Anxiety and Tensions in the Body

0:00 This evening, I would like to talk about a controversial subject, anxieties. The subject came up because of a few things that happened in the last month or so. So I took a two-week retreat, personal retreat, to celebrate my 60th birthday. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:31 Truth be told, I'm not a natural meditator. I struggled for the last 10 years coming to the monastery. Primarily because I have a lot of back pain, or I had. And over the years, sitting down, relaxing, sitting down, relaxing, it kind of slowly subsided and I think healed, I hope. And this last two weeks, which was in May, Report an error in the passage at 0:31 Highlight the passage at 0:31

1:00 It was interesting because there I was, I was sitting as I do, and these aches in the back, on the right-hand side of my back, between the shoulder blades and I suppose the bottom rib, you could hear cracks and you could hear muscle tensions. And it was this, not a sharp pain, but a very dull, yucky discomfort. And of course, for most people, you would keep moving and moving and then... Report an error in the passage at 1:00 Highlight the passage at 1:00

1:32 At some point you'll say, ah, this is not working, and then you get up and go do walking meditation instead or something. But this time I decided, okay, let's sit with it, just as we did just now, and see what happens. Report an error in the passage at 1:32 Highlight the passage at 1:32

1:45 We sit with kindness, watch, watch, watch. And it got more and more uncomfortable, and after a while, you kind of get used to it. So, okay, leave it there, leave it there. Make space, let it relax. And after a while... At the end of the hour, I got up and went about my own, whatever, make myself a drink and all that. But interestingly, a lot of the discomfort never came back. Report an error in the passage at 1:45 Highlight the passage at 1:45

2:25 And I had this kind of experiences before. You know how if you're doing deep stretches with your body, the initial stretching, especially if you haven't exercised for a while, it feels rather painful, very uncomfortable. But if you hold the stretch, Stay with it for a while. The next time you come back and stretch again, your body is a bit more flexible and you're more comfortable. And so that was the idea in my head and I tried it and it kind of worked. Report an error in the passage at 2:25 Highlight the passage at 2:25

2:56 My hypothesis, having studied a bit of biology, is that perhaps during those moments that I sat with it calmly, My neurons that were holding those muscles had time to rewire themselves, had time to troubleshoot and reprogram, I hoped. Report an error in the passage at 2:56 Highlight the passage at 2:56

3:18 But yes, since then, I actually enjoy sitting a lot more. It's more fun, more pleasurable. And then I went, I had this commitment to talk to a friend who is going through a bit of trouble. He's having therapy, trying to solve childhood issues. And then he was telling me something quite not Report an error in the passage at 3:18 Highlight the passage at 3:18

3:54 strange. So he's a graduate of Ajahn Brahm's nine-day retreats. He has done several. He's come to stay at the monastery before. Report an error in the passage at 3:54 Highlight the passage at 3:54

4:04 But for half a year now, as he's going through this therapy, old stuff comes up and he... He struggles to sit still. He finds it so unbearable that he has to keep on moving. He would be cleaning the toilet for a few hours at a go. And if he had free time, he'd be peeling potatoes for dinner. And if he had free time again, he would pick up the phone. Report an error in the passage at 4:04 Highlight the passage at 4:04

4:35 And he tries to stay off computer games. Worst of times, when it's really uncomfortable inside, he would turn on the computer and play Dota or something, and he knows playing Dota is bad for his mental health, but at that time of discomfort, that was the source, that one comforting thing that he could find. Report an error in the passage at 4:35 Highlight the passage at 4:35

4:58 So, as we were talking, I said, alright, let's try this. Close your eyes, sit, and we did. Basically what we did for the last half hour. What do you feel? Report an error in the passage at 4:58 Highlight the passage at 4:58

5:19 Discomforts. Emotional discomforts. And sit with it for a while. Try and understand what's driving it. If there might be anxieties. And if there's anxiety, try and understand the story. Where does it come from? And he could see. Good thing that he is a meditator or was a meditator. He could identify the two kids, the five-year-old former self and the nine-year-old former self or something like that, and they are throwing a tantrum inside. Report an error in the passage at 5:19 Highlight the passage at 5:19

5:57 And what's the story? Not sure, not sure. Report an error in the passage at 5:57 Highlight the passage at 5:57

6:06 It's as if the kids were trying to create this discomfort so that he doesn't look inside. Report an error in the passage at 6:06 Highlight the passage at 6:06

6:16 Then I proposed that hypothesis to him. Is it? Is it possible that they are trying to get you out of here? And he said, yeah, that sounds like what they're trying to do. Is it the case that the therapy is at the point where they're going to be exposed and dealt with? And then, yeah. Report an error in the passage at 6:16 Highlight the passage at 6:16

6:45 So the kids probably feel like they're going to be blamed, going to be... Identify as the trouble, source of all the trouble. But of course, you know, even in Australian law, you are a minor until you're what, 16? Report an error in the passage at 6:45 Highlight the passage at 6:45

7:10 Or something like that. You're not responsible for your actions until you're 16. So whatever the kids have done wrong, it's not their fault. Or they can't be held liable for their fault. Report an error in the passage at 7:10 Highlight the passage at 7:10

7:22 So it's something that the 5-year-old doesn't know. Something that the adult knows. But because the inside doesn't know, therefore all these anxieties reside in there and they colour his day in dramatic ways. Report an error in the passage at 7:22 Highlight the passage at 7:22

7:51 So he felt much, much better after that half hour sit, having sort of understood what's going on. Report an error in the passage at 7:51 Highlight the passage at 7:51

8:07 Whether it's right or wrong, but it's one explanation which he now believes possible. And that helped him calm down a lot. Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:17 And so happens, after that, I had two days later, it was my turn to go to Karnat prison and talk to the guys there. So I sat with them and we do a 90-minute session, close to 60 minutes of which is meditation. Report an error in the passage at 8:17 Highlight the passage at 8:17

8:39 So I told them the same story. I had my own two-week retreat. I had my back problem and then I had this friend who... And I suggested, okay, as we sit, which is where I learned, discovered this technique. When you have a tightness in the body, see if there is an emotional anxiety related to it. Report an error in the passage at 8:39 Highlight the passage at 8:39

9:09 A lot of times, even in my own past, when I try and let go of muscles, let go of knots, let go of tightness, it doesn't let go. It's hard to let go, it's persistent. But now, after that one session at CarNet, I now realise, hey, quite often there is an anxiety that stops the muscle from letting go. Report an error in the passage at 9:09 Highlight the passage at 9:09

9:37 You have to let go of the anxiety first. And that was interesting. Report an error in the passage at 9:37 Highlight the passage at 9:37

9:45 So now here's coming back from that discovery. I started asking, wait, wait, wait, hang on. What did the Buddha say about anxiety? How come in the suttas as we read it, doesn't speak about anxiety very much? Or did I miss something? Do you remember reading in the suttas, anxiety? Not very much, right? Report an error in the passage at 9:45 Highlight the passage at 9:45

10:24 Yeah, but suffering is such a big thing. So I was looking to the sutta for an answer how to deal with anxiety. So I searched. Nowadays, the nice thing about the current generation is you can digitally search anxiety and the computer tells you, right? Report an error in the passage at 10:24 Highlight the passage at 10:24

10:46 And one of the first things I did was reverse search the dictionary. Report an error in the passage at 10:46 Highlight the passage at 10:46

10:53 Normally, dictionaries give you Pāli word to English explanation. Now here's an English word, give me the Pāli word. And it turns out to be Kukucha. Some of you Pāli scholars will know Udacha Kukucha is very frequently translated as restlessness and remorse. Familiar? And it is identified as number four of the five hindrances. Report an error in the passage at 10:53 Highlight the passage at 10:53

11:28 Normally, we speak of the first two hindrances, which is Kamacandra, sensual desires, and bhaya pada, which is anger, ill will. And generally we say between sensual desire and ill will, that one pushes you, one pulls you. But now I realise, this anxiety is one strong factor of disturbance. Report an error in the passage at 11:28 Highlight the passage at 11:28

12:01 And it's... I don't know if I can say that it's unfortunately translated as remorse. In our English language, when we say remorse, we typically think of you have done something naughty, therefore you feel guilty and now you're remorseful, right? That's what remorse means, I think. If a judge... Sentence listens to your case. He will look at your face and decide whether you're remorseful or not and then decide what sentence to mete out. Report an error in the passage at 12:01 Highlight the passage at 12:01

12:39 But here was, I think, a better indication of what actually hinders the meditation. Anxiety. I think that makes more sense. The anxiety that prevents you from being happy here and now. Report an error in the passage at 12:39 Highlight the passage at 12:39

13:04 That kicks you around having to vacate the here and now. Does that feel right? Report an error in the passage at 13:04 Highlight the passage at 13:04

13:19 It was right for that friend of mine. It was right for a few of the guys in Carnet. They told me so. And so Report an error in the passage at 13:19 Highlight the passage at 13:19

13:34 here's the next question. Where does anxiety come from? What creates it? Report an error in the passage at 13:34 Highlight the passage at 13:34

13:43 Obviously, anxiety... Again, in the English language, it says that we are worried that something will happen. That's why we are anxious. Make sense? Report an error in the passage at 13:43 Highlight the passage at 13:43

13:56 I'm anxious that when I grow old, nobody will take care of me. I'm anxious that I might run out of money. I'm anxious that I have no place to stay next week. I'm anxious that my salary doesn't get into my bank end of this month. I'm anxious I might lose a job. I'm anxious my boss might scream at me tomorrow for whatever. Report an error in the passage at 13:56 Highlight the passage at 13:56

14:20 You're worrying about a future that hasn't happened yet and may not happen. And unlike remorse, you actually haven't done anything bad yet. Report an error in the passage at 14:20 Highlight the passage at 14:20

14:37 But you're already fearful it might go wrong. Report an error in the passage at 14:37 Highlight the passage at 14:37

14:45 And then when you fear these things, that anxiety level stays there and you go through your day carrying that anxiety. Of course, there are times when There is a reason to be anxious. You actually don't think you have done a very good job with that report. So yes, there is a likelihood boss will read the report tonight and tomorrow call me into the meeting room and say, and you expect something unpleasant to happen. Report an error in the passage at 14:45 Highlight the passage at 14:45

15:23 But there are other times when nothing bad is anticipated, or at least nothing is on the calendar, but you're expecting something bad anyway. Report an error in the passage at 15:23 Highlight the passage at 15:23

15:37 And then you still feel anxious. And then these are anxieties tied not so much to activities on the calendar, but your view of the world. Report an error in the passage at 15:37 Highlight the passage at 15:37

15:54 Nobody likes me, so I'm in a yucky place. Nobody respects me, I'm in a yucky place. And the world is out to harm people. The world is unfair. World War III is happening. place Report an error in the passage at 15:54 Highlight the passage at 15:54

16:14 I may lose the comfort of living in Perth within the year. Few prices are going up, I'm going to be bankrupt by whenever. And your, I suppose the English word is catastrophizing. You are anticipating something will go terribly wrong, so you have this. Report an error in the passage at 16:14 Highlight the passage at 16:14

16:42 And it is a hindrance. The Buddha says, kukucha, hindrance number four. So, uh... I suppose starting from now that I've learned this, I invite you to, when you sit for meditation, to watch the anxiety level inside. So here's a suggestion. You've heard Ajahn Brahm's Piso Meter before. Scale of 1 to 10, how peaceful are you? Report an error in the passage at 16:42 Highlight the passage at 16:42

17:16 And quite often we can do that. We know how peaceful we are. What I notice is most of us don't know how anxious we are, how tightly we hold something inside. We can watch how peaceful we are, but when we are jittery, we are blind to our jitteriness somehow. Report an error in the passage at 17:16 Highlight the passage at 17:16

17:45 Except when you close your eyes and look inside. Close your eyes, look inside. If you're comfortable here and now. Your anxiety level is probably not very high. If your anxiety level is high, somehow this place is yucky. Your mind runs. Report an error in the passage at 17:45 Highlight the passage at 17:45

18:09 That's a good indication, I think. Now, if you look around people, I like studying people from afar. Pleasant people I don't mind. Difficult to talk to. And thinking about this anxiety, now I realize why. Report an error in the passage at 18:09 Highlight the passage at 18:09

18:31 Anxiety is contagious. Believe it or not. If you're in a room happily having a coffee and then somebody carrying anxiety walks in, you Report an error in the passage at 18:31 Highlight the passage at 18:31

18:46 somehow get infected. Yes? No? And then if you try and have a conversation, sometimes, not all the time. Okay, so different people carry anxiety differently. Some people carry anxiety with anger and then it's hard to talk to. Some people carry anxiety with a lot of complaining, pointing out the dangers here, the unfairness there, the evilness here, the unfriendliness there. Report an error in the passage at 18:46 Highlight the passage at 18:46

19:26 And if you don't share that view, then that conversation doesn't go very much. When the anxiety is high on the other side, there's very little chance for you to be able to shift that view. Report an error in the passage at 19:26 Highlight the passage at 19:26

19:50 In my own experience anyway, when anxiety is high, if you can't help that person calm down the anxiety, that person can't hear you, right? Report an error in the passage at 19:50 Highlight the passage at 19:50

20:06 So, yeah, Report an error in the passage at 20:06 Highlight the passage at 20:06

20:13 watching people with anxiety then tells me something else. I think about, imagine a pot of water, right? If that pot of water you collect from the... From that point, to get it to boil, you got to keep it on the stove for quite a while before you see any bubbles. Report an error in the passage at 20:13 Highlight the passage at 20:13

20:39 But if you have a pot sitting on the stove slow and it's simmering, it doesn't take very much for it to boil over. Turn up the fire and three seconds later, it's frothing all over, right? And you get the impression that people with anxiety is a bit like that. Report an error in the passage at 20:39 Highlight the passage at 20:39

20:59 You don't know... When you might trigger that person into anger, trigger that person into a depression, a meltdown. Report an error in the passage at 20:59 Highlight the passage at 20:59

21:13 And sometimes now I wonder if a lot of our mental health issues is because the baseline anxiety is too high and Report an error in the passage at 21:13 Highlight the passage at 21:13

21:29 whether we can lower it collectively, individually and collectively. Of course, you guys are the lucky ones who get to come and sit here on a Friday night and relax. Report an error in the passage at 21:29 Highlight the passage at 21:29

21:47 Then I thought about this modern pop psychology thing. They talk about good stress and bad stress. You heard about that one? Especially if you are a parent and you're raising children and the argument is children need to go through a little bit of stress to learn because that's what the world is. They will experience stress later in life. So you let them practice. You give them good stress. Report an error in the passage at 21:47 Highlight the passage at 21:47

22:16 Don't give them bad stress. Then you start thinking, what's the difference between good stress and bad stress? Report an error in the passage at 22:16 Highlight the passage at 22:16

22:29 Is it the nature of the stress that is different? Or is it the nature of the response that is different? Report an error in the passage at 22:29 Highlight the passage at 22:29

22:45 In my mind now, I'm thinking, some kids can handle more stress than others, some kids less. Adults likewise, some adults can handle more stress, some adults less. stress. Report an error in the passage at 22:45 Highlight the passage at 22:45

· · · silence, 1 minute

22:58 I guess a big part of it depends on how you're conditioned and how you respond to the bad news of the world. That tells you whether it's good stress or bad stress, I think. If you are constructive in your response, if you find out, oh, something happened, the roof is leaking, it's going to rain tomorrow, stress. Report an error in the passage at 22:58 Highlight the passage at 22:58

23:31 And you go out there and quickly fix the roof. Yes, you felt the stress and you went on and did what was necessary. You might be wet all over, you might catch a chill, you might catch a flu. But you fixed it, you feel good about it. And for most of us, we call that good stress. If you went there and you saw the roof and you think, oh, why me? Why again? Report an error in the passage at 23:31 Highlight the passage at 23:31

24:02 And then you go into a... again Report an error in the passage at 24:02 Highlight the passage at 24:02

24:04 And then you now start to realise conditioning. Report an error in the passage at 24:04 Highlight the passage at 24:04

24:41 It's probably the determinant of how much anxiety you carry, how you respond to the world, how you respond to the bad news especially, and the challenges. Report an error in the passage at 24:41 Highlight the passage at 24:41

25:00 Of course, if you are more resourceful, if you are better skilled, you know how to fix roofs, you know how to talk to people, you know how to negotiate with your boss, chances are you will encounter less stress. Report an error in the passage at 25:00 Highlight the passage at 25:00

25:19 On the other hand, it's also possible that the anxiety causes us to be less skillful in our interactions. Report an error in the passage at 25:19 Highlight the passage at 25:19

25:34 If you're anxious and you have to talk to your boss or you have to talk to the contractor, you will start frowning and you'll start squeezing up your face and frowning. And then the conversation becomes very uncomfortable for the other party. And your conversation probably is not going to resolve a lot of issues. Report an error in the passage at 25:34 Highlight the passage at 25:34

26:04 Brene Brown, many of you will know her for her TED Talk. She was talking about guilt and shame and stuff like that, but she made one comment that stuck in my head. Report an error in the passage at 26:04 Highlight the passage at 26:04

26:19 Blame. So she noticed people blaming one another, and she decided to define that word. With what she saw rather than what the dictionary said. And she said this, blame is the mechanism, the thing you do to discharge the discomfort that is inside. Report an error in the passage at 26:19 Highlight the passage at 26:19

26:47 To put it on somebody else. At least to try and put it on somebody else. And this discomfort is anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 26:47 Highlight the passage at 26:47

27:00 The roof is leaking. He's going to charge me 600 bucks. It's like... And you need to discharge that discomfort somewhere. And you would blame somebody for it. The boss is going to tell you something about your report. But I don't want to carry that discomfort. I need to blame somebody. Report an error in the passage at 27:00 Highlight the passage at 27:00

27:29 The garbage man this morning, therefore my report came out this way. Something like that, right? And so innocent bystanders get blamed. Report an error in the passage at 27:29 Highlight the passage at 27:29

27:44 I wonder now sometimes, a lot of arguments between people who are stuck in relationships, husband and wife, parents and kids, brothers and sisters or whatever, bosses and workers, workers with workers, you're stuck, you're carrying the anxiety, and you're not skillful enough to address the root issue, but you still need to... Report an error in the passage at 27:44 Highlight the passage at 27:44

28:17 Discharge that discomfort. And then we do unskillful things. Blaming rather than taking responsibility. Report an error in the passage at 28:17 Highlight the passage at 28:17

28:34 Shouting. Report an error in the passage at 28:34 Highlight the passage at 28:34

28:38 So, yeah. If only we could cool down, let go of their anxieties and be the cold pot of water rather than the simmering pot of water to allow ourselves responsibility Report an error in the passage at 28:38 Highlight the passage at 28:38

· · · silence, 1 minute

29:00 A lot more headroom to actually have a difficult conversation and solve problems, to Report an error in the passage at 29:00 Highlight the passage at 29:00

29:12 solve problems internally as well. We know there's a discomfort inside. First reaction is push away the discomfort, but get past that first reaction, sit with the discomfort. Report an error in the passage at 29:12 Highlight the passage at 29:12

29:30 You kind of know that you can't quite push it away. Especially old stuff, old thoughts, old quarrels, all this and that, it won't go away. Report an error in the passage at 29:30 Highlight the passage at 29:30

29:44 It will stay there and in the end, you, the attention, has to be the one that steps away in order to escape it. You can't be in the here and now to enjoy this moment. Report an error in the passage at 29:44 Highlight the passage at 29:44

30:01 So rather than to try and push it away and push yourself out, sit with it with kindness, with compassion. Make space, give it lots of safe time, space to let go. Of Report an error in the passage at 30:01 Highlight the passage at 30:01

30:28 course then, having Report an error in the passage at 30:28 Highlight the passage at 30:28

30:34 experienced the discomfort of anxieties, the next thing the wise person will do is to avoid the root causes of anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 30:34 Highlight the passage at 30:34

30:52 Two, one as we said, if it hasn't happened yet, then There's a good chance you don't have to worry about it. If it hasn't happened yet and it's not likely to happen, then worrying for the most part is a waste of time. Report an error in the passage at 30:52 Highlight the passage at 30:52

31:15 On the other hand, if something has happened and it's something that you can't quite fix, it's too far back in history, the person who you had that bad interaction with is no longer around, you're not meeting that person anyway. Then holding this anxiety inside, it's also a waste of time. What for? Report an error in the passage at 31:15 Highlight the passage at 31:15

31:45 So Ajahn Brahm comes up with this very popular talk that says, four ways of letting go. Report an error in the passage at 31:45 Highlight the passage at 31:45

31:55 Don't carry it around. If you do carry it around, it's infectious. And if people know it's infectious, they'll stay away. Report an error in the passage at 31:55 Highlight the passage at 31:55

32:07 And I kind of realized also, The people who are low in anxiety tend to be able to smile more. People who can't smile, have difficulty smiling, carrying a lot of stuff. I noticed this when my dad left my mum. For years, my mum could not smile. And we would be there, all the three kids, the three kids kind of like were on her side. Report an error in the passage at 32:07 Highlight the passage at 32:07

32:43 And we would go back for Chinese New Year and sit down together, have our reunion dinner with her. And then we say, all right, let's do a family photo. Mom, smile. Report an error in the passage at 32:43 Highlight the passage at 32:43

32:55 Mom, say cheese. And she had difficulty. And fortunately now, many years past, dad has passed away now. And she is able to smile a fair bit more. Report an error in the passage at 32:55 Highlight the passage at 32:55

33:16 And I invite you also. To check yourself if you can smile. If you can't, what is stopping you? Whatever it is, let go. Report an error in the passage at 33:16 Highlight the passage at 33:16

33:34 So I think those people who treat stress as good stress tend to have a better approach to life. Even when you know the world is going to end tomorrow, you still go out and plant a tree today. That kind of attitude. Even if you know things are going to all go pear-shaped tomorrow, we'll still have a good dinner tonight and enjoy company around you. Report an error in the passage at 33:34 Highlight the passage at 33:34

34:09 Makes sense, right? Yeah. So, anyways, yeah, that's what I have to say. Report an error in the passage at 34:09 Highlight the passage at 34:09

34:31 Yeah, I think that's about all the message I have for this evening. Perhaps question? I must... Say something else, I guess. Sometimes when I imagine, if I offer a view like that, then the question come up, how do we solve the problem if that person is still this and this person is still that? What if my situation is still bad? What do I do next? I suppose the good thing is you guys are all in PSWA and you hear all these discussions. Report an error in the passage at 34:31 Highlight the passage at 34:31

35:09 discussions and This one session isn't intended to solve all the problems, it's just to highlight that sometimes we have mental habits that are not very useful, of holding anxieties, holding on to bad memories. And Ajahn Brahm tells this story specifically about the farmer, whether the farmer that collects the eggs or the farmer that collects the poo. Report an error in the passage at 35:09 Highlight the passage at 35:09

35:39 And this is what we do, you collect the poo and you keep it, What if the poo turns bad or what if the poo doesn't? And it just stinks up the house and stinks up the clothes. Report an error in the passage at 35:39 Highlight the passage at 35:39

35:55 Let go. If I can convince you that much, that would be good. Okay, any questions? Report an error in the passage at 35:55 Highlight the passage at 35:55

36:10 Yes? Report an error in the passage at 36:10 Highlight the passage at 36:10

· · · silence, 1 minute

36:44 Venerable Radha, I wonder if there is a connection or a directly proportional relationship between sense of self, And at least some of the reasons for anxiety? You are anxious only if you have a huge sense of self, isn't it? Yes, indeed. Anxieties, as we were saying earlier, when you kind of worry about things go wrong, I also notice that anxieties happen quite often to people who want a specific outcome. Report an error in the passage at 36:44 Highlight the passage at 36:44

37:05 indeed. Report an error in the passage at 37:05 Highlight the passage at 37:05

37:25 I want my boss to think of me highly. I want to be loved. I want to have other people respect me. I want this job to be done properly. Indeed, if you are... And that sense of wanting is the one that you fear you get disappointed. Report an error in the passage at 37:25 Highlight the passage at 37:25

37:53 Indeed, if you are... More loose about stuff. Okay, we need to fix the roof, but I don't have a particular outcome so long as it stops dripping. Whether you stick a plastic sheet on it, you do a proper roof tile, or whether you put a... Some people are more relaxed about stuff and they don't seem to get so anxious. Report an error in the passage at 37:53 Highlight the passage at 37:53

38:18 Some people want it done exactly. How come the tile is slightly different colour from the next tile beside it? And then they make a fuss of it. And then they get anxious, well, I've been calling the contractor for the last whole week and he's ignoring me. A common story. But, yeah, so this need for a very specific outcome tends to drive it, I think, from my observation. Report an error in the passage at 38:18 Highlight the passage at 38:18

38:51 Yes, indeed, if you read the suttas, it will tell you that the Arahants, We'll not get anxious. That's right. There are our hands already. See through the whole thing. It's all empty anyway. Why are we struggling? Report an error in the passage at 38:51 Highlight the passage at 38:51

39:13 There is this other part in the suttas. This is called the Dhat Sutta in Samyutta Nikaya 36.6, I think. One of my favourite. It explains a very unusual concept. Report an error in the passage at 39:13 Highlight the passage at 39:13

39:36 He says, okay, we get, so the Buddha asked his monks, what's the difference between a learned disciple and a common unlearned person? Report an error in the passage at 39:36 Highlight the passage at 39:36

39:51 When both of them will feel pleasant feelings, both of them will feel unpleasant feelings, and both of them will feel neutral feelings. But what's the difference? And the Buddha went on to say, the ignorant one, When something hits you, something goes wrong, you say, oh, that's unpleasant. And then you go on to feel, who did this? Report an error in the passage at 39:51 Highlight the passage at 39:51

40:21 Who's the, I need to go and, and then you feel an emotional hurt in addition to the physical hurt. And then the Buddha says, the learned one will know, okay, there's a physical hurt, leave it there. Don't get upset about it. And then you don't feel the emotional hurt. Report an error in the passage at 40:21 Highlight the passage at 40:21

40:43 But why? What's the reason behind that? Buddha goes on to say this, the one who is ignorant does not know the escape from that pain, doesn't know the origin of the pain, doesn't know the cessation of the pain. Report an error in the passage at 40:43 Highlight the passage at 40:43

41:10 The learned one will say, okay, that pain is because of the dart. If you detach your body from it, from your mind if your mind from the body you won't feel the pain anymore if you stop blaming the world if you understand the world sometimes go right sometimes go wrong and you go with the flow you don't get so upset the emotional hurt the mental hurt is not there Report an error in the passage at 41:10 Highlight the passage at 41:10

41:44 interestingly the Buddha goes on to say the ignorant one because he doesn't know how to Let go of the emotional pain, goes on to look for pleasures as an escape, Report an error in the passage at 41:44 Highlight the passage at 41:44

42:02 thinking that if I have something pleasurable, this pain will go away, which of course we know you will now have both the nice feeling as well as the painful feeling. Report an error in the passage at 42:02 Highlight the passage at 42:02

42:19 When this one wears out, this one is still here. Report an error in the passage at 42:19 Highlight the passage at 42:19

42:26 And then, even more interestingly, The Buddha says, for the ignorant one, the neutral feeling is boring, is a pain, is not nice. Report an error in the passage at 42:26 Highlight the passage at 42:26

42:42 For the learned one, the neutral feeling is very pleasant to hang out in, which was what you did just now with the in-breath and your out-breath. Report an error in the passage at 42:42 Highlight the passage at 42:42

42:57 It's effectively something very neutral, but if you learn how to... appreciate it, it feels nice. The only difference is you learn how to appreciate it. Report an error in the passage at 42:57 Highlight the passage at 42:57

43:14 And after a while, when you have learned how to appreciate being neutral, being unperturbed, you stop getting anxious. You stop looking for trouble with the world. Report an error in the passage at 43:14 Highlight the passage at 43:14

43:35 I'll try and explain this on Sunday during the... Thank you. Thank you, Venerable. Report an error in the passage at 43:35 Highlight the passage at 43:35

43:49 Venerable Radha. Thanks very much for your talk tonight on anxiety. Anxiety is fear of the unknown, isn't it? Fear of the unknown. You see, anxiety and stress, they go almost hand in hand. If we leave it too long, it will fall into depression. Report an error in the passage at 43:49 Highlight the passage at 43:49

44:16 Once we reach depression, we bugger up the whole system here, this thing. And it's hard to get up again this thing. Yes. So here's what I observe. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

44:33 Fear, there's an imminent danger. You're afraid that this danger will eventually result in harm to you. So fear there is an object in front of you. Anxiety, the object is a bit further away. The risk is actually lower. You don't know whether it's actually going to hurt you or not. And you're worrying more for a small risk. Report an error in the passage at 44:33 Highlight the passage at 44:33

45:08 And then depression happens when you feel helpless. You can't do anything about it. You think, oh, gone case. No hope. it's probably Report an error in the passage at 45:08 Highlight the passage at 45:08

45:22 That's the question behind. Can I just say something? You see, anxiety, we all have it. And if you have anxiety, the best thing to come to is here, temple, Buddhism. The Buddha gave us a lot of tools in it. So can I ask, anxiety, not knowing is a disturbing feeling. Not knowing that, what's before that for me? Report an error in the passage at 45:22 Highlight the passage at 45:22

45:48 What's going on? All these things. You go to see doctors. They can't help you. They only can give you all these pills, you know. The, the, the, what you call the, like, like Valium all to take, you know, all these things, you know. And the side effect too, okay. So what the Buddha told us, thanks big boss Buddha, you know, okay. Thank you, big, big, big, big boss, you know. Report an error in the passage at 45:48 Highlight the passage at 45:48

46:10 It helped me, it helped me a lot, I think, you know. It comes from knowing, you know, this anxiety. or stress which I have this okay it comes from something happening you know which is not good you know okay and then we keep harping on it you know and it's not good this thing mind you know you think good you feel good you think not good you feel not good you know so the anxiety is from the mind you know all these things you know okay knowing this half the battle is gone we've already you know solved the problem with it the other one it needs is just the tools you know Report an error in the passage at 46:10 Highlight the passage at 46:10

46:54 And then it means to not be attached by, you know, all these like the extremes. It means praise, blame, you know, all the things. And many other tools, you know, patience, tolerance, understanding are the highest virtues. Sorry. So what do you think all this? Yes. Report an error in the passage at 46:54 Highlight the passage at 46:54

47:17 Yes, a lot of tools. Anyway, someone is waiting now. Thank you very much for the wonderful talk. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 47:17 Highlight the passage at 47:17

47:27 Yes. Hi, so I'm totally not an expert on this. Just correct me if I'm wrong, right? But I just kind of read the research about the mechanism of anxiety, or at least what modern psychologists talk about, and also how, well, Fundamentally, it comes from Buddhism. So it's really about survival. So there's an ancient part of the brain, right? An ancient part of the brain that's activated when something happens, when there's danger. Report an error in the passage at 47:27 Highlight the passage at 47:27

48:16 Yes. And that's sort of this... Familiar term that knows as a fight or flight. Yes. All right. So, okay, that's been activated. This is a danger. Now, that's not the end of it. So, there's a mechanism in the mind that amplifies that. So, there's a danger, there's a thinking about the danger, there's a loop, there's a loop, there's a loop, there's a loop. Report an error in the passage at 48:16 Highlight the passage at 48:16

48:46 So, the mind is, well, it is a survival mechanism. to you know to react for the danger it can be all sorts of dangers um um but um okay so let's assume i've got i've got an i've got a knee pain yes all right so i've got a knee pain and my mind tells me oh there's a pain there's a problem there's a danger uh my mind's drawing me to think about the pain, the problem and amplify and create that cycle of this. There's the physical impact but also there's the psychological. Report an error in the passage at 48:46 Highlight the passage at 48:46

49:33 Yes. Yes. Yes. so, okay. And that sort of amplifies itself. It's sort of a loop. Yes. Okay, so now there's a powerful... Report an error in the passage at 49:33 Highlight the passage at 49:33

49:50 Magic of meditation, yeah? So, at least, and I kind of already, and I also experienced it myself, where, alright, so now, okay, I sit comfortably and I experience the pain. But I have this ability to step out of myself and look at this pain from a third party. Report an error in the passage at 49:50 Highlight the passage at 49:50

50:17 I look from the side and I can kind of... Kind of a separate this, you know, I can have a, this is the physical component of the pain, but I can reduce slowly, but just observing the pain, I can reduce that psychological effect, those loopholes, and then I just stay with the physical pain. Now, I'm not talking about the applying kindness to that area of the knee. Report an error in the passage at 50:17 Highlight the passage at 50:17

50:51 That's therapeutic by itself, and then that probably heals the physical component of it. I'm just talking about the third party, looking at that pain as a third party and remove or at least reduce or cause that diminishing. But what I found, but sometimes it can be a lot more complicated. Report an error in the passage at 50:51 Highlight the passage at 50:51

51:22 Sometimes there is pain that comes from a childhood. Say, take a household where there is a domestic violence. And that pain is not a physical pain. It's an emotional pain that is deeply engraved. It's very difficult to let go. It's not as simple. I understand. Report an error in the passage at 51:22 Highlight the passage at 51:22

51:54 I mean, it's probably a psychological thing, but it's also in the body, within yourself. It's very difficult. That's where I find it really tricky. I find it a lot more complex. Indeed. So the mechanism of letting go now, what we were dealing with, what we did in the meditation was for the easier stuff. Report an error in the passage at 51:54 Highlight the passage at 51:54

51:51 understand. And, and. Report an error in the passage at 51:51 Highlight the passage at 51:51

52:20 The more complex stuff, I imagine therapy works better, or at least works concurrently. Report an error in the passage at 52:20 Highlight the passage at 52:20

52:33 It's a lot of that. Okay, the root cause of anxiety is what the Buddha might call underlying tendencies and views. What you believe, how you understand the world. And those understanding colours your feelings and your perception. Report an error in the passage at 52:33 Highlight the passage at 52:33

52:53 If I see the world as a dangerous place, then I will behave according to that. If I believe that people are unfriendly to me, I will be very careful talking to people. If I believe that all those guys over that side are all burglars, then I will have my anxieties, right? Report an error in the passage at 52:53 Highlight the passage at 52:53

53:18 And conditioning at childhood goes very deep. That I must say, yes. So this friend of mine who's going through therapy now is also dealing with five-year-old stuff and nine-year-old stuff and stuff like that. Report an error in the passage at 53:18 Highlight the passage at 53:18

53:40 What the Buddha has taught is useful for to help understand all this stuff. The dharma is pretty much explanation of the workings of the mind and trying to Push it towards peace. Push it towards quietness, stillness. But it is not designed to address complicated childhood issues. Report an error in the passage at 53:40 Highlight the passage at 53:40

54:19 But it will help. Okay, any other questions from the floor? Yes. Thank Report an error in the passage at 54:19 Highlight the passage at 54:19

54:34 you very much. Very nice instructions by the way. Thank you for the breath meditation. I liked it very much. Thank you. The question is quite simple actually. What to do as a Buddhist around people that are anxious? You mentioned that anxiousness is contagious. So that's one viewpoint is how to defend yourself, I guess, and then how to help the other people. Report an error in the passage at 54:34 Highlight the passage at 54:34

55:04 I mean like generally what to do around... People that are anxious, and let's say that I'm not anxious in a particular situation, but people around are anxious. What to do? There's this sutta I came across about one year ago, and I gave a sutta class, mentioned it anyway. So the Buddha was talking to his monks. He says, okay, as you practice in a monastery, you obviously observe other monks who... Report an error in the passage at 55:04 Highlight the passage at 55:04

55:37 In your eyes, misbehave or do the wrong things. And quite often, if you are the righteous type of person, you want to go and tell the junior monk off, you shouldn't do this, that's not how it's done around here. Report an error in the passage at 55:37 Highlight the passage at 55:37

55:54 But the Buddha said, before you jump into that, please consider, is that person, judge that person on two qualities. Is that person? Report an error in the passage at 55:54 Highlight the passage at 55:54

56:11 Does he have strong pride? Will he get hurt by your telling him? And two, is he likely to listen to you? Does he respect you enough to take your opinion? And he says, if this monk is very amenable, takes instructions, listens, and he will, on listening to a good instruction, will immediately change, like this fellow monk here who is in, by all means, go and talk to him. Report an error in the passage at 56:11 Highlight the passage at 56:11

56:47 If he's got pride but he will still listen, go and talk to him. It's worth your trouble, even if he gets a bit hurt, for you to talk to him. Okay, so he doesn't have pride but he's stubborn in his views. If you think you can change his mind, go and talk to him. It takes you two hours to argue, to explain. Two hours is a small thing compared to a good monk. If he's going to get hurt and he's still going to argue, Report an error in the passage at 56:47 Highlight the passage at 56:47

57:20 But in the end, he will still change. Go and talk to him. All that trouble is still worth it. On the other hand, if you think at the end of the whole thing, he's still going to be the same. Report an error in the passage at 57:20 Highlight the passage at 57:20

57:35 The phrase I remember very clearly, Bhikkhu Bodhi's translation, do not underrate equanimity. Do not go and disturb your own peace. Report an error in the passage at 57:35 Highlight the passage at 57:35

57:54 If this person is angry, anxious, have a judgment. Do you think that person respects you enough to listen to you? Do you have the skill enough to convince that person or help that person? But how to help? Report an error in the passage at 57:54 Highlight the passage at 57:54

58:15 This one I learned from Ajahn Brahm. Report an error in the passage at 58:15 Highlight the passage at 58:15

58:21 Scolding, putting down, denigrating somebody, getting back, Revenge doesn't help. It might stop a behaviour for the short term, but it doesn't change anything inside. Report an error in the passage at 58:21 Highlight the passage at 58:21

58:41 So if you want to help, the thing to do is first hold a safe space to have an interaction. If you can't have a civil conversation, you're wasting your time. If you have a civil conversation, there's a chance that... Something constructive will come out. Report an error in the passage at 58:41 Highlight the passage at 58:41

59:10 Thank you. Shall Report an error in the passage at 59:10 Highlight the passage at 59:10

59:15 I answer the online questions? Anxiety, it can become a habit and almost feels like a default in the mind. What can we do when we want to focus on the breath in meditation but anxiety is in the background? Report an error in the passage at 59:15 Highlight the passage at 59:15

59:30 In such a situation, the anxiety is the loudest squeaking wheel. Take care of the anxiety first. Report an error in the passage at 59:30 Highlight the passage at 59:30

59:41 Attend to the anxiety. Hold space. Let it calm down. And then when it's relaxed, continue with the meditation. My suggestion, use the breath as your partner in dealing with anxiety. I have found that this Ajahn Brahm's method of having breath as your friend is really helpful. You know how it is when you go into a new place, a strange place, you walk into a Buddhist centre where everybody keeps quiet, sits. Report an error in the passage at 59:41 Highlight the passage at 59:41

1:00:18 Still like this and you might wonder, how come there are no friends here? But if you came with a friend of your own, you won't feel so awkward and strange. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:18 Highlight the passage at 1:00:18

1:00:30 If you sat in meditation and you think, oh, I've got to do this alone, you might feel a bit lonely. But if you sat in there, oh, my breath has come to greet me again, how nice. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:30 Highlight the passage at 1:00:30

1:00:45 And then you deal with your anxiety. With that friend next to you. That's how I do it and that's how I've been teaching the guys in Karnet prison to do it. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:45 Highlight the passage at 1:00:45

1:01:00 Surprisingly, they all sit for one hour and we have to stop because the guards need me out of there by the end of that hour. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:00 Highlight the passage at 1:01:00

1:01:10 Otherwise, we'd carry on. The last few days, I felt pretty overwhelmed due to thinking too much on the dharma until I decided to relax my thought process. Was that letting go? Yes. But thinking too much on the dharma, that's a strange one. Overwhelmed by thinking too much about the dharma. Perhaps it's not the dharma that you're overwhelmed with, but other dilemmas that the dharma has surfaced. The dharma itself is supposed to be a very calming thing. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:10 Highlight the passage at 1:01:10

1:01:51 But yes, that was letting go by relaxing for a while. Don't push yourself too hard. The Dharma process, despite the Four Noble Truths talking about suffering, the path itself is one of joy. Few people know that, but if you look at the good meditators, they're all smiling. How can we heal from anxiety using the Buddhist techniques? Come for more meditation, learn to let go, relax, do kindness. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:51 Highlight the passage at 1:01:51

1:02:25 One thing I would... kindness. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:25 Highlight the passage at 1:02:25

1:02:28 One observation I will point out. You notice amongst all the crowd that comes to Dhammaloka, the Thai crowd that goes over there on Saturday for lunch and Sunday for lunch, they don't seem to have anxiety. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:28 Highlight the passage at 1:02:28

1:02:46 Why is that? In Report an error in the passage at 1:02:46 Highlight the passage at 1:02:46

1:02:56 addition, my hypothesis is that they have friends, lots of friends, right? Report an error in the passage at 1:02:56 Highlight the passage at 1:02:56

1:03:11 The Thai people somehow just have lots of friends. Whereas I see... The rest of us seem to sit alone, come alone, go back alone. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:11 Highlight the passage at 1:03:11

1:03:27 So yes, we are amongst kind people, people who come to Dhammaloka. I also understand a lot of us come to religion because of troubles. But do enjoy the company, the friends. And that way you won't feel so lonely. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:27 Highlight the passage at 1:03:27

1:03:49 People in Dhammaloka think. Most of us, obviously we are all human, will hold space for each other, hold a comfortable, gentle, peaceful space for each other. Of course, if you came in here and you saw that gentle, peaceful space and you unload all your anxiety on everybody, of course then somehow the Thais managed to instill this culture among themselves. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:49 Highlight the passage at 1:03:49

1:04:26 Amongst each other. And I suppose that's part of the Buddhist path. We should try and do this for each other as well. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:26 Highlight the passage at 1:04:26

1:04:38 Yes. Make peace, be kind, be gentle. Practice the Brahma Biharas. Matter to everybody. Compassion to everybody. That's part of the Buddhist method. Of course, meditation. Be sensitive to what's going on inside. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:38 Highlight the passage at 1:04:38

1:05:01 Apply the sīla. Don't create more causes for anxiety. Create causes for friendship and peace and stillness. That's the Buddhist techniques. Okay, Report an error in the passage at 1:05:01 Highlight the passage at 1:05:01

1:05:20 sadhu. Okay, I guess no more questions. Let's pay our respects to the Buddha. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:20 Highlight the passage at 1:05:20