Afflictive Emotions (part 5)

0:04 I think I get good at it and then when I don't do it for a few months it's like starting all over again and I'm terrified. Report an error in the passage at 0:04 Highlight the passage at 0:04

0:16 So I wrote some notes. But what I like to do when I talk particularly in the city to a group of people is first, which I've only done a few times, but in the Buddhist tradition I guess we're all interested in was terrified, so... Report an error in the passage at 0:16 Highlight the passage at 0:16

0:35 in creating a better world for ourselves and others and what we believe is that Report an error in the passage at 0:35 Highlight the passage at 0:35

0:47 see and what we feel and what we experience is based on our state of mind. Lama Tsongkhapa, His Holiness the Dalai Lama Lama Tsongkhapa Report an error in the passage at 0:47 Highlight the passage at 0:47

1:37 Lama Tsongkhapa have dissatisfaction and minds that have emotional afflictions and they call that the state of enlightenment so ultimately we're wishing for all beings to attain that state of total peace that's you why we're here So what I'd like to do is Report an error in the passage at 1:37 Highlight the passage at 1:37

2:36 If you don't mind. How many people here have a regular meditation practice? Okay, how many people don't have a regular meditation practice? Report an error in the passage at 2:36 Highlight the passage at 2:36

2:45 Okay, how many people are like totally new to Buddhism? Have you been coming to other talks? Or is this your first talk? Okay, because I always like to know how much I have to start at the beginning. So it's always good for us to start at the beginning anyway because we're always at the beginning. I think that was one of my favorite first Dharma books was... Report an error in the passage at 2:45 Highlight the passage at 2:45

3:07 Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. It was like one of the most popular books back 30 years ago. And I love that. His idea, what Suzuki Roshi said was, in the beginner's mind there are always opportunities. But when we once become an expert, our minds become very small and rigid. So if we're always beginners, then we can always hear. Report an error in the passage at 3:07 Highlight the passage at 3:07

3:36 talks over and over and over again, and find something new about them, you know. Because really, in Dharma practice, we're just doing the same thing over and over again anyway. And just trying to get I really like what Bob Thurman calls Buddhism. He calls it an evolutionary sport. And I think it's so great because it actually is more like a sport. Report an error in the passage at 3:36 Highlight the passage at 3:36

3:59 It's something that you practice over and over and over again. Report an error in the passage at 3:59 Highlight the passage at 3:59

4:12 our sport is our mind, you know? So I think I need to make this a little bit longer. Report an error in the passage at 4:12 Highlight the passage at 4:12

4:24 then. What I'd like to do is just of Report an error in the passage at 4:24 Highlight the passage at 4:24

4:31 our one unit. enhance our experience tonight. We are coming from all different places and we've been working all day. In Asian traditions, we say the mind rides on the winds. We have energies that you can feel when you do sports and that the mind is interrelated. The mind and the body are interrelated and so when your body is a bit out of sorts, then your mind is out of sorts. Report an error in the passage at 4:31 Highlight the passage at 4:31

5:11 So what I'd like to do is just lead you in a little exercise that I think I've done here before that will just kind of center us and bring us to the present. Is that okay? Okay, so I know I've shown you before. It's called the Seven Taps and I actually learned it off the radio. Report an error in the passage at 5:11 Highlight the passage at 5:11

5:36 But it's really good. So you just take your three fingers and you have to kind of Report an error in the passage at 5:36 Highlight the passage at 5:36

5:52 you know relaxing so just you're doing this it's helpful to think about your feel your feet on the ground and uncross your feet Report an error in the passage at 5:52 Highlight the passage at 5:52

6:03 feel the base of your spine and just be aware that your breath is moving down. Report an error in the passage at 6:03 Highlight the passage at 6:03

6:12 attention to the base of your spine and the butt soles of your feet. Report an error in the passage at 6:12 Highlight the passage at 6:12

6:19 just breathe naturally Report an error in the passage at 6:19 Highlight the passage at 6:19

6:47 then take your hands to the bone right below your eye, continue tapping there. you tap, lightly, you know, but give it a good bang. Report an error in the passage at 6:47 Highlight the passage at 6:47

7:04 they're fast little taps right on the bone below your eye you're breathing. Report an error in the passage at 7:04 Highlight the passage at 7:04

7:15 then there's a place where you're in the middle of your jaw, except my one's in the way. So it's right here, right in front of your ear, where you can feel right in there. And Report an error in the passage at 7:15 Highlight the passage at 7:15

7:43 then right about on your lip, right below your nose. Report an error in the passage at 7:43 Highlight the passage at 7:43

8:07 And then on your chin. You Report an error in the passage at 8:07 Highlight the passage at 8:07

8:21 can feel your neck straightening up a little bit. Tuck your chin in just a little bit. Report an error in the passage at 8:21 Highlight the passage at 8:21

8:34 And then you take your hands like this. I'm just showing you how the hands are. You just tap right on the inside of your, there's a, it's an acupuncture lung point that you're, it should be a little bit sore. A little bit further out, you, I don't know your name. Mary. Mary, sorry. Report an error in the passage at 8:34 Highlight the passage at 8:34

9:00 What time are we supposed to end, Choki? Report an error in the passage at 9:00 Highlight the passage at 9:00

9:08 And then the last one is like this. We didn't start on time, so. That's true. We get extra time. Report an error in the passage at 9:08 Highlight the passage at 9:08

9:29 So then let's just sit and breathe a little bit. Report an error in the passage at 9:29 Highlight the passage at 9:29

· · · silence, 1 minute

10:10 You can either close your eyes or just kind of look out. Just a little bit in front of you. The main idea is we're just going to relax a little bit. And Report an error in the passage at 10:10 Highlight the passage at 10:10

10:44 then I'd like us to visualize a golden sphere surrounding this room and all of us in the room. Report an error in the passage at 10:44 Highlight the passage at 10:44

10:55 Made of light, golden light. And Report an error in the passage at 10:55 Highlight the passage at 10:55

11:22 then everything that we did today and all the distracting thoughts, maybe we can just imagine that we're... Lama Report an error in the passage at 11:22 Highlight the passage at 11:22

11:47 Tsongkhapa up out of our minds and putting them on the outside of this golden sphere where they just sort of dissolve. Report an error in the passage at 11:47 Highlight the passage at 11:47

· · · silence, 1 minute

12:14 like drawing out all of our Lama Report an error in the passage at 12:14 Highlight the passage at 12:14

· · · silence, 1 minute

13:24 Tsongkhapa and and we just focus on our breathing. give ourselves permission to just let go of these things and suspend them for the next hour or so. Report an error in the passage at 13:24 Highlight the passage at 13:24

· · · silence, 1 minute

13:51 there's all kinds of thoughts going in our mind. let's just imagine that if all these thoughts were like... The real on a movie film that we're going to slow down the movie. Not only is it slow action, but that we can actually see the space between the film clips, you know, like a movie is all these different films, space, you know, state, what do you call it? Report an error in the passage at 13:51 Highlight the passage at 13:51

14:22 They are just a single photograph, but when you make all the single photograph go fast, it turns into a movie. We're just going to slow it down so you can almost see the space between each still. That's what they're called. Report an error in the passage at 14:22 Highlight the passage at 14:22

14:46 And if you can't do that, it's okay. Just relax and watch what's going on. Report an error in the passage at 14:46 Highlight the passage at 14:46

15:08 But there are some of us in the room that can relax enough to see the space between the thoughts, and we just want to relax into that space. Your Report an error in the passage at 15:08 Highlight the passage at 15:08

· · · silence, 2 minutes

17:32 favorite thing gives you the most joy in your life. It might be your daughter, music, Report an error in the passage at 17:32 Highlight the passage at 17:32

17:47 or maybe let's think about, you know, that... special person in your life, your lover, or the one that you wish was your lover, or... Report an error in the passage at 17:47 Highlight the passage at 17:47

18:01 that you're... Report an error in the passage at 18:01 Highlight the passage at 18:01

18:18 get into that feeling of what you know that that love that that that Report an error in the passage at 18:18 Highlight the passage at 18:18

18:27 place or thing to you. you don't have to think about why or anything just get into the feeling of it, you know Report an error in the passage at 18:27 Highlight the passage at 18:27

18:48 This Report an error in the passage at 18:48 Highlight the passage at 18:48

· · · silence, 1 minute

19:27 is a bit of an exercise, but I'd like you to, when you're experiencing that feeling of love or bliss or joy or desire, whatever it is when you're thinking about your favorite thing, I'd like to ask you to see if you can discern two different factors that are happening when you're thinking about this thing. Report an error in the passage at 19:27 Highlight the passage at 19:27

19:50 One is the blissful experience. Lama Tsongkhapa if you can discern those two differences. of Report an error in the passage at 19:50 Highlight the passage at 19:50

· · · silence, 1 minute

21:11 just experiment with, you can, I mean, if you're going, if you're with me with this, like maintain the kind of blissful feeling, but relaxing that kind of tightening, kneading feeling about it. Report an error in the passage at 21:11 Highlight the passage at 21:11

21:27 that it becomes a little more spacious. Report an error in the passage at 21:27 Highlight the passage at 21:27

· · · silence, 1 minute

22:02 everybody with me or is somebody not following me with this? Is this like totally foreign? Report an error in the passage at 22:02 Highlight the passage at 22:02

22:12 because now, just sort of... I want you to keep that object, that thing that we're, you know, whatever it is, ice cream or a person. And now I want you to just distinguish between there is the subject, you know, the me, the sense of me, and the object, the thing. Report an error in the passage at 22:12 Highlight the passage at 22:12

22:38 And get the feeling of, like, the sense of, you know, me, I, and then the sense of the object, whatever it is. Lama Report an error in the passage at 22:38 Highlight the passage at 22:38

23:05 Tsongkhapa and my daughter that experiences you can feel that there's a self and other Report an error in the passage at 23:05 Highlight the passage at 23:05

· · · silence, 1 minute

23:33 There's definitely a me that's looking at or feeling that object. So then, without losing that object out there that we're thinking about, with another part of your mind, just kind of investigate me. What is me? What is this I, this me that's holding on to this thing, whatever it is? Report an error in the passage at 23:33 Highlight the passage at 23:33

24:01 This is different than what I said before. This is a second kind of experiment. see if you can actually find the I, the me, that's holding on to this, know, looking at this thing. If this is more than you want to think about, then just go back to the original one of just being aware of me. Report an error in the passage at 24:01 Highlight the passage at 24:01

24:29 Just keep thinking about this object of desire, if looking at the I of desiring it is. Report an error in the passage at 24:29 Highlight the passage at 24:29

· · · silence, 2 minutes

26:31 that's okay. Oh, yes. They need to hear. Report an error in the passage at 26:31 Highlight the passage at 26:31

26:43 it was good for me to look things I really like clings so much to really I don't give myself whole lot of space. Report an error in the passage at 26:43 Highlight the passage at 26:43

26:59 forget to look at the eye which is like a basic through teaching yeah so Report an error in the passage at 26:59 Highlight the passage at 26:59

27:06 This is supposed to be a talk on attachment right? I have is this Is this the third one of these talks or the fourth one? The third one. So have you all been coming to the other ones or is this the first one? Report an error in the passage at 27:06 Highlight the passage at 27:06

27:24 Yeah. Because maybe I should, well I'll just talk a little bit more and then I'll kind of start at the beginning. But because the sort of the foundation of Buddhist thought, there's like two or three main foundations of Buddhist thought and one is the Four Noble Truths and one of them is called the Four Seals. Report an error in the passage at 27:24 Highlight the passage at 27:24

27:47 And the Four Seals is that all phenomena are impermanent, all phenomena are in the nature of suffering, all compounded phenomena are in the nature of emptiness, and nirvāṇa is bliss. So that means everything is in the nature of, is impermanent, it stops, it's in the nature of suffering, empty, and I'm not going to go into that, but I just want you to know for the people who are familiar with this. Report an error in the passage at 27:47 Highlight the passage at 27:47

28:18 Lama Yeshe said, and Lama Yeshe was my main teacher and who founded this organization, and he said that attachment with the four seals, like if it's mixed with the four seals, in other words, if you have attachment and you don't have that understanding, then it's just suffering. But if you have attachment with that understanding, then it's impermanent. It's in the nature of suffering. Report an error in the passage at 28:18 Highlight the passage at 28:18

28:48 that it's empty, that nirvāṇa is bliss, which nirvāṇa is beyond that, then attachment is the cause of bliss and wisdom. Report an error in the passage at 28:48 Highlight the passage at 28:48

29:00 So, attachment is the stickiest of all the delusions, which is why I volunteer for attachment. Because it's also my greatest delusion. Report an error in the passage at 29:00 Highlight the passage at 29:00

29:12 It's been the one that I've probably worked with the most because it's the foundation for me of all the other delusions. attachment. Report an error in the passage at 29:12 Highlight the passage at 29:12

29:20 Lama Tsongkhapa I studied Buddhism at Berkeley High School and it was all about desire as the cause of suffering. I'm like, you've got to be kidding. Desire is what makes me happy. And I think it's taken me 30 years to figure out that desire isn't what makes me happy. Report an error in the passage at 29:20 Highlight the passage at 29:20

30:11 And there's layers and layers and layers of it because you kind of get it intellectually. And then you practice for so many years, but it's sort of like the one that you just kind of want to forget about. You just ignore that one, you know. It's like, well, ignorance, yeah, I understand that. Doubt, I understand that. Anger, I understand that. Detachment, you mean I'm supposed to not be happy? You know, and we think that renunciation means we have to give up everything that makes us happy, so that's why we don't want to, you know, think about things like getting robes or being renounced. Report an error in the passage at 30:11 Highlight the passage at 30:11

30:44 I mean, it's just, it's terrifying. Report an error in the passage at 30:44 Highlight the passage at 30:44

31:04 understanding what it is and why it might not be helpful. then how do we get rid of it? What do we do about it? Report an error in the passage at 31:04 Highlight the passage at 31:04

31:17 It's what motivates our every walking moment, really, is making sure that we, you know, have the things we're attached to. I mean, why else go to work if it's not to make sure that we can get our food, our clothing, our, you know, right, support our lifestyle, support our habits, huh? Report an error in the passage at 31:17 Highlight the passage at 31:17

31:39 What's interesting? Doing the work? But aren't you, I mean, could you do, well, okay. I mean, one could go to work because one wants to do that for other people. Report an error in the passage at 31:39 Highlight the passage at 31:39

32:01 free if you didn't get money, would you still work? Yes. Okay, well then you have a good job. Not everybody's that fortunate. I mean, your job is your love, you know, what do you call it? That's the best kind of job, is to have a job that's your... I love my job. I do love my job and I do need it to be able to eat. Report an error in the passage at 32:01 Highlight the passage at 32:01

32:24 Yeah, I can. Yeah, you can ask a question. Report an error in the passage at 32:24 Highlight the passage at 32:24

32:33 Yeah, I was hoping you might explain something a little more that you said before that I didn't quite get. You said that attachment without an understanding of the four seals is suffering. Yeah. And attachment with an understanding of the four seals. That way attachment can lead to bliss, right? Yeah. I think I might know what you're talking about. I'm wondering if you could illustrate that. Report an error in the passage at 32:33 Highlight the passage at 32:33

32:56 Yeah, well, we're going to get there. Okay, thank you. So, well, then I need to back up a little bit for, like, what's your name? Mike. For Mike. And for other people, too. For everything. Yeah. So, okay, attachment. What's the list we have here? Attachment, anger, jealousy, this list of talks that are on Friday night, are all under the category of delusions. Report an error in the passage at 32:56 Highlight the passage at 32:56

33:28 In the Buddhist world, these things are called delusions or emotional afflictions. So what is a delusion? In Buddhism, we're always looking at the mind and different aspects of the mind, different thoughts and types of thoughts, and these are called mental factors. Report an error in the passage at 33:28 Highlight the passage at 33:28

33:49 A delusion is a mental factor that arises from inappropriate attention, which means we're not paying attention. When we're not paying attention, delusions arise. They arise when we are paying attention. But when we're not paying attention, they arise to the point where they function to make the mind uncontrolled and unpeaceful. Report an error in the passage at 33:49 Highlight the passage at 33:49

34:13 So the whole reason we want to learn about delusions is because for a Buddhist person, You don't have to use the word Buddhist, but a person who's interested. The whole idea is we're learning to control our minds so that we can have a peaceful mind. So then a delusion is what gets in the way of that. So our job, what we do in our evolutionary sport, is one of the metaphors they use is, what do you call this guy? Report an error in the passage at 34:13 Highlight the passage at 34:13

34:46 An archer. And the arrows are coming at the archer. Oh no, he's not the archer. Excuse me. It's the guy with the sword. There's a guy with a sword and there's an archer who's shooting arrows at him. And the arrows are all delusions and the guy with the sword is sitting there knocking them away so they don't hit him, right? So he's a martial artist because it's very much like a martial art. Report an error in the passage at 34:46 Highlight the passage at 34:46

35:10 It's just that our martial art is like what we're doing with our sword is we're catching these delusions, these arrows. As they're arising in our minds, it's causing functioning to make the mind uncontrolled and unpeaceful because when you're hit by all these arrows, then you're just constantly being, you know, your mind's being dragged this way and that way by this continual barrage of different things to be attached to you, different things to be jealous of, getting hatred, you know, and so you never have a peaceful mind. Report an error in the passage at 35:10 Highlight the passage at 35:10

35:39 And so the idea, what Buddha taught, was that you have a basic... A basic subtle mind that's called our Buddha nature and that that has the potential to be unceasingly blissful and aware all the time. Report an error in the passage at 35:39 Highlight the passage at 35:39

35:57 And eventually to the point where it becomes so sensitive and so connected that it actually, that kind of mind can perceive all the thoughts of all the beings around us so that we can actually tune into their delusions and then help them. Learn to also combat and transform their delusions. So kind of the goal. The goal of all these practices is to have a mind like that. in order to get to that goal, then we need to understand what obstacles to that are, and they are these mental factors, these delusions. Report an error in the passage at 35:57 Highlight the passage at 35:57

36:43 so attachment is one one of them. Report an error in the passage at 36:43 Highlight the passage at 36:43

36:49 I guess another helpful kind of basic idea that comes in from the lamrim is what causes delusions, what causes attachment to arise, why does it happen, why are our minds continually just cycling, cycling, thoughts all the time, thoughts all the time, thoughts all the time. Well, it helps to have a little bit of understanding of the idea of karma, which is that Report an error in the passage at 36:49 Highlight the passage at 36:49

37:41 thoughts that bring you more lives. And it's just like this treadmill that we're constantly on. And so what we're trying to do is stop that. Report an error in the passage at 37:41 Highlight the passage at 37:41

37:53 happens in the way the mind works is that every time we... Well, let's see. We have a very, very subtle mind that goes from life to life to life to life to life. But the unusual thing about this subtle mind that's supposedly the size of a mustard seed and isn't truly existent but somehow holds karma. Report an error in the passage at 37:53 Highlight the passage at 37:53

38:18 It's just clear light but at the same time it carries all these thoughts. So it's like some huge, you know, like microchip or megabytes. It's got zillions of gigabytes, you know. Because it has a memory to store every single thought that we've ever had. Can you believe that? But yet it's this tiny, tiny thing that doesn't truly exist. Report an error in the passage at 38:18 Highlight the passage at 38:18

38:39 So wait until the scientists try to model that. But anyway, so what happens is that every time you have a seed, it leaves an imprint on this subtle mind. And when the causes and conditions are ripe for that seed to ripen, Then it comes out of the subtle mind and goes into the gross mind and it comes as a thought, which more often than not propels an action, which then leaves another thought on the mind. Report an error in the passage at 38:39 Highlight the passage at 38:39

39:11 So that's how it keeps going on and on. So that's called the seed. So every time you have a thought, you have a seed that's planted in our subtle mind that carries all these thoughts. Report an error in the passage at 39:11 Highlight the passage at 39:11

39:28 And so what happens is that as soon as there's an object, and we're always, you know, when we're just meditating there's a subject, I, and an object. So anytime you run into an object, it's going to make a seed ripen, and it's going to be a seed of attachment. You know, I want that. Or like, you know, like I see Medicine Buddha, that's wonderful. It gives me, you know, some kind of sense of devotion and joy, so those seeds arise. But if I, you know, see like... Report an error in the passage at 39:28 Highlight the passage at 39:28

39:56 A picture of what's going on in Iraq, I immediately get angry. So there's this sense of anger or frustration that arises when I see things I'm averted to. So that's the object. So that's the next part. You have to have an object that makes the seed ripen, right? So familiarity with that, doing it over and over and over again, then makes this happen every time. Report an error in the passage at 39:56 Highlight the passage at 39:56

40:22 It's like we're bound to it. It's a habit. It's a bad habit. It just happens every time. And so when we're in the process of trying to dissolve those, like when the thought comes up, it's like we can't really necessarily, especially in the beginning, stop the thought from coming. But what we can do is stop following that thought. And maybe we might not be able to stop following that thought, but at least we can stop acting on that thought. Report an error in the passage at 40:22 Highlight the passage at 40:22

40:53 You know how hard it is when you're told you can't eat wheat anymore or you can't eat sugar anymore or something. How hard it is to stop that habit and that's a pretty gross thing. Imagine trying to stop your habit of just following every thought. But that's what we do in Buddhist meditation is we sit and we learn to look at our thoughts so that we're not habituated to having to follow them. Report an error in the passage at 40:53 Highlight the passage at 40:53

41:19 We just want to let them dissolve in their place. So that we're not then bound to these delusions, no matter what they are, attachment, hatred. And so part of the, another thing that helps them to arise is that everybody around us is full of these things. And so just by being around lots of other people who are having these thoughts, it makes us have those thoughts. Or just like, as soon as you walk into a supermarket, suddenly you're hungry. Report an error in the passage at 41:19 Highlight the passage at 41:19

41:45 You know, because we just put ourselves in that environment and it creates those, that's why people go off and do long retreats by themselves, so they can be isolated, so they can stop the influence and distraction of others, so they can begin to learn, you know, slowing down this continual compulsion to be, you know, one with our thoughts. Report an error in the passage at 41:45 Highlight the passage at 41:45

42:06 I mean, how many people ever stop to even think about there's a subject and an object? Nobody does. You're just like thoughts that come, we're compelled to be just one with thoughts and one with action. Pretty soon we're going to a war in Iraq. You just don't stop and think about what you're doing. So the beginning point is just to stop and start paying attention to what's going on in your mind. Report an error in the passage at 42:06 Highlight the passage at 42:06

42:27 And why would you want to do that? The only reason you'd want to do that is if you're not satisfied with your present condition or if you want to maybe have a better life. So usually people who get interested in this are people who want their lives to have less emotional affliction. People that are tired of feeling jealous, people that are tired of being disappointed, people that are tired of having their heart broken, or people who have broken hearts. Report an error in the passage at 42:27 Highlight the passage at 42:27

42:58 It's like, what can I do about these states of mind? Report an error in the passage at 42:58 Highlight the passage at 42:58

43:03 That's why we begin to look at this process of the seed and the object and the delusion that arises. And what we seek to do is we kind of go backwards and try to get to the source of when that thought arises. And that's what meditators do. You get to the point when the thought arises. I was just making a slideshow for tomorrow morning and there's this great thing you can make the slide dissolve. Report an error in the passage at 43:03 Highlight the passage at 43:03

43:27 And it's so perfect because that's exactly what you do in meditation. The thought comes and it just dissolves. And so as you become more skilled as a meditator, any time a thought comes up, it just goes like a cloud dissolving in the sky. Report an error in the passage at 43:27 Highlight the passage at 43:27

43:45 But until then, a thought comes up and it's like... So to get back to thinking about the four seals, a more simpler way to talk about it is that first exercise I asked you when I said think of something that you desire. And it brings two things. There's the exhilaration you get from thinking about your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your daughter or your ice cream you're going to have when this is over or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 43:45 Highlight the passage at 43:45

44:16 But what comes with it is this other kind of I need it, I want it. You know, like when you see something in the store and it sticks with you. Lama Tsongkhapa, Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama You know, my lover, you know, was unfaithful and goes off to somebody else. And, oh God, I mean, it's just such a horrible feeling. But you realize back when you're with that person, that's the same feeling that gives you the bliss. Report an error in the passage at 44:16 Highlight the passage at 44:16

45:13 That feeling of, you know, that, oh, I have you, oh, you're mine, you know, oh, I'm, you know, that feeling when you hug somebody and you feel so good, oh, they're mine, you know. Report an error in the passage at 45:13 Highlight the passage at 45:13

45:22 That's what gives you the pain. Because that's the same feeling that's, I mean, when they aren't there. It's like you've got your hands on a, you've got your hands on the bliss, you know? And then when that's not there, the grasping is still there, but that bliss that you get from it is no longer there. Report an error in the passage at 45:22 Highlight the passage at 45:22

46:02 When you don't understand the four seals, that's the suffering. You don't understand it's impermanent. So when it disappears, you're still... If you don't understand it's emptiness, then you're always going to be grasping on it and wanting to hug it and hold it. It's that holding and hugging and, oh, I want to sleep with you or, oh, I want to eat you or, oh, I've got to buy you or, oh, I want to ride you or whatever. Report an error in the passage at 46:02 Highlight the passage at 46:02

46:26 It's all that I've got to have. have a, you know, that's, is the disturbing part of attachment, if we could Lama Tsongkhapa, Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama job is to try to... The Dalai Lama talks about, I mean, the root of all is the ego grasping, you know, it's the grasping at I and then you grasp at everything else. But the idea is that most of the time we walk around with the fist like this, okay? Report an error in the passage at 46:26 Highlight the passage at 46:26

47:17 With everything we see it's like, right? So what we're trying to do is have an open hand that anything can pass through so that our love becomes true love. Report an error in the passage at 47:17 Highlight the passage at 47:17

47:33 know, which is an unconditional love that no matter what anybody does, doesn't bother us. Right? pretty hard. I was just talking to my cousin, you know. Report an error in the passage at 47:33 Highlight the passage at 47:33

47:43 What is attachment? Report an error in the passage at 47:43 Highlight the passage at 47:43

48:05 What's wrong with it? that's what's wrong with it. And I think what's so terrifying about it is when you go to Buddhism, you've got to give up attachment. It's like, oh, I can't give it up. And so then most of us, myself included, continue to meditate and continue to do all these tantric practices, and we haven't done anything about our attachment. Report an error in the passage at 48:05 Highlight the passage at 48:05

48:27 We just think, oh, I'm doing Dharma practice and it's going to overcome my attachment. And this was for me, because I practiced for 20 years as a layperson, married. You know, and it was like my whole Dharma practice was sitting on this table of attachment. And I thought I was this great Dharma practitioner, but it just was completely predicated on everything I did was one with attachment. Report an error in the passage at 48:27 Highlight the passage at 48:27

48:48 And thinking I was this good Dharma practitioner. Report an error in the passage at 48:48 Highlight the passage at 48:48

48:54 So it's the trickiest one. And that's why they say it's like oil. And like other delusions are just like, you know, you drop... drop you get it dirty you can wash it off you know If you get butter on your clothes, how hard it is to get that butter out of your clothes? That's what attachment is like. Because it's so difficult to discern the difference between the joy and the grasping at the joy. Report an error in the passage at 48:54 Highlight the passage at 48:54

49:28 Because there's nothing wrong with being blissful. And that's another thing people think, you know, when you get into Buddhism, they say give up attachment. The reason you can't give it up is because you think you've got to give up that good feeling, you know. Because even the teachings, they say that, you know, in the sutrayana level of teachings, they tell you, you know, you have to give up all these things. But that's not true. Report an error in the passage at 49:28 Highlight the passage at 49:28

49:53 That's not what Lama taught. That's not what the tantric path taught. The tantric path says you don't have to give up your bliss. You just have to give up being attached. Report an error in the passage at 49:53 Highlight the passage at 49:53

50:03 And for most people that's very, very difficult. That's why in the sutrayana practice they say you've got to give it up altogether. I think for us that's like, no way. Report an error in the passage at 50:03 Highlight the passage at 50:03

50:16 So I think the most helpful thing to do is to practice that little thing I gave at the beginning. Bring up things that you're attached to and then look at how you're holding on to it and just try to open that up. Report an error in the passage at 50:16 Highlight the passage at 50:16

50:35 And I think... My experience is that the reason it's so difficult to give it up is Report an error in the passage at 50:35 Highlight the passage at 50:35

50:53 because it's what makes us feel good. And in order to really learn how to let go of that grasping, we have to develop... The reason it's like that is because we find our happiness outside of ourselves. It's that subject-object thing. Happiness comes from ice cream. Happiness comes from going for a walk. Happiness comes from my boyfriend. Report an error in the passage at 50:53 Highlight the passage at 50:53

51:30 Happiness comes from my job. It's always coming from being engaged with something else. Happiness even comes from doing my sadhana in the morning. Report an error in the passage at 51:30 Highlight the passage at 51:30

51:41 And the real trick, the real key to this is that happiness has to come from me. I have to be the generator of my happiness. And when I can generate my own happiness, it doesn't matter what my partner does, because my happiness isn't dependent on my partner. Report an error in the passage at 51:41 Highlight the passage at 51:41

52:03 My happiness isn't dependent on my ice cream. So no matter what my diet restrictions are, it doesn't matter. I'm happy whatever I have to eat, even if it's just brown rice all day long. Because I've found an inner source of happiness. And that comes from meditation, but not necessarily. necessarily, Report an error in the passage at 52:03 Highlight the passage at 52:03

52:25 What I've found in this culture, and this is definitely in me and everybody else, and I think the Tibetans really miss this with us and in teaching us, is that we actually live in a pretty abusive society where we are taught not to love ourselves at a very early age. We're kind of shamed. We're taught with no's, we're not taught with yes's. Report an error in the passage at 52:25 Highlight the passage at 52:25

53:01 like you're bad if you do this it's not i mean i know things are changing people are you know i have a lot more enlightened child growing practices but still most it's pretty hard to it's still hard to get that out so we kind of end up teenagers not feeling very good about ourselves even as a two-year-old we're already not feeling very good about ourselves and we're taught that you know going to the ice cream store is going to make ourselves feel good about ourselves Lama Tsongkhapa is that we have bad experiences. Everybody has, it's just part of growing up. we aren't taught how to kind of heal them in the It's like the more we unconsciously have to like stuff things away, it's like We have bad experiences and we just, it's like we can't really process them so we just like store them somewhere, you know. Report an error in the passage at 53:01 Highlight the passage at 53:01

54:09 We put them in some kind of hole and try to make them go away, you know, we wish them away. I can remember lying in bed, you know, feeling really bad about something and just like wishing it away but it doesn't go away. You know, it just melts into some kind of unconscious, you know. So what happens is because of this, It's like our inner core sense of self, we get further and further and further away from ourselves because we develop more and more and more sort of false people to become who we think isn't going to get hurt anymore. Report an error in the passage at 54:09 Highlight the passage at 54:09

54:43 So we be the little girl that's going to make mom happy and we become the little boy who's going to make this teacher happy and the next year it's a different teacher and then you have this friend. And so you pretty much, you know, by the time you get to be a certain age, really lost your inner sense of who you are and you've become a person who everybody else wants you to be and that's what works because that's what works Report an error in the passage at 54:43 Highlight the passage at 54:43

55:08 then what happens is, it's like then you can't. very difficult to Report an error in the passage at 55:08 Highlight the passage at 55:08

55:19 feel an inner sense of joy, because there's no inner sense. know, it's like we don't have an inner I or an inner being, because we've just like, it's Lama Tsongkhapa This inner core being person that feels like who this person is and we can't even penetrate that ourselves anymore because it's all built up of all the things that we've needed to forget about. Report an error in the passage at 55:19 Highlight the passage at 55:19

55:43 You know, we sort of like build this little wall around who we are. I mean, I love Roger Waters' Pink Floyd, The Wall, you know, because it's perfect. I mean, I think Roger Waters is a genius. It's like he just, you know, have you ever seen the movie like they pull down the wall, you know, and eventually there's this Lama Tsongkhapa Report an error in the passage at 55:43 Highlight the passage at 55:43

56:27 It doesn't have to be something from the outside. I know I'm not explaining this very well tonight, but maybe you get what I'm talking about. Once you can do that, then you can begin to have empathy with yourself. You can begin to start feeling your feelings. You can actually get to the point where you can feel happy and satisfied without anything else. Report an error in the passage at 56:27 Highlight the passage at 56:27

57:00 as long as you have that wall around that real self can't because you can't penetrate you can't get in there to feel happy inside there you so we so we're sort of like divorced from who we are and that's why we're always having to look outside for our happiness because if we were to look inside we'd have to touch all those hurts are the wall where Am I communicating? Report an error in the passage at 57:00 Highlight the passage at 57:00

57:31 Lama Tsongkhapa And for some people, like I know some people who have been traumatized so much in their life, I mean that is asking, it's almost asking too much for them. But there are other people, which is most people, that if you're really serious about wanting to have genuine inner happiness and not be addicted to, okay, Report an error in the passage at 57:31 Highlight the passage at 57:31

58:30 if you don't want to be, I don't know how to do this. if you don't want to you know be i mean because what i'm talking about is basically the the fundamental uh um dysfunction of our society i mean the reason we have global warming and the reason we have wars and the reason we have everywhere and the reasons we have all these things is because everybody is so of touch this inner being That we're we're addicted. Report an error in the passage at 58:30 Highlight the passage at 58:30

59:01 Lama Tsongkhapa This unsatisfying craving because we can't turn the craving around on the inside and fill ourselves up because we're so untouchable. We can't touch that inner self that needs to be touched because it's got this wall of trauma around it that we're never inside the middle going, this is me, I mean feeling me. Report an error in the passage at 59:01 Highlight the passage at 59:01

59:29 And so we're always looking on the outside because we can't look on the inside. There's no way we can fill up the inside. So we're always looking outside and that wall of trauma is never satisfied. And so then advertising men go to town and we've got zillions of malls and zillions of Botox and lose 5 pounds in 20 days and buy this and go on Craigslist and find your perfect partner and this whole crazy world we live in has and we're completely, and we're destroying our planet. Report an error in the passage at 59:29 Highlight the passage at 59:29

1:00:33 those advertising people could never get to you. the greatest protection you'll ever get and it's also the greatest protection from any kind of heartbreak. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:33 Highlight the passage at 1:00:33

1:00:44 any kind of, any? Report an error in the passage at 1:00:44 Highlight the passage at 1:00:44

1:00:51 it's amazing that Buddha taught us this. Report an error in the passage at 1:00:51 Highlight the passage at 1:00:51

1:01:01 questions, but then I was going to do an exercise with you I have used. It's a very basic Buddhist exercise to begin to touch that wall so that you can begin to penetrate it, so that you can begin to feel your tender little self learn to give that self love so that then you can become become Report an error in the passage at 1:01:01 Highlight the passage at 1:01:01

1:01:33 know, we're dependent on everything outside of ourselves to be satisfied and to be happy. And of course that's totally ridiculous because they can never satisfy us. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:33 Highlight the passage at 1:01:33

1:01:46 You know, we're never satisfied by anything we buy. I mean, it satisfies us for a little while, right? A little while. You know, you get a new dress, it's great. For two months, you love it. Or maybe even five years or whatever. But, you know, even marriages after a while, you've got to work on them, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:01:46 Highlight the passage at 1:01:46

1:02:04 It's not quite so exciting as it used to be. And pretty soon it's like, you know, you have to make it happen. There is nothing satisfying. But once you turn that mirror inside and start filling up your own self just with your own love and your own bliss, that's why the Lamas are so cool. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:04 Highlight the passage at 1:02:04

1:02:27 Because they have this internal bliss machine. And Report an error in the passage at 1:02:27 Highlight the passage at 1:02:27

1:02:39 we can do that too. It takes courage because you have to want to... Penetrate that wall, which means you've got to go back and feel a lot of pain, you know, but if you have the right skill and you have the right supportive saṅgha, you can do that, you know, and you can penetrate through that. And then you can, I mean, to me, I mean, there's nothing, and this is my good friend Stuart back here, he's been meditating for years, there's nothing more blissful than just sitting and watching your breath after a while, after you get that, you know, you can just do that. Report an error in the passage at 1:02:39 Highlight the passage at 1:02:39

1:03:18 And then, you know, you don't need all those things. I mean, and then you can enjoy stuff. You know, it doesn't mean you don't still, I mean, you can still enjoy a new dress or you can enjoy a friend, but you know that it's no longer your source of satisfaction. So you're no longer dependent on it, you're no longer addicted to it, and when it breaks or when he leaves, so what? It's okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:18 Highlight the passage at 1:03:18

1:03:45 You know someone else is going to come along or some other thing is going to come along. And so then, like, you don't worry anymore. Okay? Yeah. Report an error in the passage at 1:03:45 Highlight the passage at 1:03:45

1:03:57 Yeah. You Report an error in the passage at 1:03:57 Highlight the passage at 1:03:57

1:04:08 had mentioned earlier that the war in Iraq, you get angry. And some people would argue that it's connected with a kind of anger that is constructed to activism, to make changes in the world. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:08 Highlight the passage at 1:04:08

1:04:31 So my question is, How do you determine when dissolving the craving or the anger in this specific case is non-constructive? Because in danger, I have a friend who's an artist. She used to write really explosive poetry. And when she got into Buddhism, her peers criticized her because she was losing the edge of the educational value of her poetry. Report an error in the passage at 1:04:31 Highlight the passage at 1:04:31

1:05:00 Because it wasn't angry anymore? It was less driven by anger, but there's this kind of intellectual brilliance that comes from having that emotion because it somehow sharpens your critical thinking, so there's a positive to that. So what happens, what I'm questioning is, if one dissolves whatever it is, craving or negative emotion, in this case anger, Report an error in the passage at 1:05:00 Highlight the passage at 1:05:00

1:05:30 There's a danger of becoming apathetic because one is in that natural state of bliss now. Can you make a distinction between the natural bliss that doesn't retire you from activism? Report an error in the passage at 1:05:30 Highlight the passage at 1:05:30

1:05:49 I think that one thing I left out I didn't talk about was that part of this process of becoming in touch with your own suffering that it's not that you don't really stop suffering so I mean you do I mean you stop suffering in a gross sense but what happens is Shantideva, His Holiness the Dalai Lama Lama Tsongkhapa Including the enemy. And so what happens is you become a very deep feeler and the suffering of the world, if you didn't have the understanding, is overwhelming. Report an error in the passage at 1:05:49 Highlight the passage at 1:05:49

1:07:13 And so I really don't think there's, if you're doing this right, you're never going to become empathetic with anything. You're going to become more of an activist. What you're saying is what I'm hearing you say. You Report an error in the passage at 1:07:13 Highlight the passage at 1:07:13

1:07:33 dissolve the grasping at it, but you don't... The process of dissolving the wall of trauma to Report an error in the passage at 1:07:33 Highlight the passage at 1:07:33

1:07:59 access that which is the inner... aren't even being this, which has that inner happiness, right? So, I'm rehearsing this as I'm talking to you, so when that wall dissolves and I arrive, I might see this. Report an error in the passage at 1:07:59 Highlight the passage at 1:07:59

1:08:17 of the answer it's that Report an error in the passage at 1:08:17 Highlight the passage at 1:08:17

1:08:23 the process of at all my trauma and breaking it down creates the empathy for Lama Tsongkhapa including the element in me so that actually, empathy and understanding of the world is so much bigger than me that it maybe gives me a better sense of activism because I'm concerned about That's my experience. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:23 Highlight the passage at 1:08:23

1:08:51 Okay. I just wondered if I was verbalizing it. I think so. Ask them, do they think she's... sounds pretty good sounds as good as I've said You mentioned also that what the Tibetans are missing in American culture is the whole notion that Americans were raised with shame. Yeah. And the sense that we're bad. And low self-esteem and all that stuff. They don't have that. Because of all the no's. So I'm wondering if you could expand a little bit on how the Tibetans, what they do specifically to teach the children. Report an error in the passage at 1:08:51 Highlight the passage at 1:08:51

1:09:33 a self-esteem that not fought with all I think if you have a culture that believes in reincarnation, then when a child is born, it's not a blank slate that you are imposing your wishes on, you know, like we're painting a canvas. When a child is born, it's like, well, who's this? Report an error in the passage at 1:09:33 Highlight the passage at 1:09:33

1:10:02 And it's more like, Report an error in the passage at 1:10:02 Highlight the passage at 1:10:02

1:10:07 let's provide a safe environment to let this being express who it is, rather than let's traumatize this person into being who we want it to be, which is the way we're raised. and it's more like Report an error in the passage at 1:10:07 Highlight the passage at 1:10:07

1:10:27 of, I can speak more than half Yeah, well, that's the worst. That's why I'm here today. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:27 Highlight the passage at 1:10:27

1:10:40 Do you think that it's pretty prevalent in the Tibetan, that's kind of a standard child-rearing practice, and that's what, because it's infused with this idea of impermanence, that's what makes children happy. Well, I can't say, you know, I haven't been around that many Tibetans and they've been pretty... Report an error in the passage at 1:10:40 Highlight the passage at 1:10:40

1:10:57 traumatized. And if you go to Tibet now, I don't think that exists anymore. think that, you know, the llamas that we know might be like that, but it's not like that anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:10:57 Highlight the passage at 1:10:57

1:11:14 mean, the basic thing that I said about is still there, but it's just that, I mean, I was just into that. That's what we're going to do tomorrow. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:14 Highlight the passage at 1:11:14

1:11:26 Is it because of the world changing the way it is in technology? I can just say this, maybe I might have said this tomorrow, but the guy that I was with in Tibet, who was a wonderful man, he said, you know, before, he said it might have been a feudal system. Lama Tsongkhapa It's gone, what used to be. It's not there anymore. And it's basically because the economic system has changed. First it was this imposed communal system where they all starved and now they've implemented competition and there's not enough to go around and so everyone's fighting over the little pie. Report an error in the passage at 1:11:26 Highlight the passage at 1:11:26

1:12:57 Well, that's the tiny pie that they have because they don't even have their country anymore. that's tomorrow. Report an error in the passage at 1:12:57 Highlight the passage at 1:12:57

1:13:14 what are we supposed stop Report an error in the passage at 1:13:14 Highlight the passage at 1:13:14

1:13:20 because I wanted to do a Tong Lin meditation too, so we'll do like five minutes of, just ask even more questions and I'll show how to do Tong Lin. Okay, since we're talking about... What's your name? Kate. Kate, hi Kate. Since we're talking about attachments tonight, I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about how you, I know that you and your husband ordained at the same time. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:20 Highlight the passage at 1:13:20

1:13:42 And I was just curious, like now, if you guys, but you're still friends, right? I mean, you still are close. How, like, what your relationship is like now? And if you still deal with, like, those kind of relationship attachment issues of, like, jealousy and attachment, etc. Well, I didn't want to get ordained. Report an error in the passage at 1:13:42 Highlight the passage at 1:13:42

1:14:02 And I cried the night before my ordination. But you did it at the same time? Yeah, yeah. Because I... Like I said, attachment is my big thing, you know, and I never thought it was that bad because the Dalai Lama says that attachment with reason is okay. So I always thought we had a good reason to be attached because we were doing all these retreats together and all this cool stuff and making all this merit, so there was a really good reason for our partnership, you know. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:02 Highlight the passage at 1:14:02

1:14:35 But it got to the point where the guru didn't think that anymore. And I mean, I was kind of like blackmailed into getting ordained. It was like, if you want to do this retreat, you've got to get ordained, honey. And so I wanted to do the retreat and I really didn't have any choice because if I wasn't going to do the retreat, I didn't know what I was going to do. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:35 Highlight the passage at 1:14:35

1:14:54 You know, I was chronically ill. There was no way I could get a job. You know, I couldn't really go work at the Kmart and I hadn't had a job in 20 years. So, and I wanted to do the retreat. So I went ahead with it and it was a lot of suffering. So how long ago was this? That was ten years ago. And not only that, I went off into solitary confinement for five years. Report an error in the passage at 1:14:54 Highlight the passage at 1:14:54

1:15:22 So that was really hard. And I suffered a lot. But now I'm glad. I have to say I'm glad. And we're best friends. In fact, we're going to go do a retreat together this spring. And all that stuff isn't there anymore. You know, this part of it. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:22 Highlight the passage at 1:15:22

1:15:41 And, I mean, sometimes I think maybe we don't need to be together anymore, but part of it is that attachment with reason part. The reason is still there. I mean, there's nobody else I know in the FPMT who does what we do, and so we're kind of like partners now. You know, we're going to go do something together, but there isn't this cleanliness anymore. Report an error in the passage at 1:15:41 Highlight the passage at 1:15:41

1:16:00 If that's the answer, there isn't that anymore. And, like, you know, I'm always glad to see him, but I'm equally glad when he's gone. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:00 Highlight the passage at 1:16:00

1:16:10 Like I'm always glad that he leaves because I get, you know, I mean, because I really, we both prefer to live alone now because I've, that thing that I was telling you about, I mean, I think that for me, this, that wall and the trauma and all that stuff, I mean, I think that I used that relationship as a way to avoid going through that. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:10 Highlight the passage at 1:16:10

1:16:32 Because as long as I could have somebody to cling to and somebody to make me happy when they walked in the door, I didn't have to face that wall. Because it's like having an addiction. As long as I could have that thing going on all the time, even though it's a completely societally acceptable addiction. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:32 Highlight the passage at 1:16:32

1:16:53 Everybody's got one, so it's okay. But I had to go through that, and I'm so happy that they made me go through that, even though it was really painful. Because now, like I said, I feel emotionally independent. And that's great, because okay. Report an error in the passage at 1:16:53 Highlight the passage at 1:16:53

1:17:09 It's like if you don't expect anything of anybody, they can't ever hurt you. And as long as I was expecting him to be there for me, then it always hurts somewhere. And we don't fight anymore. Sometimes I get tired and cranky, but I don't think he even does that anymore. And that's really liberating. It is. We are much more liberated. I mean, I remember when I was about 15, I walked into Moe's bookstore in Berkeley one time and there was this poster on the wall and I'll never forget it. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:09 Highlight the passage at 1:17:09

1:17:55 I think it's one of the things that probably directed me towards this path. I might have only been 13. There was a big picture of Fritz Perls. Do you guys remember? Anybody old enough to remember Fritz Perls? He was like one of the big, you know... Beginners of the human potential movement and all that stuff. And it was this great big picture. He had this big gray beard. He was this wonderful guy. And it said something like, if I don't have any expectations of you, and if you don't have any expectations of me, then perhaps we can build, we can truly love each other, I think is what it said. Report an error in the passage at 1:17:55 Highlight the passage at 1:17:55

1:18:29 And that really hit home to me as a young person. But it took me 40 years to figure out what that meant. Or maybe 30 years. You know, what it really means not to have expectations of people. Because, I mean, I think the thing about it is that, I mean, we are brainwashed from day one that a relationship is the key to happiness. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:29 Highlight the passage at 1:18:29

1:18:53 And it's everywhere. I mean, everywhere you, in every movie that you see. You know, I just watched Captain Corelli's Mandolin, or whatever that was, movie. It's like the goal of our whole society is attachment. The goal of our whole society is to have that perfect love affair, which is probably achievable in one-tenth of one-tenth of one percent of the population, that you can really find that person that loves you that deeply for the rest of your life. Report an error in the passage at 1:18:53 Highlight the passage at 1:18:53

1:19:27 And so we are set up for failure from day one. And because of that, it's this perfect scam. Because now they have us spending millions of dollars a year in search of making ourselves attractive for that perfect person. Sorry about that. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:27 Highlight the passage at 1:19:27

1:19:47 I don't know how I got into that. I still have to think about it all the time. It's just this whole brainwashing scam. Report an error in the passage at 1:19:47 Highlight the passage at 1:19:47

1:19:59 It's not that anybody does it on purpose. It's like we're born with that. That's in our hard drive. It's biologically... Report an error in the passage at 1:19:59 Highlight the passage at 1:19:59

1:20:12 with the genes that make us want to have partners whether they're i mean it's you know same sex or not whatever heterosexual homosexual we just it's part of our biochemical makeup to go against that it takes a lot of um Report an error in the passage at 1:20:12 Highlight the passage at 1:20:12

1:20:31 superseding consciousness or something like that. yeah, Roger and I are still really good buddies, and I think part of it is that... Report an error in the passage at 1:20:31 Highlight the passage at 1:20:31

1:20:42 Maybe if he went to another country or we would separate, but we still live in the same place. He's also been part of my family for so long. Plus, my family's not Buddhist, so they don't understand exactly. So it's like Thanksgiving comes around, they want to see Roger. Thanksgiving comes around, Christmas comes, they want to see him. And he's part of the family, so I guess he's like my brother now. Report an error in the passage at 1:20:42 Highlight the passage at 1:20:42

1:21:12 Does that answer your question? So let's stop and do... I just want to show you this meditation. I know I'm into such talking more. But how many of you are familiar with Ton Lin? Have you ever done Ton Lin? Okay, so I think it was probably maybe Sogyal Rinpoche who first started saying that the Western people need to do Ton Lin with themselves first. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:12 Highlight the passage at 1:21:12

1:21:43 Because I think, you know, what you can do is you can visualize, I guess, you know, the kind of work I'm talking about you might have to go into a retreat to do, I'm not sure. But you might be able to do a little bit, you know, every morning, 15 minutes or something, or 5 minutes every morning. But, you know, what you do with Tonglen is it's a breathing practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:21:43 Highlight the passage at 1:21:43

1:22:12 it's basically to develop compassion what you do is Report an error in the passage at 1:22:12 Highlight the passage at 1:22:12

1:22:21 think about a person that needs help, think about a person that you love. And so what we do, the traditional way is that According to the Dharma, I guess I didn't realize I had to explain so much, but first, like I explained before, this Buddha nature, which is this basic mind. Well, on top of that mind, as soon as we become aware of that mind, we have an I, there's a sense of I. And as soon as there's a sense of I, then there's a sense of other. Report an error in the passage at 1:22:21 Highlight the passage at 1:22:21

1:23:07 So that's where the subject-object comes in. So as soon as there's an I and then there's an other, Then we feel the need to protect me. And so then in feeling to protect me, then becomes this concept called self-cherishing, which means if there's an orange on the table and there's two of us standing there, I'm going to make sure I get that orange before they do because if they get the orange before me, I'm not going to get the orange. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:07 Highlight the passage at 1:23:07

1:23:36 So that self-cherishing is that I need to take care of myself, which is we do need to take care of ourselves. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:36 Highlight the passage at 1:23:36

1:23:48 others. And what we learn is that the more we take care of others, more we ourselves are taken care of. the idea is that we have this self-cherishing eye, which is this deluded, selfish mind that's in our insides. Report an error in the passage at 1:23:48 Highlight the passage at 1:23:48

1:24:07 what we're doing is as we think about this person that we love. We are breathing in their suffering in the form of black smoke and it comes into the self-cherishing in our hearts and destroys it and then it becomes like a wish-fulfilling sun that gives out, as we breathe out, everything that that person needs. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:07 Highlight the passage at 1:24:07

1:24:31 So when we breathe in we're taking away their suffering and we breathe out that we're giving them everything they need. So it's just a sitting breathing meditation. But in this particular practice. Report an error in the passage at 1:24:31 Highlight the passage at 1:24:31

1:24:46 What I'd like us to think about is think about ourselves and not in a selfish way but more in a healing way in such that maybe we can visualize that the person that we're taking the suffering away and giving the healing, loving light to is ourselves and we can start with Report an error in the passage at 1:24:46 Highlight the passage at 1:24:46

1:25:16 You know, things that are going on now are basic insecurities or we can take a time in the life, like one situation for myself that I remembered one time, you know, in retreat or sometime, you know, you just start beginning with parts of your life and things that have happened to you, like when you were hurt. Report an error in the passage at 1:25:16 Highlight the passage at 1:25:16

1:25:40 And quite often I recall as a child, you know, when you fall down and you're hurt, Report an error in the passage at 1:25:40 Highlight the passage at 1:25:40

1:25:54 with and suffering just for feeling bad about yourself you know wanting needing to cry know it's like we weren't even allowed to feel our pain and so consequently we often don't even know what our feelings are when we were a child we weren't allowed to own our feelings it's good to pick a Report an error in the passage at 1:25:54 Highlight the passage at 1:25:54

1:26:31 enlightened but I mean my parents meant well they just didn't know better you know but I can remember Being so small that I'm reaching up to hold my mom's hand and she's dragging me off for a spanking. I'm going, no, no, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to. Don't get me, I didn't mean to, you know. And so it's that little girl that I need to do Tomlin with. Because at that situation, that was the beginning of my wall. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:31 Highlight the passage at 1:26:31

1:26:57 Okay? Are you guys with me? So what we do in this situation is, and this is extremely important if we want our Buddhism. To be authentic and not just be a band-aid over neurotic neurosis. Otherwise we just become neurotic Buddhists. We all know them. Report an error in the passage at 1:26:57 Highlight the passage at 1:26:57

1:27:25 So until you can get down to your real authentic feelings, Buddhism doesn't work. It's just another band-aid on top of a sore. I don't care what clothes you have on. Report an error in the passage at 1:27:25 Highlight the passage at 1:27:25

1:27:38 So let's just try it. We just sit there and even if you can't do the breathing, you just want to feel compassion and love for that little person. And maybe it was when you were 35, I don't care, but just pick one. This isn't Report an error in the passage at 1:27:38 Highlight the passage at 1:27:38

· · · silence, 3 minutes

1:30:30 necessarily a selfish, self-indulgent thing. Because once you begin to have some empathy and care about that little person inside yourself, you realize that any person in your life that's... irritating or mean or weird or, you know, that does things to you that Report an error in the passage at 1:30:30 Highlight the passage at 1:30:30

1:30:48 realize that have another little tiny self like that inside of them the reason they're acting the way they are is because know Report an error in the passage at 1:30:48 Highlight the passage at 1:30:48

1:31:01 learn bad habits of how to deal with their suffering and their pain, and that's all they are. That's all they're doing is they just don't have a good way. You know, they didn't learn. Lama Tsongkhapa Lama Tsongkhapa And so then you just have this overwhelming compassion because all you see is all these people who, you know, trying to get their needs met in really outrageous ways. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:01 Highlight the passage at 1:31:01

1:31:53 And so then you can just have compassion for everything. And then it's like, it's not such a, you don't get angry anymore. Because you can just like, once you've been able to penetrate into your own little person, you see that in everybody else. And then you just walk around feeling, you know, empathetic. Report an error in the passage at 1:31:53 Highlight the passage at 1:31:53

1:32:34 attachment, attachments become less. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:34 Highlight the passage at 1:32:34

1:32:41 you're getting your needs met in an authentic your own love and compassion for yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:41 Highlight the passage at 1:32:41

1:32:53 You know, the ice cream isn't quite, I mean, you don't do stuff like that anymore because you know it's not good for you. Why should you want to do something that's not good for you? It's like it becomes easy to be healthy because you just want to, you know, you just naturally want to take care of yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:32:53 Highlight the passage at 1:32:53

1:33:09 You know, it's not a problem to give up cigarettes, you know what I mean? Because it's like, why do that? Report an error in the passage at 1:33:09 Highlight the passage at 1:33:09

1:33:18 And then you can begin to enjoy your perfect human rebirth because you've really got one. Because until then, you kind of don't. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:18 Highlight the passage at 1:33:18

1:33:33 I mean, that's the main thing Lama Yashita taught. He said, you people, he used to say, you people, you people, he said, you people, you have to get a healthy ego before you can practice dharma. And we don't. And I have to say, most Tibetan Lamas don't get that. I mean, Lama lived with us and he saw that and knew that that's what we needed. Report an error in the passage at 1:33:33 Highlight the passage at 1:33:33

1:34:01 You know, take care of yourself. Grow yourself. Be kind to yourself. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:01 Highlight the passage at 1:34:01

1:34:10 I mean, he could see that what really goes on, not that show, not that false self that we pretend, you know, the one that has to have all those attachments to keep all that, keep that false wall up, know, to feed that wall. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:10 Highlight the passage at 1:34:10

1:34:27 anyway, I'm not going to say anything. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:27 Highlight the passage at 1:34:27

1:34:30 So you can either go home or ask another question. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:30 Highlight the passage at 1:34:30

1:34:37 So thank you. I hope it's been beneficial. If you want to... Argue, debate me, that's fine. I'm just telling you what I've done, you know, so it works for me if it works for you, right? It doesn't. I'm not saying you have to do this. I'm just sharing, you know, what's helped me. So we always dedicate the merits, you know, anything beneficial, you know, may it ripen as peace and joy and love and environmental sanity throughout the world and may we always have perfect human rebirths and may we always have perfect teachers. Report an error in the passage at 1:34:37 Highlight the passage at 1:34:37

1:35:12 teachers. this center thrive and survive and it was just my trip, project come to being. May all goodness prevail, no matter what, however, you know. And may we all realize emptiness. Thank you so much. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:12 Highlight the passage at 1:35:12

1:35:52 Thank you. Report an error in the passage at 1:35:52 Highlight the passage at 1:35:52