Undivided Giving: Empty Hands, Full Life

0:00 This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Report an error in the passage at 0:00 Highlight the passage at 0:00

0:15 Good morning. How's the volume? Good? Report an error in the passage at 0:15 Highlight the passage at 0:15

0:25 Thank you all for coming this morning. It's so good to be back here in the Buddha Hall. I see many familiar faces this morning. Report an error in the passage at 0:25 Highlight the passage at 0:25

0:36 So good to see you all. I want to thank... Tim Wicks, the Tonto, who can't be here this morning for the invitation to come here and speak again this morning. Report an error in the passage at 0:36 Highlight the passage at 0:36

0:50 For those of you who don't know me, my name's Kristin Diggs, and I'm a recently former resident, longtime resident of San Francisco Zen Center. I practiced residentially mostly at Green Gulch, but also here at City Center and Tassajara. For about 10 years. Anyone completely new to Zen or to Zen Center here this morning? Report an error in the passage at 0:50 Highlight the passage at 0:50

1:20 Okay. Special welcome and also gratitude to all of you who continue to return. I see faces who I recently saw at Tassajara and I'm delighted. I've gotten into the habit, I've noticed, during... A few of my recent talks, beginning by asking a few questions, which I hope will help to more fully engage you in what I'll be talking about this morning, perhaps in a more whole, complete way. Report an error in the passage at 1:20 Highlight the passage at 1:20

2:01 And as I ask these questions, there's no need to raise your hand. You can if you wish. It would be interesting for me to see. But I think it's really for you to notice what arises in response to these. I wonder how many of you consider yourselves the feeling type, whatever that means to you, and how many of you consider yourself perhaps mainly the thinking type or Report an error in the passage at 2:01 Highlight the passage at 2:01

2:39 perhaps the sensing type. You Report an error in the passage at 2:39 Highlight the passage at 2:39

2:46 might also notice that you're someone who dislikes being categorized as a type. Report an error in the passage at 2:46 Highlight the passage at 2:46

2:58 Yeah, I tend to resist being categorized or pigeonholed. However, this is relatively useful information to notice what your leaning is, or if you tend to think of yourself in one way as opposed to another, or if you are aware that it really depends on the circumstances. Report an error in the passage at 2:58 Highlight the passage at 2:58

3:24 This morning's talk will be for all types, whoever. She cares to receive and reflect on what I'm talking about. I'm someone who's always, or for most of my life, been aware of really sensing quite strongly, being very conscious of sensation as well as emotions. Report an error in the passage at 3:24 Highlight the passage at 3:24

3:46 And for most of my life, I've been very body oriented. At a pretty young age, or at around the age of eight, I started training as an endurance athlete. Initially as a swimmer, and I continued training and competing through my 20s. And later, I started practicing hatha yoga pretty intensely and taught yoga for a while. Report an error in the passage at 3:46 Highlight the passage at 3:46

4:15 And later still, I started studying with a Zen teacher who said, Zen is yoga. He also said, Zen is martial arts. But it appealed to me, and I thought, yes, I think so too. Fortunately, I've also very much enjoyed what you might call the life of the mind. Early on, I loved poetry and literature and later philosophy and social and psychological theories and analysis. Report an error in the passage at 4:15 Highlight the passage at 4:15

4:56 And these are all disciplines or arts enjoyed by the mind. The mind also exists in the heart, and it pervades the body. And I think in Western culture, sometimes we think more in terms of these things or talk as though they're separate, even though we may know that they're really not. Report an error in the passage at 4:56 Highlight the passage at 4:56

5:19 As we feel, or rather as we think, we feel. And we may be more conscious of what we're thinking, or less so, and more conscious of feeling. We may have a tendency. A moment ago I said, fortunately, I've had this love of the mind as well as the body. And I say so because the capacity that I've had to use my mind to reflect on mind itself, I think is key in Zen. Report an error in the passage at 5:19 Highlight the passage at 5:19

6:02 It's a capacity that in Zen I've continued to develop and Hon, an alert and trained mind is a powerful tool and an antidote to many afflictions, normal human afflictions, which we study in Zen. We study the self, and the self is full of afflictions. We call them... Kleshas in Buddhism, they often show up as intense feelings and sensations that correspond to these kleshas, some of which are ignorance, attachment, aversion, pride, and jealousy or envy. Report an error in the passage at 6:02 Highlight the passage at 6:02

7:01 And there's a Zen proverb that goes, the one who tied the bell around the tiger's neck Please feel welcome to come in if you'd like. The one who tied the bell around the tiger's neck is the one who can remove it. Report an error in the passage at 7:01 Highlight the passage at 7:01

7:19 In Zen, we apply our own minds to freedom from our own habits of mind. Report an error in the passage at 7:19 Highlight the passage at 7:19

7:30 So I'll say again, the ability of the mind to look at and reflect upon itself in the light of some wide awareness. is a very powerful antidote to believing what we think about whatever we happen to be feeling in any given situation. I'm Report an error in the passage at 7:30 Highlight the passage at 7:30

7:56 talking about the capacity to look at it, to see it clearly again and again, the arising of patterns in the mind, and to look not only at the feelings and sensations, but also look at the ways in which the mind itself is giving rise. To the experiences we're having. In Report an error in the passage at 7:56 Highlight the passage at 7:56

8:27 Zen, we look from a settled place at the clear reflections in the mind as well as at the illusions, the stories, for instance. Report an error in the passage at 8:27 Highlight the passage at 8:27

8:38 We can look without being completely deluded by the illusions that are arising in the mind. We can look without being hooked or believing in them. Report an error in the passage at 8:38 Highlight the passage at 8:38

8:50 And everything that I've said so far this morning is really Both the heart of everything that I have to say this morning and also it's been something of an attempt to orient us in a way that sets up some of the conditions for receptivity to the rest of what I'll be saying this morning. Report an error in the passage at 8:50 Highlight the passage at 8:50

9:11 Because I think the rest of this talk could be mistaken by some types as for thinking types. And so I want to encourage everyone to stay connected with what's happening in and around the body to keep the five senses open, to notice what you're feeling and sensing as well as what you're thinking as you are listening to what I'm saying and as you are listening to the entire room and the surround. Report an error in the passage at 9:11 Highlight the passage at 9:11

9:48 This is sometimes called active listening. In Zen, we practice Zazen. And our practice of sitting silent and relatively still is a practice that we do with all of our senses open on receive, even Report an error in the passage at 9:48 Highlight the passage at 9:48

10:10 when we're facing the wall downstairs in the zendo. Our eyes are open. Our ears are open. We're not trying to keep anything out. I Report an error in the passage at 10:10 Highlight the passage at 10:10

10:23 want to acknowledge that we are just past the most, I guess, Most of the major traditional holidays that take place in the U.S. in the month of December, although I think Kwanzaa began yesterday and continues through January 1st, we're also about a week past the summer solstice. Report an error in the passage at 10:23 Highlight the passage at 10:23

10:48 So I'm coming into this talk with an awareness of the widely varying ways that people can and do experience the holiday season. Report an error in the passage at 10:48 Highlight the passage at 10:48

10:57 And I can't help but wonder how various different people are doing at this inflection point in the year. Report an error in the passage at 10:57 Highlight the passage at 10:57

11:08 For about a week now, I guess, the light has been increasing. I looked it up. It increases at a rate of about one minute per day. And this will continue for the next six months or so until we arrive once again at the summer solstice when the light begins to fade. Report an error in the passage at 11:08 Highlight the passage at 11:08

11:32 And I'm acknowledging this because this is the nature of our cyclical seasonal existence in which various cultural traditions, whether secular or religious, are taking place and are part of this rhythm. Report an error in the passage at 11:32 Highlight the passage at 11:32

11:52 The month of December in the U.S. is strongly associated with a few traditional religious and secular holidays, including Christmas, Hanukkah, And as I already said, Kwanzaa, each of which are strongly associated with giving and family gatherings or with nourishing our relationship with friends, families, communities, including families of origin and families of our own choosing. Report an error in the passage at 11:52 Highlight the passage at 11:52

12:29 And given the many people in this country and around the world who collectively observe these holidays, Report an error in the passage at 12:29 Highlight the passage at 12:29

12:39 We have, I think many of us have heard this month of December referred to as the season of giving or of generosity, as well as the season of the returning of the light and the season of new beginnings. We celebrate New Year's Eve right on the cusp of New Year's, and we observe this holiday often as the opportunity to make some new... Report an error in the passage at 12:39 Highlight the passage at 12:39

13:11 Resolutions to let go of what no longer serves and to take up some new or fresh intentions or revitalize our old intentions in an effort to support our lives and our aspirations. Report an error in the passage at 13:11 Highlight the passage at 13:11

13:27 In the Buddhist tradition, in December, we celebrate the Buddhist Enlightenment or Bodhi Day. And that takes place on December 8th. Usually it's the last day of a... Five to seven day Sashin that we practice called Rohatsu Sashin. So we're now three weeks past December 8th, but fortunately, every day in the calendar year is a good day for waking up from delusion. Report an error in the passage at 13:27 Highlight the passage at 13:27

14:06 At this time of year, many people suffer from what this morning I'm calling the shadow side of the season of giving. And I'm guessing that many people in this room I already know what I'm talking about and have either this year or in some previous year been gripped at some point by the symptoms of this shadow side of the way we understand giving commonly in our mainstream culture. Report an error in the passage at 14:06 Highlight the passage at 14:06

14:35 Some of the symptoms are anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, judgment, fear of not enough, fear of too much, all related to giving. Report an error in the passage at 14:35 Highlight the passage at 14:35

14:50 Expectations that include what might feel like unwise spending or spending beyond one's means, spending on things that don't feel meaningful, or offering what we fear others may not value or appreciate, whether material or immaterial. Report an error in the passage at 14:50 Highlight the passage at 14:50

15:11 And that's all on top of any familial holiday stresses that tend to arise. and play themselves out year after year and the loneliness that many people feel during the holidays due to inability to be with loved ones for any number of reasons. Report an error in the passage at 15:11 Highlight the passage at 15:11

15:35 So I'm considering all of this and I've been reflecting on how giving is understood in the Zen tradition and have been specifically considering one particular teaching. Report an error in the passage at 15:35 Highlight the passage at 15:35

15:49 How many of you are familiar with the meal chant? that we chant in the zendo during formal oreoki meals. Sometimes we chant it informally in the dining room. And the end of the first verse, and I was trying to remember, it's hard out of the context of the ceremony of oreoki to remember what's happening, to sort of pull it out of the top of my head, but I believe it's at the point where we are about to set out our empty bowls. Report an error in the passage at 15:49 Highlight the passage at 15:49

16:22 We chant. May we with all beings realize the emptiness of the three wheels, giver, receiver, and gift. What does it mean? Report an error in the passage at 16:22 Highlight the passage at 16:22

16:37 We chant this as we're preparing to receive or to be served. The meal, the gift of a meal. Report an error in the passage at 16:37 Highlight the passage at 16:37

16:48 In the early Mahāyāna Buddhist teachings, there is an important sūtra, an old sūtra called the Diamond Sūtra, or in Sanskrit, the Vajra Cherika. Prajnaparamita Sūtra, which is literally translated, the perfection of wisdom that cuts like a thunderbolt or that cuts like diamond. Report an error in the passage at 16:48 Highlight the passage at 16:48

17:15 And what do we cut through in this sūtra? What would invoke the image of such a powerful force? And I would say something equally powerful, which is delusion. The sūtra states that a bodhisattva, or Someone who vows to live and be lived for the welfare of all beings gives without abiding in anything, without clinging to the idea of a giver, a receiver, a gift, or the act of giving, which means without attachment or fixation, without dualistic thinking, or in other words, without thinking that the giver, the receiver, the gift, or the act of giving are in any way separate from each other. Report an error in the passage at 17:15 Highlight the passage at 17:15

18:10 So Report an error in the passage at 18:10 Highlight the passage at 18:10

18:14 that verse that we chant is said to have its origin in the Diamond Sūtra. My previous reference to empty in terms of the bowls, I said the empty bowls being set out. That is a reference to a different, more commonly understood meaning of empty, which is a visible kind of emptiness that means a perceivable absence or lack of something or other. Report an error in the passage at 18:14 Highlight the passage at 18:14

18:45 In the Zen and early Mahāyāna Buddhist teachings, emptiness, the emptiness of giver, receiver, and gift is understood to mean essentially without separation in Report an error in the passage at 18:45 Highlight the passage at 18:45

18:58 a world, in a universe, or cosmos, in which everything, everything that can be pointed to as apparently something in and of itself, like this lectern, these robes, all of the items, as we call them, in this room, Report an error in the passage at 18:58 Highlight the passage at 18:58

19:17 are actually thoroughly interconnected, or as we say, interdependent with everything, with myriad innumerable things. And so we say that every apparent thing is without own being. I was thinking of a simple illustration of a spider's web, you know, a large spider's web. If you take hold of any intersection of a spider's web, And you pull it, obviously. You pull the entire web. And this is just a visible illustration of something far beyond the capacity of the human eye to see all at once or to perceive in any way all at once, which is this web of the universe, or what we sometimes call Indra's net. Report an error in the passage at 19:17 Highlight the passage at 19:17

20:12 When we talk about Indra's net, we usually end up talking about the nodes and the jewels in the net. We don't talk about it so much as... Having this net-like quality that I just described. Report an error in the passage at 20:12 Highlight the passage at 20:12

20:25 The implication of this is that I actually have nothing to claim as my own. And you have nothing to claim that is truly yours alone. And this is true for everyone. Now, these few simple statements that I've just made, if you consider them simple, about the emptiness of the three wheels are radically at odds with The understandings that govern many of the rules of our everyday conventional transactional lives in which ownership, private property, socioeconomic status, striving and competing for personal status and accolades, recognition, all reign supreme. Report an error in the passage at 20:25 Highlight the passage at 20:25

21:16 In Report an error in the passage at 21:16 Highlight the passage at 21:16

21:23 Zen, we believe in what we call the two truths, the relative and the ultimate. Report an error in the passage at 21:23 Highlight the passage at 21:23

21:32 And we acknowledge that, well, we acknowledge there are apparent contradictions. And I will say a little bit more about this. I'll return to it in the end just so that you're not left with the impression that I'm against conventional reality. It's impossible to be against conventional reality. Report an error in the passage at 21:32 Highlight the passage at 21:32

21:55 But it is possible to learn to live wisely within conventional reality on the basis of some... Wider understanding of the way things actually are. In the act of giving this talk, for instance, everything in the universe is supporting me to offer this talk at this moment without you being here to listen and to offer your presence, your embodied presence. Report an error in the passage at 21:55 Highlight the passage at 21:55

22:27 And those of you online as well are there with your embodied presences. Without the invitation from the Tanto and all the speakers who've come before, the founder of this temple, my benefactors, my parents, teachers, supporters, and I was thinking, without the relative freedom of speech that we still have in this country for now, this talk would not be possible to be given or received. Report an error in the passage at 22:27 Highlight the passage at 22:27

23:01 So it is shot through with interbeing. That said, giving never occurs solely on the basis of my own personal will or efforts, because will and effort don't exist in a vacuum. I Report an error in the passage at 23:01 Highlight the passage at 23:01

23:26 was thinking about something, again, a simple example of a piece of fruit, such as an apple. Can't give the taste, the particular taste that it offers without the particular roots or blossoms. of the tree on which it grows. And yet, we can see each of these things separately in space and in time. We can see the apple without the blossoms, without the root, and so forth. And we get used to seeing in this way because we perceive in this way. Report an error in the passage at 23:26 Highlight the passage at 23:26

24:02 We end up thinking in this way oftentimes without investigation unless we become practitioners. There are so many causes and conditions near and far all the time. Beyond personal volition, and that being the case, giving or generosity is not something to become proud of, to pride oneself on, though we do talk a lot about in Buddhism, and I think in other spiritual and religious traditions as well, the virtue of giving. Report an error in the passage at 24:02 Highlight the passage at 24:02

24:37 So I'm not denying that giving is virtuous, but I am saying, you know, to feel like I did this, or... This is all I could do. That has its relative truth, but its limitations deserve to be recognized. We have a Zen story that addresses this, in which an emperor asks a highly spiritually accomplished being, what merit have I accumulated for all of the good deeds that I have done for society and for the flourishing of the dharma? Report an error in the passage at 24:37 Highlight the passage at 24:37

25:21 And the answer that he receives is, no merit, empty of your own merit. Report an error in the passage at 25:21 Highlight the passage at 25:21

25:39 So that's me paraphrasing. There's a lot more to the story. But this is an example of how the teaching of emptiness also cuts through spiritual pride. Report an error in the passage at 25:39 Highlight the passage at 25:39

25:53 For those of you online, we just heard some really good music. So I, you know, being not separate from anything, I was just overtaken. Report an error in the passage at 25:53 Highlight the passage at 25:53

26:06 Here at Zen Center, as part of our full moon and ordination ceremonies, we chant among several vows, I vow not to praise self at the expense of others, which is very closely related to I vow not to slander. And also I vow not to lie, to knowingly portray things as they are not. And the more we know, and now we know, nothing's separate. Report an error in the passage at 26:06 Highlight the passage at 26:06

26:39 So when we talk as though they are, we're not necessarily intentionally lying. We're just falling into habitual patterns of thinking, and we can wake up. Report an error in the passage at 26:39 Highlight the passage at 26:39

26:55 I've found it nearly impossible to praise myself without it being at the expense of others, without putting others down implicitly, or if I'm putting myself down, putting others up. Report an error in the passage at 26:55 Highlight the passage at 26:55

27:15 It's very difficult to praise self without. Looking down or looking up in judgment upon. But Report an error in the passage at 27:15 Highlight the passage at 27:15

27:26 as I remember those previous versions of myself, when I think I'm better than I used to be, or I used to be so much better at X, I often fail to remember all the different circumstances. Report an error in the passage at 27:26 Highlight the passage at 27:26

27:42 I was operating under entirely different circumstances with different understandings, different supports, different barriers. Report an error in the passage at 27:42 Highlight the passage at 27:42

27:54 Insecurities, all the causes and conditions that enable us to succeed or apparently fail. Report an error in the passage at 27:54 Highlight the passage at 27:54

28:06 So this looking down on others is what we mean by praising self at the expense of others. Report an error in the passage at 28:06 Highlight the passage at 28:06

28:19 Every moment of our lives we are continuously giving and receiving simultaneously and completely. And in this way every moment of our lives is really a gift. Like it or not, the Report an error in the passage at 28:19 Highlight the passage at 28:19

28:40 gifts of our lives are inseparable from the gifts of myriad other forms of life within one fabric of existence. Report an error in the passage at 28:40 Highlight the passage at 28:40

28:55 Without this fundamental understanding, life is just a zero-sum game. I'm sure you've heard that expression. There are winners and losers, makers and takers. Report an error in the passage at 28:55 Highlight the passage at 28:55

29:08 And all the appearances within our transactional, conventional, dualistic consciousness, consciousness. seem to be all that there is to life, this continuous turning in the wheel of saṃsāra. Buddhism teaches, Zen teaches, and Zazen actually reveals that the sums of our lives are indivisible and infinite. Report an error in the passage at 29:08 Highlight the passage at 29:08

29:40 The emptiness of the three wheels is not a moral teaching, but morality, ethics can be established on the basis. of the way things actually are, some wise understanding of the way things actually are. Report an error in the passage at 29:40 Highlight the passage at 29:40

29:58 You know, without nothing or lack of own being, without emptiness, something could never come to be in the same way that without silence, there could be no music, whether we love it or hate it or feel neutral about it. So this also in and of itself is not. A moral teaching, it's just the way things are. No silence, no music. Report an error in the passage at 29:58 Highlight the passage at 29:58

30:33 So how can we, I was wondering, how can we polish our acts of giving with this understanding, our acts of giving without making ourselves out to be something special, setting ourselves apart from others? Report an error in the passage at 30:33 Highlight the passage at 30:33

30:49 And I thought, I think it has a lot to do with the cultivation of receptivity and the practice of consciously offering. Whatever it is we think we have to offer in any given situation in a manner that simultaneously fully receives the offering. Report an error in the passage at 30:49 Highlight the passage at 30:49

31:11 So we're in touch with the receiving of the offering as we are giving it. And I thought of this expression we have that must be related in some way. Report an error in the passage at 31:11 Highlight the passage at 31:11

31:25 Don't dish it out if you can't take it. It Report an error in the passage at 31:25 Highlight the passage at 31:25

31:31 sounds rather superficial, but I think there's actually insight to be gleaned. From that, in offering our own receptivity to others as we are offering any kind of gift that we think we may be offering, we're offering that sense of that presence that is the wholeness of this indivisibility, which conveys that there is also nothing outside. Report an error in the passage at 31:31 Highlight the passage at 31:31

32:01 Everything, everyone is included. That's a feeling that can arise in the heart. Based on an understanding, I would like us to consider this our everyday rice and tea as Zen practitioners, because this total undivided inclusion is really what the world needs in so many ways. I'll Report an error in the passage at 32:01 Highlight the passage at 32:01

32:34 just begin to end by saying that, as I said, I would return to saying I'm not against a dualistic or conventional orientation to life. You know, the relative and the ultimate aren't separate, so you can't be against it with any real understanding. And our practice of Zen is a practice of cultivating appropriate responses to duality, to the illusions that arise in duality, to the appearances. Report an error in the passage at 32:34 Highlight the passage at 32:34

33:06 Our practice is a path of awakening to the way things actually are, not a practice of judgment. Transformation and exclusion. It's a path for the welfare and liberation of all beings, everyone and everything. And it does require some transformation. We don't talk a lot. In the traditional teachings, the word transformation didn't exist. Report an error in the passage at 33:06 Highlight the passage at 33:06

33:36 But in modern Western society, I think we've come to understand the mental, emotional, somatic transformation. That is often required to really open to and fully receive and begin to enact these teachings. The more we practice looking quietly in stillness in zazen and throughout our daily activities, the Report an error in the passage at 33:36 Highlight the passage at 33:36

34:09 more we practice looking and listening with our whole bodies with this undivided understanding, the more we begin to see and the more clearly we see the meaning. of this emptiness of the three wheels and in my experience the more we feel supported in our lives by this understanding Report an error in the passage at 34:09 Highlight the passage at 34:09

34:35 The total interdependent inclusion of giver. Thank you all Report an error in the passage at 34:35 Highlight the passage at 34:35

34:46 for offering your receptivity. I couldn't have offered this talk without you. As I said earlier, and it's true, so really this has been our talk. Report an error in the passage at 34:46 Highlight the passage at 34:46

34:57 So you're responsible. Even though it appears that I've been doing all the talking and you've been doing all the gracious listening. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. Report an error in the passage at 34:57 Highlight the passage at 34:57

35:23 For more information visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the dharma. Report an error in the passage at 35:23 Highlight the passage at 35:23