How to Meditate - Weekend Course with Jonathan Landaw (part 5)

· · · silence, 1 minute

1:01 So, I would like to use this session, which will last about a little less than half an hour, to introduce a practice of a different style of meditation than what we've mostly been doing so far. Report an error in the passage at 1:01 Highlight the passage at 1:01

1:19 As I indicated briefly at the very beginning of this course, there are two very general categories of meditation. One is to kind of stabilize the mind. Cultivating its ability to focus on a chosen object rather than being distracted or dull. That kind of stabilizing, sometimes it's called stabilizing meditation. And the other is what is sometimes called analytic or examination meditation. Report an error in the passage at 1:19 Highlight the passage at 1:19

1:57 The first one, stabilizing, is to develop And the second one, the analytic or examining, is to increase our understanding or our wisdom. And it's this combination of concentration and wisdom or stabilization and analysis, which is actually what brings about transformation. It is the ultimate... The purpose of our practice is to cultivate this concentration Report an error in the passage at 1:57 Highlight the passage at 1:57

2:43 -based wisdom because it's through that that we overcome the power of various delusions that disturb the mind and can generate the positive qualities that we wish to cultivate. Report an error in the passage at 2:43 Highlight the passage at 2:43

3:05 a number of people think that meditation is not thinking, you know, getting away from thinking, getting away from analyzing. And while that's true to a certain extent for the stabilization type of meditations, for the analytic meditations, we definitely use the power of creative thought. Report an error in the passage at 3:05 Highlight the passage at 3:05

3:31 The meditation that I want to introduce, in that meditation what we're examining is our As our intuitive reaction Report an error in the passage at 3:31 Highlight the passage at 3:31

3:52 to three different types of people. When this is taught traditionally, these three different types of people are identified as friend, enemy and stranger. But those categories are a little bit too exaggerated. The first category is we're focusing on someone that we feel... Very kindly towards someone that we recognized as near and dear to us. That's the so-called friend. Report an error in the passage at 3:52 Highlight the passage at 3:52

4:30 Enemy is much too strong a word. And a lot of times people, that word enemy throws them off from the practice because they say, well, who's my enemy? I don't have any real enemy. But let's say if we're Jewish, we might say the enemy is Hitler. Report an error in the passage at 4:30 Highlight the passage at 4:30

4:55 Or if we come from different parts of the world, the enemy is the person who heads the country that we're at war with. That's the enemy. But we don't mean that. And it's not a good idea to use a figure like that in our meditation. First of all, because we haven't met those figures. Report an error in the passage at 4:55 Highlight the passage at 4:55

5:23 know? Their names that we've read about or seen on the TV, or maybe they've already passed away, so they really have no relevance to our actual life. But in our actual life, there are people that we feel on the outs with, Report an error in the passage at 5:23 Highlight the passage at 5:23

5:42 and very often those people are people that we had once been quite close with, and conceivably could be close with again. But something has happened so that now when we think of this person... Instead of feeling close and near and dear to him or to her, there's a sense of distance. Report an error in the passage at 5:42 Highlight the passage at 5:42

6:05 That's the kind of person that we should use as we're going through this type of practice. So, I may slip into the term enemy in describing this person, but remember, I just mean someone in your life who now, at the present moment, you feel on the outs with. You may have been happy with the person at one time, you may be happy with them again in the future, but at the moment, they just don't seem to be your nearest and dearest friend. Report an error in the passage at 6:05 Highlight the passage at 6:05

6:41 And of course, this could include one spouse. That's very easy for the person that you're so close with, for that person to disappoint you, to criticize you, to forget to take out the garbage. Whatever it is, and now when you think of that person, you wrinkle your nose at him. It's not a welcoming smile, but it's kind of a scowl that comes over your face. Report an error in the passage at 6:41 Highlight the passage at 6:41

7:13 So when it's time to choose someone for this so-called enemy category, remember what we mean by it is someone whom we feel some distance from. Report an error in the passage at 7:13 Highlight the passage at 7:13

7:30 A close, warm feeling that we feel towards the so-called friend. And then the third category is stranger. And again, we have to understand really what we mean by that. Because, you know, if there's 7 billion people on the planet, then way more than 6 billion of them are strangers to us. But using any of those is not going to really help us too much. Because again, it's not really based on our experience. However, in our life, There are people that we recognize but that we don't really know. Report an error in the passage at 7:30 Highlight the passage at 7:30

8:08 It could be, for example, the person who waits on us in the bakery that we visit occasionally. We recognize that person but we don't know anything about his or her life. We've never really exchanged more than hello and goodbye or given our order and so forth. So for us, this person is living the life as a stranger to us. Report an error in the passage at 8:08 Highlight the passage at 8:08

8:34 But not stranger in the sense that we don't know him or her at all. It's just we don't really know anything significant about the person. We just know enough to recognize them. And sometimes it happens like if it's the person who serves us in the bakery and we see them in some other place, like if we run into them in the bank, it's kind of schizophrenic for a second because we think, I know that person, but who is he? Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

9:03 And then we say, oh, oh yeah, it's the person from the bakery. Oh, I didn't recognize you because you're in an unaccustomed place. You ever have that experience? So there's something you recognize, but you don't really know the person. So again, if I use the word stranger, which I might just because it's a convenient label, that's what we mean. Report an error in the passage at 9:03 Highlight the passage at 9:03

9:26 We mean somebody whose existence we recognize, you know, not someone living down in... Patagonian, South America, who there's no chance that we've ever run into. That person is indeed a stranger, but has no relevance to our life experience. Rather, we're thinking of someone that we have some kind of connection with, but it has not gone to the level where that person has become a real personage in our experience. Report an error in the passage at 9:26 Highlight the passage at 9:26

9:59 So friend, enemy, And stranger. I'll continue to use those terms, but you'll have to understand the way in which it's meant. Is that clear? Is there any question about that? Okay. Report an error in the passage at 9:59 Highlight the passage at 9:59

10:22 Okay. So, as is always a good idea, we can begin by taking a cleansing breath, just to level the playing field of our mind, we could say. Report an error in the passage at 10:22 Highlight the passage at 10:22

10:46 And in a later session, I'll give a more detailed version of how we can do something which accomplishes the same aim as the cleansing of the breath. Report an error in the passage at 10:46 Highlight the passage at 10:46

11:01 But for the time being, we'll just leave it the way we've been doing it so far. Report an error in the passage at 11:01 Highlight the passage at 11:01

11:17 And then when we've achieved at least a small measure of clarity and quiet through even such a brief practice, that's a good time for Reminding ourselves of what the best kind of motivation we can have for doing this practice. And in terms of this practice, we can specifically think of getting a deeper insight into the nature of our relationships so that our relationships can evolve and become better rather than being mired in difficulty. Report an error in the passage at 11:17 Highlight the passage at 11:17

12:04 And it's helpful to do a brief... Breath Awareness Meditation just to stabilize our attention. Sometimes simply doing the cleansing breath is enough to stabilize it. But when it's not, then it's good to just take one cleansing breath and at the conclusion of the exhalation, relax conscious control over the breath and let the breath come and go as it will on its own while we pay attention to it for a moment. Report an error in the passage at 12:04 Highlight the passage at 12:04

12:50 Bringing our attention back whenever it wanders. Report an error in the passage at 12:50 Highlight the passage at 12:50

· · · silence, 1 minute

13:24 And now, on the basis of whatever calmness or clarity even this brief practice has generated, we enter into the main body of the analytic meditation that's going to follow. Report an error in the passage at 13:24 Highlight the passage at 13:24

13:40 And for this, we're using the creative powers of our mind and our ability to investigate, employing such... Qualities as memory, intelligence and so forth. Report an error in the passage at 13:40 Highlight the passage at 13:40

14:07 So now, let us spend a moment thinking of the different people that are a part of our life. Report an error in the passage at 14:07 Highlight the passage at 14:07

14:23 And first, selecting someone who for us fits the category of friend. Someone who all you have to do is think of and your heart starts to feel light. Report an error in the passage at 14:23 Highlight the passage at 14:23

14:52 Someone you effortlessly wish good things for. Report an error in the passage at 14:52 Highlight the passage at 14:52

15:05 If they're already happy and healthy, you wish that they continue that way and even increase. If at the moment they're not happy and healthy, then because they're your friend, you wish them, you wish them to be able to overcome their sadness and ill health. Report an error in the passage at 15:05 Highlight the passage at 15:05

15:26 And you wish it for them almost as strongly or maybe even as strongly. As you would wish it for yourself. Report an error in the passage at 15:26 Highlight the passage at 15:26

15:43 Their happiness is your happiness. Their sadness is your sadness. And your heart is open to them in gentle caring. Report an error in the passage at 15:43 Highlight the passage at 15:43

16:02 So choose someone, someone from your life. You could choose someone who's already passed away. Report an error in the passage at 16:02 Highlight the passage at 16:02

16:13 But sometimes it's better to choose someone who's still living. But that's completely up to you. Report an error in the passage at 16:13 Highlight the passage at 16:13

16:24 And invite this person to take his or her seat. In front of us, in front of you. In other words, we're inviting this person to come into our space of meditation, to our arena of awareness. Report an error in the passage at 16:24 Highlight the passage at 16:24

16:59 I'm going to place these people spatially. Report an error in the passage at 16:59 Highlight the passage at 16:59

17:06 Hopefully that will work for you. But you needn't be tied to my description. So, this friend is seated in front of us to the left. Report an error in the passage at 17:06 Highlight the passage at 17:06

17:23 Now, there's two empty chairs next to that person, and into the chair all the way on the right, we choose someone who I've called the enemy, but is not Hitler. It's just someone who we don't feel this, at the moment, this natural liking or happiness. Report an error in the passage at 17:23 Highlight the passage at 17:23

17:55 There's something unpleasant. Report an error in the passage at 17:55 Highlight the passage at 17:55

18:11 It's not a good idea to start with someone, even from our own experience, who has done something absolutely terrible to us or our family, like murder or embezzlement or something like that, but rather someone who we're simply on the outs with. Report an error in the passage at 18:11 Highlight the passage at 18:11

18:32 That's much more realistic to start with a person like that. Report an error in the passage at 18:32 Highlight the passage at 18:32

18:43 So two of the three chairs in front of us are occupied. The so-called friend on our left, towards the left. The so-called enemy on our right to shift the words. We can say the one we're close to on the left, the one we're more distant from on the right. Report an error in the passage at 18:43 Highlight the passage at 18:43

19:07 And then in the middle comes this so-called stranger. It's not a completely unknown person. It's someone we recognize, someone we've run into, but someone we really don't know anything significant about. Report an error in the passage at 19:07 Highlight the passage at 19:07

19:30 But we know the person well enough to actually recognize them. They're identifiable. If not by name, at least by occupation. Report an error in the passage at 19:30 Highlight the passage at 19:30

19:50 And now using the full force of our imagination, feel that these three people are actually seated in front of us. Report an error in the passage at 19:50 Highlight the passage at 19:50

20:03 They're not just a visual image, but they're a presence in our life. And feel what it's like to be seated in the presence of these three people, Report an error in the passage at 20:03 Highlight the passage at 20:03

20:18 as if they were in the room with us. Both Report an error in the passage at 20:18 Highlight the passage at 20:18

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20:53 three of them appear to us in similar aspect. Report an error in the passage at 20:53 Highlight the passage at 20:53

20:59 Or is there actually some kind of qualitative difference in the appearance of one from the other? Report an error in the passage at 20:59 Highlight the passage at 20:59

21:24 If the three of them were seated in front of us right now, would we be paying equal attention to all three? Report an error in the passage at 21:24 Highlight the passage at 21:24

21:41 Would we be paying as much attention, for example, to the so-called stranger as we would to the friend, the one who's near, and the enemy, the one who's distant? Report an error in the passage at 21:41 Highlight the passage at 21:41

21:59 Or would they... We have a tendency of somehow fading into the background. Report an error in the passage at 21:59 Highlight the passage at 21:59

22:09 We like our friend, so we pay attention to him or her. We're wary of the one we're distant from, the so-called enemy, so we pay attention to that person because they might do or say something we don't like. Report an error in the passage at 22:09 Highlight the passage at 22:09

22:28 So our antennas are up and operative when pointed towards the friend and towards the enemy. Report an error in the passage at 22:28 Highlight the passage at 22:28

22:42 But the stranger? Barely shows up on our radar screen. We don't expect any great benefit from that person. We don't expect any great harm from that person. So they kind of fade into the background. Report an error in the passage at 22:42 Highlight the passage at 22:42

23:08 See if our experience with these three feel something like what was just described. The Report an error in the passage at 23:08 Highlight the passage at 23:08

23:33 feeling that we generate towards the one in the middle tends towards indifference. We don't really care strongly one way or another about that person. We don't feel particularly close or particularly distant. We don't feel we really know that person. So the attitude tends to be neutral compared Report an error in the passage at 23:33 Highlight the passage at 23:33

24:12 to our feelings towards the other two. It tends to be indifferent. Report an error in the passage at 24:12 Highlight the passage at 24:12

24:21 Do we feel similarly indifferent to the so-called enemy on the right? As if we don't care about that person? As if we're not paying attention? No, probably not. This person is appearing in a very dark light. We're wary of that person. It brings up a certain amount of negative emotion in our heart. Report an error in the passage at 24:21 Highlight the passage at 24:21

24:56 So it grabs our attention. It's anything but indifferent. Report an error in the passage at 24:56 Highlight the passage at 24:56

25:08 And then we look over towards the left. And we're certainly not indifferent to our friend. For our friend we feel... A sense of fellowship, of connection, of affection, quite different from indifference. We're really concerned with the friend's welfare, thinking, may he or she be happy, may he or she have what they want, may he or she overcome any problems they may have. Report an error in the passage at 25:08 Highlight the passage at 25:08

25:50 So there's definitely a sense of concern. Report an error in the passage at 25:50 Highlight the passage at 25:50

26:14 Now the important thing here is not to stay With my description of how one might react to those three, but to try to discover from your own experience how your attitude towards these three types of people may be significantly different. You Report an error in the passage at 26:14 Highlight the passage at 26:14

26:40 might describe it in different terms. You may have different examples. Report an error in the passage at 26:40 Highlight the passage at 26:40

26:48 But it's important to recognize the reality that we don't view these three in equal ways. Report an error in the passage at 26:48 Highlight the passage at 26:48

27:14 And there's a certain extent in which these three people in front of us appear to have qualities that justify our attitudes. Report an error in the passage at 27:14 Highlight the passage at 27:14

27:27 In other words, there's something about the friend which seems inherently attractive, nice, good, lovable. That's why we find this person nice, good, lovable, because of qualities he or she has. Those qualities seem to come from the side of the person, and we're just reacting to it. Report an error in the passage at 27:27 Highlight the passage at 27:27

27:57 And the person all the way on the right that we feel so distant from, isn't there some sense in which he or she seems to possess certain negative, we might even say repugnant qualities, that's our reason for feeling distant from them? When Report an error in the passage at 27:57 Highlight the passage at 27:57

28:25 we think of that person, don't thoughts such as the following come to mind? He insulted me. Report an error in the passage at 28:25 Highlight the passage at 28:25

28:35 She said really bad things to me. Report an error in the passage at 28:35 Highlight the passage at 28:35

28:41 He hurt me in some way. She hurt my feelings. Report an error in the passage at 28:41 Highlight the passage at 28:41

28:50 And there's a sense in which we automatically focus on these negative qualities, feeling that they're somehow inherent in that person. Report an error in the passage at 28:50 Highlight the passage at 28:50

29:02 And we're just simply reacting to it. Report an error in the passage at 29:02 Highlight the passage at 29:02

29:10 As for the person in the middle, he or she doesn't seem to have any significant qualities from their side. They're kind of a blank slate, as Report an error in the passage at 29:10 Highlight the passage at 29:10

29:22 if they didn't possess Either attractive qualities from their side or unattractive qualities. Report an error in the passage at 29:22 Highlight the passage at 29:22

29:33 And so we feel somehow, you might even say justified, intending to ignore them, to be indifferent to them. Report an error in the passage at 29:33 Highlight the passage at 29:33

29:44 He hasn't helped me, he hasn't harmed me, he's not likely to help me, he's not likely to harm me, so I don't have to pay so much attention to him. Report an error in the passage at 29:44 Highlight the passage at 29:44

29:59 Try to play with those thoughts, translating them into your own experience if necessary, if the words I've used, Don't evoke the feeling. To see how these three people to whom we react so differently seem to have quite different qualities from their own side, being Report an error in the passage at 29:59 Highlight the passage at 29:59

30:28 more attractive, one being much less attractive, and the third being rather blank, neutral. Report an error in the passage at 30:28 Highlight the passage at 30:28

31:06 So at this point, I want to offer a break for a half an hour and we'll... Come back for the 4.30 session in which we'll explore this further in a meditative state. Report an error in the passage at 31:06 Highlight the passage at 31:06

31:26 But in the meantime, in this break, in the meantime, do whatever adjustment or exploration you find necessary in order to generate some feeling from this so that this isn't an abstract exercise but actually relates to people in your life. Report an error in the passage at 31:26 Highlight the passage at 31:26

31:51 Isn't it true that when you enter into a room where there's people, different types of people, some of which you know and some of whom you don't know, isn't there a tendency to gravitate towards some and away from others and to just pass by still others? Report an error in the passage at 31:51 Highlight the passage at 31:51

32:13 Isn't that a description of your reality? Or when you enter into a room, do you approach each person exactly in the same way? Report an error in the passage at 32:13 Highlight the passage at 32:13

32:25 Each person is equally attractive or equally unattractive or equally indifferent. If we check up, I think we'll see that we have a natural tendency to relate to people in those different ways, that we don't look at them as completely equal. The same way that we, for instance, if we come across a flock of pigeons, we don't have any preference for this one or that one Report an error in the passage at 32:25 Highlight the passage at 32:25

33:01 View them all the same? Unless one becomes our pet, and then suddenly that's the friend and all the others are strangers. And the pigeon who tries to take food away from our pet becomes the enemy. But before any of those things happen, those pigeons are all strangers. They're all alike, from our view. Report an error in the passage at 33:01 Highlight the passage at 33:01

33:26 But is the same thing true in a group of people? People that we've known? That our attitude is similar to all? All three? Or do we tend to gravitate to be near some, the so-called friend, distant from others, the so-called enemy, and indifferent to others, the so-called strangers? So let's use this period of time during this break before we come back just after 4.30. Report an error in the passage at 33:26 Highlight the passage at 33:26

34:09 You can even use the interaction with the people here sharing this space at Land of Medicine Buddha to see whether you feel exactly the same to the people you come across or whether you have a natural tendency to feel close to some, distant from others and nomscript towards the rest. Report an error in the passage at 34:09 Highlight the passage at 34:09

34:33 So, see what comes up for the next half hour and then... We'll explore that further in the meditation session. That meditation session is going to start at 4.30 but it's going to start at 4.40 instead, giving us a full half hour. Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 34:33 Highlight the passage at 34:33