← Ajahn Hasapanna

How to Live with Kindness

Ajahn Hasapanna · 28 October 2025 · 1 h 6 min · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Ajahn Hasapanna teaches us how to live with kindness in chaos. Support us on https://ko-fi.com/thebuddhistsocietyofwa BSWA teachings are available: BSWA Teachings BSWA Podcast Channel BSWA DeeperDhamma Podbean Channel BSWA YouTube

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  • 0:00

    Today I just want to talk about how to live in chaos with kindness. Because life itself is always chaos, isn't it? Chaotic. Nothing always perfect. Always something goes wrong. Sometimes the whole day everything goes wrong. Nothing in order. Whether you like it or not, you have your own ways. Whatever happens, you cannot control.

  • 2:14

    Actually, our suffering is not really coming from all the problems that we have to deal with. It's more that how we deal with our problems, that is where the sufferings come from. And I tell people, I say, you know, we can only do our best, because people are afraid of making wrong decisions.

  • 5:53

    Kindness is goodwill. So opposite kindness is ill will. So when we just accept the way life is, we have kindness towards life, we become more at ease and at peace, isn't it? Because anyway we can't change. We can't change even how people look at us, whether people like us or not. We cannot help it. But we can get angry and upset with other people that criticize us, that don't like us.

  • 7:22

    Skill in goodness, someone very generous, always, you know, be able to give, you know. And then when we talk about giving, being generous, and practice generosity, doesn't mean that, not only that giving material things, sometimes with words itself, you know, with kindness, you know, it's important. It's, again, oh. Not only with giving material things, but even sometimes people going through difficulties, sometimes with nice words, with encouragement.

  • 15:14

    You see, there's a way also, even the thoughts of loving kindness also we are helping someone, you know. Maybe that, maybe, you know, sometimes that, you know, like even if you give a smile, also you help someone. Because it's a true story, someone about to commit suicide, because of someone, he's on his way to commit suicide, and someone just said hello and waved at him. And then he feel like, oh, you know, there's still someone really care. And then that moment, he changed his mind. Then the person who smiled at him didn't know that he saved someone's life.

0:00 Today I just want to talk about how to live in chaos with kindness. Because life itself is always chaos, isn't it? Chaotic. Nothing always perfect. Always something goes wrong. Sometimes the whole day everything goes wrong. Nothing in order. Whether you like it or not, you have your own ways. Whatever happens, you cannot control. Report an error

0:27 And there's one of the things that, you know, that for me, like every day after dhana, after lunch, normally that's the time I will talk to people, and people come to talk to me, of course. I have to listen to all the people's problems, you know, marriage problem, you know. And I remember there was a lady, you know, she came to me, oh, I'm so lonely, I have no boyfriend. Report an error

0:53 And then... She had no boyfriend, suffering problem. Then after later, she come to me, she was very happy. Oh, now I've got boyfriend, you know, I'm happy now. Now I'm no longer lonely. Then a few months later, she come to me, oh, now I have problem with my boyfriend. You see? Life is like that, isn't it? You know, when you have boyfriend, you have boyfriend problem. When you don't have boyfriend, you don't have boyfriend problem. And some people single, they say they're not married, they have no not married problem. Report an error

1:28 Then they're married, they have married problem. It's never, don't stop, isn't it? One after another, it's not going to stop, you know. They say, I know sometimes people come to me, like, oh, they try to ask me for advice. Because life is like that, constantly you have to make decision, isn't it? Whether you like it or not, even sometimes you have to make decisions that is quite painful. And no matter what decision you're going to make, sometimes we've been put in a no-win situation, isn't it? Report an error

1:58 Forever, you know, no-win situation. That is part of life, you know. Then how we look at life, how we relate to it, how we deal with it, that is a way that we always constantly have problems. Actually, our suffering is not really coming from all the problems that we have to deal with. It's more that how we deal with our problems, that is where the sufferings come from. Report an error

2:29 And I tell people, I say, you know, we can only do our best, because people are afraid of making wrong decisions. You know, they're afraid of making wrong decisions. They're afraid of doing the wrong thing. Then I told this person, I said, there is no right or wrong decision. Because whatever decision you make, we only contribute one part, one factor. Because things happen according to multiple causes and conditions. Report an error

2:58 You know, sometimes even we do all the right thing, there's no guarantee that the outcomes will be, that the results will be the one that you want it to be. Isn't that you don't get the outcomes, the results that you want. But you can only do your best. Because our decision making is only contribute one part. Report an error

3:19 That's why I say important whatever decision we make, first of all, we just have to reflect whether we do it out of fear, do it out of ill will, if it out of greed, like, you know, I want to get something, if out of something that is unwholesome, you know. Report an error

3:38 Is it for my own benefit and the benefit of others? You reflect on that. So then, after reflecting on that, it's not come from out of fear, out of greed, out of ill will, out of ego. It's for your own benefit and benefit of others. You can just go ahead and do it because the result is beyond our control. Report an error

4:03 You know, like people come to me with, you know, they say, oh, they're going through court case, they worry about that. I say, all you need to do, you just have to provide what information that you need to provide. But the outcomes you cannot control. It's not your part. It's up to the judge. It's up to the judge, you know. Report an error

4:20 the, you know, what's, The judgment, how the judge can pass the judgment is not up to us, but you do your best. That is part of life, if you understand that. They say sometimes, you know, if we want, we can find a million reasons to hate life. Life is terrible, you know, it's awful, you know, everything is bad, you know, outside is crazy, it's like hell, you know, some people... Report an error

4:48 Tell me that life is terrible, it's like hell, you know, it's outside, it's hell. And then you'd be angry, you know, and then you have a choice. If you want, you have a million reasons to love life, to be happy, and that is, isn't it? Actually, we have a choice, you know, but we cannot change, you know, always chaos, but we can change. Report an error

5:15 Our relationship, how we relate to the situation, you know, that's part of life, you know. Life is, you know, you either get bitter or you get better, you know. Report an error

5:27 Isn't it? So you want to, you know, so why we want to create more suffering for ourselves, you know. Sometimes, you know, that's why I say it's okay. You know, sometimes even you do all the right thing, you might not get the outcomes that you want, the results that you want. That you can only do your best, you know. They say sometimes this is how we learn how to live our life with kindness. So what is kindness? Report an error

5:53 Kindness is goodwill. So opposite kindness is ill will. So when we just accept the way life is, we have kindness towards life, we become more at ease and at peace, isn't it? Because anyway we can't change. We can't change even how people look at us, whether people like us or not. We cannot help it. But we can get angry and upset with other people that criticize us, that don't like us. Report an error

6:26 But then you cannot control. So since we cannot control, then we learn to accept that it's... How life is, to understand what is life. That's how life is. It isn't what it is, you know. You just try to understand that. So when we develop lots of kindness, when we have the kindness, this is where we be able to live. Because anyway, life itself is chaotic anyway. We cannot get away. Report an error

6:55 So then... So we have to change our attitude towards life, how we relate to life. They said to develop kindness. That is in the loving kindness sutras that the Buddha mentioned. Someone has the quality, the kindness. Someone is kind. Someone is skilled in goodness. Someone has the goodness. Someone is kind. Report an error

7:22 Skill in goodness, someone very generous, always, you know, be able to give, you know. And then when we talk about giving, being generous, and practice generosity, doesn't mean that, not only that giving material things, sometimes with words itself, you know, with kindness, you know, it's important. Report an error

7:46 It's, again, oh. Report an error

7:50 Not only with giving material things, but even sometimes people going through difficulties, sometimes with nice words, with encouragement. And to be able to say something to encourage person, to support that person, that is also giving, that is being kind to others people. That is sometimes even the thoughts of kindness towards others. Report an error

8:19 It's important, you know. And sometimes you think that we are not doing anything. But then sometimes with some words that we choose, you know, sometimes people have the encouragement. And then it's very uplifting, isn't it? Especially when you're down and someone says something that is very encouraging. You feel much better, isn't it? Report an error

8:38 And you change someone. You really help someone. I remember when I was in a... Last year, I think, oh yeah, last year, then I have to do my yearly medical checkup, so I have to have a blood test. So there was this trainee, she's the one who take my blood, you know. I think she was not skilled, and then the way she did it, I think it's too much pressure, and my blood is just gush out, and it splash, you know. Report an error

9:15 And then, They can't do it. They have to stop. Then she did a second time. It happened again. And my blood is just, you know, splashed and gushed out, you know. Then it's all over my, you know. Then actually when I went back, my whole arm here is all swollen and bruised, you know. Then they can't do on this arm. Report an error

9:38 then then then that Then the other lady, she was the one who's really scared. And then she said, okay, maybe do you want to try the other side? Then I was thinking, oh no, better not. Report an error

9:51 I didn't say anything because I was thinking that, you know, because I was thinking that if I go and tell, no, I don't want you to do it. Actually, it will damage, it will destroy that person's confidence. Because the person, you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes like, for example, when someone experience rejection, Report an error

10:11 And they have fear of rejections, they have very fear that they've been rejected. So when they ask for something before you said no, they always say, okay, never mind, they will run away. So we have fear of rejection, then you run away from rejection. And then this time, you know, the person still being rejected by, they're being rejected by themselves. Report an error

10:37 They reject themselves. So they said never allow rejections lead to self-rejection. Sometimes we reject ourselves. And then I was thinking that if I said no, you better don't do it because then I was thinking it's okay. Even this arm that she tried again two times, then I still, it's okay for me to not to have the blood test today. Report an error

11:00 I can do it next day. But if I said no, that will... You know, affect her. Then she will, next time she has so much fear, she will have lack of confidence in herself, you know, to do that because twice and then that time, you know. But then luckily, she herself said no, she don't want to try anymore. Ajahn Hasapanna kept quiet not to say anything, you know. Sometimes, you know, you think, sometimes a thought of, you know, that is also, even with a thought of kindness, you restrain yourself, no, it's not kind, you know. Report an error

11:32 If I said that, then I will affect this person's confidence in herself, you know. She have no, next time, you have so much fear to do that again because you've been rejected, you know. And they say sometimes it's also, There is also kindness, you know, you think of, you know, that, you know, and sometimes also we're looking after ourselves, so it's being kind to ourselves, like for us, like we live in the community, you know. Report an error

11:59 If I don't look after myself, they have to look after me if I get sick, isn't it? And then I, just a few months ago, I went for my check-up, you know, my yearly medical check-up, and my GP said I'm overweight. Report an error

12:15 She said you have to reduce weight. Actually, basically, I don't really care my appearance, how I look, whether I'm fat or I'm thin, I don't care. But then it's out of compassion, out of kindness. Because I was thinking, if I get fat and too big, and then if I have a fall, no one can carry me. You know, now I was thinking, it's out of kindness, I better reduce. And also, and then he said, oh, your blood pressure is a bit high, you know, you better look after. Report an error

12:49 Then, yeah, then for the, I think of a four months, so I, on diet, so I reduce, I don't take carb, I think I only autumn of day, I don't eat potato chips, I don't eat ice cream, I don't take this, no sugar. Report an error

13:07 Actually, I lost 10 kilos in three months, in four months, you know. And it's not because I really care how I look, you know, because, you know, I remember, I remember, I learned the new terms, you know. You don't say someone fat or someone thin, you know. I remember when I was in New Zealand and this lady come to me, Ajahn Hasapanna, you're really so cute and so adorable. Report an error

13:36 Then I was thinking, that means I'm fat. That means I'm fat. She said I'm very cute and adorable. You're so adorable. That means, you know, like baby, they're cute, you know. They're adorable. That means it's chubby and fat, you know. Then I laughed. I was thinking, oh, this is another way, you know, that telling someone, you know. Report an error

14:01 But actually, basically, I don't care. But I was thinking of, you know, that if I'm sick, you know, if I don't look after myself, and the community have to look after me, you know. But I do my best. Maybe even I look after, I still get sick. That is different, isn't it? Because at least I know that I have done my part. Report an error

14:22 I do my best, you know, try not to be a burden to the community, you know, kind, it's being kind to, you know, to the community. So there's sometimes we, life is like that, we can only do our best, whatever we do, we do our best, you know, whatever, we have best ability, giving all we got, do it wholeheartedly, so we just have to live the results. Report an error

14:46 Whatever happened, so we learn to make peace and at least at whatever results. Because we know that things don't always go the way we want it to be. Because there are many other factors that is beyond our control. So that's why you develop those qualities, kindness, someone is being generous, being always thinking of how can I help, I can be of service. Report an error

15:14 You see, there's a way also, even the thoughts of loving kindness also we are helping someone, you know. Maybe that, maybe, you know, sometimes that, you know, like even if you give a smile, also you help someone. Because it's a true story, someone about to commit suicide, because of someone, he's on his way to commit suicide, and someone just said hello and waved at him. Report an error

15:37 And then he feel like, oh, you know, there's still someone really care. And then that moment, he changed his mind. Then the person who smiled at him didn't know that he saved someone's life. But it's a true story. They say, never underestimate our own goodness, the power of our own goodness. That sometimes, We think that it's just a little act of kindness, but that actually meant a lot to others, you know. And then someone is peaceful and calm. Report an error

16:07 You know, when you're peaceful and calm, you're pretty fearless. You don't have to fear when you're peaceful and calm. I remember when I was in Thailand, because there was a lady, she always had snake problem. She's... Yes, wherever she goes, because the kuti I stay, it's just like a platform. You have no windows, I have to open the wall. Report an error

16:33 But basically, any creeping things can come into my kuti, but I never have problem. No scorpion, no creeping things, no snake. But this lady stay in the kuti that, you know, brick kuti, with doors, with windows, you know, with fly screen. But don't know somehow the... I don't know why at that time I was really fearless. Report an error

17:04 I said, okay, maybe I help you to remove the snake. The snake is a bit this, this, and that long. And then it's black with the black color with those yellow spots, you know. Report an error

17:17 Then she said, okay, I said, I help you to remove. And then she give me a candle. I said, Report an error

17:53 I'm just trying to help this person, you know. And they said, oh, how come you're not afraid? Actually, that time I was staying there in the monastery, that actually I meditated a lot and very peaceful, very calm. I think because of the peacefulness, because of the calmness, because when you're peaceful and calm, actually... Report an error

18:15 Because sometimes the fear also comes from worrying, thinking too much, the more you think about it. Because when you're peaceful, actually, when you're peaceful and calm, actually you're really fearless. You don't have that fear of anything. I think that is partly because I've been... Like meditating a lot, you know, really very peaceful and calm, that's really help. And then someone's kindness, also you have the qualities also have someone to be wise, you know, they have the wisdom. Report an error

18:46 Like the Buddha said, you know, someone, the Buddha said, you know, kindness and compassion have no wisdom can be very destructive. Sometimes, yes, out of kindness, we think that we are kind. But then if we don't have the wisdom, we are not skillful. For example, If we want to point out someone's mistake, it's out of kindness if we just want to let the person know the mistake they made. Report an error

19:14 But if you are not skillful enough, sometimes the way how you said it, sometimes the words you said, sometimes if you are not skillful, sometimes can be more damaging. For example, someone make mistake. The last thing people really want to hear is discipline. You don't try to discipline that person. You try to come from encouragement. Report an error

19:39 People need more encouragement. They said the way we said it. And then they said sometimes if you're not skillful, we cause more damage than really helping the person. They said sometimes if you're unable to really do it skillfully, it's better off not to do it. Yes, the intention, the initial intention was good, but then the way how we do it, if we are not skilled, we don't have the wisdom, we are not wise enough, then actually we cause more problem rather than really helping the other person. Report an error

20:13 They say sometimes it's naturally, someone have that kindness, that quality, you're naturally also you have the wisdom, you're wise. Because someone, someone, someone, someone, has that loss of matter, you naturally When you're peaceful and calm, you have more clarity, isn't it? When you're peaceful and calm, your mind is more alert, you have more clarity, you have the wisdom. Report an error

20:40 So they say sometimes some people, they have the good intention, but then when they're not skillful, then they cause more problem. They say sometimes it's important that we learn how to speak in a kind way. The words that we choose have to be really, like the Buddha said, pleasing to the ears. Sometimes when the words that we choose, we love, we care, sometimes it's really... Report an error

21:16 It's quite healing, isn't it? With the words that we choose, that we've come with love and care. And it's quite healing. And people listen to it. The people feel good. It's very uplifting. They say it's important. And then someone being able to accept acceptance, accepting themselves as they are. So opposite acceptance is rejection that you will. Sometimes we reject ourselves. Report an error

21:50 Sometimes we think that we don't accept who we are. Sometimes we think that we're not good enough. So kindness is also to us ourselves. We accept who we are. We love ourselves. Report an error

22:31 That time when I was in Thailand, there was one day there was a lady, she came from Malaysia, and then she's very annoying because she likes to follow me wherever I go like a shadow. And also she will speak all the nonsense, you know, all the stupid thing and all the nonsense. Then it's really very annoying, you know. Then I just don't care. Report an error

22:59 I just try. I tried not to react. I said, okay, I put up with it. But until one day, she come to my kuti, can I stay with you in your kuti? I come to your kuti and sleep with you. That time, I really, the end of my day, I must say, you know, I really blasted at her. I said, go away. I said, you're really crazy. I don't want to talk to you. You crazy woman, I said, you go away, get lost. But I tell you, The moment after I said that, actually I regret it. I know that it's not very kind. I shouldn't have said that. But that time I really cannot control anymore because, you know, I really cannot control. Report an error

23:44 That's the time. I think I tried to control, suppress my emotion. I think that is up to my limit that I cannot hold anymore. Then the moment, you know, When the moment when I after I that I actually the moment I finished saying that I already regret that I said I know I should have said that that I made a determination I said I said to myself okay I made a determination no matter what I'm not going to react to whatever she said. Report an error

24:18 So because sometimes it's like, yeah, we make mistake, we apologize. But sometimes some people, they repeat the same mistake, they apologize, and then they repeat the mistake again. And then they apologize again and again. And this is no longer mistake, isn't it? It's a habit. It's become a habit. And it's not sincere, isn't it? So then I forgive myself immediately. I forgive myself. I didn't beat up myself. I forgive myself. Report an error

24:47 That this is something that is not very nice, it's very unkind to say things, even though she's crazy, you know, she's crazy, but to say things, you know, to have this unwholesome speech, you know, I shouldn't have said that to her, even though she's being, you know, because then, and I talk to myself, since I know that she's crazy, why I really bother, but I still can't help it, you know. Report an error

25:13 So I made a determination. I said, no, I'm not going to react. Then I know she tried to make me angry. Then I be able to really hold. But of course, when I go back, I learn. I really reflect on that. I reflect on non-self. I reflect on karma. I reflect on, you know, that. That helped me to arouse lots of kindness and compassion towards her. And it takes me a while to really... It's difficult. Report an error

25:44 When I go back, I can't meditate. It really disturbed my mind because she really tried to make me angry. And then the other people, the residents there, they can see that she tried to make me angry. And then she said, how can you do that? You look so calm and peaceful. I said, I mean on the surface, yes, I look calm. Report an error

26:08 Inside, I was boiling. But then I know that if I, you know, You know, it's no point that, you know, if I know that this is a mistake, you know, not to do it again. We acknowledge that, we accept that, you know, that this is a mistake, you know, but we make sure that we don't repeat again. I know some people come to me that, you know, some people, you know, they keep coming to me and apologize and they do it again and again. Report an error

26:41 So I said, never mind, always one more time. Isn't it? I said, what can you do if that person don't change? I said, are you going to beat that person up? You know, do that again and again? So you just have to, because when we forgive that person, actually we've been kind to ourselves because we're holding on to that, get upset, get angry. Report an error

27:04 Actually, we're harming ourselves much more. Then I said, it's okay. It's okay because since you can't change a person, The person still keep doing that, you can't do anything about it, isn't we? Can't change, we can't change that person. But then we still forgive, because we forgive, it's not that we agree with that person's behavior, but actually we speak kind to ourselves, it's okay that, you know, that whatever the person have, like the Buddha said, it's okay other people, you know, they've been rude to you or they've been nasty to you. Report an error

27:42 Other people do it, it's their problem. And then make sure that we don't do it. Sometimes, some people think that they have the self-righteousness because of you being unkind to me. It's okay for me to retaliate. It's fine because you did it first. But if we retaliate, actually, we think that the person is horrible. Report an error

28:03 But then, you know, Report an error

28:11 We are also the same, isn't it? We are not any better than that person. So they said sometimes, it's okay, you know. That's why I told that person, I said, it's okay, it's always one more time. Just forgive. Because you forgive, you be kind to yourself. Because today someone also told me the same thing. Report an error

28:32 They said that, you know. That his boss used to be, is a very angry person, hot temper, always, she always scolded by the boss, you know, the boss will come in, you know, and scold the boss, you know. And then, you know how the boss after scolding them, he'll go to play golf, enjoy golf. And then she went back, she keep thinking about it, very angry. Report an error

28:54 And then she put it on, you know, onto her children, get angry, you know, at the children, you know. And then after that, she realized that it's really, Report an error

29:04 She shouldn't have done that. Because it's nothing to do with her family. Because she's holding on. And then she said, here I am getting angry and I go back. I put it onto my children. I get upset with that. I flare up with my family. But then my boss already went for golf. Report an error

29:29 He had forgotten already, you know, he's scolding me, you know, he's scolding me, and then he forgotten about it, and then I continue thinking about it and got upset, and then also bring that anger emotion, you know, back to the family, and she flared up, and then she said that it's good that she said that she realized it, and then she stopped, you know. Report an error

29:54 They said sometimes, this is... part of life, you know, since we cannot change life, you know, then we learn to accept life, you know, to learn to love life, you know, rather than hate life. Sometimes we think that if we hate life, it doesn't mean we get angry. Sometimes we think that we're getting angry with the other person. Report an error

30:20 It's not going to solve our problems, you know. Sometimes we always think that, you know, when we get angry, we think that the other person make me angry. I suffer because of the other person make me angry. That's why I suffer. But actually, even we get rid of all the people causing us difficult people, causing us problem. Report an error

30:41 We get rid of all the people that make us angry. Our underlying tendency of the evil is still there, isn't it? When being triggered, it will come out. Sometimes I remember when I was in Thailand, very peaceful and calm. Then I was thinking, I was really so deluded. I was thinking, oh, my practice is so good because I'm so happy, I'm so calm. Report an error

31:13 No one pressed my button. Of course I'm happy and calm. Until one day someone pressed my button, I almost feel like I want to strangle that person. I feel like I want to strangle that person because no one pressed my button. And then sometimes we always, very easily, we always think that our problem, our suffering is come from... Report an error

31:40 You know, it's come from outside, you know, but actually we don't see how we react to the situation. We think that the problem causes the suffering, but actually the suffering is not come from, because whatever happened to us, it doesn't matter what happened to us, but it's most important that how we relate to the situation, you know, how we... Report an error

32:07 Whether we relate to the situation with kindness, with compassion, then actually we change, isn't it? Rather than, you know, actually, why we want to suffer unnecessarily? That is the Buddha said, this is the add-on suffering. We keep thinking about it. And, you know, it's just like the Buddha said, it's just like when we get angry at other people. Report an error

32:32 So we think that when we're angry at the other person, or sometimes we say, oh, I'm not going to forgive you. I determined I'm not going to forgive you. And then we think that we're going to punish that person. Actually, we're punishing ourselves, isn't it? We think that, I know someone, until the moment that the other person on the date, also this person said, no, I'm not going to forgive this person. Report an error

32:56 And then actually, the person who getting angry actually is, It's lots of suffering because getting angry itself actually is very draining. It drains lots of mental energy. It uses up lots of mental energy. When you have no energy, when you have mental energy is low, actually you really feel like, you know, it's depressed, you know. Nothing, you know. Report an error

33:19 You have lots of sadness, you know. That's why, you know, they drain all your mental energy. Of course, the moment you get angry, you feel alive. But then afterwards, It drains all your mental energy. And then we are the ones who cause ourselves more suffering. So they said we always choose to forgive, even no matter how many times, even no matter how terrible the person is. Report an error

33:45 They said it's important how you turn around, that it's okay. I know sometimes people tell me that they get upset when... Report an error

34:00 When they ask for forgiveness, apologize, and the other person refused to forgive, this person come and tell me that, you know, she said it really bothered me because I already apologized, already said that I'm sorry, you know, I shouldn't have done that. And I asked for forgiveness that this person decided not to forgive her. And then she said, how come? Report an error

34:21 How come you cannot forgive me? I already apologized. Then I told her, I said, why the person have to forgive you? It's the person's choice, you know, but as long as you do your part, then you leave it to the person. I said, it's okay. So I said, why don't you forgive her for not being, forgive this person not be able to forgive you always, you know, because actually for your own benefit, you know, and also develop like. Report an error

34:48 If someone have the kindness also, their content, is always very grateful whatever. If someone don't have, like the Buddha said, if someone always complain all the time, if someone always blame others for their own suffering, if someone have no gratitude at all, and someone like that, the Buddha said, they will never succeed in anything. Report an error

35:12 Because you don't see, you don't investigate, you see, you know. What's, you know, because you think there's nothing wrong with you, because everything is, you know, your problem is, you know, you complain, it's someone's fault, it's nothing to do with you. And you will not improve yourself, you will not see that what... Report an error

35:33 You will not investigate, you will never look in and see what causes you suffering. You know, remember when I was, I used to do that very often. Like the Buddha said, it's always good, the Buddha said that, you know, from time to time to reveal our own shortcoming and the shortcoming of others, to reveal our own achievement and the achievement of others. Report an error

35:56 Because this is how we, sometimes when we reveal that, okay, You know, that this is where we have done this, you know, shortcoming. Then actually we also remind ourselves and we see someone doing things like that, oh, I don't want to be like that person because we can see the suffering of others because it's very easy. Report an error

36:16 To see the shock coming of others, but very difficult to see ourselves. But sometimes it's also good that also we review our own achievement, so that we really appreciate ourselves. We love ourselves as we are. We love ourselves as we are, it's okay, you know. We appreciate, because sometimes we, many people that tend not to appreciate themselves. Report an error

36:40 They always think they're not good enough. You appreciate yourself. You really have to be always grateful and have the gratitude. If someone has no gratitude, so even you're in the best situation, you always think that it's not good enough, then you'll never be able to enjoy whatever you have. When someone has the qualities, they have the gratitude, then you always, whatever you have, It's always enough and more. But if you don't have that, and then you're content. And then you, if not, sometimes you keep looking for things, you know, that, you know, things that, you know, then constantly your mind very difficult to become peaceful. Report an error

37:25 Like the Buddha said, someone have the quality, have matter, someone is also naturally, you know, peaceful and calm. They say sometimes, you know, to love ourselves as we are. Report an error

37:38 I know sometimes people, you know, like they're really, you know, concerned about how other people look at them, whether other people like them or not. And then they try to please people so that, you know, they try to please others so that they like, they like, you know, the person will like us because we please that person. Report an error

37:59 We want to be liked. So sometimes we have to remind ourselves, you know, if other people liking us is a bonus, But we like ourselves, it's a real price. That make sure we love ourselves, we like us, we love ourselves as we are. Like the Buddha said, no one, you search in the whole universe, you try to find someone that deserves your love, there is no anyone else, it's ourselves. Report an error

38:29 I think many people, they tend to be quite, you know, Hush on themselves. Sometimes kindness is also have to include ourselves, be kind to ourselves, we love ourselves, we like ourselves. Other people like us, it's okay, it's bonus. But we make sure that we love ourselves, we like ourselves as we are. So if we have developed those qualities of kindness, then whatever happens to us, since we can't change whatever is going to happen to us, but at least we change our attitude, change the way we relate. Report an error

39:06 To the world, relate to whatever happened that, whatever problem that we have to deal with. And then this is how we change our life, you know. Then we become happier and more at ease. That's why this is how, if we be able to live in chaos with kindness, then you will change your life. You become happier and more at ease and at peace. Report an error

39:34 So I offer this for your dharma reflection. May this teaching be of benefit to all of you. Report an error

39:45 So any questions or comments? Yes. Report an error

40:07 Thank you, Ajahn, for your talk. With the difficult woman in Thailand, you reflected on non-self. Can you tell me how did you use the reflection on non-self to help you make your deliberation? So I reflect that, you know, that sometimes, like, sometimes she being, like, this person being conditioned. So sometimes, like, you know, some people, the way that, because the way they behave like that, and also she can't, because it's been conditioned, and she cannot help it, and also ultimately she's the one, and I reflect on karma, and ultimately she's the one who bear the responsibility of her own, So then, you know, and actually she is the one who will suffer. So that is how then I started to feel sorry for her that actually it's not me going to suffer. Report an error

41:09 It's the one that tried to harm, you know, that she's the one who, you know. Then I reflect that, you know, actually I also reflect on myself that, you know, actually... It's only sound, what the person said. It's not me. If someone call you pig, someone said you pig or said you crazy, whatever the person said, if someone like the Buddha said, someone give you rubbish or whatever, yucky thing, you can choose not to accept. Report an error

41:45 So I said I'm not entertaining, I'm not accepting. You know, and it's not me, it's not me and not mine, it's not about me. So when I reflect on that, I feel much better. You know, because sometimes they said, because if not, sometimes it's very difficult when you, you know, the mind go on and on, very difficult to become peaceful. Report an error

42:07 So then I started to see that, you know, that I have that compassion and kindness towards her, that because I see, Her suffering, the compassion is come from the understand that is the suffering. This person will also eventually, she cannot get aware. She have to responsible for her own action. Report an error

42:37 Hello Ajahn, I would like to ask you your experience of difficulties in life before you become a nun and how your view changed after you become a nun. How do you view stress, fear and all that now? Report an error

42:51 But actually, to be honest, you know, this question is, hello, Ajahn, I would like to ask your experience about difficulties in life before you became a nun, and how has your view changed after you became a nun? How do you view stress, fear, and all that now? Actually, I must say that, you know, even when I was young, actually, maybe it's come from my previous life, I'm always someone, always, you know, Report an error

43:33 If I keep thinking about things that make me unhappy, why I want to think of... I keep thinking on that, you know. So normally very easily, you know, I just forgive and forget, you know. And I just, okay, I only think of the things that make me happy. And sometimes I remember that sometimes people, you know, irritate me. Then I always make a determination. Report an error

43:56 I'm not going to talk to this person. Then after a while, I forgot. And then the person talk to me, that's supposed to hate that person. But then I just, it just... I think it's just come from my previous life. I'm just naturally, I don't really, you know, I don't really hold. Like, my anger go very quickly. Report an error

44:18 Like the Buddha said, some people anger. They are like writing on the water, it just goes away, and some on the sand, and some carved onto the stone. But for me, very fast I forget. I think I don't very easily, I don't hold grudges, I don't really holding on. And even when I was very young, and I think maybe partly it's come from my previous life. Of course, when it come to... Report an error

44:50 Come to become a nun, then after practicing, I have more understanding. And then they said sometimes that, they said when my, now the position that I'm in, you know, I have to, I not only have to listen to all the problems of all the lay supporters come to me, I also have to listen to all the problems of the nuns, you know. Report an error

45:20 But then, if I don't, Because also because of the practice it developed, because mentally you're not stable enough, you're very easily affected. I don't, for me, the moment I... Even in the dining hall, if people have a problem, I'm just like the rubbish bin that no bottom is going in. The moment I turn around, I go back, I leave it behind, I don't carry it with me. It doesn't affect me. I don't carry things with me. I just go back, fine. Report an error

45:55 Even whatever, I'm okay. This moment, I just fully focus here talking to them. But after I turn around, I leave it. I don't take with me, but it sticks because of years of practice, that because I don't carry this with me. But it's not happen overnight, you know. Because of course when I was younger, you know, I also, I do have problems, but you know. Report an error

46:21 Even when I decided to become a nun, And then I have to sell all my things, you know, then because I have to stop my business and with all the machinery, then I haven't find someone to, you know, I still have to pay the renter to store those things. And actually my family is more worried. Report an error

46:58 with me they said how come you haven't solved your problem and then how come you not worry about your problem and then you start planning go to Thailand I said, I put it aside. Because since I can't think of a way, you know, I put it aside. Then after I go, I told Thailand I come back. And then I find a way to resolve it, you know. Sometimes you just have to put down, you know, and to make yourself as peaceful as you can. Report an error

47:42 And then when you're peaceful, you come. And then there is always, you know, things you can resolve, you know. So that's it. This is the first question. Report an error

48:02 Sometimes people say that they can't sleep and things like that. I said, this has never happened to me. I can just, anyway, I can just sleep. Report an error

48:13 Questions from Bolivia. On right motivation, I thought that, yeah, pada, I have to taste like anger, but rather that tastes me like a negativity, helpless. So would it be possible that anger fits in the... Report an error

48:35 Yes, Report an error

48:39 because anger itself actually is a negativity, it's a negative emotion. So when negative emotion is always drains, you know, that your energy. And then when you become negative, you know, then whatever you see, you filter out, you become negative, you know. Report an error

49:10 So good wishes from UKT Ajahn. Parts of my personality, identity, tendency, etc. seems to resist the dharma. And I turn blind eyes to them. How can I reach this more resistant aspect of self? So, yes, actually this is resistant to us ourselves actually because we lack of that self. Report an error

49:39 Self-love, we don't love ourselves enough. It's good to develop more mettā. So develop more mettā, practice mettā. That will help to develop loving kindness towards oneself. This is how, because when we have the resistance, we choose not to see. see you know we we just this is how like One of the spiritual qualities is that truthfulness. Truthfulness is not about not telling lies, not cheating others. Actually, it's more like the Buddhist is more referred to, we are lying to ourselves. Report an error

50:26 We are not being honest to oneself. That's why we learn to come to a place of acceptance. Accepting who we are. So it takes a bit of practice. It's not going to just happen overnight, you know. And it actually takes a lot of practice. So to develop more mettā towards oneself, you know, and that will help. Questions from Denmark. I'm curious that it is skillful to watch the news and follow the things that are happening in the world, like what is happening in Ukraine, U.S. Report an error

50:57 politics, etc. Sometimes, you know, listening too much, especially, it's going to affect you. Then, you know, and then you don't feel at ease and at peace. So it's best not to watch too much, because especially, I remember there was one student, she was studying psychology. And then she would do the practical part. Report an error

51:28 That after that she come to me and she said she decided not to become a psychologist because she said too hard. Because she said when she do the practical part, she said I have to listen all these negative things. She said it really affect me, you know. I'm not going to live my life, I'm not going to have this as my profession, I have to always, you know. Report an error

51:49 She said she can't deal with it. So they said sometimes if you can't deal with it, you know, especially it's, Sometimes to me, sometimes with the news, I just look at the heading, I don't really into too much detail, just know what's happening, and not so much. Report an error

52:13 But actually all these things happen all the time, it's not only now, isn't it? It repeats itself again and again, you know, all the wars going on, not only now, you know, even thousand years ago, there's always war. But normally I even I try not to be because anyway I can't change and then especially if that's going to affect you know your mental state like for example like some people come to me they said that you know like sometimes people like to do air things you know. Report an error

52:52 To make them feel better, but then they said that after listening, I mean, they tried to be kind, they want to be kind, they listen, but then after listening, they said they go back, they really disturb their mind. So if it's going to disturb your mind, so it's better off to protect yourself. So, you know, that sometimes, then I told that person, I said, you just have to say no to that person because... Report an error

53:21 Kindness is also include yourself. You have to be kind to yourself. Because you're kind to others, then you're not kind to yourself. Because she said after listening, it affects her. And she go back, her mind like, you know, go on and on thinking all the negative things, you know, because it's really, she got affected. So they said if you get affected, it's better not into too much, you know. Report an error

53:44 Following things that are happening in the world, especially with the politics and with the wars and things like that, it's not that we don't care. But if it's going to affect our own well-being, then we have to protect ourselves. Any more questions or comments? One more question, Ajahn. I'm just trying to understand the difference between acting out of fear. Report an error

54:12 acting out of fear. There are two types of fear that I can sort of feel. One is like you've done a mistake and you're guilty and then probably you're trying to get out of it or somehow you act with the fear. That's one type of fear. The other one I sort of think is you are fear of making a mistake. So the one you fear of making mistake. Report an error

54:58 Because it's also come from a sense of self. We are not accepting who we are. We are not accepting the fact that we are not perfect. The fact that we make mistake. So sometimes it's okay that even we make mistake. Because when we make mistake, we learn. Because when we have fear, then you don't dare to do it. Report an error

55:22 Like you don't dare to try at all. And sometimes it's okay to make mistake. That is being accepting who we are. Because we are not accepting who we are. Report an error

55:37 So that is important. Last time when I was in early days, for me, sometimes I got upset with myself that even I'm making a mistake, so I think I shouldn't make mistake. Then actually the reason why I got upset because of the sense of self, the ego thing that I shouldn't have made mistake, I should be perfect, I should be good. Report an error

56:01 I'm making mistake that I'm not good enough. Then until I really struggle so much, until to come to a place that you know because of the practice is slowly i come to a place of accepting accepting accepting who i am it's okay that's okay let's face it i accept that yeah i'm not perfect i still make mistakes it's okay to make mistakes Report an error

56:23 This has come to a place of acceptance. And the first one is what? First one is like you already committed some, you know, fault and... Report an error

56:49 you, you know, you try, the fear is come from someone know that what you have done and then you get punished, you get, you know, but then sometimes Sometimes even though you try to lie to the whole world, deep down you know that this is where the forgiveness comes. Forgive yourself. Report an error

57:10 Forgive yourself for what you have done. For example, I make that mistake, I forgive myself. That's why we don't encourage people to beat oneself up or try to get away. Report an error

57:27 Fear that people will know what you have done. Yeah, people don't know, but you know. Deep down we know, we can lie to the whole world, nobody knows what we have done, but we know what we have done. And that really, you know, we can lie to the whole world, and try to get away, because we have fear that people will know what we have done. Report an error

57:53 But then, actually deep down we know what we have done, isn't it? We can never get away, so it's always forgive ourselves. Report an error

58:01 Forgive ourselves. That's why this is where the loving kindness come in matter. We accept ourselves as we are. We forgive ourselves the mistake we have made. Because the Buddha do not encourage us to carry the guilt. Report an error

58:19 And then forgive ourselves. Sometimes you have to... learn to practice that. Sometimes when there are things that really bother you, before meditation, you just sit there, you just bring to mind all the things that you have done, that you know that it's not something that is right, then you forgive yourself. Report an error

58:57 Ajahn Hasapanna, thanks for the really wonderful talk. Thank you. You talk about our problems in life. Yeah. The Buddha was telling us that our problems, you know, doesn't come from outside, comes from inside, you know. Inside us, you know. Don't you think, you know, our problem comes because we've been putting negative thoughts into our mind, you know. Okay? Report an error

59:26 You know, okay? When you think good, you feel good. When you think bad, you feel bad, okay? So too much negative thoughts, this thing, make us feel there's a problem. So we have to learn to calm down, and then we can see a better picture, put in more positive thoughts, to up ourselves. Report an error

59:48 We have to practice that. They say sometimes all these things that people ask these questions, you cannot just change overnight, it takes lots of practice. It's just like, you know, like the Buddha's... Where the Buddha said, you know, the thoughts create our own world. So if we always have negative thoughts, and then we become negative, so what we see, we project outside, everything is negative. Report an error

1:00:21 So that's why if we think, if we develop that positive qualities, so that's why the Buddha said that when this is unwholesome thoughts, The Buddha said that you don't pay attention. If you pay attention to those that are negative, you thought that actually it's unwise. The Buddha called this unwise attention. So you don't pay attention. Because when you pay attention to that, you condition your mind. This is how the Buddha said, you know, like our thoughts manifest into speech, like inner speech, you know, we think about it, you know, that you keep, you know. Report an error

1:00:58 In a chapter we talk about it, from speech, and then from speech we manifest into action, into deed. And then we're repeatedly doing the same thing, it become a habit, the Buddha said. This is how we've been conditioned. So our conditions become a habit. So when it's become habit, they say it's non-self, it's been conditioned, it's a habit. Report an error

1:01:22 So when we see that it's non-self, because we know that someone has this habit, it comes from, sometimes the condition not only come from this life, they come from previous life also. They carry that from, you know, to a previous life, you know. Also, Ajahn Hasapanna, one more thing, yeah. Don't you think our problem also comes from our ego, you know? Report an error

1:01:44 Too much ego, we fail to, like, if only we can have empathy, you know. put ourselves in the other person's shoe then we can a lot of problems can be solved like the world problem in the moment it's too much ego Report an error

1:02:02 Sometimes when you suffer, you start to investigate why you suffer. I can tell you, it's never outside the sense of self itself. It comes from the sense of self that causes the suffering. That's why the Buddha said, there's only, you know, that when you decide what... you can only not to come back when you be able to see non-self but non-self is not that you are not there because we take everything as me and mine like like whatever we experience it's come and go it won't stay but But we identify as me and mine. We identify all the experiences, feelings, whatever we experience, we take it to this belongs to me, this is I am. Report an error

1:02:49 For example, if someone depressed, actually depressed come and go. If you leave it alone, it will stop. But then we identify I am depressed. So we have to live up to. If we are not depressed, it's no longer me. And that is where, that is very difficult. That is because of the, most of the time, most people can't see. Report an error

1:03:16 Consciously, they are not aware of that, but subconsciously, they are really holding on. Because the Buddha said, when it becomes a habit, it's so difficult. It's like the habit is like an addiction. You're addicted to that. You know there is no good, but you can't help it. You still will do it. You know there is no, you know. Report an error

1:03:39 This is the practice is that you have to recondition. That's like when this underlying tendency being flat up, you've been triggered, you not to react to that. When we react to that, we are feeding it. That it become... More, we are reinforcing it. But when we are not reacting towards it, and then this is how little by little, it will become less and less intense. Report an error

1:04:09 And this is where slowly, you know, you will wear out. It's just like you don't, like the oil lamp, you know, the flame will continue to, it will continue, you know, the flame will be still there. Because you keep adding on oil. So it's just that when we react to that, we keep adding on fuel to that. So when we are not reacting, not feeding it, eventually no more fuel and it stops. Report an error

1:04:39 Those habits will stop. Thank you. Any more questions? Report an error

1:04:50 Then we just thank you for listening. Report an error

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Talk by Ajahn Hasapanna, recorded 28 October 2025. Original at Buddhist Society of Western Australia: https://podcast.bswa.org/e/how-to-live-with-kindness-ajahn-hasapanna-24-october-2025/. Licensed No license stated; shared with the archive's knowledge (courtesy note). Transcript generated automatically and may contain errors; the audio is the authoritative version.

Listen on Buddhist Society of Western Australia · No license stated; shared with the archive's knowledge (courtesy note)