Buddhism Is A Way of Life

0:00 This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:19 morning to everyone online. Ooh, packed house. Good to see everyone. It's a beautiful day in terms of the sun coming out today for us. Report an error in the passage at 0:19 Highlight the passage at 0:19

0:36 We are finishing up what is called a session. You know, seven days of sitting and having dharma talks. And now we share our last one with you. Dharma talk today, the Sashin, ends later this afternoon. We've been stewing and cooking and asking questions and being still and being silent. Report an error in the passage at 0:36 Highlight the passage at 0:36

1:05 I wanted to start out this morning with a story. And as soon as I said that, I thought of my father, who only told stories. He couldn't read. He was illiterate. And he was born in 1898. Report an error in the passage at 1:05 Highlight the passage at 1:05

1:23 He was 60 when I was born. And it means that I have an older sister, so it means he was like 57 when he got started with his second family. And then my younger sister, three years younger than me, so having children. Report an error in the passage at 1:23 Highlight the passage at 1:23

1:40 His 60s must have been amazing. That's all I can say. I have one word. Amazing. So, and my mother was in her 40s, you know, so I always thought I had a whole lot of time. And then I took too long. I didn't have any. But I loved to hear his stories, which is his way of sharing life. And it turned out to be my way. So I feel that the seed of storytelling was definitely planted in me. And even as much as I love to read, I really don't like just chit-chatting, but I love storytelling. Report an error in the passage at 1:40 Highlight the passage at 1:40

2:22 So I want to tell you this story that happened that will lead into what I'd like to share today. And I hope that whatever I share today will be helpful to you. Report an error in the passage at 2:22 Highlight the passage at 2:22

2:34 To your life and understanding a little bit of what we're doing here and Zen Center are on the Zen path. So the story is, I went to, I was invited to a dinner where there were a lot of different people from different traditions. And at the last minute, they decided to invite me and kind of speak from my Buddhist perspective on Healing and transformation. Most of the people have been in this community for many, many years. And so they didn't really know me. Report an error in the passage at 2:34 Highlight the passage at 2:34

3:14 I was new. So I came into the room, a full room. It was full like this. And after that meeting, they were going to have what was called a plant medicine ceremony, of which I was invited. But I knew I couldn't drive myself there and drive myself out. transformation. Report an error in the passage at 3:14 Highlight the passage at 3:14

3:33 it would have been too much for me to do something like plant medicine at that time anyway I said at the dinner table with other people which I thought was Report an error in the passage at 3:33 Highlight the passage at 3:33

3:48 And then I sat across from several people and began to eat this beautiful meal that was placed in front of us. And so right before I took my first bite, I was leaning into it. And this person said, you know, Buddhism is, it's not good for anything. You know, I was like, wow, I didn't even get introduced yet. Report an error in the passage at 3:48 Highlight the passage at 3:48

4:16 And I'm already cooked. It's over. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm supposed to be talking later on. That's not going to go well. So, you know, I went, mm-hmm. Report an error in the passage at 4:16 Highlight the passage at 4:16

4:29 I got one bite in. Let me get one bite in, please. And then... I could tell this wasn't over. So I took a few more bites, and he says, you know, I'm saying Buddhism is no good. It's not good for anything. It's just not good. And I practiced it, and it wasn't good for anything. And I'm like, still trying to see where this was going to go without me in it. Report an error in the passage at 4:29 Highlight the passage at 4:29

5:06 Let's see if I can. Keep a boundary there. But finally, I put my fork down. And I said, I agree. And he said, what? I said, I agree. It's not good for anything. He said, OK, this is not the kind of conversation I thought I was stimulating here. And I said, yeah, it's really not. And I don't know your reasons. Report an error in the passage at 5:06 Highlight the passage at 5:06

5:09 there? Report an error in the passage at 5:09 Highlight the passage at 5:09

· · · silence, 1 minute

5:42 You know, other than you said you practice it, and I don't know what it means to you for it not being that. I said, but Buddhism, no, it's not a tool. Report an error in the passage at 5:42 Highlight the passage at 5:42

5:55 It's not a tool like a hammer. You can take it and mold things with it in your knife. You know, put a nail here and put a nail there. Okay, pluck it out and do something else. So it's not a tool. Nope. It's not a method. Report an error in the passage at 5:55 Highlight the passage at 5:55

6:13 It's not a module, a curriculum. A course, a step-by-step to a greater and happy life. Report an error in the passage at 6:13 Highlight the passage at 6:13

6:29 It's not that thing that might heal your trauma, Report an error in the passage at 6:29 Highlight the passage at 6:29

6:37 rebalance your nervous system, Report an error in the passage at 6:37 Highlight the passage at 6:37

6:46 solve all your problems. What if I said Buddhism has no answers? End of Dharma Talk. Report an error in the passage at 6:46 Highlight the passage at 6:46

7:05 Now don't worry, it took me a while to figure that out. You cannot use the Buddhist teachings. To become someone other than who you are right now. Although it can be sold that way. I've heard it transmitted in some various languages in different places. And when I came into the practice and stepped on the doors of the San Francisco Zen Center in San Francisco, I went in there because it was sort of like a penance for me. Report an error in the passage at 7:05 Highlight the passage at 7:05

7:41 I said, I need to go somewhere where I'm not going to cause any suffering. To anyone. And I'm going to learn how to be a better person because I'm sure I'm causing a lot of suffering, not only to myself, but to people. And I was beginning to think I needed to be sequestered, you know, so that no one else would, you know, be harmed by anything that I say or do. Report an error in the passage at 7:41 Highlight the passage at 7:41

8:08 And in fact, I didn't trust myself anymore. And so when I went into the Zen Center, I was hoping just a little bit I'd get fixed, just a little bit, you know, not a whole lot, because I already had practiced Buddhism and noticed that nothing was being fixed of my habits and things that I did in the world, things that I said, things that I didn't understand why people were having trouble with. Report an error in the passage at 8:08 Highlight the passage at 8:08

8:36 I don't know why you have trouble with me telling you the truth at the wrong time, but, you know, that's who I am. Just didn't make people happy. Report an error in the passage at 8:36 Highlight the passage at 8:36

8:53 And then feeling so much remorse. How many people felt so much remorse sometimes for some of the mistakes that you've made in your life? Yeah. We chant this chant of repentance. Oh, my ancient twisted karma from the beginningless greed, hate, and delusion. We're chanting that. We're invoking it. But it's not only ours, you know, personally. So even when I... Report an error in the passage at 8:53 Highlight the passage at 8:53

9:21 Have done, you have done in your life. The things that you have done, it's nothing new. Every human being that's come through here has done that, has done something like it. It was already here when you came. You just joined in that path on it. It was already, oh, okay. So I began to practice Zen and then I heard the same thing. Report an error in the passage at 9:21 Highlight the passage at 9:21

9:49 Zen is good for nothing. I was like, oh, yeah. You know, this is not going to work. It's just too much work for it to be nothing. And I packed all these clothes. I'm going to be here for a long time. And, you know, I don't know if this is helpful. And they kept talking about that in this practice intensive. Report an error in the passage at 9:49 Highlight the passage at 9:49

10:13 And then I did this sashin. And after that, which is long sitting hours every day, I began to melt. And become a blob, I could say. A little less than what I thought I was going to be. I thought I was going to be shored up, but I came more like melting further and further away from being this human I thought that I was. Report an error in the passage at 10:13 Highlight the passage at 10:13

10:40 So, you know, I kept that in mind. Okay, Zen is good for nothing. That's what they said. And after the Sashin, I walked with that saying for a long time. I didn't understand it, you know, and I thought they were saying something about Zen, and they were, but not in that specific sense of the teachings. Report an error in the passage at 10:40 Highlight the passage at 10:40

11:10 They were saying how one would engage Zen or Buddhist teachings. They were telling us and from Buddhist perspective that to use these teachings in a way to improve oneself or to appear as something other than who you are you know so I began to see more of that as I practiced and started developing a language for it so I didn't want to act Buddhistic and I didn't want to speak Buddhi's so but I tend to anyway Report an error in the passage at 11:10 Highlight the passage at 11:10

11:54 And so I really wanted it to be something that was real, that would come up out of my life. So in order for things to come up out of one's life, how does that happen? If you're going into a path that you get nothing. You know, how do you even walk on something that may not even be a path? There's no here's the beginning and here's the end. Report an error in the passage at 11:54 Highlight the passage at 11:54

12:24 So even when we are chanting about our repentance, all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, it says beginningless, so that's beyond us. Even though we say those words because it's still within us over the centuries, over the generations, one by one, bringing forth human by human, day by day, year by year, generation by generation, this constant human. Report an error in the passage at 12:24 Highlight the passage at 12:24

12:56 I gave up Report an error in the passage at 12:56 Highlight the passage at 12:56

13:07 on trying to become someone else, getting away from my desire to cut off all the things I did wrong, and actually began to be okay with what would happen if I went to my grave even still knowing. That I had done all the things I had done. What would that mean? You know, for my life. Even, not only to others, but to myself. Report an error in the passage at 13:07 Highlight the passage at 13:07

13:39 You know, what would that mean? And I already had been taught, you know, that might not be a good thing. You might end up in some realm that you're not supposed to be, or you want to be after you die. But I kind of let that go too. And began to really understand that these teachings We're going to take up my entire life. And so did I really want to hang out for that? Okay, they're not going to do anything for you, but stay here for the rest of your life, you know, and kind of do this sitting still, chanting, bowing, offering incense. Report an error in the passage at 13:39 Highlight the passage at 13:39

14:17 So I continued to do that and realized, in fact, you can't really use it in the way that we like to use things in our lives. You can't go get it, read about it, then go out and use it, teach it, proselytize it. Oh yeah, you need to be loving and kind, more loving and kind. Someone said that to me before and I said, oh, you know, you need to be more loving and kind. I kind of like, I wonder what that means. Report an error in the passage at 14:17 Highlight the passage at 14:17

14:48 Is she trying to tell me something? You know, because I kind of needed to hear where that came from, you know, other than the end result. And so just the sound of that, you know, so just. Letting you know how that sounds and it can come into you out of context, right? Out of the practice without it understanding it. And then what was loving and what wasn't? Report an error in the passage at 14:48 Highlight the passage at 14:48

15:08 And what was kind and what wasn't? And how do you decide that? How do you decide what's compassion and what isn't? What is any of the teachings? Report an error in the passage at 15:08 Highlight the passage at 15:08

15:19 And then so I really could hear how it was good for nothing because the meaning of loving and kindness and the context in which it is in changes. Day by day, person to person, moment to moment. And my idea of it and someone else's idea of it could be completely different. Report an error in the passage at 15:19 Highlight the passage at 15:19

15:41 And so we can't really go around pointing out who is and who isn't. Years later, this person apologized. And I said, I still might not be loving and kind, but that's something that they saw and they felt to them. So it was something to look at. So if it's not good for anything, Report an error in the passage at 15:41 Highlight the passage at 15:41

16:02 And we're sitting and we're taking time out in our lives. I do have a suggestion, and that is to consider the path as a way of living, as your life, as a way of living, as opposed to as something to come in and manage and fix all your suffering and your mistakes and all the things that are happening. Report an error in the passage at 16:02 Highlight the passage at 16:02

16:29 But to have all the things happening, feel all the emotions that come to us. around what we do and how we do and how we interact and what happens to feel that but then at the same time to continue to live one's life to live life that is important to live this life not only just looking at the really tight you know I'm going to go to Buddhism and I'm going to look at that under the microscope my life but if you live your life fully and totally You're going to see everything. Maybe you have seen everything and you zoomed in on one because everything is a lot. It can be a lot. Report an error in the passage at 16:29 Highlight the passage at 16:29

17:13 But these teachings are a path in that sense of you walk it. But it's not a laid out path like the path we know, like beginning, end. When you're done, you get a brown robe. Report an error in the passage at 17:13 Highlight the passage at 17:13

17:32 If anybody doesn't know me, start my transmission. I know some people. The color scheme here doesn't have meaning. But I think Report an error in the passage at 17:32 Highlight the passage at 17:32

17:48 sometimes we stop living because we're afraid of what we might do or afraid of what might come to us. And so that's why I'm emphasizing the importance of living as well as looking at and engaging ourselves as human beings and engaging our suffering in this world, especially today. So I'm wondering, can we live life? Can we live life and have it include everything? Report an error in the passage at 17:48 Highlight the passage at 17:48

18:18 Have it include all that has come, all that will come, all that's now, all that's in this moment. Are we looking for answers? Report an error in the passage at 18:18 Highlight the passage at 18:18

18:36 There's no one anything that has the answer. No one has the answer to ending. Oppression. I mean, that would have been an appeal long ago. But I do have a suggestion. And I'm wondering, can we live life in a way so that we begin to see and that we can begin to take serious what is illuminated in us as human beings? Report an error in the passage at 18:36 Highlight the passage at 18:36

19:08 Like, really take it serious. But not so serious you're not living. You know, it becomes so hard. You forgot there was a beach or something. You never go. You never go to the park. You know, to just relieve yourself. Relieve yourself. So it's important to me for my life is to continue to be engaged with the things that come up for me and how they come, how quickly, how slowly, and not to measure it or judge any of it, even though if I do, that too is okay. Report an error in the passage at 19:08 Highlight the passage at 19:08

19:46 That's part of it. That's part of the human condition. To judge it, to feel self-conscious of it, you know, even to do something and feel like, oh, that's not, that wasn't good. And then you live with that for forever. If you're real tight with it, you might live with it for years. Oh, I remember when I did that thing and it was, I messed up and it was really bad. Report an error in the passage at 19:46 Highlight the passage at 19:46

20:11 And it's still in your mind. It was so small. No one saw you do it, but it's still in your mind. And you think a hundred people saw it, you know. You might tell a story and they say, no, I didn't see anything at all. I don't even know what you're talking about. Have you apologized to somebody and they say, I don't know what you're talking about. Report an error in the passage at 20:11 Highlight the passage at 20:11

20:32 And so we do sit with ourselves. I think we are really good at sending ourselves, like I did to send myself to Zen Center, to become better. To stop hurting, to stop harming, I needed to sequester myself from people. Like when I got there, there weren't going to be any people. And there were plenty of people. Report an error in the passage at 20:32 Highlight the passage at 20:32

20:57 And it was very interesting to look at suffering in a way where we all were kind of looking toward Buddha's answer. And Buddha's, you know, what's going to happen here? And what we're going to do, if that's going to change anything for... Ourselves and each other. Report an error in the passage at 20:57 Highlight the passage at 20:57

21:21 I always tell people that the practice itself, you know, and I do invite people like who wants, you know, to come with me, you know, who wants to come with me and walk, you know, a million miles, a thousand miles, nowhere, kind Report an error in the passage at 21:21 Highlight the passage at 21:21

21:42 of doing nothing. Report an error in the passage at 21:42 Highlight the passage at 21:42

21:46 And then taking and not really knowing which way to go. You know, how do you travel without knowing which way to go? It's possible. It is possible. My father, who I said was born in 1898, completely illiterate, decided to drive us to Texas and Louisiana to see our cousins. Report an error in the passage at 21:46 Highlight the passage at 21:46

22:14 They're looking for that tree, that crossroad, that house. This is how they got there, right? You know, and I'm like... I'm knowing this in the backseat, even though I'm only like five or six or something. I'm going like, oh, boy, you know, this is, we're going to die. Report an error in the passage at 22:14 Highlight the passage at 22:14

22:36 They don't know, you know. Plus, you're just like, you know, black family driving in the south was pretty dangerous on its own. But you have to make sure you stop that. The particular homes that they say stop at and turn at particular corners they say turn at. So it really didn't matter what street. You really needed to know those corners when you got there because it didn't make a difference if they told us before we went that you turn at that tree, right? Report an error in the passage at 22:36 Highlight the passage at 22:36

23:03 Because we wouldn't know what tree they were talking about unless we got out on the road. That was the only way. And then stop at this bar, you know. And that was really exciting to me, to stop at the bar, because I had never been to one. I'm a kid, and I've heard about it. And that was really interesting to see people hanging out in the bar. Report an error in the passage at 23:03 Highlight the passage at 23:03

23:25 I was like, whoa. And they're like, this is your cousin, this is your cousin, this is your cousin, this is your cousin. I said, oh my God, I have a lot of cousins. But in the South, everybody's a cousin, auntie, uncle, everybody's family. So that was pretty great. Report an error in the passage at 23:25 Highlight the passage at 23:25

23:42 I shuffled the kids off to the back row, and all we could hear was laughter. But then we went on and we traveled that way, and my mother could read a bit, actually a lot, but she didn't understand the road, you know, like road maps, which way you're going, north, south, east, so it still was almost kind of the same. Report an error in the passage at 23:42 Highlight the passage at 23:42

24:04 She couldn't help, and I remember sort of at the end of the trip. My mother's screaming. I was sleeping. She screamed, stop, and we were right at a cliff. We would pass all the signs, okay, because Ken Rito, you know. So who wants to go on a journey of studying the Buddhist teaching, not knowing at all what anything means? Report an error in the passage at 24:04 Highlight the passage at 24:04

24:31 You can't see it until you get there, until you get to the cliff. I don't know what your cliff is, you know, but you're going to get to one. And you get to the cliff and you don't know, is it flat or are you going to go down? Most times, I went down. And studying Buddhist teaching was very much a learning about walking without knowing, walking without being anybody, and going nowhere, as I always talk about, and to embrace that as life. Report an error in the passage at 24:31 Highlight the passage at 24:31

25:07 It's what life is, and that's where I feel the teachings pointed to me. So in that way, it wasn't good for anything. It couldn't navigate me at the moment all the time. So when you get here, you do this. You know, that's not what the teachings will help you do. You have to walk in this total, total unknowing, and then allowing all of that to illuminate to you, your life, and others' life, and human life, sentient beings, all sentient beings. Report an error in the passage at 25:07 Highlight the passage at 25:07

25:38 That's it. In that darkness, it will shape that light, the illumination that you're seeking, the illumination you think you don't have. Report an error in the passage at 25:38 Highlight the passage at 25:38

25:51 So now let me tell you a little bit about why it's very good to be in the discovery, as well as not necessarily preventing oneself from falling off. But also, can you believe that everyone, including yourself, Are already awakened to what Buddha has taught and is teaching through other teachers. Can you trust that? Report an error in the passage at 25:51 Highlight the passage at 25:51

26:24 That you're already awakened to that? Report an error in the passage at 26:24 Highlight the passage at 26:24

26:30 Now, how did my cousins know to tell my father this tree could have been, maybe got there and there are three trees. I don't know, which tree is it? Report an error in the passage at 26:30 Highlight the passage at 26:30

26:41 It had to be one that was particularly by a corner, right? Hopefully, if that you're turning there. But we all fully possess the wisdom and the virtues of the awakened ones. We all do. Report an error in the passage at 26:41 Highlight the passage at 26:41

26:59 And when the awakened ones wakened, ancestors, Buddha, that was passed to us. It's in our DNA. You might not believe it. Hard to believe. Well, see, they're saying amen. You know, that's it right there. I don't know what to say about that, you know. Report an error in the passage at 26:59 Highlight the passage at 26:59

27:23 And so... I count on that. I count on the awakening of ancestors long ago, including Buddha, and that within us. I've counted on it since I was a child. And mainly probably because my parents had to discover so much about everything that I have always counted on this knowing that was already within us. Report an error in the passage at 27:23 Highlight the passage at 27:23

27:45 You know, this way of being that we talk about Buddha having had, that it is with all of us. So are you not a Buddha? Report an error in the passage at 27:45 Highlight the passage at 27:45

27:59 I don't mean you have to become one. You're already. A Buddha means awakened one. Have you not sensed yourself to be that way and then you let it go because you get to Buddhism, Zen center and desire. Well, let me see. I don't think I know much. I don't think I know how to do anything. And then maybe that's good too. Report an error in the passage at 27:59 Highlight the passage at 27:59

28:31 Are we not the continuation of our ancestors, the awakened ones, the awakened ones I am calling in for us today at this time in this world? Report an error in the passage at 28:31 Highlight the passage at 28:31

28:50 Can we work on the suffering and continue to transmit the awakening that is already within us? Can we do that at the same time? We know we see it in each other. We might not acknowledge it. This is acknowledging when we... That is a knowledge. Can you trust that everything has been already written on your bones? Everything inside you. Report an error in the passage at 28:50 Highlight the passage at 28:50

29:25 You're not the beginning of the path. We just got here, and there was nobody else, and it's just us that just got started doing Buddhism. And so we know that historically, and we know that in our minds, but some reason it's hard for us to believe that within our own selves. And so I'm calling that in today. I'm invoking that today, especially in this time, to live the path and live the path also with an awakening that you already have. Report an error in the passage at 29:25 Highlight the passage at 29:25

30:10 And then some people will say, I had a student come up to me someplace. I was teaching and I was teaching a course that said, What Your Bones Know. On the Eightfold Path, I think the Eightfold Path, we got that. We had it already. All of this is reminders. It's just to remind you, you already had it. Report an error in the passage at 30:10 Highlight the passage at 30:10

30:30 So a student walks up, she's in tears. I really don't think. It's in my bones. I just don't feel that. And Report an error in the passage at 30:30 Highlight the passage at 30:30

30:46 so we Report an error in the passage at 30:46 Highlight the passage at 30:46

30:51 can have that feeling and still move through life as if it's in your bones. Until it becomes a realization for you. Something shows itself to you in the stillness, in the silence. Report an error in the passage at 30:51 Highlight the passage at 30:51

31:08 So that whatever we're going to do in the world today is not from something old. It's from something that is coming through us as awakened ones. And then we might go around and say, I don't think that person's awakened. You know, I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 31:08 Highlight the passage at 31:08

31:30 I've heard that too. I said to another student somewhere, and when I was practicing in another tradition, that person doesn't seem like they're practicing Buddhism at all. I can't believe they're practicing Buddhism and they did that. And I was going, yeah. I can't believe it either. I joined right in that one. That was fun for a while. And then the teacher said, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 31:30 Highlight the passage at 31:30

32:05 Just think if that person wasn't practicing at all. And I said, okay, case closed. Case closed about who is it, who isn't, and how much. It's over. I never did that again. Because it's true. It's very true. And I began to feel grateful Report an error in the passage at 32:05 Highlight the passage at 32:05

32:30 for that person we were talking about. Grateful that they practiced. It was just like that. From an awakened place. place, instant, that is suffering the person's behavior or whatever was happening that caused us to say the things, say the things we say. I wanted to read to you something in this book, and then I want to hear from you a little bit. Report an error in the passage at 32:30 Highlight the passage at 32:30

33:05 Silence sometimes can be frightening, especially you don't know if it's a harmful silence or a silence in which you can... Report an error in the passage at 33:05 Highlight the passage at 33:05

33:19 Discover a silence that can illuminate this awakening I'm talking about. And a silence that can help you to live the importance of living, not just the importance of let me fix myself. I'm going to go to Zen Center and get fixed. Or somewhere. It doesn't have to be Zen Center. It could be anything. I just keep naming that. Report an error in the passage at 33:19 Highlight the passage at 33:19

33:47 And so I just wanted to read this poem. In the deepest piece, one of my books. Oops. Okay. That wasn't a good plan. Silence leads to the interior where moss grows in layers. Report an error in the passage at 33:47 Highlight the passage at 33:47

34:09 Bamboo sinks itself into you. In your innermost earth, the deep speaks. It does not think. It calls. Go unafraid into the dark. Into life. Report an error in the passage at 34:09 Highlight the passage at 34:09

34:29 Without a doubt that the heart is open. Silence leads to the interior where moss grows in layers. Bamboo sinks itself into you. In your innermost earth, the deep speaks. It does not think. It calls. Go unafraid into the dark, into life. Without doubt that the heart is open. Report an error in the passage at 34:29 Highlight the passage at 34:29

35:05 Is your heart open? Report an error in the passage at 35:05 Highlight the passage at 35:05

35:11 I'll hear from you questions and comments. Thank you. Good morning. Report an error in the passage at 35:11 Highlight the passage at 35:11

35:33 Good morning. I'm curious about the end of your story, the person that you gave that teaching to. Did that satiate his desire or his question? You mean the story? When you said that Buddhism was, when you agreed with him, and then you told him, I was curious how the impact of your... Report an error in the passage at 35:33 Highlight the passage at 35:33

35:54 So the person who we were saying wasn't practicing Buddhism and we were picking on them? No, no, no. In the very beginning of your story, the person that before you took a bite of the food and he said... Oh, wait, that story, the first story. What story are you talking about? Yeah. I think he just started to eat and I think he was stunned that I agreed with him, first of all. Report an error in the passage at 35:54 Highlight the passage at 35:54

36:20 It was the end of the story because I wasn't going down the track that they were trying to challenge me with around Buddhism. And that person was following another tradition, and I imagine they had followed Buddhism in some way to have a particular opinion about it. And so they continued to eat, and then... Report an error in the passage at 36:20 Highlight the passage at 36:20

36:46 Of course, I got a chance to continue to talk because I was the speaker for the night. And so they got to hear more from me. And I actually, at the end of that dinner, they did come and talk to me a little bit, just more of wanting to know how I lived my life. You know, was this the next thing? How did you get there to that place? And I talked about... Report an error in the passage at 36:46 Highlight the passage at 36:46

37:17 Inheritance, you know, in the talk. And I asked the whole room, who's waiting for their inheritance? You know, and what kind of inheritance? And it was interesting. People were raising their hands, you know, waiting for, you know, parents to move on. And it was true. You know, we're waiting for things and we already have inherited something. And I did put that in the talk. And I think that made... Report an error in the passage at 37:17 Highlight the passage at 37:17

37:42 The person come up and talk to me about there is an inheritance that we already have and perhaps they were feeling that they didn't have anything and they had to go out and get it. And that's what they were feeling and I think they were appreciative of me pointing that to them, that it didn't really land on Buddhism at all. Report an error in the passage at 37:42 Highlight the passage at 37:42

38:04 You could say any tradition doesn't have an answer. Like one answer and then we do it. Although it sounds like they do. You know, people, I really did believe, you know, when I was a Christian, some of the things that were said. I still believe a lot of Christian thinking, Jesus' thinking, Christ's thinking. But not the kind that's drawn into another story, which something may happen to you later. Report an error in the passage at 38:04 Highlight the passage at 38:04

38:35 You know, so I'm not drawn into that. We kind of was hanging out together. You know? And we didn't have to, I think just by me agreeing and then being shocked was kind of the end of the conversation in that moment at the dinner table before I took my second bite. It was over. Yeah. Thank Report an error in the passage at 38:35 Highlight the passage at 38:35

39:13 you for your talk. Report an error in the passage at 39:13 Highlight the passage at 39:13

39:19 I'm a little disappointed though because I think Buddha has Amazing tools to be in life, especially when the shit hits the fan. I use it all the time. What are Buddhist tools? Name one. Well, I do mettā chanting when I'm upset. And I quiet my mind and I come inward and calm down and just sit and come home. Report an error in the passage at 39:19 Highlight the passage at 39:19

39:54 And it's a great tool to work through stuff. And how often do you do it? Every day. It's a life you're doing. You're living a way of life. It's not a tool. You think it's more than a tool. Make it you. Make it your life. You. That's what I'm trying to shift. Because if we keep it in the attitude of tool, then it's only something you use. Report an error in the passage at 39:54 Highlight the passage at 39:54

40:19 It's not something that you are. Because don't you become who you are? You know, while you're doing so, it pushes it into another boundary. I can see that it touched you as it's touching me, you saying it. You know, and everyone around here. So I think it's important to just hold it in a different place so that it can always be there, even if you're not sitting where you usually sit to have those chants. Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

40:47 Or you might not be able to vocalize that chant. I was given a beautiful card by a student here. And it was a card of a photo from, I hope I'm getting the story right, that came from an internment camp, you know, when they were interning Japanese during the World War II. And they buried these pebbles. And in the pebbles, when they put them together, Realized they were calligraphy of the Heart Sūtra. But they weren't allowed to do that, so this monk etched them on stone and buried them so they wouldn't be found, so that they could have it. Report an error in the passage at 40:47 Highlight the passage at 40:47

41:37 So it's in you. It's in the monk. It's in your life. And I say this so you don't have to go somewhere and get some more tools. You know, you keep adding. We got some big baskets. Okay, let me bring this on. You know, let me try this. I have some too. Let me try this. And that's good. It does, I think, keep us with some wherewithal. That's an old word. Report an error in the passage at 41:37 Highlight the passage at 41:37

42:07 Wherewithal. And to, like you said, so I just want to push a little bit and let you know that that's you. That's your life. And it's beautiful. And thank you for sharing it. Thank you for Report an error in the passage at 42:07 Highlight the passage at 42:07

42:29 being Report an error in the passage at 42:29 Highlight the passage at 42:29

42:40 with us. I have a question. I have scientific mindset, always with scenarios, with details from plan A, plan B, point A, point B, and everything like that. At this point, in a part in my life that I need to sit with the unknown, with the uncertainty, and that's rooted in... Some reasons and some suffering. And it's very difficult. Could you please share? You said you want some softening? Report an error in the passage at 42:40 Highlight the passage at 42:40

43:15 Suffering. Suffering. Yeah. Could you please share some word of wisdom about when you mentioned about with the unknown, accepting and moving forward. Could you please share more about this? Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 43:15 Highlight the passage at 43:15

43:40 Cease from a kind of practice. Based on intellectual understanding, pursuing words and following after speech, pursuing formulas, and learn the backward step that turns your light inwardly to illuminate you. So even if you're in science, isn't it illuminating who you are as a human being? Not what you're made of, but who you are. There's nothing wrong with the science. Report an error in the passage at 43:40 Highlight the passage at 43:40

44:09 But if it's an intellectual understanding of things always, Pursuing words and following after speech, and then Buddha asks, learn the backward step. And that turns your light inwardly to illuminate you, to illuminate yourself. Report an error in the passage at 44:09 Highlight the passage at 44:09

44:27 And so that living, the importance of living can go beyond having proof, having evidence. Is there any evidence that we're awakened? Report an error in the passage at 44:27 Highlight the passage at 44:27

44:46 Even though I said it, is there any who might want to take this into a dissertation? We could, I think. Report an error in the passage at 44:46 Highlight the passage at 44:46

44:59 Is there any evidence that we're going to get anything out of anything? But we might try. We might spend our whole life trying to get something out of something. Report an error in the passage at 44:59 Highlight the passage at 44:59

45:15 So the suffering, when we don't get what we want to get out of it, that's when the suffering I experience comes to me. Like, I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get what I need. Oh no, this is not a good life. I need to do something. And then there's really nothing to do because then I still continue, I'm going to get something and get something and get something. Report an error in the passage at 45:15 Highlight the passage at 45:15

45:43 But when I let that go and begin to say, I want to live my life, I want to live life, and I want to live it fully, fully as I am. All my fears, all my sadness, all my peace, all of it. I want to just keep living the moment. Can you live this moment right now? Even though you know you suffer from the scientific, like this moment. Report an error in the passage at 45:43 Highlight the passage at 45:43

46:06 Can you live it? Be still. Report an error in the passage at 46:06 Highlight the passage at 46:06

46:17 Does that help? Report an error in the passage at 46:17 Highlight the passage at 46:17

46:31 Thank you, Jennifer and Osho and other curious person for enacting and clarifying the use of tools. Versus living our life, it reminded me of times when, like, I'm depressed or I have body pain. And so for depression, you're supposed to exercise, eat right, give sleep, visit with friends. And I've done all the tools and I still feel depressed. Report an error in the passage at 46:31 Highlight the passage at 46:31

47:16 Or, like, I have shoulder pain and I eat. I do all the physical therapy and I still have the shoulder pain. And it's in those times when the thought is, I've done everything and this thing I don't want is still happening. And the surrender that comes from that, like maybe it's a Tibetan story of the demons. Report an error in the passage at 47:16 Highlight the passage at 47:16

47:50 have invaded your home and they're eating all your food and sitting on your couch all stinky and you try to get them out of the house. You want them to go away and they're still there so you put your head inside the mouth of the head demon and then they disappear. disappear, which maybe is irrelevant. Sorry for that digression. Sounds like you're a storyteller. You know my father? Report an error in the passage at 47:50 Highlight the passage at 47:50

48:23 But it's a story. Yeah, I love it. I love it. You know. Thank you for sharing that. I would say that just listening and feeling intuitively into Your words is exactly, exactly what I feel exhausts us. There's so many things we could get into of our bodies, our emotions, and they're good to get into and engage. Report an error in the passage at 48:23 Highlight the passage at 48:23

48:52 But it feels like it turns us sometimes into fixing so much that life is just sitting there. You know, like it's over here and then we really got to do this so we can live. You know, like it's two separate things. Report an error in the passage at 48:52 Highlight the passage at 48:52

49:36 me as a body, as a person, even beyond that, you know, having the illumination. So these things will come on us, and sometimes I think they come worse, you know, more intensified at times. When we're focused, again, like I say, microscopic look at life, and especially we come into these practices a lot with this kind. Report an error in the passage at 49:36 Highlight the passage at 49:36

49:59 I'm going to do this, you know, so that when I come out of, you know, a few years from now, I'll be, I don't look to be enlightened, but I'll be a better person. I'll feel better. I'll eat better. Just like you said, these kinds of things. And I'm not saying they're to be ignored. I'm just bringing more totality of life to live this life and to ask about how do I live this life rather than how can I not suffer this? Report an error in the passage at 49:59 Highlight the passage at 49:59

50:33 And you could ask both, but which question kind of gets you? More life. Which one brings the juice to your life to discover? Even the depression to bring more ascendance within that, even though you're still in that. You could still be in the depression and still have the ascendance within it. You don't think Buddha got depressed out there in that forest? Report an error in the passage at 50:33 Highlight the passage at 50:33

51:03 I know he must have. I mean, the way they talk about that story, one grain of rice. So I don't know. I'm just making a joke. I think he suffered greatly. I think he suffered in a palace as well, and he ran away. He made it look like a project. This is my story. He made it look like a project. But then when he got there, he said, oh, this is a project. Oh, oh, oh no. This is not what I meant to do. I think that... Report an error in the passage at 51:03 Highlight the passage at 51:03

51:39 The discovery, the teachings having come from someone's walk going nowhere. He was going nowhere. Report an error in the passage at 51:39 Highlight the passage at 51:39

51:49 He didn't know where he was going. He had his fellowship. He didn't know. Just walking, sitting upon roots of different trees and waiting open to whatever was going to come to him. Report an error in the passage at 51:49 Highlight the passage at 51:49

52:12 And maybe nothing would have come. And there were many people who did that practice. of walking nowhere into the forest. Report an error in the passage at 52:12 Highlight the passage at 52:12

52:31 i'm enjoying you thank you oh i thought one hand was that hand that i ended okay the last one Report an error in the passage at 52:31 Highlight the passage at 52:31

52:41 This Report an error in the passage at 52:41 Highlight the passage at 52:41

52:46 poem revealed itself about seven years ago. It's an 11th century wandering monk poet in Japan named Saigyo. After the leaves fall in the village, At the foot of Ogura Peak, one can see through the tree branches, the moon shining in the clear. The Report an error in the passage at 52:46 Highlight the passage at 52:46

53:29 past three weeks, awesome. Report an error in the passage at 53:29 Highlight the passage at 53:29

53:35 And I keep coming back to tree imagery. And it feels like, well, we talk about the stillness of trees growing, leaves obstructing the shining, clearness of the moon and just trying to shed them and it's like the constant happening. Thank Report an error in the passage at 53:35 Highlight the passage at 53:35

54:04 you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 54:04 Highlight the passage at 54:04