage at 11:14 Highlight the passage at 11:14

11:42 When they don't fulfill your expectations, then if you notice your mind kind of changing, the feeling of love you had before isn't quite as strong. It may not be there at all. It may disappear. You may stop loving the person because you're no longer getting what you want. So that shows that's attachment. Report an error in the passage at 11:42 Highlight the passage at 11:42

12:05 That's attachment, not love. And this is what happens in many, many cases, many relationships. When we don't get what we want from the other person, we say, okay, that's it. I'm not going to love you anymore. And the other person can even turn into an enemy. They went from friend to enemy. Report an error in the passage at 12:05 Highlight the passage at 12:05

12:32 So according to the Buddhist teachings, attachment is a huge hindrance. It's another toxic state of mind. We can have attachment for almost anything. Not only people, but also things, material things. Report an error in the passage at 12:32 Highlight the passage at 12:32

12:49 And then more abstract things like intelligence, knowledge, status, fame. So there's so many things we can get attached to. And in general attachment is about me. It's very self-centered. I want, I need, that's good for me, that's going to bring me happiness. Report an error in the passage at 12:49 Highlight the passage at 12:49

13:13 It's a complex thing and we don't have a whole lot of time here, but I encourage you to... Learn more about attachment. What exactly is attachment? What are its characteristics? How do we recognize it when it's there? And then what's wrong with attachment? Because this is a difficult thing. It's not so difficult to see that anger and hatred is a painful, toxic state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 13:13 Highlight the passage at 13:13

13:43 But it's not as easy to see that with attachment. Report an error in the passage at 13:43 Highlight the passage at 13:43

13:49 I read in one book, one of Daniel Goleman's book, I forget the title, but he was talking about, no, it was another, maybe, I don't know, anyway, he was talking about how scientists do research into different negative emotions or destructive emotions, and they've done research on anger. Fear and others like that. He says they haven't done any research on attachment because it's regarded as a social norm. So it's not really seen as something negative or harmful or toxic, something we should try to do without. Report an error in the passage at 13:49 Highlight the passage at 13:49

14:36 But if we look, if we examine our own experiences and also in the world, other people's experiences and things that happen in the world. Then we can start to see that it's not such a healthy state of mind. And in particular in relationships, it can be really harmful, really destructive. For example, parents sometimes have very strong attachment for their children and go to the extent of trying to run their children's lives. Report an error in the passage at 14:36 Highlight the passage at 14:36

15:07 I hear lots of stories. I'm very fortunate my parents were not like that. But there are some parents like that. It causes so much suffering, so much suffering for the kids and also for the parents because if they behave that way with their kids and the kids are unhappy and having problems, then it must also reflect back on the parents. Report an error in the passage at 15:07 Highlight the passage at 15:07

15:35 It must cause problems for them as well. Report an error in the passage at 15:35 Highlight the passage at 15:35

15:40 So that's attachment. That's not love. I mean, of course, with love, parents love their children. They want their children to be healthy and to be safe and not have problems and go in a good direction in their life. That's normal. And that's good. That's positive to try to help your children go in a good direction and have a good life. But some parents go beyond that. Report an error in the passage at 15:40 Highlight the passage at 15:40

16:06 They try to tell their children what they should study, what career they should follow, who they should marry. And where they should live and how many times they should call every day, how many times they should come home and visit. And then they get very angry and upset if their kids don't comply. And that's really, I mean, even when the kids are, I'm not talking about little kids, I'm talking about adults in their 20s and 30s, you know. Report an error in the passage at 16:06 Highlight the passage at 16:06

16:36 Parents still putting such strong demands on their children. So that's attachment. So there's a good way we can understand attachment and the problems that can come from having attachment. Report an error in the passage at 16:36 Highlight the passage at 16:36

16:59 So what we need to do then is to recognize attachment because we do have it. We all have it. And we need to recognize it in our experience and come to see that it's something harmful rather than something helpful. Report an error in the passage at 16:59 Highlight the passage at 16:59

17:17 And we also need to see the difference between love and attachment. Again, looking at our experience, being able to recognize when we're coming from a place of love and when we're coming from a place of attachment so that we can see them, see the difference. And then put more energy into love. Try to generate more pure, unconditional love and try to work on decreasing this other one, this attachment. Report an error in the passage at 17:17 Highlight the passage at 17:17

17:44 And there are different... Methods for working on attachment, one of the best is to contemplate impermanence because what feeds attachment is thinking of things as being permanent. It's a kind of wishful thinking because in fact things are not permanent. For example relationships, people. When we have attachment for someone we feel I want that person to be there forever and ever and never go away. Report an error in the passage at 17:44 Highlight the passage at 17:44

18:17 I want this relationship to last forever and ever and never end. So this is what can happen when we have attachment. And we need to ask ourselves, is this realistic? Is it realistic to think this way, to feel this way? Buddhism emphasizes the importance of contemplating impermanence, that things don't last forever. Report an error in the passage at 18:17 Highlight the passage at 18:17

18:44 People don't last forever. We all die. Death is something that's going to happen to everybody. And we don't know when it's going to happen. It can happen any day, any minute, any second. So the Buddha really encouraged people to contemplate that, come to accept that, be prepared for it. Most people don't do that. Report an error in the passage at 18:44 Highlight the passage at 18:44

19:05 Instead they just cling to this kind of fantasy of living happily ever after with their loved ones. And then when something happens, when a loved one dies, they just fall apart. It's so painful, so unbearable. Report an error in the passage at 19:05 Highlight the passage at 19:05

19:28 So by making ourselves more familiar with impermanence, reminding ourselves of impermanence, it helps us to be more prepared for when impermanence strikes. And we'll probably still suffer. It'll still be very painful. But we probably won't totally fall apart. We'll be able to pick ourselves up again more quickly and manage to go on. Report an error in the passage at 19:28 Highlight the passage at 19:28

19:55 I read in one book about, it was a book about death and dying written by a Zen teacher, I think Philip Kaplow, kind of a classic. And he mentioned this one man in Burma who Every morning did some spiritual practice, some prayer and meditation, and one of the things he did every morning was to take his prayer beads, rosary, mala, and he would count off the beads, one bead for each person that he knew, and he would say, that person is going to die, that person is going to die, that person is going to die, that person is going to die. Report an error in the passage at 19:55 Highlight the passage at 19:55

20:38 Some people might think that's a ruling Mormon. But I think it's really helpful to remind ourselves, these people in our life, because normally we don't think that way. We just kind of have this feeling they're going to be there forever. They're always going to be there. That's why it's such a shock when something happens to one of them. Report an error in the passage at 20:38 Highlight the passage at 20:38

21:02 So that could be really helpful to do. Just remind ourselves, each person in our life is not going to be there forever. They're going to die one day. Report an error in the passage at 21:02 Highlight the passage at 21:02

21:13 So then it wouldn't be such a shock. And it also doesn't stop us from loving them. In fact, I think it will make you love them even more. Because when we don't consider impermanence, when we don't consider that people are going to die, we can easily kind of take people for granted. It's like, oh, they're going to be there forever, so I don't have to pay so much attention to them, I don't have to be so nice to them. And that happens, doesn't it? Report an error in the passage at 21:13 Highlight the passage at 21:13

21:36 you know, just. Report an error in the passage at 21:36 Highlight the passage at 21:36

21:42 Whereas if you realize they're going to die and you don't know when it's going to happen, it could even happen today, then it's like they become so precious. So precious. Like you really cherish them. And that would be wonderful, wouldn't it? If we could feel that way. If we could really cherish the people in our life and just cherish the time that we still have together. Report an error in the passage at 21:42 Highlight the passage at 21:42

22:07 So you'd probably be a lot nicer to them. You'd probably be a lot less likely. To do something unkind or nasty to your loved ones, yeah? So contemplating impermanence is helpful, helpful for having more love, more pure love, unconditional love and not so much attachment. So I think that's a really good contemplation for counteracting attachment and increasing love. Report an error in the passage at 22:07 Highlight the passage at 22:07

22:44 I Report an error in the passage at 22:44 Highlight the passage at 22:44

22:48 was really impressed with that. Report an error in the passage at 22:48 Highlight the passage at 22:48

23:03 I wish we had more time. There's so many things I could talk about, but time is short. Report an error in the passage at 23:03 Highlight the passage at 23:03

23:14 Okay, let me just mention another meditation or contemplation that can help us have more loving kindness for others. I'll just briefly mention it, but we may not have time to do it. Report an error in the passage at 23:14 Highlight the passage at 23:14

23:33 To contemplate the kindness of others. So this is in the Tibetan tradition. You may have heard of this. It can be quite an extensive contemplation. Report an error in the passage at 23:33 Highlight the passage at 23:33

23:45 Thinking about all the people who have helped you in your life, starting with your parents, your mother and father, which is difficult for many people, but it's extremely helpful, extremely beneficial. A lot of people in the West have problems with their mother or their father or both. Sometimes we hang on to grudges, resentment, negative feelings towards our parents, which isn't a nice thing. Report an error in the passage at 23:45 Highlight the passage at 23:45

24:20 It's also really painful. It's really painful if you hang on to anger towards anybody because anger itself is a painful state of mind. So if you hang on to anger, it's like you're hanging on to something painful, like holding hot coals in your hand. You're causing yourself to suffer. You're causing yourself to be in pain by holding on to anger, holding on to resentment, holding on to negative feelings. Report an error in the passage at 24:20 Highlight the passage at 24:20

24:49 So if you can recognize that, you may need to look at that in your mind, but if you come to recognize that, then you want to throw it away. You don't want to hold on to that anger anymore. You want to find a way of changing it, getting rid of it. So this meditation is helpful, although it may take time. Report an error in the passage at 24:49 Highlight the passage at 24:49

25:10 You may need to do it a number of times to bring about a change in the mind, but it can be extremely helpful. So the way it's described in the Tibetan tradition is to start with one's mother, because she's usually the main person. We are dependent upon for our life, for our body, because this very body we have sitting here and the body that is able to enjoy all the things we enjoy in life, eating all the yummy food and doing all the fun things. Report an error in the passage at 25:10 Highlight the passage at 25:10

25:49 So all the enjoyments we have in our life are dependent on this body, having this body. And our body comes from our mother. Report an error in the passage at 25:49 Highlight the passage at 25:49

25:58 It comes from our mother's body. The only way a human body can exist is in a mother's womb. They can't create it in a laboratory or a factory or anything else. It only comes from a womb. So that means a woman has to carry, has to hold this body in her body for nine months or longer and then give birth to it. Report an error in the passage at 25:58 Highlight the passage at 25:58

26:25 Without our mother, we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't have this body. We wouldn't be able to enjoy all the things that we enjoy. Report an error in the passage at 26:25 Highlight the passage at 26:25

26:35 So what we can do in this contemplation is just contemplate that. Most people don't remember being a baby, being born, being in the womb. But we can imagine. Imagine our mother at the time when she was pregnant with us and the experiences she went through. Some of you are probably mothers yourself, so you have first-hand experience of what that's like, and that can be what I hear. I don't have the experience, but it can be difficult. Report an error in the passage at 26:35 Highlight the passage at 26:35

27:05 It can be uncomfortable, even painful, carrying a baby for nine months or longer, 24 hours a day. It's not like you can put it down and take a break, you know. Oh, this is so heavy. Report an error in the passage at 27:05 Highlight the passage at 27:05

27:27 So it's with you, 24 hours a day. So it's good to think about that. My mother did that for me. She put up with that for me. And my mother used to talk about, she would follow the doctor's instructions and try to eat certain foods and avoid other foods. And she said she always hated yogurt. She hated yogurt. But the doctor would tell her to eat yogurt. So she would force herself to eat yogurt. And so even little things like that. Report an error in the passage at 27:27 Highlight the passage at 27:27

28:03 Changing one's normal patterns of behavior or lifestyle in order to make sure that the baby's okay. Of course, not all mothers do that, unfortunately, but hopefully your mother was such a person who really did what she could to take care of you and make sure you were going to be okay. Then going through the actual birth process, which is pretty difficult. Report an error in the passage at 28:03 Highlight the passage at 28:03

28:32 And painful and also dangerous. Even now you hear stories of something going wrong and sometimes the mother may even die or experience some damage, some injury to her body. Sometimes the baby dies or is injured in some way. So it's a dangerous, dangerous thing to go through. Report an error in the passage at 28:32 Highlight the passage at 28:32

29:02 So I don't know if the mother feels fear. I would. If I was giving birth, I would feel kind of scared. Is this going to go okay? Is this going to go well? Is something going to go wrong? So I think it could be quite a scary situation. Report an error in the passage at 29:02 Highlight the passage at 29:02

29:18 So again, helpful to think that my mother did that for me, went through that for me. Then after we're born, we're like this helpless little being. We can't do anything for ourselves. That's helpful to think. We come into life empty-handed. We don't come into life with lots of money in our hands and clothes. So we come in naked and empty-handed and unable to do anything for ourselves except lie on our back, cry, wave arms and legs in the air, drink milk and excrete unpleasant substances. Report an error in the passage at 29:18 Highlight the passage at 29:18

29:59 So that's about all we could do at that time in our life. And we wouldn't survive if it weren't for... People taking care of us. No way we could take care of ourselves. So we would have died. So most probably it was our mother who took care of us. And if it's not your mother, in some cases it's somebody else who takes care of you. So you could think of that person. Think of the person who took care of you when you were that small baby. Report an error in the passage at 29:59 Highlight the passage at 29:59

30:29 And it's also helpful to look at mothers and babies. Just look at the kind of care that a mother gives to her child. It's so beautiful. It's so moving. And to imagine your mother in that role with you as this tiny little baby. And it's like a 24-hour day job. Baby sleeps sometimes, but I think every few hours it wakes up and is hungry, wants to eat something, drink something. Report an error in the passage at 30:29 Highlight the passage at 30:29

31:03 And of course, bathing the child, cleaning the diapers and just holding. Babies don't want to be left alone, so they like to be held and like to be with their mother. So it's a lot of work taking care of a small baby. So imagine yourself in that situation, being that small baby and your mother taking care of you. Report an error in the passage at 31:03 Highlight the passage at 31:03

31:31 Also, in a way, our mother was our first teacher because basic things like walking, learning how to walk, learning how to talk. Learning how to do things with our hands, pick up a cup and drink, a spoon and feed ourselves, putting on our clothes, going to the toilet, washing our face, brushing our teeth, all these basic skills that we do without thinking now. Report an error in the passage at 31:31 Highlight the passage at 31:31

31:59 But we had to learn those things. We didn't know them naturally by ourselves. We had to be taught. So it was most probably our mother who taught us to do those things. Time-consuming and required some patience because it's not like we learned it the first time and then we knew it really well. Report an error in the passage at 31:59 Highlight the passage at 31:59

32:25 In the place where I live in Italy, it's a kind of a big center and there's a community of people living there and in the last couple of years there was a couple who had a baby. well. Report an error in the passage at 32:25 Highlight the passage at 32:25

32:38 They would eat in the dining room with everybody else. And I walked into the dining room one night and the couple was there with their baby and the baby was in the little baby chair. And there was food all over the place. Report an error in the passage at 32:38 Highlight the passage at 32:38

32:50 All over the baby's body and face and tray and all over the floor. It's just a Report an error in the passage at 32:50 Highlight the passage at 32:50

33:01 mother being a father too. Report an error in the passage at 33:01 Highlight the passage at 33:01

33:06 So anyway, so that's just to give you some idea. And then you can also go on in time and think about your mother helping you as you got older. Report an error in the passage at 33:06 Highlight the passage at 33:06

33:18 Taking you to school, picking you up from school, taking you to friends' houses or baseball games or music lessons and all these things. Mother's also a chauffeur. And if you have a mother who was loving and caring, like a good mother, then this is not too difficult. But sometimes there are people who have mothers who were not so loving and caring. But it's still helpful to do this meditation because... Report an error in the passage at 33:18 Highlight the passage at 33:18

33:53 What can happen if you have a difficult mother, a difficult relationship with a mother, is you might only remember the bad things. Your memory focuses on the things your mother didn't do, the things she did wrong, the things she did that were hurtful, all the mistakes she made. And you might not remember or think about the things she did that were good, that were kind, that were helpful. So it can be helpful to do this. Report an error in the passage at 33:53 Highlight the passage at 33:53

34:25 And realize, I know many people who really were able to break through anger and resentment and problems they had with their mother by doing this meditation. So it can really help to heal those kind of problems and come to a feeling of love and appreciation for our mother. And also it's helpful to think of our mother and our father as human beings. Report an error in the passage at 34:25 Highlight the passage at 34:25

34:55 I think another problem we tend to do is have unreal We have unrealistic expectations of them. We expect them to be perfect. We expect them to always do things right, never get angry, never get upset, never scold us, never punish us, never show any negative emotions. So that could also be a cause for feeling some resentment towards our parents. And so it's helpful to think, well, they're people too. They're just people like me. Report an error in the passage at 34:55 Highlight the passage at 34:55

35:23 And they still have these kind of emotions in their mind. And it's hard being a parent, challenging having kids. So it's only natural that they sometimes get upset, sometimes show anger, sometimes act unfairly. Report an error in the passage at 35:23 Highlight the passage at 35:23

35:42 And I find it also helpful to try to find out more about your parents' own childhood, because some of their attitudes or behaviors might go back to that. They might be things they picked up from their parents, their family life. So that's really helpful as well. It really helps to see your parents in a different way and have more compassion for them. Report an error in the passage at 35:42 Highlight the passage at 35:42

36:11 So this kind of contemplation, like I said, you might need to do it a number of times before you can really change feelings you may have of anger or resentment towards parents. But it's very good to do. It's very helpful. I know it's helped me. I didn't have such a good relationship with my parents when I was young, but contemplating these things really helped me to get to have a better relationship with my parents. Report an error in the passage at 36:11 Highlight the passage at 36:11

36:46 Lama Yeshe once said that if there's any kind of unresolved issues in our relationship with our parents, we won't be able to progress on the spiritual path. um... Report an error in the passage at 36:46 Highlight the passage at 36:46

37:02 And I really think that's true. Because our parents are important for us. They're so important. Incredibly important. They give us our body. They give us our life. Even if they didn't do such a great job, but the fact that they did it, we are totally dependent on that. Report an error in the passage at 37:02 Highlight the passage at 37:02

37:22 And so if we don't have a good relationship with them, if we're holding on to bad feelings towards them, and then we try to meditate. We try to do all these different kinds of meditations, but we're not dealing with that area of our mind, that area of our mind, trying to just ignore it, suppress it, hope it disappears by itself. Report an error in the passage at 37:22 Highlight the passage at 37:22

37:46 That's going to be a block. That's going to be a hindrance to really developing our mind on the path. So I think it is important to work on that, even if it takes your whole life. Report an error in the passage at 37:46 Highlight the passage at 37:46

38:00 It's worth it. Report an error in the passage at 38:00 Highlight the passage at 38:00

38:12 So this meditation then can be done with parents and it can also be done with other people, other family members and teachers because if it weren't for our teachers, we wouldn't have the knowledge that we have that enables us to get a job, for example, and make a living, you know, be able to have money, buy a house and live independently. So it's also helpful to... Report an error in the passage at 38:12 Highlight the passage at 38:12

38:42 Contemplate that, how we are dependent on our teachers. And in fact, if we really go extensively in this meditation, we realize that we are dependent on others for everything in our life. For example, the food that we eat, we are dependent on farmers and other people in the food, that whole process, growing the food, transporting the food, processing it in factories, putting it into packages. Report an error in the passage at 38:42 Highlight the passage at 38:42

39:11 Bringing it to the markets, selling it, or restaurants, cooking it, selling it. So many people involved in even just one meal that we might eat, one plate of food that we might eat. Report an error in the passage at 39:11 Highlight the passage at 39:11

39:27 So that's really helpful to think of as well because we eat a lot. Three times a day or more, 365 days of the year, year after year after year. A lot of food. So that means a lot of people. They have helped us to have that experience of eating food and enjoying the food and also surviving because without food we wouldn't be able to survive. Report an error in the passage at 39:27 Highlight the passage at 39:27

39:53 So our very survival depends on other people. And we can go on to think clothes that we wear, the house we live in, all the things we have in our house, all the furniture, the electrical things, the kitchen things and so on. And also gas, water, electricity, all these things that make life pleasant and comfortable for us. They all come from other people. Report an error in the passage at 39:53 Highlight the passage at 39:53

40:23 So you could do this all day. You could spend your whole day just contemplating all the things you have and all the things you use and all the things you enjoy and just think about where they come from, all the people involved in that. It really becomes so extensive. It's like, for example, food. You think about, okay, the farmers. Report an error in the passage at 40:23 Highlight the passage at 40:23

40:43 Who grew the food. But then they used tools. You know, they had like tractors and other kinds of tools. So there were people who made those tractors. Report an error in the passage at 40:43 Highlight the passage at 40:43

40:55 And people who made the raw materials, the steel and the rubber to make the tractors, the engines. And then there were people who made the food so that the people who made the tractors could eat and keep working and so on and so on. So it really, it just goes on and on and on and on. And you realize this interconnectedness, this interconnectedness with so many people. And so many of these people we never meet. Report an error in the passage at 40:55 Highlight the passage at 40:55

41:23 We are dependent on them. We get benefit from the work that they do. We never meet them. We don't know who they are. We don't know their names, anything about them. The things that they do benefit us. So then you get a sense of, wow. How much my happiness, my well-being is dependent on others. And when you feel, when you realize that, when you feel that, you feel, how can I be nasty to them? Report an error in the passage at 41:23 Highlight the passage at 41:23

41:52 I should be kind to them. I should help them in return with, you know, in any way I can. So this is another way of generating more loving kindness for others and living our life. In that way, living our life in such a way that we try to be helpful to others as much as we can and not harm others as much as we can. Report an error in the passage at 41:52 Highlight the passage at 41:52

42:29 Okay, then another thing is we've been talking about happiness. The loving kindness is wishing happiness for others, wishing others to have happiness. So it's interesting to explore this whole idea of happiness. What is happiness? What is happiness? And are there different kinds of happiness? Is all happiness the same? Or are there different kinds of happiness? Report an error in the passage at 42:29 Highlight the passage at 42:29

43:02 So in Buddhism it said there are different kinds of happiness. Not all happiness is the same. So I read this in one book. I think the title was Being Nobody Going Nowhere by Ayya Kemma, another woman, a Western woman, who was a Buddhist nun. Report an error in the passage at 43:02 Highlight the passage at 43:02

43:24 So she mentioned the Buddha. Explain different kinds of happiness. So one kind of happiness is more like pleasure, what we would call pleasure, sensory pleasures. And this is like with our five senses, seeing, hearing, smell, taste, touch. We have experiences. We see attractive objects. That gives us pleasure. We hear nice sounds like beautiful music, and that gives us pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 43:24 Highlight the passage at 43:24

43:53 We smell nice odors, like fresh. Bread or cakes, cooking or perfume or nice incense, that gives us pleasure. We taste nice tastes, whatever you like, hot, sweet, salty, spicy, that gives pleasure. And then with our body, we have certain experiences that are very pleasurable, like being warm when it's cold or having a soft, comfortable sofa to sit on. Report an error in the passage at 43:53 Highlight the passage at 43:53

44:28 Pleasant experiences with our body. These are the five senses. By means of these five senses, we can have pleasant experiences when we come into contact with attractive objects, visual, audio and so forth. This is one kind of happiness, what we can call happiness, although I think maybe it's better to call it pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 44:28 Highlight the passage at 44:28

45:00 With our mental sense, the sixth sense, mental sense, there can also be pleasant experiences. For example, fantasies, you know, people sometimes have fantasies, daydreams, memories of pleasant experiences in the past. So sometimes on the mental level, yeah, depending on, usually thinking about pleasant experiences we had with our six senses. Report an error in the passage at 45:00 Highlight the passage at 45:00

45:28 Or we hope to have with our five senses. So thinking about eating some delicious food or going to a concert, listening to some beautiful music or having sex. We fantasize these things. We hope to happen. We wish to happen. Or we just create an imagination, an imaginary experience. So that gives a certain amount of pleasure. Report an error in the passage at 45:28 Highlight the passage at 45:28

45:58 So this kind of experience of happiness, it is... It is happiness in a way, but it's not the best kind of happiness because for one thing, it's quite transitory. It doesn't last very long. It may last a few seconds or a few minutes, maybe longer, maybe a few hours, but eventually it fades. It doesn't just keep going. Also, usually for this kind of happiness, we are dependent on certain circumstances, like to be able to... Report an error in the passage at 45:58 Highlight the passage at 45:58

46:33 If you have the pleasure of hearing beautiful music, you have to turn it on, although nowadays you can carry it with you wherever you go with your iPod, so you can have it 24 hours a day if you want. But your iPod may break, yeah? So we're dependent on things in order to have this kind of pleasure, and we don't always have access to those things. Report an error in the passage at 46:33 Highlight the passage at 46:33

47:01 There can be interferences to having this kind of experience. For example, there's certain types of food you like to eat, and then maybe you have to go to another country where that type of food isn't available. Like here, everything's available. But, you know, if you go to India or Africa, you may not be able to have all the food you have here. Report an error in the passage at 47:01 Highlight the passage at 47:01

47:27 All the different kinds of coffees and teas and pastries. So then... Then it could be quite unpleasant not having the food you like to eat. So these are some shortcomings of this type of experience, this kind of happiness. And also if we ask ourselves, is it really satisfying? Is it really that satisfying? Because we have the tendency to get attached or even addicted, you know? Report an error in the passage at 47:27 Highlight the passage at 47:27

48:01 We kind of get attached to those. Those kinds of experiences, listening to that type of music, eating that type of food, smelling that kind of odor. So we can easily get attached and kind of addicted. And that's why we suffer when it's not available. But also what can happen with attachment, with addiction, is after a while it doesn't really satisfy you anymore. Report an error in the passage at 48:01 Highlight the passage at 48:01

48:26 And then you want more or better or something different. Try a new flavor of coffee, a new flavor of tea, so we can get kind of dissatisfied. In fact, the Buddha said that if we follow thoughts of desire, the feeling, the attitude of desire, if we follow that, it's like drinking salt water. Report an error in the passage at 48:26 Highlight the passage at 48:26

48:58 If you're thirsty and you drink salt water, you might get a little bit of relief. For your thirst because it's something wet, cool, but then because of the salt in the water, it just makes you more thirsty. Your thirst doesn't get quenched, but increases. You're more and more and more thirsty. So he said, following desires like that, you have desire for something, attachment to something, craving for something, you follow that. Report an error in the passage at 48:58 Highlight the passage at 48:58

49:25 You might get some pleasure, but it doesn't really satisfy you. You actually want more and more and better and better. So it kind of brings dissatisfaction rather than satisfaction. Does that make sense? It's something to check in our experience. Report an error in the passage at 49:25 Highlight the passage at 49:25

49:48 Experiences we had, you know, for example, you might want a certain type of cell phone or a certain type of laptop or a certain type of car. You know, maybe you have fantasies, how wonderful it would be, how happy I would be if I could have that. And then you save your money and you manage to get that particular thing. Report an error in the passage at 49:48 Highlight the passage at 49:48

50:08 How long does that happiness last? Initially there's a lot of happiness, a lot of excitement. But does it continue to be that way? Do you continue to feel that same kind of happiness and excitement and thrill? Or does it kind of fade after a while and you start to see faults and become dissatisfied and see somebody else who has another gadget that's even better than yours? Report an error in the passage at 50:08 Highlight the passage at 50:08

50:37 And of course the manufacturers are making use of this. They know this very well. So every six months or a year, they come out with a new model that's better, has more features, can do more things, is faster. So then, yeah, the one you have doesn't look so good anymore. So that's what the Buddha was talking about. Report an error in the passage at 50:37 Highlight the passage at 50:37

51:01 Following desire doesn't lead to satisfaction. It leads to dissatisfaction. Wanting more, wanting better. And it's an endless process. If you just keep going in that direction. So one solution, one antidote to this is learning contentment. Learning to be content with what you have. And not just constantly following this dissatisfact, this tendency to be dissatisfied. Report an error in the passage at 51:01 Highlight the passage at 51:01

51:36 So looking at what you have and thinking... Okay, maybe it's not as good as what somebody else has, but it's good enough. It does the job. It works. So learning contentment, being content with what you have, being content with a more simple life instead of just wanting more and more. Cluttering up your life with so many things. I Report an error in the passage at 51:36 Highlight the passage at 51:36

52:03 forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, happiness. But that is. Contentment is happiness. Yeah? Contentment is happiness. So anyway, that's the first kind of happiness. And then another kind of happiness is the happiness that comes from having more positive states of mind, having states of mind or attitudes that are positive and beneficial and more in touch with reality. Report an error in the passage at 52:03 Highlight the passage at 52:03

52:36 For example, contentment. Contentment is a positive state of mind. Being content with what you have. Rather than being dissatisfied and jealous of what other people have and so on. Love, having more love, genuine concern for others, paying attention to their needs, trying to help them, or at least being kind to them, at least being kind to others, considerate, respectful and kind to others. Report an error in the passage at 52:36 Highlight the passage at 52:36

53:03 So that brings happiness, you know, that makes you feel happy, isn't it? When you do something that's helpful to somebody else, it doesn't have to be homeless people or people far away, but just in your own family. Taking care of your kids, taking care of your parents, taking care of your siblings, taking care of your friends. Doing something kind for somebody else. Report an error in the passage at 53:03 Highlight the passage at 53:03

53:29 Doesn't that feel good? It Report an error in the passage at 53:29 Highlight the passage at 53:29

53:37 happens here in the Gompa. Yeah, yeah. People take care of each other. Report an error in the passage at 53:37 Highlight the passage at 53:37

53:46 So there's a kind of happiness, a kind of joy that comes from being kind and helpful to others. And that kind of joy, that kind of happiness is different than the happiness you get from drinking your favorite kind of coffee or eating your favorite kind of food, which is much more selfish. It's more about me, you know, kind of this narrow little world of me and my pleasure. Because you're reaching out. Report an error in the passage at 53:46 Highlight the passage at 53:46

54:16 Outside of yourself, reaching out to others with concern for others. So there's a certain kind of satisfaction there, a good feeling there that you don't get from just being concerned about your own pleasure, your own happiness. Report an error in the passage at 54:16 Highlight the passage at 54:16

54:32 So this is another kind of happiness. The happiness comes from positive states of mind like love, compassion, kindness, contentment. Report an error in the passage at 54:32 Highlight the passage at 54:32

54:45 Also in meditation. We practice meditation. We try to make our mind more peaceful rather than following every crazy thought that comes up. Just trying to sit there and pay attention to the breath or recite a mantra or visualize a Buddha. Report an error in the passage at 54:45 Highlight the passage at 54:45

55:03 So there's also a kind of happiness, a kind of good feeling that comes from doing that. Have you experienced that? Have you noticed that? Sometimes? Maybe not always, but at least sometimes. Report an error in the passage at 55:03 Highlight the passage at 55:03

55:19 Sometimes you can feel that. So that's another kind of happiness. And I think it's a more genuine, more deep, more long-lasting happiness than the first one. And you're also not so dependent on external things. It's something you do within yourself. You can do it anywhere, anytime, by yourself, once you know how to do this, once you know how to put yourself into a good state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 55:19 Highlight the passage at 55:19

55:45 So I think, for me, that's... That's an advantage, right? Being able to generate this kind of happiness anytime, anyplace. Report an error in the passage at 55:45 Highlight the passage at 55:45

56:01 And then Buddhism describes other types of happiness that come from developing the mind to even higher degrees. It is said that when you develop concentration, single point of concentration, and you achieve what's called calm abiding, shamatha, shine in Tibetan, This is a state of mind where it's an attainment. You attain it and it's measured by the ability to remain single pointedly focused on your object of meditation, your chosen object for four hours or more without being distracted, without your mind being distracted or sleepy, dull and feeling And bliss, physical and mental bliss and flexibility or pliancy. So I don't experience, I haven't experienced this, but what is said is that it's incredible. Report an error in the passage at 56:01 Highlight the passage at 56:01

57:09 Like better than anything we've ever experienced. The first two kinds of happiness is just nothing compared to that bliss. It can be dangerous because you can get attached to it. But if you're aware of that danger and you don't... Get attached to it and instead you use it as a tool. In Buddhism this is like a tool that is used to progress higher, to higher states of mind. Report an error in the passage at 57:09 Highlight the passage at 57:09

57:37 Because if you can focus single pointedly without distraction, then that's a very powerful state of mind to be able to achieve wisdom and the various realizations of the past. It gets you to enlightenment more quickly. Report an error in the passage at 57:37 Highlight the passage at 57:37

57:55 this, the, The experience of happiness or pleasure or bliss that comes from concentration is far greater than other forms of happiness. Report an error in the passage at 57:55 Highlight the passage at 57:55

58:09 And then from there, if you progress further into higher states of mind, developing wisdom, developing other stages of the path up to nirvāṇa, up to enlightenment, then the happiness just gets better and better, higher and higher. Report an error in the passage at 58:09 Highlight the passage at 58:09

58:26 So not all happiness is the same. Not all happiness is equally enjoyable or pure, long-lasting. So when it comes to wishing happiness for others, when we meditate on love and we wish others to have happiness, it's good if you can to wish others to have not just transitory sensory pleasure and happiness, although we do need that because, you know, If we're hungry, if people are hungry, they don't have enough to eat, then it's pretty unpleasant. Report an error in the passage at 58:26 Highlight the passage at 58:26

59:06 So we do wish people and beings to have the most basic kind of happiness, enough food to eat and a comfortable place to live and good circumstances in their life. So we do want them to have that kind of happiness, but realize that there's more. There's other types of happiness which are even better, more long-lasting, more pure. Report an error in the passage at 59:06 Highlight the passage at 59:06

59:27 So if you can accept those other types of happiness, then you can include that in your meditation on loving kindness and wish other people and other beings to have all the types of happiness up to the highest happiness of enlightenment, freedom from suffering and a perfect, pure, positive state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 59:27 Highlight the passage at 59:27

59:53 Okay, so let's just take a break. A few minutes break, five minutes break. Let's try to make it. I still need to talk about compassion. I still have three more immeasurable, so we're going to have to cover them very briefly, but just to introduce those topics. Report an error in the passage at 59:53 Highlight the passage at 59:53

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:00:58 it called? It's called Lama Tsung Papa, Mr. King. you going to Italy? My daughter lives in Italy. And my grandson. Which part? In the Veneto. Sorry? In the Veneto. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:58 Highlight the passage at 1:00:58

1:01:38 was talking about it. the name of it? My name is Kirsten. I saw it. Oh, you haven't seen it? I did see it. I see. Did you say that? Yeah, basically. And apparently the film is going up in the city. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:38 Highlight the passage at 1:01:38

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:02:30 Well I can't cover everything I would like to cover but... Maybe I can just briefly go through the other three of the four immeasurables and then I'll leave some time for you to ask questions. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:30 Highlight the passage at 1:02:30

1:02:45 So immeasurable number two in this prayer is compassion. And it's expressed by the line, May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:45 Highlight the passage at 1:02:45

1:03:03 So compassion is wishing others but also oneself. We also need to have compassion for ourselves. To not suffer. So as I mentioned earlier, it's more aware, with compassion we are more aware of suffering, unhappiness, problems, and we are moved, we're touched by the suffering we see and feel the wish for the person who's suffering to not suffer, to be free of their suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:03 Highlight the passage at 1:03:03

1:03:37 And it can also motivate us to do what we can to relieve. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:37 Highlight the passage at 1:03:37

1:03:49 So Report an error in the passage at 1:03:49 Highlight the passage at 1:03:49

1:03:53 there's something I've been thinking about and discussing with a few people with regard to compassion because I'm living in Europe and teaching in Europe sometimes and the word we use for compassion is the same in various languages, French and Italian and Spanish and English. So we all use this word compassion. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:53 Highlight the passage at 1:03:53

1:04:21 I don't remember my Latin very well, but the root, the kind of breakdown of the word compassion, com means with and passion can have a sense of suffering. For example, in the Catholic Church we talk about the passion of Christ. The passion of Christ meaning the suffering he went through during the last day or two of his life. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:21 Highlight the passage at 1:04:21

1:04:46 So compassion then has the sense of suffering with. And some people, like in Italy, have said that, you know, there's this kind of idea that if you have compassion for others, you suffer. You experience suffering when someone else is suffering. And that's actually the breakdown of the word compassion, suffering with. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:46 Highlight the passage at 1:04:46

1:05:14 So consequently, some people aren't too excited about developing compassion. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:14 Highlight the passage at 1:05:14

1:05:21 You say, well, let's have more compassion. Let's meditate on compassion. That means more suffering. So then that made me wonder about the... Because we're translating these teachings from Tibetan and then also from Sanskrit. So it made me wonder about the Sanskrit and Tibetan terms. And I asked if... I don't know Sanskrit. I asked a few people who know Sanskrit if Karuṇā... Report an error in the passage at 1:05:21 Highlight the passage at 1:05:21

1:05:50 Which is the Sanskrit term. If that also has the sense of suffering, being unhappy, being sorrowful, does it? Do you know Siggy? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:50 Highlight the passage at 1:05:50

1:06:07 Dapping, bliss. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:07 Highlight the passage at 1:06:07

1:06:17 Yes. Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:17 Highlight the passage at 1:06:17

1:06:24 Yeah. Right. I think actually earlier, well not actually, it was last year when Shantideva was here for the Hivaja initiation. He gave this explanation and I've heard this explanation from another of my teachers. So, you know, the Sanskrit word karuṇā has this connotation of stopping bliss. But, you know, this stopping of bliss, of course, has very specific connotations in Highest Yoga Tantra. But the purpose of doing that is so that you can experience the highest bliss in a nutshell. Report an error in the passage at 1:06:24 Highlight the passage at 1:06:24

1:07:05 Because you stop the ordinary bliss, and through that process, you are able to experience the highest bliss. Interesting. But that's talking on the level of Tantra, but here we're talking about Sūtra level. So I think it has a little bit different meaning. But the Tibetan term, Ningje, Tibetan word for compassion, ningje, that doesn't have the meaning of suffering, right, as far as I know. There's the word ning. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:05 Highlight the passage at 1:07:05

1:07:43 Ning means heart. It's the word for heart, not like the physical heart, but more like the emotional heart. And jje has the meaning of like noble or venerable or holy or excellent. So it seems like the Tibetan term has more the meaning of excellent heart or noble heart. Do you agree, Sidi? Report an error in the passage at 1:07:43 Highlight the passage at 1:07:43

1:08:08 But I mean, it doesn't have a sense of suffering, is it? Report an error in the passage at 1:08:08 Highlight the passage at 1:08:08

1:08:31 Well, of course, I mean, if you explain, you know, compassion, right, you know, to be, you know, this noble heart, but what exactly does that refer to? Maybe, you know, it is achieved, you know, through a process of, you know, of experiencing suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:31 Highlight the passage at 1:08:31

1:08:53 And that may not be something bad because sometimes feeling empathy is a way of experiencing the suffering of others. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:53 Highlight the passage at 1:08:53

1:09:07 But one day in our class, one student asked the teacher, I think it's an Italian student, so I think she's coming from this Italian background where there is this kind of connotation that... right? Report an error in the passage at 1:09:07 Highlight the passage at 1:09:07

1:09:21 If you have compassion, you're sort of sorrowful, you suffer. And so she said, when we have compassion, does that mean we have to be sorrowful, we have to be unhappy? And unfortunately, I don't know, something didn't go well in the translation. We didn't get a proper answer to the question, but it sort of made me wonder. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:21 Highlight the passage at 1:09:21

1:09:45 And I think that it isn't necessary to... To suffer, to feel suffering in order to have compassion because, for example, we say a Buddha, an enlightened being, has compassion all the time for everybody, but a Buddha doesn't even have the slightest bit of suffering, not a moment of suffering. So it seems it's not necessary to suffer in order to have compassion. You can have compassion without suffering. Although, like you say, a Buddha... Report an error in the passage at 1:09:45 Highlight the passage at 1:09:45

1:10:16 Previously a Buddha wasn't always a Buddha. A Buddha was once an ordinary person, an ordinary being and had lots of suffering. So in the past a Buddha had a lot of suffering. And in fact it is true that if we ourselves have experiences of suffering that can help us to have compassion because then you know what other people are going through. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:16 Highlight the passage at 1:10:16

1:10:36 You can relate to what people are experiencing. Yeah, you know, sometimes we talk about, you know, compassion, you know, as this mind that is moved by suffering, right? So what exactly is this state, you know, of being moved by suffering? You know, does it involve some suffering too? Well, in the case of a Buddha, it certainly doesn't, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:10:36 Highlight the passage at 1:10:36

1:11:03 And even the higher bodhisattvas, the ari bodhisattvas, bodhisattvas who've realized emptiness directly, I wonder if they suffer. Do they suffer when they see others suffer? So anyway, this is just something to throw out, something to think about. And also, I think we can ask ourselves, when we encounter someone who is suffering, is it helpful to become sorrowful? Report an error in the passage at 1:11:03 Highlight the passage at 1:11:03

1:11:33 Is it helpful to let our mind become somewhat overwhelmed by... Suffering, which does happen sometimes. You mentioned this. When you think of your loved ones and their suffering, their problems, you become sad. So this is what happens to us. We can feel sad over another person's suffering. And I just question how helpful that is to the other person. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:33 Highlight the passage at 1:11:33

1:12:07 Because if we become... I mean, it's good to feel. I mean, of course we want to feel something for the other person, but if we go too far in that direction and we become kind of overwhelmed and maybe even feel some depression or despair or, you know, what can happen sometimes, you may feel, oh, this situation is so terrible and, oh, there's nothing I can do. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:07 Highlight the passage at 1:12:07

1:12:32 It's easy for that to happen. It's easy to go too far in that direction. And then that can interfere with your ability to help, to be helpful. If you become too sorrowful, too sad, you can become kind of paralyzed and also not be able to think clearly, what can I do to help this person? So I think this is something we need to look at and be careful of when it comes to compassion. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:32 Highlight the passage at 1:12:32

1:13:01 And our own feelings of compassion, our own experience of compassion. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:01 Highlight the passage at 1:13:01

1:13:10 Anyway, I was discussing this once with a group of people, and one young man in the group, he said, he said he thinks it's better not to get too caught up in the kind of feeling of suffering and sadness. And he mentioned an experience he had at home. I think his grandmother had a heart attack. And the mother, his mother, Whose mother had the heart attack, she kind of fell apart. She was just like so upset. She was like, you know, she didn't know, she couldn't do anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:10 Highlight the passage at 1:13:10

1:13:43 And she wasn't able to have this kind of clear state of mind to do what was necessary to help. So he related that experience and he says it's not so good to get too carried away with suffering when somebody else is suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:43 Highlight the passage at 1:13:43

1:14:03 Because we need to ask, how helpful is it? Is that helpful? Report an error in the passage at 1:14:03 Highlight the passage at 1:14:03

1:14:18 I guess I was thinking, but if you don't somehow feel or understand the suffering, as you said before, you have to experience that in order also perhaps to understand the person and be helpful. So I'm seeing it more as being with the suffering of the person, but not necessarily taking it on. I mean, being... Report an error in the passage at 1:14:18 Highlight the passage at 1:14:18

1:14:08 Sorry. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:08 Highlight the passage at 1:14:08

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:14:48 Kind of witness to and acknowledging their suffering, but not suffering yourself necessarily. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:48 Highlight the passage at 1:14:48

1:15:00 So anyway, my feeling or my conclusion is that we need to be careful about this. Because I have seen it in myself, kind of getting overly involved in somebody else's suffering to the extent that it can become somewhat incapacitating. It can kind of hold your own energy back from being able to really be helpful. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:00 Highlight the passage at 1:15:00

1:15:26 So I think that there are some things in the Buddhist teachings that can help us to avoid that and have compassion but in a balanced way, balanced with wisdom and clarity, being able to keep our mind clear so that we can act intelligently and in a helpful way rather than becoming overwhelmed, overly emotional. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:26 Highlight the passage at 1:15:26

1:15:53 And not being so helpful to the other person. So I Report an error in the passage at 1:15:53 Highlight the passage at 1:15:53

1:16:03 put these here in the book if you're interested. So one thing is in the Buddhist teachings it says suffering is a reality. Suffering is a natural part or aspect of unenlightened existence. The ordinary world that we live in where we're not enlightened. So according to the Buddhist point of view, The very nature of saṃsāra, the term saṃsāra is used for existence in which we still have delusions or negative states of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:03 Highlight the passage at 1:16:03

1:16:40 We still create karma and experience the results of our karma. So it's a kind of cyclic existence going around and around and around through delusions and karma, death, rebirth and... Like a rat race. So as long as we're in that situation, there is suffering. It's not pleasant to think that way, but it can be helpful just to accept that, okay, this is a nature. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:40 Highlight the passage at 1:16:40

1:17:11 This is the nature of our existence. So as long as we're in this existence, you can't really expect everything to be perfect. You just expect that there's going to be problems. That's how it is. But that can be balanced by... Remembering impermanence, that this situation isn't permanent, it's not going to last forever. It exists because of causes and conditions, mainly ignorance or confusion, not knowing truth, not knowing reality. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:11 Highlight the passage at 1:17:11

1:17:42 And because of that we get caught up in other kinds of disturbing emotions like attachment, anger, jealousy and so forth. And then we act, we create karma under the influence of these. Mistaken, disturbing emotions. And then that karma in turn becomes the cause for us to experience further problems in the future. So this is the situation we call saṃsāra. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:42 Highlight the passage at 1:17:42

1:18:10 But it's not permanent. It's not permanent because it's possible to change the situation, to stop the causes and conditions that perpetuate the situation. We can stop our negative attitudes. We can stop our negative karma. We can eventually get to the point where we are no longer stuck in this situation of having negative karma and delusions. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:10 Highlight the passage at 1:18:10

1:18:35 So it's not permanent. So a Buddhist practitioner would say, okay, we're in saṃsāra. Its nature is to be imperfect, to have problems, but we can get out. It's not permanent. We can get out. We're going to do what we can to get out. So with that way of thinking, you're aware of suffering, but you're not overwhelmed by it. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:35 Highlight the passage at 1:18:35

1:19:02 You don't drown in it. And instead you put your energy into doing what needs to be done to be free and to help others be free as well. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:02 Highlight the passage at 1:19:02

1:19:12 So I think that's a Buddhist perspective that enables one to be aware of suffering, but at the same time keep a cool head, cool and calm state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:12 Highlight the passage at 1:19:12

1:19:24 And another thing is in the Tibetan teachings, the Mahāyāna teachings, there's this idea that suffering and problems can actually be useful. They're not necessarily useless or bad, but it's possible for them to help us develop positive qualities like love and compassion and wisdom. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:24 Highlight the passage at 1:19:24

1:19:52 Going through experiences of suffering or painful experiences isn't necessarily a bad thing. So if we can understand that, if we can accept that, then when we ourselves have a problem or we encounter somebody else who has a problem, we won't feel so upset about it or depressed about it. For example, someone I know said he had cancer when he was in his 20s and he said that that was the best thing that happened to him in his life. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:52 Highlight the passage at 1:19:52

1:20:25 Because during the time he was recovering from cancer, he had to rely on his family and he was able to heal problems in his relationship with his family. Things hadn't been going so well before that, but in that situation, being sick, relying on them, he was able to clear up these problems and become much closer and on good terms with his family. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:25 Highlight the passage at 1:20:25

1:20:50 The most beneficial thing was that he became interested in dharma, spiritual teachings, and started meditating. And now he's a monk. He became a monk. And he's studying full-time the Buddhist path, the Buddhist teachings. So he was really happy. And he said this with complete conviction that that was such a good thing that happened to him. You hear lots of stories like that of people who go through some bad experience, but it becomes very beneficial. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:50 Highlight the passage at 1:20:50

1:21:18 It really helps. It helps them to grow, helps them to learn things they needed to learn, to change things that needed to be changed. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:18 Highlight the passage at 1:21:18

1:21:31 And then another thing about suffering is to take a practical approach to it. As I mentioned earlier, this quotation from Shantideva's text saying, what use is it to be unhappy if... There's a remedy. What use is it to be unhappy if there's no remedy? So using that idea when there's a problem. If there's something we can do, do it. Don't just sit there wringing your hands, crying, feeling unhappy. Do something. Do what you can. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:31 Highlight the passage at 1:21:31

1:22:14 But if you've done all you can and there's nothing more you can do, the suffering is still there, the person's still sick, the person's still in pain, accept. You've done all you can do and there's still the situation you just accept it because being unhappy about it, feeling sad and letting your mind get carried away with all kinds of unhappy thoughts isn't helpful. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:14 Highlight the passage at 1:22:14

1:22:39 It doesn't help. It doesn't make things better. Like I say, you can always pray. If all else fails, pray. Make prayers because that can sometimes bring about a change. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:39 Highlight the passage at 1:22:39

1:22:55 so Taking a practical approach, doing what you can to relieve the situation and accept whatever. It's actually similar. I think that verse is similar to the serenity prayer they use in Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, I like the serenity prayer better. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:55 Highlight the passage at 1:22:55

1:23:17 Do you want to quote it for those who may not know? Report an error in the passage at 1:23:17 Highlight the passage at 1:23:17

1:23:31 The wisdom to know the difference. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:31 Highlight the passage at 1:23:31

1:23:41 It's really great. That prayer, it's really, really helpful. So keeping that in mind or Shantideva's verse and just using that when we find ourselves in some sort of difficult situation. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:41 Highlight the passage at 1:23:41

1:23:56 Change what can be changed, accept what can't be changed and be wise to know the difference. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:56 Highlight the passage at 1:23:56

1:24:06 Also another thing that is in the Buddhist teachings that's helpful when dealing with people who are suffering is no difference. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:06 Highlight the passage at 1:24:06

1:24:15 To know what we can do and can't do. Because I think we can sometimes get overly involved and we may feel like we have to solve the other person's problem for them. We have to be able to make everything okay to end their suffering. And so we may put such expectations on ourself and then if we're not able to do that, we're not able to solve the person's problem. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:15 Highlight the passage at 1:24:15

1:24:45 We're not able to end their suffering. Then we may feel discouraged, we may feel guilty, we may hate ourselves, blame ourselves, feel bad, become discouraged about even trying to do this again. Yeah? Has that ever happened to you? So what I've learned from the Buddhist tradition is that each person is responsible for their own experiences. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:45 Highlight the passage at 1:24:45

1:25:11 According to Buddhism, whatever a person experiences is actually the result of their own Karma, their own past actions which came about because of attitudes in their mind. So each one of us creates our own karma and then we experience the results of our own karma. Not that we do this deliberately. Most people don't even know about karma. They're just acting kind of blindly, impulsively. They just feel something, they act on it. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:11 Highlight the passage at 1:25:11

1:25:44 So it's not that we deliberately... Create bad karma, create the cause of suffering. But it's, again, because of confusion, because of not knowing reality, not knowing the true nature of things. So we're just lost and confused and blind and trying to find happiness. But so much of what we do just perpetuates suffering rather than bringing happiness. So anyway, each person is in this situation. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:44 Highlight the passage at 1:25:44

1:26:15 A person who is experiencing suffering has probably unconsciously created that suffering for themselves. And it's not possible, like I mentioned before, even for a Buddha, an enlightened being, to change somebody else, to fix what's wrong with them and make everything okay and make them free of suffering and make them all happy and peaceful and so on. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:15 Highlight the passage at 1:26:15

1:26:39 So nobody can go into somebody else's mind and fix it. If a Buddha can't do that, is it realistic to expect that we can do that? Of course we would like to, and it's wonderful to have the wish to do that, but can we do it? Report an error in the passage at 1:26:39 Highlight the passage at 1:26:39

1:27:01 So according to the Buddha's teachings, it isn't possible. All we can do is try, using however much wisdom we have, however much compassion, skills, knowledge that we have, we can... Just try to relieve the other person's suffering. Try to help them. But after trying everything we are able to do, if the person is still in a state of suffering, is it right for us to feel bad, to feel guilty, to blame ourselves, or to feel that we've failed, get all caught up in that kind of unhappiness? Report an error in the passage at 1:27:01 Highlight the passage at 1:27:01

1:27:40 So this is something to check for yourself. So I think it can be helpful to understand that all you can do is try to help somebody else, but you are not responsible to make everything okay for them, to make their suffering come to an end. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:40 Highlight the passage at 1:27:40

1:28:01 Does that make sense? Report an error in the passage at 1:28:01 Highlight the passage at 1:28:01

1:28:10 So with that understanding, like I said, then you can put your energy into doing what you can, but not become... Overwhelmed by the other person's suffering, the other person's situation, such that it drags you down into suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:10 Highlight the passage at 1:28:10

1:28:30 So anyway, that's how I think of it. And to me it seems that, for me the Dalai Lama is a good example of this. Because he has a lot on his plate, as we say, a lot on his shoulders. You know, the whole country of Tibet, all the Tibetan people, all the incredible problems that they have. And yet, you look at him, and he doesn't look like he's miserable, doesn't look like he's suffering. Although he says, you know, sometimes a person comes to him and they tell their story, all the horrible things that have happened to them, and they're crying, and Soliness says he also cries with them sometimes, but it doesn't last long. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:30 Highlight the passage at 1:28:30

1:29:15 You know, he quickly gets out of that state and into a positive state of mind. So I think that's an example of being able to be with someone who's suffering and empathize with their suffering and feel compassion for them, but not become overwhelmed by it and dragged down by it such that you kind of become paralyzed, unable to do anything, unable to be helpful. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:15 Highlight the passage at 1:29:15

1:29:41 Because to be able to help someone, we need a clear mind. We need our mind to be in a good, clear state so that we can think clearly. Okay, what can I do? What solutions? Report an error in the passage at 1:29:41 Highlight the passage at 1:29:41

1:29:54 So anyway, these are just some thoughts that I have about compassion and putting compassion into practice. So to cultivate compassion, one way is to do a meditation similar to the one we did earlier on loving kindness, where you bring to mind individuals. You can start with yourself and then move on to others, people you already care about. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:54 Highlight the passage at 1:29:54

1:30:27 And contemplate how the person wishes to not suffer. They have this feeling, I don't want to suffer, I don't want to be unhappy. And then generate the feeling, may they not suffer, may they be free from suffering. They deserve that and I wish for that to happen and may I help them to be free of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:27 Highlight the passage at 1:30:27

1:30:51 So it's good to do that with individuals. I mean it is also good to do like for all beings, a whole large group of people, but it's also good to focus on individual persons, really get a feeling for the suffering they're experiencing. And also this is a big subject because in Buddhism there's a lot of different types of sufferings that are explained. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:51 Highlight the passage at 1:30:51

1:31:18 There isn't just obvious suffering, like we're aware of obvious suffering, like when a person has a broken leg or they have cancer. Or they're depressed. So that kind of suffering is obvious. But there's other types of suffering that are not so obvious, that are more subtle. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:18 Highlight the passage at 1:31:18

1:31:36 And the most subtle type of suffering is just the situation of being in saṃsāra, unenlightened, still having delusions, negative states of mind, like ignorance, attachment and so forth, still. Having karma, still being stuck in karma, creating karma, experiencing its results, like being bound or chained by karma and delusions. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:36 Highlight the passage at 1:31:36

1:32:07 So that very situation of being in saṃsāra is called pervasive suffering. And as long as a person is in that situation, even if they're a millionaire or a billionaire and they live in a beautiful mansion, And they've just got everything they could possibly wish for. They seem to have a perfect life, a wonderful life. But we understand even somebody like that isn't free from suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:07 Highlight the passage at 1:32:07

1:32:37 They still have suffering because they still have karma and delusions. And because of that, that keeps dragging them down into suffering, into problems again and again and again. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:37 Highlight the passage at 1:32:37

1:32:55 So it's helpful to contemplate the different types of suffering. and wish. Wish Sinti beings to be free of all these different types of suffering. So anyway, I'm kind of rushing through this material. If you're really interested, there's this book and there are also a few other books that explain more about these four immeasurables. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:55 Highlight the passage at 1:32:55

1:33:15 Do you want me to just quickly mention the last two, joy and equanimity? Or have you had enough? Are you fed up? Report an error in the passage at 1:33:15 Highlight the passage at 1:33:15

1:33:25 Just for, yeah. So joy, immeasurable joy. One way of generating This one is by sharing in the happiness of others. So this is something we already do. For example, if you're a parent and your child comes home from school and is very happy because of getting a good report card or winning a baseball game or meeting a new friend. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:25 Highlight the passage at 1:33:25

1:34:01 So some wonderful thing has happened to them and they're really, really happy. So when you see your child happy and you love your child so much, you feel happy too. You share in their happiness. Their happiness makes you happy. So that's one meaning of joy. Joy is sharing in the happiness of others. So it's something that happens just naturally, but we can also work on having it more. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:01 Highlight the passage at 1:34:01

1:34:31 Not just with our... we Family and friends, but even with strangers. We see people we don't even know and they're happy. Good things are happening to them. We can say, oh, how wonderful. I'm so happy for them. So there's lots of opportunities to do this when other people are happy, feeling happy for them. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:31 Highlight the passage at 1:34:31

1:34:55 But an obstacle, the main obstacle to this is jealousy. see. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:55 Highlight the passage at 1:34:55

1:35:03 Sometimes instead of feeling happy for other people's happiness, we feel jealous. And that's a really painful state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:03 Highlight the passage at 1:35:03

1:35:14 It's a combination of attachment and hatred. Because you have attachment for what the other person has, and you have hatred that they have it instead of you. You can't stand that. You can't bear that. Attachment. Attachment and hatred. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:14 Highlight the passage at 1:35:14

1:35:38 So... It's said that the remedy for jealousy is joy, which is the opposite state of mind, feeling happy. How wonderful that my neighbor has that beautiful new BMW. I'm so happy for them. How wonderful that my colleague just got a raise and I didn't. I'm so happy for them. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:38 Highlight the passage at 1:35:38

1:36:06 And of course, it may not be genuine, but you can fake it. Fake it till you make it. And because the thing is, feeling jealous is painful. It's a really ugly and painful state of mind. So by being jealous, you make yourself suffer. You're not making yourself happy. You're not improving things. You're not making things better. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:06 Highlight the passage at 1:36:06

1:36:31 You're making things worse for yourself. And it's probably not going to change the situation unless you murder the person and steal their car. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:31 Highlight the passage at 1:36:31

1:36:43 But then you'll probably end up in jail. So that's not a solution. So following jealousy will probably just make things worse rather than better. Whereas trying to feel joyful, even if it's not genuine, just saying it to yourself, I'm happy for them, I'm happy for them. Report an error in the passage at 1:36:43 Highlight the passage at 1:36:43

1:37:06 Because it ties in with love, right? Love means we wish others to have happiness. So then if... If we do wish others to have happiness, why should we be unhappy when they're happy, when good things happen to them? So we need to go back to love. We need to go and work on that one. Work on love. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:06 Highlight the passage at 1:37:06

1:37:34 And also contentment. Contentment is also helpful to counteract jealousy. Be content with what you have. Count your blessings. Okay, maybe you don't have a BMW, but you do have a car, maybe. Even if you don't have a car, maybe you have good... Transport system. You don't need a car. So look at the things you do have. Appreciate what you do have and be content with that. Report an error in the passage at 1:37:34 Highlight the passage at 1:37:34

1:38:01 Also another thing is karma. If you can accept the idea of karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:01 Highlight the passage at 1:38:01

1:38:09 If someone else is doing well, has something that you don't have, then according to the law of karma it's because they created the causes for it. They created the karma for that to happen. And if you don't have it, it's because you didn't create the karma. Karma isn't something that's fixed, but it can be changed. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:09 Highlight the passage at 1:38:09

1:38:30 So even though we may not have the karma to be able to have that certain enjoyment or experience right now, we can create the karma and have it in the future. We can change things by changing our karma. So what kind of karma do we need to be able to have what other people have and have those nice experiences? Report an error in the passage at 1:38:30 Highlight the passage at 1:38:30

1:38:51 We need to create good karma. Not bad karma. How do we create good karma? By generating positive states of mind, like rejoicing. Jealousy is a negative state of mind. So if we indulge in jealousy and perpetuate jealousy, we're creating negative karma. So we're actually going in the opposite direction. Report an error in the passage at 1:38:51 Highlight the passage at 1:38:51

1:39:11 Instead of going towards those good experiences, we're going in the opposite direction, towards bad experiences. So if we want to go in that direction and have those good experiences that other people have, We need to create good karma. That means generating positive states of mind, positive thoughts and feelings, positive ways of behaving. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:11 Highlight the passage at 1:39:11

1:39:33 So we need to learn, okay, what do I need to do in order to have those things? So it makes more sense then to have joy, rejoicing and generosity actually is the main cause for having things like a nice car or a raise in salary or more money and so on. So the cause of that is being generous, having generosity, practicing generosity, giving to others, sharing what you have with others. Report an error in the passage at 1:39:33 Highlight the passage at 1:39:33

1:40:05 So we need to learn, what do I need to do? What are the actual karmic causes to get to where I want to be? And make sure you do those and not create more bad karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:05 Highlight the passage at 1:40:05

1:40:19 So these are just a few ideas on how to counter jealousy and have more joy. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:19 Highlight the passage at 1:40:19

1:40:27 And also joy can mean being happy. When other people are doing good things, like when you see people helping others or practicing generosity or meditating or studying or doing spiritual activities, feeling happy for that. Because what they're doing is good. It's good for themselves. They're creating good karma. They're creating the cause of happiness for themselves. And they're also doing things that benefit others, create happiness for others. Report an error in the passage at 1:40:27 Highlight the passage at 1:40:27

1:41:01 And if we are sincere in our feelings of love, loving kindness, we want happiness. We want people to be happy. So if someone is doing things that will bring about happiness, it makes sense to feel happy about that. Oh, how wonderful. I'm so happy. So happy for what they're doing. So this is actually practice. It can be a whole meditation you can do, thinking about all the people in the world who are doing good things. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:01 Highlight the passage at 1:41:01

1:41:31 People who are helping those who are poor, who are hungry, who are refugees, who are sick, who are dying, who are depressed. All this just long list of sufferings that people experience. And there are people helping those people, doing things for those people. So you can think about them. And also not just those kind of acts, just parents who are looking after their children. I mean, that's a good thing too. Teachers teaching their students. Report an error in the passage at 1:41:31 Highlight the passage at 1:41:31

1:42:02 People looking after their siblings, their parents, their friends. So just on an ordinary level, just in our neighborhood, in our home, there are people doing good things. So just thinking how wonderful that is. I'm so happy for that. May they continue doing that as much as they can. So this is an easy way to feel happy. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:02 Highlight the passage at 1:42:02

1:42:24 It's an easy way to make yourself joyful. And it's a way of creating good karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:24 Highlight the passage at 1:42:24

1:42:33 Putting yourself, going in the direction of enlightenment and more happiness in the future. So I think I'll skip equanimity for now. I'm sure you've heard this. Most of you have heard this before. It's, yeah, we just take too much time to go into that. Maybe next time I come. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:33 Highlight the passage at 1:42:33

1:42:56 It's very important. It's very important. But to do it justice, we need more than one minute. And I... And I was going to leave time for you to ask questions. Are there any last questions? If anyone needs to leave, please. So, thanks. That was very beautiful. Yeah, yeah. In the prayer for the four immeasurables, the joy prayer is translated as may all sentient beings never be parted from higher rebirth and liberation. Report an error in the passage at 1:42:56 Highlight the passage at 1:42:56

1:43:36 That actually, I mean over like a decade, it always kind of confused me because it seemed just an aspect of love. So the way you're explaining it, I think, makes it more precise. So would you say that this is more about rejoicing then in this? Is it an inaccurate translation maybe? No, I mean in this one here in the prayer book, it doesn't mention higher rebirth and liberation. Report an error in the passage at 1:43:36 Highlight the passage at 1:43:36

1:44:03 It just says, may they... It says, may they be inseparable from the happiness that is free from suffering. I know what you're saying. I also found it somewhat unclear. Because it would seem that if we're really practicing love, loving kindness, that would cover all the different types of happiness. So it's also kind of a question that I have about joy. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:03 Highlight the passage at 1:44:03

1:44:32 And like I say, there does seem to be different meanings of joy. Or rejoicing, it's also sometimes translated as rejoicing. So this seems to be one where we wish them to, I mean the way I understand this one when it says be inseparable from the happiness that is free from suffering, this means we wish them to have happiness in their future lives, not just now but also in the next life and so on, all the future lives, be in good situations, have good experiences and then Eventually, ultimately, be completely free of suffering, reach nirvāṇa and enlightenment. So that's how I think of it. Report an error in the passage at 1:44:32 Highlight the passage at 1:44:32

1:45:15 I could be wrong, but that's the way I understand it and the difference between love. But then there is also this other practice of rejoicing. For example, in the seven limb prayer, and there it's more about feeling happy for the good things other people are doing. Report an error in the passage at 1:45:15 Highlight the passage at 1:45:15

1:45:39 Okay, so in the context of practice, that's kind of what you're teaching and recommending, rejoicing is the main practice for the third? Report an error in the passage at 1:45:39 Highlight the passage at 1:45:39

1:45:50 Yeah, but I think the term is the same in Tibetan when it's talking about in the immeasurables and also in the seven limbs. I think it's the same term, but isn't it, Sugi? Do you know? Like in the four... Joy? Report an error in the passage at 1:45:50 Highlight the passage at 1:45:50

1:46:09 Yeah, Report an error in the passage at 1:46:09 Highlight the passage at 1:46:09

1:46:13 immeasurable joy. Yeah. When they talk about immeasurable joy, it's gawa. Yeah, cimen gawa, yeah. Okay, so this is the same term. Yeah, so one is gawa, that's joy. Yeah, but rejoicing is jesu yirang. Yeah. So the words are different. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:13 Highlight the passage at 1:46:13

1:46:42 Perhaps the answers are exactly the same as to counteract jealousy, but... In thinking about having joy for others, when I see them in their happiness, I notice that judgment comes up for me in that, you know, a co-worker comes in, I did buy a brand new BMW, I'm very happy, and I'm thinking to myself, that's the wrong car for her. Report an error in the passage at 1:46:42 Highlight the passage at 1:46:42

1:47:04 Or, or, or somebody's excited about a new man in their, a girlfriend, a new man in their life, and I'm thinking, that guy is not good for her, you know, so. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:04 Highlight the passage at 1:47:04

1:47:15 The answers, again, they could be all the same, right? To counteract with true joy, contentment, accepting karma. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:15 Highlight the passage at 1:47:15

1:47:27 Well, I mean, sometimes it could be true. Maybe this guy isn't a good person. Maybe he's going to be abusive and, you know, manipulative. Maybe it's not going to be. So, yeah, then I'm not sure if it is appropriate to feel joyful. fault. Report an error in the passage at 1:47:27 Highlight the passage at 1:47:27

1:47:48 Yeah, this is a difficult thing. And also another thing, sometimes people's idea of pleasure, you know, people get their kicks from doing things that are actually harmful to themselves, to others. And so is it appropriate to feel joyful, to feel happy about what they're doing, even though it seems to bring them some pleasure? Report an error in the passage at 1:47:48 Highlight the passage at 1:47:48

1:48:12 I mean, what I think is, it's probably not real pleasure. Yeah, like when people, a child abuser, for example, or a rapist or a murderer, you know, they seem to take pleasure in what they're doing. But I think that isn't real happiness. That's some kind of twisted, mistaken, deluded pleasure, you know, in a very confused state of mind. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:12 Highlight the passage at 1:48:12

1:48:39 So I don't think it's appropriate to rejoice in their pleasure because I don't think it is pleasure. It is real pleasure. So I think it's more appropriate to have compassion in that situation, understanding that actually what's going on in their mind is suffering and also what they're doing is creating more suffering. Report an error in the passage at 1:48:39 Highlight the passage at 1:48:39

1:49:01 They're going in the direction of more suffering for themselves and also creating suffering for other people. So using one's understanding of karma and... Cause and effect, what are the actual causes of happiness? What are the causes of suffering? And if someone is actually creating the causes of suffering, then I don't think it's appropriate to feel happy, to feel joyful about that. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:01 Highlight the passage at 1:49:01

1:49:28 But it should be more compassion and wishing that situation to change so that they stop acting in those ways. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:28 Highlight the passage at 1:49:28

1:49:49 Other teachings I've attended about compassion and generating bodhicitta and so forth? It really involves a lot of making the other person's being kind of sacrificing your own happiness perhaps or well-being or whatever on the behalf of another person to huge extents. Report an error in the passage at 1:49:49 Highlight the passage at 1:49:49

1:50:20 But that's not, so I just wondered if you could put that in some context of what you were talking about with compassion. I Report an error in the passage at 1:50:20 Highlight the passage at 1:50:20

1:50:37 think a person needs to be quite healthy, you know, mentally healthy, to be able to do these kind of practices in a balanced way, in an appropriate way. Report an error in the passage at 1:50:37 Highlight the passage at 1:50:37

1:50:51 I once heard someone who's a psychologist, Jungian psychologist, but also a Tibetan Buddhist. His mother was also the same, a Tibetan Buddhist and a psychologist, so he has this quite a long-term... Report an error in the passage at 1:50:51 Highlight the passage at 1:50:51

1:51:09 Awareness and knowledge of both traditions. And he mentioned that he sometimes sees people come to Buddhism, especially this tradition of Mahāyāna Buddhism, the Bodhisattva's path, and all these ideas of serving others, giving up your life for others, and so on and so forth. And he says this can be actually dangerous sometimes because this is something I don't know a lot about, but maybe some of you do. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:09 Highlight the passage at 1:51:09

1:51:36 Some people People who come from a codependent relationship or codependent family, they can sometimes have this way of thinking, way of being, where they deny themselves and they feel always to help others, like do things for others, do things for others, but not take care of themselves. So this can actually be kind of dangerous. Report an error in the passage at 1:51:36 Highlight the passage at 1:51:36

1:52:04 Bodhisattva's path, Bodhisattva's ideal, and they get really gung-ho about that. Oh yes, this is what I want to do. Just like totally dedicate myself to others and do all these practices, do everything for others. And so this could be unhealthy actually. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:04 Highlight the passage at 1:52:04

1:52:22 Yeah, because they're not aware of and taking care of their own needs. So I don't know. I don't know that much about psychology and the different types of psychological... Situations that people can get themselves into. But I do feel there could be some danger that we do have to be careful to not deny ourselves our needs. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:22 Highlight the passage at 1:52:22

1:52:52 And you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I was thinking not so much from the point of view of this psychologically, but from the point of view of the texts. And it almost seems like unattainable to me or not. Possible or I feel then like, wow, really selfish. When I, you know, when the texts are talking about, you know, always having somebody else's benefit, somebody else's well-being be of more importance than your own or, you know, doing. Report an error in the passage at 1:52:52 Highlight the passage at 1:52:52

1:53:27 So I guess maybe just putting a little bit of that in context is more what I, but I guess maybe you've answered. Well, you know, I think that the way the teachings are presented is like an ideal. You know, an ideal situation, something to work towards rather than something we should be doing right now. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:27 Highlight the passage at 1:53:27

1:53:49 And I think this is something Westerners don't always realize. You know, we hear these things, teaching about dedicating yourself for others, never thinking of yourself, and we kind of feel, oh, I have to do that right now. And if I can't, then there's something wrong with me. I'm bad. And they feel guilty and beat themselves up and so on and so forth. I mean, I know I do this myself and I've spoken with some other Westerners who also have this problem. Report an error in the passage at 1:53:49 Highlight the passage at 1:53:49

1:54:19 So I think this is something we tend to fall into because we don't realize that it actually takes a long time. Like I was saying last night, it takes a long time to change the mind. And we have to do it with patience and not... Another thing we Westerners tend to do is to push ourselves, try to force ourselves to be a certain way before we're really ready. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:19 Highlight the passage at 1:54:19

1:54:47 We're just saying, I can't possibly do that, forget it. Yeah, exactly. Whereas it seems to me that maybe because Buddhism was in Tibet for such a long time, like more than a thousand years. Report an error in the passage at 1:54:47 Highlight the passage at 1:54:47

1:55:03 You know, they're quite familiar with these ideas and I think they're also quite familiar with how difficult it is and how long it takes. Because I don't see the Tibetans pushing themselves. You know, they seem, I mean, they're definitely very, very devoted and very dedicated and they try really hard, you know, generally, not everybody, but, you know, there are some really sincere practitioners and yet they don't seem to be heavy on themselves, pushing themselves, beating themselves up. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:03 Highlight the passage at 1:55:03

1:55:33 If they're not doing everything exactly perfectly the way it says in the books. So they seem to do things in a more balanced way, maybe because of the amount of time that Buddhism was in their culture. Because for us in the West, it's only been maybe 30, 40 years. So it's still really young. Report an error in the passage at 1:55:33 Highlight the passage at 1:55:33

1:56:01 And we're like... We're at kindergarten level when it comes to knowing and understanding Buddhism and Buddhist practices and so on. So I Report an error in the passage at 1:56:01 Highlight the passage at 1:56:01

1:56:19 think a good approach to take is to think, if possible, to think, yes, I like these ideas. I want to have more love and compassion and these positive states of mind. I would like to be able to develop bodhicitta, work for others, work for enlightenment and so on. I wish to do these things. But I can only do it at my own level. Because another thing we do sometimes is compare ourselves with others. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:19 Highlight the passage at 1:56:19

1:56:48 You see somebody who's further along, seems to have more of these qualities in a natural way. We compare ourselves and then we think, oh, I'm so bad, you know, and again, you know, beating ourselves up because we're not like somebody else. So this is also something we should try to avoid. Everybody's different. Report an error in the passage at 1:56:48 Highlight the passage at 1:56:48

1:57:09 Everybody's coming from a different place and has different karma and different predispositions. So some people came into this life already with a lot of love and compassion, a lot of positive qualities, kind of natural. We would say it's because of their karma from the past. They were more familiar with those qualities in past lives. And then some of us, you know, were more familiar with the negative qualities, more anger, attachment and selfishness. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:09 Highlight the passage at 1:57:09

1:57:38 So, So that's not really our fault. So it's not our fault if we're not as good as somebody else. It just means we have to work harder, try harder. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:38 Highlight the passage at 1:57:38

1:57:52 So again, it's like being content, learning to be content with ourselves the way we are. Not compare ourselves with other people. Rejoice if you see somebody who's able to do more than you. Feel happy about that and feel, oh, I would like to be there one day. I'd like to be able to be like that one day. Report an error in the passage at 1:57:52 Highlight the passage at 1:57:52

1:58:10 So then you're going in that direction. So try to avoid jealousy and try to avoid hating yourself or beating yourself up because you're not like that person. And being content, having contentment with what you are able to do because also we need to rejoice or feel joyful about our own good qualities and good actions. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:10 Highlight the passage at 1:58:10

1:58:38 This is something else really important with... Rejoicing. If we do something positive, we should feel good about it. This is another thing Westerners tend to do, you know, like we do a meditation and then we judge ourselves. Oh, that was such a lousy meditation. I couldn't sit still. My mind was all over the place. I was falling asleep. I kept having all these bad thoughts. Report an error in the passage at 1:58:38 Highlight the passage at 1:58:38

1:59:06 Oh, I'm so bad, you know, and then beating ourselves up. So instead of rejoicing that we try to meditate, that we try to keep sitting and keep concentrating and working on our mind, we just focus on all the faults, all the things that didn't go well. And if we keep doing that, if we keep going in that direction, then eventually we want to give up. Because we think, oh, it's too hard. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:06 Highlight the passage at 1:59:06

1:59:34 I can't do it. I'm hopeless. I might as well give up. And this is what happens. People do that sometimes. So we need to be careful. Try to avoid doing that. And instead, just appreciate the fact that you're trying to meditate. You're trying to work on your mind. You're trying to be more kind. You're trying to study and learn and help others and so on. Just whatever it is you're doing that's good, appreciate that instead of finding fault with it and rejoicing in it. Report an error in the passage at 1:59:34 Highlight the passage at 1:59:34

2:00:07 Rejoicing what you've done. And then have the wish to do more, to keep going in that direction. It's like with children. I'm not a parent, but I can imagine that if you're a parent and you have a little kid and, you know, your kid comes home from school and shows you some work they've done or some drawing they've done, if you say, oh, you didn't do that well at all, you know, look at that, you didn't do, you know, like pointing out all these balls, what's going to happen with your kid? Report an error in the passage at 2:00:07 Highlight the passage at 2:00:07

2:00:40 So that's not wise and skillful, you know, it's good to... Appreciate what your kid has done and give them encouragement. So in the same way, we need to do that with ourselves. We need to appreciate what we're doing and give ourselves encouragement. Report an error in the passage at 2:00:40 Highlight the passage at 2:00:40

2:00:55 Then we'll have the energy to keep going, keep trying and keep improving. So having said that, we should probably finish now. Let's finish by rejoicing in what we've done and doing a dedication of the positive energy. Report an error in the passage at 2:00:55 Highlight the passage at 2:00:55

2:01:17 So some of you have been coming all the way since last night and some of you have just come to part of the session, some of the sessions. So however much time you've spent here with us, engaged in this course, we've been learning about the mind, what are the positive states of mind, such as love and compassion, how we can... Report an error in the passage at 2:01:17 Highlight the passage at 2:01:17

2:01:48 Develop these more and how we can overcome the opposite states of mind like anger and hatred and jealousy. Report an error in the passage at 2:01:48 Highlight the passage at 2:01:48

2:02:00 So try to feel that this has been a good use of our time. This has been something very, very worthwhile, very beneficial for ourselves, for our mental health, our mental well-being, our mental development. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:00 Highlight the passage at 2:02:00

2:02:18 It's much better than going to the gym. I mean, of course it's good to go to the gym and... Develop your body, but the mind is important too. In fact, it's even more important than the body. It's going to last longer. And it's the real source of both our happiness and our unhappiness. So we really need to learn how to work on our mind, how to develop our mind. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:18 Highlight the passage at 2:02:18

2:02:43 So this is what we've been doing. And hopefully you've experienced some benefit from being here. You can see that these ideas are helpful and you want to work on them more. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:43 Highlight the passage at 2:02:43

2:02:59 Been thinking about others, wanting to help others, generating the motivation of being here and doing what we're doing so that it will benefit not only ourselves but others as well. So we've had this altruistic or compassionate intention for being here. So feel that we have done good things here. We've created good karma, good energy, merit, which is the cause of happiness. Report an error in the passage at 2:02:59 Highlight the passage at 2:02:59

2:03:30 Cause of spiritual development, getting closer to enlightenment. I feel that there's this huge mass of positive energy that we've created, like a wealth of positive energy. And let's mentally share that with others, wishing that it will be beneficial to as many other people and other beings as possible, helping others to grow in the spiritual path, to have more love, more compassion. Report an error in the passage at 2:03:30 Highlight the passage at 2:03:30

2:04:05 Have less anger and hatred. And in that way have more happiness and peace and less suffering and to get closer to enlightenment as well. Report an error in the passage at 2:04:05 Highlight the passage at 2:04:05

· · · silence, 1 minute

2:05:10 Okay. So thank you for your participation, making this possible. And I wish, I hope you will continue keeping these ideas in mind and looking to increase them, develop them. I wish you all... in your meditation and everything else you do. Report an error in the passage at 2:05:10 Highlight the passage at 2:05:10

2:05:41 about depression, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 2:05:41 Highlight the passage at 2:05:41

2:05:45 don't know i thought it was about huh Report an error in the passage at 2:05:45 Highlight the passage at 2:05:45

2:05:51 I see. I thought I was just talking about depression. But of course, the point is to get out of depression. We're not just Report an error in the passage at 2:05:51 Highlight the passage at 2:05:51