Dare to be Wise: Morning Talk Reflection

0:00 This morning is being aware of your mood, your state of mind, physical body. These are santidiko dhamma, the way they are here and now. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:16 Reflecting, observing, witnessing. You tend to make a judgment like I feel good or bad or whatever. Don't try to see the pointlessness of just making value judgments. now he's got a real Report an error in the passage at 0:16 Highlight the passage at 0:16

0:35 Of always making something, putting some kind of quality to it, but it is the way it is. So this is a way of awareness where we're not defining or judging, but just recognizing. Report an error in the passage at 0:35 Highlight the passage at 0:35

0:52 It's intuitive intelligence, not kind of learned knowledge and dualistic thinking that define things and judge things according to right, wrong, good and bad. Report an error in the passage at 0:52 Highlight the passage at 0:52

1:09 So whatever way you're feeling right now, it's this way. It's the way it is. And you maybe, you know, tend to say, I don't feel very good. Report an error in the passage at 1:09 Highlight the passage at 1:09

1:23 That's a judgment, isn't it? But whatever it is that you think doesn't feel very good, it is what it is. It's like this. Report an error in the passage at 1:23 Highlight the passage at 1:23

1:43 This is important because we're so bound to the thinking process. And in meditation, we're... You know, we're learning to put thinking in its proper place rather than just become this obsessive thinker and Report an error in the passage at 1:43 Highlight the passage at 1:43

2:05 bound to our thoughts and just repetition, endless boring repetitions of thinking and judging, liking, disliking. Report an error in the passage at 2:05 Highlight the passage at 2:05

2:27 That's why I encourage you to just... See, thinking is something you've learned after you're born. It isn't consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 2:27 Highlight the passage at 2:27

2:41 Thinking is a function of the mind that we acquire. It's conditioned. So whatever you think, whatever you think you are, or your views and opinions, your sense of right and wrong, good and bad, that's all acquired. Report an error in the passage at 2:41 Highlight the passage at 2:41

3:03 Right and wrong are value judgments. Report an error in the passage at 3:03 Highlight the passage at 3:03

3:18 Is a cat wrong for killing a mouse? According to human value judgments, you know, say non-violence and non-killing, then it's wrong to kill. But then that is missing the point, isn't it? It's his nature, isn't it? It's not right or wrong, it's the way it is. Cats are creatures that are made for killing. Mice, birds. Report an error in the passage at 3:18 Highlight the passage at 3:18

3:53 That's their karma. But we put human value judgments on them and say, we wish we could make the cat vegetarian and nonviolent and friendly to mice and respectful to birds. Report an error in the passage at 3:53 Highlight the passage at 3:53

4:11 That's just not the way things are. It's a fantasy world, Walt Disney cartoon. Report an error in the passage at 4:11 Highlight the passage at 4:11

4:42 That's why I encourage listening to yourself thinking. I'm not asking you to not think. Cartoon. Report an error in the passage at 4:42 Highlight the passage at 4:42

· · · silence, 1 minute

4:50 Or to stop thinking, but, you know, this I found extremely helpful in putting the thinking process into perspective. So that in listening to myself thinking, because that which is aware of thinking, you know, so obvious, isn't it? If I intentionally think, right now I'm thinking, I'm aware that I'm thinking, I'm speaking. So basic. Report an error in the passage at 4:50 Highlight the passage at 4:50

5:20 And yet I can go on an assumption that, you know... You know that I'm Ajahn Sumedho giving a dharma reflection in the morning and all the conventional assumptions and positions that we take. Or not taking a position or coming from an assumption but recognizing this awareness, this natural state, consciousness. Report an error in the passage at 5:20 Highlight the passage at 5:20

5:49 It's conscious. And thinking arises and ceases. Report an error in the passage at 5:49 Highlight the passage at 5:49

6:02 Now this if you... Keep contemplating this. Then you begin to no longer need to create yourself or just be bound up in the thinking process or just be a victim of your own emotional habits and thoughts, memories. You've got this witnessing, this awareness, this intuitive attention to observe from. To see things as they are, knowing, in terms of knowing reality, knowing dharma, rather than just acquiring knowledge about defining. Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

6:44 That's the intellect, isn't it, where we acquire knowledge from others, from books, from teachers. Report an error in the passage at 6:44 Highlight the passage at 6:44

6:57 So this is direct knowing, consciousness, awareness. Report an error in the passage at 6:57 Highlight the passage at 6:57

7:10 So it's attention, really. It's formless. It's not something you create. It's not something that depends on anything else. It's just recognizing, observing. Report an error in the passage at 7:10 Highlight the passage at 7:10

7:31 Like the space in this room, you don't create it. You just suddenly recognize it. Oh yes, there's space in this room. Consciousness, you don't create it. It's not a memory, not Report an error in the passage at 7:31 Highlight the passage at 7:31

7:51 dependent on conditions. It's natural. Natural state of being here and now that we're all experiencing is not my creation or dependent. Even if I forget all about it and go completely crazy, mad, there's still consciousness operating except I'm creating all kinds of mad perceptions in it. But if I stop doing that, just being the knower, the putol, Knowing the dhamma, then even the mad perceptions, the craziness, is an object. Report an error in the passage at 7:51 Highlight the passage at 7:51

8:37 It's not reality. Report an error in the passage at 8:37 Highlight the passage at 8:37

8:51 Now, sometimes, emotionally, we don't want to do this because, you know, there's a lot of resistance to being enlightened and wise. You may think you want to become enlightened and be wise. It's a nice ideal. As an ideal, it's certainly beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? Certainly something that people would say, oh, that's wonderful. I long for enlightenment, for spiritual realization, for self-realization, for salvation, liberation. Report an error in the passage at 8:51 Highlight the passage at 8:51

9:34 But what is that? That's thinking again, isn't it? And that's an ideal. We put it into a term of something that we imagine would be very nice, very wonderful. Report an error in the passage at 9:34 Highlight the passage at 9:34

9:49 Being fully enlightened like the Buddha would be absolutely wonderful. Never to feel anything, never to suffer again. So that's the thinking again, and that's an ideal. But reality is this, you know, it's the way it is now. It's not ideal. It's the way you are right now. Report an error in the passage at 9:49 Highlight the passage at 9:49

10:15 Your physical condition, emotional state, your memories, your... Character tendencies, whatever it is, you know, when you just see yourself from this position of sakya ditti or self-view, what happens? Report an error in the passage at 10:15 Highlight the passage at 10:15

10:42 When I see myself, when I think about myself as a kind of permanent personality and ego, sakya ditti, it brings up, my critical faculties start working. I think I start criticizing myself because Report an error in the passage at 10:42 Highlight the passage at 10:42

11:03 my personality, I can see a lot of emotional tendencies and things that, you know, are not the best. Some aren't very good. And, you know, the judgment goes on, you know, not right or immature or foolish or stupid. I can get into... We have an ideal of a perfect personality, the loving father, Report an error in the passage at 11:03 Highlight the passage at 11:03

11:47 the wonderful father figure, full of love and warmth, compassion, nurturing, caring, protective. Report an error in the passage at 11:47 Highlight the passage at 11:47

12:04 Full of mettā all the time and always forgiving and compassionate. Never let you down. Always there for you. The ideal father figure or mother figure. And then the realities of one's personality are like this. Report an error in the passage at 12:04 Highlight the passage at 12:04

12:31 Or for men, you know, the brave male. You know, one of the things to be cowardly or weak. Report an error in the passage at 12:31 Highlight the passage at 12:31

12:47 Pusillanimous. You know, personally, you know, one fears this more than anything. One wants to be brave and strong and courageous. Report an error in the passage at 12:47 Highlight the passage at 12:47

13:03 Do the right thing. Save humanity. Be like Superman. You know, attack the forces of evil. And so these are the images. These are value judgments, aren't they? Report an error in the passage at 13:03 Highlight the passage at 13:03

13:24 Value judgments about brave and cowardly. Now Report an error in the passage at 13:24 Highlight the passage at 13:24

13:35 in awareness then, weakness is like this, strong, cowardliness is like this, bravery is like this. You don't even need to name the terms, you just know it. Whatever it is, it is the way it is, arising, ceasing. Report an error in the passage at 13:35 Highlight the passage at 13:35

14:01 You see what I mean? It's really... Transcending, is it not? Transcending in a way of rising above and kind of leaving it all behind, but it's recognizing the way things are. And it's this reiteration of all conditions are impermanent. Report an error in the passage at 14:01 Highlight the passage at 14:01

14:28 All dharma is not self. It's a base on Karani Cha. Report an error in the passage at 14:28 Highlight the passage at 14:28

14:32 So none of this is, you know, it's not any personal thing anymore. Personality view depends on ignorance. That I am this way, it's my character, my emotion, my memories, my weakness, my strength, my bravery, my cowardice, my body. Report an error in the passage at 14:32 Highlight the passage at 14:32

14:55 It's full of this assumption, this illusion of an ongoing self, ongoing self. That is always defined, judged, criticized, approved or disapproved of. Now in reality, that's not the way it is. But we can live in that world of ignorance lifetimes without ever breaking through it. We're just stuck in this. Whatever we get, whatever conditioning we acquire, whatever forms this sense of personal identity, Report an error in the passage at 14:55 Highlight the passage at 14:55

15:36 We can be stuck with it and never see beyond it. So that's where this is the encouragement to investigate. What am I? Who am I? These kind of questions. Who am I? It's not to find out, to have some kind of ultimate personality that one identifies with. The question, who am I? Not to... Look for yourself with some defined quality or some value, but a way of observing what we think we are, what we cling to and attach to and bind ourselves to. Report an error in the passage at 15:36 Highlight the passage at 15:36

16:32 Now this is awareness and enlightenment and wisdom. This is where getting beyond the words themselves. In terms of personal awareness, Report an error in the passage at 16:32 Highlight the passage at 16:32

16:45 You'll never have a wise personality. Report an error in the passage at 16:45 Highlight the passage at 16:45

16:51 Personalities are conditions. You'll never be pure, a pure person, like purity and enlightenment, wisdom. This is impersonal, where personal is all about me and I'm this body, I am a male, I am 70... Three years old, I am American, I am British monk, and I'm a good monk, bad monk, senior, junior, Theravadan, whatever, you know, it goes on like that. Report an error in the passage at 16:51 Highlight the passage at 16:51

17:39 If I didn't know this, then I'd be stuck in that realm of being somebody, actually believing, you know, being committed to myself and my position, my... My qualifications, my fears. Report an error in the passage at 17:39 Highlight the passage at 17:39

18:01 But then the aim that we're here for is enlightenment, seeing, knowing the way it is. Report an error in the passage at 18:01 Highlight the passage at 18:01

18:14 But ask yourself, sometimes we enjoy being ourselves, our personalities. Report an error in the passage at 18:14 Highlight the passage at 18:14

18:22 Like feeling sorry for yourself, isn't it? This was one of the emotions I used to suffer from, feeling sorry for myself. Report an error in the passage at 18:22 Highlight the passage at 18:22

18:36 And yet I kind of, it's kind of... An attachment to that. It's something kind of, I don't know, it's not a nice feeling, but it's kind of, you don't want to let go of it. You want to believe that somehow you're misunderstood and nobody loves you and you're not appreciated. You work hard and give a lot and nobody really feels any gratitude whatsoever. Report an error in the passage at 18:36 Highlight the passage at 18:36

19:10 And it's a kind of indulgence in that, and it's kind of a sick sense of, you know, self-pity. Report an error in the passage at 19:10 Highlight the passage at 19:10

19:23 And I remember observing this and then recognizing, you know, just dropping it, not following it, and then there's something resisting it. I quite enjoyed this sense of, you know, nobody loves me and nobody really understands me. Report an error in the passage at 19:23 Highlight the passage at 19:23

19:45 I'm just alone, misunderstood. Report an error in the passage at 19:45 Highlight the passage at 19:45

19:50 My intentions are always good. I've always tried to serve the Saṅgha and help you and give my life. I've given my life. Report an error in the passage at 19:50 Highlight the passage at 19:50

20:02 And all I get is a slap in the face. Report an error in the passage at 20:02 Highlight the passage at 20:02

20:14 This is like intentional thinking. When you're self-pitying, when you're caught in self-pity, listen to it. Really carry it to its absurdity. Report an error in the passage at 20:14 Highlight the passage at 20:14

20:26 Because it is. It's absurd. Report an error in the passage at 20:26 Highlight the passage at 20:26

20:31 But you have to, you know, this is where it's encouragement to not suppress it. Not, you know, because then saying I shouldn't feel sorry for myself and try to stop it. But really observe it. Listen. Be the knower of it. Because suppressing it is not, you know, you never learn anything through suppressing. Report an error in the passage at 20:31 Highlight the passage at 20:31

21:01 You just make the habit stronger. Report an error in the passage at 21:01 Highlight the passage at 21:01

21:09 So then, do you want to be this whinging, self-pitying slob, or snap out of it? Now, snapping out of it is merely being aware of it. It's not just destroying the mood, which would be like an act of destruction, aversion, of recognizing it. Report an error in the passage at 21:09 Highlight the passage at 21:09

21:41 And just being patient and accepting of this, the feeling of self-pity, the sense of a self, of being someone that nobody understands is like this. Report an error in the passage at 21:41 Highlight the passage at 21:41

22:03 There's a Latin phrase, superi odi, which means dare to be wise. I'll point out that wisdom is certainly an ideal that we all think would be wonderful and long for, but Report an error in the passage at 22:03 Highlight the passage at 22:03

22:24 it's our true nature. So it's a matter of recognizing and trusting, not something you don't have and that you've got to acquire, just something you've never recognized because you're so bound and committed to the illusions of a self. Report an error in the passage at 22:24 Highlight the passage at 22:24

22:54 Now the attitude then is one of, say like, for enlightenment, awareness, it's the opposite of worldly values. You know, like in the world, isn't it, we're trained to, you know, strive, use a lot of willpower, work hard, achieve, attain for progress and achievement, attainment, get somewhere in your life. Report an error in the passage at 22:54 Highlight the passage at 22:54

23:25 These are, say, the worldly values that we're all, you know, that we were instilled with through our parents, through our culture, education. Report an error in the passage at 23:25 Highlight the passage at 23:25

23:39 Notice in some in our life, alms mendicancy, being dependent on alms for the necessities, for what is necessary for survival. Report an error in the passage at 23:39 Highlight the passage at 23:39

23:58 Now that's an act of faith, to Report an error in the passage at 23:58 Highlight the passage at 23:58

24:09 put yourself in such a vulnerable position, especially Report an error in the passage at 24:09 Highlight the passage at 24:09

24:16 when you're conditioned the opposite way, to be independent, self-sufficient. Not somebody who's dependent. Report an error in the passage at 24:16 Highlight the passage at 24:16

24:30 Being dependent is kind of like, in terms of my cultural background, being dependent is weak. Being independent is strong. Independent, that's a strong person who's independent. One who's dependent is a weakling. Those are the values of my Anglo-Saxon Report an error in the passage at 24:30 Highlight the passage at 24:30

24:58 Upbringing. Report an error in the passage at 24:58 Highlight the passage at 24:58

25:04 Then in Buddhist monotheism, you find yourself an alms mendicant. Report an error in the passage at 25:04 Highlight the passage at 25:04

25:11 Now that is reflecting on what that is. It's an act of faith, isn't it? It's going into the unknown because you don't have money in the bank or something you can depend on. There's always this sense of maybe if Report an error in the passage at 25:11 Highlight the passage at 25:11

25:38 nobody offers the food, what are you going to do? Report an error in the passage at 25:38 Highlight the passage at 25:38

25:57 So this is, you know, this is saying that not in terms of personal, you know, I'm an ombudsman and we can make that into an ideal, you know, somehow better than these independent people that live in London, work in the stock exchange and, you know, really prove themselves, become multi-billionaires are the real successful ones. Report an error in the passage at 25:57 Highlight the passage at 25:57

26:21 Or we can create a sense of ourselves being superior because we... We live on faith and trust. So whatever way you want to look at it, we can create it into a self-view, a sakya-ditti view. Report an error in the passage at 26:21 Highlight the passage at 26:21

26:39 And that's not the point, not to create just another self-view that we hold to in order to justify what we're doing. But look at alms-medicancy, faith, Report an error in the passage at 26:39 Highlight the passage at 26:39

27:01 Intuitive awareness, enlightenment, nibbāna, you Report an error in the passage at 27:01 Highlight the passage at 27:01

27:14 can't achieve them. Report an error in the passage at 27:14 Highlight the passage at 27:14

27:20 It's awakening, isn't it? It's observing. And it's not trying to become someone that's mindful, but being mindfulness itself. Report an error in the passage at 27:20 Highlight the passage at 27:20

27:32 Being just this simplicity of awareness. It's like a surrender. It's a relaxation, letting go. These are the words that resonate. If you're going to use words. Letting go, you know, the second noble truth, this is the insight into the cause of suffering. Letting go of the causes of suffering. So letting go then is like relaxing. Nothing to do. I don't have to sit here and try to achieve and attain and purify myself and get rid of my faults, my bad thoughts, my defilements. Report an error in the passage at 27:32 Highlight the passage at 27:32

28:23 So notice that I'm saying it's the reverse of how we're conditioned. That's why it's not easy for us. Meditation is difficult because we're conditioned for the opposite. Report an error in the passage at 28:23 Highlight the passage at 28:23

28:37 And so we bring that conditioning into Buddhist monasticism of striving, achieving, attaining, becoming, judging ourselves, having strong views about... Right and wrong, good and bad. Report an error in the passage at 28:37 Highlight the passage at 28:37

29:08 So that's why this kind of wreck reminds us that this is nothing to gain. It's this sense of trust and relaxed attention, being attentive, but not kind of willfully pushy or making it into a kind of obsessive practice that we... We have to achieve and attain during this winter's retreat. Report an error in the passage at 29:08 Highlight the passage at 29:08

29:47 Because when you use willpower from ignorance, then it just reinforces the self-view. You strive hard, work hard, sit for hours, give up sleeping, go on fasts, really push and work hard and strive. Report an error in the passage at 29:47 Highlight the passage at 29:47

30:15 And then what happens? You know, sometimes you do get, you know, you do have good results, but you can't sustain it. Report an error in the passage at 30:15 Highlight the passage at 30:15

30:28 You keep having to do it again over and over again to get that same feeling. Like I found asceticism, you know, as kind of, you know, kind of like, you know, I could really kind of feel I've attained something, achieved something. But then once I stopped striving and achieving and went back to normal daily life, I have this sense of loss and I feel I'd have to go on another ascetic binge again. Denial and getting rid of things, control. Report an error in the passage at 30:28 Highlight the passage at 30:28

31:11 Now the monastic system is geared so it's not based on asceticism. It's not meant to be a kind of ascetic where you're trying to deny yourself. yourself or, or, um, Punish yourself. You have to give up all the worldly temptations. All objects of the senses are evil forces trying to delude you, tempt you. Report an error in the passage at 31:11 Highlight the passage at 31:11

31:42 The forces of Māra everywhere trying to make you heedless and destroy you so you've got to put blindfold over your eyes, put earplugs into your ears, live in a sensory deprivation tank. Report an error in the passage at 31:42 Highlight the passage at 31:42

32:05 Don't even look at the flowers because they're just there to tempt you, to pull you back into the world and delude you. So beautiful roses are really the forces of Māra. Now that's getting into Puritanism and madness, really. It's where you get permanently paranoid. Report an error in the passage at 32:05 Highlight the passage at 32:05

32:38 But it's a form, it's a vehicle. It's a Buddhist monasticism of a vehicle. Report an error in the passage at 32:38 Highlight the passage at 32:38

32:46 To, you know, in which mindfulness is encouraged. The point of it is for mindfulness. It's not meant to, as an attack against the sense world, but a way of living in the sense world and observing it, knowing it, reflecting on it. Report an error in the passage at 32:46 Highlight the passage at 32:46

33:22 Because whether you like it or not, we're in the sense world. This is the way it is. You know, bodies are sensitive forms. Report an error in the passage at 33:22 Highlight the passage at 33:22

33:30 So that's just the way it is. There's nothing wrong with it. It's not good or bad. It is like this. Having a human body, a female body, a male body is like this. It's sensitive. Report an error in the passage at 33:30 Highlight the passage at 33:30

33:53 But being aware of its sensitivity, this awareness, then isn't awareness put sensitivity to where we can observe it and know it rather than just be... Caught into being a sensitive person, just seeking the pleasure, the pleasant, and trying to avoid or get rid of the painful and unpleasant. Report an error in the passage at 33:53 Highlight the passage at 33:53

34:24 Awareness gives us the perspective on sensitivity that we don't have when we're not aware. When we're heedless and not aware and ignorant, caught in the sense of self, then we are. You know, there's a lot to fear. And we've become very controlling, control freaks and frightened because there's so much, you know, we've got to protect ourselves from the possibility of loss and pain and discomfort, sickness. Report an error in the passage at 34:24 Highlight the passage at 34:24

35:01 So Report an error in the passage at 35:01 Highlight the passage at 35:01

35:14 contemplate, you know, reflect on this attitude of relaxation, openness, letting go. Report an error in the passage at 35:14 Highlight the passage at 35:14

35:28 the self, the sakya-ditti, I want only the pleasurable, the beautiful, the refined, the good stuff. Report an error in the passage at 35:28 Highlight the passage at 35:28

35:46 At least that's how my personality is. And then I don't want any of the other. Report an error in the passage at 35:46 Highlight the passage at 35:46

36:01 So when we say, you know, on New Year's, when we say, may you have, or on somebody's birthday, may you have long life. Good health, success, prosperity, happiness. What are we saying? May you have all the best. This we like to hear. We said may you have short life, pain and sickness, failure and misery. Report an error in the passage at 36:01 Highlight the passage at 36:01

36:30 That's a curse, isn't it? That's a curse. But Report an error in the passage at 36:30 Highlight the passage at 36:30

36:46 in terms of Curse. Report an error in the passage at 36:46 Highlight the passage at 36:46

36:51 Awareness, you know, pain, failure, loss, whatever it is, and gain and success and good health, you know, the eight worldly dhammas, our Report an error in the passage at 36:51 Highlight the passage at 36:51

37:09 relationship to them is the knower, not the owner of good health or bad health, not the owner of success or failure, the observer of it. So success, failure. Report an error in the passage at 37:09 Highlight the passage at 37:09

37:26 Ajahn Sumedho used to say the same value, success and failure, same thing. Report an error in the passage at 37:26 Highlight the passage at 37:26

37:35 Praise and blame. Now blame is something I think we all dread. We live in a society that likes to blame. Here in Britain, they're always blaming somebody. Report an error in the passage at 37:35 Highlight the passage at 37:35

37:53 Blaming the Prime Minister, the Chancellor, or the Minister of Education, or the Tories, or Americans. Report an error in the passage at 37:53 Highlight the passage at 37:53

38:08 Or whoever, you know, there's always who's to blame. We're afraid of being criticized. Report an error in the passage at 38:08 Highlight the passage at 38:08

38:17 You know, tell me you love me. Even if you don't, just tell me because it makes me feel good. Tell me everything is okay. You know, everything's going to be all right. Because that makes me feel good. Makes me feel safe. Even if it's not true, don't tell me, you know, your fears and your suspicions. See, how is everything? Oh, fine, fine, everything's okay. Any problems? No, no problems. Report an error in the passage at 38:17 Highlight the passage at 38:17

38:54 I remember coming back here sometimes, you know, somebody meet me and they had a concern, oh my God, something's gone wrong. Report an error in the passage at 38:54 Highlight the passage at 38:54

39:05 What's happened? You know, this kind of dread. Somebody's going to tell me something I don't want to hear. I don't like, I don't want. Now this is, you know, Report an error in the passage at 39:05 Highlight the passage at 39:05

39:18 Now this, you know, this sense of observing this, watching, witnessing how you, you know, the kind of demands or expectations or attitudes you have, not in terms of judgment, but recognizing. Report an error in the passage at 39:18 Highlight the passage at 39:18

39:40 Tell me everything is okay. I remember I could, you know, I'd bring it, I'd think this out to absurdity. Please tell me everything is all right, even if it isn't, because I like the world of illusion. Report an error in the passage at 39:40 Highlight the passage at 39:40

39:59 Of that kind of illusion, everything is okay. You don't have to say everything's perfect. I wouldn't trust that. Everything is okay. So that word okay is whatever that means. Report an error in the passage at 39:59 Highlight the passage at 39:59

40:24 Now is a time where we have a lot of, you know, the global warming. This is all you hear now about global warming and terrorism. Report an error in the passage at 40:24 Highlight the passage at 40:24

40:34 Environmental problems. And so, you know, these are... You know, these are kind of ominous. Attack on terror. Terrorists. Report an error in the passage at 40:34 Highlight the passage at 40:34

40:52 You've got to have somebody to hate and blame. You know, when the Soviet Union crashed, you've got to direct that to something. The Soviet Union's gone. Who can I blame now? This is ignorant to human nature, isn't it? Report an error in the passage at 40:52 Highlight the passage at 40:52

41:30 So notice in oneself, you know, really, you know, this sense of not wanting to hear unpleasant things about yourself or about the world, you know. Tell me everything. Tell me I'm okay. Report an error in the passage at 41:30 Highlight the passage at 41:30

41:49 Tell me you love me, even though you don't mean it. So in training yourself, you know, this is something that I've put a lot of attention to. is learning to listen and receive criticism, Report an error in the passage at 41:49 Highlight the passage at 41:49

42:21 personal criticism. Report an error in the passage at 42:21 Highlight the passage at 42:21

42:27 Because I found this, you know, this was something that I couldn't do. Report an error in the passage at 42:27 Highlight the passage at 42:27

42:37 You know, it was just, you know, if somebody started criticizing me, giving me feedback, negative feedback or critical feedback or whatever you want to call it, I just feel hurt, wounded. Nobody loves me kind of feeling. Or I just feel enraged. You know, it's not fair. It's not true. You're all wrong. Or I get defensive. Report an error in the passage at 42:37 Highlight the passage at 42:37

43:06 Well, I did that because, you know, I had to get into defending myself. Well, these are all unpleasant reactions. You know, somebody's saying something to you, criticizing you. Maybe their intention is very good. Maybe they want to help. Or maybe they're just being mean and nasty. Report an error in the passage at 43:06 Highlight the passage at 43:06

43:33 So then you get into arguments, or you just, you know, I'm not going to speak to you ever again kind of attitudes. Now, I deliberately cultivate it. That's why I recommended this sound of silence as a way, because by realizing this, I could really open Report an error in the passage at 43:33 Highlight the passage at 43:33

43:59 to criticism and blame, whether it's justified or not. Somebody's just being mean and nasty, or they're just trying to help me, giving me feedback. Doesn't matter, really. Report an error in the passage at 43:59 Highlight the passage at 43:59

44:19 So this is finding, recognizing the value of awareness. Because when your mindfulness connects, this sound of silence is really connected awareness. You know, it's sustaining awareness. I mean, it's self-sustaining awareness you don't create. So you don't have to make yourself aware and try to sustain it. Just recognizing it and trusting it. Report an error in the passage at 44:19 Highlight the passage at 44:19

44:51 It's self-sustaining. So for me, this sound of silence is this awareness. Report an error in the passage at 44:51 Highlight the passage at 44:51

45:01 Resting in this awareness. Then I can really be attentive. I can be aware. I can listen to others telling me things, critical things. I can... At the same moment, be aware of my own emotional reactions to what they're saying. Because it gives you this space, this perspective on my own emotional reactions and also ability to hear what somebody else is saying to me at the same time. Report an error in the passage at 45:01 Highlight the passage at 45:01

45:41 Because awareness includes everything. If you're trying to take things literally and personally, then... You're back in the samsaric view of that's not right, that's not true argument. How can you say that and you don't really like me, you're just saying this because you're jealous or the way one can get very reactive on a personal level because that's all you know how to do. Report an error in the passage at 45:41 Highlight the passage at 45:41

46:12 That's all that's possible. Report an error in the passage at 46:12 Highlight the passage at 46:12

46:16 Or you just refuse to listen. You say, just go away, don't bother me, shut up and don't ever... darken my doorway ever again. Report an error in the passage at 46:16 Highlight the passage at 46:16

46:30 recognizing awareness then Report an error in the passage at 46:30 Highlight the passage at 46:30

46:38 know, you find out, you know, you can. This is a Report an error in the passage at 46:38 Highlight the passage at 46:38

46:55 very important lesson, because until we know this, until we can understand this, you know then we are we're caught in the realm of personal fears and and please tell me everything is okay and and you Report an error in the passage at 46:55 Highlight the passage at 46:55

47:13 know idealism we all must love and help and nurture each other understand each other be compassionate and and loving kalyanamitas all the time and this is sometimes this is the kind of demand we make on each other you know kind of demand that You know, you should love me kind of permanently, no matter what, if you're a real Kalyanamitta. Report an error in the passage at 47:13 Highlight the passage at 47:13

47:44 So we take this Pāli word, Kalyanamitta, and make it into another, you know, ideal. Report an error in the passage at 47:44 Highlight the passage at 47:44

47:53 And demand, please be my Kalyanamitta, meaning love me and support me and nurture me. Report an error in the passage at 47:53 Highlight the passage at 47:53

48:15 Well, you know, I can see that, you know, wanting people to... To be my friends and to respect me and to appreciate me and to love me and to understand me. Report an error in the passage at 48:15 Highlight the passage at 48:15

48:33 Now, listening to this in myself, this wanting all the good things from others, and that makes me very frightened because, you know, that's just not the way things go, isn't it? People can't just spend their time making me feel good. Report an error in the passage at 48:33 Highlight the passage at 48:33

49:00 I can't expect the society I'm living in to devote itself to making me feel happy and everything is okay and they love me. Report an error in the passage at 49:00 Highlight the passage at 49:00

49:12 So you recognize the kind of being the wisdom, superiority, being, dare to be wise, observe, the witness, the Report an error in the passage at 49:12 Highlight the passage at 49:12

49:29 self, the self that gets hurt, that's frightened and offended like this, the self-pitying, Self-pitying is like this. Report an error in the passage at 49:29 Highlight the passage at 49:29

49:48 And when we say it's like this, it's willing to accept it in whatever way it feels. It's like this. Poor me is like this. Report an error in the passage at 49:48 Highlight the passage at 49:48

50:06 And as I rest in this sound of silence, in this connected awareness, you know, the thing falls away. You know, things cease. And so what I call this is consciousness with awareness where you can observe the cessation of yourself, the end of self. Because everything you think you are, every identity, every habit you have, good or bad, ceases. Report an error in the passage at 50:06 Highlight the passage at 50:06

50:47 If you stay in this, if you recognize and trust and rest in awareness, there's Report an error in the passage at 50:47 Highlight the passage at 50:47

50:58 nothing, no self. So this Report an error in the passage at 50:58 Highlight the passage at 50:58

51:15 is a way of liberation. This is liberating knowledge. This is wisdom knowledge. This is knowing the way it is. So this is to be encouraged during this retreat to see this as a purpose, give this opportunity to investigate. Report an error in the passage at 51:15 Highlight the passage at 51:15