← Robina Courtin

Late Night Soiree with Ven. Robina: Poor Me No More!

Robina Courtin · 3 October 2008 · 1 h 26 min · Tse Chen Ling via Internet Archive

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  • 0:57

    When we look into our minds, you know, I think we can really agree that when we identify when we're miserable, anxious, worried, depressed, jealous, angry, you know, arrogant, self-hating. The theme, the voice behind all of those is the one voice. It's poor me. There really is no doubt about that. It's like the victim. There's no question. You're separate from everything. It happens to you. People do it to you. Life does it to you.

  • 1:44

    We don't kind of get the learning from it, you know. And the point I'm getting at here is that what Buddha's saying is that this stuff is the suffering part and is utterly unnatural in the sense that it's not innate, which is a big surprise to us. You know, I think all the models of our mind, I think in our culture, just assume, you know, that a person, a normal person consists of some anger, some jealousy, some depression, some love, some kindness, a nice rounded kind of picture, you know.

  • 4:22

    And they have this, you know, in Buddhist psychology they're very specific. They have two main characteristics. One is that they feel good. I mean in the good sense of feeling good, not the neurotic greedy feeling good, which is the feeling good of getting what you want, of attachment. Not that one. But the feeling of good of being harmonious and confident. The positive qualities have this marvellous characteristic of feeling good, being harmonious. I mean, we ought to get the learning from this. It ought to blow our minds.

  • 6:17

    And he says how things really are is that they're interdependent. They exist interdependently. This is this in relation to this. This exists because that's working well. Things rely upon each other. And that's a characteristic of the positive qualities. And to see it is really meaningful.

  • 33:11

    We experience them at the physical level because indeed we are very physical beings, aren't we? Which is why some people who aren't in touch with their feelings, as we would say, don't even know that they're feeling certain things. Actually, that could be arrogant because, let's face it, we are not aware of 99.9 % of our feelings. We only notice the very grossest level when they express themselves at the physical level, when the words vomit out the mouth, when the heart beats faster, when you feel inert with depression. We only notice our feelings based upon the experience of the body because we're not that in touch with our minds, you know. We're not that in touch with our thoughts at the emotional, cognitive level.

0:00 We're in Europe. Report an error

0:05 Okay, what was I calling it? No more poor me. No more poor me. Yeah, just think, put a thought into our minds first. A few thoughts, consciously, intentionally. I'm going to listen to these teachings to see if there's something useful that I can bring into my life as a tool to help me develop my qualities, get rid of my nonsense, become happier and wiser and be of benefit to others. Report an error

0:37 Why not? Isn't it? What else? I mean, we've tried everything else. Why not this? So think this is why I'm here. May that come from this teaching. Then it's worthwhile. Report an error

0:50 Okay. Report an error

0:57 When we look into our minds, you know, I think we can really agree that when we identify when we're miserable, anxious, worried, depressed, jealous, angry, you know, arrogant, self-hating. The theme, the voice behind all of those is the one voice. It's poor me. There really is no doubt about that. It's like the victim. Report an error

1:26 There's no question. You're separate from everything. It happens to you. People do it to you. Life does it to you. It isn't fair. I don't deserve it. Or it's just plain old fear, isn't it? This is really clear to us. So I think we're so used to it. We don't kind of get the learning from it, you know. And the point I'm getting at here is that what Buddha's saying is that this stuff is the suffering part and is utterly unnatural in the sense that it's not innate, which is a big surprise to us. Report an error

1:58 You know, I think all the models of our mind, I think in our culture, just assume, you know, that a person, a normal person consists of some anger, some jealousy, some depression, some love, some kindness, a nice rounded kind of picture, you know. We'd say they're the components of a person, meaning that you'd be abnormal if you didn't have some of those. So the idea, for example, that a person is, almost we'd think they wouldn't be natural if they didn't get angry sometimes. Report an error

2:29 They wouldn't be natural if they didn't feel fear sometimes. The Buddha's idea is that they are unnatural insofar as they are not innate. It might sound kind of like splitting hairs, but it's quite a profound point, you know. And it really is a starting point, you could say, for attempting to use Buddhism in your life. But the thing is to recognize it. Report an error

2:54 As long as we assume, oh well, it's normal what to do, then you won't really look at it. You'll just kind of learn to live with it. Or not, as the case may be. We don't learn to live with it. We wish it weren't there. So having this idea that just maybe it's possible that I can go beyond this stuff, I think that's quite a revelation. It's quite shocking, actually. Report an error

3:16 But that's the point that Buddha's making. But what is interesting, The irony of ego is that's this stuff, the self-pity me, the poor me. And you just have to listen to your own mind. Listen to it when you're really angry or really jealous or really depressed or really low self-esteem. It's exactly that. There's an overwhelming sense of the presence of this panic-stricken, unhappy me. Report an error

3:40 When you're feeling contented, when you're feeling loving and kind to somebody, when you're feeling, you know... busy in your life and doing useful things. It's almost like the neurotic eye has gone to sleep, hasn't it? It's like a sleeping lion. You don't notice it. You're aware of the things. You're confident. You're walking through life. You're doing this. You're getting things done. Things are working. The eye has kind of gone quiet. that's incredibly significant if we could really get the learning from that. Report an error

4:06 But when things are going well, And you're being kind to people and forgiving and you relax if the light's red and you laugh if someone's mean to you. That means the positive states of mind are prevalent at that moment. And they have this, you know, in Buddhist psychology they're very specific. They have two main characteristics. One is that they feel good. I mean in the good sense of feeling good, not the neurotic greedy feeling good, which is the feeling good of getting what you want, of attachment. Report an error

4:36 Not that one. But the feeling of good of being harmonious and confident. The positive qualities have this marvellous characteristic of feeling good, being harmonious. I mean, we ought to get the learning from this. It ought to blow our minds. We ought to notice this. Doing our market research in our mind during the day, we ought to notice what it is that makes us happy. Then we'd go, well, I must practice more of those. Report an error

5:00 But we don't. We kind of, oh, well, it's just potluck, you know. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. Hit and miss. We don't get the learning from it. And that really is the point here in Buddhist teachings. It's incredibly significant. If we do the analysis and look into our minds deeply and really identify when we're feeling a little bit loving and a little bit kind and a little bit harmonious, the characteristic of those states of mind, they're positive, they're useful. Report an error

5:29 But the other fascinating point about them is that they're in touch with reality. Even in a relative sense. And reality in Buddhist terms is that things exist interdependently. Things exist in dependence upon each other. There's interdependence. So having a feeling of interdependence, a sense of interdependence, is what we get when we've got the positive qualities. So I'm spending my time chatting away to Turkey, being friendly. Report an error

5:53 There's a sense of interdependence there. The mind is calm, you're relaxed, you listen to each other, you don't misinterpret each other too much, you're communicating. That's harmony. Well, harmony... It's harmonious because of the sense of interdependence and that's reality. That's reality, Buddha says. That's how things exist. Buddha's deal is how things exist, how things really are. Report an error

6:17 And he says how things really are is that they're interdependent. They exist interdependently. This is this in relation to this. This exists because that's working well. Things rely upon each other. And that's a characteristic of the positive qualities. And to see it is really meaningful. Report an error

6:36 Because when we are in touch with interdependence, to even some extent, which means when we're in touch with harmony and kindness, everything works. I mean it's hardly rocket science. Check the last time you were angry and jealous, nothing ever works, does it? It's jagged, everything goes wrong. When harmony is there, kindness, things work beautifully. Report an error

6:58 We all want that. Report an error

7:03 So one of the first steps in the Buddhist view is to really take this as a hypothesis, this view. the neuroses we do not need them. And as they say in Buddhist psychology, which is really an abstract word, who uses it in English? I never use it. Apparently it means that they can change. I think it means this. Look up your dictionary. It's a profound point, honestly. Report an error

7:30 But we sort of say it all cute when we talk about Buddhism, you know, because it's religion, isn't it? But it's a very profound point. Report an error

7:38 I mean, they're saying that one of the greatest discoveries of the 20th century is neuroplasticity, that your brain can change. Well, Buddha could have told you that 2,500 years ago. He has been saying it for 2,500 years. But we've only finally got it by looking at the physical, you know. Well, I'm very happy we're catching up with Buddha. He's very patient. Report an error

7:58 Oh, they got it. Isn't that nice? But we, of course, call it one of the greatest discoveries of the 20th century, like we discovered it, you know. We clever brain people. I mean, it's great we're seeing it, but it's immensely, I mean, talk about meaningful. It's mind-blowing. And this is all Buddha's saying. He's making that point. Report an error

8:17 You know, and the evidence is on the brains of people sitting there thinking gooey, compassionate thoughts, for God's sake. Not even thinking about emptiness. They're thinking loving thoughts, and their little brains completely change. Wow, that's outrageous, isn't it? Well, it's something like that, isn't it, Philip? He's doing all these experiments, isn't he? Report an error

8:36 It's something like that, isn't it? I mean, one of the greatest discoveries of the 20th century. Hear the words. So, I mean, we're getting the idea. So even if you're not prepared to take as a hypothesis, and that's what Buddha's demanding of you, you don't just swallow it whole and believe it. How ignorant can you get? You've got to hypothesize something before you begin to look into it. So even if you can't hypothesize, it seems too radical to you that you can actually get rid of all anger. Report an error

9:02 Maybe that's too much for your mind. But the fact that you can change it should blow your mind. Should it not? You should get so excited, you know, so happy. At last, you mean I can be free of this nonsense. Oh my God, what a relief. It should give us enormous confidence, enormous courage to get to see the experiential implication of that statement, you know. And that's the starting point for the Buddha. Report an error

9:27 Honey, you can change. It's unbelievable. But he goes more, like I'm saying, and he would assert. That these qualities are not innate. They're not at the core of our being. They don't define us. They're not a natural part of us. They're like kind of like warts and lumps on our body. We don't need them, okay? Report an error

9:43 We can get rid of them. Report an error

9:50 That's what, you know, all this business of Buddha nature, this way Buddhists talk. Buddha nature. That's what it means, you know. We all possess the potential to fully develop our minds in the goodness. It's a simple way to put it. Buddhist psychology speaks real simple. We've got goodness and badness. Report an error

10:08 Positive and negative. It's a very simple, almost simplistic, seemingly simplistic, but don't underestimate it, way of describing the characteristics of our mental consciousnesses. And that the characteristics of the negative ones, the unhappy ones, the voices of ego, is opposite to the positive. They're completely distressing, completely disturbing, completely miserable. And second... Report an error

10:39 Fascinatingly, as we've talked many times before, they're not in touch with reality. They're not realistic. They're unrealistic states of mind. Simply, the term used in Buddhist psychology is that they're delusional. You'd be insulted, actually, if someone accused you of being delusional. It's people who think they're Mozart, isn't it? Or people who think they fly in the sky who are delusional. And we know very clearly the word delusional. Report an error

11:06 It means not being in touch with reality. Perfect statement. That's exactly what Buddha is saying, Buddha psychology. Report an error

11:17 And the job of a person being a Buddhist is to identify, you know, identify these states of mind. And that's an introspective process. You can't look at rabbits' brains to find this out, believe me. It's an introspective process. Report an error

11:34 And that's, as we know, is expertise coming from thousands of years and the Buddhist tradition coming even from the Hindus before that. This marvelous capacity to focus this mind of ours so that it can turn in towards itself, to Report an error

11:53 see what is going on, to distinguish between these two voices, the positive wholesome ones and the negative, unwholesome, delusional ones. And then to deconstruct them in this cognitive process. Not kidding. That's it. That's being a Buddhist. But the fascinating part, you know, as I said, the irony of ego is that it's the self-pity. Report an error

12:22 Totally. When we can get that, we really have got some insight into ourselves. We really can pick ourselves up, you know. We can really stop in our tracks. We can really be embarrassed about ourselves. Be mortified to find ourselves out. Oh my God, I'm an old victim. Look at me. Poor little me. Self-pity me, as Lama Yeshe would call. Pauvre petit moi, as they say in French. I'll remember that one. Poor little me. Report an error

12:49 It sounds kind of cruel, doesn't it? Because, I mean, our suffering is, don't diminish our suffering. We're not trying to be cruel and mean to ourselves or punitive, you know. Suffering is very painful and this is what Buddha's deal is. This is what suffering is. Self-pity me is what suffering is. Jealousy, depression, low self-esteem. Report an error

13:07 Which means no courage, no confidence that I can accomplish things, blaming everybody else, overwhelmed by the misery every day, incapable, you know, depressed. We know all this stuff. Self-pity is what it is. It's incredible. It's the irony of ego. Ego is not some big strong thing. The word kind of sounds strong, you know. It isn't. A person with a big ego is a very neurotic person, very destructive to themselves and others. Report an error

13:38 That's the characteristics. And it's kind of humbling to hear it as self-pity because we don't think of ego in those terms. Report an error

13:48 And necessarily, of course, the quality, the characteristic of the positive states of mind, you could say it like this, is the opposite to self-pity. It's the mature adult person who's forgiving and kind and stable and confident and content. They're the characteristics of the positive parts of us and we're trying to grow those parts. Report an error

14:09 I Report an error

14:13 mean, it's so simple, isn't it? These words, This is not rocket science. This is not emptiness. This is not abstract. This is not difficult philosophy. These words are very tasty. We mightn't hear them exactly like this when we read Buddhist books because Asians package things in a way that's unique to their culture. Report an error

14:31 Inevitably, the Tibetans, the Indians, the Japanese. But this is our cultural way of speaking. So it sounds so kind of cute almost, but it's profound. Not kidding. Report an error

14:53 And of course, all of this stuff, the key, the point, the only reason to talk about any of this, the only reason, is to help us identify these parts of ourself and then to do something about it. Report an error

15:10 You know, we can go to therapists for 50 years and analyze ourselves deeply. I think Woody Allen has been going, I read recently, he's talking about how he's going to a therapist. I mean, his entire life goes to therapy, you know. Nothing wrong. Okay. Report an error

15:27 But there's no benefit in just analysing the chocolate cake or analysing the cancer in your arm. We can do that beautifully, but unless you act, what can I do about it? That's the question. Report an error

15:41 There's a practice we do in Tibetan Buddhism. We call it purification. Again, it sounds nice and religious, but it's a marvellous, very practical practice. You do it at the end of the day, and as Lama Zopa Rinpoche would say, you're insane not to do it every day. It's where you take stock of your day. Report an error

15:57 The Buddha says that we're moulding, or the way Lama Zopa puts it, we are moulding our mind into whatever shape we want. You know, every day by what we think and do and say, we're shaping our own self. We're creating, we're moulding ourself, quite literally. So, given that we're trying to mould a very nice person, we're trying to mould this person into the perfection that Buddha says we can become, the development of all the goodness, the happiness, the joy, the contentment, the wisdom, that's innate. Report an error

16:27 That's what we're trying to develop ourselves into, turn ourselves into, grow ourselves into. Then at the end of the day we take stock of how the day went. Report an error

16:38 And so they call this the four R's. You can call it the four R's. It's a good way to remember. And regret is the first step. And this is a very interesting state of mind, regret. Report an error

16:49 So someone asked His Holiness the Dalai Lama what's the difference between regret and what we all know very well as guilt. And this is a very significant point again, pointing to the self-pity me. Report an error

17:01 Pointing to our overdeveloped capacity to analyse but not knowing how to act on the basis of it. Just go around in circles. Report an error

17:10 So you know, so sweet how he said the difference. He said guilt looks into the past and says I did this, I did that, I did this and then you say, this is what guilt says, and I'm a bad person. So you stay stuck in it and you repeat it and you go on about it. I did this and I did that and I'm so bad and it's so terrible. I'm angry and depressed. It's just so bad and I can't change and I'm hopeless and I'm bad and I'm no good. Report an error

17:37 You kind of familiar with this? And we spend our life there. Report an error

17:45 As a therapist friend of mine said, guilt is not taking responsibility. It's just going on about something, going on about something, going on about it and going here and going and continually feeling worse. There is no action. There's no result except more misery. It is a disaster. It's not taking any responsibility. Report an error

18:08 There's no accountability. It's just basically criticizing yourself. There's no result from it but more misery. And the point is, the tragedy is, we don't even know that we can do something about it. It doesn't even seem to be to us an option. This guilt is just pervasive, it's appalling. And we just go mad, we drown and literally lose our minds. Report an error

18:33 Because we can't even see a way out. Why? Because primordially we believe in the bones of our being. This is the suffering of ego. It's just too tragic for words. So then His Holiness said, what regret is is this you look into the past and you say I did in fact do this and I did this and yes I did do that I kicked the dog at 11 o 'clock I killed my mother at one o 'clock I stole the money at two o 'clock yep I did it then you say Report an error

19:19 can I do about it the miracle that's the action that's the positive that's the grown-up that's the accountability that's the change that's the miracle just that there there that Report an error

19:38 guilt, hopeless, impotent, useless, state of mind. The difference is you're the object instead of another. You look at us. Anger. You did this and you did that and he did this and you did that and he is a bad person and we go on and on and on and we lose our minds. What do you think war and divorce and raving and fighting are all about? Precisely that one, blame, impotent, useless, a nightmare. Report an error

20:14 I love it. Martin Luther King said, it's cool, and I'm paraphrasing, it is cool to find fault. It is okay to say he did this and he did that and he did this, but like with regret. And he said, but then you say, what can I do about it? That is the saving one. That's the miracle. That's the proactive one. That's the positive one. That's the one of sanity. The Christians say, criticize the sin and not the sinner. Report an error

20:45 Buddhists say, criticize the action, not the person. That's regret. I did in fact kill somebody. I did do this. I did lie. I did steal. But excuse me, where is it written that you have to feel bad about yourself? Where is it written that you have to curse and swear and hate yourself for it? We do that. We run there like a magnet. And the same with blame. It's impotent. We don't even think we have options. Report an error

21:12 It's too terrifying. We can't hear this voice, you know. We run like a maniac to that negative one, to the hopeless one, to the impotent one. The blame mode, the guilt mode. And to put it in Buddhist philosophical terms, it is a consequence of the primordial delusion, the mother of them all, called ignorance, ma rigpa, this primordial misconception in the mind that is the voice of ego, that is beneath attachment, anger, jealousy, pride and all the day-to-day stuff, that says... Report an error

21:45 Everything exists from its own side, self-existence, stuck, frozen in space. This is how it is and it can't even move a millimetre. Report an error

21:54 Like that somehow. That's our main disease. And its nature is fear. Its nature is fear. All Report an error

22:08 the delusions in fact. The primordial one, ignorance, its nature is fear. As Lama Zopa says, when you've conquered it by realising emptiness, you know, just the shortcut word, there is no fear. Fear ceased, he says. There's no fear because the delusions in their nature are completely fantasies made up by our mind, Report an error

22:32 thus are rooted in fear. Now we know this. We know we're living in fear every minute. We know about anxiety. We have panic attacks just about, most of us. We're really mentally ill. The level of our fears and panics is incredible on this earth, isn't it? Anxiety of all the things that might happen, of all the things that did happen, of all the things that if only they could happen. Report an error

22:57 We're living in anticipation and fear all the time and that's the nature of these delusions. It's their characteristic. Again, they're delusional, remember? The positive states of mind in their nature aren't fearful. They're practical, they're reasonable, they're appropriate, they're grounded, they're down to earth and they're in touch with reality. Report an error

23:18 This is what's fascinating. The more we see our minds, the more we see these characteristics. Remember Report an error

23:31 Lama Zopa Rinpoche when he was about eight or something. He recognised he was a little boy. Up in the Sherpa country, he was recognized as the reincarnation of one previous meditator. Report an error

23:45 And of course, you know, these Tibetan yogis, as you know from the stories, they spend their lives meditating at this profound level in their caves for 20, 30 years. This particular one did. His name was Khunsang Yeshe, this Nyingmapa practitioner up in the mountains in Nepal, spent the last 30 years of his life in his cave. And then, like a lot of these great yogis, he completely, you know, that's what they say, has complete control over the death process. Report an error

24:09 ...is able to access their very subtle mind at will through their meditation and then can leave their body without basically losing control, which sounds pretty crazy to us, but this is what they're capable of. One has that capability. And so then they can choose too, they can choose their next rebirth. This is how they say, very practical. Report an error

24:30 So he said to me one of these, so since he was a tiny boy, this little Zopa... Apparently his mother's back would be turned off into the woods, chopping the wood or whatever, and Zopa's gone. And they'd find him crawling up this hill, back to where they know this cave of the previous Kunsangeshi was. Report an error

24:47 It was relentless. Every time her back was turned up, Zopa goes, you know, drag him back home. And by the time he could talk and walk, off he'd go. Come back home, they'd say. No, that is my home, he would say. So in all intents and purposes he seemed to be indicating that he knew who he was, he wanted to get it back and carry on the job of Kunsang Yeshe, the previous meditator, you know. These are kind of common stories. Report an error

25:09 And apparently his sister said, she was a nun, that from the time he could remember, and she could remember, any games that he played, he played being a Lama. And he would announce that all his benefactors from his past life were coming to the puja and he'd have mud pies for taumas and things like this, you know. Having quite confidence about who he was and all his friends and everything. Report an error

25:30 So his mother said, oh, all right then. So she goes to the local people and they say, yeah, it does look like he's the reincarnation of Kunsangeshi, whatever, you know. So when he was eight and he told this story, when he was eight and he had his manager, they're all very professional, these reincarnated lamas, and they have their managers and so on. Report an error

25:45 He's up in the mountains, up in one of these monasteries, up in the mountains of this big river. He remembers it vividly, he said, Lama Zopa told this story. And across the river he could see these very weird people with strange pale faces and straw-coloured hair. Report an error

26:01 Us Anglos, you know. And he was fascinated and he wanted to go and meet them. Well, there was just this rickety kind of rope bridge and he insisted on going. So, of course, you don't go empty-handed, so he had a bowl of potatoes. And his manager was worried about him going across the river, but he really insisted to meet these people and offer. So he went over the bridge and then he fell in the water with his potatoes. Report an error

26:23 And so it was so sweet how he told the story, okay. He said, huh, the thought occurred. The person known as the Laudo Lama, he used to meditate in this cave that used to be, Laudo means radishes or onions I think, and he pulled out the radishes and moved in, you know. That was where he meditated for 30 years. So he was known as the Radish Lama, basically. So he said the person known as the Laudo Lama is about to die. Report an error

26:54 So there he was, he said, the head, it was very objective how he told the story, the head was bobbing up and down trying to get air, you know, there he was drowning, the manager you'd see him running on the bank street, screaming and shouting, and there's Zopa, this Laudo Lama, and the thought occurred, the person known as the Laudo Lama is about to die. Report an error

27:13 And then he said, I knew nothing about emptiness. So meaning in that life he'd never heard teachings, but one has to sort of add here that An assumption has to be, based upon this behaviour and based upon his previous behaviour, that he had all the realisations, had come into this life with the realisation of emptiness, had conquered the delusions. Report an error

27:34 And as he said, I didn't know anything about emptiness, but there was no fear. So meaning, when you've conquered all the delusions, when you've gotten rid of the self-pity me, when you really have deconstructed the mind to this astonishing degree that is not even conceivable to us in our... materialist culture because the subtle mind doesn't even exist in dependence upon the brain you know so as much as work you can do on the brain once you've accessed your subtle mind your brain's gone you look like you're a dead person The Buddha's view of mind in general goes to a far more refined subtle level than any of our models in the West. Report an error

28:14 But indeed we can do a lot of research about what occurs in the mind based upon the brain, but beyond a certain point. It's impossible because it doesn't exist in dependence upon the brain, this very subtle consciousness that all the Buddhist system asserts, especially in the esoteric system. So great yogis like him would have accomplished this, have gone to this level, have deconstructed all the nonsense, all the lies, all the voices of the self-pity me and literally removed them, literally removed them from his mind. Report an error

28:44 In other words, be in touch with reality, which means be in touch with wisdom, how things exist. No delusions, no misconceptions, therefore no suffering, no garbage, no neurosis, no low self-esteem, no anger, no jealousy, no pride, full of love, wisdom, compassion, which is what Buddha says is our natural state. Report an error

29:02 So as he said, so what's interesting about this, you see, we call... We have a thing we call instinct for survival, which we have observed in animals and humans. So, of course, being in our materialist model, we assert that is kind of like capital letters, a scientific finding that's just natural to all beings, that when you're threatened, this instinct for survival rises up and then you panic and freak out and kill the other person and kind of like it's cool because that's what all beings do. Report an error

29:28 Indeed, that is the evidence of how we respond. Well, Buddha's name for instinct for survival is this primordial delusion called Ignorance, or known colloquially as ego grasping, this primordial clinging to the self-existent me. That's Buddha's name for it. So when you realize emptiness, and let's say in this case, listening to Zopa, Report an error

29:52 Then there was no ego grasping. There was no conception in his mind, even at the deepest level of an inherent I, that is what we all carry around with us, which is the source of our fear and our self-pity and our garbage and our violence and our insanity and our suffering and our fears and our panics and all the rest. Report an error

30:11 He did not have that. Therefore, there was no fear. So he was able to be rational. in observing the fact that, this is interesting, the person known as the Laudo Lama is about to die. Now what's interesting for us, we would think, but you just said his head is bobbing up and down, which means he's struggling to survive. So we call that instinct for survival. Report an error

30:36 But no, of course he was struggling to survive. Just because you don't have an ego doesn't mean you're going to sink to the bottom of the river and go, all right, I'll die. Don't be silly. Why wouldn't you try to survive? It's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. But it doesn't mean you have to panic about it. Report an error

30:50 That's what we find inconceivable. It's sort of like if you're held up by a gun. You're not going to go, oh well, kill me, there's no ego. You're going to do everything you can to stop the guy from shooting you, but you just won't get distressed, that's all. We find that astonishing. We find that inconceivable. We can't factor that in to our models of the mind because our models of the mind assume this instinct for survival as something natural, such that if you didn't have it, it wouldn't be natural. Report an error

31:18 But this again is Buddha's point. So there he was, head bobbing up and down, struggling for air, but the mind was calm, in other words. It wasn't disturbed. There was no ego to grasp at, and he had gotten that. Therefore, there was no fear. It's kind of an interesting point, isn't it? We can't conceive of that possibility, but this fits perfectly with the Buddha's view, you know. Report an error

31:51 I mean, what a relief. Would we not like to be able to experience things in life and not be panicked and fear and stressed and ridiculous and angry and jealous and all that? Would we not? I'm so happy to meet a person who actually dares to say it's possible. Thanks mate. Thank you Buddha. I'm very pleased. I'll keep giving him the time of day. I don't hear many people tell me that. I'm happy Mr Buddha. Thank you very much. I like that. Report an error

32:15 What a great possibility. I'm prepared to give him a go until I can prove him wrong. What a relief. To know that anger, jealousy, neurosis and fear are not innate in my being and that I can go beyond them. I think, I mean, we ought to be going out there and paying 100 million bucks to this fellow for this information. Report an error

32:43 So ego grasping, this is the root, you know. This is the root of the fear. The root, this ego grasping, it's a lovely term. Because the, see this is the thing about all these delusions, the way Buddha talks about them. We can talk about them very rationally, how they function, you know. But experientially... Report an error

33:00 We can see at the very grossest level of them, they are at the level of feeling, the level of the physical, the level of the fear, the level of the blood rising, the heart beating. We experience them at the physical level because indeed we are very physical beings, aren't we? Which is why some people who aren't in touch with their feelings, as we would say, don't even know that they're feeling certain things. Report an error

33:28 Actually, that could be arrogant because, let's face it, we are not aware of 99.9 % of our feelings. We only notice the very grossest level when they express themselves at the physical level, when the words vomit out the mouth, when the heart beats faster, when you feel inert with depression. We only notice our feelings based upon the experience of the body because we're not that in touch with our minds, you know. We're not that in touch with our thoughts at the emotional, cognitive level. Report an error

33:56 And that's the trick. That's Buddha's expertise. That's Buddha's thing. Report an error

34:04 And that's where concentration meditation, these marvelous psychological techniques that have been around well and truly pre-Buddha, really come in handy. They're these amazing techniques that enable us, if we have the discipline and the confidence and the patience to practice them, to access. Our minds at a subtler level so that we don't have to wait until the words vomit out the mouth to recognize your angry thoughts and feelings, your depressed thoughts and feelings. Report an error

34:34 And that's why we're all these emotional cripples with respect to us. We go around life born assuming this is natural. Our parents assume it's all natural. We just assume it's natural. No one teaches us methods at school about how to learn about our minds. A few people do it now and they're kind of considered a bit weird, you know, teaching children how to meditate. Report an error

34:53 Very hippie. Report an error

35:00 But I mean, we see, isn't it, the assumption is you're just normal until you age, whatever it is, and you've got to go find the therapist. Because you don't know how to handle what you're seeing in your own mind. Report an error

35:12 I mean, it's an awful way, you think about it, it's a very depressing way to live your life. That you buy a car and you never maintain it. And then you wait till it crashes until something terrible happens before you go to the mechanic. We know with all the things we own, we have kind of preventative things. Report an error

35:29 We don't wait till it crashes. We don't wait till the computer dies before you take care of it. You maintain things. You avoid the problems. But with our view towards our minds in this very depressing culture we live in, we just assume there's something normal there until it goes wrong. That's why we have to go find the therapist. Report an error

35:49 But it's a very bizarre way to live your life if you think about it. Why not be brought up with techniques that enable you to maintain your mind, that tell you that your mind is yours, that tell you that you can be aware since a tiny child of your feelings and you can know that they're yours and you can undertake responsibility for them and that the negative ones aren't innate but the positive ones are. Report an error

36:08 You can use words that are appropriate to children's ears. You can help them become their own little therapists. I mean, can you imagine by the time you're 10 you'd be this mature, lovely human being? Can you imagine the joy? I mean, here we are, nearly dead beginning to work on our minds, you know. Isn't it? I mean, I was 32 before I heard such words as these. Report an error

36:32 And I'm lucky. Report an error

36:36 In other words, discovering that actually there are methods that you can use to help your mind. It's like a brand new idea to us in the West. It's like weird, you know. We know there are methods to change the intellect. We know there are methods to make the body marvellous. We know there are methods to learn music and botany. Report an error

36:49 We're geniuses at intellectual stuff, artistic stuff, emotional stuff. We're less than infants, you know. It's fascinating actually when we are such astonishingly intelligent people. But we're emotional infantiles. We just make it all kind of esoteric and weird, you know. Or I think part of the problem is because we've so emphasised that it is the brain. Report an error

37:09 So we've left it up to the scientists, you know. Now it's marvellous. Science is really coming into play and really doing a lot of this stuff, bringing it into sync with spiritual findings. It's fantastic in that way. But if we leave it up to the scientists and know that the only way to know a mind is to look at a rabbit's brain when you're a little girl at school, it's kind of depressing, isn't it? Report an error

37:30 And that is a consequence of the materialist view. Then, of course, the option is that you're a Christian, so you've got to look at your soul. Well, Buddha's got the third one, introspection. Know your thoughts and feelings. You don't need to look at your brain to know about your anger. And you don't need to change your brain physically to change your anger, which is what's being proved these days. Report an error

37:51 By thinking compassionate thoughts, your brain changes itself, okay? Leave it alone. It's cool. Work on the cognitive process. Work on the introspective. This is the Buddha's specific expertise. That's his unique expertise. Yes, all religion is all religion. But Buddha's deal is really, really specific to the Buddha. Report an error

38:12 I'm not trying to make him sound, well I am, I'm a real selling, I'm a great seller of Buddha. His expertise is the human mind. His expertise is the human mind. Report an error

38:25 Introspective, cognitive processes. Report an error

38:31 So how amazing, how fortunate we are, how lucky to find such things. But of course the real one is to have the courage to apply them. We can talk about them until the cows come home. We can all go blah blah because we're very good intellectually, you know. But the real one is to see the experiential relationship, to get the experiential implication of the words, to put our money where our mouth is. Report an error

38:55 This is the real one. Mainly my experience of teachers has been around these Tibetans, like this Geshe up here, like somebody's old grandpa, you know, basically. Report an error

39:06 She's up in his room all day doing his thing. Well, first of all, he's an astrologer. He's like all they study the five sciences, as they say in these monasteries. And as Lama Zopa says, basically he's the best astrologer on the planet. Well, you'd never know it. He doesn't open his mouth, just cracks jokes, you know, pats the dogs, goes for a walk in the park, comes back and sits in his room again. Report an error

39:27 He's like an old grandpa, basically. He's been teaching philosophy here for 10 years. He's astonishing. But the humility. He's beyond belief. It's hard to bear almost in our culture. You'd think he was just some kind of backward person. Just grins, kind of wrinkles, fat. Report an error

39:46 But he's this genius scholar, mind like a knife. Phenomenal spiritual qualities. And this is what I found anyway from my experience with Tibetan practitioners because they're my main experience. That they've got this incredible capacity to connect the brilliance of a wise mind philosophy philosophy maturity. Report an error

40:08 And that's the combination, that's the combination, you know, that I find enormously appealing. It's my own personal thing in my life, you know, in my whole life, always wanting kind of the big picture, wanting the philosophy, wanting the viewpoint, wanting a way to put the world together, wanting to understand things, wanting to get, wanting to understand things. Report an error

40:30 It's been a thing that's driven me in my life, you know. Sure, I want happiness. Sex, drugs, jazz, yes, yes, yes. But I wanted freedom and I wanted truth more. And I'm not trying to sound noble, believe me. It's what drove me. Report an error

40:46 But what I didn't notice until I was like in my 30s and I finally bumped into these Tibetans, that I'd missed, I didn't, well I did notice the lack, but I didn't know if there was such a thing where you could find the intellectual, the philosophical, the explanations, the nuts and bolts all clear, coming along with experiential. Report an error

41:06 You either have spiritual, which is experiential, or you have science, which is intellectual. But what I love for myself about the way the Tibetan tradition, especially in this monastic tradition, the great philosophical monastic tradition, you can't have one without the other. They feed each other. The philosophical and the wisdom along with the experiential. What a wonderful combination, you know. And so even now, like I said, most of us, even as Buddhists, think spiritual means beyond the philosophical, beyond the intellectual. Report an error

41:34 Just the experiential. And then if we're scientific, it's just the philosophical, the scientific, and forget the introspective, forget the emotional. I mean, look at these genius physicists, half of them are wacko, emotionally, like infantile, not being mean. Some people, minds are so brilliant, unable to bear it all emotionally. So the bottom line is, unless it all expresses itself in emotional maturity, it's just intellectual, it's meaningless, it's just a bunch of words. Report an error

42:07 It's meaningless. Just like if you know a bunch of recipes and you think you're a great cook. Oh, make me a cake then, Robina. Oh, no, I can't do that. I mean, you'll be chucked out the door as a phony, wouldn't you? If you can't put your money where your mouth is, your mouth will be quiet. That's the point here. This is the one that's so strongly emphasised. And anyone who meets the Dalai Lama can see this, you know. Report an error

42:30 You go to his philosophical teachings, you haven't got a clue what he's saying. But you love the guy because he makes you laugh and he cracks jokes about his oppressors and laughs about Mao Tse Tung, you know. But everybody can see he's emotionally mature. You get my point here? That's spiritual. That's spiritual. We can all say words even cleverer than him. Report an error

42:50 We're brilliant in the West. We're intellectual geniuses. But look at us. It doesn't have one fraction of influence upon our emotional maturity. We still walk around with the jealousy and depression and all the rest because we cannot see the relationship between scientific and experiential maturity. That if there's not a system that can bring these two together, then we really are missing. We're like a bird with one wing, you know, which is the Buddhist deal. Report an error

43:20 A bird needs two wings. Wisdom. That's where you put the nuts and bolts together. That's your scientific one. That's your reality one. That's what the meaning of things. That's what's finding the laws of the universe. Understanding what the hell is going on in this world. Put two and two together. Get it clear. That's the intellectual. But the experiential implication of that is happiness, contentment, fulfillment and then The compassion wing, empathy with others. These two go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. Compassion is not enough, His Holiness says. Report an error

43:57 You need wisdom. And wisdom on his own? You're Hitler, basically. And an emotional infantile. A wreck. Report an error

44:11 I've lost the track about self-pitying me, haven't I? Sorry. Do you want to ask some questions? Well, anyway, I'm a great fan of the Buddha, so there you go. Report an error

44:24 Ask some questions. Is there a mic there? A mic for somebody? Report an error

44:31 So the point about all this talk is if you can see some way to put it into practice, then the success. Even 1 % of what you just heard, if you can take it home and put your money where your mouth is, you're doing a great job. Report an error

44:49 Anyone got a question? Report an error

44:55 About the self-pity? About ego? About emptiness? About anything we haven't talked about? I'll talk about it, I promise. Report an error

45:12 Okay. promise. Report an error

45:17 Thank you, Robina. Report an error

45:24 Theoretically and in practice, when my mind is calm, I generally don't have a challenge, have no challenge with a negative emotion. It's when the negative emotion has taken over that I'm lost. That's right. So given that basis, Okay. have a question Report an error

45:41 basis, when clouds When it's taken over, I generally don't see it coming over. I'm not usually mildly frustrated. Or if I am, I'm not, maybe as you say, not in touch with it. So I guess the question is, are there ways to, if you will, before we're masters at preventive maintenance in our minds, of how do we go about beginning to intervene? Report an error

46:16 And look for the antidotes. I mean, okay. It really is the same in any system that you're trying to learn. If you're trying to learn how to play the piano, if you've only just begun, well, you're really almost incapable of noticing mistakes, aren't you? Because you just don't have enough knowledge yet. So your ability to intervene or to see it coming surely is coming from the extent of your practice. Report an error

46:41 So if you've got a week's practice, that's how much you've got to bear. To fall upon, isn't it? But as you keep practicing, so what you're developing is a capacity to notice your mind slightly more deeply. You're not just sort of sucked into everything going nicely. You've got an awareness. You're kind of alert. You're watching your mind. Mostly now when we're going, things are going well and we haven't practiced much introspection. Report an error

47:04 We're just floating along, grasping at everything being nice. There's no introspection. There's no awareness whatsoever. And then the unhappy part comes and we freak out. But so the step that's missing in our ordinary lives which we're trying to develop here is this really, is this simply this introspection, this capacity to notice your thoughts. Report an error

47:25 That's all. So the more you practice that and the more you know that your mind has got anger and jealousy and fears because you've seen them come often enough, then you're going to be on the alert. You're going to watch for them. You meet a person you know you have trouble with. You're watching your mind. You're being prepared. Report an error

47:42 You're watching the danger signs. So it's just learning more and more. And that takes effort because we don't want to keep that alive. We'd rather just suck into the comfort zone and be all content and happy and, you know, get things nice. So it's quite difficult. It's only when things do go wrong that we're forced to look inside if we're brave enough. Like all our friends in prison say, it's their wake-up call. Report an error

48:03 When things are going hunky-dory, who cares? Who cares to look in your mind? So you've got to develop that one and be aware of all these sleeping lions in there. Isn't it? And the more you're aware, the more you see your dangers. You know the things that cause it. You know the things that trigger it. So you learn to avoid or you be skillful or you see them coming. You just become more intelligent, honestly. More intelligent, that's all. Report an error

48:25 There's one way to say it, isn't it? Report an error

48:33 Yes, Vivica. Tell me something. Report an error

48:39 So learning to see and catch our danger signs. But my own experience is that it's... And I know exactly how you're going to respond to this, but... It's just, it's so discouraging. It is, I know. Because I just see it more and more. That's it, I know. So then, and then we go into that guilt and blame. That's right, but that's the one you've got to change. Report an error

49:04 Right. So then it needs to have a good dose of compassion in there, I guess. Absolutely. Really, the simple way to say this approach is like... Compassion for yourself here. And I think, this is why I think, you know, taking as our hypothesis the Buddha's view that we come into this life fully programmed, Viveka, even though we might not think, oh, I don't believe in reincarnation, but if we're looking into Buddha's deal, at least take the hypothesis that your mind isn't physical and that it's profoundly brainwashed with ancient habits and your mummy did not teach you. Report an error

49:37 You came fully programmed with all these instinctive habits. When we know how deep they are, we can get some humility with ourselves and stop giving up these absurd false expectations that I shouldn't be like this. That's the wrong interpretation. That's the guilty one. Where is it written that you shouldn't be like this? Shouldn't be like it sort of assumes that Okay, shouldn't be like it in the sense that it's not comfortable and I'd rather not be like it. But shouldn't be like it implies that somehow you... Report an error

50:08 It's wrong to say shouldn't. Shouldn't is a meaningless word. If only and why not and shouldn't and couldn't and wouldn't and how dare, they are all fantasy words. Is is the appropriate word and you know why it is is because it's been an ancient habit. So then you're more humble about it. Then you can accept it more because the voice of delusions is why, how dare, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, if only and all those. Report an error

50:33 They're all the unrealistic. And that's what guilt is. It's an unrealistic state of mind. It's an assumption that somehow it's a mistake that you're like this. But that's a bizarre interpretation. According to whom? Can you hear the point I'm making? It's a completely irrational conclusion to come to. Report an error

50:54 But that is what delusions are. They're completely irrational and they're self-beating. They're cursing and swearing. Like when you get impatient with somebody else. You shouldn't be this way. Excuse me, who said? I don't like it that you're this way. That's great. You get my point. That's what we're really saying. But shouldn't is a very bizarre assumption. Report an error

51:19 It's not realistic. It is this way and that's what's impatience, anger, which is what guilt is against yourself, is not seeing reality and in a very real sense that's exactly what Buddha's saying. They're not in touch with reality. I wish it was this way. How dare it not be this way? Why isn't it this way? If only it were this way. I wish it was this way. Report an error

51:38 That's how delusions talk. The positive states of mind are the is ones. That's why I like the Zen thing. It's all about what is. It's profoundly true. Report an error

51:49 Patience. I remember when I watched Kundun, you know, His Holiness' wonderful movie. And all these actors, you can see that they're like His Holiness, maybe not like His Holiness, but they don't have much anger. And I know His Holiness always says that Tibetans as a people don't have much anger, which means they're unbelievably realistic in the face of something awful. Report an error

52:07 So a person with anger is, you know, if you watch the Kundun and you saw the Chinese communist guards cursing and swearing the ifs and the buts and how dares and the wrongs and the shoulds, but His Holiness, even when he heard the most terrible news, he'd kind of turn over, he'd... Bend over in pain, but already you could see even this actor was already dealing with this is the reality, now let's see what we can do about it. But we spend all our life cursing it and swearing it and if only it is this way and why is it this way and it's wrong, that's how delusion talks. Report an error

52:38 That's ego talking. It's a lie and it's meaningless. And that's what paralyzes us. We can never move beyond that. So what we've got to say is, oh my God, there we go again. This is ridiculous. Look at this anger, Robina. Let's see what I can do about it. Already you're moving forward. The other one's paralysed. That's the voice we have to get. Report an error

52:57 So to say I shouldn't be this way is utterly bizarre. I am this way. What's the reason? I must have practised it. Guess what? Report an error

53:08 That's what cause and effect means. So that's the reality and then you can move forward and that's what changes. That second you can say, this is what's going on, this is how I am, let's see what I can do about it. That second is the beginning of practice. And until then we're stuck. Woody Allen going to a therapist for 57 years. I mean, I'm just joking. Report an error

53:29 I'm sure he's changed a lot. A lot of introspection at least. And that's the thing that I find mind-blowing about Buddhist psychology. It sounds so cute to talk about anger and jealousy. I mean, they're so simplistic, you know. But they have this voice of paralysis, and that's the ego-grasping one. That's the function of this primordial delusion. Report an error

53:49 It's paralyzed, stuck, frozen, and it's living in the if-onlys instead of is. When as soon as we can say this is how it is, the people have just destroyed my country, then he said now let's see what I can do about it. That's sanity. Do you hear me? Do you see what I'm saying? We've got to catch that moment. Catch that and say okay, that's how it is, let's see what I can do about it. And that's the same when Philippe does something wrong. Report an error

54:18 Guilt and blame, they're identical. And they're paralysed and they're cursing and swearing. In other words, I love it that this new Malama, I'll never forget it, anger. Report an error

54:28 Frustration, annoyance, they're all just those nice words for anger, is the response when attachment is thwarted. So then we can understand at the deeper level, the primordial one, even above primordial enough, the ignorance, is the one of attachment, which is this unbearable, bottomless pit of neediness and expectation that things be the way I want them. Report an error

54:49 And the millisecond they don't get what they want. That's the moment that aversion arises and that's the frustration, the annoyance, the irritation, how dare, it's only, it's wrong, guilt, blah. So all the delusions have this voice. They're not realistic. They're if only and why not and curse and swear. Patience is this is how it is. Let's see what I can do about it. Report an error

55:12 It's a miracle. Then already change is coming. It's humble. And it's forgiving of yourself completely. Guilt is just this ripping ourselves to pieces like it's a virtue. It's really quite a disgusting state of mind, actually. Report an error

55:29 And we are addicted to it. So we have to change that one. So for me, the way to say it is this. I remember some moment in my own, hardly call it progress, but let's call it some progress. Otherwise, if I'm being a Buddhist for 30 years and there's no change, I'm pretty stupid, aren't I? I'm like Woody Allen, you know? Report an error

55:49 So let's assume there's been some progress in my mind, hopefully, a little bit. But I remember the moment when Report an error

56:01 I began to say, yes, I'm angry, but that's okay, it doesn't define me, I can change it. So what I'm getting at is we have anger, we have jealousy, we have depression, we have this and we have that. And then we come into Buddhism and then we just make it worse. Because now we curse ourselves even more for having these things, thinking that that's spiritual practice. But that's fundamentalism. Look at what people, that's what people think spiritual practice is. Report an error

56:30 This awful fundamentalism. It's like an absolute mental neurosis, you know. It's a terrible state of mind. So the miracle is, I say to myself, it's bad enough being angry, why be miserable as well? Report an error

56:43 Bad enough being depressed, why be miserable as well? It's an ancient habit. It's just the way it is. Now let's be happy about it and know that it doesn't define me and I can move forward. Already a miracle, already changed, already the mind's more relaxed. But we're angry and then we get angry about being angry. Report an error

56:59 We get jealous and then we get angry about being jealous. That is what we think spiritual practice is and it's just plain wrong. It's just wrong. So we have to have this incredible courage to develop that new voice, to actually say it's okay, Robina. Not that it's okay to be angry because it's not. But it's okay because it's a habit and I can't expect it not to be there if I haven't done the work. So I have to face the fact that it's there. Report an error

57:25 Now let's see what I can do about it. That's the courage. That's the sweetness. That's the softness. And that's the change. We've got to hear our own voice because it all goes so quick. We don't even see the difference between saying I'm angry and I feel bad about it. We can't even hear those differences but that's the one. The anger will go but one of the major ways for it to go is when you start saying I can change, it's okay and you learn to live with it. Report an error

57:52 Like you've got this big lump on you and you learn finally to accept it's there and it's cool, I can change. Until then all we've done is curse it. Stop cursing it. It's not productive. But see it's false. Think it's appalling. Then you're going to Kind of like hate the anger, not hate yourself. Because you're seeing the suffering you're causing you and that's when the compassion comes. When you can see it's painful, then the softening comes. Report an error

58:18 You cry with compassion for yourself instead of cursing yourself. And this is a function of ego. This is the function of ego, the one of beating ourselves. It's just awful. It's just appalling state of mind and it's paralysis. Isn't it? We've got to catch. It seems counterintuitive, completely bizarre to think, oh my God, this is a disaster, but it's okay. I'm in this raging anger, there's something just gone crazy in my mind, but it's okay. Report an error

58:49 But you've got to say it's okay because now you can see it more clearly and now you can do something about it. We have to do this. There's no chance otherwise. We'll destroy ourselves and we won't change. We'll just get worse. Report an error

59:07 And talk about introspection. We don't even see the difference between the voice that says I'm angry and I'm bad about it. We have to see the difference. We have to hear it. We have to accept the fact. What's the facts? You can almost say all the virtuous states of mind are all about facts and figures. What are the facts? And all the delusions are about the fiction. Report an error

59:27 The shoulds and the woulds and if onlys and the why nots and the how dares. Or more than it is or less than it is. They're never reality. Whereas the virtues are realistic states of mind. This is what it is, like Martin Luther King says, this is this and it's this and it's this, but then you say, what can I do about it? Report an error

59:44 That's the saving piece. That's the compassion, actually. The other one is impotence and insanity. That's the terrorist mind. Look at it. Terrifying. Report an error

59:59 Yes, darling? Report an error

1:00:05 When you see what is going on and you feel helpless, because you know... What can you do? I heard that something happened to me this morning. Yes, Solange. She did something. I won't talk about it here. That's all right, Solange. You do just like what I'm saying, darling. You accept the reality and you try to fix it and then you accept it and you move on. Report an error

1:00:33 I cannot fix it. Well, then you accept it. Because I'm not going to get rid of the cat. All you have to do is to give the cat away. Well, you accept it, darling. You try to accept it, Solange. Report an error

1:00:44 it's okay. You accept it so long. I accept. I think he's doing very well, sweetheart. I think he is, yes. He's doing very well. I think he is. I don't know, but I think he must be. Has anybody heard about His Holiness lately? So any more questions, people? Where is he? He's all fantastic. He's good, good. So give the microphone. Any more questions, people? Any more questions? Take the microphone. Keith, maybe you can take the microphone from Solange. Report an error

1:01:26 Thank you very much. So anything more we can talk about? Practical somethings? Advices? Ideas? Concepts? I have a question. Yes. Hello. I'm very well. Thanks. Good. Report an error

1:01:44 When we're practicing the compassion and the kindness and the innate virtues, where I'm at is differentiating the should can go into that too and say I should be compassionate. I should be more kind and then it's like a pseudo-spirituality type thing. So how do you get in? That's been really tricky for me because I've been thinking I'm... Report an error

1:02:09 I'm getting wedged into that should in that way. I should be feeling this certain way. Well, you know, there's nothing wrong with practicing something, is there? There's nothing wrong with faking it till you make it. You understand? There's nothing wrong with that. And I think even then we also put ourselves down. Like when you go out of your way to be kind to a person at work who's making you crazy. Report an error

1:02:27 And then we kind of feel like we're phony. But better than punching them in the nose. Excuse me, you know. I mean, better that you try to be kind and you go beyond your own wish to be mean. This is incredibly humble and kind of you. Maybe you're not talking about that. But if we sort of, the should one, the voice of should is anxious and neurotic and never satisfied. Never satisfied. Report an error

1:02:51 And that's the nature of attachment. It is a bottomless pit of dissatisfaction. No matter what we achieve, we're always saying should more. And it really is quite cruel, actually. And it's not realistic. The more we get, the more we want. It's the nature of attachment and it's dissatisfaction. It's the irony of it. So, I mean, of course we should be compassionate and of course we shouldn't be angry. Report an error

1:03:11 It's good to say this. But being realistic about where we're at is important. And then I think, they talk in Tibetan and it always sounds so holy, a major practice they call is to rejoice. It sounds cute, you know, but it really just means saying very positive things to yourself. Report an error

1:03:27 You check the end of the day, you did this and that and you killed your mum and all that stuff, but then you also say, I made an effort and I didn't kill my father too. You kind of see my point. Because dissatisfaction, which is the energy of attachment, it's kind of ironic, it literally is never satisfied, whether it's with money or our progress, spiritual progress. Report an error

1:03:48 So we're always thinking we should have achieved more and it's an utterly bizarre concept. It's utterly, if you're in grade 2, who says you should be in grade 3? Be happy about being in grade 2 and guess what? You'll very soon go to grade 3. But we've got to be satisfied with grade 2. Of course you're aiming for grade 12. Don't ever think you're not. But being happy about being in grade 2 encourages you to get grade 3. Report an error

1:04:13 But if you're never happy with wherever you are, you'll never get there. Ever. Ever. Ever. So you've got to be content. So we've got to recognize our delusions, recognize how far we've gone, be delighted with our progress and with our efforts. And I really mean say those words and truly be, you know, we practice meaning it. Report an error

1:04:32 And the more we can praise ourselves, the more you can see your rubbish and the more you can move on from it. But if you're always like beating that dog, always beating that child, you'll break its little back. It'll never do anything. We've got to do the praising and I'm really serious, not in an arrogant sense but in a humble sense because ego loves to hate ourself. Ego loves a problem. Report an error

1:04:51 Ego loves to criticise. Ego loves to be dissatisfied. We've got to go against that instinct and that's the one that runs the show right now. It's a bottomless pit. It really is. And we've just got to not believe it. As Lama Zopa says, we've got to stop believing in our karmic appearances. The instinct of voices are very deep and they're the ones running the show. We have to argue with them. Report an error

1:05:11 This is a major part of cognitive practice. Argue with them. And so you take another assessment. You might be feeling exhausted. At the end of the day, work was really hard. And you check your day out. You check the bad things you did. You regret it and you say, OK, what can I do about it? And then you praise yourself for the good qualities because there's plenty. I mean, you've just got to compare yourself with some of the maniacs in the world. Report an error

1:05:30 Are you killing and looting and stealing and raping and murdering and dropping bombs? I don't think you are, Suzanne. Well, then you have every right to praise yourself. I mean, I am not joking. As Lama Zopa says, even one kind thought is a miracle. And we're actually trying actively as a basis for our life using morality and the wish to progress and be kind people. Report an error

1:05:53 I mean, it is pathetic that we have so much self-pity. It's outrageous that we have so much constant criticism of ourselves. But then that's okay too. Notice it and then tell it to shut up every now and again and like crack a joke at it, you know. Really. It's okay. It's just an old, ancient habit. And that's why I do find it so beneficial. You know, the Tibetan tradition, the big picture thing, very strong, as you know, you know, not just dealing with the practices now, but taking into consideration this concept of the mind being a continuity, coming fully programmed, the concept of karma. Report an error

1:06:29 It's very powerful experientially because it's humbling because then you realize how profound the habits are that you brought with you. So you can't expect them to change overnight. It's not appropriate to expect them to change overnight. It's absurd to expect them to change overnight. So you learn to kind of greet it and happily welcome it as the next challenge rather than always cursing it and never being satisfied with your inner progress. Report an error

1:06:55 It really is, and we must just do it. We have to think the thoughts, think the thoughts. It's really very meaningful. Makes sense, doesn't it? Yes, much better. So I tell you. Report an error

1:07:12 As my mother used to tell me when I was screaming and crying in agony in dramas, you're your own worst enemy, Bobsy. I was Bobsy, you know. Report an error

1:07:23 Bobsy is ridiculous. Is that what they call you here? No. I don't think anything's so affectionate. Report an error

1:07:35 Bobsy, my God. Is there anything else, people? At 9.43, it's curious to have a class so late. I'd rather like it, actually. isn't it? Report an error

1:07:36 it. Report an error

1:07:45 We're deciding soon actually to have a meal. We've got this gorgeous chef. Oh, she's saying he's going to Portland. Never mind, we can do like a meal beforehand. Have a nice elegant meal or even a meal after one. Then we're going to have music. You're going to come on Saturday night. Sarah Brown, where is she? Sarah's going to play some jazz for us on her little electric piano. Anyway, never mind. Report an error

1:08:05 It's tomorrow night, isn't it? What time? There you go. Come for a latte and a piece of jazz. So where's your question? Go on. When I hear you tell the story about Zopa and falling in the water and he'd already been... No fear. Right, no fear. Been in a cave for 30 years before that. That's right. And then you talk about yourself being a Buddhist nun. You're like, I think maybe my mind has changed. I mean, stories like that just actually make me really discouraged because I can't predict the future, but I don't think I'm going to go sit in a cave. Report an error

1:08:38 I'm lucky if I meditate for a few minutes a day. So when I hear those things, I'm like, I'm screwed. No, I know, it's true. There's no point. I should just go home and go to bed and accept my misery. I know, yeah. Okay, if I think about, I know one time His Holiness, they all say he's actually the fully enlightened Buddha, but being kind of humble, he says he doesn't know anything. Report an error

1:08:59 And then one person actually in the class, he cried. And he said, if you don't know anything, what chance do we have? That's the way I have it. So he sort of backed off a bit and said, all right, maybe I know a few things, you know. But I mean, I can only be realistic here and say I'm definitely not like His Holiness. Report an error

1:09:21 But I've got lots of enthusiasm for it and I know it works and I can definitely see some progress. But it is long term and I think that's okay because our hungriness to feel better is just junky mind. We've got to be in for the long haul because as long as you're going to live, you're going to always be with your mind. And the thing is, this is again where I find the Buddhist, the bigger picture quite helpful. Report an error

1:09:41 You get some kind of context, not just I'm trying to be mindful and be a better person and curse and swear about your misery, but you've got a long sense of where you've come from and you've got a long sense of where you're heading. You've got a bit of humility about, wow, I'm really going nicely here. The road may be a million miles long, but I'm on track and I've got a map and that's cool. Report an error

1:10:01 Then I think some humility and patience comes rather than frantically thinking, oh my God, I hope I'm better soon. Are you hearing my point? There's a long way to go. But that's cool. I don't mind that. Because I think, you know, if you're lost and don't know where you are, you get really nervous. But if you've got a map, even if it's a long way, you relax, don't you? Report an error

1:10:24 Because you know you're on track. But if I have a... So this is the other part of the question. That I'm not lost, right? It's... What do you mean? Sorry. Report an error

1:10:41 No, but you make it all cosmic now. That's ridiculous. Report an error

1:10:52 What's it got to do with a tree and a cave? Who's discussing trees and caves? I'm not. What do you mean by that? I know you sort of mean, but come on. What do you mean, really? What are you saying, actually? you know, if I'm not sitting in a cave for 30 years and suddenly snap, you Report an error

1:10:48 Ridiculous. Report an error

1:11:04 I guess, I don't know, sometimes I feel like there's, and maybe it's just what you're saying, I feel like I'm impatient, but I feel like there's not a lot of progress in the middle. Report an error

1:11:15 Okay, you're doing what she's doing. You're never satisfied with what you're doing. Can I ask you a few questions, okay? Do you want to be a nice person? Yes. And you try to be reasonably kind? Do I try? Yes. Most of the time. And you don't try to be too angry and too jealous and too violent and kill too many beings? Is that true? Yes. And not try to steal too often? Report an error

1:11:34 Are you not dropping any bombs lately? No. Well then, sweetheart, you have every reason to be in tears of joy with your progress. That's my point. But you know what? You're dissatisfied. You don't think you're good enough. That's the voice of ego. And that's the one that's pervading our being right now. Report an error

1:11:52 But it's not a realistic voice because you've got to do your market research on this earth and compare yourself with some other people and you will see you're really doing well. Are you hearing my point here? But you have to start accepting that. You've got to start accepting that. You've got to start seeing that's a truth. But you're doing what we're all doing. You're not satisfied with your progress and so you're cursing and swearing yourself. Report an error

1:12:15 And it's just not appropriate. Can you hear me or not? Well, think about it. In other words, there's an assumption in your mind, just like we're talking to Vivica, who's going home to her baby Tara, is she? What's the name of little Tara, isn't it? Tara. Oh, wonderful. So there's an assumption in your mind that you should be better than you are. Who told you that? Where is it written that you should be better than you are? Report an error

1:12:45 Would you please tell me that? It's a very serious question. Report an error

1:12:52 So? About you. No, we're talking about you here, not theoretical. We're talking about you being dissatisfied with your progress. So I'm asking you again the question, where is it written? According to whom do you think you should be better than you are? That's a very important question and you've got to give me a proper answer. Report an error

1:13:20 You don't even understand what I'm asking you. You're telling me that you should be better than you are, aren't you? You're telling me that you should be better than you are. Are you not telling me this? That you're dissatisfied with your progress? It seems like a long way to go yet. Are you saying that? So again, you're dissatisfied with where you are at this moment. Is that correct? Report an error

1:13:44 Sweetheart, stop being theoretical and intellectual here. Stay right with this point. You are telling me that you should be better than you are. Is that correct? Yes. I'm asking you a question. Who told you you should be better than you are? According to which set of rules should you be better than you are? That's my point. Report an error

1:14:08 So why don't you just change your set of rules and suddenly you'll get satisfied. It's up to you then, isn't it? That's right. Exactly. Report an error

1:14:19 Because you are the boss. There's no external... Pressure out there called God or the judge or your mother that's saying you should be better than you are. It's you who has put it upon yourself. It's like, how tall are you? Just ask a question, how tall are you? Okay, it's like you are cursing yourself every day that you're not six foot six. Report an error

1:14:40 You're having a mental breakdown, you go to people to stretch you, you're worried, you're depressed, you want to kill yourself. I'm not six foot six. Well, excuse me, just decide you're six feet and you'll get happy. I am really not joking. I'm really not joking. Report an error

1:15:00 It's up to you, darling. You're the boss of your life, nobody else. This is the point about the delusions. They are in their nature dissatisfied. No matter what we are, no matter what we get, no matter how good we are, no matter how much money, no matter how much sex, drugs, rock and roll, we are never, ever... Report an error

1:15:17 Attachment in us is never satisfied. So the part of you that's talking is called attachment. It's a bottomless pit. dissatisfaction. It loves to find fault. Join the club, sweetheart. But you can change it. It's just a voice in your head. You can write another story and start giving that one credibility. Report an error

1:15:41 And that's the realistic one, that you're doing well. You're making progress every single day. This is your life where you are at this moment in this time. Forget trees and caves. Be happy with that, sweetheart. Be humble. That's my advice. Report an error

1:16:00 What do you think? Are we speaking about the same thing here? think you're doing very well. You look quite fine to me. Report an error

1:16:17 else to have an argument no darling come on give her the mic Report an error

1:16:31 I don't want to get on the path, but I have had a lot of bad things happen. the last couple years and a whole lot in the last couple weeks I wasn't doing it Except when you get angry or something and I can really get into that. I can see that concrete where I'm making myself me. But I haven't been doing that. I look at all the things that are happening that I don't like and I'm thinking, you know, that's my karma. Report an error

1:17:06 And then I've been doing a lot of bodhicitta work. And for the last week I've just been like, I almost feel like that... Report an error

1:17:17 People will think I'm crazy because I'm as happy as I am even with all this crap that I've got to wade through. Now is that going just a different angle than what you were talking about? I think you sound mentally very sane to me and very healthy. But you're being content with the process. Being content. You're kind of accepting it. Yeah. Report an error

1:17:37 Well that's it. Well I'm not even just accepting it, I'm like happy. I'm not happy that I have, but you know, it's just beyond that. There you go. Now is that coming in just from a different angle than you're looking at the anger? I think you are. I'm not really looking at those. No, but you're kind of content with what's going on. You're dealing with it, you're confronting it, you're accepting it and you're just working with it. Is that what you're saying? That's making me very happy. Report an error

1:18:03 Well then that's, I wouldn't analyze it too much. Sounds good to me. Keep it up. I mean. You know, you say you mentioned, you're the one who mentioned the word bodhicitta. I mean, you had this wish, the aspiration. Oh yeah, I've been reading it. Well, good darling. So it's kind of triggering a bunch of stuff in you. Report an error

1:18:21 That's just fantastic. Well done. Keep trucking. So yes, you're kind of not just the wisdom one here, you're applying the compassion wing as well. Because that's really the more advanced one. We go back and forth between these, you know. Because the greatest antidote of all, to all of this stuff, we'll cut it right there, is this one of bodhicitta, exchanging self for others, sacrificing yourself, giving... Report an error

1:18:40 Taking the blame, I mean that's a profound level of practice and we can do it sometimes. And sometimes it can be enormously, yeah, fulfilling. I've been doing the Tonglen when I go to bed. There you go, amazing. I try to do it like as I'm going to sleep. Yeah, there you go. So yes, you're applying the compassion wing. Report an error

1:18:58 That's incredible, well done. We were talking the wisdom wing before, so it is a different angle. You're exactly right. You indeed are. It's fantastic. Because, you know, the wisdom one... Strictly speaking, until we've realised emptiness, until we've cut the misconceptions from the mind, our compassion anyway is really limited. And finally, actually, no matter how much bodhicitta you have, until you realise emptiness, you haven't cut the root of the nonsense. Report an error

1:19:22 But in itself, the one of exchanging self for others and all this are profound, outrageous levels of practice that can instantly cut so much of the fears and the nonsense. Instantly. I mean, take great bucket loads of junk out of our minds. Very powerful. Like a rocket boost, you know. Oh yeah, it's taken all the fear. There you go. Well done. The pity. Good girl. Well done. I don't know what else is there. Report an error

1:19:48 Anger, I guess. Well, that's good. That's fine. That's great. But don't get overexcited about it because, you know. No. Report an error

1:19:59 Because another whole new level of practice will come soon. When you get old and get cancer and your arm drops off or something, you know. Will they send you to prison and blame you for murdering somebody? You never know, so be ready for it. Report an error

1:20:18 What else, people? We are ridiculous, aren't we? Report an error

1:20:25 I think it's time to go, don't you think? It's ten o 'clock, for goodness sake. Report an error

1:20:30 Well, I think... Well, everybody, so food for thought. The point is to put all this into practice and again, I think if we can go away from this... Knowing we can change, that these neuroses are very real inside us, they are indeed running the show now, but when we can learn to hear them at the conceptual level, hear them in a cognitive sense, I mean hear them in a... Report an error

1:20:55 In a sense of there being stories, it's a great way we say it in the West, they are attachments to story. This idea that I'm not enough is just a story that you've written, that we've believed in for a long time. So if I believe that story, I have the right and the power to make another story. And so, you know, the Buddha's saying, just write the virtuous story. And that's a story that happens to be in sync with reality, that indeed I can change, that this stuff is not innate, that it's not the core of my being, that it is okay, that I am making progress, you know. Report an error

1:21:25 That things are all right, that I can handle dramas. This is a very powerful story and the fact is it's the truth. The Buddha would say, check it out, that's all. So we can go with that, knowing there's space in our minds to change our thoughts. And I'm talking about changing our thoughts, not some mystical thing called a feeling, you know. Report an error

1:21:43 A thought. Because it all comes down to thoughts. At a very subtle level. Thoughts. Buddha's this great cognitive therapist. There's no doubt about it. So go home with that, you know. And then just keep moving forward, one humble step at a time. If it ends up in a cave or ends up under a tree, then cool. Report an error

1:22:06 But one step at a time, please. You know, one step at a time. Be where you are, all these things. Right now, moving forward. And the thing to guide you, the beacon to guide actually, as Lama Zopa says, everything exists on the tip of the wish. So to have this aspiration, I want to do what's most beneficial. May I do what's most beneficial? That'll guide you like a beacon. You might know what the most beneficial thing to do is next step, but that will guide you to choose it when the time comes. Report an error

1:22:34 It's like a beacon that guides you on your path. There's no doubt. May I do what's most beneficial? May I do what's most beneficial? It makes you courageous. It keeps you on track. It makes you always go for the virtuous answer rather than the fear one. It's just amazing. It's very simple. May I do what's most beneficial. You're training your mind in that direction and then you will make that choice when the time comes. It's excellent. Report an error

1:22:59 May I do what's most beneficial. Just think that, you know. Be brave. Report an error

1:23:06 So, may all these marvellous seeds we've just planted, may we nourish them from this moment forward with these efforts, with our effort, so we do develop our marvellous qualities, so we really can be a benefit to others. Report an error

1:23:24 CHUL SEM CHO GRIN PO CHE MA KHAE PHA NAM KHAE KYO CHIG KHAE PHA NYAM PHA MAE PHA YANG GANG NAE GANG DU PHAL BA SHOK Report an error

1:23:38 Thank you very much. I don't know. This is Jane. She's from Sydney. Thank you very much. Thank you, darling. Thank you very much, people. Thank you, darling. Sydney. Report an error

1:24:05 No, I don't know. I've never known Solange. You're going to have to look at a computer or something. Report an error

1:24:26 Yeah, thank you. Report an error

1:24:43 Thank you. Report an error

1:24:55 Thank you. I was going to say, so I'm just here. Report an error

1:25:05 Thank you. Yeah, it was weird, but it was still, so it was like, I mean, he's still got a gun on him. Thank you. Report an error

1:25:25 Do you want me to call? Yes. Yeah. Report an error

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Talk by Robina Courtin, recorded 3 October 2008. Original at Tse Chen Ling Center for Tibetan Buddhist Studies via Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/RC_PoorMe_20081003. Licensed CC BY-NC-ND 3.0 US. Transcript generated automatically and may contain errors; the audio is the authoritative version.

Recorded at Tse Chen Ling Center, San Francisco, and archived by the center on Internet Archive. More from Tse Chen Ling

Listen on Internet Archive · CC BY-NC-ND 3.0 US