Identity (page 37)

0:01 Satsang with Mooji Satsang with Mooji Report an error in the passage at 0:01 Highlight the passage at 0:01

0:34 Sotavantabhamunjanthusadam. So Report an error in the passage at 0:34 Highlight the passage at 0:34

1:01 we have one week left of this vata. The next service day will be the pavarana. So this is my 35th vata, nearly Report an error in the passage at 1:01 Highlight the passage at 1:01

1:23 complete. So Report an error in the passage at 1:23 Highlight the passage at 1:23

1:37 this is a convention. Report an error in the passage at 1:37 Highlight the passage at 1:37

1:41 This is a form that we use, the sense that I have 35 vasas. If I said that to somebody that wasn't a Buddhist, they wouldn't know what I was talking about. Report an error in the passage at 1:41 Highlight the passage at 1:41

1:54 I've got 35 vasas. Report an error in the passage at 1:54 Highlight the passage at 1:54

2:00 I was a samanera for one vasa before that, speaking a whole new jargon. Report an error in the passage at 2:00 Highlight the passage at 2:00

2:14 Until the time, in the sense of... Is there anyone that really has any vases, or is it, you know, is there a real Ajahn Sumedho or Prat Sumedho that has 35 vases that was a samanera and before that was a layperson? And so this is like questioning and reflecting, and it's so easy to assume all kinds of things from our... Report an error in the passage at 2:14 Highlight the passage at 2:14

2:49 the memories that we hold and the conventions that we identify with those words like identify is uh i like because it's how we we see you know we identify with the body we look at the body and say this is mine so that identity with it and with the memories my memories my vases when i was this or that and This whole sense of a self arises, of being a person, being American, or its identity with, that's just a perception, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 2:49 Highlight the passage at 2:49

3:41 That's a convention. Is there really anything to be American here? You know, the question, is the body American or is the... Report an error in the passage at 3:41 Highlight the passage at 3:41

4:00 There's a memory, you know, I have a memory, a perception, where the identity is with that word Americans. It's an empty form, isn't it, when you really investigate it. There's nothing to it, really, because Report an error in the passage at 4:00 Highlight the passage at 4:00

4:21 at this moment there's nothing, there's no core, there's no heartwood, there's no... Solid center or no essence or no substance. It's merely like foam, bubbles, our identities. Report an error in the passage at 4:21 Highlight the passage at 4:21

4:41 And so it's like dreams or illusions that this realm that we identify with and we hold to as reality is really illusory. Report an error in the passage at 4:41 Highlight the passage at 4:41

4:55 And so our dream world, when we go to sleep and we dream, are they less real than this dream right now? Because when you're dreaming, they seem real enough. This seems real enough if I identify with it. But if I reflect on it, this reflective ability, this awareness, Report an error in the passage at 4:55 Highlight the passage at 4:55

5:27 noticing the way it is, then there's reality, there's awareness and consciousness, there's intelligence, but it's not. It's not identified with. I make no identity. I don't call it mine. They're not personal. Report an error in the passage at 5:27 Highlight the passage at 5:27

5:59 So it's learning to say, recede, to go out of that turning wheel, to get yourself off the wheel into the center, into the still point, the way that which you can't get beyond. Report an error in the passage at 5:59 Highlight the passage at 5:59

6:26 So how do you know that? Through this awareness, like in this retreat. And all our life now, as some of us, they have the purpose of our taking on this form, Buddhist monastic form. What are you doing it for? What is your intention? To create more illusions and to identify or to use it? As an expedient means, something, a tool, a skillful means or expedient means that encourages this awareness, this awakened state, attention reflecting on the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 6:26 Highlight the passage at 6:26

7:17 It Report an error in the passage at 7:17 Highlight the passage at 7:17

7:28 can be rather scary because emotionally we can feel very threatened now because of this impending sense of war in the world and the way everything is kind of winding and winding itself up have a big war against evil the terrorists now we've got an enemy and it the terrorists and and this is kind of thrilling kind of exciting to the emotional to our emotions that's also threatening Report an error in the passage at 7:28 Highlight the passage at 7:28

8:11 But in many ways, on the level of our illusions, this goes along with the way we, the illusions we have in life, isn't it? How we're kind of programmed to think in terms of enemies, good and evil, right and wrong. Report an error in the passage at 8:11 Highlight the passage at 8:11

8:31 And this sense of what's good, we're on the side of what's right. we're, you know, we're... We don't identify ourselves as terrorists. I am a terror. Report an error in the passage at 8:31 Highlight the passage at 8:31

9:01 I identify as being a terror. Maybe they should come and shoot me then. A terrorist, they don't even pronounce it terrorists generally. So this is, you know, the thing of we don't identify that. The United States, they don't think of themselves as terrorists even though they terrify a lot of people. The way they blasted Serbia, and I hear they're constantly bombarding Iraq. You know, they never get Saddam Hussein, he's too clever, they just get kind of innocent bystanders, and the ones who aren't terrorists. Report an error in the passage at 9:01 Highlight the passage at 9:01

9:47 And yet they call them fighting for rights, and for the law, and for what's just, and freedom, and so this is... And then the terrorists, they're fighting for the purity of Islam or whatever, some kind of convictions they have in regards to their particular position. Most Report an error in the passage at 9:47 Highlight the passage at 9:47

10:19 probably coming from very strong sense of we are right, you're wrong. And of course we can demonize, it's easy to demonize, you know, in the Western press make the kind of Middle Eastern Report an error in the passage at 10:19 Highlight the passage at 10:19

10:37 When you see a Middle Eastern person now, you know, we can demonize them so that, you know, they're all, you know, potential terrorists with some kind of horrible weapons and intention to destroy us, to destroy our security, our sense of safety, the sense of ourselves, our goodness, our society, freedom, our religion, democracy. Report an error in the passage at 10:37 Highlight the passage at 10:37

11:10 All its good, American Report an error in the passage at 11:10 Highlight the passage at 11:10

11:16 values, Report an error in the passage at 11:16 Highlight the passage at 11:16

11:20 justice and liberty and happiness and all the rest they want to take it away from us. And so then we can, you know, all we can feel when we get caught into that way of thinking is, you know, we've got to really fight against them, protect ourselves from these horrible people. Report an error in the passage at 11:20 Highlight the passage at 11:20

11:42 And they no doubt create the same delusion around us. So, I mean... Who's right and who's wrong? And then you get into another fight, you know, where each one's totally convinced the other is wrong. But when you look at it through reflection, it's all an illusion, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 11:42 Highlight the passage at 11:42

12:10 You know, is there anyone, any person, any condition that is absolutely right or absolutely wrong? wrong or that Can right and wrong and good and bad be absolute? Report an error in the passage at 12:10 Highlight the passage at 12:10

12:27 Good is the prerogative of us, the Western democracies, and wrong is the way those Islamic fundamentalists are, those Middle Eastern people, those Arabs, those Muslims, and all and all like this. When you dissect it, when you put it, really look at it, In terms of the way it is now, there's nothing to it. It's foam on the sea. It's soap bubbles. Report an error in the passage at 12:27 Highlight the passage at 12:27

13:06 And yet this is how we can get ourselves completely caught up into these illusions, to sacrifice our life for an illusion, to try to protect our identities, our positions, our territory. Report an error in the passage at 13:06 Highlight the passage at 13:06

13:29 We're very territorial. I think this England here belongs to the English. Report an error in the passage at 13:29 Highlight the passage at 13:29

13:42 And so then when we take that apart, does this plot of land here say it's England? You know, does that earth, when I walk, Joan will stand outside and the earth comes up and says, you're walking on me, England. Never said that, ever. Report an error in the passage at 13:42 Highlight the passage at 13:42

14:04 But I say, I'm walking here in England. So I'm the one that's calling it England. Report an error in the passage at 14:04 Highlight the passage at 14:04

14:13 And that is an identity, a conventional identity, isn't it? That we all agree to call this plot of land, you know, England. Report an error in the passage at 14:13 Highlight the passage at 14:13

14:24 But it's not really that. It is what it is. And yet we'll fight over it, isn't it? We'll fight, you know, we'll torture, we'll commit the most atrocious acts over territory. Quibble about, you know, one inch of property. On a border. Report an error in the passage at 14:24 Highlight the passage at 14:24

14:49 Or like Israel, you know, they're fairly convinced that God gave Israel to the Jews. It doesn't belong to those Palestinians because God gave it, you know, how many years ago, 3,000 years ago or something, to the Jews. Report an error in the passage at 14:49 Highlight the passage at 14:49

15:10 So it's their land. Report an error in the passage at 15:10 Highlight the passage at 15:10

15:15 So then that's... That they all agree to look at it like that and so then they have a power behind that belief around that illusion. When you pick it apart, there's nothing to it. It's nothing. The land doesn't belong to anybody. It is what it is. And I claim, even though I can, if I own land, I legally, you know, I buy a plot of land and they say this, Legally, in the law books, this belongs to Ajahn Sumedho. It doesn't really. Report an error in the passage at 15:15 Highlight the passage at 15:15

15:58 It's just a convention. Our belief in the legal system is something to depend on. Report an error in the passage at 15:58 Highlight the passage at 15:58

16:12 So when we bind ourselves to these conventions and these illusions, then of course we're in for trouble because these are... You know, these are so unstable and not in the line with dhamma so that we end up, you know, wasting our lives around trying to increase this sense of identification, to increase the sense of it's mine and it belongs to me and I want to protect it. Report an error in the passage at 16:12 Highlight the passage at 16:12

16:48 I want to hand it down to future generations. All and on like this into the sense of future lives, the generation that follows, and we create the whole realm of illusion and Report an error in the passage at 16:48 Highlight the passage at 16:48

17:09 personality and identity with the perceptions that we create in our mind, which arise and cease, which have no real core to them, no essence. Report an error in the passage at 17:09 Highlight the passage at 17:09

17:31 You know, we can be very threatened when these illusions are threatened. First, questioning the reality of my personality scared me to death. Report an error in the passage at 17:31 Highlight the passage at 17:31

17:45 When I started questioning, even though I wasn't particularly, I didn't have particularly, you know, high, overly confident, high self-esteem, I'd never been prone towards seeing myself in kind of Megalomaniac perception, usually the opposite, very critical, self-critical, but even then I felt very threatened when that security, that confidence in being this screwed up personality was being threatened. Report an error in the passage at 17:45 Highlight the passage at 17:45

18:30 Because there is a stability, even, you know, like you find people that are identified with kind of illnesses or Negative things like alcoholics or being identified with some kind of mental disease like paranoia or passive aggressive personality or schizophrenic or whatever. These give us a sense of we know what we are. Report an error in the passage at 18:30 Highlight the passage at 18:30

19:08 And we can justify our, you know, the way we are. We can say, you know, I can't help the way I am. I'm a schizophrenic or whatever. And that gives us a sense of allowing us to be a certain way. And maybe a sense of confidence or stability in the fact that we, you know, our identities are labeled. Report an error in the passage at 19:08 Highlight the passage at 19:08

19:38 And we all agree to look at you in this way, with this label, with this perception. Report an error in the passage at 19:38 Highlight the passage at 19:38

19:52 So you realize the kind of courage it takes to question, to allow Report an error in the passage at 19:52 Highlight the passage at 19:52

20:05 the illusory world that we've created to kind of fall apart, like a nervous breakdown or something, where the world falls apart. The security it offers, the safety, the confidence that we gain from that illusion starts cracking, falling apart. It's very frightening. Report an error in the passage at 20:05 Highlight the passage at 20:05

20:35 And yet, within us, there's something that guides us through it. What brings us into this life, into monastic life usually, is some intuitive sense, a sense behind the sense. Report an error in the passage at 20:35 Highlight the passage at 20:35

20:53 An intelligence behind all the knowledge and cleverness of our mind. And Report an error in the passage at 20:53 Highlight the passage at 20:53

21:09 yet we can't claim it on a personal level. We always have to let go of the personal perception. Report an error in the passage at 21:09 Highlight the passage at 21:09

21:21 Because as soon as we claim it, you know, like I am the absolute or that, then on this level of personality, you know, then it... Then we're creating another illusion again. So instead of claiming or identity or attachment, we begin to recognize, to realize or recognize the way it is. That's where this practice of awareness, sati sampatanya, paying attention, being, in other words, it's going to the center. Report an error in the passage at 21:21 Highlight the passage at 21:21

22:09 To the center point, to the position, the puto position, the Buddha position, like this Buddha image, and it's the still point. If you look at this, this Buddha rūpa, that represents, that's a symbol, that's an image representing the human form in the still point. Report an error in the passage at 22:09 Highlight the passage at 22:09

22:44 So then, the encouragement to... In what we call meditation, this word meditation can mean all kinds of things. It's a kind of word that includes any kind of mental practices, good or bad. But when I use this word, what I'm using it for is that centering, that sense of establishing, going, resting in the center. Report an error in the passage at 22:44 Highlight the passage at 22:44

23:22 And the only way that one can really do that, you can't do it if you think about it and try to analyze it. You've got to trust in just a simple act of attention, of awareness. Report an error in the passage at 23:22 Highlight the passage at 23:22

23:44 And it's so simple and so direct that our complicated minds get very confused. What is he talking about? I don't see any still point. I've never found a still point in me. Report an error in the passage at 23:44 Highlight the passage at 23:44

23:57 When I sit and meditate, there's nothing still about it, but Report an error in the passage at 23:57 Highlight the passage at 23:57

24:05 there's an awareness of that. Even if you think you've never had a still point, or you're a really confused, messed up character that really can't meditate, trust in the awareness of that very perception. Report an error in the passage at 24:05 Highlight the passage at 24:05

24:28 That's why I encourage whatever you think you are to think it deliberately. You know, what the kind of perceptions you have of yourself. So that they're not just kind of habitually kind of going through and you're just trying to believe, either believing them or trying to get rid of them. Because the more we try to get rid of our personalities, the more confused we get. You assume you've got to get rid of your personality in some way. Report an error in the passage at 24:28 Highlight the passage at 24:28

25:04 Because it's an illusion. And then you're caught in another illusion. That I'm someone who has a personality that I got to get rid of. So I'm the personality that's got to get rid of my personality. Get nowhere, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 25:04 Highlight the passage at 25:04

25:25 Ridiculous. So it's not a matter of getting rid of, but of knowing. Report an error in the passage at 25:25 Highlight the passage at 25:25

25:42 Be a personality then. Really, really... Intentionally, take it to absurdity. That's a lot of fun. Take your personality to where it's totally absurd and listen to it. But your relationship is not one of identity but of recognizing this is, I'm creating this personality. Report an error in the passage at 25:42 Highlight the passage at 25:42

26:10 This is a changing condition. I can't create any kind of personal I deliberately Report an error in the passage at 26:10 Highlight the passage at 26:10

26:50 think, I am a mess. perception that lingers or stays. Report an error in the passage at 26:50 Highlight the passage at 26:50

· · · silence, 1 minute

26:56 A screwed up person that needs to meditate in order to become enlightened in the future. I think that. But I'm listening to it. I'm deliberately thinking it. And I'm investigating it. So I'm deliberately, I've created that perception. Report an error in the passage at 26:56 Highlight the passage at 26:56

27:20 Something like it's not, you know, I've chosen to think that and I can hear myself thinking it. That which is aware and listens to that perception. Report an error in the passage at 27:20 Highlight the passage at 27:20

27:34 I don't create. It's not a creation, is it? I create this perception, but that which is aware of this perception. Report an error in the passage at 27:34 Highlight the passage at 27:34

27:54 So you can investigate and begin to know the difference between awareness and thinking. Report an error in the passage at 27:54 Highlight the passage at 27:54

28:07 What is the still point, the center, the point that includes? Report an error in the passage at 28:07 Highlight the passage at 28:07

28:18 So this kind of thinking is reflective, isn't it? I'm just asking myself this question to bring attention to this. Report an error in the passage at 28:18 Highlight the passage at 28:18

28:30 I'm not looking for an answer in terms of somebody to give me an answer to that question, but that's a reflective question that brings my attention. It helps me to focus, to be aware. Report an error in the passage at 28:30 Highlight the passage at 28:30

28:46 And the more I pay attention, the more I recognize in this still point there's this resounding, Sound of silence. Report an error in the passage at 28:46 Highlight the passage at 28:46

29:06 And I didn't create that. It's not a creation of mine. It's not like I can't claim sound of silence is some kind of personal creation of mine. It belongs to Ajahn Sumedho. It's like trying to claim the air or the space. It all belongs to me. All the space in the world is like a ridiculous thing. Report an error in the passage at 29:06 Highlight the passage at 29:06

29:38 So the person, you know, you can't create a person around it. You can only be the sense of being, this still point, resting, opening, and allowing the personality, the body, the emotional habits that arise, the thoughts that we have. Report an error in the passage at 29:38 Highlight the passage at 29:38

30:07 Our relationship to them now is is understanding or embracing rather than identifying. As soon as we identify with it, you know, we have a negative thought and then it hooks us. I feel some negative feeling and I go again being critical and negative about somebody and I shouldn't do that. I've been a monk all these years and how can I stop doing that? I've lost it. I'm back in the... I've identified with a negative thought and it triggers off all kinds of feelings of despair or I shouldn't be like this. Report an error in the passage at 30:07 Highlight the passage at 30:07

31:01 I shouldn't think like this. A good monk should love everybody. And then you suddenly stop that. Report an error in the passage at 31:01 Highlight the passage at 31:01

31:13 There's a... Back in the center again. Report an error in the passage at 31:13 Highlight the passage at 31:13

31:21 So you recognize it is no matter how many times you go out on the wheel, it's just a very simple act of attention to be back in the center. It's not a state, you know, it's not that difficult or remote or precious. We're just not used to it. We're used to being on the turning wheel. We're used to going around and around and becoming all kinds of things. Report an error in the passage at 31:21 Highlight the passage at 31:21

31:50 We're used to that. We're used to delusions, fantasies, dreams. We're used to extremities. Report an error in the passage at 31:50 Highlight the passage at 31:50

32:03 And so what we're used to is we're inclined to do that. If we're not attentive, if we're not vigilant, then we easily fall back into the turning wheel because we're used to that. And even though we suffer in that turning wheel, we're used to it. Report an error in the passage at 32:03 Highlight the passage at 32:03

32:28 You know, when Report an error in the passage at 32:28 Highlight the passage at 32:28

32:34 we aren't aware, we aren't vigilant, attentive, then we easily fall back into that, into the realm of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 32:34 Highlight the passage at 32:34

32:49 But then the good part is that the more we develop awareness, cultivate this awareness, then those habits, the things that we're used to, we start kind of deprogramming. Report an error in the passage at 32:49 Highlight the passage at 32:49

33:09 We're not feeding those illusions anymore. We're not believing. We're not following. We're not resisting. We're not making any problem about the body as it is or the memories or the thoughts or the habits or the personality we have. We're not judging or condemning or praising or adulating or exaggerating anything. It is what it is. Report an error in the passage at 33:09 Highlight the passage at 33:09

33:41 And as we do that, then our identity with it begins to flip away. We Report an error in the passage at 33:41 Highlight the passage at 33:41

33:51 no longer seek identity with our illusions. We've broken through that. We've seen through that illusion of self, what we think we are. Report an error in the passage at 33:51 Highlight the passage at 33:51

34:07 And then our inclination is towards this center point, this bhutto, this buddhist. Buddha position. Report an error in the passage at 34:07 Highlight the passage at 34:07

34:36 So trusting this, if you keep, you know, it's something you can really trust. That's why I keep saying this, just encouraging it. Because part of us doesn't trust, you know, when you think about it, you don't trust it. Or, you know, you can get very confused because other people will say other things. Report an error in the passage at 34:36 Highlight the passage at 34:36

35:01 You'll hear all kinds of opinions and views about meditation and Buddhism and all that. And within this Saṅgha, there's so many monks, nuns, there's so many views and opinions. Report an error in the passage at 35:01 Highlight the passage at 35:01

35:15 It's a matter of learning to not get, you know, learning to trust yourself, the ability to be aware, rather than Then think, well, I'm not good enough to really trust myself. I've got to develop the jhānas first. I've got to purify my sīla first. I've got to get rid of my neurotic problems and my traumas first before I can really meditate. Report an error in the passage at 35:15 Highlight the passage at 35:15

35:56 And if you believe that, then that's what you'll have to do. Report an error in the passage at 35:56 Highlight the passage at 35:56

36:04 But if you begin to see what you're doing, that very illusion, and Report an error in the passage at 36:04 Highlight the passage at 36:04

36:14 you can trust in that, just the simple recognition, it's not even condemning the illusion. It's not even saying you shouldn't do those things. I'm not saying you shouldn't purify your sīla or resolve your emotional problems, go to therapy or whatever. I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of these things or you shouldn't develop the jhānas. Report an error in the passage at 36:14 Highlight the passage at 36:14

36:38 is I'm not making any statement about should or shouldn't, but pointing to something you can trust. the awareness. Report an error in the passage at 36:38 Highlight the passage at 36:38

36:57 sampatanya here and now Report an error in the passage at 36:57 Highlight the passage at 36:57

37:08 So if I should say, one of you should come to me and Ajahn Sumedho, I'm really screwed up. You know, I was very badly treated when I was a child and I'm... Report an error in the passage at 37:08 Highlight the passage at 37:08

37:19 I've got so many neurotic problems and fears and I need to, you know, really, you know, go to therapy and get these things straightened out in some way because I can't really meditate the way I am. And I say, well, yeah, you should. You know, you're really screwed up. Report an error in the passage at 37:19 Highlight the passage at 37:19

37:45 And I think you should go to a therapist and straighten yourself out first and then meditate after that. Would that be very helpful? Would I be pointing to the still point? Or would I be perpetuating your own self-view? Even that view might be right on a worldly limb, not saying you shouldn't. Report an error in the passage at 37:45 Highlight the passage at 37:45

38:26 So this is the best, not to tell you, like say, you are this way or that way, You know, not to give you some kind of identity to attach to, but to kind of empower you or encourage you to trust in your own ability to wake up, to pay attention. Report an error in the passage at 38:26 Highlight the passage at 38:26

39:06 Then that, you know, whether you, you know, the result of that, I don't know. I mean, I'm hoping it'll be, you know, a good one. Report an error in the passage at 39:06 Highlight the passage at 39:06

39:20 But it's true, you know, it's not, your true identity isn't with any condition, you know, pointing to the present, the pachubananamma. Report an error in the passage at 39:20 Highlight the passage at 39:20

39:38 Now that, then we grasp that idea, so then we think, we don't need to do all those things, we don't need to be monks or nuns, we don't need therapy, we don't need, you know, we can just meditate, the pure meditation will solve all our problems, and then we grasp that. Report an error in the passage at 39:38 Highlight the passage at 39:38

39:57 And so then we become, you know, we become anti-religion. I think all religion is a waste of time. Psychotherapy is a waste of time. You don't need it. All you need to do is be mindful and meditate. And we Report an error in the passage at 39:57 Highlight the passage at 39:57

40:20 grasp that view. That's another viewpoint, isn't it? So that's not pointing at, you know, that kind of opinionating. Report an error in the passage at 40:20 Highlight the passage at 40:20

40:40 religion, you don't need it's all a bunch Report an error in the passage at 40:40 Highlight the passage at 40:40

41:02 But that in itself, what I've just said is the convention of language. And so this is where this empowerment or this encouragement is pointing to an imminent act of awakening, not to tell you, you are some kind of person, you're asleep and you should wake up, or Report an error in the passage at 41:02 Highlight the passage at 41:02

41:30 that you should grasp that idea. But that sense of Now Report an error in the passage at 41:30 Highlight the passage at 41:30

41:45 in the Western world we get very complicated because we don't have a lot of saddha usually. When we become samanas, the Asian Buddhists, they tend to have culturally more attuned. There's a lot of faith oftentimes in Buddha, Dhamma, Saṅgha, and a teacher or something like this. Where we come to Buddhism, most of us, when we're adults and we're skeptical, usually we've gone through a lot of skeptical doubts and strong self-images, a strong sense of individuality. Report an error in the passage at 41:45 Highlight the passage at 41:45

42:51 Speaking for myself, my personality was a doubting, skeptical one. Report an error in the passage at 42:51 Highlight the passage at 42:51

43:06 So doubt, this vichy kiccha, was a really, you know, it was one of my greatest obstructions, doubting. And that's why I couldn't be a Christian. Report an error in the passage at 43:06 Highlight the passage at 43:06

43:25 I couldn't believe in what I was supposed to believe in. It's totally impossible for me to believe in the kind of doctrine that you have to believe in to be a Christian. Report an error in the passage at 43:25 Highlight the passage at 43:25

43:43 Skeptical, doubting character. Report an error in the passage at 43:43 Highlight the passage at 43:43

43:51 And also at the age of 32 was quite cynical. Had been through a lot. Had a lot of bitterness about life. Disappointments. Report an error in the passage at 43:51 Highlight the passage at 43:51

44:03 I was not pleased with my life at 32, and I was disappointed with myself and a lot of others and the world. I mean, there was a kind of despair, a bitterness, doubt, and yet there was the faint light at the end of the tunnel was in Buddhism. There was one thing that still... I still had some hope for, and that was that I was interested in Buddhism. Report an error in the passage at 44:03 Highlight the passage at 44:03

44:43 And so that was a sign to me of the way I started. I had something, some kind of sign that drew me into this life. But Report an error in the passage at 44:43 Highlight the passage at 44:43

45:01 then the good thing about being highly individualistic and skeptical and doubtful is You do tend to question everything, you know, the sacred, that which is sacred and never questioned oftentimes in, you know, religions. Report an error in the passage at 45:01 Highlight the passage at 45:01

45:27 We're allowed to be questioned. You know, one thing I appreciated with Luang Por Chah was everything was up for questioning. You know, he was never one to kind of You know, one of the problems Report an error in the passage at 45:27 Highlight the passage at 45:27

46:07 because we don't, you know, one of the problems... With Westerners is that we're complicated because of the lack of faith and identities get so complicated in so many ways with highly personal. Like we take everything personally. Sexual desire, isn't it? The sexual force in the body is regarded as very personal. Report an error in the passage at 46:07 Highlight the passage at 46:07

46:40 Even hunger. And thirst, hunger for food, we identify with it in a very personal way. And the basic forces that are just natural, we take on and judge them personally. Report an error in the passage at 46:40 Highlight the passage at 46:40

47:01 So we can feel very guilty about having sexual desires, or even having sexual organs, or sexual bodies, or being hungry. I've seen monks feel guilty about being hungry because they see it as greed, greedy. Report an error in the passage at 47:01 Highlight the passage at 47:01

47:39 Or the negative side, getting angry or jealous. These are disgusting. We shouldn't be angry. We shouldn't get angry. We shouldn't be jealous. We shouldn't be brave. We shouldn't be cowardly and weak, pusillanimous. Report an error in the passage at 47:39 Highlight the passage at 47:39

48:05 So we get very complicated because we judge ourselves endlessly, criticize ourselves according to maybe very high standards, very ideal, noble standards that we can never live up to. So we are, we get very self-disparaging and neurotic and depressed because we're not in touch with nature. Report an error in the passage at 48:05 Highlight the passage at 48:05

48:35 You know, we've come from the world of ideas rather than realizing the natural laws. So in meditation, it's recognizing the way it is, the dhamma, the natural law, the way things are. Report an error in the passage at 48:35 Highlight the passage at 48:35

48:56 That sexual desire is like this, it's not mine. The body is like this, it's a sexual body. So it's going to have these energies. It has sexual organs. It's made like this. This is the way it is. So it's not personal. They didn't create it. Report an error in the passage at 48:56 Highlight the passage at 48:56

49:21 So we began to look at just the kind of most obvious things, the basics, the human body in terms of the way it is rather than identifying with it personally. Report an error in the passage at 49:21 Highlight the passage at 49:21

49:35 Hunger and thirst are like this. And we get into It's the instinctual energy, survival. We have strong survival instincts, procreative instincts, like hunger and thirst, survival, protect ourselves, need for safety. We all need to feel some kind of physical safety, which is survival instincts. These are basic to the animal kingdom. Report an error in the passage at 49:35 Highlight the passage at 49:35

50:13 Not just the human. Report an error in the passage at 50:13 Highlight the passage at 50:13

50:19 And then it gets more complicated because we identify with it and judge it according to very high standards, ideals. Then we become neurotic. It gets all over the place. Can't do anything right. Report an error in the passage at 50:19 Highlight the passage at 50:19

50:38 And it's this complicated mess that we create in our lives. right. Report an error in the passage at 50:38 Highlight the passage at 50:38

50:49 Very confusing. So Report an error in the passage at 50:49 Highlight the passage at 50:49

50:59 it is the time now to say that this needn't be seen in terms of even no matter how complicated it is, the practice is very simple. So this is where we do need a lot of patience because when we're very complicated we oftentimes lack patience with ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 50:59 Highlight the passage at 50:59

51:27 We've got clever minds. We think very quickly. We have strong passions. It's so easy to get lost in all this. It's very confusing for us because we don't know how. We don't have any way out of it. We don't know a way to transcend or to see it in perspective. So what I'm pointing to, I'm pointing to this center point. Report an error in the passage at 51:27 Highlight the passage at 51:27

51:57 To this still point, to the here and now, is pointing away the way of transcendence or the escape from it. Not escape by running away out of fear, but the escape hatch that allows us to get perspective on the mess, on the confusion, on the complicated. Self that we've created and that we identify with. Report an error in the passage at 51:57 Highlight the passage at 51:57

52:36 So it's very simple and it's not complicated. Report an error in the passage at 52:36 Highlight the passage at 52:36

52:45 But if you start thinking about it, then you can make it very complicated. Well, I don't know if I can do that. And then another complication takes place. But that's where there's trust. This is, I don't know, if you're aware, that's just a perception in the present. I don't think I can ever realize nibbāna is a perception in the present. Report an error in the passage at 52:45 Highlight the passage at 52:45

53:19 Trust in that. That's all you need to know. It is what it is, you know. We're not saying, we're not judging even that perception. Report an error in the passage at 53:19 Highlight the passage at 53:19

53:29 We're not saying, what a stupid perception. Don't add anything. It is a perception. Report an error in the passage at 53:29 Highlight the passage at 53:29

53:38 And that awareness of it, that's what I'm pointing to, the awareness. Learn to trust in that awareness, rather than in what the perception is saying. Even the perception might be common sense in a way, but the attachment to it is where you get lost in it. Report an error in the passage at 53:38 Highlight the passage at 53:38

54:03 We can have very, you know, we should practice meditation, we should, you know, Not be selfish and we should, you know, learn to be more disciplined and more responsible for our lives. That's very good, you know, good advice. Report an error in the passage at 54:03 Highlight the passage at 54:03

54:27 But then if I attach to that, what happens? Then I go back and thinking, I'm not responsible enough. I've got to become more responsible. And I need to, I shouldn't be selfish. You know, I'm too selfish and I shouldn't be. I'm back into the turning wheel again. Report an error in the passage at 54:27 Highlight the passage at 54:27

54:51 So it just goes on, you know, one gets so intimidated by even the best advice. So what to do? And so then there's the trust and the awareness of, and Report an error in the passage at 54:51 Highlight the passage at 54:51

55:19 then I should be responsible, then it's seen, and one's relationship to it is no longer grasping it. And maybe if that... If that resonates as something to do, Report an error in the passage at 55:19 Highlight the passage at 55:19

55:37 then be more responsible or whatever, but it's not like denying or blotting out or condemning or believing, but trusting in the attitude of attention and awareness rather than endlessly trying to sort it out on the turning wheel. know, something to do that. Report an error in the passage at 55:37 Highlight the passage at 55:37

55:59 With all its complicated thoughts and habits where you just get dizzy and get totally confused. Report an error in the passage at 55:59 Highlight the passage at 55:59

56:15 You see, in the still point, it gives you perspective, you know, on the conditions, on the turning wheel, on the confusion, on the mess. Report an error in the passage at 56:15 Highlight the passage at 56:15

56:34 It puts you in a relationship to it is the knowing of it for what it is rather than Some kind of personal identity with it. So then you can see your true nature is this knowing, this pure state, pure consciousness, pure awareness. You're learning to remember that, to be that. Your real home, what you really are rather than what you think you are according to The conditioning of your mind. So Report an error in the passage at 56:34 Highlight the passage at 56:34

57:28 I'll stop here and then we can have the traditional midnight vigil. All invited to participate. And then whatever you do, then just be fully aware of what you're doing, you know. And I don't even care if you stayed till midnight, you know. To be aware of what you're doing, if you're really trusting that, then that would be praiseworthy. Report an error in the passage at 57:28 Highlight the passage at 57:28

58:17 But only you know, isn't it? Whether you can praise yourself or not. Report an error in the passage at 58:17 Highlight the passage at 58:17