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0:00 So there I was, I can't even remember how long ago that was, February, March? I can't remember, April? So this was four months ago, same time, 7 o 'clock, and here I was sitting saying, if you can be friends with your breath, when you sit and your friend is right here, it's so nice and comfortable, especially if you trust that friend. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:32 That friend is like your BFF, best friend for life, the most trusted, the one who's really reliable. If you're sitting with that friend here, your mind will automatically stay because it's nice to be here sitting with a friend. Report an error in the passage at 0:32 Highlight the passage at 0:32

0:52 And when it's nice sitting here with your friend, you don't even have to focus on your breath. It's just, my breath is so nice. your breath is sitting here or you're sitting on the shoulders of your breath then Report an error in the passage at 0:52 Highlight the passage at 0:52

1:15 after i gave that explanation as i always do i would say any questions any comments and then one hand rose and she asked what if my breath doesn't want to be friends with me and i did exactly what you guys are doing i sniggered and laughed and what kind of question is that but then uh after a while i got my senses together and said, well, Well, the way I understand it, when something like that happens, more often than not, there's something inside that you don't like. Report an error in the passage at 1:15 Highlight the passage at 1:15

1:55 It's like coming home to a home where there are elements in the home that is not pleasant. So then it's like, oh, I don't want to be here, I want to be somewhere else. Report an error in the passage at 1:55 Highlight the passage at 1:55

2:09 And when that's the feeling, your meditation becomes It's a bit more challenging, as you can imagine. So, that was my explanation. Alright, here we go. Close your eyes, sit comfortably. And then we did 30-40 minutes of meditation. And then at the end of meditation, I went... And then again, any comments, any questions? Ah, what did you say just now before we started? Report an error in the passage at 2:09 Highlight the passage at 2:09

2:51 When I was seven years old, right, my father said to me, I don't want you as my daughter. Report an error in the passage at 2:51 Highlight the passage at 2:51

3:02 And that took a while to sink in, but when it does sink in, you realize, ooh, that would have hurt. That would have badly hurt. And for a seven-year-old, you will start wondering, why? Why did father say that? And you'll keep on wondering until you're, I don't know how many years old you are now. Report an error in the passage at 3:02 Highlight the passage at 3:02

3:29 You will keep on wondering right through your teenage years, your young adult years and by that time you would have burned these thoughts into your neurons and you would have this perception of self that was coloured by that one sentence and Report an error in the passage at 3:29 Highlight the passage at 3:29

3:54 unfortunately I related that story to I don't know how many people who saw the videos. I also related the story to the guys in Karnet Prison. And they all could connect with something like that. And there Report an error in the passage at 3:54 Highlight the passage at 3:54

4:17 was something else I read before called the adverse childhood experience. And I kind of understood what was going on also from that. They kind of say that, alright, if you had difficulties in your childhood, if your parents were mean to you or were abusive or were neglectful or weren't present. As a young child, you would keep asking questions in your mind. Why? Why? Why? Why? And I never understood that because I was, I suppose I never felt that from my own parents. Report an error in the passage at 4:17 Highlight the passage at 4:17

4:54 So when I went to school and the teacher is up front trying to teach me 2 times 2 equals 4, 2 times 3 equals 6, 2 times 4 equals 8, I was listening and paying attention. But I suspect, Report an error in the passage at 4:54 Highlight the passage at 4:54

5:09 Gloria would be sitting there wondering, 2 times 2 equals, but why did father say that? 2 times 3 equals, and then you can imagine then your children suffer because of little sentences like that. Report an error in the passage at 5:09 Highlight the passage at 5:09

5:31 As adults, we also suffer but not quite as bad because I suppose... By the time we become adults, we can't have some confidence. We have developed a habit of thought. But as children, as your brain is forming and you're learning how to think, how to explore, navigate the world, you develop strategies and you develop questions. Report an error in the passage at 5:31 Highlight the passage at 5:31

6:02 And some of these strategies can be very debilitating. and one of them I recently Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

6:16 discovered again through talking to somebody else who was who also had a difficult childhood and he was telling me he can't stop moving he just even as he spoke to me on the phone he had to be either peeling potatoes or cleaning the dishes or something because he felt uncomfortable to just sit and do nothing Report an error in the passage at 6:16 Highlight the passage at 6:16

6:45 then I paid notice To the tone of his voice and you could hear the little bit of jitteriness, the brittleness that is characteristic of somebody who's anxious rather than somebody who's relaxed and laid back. Report an error in the passage at 6:45 Highlight the passage at 6:45

7:12 So I asked him, have you done any meditation? Because he has done Ajahn Brahm's nine-day retreat before and he enjoyed it at Jhāna Grove. So... Report an error in the passage at 7:12 Highlight the passage at 7:12

7:29 He tells me he can't sit, just too uncomfortable. So on the phone I said, can we just try, sit down, close your eyes, and bring your attention to the abdominal area. Report an error in the passage at 7:29 Highlight the passage at 7:29

7:44 And then after a few minutes, how do you feel? Very uneasy, very uncomfortable. Can you describe what is uncomfortable? There's a feeling of wanting to run away. Report an error in the passage at 7:44 Highlight the passage at 7:44

8:04 Very similar to what Gloria was saying. What if my breath doesn't want to be friends with me? How can I hang out in the same place? Report an error in the passage at 8:04 Highlight the passage at 8:04

8:17 But this guy, because he has done those nine-day retreats, I said, okay, let's sit with it for a little bit more. Can you tell me a bit more what's going on? Report an error in the passage at 8:17 Highlight the passage at 8:17

8:30 And in a previous conversation, we did identify that he could close his eyes. And see his five-year-old self, could see his nine-year-old selves in his thoughts. And he could feel, for example, that that five-year-old just want to scream and shout and want to revolt. The nine-year-old want to go and play computer games late into the early morning. And they will have a confrontation of sorts inside his own head or inside his own heart. Report an error in the passage at 8:30 Highlight the passage at 8:30

9:06 So in this case, he could say, yes that the two of them are here then i suggested can you make peace be kind be gentle with those two can you draw them near give them a hug or something and he says no they don't want to come near they are in the room but at the far periphery then Report an error in the passage at 9:06 Highlight the passage at 9:06

9:35 i said well for them to come near you yourself mustn't be uh mustn't be It mustn't appear scary. Can you lower your own anxiety level? And at that point he said, oh, I didn't know I'm so, I am so anxious. The chest feels tight. Even though three minutes earlier we said, relax your muscles, relax your chest and sit yourself comfortably. Report an error in the passage at 9:35 Highlight the passage at 9:35

10:08 By the time he noticed his two younger selves in the room, he felt distressed, anxious. And since then, I now understand a bit more about what the Buddha called the five hindrances. Report an error in the passage at 10:08 Highlight the passage at 10:08

10:32 And you will know the five hindrances if you've been following Ajahn Brahm. Sensual pleasure, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and remorse, that's number four, plus doubt. We don't talk about doubt very much because doubt is so like a... Report an error in the passage at 10:32 Highlight the passage at 10:32

10:53 How much do you believe in the Buddha's teaching? How much do you believe in the Dharma? Okay. And Ajahn Brahm had always said, well, sleepiness, restlessness, remorse and all this is just manifestation of the first two, which is sensual pleasure and ill will. Report an error in the passage at 10:53 Highlight the passage at 10:53

11:11 But I now discovered, I went and looked it up, what is the Pāli word for anxious? And it turned out to be the same word for remorse. Report an error in the passage at 11:11 Highlight the passage at 11:11

11:27 As in, if you look in the dictionary for the word kukucha, first definition, remorse, second definition, anxiety. And so if you have anxiety, it actually obstructs meditation. And then, so since then, I kind of, when I went to Karnat at the prison and when I did the teaching in Nolamara, I suggested a lot of times, Even for myself, I can feel it when you say, okay, relax your muscles and you encounter muscles that don't really want to relax as if you have stubborn muscles that just hangs on tight. Report an error in the passage at 11:27 Highlight the passage at 11:27

12:10 And then, okay, can you go look for an associated anxiety to that tightness? And it turns out often you can find an anxiety behind that. That is causing the tightness not to let go. Report an error in the passage at 12:10 Highlight the passage at 12:10

12:34 So, the goal of, if there's a goal for this evening's meditation, the learning I would like to impart is this idea of lowering our anxiety levels. Report an error in the passage at 12:34 Highlight the passage at 12:34

12:52 I was saying in the Nala Māra, anxiety, quite often the people who have it don't realise they have it. But the people from outside, if you're looking, You can tell it's like a pot of water that is simmering, just about bubbling. And then the next guy who's laid back is like a cold pot of water. If you put fire under each one, it doesn't take much to boil over the one with anxiety. The other one will take a long time for it to come to boil. Report an error in the passage at 12:52 Highlight the passage at 12:52

13:27 And if you think back your friends and family, you'll probably recognize those who are Those who have a short fuse probably have high anxiety all the time. If only we can lower the temperature and all be a lot more peaceful, a lot more laid back and happy. Report an error in the passage at 13:27 Highlight the passage at 13:27

14:01 So that's what I'm going to try and guide tonight's meditation. Is that alright? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 14:01 Highlight the passage at 14:01

14:13 Any questions, any comments? Okay, all good. Okay, so as you're sitting there, find yourself in as comfortable a position as you can possibly position yourself. Report an error in the passage at 14:13 Highlight the passage at 14:13

14:37 In such a way that your backbone and your head can stay sort of upright, doesn't have to be perfectly upright. More important than upright is to be able to relax. Report an error in the passage at 14:37 Highlight the passage at 14:37

14:59 That you don't need muscles much to stay in that posture. If you have to hold a tight posture or hold a tight muscle in order to stay upright, see if you can relax a bit more and get into a really comfortable posture. And Report an error in the passage at 14:59 Highlight the passage at 14:59

15:30 then once you get there, bring your attention inwards to under your skin, within your body. Report an error in the passage at 15:30 Highlight the passage at 15:30

15:48 And I would typically Report an error in the passage at 15:48 Highlight the passage at 15:48

15:53 like to start at the abdominal area to Report an error in the passage at 15:53 Highlight the passage at 15:53

16:01 relax the muscles that are in front as well as the muscles around the back at the lumbar area behind the kidneys. Report an error in the passage at 16:01 Highlight the passage at 16:01

16:15 Antagonistic muscles, one bends your body forward, the other back. In order to keep your body upright, both have to do their part. Report an error in the passage at 16:15 Highlight the passage at 16:15

16:26 But more often than not, we are stressing both muscles. muscles more than necessary. Use Report an error in the passage at 16:26 Highlight the passage at 16:26

16:43 just the minimal amount of muscle power. And Report an error in the passage at 16:43 Highlight the passage at 16:43

17:01 then if there are muscles that are tight on the left and right, Report an error in the passage at 17:01 Highlight the passage at 17:01

17:07 relax those too. Report an error in the passage at 17:07 Highlight the passage at 17:07

17:29 The reason I start this way is because very soon you'll find that there's a lot more space in the abdominal cavity. It's not so tight. Report an error in the passage at 17:29 Highlight the passage at 17:29

17:54 And depending on which part of the world you're in, you might feel Dinner going through your guts or breakfast or lunch or whatever. And Report an error in the passage at 17:54 Highlight the passage at 17:54

18:17 the other thing that happens, breath, our best friend, comes Report an error in the passage at 18:17 Highlight the passage at 18:17

18:27 to greet us as if you've just come home. Report an error in the passage at 18:27 Highlight the passage at 18:27

19:00 If you perceive the breath as the homemaker, the friend, and what joy it is to come home and somebody receives you immediately. And Report an error in the passage at 19:00 Highlight the passage at 19:00

19:27 the sensation of that rise and fall of the breath. Report an error in the passage at 19:27 Highlight the passage at 19:27

19:40 You can recognize it as very soothing, very reassuring. Report an error in the passage at 19:40 Highlight the passage at 19:40

· · · silence, 1 minute

20:23 Perceiving the breath like that, you hardly need any effort at all to pay attention. You just love to stare at the breath. The Report an error in the passage at 20:23 Highlight the passage at 20:23

· · · silence, 1 minute

21:11 next thing I ask people to do is to read the breath. If you meet a friend elsewhere on the street, you say, how are you today? Report an error in the passage at 21:11 Highlight the passage at 21:11

21:25 But we know the breath doesn't speak. Even so, you can ask, how are you, breath? And Report an error in the passage at 21:25 Highlight the passage at 21:25

21:51 you'll get an answer. I Report an error in the passage at 21:51 Highlight the passage at 21:51

· · · silence, 1 minute

22:53 would like to invite you, together with breath, to Report an error in the passage at 22:53 Highlight the passage at 22:53

23:02 do that body scan. First, around the abdominal area. The Report an error in the passage at 23:02 Highlight the passage at 23:02

23:20 body rises and falls with the breath. See Report an error in the passage at 23:20 Highlight the passage at 23:20

23:29 if there's any tightness, tiredness, or injuries around the abdominal area. Report an error in the passage at 23:29 Highlight the passage at 23:29

24:05 If there is, allow that movement of rise and fall to slowly massage the parts and get that part to relax. And Report an error in the passage at 24:05 Highlight the passage at 24:05

24:43 you might also want to check if there's an anxiety associated Report an error in the passage at 24:43 Highlight the passage at 24:43

24:56 with that tightness. Report an error in the passage at 24:56 Highlight the passage at 24:56

25:25 Compassion on your part and the gentleness on the breath's part bring kindness. Report an error in the passage at 25:25 Highlight the passage at 25:25

25:41 And soothing to Report an error in the passage at 25:41 Highlight the passage at 25:41

25:47 your body. When Report an error in the passage at 25:47 Highlight the passage at 25:47

· · · silence, 1 minute

27:03 you're ready, you can move on to the upper part of the body, the chest area, the thorax, including the back, the Report an error in the passage at 27:03 Highlight the passage at 27:03

27:20 muscles between the ribs and the shoulders. Report an error in the passage at 27:20 Highlight the passage at 27:20

· · · silence, 1 minute

27:56 Wherever there's a need, you provide the kindness and the breath will massage it in. Report an error in the passage at 27:56 Highlight the passage at 27:56

· · · silence, 1 minute

28:44 Check if there's bits of anxieties. Hanging in the muscles. I Report an error in the passage at 28:44 Highlight the passage at 28:44

· · · silence, 1 minute

29:43 should also say that while you're doing this, enjoy the partnership and the company of the breath. It's Report an error in the passage at 29:43 Highlight the passage at 29:43

30:12 as if the two of you are doing this together as buddies. And Report an error in the passage at 30:12 Highlight the passage at 30:12

· · · silence, 1 minute

31:05 then when you're ready, move up again, now to the neck area, as Report an error in the passage at 31:05 Highlight the passage at 31:05

31:18 well as your jaws. Report an error in the passage at 31:18 Highlight the passage at 31:18

31:41 Movement from the breath is probably less, but still there's a slight rise and fall. When Report an error in the passage at 31:41 Highlight the passage at 31:41

· · · silence, 1 minute

32:47 you're ready again, move on to the face area, the cheeks, the nose, the mouth, the eyes, the eyeballs especially. Even Report an error in the passage at 32:47 Highlight the passage at 32:47

33:22 here, there's a very slight rise and fall movement. Even Report an error in the passage at 33:22 Highlight the passage at 33:22

· · · silence, 1 minute

34:33 here, you can check if there's anxieties. Report an error in the passage at 34:33 Highlight the passage at 34:33

34:44 associated with any tensions here can Report an error in the passage at 34:44 Highlight the passage at 34:44

· · · silence, 1 minute

36:03 now also include the forehead area as well as the brain cavity area I Report an error in the passage at 36:03 Highlight the passage at 36:03

36:45 think too much or worry too much when Report an error in the passage at 36:45 Highlight the passage at 36:45

36:54 you look at the brain area you get this feeling of the brain being having been squashed and crumpled up for a long time Report an error in the passage at 36:54 Highlight the passage at 36:54

37:18 Now as you breathe in through your nostrils, try Report an error in the passage at 37:18 Highlight the passage at 37:18

37:28 and fluff up the brain again and stop yourself squashing the brain. Be kind to the brain. Breathe Report an error in the passage at 37:28 Highlight the passage at 37:28

38:04 in fresh air. Breathe out stale air. Report an error in the passage at 38:04 Highlight the passage at 38:04

38:14 Freshen up the brain cavity. And Report an error in the passage at 38:14 Highlight the passage at 38:14

· · · silence, 2 minutes

40:19 then, when you're ready, you might want to scan the whole body again to see if you have missed any spots. Report an error in the passage at 40:19 Highlight the passage at 40:19

· · · silence, 1 minute

41:14 Scan not just for physical tightness, but also for anxiety tightness. Seems Report an error in the passage at 41:14 Highlight the passage at 41:14

41:30 to share the same 3D space, but you won't see it unless you look for it. When Report an error in the passage at 41:30 Highlight the passage at 41:30

41:51 you find it, you Report an error in the passage at 41:51 Highlight the passage at 41:51

41:55 provide the kindness and the breath, the gentleness. Work Report an error in the passage at 41:55 Highlight the passage at 41:55

42:07 together. Enjoy Report an error in the passage at 42:07 Highlight the passage at 42:07

42:24 the company as you do. The rise and fall of the breath. It can be very pleasant if Report an error in the passage at 42:24 Highlight the passage at 42:24

· · · silence, 2 minutes

45:00 you like. You can try an experiment. Report an error in the passage at 45:00 Highlight the passage at 45:00

45:09 Explore and see perhaps beyond the physical and the anxious dimensions. Is there an emotional dimension? Are there any emotional injuries carried Report an error in the passage at 45:09 Highlight the passage at 45:09

45:38 in the body? If Report an error in the passage at 45:38 Highlight the passage at 45:38

46:06 you find any, Same thing. You bring the kindness and Report an error in the passage at 46:06 Highlight the passage at 46:06

46:18 let the breath massage it in. Report an error in the passage at 46:18 Highlight the passage at 46:18

46:49 Fascinating to watch the breath do its magic. Okay. Report an error in the passage at 46:49 Highlight the passage at 46:49

· · · silence, 3 minutes

49:28 I Report an error in the passage at 49:28 Highlight the passage at 49:28

49:37 gave you an interesting proposition. We Report an error in the passage at 49:37 Highlight the passage at 49:37

49:45 have been taking care of the abdominal cavity, the thoracic chest area, the neck, the jaw, the face, the brain. Report an error in the passage at 49:45 Highlight the passage at 49:45

50:02 Then we scan the body again, then we scan for emotional injuries. You have done a lot of work. You deserve to be pampered. Report an error in the passage at 50:02 Highlight the passage at 50:02

50:26 Please allow yourself, the observing mind, to be pampered by the breath. As Report an error in the passage at 50:26 Highlight the passage at 50:26

50:46 if to be able to close your mental eye and Report an error in the passage at 50:46 Highlight the passage at 50:46

50:57 allow that breath to take care of you. Report an error in the passage at 50:57 Highlight the passage at 50:57

51:04 And trust the body to the breath for the next 10 or 15 minutes and allow the mind to passively receive TLC. I Report an error in the passage at 51:04 Highlight the passage at 51:04

51:34 have this image of a baby sleeping Report an error in the passage at 51:34 Highlight the passage at 51:34

51:40 on the shoulders of a mother without a care in the world. And that's what I invite you to do on Report an error in the passage at 51:40 Highlight the passage at 51:40

51:56 the shoulders of the breath. If Report an error in the passage at 51:56 Highlight the passage at 51:56

· · · silence, 1 minute

53:09 you're having trouble, Letting go, check Report an error in the passage at 53:09 Highlight the passage at 53:09

53:19 where's the anxiety and Report an error in the passage at 53:19 Highlight the passage at 53:19

53:25 let breath go there. I Report an error in the passage at 53:25 Highlight the passage at 53:25

· · · silence, 3 minutes

56:36 would like to point out the Report an error in the passage at 56:36 Highlight the passage at 56:36

56:44 pleasure and the beauty of the breath is actually in the details. The closer you get, the more Report an error in the passage at 56:44 Highlight the passage at 56:44

57:02 pleasure the Report an error in the passage at 57:02 Highlight the passage at 57:02

57:07 rise and the fall feels like. The Report an error in the passage at 57:07 Highlight the passage at 57:07

57:20 closer you observe, the more attractive it is. Report an error in the passage at 57:20 Highlight the passage at 57:20

· · · silence, 2 minutes

59:49 If you haven't already, try letting go of the body and Report an error in the passage at 59:49 Highlight the passage at 59:49

1:00:05 just hang out with the breath. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:05 Highlight the passage at 1:00:05

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:01:20 Allow your attention to be completely absorbed by the rise and fall of the breath. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:20 Highlight the passage at 1:01:20

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:02:02 Sit Report an error in the passage at 1:02:02 Highlight the passage at 1:02:02

· · · silence, 2 minutes

1:04:29 quietly. You can sometimes Report an error in the passage at 1:04:29 Highlight the passage at 1:04:29

1:04:41 find yourself distracted by thoughts. If Report an error in the passage at 1:04:41 Highlight the passage at 1:04:41

1:04:54 that is the case, the Report an error in the passage at 1:04:54 Highlight the passage at 1:04:54

1:05:01 trick That I like to use is to rediscover the pleasure of the rise and fall. To Report an error in the passage at 1:05:01 Highlight the passage at 1:05:01

1:05:18 go back close to the breath again and experience the pleasure again. We Report an error in the passage at 1:05:18 Highlight the passage at 1:05:18

· · · silence, 4 minutes

1:09:24 are coming close to the end. Perhaps another two minutes. Please Report an error in the passage at 1:09:24 Highlight the passage at 1:09:24

1:09:35 enjoy the breath. Report an error in the passage at 1:09:35 Highlight the passage at 1:09:35

1:09:47 Say your goodbyes to the breath. Be Report an error in the passage at 1:09:47 Highlight the passage at 1:09:47

1:10:04 sure we do not take for granted. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:04 Highlight the passage at 1:10:04

1:10:12 This beautiful experience we just had. Any Report an error in the passage at 1:10:12 Highlight the passage at 1:10:12

· · · silence, 3 minutes

1:12:57 questions, any comments? All Report an error in the passage at 1:12:57 Highlight the passage at 1:12:57

1:13:13 good? I Report an error in the passage at 1:13:13 Highlight the passage at 1:13:13

1:13:17 have things to say. Yeah? I feel like today my breathing is like more of a friend to me than last time. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:17 Highlight the passage at 1:13:17

1:13:32 Yeah, so I guess we hang out together better now. And it's not really like... I have a... I don't know if... There's reflection on something like me, but that is something that was on my mind recently. It was on my mind in the past as well, because I have people say to me, like, you always have a choice in life. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:32 Highlight the passage at 1:13:32

1:14:02 It's not the only time that people say it to me. I have multiple people that will say to me, like, you have a choice, that you can choose. But I think, a lot of the time i have a very strong feeling like i don't really have a choice in life and then that is like and then when they said it to me i kind of feel i guess i feel triggered and then i will get a little bit i will get angry with that and i will say like and Report an error in the passage at 1:14:02 Highlight the passage at 1:14:02

1:14:44 then i will say something like i don't really Feel like I have a choice. And then they will just say that you have a choice. It was like, it was bugging me. It was really bugging me because that is not consistent with my feeling. I sort of like understand what they're talking about. But then when I reflect on, because that is like, that is like kind of like the, A's, A's. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:44 Highlight the passage at 1:14:44

1:15:19 A conditioning or stuff like I just yeah I would say I would always say stuff like I don't have a choice I cannot do this and then yeah I was still trying to like process what leads to me to to have this kind of feeling but that is like a very a very I guess a very prevalent feelings for me in general. Daah! Report an error in the passage at 1:15:19 Highlight the passage at 1:15:19

1:15:50 The Buddha had an interesting explanation and he called it, he had this model called the five khanda model, five aggregates. I'm not sure whether you've heard it. Ajahn Brahm talks about it, Ajahn Brahmali talks about it. And it says all sentient beings, all living beings are made up of five components. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:50 Highlight the passage at 1:15:50

1:16:15 The physical body, which comes with the eyes ears and nose and tongue and skin and all that but there are these four mental processes one of them it is usually translated as feeling vedanā but Ajahn Brahm says let's call it experience so if somebody took something and hit you on the foot or hit you on the head you experience that hit on the head or something striking you on the head and you can say it's pleasant or unpleasant it was a bit for me now not quite gentle so it's neutral if i hit a bit harder i'd say that's unpleasant if i went and did that i'd say huh that's nice right that's Report an error in the passage at 1:16:15 Highlight the passage at 1:16:15

1:17:12 the experience the contact the sensory inputs number three this next one is called perception and that's when you add An explanation into your experience. I would see a stick, I would say, yeah, I felt that because I hit myself with a stick. I have an explanation, I can see the stick, and I gave that experience meaning and context. And then number four is where your volitional, it's called volitional action, most of the time it's translated as, Report an error in the passage at 1:17:12 Highlight the passage at 1:17:12

1:17:57 Now see it as volitional reaction. What you experience, what you perceive, and then you react. Somebody tells you, you have a choice. And almost automatically, you react and say, no I don't. Do you actually think about it? You don't actually think about it, right? It's a reaction. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:57 Highlight the passage at 1:17:57

1:18:23 Then, if you have your perception, you can think about it as a volitional reaction. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:23 Highlight the passage at 1:18:23

1:18:34 Triggered by that perception and experience. And the thing is, this experience and especially this perception needs context in order to explain. If I've never seen this thing before, I would say I got hit by a foreign object. But I know this is the mallet for the gong and I would say I got hit by the mallet of the gong. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:34 Highlight the passage at 1:18:34

1:19:06 And then for me to know that, I must be conditioned to say this is a mallet of a gong. The English speaking world, if you knew this was a mallet of a gong, then you would say, otherwise you call it a stick, otherwise you call it a weapon. Whatever the case may be, you perceive it and you would give it a name based on what you've learned before. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:06 Highlight the passage at 1:19:06

1:19:35 And that's what number five is in the five aggregate model. Whatever happens in this tree, You will feel the experience, yeah, last night at the Amadeus Boundless Meditation class, I got hit on the head. And it appeared very silly to everybody. Whatever the story is, gets stored in your consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:35 Highlight the passage at 1:19:35

1:20:06 And that consciousness colours the next round of inputs. Now if I see this again, if I had a terrible experience with this thing, I would fear it. But if I enjoyed it, I would say, hey, can I have that again? I enjoyed it. Right? So, what you're saying about whether you have a choice or whether you don't have a choice, a lot of it depends on your previous experiences and what you concluded. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:06 Highlight the passage at 1:20:06

1:20:47 Which is why this idea of Perception. For example, if you think about your father who said, I don't want you as my daughter. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:47 Highlight the passage at 1:20:47

1:21:03 The moment the image comes up, it's an uncomfortable feeling. It's already planted there. It's not that I think about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable. Perception requires past consciousness to tell a story. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:03 Highlight the passage at 1:21:03

1:21:24 Until you change the past, the the perception the old consciousness you will keep telling the same And the Report an error in the passage at 1:21:24 Highlight the passage at 1:21:24

1:21:38 Buddha's teaching here is the four Brahmavihāras. therefore you feel like I don't have a choice every time I think of this person I feel upset Report an error in the passage at 1:21:38 Highlight the passage at 1:21:38

1:22:04 Mettā, Karuṇā, Muditā and Upeka. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:04 Highlight the passage at 1:22:04

1:22:12 Loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Whatever your perception of that person, don't carry any perception of ill will or harm. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:12 Highlight the passage at 1:22:12

1:22:29 If you carry any perception of ill will or harm, you don't have a choice. That feeling of... Unpleasantness comes up, I need to run away, I need to revenge, I need to... But if your perception is, I know what he's going through, I don't have to make it worse for him, I don't have to make it worse for myself. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:29 Highlight the passage at 1:22:29

1:22:56 We are all in the same boat, or saṃsāra boat. So, me punishing him doesn't make me happier. Me punishing myself doesn't make me happier. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:56 Highlight the passage at 1:22:56

1:23:13 Me depriving myself of joy doesn't make things right. Me Report an error in the passage at 1:23:13 Highlight the passage at 1:23:13

1:23:23 allowing me to sit down quietly with my breath is helpful. I will allow it because it is nice, it is kind. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:23 Highlight the passage at 1:23:23

1:23:38 Me thinking that I am no good, not good enough is not helpful. That perception, that underlying perception colours your new perception. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:38 Highlight the passage at 1:23:38

1:23:51 So the Buddha also speaks about this thing called underlying tendencies. And every time he speaks about the five khandhas, he speaks about the five senses, he says when you see things, don't grasp at it. He actually means don't be affected by a lot of your old conditioning. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:51 Highlight the passage at 1:23:51

1:24:20 Let them go. Know that they can be let go of. Something has happened in the past, Report an error in the passage at 1:24:20 Highlight the passage at 1:24:20

1:24:31 you can let it and say, therefore I have no choice. I am that person. Or you can say, once upon a time that happened to me, today is a new day. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:31 Highlight the passage at 1:24:31

1:24:48 So, uh... Report an error in the passage at 1:24:48 Highlight the passage at 1:24:48

1:24:55 in some ways your friends are right, you have a choice. Ajahn Brahm says this in a different way. He says, a lot of times we feel we are stuck in jail Ajahn Brahm says the The door of the prison is open. A lot of times we feel more comfortable staying inside than to walk out. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:55 Highlight the passage at 1:24:55

1:25:20 Strange. Don't know why. Yeah, I think I understand it to a certain extent. I think I'm afraid. I'm sort of afraid to admit that I have choice in life because I feel like I will need to go back. and face those terrible decisions it's not really like terrible decision i think it's like it's the best i i have really tried my best but like if i admit that back then i have a choice i felt like i choose to yeah i just felt like yeah i too i have chosen to not do anything to to prevent like to present Report an error in the passage at 1:25:20 Highlight the passage at 1:25:20

1:26:12 those terrible things from happening and then it really it really struck me in a certain way that that's why i prefer to say that i don't have a choice i guess that's like yes yes and and i will tell you that you're not the first person to feel that way all the guys in carnet feels that way this other friend who was the one who told me he has he can see his five-year-old and his nine-year-old in the same room he feels that way uh because if you now say yeah i can Report an error in the passage at 1:26:12 Highlight the passage at 1:26:12

1:26:52 do something about it it kind of means you mean i have to do something about it and then uh it's it was easier being the victim then i don't have to do anything about it Report an error in the passage at 1:26:52 Highlight the passage at 1:26:52

1:27:12 So yes, I understand it's scary. I also think what this understanding tells us is that you don't actually have to fix what you don't want to fix. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:12 Highlight the passage at 1:27:12

1:27:28 It's just there in the past. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:28 Highlight the passage at 1:27:28

1:27:33 What Ray, the guy who was telling me about his five-year-old, what he was saying was, if Report an error in the passage at 1:27:33 Highlight the passage at 1:27:33

1:27:46 I'm no longer sick, then I have to I don't have a shield anymore to stand behind. And that's how he felt. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:46 Highlight the passage at 1:27:46

1:28:03 That's how I felt. That's how I felt as well. I felt like, I felt like I will, instead of like, because when I say I cannot do this, or I don't have a choice. You have to go in front of the shield. Yeah, I felt like, I felt kind of safe in that position because I don't have a choice. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:03 Highlight the passage at 1:28:03

1:28:29 but if you told me that but if i admit that i have a choice then i have to then i have to i have to go around that very fear and face other people which i don't really which i have which is freak me out it really freaked me out uh yeah the the thing to do is find friends friends who understand those friends will tell you you have a choice I presume they would understand enough to stand by you. I think. I don't know. Report an error in the passage at 1:28:29 Highlight the passage at 1:28:29

1:29:11 I really don't know. Because I've never... In the worst case, in the worst case, there's one friend when you close your eyes and bring your attention, the friend will welcome you home and soothe you down. In the worst case, you have one friend. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:11 Highlight the passage at 1:29:11

1:29:37 Try, try, try. Ask for help. Friends are not always perfect. Some friends can offer you an hour a week. Some friends can offer you two hours a week. Some friends will be able to answer any distress call at any time of the day. Discover who they are. Lean on them. Don't be shy. Report an error in the passage at 1:29:37 Highlight the passage at 1:29:37

1:30:06 There are a lot of friendly faces here on the screen. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:06 Highlight the passage at 1:30:06

1:30:17 Okay, any other comments? Report an error in the passage at 1:30:17 Highlight the passage at 1:30:17

1:30:28 Yes. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:28 Highlight the passage at 1:30:28

1:30:32 Right, I'll unmute. It's just a comment. Yeah. When you, about choices, when you say, I don't have a choice, wouldn't that be saying that you are making a choice of not having a choice? Yes. Yeah? Yes. So I remember what Ajahn Brahm said, the American's prayer, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:32 Highlight the passage at 1:30:32

1:30:55 So he says, don't let anybody else be in charge of your happiness. I've heard him say that on more than one occasion. It is eventually up to us. It is difficult, but we have to cross the bridge. Especially on the Buddhist path, there's no saviour. Report an error in the passage at 1:30:55 Highlight the passage at 1:30:55

1:31:23 Okay, last comments. I think we're running over time a bit. All good? Report an error in the passage at 1:31:23 Highlight the passage at 1:31:23

1:31:35 Okay. Three big sadhus. Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu! Report an error in the passage at 1:31:35 Highlight the passage at 1:31:35